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The rise and death of Yoonmin

Chapter Text

---//---// PRESENT//---//---

"Why did you do that to me, Seokjin?" Jimin asked. The pain of betrayal written on his beautiful face that was now reddened and wet from his tears.

"Jimin, you have to listen to me... things aren’t that simple!" Seokjin said too shocked to even feel the need to cry. 

"When were you going to tell me?" Jimin asked, his hands lightly pulling at his own hair. He was feeling so confused.

"I... -" Seokjin muttered. That was a difficult question, he didn't know the answer.

"During all this time you hid that from me! You saw my anguish, saw my suffering... You even comforted me! I cried on your shoulder! The worst part is that during all this time you knew everything!" Jimin shouted while new tears come streaming down his face.

"Jimin, please forgive me," Seokjin whispered with begging eyes.

"I hate Yoongi. I hate you, Seokjin!" It was all Jimin said in return.


---//---// PAST //---//---

Yoongi and Jimin met in elementary school. Their friendship had nothing to do with Jimin's fluffy cheeks or the way he smiled not just with his mouth but also with his eyes. Neither was the strong temperament or Yoongi's beautiful eyes that strengthened the rapprochement of the two boys. No one could say why children of such distinguished personalities became inseparable friends.

"Jiminie, I don't know if you have noticed, but I shouldn't keep giving you my lunch bag every day," Yoongi said to the little boy who was sitting alone at the table in the school cafeteria.

"I know, but I don't want to get in trouble," Jimin replied shyly reaching up the lunch bag on Yoongi hands.

"So do you want to keep getting beaten up?" Yoongi asked. His anger was evident in his voice and posture.

"No..." Jimin replied staring at his own hands.

"Do you want to keep giving your money to those boys?" Yoongi continued with a tone of voice full of encouragement.

 Jimin shook his head and subtly looked up. The grubby ceiling of the cafeteria suddenly became a great way to avoid the other's gaze.

"Do you want to keep hiding in the corners of this shitty school?" Yoongi asked as he took the food out of the lunch bag and placed it in front of the younger boy, 

"Don't say that word... it's wrong," Jimin whispered with a reprehensible look on his face. "You know, the other way of saying poop. Is it okay for your mom to hear you say it?"

"Shit isn’t even a cursing. C’mon, how old are you? Five?"

"No, I’m eight. And shit IS a cursing! Oops..."

"I'm eleven years old, I'm not scared! Be a man!" Yoongi shouted. He wasn't angry with Jimin. He wanted the other boy to understand what he was saying. 'Be a man' was what Yoongi always heard from his father when he fell or cried, no matter how much it hurt. He didn't know exactly what it meant to be a man, and what it had to do with his tears, but he would rather obey his father in silence.

"I'm not a man..." Jimin said softly. Then realizing Yoongi's wide eyes, he explained himself, "I'm a boy and I know a man, a very serious man who will be very angry with me if I get in trouble... my dad!"

"Please, Jimin! We won’t be alone. The other kids will be there too!"

"Yeah... the other two kids who get beaten up more often than I do. Now I feel better, Min Yoongi. Why didn't you say that before?"

Yoongi needed to make Jimin understand that what was happening at that school was wrong, they couldn't just lower their heads and pretend everything was fine, "If we get there together, we'll be four of us against three of them! You don't have to say anything, just stand by my side... by our side."

"Why do you care about it? They don't even bother you," Jimin said before breaking a cookie in the middle and giving a part of it to the other kid.

"But I'm tired of having to defend one of you every damn week! You guys, have to learn how to protect yourselves, or at least how to run faster!"

"I'll try to protect myself better, I'm sorry," Jimin said softly as he lowered his gaze.

"See?! You're apologizing for something that you don't even is guilty! That's why we have to go there and tell them to stop this bullshit! But if I go alone it's no use, they'll never learn to respect you guys."

Jimin knew that in a way, Yoongi was right. He didn't want to let him angry, but he did not want to be grounded either, "What's the point of not get beaten up by them today, but get beaten up by my dad when I get home and he had find out that I got in trouble?"

"There won't be any mess. We'll just get there and talk to them."

"We'll talk with your mouths and they'll talk through punch and kicks. I can already even see it happening," Jimin replied, putting the straw from the juice box into Yoongi's mouth.


Sorry, Yoongi. Since I can't help you... you also don't have to help me when they come after me," Jimin said with a sad tone of voice.

"Okay then. It's up to you," Yoongi said as he stood up from the table.

"Be careful, okay?" Without getting any response, Jimin then made the most threatening facial expression he could, "Yoongi..."

"Okay, I'll be careful," Yoongi grunted looking amused at the other boy's face.


"I promise."

"Pinky promise?" Jimin asked with a broad smile on his face.

"Aish... pinky promise."

Without seeming to believe what Yoongi was saying, Jimin frowned, "You can't break a pinky promise. Otherwise I will have to cut your pinky finger. Do you know that, right?"

When their fingers intertwined, Yoongi giggled, "Your fingers are so chubby..."

"Are you going to start making fun of me?"

"That's why the other boys can't take you serious. They know you can't punch them with those cute little hands," Yoongi continued playing with Jimin's fingers.

"You should care about YOUR hands, since YOU are the pianist here," Jimin said jerking his hand away from Yoongi and hiding it under his t-shirt.

"Speak lower! I already told you that no one can know that I play the piano."

Jimin looked bored by the boy's comment, "Just because you want to look mean. You play it very well, Yoongi! I should tell everyone about it, so they would all be jealous of you."

"Jealous because of what? If you tell about that to even only one person I will tell to the whole school that while I play the piano YOU is the one that are there dancing."

"You always said to me that I’m dancing well..."  Jimin whimpered with a slightly sad face.

"I said, and it's true. But, you have your secrets and I have mine."

 Yoongi grabbed his backpack and without looking back he started to walk toward the classrooms, trying to get there before the teacher for the first time.

"Yoongi... after school, are you going to play some board game at my house?" Jimin asked raising his voice a little bit.

"Is your mother going to make something to eat?" Yoongi replied walking straight.


It was only then that the older boy stopped walking for a brief moment and partially turned in the direction where Jimin still sat, "In this case I will be there... but it's only for the food," he said with a discreet smile displaying on his face.

When the students were allowed to go home, Yoongi and Hongbin went to Jaehwan's classroom, another boy who was having problems with Hyunwoo, a 12-year-old student who along with his two friends, liked to threaten and beat up younger boys.

Jaehwan was no longer inside the classroom, but Yoongi knew of a place where he could be if he hadn't been able to hide in proper time.

Most of the students tried to please the group of bullies in every way or else they tried to pass as unnoticed as possible, some of them don't approve the three boys' behavior, but they also don't make any move to stand for the kids who became the target of the aggressions. Getting to become Hyunwoo's target was very easy. You just needed to have some feature that was considered "different" according to his standards. He focused on the children who seemed most insecure, the most vulnerable in his eyes.

The school students were so afraid that if one day Hyunwoo decide that a student's hair is weird, something that until then was considered irrelevant, it would became a mockery to the whole school, and that child who don't see any problem about their hair, someone who even likes that, would begin to like it less and less.

The fear of not being accepted, or being abandoned by friends, or becoming Hyunwoo's next target, or of getting beaten up even more, was what often prevented other children from confronting him or seeking help from parents and teachers. It was these factors that interfered in Yoongi's plan for to put an end in Hyunwoo's reign.

"Hey, Hyunwoo! Leave Jaehwan alone," Yoongi shouted as he approached the back of the school, a less crowded place where Hyunwoo often cornered his victims. Jaehwan was the target this time.

"Mind your own fucking business, Yoongi, or it'll be over for you too," Hyunwoo said without letting go of the boy he was pressing against the wall.

"Leave him alone! We want to talk to you..." Yoongi said trying to control his voice so as not to convey the anger he felt at the moment.

"What do you mean by ‘we’?"

"Jaehwan, Hongbin and me," Yoongi replied sounding confident,

"I don't care about what a bunch of suckers have to say, unless you want to talk about when you will give me more money. So if it's not that... get out of here."

"I don't have any money. I already gave you all the money I has!" Jaehwan cried.

"It's a lie!" Hyunwoo shouted furious.

"I said leave him alone!" Yoongi yelled using both arms to push Hyunwoo away from Jaehwan.

Without waiting for Yoongi to finish what he was saying, Hyunwoo turned to the boy and throwing Jaehwan on the floor he shouted, "Are you crazy, Yoongi? Do you want to be beaten up too? Look, this whole time I've been taking easy with you, but you're already making me angry!"

"We came here to talk, not to fight... You started to insult us," Yoongi replied.

Then Hyunwoo made a subtle gesture with his fingers, signaling to his friends that they could leave, that the job of taking Jaehwan's money was over, "I have something better to do than to be here wasting my time with losers."

"No! Wait..." Yoongi said lightly squeezing Hyunwoo's forearm, just to have his attention again.

"Don't touch me!"

"We're here to tell you that you and your friends aren't better than us! We just come to this fucking school because our parents. Why do you want to make things even harder? Aren't these boring classes and that lot of homework just bad enough?"

"Yoongi, why don't you go play with your dollhouse... you and your friend, eh? That chubby kid... By the way, where is he? He still hasn't given me any money today," Hyunwoo smirked.

"Leave him alone," Yoongi said in a serious tone of voice.

Hyunwoo was already getting annoyed with that situation. It wasn't the first time that Yoongi wanted to face him, "Even that brat was clever enough to not come here to bother me, and then you, who I thought that was a little less worse, are here getting into what's none of your business. Tell your friend that tomorrow he'll have to pay double. It's no use of talking about having no money. Otherwise you already know what will happen..."

"This is wrong! Jimin's only 8 years old, you're a lot older than him. This is unfair!" Yoongi shouted.

"I agree with you! What do you think I am?" Hyunwoo asked, pretending to feel extremely offended by that comment, "That's why Minhyuk is here, it may not seem like it, but he's 11 years old. We're not to blame if you all are some malnourished dwarfs. You guys keep complaining about me, but I think it's Jimin who's stealing your food, huh."

"Shut up! Don't talk about him like that! He isn't even here to defend himself!" Yoongi said pushing Hyunwoo slightly backwards

"If he was here, he would do what? He is just a crybaby, isn't even funny beating him up. He doesn't even try to run. Just stand there crying, ‘Please, don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me...’  He acts like a little girl."

"Shut up! We only came here to talk, but if you keep talking like that about Jimin, things will change."

"We? I don’t know if you noticed, but your friends are nowhere in sight."


For a moment Yoongi even thought that Hyunwoo was just saying that to annoy him, for a moment Yoongi hoped that when he looked back, someone would shout, No, he's not alone! But that wasn't what happened.

Then Hyunwoo continued, "Stop trying to play the hero and try to defend your little princess. Go home before I change my mind and send Minhyuk to scare a little bit your dear Jimin. The last time he almost pissed his pants! It was so funny! He still lives in that street near the grocery store, right?"

"Leave him alone, you son of a bitch!" Yoongi shouted punching Hyunwoo's mouth.

"You shouldn't have mentioned my mother, Yoongi!"

That was how Yoongi found himself being pushed to the ground, and in seconds Hyunwoo was about to get ready to punch him, what came not too long afterwards. It only took a few more seconds for Yoongi to feel a sharp pain in his jaw. However he didn't have much time to get used to the pain since soon after Hyunwoo was already giving him another punch.

It was not that Yoongi had given up trying to defend himself, quite the opposite. He tried his very best to get away from the punches, trying to push off the boy who was older and heavier than him. But Yoongi wasn't strong enough to do it, he didn't feel strong enough.

Before Hyunwoo get the chance for an third punch, Yoongi recalled:


"- Be careful, okay?

- ...

- Yoongi...

- Okay, I'll be careful.

- Promise?

- I promise.

- Pinky promise?

- Aish ... pinky promise.

- You can't break a pinky promise. Otherwise I will have to cut your pinky finger. Do you know that, right?"


Yoongi made a promise, a pinky promise... with his best friend... with JIMIN! He knew that if he had promised to be careful, then there was no other way out, he had to be careful, although maybe it was a bit late for that.

He gathered all the strength he possessed, and even those he didn't know he had, and before Hyunwoo could punch him, it was Yoongi who struck by punching the older boy's belly. Taking advantage of the moment that Hyunwoo cringed in pain, Yoongi shifted his position and now it was he who was above and ready to return the punches he had received.

However, at the same time a male voice was approaching, Sungjae, the school janitor, "Stop fighting!"

"I was just defending myself!" Yoongi shouted.

"It's a lie! I was going home when this idiot came out of nowhere and started talking bullshit! He cursed my mother and then started hitting me! You can ask anybody there!"

"Don't play the victim, Hyunwoo. I know you very well. If Yoongi get to the point to beaten you up, you have done something really bad to him," Sungjae said as he approached the group of boys. "The school is almost empty and you guys are making this mess. This time I'll let it go, but if it happens again I'll take both of you to have a little talk with the school head-master!"

"Sungjae, it wasn't my fault! Yoongi started the whole thing!" Hyunwoo cried out.

"I don't want to know who started it. I want you all to go home right now! Do you prefer that I call your parents and ask them to come here and give you a ride?" Sungjae smirked. Without waiting another minute, Hyunwoo and his two friends hurriedly started walking toward to the school exit. "Oh, that's what I thought. You, Min Yoongi..." Sungjae said looking to the boy who was staring at his own sneakers, "You're short, but you aren't one to take things lying down, are you?"

"He was insulting Jimin," Yoongi replied trying to clean the dirty from his clothes.

"Park Jimin? That boy is the most adorable kid in the world! I don't understand why someone would insult him. But anyway, go home Yoongi. It's past time. I'll keep an eye on you tomorrow! No fight!"

Not far from there, oblivious to everything that happened to Yoongi inside the school where they studied, Jimin, sitting in front of the door of his house waits for his friend. The problem is that some time had passed and Yoongi didn't appeared. In Jimin's head it had been too long. He was getting tired of waiting.

"Jimin, it's getting late. I just baked a delicious cake, it's in the kitchen. Come with me, huh?" Sarang asked as she approached the door.

"No yet, mom. Let me stay here just a little bit more. Yoongi told me that after school he would come and play with me," Jimin whimpered.

"No, Jimin. It will be dark soon," she replied in a serious tone of voice.

“But I'm almost inside, just leave the door open that way,” Jimin said, opening the door and then sitting again on the floor, but this time with his legs wide apart so one of his feet was leaning subtly on the house's floor and the other feet on the balcony, “See? I'm inside the house!"

"Park Jimin..." Sarang said trying not to laugh at the boy's cute behavior.

"Mom... please."

"Look, why don't we go inside  and then we can make a phone call to Yoongi's mother? What do you think?" Sarang asked, bending down so she could look her son in the eye.

"Why don't we go to Yoongi's house? What do you think?" Jimin asked excitedly, a broad grin across his face.



 "Aish... Okay, but it will be a quick visit," she said after giving up trying to make her son change his mind, "I will go there only to give to Yoongi's mother one of the cakes I made, since she was the one who gave me the recipe."

One of the advantages of living in a small neighborhood is that almost everyone gets to know each other, so either you isolate yourself and become the weird neighbor with the haunted house, or you in one way or another make friends with just about everyone and learns about everyone's life, since the baker is the cousin of the hairdresser who is the childhood friend of the owner of the grocery store, who is the mother of the newspaper delivery boy, and so on.

However, for Jimin the main advantage of living in a small neighborhood is that he could study in the same school as Yoongi, and that he didn't have to travel a long distance to visit his best friend. He didn't even need a car, just a 10 minute walk and he was already there. This is because he has short legs, Jimin was sure that when he grows up he will be able to reach Yoongi's house in 3 minutes at most, and in a matter of seconds if he runs.

"Hi Yoonah, good evening," Sarang said with a smile on her face when Yoongi's mother finally opened the front door of the house, "Sorry to show up here without warning, but we came to bring you this cake. Do you remember that recipe you gave me? I tried to do-"

"Is Yoongi at home? Could you please let him play with me just a little bit?” Jimin interrupted, trying to make one of his sweetest facial expressions.

"Jimin! You didn't even greet Yoongi's mother properly," Sarang scolded.

"Sorry... Good evening, Yoongi's mother. Is Yoongi at home? Could you please let him play with me just a little bit?" Jimin apologized,

"I hate to say no to a boy so cute like you Jimin, but today Yoongi can't play," Yoonah said as she gently ran her fingers through the boy's hair, "Let's go to the kitchen. I can't wait to try the cake you made Sarang!"

"Why Yoongi can't play with me?" Jimin whimpered.

"He's grounded, because he got in trouble again. Unfortunately, he isn't a good little boy like you," Yoonah replied.

As the mothers excitedly chatted about the famous fruitcake recipe and how Sarang had improved in cooking, Jimin sat on the couch thinking about every word Yoonah had told him and quickly he began to feel sad, feeling something he hadn't been able to name until then. 

"Is he punished because of me? Is he angry at me? "

He sat on the couch alone for a few more minutes, trying to figure out what was going on. A short time later he realized that the best he could do was ask Yoongi himself.

One of the advantages of being a child is that when adults engage in lively conversation, they get a little distracted and phrases such as "Where did that kid go? She was here almost now!" or even "How could this happen? I took my eyes off him for only one minute!" became quite frequent. Considering this, Jimin didn't need much effort to go unnoticed up the stairs and go to Yoongi's room.

"Yoongiiiii" Jimin whispered with his mouth next to the door that was now closed. Hearing no answer from inside the room, he whispered again, only a little louder, “Yoongiiii!”

Knowing that it wouldn't be long before anyone noticed his absence downstairs, Jimin decided to open the door slowly and enter the room that had the lights off.

"Yoongi?" He said in a low voice, as if afraid of scaring the other boy.

"Jimin, is that you? What are you doing here?" Yoongi asked in surprise as he sat on the bed.

"You didn't show up at my house to play with me," Jimin whimpered.

"Did you wait for me all this time?"

"I did," Jimin replied, still near the bedroom's door, "Yoongi, can you turn on the light? I don't really like the darkness."

"Sure... Since I'm grounded, there's not much I can do but trying to sleep," Yoongi said as he reached for the lamp.

When the room finally brightened and Jimin could look properly at the boy who was now sitting on the bed, Jimin can't help but widen his eyes and with one hand over his mouth he ran towards his friend.

"Yoongi! They hurt you!" Jimin said unable to look away from the not-so-severe, yet worrying, injuries that were located over the older boy's mouth and nose.

"It's not that bad."

"They hurt you guys, Yoongi!" The boy said sliding his little index finger in the areas near the wounds, almost without touching them.

"It wasn't ‘them’ since who hit me was only Hyunwoo, and wasn't 'in you guys’ since only me was beaten up. In the middle of our conversation when I looked back there was no one else there," Yoongi replied with a sad voice.

"They left you alone? How could they... Well, at least at some point they were there right? I did worse."

 Yoongi held Jimin's hand and tried to comfort him, "Don't say it, it's not your fault. The truth is that in the end you were right all along. Hyunwoo wasn't in the mood to talk."

"You promised to be careful..." Jimin said, his eyes watering.

"I kept my promise! Do you think if I hadn't been careful I would only get these scratches? I would be here without all my teeth! I bet if that had happened to me you'd be laughing at my face, I'm sure."

Upon hearing such a comment, Jimin can't help but smile as he imagines what it would be like to see Yoongi smiling with no teeth in his mouth, like a younger version of old people who lost their denture in their soup.

"Does it hurt?" He asked, not looking away for a moment and without stopping his delicate touches, yet loaded with affection.

"A little, but like I told you, I'm a man, I can handle it.”

"Aish... let me kiss it better," Jimin murmured.

As soon as Jimin had time to get his lips away from Yoongi's cheek, he could hear the voice of a slightly angry mother, by bad luck, Jimin was sure that this mother was his.

"Jimin! How could you go walking around our neighbor's house without even asking for permission?"

"I'm sorry mom. I just wanted to see Yoongi," he replied softly, lowering his gaze.

It was only when Sarang heard the mention of the other boy's name that she seemed to notice his presence. "Yoongi, what happened to you? Was that a fight at school?" She asked walking over to the boy to take a closer look at the wounds.

"No, Sarang. He said it was a fight, a basketball thing," Yoongi's mother replied, even before he could open his mouth to say something.

"But the fight was with some of the boys from your school? Yoongi, you know very well that despite not being your teacher, I still work at that school. I can help you," Sarang said with an affectionate look.

"They're from another school, I don't know them very well," Yoongi lied not looking at Sarang, focusing only on Jimin standing by the bed listening carefully to the conversation.

"You don't have to worry about it, Sarang. I know you already have a lot of work with your students," Yoonah said, beginning to feel uncomfortable with that conversation, "Unfortunately, this isn't the first time Yoongi has gotten in trouble."

In a last attempt to make him feel more confident to talk about it, Sarang looked affectionately at Yoongi. She held one of his hands, pressing it gently as a kind of affection.  "Yoongi, if you need help or want to talk about anything, you know where to find me. I am indeed a very busy person, but I can gladly manage some free time to talk to you. That goes for any student who needs my help, don’t worry," she said, before leaving the room.

All the way back home and through the dinner, Jimin wondered about what his mother had said to Yoongi and about the wounds on the boy's face. Injuries that were only there because he went to help his friends, among them Jimin himself.

He couldn't see it in any other way. He knew he couldn't help Yoongi trying to fight Hyunwoo, it would probably make things even worse. Then when his mother was kissing him good night, he saw in her the most reliable source of help. After all, from what he can remember, she's always been there with him, always caressing him, trying to learn how to cook delicious foods (albeit without much success).

Even that time when he ate too much candy, she had caressed his belly, made some tea (it wasn't very tasty, but it helped ease the pain). She didn't even walk away when he vomited about three times!

Even though during the day she was one of the most respected teachers at that school, outside that place she was just Jimin's loving mother.

Much of the respect earned by Sarang as a teacher was achieved by her hard work at school and by the good relationship she maintained with the students' parents. So, days after when Jimin had told her what had been going on at school when the teachers weren't looking, and how Yoongi got that bruises, she had already begun to draw up a project involving parents, students, teachers, and all the school staff to create strategies to reduce bullying practices, seeking to help both parties, aggressors and victims.

While Hyunwoo and his friends were gradually looking for other ways to get respect from the other students without appealing to aggressive attitudes, Jimin was more certain every day that he made the right decision by asking for help from a trusted adult, since he no longer had to give his money to bullies, no one tried to steal his food only to later complain that it was horrible (he really likes the deflated cakes and the lightly burned cookies his mother makes) and most importantly, for a long time Yoongi didn't get in the middle of any fight, his beautiful face and his pianist hands without any injury.

This isn't to say that school had now become a paradise on earth, far from it. There were still quarrels and arguments. At least once a month someone did something wrong, looking like they wanted to get Hyunwoo's old role, but unlike the way things used to be, now the students felt less helpless. Hitting or being beaten up was no longer the only ways out of dealing with bullying.

Yoongi and Jimin met in elementary school. Their friendship had nothing to do with Jimin's fluffy cheeks or the way he smiled not just with his mouth but also with his eyes. Neither was the strong temperament or Yoongi's beautiful eyes that strengthened the rapprochement of the two boys. No one could say why children of such distinguished personalities became inseparable friends.

However Jimin and Yoongi knew that much of this had to do with things like never breaking pinky promises, stating with conviction that the "kiss it better" from a special person is really able to relieve pain and heal wounds, not to be ashamed to apologize and to ask help. Companionship. It was about turn on a light when the other is afraid of the darkness. What made Jimin and Yoongi look at each other for the first time or start a conversation isn't something relevant, maybe it was fate.

This isn't a love-at-first-sight story.





P.S I don't know who owns this drawing, so unfortunately I can't give the proper credits.

Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I was just a little child when my parents gave me a piano. I remember that day I couldn't hide my disappointment at seeing that unexpected gift; a huge brown piano in the corner of the living room. I would rather have won a bike or one of those super cool toys that advertised all the time in TV commercials.

My father says that the house of rich and intelligent people always has a piano in the middle of the living room and that for us that piano would mean a rise in status. For me that piano in the living room only meant one thing, less space to play with my toys and run around the house.

Hobin, an old man who plays the piano in the city fanciest restaurant, at the request of my mother began to teach me the right way to play the piano keys to create some melody from it and not just those isolated noises that had no meaning. However, he always said that this would only be possible if I dedicated myself to the fullest, so I had to practice every day. I had to pay attention to the movements of my hands and in my posture. I should listen to classical music, receiving inspiration from the real legends. How boring!

I was so tired of having to practice something on the piano every day while everyone was playing fun games with other kids that I even asked my mother if it was too late to return the piano to the store. She told me that in fact it belonged to the family of my father's friend who needed to leave the country and because a piano is not something so simple to carry around, he preferred to give it to my father.

The only thing I know is, no one wanted to keep that damn piano. That had spent years and years going from hand to hand among the members of the family from my father's friend. On the first chance he had he gave it as a gift to my father, and in the end the piano was with me. It was then that I realized that I was stuck with that piano since I had no way to give it to someone else and get rid of those classes that pissed me off.

As time went on I started to enjoy playing the piano. I won’t deny that I was very proud of myself when I was able to play an entire song alone for the first time. Things started to get more fun.

Until then I thought I only liked playing the piano, I only realized that I actually loved playing it, when Park Jimin started to come to my house. One day he was curious about the old piano, and after much insistence I played a song to him. If I knew that Jimin would be so happy just listening to that simple song, I definitely would have played that damn thing sooner. Thanks to Jimin I decided that I wanted to make people feel happy with my music.

"Jimin, I'm learning to play a new song. Do you want to hear it? I'm still practicing, so maybe I will mess up a little bit. But I think is worse versions out there," Yoongi blurted out.

"Don’t be silly! You play very well!"

"You always say the same thing, Jimin!" Yoongi said subtly punching Jimin's right shoulder. Then Jimin returned the punch, however with a little more force.

"Yoongi, I just remembered something. I saw your father down there reading the newspaper."


"He's sitting on the couch near the piano."

"That's okay. My dad doesn't bother if I play the piano while he's reading. He even likes it, since he was the one who insisted so much for me to learn how to play it."

More than quickly, Yoongi holding Jimin by one of his small wrists begins to lead him toward the stairs so they could reach the first floor of the house. Yoongi was feeling so enthusiastic to show the new song to Jimin that in the middle of the way he was almost running.

"Slow down Yoongi, I'm going to fall!" Jimin complained trying to use the free hand to hold on the railing of the stairs and achieve a little more balance.

"Come on Jimin! I'm sure you'll love this song!"

"First I have to get to the living room alive or at least without a broken leg!"

"Aish ... fine, we're here. Can you stop complaining?" Yoongi said letting go of Jimin's hand and striding toward the corner of the living room, where there was an imposing piano, which seemed to grow in size when compared to the slender thirteen-year-old boy sitting in front of it.

With an anticipatory smile on his face, Jimin soon sat on the wooden floor. Having a privileged view, Jimin was sure that if they were in one of those music recitals that the older boy always talked about, the place he was sitting at that moment would represent what could be the front row of a big auditorium. As much as they were only in the living room of Yoongi's house, with his father sitting not too far away, whenever the boy started playing the piano, Jimin would dance according to the rhythm of the melody and use his imagination to let himself go to the most different places that he could think about, from flower fields to medieval castles, from beautiful beaches to a park covered with snow. Only Yoongi, the piano and him.

However, during that rainy day, for the first time Jimin didn't dance, nor did he showed that smile from ear to ear that Yoongi always liked to see, which was more of an incentive for him to devote himself more and more in his piano lessons. Jimin just sat there on the floor as he hugged his own knees, staring at Yoongi, but with a facial expression that the older boy could not completely decipher, but it looked a lot like sadness.

Yoongi feared that perhaps he was doing something wrong, so he tried to remember all the advice he received in piano lessons.

"Stand upright, concentrate, just concentrate, control your breathing, pay attention to the pressure of your touches, to your hands... to be with music, to be the music."

Yoongi did the best he could, struggled in a way he had not for a long time, but even then, Jimin showed no intention of getting up from the ground and start his always graceful movements as if he were wanting to fly, or then when he only keeps turning around himself. Tired but always giggling, he would lie down on the floor staying there with his eyes closed only listening to the melody.

Every time Yoongi played the piano, Jimin would get happy. Watching the boy seem so apathetic to the melody was at the least odd.

"Well done, son. I see that you really have been devoting more time to piano lessons."

"Yeah, it was beautiful!" Jimin said smiling sweetly.

Yoongi kept the same serious expression and without uttering a word about the compliments he received, walked back up the stairs. As soon as he was about to open the door to his bedroom, he hear Jimin about to coming to the hallway.

"Yoongi? What happened?" Jimin asked as he followed the older boy.


"Nothing? Maybe you made some mistakes, but if you hadn’t mention it, no one would know. Your father is very proud, really."

"Whatever," Yoongi said throwing himself on his bed.

After long, uncomfortable minutes in silence staring at Yoongi, whose gaze was fixed on the ceiling, Jimin said something, "I liked it too."  


"Did I say something wrong to your father? Did I do something he didn't like?" Jimin asked sitting on the edge of Yoongi's bed, trying to keep as much distance as possible, "You only behave like this when your father gets mad at you. Now it seems like you're mad at me. I'm not sure what I did, but if you tell me what it is I can go downstairs to apologize for it, Yoongi."

"I really worked hard to learn that song. I thought you would like it. But no problem, I'll choose a better song and try harder."

"What do you mean? I already said that I liked it, Yoongi. I liked it a lot!" Jimin said with a smile so wide and sincere that it brightened his whole face.

"You didn't dance."

"That’s because I wanted to pay more attention to the music."

"How do you want me to believe you, if you're lying right to my face? It's okay if you didn't like it, Jimin. I'm angry because you're lying to me and I've never lied to you. When you decided to cut your own bangs and it got all fucked up, I told you it was ridiculous, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did. Then you said it again, and again. You even took a photo!" Jimin said pointing to the photo frame proudly placed on the dresser.

"See? Go ahead, what do you have to tell me?"

"My father forbade me to dance, Yoongi. He said that's not how men dance. When you were playing that song, I really wanted to dance! But I still don't know how men are supposed to dance. I only know how to dance in my own way," Jimin said rubbing one of his eyes, as if he wanted to avoid crying. However, such a gesture was in vain, since not long after it a solitary tear slid slowly down his face.

"Did he see you dancing?" Yoongi asked, going to the edge of the bed where Jimin was sitting, silently wrapping the youngest in a tender embrace. Jimin, no longer able to control his crying just denies it. Without knowing what to do to reassure his friend, Yoongi decides to only remain silent and without undoing the hug, he subtly strokes Jimin's back, pressing the palm of one of his hands in small circular movements.

"It was your father who saw me dancing, and told mine. Your father said that I was dancing like a little ballerina. My dad came home from work and scolded me, saying that he was ashamed of me. It took me a long time to realize he was angry about it. Why did he get angry? Ballerinas are so beautiful! Don't you think, Yoongi?"

"Yes, they are. Do you remember that show we saw on TV last week? There was a man dancing with the ballerinas."

"When they finished the dance they even get a standing ovation!"

"Yeah, so I guess this isn’t a girl thing. The only problem is that your father doesn’t know that yet," Yoongi said smiling hopefully at Jimin, trying to cheer him up.

"I really hope so," Jimin said with a shy smile on his face, "Yoongi, next time when you play the piano you won't be upset again just because I'm not dancing, right?"

"If you won't dance then I won't play the piano anymore."

"You can't do that, Yoongi. I know how happy you are while playing the piano."

"It's not the piano that makes me happy, it's you."





Chapter Text

 ---//---// PAST //---//---


My first year in high school wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, thankfully. I couldn't even sleep the night before the first day of school because I was feeling very anxious about this important period of my life.

During the high school years, you create many of life's most remarkable memories, be they good, bad or traumatizing. It's when everything happens. Well, that's according to the movies I watched.  I would have to find out whether this was true or not by myself.

However, what made me calmer about it was that Yoongi by being older than me was already accustomed to the routine of high school and already knew many teachers and students. As we always talked about things that happened at school and about our classmates I felt more confident to face the challenge.

If on the one hand changing schools seemed to be a frightening experience, on the other hand it brought me great relief because, far from the eyes of my mother always watching me, I felt freer to be myself, to try to find out myself. In addition, I started making friends more easily since I no longer carried the title of "Park Jimin, the teacher's son." Now I was just Park Jimin.

A big difference that was already evident in my first day in high school is that there was no rivalry between boys and girls, quite the opposite. Often a couple was scolded for showing affection in an inappropriate place. Every week there was a breakup or a new couple forming. There was always a new gossip. There were days I could swear that I was in a TV drama.

For now no girl tried to go beyond friendship with me, at least not that I noticed. They just say I'm cute, and that's it. I think this happens because of my height, I'm still the shortest boy of my class. A little bit chubby too, but I'm already working on changing that. I've already kissed some girls, but that's all. Nothing special.

Oh, the girls do come to me but to ask me to introduce them to Yoongi. From what I realize this has something to do with the thrill of dating an older guy and also because of Yoongi's badboy fame.

If his personality wasn't enough for people to see him in that way, when the whole school discovered that he could rap like a professional rapper, his destiny was sealed. After that contest there was no return, Yoongi was captured by the group of popular people, and the fact that he didn't give a shit about all that, only reinforced his status.

I don't care much about it either, and I don't even try desperately to get into that group like some of my friends do. I have to devote myself to the utmost in something much more important: my studies.

Things would be much easier if that were the truth. The only thing I'm currently doing my best is in my dream of being a professional dancer. This hasn’t been easy at all.

It wasn't easy to persuade the contemporary dance teacher to let me attend the classes for free, it took a while for me to show her that I'm talented, I was also lucky because she needed a dancer for a special performance but she didn't have any male student for it. It wasn't easy to attend classes and rehearsals without my father knowing. It wasn't easy to have to dance in that special performance to the whole neighborhood. It was especially hard to face my father's enraged gaze, who didn't even tried to disguise the disgust he felt when he saw me dancing on the stage.

However what has been most difficult is dealing with the atmosphere of indifference that has established in my home. My mother doesn't scold me but she also doesn't give me any support, far from it. She thinks I'm putting too much effort into something that should be a hobby.

Almost every day she insists that I am leaving my studies aside and that in the future I will regret a lot because of my bad choices.

My father makes it clear that when it happens I will have deal myself to get out of that situation, because they are guiding me to be able to choose a real profession, but if I want to continue with my dream of being a dancer and living a shitty life, with a shitty salary, it's my decision and there's nothing they can do. At least I can choose. Yoongi's parents have already decided on his future, he has no choice.

“I see you managed to persuade your parents to give the money you needed to buy your new toy,” I said noticing some new music equipment near the computer in Yoongi's bedroom.

“I promised the store guy that I'm going to work for free for a month. I'll start tomorrow,“ he said, lying by my side in the single bed. There wasn't much space so we had to be close to each other to keep one of us from falling out of bed.

“You no longer work in the grocery store? How are you going to be able to go to school, work in this new place, and still work in the grocery store? When you plan to do less important things, like... eat, take a shower, or sleep?”

“I took care of everything. After school I will go work to that guy, I spend a few hours there and at night I work in the grocery store. The owner agreed to change my working hours this month.”

“You're still underage, isn't it illegal for you to work at night?”

“Jimin, people don't give a fuck about what is illegal or not. They just want to make money. Besides, it's only going to be for a month.”

“What do you need to buy now?”  I asked, sliding my fingers lightly between the strands of his black hair. 

“I want to buy a Behringer controller. That shit is expensive, but I've seen it worth it for the cost benefit.”

“I wish I could help you pay for your equipment. I don’t know what they are for, but since you work so hard to be able to buy them, they must be important.”

“Don’t worry about it. It's all right. It's not like I could choose not to work. My parents still want my monthly contribution, even if it's not a big deal.”

Silently, we lay in his bed for a while longer just listening to the noises of cars passing by in the street. I was so tired of having spent the day at school and then having spent hours practicing my dance that I almost fell asleep right there. What woke me up was the sound of Yoongi getting up from the bed to turn on a song in low volume.

“How are the dance classes going? It's been a while since I've seen you performing,” he asked, lying down again beside me. Then he rested his elbow on the mattress and looked directly into my eyes. I never cease to be surprised by the intensity of his gaze, sometimes it is so intimidating that I feel obliged to look away.

“At the end of the month there will be a performance in the neighboring city. They are organizing a local party to celebrate something that nobody cares about, so they decided to call our group to dance. I'd even tell you when it's going to happen, but since now you are in a slave labor I doubt you can get there.”

“Is any friend of yours going to be in the audience to support you?”

“My friends from school will be in some stupid baseball game. Maybe I'll tell Nari that you're going to be there, in this way she would go with me, for sure,” I replied in a playful tone.

“She still hasn't forgotten me? Geez, it was just a kiss!”

“It sounds like your kiss is addictive, Yoongi. She's not the only one who asks me about you. It's been a while since you've dated someone...”

He then looked away and said shyly, “Actually, I'm kind of dating a girl.”

“Oh, really? You didn't tell me anything about it...” I asked surprised. During the last few months he had not given any indication that he was in a relationship. “Since when are you dating in secret? Do I know the girl?” As soon as those words came out of my mouth I realized that even if it wasn't my intention, they made me look more annoyed than curious.

“A month, I think. It's not quite a hidden thing, she just asked me to keep it a secret for now. She told me her parents are strict about this whole dating thing.”

Yoongi and I had been friends since we were children, so finding out that he was hiding something from me made me a little upset. “Did you manage to hide something from me for a whole month? It seems like this girl is really important to you. She even made you lie to me,” I said in a sad tone of voice.

“I didn’t lie, I omitted. Sorry to disappoint you, but I still have my secrets, Park Jimin,” he replied with a wicked grin.

I couldn't tell if he was really feeling guilty for not telling me about his girlfriend. But to be honest, I also don't understand why it was bothering me that much.

“Yoongi, even the things you think I don’t know, I do know. Sometimes I know before you even notice it.”

“You didn’t know about my relationship,” he said in a victorious tone, a broad smile on his face.

“Now you got me. But I'm sure that I suspected about it, it's just that I've been too busy to notice,” I lied as I tried to make it sound as convincing as possible. However, my plan didn't seem to work out very well.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

For a moment I wanted to change the subject and respect Yoongi's privacy, but my curiosity wouldn't allow me to. I knew he owed me no explanation about his personal life, but at the same time I felt as if I needed to know more about it, “Who is the girl?”

“I'm not going to tell you,” he replied with a serious tone of voice.

“Who.Is.The.Girl?“ I said pressing my index finger into his belly punctuating every word said, a silent threat of start tickling him.

“Why do you want to know? Sooner or later you will know her name.”

The more Yoongi tried to hide his girlfriend, the more my curiosity grew. I understood the girl's side and the whole story about having strict parents, but he always considered me a friend he could trust. So I didn't understand why things had changed. I've always heard people saying that it's common for someone to change when starting a love relationship, but I didn't expect it to happen to my best friend.

“It is not obvious? I need to know if she's good for you, if she doesn’t hide a dark past... Maybe she already has a boyfriend out there and told you that story about strict parents just to save time, have you thought about it? Of course not, that's why you need me.”

Yoongi then sighed deeply, “Okay, but I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone, so keep your mouth shut, okay? So...  Kim Jiwon.” Apparently I wasn't fast enough to disguise my surprise since Yoongi widened his eyes in a way that I had never seen. It wasn't my intention, but I certainly made him feel suspicious, “What's it? Do you know anything I don't know about her?”

“No, it's nothing like that. Kim Jiwon is a great person. She is cool, smart and beautiful. That is the problem. What does she see in you, Yoongi? She's too good for you! Surely she doesn't have a Jimin to advise her to not screw up her life in this way,” I replied quickly, trying to calm him down. Jiwon certainly looked like someone who could be a good girlfriend to Yoongi, but I had a bad feeling about it. However I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling, I had no proof or anything. Then it wouldn't be right to make Yoongi worried for no real reason.

“Well, but that will change soon enough. Tomorrow she's going to tell her parents about us. So I thought it could be nice if we all go out to eat together. You both could get to know each other better, since you're my best friend. She will invite a friend too.”

“Let's see what happens...” I muttered.  Unlike me, Yoongi seemed really excited about that idea.

I decided not to stay in Yoongi's house any longer since he would start an exhausting work day and needed to rest as much as possible while he still could. I started walking down the street trying to think of anything but the conversation I just had with Yoongi. However this was impossible. Before I realized Jiwon's face was in my mind. Yoongi had already made out with girls, so it wasn't the first time we had that kind of conversation, what seemed different was the way he spoke her name, that smile on his face. I had seen them together at school, I knew they were taking the same classes so it was normal for them to talk to each other. What I had never noticed was that those interactions hid something more intimate. They really were being very discreet about their relationship.

Throughout the week the only opportunity I had to see Yoongi was during the break between classes. If on the fourth day of extensive work he was already like that, arresting himself in the corridors of the school, almost asleep standing up, I’m afraid to find out how he would be in the middle of the month.

“I don’t need to warn you that your body is giving up, right? Are you at least taking time to sleep, Yoongi?”

“That's what I was trying to do now,” he answered without even lifting his head to greet me, just sat there with his arms and head resting on the table at the school library.

“Why don’t you ask for an advance on your salary and pay the guy? You will get less money but at least you will stop of killing yourself slowly.”

He didn’t even bother to answer me, he only let out what seemed to me to be a growl and waved with one hand asking me to leave him alone. Knowing that this was really the best thing to do, I went to sit at one of the nearby tables that weren't occupied.

Not long after I saw a familiar face approaching him, Jiwon, of course. She walked toward Yoongi and sat down in the same chair I'd sat on not too long ago, and started stroking his hair, just as I did when he was distracted. Only this time he raised his head to talk to her, kissed one of her cheeks, said something I couldn't understand what it was, and went back to sleep. She kept stroking his hair as if nothing else in the world mattered. For a moment I even regretted going to sit at another table.

Through the uncomfortable silence that had become something very frequent during the dinners in my house, I was thinking about Yoongi and his struggle to pay for the music equipment that he had bought. As I knew I couldn’t help with money, I decided there was another way to show that I care about him.

Shortly after my parents had gone to sleep, I decided to sneak out of the house and take Yoongi's favorite sandwich and a piece of pie left over. It was already about ten o'clock at night, so he was probably working in the grocery store.

I was tired too, but it was worth making an effort for Yoongi. So I thought about going there and keeping him company, or at least helping with something while he slept. It's been a while since I last visited him at work, so I kept wondering about his surprise when he would see me approaching that time of night.

I opened the store’s door and went to the cashier, apparently there was no customer inside. In the end I was the one who got surprised, because when I saw Yoongi, I realized he wasn't alone. Leaning over the counter, one on each side, he and Jiwon were passionately kissing. They seemed so involved in that kiss that they didn't even realize that someone had entered the store, in that case, unfortunately me.


I hesitated for a moment, but realized that there would be no other way. I would just make the situation even more embarrassing if I ran out the door. So I just turned slowly, trying to show my best smile.

“H-hi Yoongi, I didn’t know you had company... I was just walking around and... I ... thought you might be hungry or something,” I said showing the bag in my hands.

“Why were you walking around alone late at night?”

“Well, I... Are you going to see what's inside the bag or not?” I shouted, trying to change the subject.

“Oh! Thank you! Why didn't you call me before you came all the way here, Jimin?”

"Because I wanted to surprise you, you ungrateful son of a bitch," was what I wanted to say and hide my slight desire to die, but instead I just said, "Oh, I completely forgot!"

Suddenly I noticed Jiwon was curled up in a corner trying to hide her blushed cheeks. She was cute.

“Hi Jiwon. I think we've never been introduced, my name is Park Jimin,” I said, trying to make that situation less embarrassing for her and maybe a little bit for me too, I have to admit.

“Hi Jimin! Yeah, I always see you walking through school, but we never had a chance to talk to each other. Yoongi talks a lot about you, so I really wanted to get to know you better. I thought this would only happen on Saturday.”

“Saturday?” I asked, oblivious to what she was talking about.

“My bad! I forgot to tell you. We were thinking about going to the movies on Saturday, Jiwon will take her friend named Seyun,” Yoongi said.

“I'm free on Saturday,” I replied, unable to refuse the invitation since Jiwon who was grinning from ear to ear seemed to be very excited about the Idea.

“Lets meet in front of the cinema at five,” Yoongi said, taking a bite of the sandwich I brought him, "Thank you for the food, Jiminie! I needed that.”

“Okay. So it seems that you won't be alone since Jiwon is here... I gotta go. Maybe I'll come by another day.”

 “Jiwon suggested that I should ask for an advance on my next salary here and then pay the music store guy. So I did it,” Yoongi said before I could walk away from the store. “Tomorrow my routine returns to normal. Goodbye to my life as a slave,”

“That's exactly what I said to you.  I'm glad to know that now at least you obey someone,” I said with a loud sigh.

“Jimin, wait! Could you please walk with Jiwon to her house?” Yoongi asked me suddenly.

“Sure. That's all right for you, Jiwon?”

"Only if it will not bother you," she replied with a small smile.

“It's all right. Let's go then?”

She walked toward Yoongi and gave him a soft kiss on his lips, “See you tomorrow.”

”See you tomorrow too!” I yelled, slamming the palm of my hand on the counter and startling the couple. I still don't know why I did it.

The walk towards Jiwon's house was very pleasant. As I vaguely knew, she is a nice and friendly person. We talked a little about school and friends we had in common. Inevitably Yoongi's name came up in the conversation, so I couldn't miss the opportunity to learn more about this unexpected relationship, at least for me.

"How did you and Yoongi start dating?" I asked, staring at my own sneakers. I didn’t even have to look at Jiwon to know that she smiled broadly at the question, I just had to listen to her passionate sigh.

“I never had the courage to declare myself. One day I decided to risk my luck and go talk to him. Guess what? He told me that he had been watching me for some time too. Awesome, right?”

"What made you change your mind and take courage to get close to him?" I asked, unable to hide my displeasure.

“There was a rumor that another girl wanted to be with him at a party that was going to happen that day. That's when I decided I was tired of just being quiet watching him kiss other girls.”

“Yeah, I remember. There was a time that every week was a different girl,” I said thoughtfully.

“Well, he told me that now I'm the only one. I'd rather believe in him.”

“Oh! I'm sorry, what I said sounded wrong. What I was trying to say is that little by little he really stopped going out with so many girls, like he did before. Now I know it was because of you.”

“It's okay. I'm sorry I asked him not to tell you anything about our relationship. I needed to work things out with my parents first and... I didn’t know you well,” she said softly.

"Don’t worry about it, I understand. Yoongi is my best friend, I wouldn’t be mad at him because of it,” I lied.

I still didn't know very well if I was angry with Yoongi, about the whole situation or if I was just jealous of him now having a girlfriend while I go on with my single life. But the truth is that I didn't care so much about girls or having a girlfriend, at least not as much as Yoongi.

“Your friendship is beautiful and I don’t want to be in the middle of it. I don’t want to disturb any of you. I really want to become your friend too, Jimin. That way things won't be as embarrassing as what happened there in the grocery store,” she said subtly stroking my arm. 

“Sorry for showing up without warning. Yoongi always forgets to take care of himself when he is busy with something. He's always been like that. So I feel like I have to check if he has eaten anything and rested,” I replied truthfully.

“I know what he's like. Now you don't have to worry about those things anymore. I'm here to help.”

It was at that moment that I finally realized why I was so upset about Yoongi's relationship with Jiwon. I wasn't ready to lose my priority place in my childhood friend's life. I always knew that the day would come when Yoongi would start dating someone seriously and inevitably we would be forced to move away from each other to have another person between us. The problem is that I hadn't been prepared for that. None of the girls kissed by Yoongi became serious enough for him to even mention their names to me, so I got used to this routine. I unconsciously came to believe that things would forever be like that.

On the one hand I was happy that Yoongi found someone as cool as Jiwon, but on the other hand it made me a bit frustrated that I had to change my behavior towards some things so as not to become a third wheel in their relationship. What bothered me wasn't the fact that Yoongi was dating, but rather the fact that it seemed Jiwon was here to stay.

Saturday came sooner than I expected and I had to try hard not to make up any excuse for not going to the movies to meet the others. It may seem that I was avoiding meeting with Jiwon, but that's not quite the case. Actually, I was trying to avoid her friend, Seyun. I didn't even know the girl, but even so, the idea of a double date doesn't please me.

It took me longer than needed to get dressed but I ended up wearing a white t-shirt and a plain light blue jeans, nothing special, nothing to catch someone's eye. Taking one last look in the mirror I could confirm that I was definitely not going to get anyone's heart.

I barely made it in cinema lobby and already spotted from afar Yoongi, Jiwon and Seyun. At the same time I came to the conclusion that I should have spent more time choosing my clothes.

"We were waiting for you, Jimin! We already bought the tickets, and I was going to buy some snack for us. Do you want me to bring you something?” Yoongi asked me as soon as I got close enough to hear him.

I couldn't help but notice that he was holding hands with Jiwon, fingers intertwined. When did Yoongi become such a... boyfriend? This side of him I didn’t know yet.

“No, I'm fine. Thank you,” I said trying my best to cheer me up about the movie and the whole situation. Even though I'd rather not be there, I'm not the type who acts unfriendly for no reason at all. I would have to somehow make that evening enjoyable for myself and others.

“Jimin, this is my friend... Seyun," Jiwon said visibly trying to encourage her friend to come closer to me.

“Hi, Seyun, nice to meet you,” I said trying to show my best smile. Given her reaction I was the only one who didn't want to be there.

A short time later Yoongi came back to our meeting point struggling to carry two medium size popcorn and four small size soda. Before he knocked everything down I thought about go there and help him, but Jiwon was faster than me.

"I told you it wasn't necessary to buy anything for me. I'm fine," I said taking my soda.

Then Yoongi replied with a serious tone, "You're going to be hungry for the whole movie? Don't be so stupid."

"I thought I was here to watch the movie. Whether I want to eat or not is my problem," I grumbled.

I know my answer was a little rude, but I couldn't help but be annoyed to hear him talking like that to me... with that cold voice. When we were alone we said things even worse to each other, always joking, without anyone being really offended by it. However, at that moment we weren't alone, it was different.

It hadn't been half an hour since the movie had started and I was feeling uncomfortable again. Every five minutes, Seyun would make an unnecessary comment about the movie, or about the actors, visibly trying to start a small talk. Just beside us, Yoongi and Jiwon were in the middle of a hot makeout session.

It wasn't long before I realized that I was the only one who was really trying to watch the movie.

"It seems they've forgotten we're here,” Seyun said, probably realizing that even though I was looking at her direction, my attention was on the couple next to us.

"Yeah..." was the only answer I could emit before turning back to the movie screen.

“I honestly don’t even know what this movie is about anymore,” she said sounding bored. Through my peripheral vision I could see she was staring at me.

“Yeah... it seems like a boring movie.”

“Well, i-if you want, w-we can... you know. Y-you can kiss me. Only if you want, of course.”

For a moment I thought about refusing, apologizing saying I wasn’t in the mood for it. Not that Seyun was unpleasant, or ugly, on the contrary. She seemed to be a great person to have as a friend or even a girlfriend. The problem was me.

I had already kissed girls, but honestly I couldn’t feel all the emotion, all the excitement that people always talked about. For me it was always just a kiss without anything special. An act that always seemed to make the other person feel happier than I did at that moment. For a long time I believed I didn’t felt anything special about kissing girls because I hadn't yet found a special girl for me. However, lately I've begun to think that maybe that's not the problem.

I barely knew Seyun so it wouldn't make sense to talk about it to her... or to anyone else.

Even though I knew that probably this would be another time when I would stay there just by moving my lips and hands without feeling the pleasure I should. I couldn't say no to Seyun, who with an anguished expression waited for any reaction from me. Those big eyes staring at me somehow telling me she wouldn't deal well with rejection, that would probably not be the first time.

Anything I could say at that moment would be just a bunch of words with no feeling being thrown into the wind, so I just leaned toward her and started the kiss. Unlike other times, I didn’t feel that feeling of apathy. It was worse. I felt indirectly hurting someone and hurting myself. With each kiss we exchanged, a feeling of anguish and sadness dominated my heart. For the first time I wished I could go back to the way it was before and feel nothing during the kiss. It was better that way.

I felt relieved when the movie finally came to an end and we were headed toward the exit of the cinema. Yoongi with an arm wrapped around Jiwon's neck and Seyun walking beside me with a shy smile on her face, as if she didn't know very well what to do. I felt even guiltier.

"I'm not feeling very well. I think I'm going home now,” I said when we were already in the street in front of the cinema.

“What are you feeling?” Yoongi asked me, visibly worried.

“I'm feeling a little queasy. I think it was something I ate. I'm sorry,” I said pointing primarily to Seyun.

“But you didn't eat anything,” he replied, frowning as if he wasn’t believing in my lie.

“Then it must have been because of that,” I said looking away. I couldn't stand it any longer.

“We want to buy ice cream, Jimin. On the way there we can stop and buy some water or something healthier for you. We need to fill your empty stomach,” Jiwon said, stroking my forearm affectionately. I think it was the first time I got to hate someone just for trying to treat me well.

“Besides, the ice cream shop is on the way to your house,” Yoongi said, gently stroking my back.

Against my will, I just followed the group, trying my best to ignore the awkward silence between me and Seyun.

“Hmm... Do you want to give me your phone number?” She asked shyly.

“I still don't have a cell phone. My parents are going to give me one in a couple of months when I turn 15.”

“Ah... okay, I understand. Maybe we'll meet around school and talk more,” she said it sounding like she knew better than me that it probably wouldn't happen. So I just nodded, too tired to make her think differently.

That day I came home feeling emotionally exhausted. I couldn't even change my clothes. I just threw myself into bed feeling relieved to finally be away from that place. Everything that had happened was flashing through my mind. The saddest part is that I knew that my crying had nothing to do with the movie I had watched.





Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I never thought that someday I would be able to wish that Yoongi wasn't my best friend. But that day has come, and it is today.

I had many friends at school, some cousins who live in Seoul and occasionally came to visit me here in Busan. I've even talked to Yoongi's cousins who live in his hometown, Daegu.  I had some virtual friends too. I wasn't so alone in the world. My big problem right now is that none of these friends was as close to me as Yoongi. Most of them were that kind of friend you can only count on them in the happy and quiet moments of life. This isn't to say that they were bad or selfish people. There was simply no stronger bond or trust between us. Our conversations were always about superfluous matters, and when the subject accidentally became a bit more serious or intimate, the level of embarrassment was so high that it became almost palpable.

That was never the case with Yoongi, didn't matter what the theme of the conversation was we always tried to listen to each other with a heart and an open mind. However, I knew that by the time I opened my mouth to talk to him about the subject that was stuck in my throat our friendship would shift to a new level of intimacy.

The opportunity was perfect I was lying there in Yoongi’s bed and he was quietly doing something on his computer while drinking a can of Coke. Ever since he and Jiwon started dating seriously, it was rare moments we could spend alone, with all his attention turned to me. So I knew that if I didn't ask what I wanted at that moment the next opportunity wouldn't come so soon.

“Say it,” Yoongi blurted out.

“What?!” I yelped, trying to gain time to sort out my thoughts and come up with the best way to ask my question.

“You're half an hour staring at the ceiling and playing with your own fingers,” he said getting up from his chair and then standing near the bed, “Speak up!”

“Have you ever watched porn?” I decided to ask the question as objectively as possible but apparently it wasn't the best choice since seconds later I had to get up from the bed to help Yoongi breathe normally again. As soon as the question reached his ears, he choked on his Coke. The previously white shirt he was wearing was stained with the dark liquid. He coughed so hard his eyes began to watering. Not knowing what to do, I picked up a magazine and used it to fan his face. “Yoongi, are you okay?” I dared to ask when I noticed that his breathing was calmer.

“What the hell?” He uttered taking off his shirt and then throwing it on the floor. “What kind of question was that?”

Since he was back to his normal state, I allowed myself to laugh at the whole situation. “I was just curious about that, but by your reaction I already know the answer.”

“Why do you want to know about it?” He asked me as he walked toward the wardrobe to get another t-shirt. My gaze automatically went toward his back. His fair skin highlighted the nail scratches he had all over that area. He pulled on a black shirt and went to lie down on the bed, “If you took all this time to ask me that question, it's because the matter is more serious than it seems. Go ahead, tell me what happened.”

 “Never mind,” I mumbled, lying down beside him on the bed.

“Jiminie...” he said, squeezing my cheek.

 “Let's forget I asked that, please,” I pleaded, trying to hide my face with my hands. I knew the question might be embarrassing, but I wasn't expecting it to be that much. And actually that question was just a way to get to the topic that I really wanted to talk to him about.

"Jiminie, please look at me," he said holding my chin to gently lift my face, "Sorry for my reaction, but you caught me by surprise, that's all." When I pulled my hands away, I opened my eyes and saw that Yoongi, with his face close to mine was watching me with a calm look. He didn't seem to be angry or judging me. It reminded me why I always felt comfortable to talk about intimate topics with him. "Ask me again," he said looking into my eyes.

"Have you ever watched porn?" I asked averting his gaze.

"Yes. Next question."

“What do you feel when you watch porn?”

"Well, it depends. I feel excited, but sometimes uncomfortable. There are weird things on porn websites. Be careful if you access it. Also never forget to check if your earphones is actually connected, get a good antivirus. Enable the browser to private session in this way you'll not have to clean your history. If you want to do more than just watch... if you want, you know... jerk off, it's always good to keep the door locked and a tissue box close to you... 'cause you might end up making a mess."

From a simple question Yoongi was able to give me so many tips and advices that the whole situation started to get kind of funny, "Looks like we have an expert here."

"Once you start it's hard to stop. This is a no-go path and the more you walk, the more you want to go walking down the road to see what's up ahead, Jimin."

"Now you're scaring me," I whispered underneath my breath.

"It happens in a good way, most of the time," he said smiling at me, that beautiful gummy smile. "By the way, your parents already had 'The talk' with you, right? The birds and bees..."

"Yoongi! Oh God... yes, of course they did. I'm not a child anymore."

As much as I was no longer feeling so embarrassed, I started to feel weird talking to Yoongi about sex, while lying on his bed so I got up and went to sit in the chair next to the computer.

"I know you're not a child anymore, but I had to ask!" He said sitting on the bed with his back against the wall, "It's the first time we talk about sex... so openly."

I realized that Yoongi was really willing to talk about it, to help me with my doubts. It made me feel more confident to tell him what had happened to me.

"Jisung and I went to Daejung's house because he wanted to show us a new online game. Suddenly Daejung started to piss me off saying that he bet the 'innocent Jimin' had never watched porn. He opened a porn video and they started to make fun of me," I confessed.

Yoongi got furious about what I had said, he quickly got up from the bed and walked towards the door, "I'll pound that motherfucker's face till he apologizes!"

I had to run to him, before he could open the bedroom door, I held his hand and led him back to the bed, "I'm fine, Yoongi, that's not why I'm telling you these things," I said sitting on the edge of the bed. "They played other videos and started jerking off," I continued, my gaze fixed on the floor. "I tried to watch the woman stripping naked, but I couldn't get excited by it. I touched myself but..."

Yoongi tried to comfort me by placing his hand on my shoulder, "Maybe you didn’t feel comfortable doing it in front of other people, it's okay Jimin." 

"I guess that wasn't the reason," I said, turning my head toward him, "Yoongi, I need to confirm something. It's important to me and-"

"Just tell me how I can help you and I'll do it," he said suddenly.

"C-could we m-masturbate together?"

He looked away and quickly took his hand off my shoulder. I knew he probably wouldn't approve my request, so I wouldn't blame him for refusing it.  I wasn’t hurt.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" I heard him say in a worried tone, so I just nodded, "Okay then. Now?"

"I think now is the best time since your parents went to the supermarket and will probably take long to come back."

"Okay. I'm going to lock the door just to make sure..." he said rubbing his hands over his thighs. He seemed more anxious than me, "Do you want to choose the video?"

I was not used to that kind of situation. "What do you recommend?"

He seemed lost, his gaze swept the bedroom. "Well, let's watch the best rated video that appears on the search list," he said rubbing the back of his neck.

After clicking on the first video in the list he set the volume of his speakers to a loud enough volume so that both of us could hear but not so loud that it could be heard somewhere else in the house.

"Do you mind if I take off my shirt? I already messed up the other one with Coke... and this shirt is black so-"

"I don't mind," I said interrupting his endless rambling.

"I think it's best if I sit on the bed and you get the chair so you can see the video properly," he said as he took off his shirt.

Yoongi sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the computer screen, waiting for me to sit on the chair not far from him. I was afraid. Afraid of me, afraid of what was about to happen, afraid to confirm my suspicions.

But it was too late to go back, and I wanted to do it, more than anything else I needed to do it. I could no longer live with doubts about my sexual orientation, feeling miserable every time I got involved with a girl.

Yoongi was there willing to help me even though he was embarrassed. It was my idea, the only thing I could do was to try to make the situation less awkward as possible.

The bedroom's curtains partially blocked the sunlight but I could see Yoongi's body perfectly, how tense he was.

"When the video starts, try to forget I'm here, focus only on the scenes and sounds," he said.

I just nodded, both to confirm that I would do what he had told me and also to check if he was ready. When he told me to go ahead, I clicked the play button.

The video begins with a blonde woman dressed only in her underwear, lying on her back on the mattress, knees bent and legs spread. The lens of the camera moves slowly across the length of her body.

I unzip my pants and ease them open, pulling them down along with my underwear to the middle of my thighs. I wrapped my hand gently but firmly around my dick and slowly slide it up and down. The scene in the video wasn't turning me on, but I should at least try.

The woman ran her hands over her breasts, two fingers subtly pressing her bra-covered nipples. She opened her mouth releasing a low moan. Her hands slowly slide down her well-defined abdomen and when they reach the edge of her panties, she just slides her fingers over the fabric, only threatening to remove the piece of clothing. I couldn’t be more bored.

I turn slightly to the side, intending to see if Yoongi was doing a better job than me and then my body suddenly got paralyzed by the view.

With his eyes fixed on the screen, he gently caressed his cock. I didn't have seen many dicks, but I was sure Yoongi's was beautiful. He was perceptibly bigger than me and slightly curved. My heart skipped a beat. I wanted to see it up close. Whatever was happening in the video I couldn't care less.

The thin moans that the woman was uttering only annoyed me. I just wanted to hear Yoongi's groans but she was making it quite impossible.

His fast breathing made his chest rise and fall in rapid movements, I knew he was nearing climax. Suddenly he looked me straight in the eyes, and as fast as I could I turned my attention back to the computer.

His moans grew louder, doing things to me. I needed to look at him again. So I did.

He had his head tilted back, mouth half-opened, eyes closed, his hand moving at a rapid pace. Shit, that was hot.

The pleasure rising in my body, a strange good feeling in my belly was involving all my thoughts.

"Yoongi," I moaned, his name coming out of my mouth without me even having the chance to process it. I just hoped he hadn't listened.

"Jiminie, are you okay?" he asked me with a concerned tone, his breathless voice only increasing my lust.

"I'm feeling strange in my belly," it was all I could say while I kept moving my hand around my dick.

"It's normal, you'll cum. Keep going."

A short time later, the intense wave of pleasure that I felt within me forced me to keep my eyes closed, I felt the white viscous fluid flowing out of my body. I tried to hold everything in my hand to avoid dirtying my clothes. Damn, that was incredible. Incredibly amazing.

With my head resting on the back of the chair, I turned toward Yoongi. Just like me, he was panting. His cum spilled across his abdomen. Beautiful.

"There are tissues in the last drawer," he said pointing at the desk in front of me.

 I opened the drawer using my clean hand and then I saw the tissues. I quickly wiped myself, tossing the dirty tissues into the trash bin that wasn't too far from me. I grabbed some more of it and walked toward the bed. Without thinking too much about what I was about to do, I leaned forward with a tissue in my hand in order to clear Yoongi's belly. He firmly held my wrist to stop me to move. I felt a shiver run through my spine.

"I can do it. Thank you," he said looking me in the eyes, a gentle smile on his face, "So... were you able to confirm your suspicions?"

I nodded. After what had just happened I wasn't sure if I was completely gay, but the only certainty I had is that I definitely wasn't straight.



Chapter Text

 ---//---// PAST //---//---


One of the worst parts about my relationship with Jiwon is that she loves to going out. She always has somewhere to go, a family dinner, a friend's birthday party, or she just needs to go to the mall to buy something. I'm not a caveman so of course I don't get angry at her social life or friendships. I even envied her enthusiasm.

At first, the idea of going out with her practically every day only displeased me because I'm a real homebody, but after a while I began to notice that perhaps without realizing it she was becoming very dependent on my company. I listened to the comments of Jiwon's friends saying that they missed her, missed the girls' only nights, they were feeling left out because of our relationship and they blamed me for it.

When Jiwon came for the tenth time a month to my house to invite me to another party hosted by someone I didn't know, I had to decline the invitation and obviously she didn't like it. Another thing I learned about Jiwon is that in addition to loving going out she hated getting a "no" for an answer.

"I'm not going to this damn party just because you want me to! My parents are already on my tail, I can't screw up because of such a silly thing," I said in a low voice. One of the rules in my house is that when Jiwon was in my bedroom the door would have to stay open all the time. My parents didn't want to be grandparents anytime soon.

"What do you mean by 'silly thing'? Is hanging out with your girlfriend silly? Is this what I am to you, a silly thing?" She shouted.

"You know very well what I mean. Why don't you go with your friends?"

She seemed even offended by my suggestion. Did she think staying 24/7 next to me would boost my ego or something?

"I'm going to call Jimin. I don't know how you two are friends, he's so cheerful and bubbly and you're so... you."

At the beginning of our relationship when Jiwon said she wanted to be friends with Jimin, I confess that I thought it was a good idea, since it would make things easier for me. If they get along I wouldn't have to be choosing between one or the other, we could go out together. It would be wonderful. But nothing is perfect.

Over time I realized that one of the reasons she wanted this approach with my best friend was to keep it as a card hidden up her sleeve. Whenever we disagreed or fought over something, she would use the 'Jimin card'. I hated that. She always said that I spent more time with Jimin than with her or that I was overprotecting him. She was jealous, I get it. But all that jealousy thing stopped being cute some time ago, now it was just annoying.

"He's only 15 years old, and I bet this party is going to have alcohol, and worse," I said without hiding my annoyance.

"So what? We're also underage. You say it like he's never seen anyone drinking alcohol around him. If Jimin doesn't want to get drunk, the only thing he have to do is don't get any alcohol drink," she said, taking the cell phone from inside her backpack. "Sometimes you act like you're Jimin's father, not his best friend."

Yes, I cared about Jimin's well-being, I wanted him to enjoy himself and to enjoy life, but sometimes the joy came with a very high price and it wasn't always worth paying. I always thought that the role of a best friend wasn't to push the other into the unknown nor to forbid him to go for it. It's about always be there when the other needs, walking together so that if one falls the other will always be close enough to hold by the arm and at least reduce the impact of the fall.

However I knew that some small scratches and cuts on his elbows and knees were part of life and I couldn't avoid them to happen.

When Jiwon picked up her cell phone to call Jimin about the party, I knew that it wasn't my decision, but Jimin's."He agreed to show up at this party?" I asked her.

"I left a message on the voice mail. I said we'll get him at eight o'clock. If he doesn't want to go, he can call me. But Jimin loves a good party, I'm sure he'll want to go."

Apparently she was right. Later that day Jimin called me asking about the party, but since I also didn't know anything about that I couldn't answer his doubts.

"Yoongi, I told my parents that this Friday I'm going to spend the night at your house. Do you mind?" He asked me over the phone.

Yes I minded, but I denied it. I knew that Jimin's relationship with his parents wasn't going well and he start to making up lies to go to parties wouldn't improve this situation at all.

His parents hoped that this whole thing about wanting to be a professional dancer was only a phase, but Jimin was pretty serious about it, and that made them really angry. Jimin's mother wasn't so severe with him even though she didn't agree with his decision. In her words his 'childish dream'.

In one of her discussions with Jimin she said that during childhood everyone has this kind of dream, everyone wants to be a singer, a football player, a dancer, a movie star, but few could achieve it. She said that Jimin should leave that dream behind, because childhood dreams must die when we start to become adults and that this is part of life.

One of the things I admire most about Jimin is that he always fights for what he believes and this encourages me to fight for my dream as well.

Between going to school, working in the grocery store and writing lyrics, the week flew by and it was already Friday. My opinion about the party hadn't changed, I still hated the idea. So I decided to stay at home doing my homework.

No, I wasn't the smartest student in my class, which is one more reason for me to devote myself more to my studies. I wasn't the type to study for pleasure either, far from it. The main reason I exchanged a party for a whole night facing my books was because soon I would have to go to college, so I needed to prepare for it.

My parents reminded me every day about college, subtly leaving informational flyers on my desk. At least once a week in the middle of dinner my dad engaged out of the blue a conversation about the advantages of getting a Business degree.

I always thought that to be successful in that career one of the prerequisites was to own a fucking company. But my father told me no, that if I were good enough any daddy's boy  would hire me to take care of the company that his family probably took years to build.

My father was sure I would be great at it. I felt pressured. To be honest I don’t really like the idea of companies, having to wear a suit and tie, or spending hours of my day stuck in a building doing extremely monotonous work. I think that will be a problem.

I was almost finishing my drawing on the last sheet of my notebook when, I mean, I was almost finishing one of the math questions when my mother came to tell me that Jiwon was waiting for me downstairs.

I was already dressed in my pajamas but I went down to the living room anyway, I was too tired to have to worry about my style or try to make a good impression on Jiwon.

"Why are you dressed like that?" was the first thing I heard her say when I went downstairs.

"I told you I am not going to that party. I don't know why you're so surprised," I said as I threw myself on the couch.

Then she did the one thing I knew she would do, use the 'Jimin card'. "What do you mean? I already called Jimin."

"Have fun," that was my only answer. I had to put an end to her bad habit.

"Okay. But you know that many boys will be there too right? And I'll be there by myself," she said with one hand on her waist.

"Do I always need to be next to you so you don't cheat on me? If things are going to be like this then I don't see why I should stay in this relationship."

She didn't answer me, just turned her back to me with a firm step toward the exit and closed the door with more strength than necessary. I could hear my mother complaining from the kitchen.





I was feeling happy, in fact I was feeling more than happy. It wouldn't be long before Jiwon and Yoongi came to pick me up for what would be my first real party. I mean, I've been to other parties, but it was just birthday parties or stuff with my family.

Since this was a special occasion, I took more time to get dressed. I didn't want to be dressed too well or too simple. I had no idea what to wear. I even thought about calling Yoongi and asking what I should wear, but I knew it was useless. Yoongi didn't give a damn about such things. I wouldn't be surprised if he showed up at the party wearing pajamas. The worst part is that he would still be the most handsome guy there. He had that confidence in himself that made him attractive.

After creating five different looks I ended up choosing the first clothes I had taken from the wardrobe, after all the more I thought about it with more doubts I would stay.

So at eight o'clock there I was sitting on the living room couch wearing a plain white t-shirt, dark blue jeans, gray hoodie, and a blue fitted cap. I accepted that my choice was good enough since it was just a neighborhood party not a Vogue gala event.

At eight-fifteen, I heard my doorbell ring. No, I wasn't looking at the clock every five minutes wondering where they were. It was just a coincidence that I knew the exact time without even looking at the clock.

Before I opened the door I said goodbye to my mother, I had already told her that I would sleep in Yoongi's house, but I didn’t want to give her time to ask questions. So I just kissed her cheek and ran out the door.

As soon as I left the house and shut the door behind me, I saw Jiwon waiting impatiently for me. She was beautiful, I mean Jiwon was a beautiful girl, but I had never seen her in such makeup. Getting closer I noticed she was wearing a black makeup around her eyes, it highlighted her gaze. I made a mental note to one day try to do that in my eyes too.

She was wearing tight black pants, a long-sleeved blue blouse that enhanced her breasts. I didn't feel attracted to her but I had to admit that she had a beautiful body. That explains why Yoongi liked her so much. "Where's Yoongi? Is he already at the party?" I asked when I realized she was alone.

"Your stupid friend is not going to the party," she replied, turning her back on me and striding toward the street. I stood still for a moment trying to understand what she had told me, and then I decided to follow her.

"Did you two fight?" I asked, reaching for her.

"No, he's just an asshole. But even if he's not here we're going to have a lot of fun at this party, Jimin. I showed a photo of you to my friends and they were very interested. I'm sure you will not be alone tonight," she said showing me a wicked grin.

That's what I feared. I don’t know if people thought I was single because I didn’t have the ability to get a girlfriend on my own, but they kept pushing girls over me. I always said that I would rather focus on my studies, most of them believed in me, but there was always someone who kept insisting on the subject and I obviously couldn’t  just say that it was because I liked boys. I didn’t want to even think about what would happen to me if someone found out.

I was feeling that Jiwon was the type who insists on the subject. "I think I'm going to call Yoongi, maybe he'll change his mind," I said, taking my cell phone from one of the pockets of my hoodie.

"If I were you I wouldn't call Yoongi. When I told him that if he didn't go to this party, it would just be you and me, the only thing that asshole said was 'Have fun.' He don't care."

I wanted to hear it coming from him, so I decided to send a message instead.


To Yoongi:

From Jimin:

Where are you?  (T _T)


A few minutes later I heard my cell phone beeping with the notification of a new message.


To Jimin:

From Yoongi:

At home. Sorry Jiminie, I'm not in the mood for parties. Take care and have fun.


What Jiwon had said was true. I even thought about making up some excuse and going home, but I'd already told my mother all that lie about sleeping in Yoongi's house to study. Besides, I wanted to go to the party, thinking about that, I just put the cell phone away and continued to follow Jiwon.

After some time of walking, we arrived at the party place, the house of a girl named Minsuh. "Does Minsuh know that you invited me to her party? I guess I still don’t know her." I asked as we walked toward the garden.

"I'm sure Minsuh doesn’t know half the people who are at this party, Jimin. Don’t worry," she said just before we entered the house.

It was almost nine o'clock, it was still early for this kind of party so I figured that when we got there things wouldn't be so hectic and I would have time to make new friends and adapt better. I was wrong.

As soon as the door opened I could hear loud music echoing through the house, several people jumping and dancing next to each other. The living room lights were off and the only available lighting was that provided by LED colored lights scattered throughout the room. Despite the visible mess the decor wasn’t bad.

Jiwon soon met her friends, and she made sure of introducing me to them, she said, "Hi girls, this is Jimin, Yoongi's cute friend. Jimin, say hi to Seoyeon and Haeun."

I greeted them quickly and kept glancing around me looking for a familiar face, but in vain. The people at the party seemed to be older than me, even older than Jiwon and her friends.

"Jimin, sit down on the couch next to the girls, I'll see if I can find something to eat," I heard Jiwon say before pulling away and disappearing into the crowd.

I just nodded and sat uncomfortably on Seoyeon's side. The music was too loud for us to have a conversation without screaming, I was’t sure how to behave. I just kept watching the people around me.

There were many people dancing to festive music, couples were kissing passionately. In the darkest corners of the house it seemed that some couples were going a bit beyond kisses, but I wasn't sure. A strong smell of beer and cigarette smoke permeated the whole room. Suddenly something brought me out of my thoughts.

I felt one of Seoyeon's hands pressing firmly to my thigh, "Ooh... wait!" I yelled, trying to pull away from her. I don’t know if she was usually so uninhibited, but I was sure part of her behavior had a lot to do with the glass of beer she held in one hand.

"Are you scared?" She asked, smiling as she moved closer to me and soon after I felt something wet on my neck. It wasn't long before I realized it was her tongue.

"I'll see if Jiwon needs help," I said as I got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen.

When I managed to get away from people and get there, I found Jiwon near the counter putting the chips into a bowl. She seemed to be talking to a boy. Actually, when I could see better, I realized that only the boy was talking, Jiwon seemed to ignore him completely. I decided to get closer to them.

"Jimin, could you please confirm to this guy here that I have a boyfriend? Maybe so he'll believe me and stop pissing me off," she yelled.

Without waiting for any action, she just pulled me by the arm and led me back to the living room, "You may not like me, but I'm not a cheater. I would never do that with Yoongi!"

"I like you Jiwon!" I said, a little louder than I'd like.

She turned to me with a disbelieved expression, she came closer and with her mouth next to my ear she said, "We don't have to be friends, but let's at least be honest with each other here. You don't like me and I know why. I'm not stupid. I know! But you don't have to like me, honey. At the end of the day I'm the winner," she said with a smile on her face.

I froze. What was she talking about? What exactly did she know? I felt too uncomfortable to follow her toward the couch. So I just stood there in the middle of the living room not knowing what to do.




Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I froze. What was she talking about? What exactly did she know? I felt too uncomfortable to follow her toward the couch. So I just stood there in the middle of the living room not knowing what to do.

"Jimin?" I heard a familiar voice call me from afar. I looked around and then found the owner of that voice, Jaehwan. He came toward me and I couldn’t hide the relief I felt when I saw my friend from school. "What are you doing here? I mean, I've never seen you at this kind of parties. Is Yoongi here?" He asked, seeming to be surprised to see me alone.

"Yoongi didn't come. I'm here with Jiwon," I said, pointing to the couch.

"You seemed kind of lost. Are you okay?" Jaehwan asked, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, I'm fine. I was just looking for some drink. A non-alcoholic drink or something," I lied.

"I think I saw some cans of soda in the fridge. Come with me..."

I followed Jaehwan to the kitchen, but there was no soda just beer, "That’s okay," I said. After all I wasn't even that thirsty.

"Is there anything else I can get you to drink?" 

Jaehwan was a very considerate guy to me. When we were kids we used to get beaten by Hyunwoo. But I always suspected that Jaehwan only treated me well because Yoongi defended him from the bullies.

I explained him that I had never drunk alcohol and it wasn't the best day to start. He then took me to meet his friends who were in the garden. There were people lying on the grass, some of them awake and some asleep. We decided to stay on the porch, sitting on the chairs or on the floor. The music wasn't so loud there so we could talk without having to raise our voice. I didn't have much trouble developing the conversation with them because it didn't take long for me to find out that they used to play basketball with Yoongi.

They ended up telling me some stories about the most memorable matches. Like when the players of the opposing team started to make fun of Yoongi because of his height but then had to go away with their tail between their legs because Yoongi was one of the best players there.

"Hey, is there any non-alcohol drink with you?" I heard Jaehwan ask a girl holding a tray full of plastic cups.

"There is different kind of drinks on the tray but I think the fruit cocktail wasn't spiked with alcohol yet," she said, giving Jaehwan one of the plastic cups.

"Let me get another one because my friend here can't drink alcohol today," Jaehwan said taking another cup that was filled with a red liquid. When he gave me the two drinks I went to sit on the floor again, leaving them next to me.

Although Jaehwan's friends were much older than me, they didn’t treat me differently or as if I were a child, they talked openly with me. This made me more comfortable and I started to enjoy the party better.

I had talked so much and eaten so many chips that my mouth was dry. I grabbed one of my drinks and drank almost everything at once, but then I felt a strong taste in my mouth. "My drink has a weird taste. Is it really non-alcohol?" I asked.

One of the boys, named Geunwoo took my cup and took a sip, "Your drink was spiked with alcohol. But it's just a little bit, you can hardly taste it."

"Are you sure? Am I not going to get drunk if I keep drinking it?" I asked, showing the other plastic cup that was still full.

"Yes, I'm sure. There is not much alcohol in your drink," he answered, patting me on the back.

I shouldn't have listened to Geunwoo, I should at least have realized that since he was already drinking for a long time he wasn't in the best position to assess what could be considered too much alcohol or not for a person who had never drunk it before.

When I finished drinking the second one I wasn’t feeling drunk, just a little dizzy. I was feeling my body getting warmer as well. So before things got worse I decided to stop there, no more drinks.

"Jimin is a dancer. He dances very well, you have to see! I never expected to come to a party and see him just sitting in a corner," Jaehwan said, surprising everyone with that comment.

"You dance? So you have to teach us! Let's get everyone in there right now," Geunwoo said to the group of friends.

"I only know contemporary dance. I started to learn hip-hop too, but I'm just learning. I don't dance so well," I emphasized as I followed them into the house.

When we got into the living room they all stood in front of me, side by side, just waiting for me to start dancing. An electronic song with a quick beat was playing and I didn't know what to do.

"No need to be shy, Jimin. We're not professional dancers to judge you or something," Jaehwan shouted.

I wanted to dance but at the same time I felt pressured. I didn't expect it would be easier to dance on stage than in front of my friends. I think I was shyer because I knew they were paying attention to me.

I closed my eyes and for a moment I just listened to the music, trying to concentrate on it only and not to the people that stared at me. Soon I began to slowly move my body, adapting to the music, trying to get into the rhythm of the dance. It didn't take long for me to achieve the same sensation that I had on stage, to feel that I and the music were just one.

I could hear the screams of encouragement from my friends and some people around me. They looked impressed.

Jaehwan was dancing in a funny way with his arms raised. He looked like a tube man. To make fun of him I started to imitate his movements.

"Jimin you dance very well! You should go to Bighit's auditions!" He said next to my ear.

"Bighit? What is that?" I asked. I didn't have time to hear Jaehwan's answer to my question because at the same time I felt someone grabbing me from behind.

"I finally found you, baby boy," Seoyeon shouted, hugging me from behind, "You left me on the couch waiting for you."

"Please, stop. Let me go!" I said as I tried to pull away from her.

"What's it? Am I not hot enough for you or what?" She asked when I finally got rid of her grip.

As soon as I turned to talk to her, explaining that I just wanted to dance and talk to my friends I saw that Jiwon was on Seoyeon's side looking at me with a serious expression.

"That is not the problem, Seoyeon. He's acting this way because he-"

"-because he wanted to see you better," I said, not giving Jiwon time to finish her sentence.

In a matter of seconds I placed my hand firmly on the back of Seoyeon's neck and pulled her closer to me. Without a second thought I started a deep kiss. My tongue quickly found passage in her mouth, my fierce movements didn't let her even fight for dominance.

Seoyeon pressed her fingers to my t-shirt, trying to bring my body closer to hers. "Damn, baby boy. I wasn't expecting that you were that kind of guy because you're so cute... But damn, I liked it," she said when we interrupted the kiss so that we could breathe properly again.

I started to kiss her neck, one hand on her waist and with the other I held tightly to her hair.

"Let's go to a better place," she said into my ear.

And then suddenly I found myself being pulled into a dark place near the stairs and moments later she pressed me against a wall. She kissed me fervently while I felt her hands opening my pants. Soon after, she was caressing my cock over the fabric of my underwear.

"I'll make you feel sooo good," she said.

I didn't know if it was because of my previous drinks, because of the whole situation I was experiencing or both but I started to feel nauseating. That familiar feeling of disgust and disappointment coming in full force towards me. I had promised that I wouldn't do it again, that I wouldn't make myself miserable again, but there I was getting a crap handjob from a girl. I felt ashamed of myself.

"Are you enjoying it?" Seoyeon asked as she sped up the movement of her hand.

"Fuck yeah..." I lied, closing my eyes.

I needed to think of something, anything to distract me from what was really happening. Anything that could make me enjoys it. Memories of the afternoon that I spent jerking off with Yoongi came to my mind. His body, his arms with prominent veins, his pianist hands. I started to imagine him there giving me that handjob. I imagined that the warm breath I was feeling against my neck was his. Memories of him panting while touching himself, his beautiful cock.

"Aaaah... fuck..." I moaned, feeling an electric surge of pleasure run through my body.

“Wow, baby boy. Come here, let me milk your cock.”

We quickly swapped positions, Seoyeon squatting next to the wall, while my body hid hers, trying to keep as much privacy as possible. She started to suck me, my cum going straight to her throat.

"Thank you," That's all I could say, closing my pants as she stood up.

"It was my pleasure... literally," she replied with a smile on her face.

Before she could say or do anything else I started walking toward the crowd of people dancing excitedly in the middle of the living room, I was feeling lost, ashamed. I had once again betrayed myself. But what could I do? I didn't know if Jiwon was really going to tell everyone what the hell she knew but I couldn't risk myself. I should at least do something for people to be in doubt.

What did she know? That I'm gay or about me and Yoongi jerking off? Did she know that I had wet dreams thinking about her boyfriend? That I was in love with her boyfriend? Maybe she was just bluffing, but I was too scared to take my chances. It wasn’t just about me, it involved Yoongi as well. I couldn’t do that to him.

If I had previously drunk alcohol by mistake, the other four drinks were by choice. I couldn't overcome all these confused feelings by being sober. I wanted to somehow punish myself.

Punish myself for what I was feeling, punish myself for the way I was using my best friend, punish myself for making out with unknown girls at that party, punish myself for being who I was.

I didn’t know what time it was or where my friends had gone, but I was lying on the grass in the garden of that unknown house, completely drunk and crying like I had never cried before.




It was almost midnight and I still had no news from either Jiwon or Jimin, I was starting to get worried and feeling guilty for not going with them to that damn party. I had agreed with Jimin to open the door for him to come into my house when it was midnight, but so far he hadn’t called me to say he was on his way.

After many messages and three unanswered calls, Jiwon finally answered the phone. She wasn't drunk, so I felt relieved because it meant they were taking care of themselves, it was a good sign. Jiwon told me that Jimin was having a lot of fun kissing many girls and that he wasn't answering my calls because he was too busy dancing all the songs, so I started to be unconcerned. Apparently he was having the time of his life.

However my happiness didn't last long, one o'clock in the morning I received the phone call.

"Hello?" I said feeling a bit confused. Since it seemed that everything was fine with them I had decided to take a nap.

"Yoongi? It's Jaehwan. Dude, Jimin's here at the party too drunk. I tried to take him home but he wouldn’t let me. So I decided to call you."

"He is fine? Jiwon isn’t there with him?" I asked, going to get my clothes from the wardrobe.

"I don’t know where Jiwon is, man. The only thing I know is that Jimin is here crying but he doesn’t want to tell me why."

"Jaehwan, please, stay with him a little longer. I'm already going there. Please, send me a message with the address."


I practically ran to the party's address, feeling frustrated for not being old enough to get a drive license. I couldn't call my parents, much less his parents. The only option was to use my own legs. I was glad that Minsuh's house wasn't that far away.

It wasn't difficult to find the place, I found some visibly drunk people walking down the street, and the amount of plastic cups thrown on the floor was also increasing, so I knew I was close.

The first thing I noticed when I entered the house was that the party was over because the place looked more like a war scenario. There was dirt everywhere, food thrown on the floor, a strong smell of beer, and I don’t know what else. I didn’t have to look for Jimin, ‘cause as I walked through the door I called Jaehwan to let him know I was there. Some minutes later he came to meet me.

"Dude, I'm sorry for calling you so late at night, but I didn’t know what to do," Jaehwan said.

As soon as I arrived in the backyard garden, I saw Jimin. He was sitting alone in the middle of the grass, curled himself tight as if he wanted to look smaller than he already was. "Jimin?" I asked softly, not wanting to scare him, he seemed so fragile and helpless that I was even afraid to make some rough move. When Jimin saw me he started to cry even more and it made me worried. I rushed toward him and crouched to hug him. "It's okay, ssshhh, it's okay. I am here. Please don't cry," I tried to comfort him. His body emitted a strong smell of beer and I had no doubt that he had really drunk too much.

"Don't touch me. I'm disgusting, don't touch me!" Jimin shouted, pushing me away from him.

