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Inside Peter's Mind

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a semi short Family Guy fanfic idea that came to me. Took me two days to write. So don't expect to see any cutaways. Please don't take subject matter in this fanfic seriously.

 

Peter was indignant as he was waiting in the hospital with Lois.

"Let's talk this over." Peter begged trying anything to get out of whatever it was that was ahead for him. "Stop being such a bitch about this!"

"No, Peter! We need to do this! This morning I didn't like how you announced the mail was coming." Lois told her husband.

"That's the way I always say it. 'Mehhhh' that's the way I always say it. Why do I have to have an Egg Tested on my brain?" Peter asked in a snotty tone.

"First off, it's called an EEG! Second, because I am concerned that alcohol you've been drinking his damaging your brain!" said a heartstrung Lois.

"Yeah I think we should go to a gynecologist next and see if that vibrator is doing damage to your lady parts!" Peter sassed. Then he and Lois shouted.

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"Is it a crime to show compassion for the man I love?" Lois asked.

Dr. Hartman appears in the waiting room. "Peter, you're next."

Peter whimpered when Dr. Hartman lead him to the room with the EEG test.

"So, Mr. Griffin. I was informed that you need an EEG test because Lois thinks beer is doing extensive damage to your brain." Dr. Hartman told the oafish alcoholic.

"WOAH! WOAH! WOAH! Let's get one thing straight. I don't have a drinking problem. Never did! If anything, alcohol is good for me! If it weren't for beer, I wouldn't have my friends to hang with! Beer is an excellent source of protein and fiber!" Peter refuted on his word.

"That's always common among alcoholics, always contradicting themselves or they're in denial! Don't really know what." Dr. Hartman was talking as he hooked some electrodes to Peter's head.

"Lois is just trying to ruin my fun you know. Don't do this, please!" Peter was trying to bargain with the doctor.

"It won't take long at all. You'll be out of here in no time." reassured Dr. Hartman.

"Shit! That's what they all say. The truth is, I'm going to be here forever!" Peter sat stewing in his abbhorrence and resentment for having to be in this hospital for the EEG test.

Dr. Hartman advised Peter, "Just be quiet." The lights were dimmed and the sound of the EEG test was printing out Peter's brainwaves. "That's it! That's it!" The printer started spiraling out of control. As it was printing out disturbing images that was going on inside Peter's imagination.

Panic and hysteria supervene as the printer was going faster and faster second by second.

"What's happening to ME?" yelled Peter in anguish.

"You're fine it's the printer that's going out of whack." Dr. Hartman shouted.

Peter cried and swore as if he were posessed by an evil spirit, "SHIT! ASS! BITCH! FUCK! SON OF A BITCH!" Suddenly the light test of the EEG test shone on Peter's eyes which was causing him to act even more horrific as if he was speaking in Latin. Every so often said, "I AM IRON MAN!"

Dr. Hartman gathered his thoughts and got an idea, "I must call Geek Squad for this!" he ran off.

Peter was still screaming on top of his lungs as he was left all alone with the EEG test and the printer gone whacky.

Dr. Hartman came back later with a Geek Squad official who worked at the hospital for tech problems, and he told him, "It's not the printer, it's the man's brainwaves who are causing this mishap."

"Really? That's a relief thought it was the printer." said Dr. Hartman.

The Geek Squad tech told the doctor as he was leaving the hospital, "If you thought it was a printer, you must be on meth. Have a nice day!"

The EEG test was finally over. Dr. Hartman goes into the room where Peter is and detatches the electrodes from his head.

"You can go home, now. I'll let you know the results soon. In the meantime, I'm going to try some meth!"

Peter was happy to be going home. "That wasn't so bad! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! LOIS! I'M ALL DONE! I WANT A SUCKER NOW!"

 

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At the Psych Ward of Quahog, four of some of the top psychiatrists were examining Peter's brainwaves that were printed from the EEG. They were astonished from what they saw. The images shown beer bottles, party whistles, porn magazines, a bird with the word word on it, television, football, Peter beating up Joe and Quagmire, Peter stabbing Ernie the Chicken with a Samarai Sword, Peter blowing up Cleveland's house, and Peter shooting Meg with a laser gun.

A black psychiatrist said, "It appears to be the mind of one sick mother (beep)."

"Indeed," A German psychiatrist said, "Especially, these pictures that appear in his brainwaves. Our subject even had Rapid Eye Movement from that light test."

A female psychiatrist was observing, "This man seems to have beer on the brain."

A Japanese psychiatrist gave his opinion, "Not only beer, but party whistles, porn mags, television, football. Lots and lots of beer."

"Beer, that's just exactly what this man represents. Beer. Look no further, there's also an image of a bird that says the word 'word' on it." the black psychiatrist went on.

"Could be that this man's favorite song is Bird is a Word!" the female psychiatrist said.

"Precisely! Look at this. More images. One of the man beating up a guy in a wheelchair and some long nosed black haired man in a Hawaiian shirt," the German psychiatrist examined.

Japanese psychiatrist was looking over, "Here's one image of the man brutally murdering what appears to be a huge yellow chicken.....with a samarai sword?"

"If you think this is terrible, here is the image of the man shooting a teenage girl in a dark pink baby tee, glasses, blue jeans, and a beanie hat." gasped the Black Psychiatrist.

"Found another, one of the man destroying a black man's house. Indicting this man, our subject, Peter Griffin loves to destroy and inflict harm on people for fun." German psychiatrist stated as he was making his final diagnosis.

"We need to inform his family that they are living with a stark raving psychopathic lunatic!" warned the female psychiatrist.

"He could be a threat to society or worse yet......THE WORLD!" shouted the Japanese psychiatrist.

 

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In a week or so, Lois got a call from Quahog Hospital regarding Peter's EEG test results.

"Hello?" Lois answered the phone. "WHAT?"

The psychiatrists who were examining Peter's brainwaves were explaining to Lois about the horrors in which they saw. It was a one sided phone conversation.

"Oh, no.....No! Oh my gosh NO!" cried Lois over the phone. "Don't let it be true!"

"What's going on." Brian entered the room.

"Well, thanks for the results, doctor. I'll be sure to tell him. Thanks, goodbye." Lois hung up the phone. She was inconsolable.

"Come on, tell me Lois. Lend me an ear." said Brian showing some empathy.

Lois sobbed, "I took Peter to get an EEG test because I was so worried that alcohol was destroying his brain.......(sob) Then the shrinks read his EEG test results and told me they saw terrible images out of a horror movie. They diagnosed Peter as a raving maniac! I married an insane lunatic! (sobs)" Lois fell to the floor crying.

"THE HELL? Lois! EEG tests aren't to test brains activity to alcohol!" informed Brian.

"They're not? Dr. Hartman told me so." said Lois.

"EEG tests are for epilepsy!" said Brian. "You made a huge mistake!"

"You're right, Brian. Should've done my homework on that." said Lois as she was feeling better.

"There's one thing you can do. Just lie to Peter about his results." suggested Brian.

"What's up peeps!" Peter walked into the room.

Lois decides to lie and put the incident behind. "You're EEG test results came in."

Brian steps in, "They say you have no alcohol damage to your brain. You're A-OK!"

"I thought so! See! I told them beer isn't so bad! Can't wait to tell the guys about my amazing results!" said Peter being all chipper as he heads to the Clam. Lois and Brian breathed a sigh of relief. "Amazing results, yeah, right!" scoffed Brain.