The day had been really shit for Mike. He just wanted to forget about his grandma’s death and was actually grateful for the workload Harvey faced him with even if he was constantly feeling like he was on the edge of a breakdown. “Have this paperwork ready in one hour and maybe I’ll let you join me at a client meeting” Harvey said, throwing down a bunch of files on his desk and walking back to his office right away. “You’re such a giver” Mike moaned, taking a first glance at the files.
Harvey took him to the meeting but Mike wasn’t completely focused. He was tired. Keeping his guard up all the time and at the same time not thinking about his grandma was hard. Harvey knew that he was trying to concentrate on the job but tried to keep him out of the conversation as good as possible.
After the stressful work Mike came home, wanting nothing more than relax using the pot he had bought from the coffee cart guy. He was in the middle of getting the pipe ready when there was a knock on the door. Mike opened and was surprised to find Harvey standing in front of him. “What are you doing here?” he asked. He didn’t want Harvey around. He wanted to smoke and grief.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay and didn’t do anything stupid” Harvey looked around the flat probably looking for a joint or a pipe. When Harvey’s gaze landed on the stuff that was lying on the kitchen table Mike sat down on one of the chairs next to it. “I don’t want a lecture.” The last time Harvey didn’t give him one but joined him. That was a few days ago.
Now Harvey didn’t respond to Mike’s request. Instead he seemed to look for more dope that he maybe thought Mike had stored in the flat. “What are you doing” “Making sure you don’t do anything more stupid in the next days” Mike relaxed a little. Harvey obviously wanted to get rid of the stuff that Mike might have stored in the flat but it sounded like he would let him have this one night.
Harvey walked around suddenly opening a drawer. “Noo, Harvey wait” Mike said almost jumping off of the chair he was sitting on but it was too late. Harvey had looked confused, than his hand went into the drawer, retrieving a baby bottle. Mike’s eyes were wide in shock.
“Is that what I think it is?” Harvey asked, slight mockery in his voice and a broad smile spreading across his face. Mike could basically feel his face turn red when he saw Harvey holding the baby bottle in one of his hands – his baby bottle. He knew Harvey must have seen his caught expression. There was no point in hiding it, yet Mike didn’t want to admit that the item belonged to him and would avoid talking about it as long as possible.
“Maybe” Mike said, his eyes trying to avoid Harvey’s gaze leaving the conversation as open as possible, then snagging the bottle from Harvey’s hand and shoving it back into the drawer. Since Harvey had made no comment about the diapers at the bottom of said drawer he hoped Harvey hadn’t spotted them.
“Have you been babysitting?” Harvey asked, still slight mockery in his voice but clearly giving Mike a way out of the situation. Unfortunately Mike hadn’t thought fast enough. “No” he replied immediately. Shit, why hadn’t he said yes, Mike thought. This would have been an easy way out and Harvey had basically offered it to him on a silver plate.
Harvey smirked slightly but it seemed that he would let it go and Mike was relieved. There was an awkward silence between the two before Harvey took a deep breath of the joint lying on the kitchen table and they talked about the firm and particular clients again.
After Mike and Harvey had talked about Hardman, Louis and work in general for some time Harvey suddenly said “So about the bottle…” Mike suppressed a moan. He would not let Harvey get at him, not again. This time he hadn’t his guard down.
“I never used it, anyway.” Mike snapped, hoping that he had finally shut up Harvey by interrupting him. After a long pause which made Mike hope that he had been successful Harvey suddenly replied.
“If you wouldn’t use it you wouldn’t have it” Harvey replied calmly trying to force a reply from Mike.
Mike said nothing in return, hoping that Harvey would let it go finally. Harvey obviously took Mike’s silence as confirmation. His beet red face probably would have been enough confirmation for Harvey anyway.
“Since when?” Harvey asked simply his voice not showing any mockery at all. Mike knew there was no point in not answering. He didn’t want to talk about this with Harvey but he knew the older man wouldn’t let it go.
“Since I was about 14. My grandma didn’t know and now it feels like I betrayed her, not showing her who I really am and now I will never be able to do so.” Mike answered his eyes focused on a spot on the wall to not cry. He was actually a little relieved to have spoken about it and grateful that Harvey had asked since when he engaged in it and not why because Mike thought he didn’t really know why he did it.
Harvey seemed to get this and now didn’t just offer Mike a way out of the conversation he simply ended it. He stood up from the chair he has been sitting on and squeezed Mike’s upper arm. “Just make sure you don’t drink from it at the firm.” He winked and headed to the door. “See you tomorrow.”
A few days later Mike came in the office after a horrible night. He hadn’t managed to sleep more than two hours straight before his alarm went on and he had to get to the firm. He already had a lot of documents sitting on his desk and waiting for him to be processed. Moaning a little he started working and went to see Harvey, when he had all the papers ready.
“You look awful” Donna said, her voice charming nonetheless when Mike came up to her. “So charming” he replied weakly, dropping of the coffee he always bought for her. “If you want to see Harvey he isn’t in his office. But why don’t you wait for him in there?” Donna nodded not only in the direction of the office but quite precise at the couch in Harvey’s office, Mike noticed. He looked at Donna with big questioning eyes. “He won’t be here for at least half an hour.” She said taking a sip. “You’re an angel, Donna” Mike looked relieved “I know.” Donna responded.
Mike laid the papers down on Harvey’s desk. He wasn’t sure if he should really crush on the couch but he was so tired. When he looked to Dona’s desk he saw her looking at him and winking. So he figured it would be okay to just rest his head there for 10 minutes. He took of his shoes, and used his right arm as a pillow. After about 2 minutes he was out like a light and woken up by muffled voices.
“Mike, get up and take your shoes on. We have a meeting.” Mike heard Harvey more clearly and when he stirred around a bit he noticed a cold and wet sensation between the couch and his crotch. His eyes went wide in shock immediately. He had moved in his sleep so he was lying on his stomach now so his accident had gone unnoticed to Harvey so far. Mike risked looking at Harvey who had been starring at him the whole time. “What is wrong, why do you look like you’ve killed somebody?” His boss had obviously caught his shocked expression. “Um, nothing, I’m sorry I slept” “You did your work, but now we need to get going.” Harvey waved it off. “I… I will catch you downstairs” Mike said, his stomach still resting on the couch feeling clever for the plan that might get him a few minutes to figure out how to deal with his wet pants. Harvey looked irritated. “What, rookie? Did you just tell me to wait for you? Pull on your shoes, we will leave now!” Harvey responded harshly. Mike realized there was no way he could get out of this situation without Harvey finding out about his accident. His lungs suddenly felt tight and he felt his eyes beginning to water. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It just happened.” Mike managed to say as he got in a sitting position, revealing his wet pants to Harvey, before a tear despite all efforts managed its way down Mike’s cheek and he looked at his socks. There was a long silence between the two. Mike finally had the guts to face Harvey only to be even more frightened when he saw the expression on Harvey’s face.
“You cannot be serious. You peed on my couch?” Harvey looked furious. “I’m sorry” Mike mumbled. “That doesn’t help. We have a meeting and all that I can do now is get you cleaned up like you were a 4 year old.”
About 2 seconds later Donna came rushing into the office. She didn’t need to ask what had happened. Even if the intercom hadn’t been on she would’ve heard them. Harvey had been loud, very loud.
Mike just sat on the couch, on the cushion that was already soaking wet from his accident. His head supported by his arms that rested on his knees. He didn’t look up probably too embarrassed and frightened to face Harvey and Donna again.
“Here” Donna handed him a pair of suit pants that she had retrieved from one of the cupboards in the office. “These are my spare pants” “And since you haven’t wet yourself you don’t need them at the moment.” Donna gently touched Mike’s upper arm. “Hey Mike, change in these okay? I will get yours to the cleaning service and bring them to you this afternoon.” She waited till Mike nodded. Harvey didn’t comment on Donna giving his spare pants away. Mike slowly got up from the couch, wincing at the sensation that his cold wet pants left against his skin. He felt a little lost. He didn’t want to go to the men’s bathroom in his wet pants but there was no way he could change somewhere else. “Change behind the couch. Harvey and I will make sure no one can see you.” Donna said. Mike looked unsure. Harvey didn’t say anything. He simply moved his back on Mike. Mike stripped off his wet pants and underwear and stepped in to Harvey’s spare pants that were a little big on him. When he cleared his throat, Donna and Harvey turned.
“Go home” he said to Mike in a calm yet freezing voice. There was no compassion in his eyes, Mike felt. Mike managed to nod but didn’t dare to speak up. He left Harvey’s office shooting Donna a thankful look. Luckily he could get to his cubicle without bumping into Kyle before getting on his bike and back in his flat as soon as possible.
“Harvey!” Donna snapped as soon as Mike had left the office but was immediately interrupted by the latter. “Don’t Harvey me” “This is ridiculous. You know he didn’t want to ruin your coach.” “And yet he did. My puppy associate behaved like a real puppy. He made an actual mess, on my coach!” “I’ll have it cleaned by tomorrow morning and your spare pants will be ready tomorrow afternoon. Now apologize to Mike.”
“Don’t tell me what to do. I have actual work to do. I cannot spent time caring for an associate who behaves like a four year old” Harvey had gotten louder again and stormed out of the office, hoping that he wouldn’t be late for the meeting.
During the meeting Harvey was constantly thinking about Mike. He couldn’t get his head around the hurt expression when Harvey had looked at him in anger. If Mike knew he had bladder issues why hadn’t he worn one of the diapers in his drawer? And if Mike had bladder issues why hadn’t he told Harvey in the first place? This was a far less delicate secret than not having attended Harvard Law. He felt bad that he had shouted and lost his cool but damn Mike was supposed to act grown up and get his shit together. On the other hand the kid had just lost his grandma, the only relative he had left. This might have encouraged the accident. Probably Donna was right and he should apologize and see if Mike was alright.
Harvey visits Mike after work to make sure his associate is okay.
Sorry that the update took me so long. I will try to update more often but starting a new job an moving took a little more time that I expected.
“Hey Kid, open up” Harvey requested. Mike hadn’t been opening the door after he had knocked for quite a while. At some point Harvey felt that Mike actually wouldn’t open the door at all.
Mike on the other side of the door was fighting with himself. After today in the office he didn’t want to face Harvey ever again. He had behaved like a little child and Harvey had been right to yell at him. Mike thought about all the times he had got rid of the bottles and pacifiers he owned. It felt wrong an pathetic that his comfort relied to bottles, pacifiers and diapers but he couldn’t help it. Standing here, his boss on the other side of the door he felt like he had seriously screwed up. Would Harvey still want him as his associate? Mike didn’t dare to find out.
“No” Mike said from the other side of the door after some time but Harvey heard a hint of hesitation in Mike’s voice. “Come on Mike. Don’t let me stand here like a fool. I want to apologize” Harvey wasn’t sure if that would do the trick. When the door opened a crack he couldn’t help but smile.
Harvey could see that Mike had puffy, red eyes and immediately felt guilty for what he had said at the office. He couldn’t help but feel the need to make up for the tears he had caused.
“Hi” Mike said defensively his voice almost shaky. Harvey felt his heart break a little. He hadn’t intended hurting Mike. Of course the younger man probably still was embarrassed because he’s had an accident in front of his boss but this wasn’t the end of the world.
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier. It was not okay to give you a hard time for the accident” Harvey said, looking as sincere as he could, hoping that Mike would believe him.
When Harvey noticed that Mike’s eyes had become watery he decided to embrace the younger man in a hug and to his reassurance Mike let him. “It’s going to be okay, rookie” Harvey said and felt relieved noticing that Mike leaned further into the touch.
It felt so good, Mike thought. He couldn’t remember the last time he was hugged. Probably it had been his grammy. He didn’t want to think about that. Mike missed her and there was no way he would ever get her back. He was alone.
“It’s not but that’s alright.” Mike said his mouth muffled by being pressed against the crock of Harvey’s neck. Harvey felt Mike slowly turn out of the hug and he felt the need to ask Mike what was on his mind since the accident.
“Why haven’t you told me that you need the diapers in that drawer?” Mike was too confused by the question to be embarrassed that Harvey had obviously seen his diapers a few nights ago. He realized that this was the actual reason why Harvey had been angry earlier. He had thought Mike had seen the accident coming and had done nothing to prevent it. Now Harvey’s voice was full of compassion.
“Because I don’t. At least I thought I didn’t. I haven’t wet my bet since I was 11. The last time was the night after my parents died. I just wear them for comfort sometimes.” At the beginning his voice had been strong, almost angry. At the end there was a little embarrassment in it and his voice was barely a whisper.
Harvey didn’t say anything in response. He knew that Mike didn’t have a nice childhood. Mike figured the expression was Harvey pitying someone but of course not wanting to admit that he actually cared about them.
“We’ll figure out a solution.” Harvey said with a stern voice, tolerating no protest. When Mike started to yawn in response Harvey thought it would be best to send the boy to bed and then go to his condo, figuring out if the wetting issue was a onetime incident and if not how to help Mike deal with it.
“Come on kid, you need to go to bed. We have a meeting tomorrow.” Harvey said, initially thinking that this was it – the discussion was over. Instead Mike pouted “Noo.” Harvey resisted the urge to roll his eyes. This wouldn’t go as easy has he’d expected and he was surprised how stubborn Mike seemed to be and that he didn’t seem to be embarrassed to act so childishly.
“Come on, Junior. You know how important that meeting is. You need sleep” Harvey said this time with a more stern voice that seemed more fit for situation where he obviously needed to be the bigger brother – not the daddy.
“Okay” Mike agreed even if he grumbled a little. He was a little angry on himself for whining after Harvey had told him to sleep. Wetting yourself in front of your boss was pathetic, whining was pathetic.
“Are you already wearing your…” Harvey didn’t want to finish the sentence and was relieved when Mike interrupted him. “Yeah” Mike turned crimson and didn’t want Harvey to say the word diaper out loud again. “Just as a precaution” He added to underline that he actually didn’t really need them. Harvey was able to hide his smile.
“Get your pjs and brush your teeth. Then it’s up to bed.” Harvey had intended to leave as soon as the younger man was getting ready for bed. Now he felt like he should stay and make sure that Mike actually went to sleep. He texted Ray that he would be downstairs in about an hour.
Meanwhile Mike went grabbed his pjs and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth as Harvey had demanded. When he got out of the bathroom Harvey was already standing next to the bedroom. He smiled warmly as Mike crinkled his way past him and crawled under the covers, his face still crimson. He didn’t like to walk around only his pajamas covering his diaper. The crinkling was just too loud but there was no way he could avoid it.
Mike didn’t really know what to make of Harvey’s involvement. Harvey’s outrageousness was still on his mind and made him feel uneasy. How had he changed his mood so fast and now seemed like he would encourage Mike in being little. Mike had to admit if Harvey was being honest he quite liked it. Harvey gave him the feeling that he cared about Mike and the younger man felt a deep need for this care at the moment. He wondered if he should thank Harvey for caring but figured if the older man actually realized that he had been caring he would stop just to proof his point – he didn’t care.
“Will you stay with me?” he asked. Mike moaned at himself. Why had he just said that? And why had he done it in his childish voice? It wouldn’t work anyway, this was the point where Harvey would realize that he had cared and would leave. Harvey was genuinely surprised how small Mike sounded and that he had actually requested Harvey to stay. Harvey smiled warmly in response. “Of course, just a second” Harvey knew that Mike was exhausted but would squirm around, not willing to go to sleep. He decided to help him with that. When he came back in the bedroom Mike was genuinely surprised that Harvey stayed but squirmed a little when he saw what Harvey was holding when he came back into the room – his boss really wanted to get engaged in this.
“I don’t need a bottle” he stated but Harvey had seen longing in Mike’s eyes. “Yeah but if you gonna drink in bed this is the best way to not make a mess.” Harvey argued. He knew Mike was probably embarrassed but if this was the thing that comforted him why not use it? Mike didn’t know what to say, yes he would like the bottle but his boss making it for him? That was kind of weird.
“I’m not thirsty” Mike replied. There was no way he would drink from a baby bottle in front of Harvey no matter how encouraging his face looked at the moment. “Just in case” Harvey said and put the bottle on the night stand knowing that the time for the bottle would come. He glanced to the book that was also laying on the night stand and picked it up.
“Hey, Curious George. I read that as a child.” Harvey remembered. “It already existed on stone?” Mike mocked. Harvey was happy that Mike had found his confidence again. He chuckled instead of scolding him. “Can I read it?” Harvey asked, almost excited. Mike nodded even though he had the slight fear that Harvey might mock him. Before Harvey could sit down the expression on Mike’s face became more serious. “I’m sorry for today” he said. “Don’t be sorry. It was just an accident. I’m sorry for how I reacted.” Mike smiled.
When Harvey sat down on the bed next to Mike and began to read out loud holding the book so that Mike could see the pictures Harvey noticed that Mike slowly cuddled up next to him and relaxed. This is what he had wanted. The last days had been tough on his associate and he deserved the comfort at least for some hours before he had to get back at the firm and face his adult life again.
Mike started to get tired, closing his eyes and not opening them for longer and longer periods of time. Suddenly he felt something next to his lips and opened his mouth. He felt the familiar shape of the baby bottle nipple and sucked on it. Milk! And honey! Harvey had made him a bottle with milk and honey and it was still warm. “Better drink it now, before it gets cold.” Harvey chuckled.
Mike mumbled something between the nipple of the bottle that sounded like approval. Harvey had one arm around Mike’s neck and fed him the bottle while he held the book with the other one. When Mike had finished the bottle and Harvey had placed it on the bedside table Harvey read the rest of the book. Two pages before the book was finished Mike started to stir around a little but his eyes were already closed and it seemed that he was almost asleep. “Paci” Mike mumbled. Harvey smiled softly. He was amazed how fast Mike had adapted to Harvey being here and now even requested his pacifier from the older man. “There you go.” He could see that Mike zoned out shortly after he got the pacifier, still he read the last two pages, before he closed the book and laid it on the bedside table. He kissed Mike on the forehead and slowly stood up from the bed.
“Warm milk and honey, always works” Harvey whispered to himself and grinned. He knew Mike had enjoyed the drink and would most likely have the best sleep in a very long time. When the bell rang he tried to get to the door as fast as possible, not wanting Mike to wake up again. When he looked through the spy he was surprised to spot Donna and opened the door. “Donna?” Harvey said trying to keep his voice low. He was surprised to see her but remembered that she wanted to bring Mike his cleaned pants, which she had hung over her arm.
“What are you doing here?” she asked though there was a victory grin she tried to hide. She had probably known that Harvey would come to see Mike after what had happened at the firm.
“Shhhh. You’re gonna wake him up. I just did apologize to Mike and put him to bed.” Harvey said nonetheless. The last part he realized he could have left out and he shut his eyes in realization what he had just said to Donna. Donna just went past him into the flat being astonished by what she had just heard. “You apologized and you put him to bed?” she asked, her eyes as wide as can be.
“He was tired” Harvey said trying to shake it off but he had a feeling that Donna would be to bouncy to let it go now. “Let me say goodnight” Donna said excited clapping her hands. “He’s already sleeping, Donna. You’ll just wake him up and it took me ages to get him to sleep.” Harvey said, not wanting Donna to see Mike with a pacifier but she had already walked past him and directly to Mike’s bedroom.
“Awwww” Donna said joyful when she spotted Mike lying in his bed, with the pacifier in his mouth, the bottle still at the bedside table next to the book. Mike stirred and started to blink lazily. “Hmmm” he mumbled behind the pacifier. “Hey, sweetheart just wanted to make sure you were okay. I brought you your pants. I’ll leave them on the couch. Now go back to sleep or I’m gonna be in trouble with Harvey” Donna smiled warmly and ran her fingers softly though Mike’s hair. He really looked adorable and Donna could imagine how easily Harvey had turned to putty in the boy’s hands.
“Nigh, nigh Donna.” Mike said behind the pacifier, resting his head against the pillow and being out like a light in seconds. “Goodnight Mike” Donna whispered and cautiously went back into the living room.
“You gave him milk and honey, after he had brushed his teeth?” Donna whispered having the Curious George book in one hand and the baby bottle in the other. “He didn’t want to sleep, what else should I’ve done?” Harvey felt like he had to justify himself. He hadn’t spoiled Mike in this few moments he had spent here had he? “You’re such a softy.” She smirked but Harvey could see appreciation in Donna’s eyes for what he had done for Mike. “Can you believe that he doesn’t have a single stuffed animal?” Not able to hide a certain amount of indignation. “Maybe he doesn’t need one” Donna said. Harvey tilted his head like he was going to say “Come on”
“Why are you even so relaxed about this? I mean, you just saw him sucking a pacifier” Harvey asked, still a little taken aback by Donna’s reaction. “I thought you were aware of the fact that I know everything.” Donna simply said. “So you know he is…” Harvey didn’t know how to actually phrase what Mike was doing. “Ageplaying? Yes” “Wait that’s what it’s called?” opposed by information that he could now google to understand Mike better. “You didn’t know?” Donna wondered. “I didn’t know the name” Harvey clarified. “But you didn’t make a turn and run today so you saw him engaging in it before.” Donna combined and at the end a smile spread across her face. “No. I just found a bottle and pushed it a little.” Harvey answered almost apologetic because she had expected something more thrilling. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about the kid while he’s sleeping in the other room. What are you gonna do, stay the night and watch the little cutie?” She asked still being kind of bouncy. “No, I wanted to wash the bottle and then go home.”
Harvey hadn’t intended to stay the night. Mike didn’t have a proper place to sleep and he wanted to give Mike room after the intimacy they had shared unplanned. “Did you just call him cutie?” Harvey teased. “You gonna leave him alone?” Donna looked shocked but she was a good actress and Harvey figured she wanted to distract him from the nickname she had given Mike. “What, he’s asleep it’s not like he wants me here when he wakes up anyway.” Harvey argued. “Okay. But you could at least leave a note that reassures him in the morning” Donna said. Harvey left a note as suggested, before he looked back at Donna. “Come, Donna. Ray will drop you off at yours”
Chapter 3: Brace yourself
Mike wakes up and realization soon hits him. He has to face Harvey and Donna and isn't quite sure how to handle the situation. Of course Donna and Harvey have im covered.
It took me way to long to update this but there is already another chapter on its way. I hope to upload it before my vacation starts on the 2nd of September.
Hope you enjoy it.
Mike woke up the next morning, he felt like he had had the best sleep in a very long time. Even with his annoying alarm waking him up. When he moved around a little he felt that he was wearing a diaper and a wet one at that. He didn’t think too much about it. He wasn’t used to bedwetting but when he woke up at night and consciously wetted he didn’t always remember that in the morning. He put his pacifier under the pillow, hiding it from possible unannounced visitors like he always did. When he noticed that the Curios George book wasn’t at his nightstand anymore he was irritated. He slowly got up, not keen on the feeling of the wet soggy diaper under his pajama pants, eyes still glued at the empty night stand. His eyes went wide – Harvey. Harvey had been here last night and had put him to bed, even read to him and made him a baby bottle he remembered. Mike’s eyes were wide in shock. He needed to get to work as fast as possible for damage control.
He took quick strives to get into the kitchen and living room part of his small apartment when he noticed a piece of paper on the table that was knew to him. The note on the table was short. It just said “Don’t be embarrassed. See you at the firm at 9”
That was it? There wasn’t even a signature from Harvey on it. Mike was torn between embarrassment and pleasure that Harvey didn’t seem to make a big deal of yesterday and didn’t write down in detail what had happened the other night. At least Harvey gave him time to recover from the night and get ready for work without rushing it. Being in at 9 was an offer that Mike gladly took especially after the days right after Grammy’s death when Harvey at drowned him in paper work.
When Mike decided to take a shower and then dress for the day he noticed his washed suit pants over the couch. Again realization suddenly hit him. Donna had seen him like this as well, he remembered. Mike looked down at himself, still wearing a crinkly wet diaper under his pajama pants. He had left the pacifier under his pillow but Donna had definitely seen him suck it. She had run her fingers through his hair, he remembered and she had smiled warmly at him. Great, not only his boss had seen him behave like a little kid, while encouraging it, his boss’s master-mind-secretary had as well. He didn’t want to go to work today. He didn’t want to face them. They had seen him behaving like a kid probably plotting how they could get rid of him as soon as possible. Maybe they already had told everyone in the firm about him. He didn’t know if he could show his face around the firm ever again.
While Mike was getting ready for work despite his wish to be swallowed by the earth, Harvey and Donna were already in the office, starring at a package that sat on Harvey’s desk. He had brought it in the office with him and of course this didn’t go unnoticed by Donna. “You bought him a plush monkey?” Donna asked when she got into Harvey’s office her face caught between a smirk and a warm smile of affection for her boss. “How do you know?” he asked. Donna’s knowledge was a mystery to him. He had bought the stuffy after he had left Mike’s apartment and Ray had dropped off Donna at her’s. It would have been a short drive to his condo but then he remembered Mike’s lack of a stuffed friend. He had found a toy story that was still open although they were closing the store already when he arrived. Harvey jumped out of the car, told Ray to wait for about 10 minutes and started to talk himself into the closing store. 5 Minutes later he came back to the car, one of those “Stuff the plushy yourself” animals in his hand. Of course Donna was right, it was a monkey. How could he have gotten Mike anything else after his associate had gone to sleep in his arms while being read a Curious George book?