"What happened to you?" I asked him, but I got no answer.

"Forgive me Yoongi, please forgive me. I'm disgusting, forgive me," he cried, I couldn't understand anything. I looked at Jaehwan who was behind me, but he looked as confused as I did.

"Come on, I'll take you home, can you stand?" I asked, holding his hand.

"Leave me here. I want to die here," he murmured, wiping the tears from his face.

"You aren't going to die Jimin and neither will I leave you here. Come on, get up. The party is over," I said as I helped him to get on his feet.

"B-but I didn't even get the chance to meet Minsuh... to tell her she has a nice house," he said, his lips pouted.

"Her house is a mess I bet she doesn't want to see any guests from this party so soon," I said, and then Jimin giggled. I felt more relaxed seeing that he was no longer crying. That scene was heart-breaking. I didn't even know why he was crying but it was as if I felt his pain. I didn't know how long I could stay there without crying too. I was so focused on helping Jimin that I even forgot that we weren't alone, "Jaehwan, I have no words to thank you for calling me. You've done a lot, you can go home now. I can handle it with Jimin. Thank you."

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking once more at Jimin who was holding on my shoulders. I just nodded and kept walking with Jimin.

I thanked all kinds of gods for Jimin being tipsy but still able to walk alone because as I am not a muscled guy, I didn't know if I would be able to carry him to my house, probably not.

"Wait," I heard Jimin say. Before I had time to say anything I saw him squatting to throwing up.

"I'm sure the old lady who lives in this house will not be too happy when she sees the 'gift' you left near her mailbox."

"Hmm stop Yoongi! If you were a good friend you'd be here holding my hair, just like in the movies!"

"You don’t even have long hair!" I said as I stroked his back.

"But what matters are the principles. So shut up and hold my fucking hair!"

"Okay, okay. Damn. I've seen the drunken version of 'cry baby Jimin', now it's the turn of 'bitch Jimin'," I said as we started to walk again.

"I'm not that drunk. I can still dance. I'm still your little ballerina, play the piano for me, Yoongi!" He said trying to do a pirouette, obviously in vain. "Play the piano Yoongiiii!"

"How am I going to play a piano, Jimin? We're in the middle of the street. You're just drunk, you didn't become a magician," I said as I helped him to his feet.

"Say it, Yoongi! Say I'm your favorite ballerina!"

"Stop it. We have to get to my house as soon as possible."

"Please say it, Yoongi! Say I'm your favorite ballerina. Just me, not Jiwon, just me!" He said, looking like he was about to start crying again.

"Jiwon doesn’t even know how to dance! What are you talking about? Of course you are my favorite little ballerina.”

"No... the way you're saying it seems that if Jiwon knew how to dance she would be your favorite ballerina."

"No more nonsense, Jimin. We're almost home now, c'mon."

“Please, Yoongi choose me! Choose me… me... not Jiwon. ME! Please... just... I love you,” he cried, holding tight to my shirt.

“I choose YOU, Jimin. I choose you... as my favorite little ballerina. I love you too, of course I do. You’re my best friend!” I said looking into his eyes in the intent to make him calm down. Hearing my words, he averted his gaze, looking rather sad at what I had said. But I was already tired of trying to understand Jimin's behavior that night, so I left it there. In silence we got back to my house.

Getting to my bedroom without making any noise was easier than I thought. Jimin was suspiciously quiet, probably already sleepy.

"You won't sleep like this in my bed. Sit there on the couch and I'll get you some clothes so you can take a shower."

Jimin and I were practically the same height, I was a bit slimmer than him, but he could wear my stuff without problem. I quickly grabbed some of my clothes from the wardrobe and went down the stairs. I didn’t want to leave Jimin waiting for much longer. He was exhausted.

When I got downstairs I found a sleeping Jimin sitting on the couch, his head slightly reclined to the side, soft snores coming out from his mouth.

"Wake up Jimin, you can't sleep like this," I said, trying to wake him. I tried to squeeze his cheeks but it didn't work, I tried to lift his arms and had no answer. It was only when I began tickling his belly that he opened his eyes.

"Stop it...  five minutes," he murmured.

"It's late, we don’t have five minutes."

It took me a little longer to get Jimin into the bathroom, but after much insistence I managed to win the battle. He was a little dizzy so I helped him undress.

"I have new underwear to give you, so you can take a shower with the one you're wearing. Thanks to my grandma for only giving me underwear and socks on my birthday," I said as I turned on the shower for him.

"You don’t have to do this," he replied, his gaze fixed on the ground.

"So if it were otherwise you'd let me sleep all disgusting?! Good to know it, Park Jimin," I said as I shampooed his hair.

After the bath he was feeling better, I left him lying on the bed in my bedroom and decided to make coffee. Everyone said that coffee without sugar helped to reduce drunkenness so that was a good opportunity for me to test this theory.

When I was setting the coffee machine I heard footsteps approaching the kitchen.

"God! You scared me, Yoongi!" My mother said walking towards the fridge, "What are you doing up at this time of night? Coffee? Now?"

"I want to stay awake to study some more."

"Is Jimin awake too? His parents won't like to see him with dark circles," she said as she poured herself a glass of water.

"He's already asleep."

"He should have come early. I didn't even see him getting here," she said with a suspicious look.

"He was very busy with dance classes. You'll be able to see him tomorrow, don’t worry," I said, mentally pleading for the coffee machine make it faster. My mother was already asking too many questions.

I don't know if she was satisfied with my answers or simply was too sleepy to ask further questions, but then she was no longer in the kitchen.

As soon as the coffee was ready I took it to Jimin, I almost put sugar in it but then I remembered that the coffee had to be with a strong and bitter taste. Jimin would hate it.

"This is horrible! Blah!” He said making funny faces.

"Who said it was supposed to be tasty?"

"I guess the only bitter thing I like are you," he said, taking another sip of coffee.

"Don't act all fluffy on me, Jimin. After all this drunkenness I'm still mad at you."

"Are you mad at me, for real?" He asked with those puppy eyes. It was impossible to get mad at him.

"No, I’m just disappointed."

"Me too."




Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


When I opened my eyes I felt a little confused. Holy crap, my head was throbbing in pain. I was lying on Yoongi's bed, wearing his pajamas... but where was he?

I shifted over the mattress, trying to escape the sunlight coming through the window, my face pressed against the pillow... damn, I felt the scent. Everything was impregnated with his scent, the pillow, the blanket, my hair, and also the clothes I was wearing. I had never realized that I liked this smell so much. I can't explain what it was, whether it was some flower, fruit or whatever... for me it was just Min Yoongi scent and that was incredible, comforting.

People usually create memories from places they were, pictures or people they saw somewhere, but not everyone pays attention to the scents. I am not referring to the scent of perfumes or colonies, but things like the smell of coffee, or the wet soil after the rain, the people's natural scent.

The sense of smell is one of the best developed things in newborns, as their vision is not yet fully developed they recognize their mother because of her smell. This is something instinctive, being considered a form of survival.

Everyone is unique, everyone has a special smell. Little by little Yoongi's scent has become one of my favorites.

I turn to the side and see a blanket and a pillow lying on the floor. That idiot left me sleeping alone on the soft mattress while he spent the night on the cold hard ground. Why is he like this? If he were a jerk it would be easier to overcome those stupid feelings that I feel every time I see him or when I think of him.

"You're finally awake! I thought that instead of alcohol someone had given you the poisoned apple from the Snow White story. But then I remembered that in that story you'd probably be one of the dwarves... the Bashful Dwarf! All cute with blushed cheeks, giggling and shy chuckles," I heard him say entering the bedroom door with a tray in his hands.

"Ah... speak lower..." I said, taking my hands up to my head. It looked like it would explode at any moment. "Anyone who hears you talking like that might even think you're some kind of giant, but actually you're more like the Grumpy or Sleepy dwarf. You're probably their lost son."

"Shut up... I'm taller than you and that's what matters!" He said sitting down next to me. "Here, I brought you some orange juice and toast. I would bring some kimchi or a real lunch, but maybe you were feeling nauseous then... I brought this medicine here too. It's good for a headache."

I just nodded demonstrating that I was listening to what he was saying, but my thoughts were elsewhere, last night's party. I only could think about the things that happened and everything that I had done. I wanted to be that kind of person who when drinking has a kind of temporary amnesia, but unfortunately that wasn't my case. Some things seemed a little confused or vague, but I still remembered them. I felt like shit.

"What time is it?" I asked, putting the pill in my mouth.


"What the hell! Why did you let me sleep so much?" I yelled, getting out of bed. "Your parents will think I'm that kind of rude guest."

"It was my mother who told me not to wake you up. She saw you sleeping all curled up in bed and it looked cute," he said, putting the hazelnut cream on one of the toast.

"Did she see me sleeping?! Oh my God!"

"It's not the first time she sees you sleeping, you're my childhood friend. You don't have to be like this."

"But this time it's different! I was drunk on your bed, dressed in your clothes, while you were lying on the floor!" Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse. "By the way, how are your back, any pain? You should have let me sleep on the floor."

"I am fine. Everything is fine. You think too much," he said, his mouth full of toast. I have to confess that maybe he was right about that. "Aren't you going to eat? I'm starting to get hungry and-"

"Get out of here, you pig! This is my food!" I said hitting my teeth against each other threatening to bite him. Yoongi gave me his best gummy smile and pretending to be scared, slowly put the toast back on the plate.

We talked for a while longer as I finished eating my breakfast/lunch. As soon as I finished, Yoongi lent me a few more pieces of clothing so I could go home because mine smelled of beer. I grabbed the black hoddie, blue jeans and the white t-shirt and went to the bathroom down the hallway to shower and brush my teeth. Maybe that way I would wake up completely, it was already noon and I was still feeling sleepy!

A good shower can work wonders for body and soul! When I got out of the shower I was feeling way better. Drying my hair with a towel, I walked toward Yoongi's room so I could put on my sneakers. I was in the middle of the hallway when I heard voices coming from his room.

"I love you Yoongi, and I know you love me too, but I can't go on living like this! You weren't able to even call me to find out if I'd gotten home safe, but you was there for drunk Jimin," a female voice said, I knew it was Jiwon's voice. She seemed to be crying.

"I called you and you were fine, and you still told me he was having fun at the party! Soon after someone called and asked me to pick him up!"

"He got drunk because he wanted to! I didn’t force him to drink, I didn’t even offer him any drink! I took care of him! But what about me? Who took care of me? Nobody, since you weren't there!"

"We've already discussed it-" Yoongi said, he looked so nervous. I just wish I could hug him.

"You're all worried about Jimin, but he didn't give a shit about you! He drank, he danced, he kissed many girls... and you're here treating Jimin as if he were a child! If you don't stop behaving like that, soon Jimin himself is going to get away from you!"

"I know he's not a child, but I still care about him!" Yoongi shouted.

"You have to worry about me, take care of me! Jimin already has someone to look after him... Seoyeon!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Jimin and Seoyeon did pretty dirty things at that party... yeah, that's exactly what you're thinking."

At that moment I wanted to go into the room and talk to Yoongi, to say what had really happened. I didn’t want him to have a bad impression on me. I knew I didn’t have to explain myself to Yoongi but at the same time I felt so. However, if I did that, things would probably get even more complicated and I didn't know if I was ready to do that. I certainly didn't want to tell my innermost secrets and see Jiwon there hearing everything. So I just stood in the hallway, trying to keep myself calm so I wouldn't cry.

"Jimin is no longer that little boy who was beaten at school, Yoongi. You no longer have to be around him all the time. He grew up, only you can’t see that," Jiwon said, her voice was more loving, she seemed to be calmer.

I waited some more time and when I noticed that the room was silent, I shouted Yoongi's name from the hallway, thus announcing my presence. I didn't want enter the bedroom and witness anything I shouldn't.

"Yoongi, I came to get my sneakers. I'm going home," I said going straight in the direction where my sneakers were. "Hi, Jiwon," I said, trying to sound as polite as possible. She was sitting on the bed next to him, giving him a side hug. With her eyes closed she rested her head on his shoulder. I felt my heart tight. With a shy smile I said goodbye to Yoongi, I could already feel the tears in my eyes. "Thanks," I said before going downstairs.

As I closed the door to Yoongi's house, the tears I was holding subtly slid down my face. It was only when I was halfway to my house that I realized that I hadn’t even worn my sneakers.

What Jiwon had said to Yoongi wasn't true, and I expected from the bottom of my heart that he knew it. I hope I had made it clear to him, how much I appreciated his gestures of affection, from the most obvious to the ones he tried to hide, taking care of me while pretending he don't. Sometimes I felt like a burden to Yoongi, but I didn't feel bad because of it, since I noticed that I was the only one who could see that soft side of him.

With the other people, he was always struggling to be like "I don't care about anything or anyone", but I knew deep down he wasn't like that. Although he always dresses in black and rarely smiles, he loves Kumamon, he sleeps in a fetal position with one hand between his legs looking like a little baby, and he loves cute things.

I don't want to get away from Yoongi, but maybe that was my only option. I would suffer, but at least it would just be me. If I stay so close to him I could end up damaging even more his relationship with Jiwon. They love each other, I'm the intruder there. If Jiwon tell people that I'm gay, they could believe and involve Yoongi's name in all sorts of rumors and malicious stories. I don't want him to suffer because of who I was. It isn't his fault.

I would rather end our friendship in a quiet way, without fighting, without feeling bad for each other. It was so precious to me that though I had to let this friendship die I would do it with a heavy heart, against all my instincts.

We are taught that in every situation of danger we must stay away from everything that can hurt us. We must hurry and protect ourselves. But then I realized that maybe the only way for me to protect myself and Yoongi was if I went straight to the eye of the hurricane, completely exposed and vulnerable, waiting for a wind of luck or for the death blow.

My main question is, am I ready for this? Am I brave enough to expose who I am?






Chapter Text

 ---//---// PAST //---//---


High School sucks! I couldn’t wait to finish my studies and get out of that place. I was tired of always seeing the same faces, the same walls, and the same boring thing as ever. I envied Yoongi, after all he was already in his senior year and soon he would be free.

To tell you the truth, I wasn't just tired of school, but a little tired of my life too. No, I wasn't having any suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I felt a slight desire to die but it wasn't for real. I just wanted to disappear for a while, take a vacation from my own life.

Yet only adults and rich people had this privilege of scheduling a trip to clear their minds or to spend a lot of money on gifts for themselves and things like that.

Since I was neither an adult nor a wealthy one, my only alternative was go through the hard times using what life had given me, the dance.

When I wasn't exercising my brain at school, I was exercising my body in my dance classes. My teacher was no longer surprised to see me every day to practice the steps of a new dance or just to review what I had learned in previous lessons.

My hard work has probably yielded positive results, because my contemporary dance teacher has called me to help her with the new students. I was very surprised by the invitation, but at the same time very happy because what I wanted most at that moment was to occupy my mind with something, to forget a little of the mess that was in my heart and mind.

And that was how on that Monday, Jaehwan became my dance partner.

"Jaehwan? What are you doing here?" I asked, sitting next to him on the wooden floor of the dance studio.

"At that party you started to make fun of me because of my dancing, so I came to learn and become better than you!"

"I wasn’t serious. You just need to coordinate your moves better!"

I was surprised to see him there in that class, after all he had never mentioned to me that he was interested in any kind of dance.

"Are you afraid? I thought it would take at least three classes for you to recognize my superiority in dance," he said, smiling. "By the way, did you think about what I told you... about Bighit's auditions?"

At first I even got excited about the idea and maybe looking to know when the next auditions would happen, but then I realized that I wasn't good enough yet. Jaehwan only encouraged me that way because he had no contact with other dancers. He thought I was good because he was my friend. Friendship can greatly influence people's opinions.

"I'm still thinking about it," I replied, getting up to say hello to the teacher who had just entered the studio.

The first day of Jaehwan's class was very productive. I didn't have much trouble teaching him the most basic dance moves, unlike some other students. In addition, he was a very nice person so soon made friends.

After taking a quick shower, I was already getting ready to go home when Jaehwan went in my direction, "Hey, do you want to go eat something with me? I'm hungry! I think after this class I lost about 3 kg."

"Don't overdo it, today you only learned the basic moves! I wish I could lose 3 kg just by doing it! I'd give my diets goodbye!" I said, putting my dancing clothes inside my bag.

"Are you on a diet? So you won’t want to eat a giant hamburger with me…"

"There's a reason I need to go on diet, Jaehwan. I'm going to eat the giant hamburger and a big size fries too...  maybe I'll order a vanilla milk-shake. Are you already aware of the new dessert? I think I'll want to try it, too."

We then walked to a snack bar near the dance studio. An old lady who owned the establishment had a special affection for my chubby cheeks and always put more chips in my order, saying that this was her way of helping me to keep my cuteness. I knew that was bad for my diet, but I couldn't refuse it, she seemed so happy to do so.

"Your friends on the basketball team didn't get mad at you because you started taking contemporary dance classes... or don't they know?" I asked sitting at one of the last tables in the snack bar as we waited for our order.

"The guys on the basketball team are very closed minded. I preferred not to tell them. But soon they will find out. People here can't keep their mouths shut. Thank goodness that some things we can still keep a secret."

"Yoongi always fought with some of the guys on the team because they were making fun of me. Now they don't do that anymore. I hope they leave you alone," I said, trying to comfort him. I got up from my chair and went across the table to hug him. I knew very well how difficult that situation would be for him, since I had been through it.

"By the way... isn't he who is coming right there?"

I suddenly turned around and could confirm, yes it was Yoongi and he was holding hands with Jiwon. He looked tired. In fact Yoongi always seemed to be tired, but sitting there with his arms and head resting on the table, he looked more tired than usual. Probably he should be devoting himself more to studies because of college.

I wasn't sure about that, because I haven't been to his house for almost three months. We only talked during the rare times we met at school, when I couldn't hide myself from him. Even our text messages have become less frequent.

Since the last time I was at his house, I really had considered telling Yoongi that I was gay. I even thought about reveal it to the whole city. But talking is always easier than doing. I spent sleepless nights thinking of how I would speak it to him, I thought about what I would do regarding his possible reactions, I thought about the pros and cons, I even rehearsed the ways I would approach this matter with him, but I chickened out.

Worst of all is that I was alone. I had no one to talk to on this subject, no one to give me a piece of advice or a word of support. And if it all went wrong, what would I do? What if my father kicked me out? As much as I wanted to believe that he wouldn't do that, I knew this was the kind of thing he would do if he found out I'm gay. To this day he didn't accept the fact that I got dance lessons!

I wasn't prepared to endure the stares of contempt from people or to have to explain who I was. And if Yoongi abandoned me I would have to go through all that alone!

I really wanted to be the brave hero of the story, the one who bravely faced all the challenges in the world in defense of what he believed, but I couldn't. After all this was about my life, not a fiction story. I couldn't change the world on my own. I was just a high school boy with no money in my pocket and a thousand doubts in my head.

That's why I decided to stay away from Yoongi, even to make sure of my feelings for him or try to forget about it. It was hard to get a clear picture of the situation being so close to him every day. I was having a really hard time, trying to learn to live away from him or having to sometimes ignore him, but I knew it was necessary. The problem is that my heart keeps skipping a beat every time I see him.

I didn't know if he or Jiwon had already seen me, so I thought it would be better if I sat down again and pretends nothing was happening.

"If you want, you can go there and ask if they want to sit here with us. I don't mind," Jaehwan said, helping the waitress to arrange on the table the things that we had ordered.

"No, I'm fine," I replied, sipping my vanilla milkshake. I no longer knew if I was eating because of my hunger or my anxiety.

"I'm glad to know you weren't lying to me. You eat well, even on a diet."

As we ate enthusiastically, Jaehwan and I talked about many things, I told him about my passion for dance and he ended up telling me more about the whole Bighit thing. His brother was taking singing lessons in order to get a chance to pass the auditions, because he wanted to be an idol. That was why Jaehwan knew so much about it.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" He asked when we were both getting the money to pay the bill.

"No need, it's still eight o'clock at night and you know I don’t live far from here," I said, as we walked toward the exit.

"But I want to," he replied, resting his palm on my back.

Yoongi and Jiwon were still in the snack bar. I knew that if they hadn't yet seen me, now it would be almost impossible that this wouldn't happen, because to get to the door I would need to pass near the table where they were. I took the phone from my pocket and started to pretend I was typing something. That way they might think I was too distracted to see them there.

My plan didn’t work. As soon as I passed their table I heard the familiar deep voice calling my name.

"Oh, hi Yoongi!" I said, pretending to be surprised to see them there, "Hi, Jiwon." At least I tried to be polite. Jiwon ignored me and greeted Jaehwan.

"Jimin, can you come to my house later? I'm already leaving,” Yoongi said, pointing to the almost empty dishes on the table.

Before I could say anything, was Jaehwan who replied him. "Actually, Jimin and I are going to the public square now. I'll prove to him that I deserve to being accepted into the basketball team."

Upon hearing that, Yoongi looked coldly at Jaehwan, ignoring him as he turned toward me. "Jimin?" He asked, looking me in the eyes, an expression indicating that he was waiting to hear the answer coming from my own mouth.

"Sorry, but Jaehwan asked first," I lied, smiling shyly. Trying to get through that awkward situation as quickly as possible, I quickly said goodbye to the couple and left the snack bar. I couldn't help but feel guilty for lying to Yoongi.

"Damn, for a moment I thought Yoongi would get up from the table and punch right in the middle of my face!" Jaehwan said as we rounded the corner.

"Why did you tell him that? We hadn't said anything about going to the public square."

"You were acting all weird, you didn't want to talk to him, and you even pretended you hadn't seen them... so I figured you were avoiding him. I am sorry if…" he said, seeming to be feeling guilty for what had happened.

"No, don't worry. That's fine. Thank you."

"But I really want to go there with you."



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


After I sent a message to my mother telling her where I would be, Jaehwan and I walked to the neighborhood square. During the day the place used to be full of life, with many kids playing or running around. But during the night the place belonged to the basketball players who used to train in the street basketball court next to the square.

I don’t know if it was coincidence or if the cold weather bothered the players, but when we got to the square there was no one but us.

"So... you want to tell me what's going on between you and Yoongi? I've never seen you guys fight like that for so long. Everyone from our school has realized," he said, sitting on one of the tables that people used to picnic.

"What do you mean?" I asked, startled. My head was already thinking about all the possible things that people could have realized.

"You and Yoongi are glued to each other since we were kids. But now you've even stopped going to basketball games to watch him play."

"It's no big deal, he's too busy with the whole thing about going to college, he's got work in the grocery store, Jiwon... we just don't have free time anyway," I lied, sitting in the opposite side of the table.

"I understand. That worries me because next year I'm going to start my senior year in high school. I can see that I'm going to have to study more." He then started telling me about his plans to get accepted into a good college, and how he was supporting his brother with the dream of being a successful singer even though their parents were against it, preferring him to become a successful engineer. At that moment I began to think about the extremely talented people, potential successful artists who by some circumstance of life were practically being forced to abandon their dreams. "Wow, you're shaking because of the cold wind!" He said, leaning forward, he took off the jacket he was wearing and placed it on my body.

I thanked him, for his kindness, I was really feeling cold. "Oh, thank you. But it's getting cold, we'd better go home."

"You have a beautiful smile," he said, gaze traveling over my face.

Suddenly he leaned forward and kissed me, pressing his lips subtly over mine. I was very surprised by his attitude. I stood there with wide eyes trying to understand what was happening. Those seconds seemed like hours. When I saw him tilting his head to make the kiss deeper, it hit me.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" I yelled, glancing around to see if anyone had seen us. Fortunately the square was still empty, I saw only a group of people at the end of the street, but they were still very far away, they wouldn’t have been able to see what happened.

"Sorry. I couldn’t resist, your lips are so inviting," he said smiling. "We can go to a more ‘safe place’ and-"

"What made you think I wanted you to kiss me? Do you go out kissing guys that way? Are you crazy?" I exclaimed, trying to keep my voice as low as possible, but it was hard to control my anger.

 I wasn’t angry because of the kiss but because of the whole situation. Give me a kiss in a public place? This was too risky. I didn’t care if it was cold or not, I took off his jacket and threw it on the table.

"Wait, aren’t you gay?"

"What? Why are you saying it?" I yelled frightened. How did he know that?

"Oh... shit, shit, Jimin I'm sorry, man, I'm so sorry. Jiwon told me you were gay, so I believed."

"Did Jiwon do what?" I shouted, not believing what I was hearing.

"Please, Jimin, please don’t tell anyone I'm gay. I swear I just kissed you because I thought you were gay too," he begged. Jaehwan was desperate. I knew how he was feeling.

"Calm down, that’s okay. You can trust me, I won’t tell anyone," I said, hugging him. At that moment I was no longer angry at Jaehwan, just pitying. He seemed so desperate, as if he would cry at any moment.

"I'm going to kill Jiwon!" He cried. I could feel my t-shirt getting wet with the tears falling on my shoulder. "I was so dumb... What if it wasn’t a nice guy like you, Jimin? What if it was a guy from the basketball team? I'd be screwed now."

"Does Jiwon know you're gay?" I asked, gently sliding my fingers over his face, helping him wipe the tears on his cheeks.

"No. That day at the party she said something that implied that you were ... so ... I…"

"Good thing she can't blackmail you." Jiwon couldn't have disappointed me more, she seemed to be such a nice girl, but when she started dating Yoongi it looks like she turned into someone else. Was she so insecure that she even had to play so low? "Jaehwan, do y-you know if she told anyone else a-about me?"

"I don’t know, I don’t think so. I think she just said that to me because I told her that I had called Yoongi so he would pick you up at the party. Then she swore at you and began muttering those things," he answered me, leaving me calmer. "So, you really are..."

"It's all very confusing..." I said, looking away. I had never talked about it to anyone, so I was feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"I know. I hope you are, because you are a great person and very, very hot. You would be a great addition to the gay community."

"Here in our neighborhood are there other gays?" I asked as we walked toward the exit of the square.

"Yes, but no one has the courage to say it. So it is difficult to start a relationship, since no one has the phrase 'I am gay' stamped on the forehead. Even when I suspect that the person is gay I'm afraid to approach them, just to avoid misunderstandings like what happened today," he said, apologizing again for the kiss. "Years ago a woman declared herself a lesbian, but everyone judged her, left her completely isolated. So she couldn’t stand it and left the city."

"Geez, this is really sad. How can people be so bad?" I began to remember that about a month ago I was willing to tell my secret. If I had done that maybe the same thing would have happened to me. "I've never done anything with any boy ... so it's confusing.”

"You know, my parents are at my grandmother's house, they will come back tomorrow. I'm alone at home... i-if you want... you can sleep there and-"

"Are you going to tell anyone?" I asked, staring into his eyes for any sign that might indicate he was lying to me.

"Only if you tell," he replied, a serious expression on his face. He was being honest.

"So that will be our secret," I said as we started walking toward his house, "First I need to call my mother."

Obviously I couldn’t tell the truth to my mother. Although I met Jaehwan many years ago, I've never been a close friend of him, the kind one who sleeps in each other's house. So if I told her I'd sleep in his house, she'd probably want to talk to his parents first. Only a person's name wouldn't raise any suspicion, Yoongi. So when I explained to her that I was going to sleep at Yoongi's house to help with a school project, she didn’t even suspect anything. Just told me to be careful and not miss the time to go to school the next day.

Jaehwan's house was really empty, so as soon we walked through the door he took me by the arm and led me to his bedroom.

"Now can I kiss you?"

I just nodded, I was very nervous about what might happen that night. It was all new to me. Of course I was still hopelessly in love with Yoongi, but what good would it be for me to just cry for him? Yoongi was straight, had a girlfriend and saw me only as a friend. I had no chance with him, so why should I deprive myself of experiencing new things because of unrequited love? I should stop dreaming and waiting for what I could never have and start living my life.

I didn't feel for Jaehwan a third of what I feel for Yoongi. But he was handsome, attractive and, most importantly, gay. So contrary to what usually happened when I was with girls, I didn't feel bothered by Jaehwan's caresses.

He pressed my body against the bedroom door and I could feel every inch of his body leaning against mine. His kiss was unlike anything I had ever seen up to that time, it was a rough kiss, strong, full of urgency.

He was slightly taller than me, which made our positioning comfortable. We didn't need much effort to stay at the same height of each other, making our lips meet.

His tongue explored my whole mouth, reaching places I didn’t even know it was possible to reach. We kissed deeply, intensely. One of his hands lightly pulling my hair as the other stroked my cock over the fabric of my pants. Now I knew what it was like to feel pleasure in being kissed. I've never felt this before with any girl.

My hands slid under his t-shirt, trying to touch as much skin as possible. Seeming to understand what I wanted, Jaehwan quickly took off his t-shirt and without wasting time he devoured my lips again.

"You're so sexy," he whispered next to my ear, giving it a slight bite. "I want to suck you so bad, you have no idea," he said giving a tight grip on my cock. I groaned softly.

His warm breath against my neck made me shiver, his hands running all over my body. I already felt myself getting hard. Then his tongue brushed against my neck in an open mouthed kiss, "No hickeys," I whispered, and he just continued his ministrations however in a much more subtle way.

"You're wearing a lot of clothes, don't you think?" He smirked, lifting subtly the edge of my t-shirt. Without thinking much, I quickly pulled it off. I barely had time to throw it on the floor when I felt Jaehwan's hungering tongue running down a vertical line in my abdomen toward my lower parts.

"Can I?" He asked as his fingers played with the button on my pants.

"Yes, please," I said, running my fingers through his black hair.

In a sudden movement, Jaehwan removed my pants and my underwear. I was completely naked in front of him. I felt a little embarrassed, it was the first time someone had ever seen me so exposed.

"You don’t have to be shy, you're fucking gorgeous," he said, wrapping my halfhard cock in his hand.

Jaehwan crouched in front of me, his hands steady running the length of my cock. When his tongue touched the tip of it, I held his hair tightly, no longer able to control my moans.

"Is so good. Aaaah... You're so good."

"I knew you would enjoy it," Jaehwan said.

He started to suck me so fast, so hungry that I didn't know how he was able to breathe. But I didn't care much about it. I was too busy trying to control myself not to push my hips toward his mouth. I didn't want to hurt him.

I was almost reaching my long-awaited orgasm when Jaehwan suddenly stopped with his movements, "Fuck me? I want you so bad," he said next to my ear as he got up from the floor.

"I-I never did this before. I d-don’t know how," I said embarrassed, I didn’t want to ruin the mood.

"No problem, I'll teach you. I just want you inside me right now... Damn, you're so hot."

He walked toward the bed, pulling off his own pants and underwear. Completely naked, he lay with his back pressed against the mattress, knees bent and his legs wide apart. Standing, leaning against the door, I could see his hole perfectly.

"If I had known I would get laid today, I would have used a buttplug," he said as he searched for something inside the nightstand drawer.

"Buttplug?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"You still have a lot to learn, Jimin," Jaehwan said as he ran a type of gel in two fingers of his hand. "Good, I fingered myself early, that'll make things easier," he said inserting one of his fingers into his own hole.

Not knowing what to do, I just observed what he was doing, while gently stroking my cock.

Jaehwan didn't seem to be in pain, his face only showing a sense of discomfort. It didn't take long and he inserted a third finger.

"There's a condom in the first drawer," he said, his voice slightly altered.

As soon as I finished putting on the condom, Jaehwan asked me to put a good amount of lube over my dick.

"Come here, Jimin," he said, pointing to the space between his legs. "You have to penetrate me very slowly, do you understand? When it's time for you to move, I'll let you know."

I positioned myself as he had just told me, and when he pulled out his fingers, I gently pressed the tip of my cock into his entrance.

"I'm scared to end up hurting you," I said, my voice a little hesitant.

"I'm not a virgin, Jimin. Don’t worry, just take your time." As slow as I could, I gently penetrated him. He was so tight. A loud moan came out of my mouth without my noticing. "It feels good, hm?" he moaned.

I went deeper into him, until our bodies were impossibly close to each other. I stayed a few minutes without moving, just waiting for Jaehwan's permission, which came with a sharp movement of his hips. "Fuck me, Jimin!"

I started to move my hips, moving in and out of him. He moved his head to the sides, and with his half-open mouth he uttered groans. As I got used to the new experience, I started to move my hips faster, trying to get deeper into Jaehwan.

"Aaaaaah Jimin, please, please!" he shouted.

I didn't know exactly what he was trying to tell me, but given his growing grunts, I knew I was doing well. He seemed to be running out of breath, his breathing steadily rising. The view was very sexy.

Suddenly I started thinking about Yoongi. I started to see myself there in Jaehwan's place. When it was my turn, would I be as sexy as him? Would that excite Yoongi?

Damn it! This wasn’t the best time for me to think about Yoongi.

Jaehwan's body started to tremble under mine. Pulling me through my hair, he kissed me intensely, a kiss full of tongue and saliva, without any kindness.

"Yoongi... aaahhh Yoongi," I groaned. That name was already so common in my wet dreams and in my jerking off sessions that my brain was already on autopilot. "Sorry, sorry... Shit. I'm sorry Jaehwan."

"I don’t care! You can even call me My Little Pony if you want. Just keeps fucking me good!" He said close to my ear.

I gave three more deep thrusts and collapsed on his body.

"You did great for a first time," he said, stroking my hair with his fingers. I then pulled out, and threw the condom into the bin near the desk.

"A-about what I said while we... you know. Please don’t tell-"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Jimin. I barely know you," he said, with a warm smile on his face.

The next day, I woke up earlier than usual, I had to leave Jaehwan's house without any curious neighbors could see me. I quickly pulled on my school uniform that was inside my backpack, took the other bag with the dance class clothing and tried to make as little noise as possible as I walked toward the door. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that there was no one on the street.

It was still too early for me to go to school, and go home was out of choice so I decided to stop somewhere and eat something to pass the time.

I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened last night. It was weird, but it was also very good. I felt pretty great in a way I'd never felt with any girl, but it still felt like something was missing.

By the time of my first class, I ran to the school. I was tired and had slept little, so I just hoped that at least once the class was a little less boring.

It wasn't.

I was almost falling asleep in one of the cafeteria tables, when I saw Jaehwan approach me.

"You didn't even say goodbye to me," he said sitting down next to me.

"You know why."

"Yes, I know. I just wanted to say that I will keep my promise, about everything," he said putting a glass of orange juice in front of me.

"You can trust me, too," I said, taking the glass from his hands. "Thank you, for the juice."

"It's not time for thanks. It looks like one of us is going to die now," he said looking toward the door of the cafeteria.


"Yoongi is coming here and he looks like he's ready to kill," he said patting my forearm.

I turned my head toward the door and could confirm that yes, Yoongi seemed to be furious. He was striding toward us with his fists clenched. I hoped the target of all that fury wasn't me, but as soon as his eyes met mine and I felt a shiver run through my spine, I knew I was screwed.

"You!" Yoongi shouted, bringing his index finger to my face. "Never again include my name in another of your lies! I got your back... but it was for the last time! I already have too many problems to still have to deal with your crap!"

He then looked to Jaehwan with a contempt expression, and with the same ferocity that he came to me, he walked away again toward the exit.

I stayed for a few moments without understanding what was happening, as well as all the students who were staring at me or whispering behind my back. That's when it hit me. The lie I told my mother about sleeping in Yoongi's house. Shit. Somehow he heard about it.

I got up from the chair and went running toward him, not bothering with confused looks from people on my way.

He wasn't far from there, I soon saw him walking toward the schoolyard.

"Yoongi! Yoongi!" I screamed as I continued to run toward him. I knew he had heard me, but he didn't even look back, he just started walking faster. I was already panting when I finally reached him. "Yoongi, listen to me..." I said holding onto his arm. With a sudden movement he quickly moved away from me, making me let go of his arm. The sleeve of his coat lifted a little and then I noticed a huge bruise on his arm.

"Fuck off!" He said turning his back and continuing to walk. He had never been so angry with me. This wasn't one of his jokes, he meant it. I can't deny it, I was afraid of him.

"Yoongi, what happened to your arm? Was it a basketball thing? Yoongi!"

"Are you deaf or what? Fuck off!"

"We need to talk about what happened. I-" He was staring coldly at me. I had never seen him act that way. I stretched my hands toward him, reaching for his injured arm so I could better see what had happened. He again dodged me.

"Now you want to talk? Don't worry, Jimin. You're safe. When your mom called me to find out if her dear little boy needed any clothes, I lied for you."

"Yoongi, please listen to me. I didn't want to-"

"I lied, but it was the last time! Next time, get Jaehwan help, since he's your new best friend," he said, with a sad smile on his face. "Well, he's actually more than a best friend, isn’t he? But that's not my problem."

"What do you mean?"

"Next time, if you want to keep a relationship a secret, try not to exchange kisses in the middle of the public square. Some loser could see you."

"Yoongi, it's not what you're thinking, let me-" I cried, the worst of my nightmares had come true. "Let's go to an empty classroom and we'll talk, okay? Please, I can explain myself, please. Don’t be mad at me. Please..."

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Jimin. I already knew. I think I knew it even before you. I never said anything because that wasn't my role. You didn't trust me enough to tell me... It's okay. I get it.”

"T-that's not what happened... I-" I could barely speak what I was thinking, my tears disrupting my vision and my reasoning.

“But avoid me as if I were the plague and then use me when it suits you? That's too much. In the end Jiwon was right."

“No, Yoongi! P-please, come with me. I swear I have a good reason... p-please,” I sobbed, trying to get close to him.

“My next class is about to start. Goodbye, Jimin... take care.”

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you.




Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


Going to school was becoming harder and harder, and neither was it because of monotonous lessons or the unnecessary amount of exercises and projects. I used to like the class breaks, but now even those periods have become unpleasant.

I spent three months trying to stay away from Yoongi, now that was no longer necessary, because he didn't even look at my face. It wasn't that he hated me, but he was simply indifferent to me, he didn't care. When I tried to get close to him he wouldn't curse me, he wouldn't tell me to leave, none of that, he just showed indifference. That was what hurt the most.

The further away I got from Yoongi, the closer I got to Jaehwan. He was the only person I could talk to openly. He had been a great friend, a friend with benefits.

"You have to leave Yoongi alone, he is overreacting. What you did wasn't that bad," Jaehwan said, giving me a side hug.

We were in his bedroom watching anime. Now I didn’t have to lie to my mother about where I was. She had already talked to Jaehwan's parents and was aware of our friendship.

"I know what I did was wrong, but not so wrong. However, it was easier when it was just me ignoring him. Now it just seems too real," I said, leaning my head against the pillows on his bed.

"But he didn't cuss you, he didn't hit you, he didn't tell you 'Never talk to me again, you snake in the grass!' He didn’t say anything like that. I don't understand why you're so sad about it. From what I understand you are still friends."

"That's what makes things worse! If he had cursed me, punched me or something, at least I would know that he had somehow overflowed his anger. But he just doesn't care. He doesn't care enough to curse me, and he doesn't care enough to treat me like he did before."

"Well, at least this distance is serving for a good thing." I looked at him confused, I couldn’t think of anything good. "You stopped moaning his name while fucking me."

"You always told me you didn't care."

"I don't care, but it was a little weird. It felt like I was having a threesome without the third person being here," he said, smiling as he squeezed my cheek. "But now you've stopped doing it, and that's what matters."

In the first few times it was totally accidental, I never said that to him, but at other times I intentionally started to imagine Yoongi. Although my relationship with Jaehwan was basically for friendship and sex, without any loving involvement, I thought it was very cruel what I was doing to him so I tried to stop.

I was intently looking at the laptop screen trying to figure out the outcome of the main battle of the anime episode when I felt Jaehwan blatantly caressing my dick over my pants. Reluctantly I looked away from the screen, "What are you doing?"

"I think by now you know very well what I'm doing, Jimin."

"Don't play the funny one. You know damn well what I'm talking about. Your parents are right there in the living room," I said, taking the laptop from my lap and placing it in the bed.

Jaehwan looked at my face and then to my pants, "We'll have to be very quiet," he said licking his lips.

"What if they come in here?" Upon hearing that, he immediately stood up and went to the bedroom's door to lock it. I was still uncomfortable with that situation. I didn't care about having sex while we were alone in his house, but the idea of doing it with his parents so close to us made me apprehensive. "What if they try to come in here and see that the door is locked? They will get suspicious."

"For a guy who's about to get an amazing blowjob, you're over-thinking," Jaehwan said, sitting back in bed.

"What do you mean by 'amazing'? Don't you think you're bragging too much?"

"Let's see if you're going to keep thinking like that," he said with a foul grin on his face.

He lowered my pants and my underwear just enough to free my cock, and slowly licked just the tip. Between the licks he would look at me and smile, knowing he was just teasing me. Soon after, I felt his tongue down the entire length of my cock with quick, precise movements.

"I love your taste," I heard Jaehwan say as he rubbed the head with two fingers.

That sensation was incredible and as much as I wanted to see what he was doing, I couldn't help but close my eyes feeling the pleasure invade my body. "Stop teasing..." I moaned.

"Are you going to punish me? You know I'd love to be punished," he said moving his hand up and down.

Without another word he swallowed my whole dick, I could feel his throat tightening.

"Aahh... fuck... Don’t get hurt," I moaned, holding him by the hair.

Then he unwittingly called me something I hadn't heard in a long time.

"My Jiminie is so kind."

"Don't call me like that... You know, Yoongi… he…"

Seeming to understand what I meant, Jaehwan fell silent and only sucked my dick, remaining silent all the time. But it was too late, this time when I remembered Yoongi I didn’t get horny, I felt nostalgic.

"I'm sorry for saying that," Jaehwan said wiping his fingers around the cum running down the corners of his mouth.

"It's all right. Now let's go back to watch the anime. I want to know who won the final battle," I said putting the laptop back on my lap.

Jaehwan without seeming to understand that I was serious, lay down on my side of the bed and began to kiss my neck, "Don’t you want to continue to…" he said close to my ear.

"Sorry, I'm not in the mood. Leave it to another day, okay?" I interrupted him by giving a light kiss on his forehead.

"Okay. I'm going to brush my teeth. Don’t watch any episode without me!"

After unlocking the door of the bedroom, leaving it open so that it couldn't arouse the curiosity of Jaehwan's parents, we stayed watching some more episodes of the anime that he indicated. I liked his company, we were very similar. We liked practically the same stuff, so we always had things to talk about.

"Shall we order something to eat? A new restaurant opened and I picked up a leaflet. Are you hungry?"

I was starving. After discussing a little bit about what we should buy, we decided it was best to avoid buying something different and wasting money if we didn’t like it, so we chose the traditional ones, Japchae (fried sweet potato noodles), Samgyeopsal (grilled pork belly) and Kimchi Bokkeumbap (kimchi fried rice).

We had time to watch another episode of the anime until the moment we heard the front doorbell ring. Jaehwan then took his wallet and sleepily went to answer the door. I decided to wait for him in the room and take a look at the next episode.

As Jaehwan was taking too long to return to the bedroom with the long-awaited food, I decided to go to him to see if something was wrong.

"Do you have any money there with you? We forgot to tell them that we needed the change," he said as soon as I got to the living room

I ran to the bedroom and grabbed my wallet that was inside my backpack. When I returned to the living room I saw Jaehwan putting the bags of food on the coffee table. As the door was half-open I figured out that the delivery boy was still waiting for the money, even though I couldn't see him behind the door.

"How much do I have to pay?" I asked Jaehwan as I walked toward the entrance of the house.

"You know what? Never mind, it's up to me," I heard a familiar voice speak outside the house.

"Yoongi, wait I got the money!" Jaehwan shouted, opening the door completely.

"Yoongi?" I yelled, surprised at the unexpected delivery boy. He wasn't wearing any uniform, just his usual black clothes. His right arm and shoulder immobilized in a sling attached to his neck, "Why every time we meet, you always have a new bruise?"

"Then do us both a favor and stop meeting me," he said, turning back and walking with quick steps toward the house’s exit gate. He didn’t even care to get the money.

"Ouch!" Jaehwan said, closing the door, "At least we get free food."

"Could you tell me if they're making it too hard to Yoongi at the basketball games?" I asked Jaehwan as I sit down on the couch.

Sitting next to me, he was already eating the Japchae, "Impossible. It's been two weeks since Yoongi asked to leave the team."

As soon as Yoongi entered high school he joined the basketball team. He loved to play, he loved being with the team. I didn't have the same passion for the sport, but I always liked to go to the games to cheer for him, and for the team. Basketball was the only thing that made Yoongi get out of his sedentary lifestyle, otherwise he was a complete slacker. Then knowing that he not only had left the team, but mainly to have asked for it, took me by surprise.

"What? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I thought you already knew that, after all the team is even organizing a farewell party..." Jaehwan then realized he had said too much, "Oh, you weren't invited, so you didn't know."

I wasn't surprised that I wasn't invited to the party. In the past, my name would be the first to appear on the guest list. But now the whole school knew our friendship wasn't going well. Apparently his friends had already picked a side, "Why did he leave the team? The school year hasn't yet ended-"

"What difference does it make? He's leaving Busan anyway," Jaehwan said as he ate the kimchi. He had already tried all the food, but I hadn't even touched anything. I was too confused to try to eat.

"What do you mean?" I asked in astonishment.

"In a few months he goes to college... probably in Seoul. Didn't you think Yoongi would stay here in Busan all his life, did you?" I hadn't thought about that possibility. It was very common for the students to go to the huge and renowned colleges in Seoul, but I had never realized that this would be Yoongi's reality. When I understood what was soon to happen, I felt devastated, which was probably evident on my face, "Oh, you did."

I needed to do something. I needed to talk to Yoongi as soon as possible. I didn't have much time with him. Seoul wasn't too far. To get there I would have to take a trip of about three hours. It wasn't in another country or on the other side of the world, but still it was distant, after all I had grown up seeing Yoongi live not far from my house. Whenever I needed I could walk there, obviously it wouldn't happen while he was in Seoul. "This party you said... where will it be, at what time?"

Stopping to eat for a minute, Jaehwan looked at me with a serious expression on his face, "Jimin, if the team didn't invite you... there's a reason."

Oh, of course Jaehwan wouldn't contradict his friends from the basketball team of which he always wanted to be part of.

"Fine. I don't have to wait for a fucking party. I'm going to his house right now," I said, getting up immediately from the couch. It was late at night, so I didn't have much time to lose.

"Jimin, wait... what about the food? Come eat first, then you run straight to Yoongi's feet," Jaehwan said, he used a mocking tone in his voice. I didn't like that.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Only you don't realize that he doesn't give a damn about you. He probably must be tired of you being so clingy all the time. I don't think even Jiwon is like that."

If that had happened at another time I would have probably been annoyed at his words, but I was very worried about Yoongi to be offended by Jaehwan’s comments. "Something's happening to him! First that purple patch on his arms, now he's even more injured. I thought it was something going on at the basketball games but..."

"Maybe someone is beating him," Jaehwan said as he opened the bag with the Samgyeopsal I had tried to eat, an apathetic expression on his face.

"And you say that as if it were no big deal?" I exclaimed, indignant at his lack of empathy. Yoongi wasn't his best friend but still, they had known each other for years.

Jaehwan seemed to be annoyed by my question, because at the same moment he turned away from the food, "What do you want me to say? I got beaten up for years at that shitty school and…"

I couldn’t stand there listening to him be so ungrateful, Yoongi had defended us for countless times. He always did what he could to help us. "And if it weren’t for Yoongi you'd still be being beaten! How can you speak like that?" I shouted, unable to hide the anger in my voice.

"Do you think he did it because he wanted to help me? He just did it to have the power, to have me crawling after him like a lost puppy ... Just like you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I didn't know that Jaehwan felt this way about Yoongi, it seems, contrary to what I thought,  he always treat me well but it had nothing to do with the fact that I was Yoongi's best friend.

"I've lost my appetite," I said, before walking to the bedroom to get my backpack and get out of that house.

As soon as I got there I heard Jaehwan's voice behind me, "Jimin, wait... I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for what you said about me. It's your opinion, you just been honest with me. But that doesn't stop me from getting upset," I explained, taking my backpack and leaving the bedroom. When I was in the living room I felt Jaehwan's hand pulling me by the arm, preventing me from going towards the house's front door.

"I didn't mean it that way I... stay, let's talk," he said, letting go of my arm. The excuses seemed sincere, but I couldn't care less.

"It's not you I have to talk to. Something's going on with Yoongi and I wasn't there with him! Don't you understand? This whole time he called me, he asked me to go to his house and I ignored him." Tears rolled down my face as I began to remember all the times Yoongi tried to talk to me and I just ignored him, because I thought it would be better if we kept away from each other. "All this time he was asking for my help and meanwhile I was here with you!"

"Jimin, if he wanted your help he would have told you... and he have Jiwon, dammit!"

“Now it's obvious to me that you don’t know Yoongi."



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I couldn’t stay another minute there, I was just wasting time. Without looking back I left Jaehwan's place and went straight to Yoongi's house, I needed to find out what was happening to him, I needed to help him somehow.

It was already ten o'clock when I saw myself pushing the bell of Yoongi's house, it was late, but I couldn’t wait another day.

Then finally someone opened the door.

"Jimin? What a surprise to see you here..." Yoongi's mother said. By the clothes she was wearing, she was already getting ready to go to sleep.

"Sorry for showing up here so late at night, but is Yoongi there?"

"No, he hasn't come yet," she said, giving me an apologetic smile. She looked very tired, but I couldn’t wait. I knew it was inconvenient, but I had to try.

"Could I come in and wait for him... I-"

"Sorry Jimin, but I'm already going to bed. I'll tell Yoongi that you've been here. Good night."

She didn't even wait for my answer, she immediately closed the door. But no problem, I was willing to talk to Yoongi at any cost, even if I had to wait all night in front of his house. And that's what I decided to do.

It had been about half an hour waiting for Yoongi when I saw someone approaching, but it wasn't him.

"Jimin? What are you doing here?" Jiwon said, she seemed to be surprised to see me there that time of night, and I was feeling the same way about her.

"I came to talk to Yoongi."

She didn't like my answer, "Then talk to him at school or something. Go home," she said raising her voice.

"I need to talk to Yoongi and know what's going on with him," I replied, I was determined to stay there and it wasn't going to be Jiwon that would change my mind.

I could see the mocking grin on her face as she walked to go sit on the opposite side of the balcony, "Oh... now you want to talk."

"What are you talking about? Don't play dumb…" Of all the people, Jiwon was the only one who couldn't judge me by what I had done. After all she was the person who did everything to get me away from her boyfriend.

"Where were you all this time, Jimin? Because I know where I was... right here on his side."

"You were one of the reasons I walked away from him and you know it!" I shouted. I didn't want to fight her, that wasn't my goal. I'd been there all this time without bringing it up, not even talking to her, but I couldn't just stand there listening to her make those insinuations, putting me in the role of villain.

She took a few minutes thinking about what I had said, "I didn’t make you do anything, Jimin. You walked away because you wanted to," she said in a more serene voice.

I could stay there arguing with her about what had actually happened. To tell her that I hadn't yet forgiven her for what she had told Jaehwan about me being gay, but I decided that at that time instead of going against Jiwon, it would be best if I joined forces with her. "I'm here to help. Those wounds…"

"Oh... now that Jimin is here to help, everything will be solved. Why didn't I think of that before?" Jiwon shouted, bringing her hands to her head. Despite the sarcastic tone, she looked sad. It wasn't long before a tear trickled down her face.

Although I didn't like her, it was heartbreaking. I walked toward Jiwon, and slowly crouched down beside her. I wanted to show that I wasn't there with the intention of fighting, "Tell me, what's going on I-"

"Jimin, go home. There's nothing you can do," she said, looking to the other side of the street. She was rubbing her wrists all over her cheeks, not wanting me to see the tears that kept coming down.

I didn't understand why she was so reluctant to tell me what the hell was going on, so I yelled, "Can't you see there's something wrong? Lately I've seen two wounds on his body!"

She then stood up wiping her face and walked to the front door, moving away from me, "Only two? So you're in luck. Now go home, Jimin."

I got up from the ground and tried to get closer to her, "Jiwon, let's forget the past, now is not the time for that. Only-"

"Go away Jimin!!!"

"Why are you two doing yelling in front of my house?" Yoongi's voice came out of the darkness. He was coming from somewhere, almost seeming to crawl as he walked.

Before he could get any closer I ran toward him, I had to reach him before Jiwon could do anything. "Yoongi. It's me, Jiminie... I'm here now. Please tell me what's going on. Let me help you," I said, putting my hands on the sides of his face. I wanted to hug him, but I was afraid of hurting him since he was with that sling on his arm.

"You don't have to worry, Jimin," he said looking into my eyes.

Before I could say anything I felt Jiwon pulling me by the arm trying to pull me away from Yoongi, "Go away, Jimin. Enough!"

"Are you okay?" Yoongi asked her, sliding his fingers over Jiwon's cheeks that were still wet from her tears.

Holding his hand, she just smiled, "Yes. Let's go Yoongi, it's late."

With hurried steps she directed him toward the entrance of the house and without a second thought I ran and got to the door first. I wouldn't let them force me to leave. "No, I'm not leaving. I don't mind shouting and waking everyone up in this house!"

"Shut up!" Jiwon said, pulling Yoongi by the arm and leading him upstairs.

Fulfilling my purpose I followed them upstairs. When they entered Yoongi's bedroom I followed them too but they didn't seem very comfortable with my presence. Yoongi with a sad face sat on the bed, not speaking, just staring at the floor. I stood in the doorway facing him, I wanted to look into his face and hear what he had to say to me.

"Take off your shirt, Yoongi," Jiwon demanded, gently stroking his hair. She then went to his wardrobe and picked up a small white box. She approached to the bed and positioned herself behind Yoongi, "Honey, take off your shirt. It's late, and I can't stay here for long."

He then obeyed her, and I could see Jiwon picking up some cotton and a small bottle from inside the box. I decided to go to the other side of the bed to know what she was doing, that's when I saw it.

Yoongi's back was full of bruises, purple and green spots, a lot of reddish cuts that seemed to be new. The view was too shocking, immediately tears came to my eyes. I knelt before him, my arms wrapped around his neck, "Yoongi! Who did this to you? Please tell me... please," I said, as I watched Jiwon gently wiping each of the wounds. Cupping his face with both my hands, I looked him in the eyes, "I'm here now. Tell me-"

"My father," he said, looking away, "It was my father."

"What? Why? Does your mother know? Does anyone know about it?" I asked, stunned as I looked at Yoongi and Jiwon for answers.

"She knows. It's all solved. Go home, it's late. Your mother must be worried."

"But of course I'm not going home. I'll tell my mother I'm going to sleep here."

I got up from the floor and put my backpack on the chair next to his computer. I walked and acted more slowly than normal, I was too shocked to think of anything but those injuries that Jiwon was taking care of. I wiped the tears from my face and trying to normalize my tone of voice I called my mother. As Yoongi had said, she was worried about my absence, but she didn't complain when I said I was at his house. She just said she was glad we had made up. But to be honest, I still didn't know if he had forgiven me.

"I'm going to take Jiwon home," Yoongi said, getting up from the bed and going toward the bedroom door.

"That's okay. I'll go with you," I replied.

We walked in silence to Jiwon's house, and I realized that if I didn't address the issue no one would, "Why?"

"Lately he and my mother have been fighting a lot... he started to get more drunk than sober. I can't let him hit my mother," he replied, the tone of his voice was sad, he seemed reluctant to tell me that.

"So you protect her with your own body," I said, my gaze unconsciously directed toward his back, "Yoongi. I understand you... but things can't go on like this."

"We're financially dependent on him. You know my mother doesn't have a job. Now I'm working in the new restaurant and in the grocery store."

So that was why Yoongi left the basketball team. He wouldn't be able to work in two places, go to school and still devote himself to sports. Yet he always seemed very tired. He probably wasn't managing to devote himself totally to any of the three places.

We left Jiwon at her house and made our way back in silence. I wanted to say something that could comfort Yoongi or give some solution to his problem, but there was nothing I could do. Nothing but the obvious option. Nothing he hadn't thought of.

When we arrived in Yoongi's bedroom he just took off his sneakers and lay down on the bed with a sigh that seemed to be a mixture of pain and weariness.

"Are you going to stand there? Today I'm too tired to sleep on the floor," he said moving himself further to one side of the bed, leaving me a space to lie down next to him.

For a moment I stood there without reaction. Would things have changed between us? Thinking about that I went to the wardrobe where I knew pillows and blankets were stored. This time I was the one who would sleep on the floor.

"You won't sleep on the floor," Yoongi said, seeming to guess my intentions, "What's it? Am I so hot that you can't even lie on my side without wanting to kiss me?"

"Don't be stupid, you're hurt."

"And it's cold. You get pneumonia won’t heal my wounds," he said with a sad smile on his face.

I wish it could.

I took off my jacket and my sneakers and went to lie down next to him, immediately that familiar scent invaded my nostrils. That feels like home to me.





Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I couldn't explain the feeling I felt in my heart when I wake up and saw that I was still with Yoongi, he was lying there beside me. He seemed to be sleeping heavily, but I knew that it would happen, since he was very tired. The night before he barely lay down in bed and had fallen asleep, we didn't even have time to talk as I wanted. But I wasn't angry. I couldn't get mad at him.

Seeing him there so helpless, so unprotected made me realize how much I missed him. Not just the talk, the jokes, but mostly the knowledge that he was there by my side. Thinking about it, I remembered what Jaehwan had said about Yoongi going to Seoul. I couldn't be selfish, after all he was going away to try a better future for him. I knew his dream was to be able to work only with his music, but unfortunately things didn't go the way we planned. I knew that soon we would split up again, apparently his future was in Seoul, and mine in Busan, since I still had to face high school. At that moment I decided that no matter what would happen from then on, I would stay with Yoongi, I wouldn't waste time.

With my eyes closed I brought my nose to his neck, his scent made me sure that he was really there beside me, that our fight had really ended and that things would be the same again. That's what I expected.

It was Saturday so we didn't have class. I thought it would be a very bad idea to woke up Yoongi, so I got out of bed trying to be as discreet as possible, put on my sneakers, grabbed my backpack and tiptoed to the bathroom down the hallway. I needed wash my face and my mouth before going home.

When I walked downstairs I could smell the home-made food that permeated the whole house. Yoongi's mother was already in the kitchen preparing some delicious dish. I even thought about going there and saying hello, but after all the things I got to know since last night, it would be impossible for me not to see her in a different way. I didn't blame her for what was happening, after all she was a victim too, but I still couldn't understand her behavior. Suffering like that was a way to love?

As soon as I opened the door to the house I saw that Jiwon was approaching, so I decided to wait for her and tell her that Yoongi was still asleep.

"Did you sleep here?" She asked as she was close enough for me to hear her voice.

"Good morning to you too, Jiwon," I replied, opening the door behind me so she could come in, "Yesterday I said that I would sleep here."

Without even looking at me, she just kept walking toward the stairs, "You say many things."

"Wait, Yoongi is asleep," I said, taking her by the arm to keep her from climbing to the second floor making more noise.

"No problem. Every Saturday morning I come here to wait for Yoongi to take a shower and do the bandages on him," she said, letting go of me and going up the stairs again. "But of course you didn’t know that."

"Listen, I get it. You've been here all this time and I haven’t, I get it. But I've already apologized," I said, trying to keep my voice as low as possible. But that was very difficult when it came to Jiwon.

"Your apology doesn't turn back time."

"Yes, because in this case, I would come back a year ago, to that day when you sweetly told me not to worry, that you would take care of him."

Jiwon immediately stopped climbing the stairs and with a furious expression on her face she began to say that I was implying that everything that was going on with Yoongi was her fault. Obviously that wasn't what I wanted to say. Even though I knew she was right, I couldn't help blaming her for my decision of get away from my best friend. I felt like she had been used me.

"Jimin, be honest with me. What would you do in my place? You start dating a guy and then realize that his best friend is in love with him."

All this time I had tried to understand Jiwon's behavior. I knew she really liked Yoongi, but that didn't justify what she was doing to me. "I don't know what I would do, but I'm sure I wouldn't play as low as you! Before coming to talk to me, and I mean talk properly and not threat me, you even involved Jaehwan in this mess!"

We were still in the middle of the stairs, arguing in a subdued voice. We didn’t want any scandal. We didn’t want Yoongi's parents to hear us. We both knew that compared to what was happening in that house, our fight was irrelevant.

I expected an apology or some explanation for that dirty attitude, but it didn’t happened, "That wasn't intentional. I would apologize, but you two have become friends. So, I didn't mind."

How could Jiwon behave like that? She didn't feel guilty for what she had done. She seemed not to care about my privacy or what might have happened to me if anyone else gets to know about my sexual orientation. She could have messed up my whole life for such a futile reason.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I just want you to know that I'm back to stay. You can say whatever you want. If you want a fight, I'm ready to fight," I said, feeling confident to speak openly about my love. I was tired of playing by her rules. I wouldn't deny what was already obvious, I was in love with Yoongi, "I may have no chance to win his heart, but I won't make it easy for you!"

"I'm sorry to inform you, Jimin, but you'll have to wait for your next opponent. Yoongi broke up with me almost two months ago."

Jiwon then finally climbed the last few steps of the stairs and went to Yoongi's bedroom. I followed her there, but the only thing I could think about was what she had just told me.

They broke up almost two months ago, but Jiwon took care of Yoongi's injuries pretty much every day, she stayed with him all this time. They were always together, but no one had even realized that they no longer dated. Maybe Jiwon was a good person.

It made me think that good people can do bad things for fear of losing those they love. Could love somehow turn a good person into a bad person?

When we arrived in the bedroom, Yoongi was still asleep, curled up in a fetal position, it was impossible to look at him and don't smile. I would never get tired of watching him sleeping.

Standing in front of the bedroom door, I saw Jiwon open the wardrobe to pick up the first aid kit. She just wanted to help, but now Yoongi also had me, so I whispered to her to let me do the bandages, at least that day since he was so tired.

She hesitated for a moment, not knowing whether to accept my proposal or not. Looking at Yoongi emitting soft snores, she realized that I was right. "You better do it right, huh," she mumbled, before passing me with a serious expression on her face, "I can't stay here, I have an English class."

As soon as Jiwon left, I wondered what I should do. I thought about preparing something for Yoongi to eat, but I didn't know at what time he would wake up. So I just tried to keep the room as dark as possible to help him sleep and sat in a chair, checking my phone. There were three missed calls from Jaehwan, but since I already knew what he wanted, I didn't return his calls.

"Jiwon?" I heard Yoongi's raspy voice say. I love his voice, but it over the phone or when he had just woken up was even sexier.

"It's me... Jimin," I said, walking toward the bed.

"Oh... she always comes here in the morning, so I thought…" he said, lying lazily, just like cats do.

"She came here earlier, but I said she could leave... I can make the bandages. Do you mind?" I said, sitting next to him.

Yoongi just shook his head and sat on the bed. Somewhat drowsily he slowly took off the white shirt he was wearing and turned his back to me.

As gently as I could, I removed the bandages that Jiwon have made the night before.

Walking a little sloppy he went to the wardrobe picked up some clean black clothes so he could dress and then he walked toward the bedroom door. It was then that he seemed to remember that I was still there.

"Have you eaten anything?" He asked, as he held the door and rested his head on it.

"Not yet. Your mother doesn't even know I'm here. I thought about doing something for you to eat but…"

"Damn, Jimin! Have you been hungry all this time?" He said angrily. I was going to defend myself, but at the same time my stomach emitted an audible grunt, "I'll get you something to eat."

Without listening to my protests, shortly afterwards he returned to the bedroom bringing a plate with Haemul Pajeon (seafood and green onion pancake). When the pleasant smell of delicious food reached my nostrils I could no longer pretend not to be hungry or to try to be polite. I eagerly took the plate from Yoongi's hands and sat next to the desk.

When I finished eating the bite of food left on my plate, I saw Yoongi return to the room. He had already showered and probably went to the kitchen, because in one of his hands he held a plate of Haemul Pajeon similar to the one I had eaten.

"Can you help me get the sling? It sucks to have to wear this thing."

Immediately I got up from the chair and went to help him. Meanwhile with a little difficulty, he pulled back the shirt he was wearing. I could see that he was trying to keep his mother from seeing the bruises, because he struggled to dress and do things on his own. After I helped him with the sling he sat in the chair where I was before, so that the back of it was pressed to his chest giving me free access to do the bandages on his back. As I gently passed the cotton with some ointment on the wounds that hadn't yet healed he would eat his food.

"Is it hurting?" I asked, noticing that sometimes his body seemed tense to my touches.

"A little, but it's not your fault," he replied, stopping to eat for a moment. "When we were kids, you always asked me, Do you want me to kiss it better? Remember?" He said, tuning his voice to try to imitate a child. "Now the only thing I get is that cold ointment on my back… the evils of adult life."

First I slapped him on the head for mocking me because of my voice. Then I leaned in and began to lightly kiss the bruised areas. That was something we had done since I was a child, and even though my feelings for Yoongi had changed, there was no malice or ulterior motives at that moment. It was just a gesture of affection that brought us good memories.

"Feeling better?" I asked, helping him with his shirt.

"I need to say that I'm feeling better otherwise the kiss won't work, remember?" He said, smiling sweetly.

At that moment I felt that despite the time we had spent away from each other, nothing had changed between us. But still I felt guilty, so I had to apologize to him, "I'm sorry I didn’t help you at this difficult time..."

"You don't have to apologize, Jimin. I have overreacted a bit... but it's because, I really missed you."

"Me too," I said, wrapping my arms over his shoulders in an awkward hug, but it was what I allowed myself to do so it wouldn't hurt him further, "So... Jiwon told me you broke up with her. When are you going to tell her that you did it because of all this mess with your parents?"

He looked at me, seeming to be offended by what I had said, as if that were some lie. But during the time I kept waiting for him to wake up I started thinking about his relationship with Jiwon so I knew that was probably the kind of thing he would do.

"You heard me Yoongi. I know you very well. I know that's why you broke up with her."

"That's your problem, Jimin. You think you know everything about me," he said laying down his bed with a tired expression on his face.

I felt guilty for being there because I realized that the weekends were probably the only days he could sleep properly.

Yoongi was lying with his back against the mattress and his arms folded under his head. "Do you love Jaehwan?" He asked me, with his eyes closed.

"No!" I replied abruptly. I had many doubts about various things, but I was absolutely sure of my love for Yoongi.

"Wow... I'm glad Jaehwan isn't here to hear you talking like that, he'd probably be crying by now."

"I didn't mean it that way... it wasn't my intention," I said scratching my neck. It really didn't take me two seconds to deny it. That was a bit rude.

"I know. But still, I would like to have that conviction when it comes to Jiwon. I'm not sure if I love her, or if I ever loved her," he looked at me as if he hoped I could tell him the answer. But this was something very personal, I couldn't help him. "But she seemed so sure of her feelings for me that... I began to feel bad for not feeling the same, do you understand?"

I only nodded and went to lie down next to him. Lying on his side I rested my arm on his belly and my head gently pressed against his chest. I knew what he was trying to tell me, Jiwon liked him more than he liked her. Could a relationship like that work out?

"Also, soon I'm going to college, she's still going to start her senior year of high school. It would be unfair to hold her in such a fragile relationship." Yoongi said that they had decided to be just friends, but that he felt bad for Jiwon always take care of him, because he never knew if she did those things because of their friendship. "But what about you? Jaehwan, huh? I didn't think he was your type," Yoongi said, lightly running his fingers through my hair. That feeling was so good and comforting, it brought me inner peace, and my body immediately began to feel relaxed.

"Why not? He's handsome."

"That's the problem! It's a lot of beauty for a single couple. That's the kind of thing that makes ugly guys like me think they'll never get a chance to date someone beautiful."

That comment made me push my head away from his chest for a moment. I needed to look into his face to see if he meant it. He did.

"Jaehwan is handsome, but not that much. I don't think he's the prettiest guy from our school."

"And who is it then?" He asked, lowering his head a little and looking me in the eye, so deep like he could read my soul.

I turned my eyes to the wall next to the bed, "I won't give you the names ... I know that you would use this information against me!"

"Damn, you know me too well, Jimin," he said, smiling. He would no longer insist on that subject so I allowed myself to get comfortable again in his chest, his heartbeat like music to my ears. "But what about your parents, they already know about it?"

No, my parents didn't know and I wasn't sure if I would ever dare to expose myself to them. I didn't know if I would ever be prepared to deal with their reaction. Yoongi then told me something very wise, that it would be better if they knew it from my mouth than from other people. However, I was taking great care to be as discreet as possible. Only Yoongi, Jaehwan, and Jiwon knew about my secret.

He was surprised to hear the name of his ex-girlfriend, "Jiwon? How did she know that?"

"This is a long story, someday I'll tell you," I replied. Telling him about it involved things that I didn't know if he was ready to listen, to know that my feelings for him weren't just friendship. "But anyway, Jaehwan isn't quite my boyfriend. It's just a friend with benefits... but I think I'm going to end the benefits part."

Yoongi for a moment began to get angry, he changed his tone completely, "Has he done anything to you? He hurt you or…"

"No. That's why I'd rather end it now... before that happens."

My answer was enough for him to believe that I was fine. I could defend myself, I wasn't a child anymore, but I also liked feeling protected by Yoongi, knowing that I could trust him, that he cared for me.

"You're right. I wouldn’t be able to see him make you cry and do nothing about it. The problem is that I'm hurt so my badboy level dropped fifty percent."

"Now you're just a puppy," I said, stroking his delicate nose.

We lay there quietly next to each other, not bothering with the rays of sunlight coming through the window. I thought Yoongi was already asleep, but I heard him say, "Jimin, no matter what happens from now on... let’s be together forever."

I shifted my position to look at him better, and I saw that he had a serious expression on his face. He meant it, "Do you promise?" I asked, his sweet and sincere gesture made me smile.

"I promise," he said, returning my smile.

Then I raised my hand that was so small compared to his, "Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


It's really sad when love between two people ends. The end comes and with that, photos are torn, memories are forgotten, good moments are no longer as important as the bad ones. If in the past the couple did everything to get closer and closer to each other, counting the minutes for the other person to arrive, when love is over, it doesn’t matter anymore, in fact, the farther the better.

But the end of love is even sadder when you are the link between these people, when you are one of the things that make them remember each other. The love between them is over, so you're in the middle of all this mess loving alone. The time comes when you have to choose a side and no matter how much you think about it, the decision is always difficult.

This is what happens when parents divorce. It doesn't matter if the divorce was quiet or turbulent, this is always a remarkable experience in the children's lives. No matter how much they promise nothing will change, this is a lie because in fact everything has already changed.

At that moment, that was my story. But unlike many cases, I didn't want my parents to be together. I wanted them to get a divorce right away, because I could no longer live in my own home. I preferred to stay in school, on the street... anywhere but my house.

In my house I only witnessed fights, arguments and hatred. I just wanted some peace.

Divorce is not the worst thing in the world, the worst part are the times that lead to divorce. Sometimes the relationship is so worn out that divorce turns out to be the best thing that could have happened.

When Jimin started acting weird with me I was afraid that I'd done something wrong without realizing it. He's so sensitive, so emotional that sometimes I have to think about how I should behave around him. I don't want to say that he is weak, on the contrary. Jimin is sensitive with things happening around him, he always realizes when someone is sad or needs attention. I've never seen his sensitivity as a flaw or sign of weakness, but rather as his main virtue. The world needs more people like Park Jimin.

However his behavior lasted a week, then a month and when I realized it had been more than three months and he hardly spoke to me. Talking to Jiwon I came to the conclusion that maybe I had done nothing wrong, but that Jimin was getting tired of me. It happened even with my parents who are married and have children, so nothing would prevent it from happening to me and Jimin.

I didn't want to end up fighting or that we started hating each other so I let him go, I stopped trying to get close to him and force a friendship he didn't want anymore.

But this was as difficult as I thought it would be. I felt more alone than ever. I was confused, sad, angry, and I needed someone to talk to, but it couldn't be anyone, it had to be Jimin. No one makes me as happy as he.

As I began to notice that he and Jaehwan were getting closer and closer to each other, I was jealous, it was inevitable. After a while my jealousy was already mixed with anger. But I wasn't angry with Jimin, maybe a little, but it was mostly anger about everything. Everything around me was changing.

So it was obvious that I was more than happy to have patched up with my best friend and be able to go to his house on that Friday afternoon to invite him to go with me to the party that the basketball team had organized. But apparently I wasn't the only one who wanted to visit Jimin's house because as soon as his mother opened the door she let me know that Jaehwan was with Jimin in his bedroom playing video games.

I knew they weren't just friends, maybe they weren't boyfriends, but they certainly weren't just friends. I was a little hesitant about what to do. If I went away she would ask questions, if I stayed in the living room waiting for them there she would ask questions too. So even though I was hesitant, I decided to go up the stairs to Jimin's bedroom.

I stood for a few minutes in the middle of the hallway, from afar I saw that the door to his bedroom was closed. The last thing I wanted was to disturb some intimate moment between the two, or be inconvenient. I really should have called him before I came to his place.

I was extremely relieved when the door opened and Jimin and Jaehwan left the room.

"Yoongi? Were you waiting for me?" Jimin asked, coming toward me to give me a tight hug.

"I just got here," I lied, I just hoped Jimin's mother wouldn't say anything about my lie. I didn't know if it was some misunderstanding, but Jaehwan didn't seem happy to see me there at all. "Actually I just came to say hello, I'm already leaving."

"What? But you just got here. Did you come over to my house to literally just say hello?" Jimin said, and then he gave me that smile that made his eyes turn into little crescent moons. He has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen in my life. He says he doesn't like it that much because one of his front teeth is slightly crooked. But honestly, this is almost imperceptible. His smile is so wide and bright that nobody even notices that little imperfection.

"I don't want to disturb you, I-"

"Jimin and I were already leaving," Jaehwan said, he laid a hand on Jimin's shoulder and the sign couldn't be clearer. He was wanting to show me that I was the intruder there. Okay, I get it.

I didn't want to make that moment even more embarrassing, I turned and walked back downstairs, "Well, have fun then... see you around."

"Yoongi, we were just going to the party. Why don't we all go together?" Jimin asked as I walked down the stairs.

I really didn't want to be the third wheel, but he was looking at me with that face he does when he wants something, and Jimin always get what he wants. He's very cute, so it's hard to say no to him.

And that's how I found myself walking toward school with a grinning Jimin and a jealous Jaehwan by my side.

"Yoongi, I'm so happy that the guys from the team invited me to the party! But at the same time I'm sad that you left the team," Jimin said, giving me a side hug as we approached the entrance to the school.

As we arrived on the basketball court, I could hear the hip-hop music being played at high volume. Minutes later the coach asked us to turn down the volume, otherwise the school board would never let us do this kind of celebration again.

Every end of the championship when we got a good performance the team organized a party on the basketball court and then we went to someone's house for a party with more freedom and without so many rules. Since I would no longer play the championship, the team decided to anticipate the celebration and also kind of say goodbye to the players who would go to college since they would have to leave the team.

I felt much honored that they did this for me, I wanted to continue playing basketball at least until the end of the year, but it was impossible. I had to practically beg to be dismissed from work so I could attend that party.

The basketball court was decorated with several red and black balloons. I saw a banner hanging right in the middle of the court, my name written on it in large letters and around it I could see that there were many signatures, probably from the other guys. On a huge table set in a corner were several pizza boxes and Coca-Cola bottles.

What surprised me was that the guys on the team were dressed in our uniform.

"Yoongi, go get your uniform! Today we're going to play again!" I heard our coach scream, he was sitting in the front row of the grandstand eating a huge slice of pizza.

I was no longer wearing the sling in my arm, but the wounds on my back ached a bit, since on the day before my father had caused me some new bruises. For a moment I thought about declining the request or making up some excuse, but everyone was so happy to see me there that I couldn't refuse.

As I walked toward the locker room, Jimin approached me. I already knew what he was going to say.

"Yoongi, be careful, okay?"

I just nodded and continued to walk. I was relieved that the locker room was empty and I was able to change my clothes nonchalantly, I didn't want anyone to see my wounds.

"Yoongi, do you have a uniform to borrow?" I heard Jimin ask as I tied my sneakers. "The team let me play too. After all I'm your best friend, and I didn't watch your last game here," he said with a sad smile on his face.

I took my old uniform from the locker and gave it to him to wear. We were about the same height, wearing each other's clothes was never a problem.

"I'm going to try to stay close to you all the time, so we can avoid someone to hit you by accident."

I was happy to have Park Jimin in my life.

The match was very easy, without much dispute for the ball, after all only the members of our own team were playing, and Jimin, who kept to his word, remaining close to me all the time.

However when I'm about to score another point, a friend inadvertently gave me a nudge in the back. On a normal day, that gesture wouldn't affect me at all, it wouldn't stop me from continuing my move, but my back was really bruised, and I immediately felt a strong pain. With my hands on my knees I tried to pretend I was fine, that I was just catching my breath. As I looked at the nearly empty bleachers, I saw that Jiwon was staring at me with a worried face.

"I'm tired of playing! I want to eat, come with me Yoongi!" Jimin yelled, pulling me off the court.

"C’mon! Now? Let Yoongi play some more!" I heard someone from the team shout behind me. But Jimin, a spoiled brat, pretended not to hear the team's protests and just kept pulling me by the arm without looking back.

"Are you okay?" He whispered next to my ear. I only nodded, but in fact I spent the rest of the time sitting in a chair without making any sudden movements.

The celebration didn’t last long, the coach told us to clean the dirt we had done and to go home.

Soon I learned that this was just the beginning, the real party would happen at the home of a guy named Jinhee. He had just arrived in the city, he wanted to make friends, so, nothing better than a party.

I had already bathed in the empty locker room while the others were eating. I was sitting on the bleachers waiting for Jimin to finish taking a shower and changing clothes so we could go to the party when Jaehwan approached me. Obviously, he was also waiting for Jimin.

"I noticed that your arm was healed. How did you get hurt?" He asked as he stood in front of me. He had a weird smile on his face, as if he were hiding something. I didn’t understand what he was wanting.

"I fell," I replied coldly, I wasn't in the mood to give further explanations to him. I had known Jaehwan for years, but we weren't what we might call close friends. I think I was a little resentful of something that had happened when we were kids. We had agreed to face the school bully and he just ran off and left me alone. In my opinion you should never abandon your fellow battler.

"What about that purple bruise on your arm? Was it because you fell?" How did he know that? Jimin, of course. I preferred to be quiet, because that was better than telling him to mind his own business. "After you and Jimin have made up, he's acting different with me and-"

"Jaehwan... I'm too tired to have to listen to this jealous boyfriend's crap, okay?" I said as I got up to get away from him. It was true and I didn't want to argue with him since he was Jimin's friend.

The basketball court was empty since most people either had already gone to the party or were bathing in the locker rooms. Since I didn’t have much to do I started to check my cell phone to ignore Jaehwan. But it was in vain, it didn’t take long for him to approach me again.

"I just think you should leave Jimin alone," he said holding my arm harder than he should. He was clearly trying to be intimidating. Jaehwan was starting to annoy me. I looked seriously at his hand on my arm and then at his face. If he wanted to be intimidating, I could be just like him.

Then he let go of my arm, "He's my best friend, there's no such thing as leaving him alone," I replied.

I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, everything was going well between us, and we’d even made a pinky promise to be together forever. That was the kind of promise we took very seriously.

"Don't you realize you just make him suffer? These months that you two have been apart... Jimin has never been so happy, but now..." he was visibly annoyed with me. Jimin had told me that they were just friends, but it seemed that Jaehwan thought otherwise. "If you don't want to stay with him, then let him be happy."

But what was he talking about? I was on Jimin's side, and I always would be. It's not because our friendship had some problems that meant I didn't care about it. Even best friends fight sometimes, and that's what I patiently explained to Jaehwan.

"Are you dumb or what?" He shouted.

Would he start to offend me? I couldn't let it happen. I had never been disrespectful to him. I immediately put my cell phone in my pocket and positioned myself in front of him. He was a little taller than me but that didn't intimidate me, it never did and with him it wouldn't be any different.

"What did you just say? Say it again, straight up to my face!" I shouted, with my face really close to his. I was tired of his bullshit.

"Jimin is in love with you! Can't you see?"

Before I could think better about what I had heard, or about what I thought I had heard I noticed a voice close to me shouting, "Jaehwan! What are you doing?"

Jaehwan and I were so focused on intimidate each other that we didn't notice that Jimin had finished showering and was getting close to us, listening to what we had said.

"Yoongi, let's go to the party, okay? I'm ready. Don't pay attention to Jaehwan," Jimin said, holding my hand and trying to get me out of the basketball court. I noticed the way he looked at Jaehwan, he seemed to be very hurt. I felt bad for him.

"Wait, Jimin," I said, letting go of him and heading toward Jaehwan. "Look, you don't have to be jealous. Jimin is a caring person so you might think he's paying too much attention to me, but it's not true, okay? Now let's have fun at that party!" I said, pushing him slightly towards the exit.

I hoped that with my appeasing attitude Jimin would be happier. After all an argument between two people you like is always a bad thing. But contrary to what I expected, he continued with a sad face. All the way to the party I tried to cheer him up, he laughed sometimes but I knew it was more to please me. Jaehwan also kept quiet all the time even as I tried to include him in the conversation.

I wish things would improve at least a little bit during the party.





Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I should definitely avoid going to parties. The first time I went to one, I ended up extremely drunk and feeling miserable. I really wanted the basketball team party to be different for me.

My afternoon started well, Yoongi showed up at my house, we played basketball. I was so happy, but then everything went downhill.

As soon as we arrived at the party, I soon pulled Jaehwan by the arm and went to look for an emptier place where I could speak freely what had been stuck in my throat since the moment we left the basketball court.

While Yoongi was in the backyard having fun with other people at the party, Jaehwan and I were locked in the laundry room but not to make out.

"Who do you think you are? If someone had to tell Yoongi about my feelings for him, that someone is me... me!" I yelled furiously. Thank goodness the music was loud so no one outside could hear us.

I was tired of people think they could meddle in my life so easily, not respecting my opinion. First it was Jiwon wanting to threaten me because of my sexual orientation, and now Jaehwan who dared tell Yoongi that I was in love with him.

Was that the impression I gave people? Did they see me as someone so weak that they could do as they pleased with my life that I wouldn’t mind?  

"If I didn't tell it, you would never confess to him!" Jaehwan shouted, giving a punch in a washing machine. Why was he angry? I was the only one there who should be feeling anger about that situation. After all I was the only one who was humiliated by him.

"I don't know if you noticed, but I still didn't confess to him! You just spit that out. Yoongi didn't even believe it."

I started to think that Jaehwan had done it to take revenge on me because by the time Yoongi showed up at my house I had just told him that I didn't want to be friends with benefits anymore, but if he wanted to continue just being my friend, I would be happy. I didn't understand his reaction, because from the beginning I always made it clear that our relationship didn't involve love and that we didn't belong to each other. We were just having fun.

"Do you want me to tell him that everything I said was a lie? All right, I will do it!" He said, walking toward the door. But I wouldn't let him leave. That conversation wasn't over yet.

"What else do you say to him?" I asked pushing him against the washing machine.

"Just the truth! I told him he should leave you alone, that you would be better off without him," Jaehwan said. He knew of my feelings for Yoongi so when I heard him saying those things, I felt betrayed. "You're too good for him, Jimin! Don't you see? He doesn't deserve you!"

I couldn't stay another minute at that laundry room, for a moment I felt a great urge to punch him in the face. I didn't need other people to tell me what was good or not for me. Besides, Jaehwan didn't know Yoongi and after that day I came to the conclusion that he didn't know me either.

Then I leave the room and went to look for Yoongi. More than ever I wanted to stay with him. All the way to the party he didn't seem to have minded what Jaehwan had said. I didn't know if I should be happy or sad about it.

I didn't take long to find him. He was in the backyard, surrounded by his friends of the basketball team. He was so happy, always with a smile on his face. Taking into account everything that was happening in his life I was happy to see him so joyful.

As I approached him, I felt him resting his arm around my shoulders, making our bodies get even closer. He turned and looked at me with eyes so full of affection, not to mention that sweet gummy smile. I just smiled back and put my hand over his waist. "Did you guys see how Jimin played today? You've found my replacement!" I heard him say.

Everyone smiled at his comment, but it was clear it was just a joke. I basically didn't do anything in the game, because I just tried to keep him from getting hurt.

"Jimin isn't a basketball player, he's an excellent dancer! Didn't you know? At Minsuh's party he put on a good show for everyone to see!" Geunwoo said, grinning in my direction. I had met him at the other party and we talked a lot. I was glad to see him again.

With an arched eyebrow Yoongi turned in my direction, "Really? You're going to have to show me that later."

At the same time I felt my cheeks blushing, I mentally thanked the fact that it was getting dark outside and they couldn't notice it.

When Yoongi entered the house again to get a beer I followed him but decided that I would have fun without needing to drink alcohol. I still hadn't recovered mentally from the embarrassment I had last time. Yoongi seemed to agree with me because as soon as he opened the fridge and saw the soda cans, he took one and threw it towards me. I quickly lifted my hand and picked up the can flying in the air. He gave me a wink and carrying two beers walked towards the living room.

It wasn't long before I found out to whom he was going to give the other can of beer he was carrying. Sitting lazily on a couch, Jaehwan watched three girls dancing excitedly to the sound of loud music.

I didn't understand why Yoongi had decided to try to be Jaehwan's friend. They started to talk about basketball and I felt a bit left out. Plus I was still angry about what Jaehwan did. I was around him only because of Yoongi.

To get rid of that awkward situation I joined the girls who were dancing to the hip-hop music, at least they seemed to be nice people.

When my favorite song started playing, I couldn't hide my happiness, I had rehearsed the choreography of it a few weeks ago, all the dance steps were well marked in my memory.

In the middle of the song I realized Yoongi was staring at me. At first I thought I was seeing things, but then I could confirm that he didn’t take his eyes off me. I was glad to have caught his attention. With a smile on his face he seemed to be enjoying watching me dance.

When that song was over and a more sensual began to play, one of the girls who were dancing next to me, slowly walked towards Yoongi without stopping to dance for a moment. I saw she almost sat on his lap. His attention was no longer on me, but on the girl who was pulling lightly on the collar of his shirt, asking him to get up off the couch and dance with her.

I won’t deny that I felt more jealous than I would like to admit. I haven't drunk any alcohol but I suddenly started to feel sick.

Seeing Yoongi get up off the couch I soon figured he would start dancing with the girl, but he just went to the kitchen to get another beer. I was relieved. I didn’t want to feel that way, because I knew that soon he would be with some girl or even with Jiwon, and I would have to accept it. I felt my heart getting tight just thinking about it.

"You're dancing hip-hop very well, Jimin! I know about your talent for contemporary dance, but I was surprised now," he said sitting back on the couch with a beer in his hand.

"You really think so?" I asked with a broad smile on my face. I wanted to hear his honest opinion, not compliments just to please me. He nodded and was about to say something, but was interrupted by Jaehwan.

"I always say this to Jimin, but he doesn't believe it. He should attend one of those auditions to become a famous dancer," he said aloud.

Then Yoongi put his hand on my knee and giving it a slight squeeze he leaned toward me and said next to my ear, "If you want to attend some audition, I'll support you."

I was so happy to know that Yoongi was on my side supporting my dream. He's an important person to me, so of course his opinion is very relevant in my decisions. My parents didn't support me, they only criticized me. They said that I was wasting time dedicating so much to dance and not to my studies. It made me feel so insecure.

I was already considering making my application at Bighit's auditions, but something was holding me back, it scared me. I think Yoongi's support was what was needed to give me more courage to go ahead with my decision.

