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Burning This House Down

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‘Ugh, why is this so hard? Stupid thing, just … work!’

Shego was getting more and more frustrated by the minute. This was supposed to be easy. Kim always made it look easy. Just put some ingredients together into a pot, let it cook for a while and you have an edible meal. But now that Shego tried it, she had to admit it was not that simple.

Finding a recipe was easy, getting the ingredients already proofed to be harder that she’d thought because there were so many things that she could choose from for just one thing. Mixing them together in the right way and then getting this evil machine to work was simply impossible. The oven disobeys her in every way possible (how dare it!?).

Kim was out, gone on one of her missions and Shego knew than when her girlfriend would return, she would be tired and in need of some loving and relaxing. So the former villain decided to surprise her girlfriend with a self-made meal in a romantic setting and then some cuddling on the sofa, watching some of their favorite shows.

At least that was the plan. Now everything was going to hell, because Shego couldn’t for the live of her figure out how the oven was supposed to work. She overcooked the vegetables, but the pasta was still hard, swimming in the water and well, the chicken she wanted to make looked no longer like anything you’d want to eat.

Smoke was coming from the oven, it smelled burned and she was standing in this mess, not knowing when everything turned against her. (She thought it may be karma, haunting her from her days as a villain, but even then she wouldn’t deserve this much). Percy, their little kitten, left her soon after she started, already knowing that this would turn out badly, now probably peacefully sleeping in their bed.

The kitchen no longer looked like a kitchen, more like a bomb detonated and sprayed everything around the room, including on Shego herself. Everything was a disaster and really, all the dark haired woman wanted to do was cry, or punch someone. Probably the oven, which still emitted smoke, silently mocking her and her inadequacy.

Frustrated, she ran her hands through her hair. Okay, she could still do this. Just, clean up the mess, throw the cooked food away and then she could try to make some sort of pasta dish. For that, though, she would need the water for the pasta to finally boil already, but she had no idea which of all these buttons and turn-thingys she was supposed to use.

‘AAH, screw this!’ And with these words, she used her super power, heating the pot with the energy ray coming from her hands. Of course, she did this to heat up the water, but also to teach the oven a lesson and show it who was in charge.

For a while, nothing happened, but then even more smoke was coming out of the oven and with a loud bang it began to catch fire. Great, this couldn’t get any worse.

‘Hey honey, I’m back early. Where are -.’

The universe must really hate Shego. Kim probably noticed the bad smell and the smoke coming from the kitchen by now, and sure enough the next time she spoke she already sounded nearer.

‘Shego? Where are you? Is everything okay?’ And after a pause: ‘Oh my god! What happened? What the hell did you do? Oh my god the oven is on fire!’

Shego was still standing in the middle of the mess, not moving. She had her eyes closed, angry and embarrassed and just wanted to leave. Kim ignored her, went to get the fire extinguisher and put the fire out easily. Once the fire was gone and only the smell and the smoke remained, Kim turned around to face her girlfriend for the first time this evening.

The redhead took the woman standing before her in, how food was sticking to her clothes and in her hair, how she had a small pout on her lips but still looked angry and frustrated. She looked so adorable in this moment that Kim couldn’t help herself. She started laughing, which made Shego more upset.

‘What? What is so funny? Stop laughing! It’s not funny! Stop it!’

She all but commanded, trying to sound angry, but even in her own ears she sounded whiney and defiantly. It didn’t help, though, and Kim only laughed more, now clutching her stomach, almost doubled over from all the laughter.

‘Well, I see you are having fun. Makes one of us. I will go now and leave you to it.’

Not even looking at Kim, she turned around to leave the apartment and just sink into a hole in the ground. But she didn’t get very far, a hand on her shoulder stopped her midstep. She could still feel the redhead laughing, her hand slightly shaking from the vibrations it send through her body.

‘No, Shego, wait! Please, don’t go. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh.’

Her voice was steady and apologetic, but it didn’t make Shego feel any better.

‘Would you please look at me?’

