The cast on her arm looks strange, out of place and wonky. And pink. Apparently, the hospital ran out of the normal kind and now here she is, a pink cast on her wrist and most of her left hand. She hates pink, it reminds her of her childhood, a time she doesn’t want to be reminded of. Also, she's an adult, she can't have a pink cast. She's a fully-grown adult, a professional, top-shot lawyer for god's sake. A pink cast. She nearly scoffs at just the thought of it. She eyes the cast on her arm again, wearily, and a sigh escapes her lips for the nth time that night.
From somewhere across the room Clarke watches her girlfriend, sees the way her lip is so slightly curled in disgust as she tries to bore holes into the cast with her gaze. Lexa hates pink. Clarke's own lips curl upward as she takes in the scene, but in amusement instead. Another sigh slips from her girlfriend's lips and Clarke shakes her head slightly before getting up from the chair and setting her sketchbook down.
The word clumsily falls from Clarke's lips as her throat scratches from the lack of use. She sits on the edge of the bed and clears her throat, tries again.
"Hey." It comes out steadier this time as her hand finds her girlfriend's ankle and squeezes lightly.
The girl reclined on the bed looks up and for a moment, Clarke is startled by the intensity of her gaze, before relaxing as she takes in the familiarity of the green orbs staring at her.
"Hey," Clarke says again, "nice cast."
Lexa looks down at her hand before looking back up at Clarke and indignantly glaring at her. A raspy chuckle falls from the blonde's mouth before a smile instinctively stretches across the lips of her brunette counterpart. Lexa works her jaw slightly before opening it.
"Come here." Lexa's voice beckons, and like a moth to a flame, Clarke is compelled.
Clarke slowly makes her way up to her girlfriend until she is straddling her waist, blue eyes never leaving green. Lexa's hand, the uninjured one, grips the edge of her girlfriend's shirt.
"Come here." Lexa repeats and tugs, bringing the girl in her lap flush against her chest. Her arm snakes around the blonde's back, holding her close while Clarke's arms instinctively find their way around Lexa's neck.
"Hey." Clarke whispers, lips finding themselves on Lexa's neck.
"Why do you sound like a broken record?"
"Fuck off," Lexa lets out a groan, head hitting the wall behind her, "I hate pink."
Lexa feels Clarke's laughter reverberating throughout her spine and she holds Clarke closer, buries her nose into the crown of blonde hair as Clarke drops a few more kisses onto her neck. Clarke pulls back slightly in Lexa's one-armed grip and looks at her, eyes searching Lexa's face until she finds whatever it is she was looking for before planting a firm kiss on her girlfriend's mouth and returns to burrowing in Lexa's neck again.
Apparently, Lexa must have also found what she was looking for before the kiss because her next words slip from her lips without her permission, unbidden.
"I love you." The words start out soft, a gentle whisper, before amplifying in sound until it is deafening.
Both occupants of the room go still. Breaths are held. Until Clarke coughs and words weakly tumble from her mouth.
"Um, wh– what was that?" The words sound stretched thin, even to the blonde's own ears.
Lexa blushes furiously, uncertainly and then in confidence. Lexa loosens her grip, allowing Clarke to stare wide-eyed at her.
"I love you," she says again, loudly, before kissing Clarke.
Her lips move to Clarke's neck and she says it again, she can't stop saying it and she doesn't want to. She whispers it into every inch of skin that her lips meet. Lexa whispers it tenderly, but to Clarke it roars within her ears and deafens her.
She sits frozen, thoughts echoing with Lexa's brazen I love you's ricocheting across the walls of her brain. She almost forgets to breathe, and then Lexa is pulling back and looking at her with this look in her eyes and Clarke drowns in celadon irises until she is resuscitated by the same green orbs.
Clarke tries for a smile, but she's deathly afraid of what's happening and it feels like a grimace instead.
Lexa's hand finds the blonde's shoulder and her thumb rubs Clarke's collarbone gently. Clarke stares. Lexa smiles, and it's almost blinding, before she says it again.
"I love you," it's like she can't stop the words from tumbling their way from her lips, "and I– Clarke, I love you. And–and you don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know that I love you. I lov– you don't. You don't have to say it back, you don't even have to feel it, I just. I love you."
Lexa looks like she'd be happy if she didn't have to say anything other than those three words again and Clarke stares. She tries for a smile and fails again, before nodding dumbly and leaning forward.
"So, you told her you loved her?"
Lexa starts to nod before realising her sister wouldn’t be able to see her and then answers.
"Yes, it. It just slipped out, y'know. And then I couldn't stop saying it, I didn't want to stop saying it. It just felt so good to finally be able to say it out loud, to feel something so strongly and say it out loud. To her no less, to the girl that I love. I love her."