I felt so happy that soon I got up and went dancing again. I felt my body and my heart lighter. It is good to feel confident about something, to feel that you aren't alone. Of course I was still feeling a little insecure about my dancing skills, but with Yoongi's support I felt stronger. I know that if my parents supported me too then I would feel more complete, more loved, but I knew that at that moment it wouldn't be possible.

After some time dancing I noticed that the same girl from before had approached Yoongi again, and this time she actually sat on his lap. I saw her whispering something in his ear as she smiled.

It took a while for me to notice that I had stopped dancing and was stood just watching the two of them.

It was when I saw Yoongi get up from the couch, hold my hand and lead me toward the laundry room. Arriving there, a couple, who had forgotten to lock the door, was kissing, but Yoongi, not caring about it, promptly kicked them out. When Yoongi wanted to, he could be really intimidating.

"Did you see that girl? She's been hitting on me for the whole party," he said, placing the beer can on top of the washer. "What do you think? It's too early? You know... Jiwon."

Someone had tried to enter the laundry room and was about to interrupt our conversation, cursing, Yoongi locked the door.

I couldn’t believe it was really happening to me, the guy I loved was asking me if he should get involved with someone else. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to do or what to say. My mind went blank. I was so in love with Yoongi that it hurt, at times like this one it hurt even more.

He was staring at me waiting for my answer, and the only thing I could do was concentrate on trying not to cry. I wasn't a good actor, I couldn't disguise my face of sadness when I finally thought of some excuse to try to stop him from flirting with that girl, but I knew I couldn't keep acting like that forever.

"What are you going to say when she sees the wounds on your back?" I asked, leaning against the washing machine that had recently been a kind of nest to a passionate couple. How I envied them.

"I'm not intending to fuck her, just kiss... she doesn’t need to see my back," he replied, taking another sip of beer.

"You know very well that if you go there she won’t just want to kiss you! She was throwing herself at you... sitting on your lap and everything." As the words came out of my mouth, a voice in my head told me that I was making a big mistake, that once again I was pushing him straight to someone else arms. I wasn't ready for that. But I knew he didn't belong to me, if he really wanted to go and stay with that girl there was nothing I could do to stop him. "Just go…" I said in a trembling voice.

When he unlocked the door and left the laundry room leaving me there alone, all the tears I was holding slid over my face. I put my arms over the washer trying to catch my breath.

At what point had I let my feelings for Yoongi control me that way? It was as if my world surrounded him. I felt a strange pain in my heart. I was completely lost in my feelings for him.

It seemed that the more I wiped the tears from my face, the more they kept on falling down. I couldn't live that way anymore, I had to do something. I thought I could overcome what I felt, or else keep my love asleep. I thought I would be able to love him in secret, to love him alone. I couldn't be more wrong. My love was more awake than ever.

"Jimin?" I heard a voice muffled by the loud music behind me, "Jimin, are you crying? What happened?"

Suddenly I felt myself being wrapped in a tight back hug. I turned around and when I saw who it was, I placed my face up to the curve of his neck. That scent was always able to comfort me. I held onto his waist, where I knew there were no bruises, my other hand subtly sliding up his back, I needed to hug him. How could he not intentionally cause me so much pain, but at the same time bring me so much peace of mind?

"Jimin, did you drink too much alcohol again?" He asked, sliding his fingers lightly over my hair. I just shook my head, not moving my face away from his neck. I no longer tried to fight the tears that fell from my eyes and wetting his black shirt.

"Jiminie, tell me, please. What happened?" He asked, lifting my chin with his long fingers. He looked into my eyes with a worried face.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, leaning forward and ending the small distance between our mouths. His soft lips touched mine. I felt a wave of heat flow through my body. He remained with his mouth closed as my lips wrapped around his in a calm, slow kiss. My hands around his neck, and I lightly held the hair from the back of his head, "I'm sorry."

A solitary tear slipped down my cheek as I opened my eyes to face him, I knew that was the end of our friendship. I had made a mistake that had no return. He would never forgive me.

I lowered my gaze and was ready to leave, I didn’t want to hear him fighting with me, I didn’t want to hear his hateful voice.

However none of this came. Taking me by surprise I felt his hand tightening to the nape of my neck and the next minute it was he who was kissing me, but this time in an intense open mouth kiss, his tongue invading my mouth without even asking permission. I could feel a taste of beer coming from him, but I didn't care, to me he couldn't be sweeter.

Holding me by the back of my neck he leaned me against the washing machine, without interrupting the kiss for a second. I felt our crotches rubbing against each other. My whole body got warm, I had to hold onto his shirt to try to keep my balance, I didn't trust my legs anymore.

"This is wrong, Jimin. You're my best friend," he whispered with his lips close to mine.

"There's nothing wrong, Yoongi. I like you so much. You have no idea..." Our lips pressed together again and I wrapped my legs around his waist, I needed to feel his body as close to mine as possible, I needed to feel every inch of it. It wasn't long before his lips were against my neck. I turned my head slightly back so he had more access, I was his, "Mark me, please... please," I whispered.

I couldn’t hold a loud moan as I felt his lips pressing hard against my skin. His teeth slowly passed through that sensitive area. I held his hair tight.

"Fuck... the door, the door. Did you lock the door?" I remembered to ask as his tongue slid down my neck, his large and strong hands clutching my thighs.

My body was so warm, I needed him, and I needed to feel him. I mentally thanked the fact that I hadn't drunk any alcohol that day, so I knew that it was really happening, that I was feeling every touch and affection so intensely.

My hands slowly slid from his chest and went to his clothed dick. I gave it a slightly firmer grip. The moan he released near my ear made me groan too. I've wanted to hear that for a long time and knowing that it was me who was making him feel that way made the moment even more special.

"Fuck... Jimin, no ... Stop, stop," he groaned, his voice gasping.

"Why?" I asked, sliding my tongue lightly over his lips, "Can't you handle it?"

I slipped my hand through his pants and noticed he was already half-hard and as the tip of my fingers subtly touched his balls, he buried his head in my neck and bit me on the shoulder. "No, stop... seriously, stop," he said, moaning softly.

I started to move my hand up and down, feeling every inch of the dick that I craved so much. I couldn't wait to be able to suck it as I always did in my wet dreams.

I knelt before him, staring into his eyes. I kissed his cock through the fabric of his underwear. My mouth watered. I had never felt that way before. There was so much lust, so much desire that I didn't know if my body would hold out. I wanted to hear him moaning louder, I wanted to hear him scream my name with that raspy voice.

I pressed my fingers over the edge of his underwear. I wanted to finally see that beautiful dick up close. I wanted to lose myself in his taste.

But before that could happen, Yoongi abruptly moved away from me, uncomfortably closing the zipper of his pants. "I can't. I'm sorry. I can't," he said before unlocking the laundry room's door, leaving me there alone again.

I should definitely avoid going to parties. The first time I went to one, I ended up extremely drunk and feeling miserable. I really wanted the basketball team party to be different for me.

My afternoon started well, Yoongi showed up at my house, we played basketball. I was so happy, but then everything went downhill.



Chapter Text

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Yoongi had just left the laundry room and I didn't know what to do. For a moment I thought about going after him to see if he was okay. But then I realized that it would be pointless. He was probably very confused and needed some time alone. The way it all happened was a bit abrupt, because I hadn't told him about my feelings or how much I cared about him and our friendship.

During all this time I imagined how I would declare my love for him but it never occurred to me that it would be that way. I always planned on telling him in a simple and calm way. I would make it clear that to me our friendship was the most important thing. I would say that I don't want force him to feel the same way as me. I would respect his feelings, no matter how much that left my heart in pieces.

However, life doesn't follow the scripts we have created, sometimes it ends up generating a lot of sadness and disappointment, but other times it prepares some pleasant surprises. So I can't say that I was feeling sad or regretful about that kiss. It just didn't happen under the best of circumstances. But on second thought, I don't know if there would ever be a more appropriate time.

I slowly slid the tips of my fingers over my lips, and closing my eyes I could remember his face so close to mine, how his soft lips fit perfectly against mine. Now I understood why the school girls were crazy about him. Damn, that guy is a great kisser, he definitely know what he is doing. Without me noticing, a wide smile appeared on my face. If someone finds me there, staring at nothing and laughing on my own, would probably think I was crazy. But I couldn't help but daydream, I was so happy. The party going on behind the door no longer interested me.

When I saw the laundry door opening, for a few seconds my heart filled with hope, thinking that Yoongi had returned, but to my unhappiness it was Jaehwan.

"Yoongi asked me to take you home," he said, holding the door behind him.

"Thanks, but I can do it by myself. It's still early," I replied, walking past him and leaving the room.

As I made my way out of the house, I looked around me trying to find Yoongi, but I didn't see him anywhere. Probably he had already gone home.

During the whole walk to my house, I checked my cell phone to see if he had sent me any messages or tried to call me. I double-checked that the phone wasn’t in silent mode and that the ring volume was high enough.

When I got home I lied in my bed, and even tried to sleep. I knew that staying awake wouldn’t do any good, it would only make me more tired, but my body couldn’t relax.

I even typed in a message saying that if he wanted to talk I would be available anytime, but I deleted that before press send. Anguish was already overwhelming me. What was Yoongi doing? Was he unable to sleep, just like me?

I should have forced my mind to think of something else, because it didn't take long for me to start thinking about the worst scenarios. Was he angry at me and purposely ignoring me? Maybe he drunk a lot of alcohol and wouldn't remember anything that happened between us.

Since internet have an answer for everything, I decided to research what people recommended in this type of situation. Most of them advised that it was best to let things settle down and give the necessary space to the other person.

Easier said than done.

The most frustrating part is that in this kind of situation I would probably look for Yoongi and talk to him, listen to my best friend's opinion. But now I couldn't do that.

I don't know when or how I fell asleep, but the next day I woke up with the absolute certainty that I hadn't slept enough, I was even more tired than before.

I went to take a bath more to clean my mind than my body. Suddenly when I saw my reflection in the mirror the first thing I noticed was the hickey on my neck. I was able to cover it with my shirt, but I wouldn't mind showing it off to everyone see, though that would probably make people ask me questions that I couldn't answer.

During all the weekend I stayed at home, between doing homework and checking my phone, but nothing. Yoongi hadn't given any sign that he was alive, not even an emoji. Whether he was deliberately avoiding me or not, I was sure to find out only in school. After all, he couldn't hide from me forever.

I was wrong. During all the breaks between classes I discreetly walked around the school looking for him. I even thought about talk to Jiwon, but she seemed to be in a bad mood.

I was already on my way to my house when Yoongi's classmate asked me if he was sick since he hadn't showed up at school. I was surprised to hear that. Yoongi's parents were very demanding with everything about school, so he rarely skips any class.

Suddenly an idea came to my head, "Could you please lend me your notes from today's classes?"

With the notes in my hands I confidently walked towards Yoongi's house. The plan was perfect.

When I arrived there I knew that I had chosen a very bad time to show up. His father was the one who opened the door and he was furious.

"H-hi, is Yoongi there?" I asked, looking behind him to see if Yoongi or his mother were around.

"What do you want?" He yelled without even trying to pretend to be a polite person.

Yes, I was beginning to feel intimidated, but I knew that if Yoongi's father was furious like that, something had happened.

"I brought the class notes to him and…" He didn't even let me finish speaking, he simply stretched out his hands trying to take the notes from my hand, however I was faster and moved away from him, "I have to hand it to him, because there are some things I need to explain and…"

"Can't you do it in another day?" He said, threatening to close the door, but with a quick movement I pressed my body against it preventing him from closing it.

"No, I can't. These notes are important to his final exams." I stood there looking seriously at him, I wanted to make it clear that I was an insistent person and that I wasn't afraid. If he didn't let me in, I'd be disturbing him until he changed his mind.

"He's in his bedroom. Don't take too long there, because he has to devote more to his studies!"

The house had such a heavy bad vibe that for a moment I felt like I was a prey being captured by some trap. I couldn't help noticing that in the corner near the living room table there were many pieces of glass thrown on the floor. Probably some flower pot had been broken. I felt the angry look of Yoongi's father staring at me, then I hurried up the stairs and headed for Yoongi's bedroom which had the door closed.

I knocked one, two, three times, but no one answered and I heard no noise coming from inside the room. I subtly pressed my hand on the doorknob and could see that the door wasn't locked.

"Yoongi?" I whispered, slowly opening the door. I entered the room and I saw that Yoongi was lying face down on the bed. "Yoongi?"

When he turned toward me in tears, I felt my heart getting tight.

Without uttering a word, I just threw down the notes and my backpack on the floor and ran toward the bed to wrap him in a tight hug. Yoongi rested his head on my shoulder and began to cry even more.

"Breathe... try to calm down, breathe," I said, rubbing my hands gently over his back.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I saw Yoongi cry, and he had never cried like that, seeming to feel so much sadness and pain. Seeing him so fragile made me want to cry too, but I knew I had to be strong, or at least try to show him that I could be strong as well. Throughout my life, Yoongi was always by my side to protect me even when I didn't need to, even when I didn't want to.

Feeling so useless when he needed me, made me a bit disappointed in myself. I wanted to somehow take away all the pain he was feeling. I just wanted him to feel happy.

I tried to calm him down and slowly rocked our bodies, just like a mother who nurses her baby to make him sleep. I whispered in his ear words of comfort and affection, showing that he wasn’t alone, that he could count on me.

I looked at his arms and noticed that his pale skin was red, there were well-defined finger marks. It was clear that someone grabbed him tight. I didn't need to think too hard to know who that someone was. I subtly began to slide my fingers over those marks, as if I tried to make them disappear, "Do you want to tell me what happened?" He didn’t answer me, just hugged me tighter. I understood, he still wasn’t ready to talk about it.

After a few minutes in silence, I could hear his voice for the first time that day, "They divorced. I chose to stay with my mother," he said in a shaky voice, "My father started yelling that I was an ungrateful son, a disappointment to him." He seems calmer but with puffy eyes from crying. I cupped his face stroking my thumbs over his cheeks trying to wipe away his tears. "I told him how I was feeling about all this shit... about the assaults on my mother. And he said that I am weak, spoiled, he even said that he is sure of me end up becoming a nobody."

Why was someone's sensitivity always seen as a sign of weakness? I totally disagree. It takes a lot of courage and a lot of strength to expose yourself to the world, to be who you really are, not afraid to show what you really feel.

Empathy is one of the main characteristics that differentiate humans from other beings. Although we live in a world full of technology, machines, endless cables and screens, we aren't robots. And yet, no matter how powerful a machine may be, it will never be able to be exactly like a human being with its qualities and defects.

"Yoongi, look at me. Pay close attention to what I'm going to say, okay?" I said, cupping his face in my hands so that we kept eye contact, "You're great. You aren't a failure, you will never be. Don't let your father's bitter words enter your heart, okay? Sometimes when we get angry we end up saying or doing things that we later regret."

Silently I went to sit on one of the edges of the bed and with my back against the wall I placed a pillow on my lap. Yoongi immediately approached me and rested his head on that pillow. I gently run my fingers over the soft strands of his hair, the tips of my fingers gently massaging his scalp.

"Jimin? I didn't forget," he said, with his eyes closed and a more serene expression on his face, "About what happened on Friday, I didn't forget. Just give me a little more time to think, okay?"

I just nodded, not even realizing he wasn't seeing me. After finding him so vulnerable, I couldn't even remember the notes or the real reason I had come to his house.

He opened his eyes and tilted his head slightly so he could see my face better. Then he looked into my eyes, "Can I ask you something? When did you realize you were in love with me?"

That wasn’t a new question for me, I had already asked myself about it months ago, so I didn’t need to think too much about the answer, I already knew.

"Every day. I think that feeling was always there somewhere in my heart, and it was growing, and growing to the point where I could no longer avoid it. Every day I realize that I'm in love with you."

At this he just closed his eyes and remained silent.

After some time when I realized that he had already fallen asleep, as subtly as I could, I got out of bed trying not to wake him. Silently I left the notes on the desk, grabbed my backpack off the floor, and left the room, but not before taking one last look at him. I knew he was still suffering and there was nothing I could do to change that. I didn’t want to leave him there alone, but I had to go home.

The heart, brain, and lungs are the better protected organs by our skeleton because they are vital. But when you love someone, your heart speeds up, gets tight, you're out of breath, in many moments your brain seems to lose control, your thoughts are confused, in the most unexplained moments you catch yourself thinking about the loved one, you don't even need a reason to remember them.

That day I realized that when you truly love someone it is as if your heart starts to beat outside your chest because you end up becoming so fragile, so vulnerable that anything can break it, it doesn't belong only to you anymore.



Chapter Text

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Dreaming is easy, but making dreams come true is the hard part. When we are children, they always ask us "What do you want to be when you grow up" making it seems easy. Adults really make us believe that we can be whatever we want to be.

But what they don't make clear is that it's harder than it looks. When you dream big, longer and strenuous is your walk.

However, in the end, we are what we can be, and we have to learn to deal with what life has given us.

Some people manage to get practically intact into adulthood, they see the world with more hope, and they trust in themselves, they are fearless. But there are also those that like Yoongi arrive in the adult stage already having to mend the pieces of themselves. They've been through a lot, they've seen a lot. They matured ahead of time.

No matter how many people said that my bubbly personality wasn't suitable for my age, after all I would soon become an adult, having to start work and take life seriously, I didn't mind trying to change. Yoongi liked me for what I was. He always said that I was the light in the darkest hours of his life, and that I should always shine for both of us. So that was what I would do, not bothering with comments from bitter people who no longer allowed themselves to see beauty in the simplest things in life, who didn't allow themselves to be happy in the face of small things, didn't accepting people who thought differently.

When I lively called Yoongi to come to my house to spend some time together, more than having him with me, I wanted to get him away from his house a little. About a week ago, his father had returned to Daegu, so I knew it wasn’t easy for his family to get used to that change. I knew that if I told Yoongi the real reason for invite him, he would probably say he was fine, that I didn't need to worry, or that he didn't want to bother me and all kinds of bullshit. So I decided to tell him that I needed help filling out the application form from Bighit’s audition.

"They're asking me to enter my name and if I already have a stage name," I told Yoongi as I watched him play some dumb game on his cell phone.

"Park Jimin. Your name is Park Jimin," he replied without looking away from his cell phone screen.

"Very funny. I'm asking you about this stage name thing. I don't have one yet."

"Leave it blank then, don't write anything," he grunted, frowning as he looked at the phone.

I kept looking concentrated to the screen of my laptop typing the easiest information like my city, age and date of birth. But then I visualized a question that I didn't know how to answer.

"Yoongi, what's my main skill?" I asked, getting up from my bed and going to sit next to him on the hardwood floor.

"You have the ability to disturb me when I'm trying to get through a hard level!" He teased, leaving the cell phone aside and picking up the laptop from my lap for instead putting it on his. "Let's see, main skill..." He held his own chin, and stood for a few seconds looking upwards with his brows furrowed as if he were thinking about the meaning of life, so he let out, "That day, you know... at that party... you wiggled your ass much better than those skinny girls there. That must be some kind of skill, right?"

I felt my cheeks warm, I didn’t even want to imagine how blush they were. So that means he was really paying attention to my dance. That was interesting, really interesting.

"I can't write that sort of thing! This is something serious Yoongi!" I yelled, slapping him on the shoulder. I wasn't angry at his comment, but he couldn't know that.

"I understood, so let's put it like this, ‘extraordinary ability to control body movements in order to majestically follow the rhythm of any song being played'. What do you think, serious enough?"

I deleted what he had typed and picked up the laptop from his hands again, "If I write something like that they'll think I'm better than I really am. They'll be disappointed to see the real me," I grunted, closing the browser's tabs and placing the laptop on the bed behind me, "I don’t want to do this anymore. It's bullshit."

I hated feeling so insecure, but it was inevitable. I didn't know if I was prepared to dance knowing that I would be being evaluated by professionals. Yoongi was so confident about my talent. But what if this wasn't enough? What if I fail? I didn't want to disappoint him.

"What are you doing?" I asked puzzled when I saw him typing something on the laptop with a concentrated expression.

"I'm signing up... as a rapper," he replied without taking his eyes off the screen for a second. "And you're going with me to Seoul, and when you see everyone overcoming their insecurities and doing their best, you will regret giving up."

He really meant it, when I looked at the screen he was quickly answering all the questions without worrying too much about the details or whether the choice of words he was using was adequate. When I was filling out that form, I wondered even about the amount of words.

"Will you be there with me?" I asked, looking shyly at my fingers.

I could feel Yoongi's gaze on me as he answered, "All the time."

With Yoongi by my side we fill out our registration forms carefully, helping each other with the answers to the questions on subjects we didn't feel so confident.

I could talk about Yoongi and his love for hip-hop culture for hours, about how he worked to compose incredibly good lyrics, that he needed a chance to show the world what was inside his mind. And he could talk about me with the same enthusiasm, with even more praise and skill descriptions.

We then understood that we needed to get the Bighit's staffs to look at us in the same way that we see each other and not as we see ourselves.

"It’s done! Now let's get something to eat, I'm hungry," he pointed out as he finished filling out my application form.

I left home feeling light but at the same time very anxious because I knew that now there was no way, I would participate in the Bighit's auditions and that more than ever I needed to practice my dance, trying to improve my weaknesses. I would have to go to Seoul and show my best. I just wasn't quite sure how I would do that or what exactly they expected from the candidates. To make things worse, the website said they would schedule a day during the first week of the month for the candidates to perform. I was praying for them to schedule me for Saturday or Sunday, otherwise it would be impossible for me to travel to Seoul. My parents would never let me miss a whole day of class just because of my dream of being a dancer, but more than ever I wanted to make it true.




Chapter Text

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The weather was bad, the end of the year was approaching and it brought a freezing cold. Yoongi and I decided to buy some snacks and go back to my house so we could eat all the sweets we had bought in the comfort of my room, taking advantage of the heater. Today wasn’t a good day for outdoor walks, as much as I loved the idea.

I was more than happy when we entered my bedroom and I was able to take off the heavy coat I was wearing. "What are we going to watch?" I asked Yoongi as I placed the bags on the bed.

"Anything, but no sad shit," he said as he took off his sneakers and coat. "The last time you've been crying for hours."

"What? That's a lie, sir Shit, I think there's something in my eye, or is it allergy? You don't fool me!"

Choosing a movie to watch was more difficult than I thought. Yoongi didn't want anything sad but also no silly comedies, no horror movies with ridiculous stories. We had been arguing for almost half an hour and we seemed to be nowhere near a final decision.

Yoongi was sitting in my bed with the laptop on his lap, concentrated on getting the perfect movie. I was tired of waiting for him, so I opened a packet of gummy bears and began to eat as he tried to finally decide about what we would watch. I don't think even the people who elect the Oscar winners have taken so long to assess whether a movie is good or not.

When Yoongi realized that I was eating all by myself, he looked at me with an ugly face and abruptly pulled the package from my hands. I tried to get my gummy bears back, but he wouldn't let me and that was already annoying me.

"The problem is that you want to make things harder than they already are," I said, picking up a chocolate bar from one of the bags on the bed. "It's simple, you pick a movie and... it's done."

He wasn’t too happy with what I had said, but I was tired of waiting for him to finally decide. With an annoyed expression, he put the laptop on my lap and lay on my side in bed, "Then, you choose it."

To show him it wasn't that hard, I pressed the play button of the first video in the list. Smiling confidently I pulled my eyes away from the screen just to pick up another packet of candy.

I was wrong. The movie was very annoying, but I couldn't admit it to Yoongi. Controlling my desire to sleep, I would comment on anything I saw in a random scene, trying to make it sound as interesting as possible.

It wasn't long before I felt Yoongi staring at me. Reluctantly I turned my head to the side to be able to see him. However I already knew what his facial expression would be, of extreme boredom.

"What? This is intellectual shit, doesn't mean it's bad," I said when I paused the video. Although it was unnecessary because I didn’t understand anything that was happening, I had probably closed my eyes during some important scene.

"It sucks. And don't tell me you like it because I've seen you napping about three times!"

He was right, in an attempt to show him that we didn't need to be so critical of choosing the movie I ended up making the worst decision. I thought the movie would get more interesting over time, but it was an hour later and I still didn't even know what was going on.

"Let's watch another one then," I suggested, clicking again on the list of movies.

"I don't want to watch anything else. I'm done," he said, folding his arms and pouting.

It was too cute for my heart to bear. I set the laptop aside and started tickling his belly. "Oh... my baby is upset! I should have picked some movie for little children!" I said, watching him squirm with laughter.

"Stop it, Jimin! I'm older than you..." he shouted, trying to hold my hands and prevent me from continuing to tickle him. He was trying hard to stop the quick movements of my hands, but I was faster.

At one point, he held tight to my forearm making me lose balance. Before I knew it, I found myself falling on top of him, our faces dangerously close to each other.

"Sorry," I said shyly, trying to change that questionable position.

"Jimin? Could you kiss me again... please?" He asked, averting his gaze for a few seconds toward my lips.


Of course I wanted to kiss him, I never thought I would hear him saying that words. But I needed to know why he said that. I didn't want him to feel obligated to anything. I didn't want to rush him. It took me a long time to understand that I like boys, I couldn't expect him to feel safe about it overnight.

"I want to confirm something..." he murmured, seeming to be feeling uncomfortable about that situation.

That answer didn’t make me completely satisfied, in fact it only increased my amount of doubts, but I decided to forget about it for a minute and slowly leaned my body forward, giving him time to say something if he had changed his mind.

"But keep your hands to yourself," he said with his gummy smile.

"What? I didn't want to say anything, but last time it was you who pressed me against that washing machine!"

He gave a laugh so pleasant to hear that I felt relieved to see him so relaxed, forgetting a little about what was happening, about what that meant for our friendship. I close my eyes and leaned forward again until I felt his soft lips touching mine. Afraid to frighten him or rush things, I just gave a little peck on his lips, and another, and another. I opened my eyes to see if he was uncomfortable, or wanting me to stop, but he showed no such thing, with his eyes still closed he just waited for my next move.

My body was still over his, so as to prevent any misunderstandings I tried to keep as still as possible and slowly moved my head to give a slight nibble on his bottom lip. I kept my hands on the mattress and tried to control myself not to touch him, as if Yoongi were my prey and any sudden movement could make him run away.

As a notice that he was comfortable with my caresses, I took a chance and licked his lips. He realized my intentions and slowly allowed my tongue to enter his mouth, even though timidly. Then my tongue gently discovered every bit of the roof of his mouth. This time there was no taste of beer, it was literally the sweetest kiss I ever had.

Suddenly I felt his hand tighten around my waist as the other one went towards the back of my neck. When I felt his icy hand touch the thin skin of my neck, a shiver ran down my spine. Then his lips met mine in a demanding, breathless open mouthed kiss. I cupped his face as I felt his hands sliding across my ribs and resting on my hips.

"Lock the door," he demanded with a gasping breath.

I was so immersed in that magical moment that I had forgotten little details that made all the difference, like locking the door. My mother was home and if she came into my room and saw us in that position, kissing so urgently, I wouldn’t know any heterosexual explanation to tell her.

I quickly got out of bed and went to lock the door, but before that I took a look in the hallway to see if anyone was around, but apparently my mother kept cleaning the kitchen. As I turned around, I felt Yoongi pressing my body against the door and kissing gently on my neck, sniffing my scent.

"I just wanted to make it clear that I kept my hands to myself all the time," I said as I felt him timidly nibbling my earlobe. With a broad smile on my face, I raise my arms, wrapping them around Yoongi's neck to bring his body even closer to mine.

"Your lips are so pouty," he mumbled against my mouth.

"Do you like them?" I asked looking into his eyes. He nodded and gently rubbed his bottom lips against mine. Leading my hand to his dick, I massaged him over his pants, "I can do wonderful things using my lips, you know?" He smiled and gave me a hungry kiss, his tongue sinking deep into my mouth, massaging and playing with my tongue. He started to suck my lips, one at a time, giving slight nibbles.

"Jimin, how far have you been with Jaehwan?" He gasped, sliding his hands slowly down the sides of my ribs.

"The whole way," I replied, attacking his lips again with mine.

Well, that was partially true, since Jaehwan felt more comfortable bottoming we never tried the other way. But Yoongi didn't need to know that, at least not at that moment. I didn't want to talk about Jaehwan or about everything we had done, which wasn't much.

Slowly he slipped one of his hands under my shirt, while with the other he held the back of my neck. "The hickey you gave me is gone," I said as he slowly licked my neck, giving me open-mouthed kisses.

"Do you want another?" He asked next to my ear in that deep voice, sending vibrations directly to my dick.

"Please," I groaned, feeling our crotches brush against each other.

He pulled away from me and started to lift my shirt, I was already crazy with desire. Hastily I lifted my arms and then tossed my shirt on the floor, bringing our bodies closer again.

His lips went straight to my nipples, sucking, licking, nibbling them until they were swollen from the attention they had received.

"Fuck... Yoongi... "

I took my hands to the edge of his shirt, lifting it up a little, he just held tight to my wrists lifting them up over my head. I was immobilized. Seconds later I felt his lips pressing hard against the skin of my collarbone, I immediately felt the familiar pain that at the same time was so pleasurable.

Unable to use my hands, I lifted my knee pressing subtly between Yoongi's legs, causing a slight friction on his cock.

"I want to see you... s-see your body. C-can I?" He moaned with his head pressed against my neck. When I nodded, he released my arms and moved away from me.

I tried to control my nervousness, leaned in and pulled out my socks first. I felt my fingers trembling slightly as I began to unbutton my pants.

I had gotten naked in front of Jaehwan but I never felt so insecure, so exposed as I was feeling with Yoongi. I wanted him to like what he was seeing, wanted him to feel attracted to me. For a second I started to regret not having turned off the bedroom lights, I started to remember the fat I had in my belly and the small stretch marks on my thigh, they weren't too visible, but maybe he would notice. His body was so slender, different from mine.

I was in the process of removing my underwear when I saw him turn around and start walking toward the bed. I started to think he had given up, that he wasn’t feeling horny for me. I felt my heart get more and more tight. I didn’t know what to do.

He sat on the bed with his back against the headboard, and looked at me asking me to sit in the space between his legs. Before doing what he asked, I quickly turned off the lamps in the room. It wasn't dark outside yet, so the light coming through the window still lit up the room a little. But in that way I didn't feel so exposed, since I was wearing only my underwear while he was fully dressed.

I slowly walked toward the bed and timidly sat on the mattress taking up the space between his legs. Yoongi then gave me a warm hug, causing me to rest my back against his chest, his knees flexed around my body. "Do you mind taking off your underwear as well?" He whispered in my ear.

I wanted to know what the hell was going on in Yoongi's mind, but at the same time I was also feeling insecure about my body. I shouldn’t have given up on my diet. But now it was too late. Without thinking much, I quickly leaned forward and removed my black underwear, placing it in a corner of the mattress.

Yoongi's large hands began to rub my back in small circular motions. I felt my body shiver with his touch, so subtle but at the same time so tender. Pressing his hands on either side of my shoulders, he began to make a nice massage releasing all the tension from my body. His firm hands pressed against the curve of my neck and without me noticing a soft moan left my lips.

He then pulled me by the shoulders, causing me to lie down again against his chest, "Thank you," he whispered next to my ear.

"For what?" I asked smiling, as I felt him giving soft kisses across my neck and cheek. All the tension in my body already gone, I didn’t even remember my insecurities anymore.

"For trusting me."

His hands slid down my chest to my belly, repeating this movement several times. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder, feeling his hands exploring every bit of my upper body. His firm grip slipped down both my arms, giving me a little squeeze from time to time.

"Your skin is so soft," he whispered, lightly nibbling my ear.

I was afraid to open my eyes and realize that none of this was real, that it was just another dream. I didn't want to wake up, so I made myself comfortable in his arms, letting him free to touch my body in any way he wanted.

When I felt him kiss my neck and my shoulder with a little more force, I knew that unlike what happened the first time, now I would have to work a little harder to hide those hickeys.

I had to try to be as quiet as possible, because at any moment my mother could go down the hallway and hear my groans, but it was very difficult to do since Yoongi was massaging my thighs firmly. Every time his hands moved too close to my dick, I felt my heart skip a beat.

As best I could, I turned my neck to the side, reaching for his lips with mine. With one hand pulling subtly at my hair and the other stroking my nipple, Yoongi slowly licked my lips before starting a passionate kiss that was more tongue and saliva than anything else.

Suddenly I felt his hand grasp the base of my dick, and I immediately widened my eyes, surprised at his shamelessness.

"Be quiet," he whispered, giving me a wicked grin. I nodded and closed my eyes again feeling his hand slide steadily up and down at a slow pace.

"Your body is so beautiful," he murmured, giving me a light kiss on my ear.

As his hand moved faster, I began to gasp. I started to feel my body so warmed up, start to sweat. He kissed and licked my neck, the fingers of one hand playing with my nipple while the other spread precome across the length of my dick. I tried to control my moans, but this was impossible with Yoongi's caresses and his groans in my ear. I could feel his erection rubbing subtly on my lower back.

"Oh-god... Yoongi... fuck," I yelled, arching my back as a wave of intense pleasure swept over my body.

"Shhhhh," he whispered in my ear, urging me to stand still. As if I wasn’t already trying. I gripped the fabric of his pants, trying to somehow control the involuntary movements of my body. "Jiminie... can I touch you here?" He asked quietly. Then I turned my head to the side in order to ask what he was talking about, and felt the tip of his finger glide through my entrance. It was enough to make me arch my back again with a loud groan.

"Yes... please," I whispered, trying to control my breathing. With his help, I flexed my knees even more and I opened my legs so he had more access.

He gently sucked his middle finger and then began to make small circular motions at my entrance lightly pressing the spot. It didn’t take long for me to feel it penetrating me slowly.

Slowing the movements of the hand that surrounded my dick, he licked my earlobe and then he sweetly blow in my ear. The feel of the cool air drying his hot saliva made my whole body shake. I knew I wouldn't last long.

“Yoongi... I can’t...”

I tried to kiss him, but I couldn't even think straight, I just kept my mouth open while moaning and feeling him nibbling on my lips.

When I felt my orgasm take over my body I had to bite my own wrist to muffle my scream, I never had an orgasm with that intensity. My whole body had been overstimulated.

I lay on his chest for a few minutes trying to catch my breath, when I remembered that even though I was tired I needed to do something. I turned abruptly to be able to help him with his erection, "Yoongi, sorry, sorry... let me..."

 "Could you please lend me some underwear?" He asked with a shy smile on his face.

"That's what you get for making out with your clothes on."

I wrapped myself in a sheet and then slowly walked over to my wardrobe to get a underwear for him, my legs still a little shaky.

"Watch out... the sheet...  I used it to wipe my hand," he said pointing to the end of the sheet. When I leaned in I saw that it was dirty with a lot of cum.

"I'm going to take a shower first and change my clothes. Stay here, when I come back it's your turn," I said, holding some clothes in my hands and walking toward the exit of the bedroom. I opened the door a bit just to see if anyone was around and then ran off to the bathroom down the hallway without listening to Yoongi's protests.

I didn’t take long in the shower because I knew it was dangerous for someone to see us in that situation and my mother would probably ask a lot of questions. Still Yoongi barely waited for me to enter the room and started to complain, "I feel disgusting, the cum has dried up," he said, rising cautiously from the bed and taking the underwear I had given him.

"This is your punishment, I told you!" I joked as I took another sheet to lay on the bed.

"By the way, your mother was here while you bathed."

When I heard that, my heart sped up. I had almost forgotten that my mother was still at home, "Did she suspect anything? What did you tell her?"

"I told the truth, that you were taking a shower because you were all dirty."

At that moment I widened my eyes and my mouth, trying to process what I had just heard. "You did what?" I shouted, bringing my hands to my head.

"I said you were all dirty. That you ate a lot of candy and had diarrhea," he said with a laugh.

"Yoongi!" I yelled as I reached for him with my hand raised so I could hit him, but Yoongi hurried to the bathroom and closed the door on my face.

While he was taking a shower, I stood in the bedroom thinking about what had just happened right there in my bed. It was obvious that I had liked it, a lot. But what did that mean for Yoongi? I didn’t mind being friends with benefits with Jaehwan but it was because there wasn’t a deeper feeling involved, it was just for fun. With Yoongi it was different, my love for him wouldn’t allow us to keep that same kind of relationship without any commitment.

It wasn't long before Yoongi returned to my bedroom. Silently he took one of the empty bags where the candy were previously, and put the washed underwear inside of it. He approached the bed where I was sitting resting my head on my knees, he leaned over and gave me a kiss.

"I need to go home," he said, running his fingers through my hair.

"I know," I replied, raising my head and giving a peck on his lips. "We need to talk."

"I know."



*** The image below is an edition made by januarydays, but I had to change the color of Yoongi's hair to suit the chronological line of my fanfiction.


Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I was afraid. I wanted to be optimistic and think that things would start to work for me, that my dream would finally come true. To prove to the world and to myself that I was capable, that I was gifted, but I was afraid. Dance has always been my refuge and my main source of joy. I didn't want to feel pressured to do well at Bighit auditions, but that was inevitable. The only thing I wanted was for that not to change my love for dance. I didn't want to end up making something I loved in my obligation. I danced because I liked it because it made me happy.

When I told my dance teacher that I couldn’t continue to help her in class, she was sad and asked why. I lied to her, saying it was because of my studies and that I was out of free time. I didn’t want to tell her about the auditions. Maybe it was dumb, after all she could give me tips, help me with new dance techniques. But I knew that if I told her and failed, she would be another person I would have disappointed. No one was charging me a perfect performance, that wasn’t the problem. The person who charged me the most was myself.

Hours had passed since I had started my training, and my body was already sore and tired. But I knew that maybe the extra time I'd been dancing around would make all the difference.

It was late at night when an employee told me that I had to leave because he would have to close the doors of the dance studio. Without arguing I just decided to take a quick shower and get out of there, the guy seemed to be eager to go home and I was the only thing that kept him from doing it.

Although I was bundled up, as soon I set foot on the street a cold wind hit my face making me curse myself mentally for not bring a umbrella. I tried to walk fast and escape getting wet from the rain, but it was in vain, I soon had to shelter under the awning of a flower shop. I was tired, hungry and cold. I just wanted to go home. I even thought about facing the rain, but I couldn’t risk getting flu, it would be very disruptive to my training.

I thought about calling my mother, but as soon as I got the phone out of my pocket, I saw that the battery was practically discharged. So, I decided to send a message to her, explaining my situation. It was when I saw someone approaching me.

"Hey, were you also taken by surprise by the rain?" Jaehwan asked, standing beside me under the awning. He was all wet and shivering with cold.

I nodded and smiled shyly. Meeting with him caused me some discomfort. We didn’t talk like we did before, just what was needed when we bumped into each other in the hallways of the school. I was about to take my cell phone to use it as an excuse to soften that awkward situation when I remembered that the battery wouldn’t last much longer.

I started thinking about all the trivial matters I could use to start a conversation with Jaehwan and make the time pass faster, as the rain only got worse. But he was faster than me. Unfortunately the subject he chose wasn’t so trivial to me.

"So you're already dating someone. You're quick to find gays here in the neighborhood. It took me a long time to find you," he said, scratching the back of his neck and looking around us to confirm we were alone.

I didn’t need to explain myself to Jaehwan, but even so I preferred to make things clear, "I'm not dating anyone."

"You don’t have to lie to me. I saw the hickeys, during dance class," he said pointing at my neck, "Who's the guy?"

I instinctively took my hand toward my neck. With my coat and shirt on I could hide my hickeys well, but I hadn’t realized that my dance clothes could show a little of my skin. "It's not a guy," I lied, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

"It's Yoongi! You finally managed to make the guy to like dick," he said with a weird smile on his face, "You're my hero, you know? The basketball team will love knowing that."

"What are you talking about? I told you, there is no guy," I said angrily. I had to try to control my tone of voice, because I couldn’t let him realize I was lying and that I was getting bothered by his insistence.

"I saw you two at that party. Messy hair and swollen lips, if I remember well Yoongi even had an erection!"

I wanted to punch Jaehwan, throw him to the ground, and kick his face. I knew very well what he was trying to get with that conversation and it wasn't pleasing me. "You're seeing things. I saw you drinking alcohol that night, but I didn’t know it was that much," I said trying to keep up my poker face.

"Even if I have no evidence... yet, if I spread the rumor at school, it will take a while for him to be able to deny it, until that happens, much damage would have already been done," he said in a menacing tone. "Why did Yoongi broke up with Jiwon, the most beautiful girl in our school? Why hasn't the womanizer been seen with anyone else since? At that party he even turned down Chaerin! Weird, isn't it?"

I didn't know what to say, I just denied Jaehwan's accusations. What was he up to? No matter what he said, I would never betray Yoongi. "What do you get by inventing these lies? Also, remember that Yoongi is straight, you aren't."

I thought by saying that I would be able to get that stupid grin out of his face, but it didn't happen, on the contrary. Upon hearing my comment he laughed hard. "Are you threatening me? If I fall, you fall next, Jiminie," he said mockingly.

How could I have been so wrong about Jaehwan? This whole time I thought the villain of the story was Jiwon, when in fact the real venomous snake was right on my side and I was becoming a friend with it!

"You promised me! You promised you wouldn’t tell about my secret to anyone!" I said trying to control my urge to cry. I couldn't let him see me frail.

"Promises can be broken. I didn't sign any contracts. Besides, I promised not to tell your secret, I never said anything about Yoongi’s."

"What do you want anyway?" I yelled, pulling away from Jaehwan and going to sit on a wooden chair next to the flower shop. My body was tired because of my dance practice, and at that moment I felt mentally tired as well.

"I want you to stay away from Yoongi and -"

"I'm not coming back to you!" I interrupted him, getting up immediately from the chair to face him.

"And who said I want you back?"

In the past, maybe my self-esteem would have been affected by that comment. But my mind was somewhere else. I wasn’t worried about myself, but Yoongi.

I could hear the words coming out of Jaehwan's mouth, but I couldn't believe it. For a moment I even thought it was all a misunderstanding, that he was playing some dumb joke with me. Was he taking part in a bet that the winner would be the one who could get Jimin out of his nerves as fast as possible? Because if was it, he would certainly take the prize.

"As I was saying, stay away from him, but before that, ask him to put me on the basketball team," he said, emphasizing every word to intimidate me.

"You know he has no power to do that. He has already left the team!"

How did he expect me to get it? Yoongi was part of the basketball team for years, everyone appreciated his effort and dedication, even studying and working, he always attended in training. He had the respect and admiration of everyone. Even if I asked, I knew Yoongi wouldn’t do what Jaehwan was suggesting, it was wrong. Jaehwan tried to be part of the team for years, but he was never accepted. There was a reason for that, he was lousy and there were other guys who played better than him.

"I know, but the coach and the whole team respects his opinion. I'm sure he can make things happen for me."

"He'll never do that," I muttered, more to myself than to Jaehwan.

"So he's going to have to work hard to get rid of the rumors about his homosexuality. A lie told often enough becomes the truth. Haven't you ever heard that phrase?"

The rain was no longer so intense and I mentally thanked for it. I didn't want to stay there any longer because I felt I was close to losing my temper and using violence. I knew it wouldn't solve anything, it would only make things worse, but I was already at my limit.

"Why do you hate him so much? He never…" It was then it dawned on me. Suddenly everything made sense. "Oh, do you like him! How come I never realized this before? You're in love with him!" Jaehwan didn't even try to deny what I was saying. Anyway it wouldn't help, because the truth was already written on his face. As they say, there is a thin line between love and hate. "If you like him then why do you want to do that?" I asked, hoping to make him realize just how ridiculous he was being at that moment.

For the first time during our discussion, he lowered his guard. "It's none of your business, Jimin. I already told you what you have to do," he murmured, looking away.

I was trying to stay calm, but Jaehwan was making things difficult. Even if he changed his mind and stopped all that bullshit, I could no longer forgive him. He was going too far. If before I wanted to be friends with him now I just wanted to keep as far away as possible from him.

"I won’t do any of this! Besides, you have no evidence. It's going to be his word against yours!"

"Who said I'm all alone in this?" Upon hearing that I soon thought he was bluffing, but he had a victorious smile on his face, "Yoongi broke up with Jiwon but soon after was seen with another girl... and a boy. That can make you a vengeful person, right?"

I didn't want to admit it, but I was starting to really feel threatened. I knew that Jaehwan was just showing off as a bad person and that I shouldn't feel guilty about it. However, my heart was tight. If I hadn’t approached him perhaps none of this would be happening. Although not intentionally I was putting Yoongi in the same situation as mine and he didn’t deserve it. He was still trying to recover emotionally from all the mess involving his parents' divorce, he was overly tense about the changes that were taking place in his life about college, moving out of town and away from everyone he knew, about us… and now this new problem too?

I was feeling so lost, so exhausted. I sat on the chair and hugged my own knees, resting my head on my crossed arms. "Everyone in this shitty town is in love with Yoongi?" I grumbled. I was already in despair. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to run away and hide somewhere and pretend that nothing was happening.

Would I have to live in fear all my life? I saw on TV and on the internet gay couples in Western countries, like the United States, and I was envious. Of course, their lives weren’t perfect, there were still many difficulties to overcome, many rights still had to be won. But still they seemed to have a little more freedom since in my country there is a very conservative culture, even mention homosexuality was considered controversial.

If things weren't so difficult, if assuming gay wasn't so risky, I wouldn't feel so threatened by Jaehwan's words, I'd just tell him to fuck off, but unfortunately that wasn't my reality.

After a few minutes of silence, I tried to stay calm and didn't show any trace of fragility, "If you want me to ask Yoongi about let you join the team, the only thing you have to do is ask me. You don't need to come up with these lies about him," I said in a serious tone of voice.

"Okay but would you walk away from him if I asked?"

"No," I said flatly. "What's the point of you wanting me away from Yoongi? He won’t start wanting you just because of it." At least that's what I expected from the bottom of my heart.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I realized that I had reached Jaehwan's weak spot, his cockyness had disappeared and his face was soon saddened. He seemed to be really feeling resentful, "He doesn’t look at me because you're always stuck in him like a tick! It has always been like that!" He yelled in a tearful voice.

It was still raining, but I no longer minded catching a cold or getting completely wet in the rain. I just grabbed my backpack from the wooden chair and walked toward the sidewalk but before that, I needed to get something off my chest.

"You know Jaehwan, I'm not even mad that you used me all this time. I just feel sorry for you. It's sad to have to go so low to get a guy's attention," I said coldly, not caring about the raindrops wetting my face. Without waiting for any response, I just turned around waiting for the right time to cross the street. But as soon as I took my foot off the sidewalk, I noticed someone running toward me and I backed up.

"Finally I found you!" Yoongi shouted, stretching his arm so his umbrella was over my head, shielding me from the rain, "I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer! So I thought you were in the dance studio, but when I got there it was already closed," he said, smiling broadly. He looked really happy to see me.

"My phone's off," I said, trying to show my best smile. I was exhausted physically and mentally, but I didn’t want him to realize it.

Without taking the smile off his face, he stared at me for a few seconds with eyes full of affection. We shared the same umbrella, so he probably must have noticed my cheeks blushing. Gently, he held my hand, giving it a slight squeeze. But when he looked around and saw that we weren’t alone, he quickly let go of my hand.

"Hey, Jaehwan! Do you want an umbrella?" He yelled, waving the closed umbrella he carried in his other hand. Jaehwan, who was a little distant from us, still sat in front of the flower shop, seemed not to have understood what Yoongi said, but before he could answer anything, I lightly squeezed Yoongi's arm, bringing his attention back to me.

"His mother is coming to give him a ride," I lied, pulling Yoongi with me toward the other side of the street.

Walking beside me, I saw him wave goodbye to Jaehwan as we crossed the street. I felt even more sad to see him so oblivious about what was really happening and what was probably about to happen.

I didn’t want to think about it, I knew that night would be long and I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep at all.

"Why don’t you give me the other umbrella?" I asked seeing that although we were sharing the umbrella he was still getting wet.

"Because I want to be close to you," he said, smiling and wrapping his arm around my waist, bringing our bodies closer.

"It's very sweet of you, but you didn't need to come here. It's raining."

"I know I didn’t need to. But I wanted to do it," he said taking his hand from my waist to timidly entwine our fingers. We were in a public place and that gesture could generate some looks in our direction, so I thought it best to move my hand away. However, he prevented me from doing so by increasing the strength of his grip, "It is night and raining. The streets are empty. Let me enjoy this moment with you... please." I nodded, and silently we walked to my house that wasn’t so far away.

When we reached the front door, I hugged him tightly, thanking him for his kindness. I was about to say goodbye when I heard him saying, "I know it's late, but do you want to have that conversation now? You know, about us... "

"Sorry, but I'm very tired. Save it to another day," I said, stroking his shoulder.

"Fine. Are you okay?" He asked, sliding his hand over my cheek.

"Yes, I'm just tired. The dance practice was difficult today," I lied.

"See you tomorrow?" He asked, giving me a kiss on my cheek. I automatically nodded, but seconds later I remembered Jaehwan's threats. Was I going to see Yoongi tomorrow, or would I act the safest way and stay away from him? I didn’t know yet.



Every school is divided into groups, and these groups are well defined. It isn’t you who chooses to be part of a group, the whole thing happens naturally, against your will. The school where I was studying was no different. The only problem is that I didn’t belong to any group. My grades were never good enough for me to belong to the nerd group. I've never been handsome enough to sit at the table of popular people. Unfortunately I'm not good enough in sports either.

Basically I've never been enough for anything.

In fact, when I was a kid, I kind of belonged to a group, the group of those who were beaten up by school bullies. Their leader was a boy named Hyunwoo. Sometimes I hated him, but other times I wanted to be like him. Although he wasn’t one of the nicest people in the world, all the students respected him, or feared him. But at the time I didn’t see much difference between these two things.

But one day a new student arrived at school, later I learned that he was from Daegu but had moved to Busan because of his father's job, his name was Min Yoongi. It didn't take long for Hyunwoo to start teasing him. Let's just say that Yoongi was a little short for his age. I made sure that my group would gain a new member, but I couldn’t be more wrong.

Min Yoongi faced the bullies without fear, it seemed that he was twice his height, such was his self-confidence. I soon thought Hyunwoo's reign was over and his group got a new leader. Or even worse, two groups of bullies to get my money and beat me up.

However, I was once again wrong. Yoongi was a quiet kid, he didn’t like violence. He was friendly to everyone. But surely he had a favorite person, Park Jimin, a chubby kid, two years younger than me. Everyone thought he was cute, to me he was no big deal. His cuteness seemed a bit fake.

But the worst of all is that Jimin was part of my group, as I said, it's not you who chooses to be part of a group or not.

When I was about ten years old, Yoongi finally came to talk to me. In a way I felt honored, because even though we had never talked, he always defended the people in my group. And the subject of our conversation was just that. He told me that he wanted to talk to Hyunwoo to make him stop beating the other kids, and he needed my help in order to intimidate him. I felt special, as if I had just been chosen to be the right arm of a leader. Finally I was good enough for something.

However, on the day of the confrontation I realized that Yoongi's focus wasn’t me. All that bullshit had nothing to do with me, but Jimin. He wanted to protect him, so much so that on the day of the fight Jimin wasn’t even there. That is, while I was on the front line, he was comfortably sheltered in his house. At that time I still had a bit of self-esteem, so I just turned away and left Yoongi there talking to Hyunwoo.

As time went by, I was trying to get closer to Yoongi. He was so cool! I wanted to be friends with him. Not that he treated me badly, as I said, Yoongi was friendly to everyone. But I didn’t want to be treated like everyone else. I wanted to be treated the same way as Park Jimin.

For some time I tried to be the cute guy, I even started wearing some funny clothes, but nobody noticed. If I was throwing a tantrum, no one was coming to pinch my cheeks. They just would say that I were too old to behave that way.

When Yoongi joined the basketball team, I decided that I would prepare myself to the fullest to join the team as well. I would try to be less like Jimin and more like Yoongi, maybe that way seeing that we had something in common, he would pay more attention to me. It didn’t work.

In high school when I was still discovering what sex was, something strange happened. I was masturbating in my bedroom thinking of one of my favorite girl group singer and suddenly Yoongi's face came to my mind, his sweaty body while playing basketball, the veins in his arms. Before I realized what was really going on and what that might mean, I was cumming while moaning his name.

It didn't take me long to realize that I liked boys, and it didn't take long for me to have sex with a guy. My first time was with a much older guy I had met through the internet. He wasn't kind, he wasn't loving and much less asked me for a date after it. He only said goodbye and we never saw each other again.

But I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t looking for love. At least not with him… or with the others who came after.

I was definitely not looking for love when I met Jimin crying drunk in the middle of the garden of Minsuh's house. He was no longer the chubby little boy from before, but he wasn’t my type of guy anyway. He is too cute, too soft.

I was already leaving him to sleep in his own vomit when an idea came to my mind. Did all the affection that Yoongi feel for him would stay the same after seeing the cute Park Jimin drunk like a pig? Not paying much attention to the nonsense he was talking about, I took his cell phone and copied Yoongi's number. I wanted to be the first to tell the big gossip of the night.

When Yoongi said he was going to get Jimin there, I was a bit disappointed, but then I realized that it was even better, because he would see that deplorable scene with his own eyes. I just didn’t expect to see Yoongi showing no sense of disgust or hatred when he found Jimin lying in the grass. To tell the truth, he was acting even more affectionate than usual. For a while it seemed that they had forgotten I was there.

As I watched Jimin's crying and his behavior with Yoongi, something Jiwon had told me began to make perfect sense. When I heard her saying that, I doubted it, because Jimin had kissed several girls at that party, but seeing him hugging and apologizing to Yoongi, made me realize that everything was true, Jimin was gay, and the worst part, he was in love with his straight best friend.

But I couldn’t rely solely on Jiwon's word. She wasn’t one of the most reliable people. I had to find out for myself. Fate was in my favor as I passed the dance studio, and saw the plaque inviting new students to learn contemporary dance. There was no better way for me to approach Jimin.

I was surprised when I invited him to go to the snack bar with me and he said yes, and I was even more surprised to notice the bad atmosphere between him and Yoongi. Something had happened between them. Jimin was visibly avoiding Yoongi. I didn't know exactly what was happening, but that would be my chance. If Jimin stayed away from Yoongi, I could gradually get closer to him, and then make him fall in love with me.

Yoongi had already had sex with many girls from school, I knew some stories. Of course he wouldn’t want anything with a virgin like Jimin, who knew nothing. Unlike me, who already had experience, already knew very well how to use my body in my favor.

I would make Yoongi hate Jimin, and I saw that I got very close to it when I made Jimin choose to stay with me in the public square instead of going to Yoongi's house.

However, not everything was easy. When Jimin reacted so negatively to my kiss, I was desperate. I was there to manipulate and not to be manipulated. But Jimin was too stupid to use my secret against me. In fact it was even good because it served as a way for him to trust me more.

It wasn’t long before he spent more time with me than with Yoongi, everything was going as planned.

I'm not going to lie, sex with Jimin wasn’t bad, I even liked it. But what I really wanted was a wild sex with Yoongi, his deep voice groaning in my ear, not Jimin's soft moans. So when he moaned Yoongi's name, I didn't care, after all I was thinking about Yoongi too.

Everything was going well, until one day Yoongi unexpectedly showed up at my house to make a delivery. I made sure he knew Jimin was there with me and not with him, to show how much Jimin wasn't a real friend, so I made up an excuse to need money for the change. Yoongi was furious, didn't even want to receive the money. However when Jimin decided to go after him I was worried. I began to make up several excuses, even offended him, but it was no use.

I don't know what happened between them that day, but they had already settled. Jimin even told me that he no longer wanted us to be friends with benefits.

Things were going bad for me, but I still had a plan. During the basketball party I began to ask questions about Yoongi's injuries. I didn’t care how he'd hurt himself, what I wanted was to insinuate that he couldn’t trust Jimin, since he couldn’t keep any kind of secret. It didn’t help. I decided to take the risk and told him about Jimin's feelings. I expected him to feel disgusted, betrayed, or hurt. But he didn't even seem to believe what I had said.

When I saw Yoongi and Jimin lock themselves in the laundry room, I figured Yoongi had finally realized everything and they were having a violent fight there. What I didn't expect was to see them with messy hair and swollen lips. Trying to hide his erection, Yoongi even got to the point of asking me to take Jimin home.

This was already too much abuse. I was tired of being ignored, tired of never being good enough. Then when I found Jimin standing alone hiding from the rain, I found the perfect opportunity to make my plan happen.

Yoongi would notice me. If I couldn’t get him to pay attention to me through love, I would make it happen through pain.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


Dancing was always something that made me happy. When I danced I felt that for some minutes the time stopped. It was just me and the music, the world around me completely forgotten. With each turn of my body, a problem went away with the wind.

My conversation with Jaehwan, however, didn’t seem to want to get out of my head. And Yoongi's messages on my cell phone weren’t helping me feel more relieved. He wanted to know if I was okay, what I was doing and if I needed to talk. After all, we hadn’t met for a week. Even in school I avoided him.

Jaehwan on the other hand wouldn’t let go of me, he looked like he was chasing me everywhere. I didn’t yet know what to do about his threats, so I decided to move away from Yoongi, at least until I had some idea to solve that problem.

But Yoongi, oblivious to all this, had other plans. And that's how I found him waiting for me as soon as I left the dance studio that afternoon.

"Do you want to eat something with me?" He asked as we walked side by side on the sidewalk.

"I'm on a diet. I can’t gain weight until the auditions," I explained without looking at his face. I knew he would be giving me a disapproving look since he hated it when I started eating less because of diets.

"What about a juice or a little water? Water you can still drink, right?" He was angry with me. I could feel it in his tone of voice. He definitely wasn’t kidding.

"Let's go to a snack bar. I ask for some orange juice and you eat something," I suggested, smiling at him. But Yoongi didn’t smile back, he just kept walking in silence.

We passed by two places and he kept walking without saying anything. "Aren’t we going to eat?" I asked as I followed him.

He suddenly stopped walking and looked seriously at me, "What for? For me to eat watching you starve?" Without waiting for an answer he just started to walk again in front of me, not bothering to wait.

"It's easy for you to say that. You don’t gain weight as easily as I do," I said with a little more anger than I intended.

"Jimin, you're dancing for hours in that fucking studio. I can’t believe you're not hungry!" He snarled, not even looking at my face.

"Stop it! Wait for me!" I shouted, trying to hurry up my pace. That's when he turned to me. I hoped he would stop to walk so fast, but that wasn’t what happened.

"Why? Are you so weak that you can’t even keep up with my pace?" He shouted with a mocking tone.

When I finally got close to him, I saw that Jaehwan accompanied by some of the guys from the basketball team had just turned the corner.

"Yoongi, let's go talk and eat," I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him toward the nearest snack bar. I just hoped no one had seen us.

Without leaving him for a moment, I led him the way to the last empty table. As soon as the waitress came to us, I ordered the sandwich that looked healthier and an orange juice. But to my surprise, Yoongi didn't ask anything to eat, just a small juice box.

"I just ate a lot of kimchi at my house. I'm not hungry," he said noticing my uneasiness.

It wasn't long before I saw Jaehwan and his friends walking through the door of the snack bar. I knew I would be in trouble when I saw the malicious grin he threw in my direction.

"Yoongi, why don’t you take me to eat kimchi at your house? It's way better than sandwich," I said, rising quickly from the table as I saw Jaehwan's group walking toward us.

"We just got here," he complained, but still got up with me.

"Look who's here!" I heard Jaehwan commenting to the three guys who were with him. I knew they were on the basketball team, but we weren’t friends. Yoongi seemed to know them very well, since he amiably hugged each of them.

All the time Jaehwan stared at me, trying to see my reaction, trying to notice my despair. Yes, I was scared, but I couldn’t let him know that. Even though I was uncomfortable with that situation, I tried to maintain my sympathy as I greeted everyone but Jaehwan. I didn’t even try to be polite to him.

"Guys, you're not going to believe what I heard about Yoongi," Jaehwan said, looking directly at me with a sly grin on his face, I froze.

"Please, let's get out of here," I whispered into Yoongi's ear, but he just looked at me and asked to wait a little.

Jaehwan, happy to see my anguish, turned to the other boys, "I've been talking to Jiwon and she…"

"I'm not feeling well," I interrupted him, taking my hand to my forehead and feigning dizziness. I was nervous, but it wasn't that bad. That was the only idea I had at that moment. I needed to search deep in my soul for my acting ability.

"Jimin? Shit... I warned you to eat something!" Yoongi said, hugging me subtly and helping me sit in the chairs that were next to us.

I rested my head on the table, closing my eyes, and immediately the focus of the conversation became my health. I felt awful about making people worry about me unnecessarily, but I didn’t have a better idea.

After a few minutes I saw Yoongi going to talk to one of the waitresses and then walking towards me with two small bags in his hands, probably my order.

"Do you want me to come with you to your house or…?"

He had asked me something simple, but I didn’t know how to respond. Jaehwan had clearly threatened to tell people what he knew. If I left with Yoongi, he might think I was challenging him and take the moment to reveal our secret.

However Yoongi was already mad at me, I didn’t know what his reaction would be if I refused his offer.

I didn’t have much time to decide, because soon after Jaehwan spoke for me.

"Don’t worry Yoongi, I'll take him home. Isn’t it, Jimin?" He said, stroking my back. Anyone who saw that scene might even think that he really cared about me, having no idea of his true intentions. But to me it was clear, that gesture was actually a threat.

"Jimin?" Yoongi asked looking into my eyes, with a serious expression on his face. I had a déjà vu feeling. I couldn’t say that to him, the words refused to leave my mouth. With a tight heart, I just turned my gaze away and stared at my shoes. "Fine then," he grunted, turning and walking toward the exit door.

I sat for a few minutes in the chair, trying to process in my mind what had just happened and what the possible consequences might be. I tried to pretend I was okay and said goodbye to the guys on the basketball team who were sitting next to me at the table. I was so angry that I preferred not to look at Jaehwan. I just got up from the chair and without looking back I left the snack bar. But I knew full well that he was following me.

Confirmation came when I felt him pulling my arm brutishly.

"Have you talked to him about getting me on the basketball team?"

"I don’t know if you noticed, but he's a little angry with me. And it's your fault," I muttered angrily, trying to let go of him.

"Are you dumb or what? I told you, ask him first and leave later! I gave you a week to sort it all out, Jimin!"

I was already feeling bad enough. I didn’t have to stay there listening to all that bullshit. Then I turned my back on him and kept walking straight. But if I knew anything about Jaehwan is that he was an insistent person. So he started to follow me, "You have until tomorrow, Jimin! Or you know what will happen!"

Silently I continued to walk towards Yoongi's house. I knew he was mad at me. I just needed to know how much.

Carrying the bags with the juice and the sandwich that I couldn't even think of eating, I walked the streets of Busan feeling more lost than ever. I had to make a decision, but I didn't know if I was ready for it.

When I entered Yoongi's bedroom, and I saw him bending over several books and notebooks, I even forgot what I had rehearsed to tell him. I just sat on his bed, putting the bags on the floor next to me.

He noticed that I had entered the room, but he still ignored me. I couldn’t blame him for that, after all this wasn’t much different from what I'd been doing with him.

I knew there was no proper way to begin that conversation, so I just went straight to the point, without further ado. Putting off what had to be done wouldn't solve anything.

"You know, Jaehwan... he's been training a lot. I think he even got better. Don't you think it would be a good idea for him to join the team?" I asked, taking advantage of the fact that he had stopped studying for a while and was putting one of the books he was reading on the shelf on his desk.

"He's still not good enough to join the team. Besides, he doesn’t struggle. While the other boys are training alone or with each other, he does nothing," Yoongi replied, turning to me for a moment.


"He just says he wants to join the team, but he does nothing to deserve it. The only time he really struggled was the first time he tried. When he got a no, he gave up trying to improve," he said, sitting down again in front of the desk with a large notebook in his hands. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or not, but the serious expression on his face made me believe he did.

Before he returned to study, I went back to talking about Jaehwan. I was feeling horrible about having to do that, but I had already started, so I had better go all the way.

"Maybe if he was already on the team he'd try harder? You could talk to the coach about it and…"

"Jimin, if your boyfriend wants to join the team he has to win his place like everyone else had. It's not easy for anyone," he interrupted me, without even looking at me. He wasn't sad or angry, but that cold tone of voice was what made me realize how screwed I was.

"He's not my boyfriend," I said quickly. He's not, never was and never will be. Not after all this unnecessary pain he was making me feel.

Yoongi then turned for the first time in the swivel chair and stared at me with a ruthless look.  "I don't care what he's yours for… if he is your boyfriend, friend with benefits, lover, casual date, or whatever. I don't care."

So that was it, he thought I still had something with Jaehwan. Being completely oblivious to my actual situation, he thought that he knew the reason for our approach in the last days.

"It's not like that! I…"

"Just say it, Jimin."

"Say what?"

His features were so sad, for a moment I thought he already knew what was happening. But that was impossible. I had left no clue, not even Jaehwan.

"Goodbye. I feel that's what you're trying to say to me. Just say it, I won’t get mad. You won’t be the first and probably not the last to say that to me."

I didn’t want to see him sad. I didn’t want everything to end between us. We had barely begun. I wanted to get out of bed and run to hug him, make him realize that what he was saying made no sense at all. But I knew that if I went to him I would probably tell the whole truth, and it would make it worse. I wanted to be strong and work things out on my own without having to bother him with it.

"I'm just sad that you used me all this time just to make Jaehwan jealous, you know? I feel pretty stupid now," he said with a sad smile on his face.

I hated it when he did it, trying to smile through the pain and not to overcome it. He smiled in a failed attempt to show people that he was stronger than he really looked, that no one needed to worry about him.

I was feeling ashamed and guilty for making him feel that way. I put my elbows on my knees, and with my hands in my hair I tilted my head down. I couldn’t look into his face. I knew that the tears I was holding wouldn’t take long to start to overflow in my eyes.

"Please, Yoongi, believe me I would never do this to you. Please…"

"I know Jaehwan has more experience than I do in this whole thing. He treats you better than I do, he's handsome, he has several things in common with you... I'm not blind. But, I was really trying hard, you know?"

When I heard his trembling voice I automatically lifted my face, but for a second I wished I hadn‘t done it.

Standing in front of the window, with a lost look, Yoongi watched the garden of his house, eyes focused on nothing in particular. I could see him brutishly wipe with the back of his hand a tear that ran down his face.

Without thinking twice, I moved quickly toward the window. I cupped his face, his tired and sad eyes ripping my heart into several pieces. I slid my fingers over his cheeks, hoping that only that gesture was enough to show how much I loved him. But I knew he was very hurt, words would be needed.

"Stop despising yourself! Stop comparing yourself to him! It's you I like! It's you! It was always you, believe me, please…" I brought my lips to his, I wanted to prove that what I was saying was true, but he turned away. He avoided me and it hurt more than I wanted to admit.

"Then why are you leaving me? Why don't people get out of my life right away? Why do they have to keep hurting me before doing so? You, my father..."

"It's not what you're thinking!" I yelled, taking my fingers up to his shirt, I held it tight, as if that way I could stop him from moving away from me.

"Then what it is?" He shouted, loosening my fingers from the fabric of his shirt. He then walked toward the door, "Jimin, I know you care about me. So if you can't look at me and say it, I'll do it for you. Goodbye," he said in a quieter tone of voice before he opened the door.

He wasn't only subtly throwing me out of his room, but also of his life. At that moment I began to think that my life couldn't be perfect, after all no one life is like that. Everyone needs something, or someone who isn't within reach. Maybe that was my fate, every time I took a step toward Yoongi something happens and made me take ten steps back. We would never be in the same tune.

Standing by the door, he waited for me to leave the room. I swallowed all the excuses I wanted to tell him. As I already knew, he hadn't agreed to facilitate anything to Jaehwan. But one way or another we were moving away from each other. Maybe that would be enough for Jaehwan to keep his mouth shut.

Desolate, I walked to the door. I was willing to get out of there as quickly as possible and leave to collapse when I was already at home. But as soon as our gazes crossed, I realized that I wasn’t moving away from a non-special person, it was Yoongi.

Not caring what would happen next, I just threw myself into his arms. With my forehead in the space between his neck and his shoulder, I felt his familiar scent.

"Jaehwan ... he knows about us," I said hugging him tightly, “He's threatening me, telling me that he's going to tell everyone that you're gay."

After some time trying to understand what I had said in the midst of my crying, Yoongi gently began to caress my back, trying to calm me down. "What did he do to you?"

"He told me to make you help him join the team... and to get away from you," I replied, trying my best to wipe away my tears.

"Do you still like him?" Yoongi asked in a serious tone of voice.

"No! I already told you, I never liked him... not like that," I said looking into his eyes, so that he could finally understand that I was serious.

Gently lifting my chin with his beautiful fingers, he left a kiss on my forehead, "Then I'll fight for you. He won’t take you from me."

"I appreciate your kindness, but it's not me he wants... it's you."

Yoongi clearly wasn't expecting it. He looked so confused that he even frowned, making a pout and shrugged slightly. Seeing him act so cute a smile soon appeared on my face without me even noticing. A few moments ago I wouldn’t have imagined that this could happen so quickly.

I would begin to explain everything that had happened on that rainy night in which I met Jaehwan, but Yoongi practically forced me to eat something first. When the first bite of the sandwich hit my stomach, I realized how hungry I was.

Between one bite and another I told him everything. Sometimes he would just shake his head, and in others he would curse Jaehwan, apologize to me, and then curse himself.

"I don’t think Jiwon would do that kind of thing. I think Jaehwan is bluffing," Yoongi said, folding his arms thoughtfully as he walked to sit in the chair next to his desk.

After what she had done to me, I wasn’t so sure of that. So taking advantage of my moment of sincerity I ended up telling everything that had happened between me and her. As I imagined, Yoongi was furious, but still I thought I did the right thing telling him.

When he with a voice loaded with resentment, asked me if there was anything else I was hiding from him, I just shook my head. After I finally got it over with, I realized I had been a little silly to act that way.

"You're already going through so much trouble, I didn’t want to have to cause you one more," I explained as I finished eating my sandwich.

"I appreciate your concern for me, but trying to do it all by yourself isn’t being strong, Jimin. It's being stupid."

"Sorry," I whispered, looking shyly down as I played with my own fingers.

"Kiss me and I'll think about whether I should forgive you or not," he said with a gummy smile on his face.

I immediately walked to the chair and sat on his lap, smiling I just gave a peck on his lips. "Do you forgive me?" I asked with the cutest face I could, I knew he always melted when I did that.

"You're going to have to try a little harder," he replied, nibbling my bottom lip.

I adjusted better the position in which I was, and shifted approaching me more of him. When my ass subtly pressed against his crotch, I noticed that he gulped hard. One of the little things that made me feel proud.

Purposely, I gently moved my hips in circular motions and at the same time I felt his hands tightening around my waist as he moistened his own lips.

I ran my fingers through his hair and lean forward, nibbling his lip while I kept moving my hips back and forward. I loved to play with his thin, soft lips. Not letting my tongue get into his mouth, I just kept sucking his lips interchangeably, never stopping the slow motions of my hips.

As I gently traced his lips with the tip of my tongue, I could feel him massaging my ass with his large, firm hands. "Oh fuck," he moaned softly close to my lips.

"Fuck ME," I mumbled, pressing my butt a little more firmly against his dick.

Yoongi suddenly tilted his head back, squeezing my ass. With that movement he subtly spreated my butt cheeks apart, causing a soft moan to come out of my mouth. Taking advantage of that opportunity I brought my lips to his neck, tracing a path up his chin.

Then, Yoongi smoothly nibbled my bottom lip, licking my lips before spreading them apart. His mouth was on fire, just like my body. I could kiss him forever, but I really needed something more... intimate. "Seriously, fuck me," I moaned in his hear, "please."

"We'll have all the time in the world to fuck, Jimin. On my first time with you, I don’t want to fuck you, I want to make love to you," he said, gently rubbing the tip of his nose in my neck. "I don’t want it to happen like that day. You know, having to be quick, and controlling our moans."

I knew that in a way he was right, we were underage and we couldn't go to a motel, our parents were always at home and we also had no car or a place of ours.

"I know, but I want you so bad," I whispered, nibbling at his earlobe, "So, at least let me suck you. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to see your dick up close, to know your taste."

"Really?" He asked, sliding a hand inside my pants and running his finger gently between my butt cheeks. "How do you think about my dick? Tell me."

"I think of how your dick should get even more beautiful being wrapped by my lips, I think of you fucking my mouth... your taste, I think about choking with your cum... you filling me up, I think about you fucking me hard and deep."

"Oh shit, stop talking like that, Jimin," he whispered, sliding his hands over my thighs.

"But you never let me do anything. You've seen me completely naked, and in the meantime you're fully dressed. You touched every part of my body, but I've never even seen your dick closely. Do you think that's fair?" I complained, not bothering to look needy or not.

"I know but…"

"Let me suck you... just a little bit, huh?" I whimpered, putting the tip of my thumb up close to my index finger, to demonstrate that it was really just a little.

"I'd never seen anyone ask for my dick in such a cute way," he said, smiling as his hand ran through my back. "But I have to say no. If I let you do that, I won't be able to control myself."

"Then don’t control yourself..." I whispered, giving a kiss to his lips.

"You know we can’t, Jimin. Not here, not now. Wait just a little longer, okay?" He said rubbing his nose against mine, "I want to do things the right way."

I just nodded and got up from his lap, despite being sexually frustrated, I knew he was right. We couldn’t take that risk.

I pulled my coat back on, stretching the edges to cover my crotch and gave Yoongi a sweet kiss. I was about to leave his room and go home when I remembered something. "What about Jaehwan? He wants me to give him an answer by tomorrow."

"Tell him you talked to me and I'll help him get on the team," he said in a serious tone of voice.

"But Yoongi, you can’t…"

"Just trust me, okay?" He said, giving a slight squeeze in my hand.




Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


Although Yoongi hadn’t told me what he was going to do about the threats, I felt more confident when I woke up the next day to go to school. I really should have told him everything from the beginning because after all, he was the main person who should be aware of what was happening since his life was also being involved in all the mess that Jaehwan was causing.

As soon as I got to school, I saw that he was already waiting for me, or more accurately, for my answer. I wanted to keep walking straight and ignore him, but I knew that would only prolong that inevitable conversation.

"I talked to him, if that's what you're wondering about," I said, adjusting my backpack. I had to take some more books that day, and my shoulders were already starting to get sore. I imagined how good it would be to get a massage done by Yoongi's firm hands, but I knew that while we were at school our touches and looks should be quite limited.

"So what did he say? I should already start spreading rumors about him or-"

I really hated it when Jaehwan spoke to me in a mocking tone. He was behaving as if what he was doing was the coolest thing in the world.

"He said he's going to help you get on the team," I said before turning around and starting to walk toward the building where my first class would take place. But before I left I could hear him calling my name. To my misfortune, that conversation wasn’t over.

"It was easier than I thought," he said walking towards me. "Then I can deduce that you finally got away from him, right?"

"Yes, I walked away from him," I said in a low voice, though there was no one around.

"Geez, I'm really impressed. You always bothered me talking over and over about your love for him. Well, you're not as dumb as I thought," he said with a wicked grin on his face.

Then I approached my face from his, with my mouth near his ear, "I walked away from him, but it's not my fault if he doesn't want to stay away," I said softly. The unbelieving expression on Jaehwan's face made me feel a little more cheerful about waking up that cold morning to go to school.

Not bothering to hear what he still had to say, I just went my way without looking back.

With the end of the school year approaching, classes were getting more and more difficult. I was making every effort to reconcile school and my dance practices.

I still hadn't told my parents about the Bighit auditions, but I wouldn't be able to hide it from them for long. The night before, when checking my emails, I saw that I was supposed to be in the building where the auditions would take place on Saturday at nine o'clock in the morning. I wouldn't need to miss class, but still I wasn't sure if my parents would approve my trip or not.

I was happy when I saw Yoongi near his locker, during one of the breaks between my classes, "Did you get Bighit's email?" I asked as I approached him.

"Yeah, when I get home I'm going to go find a cheap hostel where we can spend the night," he said putting his notebooks inside the locker.

"Hostel? I thought we could go there and go back to Busan on the same day," I said scared, if it would already be difficult to convince my parents to let me go to Seoul, worse it would be to make them let me spend a whole weekend there.

"You didn't read the whole email? Saturday will be the preliminary round and on Sunday the best ones will perform again," he said as we walked down the hallway, "I think we'd better go to Seoul on Friday after school. It takes about three hours to get there, if we go in the morning you will get there very tired."

He was right, that would definitely mess up my performance. But still, my biggest problem would be my parents. I couldn't think of any excuse that I could make up for them, and there was no way of leave the house without saying a word and disappearing for two days.

"I still don't know what to say to my parents," I explained as I followed him up the second floor.

"Don’t worry, Jimin. We'll think of something. Besides the auditions are going to happen in three weeks, we have time."

For Yoongi, three weeks was a lot, but I didn’t think the same way. I had been practicing my dance every day after making my application, but still I felt unprepared.

To make things worse, a few days ago I decided to take a look on the internet about the artists that already worked at Bighit, I found the photos of some, and beyond being beautiful, they were extremely thin. Now besides improving my dance, I would have to improve my body as well, and I was sure three weeks wouldn’t be enough for that.

"Yoongi!" I heard Jaehwan's voice screaming at the end of the hallway behind me. As I turned, I saw him striding toward us as he turned away from the other students. "Hi, Jimin told me you wanted to talk to me," he lied.

"Oh, yes," Yoongi said, opening his backpack and picking up a notebook sheet from inside. "These will be our training schedules. I work after school, so unfortunately we're only going to be able to train together over the weekend."

Jaehwan looked at the piece of paper in Yoongi's hands, at his face, and then at me. He seemed to be very confused, but certainly not as confused as I was. "I don't understand what you mean," he murmured, taking the paper.

"Jimin told me that you want me to help you get on the team, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. Let's meet at the weekends in the public square and I'll teach you everything I know," he said with a wicked grin on his face.

"I understand, b-but you didn’t say anything to the coach?"

"Jimin told me you wanted me to talk to the coach, so of course I did, too," he said, showing the other side of the paper. "Here are the times the team trains. I talked to the coach and he allowed you to join the team... not to play, of course, but to help players with their clothes, food and training."

"What do you mean?" Jaehwan asked, seeming not to believe what he was hearing.

"The team isn’t just about the players, you know that, right?" He said patting Jaehwan's back. "By closely watching their routine, you will learn more about basketball and then be able to decide whether you really want to be a player or not."

"I understand, but..."

"I've never really helped anyone get on the team, as I'm doing with you now, Jaehwan. If you dedicate yourself I'm sure next year you can do it. Hwaiting!" Yoongi said raising his arm, showing encouragement.

Leaving a stunned Jaehwan behind, Yoongi turned to continue his path toward the room where his next class would be held. I was ready to follow him when I heard Jaehwan calling my name, "Jimin I want to talk to you, alone."

With a loud sigh, I decided to follow Jaehwan to an empty corner where no one could hear us. Most of the students had already entered the classrooms, so that wouldn’t be too difficult.

However, as we pulled away from Yoongi, I felt Jaehwan pushing me against the wall. "What the hell was that?" He snarled, putting one of his hands firmly around my neck, but not using too much force.

"I swear I didn't know anything! Do you think if I knew about that, I would let Yoongi be around a jerk like you?" I said trying to take his hand from my neck.

"You knew very well what I was trying to say about joining the team!"

Yes, I knew it, and Yoongi too, but apparently he'd rather play dumb and take advantage of what Jaehwan had said, after all he had never specified how he wanted to join the team. No one could deny that in fact, Yoongi was helping him, but not in the way he wanted, that is, the easy way.

"Let me go! I did what you asked me!" I shouted, feeling him squeeze the grip on my throat.

With a strong push, I got to do Jaehwan get away from me, but not fast enough to prevent Yoongi see what was going on.

"Don’t you dare touch him again! Are you listening to me?" Yoongi shouted furiously, holding Jaehwan's shirt firmly with both hands and pressing him against the wall.

"I've already settled everything," I told Yoongi, trying to get him to release Jaehwan.

"You both are thinking I'm stupid!" Jaehwan said as he tried to straighten his shirt, which was now all kneaded. "I know your secret!" He said with a threatening look. I immediately looked sideways to see if we were still alone, and breathed a sigh of relief when I confirmed that we were.

"What do you know? Tell it straight to my face, what do you know?" Yoongi shouted, approaching Jaehwan again, intimidating him.

"I know you two are gay, and also boyfriends!" He said in a not too loud voice, but even then I felt the need to beg for them to speak lower.

"Can you prove it?" Yoongi asked with a wicked grin on his face. "You can’t go around threatening other people Jaehwan, this is wrong..."

"Jiwon, she's by my side and…"

"You can't go around threatening people, because that way you are allowing yourself to be threatened as well," Yoongi interrupted, crossing his arms with a mysterious smile on his face. It was already the second time that day that I had no idea what he was planning and it made me feel a little insecure.

"What are you talking about?" Jaehwan asked in a frightened tone of voice, he no longer seemed to be the same person who just minutes ago was pushing me against a wall.

"Well, let's hypothetically say that someday you start those rumors about us. Well, I can hypothetically convince everyone that you are doing that to divert the focus from yourself. Who do you think people will believe in?" Jaehwan, though looking frightened, was ready to defend himself, but Yoongi went faster and continued to speak, "If I remember correctly, neither I nor anyone in this school ever saw you with any girl. You just get caught up with the guys on the basketball team, even if you're not a part of it. I think if they start mistrusting it, things won’t be very good for you."

Yoongi was right, unlike us, Jaehwan had never dated a girl, there was a time I thought this was because he was a shy person, but that was definitely not the case.

"I'm not alone, Jiwon is with me," Jaehwan said in a shaky voice, he looked like he would start crying at any moment. I started to feel bad for him.

"Do you really want to trust in a girl who wasn't long ago threatening Jimin? What guarantees do you have that she won’t do the same thing to you, or even worse," Yoongi replied, he seemed to really want to advise Jaehwan about the risks. "Besides, I know a few things about Jiwon that her parents are going to love to know. If she tries to help you with all this shit, it's much more likely that people will start seeing her just like a girl so desperate to get me back that can even make the most imaginable lies. Think about it, she's more likely to be on my side than yours."

Jaehwan and I silently just heard Yoongi expose things we hadn't thought of. As it turned out, Jaehwan finally realized that his plan had some flaws and tears began to slide down his face. Maybe he really was in love with Yoongi.

Soon after we and the other students who continued to walk around school were ordered to go immediately to the classrooms.

Before turning away from Jaehwan, Yoongi warned him, "If you want, my offer to help you with basketball, still stands. But if you touch Jimin again, I'm going to hurt you so badly that you're not even going to be able to play chess, let alone basketball."

As we walked away from the hallway, Yoongi and I walked side by side in silence. Apparently we could finally breathe in relief. Suddenly I feel Yoongi discreetly give a slight squeeze in my hand. Over the years I had realized that he always did that when he wanted to know if I was okay, it was a silent gesture of affection.

"I'm mad at you," I said, letting go of his hand.

Pulling my arm slightly so I could look at him, Yoongi complained, "What the hell! What did I do wrong this time?"

Without waiting for my answer, he just took my hand and started pulling me toward the stairs. We had to run because if someone saw us walking down the hallways instead of sitting in the classroom, we'd be in trouble.

When we reached the end of the third floor hallway, Yoongi pulled me into the men's room. Leading his index finger to his lips, he asked me to be silent and then shoved me into one of the toilet cabins and closed the door.

Without understanding what was happening, I obeyed. It wasn't long before I heard an unfamiliar voice say hello to Yoongi. We weren't alone. Soon after I heard the sound of the water pouring out of the sink faucet, the main door closing, and minutes later everything gets silence again.

"Go, tell me. Why are you mad?" Yoongi asked as he opened the cabin door where I was.

"What were you thinking? The only free days you have are the weekends, and you want to spend them with Jaehwan? Was that your brilliant plan?" I asked, stepping out of the cabin and heading for the large granite sink. "You know he's in love with you."

I leaned subtly against the sink and crossed my arms, looking seriously at him. Yes, I was really angry at that situation.

With a smile on his face Yoongi came toward me and gently slid his thumb over my cheek, "Are you jealous?"

"No. But that's what those clichés look like, and I want you to know that I'm not the kind of guy that's going to roll on the floor fighting with someone else just to win over your heart!"

Yoongi didn't seem to take me too seriously, because he only nodded with a silly grin on his face. Approaching me, he pressed my body against the sink and began to kiss my neck, "Keep talking, I'm listening," he said nibbling my ear.

"I can already see what's going to happen," I said trying to pull him away from my neck, but to no avail. "You will be there with your sweaty body and Jaehwan not giving a shit about training. He'll keep trying to see your body through your wet shirt, he'll be staring at your large hands and veined arms. When you drink water then... I can see it happening."

"And how can you be so sure of that?" He asked, nibbling my bottom lip.

"Because that's exactly what I do!" I confessed angrily, not thinking too much about what I had just said.

"You know, there are better ways for you to see my sweaty body…" he said wickedly, lightly squeezing my ass.

I knew that all that teasing wouldn't come to anything, so I shrugged, "No, it doesn't. You're always full of clothes!" I grumbled. However, I didn't expect that upon hearing my comment, Yoongi would begin to take off the sweater he was wearing. I couldn’t hide my surprise, "What are you doing? Someone can enter here and…"

It was then that he took a bundle of keys from the pocket of his pants and shook it before my eyes.

"How?" I asked, taking the keys from his hands.

"Whoever has friends has the world, Jimin," he said, taking off the shirt he was wearing and placing it on top of the sink, "If anyone asks, tell them you're already convincing me to stop smoking, okay? I said I needed a place to smoke hidden."

I just nodded, not paying much attention to what he was saying. My focus was on something else, his bare chest.

Yoongi didn’t have the muscular body like the guys who go to gym, but he still had a well toned body, thanks to basketball practice.

Immediately I stretched my hands toward him, and slowly slid my fingers from his chest to his abdomen. "Don't ever take off your shirt near Jaehwan, okay?" I said, massaging the area around his nipples with the palms of my hands.

"Because? Otherwise you will hit me with those little hands?" He pushed my hands away from his chest and gave a soft kiss on each of them. Yoongi didn’t smile very often, so when I could see that smile on his face, my heart filled with joy as well. "Did he hurt you?" Yoongi asked me, lowering the collar of my shirt to check if I had any bruises. Luckily Jaehwan hadn’t squeezed my throat very hard, so I was fine. When I nodded, I immediately felt Yoongi coming closer to me to give me soft kisses all the way down my neck, "I was furious when I saw that. Only I can mark you, but it's with love marks."

"I didn’t know you were such a cheesy person," I said as he ran his hands through my hair, playing with my bangs.

"Me neither. I think it's you that has that effect on me."

Hearing him saying that, made me very happy, because it meant that Yoongi really was interested in me, that the feeling I had for him, somehow was mutual. I just didn't know yet if it was with the same intensity. However, although we had known each other for years, this whole thing about being more than friends was new, I couldn't demand something like that from him. Trying not to think about it, thus avoiding me feeling more insecure unnecessarily, I just wrapped my arms around his neck and when our faces were close to each other, I gently rubbed my nose over his. A sweet Eskimo kiss.

But Yoongi wanted more than that. Suddenly I found myself being entwined by his firm embrace, his lips promptly devouring mine into a kiss full of passion and desire.