“I’m me and I know what book you read to him yesterday so there is definitely a plush monkey in that box. When do you want to give it to him?” Harvey thought Donna’s voice sounded like a test. “I thought before he goes home tonight” Harvey answered not having spent any thought about it when and how he would give the present to Mike. “Maybe you should give it to him after he is home” Donna suggested winking at her boss. Only Donna was able to wink at Harvey and make him happy by doing so. It was like getting her approval. Not that he needed that, it just felt good. “And why would I do that?” “To reassure him” Donna stated the in her eyes obvious “What makes you think he wants me there again?” Donna thought it was cute that Harvey actually feared that the time he’d had with Mike yesterday might have been the last. What a daddy, she thought. “I bet he liked being tucked in. He looked very peaceful.” Harvey smiled before he hid it. He had liked tucking Mike in and he hoped that Mike had as well. “Thank you, Donna.” Donna went to her desk, feeling that she had done her duty of reassuring Harvey. Harvey decided to hide the package from Mike until he had decided if he would stop by at Mike’s the night.
The diaper felt uncomfortable on the bike but Mike had figured that it would be the best way to prevent a new accident from happening or at least from being visible to his colleagues. On the other hand there was no way he would give up his precious bike so he had to stick with a slight discomfort while getting to work. He had chosen the thinnest diaper that he had begging that no one would notice his strange walk or the crinkling from under his pants. In the unlikely case that there was an emergency he had packed two spare diapers in his bag. Of course he wouldn’t need them but it felt safer to have them with him. The accident yesterday only had happened because he had been worked up and asleep. Today he wouldn’t take a quick nap on Harvey’s couch or anywhere else at the firm and there was no way he would have an accident while being awake.
When he went up to his desk he saw to his horror that Kyle was hanging around his cubicle. “Hey Mike, you’re in late. Daddy Harvey won’t be happy about that.” He mocked. Mike tried to look as cool as he could. Thank god Kyle didn’t know how close to reality this actually was. Then Mike remembered the diaper between his legs again and tried not to get too self-conscious and nervous about it. “I already worked more than you do and Harvey knows this so he doesn’t have a problem with me coming in late” Mike replied with a smirk. He left his bag in the desk’s cupboard, locked it and went up to Harvey’s office. When the elevator arrived at the correct floor Mike didn’t want to get out at first but managed to get off just before the elevator went shut and down on the lower floors again. He could do this. He was an adult and he could face his boss and his boss’ secretary today despite all the things that had happened yesterday in his apartment.
“Um, hi Donna” Mike felt sheepishly walking up to Donna’s desk. He was expecting a smirk or a smug comment. He was trying to brace himself and he was sure that Donna saw him doing it. “Hi Mike” her eyes looked warm and almost motherly – of course Mike would never tell Donna that she looked motherly. He bet she would hit him if he did. „Ehm about yesterday….“ Mike stammered, feeling that they needed to talk about this somehow. Donna didn’t want to grin at Mike as he looked really embarrassed and insecure. It was hard not to though because his discomfort was nowhere near justified and it looked really cute how Harvey’s associate was trying to address yesterday without addressing yesterday at all. Instead of grinning she smiled warmly at him and decided to take control over the conversation. „You are very adorable, Mike.“ was all she said in the most gentle voice that he had ever heard from her. “Th.thanks, I guess?” Mike answered a little irritated, his face beet red. “Now go in. Harvey’s waiting for you” He took a deep breath. He had hoped that he could delay his meeting with Harvey a little.
Mike stood in front of the glass door. He was sure that Donna was watching him from behind, probably noticing the diaper if she hadn’t already spotted it from his walk up to her desk. He was looking at his shoes and gathered his thoughts for a second before he took a deep breath and felt brave enough to push the door open and face Harvey.
„Hi Mike.“ Harvey smiled almost the exact same way that Donna did, Mike noticed. There was nothing mocking in it. It was a warm and sincere smile that looked more like the private and understanding Harvey and not like the best closer in New York. Maybe this wouldn’t go as embarrassing and as horrifying as Mike had thought. „Hi“ Mike simply responded. “Are you alright?” Mike had suspected that Harvey would at least ask this one question and decided to keep it simple. “Yes” Mike answered, grateful that yesterday had not been talked about so far. He walked up to Harvey’s desk indicating that he wanted his boss to give him some work. „Why are you walking so strange” Harvey asked, noticing that Mike had walked a little straddle legged. Had his associate finally hurt himself, while riding that stupid bike of his? “I thought it would be good if I…” Mike didn’t want to say out loud what he was wearing under his pants.” I won’t pee my pants again Harvey. I promise” Luckily Harvey seemed to get the hint so Mike didn’t have to explain it any further. Harvey’s eyes widened in acknowledgement and he said “I’m very proud of you. That’s a tough call to make.” Mike nodded. Harvey pointed at the file on the desk and Mike took it.
“Um, so about yesterday” Harvey saw that Mike went tense in seconds closing the file in his hands. His expression was similar to the time when he found out that Jessica knew about Harvard. Harvey decided to make it fast, so Mike wouldn’t suffer in the silence any longer. “Why do you do it?” Mike looked directly at Harvey, forcing himself not to look away. He was sure that Harvey saw his struggle but he didn’t want to back away. “It, it j-just feels good.”, he stammered at first. “Why not do something else?” Harvey asked. “Because, this is not how it works.” Mike huffed, frustration in his voice. “I can’t explain why it comforts me. It just does, always has and nothing helps the way this stuff does. Just say that you want me to stop and we can end this useless conversation.” Mike got louder and louder until he stopped and Harvey couldn’t help but feel hurt when Mike had suggested that Harvey didn’t like him that way. “I don’t want you to stop. I think I made that very clear yesterday. I want to understand you and this is why we have this talk.” “Then why didn’t you ask me yesterday?” Mike snapped. “Because you were still worked up because you peed on my couch.” Harvey retorted. Mike’s anger vanished immediately and his gaze fell. Harvey immediately regretted what he had just said. He hadn’t meant to shove the accident in Mike’s face again. “I’m sorry, Mike.” Harvey stepped closer and was happy to see that Mike didn’t flinch away. He gently squeezed Mike’s right upper arm. “I don’t think that you should stop. I stick to what I said when I found that baby bottle in your drawer the other night. As long as you don’t use it at the firm everything is okay. At home you can do whatever you need to do to be okay.” Mike realized how soft Harvey’s voice was. “I know” Mike replied weakly, almost mumbling, avoiding Harvey’s gaze. “Come on, let’s get that paperwork ready, wunderkind” Mike managed to smile and they started to work as if nothing had happened.
Chapter 4: How to change at a firm
Harvey and Mike need to take care of a little problem and Mike isn't too happy about the conclusion Harvey jumps to.
Sorry for not completing the chapter before the 2nd but I was drowned in work and just finished it yesterday night, too tired to upload it.
Anyway, since it's the 4th, Marveylove, happy birthday. Everyone else, happy reading. I hope you like it :-)
After a few hours Harvey noticed that Mike had started to shift uncomfortable in his seat. It almost looked like squirming. “Are you alright?” “Y..Yes” Shit, Mike had hoped Harvey wouldn’t notice his slight discomfort. About half an hour ago Mike had suddenly noticed that he had to go. As soon as he had noticed the pressure in his bladder he lost control and could feel himself wetting his diaper. He was able to hold back the tears but the accident left him puzzled and frustrated. Mike couldn’t believe that he had actually had an accident again, especially while he was awake. The diaper had been a precaution that he had been sure he wouldn’t need. “You are shifting a lot” Harvey noticed, looking concerned. Mike’s simple ‘yes’ hadn’t convinced him. “I’m fine Harvey” Mike replied loud and added much quieter “I just need to change” Harvey wasn’t sure if he should reply to that. The last time he had said something regarding Mike’s wetting issues he had made the younger man defensive and backing away. He didn’t want something similar now. Still he wanted to make sure that Mike knew he could talk to Harvey about it or keep it to himself. It was his call to make and Harvey didn’t want him to feel embarrassed about asking for a changing break. “Then head out” Harvey simply said, figuring this was explicit enough that Mike would get the hint but didn’t mention the diapers so he wouldn’t be upset.
Mike got up and remembered that he needed to get his bag from his cubicle. Now he realized he hadn’t really thought this through. How was he going to change? He could do it while standing but the sound would be obvious to anyone in the men’s and he hadn’t thought about a discreet way of throwing it out. He had brought a trash bag with him but he didn’t know how to discard it the best way. And Kyle might get suspicious if he saw Mike grabbing his bag in the middle of the day. “I don’t really know how” the younger man admitted and he hated how small his voice had sounded when he had said it. He didn’t like being not in control, not knowing what to do. He usually knew how to handle difficult situations, how to be cocky and talk himself out of stuff. Sometimes people got to him but it has gotten better since he started being an associate.
Harvey looked irritated. “What do you mean, you don’t know how?” “I don’t know where to change so nobody notices and I don’t know how to discard the other one.” Mike nearly whispered. His voice wasn’t strong, he didn’t sound cocky, he sounded and looked lost. Harvey had the feeling his associate needed his help and even if this was a personal matter it was his job to take care that his associate was okay just as it was Mike’s to make Harvey’s work easier.
“Get your changing things and meet me at the men’s on this floor in 5.” Harvey said. “O-kay” Mike said hesitantly but left the room quickly and with an almost normal looking way of walking despite the now bulky diaper. “Donna, Mike has a little situation and we need a trash bag.” “I already bought you those.” Donna replied looking utterly irritated why her boss hadn’t thought about this earlier. “What?” Harvey said confused by what she had just said. “They are in the cabinet behind your desk next to the special underwear that I bought for him” Donna lowered her voice at the last part for obvious reasons. Harvey went back in his office and when he opened the cabinet he couldn’t help but still feel confused to see the trash bags sitting next to a pile of diapers that Donna had mentioned just seconds before. He returned to Donna with a black trash bag in his hand. “These are great.” ”Of course they are. Now go, I bet Mike’s already nervously waiting for you.”
With almost anything she said Donna was right. This situation was no exception. Mike was already standing awkwardly in front of the men’s restrooms on Harvey’s floor. The bag that Harvey recognized probably held his spare diapers. Mike was holding the strap of it with his hand as if his life depended on it. Harvey approached him with an assuring look. “Let’s go in there.” “What about…” Mike started but didn’t get to finish his sentence. “I’ve got you covered on the trash issue. Just get in there and go in one of the stalls. I’ll handle the rest.” When they entered the restroom they weren’t alone, to Mike’s horror. Two junior partners were standing there having a chat while they washed their hands. Mike greeted them with a nod that he hoped hid his gulping and headed for the stalls as Harvey had said. He quickly joined the conversation and mentioned something about a recent case and made up something about a motion that Louis wanted to bring forward in the next meeting. The two partners left the restroom and Harvey told Mike that they were alone. The latter relaxed a little and started to unpack the fresh diaper and clean himself. While Mike was changing Harvey washed his hands in case someone was entering the restroom. It was loud enough so no one would hear anything else. When Mike was finished he put the diaper in the trash bag he had brought only now noticing that it was transparent. He peeked out of a stall and his eyes met Harvey’s who had been switching between keeping an eye on the stall Mike was in and the door to the desks. “You alright?” He asked. Mike didn’t look happy. “My trash bag is transparent.” Mike said feeling this would explain his misery. Instead of stress on Harvey’s face which Mike had expected, his boss didn’t look alarmed at all. He simply slid one hand in the pocket of his pants and produced a black trash bag. He handed it over to Mike. “Put it in there and then wash your hands.” Mike did at he was told, putting the trash bag down next to himself in order to do so. Harvey picked the trash bag up and put it in the large bin of the restroom. He covered it with a few paper towels. Mike looked shocked. “But everyone will” he started before Harvey interrupted him. “No they won’t. Put some paper towels over it and that’s it. No one looks at the trash bin.” Harvey pulled Mike to the trash bin so he could throw his paper towels in there. He saw that Harvey was right. Even he couldn’t see the trash bag beneath it anymore.
They left the restroom and Mike felt a lot better. He wanted to go to the elevators and put his bag back to his desk but was held back by Harvey. “Take your bag into my office. No need to rush down and up again. This way we could get back to work right away.” Mike was sure that Harvey had said the last comment as an excuse for sounding caring at first, well he was at least almost sure. When they went past Donna’s desk Mike opted to concentrate on the shape of his shoes to not meet Donna’s eyes. She probably knew about his accident and he didn’t want a reassuring look or anything similar that made him feel small.
They had returned to work on the file and Mike was glad that Harvey told him to work on it from here so Mike didn’t have to go back to his cubicle. After they had finally decided on a strategy Mike was eager to go and see the client with Harvey. But when Harvey had started to talk about the meeting and Mike had started to look at his messenger back over and over again, figuring how he would handle another accident, especially if he couldn’t bring his bag with him because Harvey wanted Mike to look exactly like him and a messenger bag didn’t fit in the picture. Harvey suddenly stopped talking. Mike finally snapped out of his thoughts, when Harvey addressed him for the third time. “Mike did you listen to me?” Mike knew he couldn’t improvise and had to admit that he hadn’t. “Ehm, no.” he answered haltingly.
“What were you thinking about? Hardman is seuing us and you are daydreaming.” Harvey looked close to furious. Before Mike could respond it dawned on Harvey and his expression changed. His gaze became softer but Mike could see something that he interpreted as disappointment.
“Take the rest of the day off, Mike. Go home, change into something comfortable.” Harvey said. It almost sounded exhausted. Mike couldn’t hide the shock in his face. “It’s fine Harvey. I’m an adult. I am able to decide if I can handle a situation.” The associate said hastily. He hadn’t wanted to give Harvey the impression that he couldn’t handle his adult life. He could definitely do that. Mike was new to handling accidents but his little side had never stopped him to be a good associate and it never would. But Harvey – of course – wouldn’t have none of it. “Which you obviously couldn’t do a few moments ago. You were even thinking about how to handle it while I was discussing our strategy. You are not in control of the situation.” Harvey argued, now in full fury. “Just because these stupid offices have glass walls.” Mike retorted, but he couldn’t hide the childish tone in it. “You knew that before you came in here today but you still didn’t know how to address this issue.” “I can handle it.” Mike almost yelled and when he stomped one foot he realized that he had just behaved like a little kid that hadn’t got what it wanted. His eyes went wide and he started to back away from Harvey a little bit, looking smaller than he had before the older man noticed. He had lost control over his emotions at the firm. That was unacceptable. Mike didn’t want to be little right now. He just couldn’t be. This was the reason why he had tried to suppress this side of himself for so long and why there were times when he had thrown out all the baby stuff that he had owned.
Harvey noticed that Mike’s mood had changed and immediately addressed the issue different. “Hey, hey it’s okay. I know you can handle it. It’s just that I’m worried that’s all.” “Worried about what?” He heard Mike sniffle. “I’m worried that you don’t feel well but won’t tell me.” Harvey approached him and was able to direct him to the couch. He knew Mike probably wasn’t fond of the idea to sit in the exact same spot today that he had peed on yesterday, but Harvey hoped that Mike would open up to his suggestions . “I figured it would be easier if you took the rest of the day off and we think of how we can deal with this whole diaper issue so no one will notice.” “Not even Donna?” Mike asked. Harvey looked from Mike to Donna who was sitting at her desk, tipping something up but clearly listening to every word over the intercom. Harvey shot him a knowing look. “I think we both know the answer to that.” Mike chuckled a little. “But there is so much work to do.” The younger man insisted. “Yes there is. And while you sort things out I will handle it myself. You did a lot of work the past weeks. I think it’s okay to take half a day off for you.” There was still struggle on Mike’s face. Mike knew that Daniel Hardman was glowering over them and Jessica and Harvey were both busy keeping the firm alive while also handling their other cases like Folsom Foods. It just didn’t feel right to leave early or come in late.
“Okay, I’m having enough of that. You’ll go home, Mike. Now, if you want to do something try to think of a workaround how we handle this issue in the next days because it definitely is an issue. I don’t do this to punish you.” For a moment Harvey thought that Mike would fight back. Instead, the younger man just huffed and left the office without throwing another fit.
Donna of course had overheard the conversation and immediately entered the office when Mike was gone. “You’re such a daddy.” Donna mocked. Harvey was a little enraged. Of course he cared about Mike, but he was not – in his eyes very clearly - behaving as if he was Mike’s dad. “Hey, I’m not the daddy. I’m the cool older brother who will teach him how to throw a baseball.” He objected before he started to smirk triumphantly “And you’re the hot cheerleader who lives next door” Donna seemed to picture herself in that uniform, and then she wandered out of the office without another word.
Chapter 5: Joint bedtime routine
Harvey visits Mike to gibe him the present and to make sure Mike knows that he cares.
I had hoped that I would finish this chapter sooner and I'm only semi-happy with it. Mike struggles a lot here and I'd wished to cut this shorter but sometimes struggle is all there is.
Hope you enjoy the new chapter.
I will try to update in about two weeks.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Harvey decided to check in on Mike that night. Giving him the plushy as Donna had suggested. Maybe they could even have a little talk about the ageplay. Harvey wanted Mike to know that he still approved his associate. He knew Mike was still able to be a great lawyer. He knocked on the door and found Mike opening the door rather fast.
“Hi Harvey. If you stop by here more often I need to get a bigger flat.” Mike said sneering. “Just wanted to make sure you’re alright. And you need a bigger and nicer flat anyway” Harvey retorted. Mike thought about the apartment that he had bought for his granny a few days before she died and suddenly felt really down. “So you checked on me. I’m still alive, have a nice evening.” Mike had almost closed the door when Harvey held the package between the door and its frame. “Oh and I thought you’d like to have this” Harvey handed Mike the package. “For me?” Harvey encouraged Mike rather rarely let alone got him any presents so the younger man looked utterly surprised and a little suspicious. “Yes rookie, open up.” Harvey said, excited how his associate would react. Mike opened the package and smiled at the plush monkey. He gently touched the fur. “Thanks Harvey.” Mike didn’t want to get too excited about the plushy in front of his boss. “I thought you’d like your own curious George” Harvey smiled and Mike couldn’t help but smile back. Maybe Harvey had been honest about being okay with this side of Mike. But at the moment Mike didn’t know if he was okay with this side of his himself.
Harvey was almost disappointed when Mike didn’t jump up and down in excitement about the plushy but then again Mike seemed to try to hide his little side. “Don’t you like it?” Harvey asked. “I do. It’s great.” “I had hoped for a more enthusiastic reaction.” Harvey admitted. “I’m not always like that.” Mike tried to explain but Harvey seemed confused. “What do you mean?” “I’m a grown-up. I don’t need to be taken care of and even if I like the plushy it doesn’t make me jump up and down. I appreciate what you did for me the other day and today at work but I can manage that on my own.” Harvey didn’t fully believe him and had to admit that he actually felt a little disappointed when he saw Mike laying the monkey down on the couch. “And how do you intend to do that?” “It’s not your business.” Harvey had the feeling there was more to it. “Why do you try to push me away?” “Cause I need to be big.” Harvey widened his eyes. “What did you just say?” “I am big. I’m a grown up.” Mike said, realizing that he had probably given Harvey an opportunity to object which the latter did immediately of course. “No, you said you needed to be big. Those are two different things.” “Why do you care, anyway?” Mike interrupted. “Cause you are my f*cking associate.” Harvey shouted. “I don’t want to be that way.” Mike mumbled in response.
The expression on Harvey’s face softened. He hadn’t meant to scare the kid. Mike looked beaten because he didn’t really accept himself at least not at the moment and shouting at him wouldn’t make it any better. “Maybe you can explain this a little to me. I hoped we could have a more precise talk about this ageplay thing.” Harvey said, his voice as soft as could be. “You know what it is?” Mike wondered “Of course I do.” Harvey said, looking overly confident. Mike raised his eyebrows. “Donna told you.” He concluded “Come on…” Harvey started but Mike looked at him blankly. “Okay, you’re right she told me.” Harvey admitted, chuckling. “So you want to know more about me in that context?” Mike asked cautiously. “If you have emotional break downs at the firm I want to know what I need to handle.” Mike had hoped that Harvey had forgotten about the foot stomping by now. “I’d say I’m about 4 or 5 when I’m little. That’s what I call it, being little. I just do it at home. It’s pretty much what you’ve seen the other night. You can still talk to big Mike it might startle me a little but I will just snap out and have a normal conversation with you. Like I told you it’s the only thing that helps. It helps me relax and forget about everything bad.” Harvey smiled warmly. “Do you regret that you had to let me in on this?” he wanted to know. Suddenly Mike felt really small. It had been hard to open up to Harvey and all he wanted know was to curl himself into a little ball on his bed and hide from the world. He didn’t want to talk about his little side anymore especially not when Harvey was being nice about it. “I didn’t have a choice. But I’m glad that you know. I trust you, Harvey” Harvey smiled.
The talk had gone quite well and Harvey felt confident to ask his the question he had actually stopped by to ask. “Today was a tough day. Would it be okay if I joined you for your bed time routine like I did yesterday?” Mike looked up at his boss, his face a little red. Yes, Harvey definitely seemed okay with his little side but still this was very intimate for Mike to share. He had to admit he would like to be read to again or get a warm bottle of milk and honey to bed. Mike had seen the bottle in the sink when he had woken up this morning and again when he came back from work this afternoon. Still he wanted to resist the urge to be little and use it. Harvey saw Mike’s struggle. He understood that it must be hard for Mike to open up that much in such a short amount of time. Yet, he had had the feeling that Mike hadn’t been embarrassed at all when Harvey had put him, read to him and fed him a bottle. Maybe Harvey just needed to push it a little. “You’d get a bottle and we could read Curious George.” He offered. Mike bit his lip. He really wanted the bottle but he also really wanted to be big.
“Why are you fighting this so much?” Harvey wondered out loud after a few moments with no response from Mike to his offer. “I told you, I’m not just small. I don’t want to have another breakdown at the firm. I want you to know that I’m still your associate. I’m capable of handling the issue myself.” Mike seemed frustrated with himself. Harvey crooked his head. “Do you really think I don’t know that?” “It sure didn’t sound like that back at the firm today.” Mike argued. This was what Harvey had feared. Mike thought that Harvey and maybe Donna wouldn’t take him seriously anymore and think he wasn’t able to pull himself together. It would be a lot of work to get him away from this way of thinking.
“How are you going to deal with the diapers at the firm?” Harvey asked. “I’ll carry my bag. I’ll change in the men’s on your floor to avoid the other associates. I will take my bag to appointments, so if I have to change at a client’s I can do that, too.” Mike explained, feeling confident about his solution, yet unhappy that he needed such a workaround. “There’s no need to carry diapers in your messenger bag for changing at the firm.” Harvey said calmly, thinking about the risk he was taking at the moment, because what he wanted to tell Mike next might make him angry and uncooperative. “What? Why?” Mike looked puzzled and Harvey hoped he would react well to what he was going to say next. “Because Donna already took care of it.” Harvey answered “What, when?” Mike didn’t look too uncomfortable, he still seemed to be puzzled by what Harvey had said. “This morning apparently. I told her we needed a trash bag when you changed at the firm. Turns out she had not just bought trash bags in advance but also diapers and stored them in my office for you. We want to help you, Mike. Not belittle you.” Mike bit his lip again and turned his head away from Harvey. He wanted to believe his boss. He desperately wanted to believe him. But what about pushing this side of his away and living a normal life like everyone else? It must be possible, right? How hard could it be to keep his pants dry at the firm and to throw all the baby stuff away? His eyes met the plush monkey on the couch and he knew he would never throw away that plushy no matter how much he hated his little side at times.
“Will you allow me to stay and proof that I care?“ Mike still had his head turned away from Harvey but the latter noticed that Mike had snapped out of his stupor at the question. The latter decided that he needed to take his chance now, before Mike was making up his mind and rejected Harvey’s inquiry. “Come on, let’s make you a bottle with milk and honey.” Mike frowned. “But I’m not in bed, yet.” He objected, suddenly all in for the bottle. “I won’t risk getting scolded by Donna again. You won’t drink it after you’ve brushed your teeth” Harvey explained and Mike who wanted to giggle at first saw Harvey’s dead serious expression resisted the urge.
Harvey made the bottle. He figured it would be a good idea to offer it to Mike to hold it himself. Mike gladly accepted it stating that grown-ups held their bottles themselves and they both sat down on the couch next to each other. Soon after Mike had taken the first sips he had closed his eyes and rested his head on Harvey’s shoulder. They sat in silence for a while and Harvey figured this marked the end of Mike’s struggles for this afternoon. When Mike had finished his bottle Harvey took it from him and put it in the sink. He told Mike to get his pjs, brush his teeth and change in a fresh diaper, figuring that his associate had already worn one the whole time. From the look on his face Mike felt a little caught when Harvey mentioned the diaper but made quick work of gathering all his stuff and walking into the bathroom while Harvey cleaned the bottle.
When Mike walked out of the bathroom Harvey was standing expectantly next to the couch, holding the plush monkey in both hands. When Mike approached him Harvey handed him the plushy and Mike crawled under the covers if his bed. “What book?” Harvey asked, the whole of Mike’s children’s books spread on the bedside table. “That” Mike pointed at one. “Curious George rides a bike excellent choice” They lay next to each other and Harvey started to read, again having his arm around Mike’s shoulder. “It’s raining” Mike whispered halfway through the book, his eyes already heavy. Harvey looked at the Window and suddenly realized the rain was pattering heavily against the window. He hadn’t noticed until now, being so caught up in reading the book to Mike. What he did notice is that Mike got his pacifier from under his pillow, trying to be sneaky about it so Harvey wouldn’t notice. “Are you afraid of the rain?” Harvey asked mockingly, pretending to haven’t noticed the little object sitting in Mike’s hand. “Don’t be stupid.” Mike giggled but cuddled closer to Harvey anyway and put the pacifier in his mouth. Soon after that Harvey finished the book.
