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a fool (without a lover)

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the first time Tony takes Effy to a party, it's not one of Chris', or Michelle's or even, God knows, one of Anwar's lame Muslim get-togethers that just suck the fun right outta you. no, the first time Tony takes Effy to a party, he wants her to have the best time of her life, wants her to see sparkles and dance and just be able to let loose for once in a while, forget the parents they have to call their own.

the club's dimmed and smokey and the bar is the only place illuminated beside the coloured floodlights that graze the dancefloor. at first, Effy stays close, overwhelmed, but after the second beer, she cuts loose, and after her first vodka, Tony starts to panic a little because he can't find her anymore, and he was supposed to look out for her.

but there's a girl dancing before him, rubbing her arse against his cock invitingly and a boy at his back, kissing his neck, hands everywhere, and she's probably safe, because she's Effy and Effy's smart.

they said they'd meet up at the front at two, because that was when Tony said they'd catch a cab home. he doesn't have a driver's licence yet and the bus is for losers and he's got the money. he feels good about himself, standing there, blowjob on the dancefloor, one doesn't get that every day.

at three, he really panics. Effy's smart. she wouldn't have lost track of time. Tony searches the whole club, but he doesn't find her. he tries the men's bathroom, and he even starts asking around; it's almost four, the club clearing out when two girls come out of the girls' bathroom, giggling, and he catches the words 'girl' and 'floor' and 'completely screwed'.

Tony doesn't care for propriety, and if he's wrong, he'll get thrown out and barred, but he'll take the chance. unfortunately, the strange feeling as his stomach clenches, his guts constrict - that's what fear feels like, and he hasn't felt that in a long time. it's what seeing Effy on the bathroom floor feels like, her hair in disarray, eyes half-closed, mumbling.

he feels like someone dropped a ton of bricks into his intestines and forgot to tell him they're indigestible.

what happened, he asks, or would ask if he knew she could answer, because there's stink of alcohol and her lips are covered with whitish foam, some kind of drug some guy must have slipped her.

Effy's supposed to be smart. but smart girls don't wear skirts without underwear and they certainly don't take drugs under the tongue just to get fucked on the bathroom sinks. Tony swears and hoists her up.

"... 's all pretty," Effy mumbles, and then, "'t felt pretty too... everything's pretty... kiss me Tony, it will... make you see the universe..."

and that's all Effy says for a long, long time, because when she'll wake up, Tony thinks rightly as he carries her out in his arms, she'll feel sore and aching and her make-up will be smeared with tears because she won't remember.

she'll be one of those stupid girls. and she'll look at him like all the girls he's fucked, like he's taken something from her, and she's his sister. all he wanted was for her to have fun.

now, all he can do is to make sure she'll have fun for the rest of her life, and if it kills him, all the better.


~~written in November 2007