Of course Shego didn’t want to, but she could practically feel the puppy eyes her girlfriend was making, and she could never resist that look. Slowly, she turned around, trying to ignore the mess in the room and then finally faced the redhead, avoiding eye contact.

‘Well, hello there.’

Kim placed a hand under Shego’s chin to lift her head up and making the dark haired woman look into her eyes now. Leaning forward, she captured her girlfriend’s lips in a soft kiss. Pulling back, she looked into Shego’s dark eye.

‘Now, please tell me what happened here.’

Shego just sighed and closed her eyes, not wanting to see her girlfriend’s amused look over her own stupidity.

‘Well, just … I wanted to make you dinner, as a surprise, for when you come home later. You know, to let you relax and have a nice and quiet evening with me. But everything went out of control and the stupid oven didn’t do want I commanded and it mocked me so I just, you know, wanted to show him who the boss is. I am really sorry, though, for ruining the kitchen and your evening.’

Bracing herself for more laughter or maybe even berating for her reckless behavior, she was surprised when she felt strong arms around her waist, pulling her into Kim’s body. Automatically, she put her own arms around the redhead’s neck, deepening the embrace.

‘Oh, you silly idiot, you’, Kim said fondly, but Shego was still confused and a little hurt.


Pulling back slightly so she could look into her girlfriend’s eyes, she explained in a loving tone.

‘This. You being all romantic and lovey-dovey, something you never really liked. This is the best welcome home gift I could have wished for.’

‘But, it didn’t even work out. My plan, I mean. This is not really romantic.’

She looked around the room, taking in the mess she made, not understanding what Kim was trying to say.

‘Yes, but you tried. And really, just seeing you again and having you in my arms again, finally, would have been enough. And I am really sorry I laughed at you. You just looked too adorable.’

Kim leaned forward again to rub their noses together in an eskimo kiss, grinning when her girlfriend scrunched up her nose. But Shego had nothing of this, closing the remaining gap between their mouths and capturing Kim’s lips in a searing kiss.

Sighing, the dark haired woman took the opportunity and sneaked her tongue into Kim’s mouth, deepening the kiss. She started to walk them backwards until the redhead was backed into the corner and Shego lifted her onto the counter, not caring how messy it probably was. Kim wrapped her legs around her girlfriend’s waist, pulling her closer and moaned when their bodies connected. Breathless, Kim turned her head away to catch her breath, while Shego kissed down her jaw and her exposed neck, sucking and biting, leaving red marks.

‘I. Am not. Adorable.’ She accentuated every word with a kiss and when she had enough of her neck, she turned upwards again to look into her girlfriend’s dark eyes.

‘I’ve really missed you, though, you know?’ she husked in a deep and sexy voice, making the redhead shiver. Starting to lean forward again to continue their session, they were interrupted by a ‘meow’ coming from around Shego’s legs. Percy had come back into the kitchen and was looking up at them with his big eyes. Kim instantly forgot everything else, hopped from the counter and greeted the little kitten by sweeping him into a hug and petting him. He instantly began to purr in her arms.

Shego just watched the exchange, once again feeling frustrated, but this time for other reasons. She looked around the kitchen and knew she should probably start cleaning now.

‘Hey, sweetie, how about you go take a nice hot bath while I clean the kitchen and then we can lie down on the couch and watch some TV?’

Kim looked up, stilling her movements, making Percy look up, too.

‘Mmh, how about we order some take out, watch some TV and then you join me in the bath?’

‘But, who cleans the kitchen?’

‘Let’s leave that for tomorrow, shall we? I just want a quiet and romantic evening with my lovely girlfriend.’

The dark haired woman grinned at that, stretching out her hand for Kim to take. Percy was put on the ground again, still purring, and the redhead took her girlfriend’s offered hand.

‘I think that can be arranged, milady. Let us go so we shall find something to eat.’

Hand in hand they left the battlefield that was formerly known as their kitchen behind, Percy on their heels, trying to get past their legs. They would deal with the aftermath of Shego’s cooking tomorrow, for now they cuddled up under a blanket, Percy between them, and enjoying their evening.