He laid it down and ruffled through Mike’s hair. The boy was almost asleep, eyes closed most of the time, pacifier in his mouth just like yesterday and his new plushy clutched securely to his chest. “Good night, kiddo.” Harvey whispered, not sure if Mike was awake enough to answer. “Good Night, Daddy” Mike replied between the pacifier and the plushy. Harvey took a deep breath. Had Mike just called him daddy? Even with the paci there was no doubt. He managed to reply “Sleep tight.” before he went to the living room part of the small apartment. Mike had just called him daddy. This was no situation where it would be clever to leave and have a talk about what just happened the next day at the firm. So Harvey decided to stay the night, at least on the couch and at least till the early morning so he and Mike could talk about what had happened after the kid had gotten his sleep. He told Ray to drive home and get him at about 6 am at Mike’s. Mike had said “Daddy”. Harvey couldn’t help but feel a little proud and excited. He’d never been called “daddy” at least not in the original meaning of the word and Mike had seemed so happy and calm when he had dozed off in that very moment.
Harvey had found a pillow and a blanket and tried to get as comfy on the couch as possible. Surprisingly he was out like a light in seconds. He must’ve been fast asleep, because he could feel the exhaustion when he was woken in the middle of the night, darkness surrounding him by a loud scream from Mike’s bedroom. Harvey almost fell off the couch, shocked by the sound. As soon as he was up to his feet he stumbled into Mike’s bedroom to see what had happened.
Well Mike calling Harvey daddy had to happen sometime didn't it?
It was so hard to not spoil it in the chapter summary, or the chapter title, or the chapter notes at the beginning. Hope you had fun with it as much as I did. ;-)
Stay tuned for another chapter.
Chapter 6: The nightmare
Harvey is awaken and finds a worked up Mike lying in his bed. Turns out soothing him isn't that easy.
Sorry for the long wait. I'm still struggling with the following chapter and it will probably take me some time to finish it. So I fear you need to feed on this chapter for a little while, sorry.
Hope you like it anyway and have fun reading it.
The sight almost broke his heart. He could see the sweat on the younger man’s forehead, the pacifier had fallen out of his mouth due to all the moving around, the plush monkey had fallen to the floor and the sheets were completely messed up. ”Oh Mike” Harvey said pitiful before he quickly sat next to Mike and shook him awake. While Mike was stirring Harvey made quick work to slide his hand in Mike’s pajama pants to check if the younger man had wet himself and if so if the diaper had leaked. There was no point in upsetting Mike by checking him while he was awake or ask a worked up Mike if he needed a change. Harvey found that the diaper was wet but the sheets were dry.
As soon as Mike was awake Harvey hoped that the tears would die down at the realization that everything was just a nightmare. Instead Mike’s puzzled and exhausted expression at the sight of Harvey was replaced with a wobbly chin and soon the tears began to roll. The younger man sat up in his bed, his knees close to his chin looking not older than 6 maybe even as young as 4 or 5.
“Shhhh. It’s okay, Mike. It was just a dream, Junior. Relax. I’m here.” Harvey tried to calm Mike down sitting next to him and rubbing circles on his back. The smaller man grabbed Harvey’s shirt like his life depended on it. He looked haunted and nowhere near calming down. “My parents, they had the accident and Grammy was in the car as well. They all died. They all died and I was alone. I am alone.” Mike finally managed to say after some time. The new realization that every family member was gone brought the tears back. Harvey started to rub stronger on Mike’s back so the boy would become more aware of his presence. “Shhh you’re not alone. I’m here and I won’t go away. How about we make you a bottle and get you in a fresh diaper, sound good?” Mike nodded incapable of responding to Harvey by words, not even showing embarrassment when Harvey had mentioned that he was obviously wet – which he hadn’t even noticed himself, yet. When his sobs finally had died down to sniffles Harvey slowly stopped rubbing Mike’s back and helped the smaller man to get up and handed Mike the plush monkey. He took it without hesitation, clutching it close to his chest. Harvey presented him the pacifier next, not sure if Mike wanted to take it but he opened his mouth and let Harvey slip it in. He led Mike to the drawer with the diapers, not wanting to leave him alone for a minute and clearly Mike was thankfully following him, a hand still clutching the back of Harvey’s shirt. “Which one do you want?” Harvey asked pointing at the different diapers. Mike picked a pretty thick white diaper that under different circumstances would definitely be judged as too noisy and too obvious by him Harvey thought. “Okay, let’s get you changed then. Where are your changing supplies?” “Under my bed.” Mike mumbled between the pacifier. “Okay.” Harvey made quick work, leading Mike back to his bed, telling him to lay down, getting the changing supplies ready and stripping his pants and used diaper off of Mike, while his associate was standing passively next to the bed. He was glad that Mike let him do this. The boy really seemed worked up and Harvey didn’t like the thought of Mike needing to do it himself in such a situation. But Harvey had to admit he was also a little uncomfortable. He never had changed a diaper in his life and changing the diaper of his associate was far more intimate than reading bed time stories or making baby bottles for him. Intimacy aside how hard could it be? He had a Harvard degree. Diapering Mike would definitely be easier.
It showed that Harvey wasn’t that bad at changing diapers. He had spread the diaper on the sheets and had told Mike to lay down on them. The younger man did this without any struggle. Mike even didn’t hide his face, while Harvey put cream on him and taped the diaper up. A more experienced hand might have been faster and the tapes might’ve been positioned a little better but for the first time ever Harvey thought it looked pretty good and secure. Worked up as he was Mike might have made a worse job of changing himself. “There you go, all nice and clean. So the bottle is next, want to join me?” It was a rather rhetorical question and Mike clung to Harvey’s shirt again as soon as he had the possibility to do so. Since it wasn’t the first bottle Harvey made for Mike he knew where he could find all the necessary supplies and was as fast as he could. Harvey begged that milk and honey would do the trick again. When he had the bottle ready he led Mike back to the bed and told him to slip under the covers. “But Donna said I can’t have one after I brushed my teeth, right?” Mike objected, his voice sounding smaller than Harvey had heard him so far. “This will be our little secret, okay?” Harvey grinned a little mischievous, looking left and right. Mike smiled back shyly and hesitantly. Then he frowned. “But I don’t want it.” Mike said, his voice not convinced. “What? Why?” Harvey was irritated to say the least. Mike had been fine with being changed by his boss but the bottle was too much, after he had already given him a bottle the other night? “Drinking means wetting. If I don’t drink I won’t need the diapers” Mike mumbled, a little ashamed to mention the wetting again. Harvey gritted his teeth. All he wanted was for Mike to go to sleep peacefully so the both of them could get a few more hours of sleep. Harvey decided to ignore Mike’s objections and change the subject. “It’s a bit late for reading Curious George but how about I give you the bottle and maybe tell you a story of my own?” he offered. “I told you I don’t want the bottle.” Mike snapped. Harvey was surprised by the sudden outburst but didn’t want to scold Mike for it. The kid was still worked up but he wanted Mike to drink the bottle. “It’s either bottle and story or right up to bed.” Mike thought about it for a few seconds and Harvey feared that the kid might actually opt for going to bed right away. Finally Mike nodded. “Okay“ he nearly whispered, a look of defeat on his face. Now Harvey was close to let Mike get away without the bottle. He didn’t want the younger man to be sad and feel defeated that he had to drink a bottle but Mike definitely needed to drink something. It would sooth him and would make going to sleep again easier.
Mike crawled under the covers while Harvey lay down next to him on top of the covers and slung his arm around Mike just like he had a few hours ago. With the other hand Harvey presented him the bottle. And then Harvey started to talk about the firm and his baseball records in high school. When Mike had finished the bottle and Harvey had sat it away on the night stand he slowly wanted to go back to the couch and try to get a little more sleep. But when he tried to move Mike’s hand it grabbed his shirt all the tighter.
“Don’t leave me, Harvey” It almost sounded begging and Harvey couldn’t help but feel his heart shatter again. “Sure. I’ll just be on the couch. I told Ray to pick me up tomorrow morning.” Harvey assured him but Mike still looked frantic. “No, I mean, please stay here” Mike’s hand slid over the bed covers. Harvey smiled reassuringly. “Of course. I’m never going to leave you, Mike. I promise.” And with that he slipped under the covers next to Mike. Harvey kissed Mike’s temple. He never wanted to see his little boy to wake up hurt, lost and alone again. He needed to do something against that. “Goodnight, Mike.” “Night, Daddy” Again Harvey couldn’t help but beam with pride. Mike was sleeping fast, probably due to the exhaustion by the nightmare and even for Harvey sleep came fast.
Harvey was awake first. He sneaked into the kitchen and fetched himself some cornflakes and sat down at the small table. “Good morning, big boy” Harvey greeted when Mike waddled into the room almost half an hour later looking anything from big. “M.. morning. Why are you still here?” Mike mumbled rubbing his eye with a fist while he was still holding the stuffed monkey Harvey had given to him. “I wanted to make sure you were alright.” he explained. “Why shouldn’t I?” Mike wondered. Harvey wasn’t sure if Mike simply wanted to forget about last night and therefore ignored the fact that he had had a nightmare and Harvey had comforted and changed him or if Mike had been so worked up that he actually didn’t remember. He figured that being blunt about it would be okay. “You called me Daddy twice last night and you had a horrible nightmare.” Realization hit Mike’s face. He took a step back, shocked. “I.. I” Harvey was a little surprised that it had took Mike so long to remember the last night – the boy with the eidetic memory had forgotten about his nightmare and Harvey changing him? “It’s okay. I’ve already put you to bed twice. I’d say calling me daddy is a fair reaction.” Harvey said trying to calm Mike. Mike smiled shyly his face beet red. He noticed Harvey was smirking which was Harvey code for: ‘I want to look cool while I’m caring so nobody notices I’m caring’ ”Come here” Harvey had moved to the couch and tapped at the place next to him.” Mike sat down next to Harvey. “I know you’re pretty worked up because of your grandma’s death and me finding out about your secret and all that“ Harvey noticed that Mike looked at his feet, getting more tense. He knew he needed to assure him as fast as possible. “Hey, Mikey, if you need me to be there for you by being daddy as well as your boss I’d be glad to do it” Mike noticed the unusual nickname that Harvey had used and he noticed the unusual offer. He simply nodded in response, thinking the offer would be an offer without any meaning. “Hey, I’m being serious” Harvey said softly. “Really?” Mike whispered. “Yeah. I’m the best older brother. I think I’d make a pretty good daddy, too. And I meant what I said yesterday. I still take you seriously. I think I can speak for Donna as well on that.” “Can I cite you on that, speaking for Donna?” Mike grinned. “Look who’s being sassy now. Seems like you’re fine” Harvey chuckled and Mike chuckled back. And as to prove that he really cared and was comfortable with his new position Harvey asked “So back to daddy duty, are you still dry?” “Ehm” Mike stammered his face turning a noticeable shade of red and his eyes wide in shock at the sudden change of subject. He looked caught. “So you’re not. Maybe today you should still wear protection at the firm.” Harvey suggested. “Okay” Mike said a little discouraged. “Hey, I’m not making fun of you, okay?” “Yeah” “Today it’s fine if you’re a little late, say 9.” “I was in late yesterday” Mike informed. “Can’t argue with your boss, can you?” “Harvey, I know you want to protect me but I’m okay.” “Then it’s 7:30.” Mike looked irritated “But it’s already 7:00” Harvey looked at him blankly. Mike rolled his eyes. “Fine. 8:30 it is” he agreed. Harvey figured he couldn’t get Mike to do as he was told and agreed to the best offer he would get from Mike. “Good boy” Harvey said before he gave Mike an assuring pat on the back and headed out of the flat and down on the street.
Chapter 7: "I need to be big today"
Mike has another morning where he reflects the events of the past night and gets ready for another day at the firm. Meanwhile Harvey talks to Donna about the last night and of course his secretary understands all the feelings that Harvey doesn't get.
I knew it took some time but the chapter is finally ready. Yay! Unfortunately work is going to be super busy the next couple of weeks so I'm trying my best to update in 2 or 3 weeks but it is going to be unlikely.
This chapter is somewhat an "intermediate" one. There is not really much happening plot-wise but Mike and Harvey have to confront their feelings a little.
He had called Harvey daddy. Mike remained sitting on the couch for a while after Harvey had left, thinking about the honest expression of compassion on Harvey’s face. He had looked genuinely happy. It felt weird that Harvey had so easily accepted him. Mike had always thought, caring for Mike while not admitting it aside, Harvey valued people that were strong. To Mike needing diapers, sucking on a pacifier at night or drinking from a baby bottle was the total opposite. Somehow the nightmare Mike had had seemed to have taken the awkwardness between the two and completely erased it. Thinking about the awkwardness it struck him again that Harvey had even changed him the last night. It felt strange to share something that intimate with him. After the nightmare he had been grateful that Harvey had taken control and changed him, calmed him down. He hadn’t had a nightmare in a very long time. The more intense the one last night had shaken him and the more it had surprised him that Harvey hadn’t seemed to mind.
After a few minutes he noticed the diaper between his legs again. It was cold and wet. He needed a shower but first he was going to give his new plushy that he was still holding a long cuddle. Mike figured that if Harvey allowed him his weaknesses at home he expected Mike to be more brilliant and maybe vicious at the firm, so he needed to nurture his little side at home. He didn’t need another breakdown at the firm. With this in mind he took George back to his bed and then went to take a shower.
Meanwhile Ray picked up Harvey and drove him to his condo where Harvey took a quick shower, changed his clothes and then drove to the firm. The whole way Harvey thought about Mike’s nightmare. Maybe a nightlight or a blanket would make the situation better. He needed to think of something that would help Mike even if he wasn’t there. Though Harvey had to admit he couldn’t think of a time when he didn’t want to be there. Seeing Mike having a nightmare had felt horrible but all his sorrows about his little boy had melted away when he had called him daddy. Yes, his little boy. It felt a little strange to address Mike like this but Harvey assumed since he was “daddy” to Mike now the younger man was “his little boy”. He still smiled when he got out of the car, into the firm and finally went to his office.
As yesterday Mike was getting ready for work and thought about last night. He had called Harvey daddy, he recalled again. Even if he had spent some minutes on his couch his mind revolving around it. Mike had felt warm. Which was he had called Harvey daddy in the first place.
He grabbed his messenger bag and stuffed two diapers inside it. Even if Donna had already bought diapers, which he didn’t doubt, Mike still needed to be prepared for an accident at a client. Riding the bike was still uncomfortable but he figured he had to get used to it.
Donna grinned at Harvey when he approached her. “Is everything alright, Daddy” The slight smile on Harvey’s face immediately vanished “What?” he asked flustered. How did Donna even know about this? Harvey was trying to stay composed. She couldn’t possibly know about Mike calling him daddy. “You know what I mean. How was your night with your little boy? You’re in on time, which means you aren’t early like you usually are, so you probably didn’t sleep at yours.” Harvey tried to hide his relaxation. He was glad that Donna knew his relationship with Mike wasn’t sexual otherwise this conversation could go in a weird direction considering the word “daddy” was just brought up. Now that the conversation was stirred to the fact that he had slept at Mike’s Harvey didn’t hide his worries. “He had a nightmare and was really worked up. I stayed to make sure he was alright. I told him to be in at about 9” which wasn’t a lie, he just left out the fact that his decision to stay had been made before Mike had had the nightmare. Donna looked genuinely worried. “Poor boy. But you can’t make him presents every time you stay over” Harvey looked puzzled and remembered how he had thought about getting Mike a nightlight or a safety blanket for better sleep on his way to the firm. “I didn’t think about..” he objected but was interrupted by Donna immediately. “Yes you did” she said. “Fine, I did think about it. If you’d been there you would have bought every single item in the toy store on Lex for the kid in a heartbeat.” Harvey turned away, thinking about the haunted look Mike had had on his face after he had woken up. Donna hadn’t seen Harvey like this often. He openly looked concerned. “I’m sure he is fine now, Harvey.” She assured but Harvey still didn’t seem calmed and Donna figured he had to ask further.
“You look like there is more to it. What else did he do?” Instead of answering Harvey countered with a question. “Could you have an eye on Mike today?” He hadn’t intended to ask Donna for that promise and to share his concerns with her but it was probably the best way. Donna raised one eyebrow. “Looking for anything specific?” Donna was sure he did, otherwise he wouldn’t tell Donna to keep an eye on Mike. “He tries to address the issue by not drinking.” Harvey whispered to her while leaning over the cubicle.
He saw Donnas teeth clench. Maybe she wasn’t the cheerleading neighbor after all Harvey thought, maybe she cared more about Mike than she would admit but he would never dare to call her Mommy, at least not in her presence. “So if you could make sure that he drinks at least a little bit today that would be great. I don’t need an associate that collapses during a meeting because he’s dehydrated” Donna didn’t think that this was Harvey’s only motivation but she didn’t feel like pointing it out.
While Mike was walking through the firm to go to Harvey he bumped into Rachel. He had avoided her in the last days and now that he saw her standing in front of her he actually felt sorry that he had. “Hi Mike, we haven’t spoken in some time.” she said. “Oh, yeah. Except for the time we talked about you going to Harvard, or the relationship with your dad” He noted, smiling slightly. “I mean we never really talked about you after the funeral and I’m sorry we didn’t. Are you alright?” her voice sounded truly concerned. “Yah. I’m fine.” He tried to wave it off. “You sure about that? We’re friends Mike. You can tell me if you’re not.” “Rachel, I’m fine. Really.” Mike smiled trying to look as convincing as possible. She squeezed his upper arm softly “Okay” she said before she made her way towards the firm. She was one of the people at Pearson Hardman he liked to work with and he trusted. Still he wasn’t allowed to tell her his secret. In Mike’s eyes it sucked. Rachel had always had his back and he believed she would have his back even if she knew he was a fraud. After the last days telling her that he was a fraud seemed easier than telling her that he sometimes acted pretty premature. Mike went to his cubicle to get some paper work sorted out before he wanted to head to Harvey and face him after another embarrassing night. Mike didn’t like how familiar this felt after yesterday morning but he didn’t fear facing Harvey as he had yesterday. He actually felt relieved now that he had called him daddy.
“Hi Donna, Mike seems fine” Rachel said. Donna looked at her calculating “What are you indicating?” she wondered. “You know what I’m indicating. He seems to behave strange. I know we haven’t worked on a case together for some time now but it seems that I’ve missed something and he won’t tell me what it is. It’s like I’ve been too occupied with myself.” “He’s probably just worked up because of Hardman and this possible merger. The past weeks weren’t easy and the next probably won’t be either.” “Yeah you’re probably right. I’ll just tell him I’ll be there if he needs me.” “Sounds like a plan” Donna knew she would need to take an eye on Rachel. She already was keeping her from finding out Mike was a fraud. It wouldn’t take much to stop her from finding out that Mike was sometimes a little boy.
Mike greeted Donna when he walked past her cubicle. He felt thankful that she had bought the diapers for him and stored them in Harvey’s office but he didn’t feel like addressing it. “Hi Mike” she greeted. “Hi Donna” “Heard you had a rough night” she said compassionate “Um yeah” “You okay now?” Mike nodded. “Go in, Harvey’s waiting for you” Mike had intended to just walk past her but he was torn. He decided she had done more than… and he should thank her. “Donna, Harvey told me about…” “The special underwear I bought?” she finished his sentence in a low voice. “Yes. Thanks for that.” “Anytime. And Mike?” “Yeah” “Don’t push him away. He wants to help you” Donna smiled warmly. Mike smiled. This felt way too similar to yesterday.
Mike entered the office and tried to sound as normal as possible. “Hi Harvey, what do you need me to do?” Harvey looked at him in a calculating way. “Folsom foods” was all he said at first but after a short pause he added “But before we get ready to kick their ass accept yourself.” Mike rolled his eyes. He had hoped to avoid this conversation even for a little bit or at least that Harvey wouldn’t start this whole accepting stuff right away. “Do we need to have this conversation here?” he whined. “We need to have this conversation now. I don’t want you to occupy yourself with the thought of not being ‘right’” “You don’t know how hard it is.” Mike said, raising his voice. “You told me that you wanted me to be more than your boss. Sounds like a good start to me.” “I’m surrounded by people that might not only find out I’m a fraud, but also that I’m a baby.” He said gritting his teeth, spitting the words out. He saw that Harvey looked furious. “You are not. You’re my associate and you do a good job at it, Mikey.” Mike winced at the nickname. “Please don’t call me that here.” “What?” “Mikey, you called me that this morning when you were addressing…” Harvey smiled understandingly. “Okay, I won’t use the nickname at the firm” “Thanks” “Now let’s get to work”.
After some time Harvey got a bottle of water and handed it to Mike. “Here, drink something” Mike glared at him. “I’m not thirsty.” The younger man objected. “Yes you are. I bet you haven’t drunken something since last night.” Harvey said. Mike had to admit he hadn’t. He took the bottle but didn’t drink from it. Instead he got up and walked over to the window looking out of it. Harvey stepped behind him, grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it. “I will always have your back no matter what. But I need you to drink enough and be focused on our cases.“ Mike nodded.
Harvey and Mike started to work again. Mike didn’t seem completely focused but Harvey decided to let it go for a few more minutes. “I need to be alone tonight. Be big for once.” Mike suddenly broke the silence and Harvey knew this was why he had been unfocused. He gritted his teeth but let Mike have his will. He knew arguing wouldn’t make it any better. “Okay. Now let’s get back to work. We have already spent too much time on that gender discrimination case” “I’m on it.” Mike replied “Good” was the last thing that Harvey said before Mike left the office.
Mike was relieved that Harvey hadn’t fought his wish to be big. He needed this time to nurture his adult self. In Mike’s eyes this had come way too short over the last nights. He wanted to get home, watch a movie or drink a beer - normal stuff that adults did. It had felt good to be little the last two nights but he figured it would be for the best, especially for work if he wouldn’t occupy himself with thoughts about pacifiers and plushies. The diapers he had to accept for the moment which didn’t mean that they were a reflection of his little side. They just were a necessary therapeutic appliance, like glasses were but absorbant.
Mike wasn’t even at the elevators but Donna was already in Harvey’s office, looking at him expectantly. “So he called you daddy” Donna didn’t phrase it as a question. She didn’t need to. Harvey’s look on his face the minute he came into the firm had been enough. At that point she hadn’t wanted to rub it in his nose but now she felt the need to address this. Harvey looked at her not replying. “Shouldn’t you be happy about it?” she asked. “He doesn’t accept himself. He calls me daddy but still doesn’t believe it’s no big deal for me.” “Because he knows that it is a big deal for both of you” Harvey looked at her questioning. “You know this situation isn’t just new for you. He has to adjust as well.” “Nothing has changed for him!” “All has changed for him. He hid this part of him his entirely live, from his best friend and the only relative he had. Now his former best friend betrayed him and his grandmother is dead and you have found out about it.” “You know about him as well.” “I’m not daddy. I’ll be a very good friend but I will be never as much to him as you are” Harvey didn’t respond. He figured she was probably right. “Why do you think it’s a big deal for me?” Harvey asked. “You have trust issues. You took care of Mike but being daddy on diaper duty and all? That does sound like a hell of an adjustment.” Harvey nodded. Donna was right, it would be a hell of an adjustment but each time he remembered the nightmare Mike had had he knew he would opt for it in no time. “He has called me daddy. That’s what I am now.” Donna smiled at that.
“I never asked you how you knew Mike was ageplaying, little or whatever it is called.” Harvey suddenly asked. He had wanted to address this before but hadn’t found the right situation yesterday. “I observe” Donna stated simply. Harvey raised an eyebrow. He knew this was far too complex to get from a single look. “I’ve read about it some while ago. Then Mike came to the firm. The way he has always looked at you, like you are his hero…” “Lots of people do that” Harvey bragged. “Not like Mike does and he often struggled when you were hard on him.” She left a little pause. “I wasn’t sure about it until I visited him after the accident but when I saw him lying in his bed, a pacifier in his mouth I was certain.” Harvey remembered the sight and smiled slightly.
“He wanted to be alone tonight” he said, sadness in his voice he couldn’t cover. “Of course he did. He is not always going to be the little boy and in need of a daddy when he’s at home. You knew that.” Donna tried to sound consoling. Harvey looked at her and wasn’t successful to hide his disappointment. “Come on you know that Mike sees you as your daddy even if he wants to spend some time at home being big” “What if he just does this because he doesn’t want to be little, wants to bury this side” “Then let him be a big boy and realize for himself that it doesn’t work that way.” “Maybe you’re right.”
This night Harvey didn’t come over just as Mike and Harvey had discussed. Mike was between relieved and disappointed. They had agreed that Harvey wouldn’t show up at Mike’s and it felt good that for once Mike could wake up and go to work the next morning without needing to think about what had happened the night before. On the other hand he already missed the bottle with milk and honey and Harvey reading a book to him, while Mike was snuggled close to Harvey. He still had the pacifier though and the plush monkey Harvey had given to him clutched close to his chest. He curled himself up in a ball on his bed, cuddled the monkey and sucked on the pacifier. He knew he had intended to be big tonight but there had been nothing good on TV and the beer that he had opened was still okay regarding the best before date but Mike hadn’t liked the taste and stopped drinking it after 3 small sips. Being alone using the pacifier and cuddling the plushy didn’t feel particularly small. It felt like a safe haven though. This was what being little has always been for him, a safe haven. With Harvey around the last nights being little had felt somewhat warmer than usual.
