I'm screaming on the inside, so badly wanting to let the screams escape my mouth. But people will hear me through the walls. I know where he's at and I keep telling myself he's okay, but I can't let it go. I'm shaking trying to hold back the loud sobs, a few escaping my lips every few minutes when a wave of shivers and panic become too much to take. I tried to put on a brave face as I encouraged him to go to that party. I wanted to be happy for him because it's good that he's spending time with other people than me. And I finally convinced myself I was content to stay back and study as he went out. The thought of alcohol and bad decisions was enough to make me choose my textbooks over any alcohol social. But sitting here now in bed shaking uncontrollably, I'm rethinking my original thought. "He's okay. He's coming back to you in one piece", I keep whispering to myself. But something in the way he has been acting lately doesn't make me so sure of this. I don't know the people he's out with. I don't know if they'll take care of him and get him back here safe or not. Maybe I'm overreacting. All I know is he's had alcohol. And I don't know why that fact is causing such a big reaction from within me. I can't stand it. The panic, the thought of him drinking. All of this swirls in my head. I know nothing about alcohol and maybe the amount he has had won't even phase him. Maybe I'm being silly, but I can't let this go. Through the choking sobs and blurry eyes I wait desperate for the next message. "He's okay. He'll be fine don't worry, Phil" more whispers. "Please come home soon, Dan, I can't stand this much longer. I just want you safe where I can see and hold you. Please don't leave me", repeating these phrases are all that's keeping me from going overboard. How much longer can I take?