The sensation of being able to kiss him and at the same time touching a greater extent of his skin was inexplicably exciting. My hands ran down his back, trying to bring him closer to me.

Maybe not being able to kiss so constantly was one of the factors that contributed to the voluptuousness I felt through the minimal movements of Yoongi's tongue, for every suck he gave me on my lips. I knew that such intimate moments were infrequent and precious.

As soon as our mouths disconnected from each other so that we could catch our breath I wasted no time and brought my lips to his light brown nipples, leaving them soaked with my saliva.

With the tip of my tongue I traced a vertical line from his chest to the region below his belly button. Giving him open-mouthed kisses in that area, I immediately felt Yoongi's hands pulling subtly at my hair making me look up at his handsome face.

During our silent but intense exchange of glances, I took the opportunity and pressed his dick with the entire palm of my hand, giving it a slight squeeze.

"My hands are small, but they can do a lot," I said, massaging him lightly over the fabric of his dark blue pants.

"Really?" He asked with a sweet smile as he ran his fingers slowly through the strands of my hair. "Show me."

As I unbuttoned his pants, I looked back into Yoongi's face, and seeming to understand my intentions he just nodded, giving me permission to keep going. Quickly, I unzip his pants, lowering it to the level of his knees. The lighter skin on his thighs showed that this was a restricted area, that even the sunlight didn't have frequent access to it, I felt special.

I kneeled on the floor and slowly spread kisses down his thighs, sliding my hands up his abdomen, trying to reach as much skin as I could get in that position.

As Yoongi run his fingers over my hair, I slowly lowered his underwear, releasing his half hard dick. With a curious look, I gently slid the tip of my index finger just over the head of his cock, causing Yoongi to intensify his grip on my hair.

I was guiding myself only by my desire. I grasped the base of his member and with closed eyes I gently slid my cheek over his length. Yoongi smiled as he realized my affectionate gesture, I felt the need to explain myself. "It's more beautiful than I thought," I said, smiling shyly.

"It's just a dick, Jimin," he replied smiling back.

"It's not just a dick, it's your dick. It's special," I replied, starting to move my hand up and down. With my free hand I massaged his balls, enjoying every moan I heard coming from his mouth.

With each movement of my hand I noticed his veins becoming more evident, and that made me feel strangely proud of myself. My own erection was beginning to bother me, but I didn't want to worry about it at that moment, my attention was focused only on Yoongi.

I was feeling my body getting warmer, so in a quick move, I pulled out the sweater and shirt I wore, putting them on top of the sink along with Yoongi's clothes.

That curved cock of his was powerful, and as my hand went through every bit of it, I began to imagine all he could do to me. When he moaned loudly, I automatically moaned too.

"Fuck, you weren't kidding about your hands," he whispered between moans.

Opening my mouth, I approached him and let the tip of my tongue touch only the head of his dick, giving soft licks only in that region. As if sucking a lollipop, I wrapped my mouth over it, never going further than that.

Catching him by surprise, I held onto his thighs and closing my lips around his hard dick I crept over it, until I felt it pressing at the back of my throat.

"Aaah take it easy," I heard Yoongi moan, pulling at my hair tightly. Then I slowly glided back off him, leaving a trail of spit everywhere.

I was loving sucking his dick, the high moaning Yoongi uttered, made it worth the wait. The caresses weren't being made directly on my skin, but even so I took pleasure in doing that, rocking my mouth back in the forth over his beautiful cock made me feel an intense wave of pleasure run through my body.

"Come here, come here..." he said breathlessly, placing a hand on the back of my neck, asking me to get up.

"I'm not done yet," I whimpered as I held onto his hand so I could stand again.

Without giving me any explanation, Yoongi abruptly pulled the button on my pants, then lowered it with my underwear to the level of my knees. Crouching with a little difficulty he helped me remove my sneakers and socks, and completely took off my clothes.

"Do you trust me?" He asked, sliding his hands over my arms. I immediately nodded, not knowing what he intended to do, "Turn around, please."

I obeyed him, and turned, placing my hands on the sink. Immediately my own reflection in the huge mirror caught my attention. My hair was all messy, my cheeks and my neck in a light shade of pink.

However, I didn’t have much time to continue observing my body, because soon I felt the palms of Yoongi hands tightening my butt cheeks.

"Your ass ... fuck ... it's Just so damn beautiful," he said, sliding his hands affectionately over my skin.

When I felt his chest being pressed against my back, his hard cock brushing over my butt, I moaned loudly. Closing my eyes, I rested my head on his shoulder, lifting my arm to stroke his hair as I felt his tongue slide down the back of my neck and behind my ear. I didn't have the guts to open my eyes and see my reflection again in the mirror, I knew I would look utterly obscene.

Playing with my nipples, Yoongi left open-mouthed kisses on my shoulders and back. I could no longer control my breathing.

I got scared a little when I felt him subtly putting my butt cheeks apart.

"Open your legs for me, Jimin," he whispered in my ear, "Trust me, I won’t hurt you." Without thinking twice, I pushed my legs a little further apart and then felt him pulling away my butt cheeks again. "Could you hold it like that for me, huh?" He asked kissing my shoulder.

I nodded, and did as he asked. Not long after, I noticed Yoongi sliding up and down the tip of his dick at my entrance. With his other hand, he held firmly to the base of my dick and with quick strokes he spread my precome over my length.

"Yoongi... fuck..." I moaned, trying to continue holding my butt cheeks. However my legs were already starting to shake. Looking at him through the mirror, I could tell he was as excited as I was.

"Jimin... your hole is so cute, so little..." he groaned non-stop rubbing the tip of his dick around my entrance, "I don't know if you'll be able to take my dick when the time comes."

"I'll ... god ... I will," I groaned, feeling his hand on my penis moving faster and faster, "I know you're going to make it work."

"You're right, I will," he said kissing my back.

Feeling my orgasm getting closer, I took my hands to the sink, trying to keep my balance while Yoongi was jerking off me.

With one hand on my chest, he pulled me subtly backward, making our bodies extremely close to each other. I turned my head to the side, and we kissed intensely as he quickly slid his cock over the curve of my ass.

"You're so beautiful... your face, your body... your soul. It's all so beautiful," he said through groans, his breathless voice next to my ear making me shiver, "I really don‘t deserve you."

"Shut up," I said seriously, before pressing my butt against his dick, moving in short circular motions.

It wasn't long before I felt my legs begin to shake. Leaning on the sink I felt the jets of cum leaving my body.

Soon after, I felt a liquid trickling down my lower back, "Sorry, I'm so sorry," I heard Yoongi say, before I saw him pull up his pants and run off to one of the cabins to get some toilet paper. After cleaning my back, he quickly wiped my own cum that ran down my belly.

"When are you going to understand that you don’t have to apologize for this kind of thing, Yoongi?" I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. He smiled timidly, and scratched the back of his neck, looking down at the floor, "I really like you, I like doing these things to you... dirty or not."

With a broad smile on his face, Yoongi ended the distance between our lips, wrapping me in a sweet kiss, slow and full of affection. "We need to hurry up, soon someone will wonder why the bathroom is still locked," he said, taking my clothes off the counter.

As I dressed quickly, I saw Yoongi picking up an odorizer spray from inside a locker and spreading it around the bathroom.

"How do I go to my last class looking like this?" I said, facing the mirror and trying to fix my messy hair.

"You look handsome," Yoongi said next to my ear, giving me a tight back hug, "Listen, my mother is going to spend the next whole weekend visiting my aunt in Daegu. Do you think you can come up with any excuse for your parents to let you stay at my house?"

"If they don’t agree, I'll run away," I said jokingly.

As soon as Yoongi unlocked the bathroom door, I left there alone, so as not to generate any suspicion. But anyone who saw me with that broad smile on my face would know that something had happened to me in that bathroom, and fortunately I didn’t need a cigarette or any other type of drug to feel that way. I just needed Yoongi.





Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


It was Saturday morning, I was lying on my bed, repenting immensely for suggesting to help Jaehwan with the trainings. Working and studying was an arduous task for me, and every day my body showed more signs of fatigue. I should have stopped working at the grocery store and start to devote myself to my studies, but I decided to postpone this decision, since due to the trip to Seoul, Jimin and I would need more money.

Even after taking a shower I was still feeling sleepy, my tired body missed my warm and soft bed. It took a lot of willpower to put on my sneakers and go down the stairs in search of my breakfast.

The house was strangely silent. Usually at this time my mother would awake, preparing breakfast. Only when I went to get a glass of milk, it was that I saw a small note stuck to the fridge, then I remembered that she would spend the weekend in Daegu, but I just didn't think she would leave home so soon.

The message she had left for me was what basically every mother always says, she asked me to take care of myself, not to mess up the house and eat well.

I was happy when she told me about the trip to Daegu. Ever since my parents' divorce, she always seemed sad and silent. I understood why that kind of behavior, after all they were married for many years, but still I wanted to help her in some way.

She was so apathetic that when I told her about Bighit's auditions she didn't say anything. In the old days that would be enough reason for a long conversation, she would try to convince me that I was doing the wrong thing, that I would regret it in the future. Instead of being glad for didn't have to face all that lecture once more, I got sad.

I was feeling completely useless. Maybe my aunt could advise her or make things better than me.

Through the living room window I could see the sky was overcast, maybe it would rain later. I liked it when the weather was this way, not so cold to freeze my butt, but not so hot to make me consider living into the fridge.

Before leaving home, I decided to check my cell phone in the hope that Jaehwan had changed his mind, but that didn't happen. Between spam and stuff that I didn't care about, I saw that I had received some messages from Jimin.


To: Yoongi

From: Jimin

07:13 AM

I told my mother that you bought new games but that you will also help me prepare myself to enter a good college

07:17 AM

That means she let me spend the night at your house ヾ(^∇^)

07:24 AM

Are you awake? When can I go to your house?

07:31 AM


07:35 AM

I'll be quiet now, I promise. ^3^


Who is crazy enough to get up at seven in the morning on a Saturday and get so excited? Park Jimin.


To: Jimin

From: Yoongi

09:16 AM

I'm going to meet Jaehwan. I'll call you later.

09:18 AM


When I got to the basketball court in the public square, I soon saw Jaehwan sitting on a bench waiting for me. As I approached him he threw in my direction the ball he was holding.

"I thought you wouldn’t come," he said as I sat next to him, putting my backpack on my lap.

"I always keep my word."

The square wasn't so empty, from afar I saw some children playing on the slide, a couple walking their dogs and a group of old men playing checkers at one of the nearby tables. I certainly would miss those little things when I go to college in Seoul.

"Are we going to play or not?" I heard Jaehwan scream as he walked toward the basketball hoop.

Sighing loudly, I get up from the bench and started following him. Without saying anything I threw the ball toward the hoop, 3 points.

As time went by I was already wide awake. Playing basketball always made me discover an energy that I didn’t know I had. However while we played I wasn’t so worried about making more points or winning anything. My focus was to observe Jaehwan's movements and to know what his weaknesses were. He was struggling to show me that he knew how to play well, that was noticeable, yet he didn’t seem so enthusiastic.

We had been playing for a long time and my tired body was starting to get sore. I thanked him mentally when he asked me for a break.

"Do you want some water?" He asked me as we sat on the floor.

"No need, I brought mine," I said, picking up the plastic bottle from inside my backpack, "I brought sandwiches too, do you want some?"

We had nothing in common but interest in basketball, maybe that's why I'd never approached him for all those years. However, I didn't have much in common with Jimin either, but when we were together there was none of that kind of awkward silence moments. I definitely couldn’t say the same about me and Jaehwan.

I didn't understand why Jimin had fallen in love with me, but it was understandable since we were always close to each other, but Jaehwan's reasons remained a mystery to me.

When he broke the silence between us, I preferred he hadn't done it.

"So, you and Jimin... together. I would never imagine such a thing," he said, watching me eat my sandwich. I thought it would be best if I didn't say anything, so I wouldn't be rude and maybe make him change the subject. But it didn't help, "If someone had told me that Jimin would be the person who made you find out about not liking girls, I wouldn't believe it."

"I like girls too," I said right away, the conversation was beginning to annoy me.

"And Jimin knows that?"

No, he didn't. Things between me and Jimin happened naturally and I never felt the need to tell him what my sexual orientation was. After all, for most of my life I was sure that I was heterosexual, but after having more intimate contact with him, I started to doubt it. Thus, it was difficult to talk to him about something I was still discovering.

"Look, I came here because of basketball, not to talk about my personal life," I said coldly as got up from the floor. It's not because we'd spent an hour together that he could feel like he was my friend. I didn’t suffer from amnesia. I remembered very well what he had done. I was trying to deal with that situation in the best way possible, but I didn’t want to become his best friend, I knew I couldn’t trust him.

"Sorry, I didn’t mean it," he apologized, geting up from the floor too and raising his hands in a peace sign, "But, you know... Jimin, he's always been so spoiled. He's not like you and me."

For a moment I thought about getting my backpack and letting Jaehwan talk alone. But if I had shown him that he was bothering me with that subject, he could certainly use it against me whenever possible.

"Unlike Jimin, we have a difficult life. When I heard he was gay, I even thought he was doing it just to get attention. To make his life more exciting since it's just too perfect."

I was trying to be a peaceful person, but I didn’t like the direction that conversation was taking. If he kept talking, and offending Jimin, I wouldn’t be able to stand there trying to play the good boy. I didn’t want to fight, but apparently Jaehwan didn’t think that way.

"He's so futile and-"

"Listen, I know where you want to go with this conversation and I think you'd better stop," I said, taking my backpack off the ground, "I don’t want to be a jerk towards your feelings for me, but I'm not going to stay here listening to you talking nonsense."

As I pulled away and started walking toward the street, I felt Jaehwan lightly pulling on my arm, enough to get my attention. "Wait, Yoongi. Let's continue with the training. I'll take it seriously."

Looking at his face, I realized that he seemed to be speaking the truth. So I decided to stop and explain to him the things I had observed while he was playing, which I thought he needed to improve.

Jaehwan was a good player, he wasn’t great or exceptional, just good. I still didn’t know what were his expectations regarding basketball, so I preferred not to discourage him.

"First, you need to practice more the defensive part, it was very easy to steal the ball from your hands," I said walking back toward the court and throwing my backpack on the floor. "I'll teach you some moves to get you going training alone."

Being watched closely by Jaehwan, I demonstrated to him the ways I used to improve my ball control. Bouncing the ball in zig-zag movements, sometimes using the right hand and in others the left hand, passing it between my legs and bouncing it throughout the length of the court.

With each explanation I passed the ball to Jaehwan so he could repeat my movements.

"There's an easier way to throw it," I said, walking toward the hoop, "You have to use your fingertips, bend your legs like that, and then throw the ball. Pay attention to the position of your elbow and arm."

I passed the ball to Jaehwan, and watched him try to repeat what I had done, but he wasn’t positioning his body properly.

Then I positioned myself behind him, and lifted his arm, showing him the correct way to do what I had said. "Now you bend your knees a little more, and try to throw the ball again," I said holding firmly at his elbow so he wouldn’t change his position.

"Got it. But please don’t speak so close to my ear with that deep voice of yours," I could hear Jaehwan saying with a broad smile. I hadn’t realized how close our bodies were. I soon felt uncomfortable and pulled away from him.

When I would start training the ball passes, I saw a very familiar face staring at me. Not far away, leaning against the trunk of a tree, Jimin watched us in silence.

"I need to go," I said, quickly picking up my backpack from the floor. Jaehwan soon seemed to understand what was happening, as he came my way to get his backpack that was close to mine.

"Damn... Jimin was able to put a leash on you in such a short time," he said mockingly. "You really have changed. Who would have thought Jimin would be the dom of the relationship?"

Not paying much attention to what Jaehwan was saying, I walked toward Jimin, I didn't know what he was doing there since I had warned that I would call him later.

As I approached him I could see certain uneasiness in the way he looked at me, maybe he had misunderstood what he had seen happen on the basketball court.

"Have you been waiting here for a long time? Why didn’t you come and talk to me?" I asked, hugging him tightly. I don’t know why but he seemed to be in need of a hug. He didn’t look as excited as he was in the morning.

"I didn’t want to disturb you. You can go back there, I'll wait until you're done," he told me, trying to get the backpack from my hands.

"No need. Are you okay?" I asked, squeezing his hand lightly, causing him to look away.

"I'm not going to your house anymore," he said shyly, "I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer, so I came here."

"Sorry, I didn’t hear my cell phone ringing," I said, opening my backpack to pick up my phone and show him that I was telling the truth, "Did your mother change her mind?"

Scratching the back of his head, he just nodded, not taking his eyes off the floor. Jimin is a lousy liar, always was. Then I knew there was something he was hiding from me, and it confused me. At first I thought he was behaving like that for seeing me with Jaehwan, but then he seemed not to care much about it. I was feeling really lost.

I took him by the hand, and led the way to the last empty table in the crowded square. I was relieved to notice that Jaehwan had already left, so we would certainly have more privacy.

As we sat side by side, I put my backpack on my lap, and used it as a way to hide our entwined fingers.

"I'll ask again, and I want a sincere answer. Are you okay?" I asked, gently sliding the tips of my fingers over the back of Jimin's hand.

Thinking about how he should expose what he was thinking, it took him a few minutes to reply, "I lied about my mother. I don’t want to go to your house."

"Okay. Can you tell me why?" I asked trying to sound as calm as possible, I wasn’t angry, so I didn’t want him to think I was. But his behavior was making me a little distressed, "You sounded so excited this morning..."

"It's nothing important," Jimin said in a shaky voice. He tried quickly to wipe a tear from the corner of his eyes, but I had certainly noticed that.

I loved hanging out with Jimin, but the main problem of being in public places was that we had to be always attentive, always paying attention to those around us, limiting even the simplest gestures of affection. This was extremely tiring.

I wanted to really comfort him, do more than just hold his hand in hiding. I felt he needed it, but unfortunately there was no more private place nearby.

"Are you scared?" I asked quietly, perhaps my question had also been addressed to myself.

He nodded, seeming to be controlling the crying, "This morning I was trying to make myself beautiful to meet you, but I started thinking about things that could happen and..."

"What kind of things?" I asked, squeezing his hand, which was already beginning to get sweaty due to his nervousness.

"You know... embarrassing things..." he mumbled, staring at the floor, "I've done this a few times with Jaehwan, but I've never been the bottom so I don't know how to avoid and..."

I stood for a few minutes trying to figure out what he was trying to tell me, and that's when it hit me, "Oh... Jimin, I know where I'm getting myself in... literally. When I told you I would make it work, I was referring to the whole thing. Don't worry about it, I will help you."

Finally looking at my face, he seemed more relieved to hear me, and I felt happier being able to comfort him in a way, "I bought all the things we're going to need. I thought about cooking for you too, so it's going to be a shame if I have to eat it all by myself," I said with a smile on my face, trying to relieve some of the tension that hung in the air.

“Do you want to cook for me?” He asked, widening his eyes.

I just nodded and got up from the bench, "Will you come with me?" I asked stretching my hand toward him.




Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


As much as I seemed very confident to deal about Jimin and his insecurities, I was scared too. However, it was for different reasons. I wanted to be prepared for him. I wanted to be the best I could be.

I decided to research about sex between men, after all that was a new world for me. The first thing I noticed is that the whole process is more complex than it seems. Things people find very cool on porn videos are actually made with a lot of pain and with the help of anesthetics or drugs.

Several people enjoy the videos of the guys using a giant dildo or even objects destined for other purposes. The violent penetration made without any kind of preparation or care can receive many kudos. But none of these people who likes to take pleasure in the pain of others, would be willing to be next to the guy who have to do those things when the anesthetic effect is over and the pain camouflaged until then, began to give the first signs, or when the extremely painful anal fissures appears.

Just letting the head of the penis inside and then pushing it all at once sounds pleasurable to some people, but in fact this can cause intense pain to the partner and instead of making him more excited it turns out to be a big turn off. It's always best to know first what the partner's pain tolerance is and check if he is stretched enough for handle that.

Having sex at any time, whenever you feel like it sounds cool, but when it comes to anal sex, this spontaneity isn't always good, as such practice requires some extra steps of body hygiene to avoid accidents that can be very embarrassing when the couple doesn't have much intimacy with each other.

The anatomy of men and women is different, so anal sex alone, most often is not able to get a woman to orgasm, she needs other stimulation, but few men are mindful of it. The penetration in men is more difficult, however more pleasurable for them because of the prostate, which can be considered their g-spot.

Sexism is also present in the LGBTQ community. It is not the physical appearance or the personality of someone who defines whether he will be a top or a bottom, but rather their personal preference. Therefore, because they mistakenly believe that the bottom represents the "woman" in the relationship, many ignorant people end up treating people who prefer bottoming as inferior, because they think the same thing about femininity.

During sex, ignorant people usually see the bottom only as a hole or a doll, and not a human being with all its complexity and subjectivity.

But a healthy relationship between doms and subs is not like that, because such behavior shouldn’t extend to all aspects of the couple's life.

Being a bottom doesn’t mean being submissive. Being a top doesn’t automatically make someone more masculine. But bottoming certainly requires courage because it is something that let the person exposed and more vulnerable. Even in casual sex, it is something that demands a connection and trust among those involved. Thinking about it, I felt honored by Jimin to trust me to such an extent.

Seeing him there looking so happy just to see me cooking for him, made me feel something different, I just couldn’t explain it well. But it was very much like happiness.

"What are you going to cook?" He asked as he watched me pull the ingredients out of the fridge, "To be honest, when you said you would cook for me I figured it would be ramen or something like that."

"To be honest, that was the first choice," I said, pointing to the bags on the kitchen counter. Jimin then got up from the stool, walked to the direction I had pointed and grinning from ear to ear, he could confirm what I was saying.

"At least if what you're cooking goes wrong, we won’t be hungry," he murmured as he placed the packets of ramen on the counter.

It is always good to have a plan B, especially when you decide to cook for the first time a recipe that you have copied from a website on the internet.

I chose to prepare Donkkaseu (pork cutlet), contrary to what is common in South Korean cuisine, this isn't a spicy dish, but nonetheless it is very tasty and seemed to be easy to prepare.

The pork was just waiting to be fried, the rice was almost ready, it was all right with the cabbage salad and with the kimchi, so I should only worry about the gravy. Things were coming out better than I'd imagined. However, Jimin didn't seem to agree with that.

"Are you sure you don’t want my help?" He asked, positioning himself behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I'm almost finishing," I replied, stirring the heated butter and the hi-rice powder with a wooden spoon just as the recipe indicated, "Besides, you're my guest."

"Okay," he whispered, kissing my cheek softly. "The food smells good."

"What food? I'm basically just melting the butter," I said without taking my eyes off the pan.

“Wow, I was just trying to encourage you… you ungrateful little shit!" Jimin said slapping my back, maybe stronger than he intended.

It didn’t take much to get our lunch ready. The pork looked slightly tanned than the one on the photos posted on the website, but otherwise it all seemed to be within normalcy. Jimin had set the table, so I just needed to carry the pots with the food to the dining room.

I sat next to him, and watched him put some of each food on his plate, "I want your honest opinion," I said when he took the first bite.

"It's fine," he said, eating some of the salad. "But the kimchi is very good."

"Kimchi was the only thing I didn’t cook, Jimin! My mother left it ready. What do you mean by 'fine'?" I asked starting to serve the food to myself. It wasn’t so ugly, it couldn’t be just 'fine'.

"Oh, the rest of the food is good too," he said, smiling sheepishly.

"Good? Do you have any idea of how much time I spent cooking?"

Without listening to what he said, I began to try every dish I had prepared so carefully. Although Jimin considered everything I had done just fine, he wouldn’t stop eating.

"Not bad, I've eaten worse," I figured.

"Me too, but on the other hand I've eaten better," Jimin replied with a broad smile on his face that made his eyes even smaller, "You asked for my honest opinion!"

In a way, I agreed with Jimin, but he had better not know that. I also think that what made the taste of food not so good to me is that with every bite, I remembered the sink full of dirty pans that waited for me.

"How was the training with Jaehwan?" Jimin asked suddenly, I thought he had already forgotten about it. "I bet he flirted with you."

"Nothing happened," I said, taking the dirty dishes off the table and walking toward the kitchen. I felt that Jimin would insist on that, and I would be forced to tell him in detail what had happened.

"Liar, I was there, did you forget?" I heard him saying behind me as he followed me.

"He kissed me and then invited me to go to his house for a quickie," I said as I started to wash the dishes.

"What? Jaehwan did what?" Jimin screamed, causing me to drop the dish into the sink and turn toward him. The expression on his face before so smiling had completely changed. Staring at me seriously, furious he was waiting for answers.

"I was just kidding," I said, smiling before I tried to hug him, but he simply turned away from me, returning to the dining room. Before he could move further I quickly hugged him from behind, "I'm sorry, I didn’t mean it."

I should have thought better of what I had said, that certainly wasn’t the best answer I could give, but I thought Jimin would notice my sarcasm, which definitely didn’t occur.

"I don’t like this kind of joke," he mumbled, this time without trying to let go of my arms.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, kissing him softly on the neck, "I'm sorry."

After that little misunderstanding while washing the dishes, everything seemed to be back to normal. As I watched Jimin drying and storing the dishes, I preferred to completely change the subject of our conversation to anything that didn't involve Jaehwan. So that was how Jimin started talking about the dance he was practicing for Bighit’s auditions.

Soon after, Jimin suggested that we should watch something, and sitting on the living room carpet, the couch cushions served us as pillows as we watched a TV show that I couldn’t care less about.

I did my best to not close my eyes for long, I had to keep fighting over sleep. But apparently this was a losing battle, because when I realized the TV was off, and Jimin wasn’t in sight.

I lazily got up from the carpet and called for him, but the house remained in complete silence. It was then I walked up the stairs, carrying with me a blanket that a short time ago was covering my body without me remembering about getting it, that was the kind of thing that Jimin would do.

"Jimin?" I said, entering my bedroom, finding him apparently looking for something inside my wardrobe.

"Aish, you scared me!" He shouted, putting one hand to his own chest. He seemed legitimately scared, but the little jump he gave at the sound of my voice was so cute it made me smile.

"What time is it? How long have I slept?" I asked, still a little sleepy as I went to lie on my bed.

"You slept for about five hours, it's almost dark."

"What? Why did you let me sleep for that long?" I yelled, getting up immediately from the bed. That weekend was meant especially for us to spend it together, and not for me to sleep all day.

"You were tired," he replied, gently sliding his thumb over my cheek. "Besides, you look very cute sleeping."

When I heard that I made a mental note to someday take a picture of Jimin sleeping, then he would know what it is to really sleep in a cute way.

"I want to bathe. Could you lend me some clothes?" He asked me standing in front of my wardrobe.

"Take whatever you want," I replied, giving him a kiss on the cheek, "Oh, I bought something you might want to use."

Working at the grocery store wasn’t so bad. I was able to buy myself several bottles of water-based and silicone-based lube, plus condoms without anyone noticing. This certainly helped me avoid some embarrassing situation or questions that I didn’t want to answer. However, at that moment what I wanted to show Jimin were the bath bombs that I had also bought.

"Wow, how many bottles of lube did you buy?" He asked me, startled. I hadn’t realized that while I was looking for the bath bombs he was looking at the other bag on my desk.

"I didn’t know which one was the best, or how much it would take... then. Better left than missing, right?" I said scratching the back of my neck. I didn’t want him to think I was planning to use all those five bottles of lube in just one day. "But that's not what I wanted to show you," I said, handing him the two bath bombs.

"Will you come with me?" He asked, handing me the jasmine bath bomb and picking up the vanilla one.

"You want me to?"

He smiled timidly and nodded, starting walking toward the door. I just followed him to the bathroom down the hallway.

Staring at Jimin's reflection through the mirror, I could tell he seemed to be feeling a bit uncomfortable with the situation. It was kind of funny to see him there so shy to get undressed in front of me, especially when I remembered all the naughty things he could say when he was horny.

With my back to him I decided to start preparing the bathtub, maybe things would get easier if he was out of my sight.

As I watched the hot water fall from the taps, I began to take off my clothes too, putting them into the basket next to the sink.

When the tub was filled with enough water and the vanilla bath bomb completely dissolved, I put my feet into the water, and slowly crouched, pressing my back into one of the edges.

"You can come here now, I'm not looking," I said, using my hands to cover my eyes.

I could hear the sound of Jimin's lovely giggle as he approached me. Soon after, I felt the waters flutter signaling that he had entered the bathtub.

Squeezing my long fingers with his small and chubby ones, Jimin pushed my hands away from my eyes. He sat in the middle of the tub, knees bent against his chest, his broad smile brightened his whole face, his eyes becoming little crescents.

Dragging me to Jimin, I subtly grabbed his legs and wrapped them around my waist, rubbing the sides of his thighs. I make a little effort to stretch my arm and pick up the sponge behind Jimin, and saw his eyes widen as he realized that the water might overflow from the bathtub. When Jimin notice that it hadn’t happened, he sighed in relief. He was naturally cute and it melted my heart.

After wetting the soft sponge, I began to gently rub his back in circular motions, trailing toward his arms and then to his chest. He smiled and just watched my gestures while he played with the water.

"Thanks for lunch," he said softly. "I was kidding, everything was really delicious."

"I knew it!" I shouted, before getting a slap on my shoulder. Any of these days I need to tell Jimin that he is stronger than he seemed. But I wouldn't do that now, at least not as he leaned toward me, kissing my cheeks, my chin, and my nose so sweetly. As he gave a soft kiss on my lips, I quickly connected our mouths deepening the kiss.

Slowly he drew away from me, locking his gaze into mine as he smiled shyly.

We spent some more time in silence, just bathing each other between giggling and soft kisses. At that moment though we were completely naked and close to each other, there was no atmosphere of lust among us, no pressure, or judgments. We were completely relaxed about the presence of each other.

"I need to do something in the bedroom. When you've finished bathing, go there," I said, pecking his lips before wrapping a towel around my waist and leaving the bathroom.

All these years Jimin and I always used to lie in my single bed, I didn't complain about being so close to him in that tight space, but I knew that to be more comfortable it would be better if we had a bigger bed.

Using my mother's large bed was out of the question, as that would be very weird. So I preferred to put some camping mattress on the floor of my bedroom, and to make it softer I took three thick duvets and threw it over them. It wasn't ideal, but I hoped it was at least soft enough for Jimin.

As I was taking the pillows from my bed and those kept in my wardrobe I saw Jimin entering the room wearing my white robe. Smiling, he continued to dry his hair with a towel as he lay down on our makeshift bed.

"Is it soft?" I asked as I searched the playlist I had created on my computer. When he said yes, I immediately felt my heart lighter. I was trying to calm him down, but I knew I should calm myself too, otherwise things might not work out. I didn’t understand why I was so nervous, since during my first time with a girl I hadn’t felt so tense.

When the first piano melody from my playlist started playing, I took a deep breath and walked towards Jimin. With the curtains closed, the room was dark, being lit only by the lights coming from the lamp near my bed and the screen of my computer.

I took off the towel around my waist, and slowly lay down over his body. With his back pressed against the mats, Jimin received me with open arms. Smiling he connected our lips in a warm, soft and gentle kiss.

"I like the music, it reminds me of the old days," he said nibbling my bottom lip.

His lips softer than ever passionately enveloped in mine, sucking and licking them softly. When his hands ran down my back, his nails lightly scratched my skin causing me to feel a shiver run down my spine. His lips parted allowing me to slip my tongue into his mouth as I untied the robe he was wearing.

We kept rubbing our bodies against each other, as we moved in perfect unison. When his arms wrapped around my neck I let him get the kiss deeper by tilting my head slightly to the side. His hands woving into my hair while my hand ran up and down his thighs.

I take my time exploring with my tongue every inch of his mouth. I felt his grip on my hair get tighter while between soft kisses, moans left his lips.

With my face buried in the crook of his neck, I inhaled the soft scent of vanilla exhaling from his body. While nibbling at his earlobe, an excited giggle escaped from his mouth making me smile.

I pulled away a little as he leaned forward, sitting down in front of me and then taking off the robe he was wearing.

When he lay down again, it took me by surprise because this time he stayed with his belly down and with his head next to my lap. I felt his hand go around the base of my dick as he gave quick licks on the tip. With his eyes closed, he moved his hands in rapid movements. Then his full lips wrapped my length at a slow pace. His soft moans drove me insane.

"Jimin... Jimin ... mhn ..." I groaned, rubbing my hand on his back, "It’s enough, baby... I-I can’t cum so soon..." He stood for a few moments staring at me, a grin suddenly appearing on his face as he nodded and walked away from me. "Don’t move," I said taking a pillow and placing it under his head.

"What are you going to do?" He asked, turning his head slightly so he could see me. Silently I just reached for a bottle of body moisturizer I had left near our makeshift bed, along with the lube and the condoms.

I put a small amount of the cream in my hands and rubbed my fingers against each other to warm it. I placed my knees flexed around his body and gently pressed the palms of my hands to his shoulders, massaging them with firm but subtle movements.

"Close your eyes," I whispered next to his ear. I knew in that way his other senses would intensify and his body would be more relaxed.

Slowly, my hands worked their way down his spine rubbing his skin and gently tightening the areas with more flesh. When I reached his low back I began to move the tip of my fingers and my joints to make quick circles in that area.

With my lips and tongue I slowly worked my way up his spine, leaving sweet kisses all over his soft skin as my hands massaged the sides of his ribs.

"Yoongi ..." Jimin moaned, as I lay on top of him pressing my chest against his back. As I kissed his neck, I returned to massage his shoulders, going down his arms.

I knelt down again in the empty space between his legs, put a little more moisturizer in my hands and began massaging his butt cheeks gently with the palms of my hands. The sight of Jimin's curvy and round ass high in the air was sending me vibrations right to my cock as I felt it twitch.

My erection was starting to bother me, but I knew that for Jimin's first time I had to spend more time on the foreplay so that his body and mind would be relaxed enough to soothe the pain. I wish he wouldn’t feel any pain, just pleasure, but I knew a little discomfort was inevitable.

"Turn around, Jimin, turn around."

Doing what I had asked Jimin smiled lazily with his back against the mats and with his mouth open he moaned softly as I massaged his nipples. "So... so beautiful," I whispered.

When our lips met again my longing for him showed up all over my body, his little fingers massaging my chest set my skin on fire.

"Jimin, I need you to get your body relaxed now, okay? Can you do it for me?"

He smiled sweetly and just nodded, covering his mouth with his hand, hiding his giggles.

"You're so quiet today..." I said, getting up to get the lube.

"I'm just nervous," he murmured, closing his eyes and trying to control his breathing.

"Relax, there's nothing you need to worry," I replied giving a peck on his lips. "Open your legs for me," I whispered nibbling his earlobe.

Sitting down again, I took a good amount of lube and spread the gel on my fingers. As the tip of my finger lightly touched his sensitive skin, Jimin let out a soft moan and pulling his butt cheeks apart I drizzled lube over his little, puckered hole.

I knew the sphincter would contract and then relax again. It was exactly this moment that I should take advantage of to insert my middle finger little by little. When the tip of my finger came in, I felt Jimin's body tense, which was normal, but I needed him to calm down because that was just the beginning and certainly I would need to use more than one finger, "Relax, baby... It's okay," I said kissing the inside of his thighs. When his hole extended again I inserted my finger deeper. Soon it was completely inside.

"You c-can put ... one more finger," he said with a gasping voice.

"That's right baby, talk to me," I replied, getting out of him and putting lube on my index finger to repeat the same process I had done earlier. However, when the second finger came in, Jimin let out a groan of pain, "Is everything okay there?"

"It's burning," he said with a groan.

Seeing him in pain made my heart tight, what I wanted to hear was his moans of pleasure, and I couldn’t wait for that to happen. It was then that an idea came to my mind and I cursed myself for not thinking about it before. With my fingers inside him, I leaned forward and began to suck the head of his hard cock.

"Yoongi ... y-you ... aaah…" he moaned, holding tightly to my hair.

I had never put a dick in my mouth before, I had no practice, so I tried to remember the various good and bad blowjobs I had received during my life, trying to repeat the things that made me excited.

With the tip of my fingers curled up I tried to find his prostate, I knew that if I found that spot things would be incredible for Jimin.

"Yoongi ... p-please," he moaned, tightening his grip on my hair.

"I know Jiminie, I know. Just wait a little more, okay? You're doing so well," I said taking his length in my mouth.

Jimin's constant moans were making things increasingly difficult for me, taking my hand up to my balls, I pulled them down, trying to delay my ejaculation, I had to think of anything else, anything that wasn't the completely naked Jimin moaning my name while my fingers scissoring him or about my lips rushing his dick with my spit. So I started thinking about Seoul traffic, about my last math class, anything monotonous enough to slow down my arousal.

Suddenly, Jimin's back curved beautifully and his fingers firmly grasped the duvet fabric beneath his body, "Yoongi! Aaaa-aah!" He shouted.

There, I certainly had found what I was looking for.

Inserting a third finger into his hole, I began to move it back and forth as I kissed his thighs. I needed to slow Jimin's ejaculation too, so quickly I pressed the tip of his glans with my fingers.

"Yoongi, I'm ready... t-take me, please. I'm ready," he gasped as our eyes met.

Slowly withdrawing my fingers from inside his tight hole, I pulled away from him a little in order to get a condom.

"I'm c-clean," he whispered as I opened the package.

"Me too," I replied, unrolling the condom. When I touched my so neglected dick a wailing groan came out of my mouth even before I realized it.

"If you want, we don’t have to use that…"

"Jimin, you shouldn’t offer that kind of thing. People lie, people cheat," I said staring into his eyes, I needed him to understand the seriousness of the matter without me having to make a long speech about it.

"I know, but you wouldn't do this to me, right?" He asked, smiling shyly, "Yoongi?"

I turned my gaze quickly, and started to put the condom in a slow motion, trying to control my breathing.

I was leaning over to lie down beside him as I noticed Jimin coming toward me. Sitting up on his knees he looked at me with his sweet eyes, "I promise I won’t make that kind of offer for anyone else besides you. I trust you."

Before I could say anything, his little fingers wrapped around my dick, removing the condom.

His lips curled into a smile as he backed me up against the makeshift bed, "How should I position myself?" He asked, nibbling my bottom lip.

"Spooning, it is less painful," I replied, lying on my side. As he lay down in front of me, I took the bottle of lube again and spread it abundantly all over my dick, when Jimin was close to me I did the same thing with his entrance, inserting my fingers inside him one last time.

Without stop to kiss the back of his neck, I lifted his leg a little and inserted the head of my cock into his hole, pushing in a little, retreating and then pushing farther. An expression of pain immediately overwhelmed his lovely face, making him squint, "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" I asked in a gasping voice as I felt his muscles tighten around me.

"I can handle it," he whispered, squeezing my wrist.

'Claire de Lune' resounded through the room when I finally managed to insert most of my dick into him. That position was less painful because it kept me from penetrating him completely, and I mentally thanked myself for having remembered it, because at that moment I needed all the willpower in the world to not thrust too deep inside him.

"Talk to me..." Jimin whined, giving a groan of pain.

After a few seconds in silence, trying to organize my thoughts, I managed to whisper something next to his ear, "You're doing so well, Jiminie... so well." Suddenly he tightened his hole with such a force that I felt he could cut off my dick anytime, "Fuck... try to relax, baby."

I started to slide my hand around his cock in a slow peace, trying to help him get calmer, "Remember when you used to dance to me while I played the piano? Now we're going to dance together, okay?"

He smiled in beautiful way, and with a nod e allowed me to keep going, "I'm ready, you can move."

I gave a gentle kiss on his shoulder and began to move my hips slowly, until he could get used to my presence inside him.

"Oh ... you're so tight, Jiminie ... fuck," I groaned, pressing my forehead against his back.

"Are you e-enjoying it?" Jimin asked me softly.

"I'm loving it," I gasped, thrusting into him. "Any pain?"

"I'm f-fine, aahhh... really fine," he moaned, moving his butt in small circular motions, "B-but I want to see you."

Slowly pulling out of him, I helped him turn around and lay with his back against the mats, positioning myself between his legs I spread more lube on my cock and on his entrance that was already a little swollen.

He was panting heavily, his legs wide open and knees flexed, while his chest descended and rose in rapid movements as his head hung to the side with his mouth open. He was completely messed up, and beautiful.

I positioned myself at his entrance and slipped into him, but this time shoving my dick, balls deep into his ass.

"Aaahhh Y-Yoongi!” He screamed, digging his nails into my back.

I tried to remember the approximate location of his sweet spot, and struggled to concentrate my deep thrusts just there. With each thrust Jimin curving his back, groaned loudly. I had to hold him so he wouldn’t get hurt.

"Fuck me, Y-Yoongi ... d-deeper, deeper," he shouted, pressing his butt against my dick. At that moment I confirmed that it was a good idea to wait to have the house just for ourselves, otherwise it would be impossible for someone not to hear us.

"You take m-my cock ... so w-well," I groaned, pressing deeper inside him, "Your cute little hole is swallowing my dick beautifully."

I leaned forward and pressed my chest against his, holding his legs around me so they remained wide open. When our lips met, we kissed intensely, with lust and warmth, a kiss we had never given before. When I put my tongue out of my mouth to be able to lick his lip, Jimin started sucking on my tongue simulating oral sex. I went crazy.

My thrusts were starting to get erratic, the familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was close.

"Call me that again... please," I heard Jimin whisper as he slowly turned his head to the side.

"What?" I groaned, delirious at the feeling of his round ass wiggling on my dick.

"Call me baby again ... please," he whimpered with his eyes closed as a thin line of saliva flowed from the corner of his mouth.

"Come for me, baby. Come untouched for me, baby," I whispered, approaching my mouth to his ear.

Jimin wrapped his legs and arms around me, hugging me tightly like a koala, while my balls pressed on his ass. Soon after his back curved sharply and I felt the slickness of sweat and cum pressed between our bodies.

"I love you," he whispered against my lips. In silence I connected our mouths again while I thrusted deep inside him.

"Let me go, Jimin, please... I'm going to cum too," I said trying to free myself from him.

"No, no, no... inside, please... inside," he whimpered, pressing his body against mine.

Without having time to counter it or do anything else, I felt the hot jets of cum going out of my body, painting his walls in white.

"Fill me up, Yoongi..." Jimin whispered against my mouth as we pressed our foreheads together.

Slowing the pace of my thrusts, I gave a growl of pleasure before pulling out of him. Leaning over him, I rested my head on the crook of his neck, trying to catch my breath. Despite the cold weather outside, our bodies were hot and sweaty. I was feeling exhausted and Jimin fingers gently stroking my hair as his body trembled under mine felt almost was an invitation for me to sleep.

"Yoongi... I'm feeling something dripping... am I bleeding?" Jimin whimpered softly next to my ear.

"Oh shit... shit..." I murmured scared. I forgot immediately about my sleep and weariness and sat between his legs. Then I noticed his swollen hole tightening around nothing. “Don't worry, it's just my cum coming out of you. I suppose this is a good thing," I said shyly getting up quickly from the ground. I was really relieved.

I walked toward the door, but before leaving the room I turned to him to check if he was okay, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

At the bathroom down the hallway, I got two small towels in the cabinet and wet one of them with the hot water from the bathtub faucet.

When I returned to the my room, I found Jimin sitting curled up with his legs spread open, and a hand under his entrance, preventing my cum from dripping and dirtying the blanket. He stared at his own red, swollen hole with a look of curiosity, not of disgust or pain, and it made me relieved. I felt weird to find that scene kind of cute.

"It's still coming out ..." he said softly as he saw me approaching him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, wiping him gently with the wet towel and then using the other towel to dry it.

"It's okay. It was me who asked for it, remember?" He said smiling sweetly and giving a kiss to my lips.

"Does it hurt much? I bought some painkillers if you need to," I said as I helped him lie down again.

"I'm fine, don't worry... just tired."

"Me too," I said, laying down beside him and covering us with the blanket. I smiled as immediately Jimin approached me wanting to cuddle.

A sweet scent was emanating from his hair and he had a serene expression on his face. I began to lightly massage his lower back until he fell asleep, "Wake me up, if you need anything."

As Jimin slept peacefully next to me, I closed my eyes and began to think of everything that had just happened. Jimin had said that he loved me and I didn't say anything about it. He didn't seem to be mad at me, or in the midst of all the intensity of pleasure, he hadn't realized what he said. I didn't know for sure.

Jimin and I had known each other for many years and he always being that kindly person had told me before that he loved me many times, and I had said it back. But this time everything was different. My heart was full of love for Jimin, for sure. But I didn't know if I said "I love you" to him, I would be saying it to my best friend or to my boyfriend. Was he my boyfriend? Jimin seemed to expect a lot from this relationship, and in a way it frightened me.

What the hell was I doing to him and to myself? Very soon I would have to go to Seoul and start college, leaving Jimin in Busan. Wasn't that the main reason I broke up with Jiwon?



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


Waking up next to Yoongi was good, waking up next to him after we had sex was amazing. I went to sleep smiling and woke up with a broad smile on my face as well. The small pain in my body didn’t bother me at all since I was feeling so good, so happy... so loved.

Yes, I realized that when by carelessness, I ended up saying that I loved him, he was silent. But I didn’t care.

I always considered the stories about love at first sight a little silly because I saw that in real life that wasn’t how things happened. Passion at first sight? Totally possible. Love... true love at first sight? I don’t think so.

Not even a mother's love for her child happens at first sight. First she loves the idea of having a baby, and then she has about nine months to develop that love. That is why when she sees the face of her baby for the first time it is not love at first sight, because love has always been there.

Of course I wanted Yoongi to love me, but it would be very unfair to him and to myself if I expected this to happen overnight.

Sometimes I desperately wanted him to declare himself to me as in the movies, as in movies with heterosexual characters of course, because apparently for the film industry gay people don’t love, just have sex or are good to be the best friend of a female character. A gay person wearing suit and tie, boss in a big company? Impossible, they preferred to show a caricature version, reinforcing stereotypes.

But other times I felt happy just to have him there by my side, without him promising me the sky and the stars, with swearing of eternal love or not.

It was with much reluctance that I pulled away from him on that cold morning to go prepare something for me to eat. He was sleeping so gracefully that I felt the urge to kiss all the skin on his back that wasn’t being covered by the blanket, but it was still too early and I knew Yoongi hated being awakened. However that didn’t stop me from take the risk and give him a little kiss.

Tiptoeing, I went to his wardrobe to get some clothes for me to wear, but in the middle of the way something caught my attention. On the desk I found a white t-shirt and a black sweatshirt, underwear, painkillers, a new toothbrush and three packs of chocolate chopsticks, which I left to eat later.

With a smile on my face, I grabbed everything and went to take a shower. At that moment that thoughtful gesture managed to make me happier than any oath of love could.

I was in the kitchen preparing an omelette when I saw Yoongi approaching the counter with a backpack. "Are you leaving? It is still early..."

"Jaehwan," he replied, turning to leave the kitchen.

"Do you want to know what I think about these trainings with him?" Even though he didn't respond, I kept talking anyway. "You're just making him fall in love with you... even more."

Upon hearing this, Yoongi returned to the kitchen, "Do you have any better ideas for keeping him quiet?" No, I didn't and because of that I was silent. "Yeah, me neither."

"Are you going to meet him with a empty stomach? I made omelette for you... I was going to take it to your room but... "

Seemingly finally realizing what I was doing so early in the kitchen, Yoongi put down his backpack on the stool and came toward me, picking up a fork from the drawer near the sink. Smiling sheepishly, he took a bite of the omelette that was still in the frying pan, "You didn't have to do this, you could sleep some more. It's Sunday."

"I wanted to do something for you as a way of thanking you. You were so considerate and patient with me last night," I said as I watched him eat the omelette with great will. He was very hungry or the omelette was very good, I hoped it was the second option.

It was then that he stopped eating, and the expression on his face was completely serious. "I didn't do anything, Jimin. When people have sex, both have to feel pleasure. Never let anyone think that they are doing you a great favor just by treating you well. That's the least they should do. Are you listening to me?"

"I don't like it when you talk like that," I replied, running a dishcloth on the counter, more to disguise my sadness than to clean. "You sound like you're preparing me for someone else."

"You know what will happen, Jimin," he replied, resting his hand on mine. "Soon our lives will take different paths. I don’t want to hold you to me, and…"

"I don’t mind."

He took a deep breath, lowered his head and got silent for a moment. He seemed to be thinking about what he was going to tell me. I preferred to wait for him to break the silence, I wanted him to be honest with me, "Jimin, look at you. You are beautiful, lovely, cheerful, caring and so many other things ... There are several girls and boys waiting for an opportunity to be with you. And I ... oh ... I'm so ... We're like the sun and moon, day and night. "

That was one of the biggest bullshit I'd ever heard in my life, "You talk like that, but I don’t have three people who are hopelessly in love with me," I grumbled.

Yoongi sat across from me on the other side of the kitchen counter he didn't seem to be convinced of what I'd said, "Jaehwan doesn't love me, he loves what he can't have, he's like that about everything. I bet if I gave him a chance, not long afterwards he would find it all boring and break up with me. Jiwon doesn't love me either, she loves what I represent to her and not my true self."

"What about me? Do you believe in my love?" I asked, averting my gaze from his. At the same time I wanted to know the answer, I was also afraid of hurting myself.

"Yes, I believe. But I find it weird. You know me so well, you have every reason to go away, but you decided to stay, so... "

Then I walked to the other side of the counter, approached Yoongi, and placed my hands on his shoulders, "Yes, I have decided to stay by your side and I will keep that decision, no matter if you are here in Busan, in Daegu, in Seoul or at the end of the world, it doesn’t matter."

"Jimin think with me. You still have to finish high school. Then you’ll go to college... "

He was right, keeping a long-distance relationship wouldn't be easy, but I wanted to try, "I can try going to a college in Seoul and…"

Yoongi rested his hands on my waist with an air of sadness, "Do you see? That's what I'm afraid of... you having to be basing your choices to fit with my life."

"When you love someone you have to be willing to make some sacrifices, make compromises," I clarified, running my fingers through his hair.

Sitting on the stool with me standing between his legs, Yoongi rested his forehead on my belly. Then he just stared at the ground, "What if in the future you regret it? You're going to blame me for it."

"Would you do the same to me?"

"No, but ... What are we, Jimin? What is this whole thing?"

"What am I to you Yoongi?" I asked, lifting his chin with my hands, so that I could look into his eyes and hear the answer that could decide our future.

"I don't know anymore. When you were just my best friend things were easier."

"So you don’t consider me your best friend anymore?" I asked seriously. "What are you afraid of?"

He rested his head on my belly again, thinking about his answer, "I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid to love you and in the end lose my best friend and my boyfriend at once. I don’t know if I could handle it."

So that was it, we were boyfriends. Yoongi and I were at the same stage, I wasn't alone in that relationship. With a smile on my face I felt my heart get lighter, "Do you remember that day when we made a pinky promise to be together forever?" He then lifted his head and nodded in silence. "Let's make this better. We will promise to stay together forever, as friends or boyfriends. If anything happens, we will never let it get to the point where we begin to hate each other."

"I'm never going to hate you, Jimin," he replied.

"Me neither. But let's promise anyway, okay?" I said, lifting my pinky finger.

"Okay, I promise," he replied, softly biting my pinky before we interlaced our fingers.

I felt happy that we had finally talked openly about our relationship. Surely things would be difficult, I didn't want to imagine how much I would miss Yoongi when he went to Seoul, how lonely my days would be, but knowing that at least we would try to make it work, made me more calm.

Long-distance relationships are difficult, but when there is no trust and commitment, it becomes impossible. When I told him that I wanted to stay by his side I was serious and something in Yoongi's eyes told me that he did too.

Yoongi finished to eat the omelette and then grabbed his backpack. He was ready to leave the house when he turned and gave me a kiss on the lips, "Are you okay? You know... there."

"Why? Do you want to do ‘that’ again?" I asked embarrassed, hiding my face on his neck.

"Maybe," he replied, squeezing my butt cheeks, "But there's another thing I want to do too."

I pulled away from his neck and frowned, I didn’t have any idea of what he was talking about, "That crap blowjob... I want you to teach me to do it the right way," he replied me with a shy smile.

"Oh... well, it doesn’t really have many rules. Just be careful not to use your teeth," I said with a smile. In fact, I had nothing to complain about Yoongi's blowjob, but I understood his insecurity. "You did great, but I wouldn’t mind seeing if you can improve."

He smiled mischievously, and began to slide his fingers along the edge of my pants, slowly lowering it.

"Wait, you mean now... here in the middle of the living room?" I asked when I realized what he was doing.

"Well, you just said it had no rules."

He brought my body close to his chest, his lips quickly met the sensitive skin on my neck, my heart pounds as he press his tongue behind my ear. I rested my hands on his chest, and a soft moan left my lips as I felt his hands massaging my dick over the fabric of my underwear.

"Take off your clothes, baby," Yoongi ordered with his calmly deep voice, throwing his backpack on the floor.

Without thinking twice, I quickly began undressing, trying to forget any inhibitions. I loved Yoongi's tender way, but seeing him like that eating me with his eyes with such a domineering aura was making me completely horny too.

"You too," I whispered completely naked, sliding my fingers over his collarbone.

Yoongi grabbed me by the nape of my neck and brought me closer to his body. Subtly tilting my head back he devoured my lips with his in an intense, deep, urgent kiss. His tongue massaged mine with quick, precise movements, not giving me time to breathe. My hands subtly tightening his penis over the fabric of his pants as he pulled my hair, deepening even more that kiss so full of desire.

He gave a slight nibble on my bottom lip and slowly slid his finger between my butt cheeks asking me, "Are you okay here? I can wait..."

Instead of answering, I just moaned with my mouth next to his as he skirted my lips with the tip of his tongue. Thrusting my hands into Yoongi's black t-shirt, I slowly climbed up to his nipples, rubbing them lightly with the tips of my fingers.

"Take off your shirt," I said in a serious tone.

"You look so cute trying to boss me around," he replied, grinning before giving a slight nibble on my earlobe.

I tried to keep a serious expression and abruptly pushed Yoongi. When his back pressed against the door, I bent my knee and placed it right in the middle of his legs, dangerously close to the intimate parts, "Take off your fucking shirt!"

"Okay... Whatever you want," he said, taking off his coat and t-shirt throwing them on the couch.

When his chest was completely at my disposal I wasted no time and snatched one of his nipples while playing with the other. I teased him by licking the areola and laying my tongue against it as he unbuttoned his pants.

His fingers massaged my scalp as I left open-mouthed kisses all over his fluffy belly. I knew he wanted to learn how to give me a blowjob, but in fact I was eager to have his dick back in my mouth. I hadn't yet had the opportunity to see him wrecked only by my blowjob and I knew I could do it. I wanted to taste him. Just the smell of him was already making me delirious.

Giving little kisses on his halfhard dick through the fabric of his underwear, I still, unnervingly, helped him remove his sneakers and socks.

 He quickly removed the pants and underwear he was wearing, releasing his imposing dick. With one hand at the base, I fixed my eyes on his and gave him a single lick from end to end, causing him to bite into his bottom lip, shrinking himself subtly. Then I began to lick and suck the head of his dick while with my other hand I slowly massaged his balls.

I wrapped his lenght with my lips and tried to reach as far as I could by moving my head back and forth with my hand on his cock making the same movements.

While Yoongi affectionately stroked my shoulders and my neck, the only thing going through my mind is that I was sure I would never get tired of hearing his manly groans.

“I wanna suck every drop of cum from your beautiful dick,” I whispered as I regained my breath to suck him again. I still couldn’t get him to the back of my throat, but I knew I was close. I just needed to practice more.

Using my hand to spread my spit through his whole cock, I gently began to suck his balls with great will.

"Jimin... wait ... wait," he said between moans.

When I very unwillingly moved away from him, Yoongi quickly walked into the middle of the living room, and lay with his back on the carpet near the couch.

"Now you can come here," Yoongi said quietly. Going toward him I crouched between his legs and looking into his eyes I tilted my head to suck him again, but again he interrupted me, "No, no, turn around."

"All you had to say was that you wanted to suck me too," I grumbled as I placed my knees around his body so that my dick could stay close to his face.

Since we had solved our little misunderstanding, I promptly turned my attention to his cock, pressing my tongue just over the small hole in the head. I moaned softly as I heard the soft groans come out of his mouth as he ran his hands all over my back.

My mind was already prepared to feel Yoongi's mouth begin to suck my cock, but I really wasn't expecting him to suddenly pull my butt cheeks apart and give me a generous lick from my balls to my entrance.

"F-Fuck ..." I moaned loudly, leaning forward with a surge of heat going all over my body. Yoongi slid his tongue all over my rim, leaving wet kisses on that intimate spot. I never imagined it would be so good to feel him licking my hole, I was so lost in pleasure that I couldn't even come back to suck his cock. "Y-Yoongi, fuck ... aahhhh," I screamed, clinging to his thighs.

"It feels good?" He asked, pausing for a moment to suck my entrance.

"My high moans aren't... aah ... enough for.. aaah you know the answer?" I replied between groans, my legs were starting to shake, it didn't feel good ... it was wonderful.

"You little brat!" It was then that I felt the palms of his large hands hitting each side of my butt cheeks, and a moan came out of my mouth without my permission. "Wait, was that a moan? Do you like me to spank your round, sexy ass?" He asked, lightly massaging the area he had hit.

"No," I lied, trying to get my thoughts in order and sucking back his dick that was waiting so patiently for me.

"Liar," he said, slapping me even harder and putting my butt cheeks apart to suck my rim again.

"Y-Yoongi ... ahhh," I groaned trying to control myself as best I could to not tilt my body back and sink his face into my ass.

"Turn around and sit on my face," he whispered, running his hands down my back. It seemed he had read my mind. Immediately I turned around. "Have I been clear enough now?" He said with a sly grin on his face.

I slapped him on the shoulder before I crouched, "Are you sure I won’t suffocate you to death?"

"If I die hearing one of your loud moans, you can be sure that I've left this world very happy," he said, gently stroking my ankles.

"That's just like you," I said with a giggle as I slowly crouched close to his face, my knees pressed to the floor.

Holding my thighs, Yoongi pulled me closer to his mouth and began to suck my little hole again, with even more voluptuousness than before.

When I felt his tongue penetrating me, I lost control of my body and started to move my hips in wilds circles, "Fuck ... Yoongi... If ... if you don't stop I'm going to cum ..." But my supplication only made him fuck me with his tongue with more vigor.

We were still looking for what the other liked, exploring every sensation, discovering every sensitive spot, but if there was one thing I could say with absolute certainty is that Yoongi's tongue could work wonders, and not just when it came to rap.

"I don’t want to cum now... stop ... " I moaned, but the words that came out of my mouth didn’t match my attitude, since while I asked him to stop I simultaneously moved my hips back and forward rubbing my entrance on his tongue. "P-please ... babe …"

He wrapped my dick in his hand and began to make quick movements up and down as he kept his tongue tucked deep inside my hole. I knew it would be useless to try to delay my orgasm.

“Oh my god!" I screamed, trying to control my shaky legs as I felt the muscles in my body tighten and relax and jets of semen released directly into my abdomen.

I was out of breath, my body far from recovering from my incredible orgasm, but I had a mission, it wasn’t time to falter.

I dragged myself up to Yoongi's legs, without any warning I grabbed the base of his dripping dick and sucked him willingly, but I was still out of breath and tired. "Babe, fuck my mouth, come here and fuck my mouth. I'm sure," I said before he could ask me anything. Sex has to be pleasurable to both parties, and Yoongi was always so good to me. I needed to make him feel good as well.

When he got up, I immediately knelt down in front of him with closed eyes, mouth open and head slightly tilted back. Soon after I felt his hard cock invading my mouth and I gently wrapped my lips around it. Despite being visibly intoxicated with pleasure, Yoongi was still trying to control the speed of his hips by trying not to hurt me, and I thanked mentally for having such a loving boyfriend. But I could still take it more, so I subtly tilted my head a little farther forward as he penetrated my mouth without mercy.

"Fuck ... baby ... y-your lips ... fuck ..." he moaned holding my hair tightly.

With my hands pressed against his thighs, I just moaned softly, happy to be satisfying him that way.

"I-I'm... aah" he grunted before filling my throat with his hot cum.

I felt saliva and semen trickling down the corners of my mouth as he continued to move his hips enjoying every second of his orgasm.

When he pulled out, I soon began to cough because of the hypersensitivity of my throat, "I'm f-fine," I said, as he crouched next to me cupping my face. "Your taste is so good. I knew it," I whispered, running my finger over the cum that ran down my chin and bringing it back to my lips.

Smiling sweetly, Yoongi patted my shoulders before connecting our lips in a slow, soft kiss, consistent with what we were feeling at the moment.

"I'll get the lube," I whispered, pecking his lips.

Lazily walking toward the stairs, I felt strange realizing that I was walking completely naked in someone else's house, I didn't do that even on my own house. Thankfully Yoongi's mother was in Daegu, because it would be very difficult to come up with an excuse for the whole situation.

Entering Yoongi's room I didn’t take long to find the bottle of lube, but soon I remembered other things we might need. As soon as I got two towels, a pillow and two small bottles of water, I went back to the living room.

With his eyes closed, Yoongi was lying on the carpet with a serene countenance. For a moment I thought he was asleep, but soon afterward he moved to scratch his nose.

Controlling my movements, I sneaked up to him, trying not to make a noise, putting the things I carried on the couch, I placed my legs around Yoongi's body and slowly lowering myself. As I sat on his thighs, he quickly opened his eyes, a little startled.

"I'm back," I whispered, sliding the tips of my fingers over his chest.

"I missed you," he said, smiling as he massaged my thighs. "Oh, you brought water!" He said relieved as he picked up one of the bottles from the top of the couch, "I don’t know how these people in the movies can fuck for hours without taking a sip of water."

"It's because the scenes are edited," I said, smiling as I watched him drink the water eagerly.

"Are you ready for the second round?"

"I'm always ready. It remains to know if you can handle it," I replied with a foul grin on my face, closing the bottle after quenching my thirst.

"Do you want me to show you, huh? Do you want?"

I tilted my body forward and slowly pressed my chest against his, connecting our lips in a slow, soft kiss. "Show me," I whispered, nibbling at his lips. Giving a giggle, I begin to kiss his neck as he squeezes me closer into his grasp.

I would certainly never forget my first time with Yoongi. Everything was so magical and beautiful. But at the same time, I felt more relieved to be able to have sex with him a second time, because that way I felt safer, more comfortable with myself since I didn’t have all that pressure on my shoulders. I was no longer trying something unknown, so I already had a certain notion of what I would feel and what I could do.

Kissing my lips fervently, Yoongi wrapped his arms tighter around my waist as a run my fingers through his hair.

Slowly I kiss his jaw, and go down to the chin, neck and shoulders. When my lips reach his nipples, I decide to pay more attention to them by sliding my tongue across the areola.

I placed one of his legs between mine, and sat on his thigh, moving my body back and forth, rubbing my dick lightly over his leg as I nibble on each of his nipples.

A slight moan comes from Yoongi's mouth and he gives a strong grip on my butt cheeks making me moan too.

As his index finger slowly crept up my spine toward the curve of my ass, I instantly felt goose bumps start to appear over my arms.

Dragging my hand up to his dick I gently stroked it, imagining how I longed to get it deep inside of me again.

"I want to ride you," I whispered with my lips subtly touching his.

"I'm all yours... do whatever you want," he responded between moans, before sucking hard my lips.

Without stopping to move my hand over his dick, I rested my head on the crook of his neck, "Could you prep me? My fingers are too small and-"

"Of course I'll prep you. You don’t even have to ask me," he replied, massaging my scalp. "I love leaving you ready to get my dick."

With one hand holding tightly to the nape of my neck he started to kissing me passionately, taking my breath away. As he leans forward, trying to sit down, I wrapped my hands around his neck, sitting down with him, but refusing to push our lips away from each other.

"Hands and knees, baby," he demanded as our mouths moved a little apart so we could catch our breath.

"I want to ride you," I whimpered as I obeyed him.

"I know, I promise I won’t forget that," he replied, running his hand over my back.

With my knees on the carpet, I take the pillow off the couch and place it in front of me so I can rest my arms. Leaning forward I subtly lift my hips.

Soon after, I felt Yoongi giving me an open-mouthed kiss on each cheek of my butt, while lovingly caressing the other.

"Damn, your body is pure sin, you know that, right? So fucking hot," he said, slapping my ass.

"When I get thinner you can say that," I replied, resting my forehead on the pillow.

"But of course not ... I like your cute fats. They're so good for me to hold while I fuck you hard," he said, giving me a kiss on my lower back.

I just smiled happily to know that Yoongi could find my body sexy, even though I disagreed.

The moment I felt his hands putting my butt cheeks apart, I knew he would make me go insane. And I was not wrong, it didn’t take long for me to feel my entrance get wet with his saliva. But I wasn’t expecting that along with the tongue he would use a finger to rub against my sensitive skin.

“Uuhh babe, it feels so g-good...” I moaned softly, holding firmly at the ends of the pillow. As his tongue invaded my hole, I felt his large hands slapping my ass.

A gel was spread abundantly at my entrance, and I soon learned that it was Yoongi spreading lube all over my hole. When the first finger came in completely, I moved my hips in small circles, anticipating his dick.

It didn’t take long for the second finger to penetrate me completely, and the first thing I realized was that it hadn’t hurt as much as the first time.

"Is it hurting? If it hurts, we'd better stop here..." I heard Yoongi whispering as he massaged my balls.

"Keep going, it's actually a little better than before," I replied, tilting my hips back to meet his fingers again.

Everyone praised Yoongi's hands, saying that those long fingers undoubtedly helped him play the piano better. I never understood much about piano techniques, but surely Yoongi's fingers could get deep inside me and play in unimaginable places, driving me crazy.

"Another finger... I w-want your dick so much."

"I love seeing you like this... so eager for my dick," he said, giving me a hard slap on my ass before pushing the third finger in.

It didn't take long and Yoongi didn't need to do anything since I even started fucking myself in his fingers.

"Wow baby ... are you going to fuck yourself in my dick with that same will, huh?"

Without further ado, I sat down, pushing Yoongi back so he could lie down. Understanding what I meant, he promptly took the bottle of lube off the couch and lay down on the carpet with the pillow positioned under his ass before pouring a good amount of the gel over his whole dick.

Taking the bottle from his hands, I lubricated myself and positioned my entrance toward his hard cock. I was desperately horny.

So desperate that without realizing I almost stuck his cock inside me at once, but Yoongi quickly held the base, preventing me from moving further.

"Fuck, slow down, Jimin..." he said, rubbing a hand over my thigh.

“I want you so bad...” I whimpered with my eyes closed trying to ease the discomfort and pain I felt.

"I want to fuck you senseless, but for that to happen your little hole has to be fine."

He was right, I had to control my desire and calm myself a bit, however difficult it was. After a few minutes controlling my breathing, I nodded quickly, asking him to remove the hand that was holding his dick.

Yoongi then did as I asked and entwined his fingers with mine. Slowly, I lowered my hips feeling every inch of his hard cock invading my body.

"Oh my god... oh my god," I groaned, squeezing my eyes and feeling completely full. I had forgotten that being penetrated by his long fingers was so much easier than having to deal with his big dick.

"Fuck... spooning is better. In this position I'm very deep inside you. We should have waited," he said worriedly, moving his hand quickly over my dick while with the other kept his fingers intertwined with mine.

"No... It's perfect. Just give me a minute," I whispered, sliding the palm of my hand over his chest.

After a while, when I realized I was ready I slowly moved my hips up and then down again, repeating these movements for a few more times. Biting his bottom lip, Yoongi subtly tightened around my waist as I rested my hands on his chest to balance myself.

I really wanted to ride Yoongi because I found this position extremely sexy and favorable to the person who was penetrated because it allowed controlling the speed of penetration, the rhythm, the depth... it was perfect. When I had sex with Jaehwan I always imagined myself being fucked by Yoongi and never the other way, that's what gave me pleasure.

For example, I couldn't understand Yoongi's pleasure in eating me out and fingering me, even though I thought it was really sexy. I had never done these things to Jaehwan and I don't know if I could keep myself excited doing that. Those were one of the things that made me discover myself as a bottom.

But now I felt bad for Jaehwan who had to prepare himself. Bottoming makes you a better and more careful top.

Moving my hips back and forward I felt Yoongi pounding deep inside me. Just the idea that our bodies were as close as possible, becoming just one, already made me horny. Yoongi was always in me, in my thoughts, in my heart... now literally inside me, it was wonderful.

My moans became continuous, growing louder and louder as I heard Yoongi's deep voice groaning my name or praising me in a shameless way. However, I suddenly became distracted by his cell phone ringing and I stopped moving.

"Ignore it... just ignore it," he moaned, moving his hips up.

"It could be your mother," I said in a worried tone, "She'll be insisting if you don’t answer."

Reaching out to the couch, Yoongi pulled his jacket closer to him and took the phone from one of the pockets, glancing at the screen he ended the call leaving it aside.

"That's right baby, move your beautiful ass," he said gently squeezing my hips.

"Who was it?" I asked without moving.

"No one. Let's pick up where we left off, huh?" He said trying to move his hips, but then the cell phone started ringing again.

"Who's calling you, Yoongi?" I asked annoyed, watching him roll his eyes and reach for his cell phone again. But before he caught up it, I quickly stretched out and stole the cell phone from his hands.

As soon as my eyes hit the screen I quickly identified the familiar name.

"You're going to answer," I said seriously, pressing the button to accept the call and put it on speakerphone. Yoongi looked at me startled as I quickly placed the cell phone next to him.

"Yoongi? Hello? Yoongi?"

He stood still, then trying to look angry, I signaled with my hands for him to say something. I knew very well that my eyes so sweet could become threatening if I wanted.

"Hey Jaehwan?" Yoongi finally blurted out as I went off him.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been waiting for you on the basketball court for an hour!"

Hearing that, Yoongi immediately put his hand on his forehead. We had completely forgotten about Jaehwan.

"Hi Jaehwan!" I yelled close to the phone as I slid my hand up and down Yoongi's dick in quick movements.

"Hi Jimin," he replied in a mocking voice, "I want to talk to Yoongi."

"Hi Jaehwan, listen..." Yoongi said trying to control his breathing.

At that moment I was really angry, holding on to the base of his dick, I slowly placed my entrance over his tip as I watched Yoongi looking at me with a don't-you-dare face. But I didn’t care.

"You could have at least warned me earlier!" Jaehwan snarled, while I was happier than ever fucking myself on Yoongi's wonderful dick, closing my eyes and ignoring the pat on my thigh begging me to stay quiet.

"I'm sorry... b-but I was… I wasn’t feeling well," he gasped, trying to control his groans. My lips immediately curled into a smile, but it was starting to get difficult for me to control my own moans.

"So why is Jimin with you?" Jaehwan shouted, seeming not to believe what Yoongi was saying.

"H-He's taking care of me," Yoongi answered a short time later.

Moving my lips without making a sound, I looked into Yoongi's eyes, "... of your dick!"

"But what about me? We had a deal!"

Moving my hips up and down, I tried to make the most pornographic faces just to mess with Yoongi, while soft moans would come out of my mouth even though I tried to control them.

"Oh fuck..." he groaned, quickly remembering that Jaehwan was on the other end of the line hearing everything, "Next weekend... I-I'm going to be there, I-I promise. But now I have to hang up."

"Don't hang up! I don't believe you! You already want to get rid of me!"

Seeing Yoongi so desperate only made me even more amused. Moving my hips back and forth, I raised an arm and began to rotate it mimicking the movement that the cowboys used to do with the rope.

"You're crazy," Yoongi replied to Jaehwan, but pointing a finger at me. "Tomorrow at school we talk about it. Bye," he said, hanging up the phone.

"Are you sick? Is that why you're sweating so much?" I said with a sly grin on my face.

I leaned forward and approached to kiss him, but Yoongi turned away from me, turning to the side. Was he angry with me? I knew that what I had done with Jaehwan was very immature, for sure. But it's so sad to love someone in secret. I wanted to show the world that Yoongi was mine and I was his. I wanted to be able to leave our love evident to anyone who wanted to see, not to act all the time as if I were ashamed of what we had. Doing that made me feel as if at least one person would know that what we had was real. But that didn’t justify what I had done.

However, was this enough reason for Yoongi to avoid or be angry with me? Looking scared at him, I expected an answer.

"Hands and knees," he said with a serious countenance.

Nodding quickly, in silence I did as he commanded me. Yoongi then placed the pillow next to me and lowered my head on it, leaving my butt in the air. With a firm grip he took my arms behind my body and held my wrists with one hand. In that position, I just had my head and my knees to maintain balance.

"So Mr. Park Jimin wants Jaehwan to hear his moans?" Yoongi said sliding a hand with wide movements over my ass, "Then I'll make you moan so loud he'll hear you from his house."

Without warning I felt Yoongi penetrating me slowly and a soft moan slipped from my mouth. He continued in this slow, gentle rhythm for a little while, but soon afterwards I realized that his thrusts were getting faster and more intense, making my body go forward.

When he thrust deeper into me, I lost my balance and my body fell to the ground, but as my face was on the pillow I didn’t get hurt. Yoongi had thought even about this detail.

“Hands and knees, Park Jimin!” He demanded with his raspy voice and a shiver ran down my spine.

After doing what he had asked me, Yoongi left me in the same position as before and continued to fuck me in a fast and continuous rhythm, hitting me in all the right places.

I was close. When I felt a surge of pleasure intensifying even more, I quickly bit the pillow, muffling my groans.

"Drop.that.fucking.pillow," he demanded, giving me a deep thrust at every word.

"Aaaaah... fuck Yoongi... " I moaned loudly, without even needing to ask him to go deeper, he was already doing it too well.

"W-was that a moan? You shouldn’t like it so much... this is a p-punishment," he said through groans without slowing down the fast and wonderful pace.

"Mhmm... punish me more," I smirked.

"Brat!" He said giving me a hard slap on my butt cheek.

"Oh my g-god!" I screamed feeling he entering deep inside me and slapping me at same time, "I'm going to cum!"

Releasing my arms slowly Yoongi took a towel and put it under my body as I tried to balance myself with my arms. Soon after, I felt him filling me with his hot cum. His loud groan making me smile.

Lying over my tired body, Yoongi kissed the back of my neck affectionately. When he pulled out a feeling of emptiness invaded my body and my heart. I knew that in a few hours I would have to go to my own house without knowing when we would have times like that again.


Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I never imagined that one day I would become one of those hopelessly passionate people who live with their head in the clouds and talk about their partner all the time. But suddenly there I was, ignoring what the teacher was saying and writing Yoongi's name and mine on the last sheet of my notebook, including hearts. Pathetic and clichéd, but I could not help it, that's what I became.

Unfortunately I soon remembered that someone could borrow my notebook, or end up seeing what I was writing.

Trying to be as discreet as possible, I quickly ripped the notebook sheet into several small pieces and stored them inside my backpack. I was getting ready to pay attention in class when I noticed Hana staring at me.

For a moment I thought maybe she'd seen what I was writing, but that was unlikely since she was sitting in the next row, however a few chairs in front of me.

This entire hidden dating thing was already making me paranoid. Maybe she was looking at somebody else.

However, throughout the rest of the class she kept looking at me, and whenever I noticed, she would turn and start writing something in her notebook. I was already tired, and anxious to go home, so I tried not to care much about Hana's weird behavior.

Being a relatively new student at school, she still didn’t have many friends and it was not often that we had talked to each other. I didn’t know what to expect from her, the only thing I didn’t want was another Jaehwan in my life.

When class was over, I barely had time to finish storing things in my backpack, as Hana immediately came to my chair.

"Hi Jimin," she said, smiling sheepishly and playing with her hair. "I know it may be a bit early, but I decided to be the first to ask you, and so avoid the competition."

I had no idea what she was talking about, taking my books I just stared at her, trying to figure out what was going on. She seemed to notice my confused countenance, because she soon continued to speak, explaining what I hadn’t understood.

"The charity fair that the school is going to organize this weekend ... do you want to be my date?"

Oh, so that was what the teacher was talking about while I was paying attention to anything but her.

"I'm sorry, but I wasn’t paying attention and-"

"I knew you would refuse. You don’t even have to say that someone has already asked to come with you, because I know this hasn’t happened," she said with a sad face.

"No, don’t be like that. I just wasn’t really paying attention. I don’t know what this charity fair is about," I said honestly as I got up from the chair.

"So you're going with me? Is that it?" Hana asked, grinning widely as she hugged herself waiting for my answer. Her sad eyes were now glowing.

"I need to think. You know... to know better what this charity fair is about," I said walking toward the classroom exit. I needed to get out of there as soon as possible. I couldn’t tell her that if I went to that fair I would certainly prefer to go with Yoongi, my boyfriend, even though he didn’t like that sort of thing.

"No problem, I'll repeat to you everything the teacher said," Hana replied radiantly, entwining our arms as we walked toward the corridors.

According to Hana, teachers along with first-year high school students were to hold a charity fair next weekend to collect food, clothing, and money to help an institution in the city that cared for those most in need. There would be lots of games, food and dancing to raise money and all sorts of donations.

I don’t know if it was due to the idea of the fair itself or if it was because of Hana's enthusiasm to tell me everything she'd heard, but that sounded cool.

"What time are you going to be able to stop by my house?" She asked me as we arrived at the exit gate of the school. I was about to make up any excuse when she quickly pulled my arm and slipped a piece of paper into my hand. "My address and my phone number!" She shouted before starts to running toward a black car that was approaching us.

And in the blink of an eye the car started and I was left behind, completely confused by what had happened. Had I just gotten a date with a girl? Why when I was single and oblivious to my sexual orientation, this kind of thing didn't happen so easily?

I was standing there, wondering if it was too late to come up with any excuse when I felt a soft puff to the back of my neck. A shiver ran down my spine. Surprised, I looked back.

"Hi," Yoongi said smiling, "Did I scare you? You seemed kind of spaced out."

"I was just getting ready to go home. You want to go with me?"

We walked silently side by side, we were both exhausted from the intense classes we had. On the one hand I felt happy that very soon I would be on school holidays, but on the other hand I felt sad realizing that the proximity of my days of rest also meant that Yoongi's departure to Seoul was getting closer and closer.

"So, did you hear about the charity fair?" Yoongi asked, scratching the back of his neck.

"Yes," I replied quickly. That was exactly what I was thinking at the time.

"How annoying, right?" Yoongi said after a few minutes in silence.

"Well, they told me there's going to be a lot of fun stuff. I think it's cool," I replied.

"Do you want to go with me?" He asked shyly as he stared at his own shoes. "You know, like some kind of first date. We go out together but never like a date, so... "

"A date?" I asked in surprise.

I didn’t expect Yoongi to invite me to the charity fair as he rarely showed up at school events. However, the idea of a date just like how the couples always do pleased me a lot. We could not walk hand in hand on the streets, exchange fondling in public or tell about our romance to the people we knew. I always go out with Yoongi, but never as the dates I had when I used to go out with girls.

I still remember how jealous I was to see Yoongi and Jiwon doing typical couple things, like going to the movies together or just wandering around town.

I knew that even if we were on a date, little would change in our chances of public displays of affection. People should not realize that we were not just friends, but even though the world was oblivious to our love, I would know what was really going on. I would know that I was there not as Yoongi's friend, but as his boyfriend. So still, that was something I wanted to do.

"I'd love to ..." I continued, as he nodded tentatively, "But the problem is that somebody already invited me."

"Oh... and you accepted," Yoongi said in a low voice. He didn’t look angry or surprised, just disappointed.

"Well, it all happened so fast. In fact I didn’t even say yes or no," I explained as we approached the entrance to my house. "Maybe if I make up some excuse..."

The problem is that I couldn’t think of a good enough excuse to tell Hana that I couldn’t go with her and then show up at the charity fair no much later. No disease healed so quickly, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings either.

Hana was a very shy girl, I could imagine how much she must have prepared to gather courage and invite me. After all, she even had the address and her phone number on a paper to give me.

She probably should have rehearsed and thought about the different outcomes that her request might have, that was important to her.

"No, you don’t have to do that. Let’s go another day, no problem," he said, patting my shoulder. "Besides, I have training with Jaehwan, I have to study..."

"Yoongi... I really want to go on a date with you," I said, holding his hand. I couldn’t let him go home thinking that I didn’t like that idea or that I would rather be with someone else.

Smiling sweetly at me, he gently slid his fingertips over my hand, "That's okay. You need to make more friends and be with other people, so you won’t feel so alone when I go to Seoul."

I knew he was saying that to comfort me and make it clear that he was not upset with me because I was planning to go to the charity fair with someone else, but in fact it just made me feel guiltier, sadder.

I was so excited about my romance with Yoongi that I could not think of anything sad, it seemed like I was in another reality. Sometimes I even forgot that he would one day go to Seoul.

"I'm going to fix this now," I said, pulling out my backpack to look for my cell phone.

"No," Yoongi said, holding my backpack. "You need to spend some time with your friends, it's important."

"But Yoongi..." I whimpered, trying to get away from him and get my cell phone.

"Look, tomorrow after school, why don’t we go to that coffee shop near the grocery store?"

I had been thinking of leaving the classroom and going straight to the dance studio to rehearse my choreography for the Bighit auditions, but I had practiced practically every day, I felt I could make an exception on my schedule and spend more time with Yoongi.

"But this isn’t going to be like a date... this is what we usually do," I replied, unable to disguise my sad countenance.

"Don’t you like what we usually do?" Yoongi asked, smiling sweetly as he slid the back of his hand over my cheek that was cold from the intense winter.

"You know very well what I mean-"

Suddenly the door to my house opened and Yoongi quickly pushed his hand away from my face, almost falling off the porch step. Frightened, I step back, turning to see who was leaving my house.

"Oh, Jimin you're here! Your father was looking for you to ask for your help with something in the attic," my mother said, taking the car keys from inside her purse, "Hey Yoongi, looking forward to college?"

"Yes, a lot," he replied timidly, trying to soften that awkward situation.

"Thank you for being willing to help Jimin prepare to enter college. I hope you can put some sense into his head," she said, rubbing her hand over my head, ruffling my hair.

Placing a hand on the back of his neck, Yoongi looked visibly uncomfortable. He just nodded, smiling at her. "I have to go home, my mother is waiting for me," he told her, bowing politely.

“Oh, goodbye Yoongi, take care,” she said bowing too.

"See you around, bro," he continued before giving a light punch on my shoulder.

"See you... bro," I replied, smiling broadly at his odd behavior.

As soon as I said goodbye to my mother, I ran up the stairs to my room. Throwing me onto the mattress, I quickly grabbed my cell phone from inside my backpack and dialed the number I called the most.

"Am I your bro now? You used to call me baby," I said, smiling as Yoongi picked up the phone.

"Stop being a brat!"

"Call me baby," I commanded with a serious tone of voice.

"Now? Over the phone?" He asked, startled.

"Yes! Call me baby."

"Jiminie..." he grunted in annoyance. I was not seeing him, but I could well imagine how he was probably frowning, and making ugly faces refusing to answer my request.

"No Jiminie... call me baby."

"Baby," he said in a low, almost inaudible voice.

"What? I didn’t hear you!"

"I have to get into my house. Tomorrow I'll wait for you in front of the school so we can go to the coffee shop. See you tomorrow... baby," he said softly. However with that deep voice of him, anything he said sounded incredibly sexy.

"Take care babe. Bye," I replied, ending the call.

Lying with my back on the mattress, I held the cell phone next to my chest. With my eyes closed, a silly, passionate smile formed on my lips. When had I become so cheesy?

The next day, I was happier to go to school because I knew I would see Yoongi right away. This wasn’t a first date, just a trip to a coffee shop, but even then, I wanted to look beautiful, I wanted to feel beautiful. Too bad my school uniform didn’t help me much.

At the end of my last class I ran to the men's room. Yoongi had told me that he would be waiting for me in front of the school, so I couldn’t take much time to get ready.

However, it didn’t take long for me to realize that I didn’t have much to do. I hadn’t brought any other clothes besides my uniform, so I just decided to wear a thick coat over my sweater.

My teeth were clean and I smelled good, I just needed to do something about my hair. With a comb I had brought from home, I arranged the strands of hair that were most messy.

"Trying to impress someone?" I heard a voice behind me say. Looking through the reflection of the mirror I could see Yoongi leaning against the wall near the door, arms crossed with a smirk on his face.

"Maybe," I replied, not looking at him just continuing to straighten my hair.

Yoongi then walked towards me and positioning himself behind me, "You no longer have to try. You've reached your goal a long time ago," he whispered in my ear.

I just lowered my head shyly, feeling my cheeks blush. But suddenly I felt Yoongi squeezing my ass, startling me. Looking around, I realized that no one had seen us. The two people who were using the toilet cabins remained inside.

"Are you crazy?" I said moving my lips without making a sound, gesturing with my hand.

Yoongi, however, just smiled, and to tease me he made a sexy face and bit his bottom lip, throwing a kiss to me then.

Quickly storing my things inside my backpack, I shoved him out of the bathroom, slapping him lightly on the back.

We started to walk side by side as we left the school towards the coffee shop. In the middle of the way we saw Jiwon talking to her friends. I soon realized the look of contempt she threw in my direction as soon as she saw me next to Yoongi.

If what Jaehwan had said was true, he had probably told her about my relationship with Yoongi. Judging by her behavior, she believed.

I didn’t care about that, just kept walking pretending I hadn’t noticed. There was no need for me to waste energy on negative shit. My love was much stronger than that.

"Let me carry your backpack," I heard Yoongi saying.

"What? No!" I said, smiling and slapping his hand. "I know this is one of those romantic things, but I can carry my own backpack."

"Well, then take mine," he said, grinning from ear to ear and pulling out his backpack.

For a moment I thought he was joking, but seconds later his heavy backpack was thrown into my arms.

"What a gentleman, I'm so lucky!" He said, stretching like a cat.

As we arrived at the cozy coffee shop, we headed up to one of the last tables and I threw his backpack on one of the four chairs, while I gently placed mine in the next chair.

"What if I said that inside my backpack there is a crown of precious crystals that I would give you, but which is now in pieces?" Yoongi asked sitting down with his back against the wall.

"I would say either you are a liar or a thief. I'll take the first option," I said sitting down next to him.

Yoongi then removed his wide coat and placed it on our lap. We discreetly put our hands under the coat and interlaced our fingers. Smiling, he looked at me and I immediately smiled back, giving him a slight squeeze.

"Are you guys ready to order?" I heard the waitress say as she approached our table.

We spent all the time in silence just looking at each other smiling, and cherishing each other under the coat. We did not even have time to look at the menu. But since it was not the first time we went there, we already knew what to order: creamy hot cocoa and rice cake.

"How are your rehearsals going for the Bighit auditions?" Yoongi asked as we waited for our order.

"I'm working hard. The other day I even dreamed about my choreography, I know it by heart."

"That's a good sign," he replied, sliding a hand affectionately over my thigh.

"What about you?"

With a sad face, Yoongi curled his lips, "I have no time. I'm trying to improve my flow when the grocery store is empty, but I wish I could devote myself more."

"Don’t worry, you're a great rapper. I'm sure you'll do very well at the auditions," I encouraged him giving him a side hug.

It was not long before the waitress brought our order. It was so cold that afternoon that I gave up my diet and felt no guilt about enjoying the delicious food.

We ate in silence for a few minutes, but then I looked at Yoongi and saw that he had some cream on his lip, so I took my hand up to his mouth, and wiped it with my thumb.

"You were cute," I said with a giggle, showing my finger to him.