Harvey was sitting at home drinking a whiskey and thinking about the past days. He didn’t feel good leaving Mike alone but he respected his associate’s wish. Donna was right claiming that not only did Harvey have to adapt, Mike needed to find his place in this situation as well and for now Mike’s place seemed to be home alone probably with a pizza and a beer. For Harvey Mike’s situation was clear since this morning, he was Harvey’s little boy now. After all he had demanded that by calling him daddy hadn’t he? And Harvey had accepted. What exactly would this change between the two of them Harvey didn’t know. What he knew was that he was in it and regarding Harvey this wouldn’t change no matter what.
Chapter 8: Sometimes Daddys need help
Harvey needs to get to Bakersfield but he actually had intended to spent time with Mike. Can Donna help?
It's been some time and stress at work is still keeping me from sticking to a 2-week update schedule but I will try to update in three weeks - pinkie promise.
It had felt good to wake up and know he hadn’t done anything embarrassing the last night or at least out of the sight of anyone else but himself. Still Mike intended to talk to Harvey about how they would develop this special relationship between them but when he had approached Harvey to talk to him today he had told him about Bakersfield and when they were working on a strategy and Mike had come to terms that he would join Harvey in the trip Harvey said he wouldn’t take Mike with him. Instead he was joined by this former classmate of his - Scotty. Mike was quite grumpy because he had hoped to join Harvey on the trip especially after he had worked so much on the Folsom Food case. And to top it all off he was stuck in New York with Katrina. Harvey on the other hand was probably looking forward to spend time with Scottie even if he had denied it in front of Mike. He couldn’t be more wrong. Harvey didn’t trust Scottie and to top it all off he had intended to go over to Mike’s place tomorrow but now that he had to be away at least tomorrow night so they could spend time together and talk about what was between the two of them. He wanted to make sure Mike was looked after. So he did the only thing that he could think of – ask Donna for help.
“Donna, can you come in here for a second.” He asked over the intercom. Donna approached Harvey’s office quickly, figuring out what this was about taking a single look at Harvey. “Is it about, Mike?” she asked nonetheless. “What isn’t these days.” Harvey retorted and answered her question that way. “What do you need me to do?” “Check on him tomorrow night when I’m in Bakersfield.” Donna smirked “You want me to bring him to bed!” she concluded astonished. “I didn’t say that.” Harvey argued weakly. “Yet you meant it.” She smiled. Harvey glared at her but didn’t retort anything. “Just a quick check up to make sure he’s alright. No need to read him a book or anything.” He clarified his intentions.
But to he basically threw everything he had just told overboard when he told her “If he can’t sleep a bottle with milk and honey always does the trick and he really likes the curious George stories so if you read him one he will be out like a light in no time and his bottles...” Donna decided to interrupt Harvey. “Breath, Harvey. It’s not like I’ve never babysat before.“ She tried to calm him. He cringed noticeably. Donna knew he wanted to hide the fact that he cared about Mike and was upset that he wasn’t as relaxed as he claimed to be. “I just want to make sure you know where everything is and that you know how to handle him when he’s little.” Donna rolled her eyes. “God, you’re such a mother hen.” “I am NOT a mother hen” Harvey barked though Donna heard that he didn’t have his heart in it. He knew he was a mother hen even if he didn’t want to admit it, yet. She smiled reassuringly. “Everything will be all right.” Harvey had his furrowed his brow. What if Mike was scared? “If he has a nightmare...” “He’ll be clingy and wet and I will hold him. Don’t worry Harvey. Have you ever seen me losing control over a situation?” she assured him again. Harvey had to admit he hadn’t. Yet there was this tiny fraction of him doubting that everything would be fine, even if it was Donna who was in charge. “I’ll be back the day after tomorrow.” He informed plainly.
“I know and Mike knows. Everything will be fine. Have you thought about the case that he doesn’t want a babysitter but actually wants to be big and is offended by my company?” “He will, even if he tells you otherwise. After this whole ‘I need to be big behavior’ he’s going to be really happy when he sees you at his flat.” “So we won’t tell him that I will come over?” Donna asked. “No. If he knows beforehand he will just try to hide that he actually wants company.” Donna understood Harvey’s intentions and thought he was right. She had seen how Mike had pushed Harvey away yesterday, suppressing the little side of his. It was likely that Mike would crash hard. “And if he gets quiet don’t be irritated. If he’s little he’s unresponsive sometimes. Just rub circles on his back” Harvey advised. Donna couldn’t help but smile. It was sweet how concerned Harvey was. “We will be fine, Harvey. I promise.” Donna left the office not showing any form of being stressed or scared by what Harvey had just asked her to do.
Harvey went to the conference room shortly after their talk, getting ready for a meeting with Scottie. Donna still thought about Harvey’s wish that Donna would keep an eye on Mike tomorrow night. She was honored that Harvey trusted her that much and she intended to pay back that trust. Maybe she could bribe Mike with some toys. She had to admit she feared that the little boy wouldn’t like her company as a substitute of his daddy’s. To be fair, which kid actually would like a babysitter instead of their parent? And hadn’t she been the one to tell Harvey that he should let Mike decide when the latter needed to be a grown-up and when he could allow himself to be little? She decided she wouldn’t push it. Yes she would definitely get him a present, but more to make sure that Mike knew she encouraged him in being little than to bribe him to let her stay.
A few minutes later Mike approached her cubicle, looking grumpy even from across the hall. He had intended to talk to Harvey about this unfair assignment. He wouldn’t work with Katrina. She was so unbearable. Instead he planned to tell Harvey that he wanted to join him on the trip no matter what. He decided he would even throw a fit if he had to. When he had reached Donna’s desk he noticed that Harvey wasn’t in his office. His mood dropped even further.
“Hey grumpy pants, why the face?” Donna started the conversation. Mike didn’t feel like talking back even if he didn’t appreciate the nickname. “He just doesn’t care ‘bout me and he told me I have to work with Katrina” Mike grumbled. Donna decided she needed to have a chat with Mike. “Mike, come over here.” She stood up and waved him over to the cubicle. “What is it, Donna?” Mike asked but approached her anyways. “Let’s have a chat” She said and took Mike by his upper arm. “Ouch, don’t grab my arm so hard.” Mike whined. Donna shoved him in Harvey’s empty office ignoring Mike’s objections. “Sit down.” She said with a very stern voice. Mike raised his shoulders and tried to hide in the big chair He felt like he was in the principal’s office after he had gotten into a fight. Donna noticed in an instant how uncomfortable Mike seemed to be. She calmed her voice. There was no need to scare him.
“Harvey hired you, because he saw something in you. He told Jessica to fire him if she wanted to fire you. He always has your back. Even at home. Don’t you dare saying that he doesn’t care about you just because he tries to hide that he cares and you can’t go on a trip with him.” Mike sniffled a little. “I’m sorry.” Donna’s expression softened and she crouched down to not tower over Mike anymore. She couldn’t resist the urge to let her hand run through his hair. “It’s okay, honey but if you told Harvey that you think he doesn’t care about you or likes Katrina more than he does you, you should say that you are sorry to him, not to me.” Mike nodded. “Now go see him and apologize. He’s in the small conference room. I bet he’ll be happy to see you” Donna gave him an encouraging pat on the bottom while ushering Mike out of Harvey’s office. Mike didn’t want to talk to Harvey. He had intended to talk about this whole daddy thing with him but now that Bakersfield was between them he decided to just excuse for his behavior this morning and that he knew he couldn’t join Harvey on the trip.
“Harvey, you got a minute?” Mike asked, peeking into the room. “Yeah but make it quick I need to talk with Scottie about our strategy.” Harvey said while looking up briefly from the papers that were spread out in front of him. “I’m sorry, Harvey.” Harvey looked up in surprise. “What?” he asked. “For being mad because you take Scottie with you” Mike clarified. “Apology accepted.” Mike didn’t move “Anything else? Cause I’m really busy at the moment.” Harvey said but smiled warmly to encourage Mike to share his thoughts. “I figured we should talk about this thing between us. We didn’t really do it the night after you stayed over and we didn’t really talk about it the next day” “You seemed pretty occupied with being big yesterday. Besides I already told you after you had that nightmare, I’m fine with being daddy to you.” Mike looked at his shoes to gather his thoughts. “Yeah but we never really discussed what it meant and or how often we would…” Mike’s gaze fell to his shoes again. Harvey realized how hard it was for Mike. “Ah that’s what you want to talk about” Mike nodded, his face beet red. “Well, I figured we already established what it meant during my last stays. It would mean being there for you, reading stories, making sure you don’t drink bottles after you brushed your teeth, more reading stories and changing diapers if you need me to, stuff like that“ Mike did look up and nodded. “And when will you come over the next time?” he asked, trying to hide the excitement for it. Harvey knew Mike would ask this question and he wasn’t surprised how small his voice sounded. He was sorry that he would have to tell Mike that at the moment work was keeping him too busy. This was not what a dad should be like. He knew his own dad had struggled a lot with not being around a lot when Marcus and Harvey were kids and he could understand now how this struggle might have felt like. “I need to go to Bakersfield first and get everything ready for it. How about the day after tomorrow? I’ll be back from Bakersfield that day.” Mike smiled. “Yeah sounds great” “We could stay at mine? Would that be okay for you?” Mike hesitated. “I’ve never been little outside my own flat” he said out loud, regretting it immediately. “If you’d be more comfortable at yours we could…” “No. It will be great at your condo” Mike interrupted Harvey. “It’s just new to me. But I bet it’ll be great” Mike assured smiling. “Good. See you then. Now off you go. I gotta finish this” Harvey waved Mike out of the room. “Okay” Mike said and headed to the door, looking back at Harvey who smiled warmly and winked. Mike grinned in response and shook his head, almost laughing. The chat with Harvey had eased his mind. He’d be fine tonight by himself.
Chapter 9: Babysitting
Donna visits Mike to keep the promise she has made to Harvey. She has to admit she is a little worried how her boss' associate will react to her visit.
Will he let her in? Maybe even allow her to feed him? Or will he just bury this side of his?
I am soooo sorry. Writing this took like forever and work is still pretty stressful at the moment.
I don't know if I will be able to write a new chapter this year but I promise I will try. Now, have fun with the new chapter.
Donna had to admit she felt a little nervous when she walked to Mike’s apartment. She didn’t know how he would react to her visiting him and if he would be okay with her nurturing little Mike if he would be stressed because Harvey wasn’t there. When Harvey had asked her to have a look on Mike she had been happy to help. On the other hand she had never felt entirely comfortable around children. Sure small boys had always loved her but Mike wasn’t actually a little boy. He was a grown man and her boss’ associate. She figured they would both struggle at least a little bit to forget that and adjust to the new situation.
“Hi, Mikey, you okay?” Donna asked kindly after Mike opened the door for her. “Yeah” he said a little confused at the sight of Donna and the nickname but figured quickly why she was here and that she had probably listened to him and Harvey over the intercom a few days ago. “I don’t need a babysitter you know. I’m a grown man.” Mike said weakly rolling his eyes. “I know. Which is why you definitely need someone to take care of you” Donna underlined her thought with a look around the flat that looked anything but tidy. There were shoes scattered across the floor and clothes all over the couch. Mike chuckled. “Okay. So what are we gonna do?” Mike asked after he had waved her in. “It’s a little early to go to bed. Have you eaten already?” “No” Mike replied, busy to clean up the mess on the couch. “Then we’ll make dinner and chat a little. How does that sound?” “Good” Mike said, still trying to turn his flat in a more tidy state. Donna approached the kitchen and took a look in the fridge, closing it rather fast. “Maybe we should just order something” “Can we have chinese?” Mike asked, almost swearing at how little he had sounded. “Of course, sweetie” Donna said and Mike had to admit calling him sweetie was a fair reaction to the little voice he had had.
“Hmmm, this tastes sooo good.” Mike mumbled about half an hour later through his dinner. “So Harvey told you to babysit me?” Mike asked still eating. “That’s not what he said” Donna answered simply. “But it’s what he meant” Mike stated. Donna didn’t object. Mike was right after all and it wouldn’t help if she denied it. “Do you have a problem with that?” she asked, a little curious what Mike actually thought about her presence. “Not really. It is a little strange but that’s okay. I kind of got used to ‘strange’ the past days” he noted and remembered how nice Donna had been to him for the past weeks. “Is it okay if I ask you a little bit about this part of you?” Mike nodded. It felt almost normal to talk about this secret of his to Donna. “How old are you?” she asked. “4, maybe 5” Donna furrowed her brow but smiled. “Isn’t that an age where kids know how to use the potty and don’t use pacis anymore?” she wondered out loud. Mike’s face became beet red but he had caught the gentle tone in Donna’s voice. “I like how soft the diapers are and the paci is comforting but being bigger is more fun.” He explained, a little annoyed again at how small his voice had sounded. It was a strong contrast to the confidence he had felt when Donna had asked him about his ageplay age. “I see” Donna smiled. “The toys are better” Mike nodded, shyly smiling. “I was just mocking you. As I said before, I think you’re really cute.” Donna gently rubbed Mike’s arm and squeezed it a little.
Mike liked how she comforted him. She was gentle and soft. He knew she was clever but he still wondered how she was able to work him out that fast. He decided to ask. After all Donna had asked him about his little side too. “Donna, how did you know about ageplaying?” “What?” Donna asked, wondering if Mike meant how she knew about him or the ageplay in general. “Harvey told me that you explained him what it was or at least told him the name” “Yes I did.” “So, um how do you know what it is?” “I’ve read some things and the description fitted you quite well. I wasn’t entirely sure till I brought you your pants and Harvey told me he put you to bed though.” Donna smiled at him and Mike smiled back shyly. “So what toys do you have?” Donna changed the subject to something in her eyes more cheerful. “Ehm, I got the monkey that Harvey gave me” “And what else?” she asked. “Nothing” Mike’s gaze fell. “You’ve got no toys?” Mike shook his head, not meeting her eyes. “Why not, sweetie?” Donna asked in what was probably her most empathic voice. “First I was living with my grandmother, then with Trevor in college and then…” Mike stopped abruptly, feeling his voice might crack if he would say more. “You wanted to prove to yourself that you are a big boy and don’t need toys?” Donna suggested. Mike nodded, still avoiding looking Donna in the eyes. “Come here” Donna requested spreading her arms open for Mike to nuzzle close to her. He did as he was told and could feel himself get calm as he was embraced in a warm hug and could feel Donna’s heartbeat sooth him. “You’re the sweetest boy I know and you deserve as many toys as you want” Mike was overwhelmed by Donna’s gentleness. He figured that he could share his concern with Donna. He hadn’t told Harvey so far because he thought he wouldn’t take him seriously. With Donna this might be easier. “I think Rachel might know.” Mike said worried. “Why?” Donna was a little startled. “I bumped into her yesterday. I don’t know if she knows but I think she noticed that I behaved a little odd.” “She came and talked to me about it but I said you were just very busy because of Hardman.” Mike sighed with relief. “Was there ever something between the two of you?” Donna asked after some time. “What? No! I like her but I don’t like her that way.” Donna suppressed a laugh at how little Mike sounded. She almost expected him to add an ‘Ew’ to his sentence or a ‘girls stink’. “I see” she said instead in an understanding voice, smiling slightly. “I think I just want cuddles.” Mike tried to explain himself. “This is something I can provide” Donna grinned. “Thanks, Donna” Mike replied.
His gaze fell to the bag Donna had come with that had been standing neatly next to the sofa for the whole time. she had been here. He hadn’t paid any strong attention to it so far but now he was wondering what was in there, and eager to find out. “I saw you came in here with a bag” he said, not able to cover his shyness completely. “And you’re curious what’s in there.” Donna concluded and Mike nodded in response. “I bought you something for your little friend.” Mike looked at the plush monkey next to him. “I figured he needed some proper pajamas for sleeping in bed next to you.” Donna took a little pajama out of the pack. Mike beamed but didn’t say anything as Donna already had her hand in the bag again. “And something to protect him from little accidents.” Donna held up a package of baby diapers – the smallest size she could find. As expected, Mike’s face turned into a cringe. “George isn’t a baby.” Mike objected, almost pouting. “Neither are you, sweetie. Sometimes big people need help with that as well.” Donna explained in a motherly tone but Mike didn’t look convinced. She decided to not push it, as she didn’t want Mike to shy away from her or think she was mocking him neither explaining to Harvey why Mike shied away from her. “Shall we at least try on the pajamas? I bet George is a little jealous that you have pajamas and he doesn’t” she negotiated and Mike nodded. He went to get the plushy and was excited by the Spiderman pajamas as soon as the monkey wore them. “Look Donna, George looks like Spiderman.” He held him up proudly, shyness about his little side completely gone. “Yes, honey. He’s the coolest monkey in town.” “Thanks” Mike hugged Donna and she returned the hug. “I’m happy you like them.”
Donna looked at her clock. “Don’t you think it’s time for bed now?” Mike looked irritated. It was only 10 past 11. He usually wasn’t in bed before 12. “No, I mean I always go to bed at about 12. It’s still quite early. I’m not a little kid. What are you gonna do, make me go?” he chuckled again. At the look of Donna’s face he froze and realized that he had made an absolute rookie move. “Alright, alright, I’m looking for my pjs and brush my teeth” “Good boy” Donna said and Mike entered the bathroom.
Donna noticed that Mike started to go almost non responsive when he came out of the bathroom. He tried to move cautiously so the diaper wouldn’t make any loud noises under the thin and loose fabric of his pajama pants – failing miserably of course. Donna noticed that his gaze now concentrated on his feet and he tried to avoid looking up. Donna figured that she might have been too blunt and tried to sooth Mike by asking with a very soft voice “Where’s your paci?” Mike turned crimson in response. He knew Donna had seen him suck it the night when Harvey had stopped by and made him go to bed for the first time so there was no point in hiding it but he figured it was worth a try. “I don’t need it.” he stated hastily but Donna raised one eyebrow in disbelief, staring at him. “It’s under my pillow.” Mike mumbled after some time. “That’s not very sanitary. We should get you a little container for it so you can store it properly” Mike didn’t know if Donna had meant her and Harvey with ‘we’ or himself and Donna, both ways she was including herself in the decision and Mike thought that he really liked that. “And what about your diaper?” Mike turned crimson at the blunt mentioning of his, what he liked to refer to as, special underwear by now.
When they had talked about him “not using the potty” before it had clearly been directed to little Mike. Now she was talking about his diapers in a more mature way. He thought this was a little too direct. Harvey tried to be much more subtle when he talked about it. “I’m already wearing a fresh one” he stuttered. Donna gently squeezed Mike’s upper arm. “You know I’m not here to give you a hard time, honey, don’t you?” She had seen him cringe at the diaper question and she wanted to avoid them getting on the wrong track at any cost. “Yes, but…” “You’re a little embarrassed to be little in front of me or talk about your wetting issue. That’s okay. Shall I make you milk and honey to make it a little better?” This offer got Mike to look up. “After I brushed my teeth?” he wondered. “Don’t tell Daddy” Donna winked and Mike grinned in response and wondered if Harvey acted the same way when Mike didn’t feel good. Donna got the bottle. Mike wasn’t surprised that she knew where they were stored. Harvey probably had told her. Donna figured that if Mike would accept a bottle from her there was nothing to worry about.
When Donna had the bottle ready Mike looked a little withdrawn. “I’m not a baby” he said softly and everything of adulthood seemed to have vanished from his face. Donna’s expression got soft. “I know, sweetie. 4, almost 5 years old, that’s pretty big if you ask me” Mike smiled shyly. His eyes landed on the package of baby diapers again. “Donna?” “Yes, sweetie?” “Could George try on one of those diapers that you brought for him?” “Of course.” “Thanks Donna” “Every time Mike. Now, I know Harvey reads to you before bed. Shall I?” “Not if you don’t want to” Mike mumbled. Donna smiled reassuringly. “I’d love to. Come let’s get you a book and then you can have the bottle while I read.
“Now, what story do you want?” Mike pointed at the third curios George book on his shelf. “That one” “Curious George at the zoo. Great choice, little boy.” Donna praised and Mike smiled. “So where does Harvey sit when he reads to you?” “Next to me and he has one arm around me.” Mike’s voice still sounded incredibly small and Donna did her best not to melt at the sound of little Mike. “Then we should do just that.” Donna sat down on the bed next to Mike one arm around him. She started to read and soon she noticed Mike nuzzled next to her and she presented him the bottle. To her surprise Mike didn’t grab for it he just opened his mouth and let Donna feed it to him.
Donna started to read the story out loud and when Mike had finished the bottle Dona fished for Mike’s paci under the pillow. He took it without hesitation. Donna continued reading but was interrupted after two thirds by between two pages. “I miss Harvey” he said sadly. “I know, sweetie. He’ll be home soon. I promise and I bet he misses you too” “He’s away with Scottie.” Mike mumbled and Donna didn’t know what he was implying. Little Mike was actually hard to read, when there was also big Mike involved. Was he still jealous? “Yes, Mikey” she said. “Do you think they can solve the issue with Hardman or will we be in trouble?” The worry in his voice sounded more mature than his expression might have suggested. “I know that whatever is going to happen Harvey will take care of it and he will take care of you.” “He asked you to watch me.” Mike responded. “Yes, and I was very happy he asked.” Donna clarified. She wanted Mike to know that Harvey didn’t have to force her to be here. “Donna, will you stay till I’m asleep?” “Of course. Now let’s finish the story. There is a cute little boy in my arms who shouldn’t worry so much.”. Mike didn’t respond but nuzzled closer to her. His worries seemed to have vanished at least for the moment. Donna read the last pages of the book. “The end” she whispered a few minutes later, sure that Mike was already sleeping. “Nigh, Momma” the younger man responded to her surprise. Donna wasn’t so sure if Mike had said Donna and it had just sounded funny because of the paci or if he’d actually called her mom. Anyway she would not tell Harvey about this and she would hide her surprise in front of Mike. She didn’t want to give him the feeling that he had done something wrong. “Night, honey.” She gave him a kiss on the forehead and left the bedroom.
She had smiled when Mike had called her “Momma” and she still couldn’t stop. If he actually had meant what he had said she was honored. She had figured Mike could never have someone else close to his little side than Harvey. He calling her Momma had definitely told her wrong and she was happy it had.
Donna decided to rest on the couch for a bit before she wanted to head home. It was already late and with the potential merger around the corner the coming days would be quite busy. Suddenly her phone buzzed. She didn’t need to look at the display to see who had called. “Here’s the mother hen” Donna said to herself before picking up. “Hi Harvey, he’s fine.” Donna said with a low voice to not wake up Mike. “I just wanted to ask how you were.” Harvey said trying to sound nonchalantly. “Of course” Donna said rolling her eyes. “ ’S that Harvey?” Mike mumbled, stumbling in the living room area, his pacifier still in his mouth, his hair already looking messy from the pillow and his plush monkey clutched against his breast, wearing his new clothes and a diaper underneath them, looking like a smaller version of Mike. “Hi, sweetie, why aren’t you in bed?” Donna tried to sound caring not angry and from Mike’s expression she seemed to be successful. “Wanted to speak to Harvey” Mike said sheepishly. Donna smiled at him. “Is he still up?” Harvey’s voice lit up at the other end of the line when he recognized Mike’s voice “Hush, Daddy. He was woken up by your call” Harvey wanted to tell Donna to not call him Daddy, but he didn’t want Mike to overhear it and get a wrong impression so he just grumbled a little in disapproval. “Would you give him the phone, please”
“Harvey?” Mike’s small and sleepy voice appeared at the other end of the line. “Hi Mikey, are you alright?” Harvey said feeling relief was over him. Mike seemed to be sleepy but fine. “Yes, Momma read to me.” Donna’s eyes went a little wide not able to completely hide the surprise. Mike had actually called her Momma a few minutes ago and he had called her Momma again just now. Harvey had a hard time not to laugh at the other and of the line. “That’s nice” he said pressed, before being more composed “I was wondering if you would like to join me on my next trip.” “Cool. When is it? I can be ready tomorrow morning.” “Hold on tiger. I don’t know when, just wanted to make sure that you know that you can join me next time okay?” “Okay” Mike tried to hide is disappointment. “It’s late, now say good night to Donna and then it’s up to bed again. I’ll be home tomorrow. Be a good boy for her, okay?” “Okay, see you then, Daddy. Good night, Daddy” Mike said goodbye to Harvey. “Night, Junior” Mike handed Donna the phone before he said “Night, Donna” and headed over to the bedroom. “Night, Mikey. Do you need me to get the covers?” The little boy shook his head. “No I’m fine. See you tomorrow at the firm and thanks for bringing me to bed.” He smiled over his shoulder to assure her everything was okay and earned a warm smile from Donna.
She was actually surprised that Harvey didn’t shove it in her face that Mike had called her “Momma” the second she was back on the phone. On the other hand “Daddy” was in the same boat as Donna. Just as she was sure he wouldn’t say anything she heard him speak up. “Feels good if he calls you that doesn’t it, Momma?” She heard Harvey say, his voice revealing that he was grinning at the other end of the line. “It sure does, Daddy” she countered. They both laughed. “Good night, Donna and thanks for taking care of him and passing the phone. I’ll call Ray so he can pick you up.” Donna felt her chest go warm. Harvey cared so much for Mike even if he would rather make jokes about it and not admit it to anyone, not even to her. “Every time. Good night, Harvey. See you tomorrow”
Chapter 10: The first sleepover
Mike and Harvey have their bonding time at Harvey's condo. Things run smooth up to the point when they are not alone anymore.
I couldn't resist a little Christmas gift, even if the chapter isn't Christmas themed. Hopefully I'll have some time over the holidays to write.
Speaking of holidays: Merry Christmas to all of you. Be safe driving home for christmas, have a joyful time with your loved ones and a happy new year.