A sigh comes from the other end of the line.
"And after you so passionately professed your love, what did Clarke say?"
"Well, um, she didn't say anything. But I told her she didn't have to say it back if she wasn't ready. She didn't have to feel it, just because I did."
"Oka– wait what do you mean okay? Is that all you're gonna say?"
"Well what do you want me to say, Lexa?"
"It's been two days, Ahn. She still hasn't said."
"Give her time, and besides, what happened to your whole I'd rather she didn't say it than say it and not mean it spiel?"
"I just. I thought she would have said it back..."
"Give her time."
"But two da–"
"Give her time, Lex."
There’s some shuffling on the other sound, and then.
“Lexa, look I have to go. Give her time and don't do anything stupid. Love you."
"Okay. Love you too, Ahn."
Lexa lets out a sigh as the end dial tone plays, and from across the ocean her sister mirrors it.
Anya shakes her head as she stares at her phone. God, her sister always felt way too much, way too quickly. Anya just hoped that this time it didn’t end up breaking Lexa’s heart again.
It's not that Clarke was avoiding her girlfriend, per say. It's just that she’s had many things to think about and she couldn't do that, wouldn't be able to process everything she was feeling if she was around Lexa.
So, Clarke doesn't answer her calls and she texts back sporadically and she tries not to lose her shit (tries being the operative word). It's been an entire week and Clarke's hands are clammy when she lifts it to knock on the door. On Lexa's door. Lexa, her girlfriend, whom she lo─
Clarke knocks once, twice. And then lets her hand drop to her side, anxiously biting her lip as she waits.
The door opens slowly and Lexa smiles at her, small and unsure and it breaks her heart because Lexa has never looked at her in this way, like she didn’t know where she stood. So, Clarke takes one more look at her before she starts.
The door opens further and Clarke steps into the warmth the space offers.
“Hi,” a whisper, “how was the trip to your mom?”
Clarke’s answer travels with Lexa towards the kitchen while Clarke remains rooted to the middle of the lounge, unmoving.
“It was. Okay. Lexa, I-” she wants to say it, desperately, but the words get stuck in her throat and Clarke's left gaping instead.
It’s not until Lexa walks back into the living room with two glasses of wine and a question that dies in her throat, does Clarke realise she’s crying. The brunette is in front of her in an instant, wine glasses discarded, nimble fingers holding her girlfriend’s face.
“Clarke? What's wrong?” worry colours Lexa’s voice as she searches cerulean irises.
“I—” Clarke tries again. but she’s scared and her voice cracks and there are more tears because she loves Lexa. She really does, but she’s terrified because she remembers what it feels like to love someone so wholeheartedly, so unreservedly only to lose them and she cannot. She can’t go through that again, doesn’t think she can handle it.
But Lexa’s here, and Lexa pulls her close, cradles her, holds her and Clarke’s head finds its spot on her shoulder, nose turned to her neck. And it's when she breathes Lexa in after an entire week, when she lets the feeling of being close to her settle warmly in her bones, that she finally feels it. She feels safe, she feels at home and so the words slip out almost without her permission, unbidden.
“I love you.” it starts out soft, as a gentle whisper, before amplifying in sound until it is deafening and leaves the two occupants of the room in silence.
“I love you.” it slips out again and Clarke feels it, she drowns in it until she's resuscitated by the same words falling from plump lips. Until she's resuscitated by the green orbs that stare at her with unhidden adoration.
Clarke smiles and it's beautiful and whole and I love you she says again because she can, because she likes the taste of it, because she means it. And Lexa? Lexa smiles this bright, radiant thing before kissing Clarke. It’s messy at first, both smiling so widely it’s all teeth and lips before Clarke tugs at the baby hairs on Lexa’s neck and it grows, passionately before simmering down into this gentle, lazy thing.
Lexa pulls away first, resting her forehead against her girlfriend’s, quietly catching her breath. When the blonde finally opens her eyes, she’s met with bright green staring back at her and plump lips curled in a soft smile. Lexa pulls away fully then and suddenly goes serious. She stares at Clarke unblinkingly and the blonde’s brow knits in confusion.
“Jeez, that took you long enough.” Lexa lets out with a smile, the cadence of her voice soft and teasing.
Clarke lets out a huff of laughter before rolling her eyes and shoving the brunette’s shoulder. Lexa jokingly clutches at her left arm and the blonde’s gaze travels further. A smirk curls the edges of her lips as her eyes catch something.
“Hey,” she starts out, her voice a raspy timbre and their faces a breath apart, she sees Lexa swallow, “nice cast.”
Clarke laughs as she presses a kiss to Lexa’s lips and her girlfriend lets out a groan.
“God, I hate pink.”