Taking me by surprise, Yoongi then leaned over and looked into my eyes, and then he gently sucked the cream from the tip of my finger. I gulped hard.

I looked around, and tried to check if anyone was watching us. Luckily everyone seemed to be very focused on their own lives.

"What happened to you today? You're taking too much risk," I said in a worried tone of voice.

"I'm tired of hiding. It even seems like we're doing something wrong all the time," he replied with a sad feature on his face as he ate the last piece of rice cake.

"I understand, but it's very risky. Someone can be suspicious."

"I'm sorry," Yoongi replied in a low voice.

At that moment I felt my heart tight. Why was our love so wrong and forbidden? We were not hurting anyone. We were not spreading hatred or anything bad around the world. It was simply and purely love.

Unintentionally I made my own boyfriend apologize simply for making a loving gesture to me. Usually we apologize when we hurt someone and not when we show affection.

"Please don’t apologize. That's not what I meant," I said putting his hand between mine.

"It's okay," he said with a forced smile on his face. "Anyway, we had better go. I have to go to the grocery store to work."

"No. You're sad with me. I'm not going to let you get out of here like this," I said holding Yoong's arm, preventing him from getting up.

"I'm not sad about you... it's about this whole situation."

Standing in silence he walked over to the coffee shop counter and paid for our order. Returning to our table, he took his backpack and headed toward the exit as I followed him.

We had started that afternoon feeling so happy, I didn't want the day to end and letting us feeling so sad like that, with such a heavy mood.

"Give me a piggyback ride!" I shouted, pressing my hands over his shoulders as we walked one after another down the sidewalk.

"What?" He asked scared, looking back so he could see my face.

"Give me a piggyback ride!" I repeated, hugging him from behind as we walked between stumbles. "A while ago you wanted to carry my backpack!"

"Carrying your backpack is easy, now carrying you and your backpack is another level," he said, pulling me lightly by the arm so I could stand beside him.

"So you're admitting that you're weaker than me?" I said smiling as I poked his belly.

"I never said otherwise. To tell you the truth, on our honeymoon you will carry me in the bride style."

"You didn’t even court me properly and you are already thinking about marriage?" I asked, pretending to be offended.

"Actually I'm going beyond that. I'm already thinking about our children's names," he said softly as he looked around to see if anyone was listening. "Yoonjimina and Jiminyoon, what do you think?"

"I think I want a divorce," I replied, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Oh my God! I was dropped before I even reached the altar!" He shouted, putting a hand on his forehead and dramatically pretending to faint. "I knew I shouldn't trust a seducer like you, Park Jimin. You just took advantage of me and then abandoned me after you got what you wanted!"

"Yoongi," I whispered, rising up my hand to reach him.

"Don't touch me!" He shouted, pretending to be crying, "Don't touch me."

And with this theatrical scene worthy of a prize, Yoongi went into the grocery store for another day's work, leaving me standing outside, not understanding much of what was happening. The people who passed through the parking spaces in front of the grocery store just stared at me, laughing happily at all that performance.

Suddenly, I saw the automatic door open once more and Yoongi stretched an arm in my direction still pretending to be crying.

"Goodbye ... bro," he whimpered back into the grocery store.

"Your friendship is so cute," I heard a lady saying sweetly as I walked toward the sidewalk.

I just smiled shyly and continued on my way to my house. Although our love relationship had to be kept secret, I was happy to have Yoongi by my side. He and I against the world.






Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


Saturday came and brought along the school charity fair. Surprisingly I was excited to go there with Hana. I should not have had such high expectations about it since my school rarely organized a really fun event, but I was so stressed about Bighit's auditions and the final exams, anything that might distract me seemed like a good idea.

"Mom, can you give me a ride to a friend's house? I said I'd take her to the charity fair," I asked as I helped put the dishes in the kitchen cupboard.

Immediately stopping what she was doing, my mother excitedly walked towards me, "Her? Is this a date? Do I know the girl?"

"It's not a date. Hana is just my friend," I explained as I finished drying the cutlery.

"Hmm, Hana. How is she? Pretty?"

"My height, shoulder-length black hair, glasses, two eyes, a mouth and a nose... no big deal," I replied, starting to feel bored with that conversation.

If Hana's house wasn’t so far from school, I wouldn’t even have bothered my mother to ask for a ride. I had no idea she would be so excited to see me hanging out with a girl.

Maybe that was not clear to her, but as I had promised myself I would not romantically get involved with any girl just to please other people.

In this case, I was not feeling bad about going out with Hana because I would make it clear that I would be there just as a friend, and nothing more. The days when Park Jimin felt miserable for betraying himself by kissing girls without any will remained in the past.

After sending a message to Hana telling the time when my mother and I would stop by her house to pick her up, I decided to start dressing up.

It was very cold outside and I didn't like to go out on days like that, however I could not let it make me lock myself at home twenty-four hours a day.

"Are you ready?" I heard my mother scream from the hallway.

"Just a minute!"

Before going to charity fair I needed to do just one more thing. Taking the cell phone from the pocket of my pants, I quickly typed a message to Yoongi.


From: Jimin

To : Yoongi

I'm leaving for that thing at school. Let's meet later? Are you free? ♥


I waited a bit to see if he would answer me, but as nothing happened I put the cell phone back in my pocket and went downstairs to meet my mother in the living room.

"Do you mind if I stay at the fair for a little while? I'm not going to ruin your romance?" She asked as we left the house toward the garage.

"There is no romance at all. It's not a date," I replied for the thousandth time.

At first my mother's insistence on a possible relationship between Hana and me did not bother me, since I was already used to this sort of thing. However, over time this was making me a little distressed.

I did not know when, but one day I intended to tell at least to my parents about my sexual orientation, but see her so oblivious to who I really was, somehow made me think that revealing myself to them would be even more difficult than I had imagined.

I expected that it wouldn't be easy for them and for me, but would they support me in the end? Would they at least respect my decision to not hide myself and seek happiness in my own way? Would they be ashamed of me? My future so unpredictable scared me.

When we got to Hana's house, I could tell she was already waiting for me on the porch. Well dressed, she wore black pants and a light brown overcoat, matching the color of her boots. She dressed sweetly, just like her personality. But to be honest, I was a fan of bittersweet things, such as Yoongi.

"Be a gentleman, Jimin. Go over there and bring her here so we can introduce ourselves," my mother said, unlocking the car door.

I did not answer, I just got out of the car and walked towards Hana, who upon seeing me, immediately got up from the wooden bench and came to meet me.

"You came!" She exclaimed, smiling happily.

"Why wouldn’t I come?" I asked as we went to my mother's car. Hana just smiled shyly at my question.

As we sat in the backseat, my mother turned back to greet my classmate with a little more enthusiasm than the situation required.

Along the way, however, she preferred to be silent just snooping once in a while. That did a lot to keep me from being so uncomfortable with the situation.

Hana and I talked about her old school and she ended up telling me that she missed it because at our school the girls did not seem to like her very much. I didn’t understand why, I didn’t know Hana very well but she seemed to be a nice girl, just a bit shy. But that was not a problem or reason that would be enough for the other girls to walk away from her.

On second thought, in high school most people are pretty dumb. I think hormones affect their brains. The problem is when this is not just a phase and idiocy really is part of that human being, even in adulthood.

As soon as we arrived at school, we were greeted by a friendly student who handed out leaflets about why the fair was held. There were already several people in the place, and from afar I could hear a very lively k-pop song being played.

"I just saw your math teacher right there at that booth. I'll go and talk to her," my mother said as she looked around us.

I was very grateful that the organizers of the fair took into account the cold weather that Saturday afternoon and set up the booths inside the school premises.

"So... let's take a look around?" Hana asked me, already pulling me by the arm and leading me toward the second floor.

"Look! Bungeoppang (goldfish-shaped bread filled with warm red bean paste)! I'll buy it for myself, do you want one?" I asked, taking the wallet from my pocket and walking toward the student who was selling the so tasty dessert.

Hana just nodded smiling and followed me toward the blue booth. While I bought the two bungeoppang I thought of buying one for Yoongi as well. Quickly picking up my cell phone I saw that he still had not answered the message I sent him earlier. He should be busy, probably training with Jaehwan.

"I saw that elementary school children are performing there in the auditorium. Let's see? They're so cute!" Hana said, pressing her hands over her own cheeks.

She was right, the kids were really cute! Dressed in stuffed animal costumes, they danced lively to a fun choreography.

The auditorium was full of people clapping and taking pictures of the children, proud parents made a point of pointing to the small stage, showing everyone who their children were. For a moment I felt nostalgic, and a little sad. I wish as a child I had the opportunity to dance on a stage even though it was small like that, but mostly to have my dad watching me with such pride and happiness.

"Look, the girls from our class," Hana said, squeezing my arm to get my attention.

"Do you want to go and talk to them?" I asked as I spotted the group of girls who were not too far away from us, watching a trio of boys performing a magic trick on the stage.

"They aren’t really my friends, I thought that if they see me with you, they would talk to me," she replied with a sad tone of voice while playing with her fingers.

"Why? I'm not quite what you'd call a popular guy..."

"They say I'm very childish. So I figured I'd show up here with a boy, they'd change their mind," she whined, looking at the group of friends with an anguished face.

"Hana, believe me, the worst thing you can do in your life is to want to change who you really are just to please people who don’t care that much about you," I said, holding her hand.

"I feel lonely. I don’t want a boyfriend and I don’t want to put on any makeup... not now. But it seems like girls my age only think about it," she replied, taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes. She looked really sad about that situation, to the point of crying about it.

Giving her a side hug, I tried to help her as best I could, "Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to act like them to feel good. Don’t annul yourself for the sake of others."

"I know, but it's hard not to mind," she replied, putting on her glasses again.

"Hana, the world is much bigger than high school, than this school, than Busan," I said, gently sliding my hand over her arm as I hugged her. "I'm sure soon enough you'll make more friends and find people who really care about you. But in the meantime, try to be your own best friend. If you treat yourself well, life will be much easier."

"Thank you," she replied timidly, "I'll try."

"You are a nice person. I don’t see why we can’t start a friendship," I said, showing her my best smile. It broke my heart to see her so crestfallen.


"Yeah, really! I'm sure we have something in common," I said as I got up on the chair and walked toward the exit of the auditorium. "Now let's find something to eat because only that bungeoppang wasn’t able to fill my stomach."

"Let's buy Dwaeji gukbap (pork soup)! I heard a lady saying it's delicious," Hana said cheerfully walking in front of me through the school hallways.

We were looking for the stands where the food was sold when I absently looked down the hallway and saw Yoongi with a small smile on his face as he walked toward somewhere. There were lots of people between us so he probably had not seen me.

I immediately turned to tell Hana to wait for me a little, when I realized that Yoongi was not alone. Grinning widely, Jaehwan walked right behind him.

I took my hand to my pocket, and quickly grabbed my cell phone. I could confirm that my message to Yoongi had not been answered, and there was no missed call either.

Why didn’t he tell me he was going to the fair? Why was he with Jaehwan? Why were they with those stupid smiles on their faces?

"Jimin, aren’t you coming?" Hana asked, squeezing my arm.

I stood there in the middle of the hallway.

Should I follow them and see what was happening? Should I trust Yoongi and go my way with Hana? I didn’t know what to do.

I stood for a few more minutes looking at the end of the now empty hallway, wondering which would be the wisest choice. And then I made up my mind.

"Let’s go, Hana! I'm hungry," I said, trying to show my best smile.


Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I was very relieved to have decided to change the training schedules with Jaehwan. Getting up early in the morning, getting out of my warm blankets and going to face the cold wind on the basketball court was not doing me good.

It wasn’t that it was less cold in the afternoon, but at least that way I had more time to prepare for the inevitable. I don’t know if I should feel happy or sad that Jaehwan is so punctual.

"Sorry, I'm late again," I said, approaching the bench where he was sitting.

"This time I came here earlier," he replied, standing up and following me toward the basketball court.

"You practiced everything we did in our first training?" I asked, easily stealing the ball from his hands.

"You mean, that time before you made me wait for hours while you was there fucking with Jimin? Yes, I did," he said with a mocking tone.

So even though I had tried to disguise my groans, Jaehwan had heard everything. Well, that was no surprise, since Jimin did not even try to be discreet.

I preferred to ignore his poisonous comment and just walk toward the basketball hoop bouncing the ball on the ground, "Can you take it from me?"

"I can try," he replied without sounding too confident about what he was saying.

We stood there practicing dribbling and jumping for a while until I felt that Jaehwan was making some progress.

"We're not going to take a break until you be able to block me," I yelled, tossing the ball toward the hoop. Jaehwan was visibly tired. He definitely did not have a good physical conditioning, "At least try!"

When he came running towards me, I jumped to score another point, jumping at the wrong time, Jaehwan gave me a push causing me to lose my balance. I almost fell to the ground, but I was able to recover in time. The cell phone in my pocket was not so lucky.

"Shit!" I raged, picking up the parts of the device that due to falling eventually get dismantled.

"Sorry," I heard Jaehwan say, as he stood up from the floor to pick up my cell phone battery.

"It's not your fault. I always forget this fucking phone inside my pocket," I said looking at the screen completely broken. "By the way, that was a foul."

From the damage on my cell phone, I was sure they would charge me dearly for the repair, almost the price of a new one.

"At least that made you take a break," Jaehwan said, one hand on his chest, trying to catch his breath.

Reaching the hoop again, I looked back and saw that he was still standing, just watching me. With a serious tone of voice, I said, "We haven’t done anything yet! How do you want to play during an whole match if you're already tired?"

"I don't care if the coach lets me on the bench the entire match," he replied quickly.

I didn't understand his behavior. Any player of any type of sport hated being benched. Some of my friends even argued with the coach just to have a chance to play. Staying on the bench was definitely not a choice of the player himself, unless he was hurt.

"If you don’t like to play basketball, then what's the point of all this? You're just wasting your time," I said, approaching Jaehwan. He was making me lose time too, but I preferred not to say anything about it.

"I'm tired," he sighed, turning his back to me and walking toward the square.

Keeping in my pocket my broken phone that I had left in a corner of the court, I followed him toward one of the tables.

"Why do you want to join the basketball team?" I asked, putting my foot on one of the benches as he leaned against the table.

"It doesn’t matter," he replied, dodging his gaze.

"Look, Jimin told me you were enjoying dancing. Why did you stop going to the classes?"

I didn’t expect my question to bother Jaehwan so much, but abruptly he pulled away from the table and shouted, "Stop pretending you care!"

"Who said I care? I only asked you a question."

Jaehwan seemed to be hesitant to tell me what was really going on. Biting his bottom lip he stared at nothing.

After a few minutes in silence he ventured, "If I join the basketball team it would make my parents more proud. It is easier, I don't have to face the mockery from my friends."

In a way Jaehwan was right, I always saw how much Jimin suffered to get his parents' approval. After years of insisting he ended up getting them to accept his will, but he never got any support or encouragement.

"Do you think Jimin's parents were happy when they learned he wanted to be a professional dancer? But even so he didn’t give up and-“

I was trying to help Jaehwan, but he didn’t seem to give a damn to what I was saying. He didn’t even look at me, just stared down at the floor with a discredited expression.

Seeing that it wouldn’t be good for me to insist, I decided to change the subject. He didn’t want my advice, so I wouldn’t be that kind of boring person who doesn’t have a little common sense.

"I think we're done for today," I said, pulling my foot off the bench.

"We didn't train enough and besides last week you didn't come because you're fuc-"

Without much patience, I interrupted, "Yes, I was fucking Jimin. I don't need you to remind me of it every second."

I was trying to help Jaehwan, but I wasn't stupid. He wanted to play the victim, as if he hadn't done much worse to Jimin.

"Geez, calm down," he replied mockingly, "I was just saying you owe me."

He was right, but there was nothing I could do about it. With school and my job at the grocery store I didn't have much free time other than the weekends. Worst of all, I hadn't even told him that the following week I wouldn't train him either, after all I had to go with Jimin to Seoul to attend Bighit's auditions.

"Next week I will not be able to train you, either," I said, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

“What? You're kidding, right? That way I'm never going to join the team! I knew this would happen," Jaehwan raged.

"Look, I have my commitments, too. I'm sorry, but there's no other way," I replied walking toward the sidewalk.

"Then go with me to the charity fair," he said as he followed me. "If you go with me to the fair, I forgive these days of canceled training."

Without looking back I kept walking. Realizing that he was still following me, waiting for my answer, I said, "Why me? Don’t you have any friends?"

"My friends don’t owe me two days of training," he replied quickly.

"Actually three days. I can’t come here on Saturday neither Sunday."

Raising his hands, discredited Jaehwan exclaimed, "Then it's worse than I thought! You are going to the fair with me!"

And it was then that I found myself being pulled by the arm, probably toward the school. I could complain or decline the invitation but the proposal was not so bad. A single day at the charity fair against three days of training seemed fair. The only thing I worried about was Jimin's reaction, he certainly wouldn’t like that idea at all.

As I followed  Jaehwan I made a mental note that as soon as I got to school I should look for Jimin and explain what I was doing there.

The problem is that when I arrived at the fair, I did not find Jimin anywhere. Maybe he had even walked past me, but I had not noticed, after all there were many people there.

I would continue with my quest, however something distracted me. In one of the class rooms almost at the end of the first floor was a cupboard with a glass door with various toys and small souvenirs. However the grand prize that was on the first shelf is that caught my eye.

Taking my wallet, I immediately went to the seller who smilingly set the booth.

"Hi, what I have to do to win that one?" I asked, pointing to the shelf.

"Inside each balloon has a paper with a number that corresponds to one of the prizes. You have to use this bow and arrow to pop the balloon," he said, showing me the target on the classroom wall.

After buying three tickets, I walked over to the red strip on the floor across the room. As the prize I wanted was one of the biggest, I presumed it should be one of the hardest to achieve, so I should focus on the little black balloons located in the center of the target.

My strategy was good, too bad I could not say the same for my ability. After three attempts, I finally managed to hit one of the black balloons, but the number didn’t match the prize I wanted.

Jaehwan who was beside me, laughed at my failure. But I didn’t let myself be affected by it. Without thinking twice I bought three more tickets. As of other times, I always came close to the black balloons, but never close enough to hit them. There were other people behind me, wanting to try their luck, but I could not let any of them win my prize.

When I was waiting in the small queue to buy more tickets, I saw a little boy taking the prize I wanted so badly.

"Hey you! Wait," I shouted, catching his attention, "look I got six prizes, they're good, but what I really wanted was the one you got."

"You want to trade six prizes for this thing?" He asked incredulously. When I nodded, he just smiled and walked with me to the counter where the seller was. Delivering the numbered papers to him, I notice the boy's eyes glitter as he saw the prizes I had won, but which I was willing to give up.

Without looking away, he just tossed his prize into my hands, fearing I'd change my mind.

"Why do you want it so much?" I heard Jaehwan saying, while I begged the seller to kindly keep my prize, promising to come back later to get it.

"Does it matter?" I asked, leaving the classroom with a smile on my face. I would have been more honored if I had hit the balloon myself and won that prize, maybe things would be more exciting. But sometimes in life we don’t depend only on luck, but also on the power of negotiation.

Since I had already achieved my goal, I could return to my most important mission, to find Jimin.

"Are you looking for someone? Jimin, to be more specific," I heard Jaehwan say, as we walked among the booths where food were being sold.

"No. I'm looking for something to eat," I lied as I looked around.

"Why don’t we buy Dwaeji gukbap? I think I saw someone selling it over there," he said, pointing down the hallway.

It was then that I looked at his hand and saw that it was bruised. The recent wound was bleeding a little.

"Your hand is bleeding," I said, even though he did not seem to care too much. Maybe he hadn’t noticed.

"I know. I got hurt when I fell on the basketball court," he answered nonchalantly.

"You have to wash it off, or it will get infected," I explained, studying the wound in his hand.

"I'm grown up, Yoongi. I know how to take care of myself," he said with a snobby air, moving away from me.

Smiling I said, "If I say you're going to have to wash your injury with soap and water and then disinfect it with a little alcohol? Will you still be grown up or cry like a baby?"

He then finally lowered his guard and smiling decided to follow me to the men's room not far from there.

Turning on the tap, I watched him wash his hand slowly removing the dirt that covered the bruise. When I took the bottle of liquid soap, Jaehwan immediately looked at me startled. Holding his bruised hand close to his chest.

"Don’t be stupid, it will not hurt," I said, pouring some of the soap into his hand.

When I saw that Jaehwan had finished washing his hand, I hurried out of the bathroom. I hadn’t yet found Jimin and since my cell phone was dead I had no way of talking to him.

However, I did not have time to get to the door since without any kind of warning, Jaehwan abruptly pushed me into one of the cabins.




"What are you doing?" I asked trying to get him out of my way so I could leave.

"Shhhhh... you don’t want people to know you're here with a guy, do you?" He whispered, closing the door behind him.

"This is no time for joking," I said in a low tone, reaching out to unlock the door again.

Jaehwan then pressed me against the wall, almost causing me to fall on the toilet. Violently he held my arms as he kissed my neck desperately.

Taking me by surprise, I felt him rubbing his lips against mine in a failed attempt to kiss me. Pressing my lips firmly against each other, I lowered my head dodging him.

"Everything Jimin knows, I taught him. The pupil never surpasses his master," he whispered close to my ear, whereas with a quick and rough movement pulled my pants down.

Jaehwan was no longer that skinny little boy I used to defend from bullies, his teenage years made him stronger than me, which was not very difficult because of my thin and far from being muscular body. But even so I could not let things go beyond that.

Turning sideways I used my shoulder to push him away from me and unlock the door, but before I could open it, Jaehwan wrapped his arm around my neck and aggressively pulled me back.

"You don't know what a blowjob is until you receive mine..." he whispered next to my ear, "ask Jimin, he'll confirm."

At that moment I thought about kicking the door that was already unlocked and getting out of there. But the problem was that I had no idea who was on the other side or in the other cabins. If someone saw me coming out of the cabin with my pants down and Jaehwan by my side, all that effort to keep my secret would have been for nothing. I could still indirectly end up harming Jimin as well.

If my father suspected that I ever did anything sexual to a guy, this time he would not only hurt me, he would kill me.

Not long after, while Jaehwan strangled me from behind, I felt his hand touching my dick inside of my underwear.

Always in a low tone of voice he said, "I'll suck you but if you make any noise or try to run away, I'll rip your dick with my own teeth."

The situation was already bad, so I decided not to let it get worse and be silent. With the anger I was feeling I did not know if I could keep my voice low. Surely someone would recognize me. I could not act hastily.

When he finally pulled the arm around my neck, I hurriedly opened the door a little, enough that I could get out of the tiny cabin and then pressed my back against the door, since I could not lock it from the outside.

I sighed in relief when I saw that there was no one else outside the cabins. However, my peace of mind did not last long.




"Hana, I will not be long," I heard Jimin say as he opened the door to the men's room.

As I felt Jaehwan trying to open the door behind me, I pressed my body even harder against it, pulling up my pants and closing my zipper.


Jimin's sweet voice came to my ears like a razor. Buttoning my pants, I tried to calm my breathing. I was panting because of the pressure Jaehwan had put on my neck.

Using all my strength I tried to keep the door closed, thinking about how I would explain myself to Jimin, but deep in my heart I felt that whatever I say would be useless.

Jimin with a confused expression looked at the door, realizing that there was something weird happening.

Without even uttering a word, he just looked down, turned and left the bathroom.

Feeling my heart clenched, anticipating what was to come I moved away from the door and ran after him.

Walking with long strides, almost running, Jimin was almost approaching the hallway. A little behind him, a girl called his name. I didn’t know who she was, but I had to catch up with him before she did. I needed a minimum of privacy to explain myself.

"Jimin!" I shouted, causing several people to look confused at me. I didn’t care, what bothered me was that they were between us preventing me from walking faster, "Jimin!"

The girl following him stopped walking for a moment and looked at me. It was then that I took the opportunity to run and reach for his arm.

"We need to talk," I gasped.

When he turned to look at me, that vision broke my heart. With his eyes watering, he bit his bottom lip, trying to avoid making eye contact with me. I wanted to hold him in my arms, hug him tight and fill his beautiful face with kisses. Trying to make him understand that it was all a misunderstanding and that as much as I had difficulty showing my feelings, he was the only one I cared about.

Looking at me with sad eyes, he nodded slowly, making me feel slightly more relieved.

The school was crowded, it would be difficult for me to find an empty place so we could talk alone, without being bothered or worried about who might hear us. I even thought about going back to the bathroom, but just the thought of having to cross with Jaehwan already made my blood boil.

But to my unhappiness or to his, we meet again in the middle of the hallway full of parents and students.

"Thank you, Yoongi. You were amazing," he smirked.

He was already abusing my patience. I could not bear that kind of audacity.

Until then I was trying to solve everything in the most peaceful way. Yes, I'm a pacifist, but I don’t take any crap from anybody either.

Releasing Jimin's arm, I swiftly turned my body and with a clenched fist I hit Jaehwan's jaw. Losing his balance, he staggered backward bumping into some people who were close to him.

He was stronger than me, but that did not matter to me. I was ready to punch and got beaten up. Now I was no longer in a suspicious place or posicion, I would have how to defend myself. I could make as much noise as I wanted and I was not intent on being discreet.

When Jaehwan recovered looking furious, I immediately felt a punch coming toward me. But if there was one thing that martial arts movies had taught me, it's that you do not have to be an extremely muscular guy to be good at fighting, you too can be agile and smart.

As soon as I predicted that Jaehwan would try to assault me with a punch, I quickly moved away from the wall, I could not let him corner me, otherwise I'd be fucked.

He came fiercely toward me, thinking that I would run away. He certainly didn’t know me.

I probably wouldn’t be able to stop him from hitting me, so my strategy was simple. For every punch I took I would give two, three or as many as I could.

And that's exactly what I did. I knew I wouldn’t leave there intact, but I would not be a coward either.

When the first and inevitable punch hit my nose I felt my blood dripping. But that was not my main concern at the time.

"Stay away, Jimin!" I yelled as he approached me trying to stop the fight.

I could hear people walking away, screaming in horror. Someone threatened to call the school principal if we didn't stop the confusion. However, none of this mattered any more.

When I was about to punch Jaehwan's belly once more, I felt myself being pulled back. Before he could take advantage of the fact that I was immobilized to hit me harder, Jimin pushed him back, preventing him from approaching.

"Get your hands off that motherfucker, Jimin! He is a poisonous snake that while we want to help, he is preparing to attack!" I shouted, trying to get rid of the person holding me from behind.

"You walk around all badass, but you're just a piece of shit!" He snarled, trying to push Jimin that held him tightly by the arms.

"If you touch me one more time I'll kill you!"

I was not referring to that fight, and by Jaehwan's malicious smile he also knew very well what I was talking about. There is nothing exciting or cool about touching someone sexually without consent. No matter the circumstances, this is one of the most disgusting things that exist. His attitude only made me confirm what I already knew, he wasn't in love with me. It was just an obsession of a disturbed mind.

It was not long before the headmistress appeared, but I expected that. What I didn't expect was to see my mother next to her, staring at me enraged.

When we arrived in the headmistress' office, Jaehwan and I hardly looked at each other, the hatred was mutual.

After an endless lecture about how we'd almost ruined the charity fair, how that kind of behavior was deplorable and unacceptable, she asked us why we had fight with each other.

Before I could answer anything, Jaehwan broke the silence and lied saying it was a disagreement over a girl. At that moment I felt like sending it all to hell, and telling the whole truth even though it could bring out things I'd rather hide. But my mother's look of disappointment prevented me from doing so.

I got three days of suspension. However, that didn’t affect my mood at all. What really destroyed me inside was my mother's comment as we left the office.

"I thought you would be different from your father. I was wrong."

Without looking back she slowly continued to walk down the hallway. I watched her from afar without any kind of reaction. I had heard so many times that I was a shitty person, that I was already beginning to believe it.

I wasn’t in the mood to continue at the fair, but I didn’t want to go home either. Walking aimlessly, I just wiped the blood from my nose with the sleeve of my jacket and walked in the opposite direction from which my mother had gone.

The sky was already dark, and a could wind hit my face when I decided to sit on a bench near the schoolyard. All people sought refuge within the school premises, so I was alone with my thoughts. The rigorous winter was what least worried me at the moment.

Trying to process everything that had happened and what was to come when my father received the school notice about my suspension I stood there staring at nothing. Until I realized someone was approaching me.

As soon as I realized who it was, I immediately got up. In the midst of all the confusion I ended up not having time to explain myself to Jimin.

"Baby, please believe me! It wasn’t my fault," I said as I reached him with my arms.

"I know... I know," he whispered, resting his head on my shoulder as I wrapped him in a tight hug, "you were silent and I fell into despair."

"I'm sorry," I said, stroking his hair. "I'm sorry for everything. I wanted to come here and have fun with you, it wasn’t in my plans to make all this mess."

"It’s fine,” he replied, giving me a gentle kiss on my neck. "What happened in the men’s room? Did he kiss you?"

Realizing my silence, Jimin moved away from my neck and looked at me with an apprehensive expression. I knew that if I told him what had happened he would be hurt, and rightly so. But at the same time if I didn’t tell him, I would be conniving with whatever version Jaehwan would formulate.

So, I decided to tell everything that had happened, from the beginning. When he questioned me about the fact that I hadn’t answered his messages, I immediately showed him my broken cell phone that was stored in my pocket.

However when I started to tell the part of the story where I arrived at school, I didn’t give many details. Measuring my words, I just said that Jaehwan had locked me inside the men's cabin. But that was not enough for Jimin.

"Did he touch you?" He asked, his gaze trailing the wounds on my face.

"Jimin, let's forget about it," I insisted lightly rubbing my hand over his back.

"I need to know," he said in a tearful voice. His teary eyes, already indicating me that he was sad and I knew that talking about what had happened wouldn't improve anything. "What did he do?"

"Jimin ..." I started hesitantly, "He kissed me and tried to give me a shitty handjob, but I swear I did my best to stop him. I swear I didn't feel anything!"

Looking away, he remained silent as a tear fell from his eye. Cuping his face, I dried his cheek with my finger and with his eyes closed Jimin seemed to be thinking about what I had said.

"So he really deserved all those punches," he said. "If I had known about it earlier, I would have broken his face with my own hands."

"No. It was better this way, I don't want to see you get even more involved in this mess," I replied, hugging him again. My mother's words echoed in my mind.

"I am freezing! Let's get out of here," Jimin giggled, with his face close to the my neck.

Holding my hand Jimin started to take me back into the school, that's when I realized I was forgetting something, "Wait! I have a gift for you!"

"For me?" He asked me confused as we walked toward the booths.

Noticing the looks that were directed at me, I remembered that my bruised face was probably not very nice to see. Delivering to Jimin the numbered paper with the prize that I had won in the archery game, I asked him to go there to get his gift, while I waited outside, thus preventing more people from staring at me.

Smiling, Jimin answered my request and as I had informed him he headed toward the last classrooms in the hallway.

A short time later, when he returned with a grin from ear to ear hugging the big teddy bear I had won for him, I was sure that I had made the right choice.

"Thank you," he whispered, giving my hand a slight squeeze.

"I want to stay a little longer but I really need to go home," I said, watching him caress his teddy bear.

Looking around, he replied, "I'll go with you... I just need to tell my mother."

"What about your date?" I asked confused.

"Oh! I forgot about Hana. I have to ask my mother to give her a ride," he said with a sad face.

"Look, stay a little longer. Enjoy the fair, we'll meet tomorrow, okay? You want me to take your teddy bear and give it to you later?" I asked, giving him another quick hug,

"No way!"

"Are you going to walk around carrying this huge teddy bear?"

Smiling softly, Jimin confessed, "It kind of reminds me of you. You know... too pale, black clothes, a half-angry face... but still super cute."

I would miss that smile. Many worries filled my head, but even so in his presence I felt lighter, calmer and safer. Even though I was in the middle of a storm, Jimin was like the light at the end of the tunnel. He had that power.

Seeing him so happy with such a simple gift, made me for one more day thanking all kinds of gods for having Park Jimin in my life.




Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


It was late at night, everyone in my house was already sleeping, except me. Lately a lot of things made me lose sleep, school, Yoongi's departure to Seoul, Jaehwan's obsession with my boyfriend, Bighit's auditions, and so on.

However, none of these things bothered me at the time. What was my problem? I was horny. Worst of all, it was my fault.

As I finished my homework, I decided to take a look at my emails, which led me to chat until none of my closest contacts were online. I visited my favorite websites in search of something new, but I didn’t find anything that interesting. Minutes later I was bored.

That's when I had the brilliant idea of accessing a porn website, just to take a peek and distract me. The first video took me to the second, the actors were really good so I should give value to their work, so I decided to watch a third video. When I realized it, I was feeling incredibly horny.

One thing I realized is that before I lost my virginity, just jerking off was enough, after all that was all I knew. But now it got a bit monotonous. Of course I still felt pleasure by touching myself, since no one knew my body better than I did. But sometimes I felt I had something missing. If it was Yoongi's hand touching me, then things would be more interesting.

I really should not have thought about Yoongi, because crazy and risky ideas started to invade my mind from nowhere.

Looking at my cell phone’s screen I realized that it was already dawn, would he be awake? Yoongi had told me that he didn’t want to buy a new phone with the money he had saved, that he would rather use an old one his grandmother had given a few years ago. Maybe I should just call to see if it was working well.

So I did it, but when I heard his sleepy voice, I immediately felt guilty.

"Jimin? Is everything okay?" He asked me with a concerned tone. Which was understandable since I never called him that late at night. And I had a reason for that, he'd be tired after he got back from work.

"I'm fine, I just wanted to know if your phone was working," I said, lying on my bed.

"Of course it is! I sent you many messages this morning, don’t you remember?"

I had forgotten that detail and it made me feel even more stupid.

"I wanted to know if it was already enabled to receive calls," I lied, trying to remedy that situation a little bit.

"And you decided to call me in the middle of the night?" He asked incredulously. "Jimin, say it. What happened? Did you have a nightmare?"

At that, a shy smile soon broke out across my face. I found his concern lovely, but also amusing when I remembered the real reason I was calling him.

"I'm horny,"  I whispered, hiding my face with my hands. Although no one could see me at that moment, I felt ashamed to admit it out loud.

"What?" He laughed, making me feel a little insecure. "And how can I help you?"

"I don’t know. I just... " I knew that was a stupid idea. What was I thinking? "Nevermind. I'm sorry for bothering you."

"No, no... don’t hang up!" I heard him say as he realized that I was about to end the call I should not even have started. "Jiminie... don’t be like that. I meant it. How can I help you?"

"I need you here," I whimpered, feeling frustrated.

"You know very well that I would go to your house right now if I weren’t grounded. My parents are even more on my tail because of that suspension," he said, confirming what I already knew. I would have to deal it alone.

"I know, I just wanted to hear your voice. Sorry if I woke you up," I said sweetly, apologizing for my selfish behavior.

"I wasn’t sleeping. But listen, I have an idea. Are you alone?"

"Yes, I'm lying here in my bed. Everyone is asleep," I replied, adjusting my pillow.

"What are you wearing?"

"Me? Well, it's very cold so I decided to put on an old coat over my pajamas. It’s not one of the prettiest, but makes me really warm," I replied as I stared at my white socks wondering if I should put a thicker one or not.

"Baby, I'm going to need more details to do this thing... you know, works for both of us."

I remained silent for a moment trying to understand what he was hinting at. Was when it hits me.

"Oh! It's okay for you if I lie?" I asked a little hesitant. The clothes I was wearing were not sexy at all, quite the opposite.

"It's okay, baby. Do it any way you want," he replied smiling.

However this only made me feel more undecided. I had no idea what clothes Yoongi considered sexy. Whenever I paid more attention to what I was wearing I was not trying to please him specifically, but myself.

"Jiminie? Are you there?"

"Yes, sorry. I was thinking about what you would like, but..."

"Your dance clothes," he replied quickly.

I didn’t expect that answer since my dance clothes was something extremely basic, nothing special, just a white long-sleeved shirt with a v shaped neckline and tight black pants, which allowed me to have more freedom with my movements.

"Okay, I like your basketball uniform," I replied, sinking under my blanket. "Yoongi, what's the color of your underwear?"

"I'm not wearing underwear, but I don’t think it matters that much," he said. Little did he know but that comment did only increase my eagerness.

"Are you touching yourself?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Yes, what about you?"

Forgetting that he couldn’t see me I nodded tentatively, but soon I realised my mistake, "Y-yes, I am."


"My hole, I'm rubbing one finger..."

"Damn, how I want to be there with you, I want to see it," he said, with a gasping voice.

"I wish you were here too... it's not the same without you."

"I'll improve that. The lube is close to you?"

After asking Yoongi to wait a bit, I got out of bed,  went to the dresser and took the bottle of lube hidden in the last drawer. Instinctively I looked at the door and thought it best to check if it really was locked. Returning quickly under the blanket, I completely removed my pants and my underwear.

"I’m  back," I said, putting the call on the speakerphone and turning down the volume. I needed to have both hands free, so I left the phone on the mattress, near to my ear.

"Baby, spread a good amount of lube through your little hole, right? Just like I usually do and slowly insert one finger."

With my back pressed against the sheets, I flexed my knees and as Yoongi had instructed me, in no hurry I inserted a finger into my tense body. However the only thing I imagined is that instead of my small, chubby finger, Yoongi's long finger was there slowly stretching me.

"Yoongi..." I whined, moving my finger in and out, "I n-need to hear your voice."

"I'm sorry, it's hard to stay focused, listening to your sweet moans," he managed, in a breathless voice. "Do you want to know what I'm thinking about?"

"Y-yes," I said with a soft moan. One finger deep inside me while I played with my nipple.

"I'm thinking about eating you out ... rubing my tongue all over your cute little hole. You have no idea how much I love that... how much I love to bury my face in your plump ass. Damn, I've never seen such a beautiful ass in my entire life. "

"Y-Yoongi..." I cried, pushing one more finger into the clenching heat of my ass. His deep voice praising me not only increased my ego but also my pleasure. "Aaah... my g-god..,"

"I can close my eyes and think about your sweet lips... your mouth fitting perfectly around my dick."

I felt waves of pleasure run through my entire body, desperate for something else, I spread my legs even more, leaving room for Yoongi to lie on me, even though he was not there by my side. Only in my mind.

Taking one hand up to my hard cock, I massaged just the tip. Hearing Yoongi's grunts I began to wonder how he would be at that moment.

"Baby, push a second finger, I think you're ready," he gasped.

"It's a-already i-inside, hmm"

“Already? Fuck, you’re d-doing so well... so well,” he groaned, making me moan softly.

“What I really w-want is y-your dick.”

When I thrust the third finger deep inside my hole, my back arched sharply and a loud moan came out of my mouth without me notice it.

"Fuck ... I love your moans baby, but calm down ... someone will hear you."

"I know ... but I need you ... so bad ..." I cried, rotating my ass against the bed.

"Shit ... I'm so close. I don’t know if I can- "

"Cum ... f-for me, Yoongi."

Massaging my balls with one hand, while with the other I wrapped my dick, making movements up and down in a quick rhythm spreading precome and lube all over it, I heard him moaning my name in a gasping voice. I knew I would not last long as well.

It was too late to undress completely and I knew I was about to do a mess, so as best I could I lifted my coat up to my chest.

Rocking up my hips against my own hand, I focused only on Yoongi's voice telling me dirty and naughty things. My heart beating faster and faster, my legs feeling like jelly.  

"Aaaah ... Y-Yoongi," I groaned, trying hard not to make too much noise as my cum poured over my abdomen.

"How are you feeling... better?" I heard Yoongi say.

"I'm feeling happy and sad at the same time," I replied, moistening my lips and trying to catch my breath.

"Sad? Why baby? You seemed fine."

"I'm sad because I'm so ready to get your dick, but you're not even here. I stretched myself for nothing," I whimpered.

"Screw it. I'm going to your house," he replied, ending the call.

With a broad grin on my face, I wrapped myself with the sheet and ran toward the bathroom. I needed to wash myself to remove my cum and lube from my body.

As Yoongi's house was not too far from mine I knew he would soon be around so I could not take too long to get ready or to clean my bedroom.

Putting on my pants again, I ran to my bed to pick up my cell phone. I didn’t even have time to put on my socks, because I soon heard the sound of notification telling me that I had received a new message.

From: Yoongi

To: Jimin

I'm here ... freezing!


Running down the stairs, I tried not to make any noise so as not to wake my parents, I needed to get Yoongi into my room unnoticed.

Most of the lights in the house were off, making it difficult to get to the front door. Paying attention not to bump into anything, I walked on tiptoe.

As soon as Yoongi came into my house he quickly closed the door behind him and suddenly he brought my body close to his, connecting our lips in a quick and urgent kiss.

Sliding his hand over my back, I felt him going closer and closer to my butt. When his cold fingers went into my underwear and touched my warm skin I felt a shiver run down my spine, making me moan softly with my mouth close to his.

"Are you ready for me?" He whispered next to my ear, nibbling at the my earlobe.

"We have to be quiet," I said, pulling my body even closer to his in a tight hug.

Taking him by the hand, I slowly led us up the stairs trying to keep the silence of that cold dawn, however it was difficult to remain discreet since Yoongi could not keep his hands to himself during the way.

"Wait for us to get to my room first," I giggled, feeling him hug me from behind, kissing the back of my neck. His firm embrace wrapped around my waist, our bodies so close to each other almost preventing me from walking, "Yoongi..."

"Your room is too far away, why don’t we stay here on the stairs?" He whispered next to my ear, sliding a hand toward my covered cock, giving me a slight squeeze.

"Are you crazy?" I replied smiling, hurrying my pace so we could get to my bedroom as quickly as possible and take those dirty ideas out of Yoongi's head. A little exhibitionism was pleasing to me, but to do that with the risk of being caught by my parents was a totally different story.

As soon as we got to the room, I barely had time to lock the door. Pressing me against it, Yoongi kissed my neck and my jaw, while his desperate hands ran all over my body. With my face leaning against the wooden door, I felt him firmly squeezing my butt cheeks with the palms of his hands.

"Too many clothes ..." He complained, lifting my coat sharply.

When I realized that his hands were no longer touching me, I turned quickly, and I could see that with extraordinary speed Yoongi undressed completely. Following in his footsteps, I started undressing too, pulling out my pajamas and underwear as fast as I could.

I would approach him to finally touch the one my body wanted so badly, but I could not even take the first step since again I found myself being pressed with my face against the door.

Seconds later, I felt Yoongi's firm, callused hands parting my butt cheeks, while his tongue stroked my entire perineum in a slow, delicious movement.

"You really like doing that," I giggled, feeling him voluptuously kiss one of the most sensitive parts of my body.

"I think I have found a new kink."

"A 'new' one? And what are the old ones?" I said, turning my head to the side trying to see him.

Crouched between my legs, Yoongi raised his head subtly and smirking at me, then he said, "You'll find out sometime."

Soon after, I felt his hot breath over my hole again, his tongue running over me, exploring every little bit of it leaving me completely wet and needy.

"Y-Yoongi," I gasped, pressing my fingers on the door, pleasure filling up my body, "l-let me suck you, p-please."

"Come and get what you want, baby," he said, pulling away from me and walking toward my bed then lying on it, "but I have not finished eating you out yet."

Smiling timidly I went towards him and climbing onto the bed I positioned myself against him, raising my butt to get close to his face. My mouth immediately watered as I sighted his engorged manhood, a clear fluid accumulated at the tip. I wanted to suck every drop of it.

Holding on to my thighs, Yoongi abruptly pulled me back causing me to lose my balance, sitting on his face. Without even giving me time to adjust my position, he inserted his tongue into my already stretched hole due my previous ministrations.

"I w-want to suck you," I cried feeling his tongue coming in and out of me.

But holding tightly in my belly, Yoongi kept me from leaning forward. Knowing that it was a losing battle, I decided to just enjoy the moment and began to roll my body in his face moving my hips in a circular and firm motion.

I could no longer control my moans, while with one hand I caressed his belly, with the other I covered my own mouth, muffling any higher sound that could escape.

When I felt that Yoongi was slowing down, I took advantage of the moment he paused for air and quickly leaned forward with an eagerness as if I were in a desert and his cock was the only bottle of water available.

I was lost in my desire, suddently his dick almost disappeared into my mouth.

"D-don't make me cum, baby... n-not yet," he gasped.

Working him firmly with my tongue and lips, I felt him thrusting a finger into my hole. His long finger reaching places I could not get with mine.

"Hmmmphh" I groaned, my mouth around Yoongi's dick muffling the sound.

"On your back ... now," he panted, giving a hard slap on my butt.

I nodded in annoyance at having to get away from his beautiful dick, but I knew it would not take long to get it inside of me again, though in a more intense way.

As soon as I got out of bed, Yoongi got up too so I could lie down. My single bed, so small, limited our movements a lot, but unlike the other times it was too late to prepare an improvised bed on the floor. My growing arousal would not allow me to wait another second.

When my back touched the mattress, Yoongi positioned himself at the bottom of the bed and holding my ankles he lifted my legs up into the air, spreading them as far as his arms allowed.

"Damn, you're so flexible," he whispered, licking his lips. "Look at this little hole. Looks like it’s calling for me."

"So come here and fuck me," I said, pressing the tip of my finger inside my entrance.

"Do you want my dick?" He asked, laying down on top of me. When I nodded, he continued "How do you want it?"

"Deep and rough," I replied feeling him kissing my neck.

"Whatever you want, baby," he gasped, resting my legs over his shoulders and placing a pillow under my butt.

When I felt him spreading the lube over my clenching hole, I anticipated what was to come.

As the head of his cock entered me, I pressed my lips against each other trying to stifle my moan.

"Open your mouth," I heard Yoongi say. Widening my eyes, I just signaled with my head that I would not obey him. I knew that as he went deeper into me I would moan loudly, so I could not risk letting my parents hear me. "Open it."

Cautiously, I parted my lips just a little bit as I tried to control my breathing, it was when Yoongi pushed four fingers into my mouth, filling it up.

Gently sucking his hand, I felt his hard cock slowly creeping deep into me. I had to held tight in his arms, when a loud moan left my lips, but being muffled by his hand.

"Take your time, baby," he gasped, trying to stay still.

Sucking on his fingers, I close my eyes and felt my saliva flow through the corners of my mouth as I tried to distract myself from the discomfort I was feeling.

Glancing at Yoongi I saw that he frowned hard, concentrating not to move his hips. He was trying to hold on.

"T-take me," I whispered, before putting his fingers in my mouth again.

Then Yoongi pulled himself back against me, an expression of concentration on his face as he filled my body that invited him to go deeper.

"F-fuck ... s-so hot," he gasped moving his hips faster and faster. "K-kiss me."

Pulling my mouth away from his fingers, he immediately connected our lips in a clumsy kiss, our tongues meeting and spreading saliva everywhere. Each time our lips parted, I heard the soft groans echoing through the quiet room.

"P-please... please..." I whispered against his lips.

"Please what, baby? What you want?"

That was the problem, I was pleading and I didn’t even know for what. A pleasurable agony ran through my body, wanting him to stop going so deep inside me, but at the same time loving to feel his balls pressing against my butt.

"Y-Yoongi ... aah ... Y-Yoon ... gi," I screamed, feeling him hit my prostate with each thrust.

"S-sorry baby," he said, inserting his hand into my mouth again, "your parents."

I nodded, understanding what he meant. I was being too loud. But I could not help it, to tell the truth I was controlling my voice to the fullest.

Soon after, I felt myself choking on my own saliva, begging him mentally to continue that rough rhythm that lifted my pleasure to heights.

"Are you okay?"

"I-it feels so good to have you inside me... so good," I gasped.

"It's because y-you take me with mastery, baby... You're the best Jiminie."

Moving away from me, Yoongi pulled my legs off his shoulders and I immediately wrapped his body like a koala.

The creaking of the bed, while Yoongi rocked our bodies together did not bother me at all, I was too immersed in my pleasure.

"You're so g-good for me... such a good b-baby boy," he groaned, closing his eyes.

The waves of eagerness and desire emaning from him was too much for me to handle. Before I could say anything I felt my cum dripping between our bodies as Yoongi continued to hit my swollen, sensitive spot. Biting hard at my blanket I tried to stifle my loud groan.

"F-fuck ... you're a-amazing" I gasped, as I felt his hot cum filling me up. "Don't pull out... don't pull out," I whispered, tilting my head back, giving more access for Yoongi to kiss my neck.

"Jiminie ..." he complained, moving away from me.

I hugged him tightly bringing his body closer to me again, "Please ... I want to feel you as long as I can."

With my face pressed into the space between his shoulder and his neck, I tried to recover from my incredible orgasm, Yoongi's gasping breath next to my ear like a lullaby to me.

Soon I would be seeing him leave for Seoul to enter college. Time had passed faster than I could accept and the feeling that it wasn’t enough was inevitable.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


I had never craved so much for a weekend, the day that could change my life forever was near. As much as I tried to convince myself to lower my expectations and believe that just attending BigHit's auditions would be good enough, I couldn't stop praying for things to finally work out for me.

It was Friday afternoon and I packed up my backpack, putting all the things I thought I would need on my trip to Seoul. Yoongi had already sent me a message saying that he would soon be at my house so we could go to the bus terminal station together.

"Jimin, don’t forget to put on good clothes. Even though you're only going to visit colleges, you have to be well dressed," my mother said, looking at me from the door of my room.

Well, I had to lie to my parents about my visit to Seoul. I wasn’t proud to have done it, but it was necessary.

They seemed to be very happy to see me so interested in college and this made me a little distressed, but I couldn’t make it stop me from achieving my dream of being a professional dancer. Until then the BigHit auditions were the closest I'd ever come to making it come true.

"Don’t forget to write down important information. They may be useful to you in the future," I heard her saying as she handed me a small notebook and two pens.

When I heard the bell ring, I quickly grabbed my backpack and ran down the stairs, predicting it was Yoongi waiting for me.

"Are you going to leave without giving me a hug?"

Making my way back, I timidly apologized and with a smile on my face I hugged her tightly. I just wished I could make her feel proud of me, but maybe not the way she was expecting.

When I opened the front door of my house and found Yoongi smiling at me so sweetly, seeming to be as excited as I was, I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to control my willingness to kiss him.

"Are you ready?" He asked me as we walked slowly along the sidewalk. I nodded quickly, but in fact I wasn't feeling that way. With each passing minute I felt more insecure, more concerned with the little details of my choreography that I had been rehearsing so relentlessly for months.

As if reading my thoughts, Yoongi subtly squeezed my hand, showing me his beautiful gummy smile.

"Just as I promised the day we filled out that application form, I'll be there for you. All the time," he said in a serious tone.

I was about to say that I would do the same for him when I heard someone shouting my name. Turning back quickly, I soon found out who was the owner of that voice.

"Jimin... I'm so glad I caught up with you in time," Hana said, putting her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath. "I just want to wish you good luck."

Hana's affectionate gesture honored me. Just confirming the first impression I had of her. I had no regrets at all about telling her about BigHit's auditions, much less encouraging her to seek acting lessons, overcoming her shyness to pursue her dream.

The biggest obstacles between us and what we want are our own fears.

Giving her a tight hug, I thanked her for the support, but soon we had to say goodbye because I couldn't arrive late in Seoul.

"Looks like you already have a fan," Yoongi said, smiling as we walked again.

It wasn't long before we reached the bus station filled with people who hurried to the vehicles or excitedly spoke on the phone. Everyone seemed very busy with their own lives.

All kinds of people seemed to be there, from mothers carrying their babies to an elderly couple sharing a packet of cookies.

Despite the swirl of emotions I felt in my heart, the world was still the same.

As we waited for our bus to approach, I began to think that in a few weeks I would probably be in the same place with Yoongi, but I wouldn't leave with him. Instead of going together to the BigHit auditions I'd be saying goodbye to him, watching him go to Seoul, no date to go back to Busan. I would probably feel my heart as tight as I was feeling at that moment.

"Are you okay?" Yoongi asked as we sat side by side on the bus.

"Just nervous," I replied, hiding the real reason for my uneasiness.

Though tiring, the trip to Seoul was quiet. Yoongi and I talked and played games on our cell phone in an attempt to make time pass faster.

"Do you want to hear some music with me?" He questioned, picking up the earphone from his backpack.

For the rest of the trip we stood there, enjoying each other's presence in silence as we shared his earphone. Resting his head on my shoulder, Yoongi dozed a little. I was too anxious and couldn't do the same.

"Yoongi, we're in Seoul," I said softly, nudging his arm gently.

Opening his eyes slowly, he looked at me and then around us, confirming what I had said, "Let's eat something, I'm starving."

As we left the bus station, I felt myself being absorbed by Seoul’s immensity, there were so many shops, so many people, so many lights... I felt lost.

When I was little I had visited Seoul, but during the day and I didn't remember much. Visiting Seoul at night was a completely different experience; it seemed like the city never sleeps.

I watched the foreign tourists strolling quietly through the streets and as much as I was South Korean, I felt a bit like them too, fascinated by what I was seeing.

"Look, there's a lady selling dakkochi (spicy chicken skewers)," Yoongi said, pulling me by the hand and leading me toward the food stalls.

Before we went to the hostel where Yoongi had booked a room for us, we still had time to eat ddeokbokki (spicy rice cakes).

"It sounds like a date," I whispered in Yoongi's ear as I watched him finish eating.

With a tender smile on his face, he wrapped his arm around my waist, putting some of his food in my mouth. However, this gesture of affection was quick. It's not because we were in the biggest metropolis in South Korea that things would be different, we still had to avoid exchanging displays of affection in public.

As much as I wanted to stay there just enjoying Seoul night with Yoongi, we needed to go find our hostel soon, after all the next day would be extremely tiring.

"I think we're getting there," Yoongi said, handing me the somsatang (cotton candy) we were sharing until then.

Taking from his backpack the paper where the address of the hostel was noted, he found that we needed only to walk a little more and soon we would be there.

As with the entire property, our room was simple yet comfortable. There was no upscale decor or lots of furniture, just a double bed, a small wardrobe, and a nightstand. It was the best we could pay with our own money.

"Jiminie, the bathroom is small but the shower water is warm," Yoongi said as I searched for my pajamas. "Do you want to take a shower with me? You know, just to save time."

"Yeah... I know," I said sarcastically as I followed him toward the bathroom.

With only a shower, a toilet and a simple sink, two people hardly fit in the tiny bathroom. However, Yoongi and I did our best to get undressed without bumping into each other all the time.

When Yoongi got under the shower, I just watched the water fall on his slender body, wetting his soft skin. "Have you changed your mind?" He asked, massaging his black hair with shampoo.

Opening the shower door, I quickly joined him, giving a small kiss on his back.

The water coming out of the shower was so scarce that even though we were close to each other, it couldn't reach both of us at the same time. We had to take turns. When it was my turn to stay under the water, I felt Yoongi gently rubbing his hands down my back, going to my lower back. Kissing my neck, his body pressed against mine, drawing us closer and closer.

"Babe, I can’t. I'm sorry," I whispered as I felt his dick brushing against my ass.

My choreography was very complex, I could't take the risk and go dancing feeling any kind of pain or discomfort that could limit my movements. I would love to surrender to Yoongi, to leave my body at his disposal. However, that wasn't the best day to get carried away by my desire.

"I know, don’t worry," he replied, kissing my shoulder, "I'm just enjoying your body."

Nodding shyly, I felt him hug me from behind, running his hands down my chest and belly as hot water soaked my body taking away not only the impurities of my skin but also that feeling of tiredness.

"But, I can still suck you. After all I will be running for the dancer spot, not singer. I don’t need to worry about my throat," I said, turning my head to the side, trying to see him better.

"If you want you can be a singer, you have a sweet voice."

I turned to face him, I realized he was serious, that it was not one of his jokes to provoke me.

"Yoongi, I used to sing to you when we were kids, but that's not the same thing as being a singer," I replied, pushing away the strands of wet hair that fell on his forehead.

For most of my life, I always devoted myself to dancing and it took up a lot of my time, demanding a lot of effort and devotion. Although I liked to sing, I didn’t feel good enough to even dream of trying to be a singer. After all, everyone can sing, do it well is another story.

But still the praise of Yoongi made me quite happy. Sometimes I felt that all the support I didn’t receive from my parents, I ended up receiving from him.

Silently, I cupped his face with my hands and closing my eyes I leaned slowly forward, ending that little distance between our lips.

His soft lips gently touched mine as I felt his fingertips gently squeezing my waist. Pressing my back against the wall, Yoongi kissed my chin, my neck slowly down to my shoulders.

Bringing him closer to me, I pressed my hands to his wet back, bewitched by the scent of his shampoo that spread with hot steam in the bathroom.

As his teeth gently nibbled on my nipple, I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling him explore my whole body with his large hands.

Tilting my head back, my mouth half open didn't emit any sound. My brain focused only on the wonderful sensation of our crotches rubbing against each other.

"I can’t... I can‘t..." I whispered, gently pulling the hairs on the back of his head.

"I know baby, I'm not going to try to go any further," he replied, moving his hips in a circular motion causing a delicious friction between the delicate skin of our halfhard dicks.

"I was trying to convince myself," I said, letting our lips meet in a demanding kiss.

"Let me suck you," he whispered next to my ear, pulling my legs away from his body.

"Don’t take it too deep. Your throat needs to be perfect tomorrow," I explained, turning off the shower while Yoongi knelt in front of me.

With one thumb stroking across my inner thigh, he was kissing my belly, concentrating his attention on the region below my belly button. When he lightly nibbled on the little fat I had there, I giggled as I ran my fingers through his hair.

Soon after I felt his hand sliding up from my thigh to circle around the base of my dick. Bending forward, using the tip of his tongue Yoongi gave quick licks on the head of my cock, keeping his gaze fixed on mine.

His light touch over my bare skin send shivers skittering through me. When his mouth came down, surrounding my dick as his hand moved back and forward, a loud moan left my lips.

I dragged his mouth closer, but soon I reminded myself that it might hurt him.

"S-sorry," I gasped, when Yoongi pulled back, releasing my dick with a wet, popping noise.

Using his fingertips he began to play with my foreskin, while his other hand embraced my balls, massaging them firmly.

"Am I getting better at this?" He asked before sucking back on the tip of my hard, red dick.

"Almost better than me," I replied, a grin on my face.

I never thought that one day I would be getting an incredible blowjob from my best friend, that I would be so hopelessly in love with him.

I could barely remember what it was like to make out with someone other than Yoongi, my body was crying out for him, just him.

Moving his head back and forth, Yoongi devoured my length with a light pressure from his lips. I wouldn't last long, my groin pulsed with the need to come.

When his mouth moved away from my dick and went straight to my balls, my back curled abruptly. I slid my hands on the wall behind me, trying to hold onto something.

"F-fuck... oh my-" I moaned loudly, feeling my heart beating faster and faster, gasping as if I had run a marathon.

Then his mouth came down my cock again and I tried my best to not thrust my hips forward.

"B-babe, I will cum," I whimpered, pulling his head away with my hands. Yoongi, however, just nodded quickly, sucking me even more willingly.

With my nails digging into his scalp, I released a pornographic moan. My head subtly tilted back, I frowned as my trembling body slowly slid down the wall. Then, Yoongi pressed his fingers firmly on my hips, preventing me from falling.

"T-turn around," he said, wiping the cum that ran down his chin.

I had heard him, but my body still affected by the intense waves of pleasure, didn’t obey me.

Getting up quickly, he grabbed my waist and abruptly turned me against the wall. Pressing my cheek against it I felt him rub his dick hard between my butt cheeks.

Moving my butt up and down, I added the friction between our bodies as Yoongi's sexy moans left me entranced.

"Fuck! So hot... so h-hot," he murmured, holding firmly on my hips.

"Oh, screw it," I murmured to myself, feeling him wrap his arms around my body as he rocked up our bodies in a sweet rhythm, "T-take me... t-take me babe."

"S-sunday," he groaned, leaving wet kisses on my shoulders.

With Yoongi's warm, panting breath close to my neck, it didn't take long and I felt his body weighing over mine as the cum jets hit my lower back. Without stopping to move my hips in circular motions, I took my hand up to my back trying to get some of his cum.

Closing my eyes, I gently sucked at my fingers feeling his taste. When I tried to do it again, our gazes crossed and giving a mischievous smile Yoongi kissed my neck.

After taking a quick shower, we lay tired in the double bed hugging each other. At the sound of cars we heard in the distance, we kissed softly until we felt our eyelids begin to get heavy and sleep overwhelm us.

I was sleeping comfortably when I felt Yoongi's hot breath against my neck. I had slept so well, the blankets were so warm and soft that I needed some more minutes to accept the idea that it was time to wake up.

"Wake up, Jiminie. We have to get there early," I heard Yoongi say, while gently kissing the back of my neck and the area behind my ear.

"No..." I whimpered, sinking further into the blanket, "go get dressed, I'll go later."

"I'm ready," he said sweetly.

Lifting me slowly from the bed, I began to pack. As we would go back to the hostel, I left on the bed the clothes I had brought, I intended to take with me in the backpack only the necessary things, like my documents, my dance clothes, my thermos bottle and an umbrella.

"It's still early, we have some time to eat," Yoongi said as we waited for the elevator.

When we got to the coffee shop, I decided to buy just some toast and a cup of tea, I couldn't have an empty stomach but I didn’t want to risk eating too much and getting nauseous or feeling my body heavy during my performance.

Yoongi wanted to sit down at a table to eat more peacefully, but I'd rather be eating on the way to the audition’s place.

We had never gone there and the huge Seoul favored us to get lost. Hearing my point of view, Yoongi agreed with me and started walking toward the bus stop.

Contrary to what we imagined it wasn’t difficult to find the address we were looking for, as we got off the bus we noticed the imposing establishment. However it wasn't the size of it that gave us the certainty that we were in fact in the right place, but rather the amount of young people in front of it.

"Holy shit..." Yoongi exclaimed, looking around in surprise.

I'm not going to lie and say that before I got there I was feeling confident, but to observe what seemed to be hundreds of people getting ready to enter through the gates realizing that I would have so many opponents, surely doubled my level of insecurity.

All kinds of people were there, from simpler people like Yoongi and I to those who dressed so elegantly that seemed to have come out from a TV show.

Paying attention, I realized that many of them were not alone, unlike me, they had the support of parents and family. They all looked so happy and excited, confident with their talent.

Not far from us, I saw a group of people gather to watch a trio of teenage girls dancing to the choreography of a k-pop song. They were incredible.

"I will not let you give up," Yoongi said, subtly squeezing my hand, seeming to read my thoughts. "I am here for you."

"There are so many people," I murmured as we walked through the gates.

"You're talented, Jimin. Don’t worry," he whispered, hugging me tight. "Also, not all of these people are participating as dancers, there are singers and rappers as well."

He was right. According to the posters hanging on the walls, the auditions would take place on Saturday and Sunday with different times for each category.

On the first day, everyone would do their individual performance before the judges and on the second day only those who had the best results. The final winners of each category was expected to be announced within a week.

According to the schedule we received I would perfom first than Yoongi and a few hours later it would be his turn. I was happy for that, because we could support each other as the auditoriums were open to the public.

"Jimin, you have to go to auditorium B," Yoongi said pointing to the large poster in the wall. "You need anything? I bought water if you want."

"No, thank you. I'm fine," I replied as I followed him through the corridors.

As soon as we arrived in front of the auditorium, we were informed by na female staff that we should be separated. The people who would perform in the first hour should go to one of the locker rooms and only those who would watch the performances could enter the auditorium.

Walking me to one of the locker rooms, Yoongi gave me a tight hug and said next to my ear, "You're the best, baby. Don’t be afraid to show your talent, okay? Trust in yourself."

Nodding shyly, I went into the locker room. Yoongi said he wouldn’t wait for me because he needed to run to the auditorium to get a good seat.

There were a lot of people inside the locker room, all getting dressed quickly or talking to each other. For a moment I felt alone.

As soon as one of the booths was vacated, I soon went to put on my dance clothes, the same one I wore during my rehearsals, I hoped it could give me luck.

When I got backstage, I put my backpack in one of the available lockers and waited for my turn to perform. Everyone there seemed to be nervous about what was waiting for us behind the curtains.

Gradually I saw candidates entering and leaving the stage, some smiling confidently others nonetheless weeping copiously. All that anxiety and wait only increased my nervousness. Suddenly I felt a great urge to vomit.

I was considering going to the bathroom quickly when I heard an staff calling my name. I was next.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked towards the stage, my hands were sweating. My heart beating so fast it scared me.

"Park Jimin, when you get on stage, you'll have two minutes to prepare and then the song you've chosen will start playing. You got it?"

Next to the stage I could hear the noise of the audience, people talking and flashes of cameras.

"Park Jimin? Did you hear me?"

Jerking my head in a quick nod, I looked at the staff who was organizing the queue with the candidates who would perform after me.

When the boy who was perfoming left the stage and walked close to me with a victorious smile on his face, I felt my heart tightening.

"Go!" I heard the staff saying, patting me on the back.

Before than I expected, I was there on the stage with a lot of people staring at me in silence, I searched quickly for Yoongi but could not find him. I wanted to find him but looking at all those people was making me distressed.

On the big stage, all the spotlights focused on me. On my right side I saw five judges looking at me with a serious expression on their faces. To my left, I saw some musical instruments arranged in a corner.

The two minutes seemed like two hours. Feeling my legs shaking I walked to the center of the stage. It didn’t take long and I heard the song I had chosen start playing.

However, I froze. I didn’t remember my choreography, I didn’t remember even the first step. I closed my eyes trying to concentrate, but nothing helped. Little by little I started to hear the buzz coming from the audience. My song playing in the background, while I remained motionless.

But then I started to move, unfortunately it wasn’t to start dancing to the song, but to escape from there as fast as I could.

Running to the backstage, I didn’t care about the people who tried to stop me or called for me, I just ran without direction. The tears in my eyes obstructing my vision.

All this time I had prepared my dance and my body, but I had forgotten something so important, my mental control.

When I reached an empty hallway, I finally stopped running. Sitting on the floor with my back pressed against the wall, I hugged my knees and with my head down I dropped all the tears I had been trying to hold until then.

I had ruined everything.

All my effort of years in vain. All those hours of rehearsal, giving up several things, letting go of concentrating only on my studies, all diets, all that was of no use. I had not even managed to make the first move.

Lying to my parents and engaging Yoongi in that mess, everything was just a waste of time.

When Yoongi's face came to my mind, I started to cry even more. He had supported me in every way he could and I had let him down.

I don't know how long I spent sitting there alone crying non-stop, but the only thing I knew was that I wasn't prepared to face his disappointment face.

But before I could prepare for the inevitable, he met me first.

"Jiminie?" I heard him say.

Lifting my head I saw him down the hallway running toward me. When he saw me a relieved smile appeared on his face.

"What happened, baby?" He asked in a gasping voice as he crouched in front of me and wrapped me in a hug.

"I ruined everything," I said in tears as I hugged him tightly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Get up," he replied, holding my hand and pulling me subtly by the arm, "Let's go to the men’s room to wash your face. We have to be quick."

"What?" I asked in surprise as I ran after him toward the bathroom nearby.

"I managed to convince the judges. You'll get a second chance," he replied, opening the bathroom door.

Quickly washing my face carefully so as not to wet my shirt, I heard Yoongi's words of comfort and encouragement as he lovingly stroked my back.

"Here," he said, handing me some paper towels. "I'll be there with you, don’t worry."

With red and puffy eyes, I headed back to the backstage. The staff and some candidates looked at me with a pitying look but I didn’t let myself be shaken. I was still extremely nervous but this time I wouldn't falter. I was determined to not disappoint Yoongi and especially myself. It is not always that life gives us a second chance.

Trying to control my breathing, when I heard my name again, I walked with firm steps toward the stage. This time I wouldn’t face the audience, nor the judges. I would try to imagine that this was yet another of my rehearsals, it was just me and the music at the dance studio in Busan.

Going to the center of the stage, I closed my eyes and positioned myself properly, yet the song that reached my ears was not the one I had chosen.

Looking to my left, I saw Yoongi sitting at the piano and smiling sweetly at me he plays 'Nocturne no.19' by Chopin.

It wasn’t the first time I heard that song, since Yoongi used to play it when we were younger, being familiar with it, I immediately closed my eyes and let myself be carried away by the melody. The choreography I had rehearsed fit perfectly, but I gave myself the freedom to make minor modifications.

My body moved around the stage lightly and serenely.  Immediately memories of me dancing to Yoongi in his house as we were children passed through my mind soothing my heart.

At that moment it was just me, the melody and Yoongi.

I knew that choreography by heart. I had prepared so much. I just hoped that all my effort would appear through my movements.

With every turn of my body I felt more confident. My precise leaps helped me to maintain my grace. I was feeling happy, with inner peace.

And in the blink of an eye the song came to an end. All the tension I felt in my body had already been forgotten. Closing my eyes, I gratefully accepted the applause of the audience before returning to the backstage.

As soon as we got away from people's curious eyes, I wrapped Yoongi in my arms, "Thank you, thank you," I whispered next to his ear.

"You were incredible, Jiminie! The judges were impressed! You will certainly perform tomorrow," he said, running a hand through my hair.

"Are you sure?" I asked biting my nails.

"Yeah, while I was playing I looked at them and it was clear that they approved what they were seeing. Everyone loved it!"

I was feeling more relieved, completely different from when I'd gotten there. With a grin on my face, I took the bottle of water from Yoongi's hands. I felt tired, but at the same time proud of myself.

Looking at the clock hanging on the wall, I saw that it was later than I imagined, "Soon will be your turn! We have to go fast!

"We still have time. Go change your clothes and get your things I'll wait for you here. "

As soon I took off my dance clothes and grabbed my backpack, Yoongi and I walked into the auditorium D, where from afar we could already see the others candidates.

The vast majority of them were male, boys and men of all ages. Most of them dressed in the American hip-hop style and seemed to make a point of looking angry.

Whenever Yoongi raps, he also would put away that cute side of him that I knew so well. He could become practically someone else. With an imposing posture he didn't feel inhibited in cursing or saying sexual things. But that was only when he was performing and yet he didn't turn into a complete jerk. I didn't understand why those people thought it was cool to being a male chauvinist.

When one of these guys looked at us and saw that we were holding hands he started laughing and poking his friends so they could mock us too. Before it got any worse, I quickly let go of Yoongi's hand, mentally thanking the fact that he hadn't noticed the group's boyish behavior. Were their masculinity so fragile that just holding another boy's hand would ruin that?

Unlike me, Yoongi didn’t need to change clothes or anything, just go to the backstage. So we decided to wait outside the door.

"Here, drink this peppermint tea. It's good for your throat," I said, handing him my thermos.

When we'd gone by the coffee shop to have breakfast I'd see the tea and I remembered seeing somewhere that it was good for vocal health. I had taken the thermos with the intention of putting tea for myself, but I soon realized that it might be more useful to Yoongi than to me.

"They look like professional," he muttered, watching the group of guys who went through the door.

"I bet most of them just consider themselves better than they really are," I said, gently rubbing his arm with my hand.

I was partly right. Sitting in the middle row, I watched the performances of the candidates in the rap category. There were those extremely talented and others so bad that no one had any idea what they were doing there. It wasn’t that they weren’t talented, but they insisted on using long sentences in English with a strange accent and probably saying things they didn’t even understand. Instead of being cool, it turned out to be weird.

Overall the presentations were very interesting, but since I wasn’t there to see them, I didn’t care that much. I was checking my cell phone when I heard Yoongi’s name. That did catch my attention. Saving my cell phone in my pocket, I settled into the chair so he could see me there.

When I saw a small smile appear on his face, I could confirm that he had noticed me.

Unlike most other candidates he didn’t use any famous song, but his own rap. Surely that would make him earn more points by the judges.

Yoongi have an incredible stage presence, anyone could realize that he really loves what he is doing. He didn't stand motionless like a statue neither moves like a madman, he seemed to have exact control of the small movements of his hands and body.

Suddenly he began to speak at such an absurd speed that I couldn't understand how he was doing that, not knowing at what point he stopped to breathe.

Looking around me, I realised it wasn't just me who was impressed. One of the judges with his hand over his mouth, widened his eyes, fascinated by Yoongi's talent. When I saw them talking excitedly to each other and nodding, I instantly knew Yoongi had made it.

When I saw Yoongi leaving the hallway I walked quickly to him clapping my hands and smiling as he came to hug me.

Bringing our bodies closer to each other I said, "You were on fire! Everyone was impressed!"

"I was so nervous! I don't know," he said, smiling sheepishly.

I was about to tell him how amazing his performance was, when I saw an staff approaching us, alerting loudly to all the candidates that were there to pay close attention to their emails, because the names of the ones approved in that first round would be disclosed within a few hours.

Yoongi and I still had time to watch a few performances from the people of singer category before we decided to go for a walk around Seoul and go get something to eat.

"I'm hungry!" I said rubbing the palm of my hands against each other as we walked into the restaurant next to our hostel. As the place was simple, we soon imagined that the food wouldn’t be too expensive. Luckily we were right and we could enjoy it a lot.

While we ate bibimbap (rice topped with a variety of seasoned vegetables, meats and chili pepper paste) and a large portion of kimchi, we excitedly chatted about the performances we had seen, things that had happened in the backstage and how Yoongi had to practically beg the judges to give me a second chance.

After we filled our stomachs, we walked through Seoul, noticing the places and people passing by. It was when suddenly Yoongi stopped and pointed his finger toward the gigantic set of buildings located just ahead of where we were staying.

"That's the university where I'm going to study. Do you want to take a look?"

When I heard that, all the excitement I was feeling, slowly left my body. But I could not let my sadness affect Yoongi, so I smiled and followed him through the streets of Seoul.

"It is huge! Do you know where you will live?" I asked as we walked down the immense courtyard in front of the university entrance.

"Not yet," he replied with a sad expression.

Remembering the lie I had told my mother I started taking pictures of the university and I took some leaflets. One way or another I had actually visited a univsersity in Seoul.

As we was there by the weekend, the university didn't seem to be so busy, but there were still several students out there. Without wearing a uniform, people seemed more fashionable and cool.

The whole place exuded an air of seriousness and adult life, unlike what I was used to in high school.

"It's cool," I said as we left the university. That wasn't the most insightful comment I ever made, but it was the best I could at the moment. I couldn't pretend to be happy with Yoongi's departure.

"I wish I didn't have to go back here and be forced to study something that I don't care about. I felt so good on that stage, it was like I belonged there," he replied.

"Yoongi! I have a great idea," I said with a smile on my face.

"What do you mean?"

"Your parents have never seen you as a rapper, they don’t know how good you are! What if you call them and convince them to come here to watch you at the auditions?"

"Jimin, we don’t know if I did it well enough."

"Of course you did! You were amazing!" I yelled, punching Yoongi lightly on the shoulder trying to convince him to stop being so modest.

"Do you think they would change their mind if they saw me on stage?" He asked with a smile beginning to appear on his face.

Then I just pulled him by the hand leading us back to the hostel. If the organizers of the auditions were punctual, in less than an hour we would know if we would perform again, or unfortunately come back home.

To our delight they were punctual. Yoongi and I were sitting on the bed when we opened the email and we saw that our names were in the top of the list.

"We made it!" Yoongi shouted. Throwing me on the mattress as he kissed me passionately. I was feeling happy again.

"Call your parents," I said, taking his cell phone off the nightstand.

After a long conversation with tense and conflicting moments, using all his power of argument, Yoongi managed to convince his mother to come to Seoul to watch the performance that could change his life.

"My mom said she will come and will try to convince my father too," he gligged, bringing me close to his body as he spread kisses all over my face.

After all this time, we were closer than ever to make our greatest dream come true.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


On the last day of the auditions Yoongi and I were feeling more confident, but we knew we couldn’t let it get in our way. We should do better than we had done the day before.

Yoongi seemed even happier to know that his parents would see him as a rapper for the first time and instead of make him even more nervous that let him wanting to perform better. That is why  he stayed up all night practicing his skill.

It was not often that I had seen Yoongi so excited. He was feeling hopeful and it made me happy.

When we arrived at the building where auditions were taking place the first thing we noticed was the significant decrease of the number of people that was there.

Those who waited in front of the gates, were the ones who had done the best performances. Knowing that I was one of them made me extremely proud of myself.

However, unlike the first day, I no longer noticed that disconcerted and cheerful air. There were no people dancing or talking animatedly. When I entered the locker room, I realized that the real dispute had begun.

While I was changing my clothes, I heard two candidates arguing over the choreography of one of them. It was a futile and unnecessary discussion but they seemed to take it very seriously, making sure to show that one was smarter and more talented than the other.

I tried my best to ignore it, I wasn’t there to prove that I was better than anyone, but to challenge myself. I knew very well that winning or losing that competition wasn’t about who was the most talented person, there were other things involved as well.

When I got back on stage, I no longer feared it like the day before, however to avoid any problem I preferred not to look at the audience or the judges. I didn’t have to look for Yoongi, because I knew he would surely be there cheering for me and sending good vibes.

Walking to the center of the stage I positioned myself to start dancing to the song I had chosen from the beginning, however the voice of a judge caught my attention.

"Park Jimin, I see here in your application form that you dance hip-hop too."

"I'm still learning," I replied, making sure to point out that fact. I didn’t intend to dance hip-hop at BigHit auditions, my specialty was contemporary dance. I let Yoongi wrote that in my entry form just as a way to best describe my dance style.

But they wanted to test me, probably to know if I was telling the truth. I was positioning myself again, when the same judge said, "Before you start the dance you rehearsed, could you please dance some hip-hop for us?"

Looking surprised at him, I gulped hard. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. For the past two months I hadn’t rehearsed anything but contemporary dance.

I stayed for a few moments thinking about what I should do. If I refused his request, he would probably think that I had lied or that I was unprepared. If I did, I could end all my effort from the day before and lose points. Either option was risky.

The clothes you're wearing during a performance have a great influence on the visual aspect of your movements, your confidence, and at that moment I was certainly far from feeling the hip-hop vibe. That was something else for me to worry about.

Avoiding the questioning look of the judges, I glanced at the audience and suddenly I saw Yoongi standing there looking at me. It was then that I remembered the day we kissed for the first time. At that party I had danced hip-hop and he had liked it a lot,  he didn’t take his eyes off me.

With a small smile on my face, I looked again at the judges and told them the song I wanted to dance. I accepted that challenge.

Closing my eyes I moved my body according to the rhythm.  I remembered Yoongi's thirsty look towards me, I remembered our kisses at that party that even though it hadn't ended very well, was something remarkable in our relationship.

When the song came to an end, I didn’t look at the judges or the audience. I didn’t want to lose my concentration. However, when I positioned myself again to start my choreography to contemporary dance and heard all the applauses my heart definitely became lighter.

As soon as I left the backstage to take off my dance clothes, the first person who came to me was Yoongi, of course.

"That was sexy," he whispered next to my ear, "I think Park Jimin confident on stage is my favorite kink."

"I want to kiss you...” I replied in a low voice, hugging him tightly.

"Later... we're going to do a lot more than kiss," he smirked.

Inside the locker room, the mood had not changed much. Everyone seemed tense, but for different reasons. I began to feel distressed to see some people crying, disappointed by their performance. I tried to encourage those who seemed most desperate, but I knew there was not much I could do for them.

Even though I wasn’t feeling so desperate, I wasn’t so confident either. Many things could happen. Waiting a week to know what my future would be would certainly not be easy.

"I'm going to buy something to eat. I will not be long," Yoongi said, handing me his backpack.

"I'll go with you!"

"You'd better stay there at the auditorium. Take my cell phone too, if my parents show up, they might get lost. Help them, okay?"

When I took the phone from Yoongi's hands and walked towards the auditorium where he would perform at about an hour, I soon realized that if Yoongi's mother saw me there she would probably comment with my parents and end my lie. I just hoped she would let me tell them myself, maybe this would lessen the damage.

I couldn’t be selfish, that was very important to Yoongi. So when his cell phone rang, I didn’t think twice and explained to his mother how to get to auditorium D.

As soon as I saw his parents entering the corridor, I excitedly waved so they could see me standing in front of the door.

"Hi Jimin, are we too late?" Yoonah asked me, looking around for her son.

"Hi! Don’t worry Yoongi went to buy something to eat, but he's coming back," I replied, looking at his father. He didn’t seem too happy to be there, so I felt I should make sure he didn’t leave before seeing Yoongi's performance. For our plan to work out both of them should be there.

"Is this thing going to take too long? I want to go back to Daegu today," he said bored as he looked at the watch on his wrist.

"No! It's super fast! Look, why don’t you wait in the auditorium? That way you can get good seats in the first row," I suggested, already opening the auditorium door so they could get in. If I had to lock his parents  there, forcing them to watch Yoongi's performance, I wouldn’t feel any regret.

For a moment I thought about going with them and tell with details that the day before everyone was impressed by Yoongi's talent, that he had prepared a lot but then I remembered that when Yoongi would return he wouldn’t be allowed to enter the auditorium having to go to the backstage.

I thought about going there to see if he had already arrived, but as he had been clear saying that I should wait for him in front of the auditorium, I decided to obey and not to walk through the huge building because that could led to some misunderstanding.

While I was standing in front of the door, holding my backpack and his, I saw a boy who seemed to be about my age looking at me from a distance as if he was gathering the courage to come and talk to me.

It was not long before he decided to approach me.

"Hey, I saw your performance earlier today. You were amazing!" He said incredibly excited, showing me a big box-smile. "My name is Kim Taehyung."

"Hi! Thanks!" I said with a broad grin on my face, "My name is Park Jimin. Are you attending the auditions too?"

"Yes, but in the singer category. I came to watch the rappers performances. This year's candidates are very good, especially a guy named Min Yoongi."

"He's wonderful!" I screamed, unable to hide my pride. It made me so happy to know that his talent was finally being recognized beyond our school in Busan.

"So... I have to go. Will you stay here? They're already coming onto the stage and I don’t want to miss anything."

"Already?" I asked scared, looking at the clock hanging on the wall. When he just nodded, I began to feel an uneasiness in my heart. "I'll wait here a little longer."

"Nice to meet you, Park Jimin. See you around."

I really liked Taehyung, he seemed to be a  nice guy. I wanted to talk to him longer, however I had to find out where the hell Yoongi was, so I just said goodbye, "See you. I hope hear you singing someday."

Grinning from ear to ear, he gave me a quick hug. Leaving me surprised to have met such a kind and affectionate boy. We had just met, but even so I had already developed esteem for him.

I waited a few more minutes there, beginning to get desperate. I couldn’t understand why Yoongi was taking so long to get back, there were several shops and restaurants nearby so there was no need for him to go far.

With less than twenty minutes to go before his performance, I started to feel like crying. I didn’t know what to do. Worst of all is that his cell phone was with me and so I had no way of contacting him.

Walking quickly to the backstage, as soon as I saw one of the candidates walk out the door I went to him, so desperate that I frightened the boy.

"Do you know if a guy named Min Yoongi is in there? Rapper, my height, dressed all in black... " I questioned, while looking around.

"Oh, I know who he is. But he's not in there, no," he replied, already starting to move in another direction. "If you see Yoongi, tell him that they are already calling his name at the basckstage."

Gathering all my strength I ran all over the building looking for him. I couldn’t give up.

I ran all over the place, I went into all the bathrooms and locker rooms but I couldn’t find him anywhere. Looking at my cell phone and his, I saw that there was no missed call, not even a message from him. It was only ten minutes for his turn to go to the stage but he had disappeared.

My knees already ached, I felt my chest burn because of my great effort to control my breathing. However I had to find him. I had to do something, anything.

In an act of desperation I even walked out of the building, asking people who passed by if they had seen him, if they knew of anything that could help me.

However, my effort was in vain. Exhausted, I went back into the building and immediately went to the auditorium, praying to all the gods that when I entered there I would find him on the stage with the same enthusiasm of the previous day. Impressing his parents with his undeniable talent. Fighting for his dream.

As things don’t always happen as we expect, when I opened the door the only thing I heard was the voice of an staff with a microphone in his hand calling for him. However, Yoongi was not in sight.

The worst scenarios were already starting to creep through my head. Yoongi knew that performance was decisive, he wouldn’t give up so easy from his dream when he was so close to reaching it.

Had he been intimidated by his parents' presence? I began to feel some regret for suggesting that idea. Maybe, it wasn’t as good as I'd thought.

When the staff called the next candidate's name, I felt my eyes water. I had to help Yoongi in some way, just as he helped me when I needed it.

Ignoring the confused looks of Yoongi's parents in my direction, I ran towards the judges and as soon as I had the opportunity, I begged them to give Yoongi another chance. Not afraid to show my tears, I didn’t care what other people thought of me, my only purpose was to help Yoongi.

"Fifteen minutes," one of the judges said looking at me seriously. "He has fifteen minutes to show up."

Without looking back I ran out of the auditorium. As I reached the end of the hallway I heard someone shouting my name.

"Jimin... Jimin!"

My heart filled with hope, all I wanted was that someone had found Yoongi, to know he was already getting ready to rap, that I no longer needed to continue my desperate search. That finally everything was fine.

I turned back and saw Taehyung running after me and he said, "I'll help you! I'll go look for him with you!"

No longer able to control my crying, I just thanked the help and showed him a picture of Yoongi that I had on my cell phone. But Taehyung said he didn’t need to, that Yoongi's performance the day before made him so impressed that he certainly wouldn’t forget his face.

Hearing it only made me even more sure, I needed to find Yoongi. But I had nothing more than fifteen minutes.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


On those two days when we attended the auditions, when Jimin and I went out to breakfast, he preferred to buy only toast and tea. He said that eating too much could disrupt his performance. I didn’t have to move my body that much, so I didn’t care what I ate.

But I needed to be a good boyfriend and I would feel sick eating abundantly before his eyes knowing that he was making all that effort to eat little. So ignoring the growls by my stomach I bought toast as well.

However, on the second day of auditions I could not stand it anymore and I knew that Jimin was even more hungry than I was. As soon as his amazing performance ended I decided to go there and buy something for us to eat.

I didn’t want to let Jimin go and buy the food because he didn’t know Seoul well and could get lost. I also didn’t know the city as well as I knew Daegu or Busan, but at least I was less tired than him.

After walking a little, I stopped by a coffee shop and even thought about buying the tea that Jimin so much liked or the peppermint one that he had recommended to me, but I was tired of drinking tea and probably he felt the same way. So I decided to go a little further and go to a restaurant that I had seen a few streets after.

The food was a bit pricey, I ended up letting pretty much all my money there. But still I thought it was worth it. Jimin had done so well, we needed to celebrate. He deserved to be pampered.

Returning to the building where the auditions were taking place, I gladly carried the bag with our meals. I wanted to see Jimin's face when he saw the food that looked so delicious, worth every penny I had spent.

However, as I was approaching the corner near the building, I saw a boy sitting all curled up on the sidewalk and this caught my eye. I thought about continuing walking and going on with my life, but he seemed to be crying and it made me worried. I didn’t have a heart of stone.

Looking around me I saw that the street was empty and he was probably alone there. His clothes were clean and he didn’t look homeless.

"Hey kid, are you okay?" I asked, keeping some distance, trying not to scare him.

With his head down he seemed to have heard me, since there was not much noise in the street, yet he still didn’t lift his head to look at me and remained silent.

"You need help?"

As I got no answer I decided to continue my way, however before I could go far I heard the boy’s voice.


When he lifted his face, I saw that as I had suspected, he wasn’t more than fourteen years old. With wet eyes and wet cheeks he looked at me startled.