Best wishes and have fun reading the chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Harvey didn’t tell Mike about the deal he had made with Jessica about the merger. If he would have maybe Mike wouldn’t have come over after the party and this whole situation wouldn’t have happened.
Mike and Harvey had decided to get some time for little Mike after the party, since he had just returned from Bakersfield and there was no way they would have time in the near future with everything that was going on.
The morning after Donna had stayed over at Mike’s wasn’t awkward. Mike had come in the office and Donna had smiled at him, when he approached her and told him that she was honored. He had smiled back at her and wasn’t surprised that she handed him a little package explaining that it held a container for his paci. He went to see Harvey and they discussed the party and his stay. It would be the first time for Mike to be little around Harvey since Mike’s nightmare. Harvey felt a little tense and nervous. He didn’t want to ruin it and scare the little boy. They were still figuring out how to be comfortable around each other and Mike staying at his was an important but fragile step.
They already ate at the party and Harvey noticed that Mike was extremely tired when they got off the car and approached the condo. “How about you change into something more comfortable and then it’s up to bed?” Harvey had expected Mike to argue but the younger man just rubbed one of his eyes and nodded. However, Mike seemed to be a little more awake when he approached the bathroom and went past the couch table. He saw a little toy car on it. Mike hadn’t seen it when he had gotten his stuff to Harvey’s Condo before the party. So Mike guessed Harvey put it there after Mike had left. He picked it up cautiously. “It’s for you” Harvey noted. “Thanks” Mike managed to say but wasn’t really paying any attention to Harvey anymore. “A little bird told me that you don’t own a single toy car. I figured it would be nice to change that.” Harvey explained his gift. Mike was still absorbed by the object, touching it cautiously and inspecting every detail. “Can I play with it now?” he asked with puppy eyes, all tiredness gone for the moment. How could Harvey resist that? “5 minutes. Then it’s up to bed” he told Mike who smiled broadly. The younger man sat down on the floor immediately and played car races and stunts with the toy. Harvey chuckled and got himself ready for bed.
“Come on Mike, quick shower and then get ready for bed.” Harvey interrupted Mikes play after he got out of the bathroom. He had expected Mike to whine and maybe even throw a fit because Harvey put a halt/stop to his play. Instead Mike looked up cautiously. “Are you… gonna read to me again?” Mike didn’t feel like he could actually request it. “Sure, junior.” Harvey smiled encouragingly. “But you have to get ready for bed so we can do that.” Mike got up from the floor but took the toy car with him, clutching it to his chest as if it was his most prized possession.
Mike was still scared to be little at Harvey’s. He had to admit the toy car had helped though. He knew he could trust Harvey and it seemed like his little side was drawn to him but Mike had never been little anywhere but his own flat. Sleeping in a bed that wasn’t his scared him as well. Harvey didn’t have a guest room and had explained from an early point to Mike that they would share his bed, which had two normal sized matrasses. Mike hadn’t wet the bed since the night Harvey had been over but he feared that he might wet the bed here and if his diaper leaked he would ruin the sheets and maybe even the mattress.
Now he was approaching the bed, thinking about this horrible scenario. When he cautiously let his hand slid over the mattress he noticed that it felt somewhat off. He looked at Harvey for an explanation. “Look Mike, I know you’re scared of accidents so I figured I would buy plastic sheets to protect the mattress.” Mike noticed Harvey’s reasonable lawyer voice. Harvey had the feeling he needed to negotiate with Mike and this was the way he chose to do it Mike realized. Mike’s voice was small and weak when he responded. “I understand” “Come big boy, your story is waiting for you.” Harvey got Mike to light up a little and he cuddles himself close to Harvey who was already holding a curious George book.
When Harvey had almost finished the book and Mike’s eyes were heavy he heard the doorbell ring. He was prone to not get up but with the merger around the corner he couldn’t allow himself to ignore Jessica who was probably ringing the bell. He gave Mike a kiss on the temple and said “I’ll be right back.”
He went to the door with quick strives and saw his suspicions confirmed when he opened the door to see his boss standing in front of him. “Jessica! Now is not really a good time“ Harvey said, his voice sounding annoyed but also hasty to rush her out of his condo. “I’m sorry Harvey this can’t wait till tomorrow” her voice allowed no excuse.
Mike hadn’t probably heard the bell or Harvey saying that he would be right back because Mike chose to walk in on Harvey and Jessica this instant. “Daddy where are you?” Mike yelled waddling around the condo, rubbing his eye with a fist and came to a sudden halt when he saw Jessica standing in the hallway next to Harvey and peeking into the condo. “Oh shit.” Mike said, so startled he let the pacifier he had held in one hand fall to the floor when his eyes met Jessica’s. He flinched at the noise of the plastic shield hitting the wooden floor but didn’t dare to look at the paci. He stood their frozen and scared to death. The managing partner of the firm knew his secret. Harvey on the other side tried to stay calm. It’s not like he had anticipated this to happen but he was sure for Mike this was a pretty big deal and he needed to look in control otherwise Mike would freak out even more.
“Mike, go to your room.” He said as calm as he could to assure Mike everything was okay. Mike stood there still frozen for some seconds before he opted to follow Harvey’s instruction, not picking up the pacifier, cringing at the sound that the diaper made under his pants while he went to the bedroom as quick as possible.
Jessica had observed the scene from where she was standing. Clearly wondering if she should step into the condo or not. For now she didn’t. She needed Harvey to be on her side at the end of this talk and she wouldn’t get there if she opted to just storm into the condo and force him to take her side after what she had just witnessed.
“Dare to explain?” she asked, an eyebrow raised. “Do I have a choice?” Harvey asked, not even trying to hide his annoyance because he already knew the answer. “No” Jessica simply answered. Harvey waved her in. Jessica made her way to the kitchen, picking up the pacifier Mike had left on the floor on her way. She made herself comfortable on one of the bar chairs in front of the counter.
“So you hired a fraud and now you have a relationship with him?” she asked but her voice didn’t sound like she was asking. “This is nothing sexual. I don’t use my position to take advantage of him.” Harvey explained. “He called you daddy.” Jessica objected. Harvey knew that he probably had a red face by now but his answer sounded calm and composed. He needed to tell Jessica a little bit about Mike to explain the situation to her. “Yes. That’s what he calls me if he needs the comfort.” Jessica raised an eyebrow. Harvey sighed slightly before he continued. “He pretends to be a kid, making up for his shitty childhood.” “By sucking on a pacifier and calling you daddy?” She let the pacifier dangle in her hand. “Yes.” Harvey almost barked, his composure lost for the moment. “What do you want Jessica and let me assure you if you keep that attitude about him stay assured I will resign immediately.” “I wanted to discuss the merger with you” Jessica didn’t react to Harvey’s threats. “We did this already during the party, what…” Harvey was interrupted by a little voice calling from the direction of his bedroom. “Harvey?” Mike called. “I’ll be right back.” Harvey took some quick strives to the door. “What is it, Mikey?” he said in a soft voice when he entered his bedroom. Mike looked pitiful. The younger man had hid next to the bed, sitting on the floor, pressed to the wall. “Is Jessica going to fire me?” he sniffled. “No, kiddo, of course not.” Harvey cooded, crouching down next to Mike and spreading his arms. “Come here” He embraced the smaller man into a hug. “M’wrong” Mike mumbled. “Shhhh, no you’re not.” “I can’t look her in the eyes.” “And you don’t have to. Not now.” Harvey said. “Can you stay?” Mike asked, his face by now wet from tears. “I will have to talk to Jessica again. But I’ll be back as soon as I’ve ushered her out of the flat, junior” Harvey explained. “Will you be in trouble because of me, now?” “Of course not. I might be in trouble when you do something stupid at the firm though” Harvey grinned and hoped Mike would mimic him. Mike gave him a small smile. When Harvey tried to get up and go back to the kitchen Mike his shirt. “Mike I need to go back to Jessica. I promise I’ll be back.” Harvey said calmly but Mike didn’t respond anything, he just tightened his grip on Harvey’s shirt. “Do you want to come with me?” Mike managed to nod.
Mike followed Harvey like a little duckling, hiding behind his boss as good as he could. Jessica raised an eyebrow when she saw that Mike had joined Harvey but tried to smile warmly and took a seat opposite to Mike and Harvey who sat down on the couch next to each other. Jessica had placed the pacifier on the table but Mike seemed to choose to ignore it for now. She thought this was only a fair reaction.
“Hi Mike, I actually planned to talk with Harvey about the firm. Would it be okay if you’d play a little while we talk?” Jessica tried to sound normal. She couldn’t help herself but all that she saw was a small, scared child sitting in front of her and not an associate of her firm. Her voice reflected that entirely “My car is in the bedroom.” Mike said flatly. “I’ll just be across the hall and read a little” Jessica looked stunned at Harvey who nodded at Mike reassuringly.
“You can talk to him like every time at the firm” Harvey smirked at her baffled expression when Mike had responded like they had discussed Hardman and now turned to a book shelf. He didn’t seem to read something meant for kids. She felt sorry. It wasn’t her intention to scare Mike and get him out of his comfort zone. “Does he behave like this because I’m here?” she wondered out loud. “I can’t say. Sometimes he tries to behave extra adult. Sometimes this only makes him crush the harder. Maybe he will play in a few minutes” Harvey had seen Mike fight his wish to behave little and being thrown down only harder when he finally allowed to let his guard down. This is how they got into this relationship in the first place anyway. Now he had let his guard down while at Harvey’s and Jessica had walked in on them. Harvey feared that Mike would shy away again because of it. “So he actually does have toys?” Jessica asked, allowing herself to be curious. “I bought him a little car today. That’s the only toy he has aside from his stuffed monkey.” Harvey explained. Jessica looked over at Mike thoughtfully. “How could such a sweet boy just have one toy car and one plushy?” she thought to herself.
“Now let’s get this over with and discuss this stupid merger” Harvey broke the silence but Jessica was not focused on the talk to Harvey anymore. She still watched over Harvey’s shoulder to look at Mike. “Is he wearing a diaper?” Harvey just looked at her not even turning his head to see how much of the waistband was sticking out of Mike’s pajama pants and if he could deny it. “You’re kidding me” Jessica gasped. “You want him to wet a diaper at the firm or his pants?” “He needs them?” Jessica couldn’t hide the shock. “He has had some issues with it. We figured it would be better to be safe than sorry.” “Now can we really get this over with?” Harvey didn’t hide the annoyance and was almost whining. Jessica detached her eyes from the little boy reading the book and she focused on Harvey again. They discussed Darby’s intentions and the necessity of the merger again. Harvey felt she didn’t tell him anything new and probably just wanted to make sure that he didn’t plan to do anything stupid. She didn’t trust Harvey that the talk he and Darby had had at the party had been friendly. Still they both had the feeling that the talk didn’t go anywhere so Jessica decided to call it a night. She got up from the chair and picked up the pacifier that had laid on the couch table for the entire talk.
Jessica approached Mike and crouched down next to him to offer him the pacifier. Harvey observed the scene with tensed muscles. “Hi there” she greeted with a warm voice but didn’t get anything in response. “I think this belongs to you.” She offered Mike the pacifier on her open palm but he hesitated to take it. Mike looked over Jessica’s shoulder to Harvey who was nodding encouragingly. Jessica pretended she didn’t notice Mike’s look at his daddy. “Don’t worry. I cleaned it when Harvey was looking for you.” Mike carefully took the pacifier, nodding at her and slid it in his mouth. “I didn’t mean to scare you” Jessica said, gently touching Mike’s upper arm. Mike nodded again. “Mr. Ross, I await you back in the firm tomorrow, coming up with great ideas“ Jessica said, winking then getting up from her crouched position and aiming at the door. Harvey wanted to get up and lead her to the door but Jessica raised her hand. “I will find the way out myself. Stay with your little boy” she smiled.
“I think this is a blessing” “Shall we put you to bed? All this excitement has set us back a bit on your bedtime” Mike nodded. Harvey didn’t know what to make of his quiteness. For now he figured it would be the best to just lay Mike down and read him a story. Maybe it wasn’t that bad that it had happened after all. Jessica didn’t seem aggressive or overly disgusted, just irritated. She probably thought it was strange but that was it. When she had handed him the pacifier her expression had been warm and comforting. Harvey hadn’t missed that and he hoped Mike had noticed as well.
“Buddy, you know it isn’t bad that you are like that right?” Harvey said when they were lying next to each other, Harvey holding the book he hadn’t been able to finish because of the interruption. “Jessica knowing won’t change anything.” He continued to explain. Mike nodded, humming softly in response and going to sleep shortly afterwards.
As stony as the evening had been the morning started. Harvey had gone taking a shower, telling Mike to get ready. When he got back he saw that Mike was dressed but had missed an important piece of clothing. “Mike why aren’t you wearing a diaper?” Harvey looked at the diaper that lay on the side of the bed that Mike had occupied for the night. “I don’t need it” Harvey’s expression was stony. “I think you know very well that you do.” He answered calm but firm. “I don’t need it” Mike barked. “Mike, don’t let me play the bad cop here” Harvey feared that this was the point that Donna had talked about some days ago. He wasn’t really Dad-material to be honest and being strict with Mike felt unbearably hard. “I wanna be big” Mike whispered and the smaller man now looked at his socks.
“Wearing a diaper doesn’t mean that you’re small and you know that, Mike” Harvey said softly.
He had hoped they were past the diaper discussions and the need that Harvey needed to prove himself was a good daddy – at least after he had defended Mike from Jessica yesterday. But maybe the diapers weren’t the reason for Mike fussing.
“What is this really about, Mike?” “I don’t want to play for a while. It’s been difficult to look at you in the firm and not see Daddy. Maybe we can play after the merger when things are more smoothly” Harvey tried to hide his disappointment as good as possible. To Harvey Mike wasn’t playing and he figured his associate would have a hard time abandoning his little side again. Now he understood that Mike had feared to tell him his decision. “Things won’t be smooth after the merger. This will take some time.” Harvey explained softly and he had a hard time to not see this as Mike leaving him. “I know” Mike said with a stern voice. Harvey nodded. "Now let's get you in a diaper."
So you might have thought "Whaaat Jessica knows so early on?" I was struggling with this descision a bit but I need her to know for the upcoming chapters just as I needed Donna to be momma by now.
As I said before I'm writing (almost) true to the canon (except for leaving out Mike's and Rachel's relationship) so Mike will be going through some rough times in the next chapters before it gets nice and toothrotting fluffy again. I promise it will be at least a little heart warming even if there is hurt.
Chapter 11: The file room
What really happened in the file room when Mike told Rachel he didn't go to law school.
As mentioned before not all is going to be fine between Harvey and Mike. Trust me I can't let Mike hurt for a long time so there will be a little more fluff in the next chapter.
Harvey had fired him. He wanted nothing to do with Mike anymore. He was devastated. The feeling that he had lost his Daddy slowly sank in when he had left the men’s. If it weren’t for Jessica, who clearly didn’t appreciate him, because he was a fraud, he wouldn’t even be at the firm anymore. On the other hand he wouldn’t be in this situation with Harvey if she hadn’t threatened Mike in the first place. How was Harvey not able to see that Mike hadn’t intended to screw him, that he hadn’t had another choice than to not tell Harvey that Jessica had threatened him? He remembered that Scottie had said that he was like Harvey. He couldn’t have felt more proud in that situation. Now the scene felt like it was ages ago and her words made the pain in his chest even worse now.
Mike was thinking about the bottles and the pacifiers that he had intended not to use in a while and how he didn’t want to own any of these things anymore, how he would throw them away when he got home and he would put George in some box and burry him deep in his apartment. The past days where he had refused to be little nagged on him, but there was no way he would give in to the desire to be little now, without Harvey being in the picture anymore.
Then Rachel approached Mike in the file room. He accidently told her that he had gone to Louis for the signature. She was angry that he had talked to Louis and not helped her himself. He had wanted to but he didn’t want to tell her his secret. By now far too many people knew that he never had attended Harvard and he had just experienced where it got him a few minutes ago. When she had thrown the accusation at him that he didn’t want to help her and he wasn’t honest he got protective. Despite from Harvey and Donna, Rachel was the only person in the firm that he liked and trusted. When Kathrin came into the firm Rachel had had his back and something told Mike that she might have his back even if he told her that he had never attended Harvard. Since Harvey had fired him a few moments back, only being overruled by Jessica he feared that Harvey didn’t approve of him as a person anymore. Being back to the associate cubicle sucked and he feared that there might be a chance that he might lose his job forever in the near future even if Jessica had saved him for now. He had already lost Harvey so he wasn’t ready to lose her as well. Harvey wouldn’t approve of Mike telling her. He had made that clear a few times but Harvey wasn’t there anymore.
He didn’t want to lose Rachel and so he told her. The slap at his face caught him by surprise and while the second slap didn’t surprise him it still hurt. Mike could feel the burning in his cheek and something in him just snapped. He was able to stop Rachel from hitting him a third time but when she was able to loosen his grip and turned away from him in shock and disgust he could feel the tears come to his eyes and the urge to curl up in a ball become stronger. He wanted his pacifier, and his toys and his plushy and Donna or Harvey to hold him close. Then he remembered that Harvey didn’t want him anymore and he just broke down.
The closest thing that he had to a pacifier was his thumb. At this very moment he didn’t care that Rachel was standing opposite to him her face turned away. He wanted his paci, he wanted his monkey but all he could was slid his thumb in his mouth while the tears started to fall and with the tears the sobs came and his vision got blurry. Mike stumbled awkwardly away from Rachel and leaned next to one of the shelves. Rachel had observed this and was caught aback. She had expected a variety of reactions but not that Mike would start to cry and suck his thumb. She had never seen him like this before. He had slid down next to one of the shelves by now and had pulled his legs close to his chest. He was still sucking his thumb while the tears were running down his cheeks. Sometimes he sobbed, his body shaken by it and Rachel realized she needed to get in control of the situation. No one else could see Mike like this. All anger had vanished. She decided to kneel next to Mike and gently rubbed his upper arm that was slung over his knees to calm him down. “Mike, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was angry.” She explained in a soft voice “M’sorry, Rachel.” Mike apologized, mumbling a lot because of the thumb he wouldn’t let go of. “Shhhh. I know.” She whispered. They sat silently next to each other for some time, the silence only occasionally broken by sucking noises from Mike. Rachel didn’t really know what else to do than wait for Mike to be calm enough to respond to her like an adult and get ready to discuss his reaction with her or at least drive home safely on his own.
“Want Donna.” Mike suddenly broke the silence. Rachel was surprised but couldn’t help to feel relieved. Donna would know how to handle the situation. But she didn’t want to leave Mike in the file room on his own, at risk to be seen by anyone that decided to walk in here. “Okay, I will get Donna but I will need to lock the door behind me okay?” Rachel said and was surprised how calm she sounded. “Uh huh” “Okay. I will be right back.” Rachel locked the door and begged no one else would enter the file room. It was rather late but you never knew who was still working and wanted to get some files.
Rachel tried to be as quick as she could, cursing the elevator because it took ages to get up to the floor where Harvey’s office was. She begged that Donna was still at her desk and felt her chest become at least two pounds lighter when she saw Donna’s red hair peeking over the edges of her cubicle. “Donna, I need your help.” “Rachel, I’m currently…” Donna looked up from her desk and saw the look on Rachel’s face. She immediately abandoned her work. “What is it?” Donna asked. “Not what, who. It’s Mike. He’s in the file room and he is behaving… strange. He asked me to get you” Rachel explained her voice now anything but calm still choosing her words cautiously. Donna’s eyes went wide and Rachel realized that it had been a) a good idea to actually get Donna and b) something was up, because Donna didn’t look irritated or surprised by Rachel’s cryptic message, she looked knowing and alarmed. “Let’s go.” Donna said, getting up from her desk and approaching the file room with Rachel at quick pace. When Donna saw Mike in the corner she immediately came to a halt. She stood in front of Rachel for a short time, taking in the scene. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for the small bundle that was her boss’ associate and the man that had called her “momma” not too long ago. Mike was still leaning against the shelves.
By now the tears had died down to sniffles but the tear tracks were clearly visible, the thumb still in his mouth. He looked small, very small. Much smaller than he had the night Donna had babysat him. Then Donna started to approach Mike much slower and started to crouch down when she was near him. She felt she wouldn’t get the little boy to open up to her if she wasn’t at his eye level. “Hey, Mikey” She almost whispered. Rachel had never heard her voice that soft and gentle before. She had decided to stay back a little and give Donna and Mike some room. Donna was happy to find Mike looking up at her. His eyes lit up a little at her sight but he remained silent. “Sweetie, can you tell me why you were crying?” Donna asked, sliding a finger over Mike’s tear tracks. “I told Rachel that I was a fraud and she hit me.” Donna looked at Rachel, fury in her eyes. Mike seemed to have caught Donna’s reaction despite being so worked up. “She was right to hit me. I lied to her. I’m a fraud and a failure and I don’t want to lose any of you.” “Honey you’re not a failure and you won’t lose any of us.” Donna sat down next to Mike and slung an arm around the man. “Come here.” Mike nuzzled himself into the crook of Donna’s neck without hesitation. “I didn’t know you liked to suck your thumb” Donna said. “No paci.” Mike mumbled, still not letting go of the thumb. It didn’t just calm him he also felt like they didn’t expect him to talk much now that he was sucking it. “Lucky you, I came prepared” Donna produced a pacifier out of her hand. Immediately Mike let go of the thumb and Donna slid the pacifier into his mouth. “Thanks, Momma.” “Anytime, sweetie.” Instead of relaxing Mike was shaken by another sob. Donna knew talking to Mike was pointless at the moment. Instead, she started humming and let her hand slide through his hair. Rachel recognized the tune Donna was humming immediately. It was “Baby mine” from the Disney movie “Dumbo”. She had the feeling that she was observing something very intimate between Mike and Donna at the moment but couldn’t get herself to turn away from the scene.
Mike looked so small and vulnerable. For the first time since Mike had started crying and sucking his thumb Rachel came to think that she had seen a side of Mike that was closer to the true Mike than anything she had seen so far. Especially now that she knew he was a fraud and she wasn’t quite sure who he was. He definitely wasn’t just a super clever, cocky lawyer that wanted to save the world and do good. He was also a very little boy.
Donna felt Mike’s breathing relax. “I think he’s asleep.” She whispered to Rachel. “What was that?” Rachel asked, whispering. “It’s not my turn/place to explain.” “He called you….” “Yes.” Donna interrupted. “It’s complicated.” Donna tried to bury the conversation. For the moment Rachel didn’t need to know why Mike was behaving this way. Rachel figured there was a connection between Mike’s behavior for the last weeks and Harvey and Donna watching out for him. She remembered asking Donna about Mike’s behavior some while ago and Donna trying to end that conversation and covering Mike’s behavior with stress due to the Hardman case.
Donna decided to call Harvey and tell him what had happened. She feared that something had happened between the two of them because Mike would have never gotten so worked up if it wasn’t for an issue with Harvey. “Harvey, you need to come to the file room asap.” She said in a concerned voice after Harvey had picked up. “Why?” he simply responded and Donna immediately noticed a certain cold in his voice. “Mike had a breakdown” She said simply. “I won’t come down, Donna. Not for him. Not anymore” Donna closed her eyes. Her suggestion had been right and she had never been sadder that it had been. “Yes, you will. No matter what happened between the two of you this is not the right time to step away from him.” Donna said, trying not to get too loud and wake Mike up. “He betrayed me. He is not my boy anymore.” Was all that Harvey retorted before the line went dead.
“He hung up.” Donna said shocked, turning to Rachel. “What about Mike?” Rachel asked, worry in her voice. She still was angry that Mike hadn’t told her about Harvard but she saw that Donna decided to distance herself from the situation. “Seems like he has to go home on his own” Donna said simply. The talk with Harvey had changed something Rachel noticed but she wasn’t quite sure what it was. If Donna was “momma” to Mike, maybe Harvey was “daddy” and if Harvey was daddy than he not coming for Mike if Donna had told him to, was a bad sign. “Why is Harvey not coming?” Rachel asked, a little afraid what the reason would be and unsure if she actually wanted to know the reason why. “He said Mike betrayed him.” “He mentioned he was afraid of losing us, he talked about losing Harvey before he told me about Harvard. He was really worked up. Do you have any idea what happened between the two of them?” Rachel asked concerned.
The secretary thought if Harvey had abandoned Mike he had done it for a reason. Despite all that she felt for the boy she couldn’t ignore this fact. Harvey loved his little boy. If Mike had done something so trust shattering that Harvey would actually not come to Mike’s aid in a situation of need maybe he didn’t deserve it. “No but it must be something dramatic if Harvey decides to step away from Mike.”
Donna woke Mike up by gently shaking him. She needed to talk to Harvey as soon as possible. He had sounded angry before hanging up and disappointed. “Mike, wake up. It’s time to go home. I’ll call you a cab.” Mike took the pacifier from his mouth. He saw the look on Donna’s face. The expression on her face was stony. He figured she had probably tried to talk to Harvey and even if she didn’t knew everything she probably knew enough to distance herself from him as well. It stung. “I will ride my bike.” “Okay.” Donna said before she thought that she should at least help him till he was on his bike and on his way home. “Do you need to change?” She asked, figuring that it was vague enough so Rachel wouldn’t figure it out. “No I’m fine, I guess.” Donna didn’t know if Mike was telling the truth, if he just wanted to avoid Harvey or if he was embarrassed because Rachel was still there. “Good. Have a save ride, Mike.” Mike noticed the cold notion in her voice. He was certain now that he had also lost Donna but he had spilled so many tears already that he couldn’t cry anymore even if he felt like it.
