Work Header

That Ridiculous Granger

Work Text:

Draco huffed loudly and threw the paper down on the table angrily. Blaise Zabini looked up at him lazily over his cuppa. Before he could ask what the matter was, Draco spoke. "That ridiculous Granger! What the bloody hell was she thinking?!"

Blaise tilted his head. "Oh, you mean the raid she did on the McGuirneys?"

Draco huffed again. "I mean, honestly! What idiot goes into one of the most evil pureblooded family in Britain's home to try and rescue their 'poor little House Elves'?"

"A Gryffindor idiot," Blaise replied, sipping his tea. His friend harrumphed again and stood, beginning to pace the floor.

"She could've gotten herself killed! The McGuirneys know more Dark curses than the Golden Trio know all together."

"Because the Trio know so much already," Blaise interjected sarcastically. Draco nodded in acknowledgement.

"Seriously, though, it was bloody stupid."

"Not to mention she didn't get the House Elves in the end, anyway."

"Precisely!" Draco yelled, then fell back into the winged armchair with a melodramatic sigh.

"Tell me, why do you suddenly care so much about Granger and her campaigns?" Blaise said, a brow raised.

"Like I care about Granger," Draco scoffed. "No, I'm just appreciating how utterly moronic some people can be."

Blaise gave a look of agreement and turned his attentions back to his cuppa.




"What the bloody - she did it again! Just how ridiculous can someone get?" The friends were in Blaise's home again, this time with firewhiskeys in their fists.

Blaise looked over at Draco curiously and grabbed the paper from his hands. "'Golden Girl Nearly Gutted'?" His eyes sped down the paper. "You're right, she's more stupid than I thought. However did she get such good marks in school?"

Draco ignored him. "She snuck into the McGuirney's again! Does she bloody think she's the Dark Lord?!"

Blaise laughed quietly as he read further. "And she still hasn't got the House Elves. Bet she's feeling smart."

Draco threw his hands up in the air. "The nerve of that woman! According to that, she nearly got hit by a curse! It's so dangerous!"

Blaise looked up at him suddenly. "Since when do we want to keep the Trio alive?"

"We don't! We still hate them! ...It's just stupid!"

Blaise raised his brow but returned to nursing his liquor.


Draco had just walked into Blaise's parlor when an owl flew in through the window. Blaise rose to greet it, handing over a galleon and taking the waiting newspaper.

"Oh, the Prophet finally sent out their owls? Mine was late today, too; I presume some idiot barred the owlery windows or something," Draco said, seating himself casually on a horsehair couch.

Blaise didn't reply, his eyes skimming the print. "Listen, Draco: 'The wizarding world's favorite witch, Hermione Granger, is in the adventure once more. Last night the brave witch snuck into the McGuirney's mansion in an attempt to liberate the mistreated House Elves residing there. This was Miss Granger's third attempt to free said creatures. This time, Miss Granger did not escape unscathed. She was hit in the stomach with an unknown spell. More updates to come."

Draco was on his feet instantly. "WHAT?! That - that - ARGH!" Blaise looked up, brows raised. Draco strode to the fireplace, picked up a pinch of Floo powder, and threw it into the grate. Quickly Blaise strode forward. Whatever his friend was going to do, he wanted to be there to see it. Throwing the Floo powder at his feet, Draco cried, "Ministry of Magic!" Just before he was whisked away, Blaise hopped into the fireplace next to him.

They stepped out into the Ministry lobby a second later. Without a glance around him, Draco was off, striding towards the lifts. Quickly Blaise scurried after him, popping into the lift just before the doors closed. There were three other people in the small compartment. All of them took one glance at the fuming Malfoy and shifted to the other side of the lift.

Before the lift doors were even open on the second level, Draco shot out the doors and down the hall. Blaise lunged after him. At the end of the hall, Draco flung open the door to a tiny office. Blaise peered over Draco's shoulder, his brows raising swiftly. Inside, a wide-eyed Golden Trio was gathered around Hermione Granger's desk. Draco stalked right up to the desk, still steaming.

"GRANGER!" he bellowed. The woman gave her two friends a don't-say-a-word look and turned to Draco. Before she could even open her mouth to speak, the man was yelling. "Just WHAT in the bloody HELL were you thinking, Granger?! You could've been bloody KILLED, do you realize that?! Did I not warn you?!"