Sitting on the sidewalk beside him, I put the food bag aside and asked, "Are you alone? Where are your parents?"

"I came to Bighit's auditions," he said sobbing.


Rubbing his eyes, he nodded and continued, "I came here hidden from them, but when I was leaving I stumbled and hurt my foot."

"Let me take a look at this," I said, reaching up so I could lift his pants and see if it was serious.

"No! No!" He yelled as he dragged himself down the sidewalk and away from me.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to see if you sprained your ankle or some shit like that."

"No! No!"

I didn’t know what to do, he clearly would not let me approach him.

"I'm going to ask for help," I said, looking around for some adult.

"No! They will call my parents and they will punish me when they find out that I came here hidden from them! Please please please!"

"Okay, calm down," I said, trying to reassure him somehow. "Can you walk?"

When he lowered his head again and said no, I realized that the thing was more serious than I had imagined.

"Shit ... Sorry kid, but you need to see a doctor. I'm not from Seoul, I don’t know if there's a hospital around here."

I was trying to get him to somehow see my side, no matter how much I wanted to do something, I had no way to help him. I didn’t have enough money to call a cab for him, not even my cell phone was with me.

"There's a hospital… but I can’t go there alone," he said, rubbing his eyes like he was about to start crying again.

"Is it really close? Do you know how to get there?"

I couldn’t even believe that I was actually doing it, yet there was something about that boy that made me see a little of myself in him. A dream involving music, abusive parents, hidden away from home... Maybe it was fate putting him there on my way.

It hadn’t taken me long to buy the food and from what the boy had said the hospital was not far from there. If I were fast I would have time to take him there and then hurry back to the auditions . The hospital staff could help him with his parents or something.

"Do you have a cell phone with you? I need to tell my friend," I asked. If only I could talk to Jimin he wouldn’t be worried and maybe he could help me too.

"No, my parents left me grounded and took my cell phone. But the hospital is not far from here," he replied.

"Okay, lets go then. But we have to be real quick."

Holding the food bag with one hand, I bent down a little so he could lean on me. Luckily he was much smaller and lighter than me and the bag of food wasn’t heavy, so I didn’t have much trouble walking with him to the bus stop.

Pressing only one foot on the ground, he sometimes wriggled his face, seeming to feel pain and that scared me, but as he told me he would be able to get to the hospital, I kept waiting for the bus with him.

"The bus is coming," he told me, pointing toward the corner.

Going to the bench where he was sitting, I bent down so he could lean on me again and with a little difficulty I managed to help him get on the bus.

When I paid for our tickets I realized that I was almost without any money. Looking in my wallet, I was counting only on the money from the ticket to go back to the auditions. So I couldn’t lose or spend any penny.

"Is it too long before we get there?" I asked him, looking out the windows to see if I could see any hospital signs.

He kept saying the hospital was nearby, but I was starting to feel distressed. When I realized I was on that bus too long, I decided to go talk to the driver.

"Sorry to bother you, but how long does it take to get to the nearest hospital?"

Without taking his eyes off the road, the gray haired man answered coldly, "Twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes?" I screamed, not believing what I was hearing. However, he just repeated what he had said before and continued driving without paying much attention to me.

I tried to stay calm, but it was impossible not to worry about the situation I was in. Going back to where the boy and I were sitting I could not hide my anger.

"The driver said we still have twenty minutes to get to the fucking hospital! You said that was close!" I screamed, not caring for the frightened looks of the few other passengers inside the bus.

"Don’t get angry! Look… still early," he said, lifting his wrist and showing me his watch.

He was right, but still I had little time in my favor. When I got to the auditions I wouldn’t have time to practice and not even talk to my parents. That is, if they really were there. My mother had said she would go, but I still had my doubts.

Sitting down again beside the boy, I picked up the bag of food I had given for him to handle.

"What is it there in your bag, is it food?" He asked with prickly eyes, he knew very well what was inside the bag, since it was very obvious. So I soon figured that just like me, he should be starving.

Carefully opening one of the containers, I shared some of my food with him. It was still about fifteen minutes before we got to the hospital so we could at least use that time to satisfy our hunger.

At that moment I immediately thought about Jimin, he would probably be worried and hungry too. I made a mental note to reward him, taking him to dinner at that expensive restaurant before we headed back to Busan. I had some money stored in my backpack, it wasn’t a fortune, but it would give us good food.


When we finally got to the hospital, another problem awaited me. We were both underage and I wasn’t from his family.

The hospital worker began to ask me questions and more questions, insinuating that I had hurt the boy. I was already losing my patience, but I knew that if I got angry I would end up losing my reason and would really seem guilty even though I was innocent.

"According to what you informed me, his case isn’t an emergency. He can wait until his parents come here," she told me, picking up a pile of medical records and entering one of the rooms, leaving me at the front desk.

"Isn’t there someone you can call? You heard the lady," I asked, leaning my arms and head on the counter, already feeling desperate.

Sitting in the chairs behind me, he remained silent. I didn’t want to turn around to see him, because I knew that if I saw his face and he started to cry again, I would probably change my mind.

Head down on the counter, I muttered, "I'm sorry kid, but I really need to leave."

"You can go. My brother just arrived."

Confused I turned back. I wondered what time he had spoken to his brother since he had no cell phone and I didn’t leave him for a minute. But I couldn’t waste time asking questions, I had to get out of there as quickly as possible.

But what I saw left me even more confused. Walking normally as if nothing had happened, the boy was heading for the hospital exit door. I had to look twice at his legs to believe what I was seeing, he wasn’t even limping, everything seemed normal.

"What the hell," I grumbled as I followed him to the door, "Hey you! Wait a second!"

When I went through the door and left the hospital I thought nothing would surprise me, but I was wrong.

From the boy's side chatting animatedly with him, I saw no one else less than Jaehwan.

"Hey, Yoongi! I see you've met my brother, a great actor, don’t you think?" He said with the most sinical face in the world. Turning back to the boy he said, "I told you, Seungmin. To be a complete idol you also have to know how to act."

I was feeling stunned, I could not even think straight. Looking at the boy who miraculously walked normally, I asked, "What's going on? Do you know him?"

"He's my brother," he replied.

"You lied to me all this time? Did you make me bring you here for nothing?" I screamed enraged.

Remaining silent he looked away, and then Jaehwan began to speak, "It wasn't for nothing. While we are here, talking so amicably, the auditions are drawing to a close. You will never get there in time. Unless you know how to fly, but I guess that's not the case so..."

That could not be true, all the time I kept looking at the boy's watch. I still had time to go back to the auditions. I needed time.

I had many doubts in my head, but I needed to run. I couldn't waste another second standing there.

However, even before I could take the first step, Jaehwan said, "Oh, I slowed my brother's watch, I hope you don’t mind."

I shouldn’t trust him, maybe he was just bluffing to make me even more confused. I had to do something, I had to try to get out of that situation somehow.

Desperate I asked a nurse leaving the hospital what time it was and she then confirmed what I feared most. Contrary to what I thought, I wasn't in time. I was late, too late.

"Did you really think you were making a fool of me, Yoongi?" He said with a look of superiority, crossing his arms and looking seriously at me. "Didn’t your beloved Jimin tell you that it was me who insisted so hard for him to attend BigHit auditions? He really thought I was trying to help him, that I care?"

I couldn’t think of anything, I was there hearing the words coming out of his mouth, but I just felt more stunned. I couldn’t cry, scream, or feel angry. I was feeling numb.

"All this time my goal was Jimin, but then to my surprise I saw you on that stage. So I had to make a little change of plans."

How could I be so dumb, so blind? I had underestimated Jaehwan and that was my main mistake. I always thought he would do nothing but those threats. When he attacked me in the bathroom I thought it was as low as he could get.

It had never occurred to me that this wasn’t his main plan, but a way to deceive us.

Jimin was so focused on doing well in the auditions, there was so much going on, he probably couldn’t even remember how he'd heard about the auditions. But even though he remembered, that might not change the current situation. How could we imagine that behind a simple suggestion there was a cruel sabotage?

"I let you choose, you could pay attention to me through love or through pain. You chose pain, then..."

Leaning against the wall of the hospital I rubbed my face with my hands as if in an attempt to wake up from that nightmare. I was sure that wasn’t real, that when I opened my eyes I would be no longer in that place that I barely knew, but lying on the bed of the hostel hugging Jimin.

When I opened my eyes and saw that nothing had changed, that I was still in front of that hospital I had to control myself not to cry. I couldn't give him the satisfaction of break me down.

"You know you're my favorite, I couldn't let you go to college without any memory of me. This is our goodbye, Yoongi. Have a good life in college. Hwaiting!"

Then I started to run. I didn't run towards Jaehwan to break his face, as was my will at the time. I ran toward the bus stop. At that moment I was so desperate, I even thought about running from the hospital to the audition building, but that would be stupid. And I didn't have time to do any mistake. One thing I didn't have was time.

Arriving at the bus stop I soon asked a lady who was also waiting, which bus I should get. I didn’t remember the name of the street, but I soon told her about the building, the expensive restaurant, the coffee shop and other things so she could help me by saying that there was a bus that would take that route in about fifteen minutes. Much less time than the bus I had caught with Jaehwan's brother.

I began to feel a little hope. The day before I had begged for a second chance for Jimin, I could do the same thing again. But this time to save my own ass.

Fortunately the information that the lady told me was correct, and soon I found myself again in that same corner where the whole mess had started, where I had committed one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Running as fast as I could I walked into the building, I was sweaty, thirsty and exhausted, but that could not stop me. I had to get up on that stage no matter how.

I was near auditorium D, just a little more I would get there, I just needed a little more effort. My heart was beating so fast I was beginning to feel sick.

When I got to the hallway I noticed the people passing by me, walking in the opposite direction, it was as if time had stopped. Seeing Jimin coming out the door with red and puffy eyes made it dawned on me. My race against time was over and I hadn’t come out of it as a winner.

"Yoongi, what happened?" Jimin yelled. Soon after I felt his arms enveloping my body in a tight hug, "I tried, I swear to you I did! But they couldn't wait any longer."

Even though he was not to blame, Jimin began to apologize and ask me if I was okay and what had happened, but I couldn't say anything.

Not far from there I saw my parents staring at me. They didn't have to tell me anything, just by their semblance I already knew what was to come.

So when I heard my father yelling I didn't get scared or surprised. I just pushed Jimin away a little and braced myself, one way or another I knew it would hurt.

"What do you think we are? Did you make us travel to Seoul to laugh at our face?" He said, walking toward me, as if the whole building weren’t hearing him loud and clear.

"That's not what happened," I tried to explain myself, but he still hadn’t finished speaking.

"You're irresponsible! You think you can do what you want, but that's not how things work Min Yoongi. When will you learn to behave? When are you going to become a good son?"

As much as I was feeling desolate I didn’t want to cry in front of my parents, Jimin and everyone else. Taking a deep breath, I tried to tell what had happened, "It wasn’t my fault. I was coming here, but ... "

I was trying to keep calm and resolve that situation as best I could. I knew they were upset with me, but they didn’t know what had happened. I just needed them to let me explain. However I wasn’t sure about what to say. Would they believe me if I told them the true story?

"I have a job, a life to care for. Unlike you, I have matured. I can’t get involved in your pranks. I'm tired of you! Tired of your bullshit!"

His screams, the frightened faces of Jimin and my mother only made me feel more hateful of the situation I was in. I wanted to get it over with, but all that anger I was feeling began to be perceived in my voice.

  "I'm fucking tired too! I’m tired of this shitty life...  tired of trying to please you!"

"Please me? When did you do that, Yoongi? Last week you were suspended from school! Is that trying to please me?"

"It wasn’t my fault!"

"It's never your fault! Be a man, Yoongi! For the first time in your life act like a man!"

"I hate you!"

So before I could say anything else I felt his open-handed slap, so strong that it turned my face to the side. My ears rang from it. All the tears I'd been holding until then began to fall, sliding down my cheek that seemed to be on fire.

"Yoongi!" I heard Jimin scream. Before I could realize it, he was standing before me, touching my face with his cute hands. His face seemed to be even more saddened, and suddenly I saw in his eyes something that I didn't want to, pity.

"I hope this has reminded you that I am still your father! You owe me respect!”

It did. Now on the respect part I wasn’t so sure anymore.

My mother looked frightened. She was already accustomed to witnessing the assaults when we were at home, but seeing this happen in a public place was unexpected. Appearing to be awakened from a kind of trance she cried out, "Don’t touch him!"

"That's why he acts that way! It's you that keeps him from becoming a man! He's always tied to his mother’s apron strings!"

Everything happened at the same time, their shouting, the curious and frightened looks of the people passing by. I felt humiliated, ashamed, useless.

It was no secret to Jimin what had happened in my house before my parents divorced, but he had never seen it with his own eyes and so it made me more relieved, less subdued.

But at that moment I was feeling so helpless that I could not even look Jimin in the eyes.

Then for the thousandth time that day, I ran. I wanted to get away from it all, get away from myself. But I knew it was no use running, I was just walking in circles. No matter where I hid, things would remain the same.

Entering a small room for cleaners, I locked the door and sat on the floor trying to calm myself. I didn’t even bother to turn on the light, there was nothing I wanted to see, much less my face. I was feeling so used, so dumb, so guilty that I could not breathe right. It seemed that all those confused feelings were keeping the air from entering my lungs.

Embracing my knees I cried all I had to cry. Everything that was asleep in me seemed to come out at one fell swoop.

I didn’t know what I would do when I left, I didn’t know how I would dare to look at Jimin again without feeling humiliated. Beyond his cuteness, Jimim was strong, fearless, he always struggled for what he believed, never was ashamed to demonstrate his feelings. He believed that for all those years I was there on his side protecting him, but that was far from the truth.

When we love someone or something, we are susceptible to end up seeing only what our eyes want, only what our heart wants.


I probably stayed there longer than I intended. I'd been up all night practicing for the auditions in the failed attempt to impress my parents, all the mess that had been my day, all my crying, all my physical and emotional fatigue certainly contributed to me felt sleep on that cold ground.

As I left the quiet and almost empty building, the sky was heavy with dark clouds. Of course it had to rain, my fucking day wouldn't be complete if I didn't get soaked and freezing cold.

Deciding to return to the hostel, I walked to the bus stop. Jimin needed to get back to Busan.

It was only when I reached into my pocket for my wallet that I remembered that I had no more money. I had used the only money I had paying for the bus ticket to get back from the hospital.

I just wanted that day to end once and for all.

Sitting on the sidewalk, I could already feel my fingers turning purple. Lowering my head and hugging my knees I started to cry again.

"Hey kid, are you okay?" I heard a male voice ask me. "You need help?"

At that, I had to laugh in disbelief, that shitty day was ending the same way it had started, only this time the scared boy sitting on the sidewalk was myself.

Accepting the help of the nice old man, I managed to buy the bus ticket and return to the hostel.

Staring at the room's wooden door, I took some time to gather courage and finally knock on the door. I needed get my shit together. I wouldn't allow myself to fall apart in front of Jimin.

As soon as the door opened, I was being wrapped around Jimin's arms, "Yoongi! I looked for you everywhere!" He said as his gaze ran all over my body, probably looking for some injury. I was hurt, but it wasn't something he could see.

"Have you eaten anything?" I asked, going to get my clothes off the bed. I couldn't afford to have a cold.

"Yes, your mother bought me some food. She decided to go back to Busan to see if you had gone there, and I stayed here waiting for you. "

Knowing he was fine made me a little more relieved. At least one of us was doing well. "Get ready, we're going back to Busan."

Sitting side by side on the bus, I rested my head on his shoulder as we shared my earphones. Jimin seemed to avoid talking about what happened, or ask me again why I had not shown up at the auditions. I thanked him mentally.

I couldn’t go back in time and undo all that, change my choices and give a different outcome to my story. All I could do was accept what life had given me. And if there was one thing I had learned that day, it's that life is not kind and sometimes bad things happen to good people.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

On that cold Sunday night when they arrived in Busan after the short trip to Seoul, Jimin did his best to look lively trying to comfort Yoongi and ease the cloud of sadness that seemed to follow them all the way.

But no matter what he said, nothing could get Yoongi out of that state of apathy. He no longer knew whether to keep trying would be helping or bothering the other boy.

As he watched from the entrance of his house Yoongi walking down the street with his head down and hands in his pockets, recent memories of Friday afternoon began to cross his head. All those smiles and kisses, the enthusiasm and joy they felt, now seemed something far away.

Only when Yoongi's image became a blur on the horizon did Jimin allow himself to enter his house. But something just didn’t seem right.

Having a bad feeling, he opened the door again, intending to walk down that same street and go after Yoongi, but his mother's voice calling his name made him give up on that idea.

Down the stairs, Sarang smiled as she saw her son coming home, "How was the trip to Seoul? I bet you're more excited to go to college now!"

Jimin didn't know if he should continue with that lie or not. Sometimes we are forced to lie to people in an attempt not to hurt their feelings, but perhaps this is just a way to delay the inevitable. Perhaps this kind of lie is more convenient for the person who is lying than for the one who hears the lie.

"I guess so," he lied, unable to face the bright eyes and grin of his own mother. "I'm feeling tired, I'm going to bed… Good night.”

Seeing her son so low-spirited while he climbed the stairs, left Sarang a little worried. Oblivious to what was happening in his life, she merely imagined that perhaps he had been a little discouraged from realizing that it was not easy to get into a good college.

Jimin, however, lying with his back pressed against the mattress, stared at the ceiling while he thought of various things, none of which were connected with his possible going to college.

Reaching for his cell phone, Jimin spent a few long seconds staring at the screen and thinking about what he should type. He knew what he wanted to write, he just didn't know what words to use. So he just retyped the first thing that had come to him before he changed his mind.

Is the first thing that comes to mind really what we are thinking, and after that it is only more polite or appropriate ways of saying the same thing or trying to hide it? Think first and talk later.

To Yoongi

From Jimin

Sleep well, babe. I love you. ♥ ♥ ♥

From the first time Jimin had said the famous three words to Yoongi, seeing him as a boyfriend and not as a friend, he had promised himself that he wouldn’t repeat them until he heard them coming out of Yoongi's own mouth. He didn’t want to rush things and hurt the relationship they had built. But something in his soul told him to break that promise.

Yet when Jimin hit the send button, he didn’t expect to receive an answer. Maybe that was why the other day in the morning when he saw that there was no new message from Yoongi he didn’t feel sad or disappointed. He just went through his morning routine before leaving home to face the first of the last three days of class.

He didn’t see much sense in going to school that week, since it would be basically to know who had survived another school year and who would have to try one more time. He thought that in fact since the middle of the year, everyone already knew the real situation in which they were. Those three more days were just a formality, a last attempt to make the most desperate could feel a little hope or give up once and for all.

The less boring part was to know what the others students were planning for school holiday, where they would travel or things like that. Every year Jimin's answer was the same, he would spend time with Yoongi. But that year he wasn’t so sure.

As soon as Jimin was dismissed from class, he went to look for Yoongi so they could make plans together. Maybe one or two basketball matches could make things better.

Walking through the corridors and the courtyard, he searched for Yoongi, but without success. He even thought about sending a message, but changed his mind when he spotted one of the guys on the basketball team.

"Hey, did you see Yoongi out there?" Jimin asked putting his cell phone back in his pocket. Normally he would always find his boyfriend waiting for him there in that same place at the same time so they could go home together. Even when Yoongi's classes ended before Jimin's, he always waited for him there, lying on the wall listening to some music on his earphones.

"I was coming to ask you the same thing," the boy replied, looking as surprised as Jimin. "Has he gone to Seoul?"

Just to imagine that Yoongi could have left town without even saying goodbye, made Jimin feel a slight sadness rise in his heart.

"I don’t know. I don’t think so," Jimin said trying to convince himself that what he was saying was true.

With hurried footsteps, Jimin walked toward Yoongi's house. He wouldn’t just make assumptions of what could have happened, he wanted to check it with his own eyes.

While waiting for someone to open the door, Jimin began to analyze that by the number of times he had gone to Yoongi's house he deserved to at least already have the front door’s password and avoid all that unnecessary waiting.

When Yoongi's mother finally opened the door, Jimin was already impatient, but he still didn’t let go of the cordiality and greeted her properly by sketching his best smile. However that attitude only remained until the moment she said that Yoongi hadn’t gone to school because he was feeling sick and that Jimin should come back another day.

As much as he wanted to believe what she was saying, he began to think that in a not so distant past he had heard a similar story coming from her mouth, and then he found out that Yoongi was hurt, or more specifically that his father had hurt him.

"I need to see him. It's important, I can’t come another day," he said looking totally different from the lovely Jimin who until a minute ago asked about her day.

"I'm sorry, Jimin. But it was Yoongi himself who said he didn’t want to see anyone," she replied, a sad expression on her face as she walked away to close the door.

"But I'm not ‘anyone’! I'm his bo... best friend!" He said, cursing himself mentally for almost saying too much.

"I know, but..." she murmured, running her hand through her hair as if she was wondering if that was the right decision or not, "Fine, but if he doesn’t want to see you, don’t insist, okay?"

Jimin didn’t understand why Yoongi might not want to see him, but still he just nodded and silently climbed the stairs.

On reaching the second floor hallway, Jimin entered the bedroom without knocking on the door. He was too worried to remember about being polite.

Walking on tiptoe, he approached the bed where Yoongi in blue pajamas slept so quietly. Before Jimin knew it, his gaze ran through Yoongi's body for some bruise, making him feel bad to think that this was his first reaction, because he felt the need to do it. Things should not be like this.

Holding his breath for fear that the slightest movement might wake the boy, Jimin lay down on the bed and controlling the movement of his arm, he subtly rested it around Yoongi's belly.


"Sorry for waking you up," he whispered, getting up from the bed so he could see Yoongi's face, who with closed eyes, kept staring at the wall. "How did you know it was me?"

"Something in the air."

Raising his arms and bringing his nose under his armpits, Jimin asked worried, "Am I stinking?"

"No, it's not that," Yoongi murmured with his lips forming a small smile.

Even if it was almost imperceptible, that smile made Jimin feel a little more comfortable talking as Yoongi seemed not to have bothered to be awakened.

"Your mother said you were feeling sick. Are you better?" Jimin asked, lying back on the bed, pulling his chest closer to Yoongi's back while wrapping him in a tight hug.


Something in Yoongi's tone made Jimin not believe much of what he had heard, but he decided not to dwell on it. Yoongi was sad, and that was perfectly understandable.

"Since you're better, are you going to school tomorrow?"


After a few minutes in silence, Jimin said, "Your friends will ask for you. Can I say that you're going there on the last day?"

Despite the enthusiasm in Jimin's tone as he asked that question, the only response he received was a cold, "I'm not going there."

Unable to disguise his concern, he brought his face closer to Yoongi's cheek, giving him a soft kiss, "Aren’t you going to say goodbye to them and to your teachers?"

Jimin hated having to bring back that subject, but it was inevitable. Yoongi had studied many years at that school, he had known almost every teacher and had made many friends there. It didn’t seem right to see him going to Seoul so abruptly.

However Yoongi didn’t seem to care about it, closing his eyes again he only said, "No."

That monosyllabic conversation was making Jimin distressed. Maybe it was too early to try to pressure Yoongi trying to convince him that it wasn’t the right thing to do. Jimin hoped the boy could still change his mind.

Then lightly touching his lips to the back of Yoongi's neck in a sweet, quick kiss, he just whispered, "Okay."

Yoongi didn’t change his mind. On the penultimate day of school, Jimin had to come up with an excuse to tell all the friends and teachers who had stopped him to ask what had happened to the dear student who rarely missed classes.

And again, Jimin saw himself in the same situation as the previous day, without thinking twice he walked towards Yoongi's house.

Entering the dark room he could see the untouched food on the plate.

With a loud sigh, Jimin subtly lifted the blanket a bit and lay down beside Yoongi on the bed.

Running his fingers through the boy's soft hair, Jimin didn’t care to check if he was sleeping, he just said, "Do you want to watch anime? We can buy some tasty food... this time I'll let you choose."

Without any reply, he lay next to Yoongi in complete silence until dinner time came and he had to go to his own house just as he had done the day before.

Before crossing the bedroom door he said, "Tomorrow your classmates will gather at that snack bar you like. You don’t have to go to the last day of school, but ... try to show up there."

As Jimin expected, Yoongi didn’t show up at school neither at the snack bar. Trying to sound as convincing as possible, he explained that Yoongi's absence was due to his being too busy getting ready for college. Although visibly hurt, all the students seemed to have believed it.

Carrying a bag with three slices of Yoongi's favorite pizza, he made the way he already knew by heart. Unlike the first time, Yoonah didn’t seem at all reluctant to let him in to see her son. Without saying a word she just opened the door and went back to the kitchen.

In a silent exchange of glances, Jimin and Yoonah seemed to try to comfort each other, they both knew things weren’t going well.

"I brought pizza for you. Why don’t you eat while it's warm?"

Trying to hide the pain on his face as he didn’t get any response, Jimin placed the bag on the desk next to another untouched plate full of food. And then he walked toward the bed where Yoongi lay. Raising the blanket subtly, Jimin couldn’t help but notice that Yoongi was still wearing the same blue pajamas. Looking quickly at his watch, he confirmed that just as he suspected, it wasn’t even six o'clock that afternoon.

Sighing deeply, Jimin lifted his head in an unsuccessful attempt to keep the tears from falling down his face.

Drying his cheeks with the sleeves of his coat, for the third time that week, he silently lay down beside Yoongi.

"Tell me how I c-can help you," Jimin whispered. He didn’t want to cry, but as soon as he opened his mouth, tears began to fall again, "Tell me and I'll do it. It doesn’t matter what it is. Just tell me."

"I want to be alone," Yoongi replied, not looking away from the wall.

Pulling his face close to Yoongi's neck, he closed his eyes and asked the question that had been going around his head since the last day of BigHit's auditions, "Are you mad at me?"

"No. I just want to be alone."

Lifting his face slowly, hesitant if he was really doing the right thing, Jimin wiped the tears that had fallen on Yoongi's neck, "Okay," he said as he got up from the bed.

Down the stairs, he found Yoonah dusting off the piano set in the living room.

"Did he eat the pizza?" She asked hopefully as she caught sight of him. But Jimin just denied shaking his head, visibly trying to hold back tears, "Jimin..."

Yoonah's maternal instinct alerted her to the fact that the sad boy needed a hug. Then without saying a word, she just walked toward him, wrapping him in her arms. Just as she would like to do with her own son.

When Jimin felt Yoonah's hands gently rubbing his back, he allowed himself to collapse in tears, "He a-asked m-me... to l-leave him a-alone."

"I'm sorry, Jimin," she whispered, tightening that sad, but much-needed hug, "He will get better."

But Jimin did not believe it, however much he wanted to think positively. What his eyes were seeing indicated only the opposite, "He's getting w-worse."

With a sad look, Yoonah helped him dry the tears that still insisted on falling. She didn’t know what to say to comfort him. She was feeling maybe even more lost than he was, and it made her feel worse. Yoonah was Yoongi’s mother, she was the adult there, it was expected that she could solve that situation. It was expected that she had the solution to all those problems. But she hadn’t.

Yoonah wanted more than anything to help Yoongi, but it became even more difficult when herself hadn't yet finished piecing together her own heart, when she was still trying to save herself.

Jimin came to his house feeling shattered, helpless. But he couldn't let himself down. He needed to help Yoongi and for that to be possible he had to be feeling well. He couldn't allow himself to be sucked into the same darkness in which Yoongi seemed to be trapped.

On the first day of school holiday, Jimin decided that he wouldn't change his plans. He would make things get better.

Picking up the ball in Yoongi's garage, he hurried up the stairs. He would take Yoongi out of that bed, even if he had to use body strength and drag him through the feet to the outside.

However, he didn't have to do this. As soon as he entered the room, Jimin was surprised to see that Yoongi wasn't sleeping or pretending to be asleep.

Standing in front of the wardrobe, Yoongi, who was no longer wearing the same blue pajamas, seemed to be putting something inside the furniture. Jimin soon realized that all the music equipment the boy had bought with such effort was no longer on the desk.

"Where are the equipment that was here?" Jimin asked, looking around the room to see if them had been placed elsewhere.

"I sold it," Yoongi replied, closing the wardrobe and sitting on the bed. "I'm not going to use them anymore, so it wouldn't make sense for me to take that to Seoul."

Upon hearing that Jimin gulped hard, he didn't know if he should be relieved to see Yoongi finally out of bed and speaking sentences with more than one word or if he should be even more concerned with that behavior change.

Staring with a sad look the desk that was previously full of music equipment, Jimin began to feel nostalgic. He never understood how all those things worked, but in one way or another they made him remember Yoongi.

Not knowing what to say, he just watched Yoongi crawl across the bed and lean his back against the wall. Saddened, he stared at his own fingers.

Remembering the reason he had entered the room, Jimin again grinned and said, "I'm free all day! Let's play basketball?"

"I'm not in the mood."

Bouncing the ball to the floor, trying to keep control so he wouldn't break anything in the room Jimin then said, "Don't tell me you're tired! When Jaehwan asked you, you were always available."

When Yoongi lifted his head, directing to him a deadly glare, Jimin immediately knew he had said the wrong thing. The smile on his face disappeared and holding the ball next to his own chest, he whimpered, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not your fault," Yoongi murmured, tilting his head slightly against the wall.

Finding it best to set aside the plan to play basketball since the idea visibly hadn’t pleased Yoongi, Jimin put the ball in a corner of the room and walked toward the bed, sitting on the edge, keeping a little distance from the other boy.

And then the silence settled in the room.

Jimin had thought it best not to ask why Yoongi hadn’t appeared for his performance on the decisive day of the auditions, he hoped the boy himself would tell him when he was ready. But it had been four days, and Yoongi gave no sign that he intended to bring that subject to the surface someday.

Things weren’t going well and there was no way it could get much worse, that's what Jimin thought when he decided to break the silence and end the suffering of having to wonder what happened on that day. Then in a low voice he asked, "Why didn’t you show up at the auditions?"

"Because I'm the dumbest person in the world."

That was definitely not the kind of response Jimin was hoping to receive. Frowning, he turned toward Yoongi, hoping he could better explain what it meant.

After a few minutes in silence, Yoongi sighed loudly and continued, "When I was returning to the building, I saw a boy crying on the fucking sidewalk. He told me a sad story and convinced me to take him to the hospital."

Jimin always knew that Yoongi had a deep voice, his face had strong and defined features, he often seemed to be constantly bored, but despite it he was kind, considerate and cared for other people. Then when he heard that, he wasn’t at all surprised, it was something he could expect from Yoongi.

What he didn’t expect was what Yoongi said next, "So when I got to that fucking hospital I found out that it was all a lie, that the boy was Jaehwan's brother and all that bullshit was so I didn’t have time to get to the auditions."

"Jaehwan?" Jimin shouted, trying to confirm if he really had heard what he thought he had. Yoongi's silence answered his question. "Why that motherfucker did that?"

Jimin couldn’t understand why a person would do something as cruel as destroying someone else's dream, someone they said they were in love with. What kind of love was that?

He loved Yoongi and couldn’t even imagine hurting him like that. He didn’t feel able to do that with either Yoongi or anyone else.

Getting up from the bed stunned, he continued, "We have to do something."

"Jimin, it's over. It won't do you any good to get angry or want revenge. It’s over," Yoongi said, lying on the bed and turning his back to Jimin who stood in the middle of the room gazing sadly at the love of his life falling apart right before his eyes.

On Friday, before starting his walk to Yoongi's house, which had become something of Jimin's daily routine during that week. He thought it would be a good idea to buy a very nice dessert for Yoongi. Maybe they could eat together, just like they always did.

But he didn’t even enter the bakery. Not far from him, he saw a group of teenagers sitting at one of the tables in the public square. They all seemed to be familiar faces, like the guys on the basketball team and some girls from his school.

Jiwon was one of those girls. Holding hands with one of the boys, she seemed to have finally forgotten Yoongi and found a new boyfriend.

They seemed to be really happy while taking advantage of the long-awaited school holiday. But that wasn’t Jimin's reality. Until that moment the only thing he had been doing was going to Yoongi's house hoping to make him feel better.

However, there was someone else in the middle of that group that he hadn’t noticed. And for a second Jimin wished he hadn’t stopped in front of that bakery.

Smiling cheerfully, Jaehwan was talking to the boys and that aroused in Jimin an anger that he had never yet felt in his life. He couldn't accept the fact that Jaehwan had done something so bad to someone else and still continue to smile as if nothing had happened.

Jimin tought it was unfair Jaehwan to be so pleased with his friends, feeling so happy while Yoongi was reclused in his bedroom feeling miserable.

When he straightened his coat and crossed the street toward the group, his purpose was to demand some explanation for Jaehwan's deplorable demeanor, but the closer he got to the boy, the more the anger inside Jimin increased.

So, before he realized or could change his mind, without even uttering a word, Jimin saw his closed hand striking hard against Jaehwan's face, making him lose his balance. The jerk that Jimin gave on the boy's chest was what drove him to the ground.

Kneeling around Jaehwan's fallen body, Jimin punched his face again and again, not stopping doing so until one of the guys from the basketball team held him.

"You broke him!" He shouted at the top of his lungs trying to pull free of the arms that kept him from approaching Jaehwan again, "You fucking broke him!"

"What's going on?" Kiyeol and Wooshik screamed in fear, trying to block out the always so docile Jimin, but that was so furious that two people didn’t seem to be enough to be able to stop him.

Without understanding what had happened to cause Jimin to lose his mind, Kiyeol quickly looked around him, searching for Yoongi. For all the years they'd played basketball together on the school team, Kiyeol had never seen Yoongi's best friend like that, looking so upset.

"Jimin, explain me what's going on," Kiyeol said, holding onto Jimin's face to get his attention.

"Yoongi..." he replied, trying to control his breathing, "Yoongi had real chances of becoming a professional rapper, but Jaehwan ruined everything!"

"What?" Kiyeol said indignantly as he turned to face Jaehwan, "Why?"

Looking directly into Jaehwan's eyes, Jimin shouted, "Because he's envious! He thinks his shitty life will get better if he hurts people!"

"Is that true, Jaehwan?" Wooshik asked.

Astonished, the whole group of teenagers stared hard at the boy targeted by those heavy charges.

Aimed, Jaehwan replied, "It was a dumb competition. He's overreacting."

"You know very well that it's a lie! He had real chances!" Jimin yelled, feeling even more angry as he recalled what had happened, "The judge told me Yoongi was in the first place! If you hadn’t used your brother to lie to Yoongi he could have been the winner!"

"You're lying..." Jaehwan muttered, seeming to feel sorry for what he had done.

"You broke him! That's why he didn’t show up at school! Are you happy now?" Jimin shouted, wiping away the tear that ran down his cheek. He never imagined that one day he would be able to cry from anger, not joy or sadness.

"What the hell... Jaehwan, did you have the courage to harm Yoongi? Yoongi?" Kiyeol snarled, not seeming to believe what he was hearing. "Since we were kids that guy got into fights to save your lazy ass! He spent two hours trying to convince the coach to let you help the team. And that's how you repay?"

“We are like a family, if you mess with one of us, you have to be prepared to face the whole team," Wooshik yelled.

Everyone in the group of friends stared at Jaehwan with a look of judgment, showing disappointment at his behavior.

He was feeling cornered, afraid of the reaction of his friends, then he yelled in despair "Yoongi is gay! Jimin is his boyfriend!" All he wanted was to stop being the center of attention in that conversation.

However the moment the words came out of his mouth, he knew he had gone too far. As tears streamed down his face, he looked into Jimin's eyes and moving his lips without making any sound he said, "I'm sorry..." hoping that Jimin could understand him.

But it was already too late.

All eyes immediately stared at Jimin, who felt paralyzed as if his heart had stopped beating for a moment.

"Now do you realise the kind of person he is? The kind of lies he can make?" Jimin said, pretending to be deeply offended by Jaehwan’s comment. "Yeah, Yoongi is gay, I'm gay... everyone in Busan is fucking gay! Yoongi is even thinking about make a pink uniform full of sequins and glitter to the basketball team. The mayor will even change the city's flag!" Jimin said with a tone full of sarcasm.

He knew he had said something with a stereotypical view of gay people, which he disagreed with deeply. But he was desperate.

When everyone started to laugh, Jimin breathed a sigh of relief as if he had taken a gigantic weight off his shoulders.

"Jaehwan, stop making silly lies and accept that you screwed up," Kiyeol said, finally releasing Jimin who already looked calmer.

Seeing Jaehwan sitting on the floor crying as Jiwon helped to stanch the blood that flowed from the boy's mouth and nose didn’t make Jimin feel pleased or proud of what he had done, but it wasn’t enough for him to feel sorry either.

"Jaehwan may have made a big mistake, but he's not the only one to blame. He just gave the final blow, Yoongi was already broken," Jiwon said in a low voice, helping Jaehwan get up.

"What do you mean?" Jimin asked confused.

"During the time I dated Yoongi I realized that he punished himself," she said, as she tried to comfort Jaehwan. "He always works his fingers to the bones at his multiple jobs-"

Finding what the girl was saying was absurd, Jimin soon interrupted her, "He was saving money to buy his music equipment and..."

But then it was Jiwon's turn to interrupt, "If that was the whole truth, by now he would have a professional studio at home, wouldn’t he?" She said sarcastically. Sighing loudly she continued, "He was punishing himself. He always 'forgot' to eat, didn’t sleep properly. Besides, he has to deal with his troubled parents, you... not to mention the things he can hide."

Jimin listened intently to what Jiwon was telling him, she didn’t seem to be saying that to create any kind of intrigue. Despite everything that had happened in the past, he knew she cared about Yoongi.

"He was already broken Jimin. But you never wanted to notice," she said before heading out to the public square with Jaehwan on her side.

Walking with slow steps toward Yoongi's house, Jiwon's words didn’t leave Jimin's head. He didn’t want to believe she was right, but he had to admit that maybe she wasn’t totally wrong, the whole story really made sense.

It was only when Jimin was near Yoongi's house that he realized that in the face of all that mess he had forgotten to buy dessert. For a brief moment he considered the possibility of going back to the bakery, but he was felling too tired.

When Jimin entered the room and once again found Yoongi lying in his bed, he began to believe that Jiwon was right.

Silently taking off his sneakers and coat, Jimin walked toward the bed. When his gaze reached the empty desk he felt his heart grow heavy, Yoongi's pain had become his.

Lying behind Yoongi, he lightly pressed his forehead to the back of the boy's neck and when he felt the familiar scent, tears began to stream down his face.

"When y-you said to me that I was your l-light, that I s-should shine for b-both of us, I n-never imagined that it meant that y-your own light was off," Jimin said with his lips trembling subtly as he tried not to collapse in tears, but at that moment he didn’t think it was possible. He didn’t have the strength to stop his crying, "I'm sorry for being a bad boyfriend and a even worse best friend."

Inconsolate, Jimin sobbed through tears. With his eyes closed he tried to control his breathing so he might be able to continue to apologize.

Before he could say anything, Yoongi immediately turned around wrapping him in a tight hug, "Stop crying, Jimin. You're perfect, please stop crying."

"I'm s-sorry if I was s-selfish," he muttered.

Bringing Jimin's head close to his chest, Yoongi stroked his hair trying to comfort him, "Why are you saying these things? You know it's not true."

Gently kissing the top of Jimin's head, Yoongi comforted him as he tried to restrain his own urge to cry, "I'm sorry if I ended up making you feel this way. It's not your fault, Jimin."

"I would do a-anything to take all your pain away," Jimin murmured, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hands.

"I know, I don’t doubt it," Yoongi replied, lifting Jimin's chin subtly, "but, I'm fine."

"No, you're not!"

"Maybe I’m not now... but I will. I just need some time. It is not easy to give up a dream of years."

"You don’t have to give up..."

"Jimin, I have to be realistic. The sooner I get used to the idea that my future is in Seoul, that now I have to dedicate myself just to get an Business degree, less I will suffer."

"Yoongi... don’t..." Jimin mumbled sadly, he knew that music was part of Yoongi. See it fading away gradually was distressing.

"I sold my equipment, that was the first step. I'm already dealing with my feelings better, I swear. You don’t have to be so worried or feel guilty, okay?"

Resting his head on Yoongi's chest as he felt the boy run his fingers through his hair, Jimin tried to force himself to believe that it was the truth.

"Wasn’t it today that BigHit was going to announce the winners?" Yoongi asked, eyeing his cell phone around the room.

"They did," Jimin replied, closing his eyes as he felt Yoongi's chest rise and fall beneath his head.

Seeing the boy so sad made Yoongi feel powerless for not being able to help him, "Don’t be sad, Jimin. You were amazing. You can try again next year… and there are other companies too..."

"I won," Jimin replied in a sad tone of voice.

"Why didn’t you tell me? Congratulations Jiminie!" Yoongi said, kissing Jimin's head and entwining their fingers. "You deserved to win. I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you."

"And now what happens?" Yoongi asked, stroking Jimin's back.

"They want one of my parents to go with me to Seoul to sign the contract," Jimin replied, not showing any enthusiasm.

"What did your parents say?"

"I didn’t tell them," Jimin said quietly, "BigHit gave me a week to go sign the contract and then move to Seoul to be a trainee."

One week was a short time to make such an important change. However the agency claimed that the project it was creating needed urgency and the deadlines would be short so when submitting the application form to the auditions the candidates stated that they agreed to it.

At the time Jimin saw no problem, the sooner he achieved his dream the better it would be. But he no longer thought the same way, now he wanted more time.

"Well, who would have guessed that you would end up living in Seoul before me..."

Lifting his face so he could face Yoongi, with a serious tone of voice, Jimin said, "I won't. How can I move to Seoul and leave you here feeling this way?"

As he held Jimin's face in both hands, Yoongi fixed his eyes on Jimin's. He needed the other boy to listen carefully to what he had to say. Speaking slowly that Jimin understands every word, he said, "Please, don’t be like that. Listen, I'm going to start therapy on Monday. It was something my mom is forcing me to go. I wasn't in the mood, but I will change my mind, if it makes you feel more confident to go to Seoul…"

However, that was not the only thing saddening Jimin, "It's not fair! You deserved it as much as I did!"

With an affectionate look, Yoongi pressed Jimin's head back against his chest and said, "What is not fair is that you give up your dream because of me. I would never forgive myself."

"But..." Jimin whined.

Yoongi quickly got up from the bed, causing Jimin to get up too. Tapping the boy's butt as he pushed him out of the room, Yoongi said, "I don’t want to know, Jimin... You will go to your house right now to convince your parents to take you to sign that contract."

With a giggle, Jimin nodded, but before opening the bedroom door he turned toward Yoongi and looking a bit hesitant, he said, "Kiss me?"

"Are you asking me or...?"

"Aish..." Jimin grunted, turning around to leave the room. But then he felt Yoongi pulling him by the arm and bringing their bodies closer together he kissed Jimin in a sweet and gentle way.

Smiling contentedly, Jimin hugged him tight and then left the room.

As he closed the door, Yoongi threw himself back on the bed. Pretending to be happy is more exhausting than actually being it.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

When Jimin left Yoongi's room, he was determined to go straight home and tell his parents about BigHit auditions.

When talking to Yoongi, Jimin realized that even if everything that had happened didn’t seem fair, it would do no good to give up his dream too. After all, Yoongi helped him so much, he was always there supporting him and encouraging him to move on trying to live a life without regrets.

Knowing that Yoongi would seek help from a psychologist would also reassure him to move on. Jimin knew that as much as he loved the boy immensely, there were things he couldn’t handle alone.

Yoongi was going through many situations that demanded a lot of his emotional ability. His parents' fights, divorce, going to college, his relationship with Jiwon, new discoveries about his sexual orientation, his childhood best friend becoming his boyfriend. It was a lot.

People generally care a lot about body health, dieting, avoiding certain foods, exercising, going to the doctor periodically, any signs of pain they are already on alert, but the same doesn’t happen with mental health.

Contrary to popular belief, one doesn’t have to wait to get sick to seek help from a psychologist. The support of family and friends is of the utmost importance, but sometimes it is not enough.

As much as Jimin felt helpless, unable to relieve Yoongi's sadness, he knew that this didn’t depend on him alone. If that did, Yoongi would certainly be the happiest person in the world.

When Jimin opened the door to his house and crossed the living room, he was soon surprised by his mother, "I saw the pamphlet on your dresser. I knew you would want to go to the same college that Yoongi is going to," Sarang said excitedly, carrying a small bucket and a mop in her hands, she went down the stairs to continue cleaning the house.

"Mom, dad... we need to talk," Jimin said trying to show firmness in his tone.

"What happened?" Sarang asked scared as she walked toward the couch to sit next to her husband.

Sitting in front of them, Jimin began to think of the best way to approach the subject, but he knew that one way or another he would have to confront them, so he decided to be succinct.

"I went to an audition of a entertainment agency and-'

"What? You 'went', so you mean you're not asking for our permission, you've already done it," Jimin's father raged.

Ignoring the furious glances in his direction, Jimin took a deep breath and continued, "I won that and they want one of my parents to go with me to Seoul to sign the contract so I can become a trainee."

"No," Sarang answered coldly.

"But... I worked hard, I dedicated myself a lot!" Jimin shouted.

"No," she repeated, not raising her voice. Getting up from the couch, she picked up the mop and the bucket she'd left on the floor and started walking toward the kitchen.

"Mom, please! This is my chance to fulfill my dream!" Jimin screamed as he followed her.

"Park Jimin! The answer is no! Your dream should be to become a doctor, an engineer... Do you happen to have a friend who is a famous artist, or do you know anyone in our family who has achieved that sort of thing?"

"But mom is my chance..." he said, beginning to feel desperate.

"No, you don’t know! This is something that very few people can reach. Be realistic!"

Jimin knew that his dream was something difficult to achieve, he had never deceived himself about it, but it was still what he most wanted. Knowing he was so close, but that his parents could keep him from getting there, made him very frustrated. With tears in his eyes he tried to convince her, "I'm close to becoming one of those very few people!"

"What about high school? Are you going to drop out of high school too? If everything goes wrong what are you going to do about your life Jimin?"

Sarang was worried about her son's future. Was it really worth trying something so risky? If in the end Jimin realized that it had all been a mistake, would he blame her for not having prevented him?

"No, I won't need to drop out of school. I'm going to study in Seoul, they assured me that," Jimin said, as he begged her to believe what he was saying, "Mom, please... If things go wrong, I promise you I'll go to college."

Running her hands through her hair, Sarang questioned, "We don’t have the money to keep you in Seoul, how will you survive there alone?"

"They will pay my expenses. Please, mom, this is important to me."

After a few minutes in silence looking at Jimin, she realized that if she agreed to it and everything went wrong he might blame her, but if she kept him from even trying, he would certainly blame her.

With that in mind, Sarang managed to convince her husband to realize that the choice should be made by Jimin himself and he apparently had no doubt about what he wanted.

That Wednesday, when Jimin and Sarang were walking toward the bus terminal station to go to Seoul, she still didn’t seem to be completely convinced she was doing the right thing, but the grin on her son's face and the enthusiasm with that he talked about his plans as a dancer, made her feel calmer.

Upon reaching BigHit's small office was that Jimin could be sure that he really was one of the winners of the auditions, until then everything seemed very surreal.

After reading the contract that seemed to be the standard for that kind of situation, Sarang felt a bit hesitant. Looking at Jimin, she seemed to want to confirm if he really was sure he wanted to do that. When he nodded, she picked up the pen again.

“If I understood correctly, here in the contract says that he will have to stay a year away from the people he knew before signing the contract. Why?" Sarang asked the BigHit employee.

"The agency thinks he has the potential to be an idol. However, the life of an idol isn’t easy and the training also serves to let us know if he will want to move on or give up," the man replied looking seriously at Jimin and his mother, "Idols have a busy schedule, staying away from family is one of the most difficult things they have to face."

Casting a worried look toward Jimin, Sarang said, "So if during that a year he can’t stay away from his family, so he probably has no emotional structure to be an idol." When the manager just nodded, she sighed deeply and asked, "Will he be able to at least call us?"

"We will register one phone number in our system and he can call just that number," the man replied by showing the contract page where the phone number should be written, "he will also not be able to access internet, except for his studies."

"But why? I won't be able to talk to my friends?" Jimin asked scared.

"The debut of an idol depends on a lot of things. This is a very competitive industry and some things have to be kept secret until the right time for them to work out."

Hearing that, Jimin was frightened, seeing his mother write the phone number of their house on the contract, made him realize that for a year he probably wouldn’t be able to contact Yoongi.

During the months that Jimin had withdrawn from Yoongi, before they started dating it wasn’t a complete departure. Even though from a distance, he met Yoongi at school. And yet those months were almost torture.

"I need to go to the bathroom, excuse me," Jimin said getting up from the padded chair, "Mom, don’t sign the contract yet."

Walking quickly through the corridors, Jimin found a small empty waiting room. Sitting on the couch he reached for the cell phone from his pocket, biting his nails, he eagerly awaited Yoongi answer the phone.

"What's up? Are you officially a BigHit trainee?" Yoongi asked as soon as he saw that it was Jimin who was on the other side of the phone line.

"Y-Yoongi... I think..."

"What happened? Don’t tell me your parents changed their minds,"  Yoongi said in a worried tone of voice.

"No... but..."  Jimin murmured, trying to arrange the words in his mind, "The contract... I'll have to stay away from everyone for a year."

"I know this is going to be difficult, but nowadays we can talk and see each other via phone and internet, Jimin. You can do this!"  Yoongi said trying to cheer him up.

"I won't have access to the internet and I will only be able to call my family. And y-you will be in Seoul then... "

"Oh... now I get it."

Yoongi was definitely not expecting it. Knowing that Jimin would also be in Seoul and that way he wouldn’t feel so alone in that huge city was what made he feel less scared to face that new challenge in his life.

All this time, Yoongi had always told Jimin to prepare for his absence, to make new friends so he wouldn’t feel so alone. The problem was that Yoongi hadn’t followed his own advice.

At first he was comforted to think that on weekends he could always visit Jimin in Busan, but now knowing that the boy wouldn’t be waiting for him in either Busan or Seoul left his heart in pieces. To feel happy he needed Jimin.

However, for that to be possible he also needed Jimin to be happy.

"Yoongi? Are you there?"

Taking a deep breath, Yoongi tried to hold back his tears. He would have to be strong to get on with what he was about to do.

"B-baby, it's only a year... We'll be so busy that time will pass faster, believe me."

Feeling his heart getting tighter, Jimin tried to think of some solution, but there was nothing he could do, "Yoongi... how am I..."

"It's your dream, this sacrifice will be worth it," Yoongi said, trying to convince Jimin and himself.

After a few minutes in silence, Jimin said, “I'm going back to Busan today, so I'll drop by and talk to you at home."

Ending the call, Jimin walked back toward the office where his mother and the BigHit's manager were waiting for him.

Sitting in the chair, he stood for a few moments thinking of the conversation he just had with Yoongi. Realizing that he was being watched, he remembered that they were waiting for his response. Then looking into his mother's eyes he just nodded.

With each page being signed, Jimin was beginning to feel sad and happy at the same time, as if both feelings were waging a battle in his heart. The problem was he didn’t know which one was winning.

Arriving home, Jimin quickly helped his mother keep the things she had bought in Seoul, he could not wait to talk to Yoongi.

However as he walked toward the front door of the house, he heard his mother ask scared, "Where do you think you're going, Jimin?"

Turning quickly, Jimin just said, "To Yoongi's house."

Sarang, however, didn’t like that response, "You spent the whole last week at Yoongi's house."

"I know but..."

"Jimin, you're going to be a year away from your family... from me, from your father. On Monday you're already going to Seoul... Is it too much of a sacrifice for you to spend these days at home?"

It wasn’t that Jimin didn’t like his own family or stay home. He was planning to do something fun with them, but not on that day. Seeing his mother so sad and disappointed, made him take the cell phone and warn Yoongi that they couldn’t meet.

"Done. What do you want to do?" Jimin asked, hugging her.

"Let's cook together like we used to when you were a kid," she replied with a broad smile on her face.

Sarang has never been an excellent cook, but she tried her best to prepare Jimin's favorite foods. On her days off, she always sought to pay attention to her son, since because of her work as a teacher she spent the entire week paying attention to the children of other people.

"You're going to Seoul with an extra 10 kg!" She said as she picked up the ingredients so they could make Jimin's favorite cake together, "I told your grandmother that we are going to go there tomorrow-"

"Tomorrow?" Jimin asked scared, if she was serious, he would have to postpone the conversation with Yoongi again.

"Yes! Did you think your grandparents would let you spend a year away from them, without even saying goodbye?" Sarang said opening the package of wheat flour, "But don't worry, we'll go tomorrow and come back on Friday. You can pack your bags for the trip to Seoul over the weekend."

However, Jimin wasn't worried whether or not he would have time to pack. What worried him was think about when he could finally meet Yoongi.

So, throughout Jimin's stay at his grandparents' house, he called Yoongi whenever he had the opportunity, send out pictures of the beautiful things he saw on the way, pictures of the beach and cute animals he encountered in the streets. He wanted to be close to Yoongi, even if it wasn’t in person.

Knowing that Yoongi was already feeling better brought happiness to Jimin's heart. He could not bear to see the boy so sad.

Even going to Seoul was more encouraging, since Yoongi had said that his happiness was largely related to the fact that Jimin was so close to realizing a dream.

Upon returning to his own house in Busan, Jimin swiftly changed his clothes and warned his mother that he would sleep in Yoongi's house. This time, Sarang didn’t stop him, she knew he needed to spend time with his childhood friend.

"Don’t take too long to return. Tomorrow I'll help you pack," Sarang said as she watched her son rush out of the house.

Wanting to surprise Yoongi, Jimin didn’t told him that he had already arrived in Busan or was already on his way to the boy's house. But he soon regretted doing so when he found out that Yoongi wasn’t there.

He was already thinking of making his way back, when from afar he saw Yoongi around the corner. A broad smile immediately illuminated his face as he waited anxiously at the front door.

"Hey, you're back," Yoongi said, as soon as he caught sight of Jimin.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?"

Embracing Jimin quickly, Yoongi replied, "Of course I'm happy, I just wasn’t expecting."

“Are you drunk?" Jimin asked as he smelled beer from Yoongi.

The boy, however, just shook his head, saying no, but before Jimin's serious expression, he ended up confessing, "I just drank one beer... just to celebrate your great achievement."

"In that case you should have waited for me so we could celebrate together," Jimin said, following Yoongi into the house.

"Did you have fun with your grandparents?" Yoongi asked, preferring to change the subject of that conversation.

"Yes, a lot. They asked about you..." Jimin replied, watching Yoongi walk slowly toward the kitchen.

During all those years of friendship, regardless of the situation, Jimin had never felt a awkward silence between them. But that Friday night it changed.

Jimin knew they needed to talk about what they would do during that a year in which they would be far from each other. However it was too painful to just think about it.

Drinking a bottle of water in silence, between each sip Yoongi looked at Jimin, hoping he would start that inevitable conversation. But as that didn’t happen he decided to take the initiative.

"So... you're leaving on Monday, aren’t you?" He asked as if that wasn’t a big deal, as if that matter hadn’t been taking his sleep for days.

"Yes. I'm just going to confirm with my mom what time the bus will leave, so I'll let you know. We can go to the bus terminal station together..." Jimin said shyly, sliding the tip of his finger across the kitchen counter removing an invisible dust.

"I have to?" Yoongi suddenly asked, "Do I have to go there?"

Hearing that, Jimin couldn’t hide his expression of sadness. The possibility that Yoongi would not be with him at that moment hadn’t even crossed his mind. They had never talked about it, since until recently they thought Yoongi was going to Seoul first, but Jimin still felt a little disappointed.

"No... it's okay," he said, lowering his gaze.

"It's not what you're thinking," Yoongi hastened to say as he noticed Jimin's sad face, "It's just... I don’t want to see you leaving. It'll make it all too real... too sad."

"I know..." Jimin murmured. He understood what Yoongi meant, he felt the same way.

"If I could I would go along with you," Yoongi said approaching Jimin, "I'm short, I think I fit into one of your bags."

"Now you admit that you're short," Jimin said, being wrapped in Yoongi's arms.

Feeling mesmerized by that beautiful smile, Yoongi rested his palm on Jimin's cheek, and staring at that so seductive lips, he slowly slid the tip of his thumb over the soft pink skin.

He wanted to memorize forever the feeling of touching and kissing those very inviting lips that tasted as sweet as honey.

Yoongi stood for long seconds, sliding his finger from side to side on Jimin's bottom lip, paying attention to every corner of his mouth that could utter words so sweet but also so naughty.

He only lifted his gaze, when he felt his finger being gently wrapped by Jimin's lips.

Grinning maliciously, he pushed his finger away from Jimin's mouth, replacing it with his own lips.

Yoongi soon realized that he would never forget that wonderful feeling of nibbling at the other boy's lips, he would never forget the way Jimin moved his tongue in perfect sync with his. The burning he felt on his skin with every kiss, every whisper, every soft moan, every touch. All these details were painted on his heart.

If he close his eyes he could perfectly visualize the beautiful features of Jimin's face, the way his eyes glittered, the wide and charming smile, the sexy expressions he showed whenever they made love.

Yoongi knew that this would probably be the last time they would have such a moment alone before Jimin went to Seoul, and that left his heart in a state of suffering. For a moment he wished he had not known.

"Is not it better for us to go to your bedroom?" Jimin asked, as they briefly moved away to get some air. He didn’t want risk of being caught by Yoongi's mother.

"The house is empty," Yoongi replied, connecting their lips again.

Jimin loved Yoongi, he was sure of it. He had never felt anything like what he felt when they were together, or simply when he spoke or thought about Yoongi.

He knew that his going to Seoul was an important step in his life, he needed to do it even if it meant staying away from Yoongi.

They'd known each other since they were kids, but it still seemed like it wasn’t time enough. For a moment he felt sad that he hadn’t noticed his feelings for Yoongi earlier.

"I'll miss you," he whispered, resting his forehead on Yoongi's shoulder, who at the sound of it tightened their embrace.

"I'll miss you more," Yoongi replied, subtly pressing his nose into Jimin's hair, memorizing the sweet scent, "So let's enjoy every minute we still have together."

Nodding sadly, Jimin gently slid the tips of his fingers down the cheeks of the other boy, slowly descending to his chin. As their eyes met, Jimin felt once more that look so intense that it seems to read his soul, which though not intentionally makes him shiver. And for a second he wondered if they could read all the sadness that filled his heart.

"This beer smell... Wait there in my room, I'm already going," Yoongi said before again giving a soft, quick kiss on Jimin's lips.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine," Jimin said as he grabbed Yoongi by the arm and kept him from pulling away.

"It’s not okay. I'm going to take a quick shower," Yoongi said in a sad voice.

He didn’t want their last time to happen in that messy way. Everything had to be perfect. He didn’t want the last reminder that Jimin had of him, involving him feeling miserable and smelling of beer impregnated in his skin.

As the water poured over his tired body, Yoongi promised himself that at least that night he would forget that Jimin was leaving his life. That wasn't time to cry.

With a towel tied around his waist, Yoongi walked toward the bedroom, but before that he made sure there was no longer any sign on his body that would show that by the time Jimin appeared in front of his house, he  was getting drunk by himself at a party, hoping that other people's joy might somehow be passed on to him too.

"While you were in the bath I took off my clothes... just to save you time. I hope you don’t mind," Jimin said with a timid smile. Lying on Yoongi's bed, he covered his entire body with a sheet, holding it up to his eye level.

That way Yoongi could see only Jimin's eyes and hair, but he still felt incredibly attracted to the other boy.

Enchanted by that lovely scene, Yoongi approached the bed with a passionate smile on his face. Raising a little of the sheet that covered Jimin's feet, even though he hadn’t seen anything, he frowned and pretending to be impressed he said, "Damn! What a beautiful sight..."

Smiling shyly, Jimin flinched, pulling the sheet from Yoongi's hands and trying to cover himself again.

When Yoongi slowly untied the towel wrapped around his waist, he could see the gleam in Jimin's eyes, whose gaze remained fixed on his body.

Raising the sheet again, Yoongi slowly lay down on Jimin's body and then covered them completely, including their heads.

"Are we going to do this hiding under the sheets today?" He asked, smiling before leaving a soft kiss on the tip of Jimin's nose.

Shaking his head quickly, Jimin denied, whispering "I want to see you," then playing with the strands of hair that fell on Yoongi's forehead, he continued, "but I'm feeling cold."

"Do you want me to warm you up?" Yoongi asked, gently kissing Jimin's neck, down his chest and then up toward his chin, "I can leave your body on fire."

With a broad grin on his face, Jimin lowered the sheet in a swift motion, making his hair all messy.

 Yoongi, with an affectionate expression on his face began to lightly blow those strands of hair, and purposefully Jimin's eyes.

"Stop it, stop it..." Jimin giggled, patting Yoongi's shoulders lightly as he wrapped his legs around his waist.

Yoongi then stopped that just to spread several small kisses down his face.

"You're smelling better now," Jimin whispered, rubbing his nose lightly against Yoongi's neck.

Connecting their lips again, Jimin closed his eyes and remembered the first time they had kissed. At that time he felt he was doing the wrong thing and that Yoongi would hate him, that he would never be his. A small smile appeared on his lips as he realized how far they had gone.

"People pay to have lips as full as yours," Yoongi said, nibbling on Jimin's bottom lip, "they pay to have such a lovely face, they pay to have their ass as sexy as yours... and yet they aren't able to have it," he whispered, squeezing Jimin's butt cheeks.

"It's all yours... my body is yours... I'm yours," Jimin said quietly, tilting his head back, giving more access to Yoongi's tongue slowly licking at his soft, sensitive skin.

“All mine? Even your heart?" Yoongi asked sweetly before lightly rubbing their lips against each other.

"Especially my heart... it has always been and will always be yours," Jimin said bringing Yoongi for a long, passionate kiss.

Desire ran through their veins intensifying with every touch, every kiss, every skin-to-skin contact. Gently rubbing their crotch. Jimin nibbled on his own lips as soft moans left his mouth.

When Yoongi pulled away a little and slowly left a trail of kisses all over Jimin's chest, descending toward his belly, the boy timidly giggled.

Smiling dreamily at Jimin, Yoongi's soul brightened with all the good memories that sweet sound brought him.

"I'm sorry... that did a little tickle," Jimin whispered timidly, fearing that he'd ruined the sensuous mood that until then had dominated the exchange of affection between them.

"I love your giggles... they can make me even more excited," Yoongi replied as he nibbled gently on Jimin's earlobe.

When Yoongi jumped out of bed suddenly, Jimin whimpered softly as he watched the older boy pick up a bottle of lube from the bottom of his wardrobe.

"Sorry baby, but I'm going to have to take that sheet off... I need to be able to see what I'm doing," Yoongi said as he approached the bed again.

"I already feel warm," Jimin whispered as he crawled across the mattress giving room for the other boy to lie next to him in the small single bed.

"Yeah? Is my Jiminie warm?" Yoongi said staring at Jimin's soft lips before nibbling at it.

With a mischievous grin on his face, he lightly sucked Jimin's chin, who as soon as he felt Yoongi's lips sucking at his nipple, he could confirm that the other boy was serious about leaving his body on fire.

Without move away his mouth from Jimin's light brown areola, although with a little difficulty, Yoongi was able to open the bottle of lube and spread a good amount of the gel on his middle finger.

"Open your legs baby," he whispered, not long before sliding his tongue back over Jimin's sensitive nipple.

With closed eyes, Jimin bent his knees slightly spreading his legs.

Yet that space was enough for Yoongi, who gently rubbed his finger with lube around Jimin's rim, nibbling and sucking on his nipples until they were swollen from having received so much attention.

Sitting down on the bed, Yoongi pulled the other boy's legs a little farther, and then gently kissed his knees as he poured lube over his entrance.

Laying back beside Jimin, Yoongi connected their lips and slowly inserted his middle finger into Jimin's tight hole, who let out a soft moan of pain.

"Relax baby, it's just the beginning," Yoongi whispered, slipping the tip of his tongue over Jimin's lips as his finger came in and out of the other boy.

"Do you want to reassure me or make me more nervous?" Jimin asked with a grin.

"I know you like my big dick," Yoongi whispered, sliding his tongue into Jimin's mouth.

"Yeah, I love it," Jimin nodded, opening his mouth wider so Yoongi's tongue had more room.

Returning to kiss the other boy's chest, Yoongi moved his finger in a circular motion, going deep into Jimin, who with closed eyes moaned softly and ran his fingers through Yoongi's hair.

A second finger penetrated Jimin as their tongues entangled sensuously.

When Yoongi felt Jimin's small hand gently surrounding his cock, he immediately frowned, resting his forehead on Jimin's. He was already feeling extremely aroused just by fingering that tiny and hot hole, feeling the agile movements of the other boy's hands only added to the level of pleasure in his body.

"I can't wait to have you inside me," Jimin whispered, moving his hips in a circular motion, as he buried his butt in Yoongi's two fingers that kept scissoring him.

"W-Wait just a little longer," Yoongi whispered, kissing him passionately.

With his fingertips curled up, Yoongi slowly began hunting for the treasure he most enjoyed, finding Jimin's prostate. Slowly rubbing the palm of one of his hands through the arms, chest and belly of the younger boy, he moved his fingers inside Jimin gently.

"Fuck! There, babe... there," Jimin moaned loudly, arching his back on the mattress and pulling his legs even farther apart.

The waves of pleasure running through Jimin's body were so intense that he didn't even notice when the third finger entered.

Yoongi would love to stay there and hit that point incessantly to just hear Jimin's beautiful moans, but he knew the boy wouldn't last long if he kept doing that.

Letting Jimin ejaculate, and then penetrating him without any other stimulation was something that didn’t even go through Yoongi's head. He knew that contrary to what is shown in porn videos, penetration is much more pleasurable for a bottom when he also receives stimulation in other parts of his body, especially on his dick and prostate. Entering Jimin while he was still in his refractory period, ie the period between one erection and another, could make things painful and ruin the mood as for that to be something pleasant, a little practice is needed. A good top knows that.

Yoongi wished he had more time with Jimin, so that together they could continue to discover the limits and preferences of each other.

"I'm ready," Jimin whispered before giving another soft kiss to Yoongi's lips.

Getting up from the bed to position himself between Jimin's legs, Yoongi picked up the lube again and slowly spread it over his dick, taking the chance to put a little more of lube over Jimin’s entrance.

Ligning himself with Jimin's hole that despite being stretched, it was still small, Yoongi took a deep breath to control his anxiety and then slowly inserted the tip of his dick.

"It hurts, it hurts!" Jimin cried loudly, giving a quick pat on Yoongi's shoulders, which immediately pulled out. "I'm sorry, I thought I was ready."

"It's all right, baby... let me figure it out, okay?" Yoongi said quietly, giving a quick kiss on Jimin's thigh.

Putting lube again on three fingers, Yoongi slowly inserted them one by one into Jimin, and lowering his head slowly he gripped the other boy's hard cock, sucking only the tip of it, "Relax, baby... relax..."

"Sorry," Jimin whispered, hiding his eyes with his arm, "When you had sex with girls, you didn't need to do all those things. It's frustrating, I know..."

Lying over Jimin's body, Yoongi gently squeezed the boy's arm, asking him to show his face, "Look at me," he said in a serious tone of voice, "I don't want to hear you say that sort of thing ever again. Are you listening to me?"

Turning his head to the side, Jimin nodded shyly.

"You have no idea how I like to prep you... Besides you are the one who feel pain so that both of us have pleasure. Then you're the one who can gives the orders here," Yoongi said, connecting their lips and continuing to penetrate Jimin with his fingers, "If something is making you uncomfortable, the least I can do is to change it."

Embracing Yoongi tightly, Jimin closed his eyes and spread kisses over his shoulder. Approaching his mouth close to Yoongi's ear he whispered, "I order you to fuck me senseless."

"Your wish is my command, my lord," Yoongi smirked into a kiss, gripping Jimin's hips.

With a soft little sound Jimin opened his mouth and sucked lightly on the tip of the other boy's tongue as their crotchs rubbed against each other in a slow, synchronized rhythm.

Shortly after Yoongi stepped back to reach for a pillow and Jimin helped him by raising his hips a little, exposing his inviting hole to the other boy.

Holding his own legs stretched up raising his ass in the air, Jimin bowed as much as possible, almost upside down. His legs close to his face.

"Fuck..." Yoongi groaned, rubbing the tip of his cock at Jimin's entrance, who was breathing heavily, "You're amazing."

Dragging himself a little down the mattress, Yoongi leaned forward, circling the tip of his tongue around Jimin's rim, climbing up to his hard cock and licking it end to end.

Suddenly arching his back, Jimin had to work hard not to get out of the position he was in. He barely had time to properly position his legs when he felt the head of Yoongi's cock penetrating him with a quick movement.

"Oh god... urrhm... oh god..." Jimin moaned, clenching his teeth and pressing his nails into his own legs as he felt every inch of Yoongi's dick fill him in full.

Controlling not to move abruptly, letting Jimin get accustomed to his size, Yoongi began to kiss all the skin of the boy who was within reach, slowly licking his heel and feet, "Even your toes are cute. How is this possible?"

At that, Jimin smiled sweetly, which made it easier for his body to relax faster. Yoongi then held the bed headboard with one hand so that he could have support, and with the other he wrapped Jimin's dick in a gentler firm grip.

With a sensual moan, Yoongi moved his hips slowly, feeling Jimin's tight hole wrapping him deliciously. Looking down he could see Jimin staring at him luxuriously, in a silent plea for him to quicken the pace. And so he did, going deeper and faster he watched as Jimin struggled to maintain that position that seemed so uncomfortable but at the same time excited him incredibly. Yoongi immediately wished he had more time to try new sexual positions with Jimin, he was sure that due to the boy's flexibility, the possibilities were endless.

With each deep thrust, the sound of the creaking of the bed and Jimin's sweet groans in perfect synchrony seemed to make a duet, leaving Yoongi insanely horny. Tilting his head back, his chest heaved heavily as he felt every cell in his body cry out for Jimin.

When Jimin, without any warning, lifted his ass making their thrusts met, he let out an almost pornographic moan, causing Yoongi to curl his body sharply. Yoongi's hand quickly let go of the bed headboard, and with his eyes closed he held the first thing his hand reached, in this case Jimin's neck.

As soon as Yoongi realized what he was doing, he quickly opened his eyes in an attempt to apologize. He had not used enough force to hurt him, but it was still more than necessary. However, he had to change his mind when realizing that Jimin was completely aroused by that gesture.

Moaning loudly, he tried to move his hips as best he could, trying to fuck himself with Yoongi's dick that penetred him wildly.

"I ... ride ... y-you ..." Jimin murmured, feeling his body being dragged on the mattress up and down with every swift movement of Yoongi's hips.

Gasping, Yoongi let his dick slid into Jimin's tight hole a few more times and then he pulled out, hearing a soft moan from the other boy.

Running a hand across his forehead to wipe the sweat from his face, Yoongi quickly lay down on the bed, while Jimin even more quickly knelt around Yoongi's hips, and with his back to him, Jimin held the base of the hard and throbbing dick lining it up to his entrance.

"So b-big ... so f-fucking big ..." Jimin cried softly. He was sure he would always be surprised at the perfection with the other boy's cock seemed to fit perfectly into his body. It was neither too small nor too big, it was just perfect. That so charming slight curvature seemed to have been designed specifically to find his prostate. These were just one of the things that made Jimin sure that Yoongi was his ideal partner, not just in life, but also in bed.

Grabbing Jimin's hips, Yoongi forced him still and then thrusted upwards, hard and deep. His hands traveled down Jimin's back, which, covered with a thin layer of sweat, seemed even more sensual in Yoongi's eyes.

"Fuck... I love the way you do t-that," Yoongi groaned, squeezing the flesh from Jimin's butt cheeks as the boy impaled himself on his cock, "I've never seen anything like that."

"Am I one of the best?" Jimin asked, leaning back, almost lying on Yoongi, while propped up in his arms he moved his hips back and forth in a frantic pace.

"You're THE best," Yoongi replied, reaching for Jimin, "Such a good baby boy."

Exhausted Jimin cried loud, just rubbing his butt on Yoongi's cock, unable to move as actively as before, "I'm so close," he whispered, trying to focus the rest of his strength on his arms, so that he didn’t lose his balance.

"Come here... rest a little. Now it's my turn to work," Yoongi said, stroking Jimin's arms.

Jimin slowly stood up until Yoongi's cock was no longer inside him, and then he turned to face him.

Gasping heavily, they exchanged a wet, intense kiss. The soft sounds and groans echoing through the silent room. With their chest pressed against each other, Jimin rested his head on the crook of Yoongi's neck and then felt the other boy gripping the hair from the back of his head.

"Ahh..." Jimin moaned softly in anticipation, however he almost screamed as he felt Yoongi thrusting his hips forward, hitting right onto his prostate, "aah ... ahhh. fuck me, please ... fuck me."

Grunting loudly, Yoongi moved his hips up in quick, precise movements hitting Jimin's sweet spot, but shortly thereafter he slowed down his movements leading Jimin into a  pleasurable torture.

Jimin's body moved sensuously into beautiful undulations as he felt Yoongi pushing his butt cheeks apart, entering balls deep inside him.

When their eyes locked on each other, Jimin was sure he wouldn’t last long. He could feel all the desire and arousal emanating from Yoongi’s body, who seemed to be feeling as much or more pleasure than he was.

Approaching their mouths, they tried to start a kiss, however the pleasure and the need to reach orgasm already controlled their bodies, so they just kept moaning and whispering incomprehensible words as their lips brushed subtly.

"Aaah... fuck..." Jimin moaned loudly, feeling his own cum mingling with their sweat. A small smile came to his lips as he realized that he had come untouched. Only a high level of pleasure and stimulation was able to make it possible, and Jimin was sure that much of the stimulation he felt simply came from the fact that it was Yoongi who was there with him. The one he loved so much.

Jimin felt a little confused when Yoongi suddenly pulled out before he reached his orgasm. Frowning, he watched the older boy get up from the bed pumping his dick.

As Yoongi approached Jimin's face and slowly rubbed his hard, heavy cock against his neck, no word had to be spoken, even though they still didn’t know everything about each other when it came to sex, they knew each other well. Understanding Yoongi's silent request, Jimin's response came as he tilted his head slightly back, leaving his tongue out of his mouth.

With eyes closed Jimin felt the jets of cum gently touch his chest and mouth as Yoongi moaned softly between sighs.

Connecting their lips in a soft, slow kiss, Yoongi could taste himself in Jimin's sweet lips, "Wait a little... I'll get something to clean you," he whispered with a small kiss.

Walking naked and unconcerned toward the bathroom, Yoongi mentally thanked the fact that his mother had gone to Daegu to help his aunt in the family restaurant. He really needed that moment alone with Jimin, not just for the incredible sex, but also for the touches, the scent, for simply being able to stand next to Jimin without worrying about being judged by other people. Just to sleep in that single bed hugging him once more.

For countless times they slept there together as friends, or just kept talking for hours about everything and nothing at all. It was there that several times Yoongi was comforted by Jimin's affectionate and protective embrace. It was there that they jerked off together for the first time.

Seeing Jimin lying in that same bed sleeping so quietly and not knowing when they could see each other again, left Yoongi's heart in pieces.

He knew that within a year many things could change. They were walking towards completely different paths. Jimin would be a trainee with a great chance to become an idol, he would meet new people, see new places and live his dream. What interest would Jimin have in a simple college student like any other?

Maybe they would be away for only a year, as Jimin claimed, but what if he didn’t want to see him at the end of that period? What if Jimin forgot about him and found someone else to take his place?

Lying beside Jimin, Yoongi slowly slid his fingertips across the curves of the boy's body, feeling enchanted by the beauty that seemed to be out of his reach.

With a sad look, he gently played with the strands of Jimin's hair, he didn’t want to start showing sadness again, but in the last few days that thought continued to plumb his head.

What do you do when you realize that you love someone when it's already too late, when the other person no longer loves you? What will he do when that happens to him, since at that moment it seemed inevitable?



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---


Some people say that the worst part of traveling is having to pack, as this requires time and good organization. However, as much as you spend hours and hours on it, make lists and prepare everything in advance, in the end you always have the feeling that you are leaving something behind.

For Jimin this process became even more complicated because he knew what he was leaving behind, the love of his life. And the worst part of it, is that he would not be able to change things and end that feeling.

“Jimin, are you sure you're not forgetting something?" Sarang said, looking at the suitcases lying on the bed. "Take new bath towels. Maybe you will not find it in the dorm."

Folding the best pants he had, Jimin carefully tucked them into the suitcase, trying to take up as little space as possible. He didn’t have many clothes, so the process wasn’t so difficult.

No matter how often his mother suggested something that might be useful to take to Seoul, Jimin didn’t want to think about it too much. He just wanted to get it over with.

Every time he thought about being so close to fulfilling his dream or about what would be waiting for him during training, he felt happy and excited, however packing just made him sad.

"What's in that suitcase?" Sarang asked, pointing to a corner of the room.

"My teddy bear," Jimin answered without turning his attention away from what he was doing.

"That giant teddy bear?" She asked incredulously. When Jimin nodded, she quickly went to get the suitcase as she said, "Jimin, you're not taking it to the dorm. The other boys aren’t going to take you seriously."

"I don’t care, I'm going to take my teddy bear," Jimin replied, preventing her from picking up his suitcase.

However Sarang insisted on trying to make him change his mind, "Jimin, this isn't necessary. You're failing to take more important things, just because of a silly teddy bear."

"It's not silly!" He countered as he carried the suitcase close to him.

Sarang still intended to make her son realize that it was a bad choice. However this would have to wait, because when she was about to list other things more important than the teddy bear, she heard the doorbell of the front door.

"I'll go see who it is, try not to mess up what I've already packed," Sarang said as she quickly left the room.

As much as that teddy bear didn’t seem to have any real use, to Jimin that was one of the most important things, since it had sentimental value. That was the first gift Yoongi had given him as a boyfriend, that was special. Since he couldn’t take the boy with him, Jimin wanted at least something to make him remember of Yoongi, something beyond all the memories and all the love he carried is his heart.

Returning to the room with a sweatshirt, two t-shirts, a book and a cd in her hands, Sarang said, "Here are some more important things than that teddy bear." Upon seeing Jimin's surprised look at the objects, she continued, "Yoongi just brought it."

"Is he waiting at the living room?" Jimin asked, taking the objects from her hands and walking toward the bedroom door.

"He left," Sarang answered nonchalantly. At that moment her focus was on whether the stocking of socks and underwear was enough.

Running quickly down the stairs, Jimin didn’t hear his mother ask where the shoes were. He needed to find Yoongi before he had gone far. Opening the door quickly, Jimin ran up the sidewalk, and looking both ways he could see the boy wearing a black sweater and walking slowly toward the corner. He could recognize that silhouette miles and miles away.

"Yoongi!" He shouted as he ran down the sidewalk, "Yoongi!"

At the sound of Jimin's voice, the boy stopped for a moment and looked back. With his hands in the pockets of his pants, as if trying to protect himself from the cold, he made his way back.

"You didn’t need to give me back those things," Jimin said, reaching out with the pile of items he'd left at Yoongi's house, some of them long forgotten.

"You may need that in Seoul," Yoongi said, refusing to take them back.

"I'm just finishing packing. Don’t you want to go to my house? We can watch a movie or something," Jimin said shyly, holding the pile of objects close to his own chest.

Nodding quickly, Yoongi accompanied him back to his house. Walking silently side by side, the cold wind hit their faces, but that didn’t bother them.

When Yoongi entered Jimin's room and saw the suitcases, Jimin's departure became even more real in his heart, which was sadly beginning to accept what was to come.

"Mom, let's stop for a while. Later we continue to pack," Jimin said as he took the suitcases from the bed placing them on the floor.

Seeing that Yoongi was near Jimin, Sarang nodded and said, "Then we'll talk about what it is really necessary to take to Seoul."

As soon as she left, Jimin locked the bedroom door and wrapped Yoongi's neck in his arms, smiling sweetly at the boy, he tried to cheer him up a little.

"What are we going to watch?" He asked before kissing Yoongi softly on the lips.

"Anything you want," Yoongi said in a sad tone of voice.

"Oh, so this time I really can choose?" Jimin asked in surprise. Walking slowly he took his laptop and lay down on the bed. Seeing Yoongi still standing in front of the bedroom door, he patted the mattress and called the boy to lie down next to him, "Let's watch something funny."

Nodding silently, Yoongi walked toward the bed and before he could tell he found himself with his head pressed to Jimin's belly wrapping his waist in a tight hug.

Pressing play in a random video, Jimin slowly ran his fingers through Yoongi's black hair as the laughter in the video echoed through the room, completely different from the sad mood there.

Making small comments here and there, Jimin tried to start a two-sentence conversation with Yoongi, however the other boy didn’t seem to want to talk, so he decided to just be quiet and let the comedy actors do their job, that is, make others laugh.

However, it did no good.

"I didn’t really like this video. Do you want to watch something else?" Jimin asked, subtly squeezing Yoongi's arm that still held him firmly, "Yoongi?"

Without any response, Jimin leaned forward a bit to see the boy's face, and then he could tell that Yoongi was actually asleep. What he didn’t notice were the tears that had so far streamed down his face.

Slowly lowering the volume of the laptop, Jimin continued to watch the comedy videos, trying to move as little as possible so as not to wake Yoongi, while he gently stroked his hair.

He managed to keep the boy asleep for some time, however, inevitably Yoongi woke up a few hours later.

"I'm sorry, I didn’t sleep well last night," he said, rubbing his eyes subtly as he sat on the bed.

"My belly was a good pillow?" Jimin asked smiling, putting the laptop on the bed and going to hug Yoongi from behind. Resting his head on Yoongi's back, Jimin delicately caressed his arms, "Do you want to sleep here today?"

"Tomorrow morning you're going to Seoul... and you still have to finish packing your things," Yoongi said getting up from the bed. "So... good luck in Seoul. I'll stay here praying for your success."

Trying to force a smile, he walked to the door. There were a thousand things he wanted to tell Jimin, but he knew that by the time he opened his mouth he would surely beg Jimin to stay, begging Jimin not to leave him. However that wouldn’t be fair, it wouldn’t be right. So Yoongi thought it best to keep silent.

"Aren’t you going to give me a kiss?" Jimin asked sadly as he watched the boy hold the doorknob, about to leave the room.

Taking a deep breath, Yoongi turned and headed for the bed where Jimin was sitting. Cupping his face with both hands, he stared for a few seconds at that sweet face, at the eyes so bright that always illuminated his days. "Be happy, Jimin. Be as happy as possible," he whispered, kissing the boy's lips gently. "Goodbye."

Leaving the room quickly, Yoongi ran down the stairs, preferring to ignore Jimin's mother's voice asking if he would stay for dinner.

Yoongi didn’t want to eat, he didn’t want to talk, the only thing he needed at that moment was to find a quiet place where he could be alone and finally collapsing in tears, let all the pain of his soul leave his body.

For an instant he wished he had never fallen in love with Jimin, for an instant he wished he had left the boy the moment that their first kiss happened. Perhaps that way he could have stopped his own heart from breaking, maybe that way he could be able to have saved the little happiness he still had.

Running toward his house, he tried to forget Jimin's face. He wanted to be able to go back in time and never have approached that little chubby kid sitting at the table in the school cafeteria. He blamed the day he decided to share his lunch bag with that little boy who was crying because of bullies.

If Jimin wasn’t in his life, that night he wouldn’t be feeling lonely, just alone.

That night, Yoongi couldn’t keep his pillow dry. Before he could avoid it, he was again in that bed feeling miserable, sobbing through tears.

As much as Jimin said it was only a year away from each other, Yoongi knew that part of it wasn’t true. Yes, they wouldn’t be able to communicate for a year, but then?

Jimin would still be a trainee, he would continue with a busy schedule, one way or another they would still be far apart. It would be even worse when Jimin became an idol, he would have even less time to stay with Yoongi, perhaps even less interest.

Even in the anonymity it was difficult to maintain that relationship, having to always worry about the looks of other people. When Jimin became an idol that would be almost impossible.

At that moment Yoongi began to think that if Jimin had break up with him, things might have been easier. He would have something to overcome, he would have a reason to feel angry at Jimin. But that wasn't the case, Jimin was leaving and Yoongi wasn't sure if one day he would return to him, if one day things would be the same again. Probably not.

That Monday morning, packing his suitcases in his mother's car, Jimin once again looked nostalgically at the house in which he had lived his entire life. He had never spent so much time away. Away from his family, away from Yoongi. But he felt ready to face that challenge, he had to be strong and so finally achieve his dream. He wanted to be able to dance on bigger stages, for bigger audiences. He wanted to discover himself as a better dancer.

"Let's go, we have to get to the bus terminal station early," Jimin's father said, closing the trunk of the car.

As if by instinct, Jimin looked around, hoping to see Yoongi out in the garden, just like when they were kids and he would go out hiding from home so they could play.

However this didn’t happen. Getting into the car, Jimin sadly closed the door.

If in the past someone had told him that the day he was so close to realizing his biggest dream he would be feeling sad like that, he certainly wouldn’t believe it. It wasn’t the way he imagined it would happen.

In his mind instead of being sad during that cold Monday, he would be walking alongside Yoongi on a sunny day. Both would be smiling happily, a happiness so great it wouldn’t fit in their hearts. Jimin imagined himself enjoying Yoongi's raps, dancing happily around the boy. Both would be fulfilling the dream they shared.

But sometimes the scenes created by our mind, are more beautiful than what happens in reality. Sometimes life gives us what we want, but not what we need.

Arriving at the bus terminal, Jimin began to feel lonely, even though he was in the presence of several people who, just like him, were waiting for the bus.

Watching people coming and going, he began to wonder where they were going, what they would do elsewhere than Busan. For each of them, he imagined a happy ending.

Moms were finally going to find the kids who went to study away. The man carrying those heavy suitcases would probably be going to see the world. The young girl sitting next to him would be finally going to visit her boyfriend.

He didn’t know whether everyone was happy or not, but at least in his mind they were. None of them would be feeling as sad as he was, none of them would be moving away from the person they loved. In a perfect world, that's how things should be.

"Jimin, look who's coming over there!" Sarang said excitedly, causing Jimin to immediately look around him with a smile on his face.

However that smile soon broke, from afar he could see Hana approaching. It wasn’t that he was sad to see her there, she just wasn’t the person he most longed to see at that moment.

"I'm so happy for you!" She said, wrapping him in a tight hug. Jimin returned the hug trying to disguise his sadness.

Those few seconds in which he imagined it was Yoongi that was there, made a little hope arise in his heart, yet when reality fell on him, the pain he felt became even more evident. It made him realize how much he needed Yoongi there.

"My son wouldn’t go to Seoul without saying goodbye to his girlfriend," Sarang said, pleasing the girl.

"I already told you that Hana isn’t my girlfriend," he snarled.

Soon after, he apologized for raising his voice. He didn’t want to be rude to anyone, but it was inevitable, he was feeling tired.

"Jimin, I'm going to follow all BigHit social networks to hear from you. I'm going to become a fansite. I'll tell everyone about you," Hana said excitedly.

"Thank you, but remember that for now everything is a secret, nobody can know that I will be an idol. You have to wait for them to announce it officially," Jimin explained as he sat down again on the bench next to the girl.

For some time Hana began to talk about the idols she admired, about the TV shows she always watched. She seemed to be as enthusiastic as Jimin or even more, and he felt glad for it. Her enthusiasm was making him remember that it should be a happy day.