Chapter 12: An ally in troubled times
Mike tries to cope with the loss of his boss, as well as his daddy and mommy. Since he is struggling and has a nightmare he turns to the only possible friend he has left.
So here is the new update. I know this took waaay to long and I deeply apologize for it. I hope you enjoy it and you don't mind me hurting Mike in the previous chapter as you did back then ;-)
Mike had horrible days following the events in the file room. He hadn’t slept well the whole week. Every morning he had woken up wet, feeling lonely and stupid. Sometimes he couldn’t remember that he had wetted on purpose. He avoided sucking his pacifier and George was tucked in a box under the bed. He couldn’t bear to cuddle the monkey every night and be reminded
Every day at the firm was horrible. He tried to dodge Harvey and Donna as good as possible. With Rachel it was easier. While Harvey and Donna behaved as Mike was dead which hurt him, Rachel avoided him by herself. If they ran into each other nevertheless they wouldn’t talk more than necessary. She told him that she needed time to process what she had learned about Mike and that till she was making the first move he would stay put, keeping their contact to a minimum.
Handling his wetting issue at the firm wasn’t that easy but since Mike had had a plan before Harvey and Donna had stepped up he did okay. He didn’t go on any client meetings so he didn’t need to deal with changing somewhere else which was a big help. Still he was pretty scared that one of the other associates would notice that he always took his bag to the bathroom. He tried to sneak out for changing his diaper during lunch breaks so no one would question his messenger bag and so far he seemed pretty successful doing that.
Exactly one week after the incident in the file room he had a nightmare of Rachel telling everyone his secret, both secrets to be precise. First she got him arrested during a meeting in the firm for being a fraud and when the officers had him pressed down on the table she approached him, stepped behind him and pulled down his pants to reveal a very wet diaper to every partner of the firm. He shrieked out of his nightmare, clutching his sheets instead of the monkey that Harvey had gotten him and decided he finally needed to see and talk to Rachel.
When he was standing in front of Rachel’s flat and rang the bell he realized he didn’t know what exactly he was going to tell her. The whole way to her place he had thought about the nightmare and what she had seen in the file room. It seems she didn’t tell someone about what she had seen so far so maybe he should just go home and stop his search of an ally and just let her be. It wasn’t so bad to not have a single friend anymore. He was sure he could come to terms with it somehow. But just when he had made up his mind and decided to go she opened the door.
“I had a nightmare and I need to talk to you.” He stammered unsure what to say and what would happen if she was to talk first. “I told you…” Rachel started but Mike interrupted her immediately. “Yes and I understand but it’s eating me up. I dreamt you were telling everyone about my secret, well actually both secrets.” Mike stammered. “I need to tell you everything and either you hate me after it and we’ll never talk again or you will accept these facts of me and we can remain to be friends but I can’t stand this potential fear of losing you.” Rachel stepped aside so Mike could enter the flat though she still looked skeptic.
After Mike had told her the whole Harvard story and how Harvey had offered him a job that allowed Mike to pay for his grammy’s nursing home he went silent. He didn’t really know if he still wanted to talk about the ageplay with her and hoped that she was satisfied with his explanation of being a fraud. Rachel looked at him for a long time. She didn’t seem to be angry or stunned. She had just listened. Mike had started talking right next to the door so they hadn’t moved an inch.
“You know I would never expose you. But if you fear this so much there is a way out that you can take if you’re really serious about it.” Rachel said, raising an eyebrow in a challenging manner. “What?” Mike asked “Quit” She replied simply. “Quit?” “This is how you would make sure to not lose me.” Mike gulped but didn’t reply anything.
This was why Rachel stirred the conversation to the second secret, which Mike had mentioned earlier. “Now you have explained how you became a fraud. What about the other thing? What about the explanation for what I saw in the file room?” she asked cautiously not sure what it was and how she should address the issue. Mike winced. He knew he had intended to talk with her about it – this was one purpose of his visit and he had already mentioned it to her but now that it got to it he wasn’t so sure anymore. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for Rachel’s reaction before he opened them again and told her “In short I pretend to be little kid from time to time. I pretend to be about 4 or 5 years old. It’s a coping mechanism I’d say. It’s like getting a second chance and re-live a happy childhood before the accident.” He closed his eyes again, afraid of the consequences of his revelation.
Rachel remembered the story that Mike had told at his grandmother’s funeral about the night after he knew his parents were dead. “Mike did you wet the bed the night after your grandmother’s funeral?” Mike opened his eyes, a little irritated by the question he shook his head. “No. But it wouldn’t have mattered if I had.” “What does that mean?” “I.. I was wearing pr…protection.” Rachel looked irritated and Mike realized it had been a mistake to talk about protection and bedwetting in the first place. “What does protection mean?” Rachel asked. Mike looked at his feet. He didn’t want to tell her. “Nothing, Rachel.” He mumbled weakly. “Mike you came here to talk. If you want me to trust you tell me” Her voice was stern and demanding. When Mike looked up Rachel could see tears in his eyes. That was not what she had intended. She didn’t really know what to expect. Why was he so shaken? “Hey, Mike, shhh it’s okay. Don’t cry.” she tried to calm him. “But you’ll hate me and find me disgusting. Please don’t make me tell you.” Mike said, his pleading voice cracking in between sobs. “Michael, I won’t find you disgusting or anything. Just tell me and it’ll all be good. I promise.” Rachel said trying to reassure him and putting his hands in hers. Mike heard her call him Michael. Since grammy’s death no one had actually called him that at least not the way Rachel just did. He wanted to believe that Rachel would be okay with it. The touch of her hands was calming. He deeply wanted to believe nothing more than that he had an ally.
His hands were shaky when he retrieved them from Rachel’s grab. He decided he couldn’t use any words so he opened his pants. He struggled a bit with the buttons as his hands were shaking and sweat wet. Finally he slid his pants and his boxers down a little till the waistband of the diaper he was wearing was clearly visible. “Oh, I see.” Rachel whispered but Mike sensed compassion in her voice which kept him from storming out of her apartment. She gently touched his upper arm. Mike could feel his eyes get watery again. He didn’t want to lose Rachel as well. “Is that what Donna talked about when she asked you if you needed to change when we were in the file room, if you needed a fresh diaper?” Now that she had seen it, it wasn’t a big surprise. She had already seen Mike suck on a pacifier - he a grown man. So seeing him wearing a diaper was a surprise but it kind of fit in the picture. He had mentioned that he behaved like a little kid so this seemed to be part of the deal. Mike was amazed that Rachel still knew about Donna’s comment and had come to this conclusion so quickly. He nodded, his gaze glued at his feet the entire time. She didn’t know what to do about him. She liked Mike and she was still a little angry that he had lied to her and knowing that he was a fraud didn’t make her happy. This side of Mike she could handle. This kid part of Mike was a different thing. “Hey, Michael, I’m not mad or anything. Everything is fine. I’m just worried about you.” She assured. “I’m sorry” “Hey you don’t need to be sorry, Mike. Wetting your pants just doesn’t sound like you” Mike still couldn’t find the courage to look up at her. “Little me like’s them for the comfort. They’re soft. It’s like being hugged by a cloud.” He mumbled. “What about big you? What about firm you?” “I started wetting my pants some weeks ago. That’s why I wear them during work now” he explained simply. Rachel didn’t know how far she could push Mike to open up to her so she decided to just stay silent for now. “It just happened” he said depressed at the fact that he couldn’t control his bladder.
Rachel squeezed his arm gently again. “Is that how Harvey and Donna did find out?” she asked. Mike finally looked her in the eyes. She didn’t look judging or pitying. All Mike could see was utter compassion. He shook his head. “Harvey came over sometime after grammy’s death. He went through some drawers and found” Mike got silent. Did he really want to tell her? “a baby bottle.” “And then you told him everything?” Rachel figured but Mike shook his head violently. “Hell no, I didn’t say anything. I told him when he showed up at my flat after I had fallen asleep in his office and had an accident on his couch.” “Is that when the wetting started?” Mike nodded. “Yeah. as I said, some weeks ago. I slept on his couch and woke up wet. That was the first accident I had since the night after my parents died. I stood in Harvey’s office frozen and scared while he shouted at me. I was terrified. I didn’t have an accident in decades and it started to shift to daytime accidents.” “So you don’t wet the bed just your pants?” Rachel asked curious. “Yeah, I usually notice that I need to go really bad in the morning and don’t make it to the bathroom but I don’t wet the bed.” He admitted. It was strange to talk about this in so much detail with Rachel but she seemed curious and interested to help him. “And Donna?” she wanted to know. “Donna is just Donna” Mike couldn’t help but chuckle. “I bet she had you figured out in minutes” Rachel laughed happy that the conversation had made a turn to a lighter mood. “Yeah. She said she was suspicious the second I came into the firm but she was only certain when she saw me suck on my paci” Mike was still smiling but when he remembered Donna’s stay at his’ he felt sad again. He had not only lost Harvey he had lost both of them.
Rachel couldn’t help but think about Donna and the incident in the file room. “You called Donna momma, when we were in the file room.” She stated calmly “Yes” Mike admitted. She hesitated a little to ask her next question. “Does that mean that Harvey is…” Mike interrupted her. “No. I mean Yes. Well, he was.” “How exactly did you lose Harvey?” “I tried to help him to get his name on the wall but I failed. Jessica threatened me and I didn’t tell him about it. We couldn’t use the information that I had gotten from Scotty so Jessica threatened me, degraded Harvey and now the merger is around the corner and it’s my entire fault.” Mike rubbed his eyes with his fist and Rachel wasn’t sure if he was hiding tears or of he was tired.
She was sad that Mike was still so upset about from Harvey and Donna. She led her fingers slide through his hair. “You look tired, Mike.” She said softly. Mike didn’t know if he actually wanted to be pampered so he decided to pull away from her a little. “’M fine” he murmured almost a little cranky. “No you’re not. You came here because you had a nightmare. You must be exhausted.” Mike didn’t say anything in response. He felt exhausted. If he was to lie down now he probably would just take seconds to be sound asleep. Rachel went into another room and returned with spare sheets. “I will take the couch, you take my bed.” “But…” Mike tried to object “No buts, Mike.” Her voice was stern. “Okay” Mike said, sounding as small as he had when he had talked to Donna in the file room a week ago. He didn’t feel comfortable with being little in front of Rachel but she somehow had maneuvered him in feeling little. Damn her listening and caring.
Rachel had noticed that Mike who had been more open at the beginning of their conversation was trying to pull away now. “What is it?” she asked gently. “It’s just, I miss Harvey and I don’t want him to hate me.” Mike admitted. “I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. He’s just cranky and needs to get over it. I’m sure Donna will make sure he will be back to normal soon.” Mike didn’t respond. “Mike, can you sleep without a paci?” Mike was surprised by that. What did she think of him? He had lived numerous years without a paci. He surely could sleep one night without it. “Sure” he retorted in his best associate voice but admitted: “I just sleep better with it” “Have you got a paci with you?” Mike turned red. He didn’t want her to see him behave so childish. He shook his head. “You sure? Don’t you have the one that Donna gave you? Maybe it’s still in your messenger bag. You took it in there before you headed home that night, right?” Rachel actually retrieved the pacifier from the pocket of Mike’s bag. Mike was surprised that he hadn’t noticed that it was there for a whole week. He couldn’t help but feel scared at the thought that someone of the other associates might have found it. Then Mike thought about other stuff that was missing for a good night sleep. “But I cannot sleep now. I don’t have George” Mike objected, closing his eyes as soon as the words had left his mouth. Shit. He missed his stuffed friend and had just admitted that to Rachel. He had tried to not be too childish.
“Who’s George?” “My plush monkey. Harvey gave it to me because I like the curious George stories.” He explained reluctantly. Rachel however didn’t seemed to mind his childish bedtime manners. “What else was part of your bedtime routine when you were little and Harvey was there?” she asked bluntly. “He’d make me milk and honey, read to me and just stay until I was asleep.” Mike said. “We didn’t do it often but…” Mike discontinued. “You’re still missing it” Rachel concluded and Mike nodded.
“I don’t have any curious George books or a bottle for you but I could make you milk and honey in a mug and could read one of the books I have around to you. How does that sound?” she offered, still smiling warmly. Mike lit up. She was trying really hard to make Mike feel better and he had the feeling that she had actually forgiven him. “Good” “Then get out of your shoes. Do you have a toothbrush with you?” Mike shook his head. “I think I have a spare one.” “But I’m not allowed to drink milk and honey after I brushed my teeth” Mike bit his lip. Why had he just said that? Gosh, he was an associate, a responsible adult. He wasn’t a little boy. He didn’t need anyone’s approval for anything. Rachel smiled. “How about I make you milk and honey first then? It probably doesn’t taste good after you brushed your teeth anyway” “Okay” “Now sit on the couch. I’ll bring it to you” This was the point where Mike noticed that they hadn’t sit down for the whole time he had been at Rachel’s. Rachel came back with a mug full of milk and honey shortly after that. Mike took large sips. The warmth in his stomach calmed him. “Now brush your teeth, a story and then it’s up to bed.” Rachel demanded with a playful tone.
It felt strange to be read to by Rachel but she did a great job. She did different voices sometimes or made jokes in between story telling. Mike felt himself relax. He even giggled a little between the pacifier. Rachel even kissed him on the forehead before she said “Good night, Michael” and headed to the couch.
Rachel was woken up by Mike who stirred uncomfortably in the covers. It was dark in the flat and silent. She figured he had never actually slept while she had dozed off shortly after she had lain down on her couch. She went over to look after him. The light from the street lightning fell onto her bed and she saw fresh tear streaks on Mike’s cheeks. He was crying silently. She felt sorry for him but also a little overwhelmed by the situation. She had to comfort him somehow.
She sat down on the edge of the bed and gently touched his back. “Hey Mike, are you okay?” She knew he wasn’t but wasn’t sure if Mike would admit it. Mike shook his head but didn’t say anything. “What is it?” Rachel asked softly trying to encourage him to open up. “I want, George. I want daddy and momma” he mumbled behind the pacifier. Rachel tried to sooth Mike. “Shhhh. I’m sorry Michael, they are not here.” She said with a pitiful voice “Can you stay with me?” he begged. “Of course.” Rachel lay down next to Mike. “I’m sorry Rachel, for lying to you. I will resign tomorrow. It’s the only choice I have.” “I know. It’s okay. I’m not mad anymore.” She let her hand run through Mike’s hair. “We’ll figure something out. I promise” Rachel ran her hand through Mike’s hair and mumbled reassuring words while the boy cried and was shaken by a sob from time to time. His hand grabbed her shirt hanging on for dear life. After about an hour the sobs and sniffling had died down and Mike was finally asleep.
Rachel was the first to wake up. She looked at her clock and figured there was no point in trying to get back to sleep. Mike would need to get to his place to dress in new clothes.
“Michael, we have to get up.” “Don’t wanna” Mike mumbled. “Mike it’s time.” Mike stirred a little to get himself to stand up then froze mid motion. Despite Mike’s attempts to make it look natural Rachel noticed it. “What is it, Mike?” He didn’t answer. “Did you have an accident?” His face went bright red. How could she have figured that so fast? He nodded. “Did you bring a spare?” she asked “I guess so. I usually keep two in my messenger bag” Mike explained with a beet red head. “Then you change and I make breakfast” she said before ruffling his hair and going into the kitchen.
Chapter 13: Sleeping in my bed
Mike has to deal with the aftermath of his actions and tries desperately to get solid with Harvey and Donna while at the same time appeasing Rachel. When Rachel visits Mike is able to relax and get a good night's sleep - finally.
So I'm horrible. I left you waiting what 3 months, maybe even 4. I was quite busy with work and it probbaly will get worse at least the coming month. Still I finally wanted to get this chapter in my computer and out to you.
I'm still struggling with it though and I know you'd like to see Mike and Harvey getting back together rather sooner than later but I'm afraid it won't happen right now. But it will. I promise.
So enjoy the new chapter. I promise it won't take another 3 months before you get a new one.
Mike went home first to grab some spare diapers for the day before he took his bike and rode to work. The breakfast at Rachel’s had been nice but also a little tense. His possible resignation had been already on his mind and they hadn’t talked about the past night.
Now he was sitting in his own office that Jessica had given to him seconds ago and Harvey still ignored him. Mike wanted him back. He wanted Donna back as well. She had stared at him with an expression that left no doubt of her feelings. She was with Harvey and Mike had to accept that he had not only lost his daddy, he had also lost his momma. He gulped to get rid of the bad thoughts and concentrate on Jessica again. It was hard for him to follow her train of thought. He didn’t want an office or Jessica slightly threatening him again. He didn’t want to quit. He just couldn’t. If he would quit now he would never be able to fix things with Harvey and Donna. He concentrated on Jessica again. On top of losing probably the two most important people that he had left he couldn’t trust the only person that had made sure he stayed at Pearson Hardman because this person had threatened him and was part of the horrible situation he was in now. The talk with Jessica about his new office had been more or less tense and Mike was happy that she had left it now. There needed to be a way that he could get daddy and momma back. He needed to figure out how to achieve that.
But when Rachel stepped into his office at the end of the day and was angry at him for not quitting he didn’t know how to respond. She was right when she accused him of not telling her everything but how in the world could he do that? This job and the memories of the time with Harvey and Donna felt like the only connection he still had them. Telling Rachel everything and quitting this job felt like betraying these secrets. Still Rachel was right. The only way to 100% not end up in jail would be to quit and the only way to not lose her as well was quitting.
Mike figured it would be the right way to write a letter of resignation to Jessica just like Rachel had suggested after another sleepless night with nowhere to go. He had lost Donna and Harvey so staying wasn’t promising anyway. Rachel wanted him to leave the firm and would probably be pleased. He could not solve all his problems with one letter but at least he would get rid of the sword of exposition that hovered over him. When he signed the letter to Jessica in the morning he didn’t feel relieved, just sad that it would have to end that way with Rachel as an ally even though she just knew so little about him and Harvey and Donna ignoring him altogether.
Semi-luckily he bumped into Louis. He had felt a little hopeless before but after his talk with Louis and the Batman and Robin allegory he was determined doing everything to win Harvey back. Louis had shown him there was still a chance to win Harvey back. It was a good feeling that Louis was devoted to help him and Harvey get on the same page again. He would gather the best information that he could find on Harvey’s case and daddy – no Harvey, would see that he had made a mistake.
After hours of research Mike had enough to go to Harvey and tell him about it. But when he wanted to confront Harvey and give him the information the latter wouldn’t have any of it. “Jessica threatened me.” Mike almost shouted in hope that his words would somehow get to Harvey but the latter didn’t even want to hear his apology or his explanation. He went away after bawling at Mike for not coming to him right away, leaving him behind. Mike had expected that Harvey was still angry but seeing him plainly ignoring Mike made his heart ache. Yes, he had not come to Harvey right away, yes he had not told Harvey everything and Mike realized it was not only that he had screwed up with his loyalty as an associate he had also screwed up with his loyalty as a son. Now he had to face the fact that there was no way Harvey would ever forgive him. On top of that at this point he saw Rachel leave the firm. Mike loved this job but what good was a job if the only people he cared about in said job didn’t want him here? Maybe he could at least get Rachel to understand him before it was too late and he would lose her as well.
He figured he could only try to go to her place and get her to open the door for him. When he rang and she opened Mike felt happy that Rachel didn’t close the door again as soon as she saw him. “I know you’re angry.” He started and she immediately started to cut him off “I am.” She snapped. “But please listen to me.” He begged and while she rolled her eyes in response she still slid her arm from the door frame so he could enter her apartment. “What can you tell me what you haven’t told me already.” She challenged him and Mike had to take a deep breath. “You were right. You don’t know everything and as long as you don’t you will never understand what this job means to me and what Harvey means to me.” Rachel motioned to the couch and Mike sat down. He had intended to briefly mention how Harvey became daddy to Mike but instead Mike told her in detail about him having the nightmare to Harvey comforting him. He also told her about Donna and when he told her about Harvey calming him down after Jessica had walked in on them he couldn’t stop the tears anymore. He rocked back and forth on Rachel’s couch and when Rachel embraced him in a hug he melted into it and managed to say “I’m so sorry” between sobs over and over again. “Shhhhh” she tried to sooth him but whenever she thought his sobs had eventually died down for good it started all over again. In the end Rachel motioned for him to get up from the couch and sleep in her bed again. She didn’t care that they both hadn’t brushed their teeth or that Mike might soak her mattress in the night. She lay down next to him right away, rubbing his back as an attempt to sooth him. When he finally was asleep Rachel rolled on her other side exhausted and was asleep shortly after him.
While Mike had thought the previous day had been horrible he could not have figured how Donna would take Mike’s attempts to provide Harvey with useful information and how much her reaction would hurt him. After Donna had left Mike’s office he took a deep breath to keep from crying. Donna told him to back away from Harvey. It stung that she didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore and she was blocking Harvey. It was the first time that he actually felt alone since his grandmother died. Mike knew Harvey needed him or at least the information he had gathered. However, Donna telling him to back away from Harvey crushed his spirit a little. How could he ever be able to get them back? Louis idea had been stupid. After all Louis didn’t know how much damage Mike had caused.Donna handed Harvey the file that Mike had hid in Harvey’s office and assured him that he wouldn’t need to forgive Mike. She saw that he was struggling though. Donna couldn’t help but follow him with worrisome eyes as he left the floor. Mike was on his mind as much as Scotty was. At the moment Harvey was confident to forget every memory that he had regarding Mike Ross and as long as he had his heart in it and wanted to follow through she would have his back.
Mike decided one way to get at least solid with Harvey and Donna was to give the office back. He also figured if Jessica was blackmailing him he could blackmail her as well. Getting back in his cubicle wouldn’t be the end of the world but he would miss the private atmosphere. He would tell Harvey about his move first thing in the morning and the two would be on track to get back to where they were before he had responded the wrong way to Jessica’s threat. This whole day was so horrible and he needed to get home as soon as possible. He felt himself biting on his nails. It was better than sucking on his thumb in the middle of the firm, though. Mike closed his eyes for a brief moment and composed himself. Soon he would be at home and he could hide from the world in his apartment, at least for the night.
This night Rachel decided to visit Mike. She understood that allowing himself to back away from Harvey was hard. “What are you doing here? I thought you were angry” “I was. But I know that it’s pretty hard for you right now and I wanted to make sure you’re okay especially after you were so shaken last night.” “Do you want to come in?” Mike moved a little so she could access his apartment. “Yes.” Mike saw her take a look around and he felt certain that his apartment looked like a total mess compared to hers. She probably asked herself how clean she could get the place in the time she would spend here tonight. “I think I found a way of make up for the shit that I did when Jessica threatened me.” Mike revealed hoping to get her thoughts from the unwashed dishes and clothes that were in plain sight. “How?” she wondered. “I threatened Jessica to expose her if she would use the letter against me” Rachel seemed impressed. “How did you do that?” she asked cautiously and Mike realized he probably shouldn’t go in too much detail. “I asked Benjamin from IT for a favor” he simply responded. Rachel didn’t know if she wanted to know how he got that favor so she just let it go. “I hope you get them to be solid with you again. Until you do that I got you a present for you.” “A present?” “I figured you’re having a rough time and you needed something to feel better.” Mike opened the little package Rachel had pulled out of her bag. “It’s a plushy” he screeched joyful. “I thought George could use some company.” Rachel explained. “Thanks, Rachel” Mike hugged her and Rachel felt she could see a glimpse of Mike’s little side shining through. “Anytime” “No, I mean thank you for everything that you’ve done the past days. I know I am a mess and I’m sorry you had to put up with all my sobbing and constant crying about Harvey and Donna, especially yesterday.” He clarified and Rachel took a deep breath in response. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk about yesterday. You plainly ignored it this morning and I let you” she said before getting back to the present she had made him. “Now what are going to name him?” “I don’t know. Alfons sounds good. Yeah. That’s what I’ll name him” “Sound’s great” Mike’s gaze went around his flat. The place was still a mess just like it had been when Rachel had entered but now it somewhat bothered him. He should probably tidy up everything and behave like a grown-up but he didn’t feel like it. To be honest he didn’t feel like anything right now.
“Now that your new friend has a name he should meet George. Where is he?” Rachel asked. “He’s in a box under the bed” Mike confessed. “Why?” “Because Harvey bought him for me and I don’t want to be reminded of Harvey.” Mike mumbled feeling embarrassed that he projected his feelings on a plush monkey. “Do you want to cuddle George?” Rachel asked compassionate. “Yeah” Mike admitted whispering “Then you should get him. I bet he wants to be cuddled” Mike looked in the direction of his bed but didn’t move from the couch. Instead Rachel got up and retrieved the box from under his bed. Mike gulped when she approached him, opened the box and a broad smile scurried across her face. She handed George to Mike who instantly cracked. “I’m so sorry, George” he apologized with a very small voice. “He’s not angry” Rachel assured him. “Really?” Mike asked and it hurt Rachel to look in his insecure and little eyes. “He can understand that you are hurt and that it’s hard for you to cuddle him because he reminds you of Harvey” Rachel couldn’t help it and ruffled through Mike’s hair. The night he had come to her, shaken and scared and to her surprise kind of little She felt it was the most honest version of Mike she had experienced so far. He had allowed being hurt and she was not going to dishonor this trust. Now she experienced a very similar version of Mike and she was curious about this side.
“Rachel, can you stay here please?” Mike whispered looking up from his plushy looking like a 5 year old in Rachel’s eyes. She couldn’t hide the smile on her face. She was proud that Mike trusted her that much to seek comfort in her presence. “Of course” she said. “Do you want to go to bed now?” Mike nodded. “Shall I read to you again?” she offered and Mike looked at her happy. “Yeah” he whispered. “Okay. Then let’s get ready and choose a book we can read.”
