"What?!" The sound of Donna's screech could be heard all the way down to the room where the groomsmen were getting dressed.
"Shit!" Lee groaned and banged his head against the desk. "What's happening now?"
"No clue." John straightened his bowtie in the mirror and glanced over at his soon to be brother-in-law. "Sounds like someone is about to have a lamp thrown at them though." He pitied anyone who dared get in his sister's warpath today.
"Could you go make sure she didn't cause any serious damage to anyone?" Lee gave him a look somewhere between dread and pleading.
"On it." John touched two fingers to his brow in a mock salute and headed out into the church hallway. The bridesmaids room was on the other end of the hall, but there was the unmistakable sound of his sister crying and their mother trying to comfort her.
He steeled himself and knocked on the door. Martha, the maid of honor, opened the door a crack. "Oh, John, thank God." She looked back over her shoulder.
"What's going on?" John arched an eyebrow and flinched at the slight view of Donna sobbing into a handkerchief.
"The police just phoned." She lowered her voice. "Seems the minister has been in a terrible accident, and they are airlifting him to the hospital." She looked back over her shoulder. "Go ask around and see if anyone is ordained to marry, and I'll try to run damage control in here."
John sighed internally and ran a hand through his hair. This was going to be fun. He hurried out to the foyer, where the hundred plus guests were milling about. He considered climbing up on a chair and hollering for attention, but that would just make a scene. Instead he began going around the room.
"Excuse me." He tapped the shoulder of an older man chatting with a woman. "You wouldn't happen to be ordained by any chance?"
"Sorry, no." The man shrugged and shook his head.
"Great, sorry to bother you." This was not going to be good. Still, his baby sister had been planning this for months, and he couldn't let her down.
He narrowed in on a younger, handsome looking man. "Yes, Hi." He tapped the man on the back and was greeted with a broad smile and an arched eyebrow.
"Well hello, Handsome." His American accent stood out like a sore thumb, and the brunette tucked under his arm rolled her eyes. "I'm Jack, and who are you?"
"John Noble, brother of the bride." He swallowed and whispered. "You wouldn't happen to be ordained to marry, would you?"
"Sorry, gorgeous, I'm afraid not." His smile said he wasn't too sorry. "But maybe we can take a trip to the church later." The brunette gave an exasperated sigh, ripped a ring off her finger, threw it to the floor, and stormed away.
"I'll just um." John rushed into the crowd and continued his quest.
Every person he asked gave him the same answer, and he was becoming seriously concerned for the wellbeing of his grandfather's bank account and Lee's mental wellbeing. John pulled at his hair and gave an exasperated sigh. He was about to yank out his mobile and start googling ministers when a soft hand brushed his tux sleeve.
"Excuse me." A young woman's voice made him turn round. Nobody was behind him. Now he was becoming concerned about his own mental state. "Um, down here." His eyes drifted down about half a foot to meet a pair of dazzling honey amber ones dancing in amusement. "Hi. I heard you were asking if anyone is ordained. Is everything all right?"
"No." John breathed a hesitant sigh of relief. "Please tell me your boyfriend or husband or whoever brought you here is ordained." He usually didn't assume that anyone was automatically taken, but this woman was too lovely to not be taken. Not to mention Donna had made it a strict policy for nobody to come stag. She had a thing about even numbers.
"Well, my mum brought me." The blonde woman shook her head and gave him a tongue touched smile. "She's the hair stylist for the bridal party. She doesn't drive, so I came along."
"So you don't have anyway to help." His heart sank, and he didn't even bother to keep it off his face.
"I didn't say that." She gave a decidedly unlady-like snort of sarcasm. "I happen to be ordained to marry people."
Well this was probably the second most embarrassing moment of his life. John felt his face flush all the way up to his scalp. "You are?"
"Yep." She gave a chuckle and pointed at the American man who had flirted with him. "Got my license when my cousin Jack proposed to the girl who just dumped him. My name's Rose, by the way, Rose Tyler."
"You, Rose Tyler, are the answer to my prayers." John grabbed her right hand and kissed it in relief. "Come with me."
He tugged her into the hall and down to the bridal room. Then he knocked on the door. Martha answered, looking rather panicked and frazzled. "Please tell me you found someone." Her eyes took in Rose, and she raised an eyebrow.
"Martha, Rose, Rose, Martha." He lifted Rose's hand and placed it in the Maid of Honor's. "She's ordained. She'll do the ceremony."
From behind Martha John saw his sister's face snap up. "Bring her in here!" Donna gasped.
Martha pulled Rose into the door, but before it closed, that blonde hair popped out again. "Hey John."
He froze at the sound of her voice. "Yes Miss Tyler?"
"As payment, you can take me out for a drink or two, yeah?" She gave him a flirtatious wink and smiled.
"I'll buy you dinner!" He grinned back. The door closed, and he stared at it. Wait? Did he just score a date to save his sister's wedding?