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Hold Me Now

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Another silent night in another unfamiliar territory. Jon threw his head back on the pillow, breathing heavily with his hands resting on his bare stomach. Grinning uncontrollably, he turned his head to his left, lifting his index finger to place it gently on his lover's cheek. The moon seemed to shine particularly brightly that night, highlighting George's blue eyes even more, making Jon's smile even harder to disguise. Delicately, he caressed George's cheek, causing him to join in smiling. Jon's eyes gazed from his bright-red, velvety lips to his messy hair with strands out of place everywhere and into his eyes - slightly smudged with the eyeliner he couldn't be bothered to fully remove

"You're beautiful." Jon said, still amazed that after 3 long years, he still wanted him

George giggled in response, also unable to comprehend why someone as perfect as Jon loved someone as, how he viewed, imperfect as him. He sat up, arms open wide, silently asking him to join him. Jon fixed himself into George's embrace and like a key in a lock, they fit perfectly. One hand clung to George's smooth chest while the other hid round the back, holding George's side. With Jon's head joining his hand, he lay on George's chest while his head rested on Jon's soft, black hair. Neither had ever been further from their houses, but never felt more at home. 

Jon bolted up in terror. 

"What's wrong with you?" George rubbed his tired eyes. 

"Did you hear that?" Jon asked, upright like a meerkat. 

"Hear what?" George replied in a daze. 


"No?" George said, "go back to sleep babe."

"I definitely heard someone." Jon stared wide-eyed at the door. 

"It was probably just the wind, can we go back to sleep?" 

He went to grab him, but Jon pushed him back. 

"Jon.." George sighed. 

Suddenly, there was a knock.

"Hello?" An unfamiliar voice called.

Jon jumped out of bed, frantically searching for all of his clothes. The knock grew louder. Jon began to sweat. 

"Where's my underwear?" He whispered angrily. 

"Wha..I don't know?" George whispered back. 

"Fucking hell!" He murmured, "fuck it."

"Wait, where are you going?" George got up, using the duvet as a cover for his dignity. 

"I'm sorry!" Jon called as he disappeared through the door that secretly connected their rooms. 

George fell back into the bed irritated. It was the third time in a week. The voice at the door wasn't going away. He reluctantly began to redress himself and poked his head around the door. 

"What?" He said vastly unamused. 

"Room service?" The young man in uniform replied timidly. 

"At this time?" George rolled his eyes. 

"We always try our best for our favourite customers." He smiled. 

"Yeah well don't knock again." George slammed the door in his face. 

Jon threw the clothes on his freshly made bed and grabbed his hair in utter frustration. Slowly, he slid down the locked door separating him from George's room. A single tear rolled down his cheek. Why did it have to be so difficult? He pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed uncontrollably.

Through the other side, George heard his cries. He longed to hold him, to keep him safe, to face his fears. He never really did understand why Jon was so frightened. 

"Stupid, stupid!" Jon shouted into his legs. 

His face was now stained and his eyes now stinging from the tears. Struggling to see, he reached up to the table and took a small A5 piece of paper and the nearest pen. He scribbled away, folded neatly and slid the note under the door. He went back into a ball and continued to cry. He loved George so much but couldn't bare for anyone to know. 

George awoke again. 4:25. He groaned as he turned over. Something caught his eye. A perfectly folded piece of paper lay innocently by his secret door. He rolled out and grabbed it, leaning his head against said door. 


I'm sorry for leaving the way I did, but you know how it is. I know you don't want to hide, but you must understand why. You're everything to me and I hope you always remember that - whatever happens. 

You know I love you, I hope you understand. 

Love, Jon XX

George clenched his eyes shut and covered them with his arm. He took a deep breath and knocked gently on Jon's door, whispering his name. A few times later, he heard movement. Slowly, he opened the door. George was confronted by a shadow of the man he was with a few hours previously. Hair - scruffy, face - blotched, eyes - bloodshot and lifeless. 

"Oh babe." 

He scooped him up, held him tightly and tenderly rubbed his back. Once again, Jon clung into his chest and began to bawl. 

"I love you." Jon said, slightly muffled. 

"I love you too." George sighed.