After Rachel had finished the Curious George book Rachel let a hand run through Mike’s hair. “Are you okay, Michael?” “I miss daddy and momma” he sniffled “I know. But I’m sure they will understand you once you show them that Jessica’s blackmailing is no longer a threat.” She assured him. “I hope so.” “Now sleep.” She tried to cut the conversation off. “Rachel?” he spoke into the dark after some time “Yes, Michael” she answered. “I actually haven’t slept in my bed since Harvey fired me” he admitted. “Where did you sleep?” she wondered. “On the couch or at yours. I thought if I would sleep in the bed where Harvey and Donna had looked after me I couldn’t make it to work the next day” “I know this is hard for you and your little self really fears to be left alone but be sure I will be there whether Donna and Harvey come to their senses or not.” “Thank you” “And now sleep. Good night, Mike” Rachel heard Mike fiddle under his pillow before suckling noises filled the room and Mike nuzzled into her before she heard him mumble “Nigh’ Rach’”
Chapter 14: It's always about Mike
Mike tries to get Harvey back but isn't successful. When Rachel tries to help things go out of hand.
So turns out I'm not really able to update every 4 weeks or so but I'm still trying to.
Anyways I'm sorry for the long wait, thank you for your patience and have fun with the new chapter.
As he had intended Mike went to Harvey the first thing. He walked in just seconds after Harvey and Donna had discussed to replace Jessica with Harvey as managing partner. Mike told Harvey about the letter Jessica wrote and how he would use it against her if it was necessary but Harvey just shrugged it off and ignored him again. Donna hadn’t moved a muscle in response to their exchange just staring blankly at Harvey and turning her back to Mike. Mike hung his head when he went back to not-his-anymore-office to pack his stuff and carry it to his cubicle. Getting advantage of Jessica by using the letter against her had been the only thing he could do to get solid with them and it had helped him shit. The looks that Harvey and Donna had given him made him feel hollow inside. He felt like he wanted to smash something or cry out loud but he probably would swallow everything until he was back at home and then break down in silent or not so silent tears.
He got to the associate cubicles in time to hear the end of Louis speech. Mike felt compassionate for the man. It seemed he wouldn’t be the only person at the firm who might cry himself to sleep tonight. “Oh captain, my captain” Mike recited in the hope that Louis might feel he would be missed as head of the associates. When Rachel turned to Mike he didn’t really want to tell her about Harvey’s reaction but she had asked and so he told her that Harvey ignored everything he had done to undo his mistake. “I wish I could hug you and you could suck your thumb for at least 5 seconds to get at even a little better.” She said. “You could hug me at least.” He begged playfully, knowing that Rachel wouldn’t change her decision. “You wouldn’t stop there.” Mike knew she was right and didn’t hold her back when she turned to leave the associates room.
Being invited to dinner by Louis felt strange but getting in on a new case made up for all the strange quirks that Louis had. Louis might be eccentric but he was passionate and his heart was in the right place. Since Harvey would never forgive him he could at least help Louis with Mr. Peter’s restaurant. He even helped Mike with the research something that Harvey would never do. Work atmosphere wise it was probably one of the best times Mike has had at the firm. It was strange to work for Louis and what was even stranger was that he liked it. Louis was kind and Mike felt himself to enjoy work again. Louis treated him more like a colleague than an associate.
When Rachel joined him in the file room to look how things were going with Louis late at night Mike couldn’t help but smile. Rachel wanted him to be happy and she worried about him. She embraced him into a hug and he led his thumb slip into his mouth. He was tired and he just couldn’t resist the sudden urge. “Mike you need to stop. What if Louis walks in now?” Rachel asked. Mike wanted to say that he didn’t care about Louis finding him standing there being hugged by Rachel while happily sucking on his thumb but the instant he wanted to say it out loud he knew it wasn’t true. He liked being a lawyer and taken seriously. If Louis was to find out he sucked his thumb Mike could not take said knowledge back and it would make things even more complicated. So Mike stayed silent. In response Rachel pulled him away and made him take a seat again. It sucked even more that she was right and Louis turned up shortly after that so Mike and Louis started to work again.
The handling of his wetting issue had gotten a little difficult while with Louis. The senior partner seemed to keep track of bathroom breaks. There were at least two situations where Louis almost got him. The first was in front of Louis office where he realized that Louis kept track of his bathroom breaks while the second was at the mudding session after they had been to court. When Louis had briefly explained the procedure of mudding to him Mike had hoped he could leave on his boxers but even under his loose fitting boxers the diaper was showing. If he would step out in boxers there was no way the diapers would go unnoticed to Louis so Mike decided to pull off the diapers. He could get half an hour without an accident, right? A good decision which Mike realized after Louis ordered him to go in the tub naked. When they hit the showers Mike walked cautiously behind Louis scared that he might have a little accident on the way there. Luckily nothing happened until he was in his shower compartment. The truth was warm water always caused Mike to pee uncontrollably. Even if he had peed right before taking a shower, so he was happy Louis didn’t see Mike having an accident right there in the shower.
While Mike was sure he wouldn’t mind being Louis associate if the latter one would ask him and he could somehow maneuver around Louis finding out about the wetting Rachel was sure Mike would regret this step. Being Harvey’s associate hadn’t been entirely about work for Mike and she knew if he would work for Louis working might be fun but it would never be as meaningful on a personal basis as it had been with Harvey. She knew Harvey would not figure this out for himself and so she figured it would be best to confront Donna about it and get her help.
To her surprise Donna was on Harvey’s side. She shared Harvey’s opinion that Mike betrayed him. Rachel was full of fury when she had realized that Donna held Mike’s actions against him. She knew how much Donna meant to him since the moment in the file room and she had thought that Donna had mutual feeling towards Mike and was aware that Harvey overreacted. After all he had wanted to see her after his breakdown and she had been able to calm him in an instant. Did she actually want to throw this all away as if it hadn’t happened?
“You made their thing a thing between us” Donna reproached. “Because it wasn’t a thing between only the two of them in the first place, it was always a thing between the three of you” Rachel explained huffing. Donna smirked condescendingly in response “I don’t think so” she said. “Maybe you are blind but Mike loves you. He is having a horrible time, having nightmares from missing the both of you so much. He called you momma. You were able to calm him in an instant in the file room. Did you play all these emotions? Does this mean nothing to you?” Rachel asked, her voice now raised and hardly kept from shaking. “I did what I had to do” Donna looked calculating and Rachel finally got sick of it. “You just care about work” said Rachel. “You left your little boy when he would have needed you the most and what for, for a sulky Harvey. It’s like you don’t have your own thoughts. Mike was wrong assuming you could be momma to him when you leave him without any hesitation.“ Rachel saw the expression in Donna’s face change from calculation distance to damage control. “I will go away before you say something even more hurtful and we can’t go back” Donna said and left the kitchen.
While Rachel felt relieved that she had lashed out at Donna and channeled her anger she couldn’t help but also be angry at Mike who was angry at her for possibly driving Donna and Harvey farther away from him by talking to Donna. After all she had tried to help Donna see that she needed to get Harvey and Mike back together as a team. However, the revelation that Mike had talked to Harvey about her and telling her that Mike was a fraud months ago made her furious. “Maybe you should try to step away from Harvey?” Rachel suggested to Mike. Mike didn’t respond anything to that. She saw him break a little. He just couldn’t. How could Rachel suggest that he actually stepped away from Harvey? Yes all his attempts to straighten things out with him had been of no avail but how could he not try to win Harvey back? And her talking to Donna about getting Mike and Harvey back together as a team? How did she think this would help? Asking Donna for help on that matter was the worst thing she could have done. He didn’t want them to think he needed Rachel to take care of his stuff. He was big. He was in control. Still Harvey hurting Rachel by his actions, even if they were a long time ago was a no go, as well as it was a no go trying to punish him through working for Louis.
He tried to nurture this anger before he went to Harvey’s office and confronted him. It would take a lot to look Harvey in the eyes and not start to see daddy. Mike did well, though. He stood his ground and directly lashed out at Harvey no sooner had he entered his former boss’ office.
“You cut me loose and she was there for me – still is” Mike hadn’t intended to wave Rachel supporting him in Harvey’s face but somehow he did and it felt good. She had after all supported him and it felt right to protect her. But just like the time in the lobby, where Mike had expected Harvey to shout at him the latter one didn’t move a muscle. Harvey didn’t seem to be bothered by it even a tiny bit. Just like in the past days he didn’t show anything but disregard in this moment and it seemed to not only about him as an associate but also his little self. “You and I we’re done” Harvey clarified before telling Mike to get out of his office. His eyes were cold.
A few hours after Mike had left his office Harvey stretched his muscles a little. Is mind had wondered on and off to the files he was working on to Mike. It tired him that the boy just wouldn’t understand. The betrayal had been too much and Harvey could never trust him again. This had to be the hundredth time that he had to tell Mike they were done. To Harvey it didn’t matter what Mike did and with whom he spend his time. Harvey had meant it when he said they were done - forever. Harvey opened one of the drawers behind his desk and was surprised to find all kinds of office materials in it instead of the diapers for Mike that Donna had stored there. He didn’t really understand why that puzzled him now. Of course she had got rid of the stuff the moment they didn’t need it anymore. Still it felt like there was something missing in his office and he loathed that feeling. Why had he opened the drawer anyway and what had he expected to see?
He went up to the roof with a drink to clear his mind. His chosen loneliness lasted only a few minutes before Jessica went up to the roof as well. Harvey rolled his eyes – so much for his alone-time. While Harvey thought about Mike Jessica brought up Cameron. Harvey didn’t know if he should be happy at Jessica for it or not but figured he could jump on that bandwagon and their talk quickly did go out of hand. When Jessica finally accused him of hiring a fraud Harvey knew they had reached the crux of the matter. Mike, it was always about Mike.
Chapter 15: "You're going back where you belong"
Harvey talks to Ava and a little epiphany starts to dawn on him.
I'm sorry it took me ages to write this and I'm still not fully satisified with it. I can't promise that i will update before christmas again but I will do my best.
Louis trying to relate to said man by pointing out how similar Louis and he were, like Mike and Harvey were similar, felt strange. Mike knew there was some truth to it though. The offer to become Louis associate didn’t come as a surprise and Mike had to admit he felt tempted to accept. Working with Louis had felt nice even with the awkward mudbathing. It would mean to leave Harvey behind which probably was a good thing even if it felt strange. Luckily Louis wasn’t angry when Mike had asked for a night to think about it.
As soon as Louis had vanished into the night Mike went to Rachel’s. He knew what her opinion was. She had made it very clear that Harvey should be left behind. Still it would feel good to not spend the night alone. “I’m sorry about being angry and for hurting you by telling you to move on. I know Harvey is still important to you no matter what he did.” Rachel said when Mike had told her about Louis offer. She embraced him into a hug and Mike melted into the contact. “Thanks, Rachel” Mike mumbled. “So what are you going to do about Louis?” she asked, curious if he was able to let go off Harvey as a mentor. “I think I’ll join him.” Mike responded with a firm voice. “When you’re so sure why are you here? You don’t seem to need my advice” she chuckled. Mike looked at his feet and didn’t respond. “Still can’t sleep alone?” Rachel asked, compassion in her voice. Mike nodded, looking up shyly. “Then come in, big boy.”
Around the time Mike went to Rachel’s apartment Harvey made his way to Jessica to discuss the offer Cameron Dennis had just made in the lobby. Their opinions again collided. Jessica accused him of gambling with Ava’s life. Harvey hated these on-going conflicts with Jessica. They had accused each other of shady behavior in so many situations during this Ava Hassington case. He couldn’t even recall all those conflicts, gritted teeth and accusations. Especially the deposition with Cameron today was currently on his mind. They both had had the Mike situation on their minds in that meeting. When she now told him she would re-do what she had done with Mike, Harvey realized how much she had used Mike in that situation and how helpless his boy must have felt.
The talk with Ava on the following morning did not go as Harvey had intended. He found it remarkable that while she still felt betrayed she admitted that she would miss her number two nonetheless. Harvey didn’t like how this situation made him feel. He had stated himself that it was remarkable what people did when they were under pressure. Ava leaving left him alone with his thoughts for a moment before Donna entered the conference room to get the paperwork. He opened to her a little.
At this point Donna knew Harvey wasn’t entirely angry at Mike anymore. Right after Mike had hid Jessica blackmailing him he was lashed out and there was no way he would forgive Mike anytime. However, she saw Harvey struggling while he worked with Jessica on the Hassington Oil case and this struggle had manifested in the intention to bring down Jessica as managing partner. At this point Donna could see Harvey understood the struggles that Jessica had caused Mike, maybe even understanding a little bit that the younger man hadn’t told him.
At the same time Donna admitted to herself that Rachel had hurt her in the kitchen by her accusations. She was taken aback by how hurt Mike seemed to be. Of course she had anticipated that Mike would mourn the loss of Harvey as his boss and daddy, but losing her? She had never figured it would get to Mike much. She had babysat him once and he had called for her that night in the file room but it would never have crossed her mind that he might have actually got attached to her. Calling her momma didn’t mean that much she thought. After all people we’re saying “I love you” to each other all the time without meaning it. Know she realized that this assumption had been wrong. The loss of her had hurt Mike and she had been hurt by Rachel accusing her of not caring about the boy.
“Maybe we should consider forgiving Mike.” Donna suggested and Harvey knew that she was right. Harvey had experienced how difficult handling Jessica could be. Maybe he had underestimated what Mike had been caught up into. Yes Mike was clever and would make a great lawyer in the future but he was pretty unexperienced in dealing with people like Jessica. She had threatened him and Mike’s way of thinking hadn’t allowed the boy to find a solution for doing something at gunpoint. “Maybe.” Harvey responded and Donna noticed that his voice didn’t sound appraisingly. It had that soft connotation when he had been thinking about Mike’s little side. “I bet Mikey would like that” she said, unsure what Harvey would respond if she brought up the ageplaying. “He doesn’t want to be little anyway” Harvey said countering, all softness gone from his voice. “I think we both know that’s only a matter of time. He needs you as much as you need him.” Now Donna feared she had actually gone too far but she couldn’t rein herself.
Fortunately instead of being angry for bringing up Harvey’s need to care, her boss stayed silent. He remembered the night he had stayed over at Mike’s and the boy had had the nightmare. Yes, Mike had needed him that night and Harvey had felt strangely whole while comforting his sobbing associate. Of course he would never admit that to Donna. Harvey feared she would know already anyway. On the other hand he was fairly certain his secretary wouldn’t use her knowledge against him. Harvey noticed that while Mike had tried to win him back the past days his associate had never used their ageplay as an emotional leverage on Harvey. At this point he knew he would take even the slightest chance to get Mike back although this would mean breaking his word to Louis but Harvey probably had to hurry.
When Harvey entered Louis office he found he was right on time. Louis was gone for the moment, giving Harvey some time to talk to Mike and convince him to come back. “I can’t let you do this” Harvey said when he entered the room. “Let me?” Mike said irritated. The voice of his former associate made clear that he thought he and Mike were done. Harvey almost felt pride of how good Mike had been able to adjust to the loss of his mentor but there was a little tinge of sadness at the sound of Mike’s confident voice that rejected him. “Don’t do this” Harvey said, cringing a little at how distant Mike had sounded. He wanted his boy back. He needed him so he used the strongest word to address this feeling of his – family. Mike belonged to him. “You’re going back where you belong. You’re going back to your family.” After Harvey and Mike had shared a high five they both laughed. Then Harvey pulled Mike into a hug. “I missed you Mikey” he whispered in the softest tone. Mike felt his head get red and his gut feel warm. “I missed you too, Daddy” he whispered back before they freed themselves from the hug. “How about you have a quiet evening and tomorrow we’ll discuss our return as a team.” Mike nodded at that. It was great to have Harvey back but a joined evening sounded like too big of a step right away. Besides the last time they had spent little-time together Mike had said he wanted a break.
Meanwhile Rachel and Donna tried to get on a good page again as well. “I’m sorry for what I said, Donna” Rachel said. “I’m sorry , too.” Donna admitted and embraced the law assistant in a hug. “So we’re all good?” Rachel asked a little insecure. “Yeah. So tell me about watching Mikey” Donna asked eagerly and Rachel smiled. “He’s really cute” she giggled. “I know. Especially when he’s sleepy” Donna laughed warmly and so they started gossiping and sharing their Mikey moments.
Harvey taking him back was throwing him into a mix of feelings. He had enjoyed working with Louis though, had felt valued and now he felt a little guilty for breaking his promise. When Harvey entered Louis office Mike was about to throw his offer away. Harvey hadn’t wanted him, hadn’t paid attention to his excuses so now he was not paying attention. But when Harvey said that Mike belonged to him he just wanted to be held by his boss.
Mike didn’t know what to make of the offer to take the evening off though. Harvey had told him to spend time with Rachel but Mike hoped that Harvey would show up at his place anyway. He didn’t and a part of Mike was actually relieved. Maybe it would have felt awkward for Harvey to be back at Mike’s as if nothing had happened. There was still a slight fear in Mike that Harvey would leave him again. That Harvey had suggested Rachel joining Mike made the associate fear that Harvey wanted to be sure that Mike had also someone else at his side in case Harvey was leaving him again – a backup-caregiver. Even though this fear nagged on Mike while awake he had the best night sleep in a very long time. For now Harvey was back and that was all that counted.
Instead Rachel showed up. Mike smiled shyly and was bouncy the whole evening. She smiled along with him but she couldn’t really understand why Mike wasn’t angry at Harvey anymore. He had left Mike hanging, behaving like a dick and it was as if this never had happened. While the talk with Donna had been an easy thing for Rachel forgiving Harvey seemed hard and wrong. Maybe Mike really felt like a child towards Harvey and Donna making it easier for him to forgive them because he craved their love so much. Donna and Rachel had it more easy to get back to how things were before but they had a long standing friendship.
Rachel noticed the following days while Mike seemed at ease around Harvey, which Rachel could not really understand, he was still a little scared around Donna. While Donna and Rachel had talked again as soon as the air had cleared Mike still dodged her. She wondered if the secretary had noticed that as well and how she deemed to change the situation. Rachel figured she had to do something about it. If Mike was at good terms with Harvey he should also be at good terms with Donna.
“Donna you’re scaring him. You should really tell him that you don’t hate him, maybe even that you influenced Harvey in taking Mike back” Rachel said when they were alone. Donna tried to be funny about it but she had to admit that she had underestimated how scared Mike still was in her presence. He dodged her whenever it was possible and when he talked to her he was rather distant. He always brought her latte shakes and Donna had thought this was his way of showing her they were good again but maybe she had underestimated the fear Mike still felt. Of course she wanted the little boy to be relaxed in her presence but she didn’t want to shed light to Harvey’s epiphany and her role in that. “I will do, Rachel”. She said and thought about how she would deal with Mike.
The chance to reassure him came sooner that she had expected and without anticipating it when Donna shushed Katrina out of Harvey’s office. Now Mike knew she had his back and he couldn’t have been happier. He had to admit he was even happier when Donna told him she still expected coffee from him. It was like a little game between them that kept going on. He couldn’t help but whisper “Thanks, Momma” when he walked past her cubicle after his talk with Harvey. “Anytime my little boy.” She whispered back. They smiled at each other. Yes, life was finally good again.
Chapter 16: Serious conversation
Mike gets almost found out by Louis and Harvey's reaction to Katrina's video leads to some serious conversations
The next few days were strenuous. The Hassington Oil case was tricky to say the least. It was horrible enough that Harvey was pressured by Cameron and they now had a murder trial ahead of them, it didn’t help that Louis was pissed at Mike for breaking his word. Harvey and Mike hadn’t talked about the ageplay so far and from what Mike could read between the lines it seemed like they wouldn’t engage in it again before the murder trial was won. While it had been tense between them the whole time it got only worse when Mike and Louis had to talk, not because Louis was still nagging at him whenever he could but because Mike’s shirt slipped out of the back of his pants a little, while Louis stood behind him. Mike still didn’t know how it had happened. He must have stretched out while reaching for a file a little too far away and have his shirt come out of his pants that way. He had taken off his jacket after they had worked for some time. Now Mike thought this had been a stupid move.
“Mike, is there a diaper peeking out of your pants?” Louis asked. Mike tried to stay cool. This couldn’t be happening. Mike grabbed the file he had tried to reach and sat down slowly again, begging that the chair was covering his backside. It hadn’t happened while he had worked for Louis and it was not going to start now. No way was he going to give anything away. “What, Louis?” Mike asked trying to look irritated. “That’s ridiculous” While Mike was speaking he had turned so Louis couldn’t look at his back anymore just in case the chair didn’t cover him up entirely. “No it’s not.” Louis said. “Given that your parents died when you were young you could’ve been a bed wetter or even pants wetter as a result and since your only living relative died a few weeks ago…” Louis argued but was harshly interrupted. “Enough. Mike I need you in my office now to take a look at the Eva Hassington case” Mike had flinched as Harvey’s voice had boomed into the conference room. He’d never been so surprised and glad for his boss to interrupt a conversation. “Harvey, what…” Louis began but he was cut off by Harvey. “Mike, it’s urgent. Go, Donna will hand you the file” The associate left the room hurriedly and tried not looking too relieved for the way out.
After Mike had left the office Harvey turned to Louis “I don’t want you to pull that shit on Mike ever again.” “I was just...” Louis tried to argue but Harvey cut him off. “Don’t interrupt me, Louis.” Louis closed his mouth. “Mentioning the death of his grandmother is a move you won’t ever pull on Mike again. Understood?” “Yeah. I’m sorry Harvey I just thought I saw him wearing….” Louis again tried to make his point. “I don’t care what you think you saw.” Harvey cut Louis off again. “I know you’re still angry at him because he backed away from his promise but don’t you ever wave his parent’s death in front of him!” Harvey warned. “Of course not. I would never do that” Louis replied shocked at the accusation. “Good then don’t.” Louis didn’t say no more and Harvey excused himself into his office shortly after that.
Mike was already waiting for him looking troubled. “Shit, he saw the diaper, Harvey.” Mike panicked. “I know.” Harvey said calmly. Mike’s hands were holding his head while he was pacing in Harvey’s office. “What shall I do now?” Mike asked concerned. Harvey’s face got stony. “You will do nothing.” If Mike wanted to make things better everything would get worse for sure. “But…” Mike tried to object. “I took care of it.” Harvey tried to assure him but Mike didn’t look convinced. If it was possible he looked even more horrified. “I made sure he won’t ask any questions and I think we’re safe for now.” Mike’s face still didn’t show any sign of relaxation. “I didn’t confirm his suspicion. I told him he was never to talk about the death of your parents again. I think he has forgotten about the diapers by now.” At that Mike relaxed a little bit. “Okay” “Now stop being so nervous. You won’t hear from it again. We have work to do” Mike nodded and got back to work on the Hassington files.
His work was interrupted by the horrible video Katrina made and an encounter with Louis and her in the conference room. While Harvey had told Mike not to get back at Katrina for the video he himself apparently had talked to her which surprised Mike. When Katrina mentioned this in the meeting he couldn’t help but talk back at her. Harvey finally put an end to the insults. Mike cursed himself. He had let his guard down. He had talked back like a little kid in a playground. He needed to find time to relax soon or he might have a major slip-up at the firm.
Even if Harvey had calmed everyone down he still wanted to meet with Mike in his office about two hours later to discuss the meeting. Mike got in Harvey’s office and looked a little annoyed that he had to come to Harvey because of the meeting.
As he looked like a sulky teenager Harvey wasn’t shy to address the issue right away. “I know you’re angry at Katrina and I already told you, you need to let this go because we have a murder trial ahead of us.” His boss explained. “And I did so. Why are you scolding me in your office when you already layed her out and I already said thank you for that?” Mike asked. “You talked back to Katrina like a sulky kid. My question is does the video bother you because it is mocking or because it is true” Mike swallowed thickly in response but didn’t give an answer. “I’ll tell you why I couldn’t help it when I saw her. She hurt you and I just couldn’t let that go. I felt it was up to me to put her in her place and make sure she would never hurt you again.” Harvey explained. Mike felt Harvey’s voice get softer and softer during his explanation. He felt Harvey becoming less of his boss with every syllable. Mike started fidgeting with his hands. He knew what Harvey was doing and he didn’t like it. They hadn’t engaged in ageplaying since Harvey had taken him back. There just hadn’t been any time with the Hassington Oil case and so they hadn’t even discussed how hurt Mike had been to lose Harvey. So far Mike had thought that Harvey didn’t question that Mike was alright, that it just was like the trouble between them never had happened. Now he saw that Harvey was actually concerned that the video had hurt Mike very differently than what Katrina had aimed for.
Mike didn’t want Harvey to talk to him like a little kid so he would crack and seek comfort. They had discussed and agreed on a strict “no-ageplay-at-the-firm”-policy a long time ago and this included talking Mike to the edge. At this moment his boss didn’t seem to care however and Mike felt himself slip. “You did hurt me as much as she did. Maybe even more” Mike managed to say in a composed way that surprised him. Adulthood felt like a silk scarf. If you held it in a tight grasp everything was fine but if you loosened the grip it could slip away so easy and he felt it slip from his grasp right now. “Which is why I couldn’t stand what she did even more” Harvey explained and showed the most honest expression of guilt that Mike had probably ever seen on his face.
