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The Way We Love

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(Day 1: holding hands)

They were holding hands. Something soft and nice, no harsh feelings or harsh words, no deadline or day to dread – just soft, peaceful handholding – something that Yoongi hadn’t had the ability to do in so long because he’s not just Jimin’s anymore. Jimin was just playing with Yoongi’s fingers, tracing the lines in the palm, occasionally telling him what each line means, but mostly just basking in the light of Yoongi (and loving that, just for this moment, Yoongi was just his). They were just talking, but it was still as new as it was in college – back when they had just started learning about one another.

Yoongi had hit it big – like really big, and now Jimin shared him with a shit ton of fans. But they both remembers from before that Jimin remembers how much time Yoongi had spent on his music, back when there was no face or money or fame involved, back when it was just the low-quality recordings of his emotions – the anger, the hate, the pain and longing, the sex, and the love. Yoongi remembers how many sleepless nights were spent in the rented-out studio, how much excitement was felt when someone commented about how much they enjoyed listening to music or followed AGUSTD on soundcloud. They were young, in love, and had hope for a dream to not be lost and a dream to come true – in the best way.

And it did. It truly did. Yoongi became the guy, the rapper, and the face of the Korean underground scene. Some smaller label noticed him and asked for a demo. They soon (very soon) after sent Yoongi a contract and a new family. He started putting out new music regularly, and got paid for it. Some big vloggers somehow came across him and started promoting him – big time.

Next thing he knows he’s getting the treatment of an idol, without him having to live the life of an idol (the fake smiles and fake happiness piss him off, to say the least so that was good.) He got fans, followers on all his public social media; he got haters, of course, but he also got people to stand up for him when he was down and help him back up, too.

Then he’s getting told to get ready for tours and interviews, to think about his image and to leave Jimin because, even now, after all these years, people aren’t cool with the fact that guys fuck guys and girls fuck girls.

It causes a lot of fights, a lot of harsh words, and lot less loving. Yoongi and Jimin fighting because it wasn’t working out anymore, because Yoongi got spotted with another “good girl” (who everyone thought would be the one to tame the great rapper, AGUSTD); because Jimin was too close to that fucking prick in his dance group that doesn’t understand that Jimin was fucking in a relationship; because both were tired of not seeing one another for months on end, of cold beds, of hoarse voices, of the drunk fighting as well as the sober, and of all the time fucking wasted.

They almost break up. The fighting was getting to be too much, with too little time to figure everything out and to keep the love going. They had countless I hate yous and the I (still) love yous but sometimes, sometimes love needs to be taken care of too. After their worst fight, Yoongi left Jimin in tears for some stupid award show, and Jimin left Yoongi for Busan, for the comfort of his family and places that he thought Yoongi hadn’t tainted. (Jimin didn’t realize that regardless of where he went or what he did, Yoongi would be engraved in soul, a shadow he couldn’t get rid of even in the night.)

Yoongi almost gave up. It was too hard to pretend like Jimin leaving didn’t break every part of him, and everyone always said that it would happen sooner or later, that you can’t chase your dreams with the baggage of another person. He didn’t, of fucking course he doesn’t (everyone fucking knows he’d give up his dream before Jimin – Jimin is his real dream and he isn’t going to fuck leave that), and so he missed Jimin, left him voicemails. Told him that he would wait until the last breath he took, told Jimin that without him, there was no point in getting the fame and the money.

They got back together and that night, Yoongi put up a video. Jimin didn’t find out until that morning, neither did the managers. It was a shitstorm, of course, but Yoongi didn’t give a shit. At all. Eventually, it came down to this: the fans that stuck stayed, others slandered and left.

And then, he got asked to do an international tour. It was small, only one day in each venue, only one or two per country; only lasted two months, but it was the world to him and Jimin. People recognized him on the streets in other countries now, told him that he inspired them to come out and be with people they love and to him, that was the greatest thing. The fact that he was able to help people stand up for who they were, that he was able to make something great of something people didn’t want to be associated with, something they called dirty and wrong – he made it something beautiful and real.

And now here they were: holding hands. Something soft and nice, no harsh feelings or harsh words, no deadline or day to dread – just soft, peaceful handholding – something that Yoongi hadn’t had the ability to do in so long because now, now he’s got millions chanting his name and singing along.

 

 

(“Okay, now listen up. I’m saying this now, and I’m only gonna say it once. Translators, please make sure this get translated into all the languages needed, just like usual.

I’m gay. I’m very gay. I’m in a relationship with the most perfect man to grace this world with his being. We’ve been together for 7 years now, and everyday I thank my fate that we ended up together. That we stayed together. Without him, I would be worth nothing. I would be nothing. This fame and attention, without him, wouldn’t be worth shit, isn’t worth shit because without the person who matters most, I don’t think any fucking thing matters. He matters the most to me. More than fame or money or even this career.

Regardless of how you react to this, thank you for being a fan, listening to my music, and supporting me. If this is where you stop being a fan, thank you for stopping by and letting me tell you parts and pieces of my story. If not, I hope this gives you some strength to be who you are and love who you love, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in these 7 years and with this career: it’s that love needs to be loved too, and that life is way too fucking short to worry about whether everyone is going to be happy with who you are. They’re not going to be. You will be, and you’ll find others who will be too, and one day (even if it’s not soon) that will be enough.

So, to sum up this video, I’m Min-fucking-Yoongi (just in case someone tries to say I’m not) and I’m in love with a man.”)