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Let's Call the Whole Thing Off

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Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:11:35
08-11-2014
Any news on your brother?


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:12:00
11-08-2014
No


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:12:25
08-11-2014
Is this a good time?


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:12:57
11-08-2014
No. But you’re like the only person I’ll talk to right now


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:13:35
08-11-2014
Would you prefer to actually talk?


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:14:01
11-08-2014
No. And I know you hate it


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:14:36
08-11-2014
I don’t hate it. I’ll bear it if I must. Shall I call?


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:15:24
11-08-2014
No. I prefer this now too, you’ve trained me like a goddamn monkey. Listen, I want to say sorry about the other day. It wasn’t even anything you said. For a change! I was a fucking mess, but I shouldn’t have gone all King Kong on you. I’m sorry.


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:15:55
08-11-2014
I’m familiar with you. No offence taken.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:16:38
11-08-2014
Thanks. For not judging as well, cuz I figured you weren’t. Too little too late, but wanted to say


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:17:05
08-11-2014
Obviously not too late if we’re having this conversation. You should have told me earlier.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:17:33
11-08-2014
I know, I know. I got issues, alright?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:18:05
08-11-2014
Yes, you do. And yes, it’s all right. But do try next time. It’s tedious to have to wait you out to share at your own time.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:18:38
11-08-2014
Have you been reading blogs with advice on relationships again? What did we learn from the gifts incident?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:19:25
08-11-2014
You are changing the subject. If you can’t trust me—which I understand has a psychological element to it—just exercise some intelligence. Why would I be judging? You were operating under extremely tight time constraints. It was a matter of life and death for Sam. You did the only thing available to you at the time. Your actions were completely logical.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:20:30
11-08-2014
I miss you so much sometimes, it’s not even funny


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:21:35
08-11-2014
I’ve never understood that expression. Are you saying that because you are being emotional?


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:21:57
11-08-2014
Screw you!


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:22:55
08-11-2014
Oh good. In that case I have a question. Clearly I won't be of much practical assistance with your brother when the time comes and I know you are and will be very busy. But I was wondering if you would mind my company at present. I might be able to be of some use.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:23:19
11-08-2014
How can you ask me that?? Of course I want you here, genius. Like, I really do


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:23:45
08-11-2014
Good. I have British Airways open in my browser.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:24:17
11-08-2014
Hang on! Just realized, wedding was today


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:24:29
08-11-2014
Yes.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:24:58
11-08-2014
Is it over already? Is everything alright? Did it go well?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:25:35
08-11-2014
Everything’s fine. It went well. John was happy, so yes. There was an attempted murder. People cried during my speech, some of them rather vocally. They didn’t laugh when I thought they would. It was very confusing.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:25:59
11-08-2014
Of course there was an attempted murder. Was it on you?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:26:35
08-11-2014
If you’re smiling do I get points? John’s old commander.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:27:02
11-08-2014
Twenty points. You prevented it?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:27:15
08-11-2014
I prevented it.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:27:47
11-08-2014
That’s my boy. And good for you for making people weep, man. I’m proud of you.


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:28:03
08-11-2014
Joke?


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:28:17
11-08-2014
Totally serious.


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:28:55
08-11-2014
Oh. Usually no one is happy with me when I make people cry.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:29:21
11-08-2014
You booking your ticket?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:29:45
08-11-2014
Doing it as we speak.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:30:14
11-08-2014
So why aren’t you at the wedding making everyone’s night memorable for all kinds of disturbing reasons?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:30:29
08-11-2014
Who says I’m not?


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:30:57
11-08-2014
I’m familiar with you.


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:31:11
08-11-2014
I left.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:31:24
11-08-2014
Points!


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:31:40
08-11-2014
Fine. Twenty.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:32:07
11-08-2014
No, fifty. That was a freaking massive obvious! Why did you leave?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:32:39
08-11-2014
I didn’t want to be there anymore. And before you ask, that doesn’t count for points.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:23:06
11-08-2014
I wasn’t going to count it. You ok?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:23:25
08-11-2014
I am now.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:23:38
11-08-2014
Good.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:24:00
11-08-2014
Fuck, did John buy it? Why we can’t be there? Sorry I’m still not thinking straight


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:24:35
08-11-2014
I took care of it. John is happily married and oblivious, looking forward to a night and two weeks of socially approved copulation.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:25:09
11-08-2014
I’m happy for him.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:25:28
11-08-2014
You booked yet?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:25:46
10-31-2013
Almost.


Sender: Dean (US mobile)
Received: 20:26:08
11-08-2014
Earliest possible, right?


Sender: Sherlock
Received: 14:26:22
08-11-2014
How can you ask me that??