“You were gone. You didn’t want me anymore.” Mike mumbled. He knew it sounded stupid. Harvey looked contrite. “I’m sorry Mike.” He managed to say before Mike interrupted him. “I know but, I don’t know if I can already trust you again. I can regarding the firm, but I don’t know if that little side of me can.” Harvey swallowed. This sounded like a rejection. “I understand” Harvey said calmly. Mike didn’t respond. He didn’t leave the office. He just looked down at his shoes. “Mike is there anything else?” Now Harvey sounded like he was pressing back the tears and it made Mike hesitate. He loved Harvey and he didn’t want to hurt him but he also was still a little angry at him and scared. “I… I don’t know. I am scared that you will go away again, leave me hanging. I don’t know if I’m more scared of never letting my little side near you again or being hurt.” “I didn’t mean to hurt you Mikey. I felt betrayed and like I couldn’t trust you anymore. This was why I fired you and when Jessica overruled me I wanted to get back at you somehow and I’m really sorry for what I did to you.” Harvey explained. Mike sniffled. Harvey felt almost relieved that Mike showed at least some kind of emotional reaction.
“Will you promise that you won’t leave me ever again?” Harvey thought about it. With anyone else Mike would have taken the following “Yes” as a covered ‘no’ but he knew that Harvey was honest about it. He had hesitated because he hadn’t been sure if he could keep the promise. He had needed to think about it first.
Harvey slowly approached Mike and took his face in his hands. He was happy when he found the younger man didn’t flinch at the contact. “I promise I will never leave you again Mikey.” Mike grabbed a sleeve of Harvey’s suit and buried his face in the crock of Harvey’s neck. Harvey was cupping the back of Mike’s head with one hand now while with the other hand he was making circling motions on Mike’s back. “Shhhh. It’s okay, kid” “’M sorry, daddy” Mike sobbed. “There is nothing you need to be sorry for, junior. I fucked up and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.” Harvey glanced at Donna’s desk and saw she was already approaching the both of them. She obviously had heard every word and figured that Mike might need the assurance of the both of them. After all she had taken Harvey’s side and left Mike as well.
Donna guided the bundle of them to the couch. Harvey sat and Mike’s right, while Donna sat on his left. She was still rubbing circles on his back an started to rock him while she intoned: “Baby mine, don’t you cry.” Mike seemed to relax after little time.
“Am I a disappointment?” Mike asked with a small voice and Harvey looked devastated. “What? Oh Mikey, of course you’re not.” “You are our sweet baby boy” Donna said warmly. “’M not a baby” Mike huffed. Harvey chuckled. “Okay, but you’re still our boy, understand?” “Really?” Mike wondered turning to them with tear-stained cheeks. “Of course.” Donna assured. “We both love you. And we both have been stupid to not realize it. Now be a big boy and blow your nose.” She handed Mike a tissue and he cleared his nose. “That’s our big boy.” She smiled “Now, let’s get back to work and don’t you dare forgetting that you are my boy“ Harvey warned in a playful tone. “Okay, daddy” “That’s my boy” Harvey planted a kiss on Mike’s crown.
Mike went back to his cubicle after he splashed his face with water so no one would notice he had cried. Apparently Rachel still had noticed the stains on his cheeks as she shot him a quick glance and rushed off to Harvey’s office. Mike had been crying and to Rachel it only seemed logic that it had been because of an insensitive Harvey who still hadn’t understood how deeply he had hurt Mike.
Harvey seemed surprised to see Rachel in his office. “Rachel what is it?” he asked neutral. “Do you think you can just say he’s supposed to be with you and everything is fine right away?” She replied furiously. “I’m sorry what?” Harvey of course knew what she was talking about but he didn’t think it was Rachel’s place to criticize the nature of his relationship with Mike. “Rachel, don’t you trust me with him?” he questioned her. “All I know is that I needed to calm him down and put him to bed because you weren’t there and he missed you. He felt miserable.” Her gaze was stony. At least till she saw the guilt on Harvey’s face. The best closer in New York turned away from her hiding his face. “I was angry and I shouldn’t have wreaked my anger on Mike. I’m sorry I did it and he has forgiven me” his voice sounded honest but Rachel was not only here because of Mike. She herself had been struggling. “That’s not the point” she replied. “Then what is?” He turned his face back at her. “I would have needed you with him. Do you know how it feels to try to get him to sleep, while all he does is cry and say how much he misses the both of you?” Harvey hold her stare but Rachel could clearly see hurt in his eyes. Good. “He wouldn’t really let me near him.” “I’m sorry, Rachel. I didn’t intend to hurt Mike or put you in a hard place.” Harvey did turn his face away from her again. “Well you did, and I hope that you can fix little Mike, because he already lost his mom and dad. Losing mommy and daddy was almost like going through the car accident a second time. Don’t you dare hurting him again so he has to go through it a third time.” Harvey swallowed. “I won’t, Rachel. I promised Mike this morning and I stick by my word.” “Like you did when you told him you were never going to leave him that night when he had the nightmare?” Harvey looked taken aback by that. “Yes I know about the promise you made to him when he was vulnerable and that you broke said promise.” Rachel snapped. “This conversation is over.” Harvey responded calmly. Rachel left the office almost stomping. Donna entered it shortly after it. “Harvey, are you okay?” she asked concerned. Harvey swallowed thickly. “Everything is fine, Donna. Thanks.” Donna didn’t leave the office. Instead she placed a hand on one of Harvey’s shoulders who still sat in his chair, his back turned towards her. “Mike is happy that you’re his daddy and he will never hold what you did against you.” “You think so?” Harvey asked, not trying to hide his insecurity. Donna was surprised. Harvey rarely asked for her opinion in such a direct way and even if he did he never sounded so insecure. Now his voice was filled with genuine worry. She heard he was on the brink of tears. Something she had witnessed only once before. “I’m Donna. I know.” She responded and Harvey managed a weak smile.
Chapter 17: Stupid decisions are made at night
Mike is tired and wants to go home. Harvey objects and Mike ends up on Harvey's couch. When Louis walks in there is trouble ahead and Mike get's something he has longed for, for quite some time now.
I worked on this chapter for a long time, wanting to introduce Louis a little bit more into the story. So basically the last chapter was the groundswork for this one.
Mike had been exhausted and he and Harvey had yet to spend time together. The assurance Harvey and Donna had offered a few days back had helped, though.
Today Mike had read files the whole day for the murder trial. When it was close to midnight he decided it was time to go home. Harvey walked in on him in the kitchen while Mike wanted to get some coffee. “There you are” Harvey said. “You here?” Mike replied. “I was making sure you are home by now” Harvey explained with a stern look. “I’m not” Mike shrugged reaching for a mug and the coffee pot. “I see that. And you’re fixing yourself a coffee” Mike caught the admonishing look on Harvey’s face and stopped to pour coffee in his mug. “I’m so exhausted. I need to be awake to go home” he explained. “You won’t ride that stupid bike of yours home now, in ten minutes or in one hour. You’re way too tired. Come on crash on the couch for a bit” Harvey demanded and offered. “You sure?” “Yes. Now get to my office before I change my mind.” Mike followed Harvey. In the office Mike’s eyes wandered to the cushion he had soaked. Harvey seemed to have read Mike’s mind when he asked “You’re wearing a diaper now aren’t you?” Mike swallowed “Yeah” “Then there is no reason to worry about wetting my couch again.” Harvey assured. Still Mike took off his jacket and tie hesitatingly. But when he lay down on the long piece of furniture all worry was forgotten. Even though the couch was leather and it should have taken some time to get surrounded by comforting warmth on it Mike crashed instantly. Harvey chuckled at the sight of Mike’s backside and sat behind his desk to work on some papers.
Harvey’s concentration was broken a few minutes after Mike was sound asleep buy an excited Louis storming inside his office. “Harvey I…” the fellow senior partner began. “Not now, Louis” Harvey interrupted him without looking up from his file. “But Harvey…” Louis started to talk again. “Not now” Harvey said between is teeth trying to be has silent as possible. “Mike’s asleep.” He explained and nodded his head in the direction of his couch before he concentrated on his papers again. Louis spun around a bit and looked at the couch. “Oh” Louis retorted before Harvey could see his eyes get bigger over the file he was studying and realization hitting Louis. Harvey figured Mike’s diaper might be sticking out of his pants and Louis must have seen it when he heard Louis say even more stretched “Ohhhhh” before he got silent again for some time. “So when you said…. and when Katrina made the video…” Louis thought out loud, switching in between thoughts not finishing each one, before he turned around to look at Harvey who nodded his eyes still predominantly glued to the papers in front of him. “Ohhhh” Louis said again in realization. “Yes” Harvey responded simply not feeling the need to address Mike’s diapers more bluntly. Louis shut his mouth and looked out of the window, concentrated. Then he left Harvey’s office abruptly. The last thing Louis said was “I need to think.” “Whatever” Harvey mumbled to himself his concentration still on the folder he held. Harvey figured it wasn’t bad if Louis knew about the diapers. Sometimes he was a rat and tried to take advantage of situations but Harvey knew Louis would never take advantage of Mike in that way, there was too much of a softie in Louis. Besides, Louis has had suspicions for some time now. It was only fair they let him in on this, maybe covering up any suspicions that Louis has had concerning Mike attending Harvard Law. Maybe it would even help to get Mike and Louis even more on track with each other after Mike had almost become Louis associate.
Harvey concentrated on the paperwork in his hands again and worked on a strategy for their client for some moments. When Mike stirred on the couch Harvey looked up from his desk again. This time not over the edge of a file but without anything that would impair his view. His eyes went wide. Mike was sucking on a pacifier. This was why Louis had looked irritated and hadn’t said a complete sentence. Though the diaper was sticking out as well so it was probably both things that had had Louis scratch his head. “Shit” Harvey said under his breath. This wouldn’t smooth things with Louis. It would make things even more difficult between them. “What’s up?” Donna said concerned. Harvey hadn’t noticed her stepping into the office. He swallowed heavily and let his gaze wander from Donna to Mike and back to Donna. “Louis was in here.” Harvey simply said. “Yeah I know that Harvey, I’m sitting in front of your office remember?” she chuckled. “Mike probably was laying the same way” Harvey responded. Donna’s eyes went wide almost the same way Louis’ eyes had. “And he saw the pacifier” Donna said toneless. “Maybe” Harvey said biting on his thumbnail. “Probably” Donna said, cringing a little bit. Harvey nodded. “Why is he having one here anyway?” she wondered. “Probably he brought it in. God I thought we had discussed this often enough” Harvey said failing to hide a slight annoyance in his voice. “We should wake him up and tell him.” Donna suggested. Harvey nodded, approaching Mike and gently shaking him awake.
“YOU TOLD HIM?” Mike yelled with wide eyes as a response to the news. “I didn’t tell him. He walked in, and saw the diaper peeking out of your pants that I hadn’t noticed so far. There was no point in denying it, Mike. He had already put the pieces together” Harvey explained the situation to Mike again calmly. “That’s bad” Mike said running a hand through his hair. He had the pacifier balled up in the other hand. He had tried to hide it from Harvey but was sure that Harvey and Donna had seen it when waking him up. “Yes. And you know what made things easy for him but not for me? The pacifier you were sucking. We had agreed on no-dummies-in the office” Mike looked caught and his gaze went to the fist holding the pacifier. Harvey’s voice had been sharp and he felt stupid for using the pacifier. “I, I had trouble sleeping and it’s the only way to get good sleep. M’sorry. It was stupid to use it here.” Mike admitted. “What’s done is done. We have to deal with it now.” Despite the words, Harvey still sounded pissed. “But how?” Mike asked with a small voice. “I don’t think Louis will use this against you. It’s probably best to wait for his first move. You’ll go home now.” Harvey ordered. “Okay” Mike turned to leave Harvey’s office but was stopped. “Not on your bike! You still look tired and it’s also dark.” “I guess I can ride my bike in the dark” Mike huffed. “Not on my watch, kiddo. I’ll have Ray drop you off at yours.” “Okay.” Mike agreed. Harvey grabbed his coat and shoved him out of the office. “You go home as well?” Mike asked a little irritated. “Yep” his boss replied simply.
“Mike; why did you use your paci at the firm?” Harvey asked gently when they were in the car. This was the first thing Harvey had sat to him after they had left his office. “We agreed this was a no-go and you never did stuff like that before” The compassion and worry in Harvey’s voice made Mike feel even worse about the paci. It had been risky and stupid and he had disappointed Harvey. The senior partner felt his associate get tense next to him. “I’m stressed. The Hassington Oil case is really strenuous and I haven’t been little in a while.” Mike admitted evasive. “Ah.” was everything Harvey replied. “What?” Mike asked irritated by the voice Harvey had made. “You said I but you meant we” Harvey concluded. Mike shifted uncomfortably and didn’t respond anything. “I know we hadn’t time since I got on the Hassington oil case and things aren’t really smooth between us. You also wanted a break before I fired you” Harvey summarized the current situation between them. “I promise I won’t do it again” Mike said feeling this was all he could do at the moment. “Good and I promise I will find us some down time if you’d like that.” “Yes, I would like that” Mike whispered, not wanting to sound too needy. “Would you like me to bring you to bed?” Mike looked at his shoes and played with his hands. Of course he wanted Harvey to bring him to bed. Hell, he never wanted Harvey to leave his side again. “Like now?” he asked shyly. “Yes. I couldn’t stay overnight but there sure would be time to read a little bit.” The associate nodded in response and Harvey smiled.
Mike’s flat was a little messy but nothing out of the ordinary. Harvey felt relief wash over him. Of course Mike was an adult but with the ageplay being reduced to himself who knew how Mike had coped. To be honest Harvey had almost expected a messy flat with dirty dishes. He was happy to be proven wrong. Mike knew how to take care of himself though he sometimes preferred Harvey doing it. Guilt nagged on him. He had made Mike feel horrible.
As soon as Mike stepped through the door of the flat Harvey noticed that Mike curled into himself. His eyes were narrow and he rubbed them with his fists a few times. His associate was really tired. “Come on, bud. Time to go to bed.” Harvey said laying a hand on Mike’s lower back to stir him towards the bedroom so his associate could get his stuff. “Not tired” Mike whined. Harvey shook his head, chuckling. About an hour ago Mike had peacefully slept on his couch and now he was whining about going to bed. “This wasn’t a suggestion, Junior. No discussion, change your diaper, brush your teeth and I will choose a book.” “Okay” Mike grumbled though it didn’t sound that reluctant anymore. When he was about to go and grab his pjs and a fresh diaper Harvey turned to the kitchen and noticed there were no bottles in the sink. “When did you last drink from a bottle?” Mike shrugged. “Some time ago.” he stated. “Like when Jessica was at my flat?” Harvey asked cautiously. Mike didn’t dare to look him in the eyes. “Oh, Mikey.” Harvey embraced him in a hug. “Let’s make you a bottle before you brush your teeth, okay?” he offered. “Okay” “Good boy. I’ll make the bottle and you get your jammies.” Mike watched Harvey starting to make the bottle. His boss seemed to remember where everything was so Mike dressed himself.
When he was done Harvey waved a bottle with milk and honey in front of him. Mike smiled but the smile soon faded. “You said during the murder trial we shouldn’t play. It might be bad for the trial.” “What’s bad for the trial is you being so worked up that you sleep on my couch sucking a paci.” Mike’s face turned red. “Come here, kid.” Harvey had sat down on the couch but Mike didn’t move. “Please” Harvey said and Mike reluctantly sat down next to him. “It’s okay that you need this, Mike. This one break will be okay.” Mike laid his head on Harvey’s shoulder. Harvey turned a little and laid a hand over Mike’s shoulder. The man nuzzled further into Harvey’s chest and grabbed his shirt while he sucked on the bottle Harvey offered. Harvey noticed the grip on his shirt strengthened over time. Mike tried to hold on to him as strong as he could. It puzzled him that there still seemed to be fear that Mike could lose him. “I will sleep at my place Mike but I am not leaving you.” He assured the boy and kissed his crown. Mike’s grip on his shirt seemed to relax a little. When the bottle was empty Harvey send Mike to shower and put on a new diaper while he chose a book.
“Do you have your paci?” Harvey asked when Mike approached his bed. Mike went red in response. He didn’t want to talk about the object that had gotten him and Harvey into trouble. No way Louis would let this go. “Yeah” he said softly. “Good. Now let’s get you to bed and read this Curious George book” when Harvey sat down on one side of the bed he noticed a little plush lion. “Hey who’s that new friend?” “Alfons. Rachel got him for me” Mike explained. “He looks really cool. Rawr” Harvey made roaring noised before handing the plushy to Mike. “You think so?” the younger man asked skeptically. He didn’t want Harvey to think he would replace George. “You should have all the toys you want.” Harvey kissed Mike’s temple. “Now get under the covers so we can read the book.”
Harvey started reading the book and already two pages in Mike’s eyes dropped and the suckling on his pacifier was getting less and less. Harvey decided to call it quits. “Good night, big boy” he said, closing the book. Mike was too tired to object the end of the reading session. “Nigh’ daddy” he mumbled behind the pacifier before finally closing his eyes and drifting into sleep. Harvey felt his heart get warm. Oh how he’d missed that. He gently removed Mike’s hand from his shirt and got up from the bed cautiously. He actually didn’t want to leave Mike but there was no way around it. He was about to turn away from the bed when Mike stirred but luckily he didn’t wake up. Harvey decided to leave a note so Mike wouldn’t feel left alone when waking up.
Chapter 18: Stupid decisions are corrected by day
Louis confronts Mike about the paci-incident. Harvey tries to step in but the final help comes from somewhere unexpected.
The next day Mike was sitting at his cubicle and worked when Louis approached him. He had woken up and felt a slight anxiety when he had noticed Harvey was gone. He felt left alone but there had been a note by Harvey. “Love you big boy, Harvey.” It read. Mike was happy to read it, but he also had to chuckle. Harvey was a softy even if he didn’t want to admit it. He had been so happy by the note that he had almost forgot about the incident from last night.
“Mike” Louis voice boomed over him. Mike flinched in response and almost let the file he was holding fall out of his hand. “Yes, Louis” he said trying to hide his nervousness and sounding nonchalantly. “I need to talk to you in my office.” Mike got up to follow Louis through the firm. At least the senior partner wouldn’t expose him in front of the other associates. That was sort of nice wasn’t it? So Mike could keep his dignity at least for now, before Louis would tell everyone in the office what he had seen and what a baby Mike Ross was.
Just when Mike got up he noticed that Rachel was passing the cubicles. He scribbled something on a post-it, and put it inside the file he had been holding only seconds ago “Just a second Louis. Rachel, can you get these to Harvey asap?” Mike asked Rachel with pleading eyes though his voice didn’t sound urgent. “He’s going to kill me if this isn’t on his desk in 10 minutes.” He explained turning to Louis. “Sure”, Rachel said noticing the frantic expression on Mike’s face. Something was up. She found her suspicions confirmed when she opened the file and took a look at the post-it on the first page. “Get Harvey to Louis” the note read. Rachel took quick strives to Harvey’s office and begged he was in. They didn’t have much time. Whatever it was Mike had looked really scared. Hopefully Donna knew what was going on so she could fill her in while Harvey was fixing whatever situation Mike was in.
“So, Louis, what is it” Mike tried to sound nonchalantly when he took a seat across from Louis desk. Maybe he could have at least a little control over the talk. “You want to tell me something?” Louis asked icy. “Ehm, no” Mike stuttered, feeling his mask fall, so much for having control. “Come on Mike I know you know so just come clean yourself.” Louis requested annoyed. “I… I don’t know what to say” the associate stuttered. “Why do you wear diapers?” the senior partner asked bluntly. Mike swallowed. It felt horrible to talk about this with Louis but it was still better than having him know about Harvard. “I.. I sometimes have issues being dry” associate admitted. “Since when?” Louis voice was almost hostile. “Some weeks” Mike stated. “And the pacifier? Louis asked. Mike found he had already revealed too much and his situation started to get worse and worse. He couldn’t escape this situation. A part of him just wanted to run out of Louis’ office but he couldn’t move. He felt like a deer in headlights. He saw his whole world shattering to pieces. There was no way he would keep his job. He would lose everyone, Harvey, Donna and even Rachel. He would be all alone just because he was stupid and pathetic. Why had he sucked that stupid pacifier in Harvey’s office? “I….I….” Mike tried to voice his thoughts but nothing else was coming out of his mouth. Just when Mike felt he would burst into tears right in front of Louis, he heard the door to the office open and felt relive wash over him – Rachel had gotten Harvey in time.
“What is going on here?” Mike closed his eyes and felt a heavy weight lift from his shoulders when he heard his booming voice. Harvey was here. No, daddy was here. He would find a way out. “I just had some questions for Mike” Louis said the hostility in his voice gone for the moment but replaced with neutrality “About what?” Harvey demanded to know. “What I saw the other day in your office” Louis voice sounded gentle at first but it changed again into a threatening tone. “That’s none of your business” Harvey had moved himself in front of Mike, visually almost blocking him completely from Louis. “It’s the firm’s business. Are you sending that pathetic, pants wetting baby to clients on his own?” Louis snapped and Mike visibly shrank in his seat. “Don’t you dare calling him that again.” Harvey growled over the desk getting closer and closer to Louis. For a moment Mike feared Harvey might actually hit Louis. His hands were already balled up in fists, the knuckles white. “Would you like to talk about his pacifier instead?” Louis asked smiling. Harvey gritted his teeth not responding to Louis change of topic.
Louis turned to Mike again who still sat on one of the chairs like a not yet dismissed student in a principal’s office. “Is this what you’re doing?” Louis turned his laptop and revealed an internet research. Mike couldn’t help but visibly wince at the pictures. They were rather graphic and not the kind of impression Mike would like to give Louis. “Don’t answer that” Harvey said to Mike. “That’s a yes” Louis said. “You know it’s not.” Harvey said rolling his eyes.
“It’s nothing sexual” Mike said with a thin voice. Harvey looked at him with a face that said he should say no more, he should just shut up and they could leave the office. That was what Harvey was here for after all, getting Mike out of this office. “I’m just small. I just pretend to be a kid. That’s all” Harvey had a hard time to not interrupt Mike’s explanation. “Would you’ve told me at some point?” Louis asked and Mike shook his head. “I wouldn’t have told Harvey either.” “But you had to” Louis concluded his voice still stern but not as hostile as before. “Mike, don’t” Harvey said almost begging for his associate to shut up. “You’ve already said enough. You can’t take it back” Harvey reminded him. “I had an accident in his office.” Harvey closed his eyes. Was Mike trying to make this even easier for Louis?
“Pretending to be a little kid in the office by sucking on a pacifier is not acceptable. You discredit this firm and I cannot have that happen, you’re fired. Can’t have a pathetic guy like you here” Mike was shocked but then he hung his head in resignation. He felt helpless while Harvey seemed furious. “You can’t do this Louis” Harvey barked. By now his hands weren’t balled up in fists but Mike had no doubt Harvey could land a punch on Louis without the other lawyer having a chance to react in time. “Yes I can and I just did” Louis smirked. “What is going on here?” Jessica’s voice filled the room and the three men turned their heads to the door.
Mike had a tear running down his cheek that he couldn’t hide in time anymore from the managing partner and Harvey looked tense while Louis was torn between shock and satisfaction. “Mike wears diapers and sucked a pacifier at work. We cannot have him damage the firm’s reputation“, he immediately said before Mike or Harvey could reply anything. Harvey rolled his eyes in response. What a tattletale. He was about to rise his voice in an attempt of damage control but Jessica spoke first and addressed Louis. “Louis, you know I appreciate how you handle the associates” Louis nodded with a triumphant smile – he would show Mike and Harvey. “But let me handle this case. Firing Mike might be a bit harsh.” Jessica explained. Louis stayed silent, tenser than before as Jessica turned to Mike. Harvey so far hadn’t said anything but was still shielding Mike. Only when Jessica starred at him he backed to the side and allowed her to crouch down in front of the chair Mike sat in. She knew Harvey was protective over Mike and she knew why he was particularly protective over Mike now. Jessica had noticed the little tear running down his cheek when she had entered the room and his eyes were wide. He looked younger than usual and she guessed that Mike would like to have his paci now and hide from the world. It has also not gone unnoticed by her that Mike was looking a lot at Harvey, probably to see how his boss reacted and maybe looking for support. She wasn’t surprised. Donna had called her shortly after Harvey had left his office to help Mike and told her about an issue with Louis. She said Mike had done something stupid and Louis probably wanted to fire him. With all the issues the fraud had caused, Jessica wasn’t very fond of Mike but she had to admit he did a good job as an associate. When Donna elaborated on the cause of Louis rage she tensed. Mike’s behavior was not acceptable and she was relieved when Donna noted that Harvey already had had a stern conversation with Mike about the pacifier. Donna had also explained that the issues with Harvey and the lack of time to bond again probably put a strain on Mike. He had simply found it unlikely that anyone but Harvey would see it at a late hour in Harvey’s office.
If she wanted to gain Mike’s trust she guessed she would need to address Harvey’s little boy instead of Harvey’s associate right now. This was why she opted to crouch down in front of him, not scaring the boy any more than he already was by the situation by towering over him. “Hi Mike, I hear you used your paci at the firm.” Mike nodded, afraid to look Jessica in the eyes even if her voice was soft and warm. Louis was opening his mouth but Jessica raised her hand to silent him immediately. She didn’t need Louis to explain how she should talk to Mike or scare the associate even further. She couldn’t have Louis ruin the progress she was making by addressing Mike more child-like. “Mike, please look at me when I talk to you.” She demanded but still gently. Mike looked up hesitantly. His eyes were wide and fearful. She could still see the tear streak on Mike’s cheek. Poor little kid, Jessica thought. She was prone to stroke his cheek but refused as she didn’t want to give Mike the feeling he was cornered. Instead she figured she could assure him without being too close and touching him. “There he is.” