"It hurts, it hurts," Pana moans when Dan’s halfway inside him. "Dan, wait…"
"I’m here, baby," Dan tells him, stills his slow lazy hip jabs. He can barely breathe, he’s drenched in sweat-beads that fall down onto Pana’s smooth sleek body, and it stings where Pana’s scratched him: back and shoulders, thighs and biceps. "Just relax."
"I don’t know how," Pana whimpers.
Dan sighs, pulls him up and pins his arms against his sides so he won’t get permanently maimed by Pana’s fingernails.
"You didn’t tell me you were being a virgin tonight. Just let me fuck you, alright? Pana. Pana…" His voice is higher-pitched than he’s comfortable with. In fact, it sounds a whole lot like he’s begging. "Fine. I’m going to go sleep on the sof-"
(“Dan. I gotta tell you something..”
Dan pauses when Pana’s hand pushes against his shoulder, stops tonguing and sucking on those hard little brown nipples. “What is it, baby?”
"I’m a virgin," Pana whispers. His eyes are like a startled deer’s. "Just…go slow?"
It takes a second for Dan to Get It; he doesn’t realize he’s grinning like the Big Bad Wolf, drooling a thick rope of spit onto Pana’s chest until something in Pana’s eyes shutters itself closed.
[Dan is a bad man. He’s told Pana this, he’s made it clear as crystal:
Dan kills people for money and then he sleeps pretty well at night, unless he’s replaying Ande’s last blood-choked breaths, which happens less and less now that Pana’s here.
Sometimes he sleeps on top of his money.
What he’s saying here is that Pana loves a bad man.
"Am I bad too?" Pana wants to know.
Dan considers. Whatever Dan tells him Pana’ll believe; he’s only nineteen.
He’s a bad man but he takes his responsibilities seriously. “No,” he decides. “Everything’s my fault. Everything can be my fault.”]
Dan is a bad man but he hurries to wrap his arms around Pana, pulls him flush onto his lap skin to skin and kisses him safe, the safest Pana can be in the world.
[“I don’t think you’re a bad man.”
Pana has to choose between spinach and broccoli for dinner, so it takes Dan a minute to figure out if he’s heart-warmingly stupid or just being manipulative.
Pana closes his eyes and does eeny meeny miney mo, lands on broccoli. He makes a sour face. “I fuckin hate my vegetables.”
Except he pronounces it “vij-stibbles” and Dan can’t believe how lucky he is to have stumbled upon such a beautiful wonderfully stupid boy.
"We’ll have pizza tomorrow," is all he says, though.]
"Hey. Hey, it’s alright. Just tell me if I hurt you, okay?"
Pana nods and Dan rubs his back, squeezes his ass and lets him cry a little and hide his face in Dan’s neck and be needy and perfect.)
"Sorry. I was afraid to tell you," Pana whispers. Those long lashes flutter closed and Pana needs Dan to take care of him, needs Dan to hold him down and fuck him slow. "You’re so experienced."
Dan kisses his eyelids. “Hey. You can tell me anything. Look at me, Pana.”
Pana’s eyes haltingly glow up at him, dark and wet.
"Do you trust me?"
"I’ll make it so good," Dan promises; he takes his responsibilities seriously.
Coda # 5.5
"Just so you know. I wasn’t begging."
"What time is it?"
"A.M or P.M.?"
"I wanna go back to sleep now."
"The other night. In bed."
"When you took my virginity?"
"Oh. I don’t remember that."
"I wasn’t begging."
"I don’t think you’re a bad ma-."
"Go to sleep."