"Jimin, go buy something to eat. The bus will not take long to arrive. You can't leave it to the last minute," Sarang said, opening her purse to get some money.

The food stores were located a few feet from where they were, so there was no risk of Jimin missing the bus.

Then Jimin asked Hana to wait for him a little while. Buying a bottle of water and a snack wasn't a bad idea, maybe it would distract him and help time pass faster.

Taking the money from his mother's hands, he turned and looked around searching for the shop where he would be able to find what he wanted.

Suddenly, his eyes crossed with the boy, who leaning against a pillar, watched him from afar. Turning completely out of his way, Jimin strode toward him.

Involving Yoongi in a tight embrace, Jimin sighed loudly, "You came..." He could hardly believe that the boy had changed his mind, only when the comforting scent struck his nostrils, Jimin was sure Yoongi was actually there. Resting his face on Yoongi's neck he whispered, "You came."

In silence Yoongi returned the hug, pressing his fingers lightly into Jimin's hair.

The idea of seeing Jimin leave, still left Yoongi's heart in pieces, he preferred not to be there, he preferred not to have to say goodbye. In his mind, if he didn’t see Jimin get on that bus he could then fool himself into imagining that the boy would still be in Busan, that soon they would meet. Every time he felt lonely he would imagine that Jimin was just rehearsing in the dance studio near their house, maybe that way he wouldn’t miss Jimin so desperately.

"Aren’t you feeling cold?" Yoongi asked, rubbing his hands subtly on Jimin's arms.

Smiling timidly, Jimin confessed, "I already put my good coats in my suitcase."

Returning the smile, Yoongi then took off the broad black coat he wore and gently placed it on Jimin's shoulders, covering the boy's back, "It's my favorite coat, I'm just lending it to you. I want it back."

They both hoped that this was true. They both hoped that soon they might meet again, but not just because of the coat.

Embracing Yoongi again, Jimin lifted the coat a little over his own head, trying to hide his face, and then he gently kissed Yoongi's neck.

It was risky, they both knew it. Jimin's father's suspicious gaze toward them only heightened Yoongi's concern, but he still didn’t want to ask the boy to step away, he couldn’t do that. He was already using all of his self-control to avoid bringing Jimin close to his chest and kissing him right there in front of everyone.

"I'm scared," Jimin whispered, staring at his own shoes.

All this time Jimin was trying to be confident, after all he always wanted to be able to dance to big audiences, make his dance a kind of work so that he could devote himself to just that passion. However, he didn’t know what was waiting for him, what would be the next step, what he should do from then on.

His dream has always been to be able to dance, not specifically to become an k-pop idol. He knew that in that way he would probably have to do more than dance, he just wasn’t sure what those things would be and whether he would be prepared for it.

"Afraid of what?" Yoongi asked, smoothing his coat over Jimin's body.

"What if they don’t like me? You know, the other boys... they don’t know me yet."

Hearing that, Yoongi had to laugh. He couldn’t imagine how anyone might dislike Park Jimin, the most lovable human being in the world. He didn’t know how to explain exactly what, but Jimin had something that made everyone immediately be charmed by him. he had a kind of light of his own that made those around him also light up.

"That's impossible, Jimin. Everyone loves you," Yoongi replied. That was exactly his fear.

"But what if-"

Yoongi then cupped his hands on the other boy's face and said in a serious tone of voice, "Look at me, you're going to go there and show your talent to them. You'll be the best you can be. You'll be there for you and me. You'll shine for both of us."

Nodding quickly, Jimin rested his forehead on Yoongi's shoulder wrapping him again in a tight embrace, "What am I going to do without you?"

"You will be happy. I'm going to stay here cheering for you, hoping that everything works out well on your debut. And I know you're going to make me proud."

As much as Yoongi was sad to get away from Jimin, he couldn’t be selfish. Many doubts and insecurities seemed to proliferate in his heart, but he felt he needed to ignore all that. He loved Jimin, loved him enough to let him go.

He needed Jimin to know that. He needed Jimin to go to Seoul feeling happy. Having this in mind he continued, "Every time I see you on the internet or on TV, I'm going to point to the screen and tell everyone, Are you seeing that amazing guy on the stage? I had the honor of watching him dance to me while I played the piano."

"I'll do my best," Jimin said quietly, hiding his face on the crook of Yoongi's neck as tears streamed down his face.

In other times they wouldn't exchange that kind of affection in public, but although the bus terminal station was full of people, they would rather try to forget that a bit. That was their moment. For a year they couldn’t see each other, couldn’t talk for hours and hours like they always did.

The countdown to their separation was drawing to an end. They no longer had months, weeks, or days to spend together, now it was only a matter of minutes. And they needed to spend every second together, it was all they had left.

"And then when I became very famous, we're going to do a collaboration!" Jimin said rubbing his hands over Yoongi's back.

"Or I can use my college degree and work at BigHit. You'll never get rid of me!"

Pulling his head from Yoongi's neck, using both hands, Jimin gently grabbed the older boy's t-shirt, "You promise? You p-promise you won't forget m-me?" He whispered as the tears he tried to hold insisted on sliding down his cheeks, "P-Please, don’t forget m-me."

"How could I forget you, baby? Every time I look at the sun I will remember your smile. When I look at the moon I will remember the shape of your eyes when you smile."

"The way they turn into crescent moons... you always say that," Jimin said quietly, hugging Yoongi again. He would certainly miss that scent, the warmth Yoongi's body emanated.

"Every time I hear the birds sing, I'll know that their singing doesn’t compare to my sweet Jiminie's voice," lowering his voice, he continued, "Every time someone shows me a picture of a naked woman, I go think to myself, Oh my Jiminie's ass is way more sexier.

"I knew you would ruin it, you were too romantic," Jimin said, giving Yoongi a light punch.

"How come it wasn’t romantic? Your ass is pure love... when I'm fucking you I can even see the shape of a heart," Yoongi whispered.

"Please stop," Jimin said, smiling as he wiped the tears from his cheek.

"Don’t cry Jiminie, please, don’t cry," Yoongi said stroking the other boy's hair, "if you keep crying, I'll cry too. And I promised myself I wouldn’t cry."

"I c-can't. I need you."

Holding Jimin's both hands, Yoongi affectionately looked into his eyes and said, "I want you to feel happy, Jiminie. You're almost at the finish line to finally fulfill your dream." Then in that bright eyes Yoongi could see reflected all their happy moments. As much as he had promised not to cry in front of Jimin, at that moment it seemed like something unattainable. With tears in his eyes, he tried to control his breathing, but still his voice was perceptibly shaky when he said, "Please p-promise me you'll be happy."

Nodding sadly as he wiped the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hands, Jimin tried to smile, tried to show that he was going to Seoul and try to make the most of that unique experience.

"Pinky promise?" Yoongi asked raising his hand close to Jimin's face, causing him to lift his head.

"Pinky promise," Jimin replied, entwining their fingers.

He was about to hug Yoongi again when he heard his mother yell not far away, "Jimin, your bus has arrived!"

Feeling his heart pounding, in a mixture of nervousness and sadness, Jimin turned his attention back to Yoongi. He had no more time, and there were so many things that needed to be said. Looking into the other boy's eyes, he tried to speak as quickly as possible, "Please go to the psychologist's office, don't stay up all night, rest, feed yourself well. I want to find you healthy and happy, okay?"

"Okay," Yoongi replied, bringing Jimin close to his body, so that he could once more hold him in his arms. Drawing his mouth close to Jimin's ear, he whispered, "I love you."

With a passionate smile on his face, Jimin closed his eyes and said quietly, "Say it again."

"I love you. I love you. I love you," Yoongi whispered tightening that hug even more.

It didn't take long and they heard Sarang loud voice "Jimin!"

"I love you too," Jimin said, pulling the big coat back over their heads and giving Yoongi a quick kiss, just softly touching their lips. As much as they wanted to say goodbye properly with a passionate kiss, they knew they couldn't do that, since to others that was a forbidden love.

“Goodbye, my friend," Yoongi whispered, slowly releasing Jimin's hand, "Goodbye, my love."

Walking back toward his family, Jimin quickly said goodbye to Hana and his mother, realizing that his father was already waiting for him inside the bus.

Looking once more at the boy who leaning against the pillar only watched him from a distance, Jimin got into the vehicle and went to the seat reserved for him.

"You should behave better around Yoongi. We know you are childhood friends, but other people don't," his father said as soon as he sat down.

"I didn't do anything wrong," he replied without taking his eyes off the window.

"What was that thing with the coat? From the angle where I was, that scene was weird."

"I was just removing something from my teeth, so I hid," Jimin replied with a little more anger than he intended.

Gradually the bus was moving and the image of Yoongi's face grew more and more distant until it suddenly disappeared, leaving Jimin's heart in intense suffering.

Tilting his head back, Jimin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had made a pinky promise, and that was the kind of promise they never broke.

As much as it seemed to be impossible to be happy being away from Yoongi, he would try. He needed it.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

As Yoongi watched the bus that led Jimin to Seoul getting farther and farther away, the feeling he had was that part of his body was leaving as well. Maybe the bigger part. That might explain why he was feeling so empty.

The first thing he thought of doing as he crossed the gates of the bus station was to find some way to get drunk. It didn’t matter to him if it was still ten in the morning on a Monday. He just felt that he couldn’t handle all that sadness by being sober.

However he had promised Jimin and himself that he would be fine and healthy, then drinking himself to death wasn’t the best way to start.

Walking toward the exit of the bus terminal station, Yoongi decided that he would look for something to occupy his mind. He still didn’t know how, but he hoped it wouldn’t take long to find out.

Lost in his thoughts, he barely noticed the female voice calling from far away. Yoongi only noticed the girl's presence when he was startled to feel her hand touch lightly on his shoulder.

"Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you," Hana said smiling as she walked along with Yoongi, "Could you walk me home?"

"I don’t have a car. You should have asked Jimin's mother," he replied coldly.

Hana had become Jimin's friend, not his. He had no reason not to like the girl, it was just a matter of affinity, or lack of it. Adding to this was the fact that he didn’t really want to talk to anyone at that moment.

"We can catch the bus together. I don’t live far from here," she said taking Yoongi's hand, trying to pull him toward the main door.

Releasing Hana's hand with a jerk, Yoongi said, "If you live near here, you don’t need me. You can go there by yourself."

"I know. But I thought maybe we could talk... get to know each other better," she replied, smiling sweetly. "Have you had breakfast yet? I am hungry!"

"Look, I think you're confusing things. Jimin is the sweetheart one, not me," he said, leaving the girl behind and starting to walk again.

"Are you also as excited about Jimin's career as I am?" She asked, demonstrating enthusiasm not only through her voice but also in her body. For a minute Yoongi thought she would start jumping for joy,"I'm sure he's going to be a great idol. He's so talented... and handsome!"

As much as Yoongi thought Hana was too excited on a Monday morning, he would have to agree with her.

"I'm already wondering who I'm going to ship Jimin with," Hana said thoughtfully as she followed Yoongi, though the boy didn’t show much contentment with her attitude.

"Ship? What is that?" Yoongi asked suddenly, regretting it as soon as the words came out of his mouth. He didn’t want Hana to think he was interested in having a conversation.

"It's like... to think that two people or characters make an interesting couple. Even if they don’t even know each other. You write fanfictions, make drawings, videos... you know, it's a fan thing."

In a teasing tone, Yoongi then said, "Oh, so you're going to write a story where Jimin, a famous idol falls in love for a fan and by fate that fan is you?"

"I could, but no… it doesn’t feel that real. Idols only date other idols. Didn’t you know?"

No, Yoongi didn’t know. But he already suspected that it was true, yet hearing those words coming from another person's mouth made him feel that his insecurities weren’t just silly things that his mind invented.

"Oh please, on what page of their contract is written that?" Yoongi asked angrily as he sat down on the bench at the bus stop.

"Maybe in none, but the fact is that it's what usually happens. Idols has a very busy schedule, they don't have time to contact people who aren't famous," Hana blurted out, unaware of the real situation. She had no intention of hurting Yoongi's feelings. She didn't know that he and Jimin actually had a loving relationship. If she did, she certainly wouldn't say such things.

But Yoongi didn't know Hana as well as Jimin and at that moment he made no point of knowing her, "Get out of my way," he said in a bored tone, "I'm already tired of your bullshit."

"What?" Hana exclaimed, rising angrily from the bench, "Jimin said you were cute! Either he lied to me or you tricked him. As I already suspected you are an asshole."

"Yeah, I'm an asshole. Now could you please, complain while going a little more over there?" Yoongi said pointing to the other side of the street.

Sighing deeply, Hana closed her eyes and counted to three, trying to control her breathing and then forcing a smile she said, "What are you doing this afternoon?"

"What's your fucking problem?" Yoongi raged. He didn’t want to be rude to the girl, but that conversation was starting to really make him uncomfortable.

"Aish... Jimin asked me to take care of you. But you're making things very difficult!" Hana shouted, raising her hands up into the air and sitting back on the bench.

"I don’t need a babysitter!" He shouted, getting up as soon as he saw that his bus was approaching.

"Funny, Jimin told me you'd say that!"

Coming into the bus, Yoongi smiled at the thought of Jimin's affectionate gesture. He really felt that he didn’t need anyone to take care of him. But still knowing that Jimin cared about him to such an extent, made him want to force himself even harder not to disappoint the other boy, he would try to be happy and take care of himself.

Resting his head on the window, Yoongi wondered what Jimin was doing at that moment, not knowing that on the way to Seoul, that was the same question Jimin asked himself.

"Are you sure that's what you really want? There's still time to give up," Jimin's father said as they got off the bus during the break to get something to eat.

"Not even now you're going to support me?" Jimin asked incredulously. He was feeling nervous and distressed. That wasn’t a good day to have to deal with his father's frustrations about his dream of being a dancer. He'd done it almost all his life.

While eating a Hotteok (korean pancake with sugar and cinnamon) Jimin felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket, indicating that he had received a new message.


From: Hana

To: Jimin

Yoongi and I are almost friends! I made him feed himself just as you asked.

At first he was 'oh I don’t need babysitting', just like you said he would. He even pout! You were right all along.

He is in good hands, my dear friend!


For a moment Hana felt bad for not telling the whole truth to Jimin, but she knew how important it was for him. Jimin was a good friend, one of the few that Hana had, she felt that she couldn’t let him go to Seoul with an afflicted heart.

That lie certainly left Jimin calmer. With a grin on his face, he hurried to answer the girl.


From: Jimin

To: Hana

I told you, he's like a spoiled puppy!

Thank you sooooo much for doing that for me.



For a moment Jimin thought of sending a quick message to Yoongi, but he knew it would only make things difficult, would only increase their distress when he had to deliver his cell phone to one of BigHit's employees. Putting it in his pocket, he was happy to know that Yoongi was doing well. He would try to do the same.

The closer the bus came to Seoul, the more Jimin's heart speeded up. He was happy, anxious and at the same time afraid. He wanted to talk to his father about his feelings, but he feared that instead of comforting him, he might make him even more insecure.

Arriving at the bus terminal station in Seoul, with trembling hands he carried his suitcases. He didn’t know who would be waiting for him. Looking around, he felt lost. Suddenly the city had grown even larger before his eyes.

"Look, that guy is holding a sign with your name on it," Jimin's father said pointing at a tall man in a white long-sleeved shirt and black pants.

"Hi, my name is P-Park Jimin. Do you work for Bighit?" Jimin timidly asked the man who was staring at him with a serious expression on his face.

"Yes, my name is Byunghun, one of the managers," the middle-aged man replied, greeting Jimin and his father shortly. "Are all your things there?"

Nodding quickly, Jimin stared at the suitcases next to him checking if he really hadn’t forgotten anything. He sighed in relief when he saw the suitcase with the teddy bear was with his father.

"We're going to your new home. We just have to wait for the other trainee," the man said as he searched for something inside the briefcase he carried with him.

Trying not to get in the way and upset the people passing by, Jimin decided to pick up his suitcases and stand leaning against a wall not far from Byunghun, he didn’t want to lose sight of him.

He was eager to meet the person who would be a trainee along with him. Jimin still didn’t even know what the boy was like, but he hoped they could be friends. He was sure things would be easier if they could be friends and not see it as another competition.

With each passing minute he began to wonder how the boy would look. He still didn’t know much about the BigHit project, what kind of music they would produce, how many people would be involved in it. If the boy were a dancer just like him, they could rehearse together. Maybe he could show some dance steps he had learned.

Jimin was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the boy who cheerfully approached him.

"You!" Taehyung shouted, giving Jimin a tight hug. "We finally meet again!"

"You made it!" Jimin said smiling happily.

BigHit's manager and the boys' parents just stared at them in silence, not understanding how or when they'd met. Based on their behavior, anyone could say that they had known each other for many years.

"I'm sorry for what happened to your friend," Taehyung lamented as they walked toward BigHit's black minivan awaiting them not far from there. "He is fine?"

Nodding shyly, Jimin got into the car. He didn’t want to talk about that, it still hurt.

"Where are you from?" Jimin's father asked.

"Daegu! And you?" Taehyung replied smiling.

"Daegu?" Jimin said excitedly. This was the same city where Yoongi had been born. It seemed that more and more he had a new reason to like Taehyung, "We are from Busan."

"Are you nervous?" Taehyung asked timidly as he played with his own fingers in a failed attempt to control the anxiety he had been feeling since the moment he left his house.

"Yeah, a lot," Jimin said with a smile.

"That's good. So we can get nervous together," he replied by putting an arm around Jimin's neck.

Arriving at the small building located somewhere in Seoul, Jimin and Taehyung said goodbye to their parents quickly. From there, for a year they could communicate only by phone.

From a distance, Jimin watched his new friend. He and his father seemed to have a very affectionate relationship, different from the one Jimin had with his own father.

Seeing Taehyung so sad made Jimin's heart break into millions of pieces. While the same minivan that brought them there, took their parents back to the bus station, the two boys hugged each other trying to get comfort.

"If you guys really want to be idols, you have to get used to being away from family," Byunghun said earnestly as he and another staff carried the bags into the building.

"I already miss them. I want to talk with my grandmother one more time," Taehyung said, taking the cell phone from his pants.

However before he could dial the number, Byunghun reached out and took the cell phone from the boy's hands. When he stretched out his other empty hand, Jimin soon understood that he should hand over his cell phone as well.

Following Byunghun into the building, the boys looked at each other in alarm. Soon after, they were inside a small white-walled room with only a locker and a large table as decoration.

"I'll check your suitcases. That camera over there, is the witness of everything I find here. If any of you brought anything against the rules, now is the best time to confess," Byunghun said pointing to the security camera located on the ceiling.

When Jimin and Taehyung shook their heads, Byunghun pulled out two empty transparent plastic bags from inside one of the locker. Removing the battery from Jimin's cell phone, he put the phone in one of the bags and sealed it, writing the boy's name shortly. After repeating the same process with Taehyung’s cell phone, he packed the bags into the locker and then locked it.

"I want you to put on the table all the things that you have in your pockets," he continued, always keeping the serious tone in his voice.

Silently, the boys obeyed, leaving their wallets on the table.

Soon afterwards Byunghun began to carefully search the bags one by one, looking for anything that could go against the rules, such as electronic gadgets, alcoholic beverages, illicit drugs and so on.

"Wow, your teddy bear is giant!" Taehyung shouted in surprise as they watched the manager do his job.

Upon hearing that comment, Jimin just smiled. He was busy paying attention to the man's movements to make sure that no harm would be done to his most precious possession.

Only when all the suitcases were properly opened and searched was Jimin and Taehyung able to breathe in relief. They had brought nothing suspicious with them, but all the tension that hung in the air made them feel guilty even though they had done nothing wrong.

"Okay, I'll take your bags to the dorm, meanwhile you both should head to Room 202," Byunghun said opening the door to the frightened boys that only nodded in silence. "Look, you guys seem to be good kids, sorry for scaring you, but I have to do my job."

Trying to demonstrate that it was okay, Jimin smiled quickly and holding Taehyung's hand left the room as fast as he could.

"What's going to happen in Room 202?" Jimin asked as they walked up the second floor.

"I just hope they don’t dissect us just to check if have a chip implantation in our skin.. like that movies with aliens," Taehyung said as they climbed the stairs.

Trying to control his laughter, Jimin whispered, "Maybe in room 202 is where they implant those chips." Then Taehyung paused on the steps with wide eyes, making Jimin soon feel the need to explain himself, "I'm just kidding, Tae! Maybe it's where we meet the other trainees."

When they finally arrived in that room, they could soon realize what would happen there. In several chairs arranged in rows, such as a classroom, several teenagers who seemed to be the same age as them sat in complete silence. In front of them, sitting in a black padded chair, a woman with glasses and a serious expression watched them.

Jimin immediately had the impression that he was in a school on the day of the final exams.

"Do you think they'll all stay in the dorm with us?" Taehyung whispered as they walked toward the two empty chairs in the middle of the room.

"I don’t think so, there's about twenty people here," Jimin replied quietly. The silence in the room made even the slightest noise heard.

As they sat side by side, the woman rose from her chair calmly and walked over to the whiteboard.

"If it’s a exam, I will fail. That guy picked up even my pen," Taehyung grumbled, glancing around him to see if anyone was writing anything.

It wasn’t long before the serious woman finally said, "Hello everyone, my name is Sunah and today I will talk to you about the training to be an idol."

Turning off the room light, Sunah soon then started a slide show presentation, and skillfully began to explain the contents of each of them. She was confident of what she was talking about, and at that moment Jimin and Taehyung began to feel that somehow they really were in a classroom.


(Slideshow) - Training

Passing the auditions is just the first step in the long journey to be made in order to achieve the goal of becoming an idol. After signing the contract with an agency, the real competition begins, and the trainees' main opponent and allies are themselves.

To be a complete idol, it is not enough to be an expert in only one area of interest, it is also necessary to develop skills related to singing, dancing, acting, modeling, among others.

Since most of the trainees are young people who are still in school, it is necessary to be able to combine the classes in the school with the lessons related to the training to become an idol.

There is no guarantee that this training that can last for months or years, will result in the long awaited debut. Certainly in the middle of this process the trainees can give up and go back to their normal life, however a contract has been signed with the agency and this implies legal obligations for both parties.

The trainee/idol who decides to give up before the contract comes to an end may have to pay the company all the expenses that were borne by it in relation to the classes, accommodation, medical and esthetic treatment or any other service that has generated costs.

If during training, any of the rules set forth in the contract is disobeyed or if it is concluded that the trainee does not fit the profile desired by the company, the contract may be canceled even before the debut, regardless of how many years the training lasted.


"Any questions?" Asked Sunah, ending the slide show.

With wide eyes, some of the teenagers whispered to each other, while others seemed to begin reassessing whether they had really made the right decision by signing the contract to begin the training.

"It seems they do it on purpose, just to make us give up," Jimin murmured to himself.

"Are you planning on quitting?" Taehyung asked worriedly.

Shaking his head, Jimin whispered, "They'll need more than that to make me give up my dream."

Smiling happily the two of them left the room together and soon found Byunghun waiting for them near the door, "Ready to go to the dorm?"

Coming back into the black minivan, Jimin and Taehyung began to talk about what they heard in the lecture. One thing they could notice was that all the employees really took everything that was done seriously, it was not a fun or hobby for them, but a job as serious as the ones done in the big offices.

They didn’t feel treated as teenagers, but as adults responsible for their own decisions. On the one hand they were happy to have this autonomy, but on the other hand it was a little scary.

As soon as they arrived at the dorm Byunghun said, "Well boys, welcome. I already did my job for today. See you tomorrow."

Looking frightened at the small living/dining room, Jimin asked, "Are you leaving already? But is..."

"Don’t worry, they're good boys," Byunghun replied smiling, "Besides, if all goes well, you're going to spend a long time with them, you'd better get used to it."

And quickly, the boys stood alone staring at the front door for a few seconds.

"Leave the door unlocked, if they're weirdos we'll run away without looking back," Taehyung whispered, asking Jimin to follow him.

"Can we eat first and run afterwards? Someone is cooking something that smells really good," Jimin said with a smile.

It wasn’t too long, and they soon discovered where the scent came from. Looking really focused on what he was doing, a tall, skinny boy with really broad shoulders was entertaining himself by putting several ingredients in a pot on the stove.

As soon as he realized he was no longer alone, he turned around suddenly, making the boys finally see his beautiful face.

"Oh, you're the new trainees. My name is Kim Seokjin," he said, smiling as he prepared an omelet. Noticing Jimin's glare toward the pots he continued, "Are you hungry?"

With a timid nod, Jimin and Taehyung helped the lovely boy prepare the last details. When everything was ready, they calmly took the pan with the smoked duck, seasoned chives and omelette.

When Taehyung was about to devour the food, he heard Seokjin say that he would call the other boys in their shared bedroom. Placing the jotgarak (iron hashi) again on the wooden table, Taehyung gave a sad sigh.

"Why didn’t you tell us they'd already arrived?" They heard a male voice say not far away.

"Namjoon! You told me you and Hobi would be busy," Seokjin replied, returning to the table where the other boys were waiting.

"But that's different," Namjoon replied following Seokjin.

"Oh they're so cute!" A long-faced boy shouted in a shrill voice, shortly afterwards Jimin and Taehyung discovered it to be Jung Hoseok, affectionately nicknamed Hobi.

"Everyone is here, just the baby's group is missing, our maknae, Jungkook. The company sent him to the United States to enhance his dance," Seokjin said as he handed the dishes to each of the boys.

Hearing that, Jimin felt extraordinarily happy. It was good to know that he wouldn’t be the only dancer in the group, that he would have someone to rehearse with him. Already feeling excited for Jungkook's return he asked, "Is he a dancer? What is his style of dancing?"

While serving up some more of the delicious food that was prepared by Seokjin, it was Namjoon who answered his question, "He's a singer, but he went to learn hip-hop in America. I am the group leader and also a rapper. The master of dance here is Hobi."

"I'm not that good," Hoseok replied timidly.

Rolling his eyes Namjoon said, "He's being modest. Jungkook just had to leave Korea because Hobi is too busy devoting himself to learning to be a better rapper."

It was then that Taehyung who just ate eagerly in silence decided to enter the conversation, "Jimin also dances very well. I saw his performance at the auditions."

Smiling timidly Jimin soon said, "My specialty is contemporary dance, when I was in Busan I just had a few hip-hop lessons."

But apparently that wouldn’t be a problem, as Hoseok soon volunteered so that they could rehearse together so that he would teach hip-hop to Jimin that in return he should teach him some contemporary dance. This made Jimin even more excited. According to Hoseok they had a practice room available just for them.

"And what about you Seokjin?" Jimin asked, picking up some more omelette.

Looking down, the boy said in a low voice, "I'm just the visual."

"That isn’t true. Seokjin is taking singing and dancing classes, as well as acting classes. He's one of the hard-working people I know," Namjoon said in a serious tone of voice as he looked affectionately at the boy.

As they chatted excitedly, Jimin could soon realize that the three boys who had become trainees before him were struggling immensely to know something they hadn’t learned much about until then. Seokjin was learning to sing and dance, Namjoon to dance and Hoseok spent clear nights developing his ability to become a rapper.

Jimin felt that besides having to improve his hip-hop dance, he certainly would have to learn something else, and that made him insecure.

Lying in one of the bunks of the tiny bedroom, he stared at the ceiling. It had been an extremely exhausting day, several things had happened and although he was tired he couldn’t sleep.

He wanted to pick up the phone and tell Yoongi everything he had seen and learned, about the really cool boys he had met. He was sure that Yoongi would like them too. He already missed him.

On tiptoe, he walked to the small room where the manager had packed his suitcases and opened them trying to make as little noise as possible. Returning to his bed, Jimin carefully wrapped the teddy bear in his arms and covered himself with the large black coat Yoongi had lent to him.

With his eyes closed, he felt the familiar scent comfort his heart, and that was just how Jimin finally managed to sleep.




Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

It is in the comfort of our home that we can be ourselves, that we take off all the masks we wear during the day, that all false smiles disappear. In our home we have the freedom to act without having to worry about the judgmental gaze of society. That's where we feel safe.

This is basically the difference between our home and our house. Having a home is more difficult than having a house. There are people who own several houses, but no home.

Some people say that you only get to know someone truly, when you start living together in the same place as that person, it is from there that you can decide if that is your home.

It had been a little over a week since Jimin arrived in the dorm and he felt that it might one day become his home.

"I've seen people who own a security blanket, but it's the first time I see someone who owns a security coat," Namjoon said smiling at seeing Jimin carefully folding Yoongi's coat and putting it under his pillow just like he had done during the last few days.

"That helps me sleep," the boy replied sheepishly, making his own bed.

It was still early in the morning, but Jimin still knew he would have a rough day, just like all the other boys.

"I'm not judging you, I've already gone through this phase of feeling homesick. Besides, everyone here has their own quirks," Namjoon replied, stroking the younger boy's back.

This was another moment when Jimin could understand why Namjoon was the leader, he was always willing to help others no matter if it was about training or personal matters. His role in the group was of enormous relevance and this made the boy push himself too much, he seemed to carry the world on his shoulders.

Being the leader wasn't a matter of being the center of attention or having the final word, it required maturity. It isn't easy being the connection between the members and the company. Most of the time he had to disappoint one side.

Besides being extremely dedicated in training, being talented, maintaining good looks he should also develop a good verbal and body language since in the interviews and awards he would be the representative of the group.

A good leader must know how to differentiate the friendship from the professional relationship, he should demand more dedication from the members, point out the flaws, but he should also be able to manage conflicts, encourage and care for others.

People work for many years in large companies, take classes and more classes on human resources and yet many of them can’t become good leaders. Jimin wondered how a boy not much older than he could be so good at it. Maybe this was one of Namjoon's talents.

"I've already finished bathing, Jimin! We can go now," Taehyung said in a bored voice.

Watching the lectures really wasn’t the best part of the day, but just as Seokjin had warned them, it was very important to pay attention to everything that was said, because when you become an idol, it ends up being part of you twenty four hours a day. There is no vacation, there are no breaks, even if you aren’t on stage, people still want you to behave according to what is expected of an idol.

So many people try to be idols, but few are willing or able to cope with the difficulties that come with the realization of that dream.

"There are more empty chairs today," Jimin whispered to Taehyung as they waited for Sunah to prepare the slide show.

"Seokjin told me that it is common for the trainees to give up by now, before the expenses get too high," the other boy replied with a concerned tone.

Soon after the lights were turned off and they ended the conversation, that was the moment where in the room only Sunah's voice was heard.


(Slideshow) - Beauty Standarts

It is common knowledge that the beauty standarts are socially produced, thus varying in every culture and society. Regardless of race, color, or religion, there is pressure for all people to seek to best suit those beauty standarts that are often extremely unhealthy and unrealistic.

What is expected from idols is that in addition to the talent, they also must have a stunning beauty. And trying to live up to these expectations can do a lot of damage to their physical, emotional, and mental health.

In order to fit this beauty standarts, many idols undergo cosmetic procedures and plastic surgeries and most of them are adept at diets, which are often extreme.

Many agencies require that trainees and idols lose weight, and this pressure becomes even greater in the case of female idols causing many of them to remain underweight.

Frequent weight and body mass control of trainees and idols is a common practice performed by agencies primarily before performances and comebacks.

Keeping the same body weight is a very difficult thing when issues such as life routine, stress, anxiety, physical exercise and genetics are involved. So many times in order to aid in these diets, the companies themselves give their trainees and idols a list of forbidden foods, that is, those that contribute to weight gain.

Between training, singing, dancing, acting, rehearsing, and school or university classes, they also need time to take care of their physical appearance.

Because idols are public people, all eyes are on them, making them easier targets for harsh criticism and bullying often caused not only by the press, but also by the company itself, other trainees and fans.

In this quest for a perfect body, many of those who already had low self-esteem before becoming a trainee end up making it worse and those who have not bothered so much about it can become more insecure with their bodies. Both cases are prone to the development of eating disorders and psychological problems.

By focusing all their attention on their bodies, idols and their companies often neglect mental health.


"Are we forced to dieting?" One of the trainees asked, shortly after the slide show was adjourned.

With a serious tone of voice, Sunah replied, "How many fat idols do you know?"

And after that, no other question was asked.

Jimin and Taehyung were already preparing to leave the room when Sunah asked everyone to wait, for she would speak the names of the trainees with whom she needed to have a conversation.

Something in the way Sunah looked at Jimin during that lecture made him soon realize that his name would be included in that list. And to his unhappiness, he was right.

In front of the seven trainees waiting in the room, Sunah was succinct, "I think everyone already knows what is the matter of this conversation," she said, handing out a sheet of paper to each of them, "you are weighing more than the considered acceptable weight by the company. In this leaflet you will find information on how many kilos you should lose and the diet you should follow."

"I'm not fat. My body is the average," one of the trainees said looking indignantly at the sheet of paper.

"Yes you are. According to the standards required for an idol all of you are fat. So, consider every kilo in excess as one less chance to become an idol," she replied, not caring about the frightened looks directed at her.

"Sorry, but here in my paper there is a note saying that I need to go to the gym. I'm not that overweight, am I?" Jimin asked with a sad look.

He was already accustomed to dieting because of contemporary dance classes, but that was a demand he made on himself, so sometimes he didn't take it so seriously. He allowed himself to eat many delicious foods with Yoongi, go with him to the snack bars and coffee shops several times, or cheerfully eat all the food that his mother prepared with such care. He wasn't used to keeping track of every calorie he consumed. He wasn't accustomed to hearing someone other than himself say so casually that he was fat so as to insult him as if that wasn't a big deal.

Avoiding eye contact with other trainees, he felt ashamed of himself. And worst of all, this wasn’t a misunderstanding, Sunah had said in every word that he was inferior to the others, just because of his physical appearance.

"This is due to the project in which you are involved. The leader of your group can give you more information," she replied before leaving the room.

Staring at the paper, Jimin tried to understand how he would do to follow that diet and still have the strength to go to the gym and practice his dance.

"Hey, can we go now?" Taehyung asked entering the already empty room where only Jimin sat silently, "What did she want to talk to you about?"

"Nothing serious," Jimin murmured, quickly storing the paper inside his pants pocket. He knew he could trust his friend, but at that moment he was feeling too embarrassed to expose his problem.

All the way back to the dorm, Jimin kept silent, using the world's oldest excuse when Taehyung asked if something was wrong, he just smiled and said he was tired.

And that was the same thing he repeated to all the other boys when with a sad expression he refused to eat anything and walked toward the room they shared.

He mentally thanked the fact that all the other boys were eating together in the living room a little far away, he didn’t want to show weakness, he wanted to be able to cry alone.

Sitting in the bunk, the first thing he thought was to take Yoongi's coat, the boy's scent was already fading and it left Jimin's heart distressed. He felt that it was slowly Yoongi himself who was leaving his life.

Raising subtly the pillow he searched for the black coat, he was sure he had left it there. When he searched under the sheets under the beds and saw no sign of it, he began to feel even more distressed.

Quickly opening the small closet where he kept his own clothes, Jimin searched eagerly without any success.

"Are you looking for something? Want help?" Hoseok asked when he saw Jimin seeming to be so desperate.

"Did you see my black coat?" He asked without worrying whether he was messing up his clothes that are so neatly kept.

"I saw it under your pillow, isn’t it there?" Shaking his head, Jimin continued to search, not paying much attention to what was going on around him. "Has anyone seen Jimin's black coat?" Hoseok shouted as he walked toward the living room.

As the building was really small, Jimin didn’t have much difficulty hearing the answer that broke his heart, "It's in the laundry room," Namjoon replied from afar.

When Jimin caught sight of the perfectly folded coat on top of the washing machine, he could already predict what had happened. But still he had a little hope that it wasn’t too late, that maybe that would be one of the few times that luck was in his favor.

Bringing the coat close to his face, the only thing Jimin could feel was the smell of fabric softener. That was not a bad smell, it was just too common, anyone who bought that product could smell it, it wasn’t special.

Sighing loudly, Jimin hugged his coat and slowly returned to the bed. Knowing he still had the teddy bear was what made him feel better about that situation.

"I didn’t know that your coat couldn’t be washed. Manager Byunghun came here while you were at the lecture, saw the mess in the house and you know..." Namjoon said at the sight of the boy lying all curled up at the bed, hugging the giant teddy bear.

"It's okay," Jimin said softly. He knew no one was to blame for what had happened and that sooner or later Yoongi's scent would disappear from his coat. That wasn’t the problem. What was making him sad was the fact that he needed to be with the other boy and couldn’t do that.

"Listen, why don’t you call your parents, uhm? We're only have to go to the practice room later," Namjoon said softly as he gently stroked Jimin's back.

Nodding, Jimin carefully placed the teddy bear on the bed. Silently he gave Namjoon a hug and then started walking toward a small room where the phone was located. Closing the door behind him, Jimin quickly dialed his house number. This time he didn’t try to dial another number, since he had already confirmed that it wasn’t possible.

“Mom? It's Jimin. Is everything okay with you and dad?" Jimin said quietly as he stared up at the ceiling.

"Hi my dear! We are fine and you? Are you having fun with your new friends?" Sarang asked excitedly. Whenever her son called her, she was happy to know he was doing well, it softened her worries a little.

As at other times, Jimin only told her the good things that had happened, about the games in the dorm or about what Namjoon had broken that day. The things that worried him and made him feel more and more insecure, he preferred to keep to himself.

Jimin was afraid that his mother would judge him or blame him for what was happening, after all it was him who had chosen to follow that path, so he thought he couldn’t feel sad about it.

However, that day he was feeling more insecure than usual, so he decided to do something he hadn’t done until then, "Mom, are you too busy now?"

"I was just resting a little," Sarang answered nonchalantly.

"I need to talk to Yoongi," he said shyly.

"Do you want me to look for Yoongi now?" Sarang asked incredulously, "I don’t know if he is at his house and-“

"Please," Jimim cried, "it's important."

"Okay," Sarang replied with a loud sigh, "call again in ten minutes."

Smiling happily Jimin thanked his mother immensely for helping him in that way. Jimin couldn’t wait to finally talk to Yoongi, he was sure that if he heard his voice, he would feel happier.

He had so much to tell, and he was also very curious to know how Yoongi was getting ready for college and to know if he was doing well.

Those ten minutes seemed years, shaking his foot nervously he bit his nails as he looked at his watch with an anxiety that barely fit in his heart.

"Jimin, we have to go to practice room soon," Seokjin shouted by the door.

He wouldn’t have much time to talk to Yoongi, but still any minute was important.

It had already been eight minutes and Jimin could no longer wait, so he decided to call home anyway.

"Mom? Yoongi?" He asked hesitantly, not knowing who was on the other side of the line.

"Yoongi's mother said he's in Daegu," Sarang replied.

"Daegu? What is he doing there?" Jimin asked more to himself than to Sarang.

And at that moment Jimin realized that things had changed, he could no longer count on Yoongi whenever he wanted. He would have to start learning to deal with his own insecurities alone.

Reaching for the leaflet Sunah had given him, Jimin stared again at the paper. By all indications he should stay away from the delicious foods that Seokjin prepared, he just hoped the boy wouln’t get sad about it.

Walking toward the living room, he met again with the other boys and was surprised when in silence each of them got up from the ground and gave him a tight hug.

Jimin then realized that everyone there had passed or was experiencing some difficulty. Everyone had something to overcome, missed their family, had their own doubts and insecurities, All them were afraid of their future.

Jimin wasn’t alone, and most important of all he didn’t need to be alone.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

When we are children our first superheroes tend to be our own parents. It is to them that we turn when we are afraid, we run into their arms for protection and affection.

Our main childhood memories are usually related to our parents as the first time we learned to ride a bike, the first day at school, a trip that didn’t went well, an unforgettable holiday.

Even the not-so-happy moments end up producing a few laughs.

However for different reasons some people don’t feel that way.

Yoongi had all these experiences in his childhood, but the few times that his father was involved in this kind of activity, he always seemed like he prefered not to be.

Since when Yoongi can remember, he has always had a complicated relationship with his father.

In his early years in elementary school, Yoongi was always anxiously awaiting Father's Day, he hoped that one day they would be able to participate with the other children and their parents in the traditional games that were organized by the school.

Each year Yoongi worked harder on the letter of gratitude that the teachers asked the students to write to their parents. He would try to make more colorful drawings, learn new words or to choose the envelope in his father's favorite color. It all to convince him to participate in some of those activities that seemed so cool, Yoongi was sure they had a chance to win the father/son sack race.

However the years went by and taking along with them a bit of Yoongi's innocence and he stopped trying to invite him. Sometimes Yoongi felt like an orphan of a living father.

During his teenage years the relationship between them showed no improvement, Yoongi no longer struggled desperately to do everything he thought his father wanted, but still he tried not to displease him.

Maybe that was one of the hardest things to do. With each step Yoongi took, he could feel the disapproving look of his father. All the time he heard that he was doing something in the wrong way or that he wasn't good enough. And that involved the simplest things, like the way he held the jotgarak (iron hashi), or the music he liked to more complex things like the choices he made for his life.

The only time Yoongi felt that somehow he was making his father proud was when he started playing the piano. But the boy was sure that this only happened because it wasn’t he who had chosen to learn to play it.

Still, he devoted himself to it, paid attention to class, trained his father's favorite songs for hours, in an attempt to get some compliment, to feel that he was finally doing something right.

But over time Yoongi's disappointments and frustrations accumulated and he set the piano aside. He had developed a special affection for the musical instrument, but he felt that he no longer needed to use it that way, it was no longer worth trying.

This explains why the boy was feeling so distressed to visit his father in Daegu. Since the BigHit auditions they hadn’t maintained any contact, and Yoongi can’t say he was sad about it.

Then his mother thougth that would be a great idea to him spend a week at the house of his paternal grandparents, where his father was living. She said that they needed to solve their problems, that it wasn't right for a father and son to keep fighting like that cause it was destroying their family. Yoongi agreed, he just didn't understand why it was always him who had to take the initiative.

Placing his notebook and pen in his backpack, Yoongi quickly got off the bus. He had finally arrived in Daegu.

From Jimin's departure to Seoul, Yoongi had decided that he would try to keep his mind occupied, so that time passed faster and he didn’t feel so much the absence of the other boy, so he decided to do something he had left behind for some time. He started writing lyrics again. He knew this wouldn’t help him in college, but it was something he liked to do. Since it couldn’t use it professionally, he tried to content himself with keeping it as a hobby.

His main purpose was to write the lyrics and forget about Jimin, but ironically doing it only reminded him of the boy. It was when Yoongi realized that it was the first time he was writing about someone specific. The verses that came up were almost always about Jimin or to him.

Getting into his grandparents' house was more uncomfortable than he thought it should be. He'd been there a few times, which ended up leaving Yoongi feeling like he was visiting strangers, not his family. What used to make things more pleasant was the presence of his grandmother, who despite the distance always tried in one way or another to show affection for him. However that year, Yoongi couldn't count on this anymore, since she had died two years ago.

"It's good to see you again, Yoongi. You've grown a bit since the last time we met," Gibeom said smilingly wrapping him in a hug.

Yoongi was born when his parents were still very young, so his grandparents didn’t follow that stereotype of old people with gray hair, glasses and cane. Sometimes people even didn’t believe they already had grandchildren.

"Where's my father?" Yoongi asked, putting his backpack on the couch in the living room.

"I'm sorry, but he's at work," his grandfather replied in a sad tone of voice.

But for Yoongi that wasn’t news, he was already used to hearing that same phrase coming from different people. He was surprised when his father was willing to spend time with him.

"Do you want to help me prepare dinner?" Gibeom asked walking toward the kitchen.

Yoongi wasn’t a constant guest in that house, but even so he could see that this was no longer the same after his grandmother left, even though the decor was the same, that her pictures were there all over the walls, it was clear that something was missing. And this was reflected not only in the house, but in Gibeom itself.

"I miss Grandma," Yoongi said quietly as they finished putting the dishes on the table. Soon his father would come home from work and they could finally have dinner.

"No more than I do," Gibeom said looking nostalgically at the chair where his wife used to sit during their innumerable romantic dinners, "Yoongi, do you have any pictures of your grandmother?"

"When my parents divorced my father took all the pictures with him," Yoongi replied.

With a smile on his face, Gibeom asked his grandson to accompany him to his room. He knew exactly which photo he would like to give to Yoongi, so he could then have a memory of his grandmother.

Picking up a carefully crafted wooden box inside the wardrobe, Gibeom sat down next to Yoongi on the bed.

"Your grandmother loved taking pictures of landscapes and people, but it was a little difficult to convince her to allow herself to be photographed," he said, showing a large album with photos taken by his wife during their walks through Korea before she fell ill.

"Wow. She was very good at it, the photos are amazing," Yoongi said, leafing through the album intently, wondering how his grandmother could make things as simple as a common landscape in downtown Daegu look so beautiful. "I wish I could do something like that."

"What if I give you her camera?" Gibeom asked with a grin on his face. Surprised, Yoongi silently watched his grandfather reopen the wardrobe, "I think she would be happier knowing that her camera lenses continue to see the world, and not stored here just by collecting dust."

"Grandpa, you don’t have to do this," Yoongi said looking at the semiprofessional camera that was placed in his hands.

"I know, but I still want to. Next time we meet, I want to see the photos you took. We can put together an album as beautiful as the ones your grandmother used to do," Gibeom said as he sat down on the bed to see other albums.

"Thank you, I'll take good care of this," Yoongi replied looking affectionately at the camera.

"Look, this is one of my favorite photos," Gibeom said suddenly.

Looking closely at the photo, Yoongi could see a young man who seemed to be about the same age as his, with a broad smile on his face. Holding a paintbrush in his hand he seemed to be painting an impressive landscape, full of detail and vivid color.

"Wait, is this guy my dad?" Yoongi asked, startled, realizing that the face was familiar.

"Yes, he was very happy when he painted so your grandmother liked to take photos of him while he did it," Gibeom replied by showing other photos to his grandson.

"I never knew my father liked paintings," Yoongi said thoughtfully as he admired the photos. He had never seen his father so happy either.

"Do you want to see the paintings he made?"

Quickly nodding Yoongi followed his grandfather toward the basement of the house, he had never been there and was soon surprised at the amount of things that were carefully stored in that small space.

Removing the large white cloth, which seemed a little greyish from dust, Gibeom showed Yoongi a totally unfamiliar side of his father.

"Holy shit... that's awesome! Was he the one who painted all this things?" Yoongi said as he watched his grandfather slowly reveal each of the paintings.

"Yes, he took that artistic side of his mother. Maybe you have a talent too, you just have to devote enough to know what it is," Gibeon said looking affectionately at the works of art created by his own son.

"I like to make music," Yoongi said suddenly as he looked closely at each of the paintings, "I play the piano, I write lyrics, I really like hip-hop as well."

"Oh really? That's great! I'm so glad to know you inherited it from your grandmother," Gibeom said, giving Yoongi a side hug.

"Grandpa, why did my father stop painting? I mean, he's really good at it... it's impressive," Yoongi asked.

Taking a deep breath, Gibeom began to tell the story of how Yoongi's father had ceased to be an artist to become an office man.

When Hanseon and Yoonah met in high school, they soon started dating. Their affection for each other was immense, so immense that they confused it with love. But they still chose to be together, maybe out of appreciation for each other's company, maybe for fear of being alone.

Yoonah had become the muse of Hanseon, who from early on showed a incredible talent for painting. He always painted only landscapes, never people. It only changed when he met Yoonah.

Hanseon was a great artist, and he knew it. He was sure that one day he would leave Korea and study at one of the most renowned art colleges in France. He was so confident about it, that he even started learning the French language.

Yoonah didn’t have such big dreams. She still wasn’t sure about what she wanted for the future. Few people can be so sure about what they want to pursue as a profession so early. The only certainty she had, was that she wanted to be happy, and if possible next to Hanseon.

But not too long after, it changed. Upon being a writer for school’s newspaper she discovered a passion for journalism.

Everything was going according to plan until the day Yoonah discovered she was pregnant. They had finished high school, and were preparing to start college. The problem is that Yoonah's dreams were in Daegu and Hanseon's dreams in France.

Yoonah loved journalism, loved Korea, was already beginning to love the child growing in her womb, but she also loved Hanseon. So she knew she couldn’t have everything she loved, no one could.

With pain in her heart she made the most difficult decision of her life, she would raise that child alone in Korea. She wouldn’t be responsible for the end of Hanseon's dream.

However she knew it wouldn’t be right to have a son of Hanseon without him even knowing it, so on a cold Thursday morning she nervously went to her boyfriend's house and told him what was going on.

When Hanseon talked to his parents, he could barely look them in the eye. All he heard from them was what he already knew, that is, that they were too young to have a child, that they still didn’t even have a steady job or a house. Not long ago they were the children themselves. They didn’t have the psychological, emotional or financial conditions to raise a child.

Still, Hanseon did what he thought was the right thing to do. He refused the invitation to go to study in France and began working in a large company, he needed the money to be able to help Yoonah and his son.

Hanseon thought he was only delaying his dream for a short time, but soon he realized that raising a child is not as easy and happy as it appeared in the movies. He never wanted to be a father, and with each passing day he was sure he would never want to be.

The dream of going to study in France was gradually falling behind, with every new debt, every problem that came up, every time Yoongi or Yoonah got sick he realized that he needed even more work in the office, even if it killed him inside.

He wanted to believe that if they left everything in Korea and went to France, things would work out, but he was realistic enough to know that this was unlikely.

Gradually Hanseon grew older, his long dream forgotten. Yoonah although with great difficulty had obtained the journalism degree and worked in a small newspaper in Daegu.

By noticing that, Hanseon wished he had dreamed lower, perhaps this way the fall wouldn’t be so high, wouldn’t be so painful.

"Who authorized you to come in here?" Hanseon scolded, quickly entering the basement and covering the frames again with the white cloth.

"It wasn’t his fault, it was I who brought him here," Gibeom said, bringing Yoongi close to him.

"Your paintings are really beautiful," Yoongi said in a low voice.

"That paintings are in the past and that's where they should remain," Hanseon replied without undercutting what he was doing.

"You can’t blame them forever," Gibeom said to his son, trying to appease the situation.

"I don’t blame them. I was brave enough to do what was right. I was brave enough to do what was expected of me."

"No one forced you to give up your dream," Gibeom murmured.

"I would do what? Abandon them and act like nothing's happening? I did what you expected me to do! I'm sure my mother died without feeling disappointed with her son. I'm not sure if the same thing would happen to me if I die today," he said looking directly at Yoongi. And with the same fury as he entered the basement, Hanseon left.

After a few long seconds in silence, Gibeom said, "He didn’t want to say these things..."

"It's okay grandpa," Yoongi said in a sad tone of voice. Unfortunately he was already accustomed to this kind of attitude. "I think I'm going back to Busan, of course he doesn’t want me here."

"But you just arrived! Don’t do it," Gibeom said trying to prevent his grandson from leaving the basement, "Yoongi, it's late at night. At least wait until tomorrow."

Hearing his grandfather's request, Yoongi decided to return to Busan the next day. Gibeom was being very nice, he didn’t want to behave like an asshole, his father was already doing it.

Throughout the dinner the tension remained in the air, in silence Yoongi ate the delicious kimchi avoiding making eye contact with his father. Everything was going well, until Gibeom decided to break the silence.

"In a few weeks you'll be going to college! What are you going to study?"

Looking up quickly, Yoongi replied "Business."

"Oh... I didn’t expect it. Why did you choose that?" Gibeom asked with a smile on his face. He was really happy to have a chance to get to know his grandson better.

That was a simple question, but Yoongi didn’t know how to respond. So he didn’t try to gauge his words, he just said the most sincere truth, "Because that's what my father wants."

And so the silence settled again in the dining room.

With the excuse that he would have to wake up early to go to work, Hanseon soon apologized, got up from the table, and walked quickly to his room, not long after Gibeom did the same.

Lying on the couch in the living room, Yoongi contemplated a photo that his grandfather had given him. In it he could see his grandmother sitting in an armchair and in his arms she carefully held a newborn.

Seeing himself in that picture, Yoongi couldn’t stop imagining what would have happened to his parents if he hadn’t been born. Maybe they would still love each other, maybe their dreams would have come true and they would become happy.

Yoongi felt sad realizing that it wasn't the love for him that kept his parents together all those years. He wasn't the connection between their love. He was just the hindrance that prevented them from finally being able to free themselves from each other.


You said to do as I'm told, that it would all be fine when I go to university

I'm the asshole for believing those words

I live because I can't die


Everyone else is running, why am I the only one here?


So far away, if I have a dream

If I have a dream that flies away

Don’t fall away, yea, if I have a dream

If I have a dream that flies away


I am on my own right now, I want everything to disappear

I want it to disappear like a mirage

Want it to disappear

I want my damn self to disappear

Like this, the world throws me away

In that moment I'm getting farther away from the sky

I’m falling 


*** (So far Away - Agust D)




Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

As the days went by, Jimin was getting more and more accustomed to life in the dorm. He no longer bothered to have to wait long enough for him to use the bathroom and have to take a quick shower. He already shared the food knowing what each one would prefer. He didn’t get so upset when he kept a snack in the fridge and the next day found out that it wasn’t there anymore.

He felt that he had won not only five new friends, but new brothers.

For much of his life, Jimin always had Yoongi to take care of him. Being a little older, the other boy always felt the need to put Jimin as the priority, always gave him most of the food, sometimes he even let Jimin win the basketball game. Yoongi always said he had a soft heart for Jimin.

And Jimin soon understood what that meant when he finally got to meet Jeon Jungkook, the youngest member of the group, the maknae.

Jungkook was a little younger than Jimin, yet his sweet face and his slim body made him look younger than he really was.

The boy's immense shyness also made him appear even more fragile. Jungkook looked like a bird that was ashamed to sing, and Jimin immediately felt the need to protect him, just as an older brother would.

That night the boy hadn’t been able to sleep because he was missing his family, so Jimin and Taehyung decided to ignore the fact that they would wake up early the next day and spend the night with him watching anime on the living room TV.

Curled up in the blanket, Jungkook seemed to be extremely pleased with that simple gesture, which made Jimin even allow himself to forget his diet and share some snacks with his friends.

Watching the boy there looking so small and so innocent made Jimin admire Jungkook's courage to decide to fight for his dream so early. It wasn’t easy to stay away from family and give up so many things for something so unpredictable and risky. Jungkook was giving up his teenage years to become an idol.

Had Jungkook gone to a party? Had he traveled with his friends? Had he found his first love?

Jimin didn’t know, but he suspected things like these hadn’t yet happened in Jungkook's life. Jimin promised to himself that he would do everything possible so that the boy could experience the simple things in life. Jimin would try to make him have a normal life, even if he was an idol.

And the way Taehyung immediately approached Jungkook, taking care of him every moment, made Jimin feel his heart lighter. Apparently he wasn’t the only one wanting to protect the younger.

"Taetae... wake up. We have to go to another lecture," Jimin whispered, squeezing lightly on Taehyung's arm, who was sleeping with Jungkook on the carpet in the living room.

"I'm not going," Taehyung said, moving closer to the body of the other boy who slept soundly.

"That's not an option. You know that," Jimin replied, trying to wake the boy up once more.

Although very upset, after some time Taehyung accepted the idea of even though he was tired he had to fulfill more of that obligation, and once again they went to room 202 for another meeting with Sunah.


(Slideshow) - Packed schedule

Effective marketing and promotion actions are strong allies for the success of an idol and a k-pop group in the entertainment industry. In such a competitive environment, it is necessary to reach as many people as possible by massively disseminating all the content that is produced by the group.

The main goal is not only to sell more albums, but also to win new fans and please the old ones. Having a strong and loyal fan base is extremely important for the survival of any group.

In addition to the obligations related to training and later activities as a idol, it is necessary to take the time to produce content for the fans and participate in events and TV shows.

The schedule of an idol is not just about performances on stage, it also covers footage in variety programs and content produced by the group itself, participation in various types of events such as music awards and festivals, photoshoots and so on.

The whole work routine of a k-pop group is exhaustive, but still this fatigue should not be demonstrated to the public. When the idols are in the spotlight, they should always be smiling, being friendly and delight the audience with their joy. Even if that's not how they feel at the moment.

Between trainings, classes, shows, tours, promotions, recordings, rehearsals and so on, there is not much time left for them to be with family or friends. To be an idol is necessary to learn to live with loneliness.


Returning into BigHit's black minivan so they could go back to the dorm, Jimin and Taehyung's body began to show the first signs of fatigue. In the last few weeks they had spent hours and hours in the practice room. Jimin and Hoseok were getting ready to make their first appareance as backup dancers, and Taehyung was devoting himself to the fullest in dance classes. Certainly it wasn’t easy to have to quickly learn to dance and above all to be able to do this perfectly well, in sync with the other members of the group.

"I miss home, I miss the food my mother does," Taehyung confessed, tilting his head on the car seat and closing his eyes.

"I miss Busan," Jimin said, resting his head on his friend's shoulder.

"Jimin, do you think all this effort will be worth it? Do you think someday we'll have fans and they'll support us?" Taehyung asked worried.

Hugging the boy tightly, Jimin tried to cheer him up. He also felt insecure about their future, but he also relied heavily on his friends, knowing that everyone was doing his best so that together they could achieve that dream.

As soon as they reached the dorm, Jimin decided to call his mother, taking advantage of the little amount of free time he had before having to go to the practice room.

Jimin felt his heart get tight as he approached the small room where the phone was located, and saw Jungkook leaving with tears in his eyes.

In silence he just wrapped the boy in a hug, subtly stroking his back.

"I talked to my brother," Jungkook said through tears, "I told him all about the trip to the United States and he promised that one day we will travel together."

"I really hope this happens as soon as possible," Jimin replied as he wiped away Jungkook's tears, "Oh! Tell your brother I really want to see his drawings."

Jungkook then just nodded, and after smiling sweetly at his friend, he continued to walk toward the living room. Taehyung had promised that they would play video game together.

As soon as Jimin's mother answered the phone, he again told her all the cool things he had done and what his plans were for that week. When she asked if he was feeding well, Jimin chose not to go into detail about the diet he was doing.

"Jimin, I met Yoongi last week, he asked me if you were okay," Sarang said cheerfully, "so I replied that you're so happy you even forgot about us."

"Mom! I can’t believe you said that to him," Jimin muttered, putting his hand on his forehead.

"Is that a lie? You always tell me that you're happy," she replied, not understanding why her son seemed so annoyed by such an inoffensive comment.

"No. It's just... never mind," he said suddenly. Jimin didn’t want Yoongi to think he wasn’t missing him, but he didn’t want his mother to know that either, "Is he okay?"

"I think so... he seemed to be."

"Mom, are you busy?" Jimin asked in a low voice.

As if reading her son's mind, Sarang soon replied, "I'm not going to ask Yoongi to come here. I already know that he went to Daegu.. he has been there since last week."

"Daegu? Again? What is he doing there?" Jimin exclaimed in surprise. The fact that he didn’t know what was going on in Yoongi's life left Jimin worried. He feared that the boy was in need of him, of his support. "Mom, can you please call Hana?"

"Are you missing your girlfriend? How cute!" Sarang said in a soft voice.

On hearing that comment, Jimin just rolled his eyes, he didn’t want to start an unnecessary argument with his mother over the phone. But still he began to think about the possibility that when they finally met in person he would tell her that he wasn’t interested in girls. Maybe he wouldn’t tell her about Yoongi, but still he would try to expose the whole truth, or almost it.

"Hi Jimin! I want to know everything!" Hana said excitedly, sitting on the couch in the living room of Jimin's house. When the boy's mother called her saying that Jimin wanted to talk to her, Hana l wasted no time and ran there.

"Hi Hana, I promise I'll tell you everything I can, but first I need to know one thing. Is Yoongi okay?" Jimin asked feeling guilty for interrupting her friend that way.

"He's doing w-well, I met him today and he was happy," Hana replied a little hesitantly.

"How did you meet Yoongi today if he's in Daegu?"

Sighing, Hana realised that she wouldn’t be able to continue lying to Jimin, "I'm sorry Jimin, but I haven’t seen Yoongi since the day you left. From the first day he ignored me," Hana said in a low voice. She felt guilty for not being able to attend to his request, but still she knew there was nothing she could do. She couldn’t make Yoongi to want to stay close to her.

"But you told me-"

Hana knew Jimin would talk about the lie she had told him the day he went to Busan, "I'm sorry, Jimin. I didn’t want you to be sad, so I lied."

"Fine, but don’t do it again, okay?" Jimin said with a said voice, as much as he didn’t like the girl's behavior, he couldn’t get angry, she was just trying to help.

Ending the call, Jimin sat there in silence staring into nowhere. He wanted to believe that Yoongi was fine, but he couldn’t convince himself. He still remembered how sad the boy was days before he went to Seoul. More than ever, Jimin wanted to hear Yoongi's voice, to see him even from a distance. He was tired of meeting his boyfriend only in his dreams.

It was Jungkook's voice that brought Jimin back to reality, "We need to go to the practice room," he said gently opening the door, "Are you okay?"

Slowly opening his eyes, Jimin nodded and tried to force a smile that would convince Jungkook that everything was fine, even though he himself was not quite sure of it.

After long hours dancing with the boys in the practice room, Jimin was feeling so tired that he lay on the floor while drinking a bottle of water.

"Why didn’t Namjoon come to dance with us?" Taehyung asked, lying down next to Jimin.

"He's attending a meeting with the managers," Seokjin replied, wiping the sweat from his face with a towel, "He'll probably get stressed, so try to behave."

Jimin and Taehyung looked at each other with frightened eyes. If the leader was in a meeting alone, maybe that could mean bad news.

"I have to go to the gym," Jimin said slowly rising off the floor, "See you later."

"He's going to be so well-toned that his girlfriend won't even recognize him!" Hoseok laughed. Feeling confused, Jimin turned quickly, causing Hoseok to feel the need to explain himself, "Yesterday while you slept, you murmured 'babe'... it was cute."

Jimin didn't remember dreaming about Yoongi the night before, but he wanted to.

He was also worried, because he didn't know how the boys would react if they knew he'd actually left a boyfriend in Busan. So he just smiled shyhly and left the practice room as quickly as possible.

Living twenty-four hours a day with the boys, they made Jimin feel that he knew them well, yet not enough to know if he could trust them to tell such an intimate secret. He feared that if they knew of his sexual orientation, they would come to treat him differently.

Would they judge him and end the friendship that had just begun? Jimin was afraid to find out, he didn’t want to be alone.

"Hey, Jimin! Can I go to the gym with you?" Jungkook asked as he followed him toward the exit of the building.

"I thought you had to go to singing class now," Jimin replied worriedly.

"Yes, but I don't want to go there today."

Stopping for a moment, Jimin then turned back so that he could see the boy's face, which at that attitude lowered his gaze quickly, "Why?"

Sighing loudly, Jungkook said, "What is the point of take singing lessons if I don't have the guts to step on the stage?"

At that moment Jimin wanted to give a tight hug to Jungkook, but they were both sweaty and tired, he didn’t know if they were close friends enough for that, so he decided to only subtly caress the boy's hair, "What's your fear?"

"People will stare at me, judging me... if my voice fails they will laugh at me," Jungkook replied with a distressed expression on his face.

"Jungkook, your voice is beautiful! If I had a sweet voice like yours I wouldn’t say anything, I would just sing around. If someone asked me the time, I would answer by singing. Every time I went to make an order, I would sing for my kimchi," Jimin said with a smile, feeling more relieved to see the boy smiling too. "People will judge you anyway, so at least give yourself the right to be happy while they do it."

"But I get really nervous. I'm the lead singer I shouldn’t feel this way! I'm afraid that I can’t debut," Jungkook said quietly, fearing that someone else could hear them.

Jimin then tried to help his friend as best he could, he knew that to succeed, Jungkook would have to face his own fears alone, "It's normal to feel nervous. When I feel like that, I try to think of a happy place with the people I love, I try to imagine that they are there. Only after I already feel comfortable do I look at the audience."

"I'll try to remember that," Jungkook grinned.

"Listen, I'm going to the gym later. Let me take a shower and change my clothes and then I can go with you to your singing class. What do you think?"

"Would you do that for me?" Jungkook said with a broad smile on his face.

Jimin just nodded and gladly accepted Jungkook's tight embrace. He felt happy to be able to help the kid as an older brother would. This was something new for Jimin, but he thought he was doing well. He felt that Yoongi would probably be very proud to see him so confident and able to help others fight for their dreams as well.

He wasn't ashamed to praise Jungkook during the whole singing class. Just watching him from afar he encouraged the boy, asking him to close his eyes and forget for a few minutes where he was and to forget that he was being the center of attention.

Moving his hands subtly, Jimin asked Jungkook to try to control his breathing and sing louder so that everyone could hear his beautiful voice.

At that moment Jimin still didn’t know that very soon he would have to follow his own advice.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

Jimin knew that sooner or later he would wake up with a morning wood. If he was at his house, he would settle it very easily in his room or go to the bathroom down the hallway and no one would even notice what was happening.

However living in a dorm with five other boys, sharing the same room and bathroom made things a little more difficult.

Sitting on the bed with a pillow on his lap, Jimin waited for his turn to go to the bathroom.

"Why don’t you come eat with us while Namjoon doesn’t finish bathing?" Seokjin asked a little concerned to see his friend looking so distressed.

"Later," was all Jimin answered. But it looked like the other boys wouldn’t settle down until they had Jimin out of that bed.

Then Hoseok went to the bedroom to get his backpack and seeing the boy sitting in the same place asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just waiting for my turn to get into the bathroom," Jimin replied, lowering his gaze.

"Well, it seems like you're trying to hide a boner," Hoseok said nonchalantly. That's when Jimin's eyes widened at him. "Oh, so I'm right."

Hoseok then walked to the bathroom with a smile on his face and knocking loudly on the door he shouted, "Namjoon hurry up! Jimin needs to solve a problem in his pants."

Hearing that, Jimin felt his cheeks redden with embarrassment. All his discretion in trying to solve that 'problem' alone had come to nothing.

It didn’t take long and Namjoon shouted "Jimin, it's your turn!"

With his head down, Jimin hugged his clean clothes and walked quickly toward the bathroom, avoiding looking at the other boys.

Closing the door behind him, he sighed deeply and began undressing. He had to try to forget that everyone on the outside knew exactly what he was doing there.

Under the shower, Jimin let the warm water fall on his body as he touched himself quickly. He didn't want to think about anything, he just wanted to get it over with and get on with his daily routine.

At other times he would certainly begin to think of Yoongi, about how he could make the simplest things extremely sensual, extremely pleasurable. But at that moment Jimin thought it would be pointless to remind him of his boyfriend. After all, he'd just get even hornier and couldn't even call Yoongi and ask help.

Thinking about it eventually made Jimin a little sad and insecure. He wondered if Yoongi was having the same problems and if he could wait a year without having sex with anyone. Jimin wanted to trust Yoongi, but it became a bit difficult when he remembered how the boy was before they started dating. Yoongi had never spent so much time alone. He wasn’t into long relationships, but he always had quick affairs.

Jimin didn't know if Yoongi loved him enough not to cheat on him. When he was there with Yoongi all the time Jaehwan still acted shamelessly. So Jimin was afraid to think about what was happening now that he was away. He didn't want to lose his boyfriend to Jaehwan or anyone else.

As he walked toward the living room, Jimin thought that the best way not to make that situation even more embarrassing was simply to pretend that nothing had happened, so he just approached Taehyung and said. "We can go to the lecture."

However he soon realized that he didn't know how to disguise as well as he imagined because soon Namjoon said, "You don't need to be embarrassed, Jimin. It happens to everyone here. It isn't the first time."

Knowing that they dealt so well with that kind of situation made Jimin calmer, but still he felt a little embarrassed.

"Thank God these lectures are coming to an end. It would be very tedious to have to stay in school all day and then still have to listen to Sunah talk non-stop," Taehyung said to Jimin as they left the building and headed for BigHit's minivan.

Jimin agreed with him. As much as the lectures were needed, they seemed like a way of trying to get them to give up. But somehow Namjoon was right when he told Jimin that all those things that were said in the lectures weren’t something exclusive to k-pop, that also happened in the whole world in more subtle ways or not.

The difference is that in Korea everything is very evident, they don’t try to hide as much as it does in other countries. Many of the criticisms made by people outside Korea certainly were a little hypocritical.


(Slideshow) - Lack of Privacy

An idol is always surrounded by cameras and flashes, this approach is made by the company itself and the press, but is also done massively by the fans.

Because they are always in the spotlight, the idols don’t have much freedom to walk quietly through the streets and go to public places without a crowd of people soon forming around them.

With the advancement of technology making even the simplest of cell phones have a camera, anyone can become a paparazzi, which facilitates the emergence of scandals that can end the career of an idol and also cause the disband of a group, injuring even more people.

In addition to having to deal with paparazzi, idols should also be concerned with saseangs, which refers to a group of people who are obsessed by certain artists and express it through unhealthy behaviors and may even use violent and illegal methods to approach the idols.

Public image is something extremely important to Koreans. So while idols need to expose themselves to the public to promote their work, they need to pay close attention to their behavior, controlling what they say, who they walk with and where they go.

A thriving career in the music industry is very difficult to build, however it can be easily destroyed with just a single scandal or even a rumor that isn't even true.


“We need to get back to the dorm soon, Taetae, I have to call my mother and then get dressed," Jimin said as they ran toward the BigHit minivan waiting in front of the building.

Jimin was feeling extremely nervous since that night he and Hoseok would do his first performance as a background dancer. Even if it was a small performance and he was not the lead artist, Jimin felt it would be good for him to have a sense of how he would feel when he finally fulfilled his dream and could perform for big audiences.

Walking quickly toward the phone, before dialing the number, Jimin made a point of telling Hoseok that it wouldn’t be too late for him to be ready. Jimin knew that the other boy despite already having a certain experience on big stages was also nervous just like him, so leaving everything to the last hour and taking the risk of being late at the venue wasn’t an option.

Telling his mother about the performance, Jimin was glad to see that she seemed more excited about his dream. The show wouldn’t happen in a big stadium and he wouldn’t be the main star either, but still that would be the biggest stage he had ever performed before.

"It's good to know you're happy as a dancer, but don’t forget school! Classes begin in two weeks," Sarang warned her son.

"I know mom, the managers themselves have told me to try hard to get good grades," Jimin replied quickly. He was feeling very nervous about starting to study at a new school without knowing anyone there, what made him more calmer was to know that he could count on Taehyung.

"I found something that might interest you," Sarang said with a look of mystery in her voice, "it's about Yoongi, are you curious?"

"Yoongi? What happened to him?" Jimin asked worriedly.

"He and his mother moved to Daegu."

"What? Are his parents together again? What about the college in Seoul?" Jimin hurried to ask, hardly having time to breathe. He didn’t want to sound gossipy, but he didn’t think it would be a good idea for Yoongi's parents to get their relationship back together. It was too early for that, especially considering the way it came to an end.

"Yoonah will open a restaurant in Daegu," Sarang replied shortly, "she cooks so well, I would rather it was here in Busan, but she said she would feel very alone when Yoongi went to college.”

"I see... So Yoongi is already here in Seoul?" Jimin asked hopefully. He knew he couldn’t meet with Yoongi, but at that moment just imagining he was around somehow soothed his heart.

"The classes haven’t started yet, I think he's in Daegu. I'm not sure."

With a broad grin on his face, Jimin thanked her and ended the call. He was very happy to know that things were apparently going well for Yoongi, and that the trips to Daegu didin't meant anything more serious.

Feeling his heart lighter, Jimin quickly got ready to go to the venue with Hoseok.

"Why are you so happy?" Taehyung asked as they crossed the hallway, "I mean, your eyes are shining."

"My friend is fine," Jimin replied with a quick hug in Taehyung.

"I'm glad to hear that. You looked really worried these past few days."

That was true, all that vague and inaccurate information about Yoongi was making Jimin even more worried about the boy's emotional health. He was feeling so desperate that he even considered the possibility of asking his mother to talk to Jiwon.

As soon as Jimin finished dressing, he realized that Hoseok and manager Byunghun were already waiting for him in the living room.

"Listen, even though you guys are there only for support, it is important to impress everyone," Byunghun said in a serious tone, "No one pays much attention to the background dancers except when they make a mistake. And you don’t want that kind of attention, right?"

Nodding quickly, Jimin looked nervously at Hoseok. He didn't know if the manager's intention was to scare them, but if it was, it had worked. Realizing it Hoseok with a broad smile on his face hugged Jimin and while rubbing subtly at the boy's shoulder he said, "Jimin and I rehearsed a lot, I'm sure it will went well."

Jimin hoped it was true.

Arriving at the venue, Jimin and Hoseok were soon taken to a small dressing room where three other background dancers were already wearing the stage clothes.

The main attraction of that night wasn’t a very famous group, so they didn’t find much luxury around there. From the stage to the backstage everything was very simple.

Quickly picking at the clothes that were assigned to them, Jimin and Hoseok began to prepare as they remembered each step of the choreography.

It wasn't long before the five dancers were ready. Everyone wore black pants and a tank top with each one having a different color. When the staff handed each of them a silver mask, similar to the ones that people use at masquerade ball. Jimin mentally thanked the fact that the mask covered his entire face, so no one would recognize him, thus avoiding forever being ridiculed for wearing that weird outfit.

"It will be our secret," Hoseok said, smiling as he stared at the silver mask.

While waiting for the moment when they were supposed to step on stage to dance for three songs, Jimin tried to hear the noise of the audience, wondering how many people should be there. The audience capacity was small, there were about three thousand tickets had been sold. But for those who had presented themselves at most to a hundred people, any number more was already a great achievement.

What Jimin didn’t know was that among so many people there was a very special one for him.


"Yoongi... please! You have to go to this show with me," Yeri begged, pushing her cousin toward the door, "you've been in Seoul for a week and we didn’t do anything!"

"I came to your house only while I look for a cheap apartment for myself, and not to be your escort," Yoongi grunted, moving away from the girl.

Yeri then took out two tickets from the small bag she carried and bringing it close to the boy's face she shouted, "Do you have any idea of the fortune I spent getting those VIP tickets? We're going to get very close to the stage!"

Although Yeri seemed really desperate to go to the show of her favorite group, it didn’t convince Yoongi "I don’t like this kind of music... I prefer hip-hop."

With a smile on her face, Yeri pulled him back toward the front door of the house as she said, "So today is your lucky day! There will be an rapper as a special guest on the show."

Sighing deep Yoongi gave up arguing and decided to just follow his cousin. Since his arrival in Seoul, Yeri had been very nice to him, she always helped him search for a cheap apartment rental.

"Thank you so much for coming with me!" Yeri said, jumping around the streets of Seoul while Yoongi just followed her.

"I'm going to pretend I don’t know that you only invited me because your boyfriend is sick," Yoongi replied, accelerating the pace so that he could reach the girl.

When the show started and the four boys from the k-pop group came onstage, Yoongi was able to confirm that it wasn’t the style of music he was used to, but he still had to recognize that they were talented.

"It was worth it to have spent all my money on those tickets. We are so close that I can almost see the sweat on their forehead," Yeri shouted close to Yoongi's ear. The loud volume of the music that echoed on all sides prevented them from using the normal tone of voice.

So far the show was good, but nothing that caught Yoongi’s attention. Everything changed as more dancers entered the stage, and soon he could no longer look away.

However, this had nothing to do with the ridiculous clothes that they were wearing, but rather the way one of them was dancing

Wearing black pants and a blue tank top, that boy made Yoongi immediately remember Jimin. Yoongi would never forget the sexy way Jimin could move his body, being able to seduce anyone. Yoongi realized that the boy on stage was also extremely talented, but his arms were more well-toned than Jimin's and he seemed to be a little thinner as well. Jimin was a little more chubby, considering the last time they saw each other. That's what he thought.

As he watched the boy dance, Yoongi wished he wasn’t wearing that mask. He wanted to be able to give a face to that body that moved so sensuously on that stage.

"Who's your bias?" Yeri shouted, bringing her face close to Yoongi's ear. When she realized that her cousin didn’t seem to understand what she was asking, she said, "Who is your favorite?"

"That one there with the blue tank top," he replied without even needing time to think about the answer.

"But he isn’t even a member of the group!" Yeri exclaimed, laughing at what she had heard. Squeezing the boy's cheek, she continued, "Stop kidding, I'm serious!"

"Well, he's so talented that he deserves the center of the stage," Yoongi replied without caring about his cousin's mockery.

In fact Yoongi thought all the dancers were very talented, but there was something about that boy that caught his eye.

The attraction to the dancer was so intense, that Yoongi for a moment felt guilty for the thoughts that were invading his mind. But then he convinced himself that it didn’t mean he was cheating on Jimin, after all it's normal to admire the beauty of other people.

Little did he know that he hadn’t gone unnoticed, either. Dancing on stage, the boy in blue tank top was staring at him too, but what was going on in his mind was totally different.

When Jimin spotted Yoongi in the audience, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. For a moment he thought he was missing his boyfriend so much that he was beginning to see his face in other people’s body.

But it didn’t take long for him to confirm that what he was seeing was real. Jimin needed to redouble his concentration so as not to miss the choreography, he couldn’t let his emotions disrupt that performance. Manager Byunghun and Hoseok were counting on him. He couldn’t ruin everything.

But Jimin's smile didn’t stay on his face for long. Soon he realized that Yoongi wasn’t alone.

Between a dance step and another, Jimin only watched Yoongi chatting animatedly with a beautiful girl. The way they behaved it didn’t look like they'd just met. Yoongi had let the girl even squeeze his cheek.

But still, there was nothing that would prove they were there together. That's what Jimin thought until the moment he saw Yoongi open his backpack, pull out a coat from it and kindly put it on the girl's shoulders.

Immediately came to his mind, images of the day they had last met at the bus terminal station in Busan. Suddenly he began to feel that he wasn’t as special as he thought he was.

In the last song that he would dance along with the group of k-pop that jumped animatedly on the stage. Jimin even risked saying Yoongi's name loudly, but he knew it was in vain. The loud volume of the song and the mask he was wearing completely muffled his voice.

Turning back to the backstage, Jimin soon felt Hoseok's arms wrapping him in a tight embrace as he said, "Everything worked out! You were amazing!"

"What? I bet everyone in the audience is wondering who the guy with the green tank top is," Jimin said with a smile, feeling proud of his friend's compliments.

"Now we just have to wait a little longer. When the last song ends we go up on stage, we say goodbye to the audience and then we can go home," Hoseok said, sitting on the couch while drinking a bottle of water.

However Jimin wasn't paying much attention to what he was talking about. Standing in front of the dressing room door, Jimin bit his nails as he thought about what he had just seen. He didn't know if he felt happy, sad, worried or a mixture of all that.

"Are you okay?" Hoseok asked, giving Jimin a bottle of water.

Nodding quickly, Jimin took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind. If he wanted to be a professional dancer, he had to behave like one. He shouldn’t let his personal life get in the way of his work.

When the staff entered the dressing room warning that they should return to the stage, Jimin again took a deep breath and quickly got up from the couch, searching for his mask.

"We're not wearing a mask now," Hoseok explained as he pulled Jimin by the arm.

As he climbed onto the stage again, Jimin's eyes immediately looked where Yoongi was. And the scene he saw, broke his heart into several pieces.

Smiling happily, Yoongi looked at Yeri, who putting an arm around the boy's shoulders said next to his ear, "I told you! I knew you would enjoy the show!"

But Jimin couldn’t hear what they were talking about, he could only trust on his eyes.

Lifting his head, Jimin refused to look in that direction again. He didn’t want to end up crying and embarrassing himself.

That's why he didn’t see Yoongi raising his arms, calling out Jimin’s name until the last minute in which the dancers stood on the stage. Yet his voice couldn’t compete with the loud noise of the audience.

"How do we go backstage?" Yoongi desperately asked Yeri.

"Do you think if that was possible I would be here?" She replied as she followed the line of people heading toward the exit. "Before you can get to the door, the security guards will have knocked you down. They're already used to crazy fans."

As much as Yoongi wanted to look for Jimin, he knew that Yeri was right, until he finally got rid of that crowd of people, the dancers would be far away.

But still Yoongi returned to Yeri's house with a smile on his face. He felt so happy and proud to have seen Jimin dancing so well on that stage. He was living his dream.

"Thank you," Yoongi said quietly, giving a quick hug to his cousin before going to lie on the couch in the living room.

"Tomorrow I'll lend you my albums," Yeri said as she walked toward her room. Little did she know that Yoongi's thanks had nothing to do with that k-pop group, but rather with the background dancer with the blue tank top.

A little far away, Jimin was resting his head on the window of BigHit's black minivan that was leading them back to the dorm. He didn’t want to feel insecure or distrust Yoongi, but it was inevitable. He had seen everything with his own eyes.

Silently entering the dorm. Jimin soon went to the bathroom to take a refreshing shower. Manager Byunghun was so quick to get the boys off the venue that they didn’t even have time to shower and change clothes.

As he wiped his hair with a towel, Jimin slowly walked to the laundry room and put on his blue tank top and black pants in the laundry basket.

He was tired, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, so he tiptoed into the kitchen and started making tea for himself.

"What happened? You looked so happy earlier," Hoseok said as he entered the kitchen and saw the boy leaning on the counter with a sad look on his face.

"I think my girlfriend is cheating on me," Jimin replied, choosing not to tell the whole truth to his friend.

"What was the deal between you before you came here?" Hoseok asked in a low voice, afraid to wake the other boys.

"What do you mean?" Jimin asked, as he handed to his friend some of the tea he had prepared.

"You didn’t talk about it? Like, didn’t you promise to wait for each other or take a break?"

No, they hadn’t. But Jimin didn’t think this was necessary, his love for Yoongi was so intense that he hadn’t even thought about the possibility of wanting to date someone else while away from him.

"The day I came here, she said she loved me."

Hoseok then approached Jimin and giving a soft kiss on the top of his head, he said, "So you have to decide whether it's worth it or not to believe it."

"I'm not sure," Jimin replied, resting his head on Hoseok's shoulder.

"Before I came here my ex-girlfriend also cheatead on me. I suffered a lot from that, thinking about what I had done wrong. But soon I realized that I shouldn't blame myself, she was the cheater, not me."

Nodding quickly, Jimin gave him a tight hug, "Thank you, Hobi."

"When you become a famous idol she'll realize the amazing guy she lost," Hoseok said, smiling as he tickled Jimin's belly, making him laugh too.

Lying silently on his bed, Jimin wrapped the giant teddy bear in his arms. Slowly sliding his fingertips over the soft surface of the gift he had received from Yoongi, he thought about what had happened. He didn't know whether to believe his eyes, his mind, or his heart. It seemed that each of them was saying something different.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

The day Yoongi would start classes at the university was getting closer and closer. However it can’t be said that he was anxious about it. Still, there were important things to do, like finding a place where he could stay.

Until that moment he was at his cousin's house, but he knew he couldn’t stay there much longer. Besides not wanting to bother the girl, if he stayed there he would have to wake up too early to arrive in time to attend the first classes.

"I'm not going to spend all my money to live in someone's basement," Yoongi complained as he and Yeri left the third apartment they had visited that afternoon.

"They're charging this expensive rent just because it's close to the university," Yeri said, scratching another item off the list that they had made, "Now there's only one more apartment left."

"The weird one?" Yoongi asked, glancing at Yeri's notebook.

Among the search for the perfect, or at least habitable apartment, Yeri had found something too good to be true. Apparently, someone was looking for a person to share an apartment near the university where Yoongi was going  to study, without making any demands and charging a much cheaper rent.

Noting the address, Yoongi turned to Yeri and said, "I don’t want to take any more of your time. Probably this apartment is a crap one, or the owner is a weirdo."

As much as Yeri wanted to continue helping her cousin in that seemingly endless quest, she knew Yoongi was right. It was getting late and she needed to go home.

That's how Yoongi found himself walking the streets of Seoul alone. Walking past the university, he immediately remembered when he'd been there for the last time with Jimin. On that day, they were so happy and confident. Yoongi had even been hopeful about the auditions.

Yet all that was in the past. They had started to walk different paths and Yoongi was already getting used to the idea, after all that was the only option he had.

Although Yoongi's career as a musician was over before it even started, he didn't feel sad or angry at Jimin, quite the contrary. When he saw the boy on the stage so confident alongside other people who also shared that love for dancing, it made Yoongi feel as if he himself was close to reaching his own dream.

In addition to happiness and proudness, Yoongi felt his longing to grow even more as he saw Jimin's beautiful face during that k-pop concert. He lamented the fact that the boy had not looked in his direction. He wanted Jimin to know that he was there, that fate was in favor of their love.

That's why Yoongi tried to buy other tickets so he could see the performance of that k-pop group again and try to get Jimin to notice him. However, it didn't go well and he felt devastated when Yeri mentioned that it had been a special event and that the performance with the background dancers wasn't part of the shows that the group did regularly.

Still Yoongi felt that he needed to see Jimin again, though from afar. Just to make sure the boy was okay.

That was when he had the idea of going back to the building where the BigHit auditions had been held. He hoped to see Jimin there. Maybe the place where he lived wasn't so far.

Looking around, he searched for any sign that might indicate that there was anything about BigHit around.

After walking through the nearby streets, he returned to the starting point again and sat down on the sidewalk, waiting for some staff with a badge, a car or something. But nothing happened.

Either he was in the wrong place or the company knew full well how to hide the trainees.

Getting up after a few minutes, he made a mental note to remember to go back there the other day and repeat that same process, maybe he was luckier.

Yoongi wanted to stay there for some time, but he had already scheduled the visit at the apartment near the university so he had to hurry to get there in time.

Approaching the address that Yeri had given him, Yoongi began to feel lost. Apparently he was on the correct street, but the features of the buildings didn't match the low rent that was in the advertisement. As he stepped into the elevator, Yoongi sensed that his second hypothesis was probably the right one, the author of the ad was a weirdo or someone making a kind of prank.

When he got to the third floor, apartment 302 he met a guy not much older than him, blond hair, blue eyes, no Asian physiognomy. Standing at the door, the apartment owner just stared at Yoongi, waiting for him to say something. The problem was that Yoongi couldn't speak English.

Then he began to speak slowly in Korean as he made several gestures with his hands in an attempt to be understood.

"Sorry... wrong… door," he apologized, bowing quickly.

With a grin on his face the boy replied, "I... speak... Korean."

Yoongi couldn’t believe he had acted like a fool for nothing, "Why didn’t you say that before?"

Appearing to be offended by Yoongi's aggressive tone, the blonde replied, "Because you didn’t ask me anything. You just saw me and deduced that I didn’t know how to speak Korean. I'm almost fluent."

Not wanting to waste any more time there, Yoongi said, "Are you the guy wanting to share an apartment?"

At that question, the smile on the boy's face soon disappeared, with a serious countenance he replied, "Yes. My name is Ian and I'm gay."

Upon hearing that unusual introduction, Yoongi just frowned and said, "Thanks for the info, but I'm taken. My name is Yoongi."

And with that, an uncomfortable silence settled between them. Standing in the hallway, Yoongi looked at Ian who only returned the cold look without saying anything, motionless before the half-open door.

Rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, Yoongi already considered leaving, when after long seconds Ian finally broke the silence.

"Oh, so you still want to see the apartment? I'm not used to it," he said, smiling again as he opened the door for Yoongi to enter, "that's when people always make up some excuse and leave."

"Does this happen when they realize you're weird?" Yoongi said as he looked into the cozy living room.