Instantly, Hermione was yelling right back at him. "I know, I know! But those elves deserved a chance-"

"I don't bloody well care what they deserved, you had absolutely NO RIGHT to SNEAK OUT of the house and-"

"NO RIGHT?! Do you control me, Malfoy?!"

"I control whether or not you try and COMMIT SUICIDE every day-"

"I do not attempt to kill myself-"

"Then why in the bloody hell did you-" suddenly Draco gave a strangled gasp. "There is BLOOD on your robes! WHY IS THERE BLOOD ON YOUR ROBES?!"

Hermione cast a panicked look down at herself and saw the bloodstains on the robe near her abdomen. In a flash, Draco leapt in front of her and ripped the robe off. Harry and Ron rose as one to stop him, but Blaise, a curious spark in his eye, restrained them with a whisper.

Draco made a choking sound when he saw that Hermione's t-shirt was bloodstained too. Hermione tried to push him away, but Draco reached forward and yanked up her shirt, revealing her stomach.

"Malfoy!" she screeched, trying to pull her shirt down. Draco gave her a fierce glare, and she dropped her hands. He ran his hand over her stomach gently.

"There's nothing here," he murmured.

"Of course there's nothing there, stupid! If you had listened to me for half a second you would have realized that when they shot a Razor Jinx at me, it hit my back and not my stomach!" Hermione shrieked. In one fluid motion, Draco spun Hermione around and again yanked her shirt up. He ran his fingers over the small of her back. Just as she opened her mouth, mostly likely to yell again, he asked, "You healed it?" Hermione spun around, pulled her shirt down, and nodded curtly. Then, abruptly, her lower lip began quivering. The others in the room looked befuddled at her sudden mood swing. Draco, however, didn't seem surprised in the slightest when Hermione flung herself at him, sobbing.

His arms came up to wrap tightly around her, one of his hands stroking her hair gently. "S-s-so s-s-s-scared, Draco," Hermione cried.

"I know, baby, I know," he murmured.

The other, ignored people in the room stared at the couple in utter shock.

After only a minute, Hermione straightened, wiping her eyes. Draco kept hold of her hand and dragged her to the fireplace in her office. "What are you doing?" Hermione inquired.

"Taking you to St. Mungo's," Draco replied. "We need to make sure you're okay."

"I'm perfectly-" Hermione began, than saw the meaning in Draco's eyes. She nodded, before freezing. With a quiet voice, she said, "Draco? What about...everyone else here?"

Draco looked back into the office and at the shell-shocked faces of its inhabitants. "Ah," he said. "Just leave them. We would've told them soon enough anyway."

Blaise raised his hand. "What, exactly, were you going to tell us?"

Hermione gulped and spluttered, "That, um...we're, uh...well..."

Blaise nodded, then strode over to the fireplace to clap Draco on the back. "You could've told me, mate."

Draco pointed to Hermione in an but-she-didn't-want-to gesture. Blaise nodded and smiled at the couple.

Behind him, Harry and Ron stood up. "Wait, what's going on? What are you?" Harry asked.

"A wizard, Potter, and what are you?" Draco replied mockingly. Hermione slapped him on the wrist and turned to her friends.

"We're, well...for some time...since August, actually...well, um..." Hermione let out a breath and gave a large, nervous smile. "DracoandIaremarried."


"And expecting," Draco added with a smug smirk.

Hermione winced at her best friends' expressions. For now they were shocked, but soon they'd be in a murderous rage. "Um, Draco..." She said, so quietly that only her husband could hear it.

Quickly, Draco said, "Look, you can come fight with me later - me, mind you, not my wife - but for now we've got to go."

Before Harry or Ron could advance on the couple, Draco threw down a pinch of Floo powder and called, "St. Mungo's!" They were instantly swept away in the flames.

Blaise watched amusedly as the Gryffindor duo exchanged glances before running to the fireplace. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," he called.

"And why is that, Zabini?" Harry barked.

"Do you really want to confront an angry Malfoy?" Blaise raised a brow to Harry's snort.

"I think we can handle him," he scoffed.

"Maybe," Blaise said with a nod. "But what about the new female Malfoy?" The other two men froze, Ron's red face getting redder and Harry's face losing all color. Blaise chuckled and moved towards the door.

A baby Malfoy. A baby Malfoy, with Draco Malfoy as its father and Hermione Granger as its mother.

Blaise couldn't wait to see how this kid turned out.