Smiling sheepishly, Ian then replied, "People here are still very conservative about homosexuality. And since I don’t want to and I won't hide my sexual orientation, it becomes a problem."

Looking quickly into the kitchen of the apartment, Yoongi grunted, "That's why you put in the ad 'Just me trying again,' isn’t it?"

Ian was already in his second year of college, but he hadn't made many friends there. When he had the opportunity to go on a student exchange program, leave England and go to South Korea, he was very excited even because he loved korean culture, or much of it. All that conservatism about homosexuality wasn't something that appealed to him and because of that he almost gave up on the trip.

After listening to his friends' advice he decided to at least try and see what would happen. He just didn't imagine things would be so difficult. And the worst part is that since he was foreign, people seemed to at least try not to offend him or not to ask incovenient questions. He knew that if he were Korean he would probably not have the same luck.

More than having someone to share the expenses, Ian needed company.

"Are you new here?" Ian asked as Yoongi entered the vacated room, ready to receive a new inhabitant.

"Yes, I'm going to college... Business."

With a broad smile on his face, Ian raised his arms to the air in excitement, "Me too! I can help you if you want," he said following Yoongi into the living room,  "But you don't look like the kind of guy who goes to Business college."

Looking at Ian from head to toe, Yoongi couldn't help noticing the pants stamped with little unicorns and the cute slipper the boy wore. Looking up again, Yoongi said, "Neither do you."

It was then that a gleam appeared in Ian's eyes, which seemed more confident than ever, he said aloud, "It's because you haven't seen me in a suit and tie yet. I'm going to have power! And not just as a power bottom!”

Upon hearing that, Yoongi smiled slightly, something made him feel that he would like to have Ian as a friend.

And he was able to confirm that when days later he brought his things to the new home. Ian looked really happy about his presence there and it made Yoongi feel a little sad that the other boy had been left out by the other students at the university just because of his sexual orientation.

"What did your girlfriend say when you told her that you would live with a gay guy?" Ian asked, helping Yoongi keep his clothes in the wardrobe.

"She doesn’t know yet. We have a long-distance relationship and rarely talk," Yoongi lied.

He felt guilty for lying to Ian since the other boy was always very sincere. However Yoongi felt that he wasn’t ready for that. Especially since Jimin was about to become an idol. That was the kind of secret that could ruin his career in seconds.

The first few weeks living with Ian were quieter than Yoongi had imagined. Although he still bothered with all the mess that had neither time nor place to begin to happen.

"Come play Just Dance with me! Doing this alone isn’t fun," Ian complained as he tried to get Yoongi to finally walk away from his desk.

Without taking his eyes off the computer, Yoongi replied, "My body wasn’t made for dancing. And besides, I'm studying."

One thing that Yoongi had noticed in the early days of class was the air of competitiveness that hung in every corner of the university. A simple act like borrowing someone's notes from class was always accompanied by several questions and this didn’t give any guarantee that you would get it or not, probably not. Many students seemed to feel that this simple act could hinder their race to become the number one, or the  professors favorite student.

Whenever he had some free time, Ian would teach Yoongi the things he knew or lend his old notebooks and notes, which was already a great help. It wasn’t that the class was extremely difficult, but it was that Yoongi simply had no interest in the subjects being discussed, which made it difficult for him to pay attention to what was being said. Yoongi had lost count of how many times he had fallen asleep during one of the classes.

But still he tried to do his best, that was what his parents expected him to do.

"When your girlfriend comes here, I have a lot of complaints to tell her," Ian said walking toward the exit of the room, "By the way, we've been living together for some time and you never told me her name."

"It doesn't matter," Yoongi replied, continuing to type in his essay.

"Geez ... That'll get on my list of complaints too!" Ian shouted, leaving the room quickly.

It had been four months since Yoongi had last talked to Jimin and more than ever he missed the boy's sweet voice just talking about the silly things that had happened on their day.

Sometimes Yoongi sent messages to Jimin's cell phone, hoping that maybe that stupid rule of not being able to keep in touch for a year was just a misunderstanding or had been changed. But every time he realized that the messages hadn't been seen, he ended up feeling more sad than before.

He wondered if in the midst of so much news, activity and amusement, Jimin would have time to remember him.

If Yoongi was able to see Jimin at that moment, he would have no doubt.

"Taetae, I need your help," Jimin whispered, holding his friend by the arm and leading him toward the empty bedroom. He had to take advantage of the fact that the other boys were watching a movie in the living room, "Tomorrow I need to get out of school."

"That's impossible!" Taehyung said aloud, being warned by Jimin soon after.

Every day of the week a BigHit minivan would take them to school and then bring them back to the dorm. Outside of there, they were always accompanied by at least one employee of the company. He knew it would be difficult, but he had to try to see Yoongi, he had to get that doubt out of his head once and for all. He couldn’t keep asking himself for months if Yoongi had cheated him or not.

"Tomorrow I'm going to tell the manager that I need to spend some more time at school to do a project, and then I'll find a way out of there," Jimin replied, looking around to make sure no one heard them.

"That's risky! Where do you want to go?" Taehyung asked biting his nails.

"I need to visit a friend. I go to the university where he studies," Jimin said in a low voice.

Jimin still hadn’t walked alone in Seoul, he didn’t know exactly where in the city he was, and not even if it was very far from where Yoongi was living, but he had to try. He didn’t know the name of the streets very well, or what bus he had to get to go there but he remembered the university, after all he and Yoongi walked there on the day of the auditions.

"Is it Yoongi?" Taehyung asked in a serious tone of voice. Jimin nodded shyly, afraid to be judged by his friend, but then the boy continued, "Do you know how to get there?"

"No. But I'll ask the people I meet down the street," Jimin answered a little hesitantly.

"That is too dangerous! What if you get lost? Without a cell phone you won't be able to call us. We will not know where you are."

Taehyung was right and Jimin knew it, but he also knew that he couldn’t stand being on that roller coaster of emotions, crying for what he thought he had seen, sometimes blaming himself and others blaming Yoongi, hating him and not so much time later loving him again.

"I'll be careful, I promise," Jimin said, hoping his friend could understand him.

"I'll go with you," was all Taehyung said before giving him a tight hug.

If any of BigHit's employees figured out what they were planning to do, they would certainly be severely punished. This was a very serious infraction and went against the rules laid down in the contract.

Knowing that Taehyung was willing to take such a risk just to help him, made Jimin feel guilty, but also grateful for their friendship. At that moment Jimin could once again confirm that he had found a best friend.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

When Jimin arrived at school that day the math exercises were what least worried him.

Following what was planned, before Jimin and Taehyung left the minivan, they told the manager that they would be spending some more time in school due to a project for biology class.

Without asking too many questions, Byunghun just said that the BigHit minivan would be waiting for them on the way out of school until they could return to the dorm and that it was up to them to try to do everything as quickly as possible.

Jimin was grateful that Taehyung wanted to help him, but at the same time he didn't want the boy to be punished on his behalf. That's why before they decided to ditched class, Jimin once again made it clear to his friend that their friendship would continue the same if he gave up helping him with that risky plan.

However Taehyung just showed him an affectionate smile and said he was ready for a bit of adventure.

Hidden behind the bushes near the exit of the school, Jimin and Taehyung could see the black minivan waiting for them from the other side of the gate. Their hearts beat faster and faster, they couldn’t be noticed by the driver.

"When some large group of students cross the gate we try to hide between them and then we turn to the left, okay?" Jimin whispered, though no one was around to hear them.

The fact that all students wear the same school uniform would certainly make it easier for them to go unnoticed. They just need to hide their faces and try to look less suspicious.

When a group of about six boys walked hurriedly toward the exit gate,  they realized that it was the perfect opportunity.

Not bothering to interrupt the conversation of the group of friends Jimin and Taehyung positioned themselves between them and with lowered head, they walked towards the gate.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?" One of the boys asked intrigued.

Afraid to be noticed by the minivan driver, they remained silent so as to avoid starting any uproar.

As soon as he realized that Taehyung was turning to the right, not to the left, as they had arranged, Jimin hurried to pull the sleeve of his sweater, drawing his attention.

"I'm sorry, I'm not good with directions," Taehyung whispered as they crouched behind the cars standing near the midfield, not caring about the suspicious looks from people passing by.

It was only when they finally turned the corner that they got up and then started running straight without knowing very well where they were going.

They just knew they needed to get as far away as possible from the BigHit minivan.

They ran for a few more minutes, feeling bothered by the heavy backpack they carried. Jimin knew he should have paid attention to the way they were doing, so they could know how to get back to school later, but it was too late. In the midst of all this tension he had forgotten that detail.

"Look, there's a bus stop," Taehyung gasped, pointing to the corner not far from where they were.

As they sat on the bench, Jimin took a bottle of water from his backpack and gave it to Taehyung, only when his friend had already sated his thirst was that Jimin drank the water left over.

When Jimin spotted a lady sitting next to them, he soon greeted her and decided to ask for directions.

"Would you know if there are any buses going to this university?" Jimin asked, showing the leaflet he had taken during his previous visit.

He knew it had been a good idea to keep that, he just hadn't imagined that one day he would use it  in that way and not just to show it to his mother as he had planned at the beginning.

"Yes, I'm going to get the same bus. But that university is a little far from here, it should take about thirty minutes to get there," she replied in a worried tone.

At that, Jimin and Taehyung looked at each other, thirty minutes was a long time. They would spend almost an hour just to go there and go back to school.

Besides, the only thing Jimin knew was that Yoongi was studying at that university, he had no idea what the boy's schedule was, what class he could be in, whether he lived in one of those huge buildings or not.

Taehyung only nodded smilingly as he realized the hesitation in Jimin's countenance and said that since they had get so far they should continue with the plan.

When a few minutes later the lady who was near them got up from the bench and said that the bus was approaching, Jimin prayed that luck would continue on their side.

Getting on the bus, they quickly found a seat for them to sit together. "Thank you for coming with me," Jimin said quietly, while with a broad grin on his face watched Taehyung admire the landscapes of Seoul through the window.

All along the way Jimin wondered about what he would say to Yoongi and the questions he wanted to ask. Maybe his main question was whether they were still boyfriends.

"Get ready to get off the bus. The university is close by," said the lady who had accompanied them from the bus stop.

Rising quickly from the seats, Jimin and Taehyung again thanked her for the help and with a smile on their faces they walked towards the exit door. The plan was working and that was a good sign.

"Wow, this university is huge!" Taehyung said widening his eyes in surprise, "Where do we have to go?"

Approaching the big courtyard at the entrance to the building complex, Jimin could confirm that they were at the same place Yoongi had shown him on the day of the auditions, yet he had no idea where to start looking for him.

"Let's try to get some information on where he might be," Jimin answered a little hesitantly.

Walking toward the entrance of one of the buildings, they soon saw a large wooden counter where two secretaries in standard uniforms attended the people who arrived there.

"Good morning, could you please inform me in what classroom I can find Min Yoongi," Jimin asked one of the women as he tried to control his nervousness and look as polite as possible.

"I'm sorry, but we're not allowed to share this kind of information about our students," she replied, quickly typing something on her computer.

Feeling increasingly distressed, Jimin tried again, "I came from far away to see him and unfortunately I can’t come back another day. Could you please just let me know which building I should go to?"

"As I have explained to you, we aren’t allowed to share this kind of information about our students," the secretary replied in a serious tone of voice.

Jimin still tried to get some help from other university staff, but it was all in vain. They were irreducible.

Sitting in one of the wooden benches located in a small garden, Jimin hugged his own backpack and said in a sad voice, "I'm sorry for bringing you here for nothing, Taetae."

"Are you going to give up so easily?" Taehyung said indignantly, rising subtly from the bench.

"This place is huge! What can we do? Are we going to ask each of these people if they know a guy named Min Yoongi?" Jimin said disappointed with himself and with all that situation in which he had involved both of them.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," Taehyung said looking more confident than ever.

Jimin soon realized that his friend really meant that. Approaching each person walking into the garden, Taehyung tried to get any relevant information, anything that could help them get close to Yoongi.

Seeing his friend there, helping him in any way he could, made Jimin renew his energies. As much as they didn't have much time left, it was still too early to give up.

"I'll ask the people there," Jimin said, pointing to the other building a little farther from the garden where they were.

Showing a broad box smile, Taehyung gave Jimin a thumbs up and immediately returned all his attention to the search for Yoongi. For a moment he remembered the second day of the auditions in which he and Jimin desperately searched for the boy trying to get him on the stage in time to perform before the judges.

"Who's the guy looking for Yoongi?"

At that, Taehyung immediately turned to see who was the owner of that voice. And then he noticed a blond boy standing outside the door of the building. Holding a stack of papers in his hands, he seemed to be in a hurry.

"It's me!" Taehyung shouted, chasing after the boy who had already started walking into the building, "Do you know him?"

"Yes, he's my friend. By the way, my name is Ian," he replied, pausing to walk for a moment.

"My name is Taehyung. Do you know where I can find him?”

Taehyung still felt a little guilty for not being able to help Jimin on that sad day during BigHit auditions, so he was hopeful to realize that maybe that was life giving him a second chance so he could redeem himself.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know. We don't attend the same classes," Ian said as he looked around them searching for someone, "Does he have your phone number or something?"

That was very unlikely. Although Taehyung had seen Yoongi on stage, they had never been introduced to each other. Also, just like Jimin, his cell phone was stored in one of the lockers in BigHit's office.

"He is fine? Happy?" Taehyung asked, turning back in an attempt to see where Jimin was. He didn’t know very well what his friend wanted to talk to Yoongi, all he had heard was that they needed to meet, so he wasn’t quite sure what he should ask.

"Don’t worry, he's fine. I always try to cheer him up and try to make him go have some fun," Ian replied with a broad smile on his face.

“Listen, I have a fr-“

Ian interrupted Taehyung quickly and said, "Sorry, Professor Lee has already left the classroom. I need to go! Bye!"

Standing on the first floor Taehyung just watched the boy run quickly toward the elevator, following a man with gray hair and serious countenance.

Leaving the building again and walking toward the garden, Taehyung was glad to have somehow gotten some information about Yoongi. It wasn’t much, but at least knowing that the boy was well could make Jimin feel calmer.

As soon as he saw his friend walking through the garden, Taehyung hurried to tell him what he had heard.

"I found Ian!" He said excitedly, sitting next to Jimin on the wooden bench.

"Ian?" Jimin questioned intrigued, "Who is Ian?"

Taehyung certainly wasn’t expecting that reaction, "Don’t you know him? He told me that he is friends with Yoongi and-"

"What is he like?" Jimin asked quickly. He really wasn’t remembering any friend of Yoongi that had that name, but he thought that maybe it could be just a flaw in his memory.

"He has the same height as me, blond, blue eyes and is not South Korean."

Hearing that description, Jimin could only confirm that he had no idea who Ian was, "Tell me exactly what happened."

At the request of his friend Taehyung said in detail everything that had happened since the first second he had found Ian and every word he had said.

Not far away, Ian was relieved that he had been able deliver his essay to Professor Lee, even if it was at the last minute of the deadline. Now he didn’t have to run anymore. The mission of the day had been accomplished successfully and he could finally go home.

Walking slowly through the hallways of the university, Ian felt his cell vibrating in the pocket of his pants.

"Hey Yoongi, where are you?"

As much as he didn’t want to lie to Ian, he didn’t want to tell the whole truth as well, so he just said, "I'm trying to meet my girlfriend."

Sitting once again in front of the building where the BigHit auditions had taken place, Yoongi was already half-hoping to find Jimin there.

"Oh nice! I want to meet her," Ian answered cheerfully.

Whenever Yoongi spoke of his ‘girlfriend’, his eyes sparkled and that frowning face soon disappeared, giving way to endless cuteness. Ian felt he needed to know who was responsible for such a feat.

"I'm going home already. I called to see if you want something for lunch," Yoongi replied, taking one last look at the building and then setting off to walk quickly.

"Hmm... could you buy kimchi Jjigae (kimchi stew)?" Ian asked, trying to remember what they still had in the fridge.

"Fine," Yoongi replied, ending the call.

"Damn, he's in a bad mood again," Ian murmured to himself as he walked toward the nearest elevator.

In the university garden, Jimin and Taehyung decided whether they should wait any longer to see if Yoongi would show up there, or if they had better go back to school.

"Taetae, we don’t know where he went. And if he doesn’t have any more classes to-“

"Look, it's him! Ian!" Taehyung said aloud, pointing to the boy who was walking briskly toward the university’s exit gate.

Taking the backpack off the wooden bench, Jimin immediately started to run in that direction as he shouted, "Hey, Ian! Hey!"

The college students who passed by were frightened to see the two schoolboys running so desperately. But it wouldn’t be such a silly thing, that could stop them from achieving their goal.

Ian turned back and a smile soon appeared on his face as he saw Taehyung again, "Sorry for what happened earlier. I was late," he apologized as they approached.

"It's all right. We don’t want to bother you, but do you know if Yoongi's still coming back here today?" Taehyung asked as he tried to catch his breath.

"Oh, now he's probably with his girlfriend, but he'll be going home soon," Ian answered immediately.

Jimin wasn’t prepared to hear it. He knew it was one of the possibilities, since he thought Yoongi was cheating on him with a girl. But hearing that from someone else's mouth made the pain more real.

In the face of Jimin's silence, Taehyung then tried to continue that conversation for more information, "Can you give us his address? Jimin and I live far from here and-“

"Jimin? Yoongi's best friend? He talks a lot about you," Ian said cheerfully as he recalled the many stories Yoongi had told him about his childhood friend.

However Jimin wasn't so happy, he no longer wanted to be remembered as Yoongi's friend.

"Taetae, never mind," Jimin said in a sad tone of voice. He thought he didn't need to see Yoongi anymore, after all, although intentionally, Ian had confirmed everything he wanted to know. Meeting Yoongi just for him to confirm those things would hurt too much, more than Jimin thought he could bear.

"I'm his roommate, I can take you there. Do you guys want a ride?" Ian asked as he took the car keys and continued his way toward the university exit.

Pulling Jimin by the arm, Taehyung nodded and started following Ian into the parking lot. He didn’t understand why Jimin was behaving that way, looking so sad all of a sudden. They didn’t have much time left, but as Ian had said that the apartment was very close, Jimin and Yoongi could talk. Luck was beside them all day.

"He should be here soon, do you guys want anything to eat?" Ian asked, while the boys sat on the couch in the living room.

"How long has Yoongi been dating?" Jimin said suddenly, totally changing the subject of the conversation.

"Oh, you know... he's a very introverted person. He just told me that he's dating her a while ago, but that he's hopelessly in love. It's so sweet to see him talking about her," Ian replied as he picked up two cans of Coke.

When they heard the sound of the door being unlocked, Ian and Taehyung smiled excitedly at the meeting that was about to happen. Jimin didn’t share the same enthusiasm. He didn’t know if he was angry or sad at the moment.

"Food is here!" Yoongi shouted as soon as he opened the door. When he glanced quickly at the couch and saw that they weren't alone he had to look again just to confirm that wasn't a hallucination. Surely the couch in his apartment was the last place he expected to meet the person he was always searching in the streets of Seoul, "Jimin?"

"I met them there at the university," Ian said a little fearfully, after all, he had taken two people he didn’t know into their home without even asking his roommate's opinion about it, "I hope you don’t mind."

"Of course not," Yoongi replied with a broad grin, dropping the food bags on the floor and going immediately to meet Jimin.

Involving the boy in a tight embrace, Yoongi couldn’t disguise the happiness he was feeling at that moment, which made Ian and Taehyung feel even happier.

Bringing his face close to Jimin's neck, Yoongi closed his eyes and felt the sweet scent he so missed.

"We need to talk," Jimin said in a serious tone.

"Of course, of course... come here," Yoongi replied, taking Jimin's hand and leading him to his bedroom.

As they entered the empty room, Yoongi quickly locked the door and pressed Jimin's body against it. With a passionate smile, he leaned his face forward in order to kiss those lips properly, the way he had been craving for months, not that quick kiss they had traded at the bus terminal station in Busan.

However, before their lips could touch, Jimin turned his face and said in a low voice, "Don’t touch me."

Unaware of what was happening, Yoongi just smiled and sliding his fingers over Jimin's cheek, he whispered, "Don't worry. I locked the door."

Leaning forward again, Yoongi tried once more to kiss Jimin, however the boy disengaged and pushed him slightly.

"I'm sorry if I can’t keep my hands to myself," Yoongi said, without the smile on his face disappearing for even a second, "but I've missed you so much-"

"Really?" Jimin said sarcastically. The small smile on his face showed no sign of happiness but only disbelief.

"Really! By chance, I ended up seeing you onstage. You were incredible, I felt so proud and-"

Jimin couldn’t believe that Yoongi still intended to continue lying to him so blatantly, "Do you think I'm dumb? I saw you there!" He yelled angrily.

"No, I..." Yoongi was feeling so confused that for a second he thought he had misunderstood, "Wait, did you see me there and still chose to ignore me?" He said perceptibly hurt.

"Yes!" Jimin yelled, "You cheated on me with how many people? This new girlfriend, Jaehwan, maybe Jiwon... should I include Ian on the list too? Who else?"

"What?" Yoongi asked in astonishment, "Are you listening to the bullshit you're saying?"

Controlling the urge to cry, Jimin just kept on with his outburst, "You waited until the last second to say you loved me. Why did you lie to me? That was because you wanted to have a clear conscience?"

In the living room, Taehyung and Ian drank coke and tried to ignore the screams that were heard throughout the apartment. They had both realized by now that this was clearly not a discussion between friends, but they still chose not to say anything about it.

"Baby, you wanted to talk... so let's do this. What's going on?" Yoongi asked trying to get closer to Jimin, who just pushed him away.

"What's going on?" Jimin cried in disbelief. "I'm tired! Tired of always chasing you! Oh, does Yoongi love me? Is he taking care of himself. Has Yoongi ever stopped being that dark cloud of sadness that he always is? Did Yoongi ever stop doing so much drama?"

Knowing that this was Jimin's true opinion of him, let Yoongi's heart in pieces. He knew that since they were children Jimin always cared and looked after him, but he had never feeling like a burden, not until now.

Yoongi then quickly rubbed his hand in his eyes, preventing the first tear from falling and just said in a low voice, "I think you can stop now. You're starting to hurt my feelings."

"Hurt YOUR feelings? What about me? Did you think of my feelings while you were at that show having fun with that girl?"

And then Yoongi finally understood what was happening. Quickly pulling the cell phone from his pants, Yoongi accessed a social network and then showed Jimin, "It's my cousin. You met her when we were kids."

Throwing the cell phone on the mattress, he waited for Jimin's reaction, who just hurried toward the bed and picked up the cell phone again to confirm that what Yoongi had said was true.

Not wanting to believe what he was seeing, Yoongi shouted, "Why only the crazy ones fall in love with me?"

Sitting on the floor, Jimin seemed to realize the mistake he had made, "Yeri? But she lives in Daegu," he whispered more to himself than to Yoongi, "and Ian told me that you... "

"Haven't you ever had to come up with a girlfriend just so people don't mistrust you?" Yoongi asked moving away from the bed.

Jimin had done this several times. But the insecurity he felt made him blind to the facts.

Sitting on the couch in the living room Taehyung and Ian just stared at each other in uncomfortable silence. It was impossible not to hear all that yelling, no matter how much they wanted to.

"Taehyung, are you hungry? What do you think of going for a ride?" Ian asked, getting up  from the couch to get the car keys.

Nodding quickly, the boy replied, "What about Burger King?"

Taehyung didn’t want to leave his friend, he knew that Jimin would probably need him to seek comfort or just to vent, but he also knew that wasn’t a conversation he should be hearing.

Walking to the door, Yoongi turned to Jimin, who was still sitting on the floor and said, "Listen, I don’t want another Jiwon in my life."

Raising his head quickly so he could look at Yoongi's face, tears streamed down Jimin's face as he shouted, "Don’t compare me to your ex-girlfriends!"

Unlocking the bedroom door Yoongi said, "I thought you came here because you were missing me. But since you just wanted to know if I was cheating on you… Well, I guess you already have your answer. You can go now. Don’t worry, I'll keep my cloud of sadness away from you."

Leaning his arms on the mattress, Jimin hid his face and said softly, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to love you? You l-like boys AND girls. I just..."

Keeping his cold tone of voice, Yoongi replied, "According to your mother, you live surrounded by five other handsome boys. Did I accuse you of cheating on me?" Opening the door he continued, "Do I think that I'm going to get dumped very soon? Yes, I'm sure. Now, more than ever. But, cheating on me? I never thought about it."

Rising slowly from the floor, Jimin tried to explain himself, "I don't do with them the same things I do with you."

Quickly wiping the tear that trickled down his cheek, Yoongi looked away from Jimin and said earnestly, "Good for you. I'm sure your next boyfriend... the idol one. He will appreciate your faithfulness."

"Y-Yoongi..." Jimin whispered approaching the boy who refused to look at him. He couldn’t believe Yoongi was breaking up with him.

When Jimin had left the dorm determined to meet Yoongi, he wanted answers. Yet he hadn’t prepared himself for that. He thought he could keep control, but when Ian said those things about Yoongi's ‘girlfriend’ and all that tension, he lost his mind.

The constant charges that were made during training, regarding Jimin's body, his ability to dance, the possibility of him having to start singing, all contributed to his insecurity increase further.

"Babe, forgive me. I didn’t meant to hurt you..." Jimin cried, trying to hug Yoongi, who with a quick movement moved away from him.

"Don’t touch me! Isn’t what you said to me? So... don’t touch me."

Yoongi and Jimin looked at each other in silence for some long, torturous minutes. Jimin didn’t know what he could do to change that situation, nothing more than to apologize.

Sighing deeply, Yoongi continued, "Why are you like that? Why are you so hothead and impulsive?" Walking toward Jimin, he put his hand behind the boy's neck and said, "Why do I still love you so much?"

Then Yoongi brought Jimin close to his body and started a rough, sensual kiss. Pulling Jimin's hair, he deepened the kiss, making his tongue run through every corner of that mouth which he would never get tired of exploring.

Jimin's hands traveled through Yoongi's body desperately trying to get them closer. They've been away from each other for months. For long days they couldn't touch each other, they couldn't feel the famliar scent.

Now Jimin no longer needed a simple coat to remember that.

"I'm sorry," Jimin whispered, rubbing his nose gently on Yoongi's neck.

"Shut up and kiss me," Yoongi ordered, connecting their mouths again urgently, nibbling and sucking Jimin's lips that looked even sweeter than the last time they had met.

Turning away quickly, Yoongi locked the bedroom door while he was already taking off his own t-shirt.

"Babe, I guess I don’t have time for that," Jimin whispered, sliding his fingers slowly over Yoongi's chest.

"So, make time," was all Yoongi replied as he tugged at the belt of his pants.

Walking quickly to the bed, Jimin took Yoongi's cell phone so he could see the time. It wasn’t enough time, but at least it was something.

Takiing off his own shoes and socks, Jimin felt his heart race as he saw Yoongi walking slowly toward the bed, wearing nothing but a black underwear.

"Do you still have that weird appreciation for my dick?" Yoongi asked, standing in front of the bed as he ran his fingers through Jimin's hair.

Grinning maliciously, Jimin began massaging the boy's dick through the fabric of his underwear and said, "I don’t remember. You need to refresh my memory."

Gently pushing Jimin against the mattress, Yoongi lay down on the boy's body, slowly rubbing their lips against each other.

"We have to be quick, they're waiting for me," Jimin whispered as he felt Yoongi's lips running all over the thin skin of his neck.

"I can be quick."

Hearing that, Jimin giggled remembering all the times they had made love, how the other boy liked to pay attention to every detail, to spend as much time as possible on foreplay, "No, you can’t."

When Jimin felt the other boy's smile forming against his skin, he could confirm that they both knew he was right.

As Yoongi spread soft and slow kisses over Jimin's face, he took time to once again appreciate the beautiful features of the one he loved so much.

It was when suddenly an idea popped into his mind. Getting up quickly from the bed, Yoongi walked toward the wardrobe and then started looking for the object he needed. It wasn’t long before he found it.

Turning back to Jimin, who was lying down lazily on the mattress, Yoongi took a photo of the boy's face, who shyly brought his hands in front of the camera lens.

"What are you doing?" He asked with a gliggle that Yoongi found extremely adorable, causing him to take another photo of the moment.

"My grandpa gave me this camera. I have to capture with this lens everything that inspires me," Yoongi replied, lying down next to Jimin in bed, "so I'm taking photos of the most beautiful sight my eyes have ever seen... you."

“Geez, so cheesy!" Jimin said softly, smiling so wide that his eyes practically disappeared from his face. Without wasting time, Yoongi took another photo.

Lying in that bed, smiling so happily as they played with each other, they no longer remembered that a short time ago they were having such a fierce fight. But that was just one of the beauties of the relationship they cultivated, they couldn’t get mad at each other for long.

Gently nuzzling Jimin's lips, Yoongi suddenly pulled away and said, "Wait, where's my coat?" At the frightened look on the boy's face, he continued, "Where's the coat I lent you?"

Raising a hand to his own forehead Jimin replied, "Oh shit... I completely forgot."

Pretending to be angry at that behavior, Yoongi then began to lift Jimin's sweater, trying to get it off him quickly, "Then I'll get yours."

Trying to sneak away from those nimble hands, Jimin just shouted, "I can't, that sweater is part of my school uniform!"

But Yoongi barely cared about that. As he used one hand to take off Jimin's black sweater, with the other he tickled his belly.

Jimin then gave up trying to get away and without further reluctance took off the sweater and tossed it on Yoongi's face, who caught it in the air. Bringing the sweater close to his face, Yoongi closed his eyes and stayed for a few minutes feeling that sweet scent that brought him so many good memories.

Leaning forward, Yoongi slowly came closer to Jimin and with a smile on his face began to lift the boy's t-shirt.

"Wow..." Yoongi said surprised as he noticed Jimin's abdomen. He still didn’t have a six-peck abs but he could see that it wouldn’t take him long to achieve that result.

"Did you like it? The company is making me lose a few pounds and go to the gym," Jimin said, stroking Yoongi's hair.

"Well... I will miss the little fats," Yoongi said affectionately as he lightly squeezed the sides of Jimin’s belly looking for some trace of fat. "You're not doing any strict diet, are you?"

Briefly glancing away, Jimin shook his head. He didn’t want to lie, but he knew that if he told the truth, if he exposed all the negative things he had heard about his body, Yoongi would be very angry. Jimin just wanted to enjoy the little time they still had, no arguing.

Apparently, Yoongi agreed. Without asking more questions, he completely removed the other boy's t-shirt and began to give him sweet kisses over his belly and chest as his hands worked to open the pants he wore.

With a passionate smile, Jimin slowly caressed Yoongi's bare arms, his hands then trailed a path down his back, and using his fingernails he made small invisible drawnings on his boyfriend's ivory, soft skin.

Without delay, they were both already in their underwear, hugging each other firmly.

Words of affection and apology were whispered as their bodies pressed against each other in a slow, gentle rhythm.

Connecting their lips, Jimin forgot the world that was waiting for him outside that room. He could only think of how much he loved Yoongi, how good it was to have once again the incredible sensation of feeling the other boy's body weighing over his, the warm breath near his neck.

Slowly sliding his hands down Yoongi's back, tucking them under the fabric of his underwear, Jimin gave a slight squeeze on his ass cheeks.

They had different body and face shapes, different personality and tastes, different life styles, but instead of pulling them away, that only brought them closer. They were not connected by the physical appearance of each other, but by the soul.

"Let me suck you..." Jimin whispered, nibbling Yoongi's earlobe, "I want to taste you again."

"Your wish is my command, my lord," Yoongi said quietly as he took off his own underwear.

Yoongi gave a quiet gasp as Jimin grabbed his half hard cock, giving it rapid pulls letting the soft skin to warm up to his gentle touch. Yoongi felt his body going limp in Jimin's small and cute hands.

Lowering his lips to the oozing head of Yoongi's dick, Jimin gave it a few low laps with his tongue, whining softly for the wonderful sensation of giving pleasure to his beloved.

“It's even more beautiful than I remembered,” Jimin said softly with a subtle smile on his face.

It wasn’t long before Jimin felt Yoongi's dick get completely hard inside his mouth;

Jimin sucked Yoongi cock in deep and let the saliva gather against his throbbing rod. Gagging on the large size invading his throat before pulling back to start a bobbing rhythm.

Moaning loudly, Yoongi grabbed a handful of the sheets with one hand and with the other he held Jimin's hair firmly, pulling him against his dick.

“Baby, c-come here,” Yoongi gasped, causing Jimin to pull away a little.

When Jimin lay down on Yoongi's body, he quickly removed his underwear, finally releasing his hard cock.

Firmly gripping Jimin's butt cheeks with both hands, Yoongi pushed them away from each other and then slammed them hard, making that sound echo through the room of that silent apartment. Not satisfied, he repeated that process a few more times, not getting tired of hearing Jimin's whimpers near his ear.

In a swift movement, they shifted positions and once more Jimin found himself with his back pressed against the mattress. Opening his legs to make room for Yoongi, he gave a groan as he felt the boy holding their cocks with one hand.

"Yoongi... oh..." Jimin moaned in pleasure, closing his eyes as his head slowly turned from side to side on the pillow, feeling Yoongi rubbing their groin without slowing the fast pace of his hand.

A little while later Jimin felt Yoongi's finger brushing slowly over his entrance. He knew exactly what his boyfriend was longing for, he wanted it too, immense and desperate. But they couldn't, there was no time for that.

Besides, oblivious from what was happening outside the bedroom, Jimin thought Taehyung was still waiting for him in the living room.

"Babe... you know," he said in a sad voice.

"I know. But it keeps calling me... inviting me," Yoongi replied with a sly grin on his face, "It's so cute, I can't say no."

With a sudden movement, Jimin pulled Yoongi against his chest, and then wrapped him with his legs and arms, "Be strong, I know you can." Sliding gently his tongue over Yoongi's neck he continued, "I haven't touched myself there for months. It would take us a long time to prep me."

Yoongi then nodded quickly and began rubbing their crotches together in a quicker and more sensual movement as they kissed in a thirsty and passionate way.

"M-Mark me," Yoongi whispered, keeping that rhythm that was already taking Jimin to the climax of pleasure, "mark me"

Not understanding if he really had heard what he thought he had, Jimin looked surprised at Yoongi's face, trying to catch any sign of doubt or hesitation.

And then Yoongi continued, "You have already written your name all over my heart... Would you feel more confident if you mark my skin too?"

Jimin didn't expect to hear that from Yoongi, he knew the boy had never allowed any of his girlfriends to leave visible marks on his body. He always felt that would in some ways make it difficult for him to get new dates and could serve as evidence that he cheated on them.

That mark certainly wouldn't prevent Yoongi from cheating on him, if he would like to. But yet it would carry a meaning and it made Jimin feel his heart warm with affection. Looking shyly into Yoongi's eyes, he nodded a little uncertainty.

"Go ahead," Yoongi said, pausing for a moment to move their bodies and tilting his neck to give Jimin more access, "Let everyone know that I'm taken."

Jimin then closed his eyes and left a soft, quick kiss in the area where he would leave the hickey. Yoongi would probably not be able to hide it with a coat or scarf, especially considering that the harsh winter was over.

Jimin hadn’t imagined that he would feel such pleasure by sucking Yoongi's sensitive skin that hard. The soft moan that the boy uttered only made his arousal increase.

Opening his eyes again, Jimin saw that in a matter of seconds the red mark was already appearing on Yoongi's pale skin, visible to everyone to see.

Without much thought of what he was about to do, Jimin then quickly gave another hickey to Yoongi's shoulder and chest, marveling at his beautiful work of art.

"Hey, I said one hickey! Just one!"

Smiling shyly, Jimin whispered, "I'm sorry."

"You don't seem to be sorry," Yoongi said, increasing the rhythm of the movement of his hand that held firmly to their hard, throbbing cocks.

"I'm not," Jimin giggled, wrapping his arms around Yoongi's neck.

Without delay both of them moaned with their mouths next to each other, the sweet and torturous friction of skin against skin made them feel an indescribable mixture of emotions, at the same time that seemed too much seemed not enough.

Jimin felt that he would never cease to be amazed at the capacity that Yoongi's deep voice and his groans had to enchant him, like a powerful spell that demanded that his body do whatever the other wanted.

Surely he would try to return to that apartment again, but having more time available. He needed to feel Yoongi inside him again, to fuck him as many times and whatever the way he wanted to.

"Baby..." Yoongi breathed out, releasing jets of cum over Jimin's belly, who only then allowed himself to release his fluid as well.

Resting his forehead over Jimin's, Yoongi whispered, "I love you."

Connectng their lips into a soft kiss, Jimin replied, "I love you too."

After a fun drive to Burger King and to a big shopping mall in Seoul, Taehyung and Ian returned to the apartment, a little fearful about what they might find. Considering Jimin's angry shouts, Ian expected find Yoongi with at least one black eye.

"We need to go back to school, I'm going to call Jimin," Taehyung said smilingly as he enjoyed a delicious ice cream.

Suspicious of the strange silence that hung over the apartment, Ian tried to stop Taehyung from heading toward the bedrooms, "Wait!"

But it was already too late, seconds later the boy, oblivious to what could be happening inside Yoongi's room, knocked firmly on the door, "Jimin! We need to go now!"

Ian sighed relieved to realize that Taehyung just knocked on the door and walked away, he wasn’t as innocent as he looked.

Giving one more quick kiss to Yoongi's lips, Jimin tried to normalize his breathing and shouted, "I'm going Taetae!"

"No ..." Yoongi whimpered and buried his face on Jimin's neck.

Running his fingers gently into Yoongi's black hair, Jimin said, "I'll try to get back here soon, I promise."

Giving a sweet and quick kiss to Jimin's forehead, Yoongi then slowly got up from the bed and walked toward the wooden dresser to pick up a tissue box. After wiping his own belly, he returned to the bed and gently cleaned all the cum over Jimin's body.

Dressing quickly in his school uniform, Jimin noted that the black T-shirt Yoongi had just worn wouldn’t be able to hide the hickey that stood out on his neck.

As he tied his shoelaces, he said, "Babe, change the shirt." Looking down at his body to see if his clothes was dirty, Yoongi frowned in confusion. And then Jimin clarified, "The hickey is visible."

"That's the idea," Yoongi replied, buttoning his pants. With a smile on his face, he headed back toward the dresser, picking up a sheet of paper and a pen, "I'm going to write down my address here and my new phone number too."

Jimin nodded quickly as he borrowed Yoongi's hairbrush to quickly try to make his appearance less messy. He couldn’t do much about his blushed cheeks.

"Do you need anything... money?" Yoongi asked, folding the sheet of paper and putting it into the pocket of Jimin's pants.

"The company is small, we don't have any comfort, but they provide the basic things," Jimin replied with a shy smile on his face, "when I debut I think things will get better."

Yoongi felt that Jimin wasn't telling the whole truth, he was probably making things seem less serious than they really were. So he decided to go open the wardrobe and get the envelope that contained the money he had made by selling his music equipment.

Giving a soft kiss to Jimin's cheek, Yoongi placed the white envelope in his hands. When Jimin realized what it was,he hastened to refuse that gesture of kindness, "No, no, no Yoongi. You don't have to do this."

"Your body is tired and you need to feed properly. You spent money to come here..." Yoongi replied, refusing to take the envelope back, "when you become a famous idol you pay me."

When the couple finally left the bedroom and returned to the living room, Ian smirked when he noticed the hickey on Yoongi's neck. He chose not to comment on the subject but was very happy to know that things had turned out well.

He hadn’t been angry with his roommate for hiding something so important, he more than anyone else knew that it was difficult to have the courage to expose himself in that way, and in a society like South Korea, it also became risky.

When Yoongi quickly warmed up the food he had bought, Jimin recalled that his best friend and childhood friend hadn’t yet been introduced.

As soon as he said they were both from Daegu, a lively conversation settled in the living room. The friendly personality of Taehyung made it possible for anyone to be his friend.

"Here baby, eat a little before you go," Yoongi said, handing the food container to Jimin. Realizing what he had said in front of everyone, he gave a deadly glance toward Taehyung who immediately stopped staring at him and glanced at the wall.

Getting in Ian's car, Yoongi and Jimin sat in the backseat talking quietly about the important things that had happened during the months they had spent away from each other. There was much to be said, many sorrows and joys to be shared but they had no time.

For a moment they thought about the fact that their relationship had always been that way, they always had to do the possible and the impossible to win an unfair fight against time.

As Jimin rested his head on Yoongi's shoulder, he felt the boy running his fingers slowly over his hair, lightly massaging his scalp.

When Jimin recognized the street of the school where he studied approaching more and more, his heart was tight, full of sadness. He didn't want to have to say goodbye to Yoongi again.

As they parked near the corner of the school, Ian and Taehyung quickly got out of the car. They had to put into action the plan they had agreed upon.

Inside the car, Yoongi cupped Jimin's face in both hands and said softly, "Baby, remember, I love you. I'll never cheat on you, okay? Trust me. I love you."

"I miss you so much," Jimin whispered, "Wait for me, please."

"You know I'll wait for you... as long as it takes," Yoongi replied, rubbing his fingertips subtly over Jimin's cheeks.

"I love you," Jimin whispered, lowering himself subtly so they could kiss in hiding.

Ian and Taehyung rolled their eyes at the scene. They couldn’t believe that after all the things that had happened that day, the couple could still thought they hadn’t realized that what they had wasn’t just friendship.

When Yoongi signaled they were ready, Ian quickly walked toward BigHit's black minivan and at a surprisingly fast speed began to speak in English with the driver, who inside the vehicle watched him startled trying to explain that he didn’t understand that language and couldn’t help him out.

Soon Jimin and Taehyung approached the car, pretending they had never seen that person in their entire lives,  "We've already finished the biology project, thank you very much for waiting for us," Jimin said with an innocent smile on his face.

Leaving Ian talking to himself, the driver started the car and drove them back to the dorm.

Jimin and Taehyung breathed a sigh of relief thinking that it had all worked out.

It was Namjoon's furious gaze directed at them as they entered the bedroom door, which made them change their minds.




Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

Since when he was a child, Jimin always tried to follow the rules, he always tried his hardest not to disobey his parents and respect older people. He was always praised for exemplary behavior at school.

When the idea of ditching class and going to meet Yoongi came into his mind, he wasn’t proud of it. But he also couldn’t say that he was feeling sorry for what he had done.

When they entered the room, he could soon realize that something was wrong, he just didn’t know what it was. Afraid to make things worse, he just greeted Namjoon, who sat on his bed just kept silent with a serious expression on his face.

"Where were you?" Namjoon asked in a serious tone of voice that made Jimin even more worried.

"I told the manager that Taeehyung and I would stay a little longer at school so we could finish our biology project," Jimin replied, looking at Taehyung who just nodded quickly confirming that it was true.

Jimin hoped that only that answer would clarify the whole situation, but that wasn’t what happened. Rising slowly from the bed, Namjoon said, "I'll ask again, where were you?"

At Jimin's frightened stare, Taehyung then decided to enter into the conversation, "It took us a while because I inadvertently made some mistakes and we had to repeat some things and-"

"There are security cameras at school! Do you think the company would rely only on your word?" Namjoon asked angrily. From the frightened expression of the other two boys, he already knew the answer. "I am the leader, everything you do the company charges me too."

Jimin knew it wouldn’t do him good to lie, after all there were videos showing them leaving the school. So he decided that at least he would save Taehyung, who helped him without gaining anything at all, "It's my fault. I forced him to come with me. Please don’t let them punish him. It was all my fault."

"That's not the truth!" Taehyung said, putting his backpack on the bed and approaching Jimin, "I chose to go with him!"

Rubbing his hand in his own forehead, Namjoon looked stressed, more than usual. He felt he would never get used to having to carry so much responsibility, "You knew this was against the rules!"

"I know, I'm sorry," Jimin said quietly.

"What else did you do? You guys lied to the manager and to the driver and also ditched class... Please, don't tell me that you went to meet girls!" Namjoon snarled.

Unlike many k-pop companies, there was no clause in BigHit's contract that clearly specified that idols couldn’t have a loving relationship, but it became clear that this type of thing wasn’t well accepted by the company because it could hinder the development of idols' career in many ways, as well as contribute to scandals.

If having a love affair with a person of the opposite sex could result in major problems, a homosexual relationship was out of the question, it was even more unacceptable by the companies.

"We went to Burger King and to the mall!" Taehyung replied before Jimin could say anything. Walking briskly toward the bed, he grabbed his backpack and said, "Here, show it to the manager, it is the receipt of our order."

Hearing that, Jimin looked surprised at Taehyung, he didn’t know at what point his friend had taken a walk in Seoul, but that would surely save them from having to give further explanations.

"Did you take such a risk for a hamburger?" Namjoon asked incredulously.

"The company is disturbing Jimin with so many diets and I was tired of being locked up here or at school," Taehyung replied, feeling relieved to have thought so quickly about that lie.

"Promise me you will not do something like that again, it's too risky," Namjoon said, looking seriously at the boys as he put the receipt in his pocket.

"Okay, I promise," Taehyung replied quickly.

Jimin wished he could say confidently that he wouldn't break that rule again, but that only reminded him of a promise he had made earlier. He said that he would try to go again to the apartment where Yoongi was living. Inevitably one promise would nullify the other.

"Jimin? Do you promise me?" Namjoon asked, starting to feel uncomfortable with the boy's silence.

With a sad tone of voice, Jimin sighed deeply and said, "I promise." As hard as it was, he would keep his word.

After the afternoon he and Yoongi had spent together, Jimin was sure that Yoongi loved him, so he would understand the reasons why that promise couldn’t be maintained. BigHit's managers probably wouldn’t be so sympathetic if Jimin broke the rules again.

After taking a long shower, Jimin changed clothes and went straight to the practice room. He was determined to give even more of himself in that training. All his effort couldn’t be in vain.

Arriving there, he soon realized that he wasn’t alone, Hoseok and Seokjin danced excitedly to a high hip-hop music.

"Come on, Seokjin! I know you can!" Hoseok yelled, trying to encourage the other boy who seemed to be as or more exhausted than he was.

"My whole body hurts!" Seokjin shouted. The pain he felt was perceptible in his countenance, but even with the complaints he didn't stop dancing and continued to try to follow the same rapid movements of his friend.

Jimin then sat down on the floor, trying not to disturb them and just watched Hoseok patiently explain the dance techniques that could help Seokjin to improve his body movements so as to perfectly match the melody.

As soon as the song was over, Seokjin closed his eyes and lay down on the floor. The white T-shirt he wore was already practically transparent from the sweat. Which was completely understandable since they had been dancing incessantly for at least five hours.

"Drink it, Seokjin, it's important for you to stay hydrated," Jimin said affectionately, handing a bottle of water to his friend.

"I think I'm going to give up..." Seokjin said breathlessly as he sat down to drink the water, "I have to focus on acting classes, I have to learn to dance, to sing... it's a lot to me."

"You can’t give up! You are important, you are a part of us!" Jimin replied in a frightened way, without saying anything else, he just hugged Seokjin tightly, hoping that the boy could understand that this was true, that everyone there loved and needed him.

With tears in his eyes Seokjin said, "You don't understand... Namjoon has always liked hip-hop, Taehyung and Jungkook have always wanted to sing, you and Hobi already know how to dance, but I have to learn everything from scratch!"

Hoseok knew it was true, they all devoted themselves immensely to training, seeking to improve in every possible way. He himself had to start learning how to be a rapper, but that wasn't something far from his reality. Since he was accustomed to hip-hop dancing, he wasn't trying something totally unknown to him, but that wasn't Seokjin's case, "Listen, a good artist is not just one who is born with talent, it also takes a lot of training to be good. And you're struggling, I'm sure one day it will be recognized."

Agreeing with Hoseok's words, Jimin continued, "And you've gotten so much better, Seokjin! You have no idea! I'm very proud of you. Everybody is!"

Wiping away his own tears Seokjin replied, "People think the visual is nothing more than the handsome guy. They say these things, as if I don't have to dance, sing and do the same things as everyone else!"

"Only ignorant people think that way, don't worry," Hoseok said, helping Seokjin to stand up, "let's go back to the dorm. You've done enough for today."

Jimin hoped that a good night's sleep would cause his friend to change his mind. Every trainee at some point thought of giving up, only the strongest could make their debut.

Not long after, Jimin found himself alone in the practice room. As he stretched arms and legs, preparing his body for the hard exercises that would follow, he thought about Yoongi.

Now that all was settled, Jimin felt a little ashamed of the way he had acted, thinking he was too foolish to think that Yoongi would cheat on him. But at least somehow he could be sure that they were in the same phase of the relationship, that Yoongi loved him with the same intensity.

He no longer had to worry if Yoongi saw him only as a friend, whether he was undecided about his sexual orientation or fearing that he might return to his ex-girlfriend. Their relationship was going well.

The only problem at that moment was that they were being forced to stay away from each other, they needed to wait another eight months.

For Jimin this was still a long time, so he tried not to think about it, but to rejoice focusing on the idea that four months had already passed.

On that day, Jimin rehearsed until dawn, however unlike the other times he didn’t dance to forget his problems and be able to relax, he just wanted to do his best to become a better dancer.

Everyone in the group was struggling for them to become strong and ready for debut, so he couldn’t do less than that.

The next day he went to school feeling so sleepy he could barely pay attention in class. Every muscle in his body ached, but he knew it would become part of his routine until high school was over. There was no escape.

"When we get back to the dorm, try to get some rest," Taehyung said worriedly as he saw his friend practically asleep at the school cafeteria.

Jimin just nodded quickly and a little sleepy lifted his head from the table, just enough to see where the orange juice box was.

As they were alone, Taehyung decided to ask something that was already in his mind for a while, "Jimin... you and Yoongi... you are boyfriends, right?"

Jimin raised his head in alarm, his friend had used a low tone to keep other people from hearing him, but Jimin was still worried. He planned to tell the truth, but not in that way.

"Taetae, listen to me... things-"

But before Jimin could continue to explain what was already obvious, Taehyung just smiled and said softly, "It's fine, I won't judge you."

Jimin sighed relieved to hear that and returned the smile, "He is the love of my life."

Revealing his homosexuality to Taehyung was simple, quiet, without much explanation or drama. There was no crying, accusations, or words full of prejudice. Which made Jimin soon come to the conclusion that this was how it should be. He was telling his friend something happy, he was telling him that he was hopelessly in love with someone else. It shouldn’t matter if it was a woman or a man.

Jimin wished that when he finally had the courage to tell the whole truth to his parents, they could react in that same peaceful way. But unfortunately things weren’t always like that, not all people were so understanding and empathetic as Taehyung.


When another exhausting day of class came to an end, Jimin was relieved to go back to the dorm even though he had to go with the other members to BigHit's office shortly afterwards.

"Do you know why the company wants to hold this meeting?" Jimin asked as they walked toward the school’s exit.

"I don’t know, but it must be important since this time they called everyone and not just Namjoon," Taehyung replied thoughtfully.

Stopping for a minute, Jimin grabbed his friend's arm and asked, startled, "Is it because of what we did?"

That could be possible, they both knew it. After their conversation, Namjoon didn’t say anything more about it, nor did he mention if there was any punishment for what they did.

"I don’t know... but I know you'll be very happy to see who's standing right there."

Turning in the direction Taehyung was looking, Jimin was soon able to see who his friend was referring to. Leaning against the wall outside the school, Yoongi watched them from a distance.

Watching the boy there, looking so unconcerned as he listened to music on his earphones, made Jimin remember the days when they studied together, how his boyfriend always waited for him after school, so they could go home together. Sweet memories immediately came slowly to his mind.

With a grin on his face, Jimin crossed the school gates, as he exchanged with Yoongi passionately glimpses.

However, before Jimin could cross the street and go to meet Yoongi, the boy quickly raised his arm and begged him to stop. Tilting his head to the side, he indicated that the BigHit minivan was already parked not far from there.

Jimin's smile immediately vanished as he realized he shouldn't get close to the one he loved so much. It was too cruel for a passionate heart.

Standing on the sidewalk across the street, Yoongi gently ran his finger over his own lips, motioning for Jimin to smile again. He didn’t want to see that sad face.

Jimin lowered his head shyly, then slowly looked up again trying to sketch his best smile. When he saw Yoongi bring both hands to his chest with a passionate smile on his face, he giggled cheerfully.

No words had been uttered, yet all the feeling one felt for the other was evident.

"The driver is calling us," Taehyung said sadly.

Jimin then discreetly waved goodbye to Yoongi, and started to walk towards the minivan. Before he got into the vehicle, he glanced back, and smiled at his boyfriend, hoping he could understand that it was a thank-you, that he was really happy for that gesture so simple and quick but still so endearing.

"That was cute ... but sad," Taehyung said softly as the car started.

Jimin just nodded and rested his head on his friend's shoulder. He was feeling a little sad, but he still had to prepare for what was to come in the meeting with BigHit's managers.

As soon as they arrived in the dorm, they could see that everyone was tense about what would be said at the meeting. Not even Namjoon knew exactly why everyone should go to the office, but the one thing he was sure of was that what was to come involved the entire group.

Taehyung and Jimin quickly changed their clothes, they didn’t even bother to look for something to eat. The sooner they got to that meeting, the better it would be. They wanted to put an end to that anguish, regardless of what was waiting for them.

Arriving at BigHit's office, the six boys stared in fear at the three managers who sat at one end of the table keeping their faces serious all the time.

At that moment Jimin was fully aware that as much as he had a lot of fun with the boys and that he had several tiring but fun classes, that was still a job for him, and for so many other people.

Without delays, manager Byunghun placed a folder of files on the table and began to read to everyone present in the meeting room the evaluation of each member according to the opinion of the teachers and the choreographers. As he started to talk about the weight and height of the boys, Jungkook was glad to realize that he was growing taller and Jimin sighed relieved to know that he was managing to maintain his ideal weight.

It wasn’t long before a manager whom Jimin hadn’t yet met began to speak the main reason for that meeting, attracting everyone's attention, "After long conversations with the entire team of producers, choreographers and teachers, it was decided that Bangtan needs a seventh member," Kwangsu said seriously.

"A singer?" Jungkook asked scared. Although he made significant progress in relation to his shyness, especially with Taehyung’s help, he still felt insecure to step up on stage as the lead singer.

"A rapper," Kwangsu answered right away, which made Namjoon and Hoseok got frightened. It was then that the manager looked at the boys and reassured them, "You guys have done a great job, but there's still something missing, and the producers found the person who perfectly fits the group."

As the boys still didn’t seem convinced that they were doing a good job, manager Byunghun made it a point to explain, "Namjoon is doing great but he needs help. Writing lyrics for an entire album in a short period of time it's a lot of work."

Turning to Hoseok, Kwangsu said, "You've developed a lot as a rapper, but you're also the lead dancer, so it's not easy to do both at the same time during a whole concert. A seventh member will balance things."

Hearing that, Jimin couldn’t think of anyone but Min Yoongi. He would be perfect for the company's expectations, so without wasting time he raised his hand apologetically for interrupting the conversation and said, "I know a person who is perfect for the group. He is a very talented rapper, he composes his own lyrics, produces songs... he has even won a prize at school. And he can speak so fast… it makes everyone so impressed!"

With a small smile on his face, Kwangsu turned to Jimin and said, "We appreciate your help, but we already have the ideal person. The company has already contacted him and we are waiting for a response."

Feeling sad that he hadn’t been able to convince the managers to call Yoongi, Jimin asked, "If this person turns down the company's invitation, could you give my friend a chance?"

However soon Kwangsu put an end to Jimin's hopes, "That's not how things work here. The producers already know what the best choice is. If he doesn't accept it, it will be up to us to look for another solution. We already have other options."

In silence, Jimin just nodded and chose not to insist. He just wanted to help, but apparently the managers were starting to think he was doubting their ability or underestimating the work they did.

Certainly Jimin wanted to help Yoongi achieve his dream, but he also thought the boy would be the perfect addition to the group, and from the look that Taehyung launched toward him, he knew he wasn't the only one to think that way.

Jimin didn't know who the new Bangtan member would be, but he already felt that he wouldn't like him.



Chapter Text

---//---// PAST //---//---

It had been a week since the meeting with the managers and yet there was nothing new about the seventh member. Things in the dorm were the same, except for Jimin trying to get used to the idea of having to go to singing class.

Jimin liked to sing, he always liked it. But knowing that he would have to sing in front of an audience and that his voice would be recorded forever in an album, made him rather insecure.

"Your voice is beautiful, you have to learn some breathing techniques and that way it will sound even better," the teacher said, trying to encourage him for the thousandth time that day.

However, when Jimin complained about his lack of ability to sing, he wasn’t looking for compliments or pat on the back. That was his real opinion. So even though he was very grateful for the compliments he received, he knew it wouldn’t help if he didn’t accept himself as a singer.

Jimin understood that he would have to begin to realize what his limitations were, in order to overcome them so that only then could he feel more confident.

During the training he received only words of affection and encouragement from other members, but after the debut anyone could hear him sing and so anyone could judge him, and not always these criticisms would come in a constructive way.

After the debut his image would be linked to Bangtan, if he sang badly, if he mistook the lyrics or made any kind of mistake, people wouldn't say Park Jimin is a bad singer, they would say that Park Jimin from Bangtan is a bad singer. And he certainly didn't want the group to be seen as inferior to others. All members were working hard to make them good in all areas, so he couldn't disappoint them.

"The teacher asked me to record myself singing this song and send it to her," Seokjin said, showing a sheet of paper with the lyrics, "Did she ask you the same?"

"Yes, we can do it together. What do you think?" Jimin asked as they walked toward the exit of the building so they could return to the dorm.

"It's a good idea, we can do it after dinner," the other boy replied as they got in the BigHit's minivan.

As soon as Jimin arrived at the dorm he found Taehyung and Jungkook excitedly playing video games. The competitive side of the maknae didn’t let them finish the match before he could come out victorious. Taehyung patiently just smiled as he waited for his turn to play and try to keep his high score.

"Where's Namjoon? He have to help me with dinner," Seokjin asked throwing himself on the couch in the living room.

"He and Hobi are in the bedroom arguing about the new member," Jungkook replied without looking away from the screen.

Entering the living room Namjoon said, "We're not arguing, I was just saying to Hobi that I think the guy doesn’t give a shit about us."

Hoseok and Seokjin then began to hypothesize about what were the reasons that prevented the likely seventh member from contacting the company to accept or decline the invitation. Everyone was eager to finally make their debut.

Jimin was tired of that conversation, lying on Seokjin's lap he said, "Why doesn’t the company call someone else?"

Going towards the kitchen Namjoon replied, "The guy left the managers really impressed, they just keep telling me Min Yoongi is great. You'll love Min Yoongi. So I have to wait."

"Min Yoongi?" Taehyung and Jimin shouted in unison.

When Namjoon just nodded and started cutting the vegetables so that Seokjin could prepare dinner, Jimin stood for a few seconds trying to figure out what was going on.

When he was in Yoongi's apartment, the boy hadn’t said anything about BigHit, and that made Jimin think that maybe the company hadn’t been able to get in touch with him or that some misunderstanding had happened.

If this was happening while they were still living in Busan, Jimin wouldn’t think twice and call him or go to his house to clear those doubts and clarify the whole situation. But at that moment that wasn’t possible, and besides he had made a promise to Namjoon about not to break the rules again.

Throughout the dinner Jimin felt uneasy, he could barely eat the delicious food Seokjin had prepared.

He even went so far as to ask Taehyung whether he knew anything or whether Yoongi's roommate had commented on something that might help them understand why the boy hadn’t yet given an answer to the company. Jimin knew that as much as the managers were delighted with Yoongi's talent, they wouldn’t wait long.

"Let's do the singing class exercise?" Seokjin asked as he and Jungkook finished washing the dishes.

Jimin was so distressed by the whole situation on the seventh member that he had even forgotten what he had agreed with his friend, "Yes, sure... Where's Namjoon?"

"He and Hobi have just finished dinner and have already gone to the studio," Seokjin replied as he asked Jimin to accompany him into the bedroom, "We have to record fast before they want to sleep."

No matter how Jimin tried. He couldn’t concentrate on the song. It was already the fourth attempt and he continued to miss the words. With every mistake he apologized saying that he was tired, but Seokjin already seemed to not believe it.

When he said it would be best if they went to sleep and tried to record the song another day, Jimin thanked him mentally. His focus was definitely not on the singing class exercises.

However Jimin knew he couldn’t continue to act that way, letting his emotions interfere in such a way in his professional life.

Jimin walked to the living room and sat down on the couch. He decided he would wait for Namjoon to return from the studio.

When Jungkook and Taehyung stopped playing video games and went to their bedroom to sleep, Jimin realized that it was getting late at night, and he didn’t know at what time the leader would finally return to the dorm. Again he mentally cursed the silly rule of not being able to use cell phones.

Jimin was almost asleep on the couch when he heard the sound of the door being unlocked. Getting up quickly, he thought again about what he was about to do, if it was worth taking the risk, but then he remembered that it was because of Yoongi, then taking a deep breath he called Namjoon to speak privately.

"I know I made a promise to you, so that's why I waited for you to arrive. I'm going to escape the dorm again," Jimin said seriously, as soon as Namjoon sat down on the couch.

"You're not going," the boy replied quickly getting up, "is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

As difficult as it was to challenge the authority of the leader of the group, Jimin needed to be strong. He knew he couldn't show any sign of insecurity, otherwise he could never convince his friend that he knew exactly what he was doing, "Sorry Namjoon, but I didn't ask for your permission, I only communicated to you what I'm going to do."

Namjoon looked genuinely upset with that answer, sighing deeply as he walked toward the bedroom he turned to Jimin and said, "You're not a child anymore. So, go ahead. Do whatever you want."

"Don’t take it personally. I don’t want to upset you. If something goes wrong, I'll take the blame. Don’t worry," Jimin replied before the boy could walk away.

Namjoon, however, just nodded with a small smile on his face and left the living room leaving Jimin alone.

The role of leader demands a lot of obligations and responsibilities, besides worrying about his own actions he had to check if the other members were also acting according to the expected, so Jimin knew that his friend wasn’t reprimanding him with bad intentions. As hard as it was, they needed to differentiate their friendship with the professional relationship.

Jimin even thought about telling Namjoon why he needed to escape the dorm, but soon he realized that he still didn’t know why Yoongi was acting that way. Jimin feared harming his boyfriend somehow, so he'd rather talk to him first and then tell the truth to Namjoon if necessary.

Even though Taehyung had offered to go with him to Yoongi's apartment, Jimin preferred to refuse, after all the last time both had almost had big problems. He also didn’t want to make the same mistake of ditching class and being caught by security cameras.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, he wore Yoongi's black coat, hiding his head with the hood and opened a large black umbrella. Jimin didn't know if he was being watched at that moment so he just preferred to walk normally so as not to raise any suspicion, just taking care to hide his face. Maybe that way he could be mistaken for a BigHit employee.

Whether this strategy worked or not, he would only find out when he returned to the dorm.

As Jimin set foot on the street and the raindrops began to fall, he prayed to heaven for things to work out. He knew he couldn’t count on luck all the time, but he had to take the risk.

Trying not to get wet by the rain he quickly jotted down the address of the dorm. This time he wouldn’t have the BigHit minivan waiting for him. He would have to return alone, so getting lost wasn’t an option.

Jimin mentally thanked the fact that Seoul was a metropolis where people had an active nightlife, so even if it was late at night, the streets weren’t empty.

With Yoongi's address in hand, he decided to use some of the money his boyfriend had loaned him to pay for a taxi. He could catch a bus, but the faster he got there, the better it would be.

It was raining hard when he reached the door of Yoongi's building. It was past midnight, and he was sure Yoongi was probably asleep, but under the circumstances there might not be another chance he could escape unnoticed from the dorm.

When Ian answered the intercom with a sleepy voice, Jimin felt even more guilty. Apologizing several times for waking the boy, he waited for the gate to open.

He barely had time to get out of the elevator and was soon greeted by Yoongi who, wearing only a pair of black pants, hugged him tightly, "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

"I'm fine, don't worry," Jimin replied in a low voice, "I just couldn't make it earlier."

Holding Jimin by the hand, Yoongi led them into the apartment. He was still a little drowsy when he asked the boy to sit on the couch in the living room, "He's fine, Ian. You can go back to sleep."

Jimin was even more embarrassed to notice the discomfort he was causing. Probably the boys were as tired as him.

As soon as they were alone again, Jimin quickly got up from the couch and went to meet Yoongi who was standing near the front door. Wrapping his arms around the boy's neck, he began to give soft kisses on his lips, forgetting for a moment what was the main reason he went there.

"Babe, BigHit wants you," Jimin said in a cheerful tone of voice as he cupped Yoongi's face. When the boy showed no enthusiasm, and just lowered his gaze, Jimin's face changed completely, "Did you already know that? I thought there had been some misunderstanding."

Yoongi gave him a peck on the lips, and then nodded quickly. After a few seconds he walked toward the kitchen being followed by Jimin.

As he watched the boy calmly get a bottle of water from the fridge, Jimin had to control himself to keep his voice low, "So what are you still doing here? Why aren’t you there in the dorm with the other boys... with me? You don’t belong here..."

Yoongi leaned against the kitchen counter and replied, "My parents are happy to see me here... that's what they want."

"But it's not what you want!" Jimin said loudly, regretting soon after, fearing Ian had woken up again, "You can't go on living your life just to please them!"

Yoongi knew that Jimin was right, but he was afraid. He was already eighteen, an adult, and he had to behave like one.

As much as he didn't like college life, he had to admit that in that way his life was more stable, he could predict more clearly what waited him. He would study for a few years, get the diploma and then work for some company to earn a reasonable salary. He certainly wouldn't become rich, but he also wouldn't have to rely forever on his parents' money.

Yoongi then walked to Jimin and hugging him he just said sadly, "Things aren’t so simple. Besides, I'm getting used to it. It's not so bad."

Jimin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He didn’t understand why Yoongi was behaving that way after everything he had been through to achieve his dream.

Bringing his boyfriend closer to him, Jimin said, "You can’t give up now... please think about what you're doing."

However Yoongi said nothing, he just cupped Jimin's face with both hands and looked for a few seconds in his eyes, hoping that he could understand the reasons why he was making that decision that seemed to be the best choice at that moment, “I'd love to spend more time with you, but it's late. You have to leave... I guess"

It was true, Jimin needed to get back to the dorm as quickly as possible, but at the same time he didn’t want to leave that apartment with the feeling that he wasn’t helping Yoongi. Jimin didn’t want to see him make a mistake that he could regret for his entire life.

"I think I'm going to spend the night here. I'm leaving early tomorrow. May I?" Jimin asked, giving soft kisses to Yoongi's lips and neck, who with a broad smile on his face just nodded as he didn't move away from Jimin, leading them toward the bedroom.

They tried not to bump into anything and didn't make much noise. Only the sweet sound of giggling and passionate whispers were heard in the dark apartment.

As they reached the room, Jimin began a deep but gentle kiss. As he pressed closer to Yoongi, he reached up to splay his hand over the boy's chest, feeling his heart beating getting faster. The desire they felt for each other more and more evident.

"Weren’t you sleepy?" Jimin asked, gently sliding the tip of his finger along the edge of Yoongi's pants.

"I'm wide awake now."

Yoongi then rested a hand on Jimin's lower back and slowly directed them toward the bed as he guided their mouths together in a breathless kiss.

As soon as Jimin's back pressed against the mattress he pulled Yoongi without disconnecting their lips from that passionate kiss full of saliva, desire and voluptuousness.

Shifting positions, Jimin sat on Yoongi's legs and slowly began to slide his hands down his abdomen and chest, leaving wet kisses on every skin he could reach.

"Take off your clothes, baby..." Yoongi whispered, lifting Jimin's T-shirt, "I wanna kiss you all over..."

Jimin then positioned himself on Yoongi's crotch and began to move his hips in a circular motion as he pulled his own T-shirt over his head.

Yoongi couldn’t hide the joy of having Jimin back in his arms. He held both hands tightly around Jimin's waist, and pressed the boy's butt even closer to his clothed dick, causing them both to utter a soft moan.

Without wasting time, Jimin leaned forward and began a slow, sensuous kiss while his hair was slightly grasped by Yoongi. Their tongues tangled in one another in a riotous and fervent dance, and then Jimin felt Yoongi's large hand invading his pants and squeezing his ass cheeks firmly.

When Jimin got up from the bed so he could take off his own pants, Yoongi also pulled away and hurried to the dresser to get the lube. As soon as he found the bottle hidden in the last drawer of the furniture he went back to the bed and immediately felt overwhelmed by the image that his eyes saw.

Lying completely relaxed on the mattress, Jimin kept his eyes closed while gently caressing his own cock. The beautiful curves of his body made Yoongi remember the famous old paintings that are displayed in the museums.

At that moment Yoongi desired to be a talented painter, so that he could then eternalize that formidable beauty somewhere other than his own mind.

Standing in the middle of the room, he just watched Jimin while stroking his own dick over his underwear.

“Are you going to stand there?” Jimin asked quietly.

Yoongi picked up the chair next to the desk. Then he put it in front of the bed, and silently sat down, undressing completely.

"Babe?" Jimin whispered, not understanding his boyfriend’s behavior who before so breathless with desire now seemed to be a little distant.

"Keep touching yourself, I want to watch it," Yoongi said gently massaging his own cock.

"Oh no... I want your hands... I want you!" Jimin protested, rising quickly from the bed. He wanted to enjoy every minute they had together, feel the skin and the touches he so much missed. He sat on Yoongi's lap, and hugging him he continued, "Touch me... YOU… touch me."

"Jiminie..." Yoongi grunted, taking the boy's hands away, "Go back to bed and obey me."

As soon as Jimin got up he was startled by the strong slap he got on his ass, "Aish... I'm going," he complained before laying back on the mattress,"Aren't you going to help me?"

"No. Just imagine that it's me touching you," Yoongi replied in a serious tone of voice. He had to struggle not to smile when Jimin pouted.

Jerking off while thinking about Yoongi, it wasn't something new for Jimin, though he had never done that being watched so closely.

He felt shy to expose himself like that, but he felt very comfortable with Yoongi. Seeing that malicious gaze directed at his body, in a way made him more aroused, awakened in him a bit of exhibitionism.

With his eyes closed Jimin took a deep breath and then began to slide his hands down his own chest, playing with his nipples a little, slowly stroking his belly and down to his toned thighs.

"So fucking sexy..." Yoongi whispered, staring at Jimin's body.

A short time later Jimin brought his hand to his own dick, wrapping it in a firm but gentle grip, while with his other hand he pressed subtly to his nipple.

Nibbling his bottom lip, Jimin increased the rhythm of the movement of his hand, spreading precome across the surface of his hard cock. A soft moan left his lips as his fingertips pressed subtly to the foreskin.

Lowering his hand toward his balls, he massaged them for a while, subtly warming the thin, sensitive skin.

As the tip of his finger grazed subtly at his entrance, Jimin began to make small circles in that spot. Opening his eyes slowly he turned his head to the side and whispered, "I need the lube." However Yoongi just shook his head. "No lube?"

For a moment, Jimin wondered what his next move would be so he decided on the easiest option. Taking his middle finger to his mouth, he began to suck it, dampening it with saliva. Then he tried to relax his body and slowly inserted the tip of his finger into his tight hole. He hadn’t touched it for months, which made things a bit more difficult. Jimin felt like a virgin again.

"Babe, I need your finger here," Jimin whimpered trying to stretch his hole, "please..."

"Fuck," Yoongi moaned, tilting his head back as he felt his body give slight spasms indicating the approaching orgasm.

"Babe, I need you," Jimin whispered, trying in vain to make room for the second finger.

With a loud groan Yoongi felt his body stiff as the jets of cum hit his own belly and chest. Still feeling his legs wobbly like jelly, he walked toward the bed and then laid his body over Jimin's.

"You did so well," he breathed out, leaving a trail of kisses on Jimin's neck and chest.

Connecting their lips in an urgent kiss, full of lust and desire, he stroked Jimin's thighs, climbing up with his hands to give a slight squeeze on his ass cheeks.

"I'm yours... touch me," Jimin whispered, feeling the tips of Yoongi's fingers slowly roam over his chest and belly.

"Turn around, baby," Yoongi gasped, giving him a peck on the lips.

Jimin nodded quickly and rolled over onto his stomach. The moment his head rested on the pillow, Yoongi's scent invaded his nostrils causing a faint smile to appear on his face.

Jimin's fond smile didn’t leave his lips even when he moaned softly at the feel of Yoongi's firm hands, massaging his shoulders and back.

Then a loud slap echoed through the room and Jimin felt his buttocks burn softly, but nothing that could bother him, nothing that lessened his voluptiness, on the contrary.

Suddenly, a shudder raced down his spine when without any warning he felt Yoongi's tongue licking around his rim and then slip inside.

"Aaaah... Yoongi..." he moaned loudly, arching his back sharply.

Yoongi used both hands to grab Jimin by the waist and hold him in place, lifting his butt into the air even more. As he smoothed over Jimin's backside, Yoongi gave soft bites on his ass cheeks.

Shortly afterwards Jimin felt hot breath in his entrance and subtly moved his hips in anticipation.

Yoongi then gave another hard slap on Jimin's round ass, making the flesh shake sensuously. Jimin just tried to control the volume of his moans as he felt Yoongi's hands pulling his cheeks apart and tongue went in and out of him.

Even though they had been away from each other for months, Jimin soon realized that Yoongi remained extremely skilled with his tongue, the quick, precise movements capable of arousing an ardent desire that seemed to burn inside him.

"Babe... I t-think ..."

Not allowing Jimin to finish the sentence, Yoongi gently pulled his dick to the back, giving a single, slow lick that ran through Jimin's entrance, perineum and then going to the glans.

Jimin's fingers gripped the white sheets as Yoongi's long finger slowly entered his small hole that hungrily longed for something else.

Pulling Jimin's butt cheeks apart, Yoongi spat on the rim to make it easier for the second finger to enter it. Jimin whimpered softly as he felt a faint blaze. However he could barely notice this because he was too lost in immense pleasure.

"Sit on my face," Yoongi said, lying down next to Jimin.

"I will not be able to hold it any longer," Jimin whispered, "I'll cum."

"That's the idea," Yoongi whispered, patting Jimin's thigh, urging him to hurry up. Jimin didn't want that night to end so soon, he wanted to make the most of it, he wanted again to feel their bodies becoming just one. Seeming to read his thoughts, Yoongi continued, "We still have time, baby. Don't worry."

Jimin nodded shyly, and slowly crouched next to the other boy's face, who held tightly around his waist bringing him closer to his mouth. Jimin barely had time to adjust himself and felt Yoongi's wet and hot tongue invading him again in rapid and raw movements.

Moving his hips back and forth, Jimin rubbed his entrance over his boyfriend's mouth as moans and whispers left his lips without he even realizing it.

Just as Jimin had anticipated, it wasn't long before he reached orgasm, and he wasn't surprised at all that Yoongi had managed to do that using only his mouth.

With gasping breath Jimin lay back on the bed trying to recover from the incredible orgasm. He wanted more, he felt an insatiable longing for Yoongi's body.

With a passionate smile on his face, Jimin felt himself being wrapped around Yoongi's arms, who kissed him on the neck, drinking from his delicious scent.

"I miss you so much," Yoongi whispered, slowly stroking Jimin's back, "I feel lonely without you."

"Why don’t you take BigHit's invitation and come stay with me?"

Yoongi then looked away and said in a low voice, "You know why."

"You are so talented that managers have decided to call you without you having passed the auditions! Do you have any idea how amazing it is?" Jimin asked, holding his boyfriend's chin gently so they could meet each other's eyes.

"I'm afraid things will not work out."

Jimin understood the way Yoongi was behaving, that was a very important decision, and if things went right or wrong it would surely affect their entire lives.

He gently stroked Yoongi's face as he said, "I'm afraid too... all the time. But I can’t let it immobilize me, stop me from achieving what I want."

"My family isn’t rich, they are counting on me... if I fail..."

"You didn’t even accept the invitation and you're already thinking of failing! You have to stay positive," Jimin said, giving a little peck on Yoongi's lips, "I will not force you to do what you don’t want to, but promise me that you will think better of it."

"Okay," Yoongi whispered, "I love you, you know that?"

"Oh really? I'm not so sure," Jimin said playfully.

Yoongi then lay down on Jimin's body and slowly rubbing his noses at each other, he replied, "I love everything about you. I love every bit of you."

When their gaze locked, they stared at each other in a silent conversation. Jimin's bright eyes gave Yoongi the confidence he needed, the comfort of knowing he wasn't alone. Whenever he was with the boy, as a friend or as a boyfriend, he felt loved. And he could confirm that he also loved Jimin, with such great magnitude that it even frightened him. He felt he could do anything for Jimin, any sacrifice, any proof of love.

Jimin was happy to be with Yoongi, and it wasn't just for the incredible sex, but for the feeling of being complete again. He knew that escaping from the dorm was a risky move, but at the same time he couldn't care enough.

He felt as if their souls were connected to each other, that they couldn't stay apart for a long time, like a mighty magnet, they would attract the other regardless of obstacles along the way.

Their tongues swirled into a sweet, slow kiss as their hands roamed each other's bodies. Each touch had the same effect as the first time they kissed, the first time they made love. The nervousness was the same, the curiosity and the desire for the unpredictable also remained the same. Only their appreciation for each other had changed, their love was even stronger.

"I want you," Jimin whispered, massaging Yoongi's half hard cock, "I want to feel you."

He then pushed Yoongi subtly to the side, and sitting on the bed he began to gently kiss the boy's belly, circling the area around the navel, down the pelvis and going to the boy's thighs.

After some time just caressing Yoongi's soft skin, avoiding the place that he most craved, Jimin decided that it was time to end the teasing. Sliding his hand up, he held firmly at the base of Yoongi's dick, circulating it with rapid movements while applying light pressure with his fingers.

Jimin leaned forward, and began to touch his own dick while his mouth caressed Yoongi's cockhead, gently sucking the aching skin.

Only the sight of Jimin's full lips brushing and enveloping that sensitive spot was enough to make Yoongi cry out for more.

Lying his fingers on Jimin's hair, he massaged the boy's scalp as he pushed his head up and down.

Jimin let himself be guided and with his eyes closed as he tried to take as much length as he could. The effort not to choke was reflected in his face and in the bulging veins of his neck.

Yoongi sat down in the center of the bed and stretched his legs. Pulling Jimin by the shoulders, he made the boy sit on his lap.

The two gasped intensely when their mouths collided into a kiss with overflowing passion and desire. Their tongues searched for each other in a voracious and urgent way.

The pleasure that permeated Jimin's body was so intensified that he didn't even notice the moment Yoongi reached for the bottle of lube on the mattress. When he felt his hole being filled by Yoongi's fingers, he let out a soft moan and wrapped his arms around Yoongi's neck, who patiently continued to stretch him.

Yoongi continued to move two fingers inside Jimin, trying to make room for him to fit perfectly there, listening to sweet moans he sucked and nibbled on Jimin's nipples.

Jimin wriggled his butt against Yoongi’s fingers, moaning loudly in anticipation. When the third finger came in, he just whimpered softly and continued with the circular motions of his hips.

"Let's do it in a wet and naughty way... just the way you like it," Yoongi whispered, putting a generous amount of lube over his own dick and in Jimin's hole, who groaned loudly as he felt the could gel coming in contact with his warm skin.

Wrapping arms and legs around Yoongi's body like a koala, Jimin lifted his butt a little and held Yoongi's cock, then he lined it up with his entrance and slowly buried the veiny hard dick inside himself.

"Oh my god..." he whined, closing his eyes tightly in discomfort. Resting his forehead on Yoongi's shoulder, who was slowly caressing his back, he crouched lower and lower. He was sure that without delay, Yoongi would turn that discomfort into pleasure.

Jimin tried to raise his hip and start to move, but he had to stop immediately because he felt like he was being ripped inside, "F-fuck... did you get b-bigger?"

"No… I think you got tighter," Yoongi gasped, feeling Jimin tightening around him, "Take your time, baby."

Noticing the boy's discomfort, Yoongi reached for his dick and began to move his hand up and down at a rapid pace, while at the same time massaging his balls.

Soon after, their lips began a soft and slow kiss, then their tongues played with each other outside their mouths.

When Jimin felt ready, he moved his hips again in small experimental movements, and noticing that the discomfort had already subsided, he increased his speed, receiving every inch of Yoongi's cock with great vigor.

As Yoongi helped Jimin move his hips, he hugged him, bringing their bodies closer together. He held Jimin's head firmly, feeling their chest pressing against each other.

"You're simply the best," Yoongi whispered in Jimin's ear, "I can't resist... you owns me."

With his head tilted back and mouth half open, Jimin smiled happily sinking deep into Yoongi's hard, throbbing cock, who began to lick and suck on his nipples.

"Aaah... babe, I missed that... aaah I missed feeling you inside me."

Their lips met in a kiss full of teeth and saliva, while they held tight to each other, seeming that they were afraid that it was only a dream, that at any moment one of them could disappear.

Yoongi brought Jimin to the mattress, and as his back touched the soft surface of the sheets, he placed a pillow under Jimin’s ass and then lifted one of his legs.

Yoongi embraced Jimin's outstretched leg with one hand, while with the other he tightly clasped the boy's neck, but not enough to hurt. Then he began to kiss his foot, giving soft bites to each of his toes. Jimin gligged as he felt the licks on his soft skin, yet his facial expression soon changed as he felt Yoongi rubbing his dick over his entrance.

"Aaaah fuck!" Jimin groaned loudly as Yoongi hit deep inside him.

Yoongi moved ruthlessly at a fast pace, continuing to hit the same spot. When Jimin thought Yoongi's cock was out seconds later it was already in again, almost making him lose his senses, "babe, please... I ..."

Jimin began to murmur meaningless words as he squeezed Yoongi's arms for some kind of support. His toes and back arched sharply, his body stiffening for a few moments as he reached a spectacular dry orgasm.

However, Yoongi soon stopped the thrusts, when a familiar voice was heard in the background, "Keep it quiet or invite me! I want to be fucked that good too!" Ian shouted from the next room.

Feeling ashamed Jimin immediately brought both hands to his face, hiding from Ian, even though he couldn't be seen at that moment.

"He's serious... about the invitation," Yoongi gasped, lowering Jimin's leg and laying down over him, "You're the one who decides."

Immediately Jimin snapped, "I will not share my dick. Let Ian find one for himself."

"My dick?" Yoongi repeated with a sly grin on his face.

Jimin then dabbed his face in Yoongi's neck and replied, "I mean... your dick."

Yoongi grabbed Jimin's chin, lifting it gently, and when their eyes met, he whispered. "It's all yours, baby. I'm glad you know that," and then he entered into Jimin again with a deep thrust.

"Fuck..." Jimin moaned, tilting his head back.

"He said no!" Yoongi shouted, lifting Jimin's legs and placing them on his shoulders.

"Selfish bitch!" Ian yelled, causing Jimin to burst out laughing.

Jimin brought his mouth close to Yoongi's ear and whispered, "I'll try to be quiet."

"Please, don't... This is my revenge. Let's just say he's not one of the quietest people."

With a grin on his face, Jimin just nodded and connected their lips again in a wet, noisy kiss.

Yoongi  took a deep breath, and then began again a fast, deep rhythm, thrusting into Jimin's tiny hole, which received it without any resistance or shame.

Jimin writhed weakly, with his hands pawing at Yoongi's hair, he tried to straining his hips upward, "It feels so g-good ... so good," he cried as his eyes rolled back in his head.

Yoongi thrusted forward a few more times, then stepped back a bit from Jimin without pulling out. Drops of sweat trickled slowly from his temples as he gasped out of breath. He lowered Jimin's legs and rested his wrists on the mattress, "Fuck ..."

"Let me ride you... You're tired," Jimin said softly, stroking Yoongi's arms.

"I'm fine... Just give me a minute."

Leaning forward, Yoongi buried his face in Jimin's neck and began to gently suck the soft skin without applying too much pressure to avoid leaving marks. Slowly stirring his hips, he set a slow rhythm, feeling every bit of Jimin and alternately taking a deep thrust causing Jimin's body to move upward on the mattress, then he would return with the slow pace again.

"You're amazing, that's why I refuse to share you. I'm afraid I will not get you back," Jimin said, resting their forehead against each other.

"I'll always come back to you," Yoongi whispered, joining their mouths in a passionate kiss.

With renewed energy, Yoongi accelerated, hitting Jimin's prostate with such precision that he let out a silent scream. Jimin's body was ready for the approaching third orgasm, and he needed it. The waves of pleasure that invaded his whole body intensified more and more into an agonizing torture he could no longer bear.

Jimin dug his nails into Yoongi's back in a way that would surely leave marks, his back arched sharply as his trembling body surrendered to the height of pleasure, "I love you ... I love you ... I love you," he whispered like a mantra as he felt Yoongi going deep inside him, while hot cum dripped from his hole.

Upon realizing that Jimin had cum, Yoongi pulled out and lying next to him in bed, he began to jerking off slowly.

"Are you still hard?" Jimin asked in surprise as he recovered from the incredible orgasm. When Yoongi only frowned and nodded, he continued, "Then why did you pull out, babe? Come here..."

"No... y-you'll get s-sore..." Yoongi replied, running his hand over his own dick.

"I'm not made of glass... take me again."

Jimin then stretched his arm to his boyfriend's hand and squeezed it gently, knowing that Yoongi would understand that he was fine and was sure of what he was doing, that was their silent gesture.

Yoongi then slowly leaned over Jimin, who lay with his belly on the mattress and just adjusted the pillow under his head, spreading his legs giving Yoongi room to accommodate.

Jimin held tightly to his ass cheeks and pulled them apart so that Yoongi could enter into him more easily.

When Yoongi was about to line himself into Jimin's hole, he noticed the large amount of cum that was flowing through the puffy, pinky hole that clenched around nothing.

Sliding down the tip of his dick, Yoongi  glanced at Jimin's face, fearing some kind of pain. As he looked serene, Yoongi slowly continued to enter into Jimin, until every inch of him was wrapped by the warm, tight hole.

Jimin needed a lot of concentration to be able to relax his body to receive Yoongi without showing pain or discomfort. He knew that at the slightest sign of that, Yoongi would give up and stop immediately. Jimin wanted to satisfy his boyfriend's wishes, be a good lover and try to give back some of all the pleasure that Yoongi made him feel.

And he was absolutely sure that the little effort had paid off when he began to hear Yoongi's gasping breath and hoarse groans near his ear, "Fuck that ass, babe," he whispered, turning his head slightly to the side to connect their lips.

Yoongi's hips seated themselves firmly against Jimin's ass and then he began to move in circles, touching every bit of Jimin's hole, which contracted strongly, satisfied with the feeling of being so full.

Jimin felt that he would be able to cum by hearing the moans and the naughty words that Yoongi whispered close to his ear. He glanced over his shoulders and was fascinated by Yoongi's face, who seemed to be in extreme concentration.

Their eyes met, and the erotic sight of Jimin, who with blushed cheeks and open lips moaned quietly, only increased Yoongi's arousal.

"T-take it e-easy... t-take it easy..." Jimin whined, feeling Yoongi thusting deeper inside him.

Moments later Yoongi let out a pornographic groan and collapsed over Jimin's body.

As soon as he pulled out, Jimin took his hand to his own hole and got amazed at how much cum was flowing toward the sheets.

Gently massaging his entrance with his fingers, he tried to ease the discomfort he felt.

When Yoongi realized what was happening, he cursed himself for being carried away by desir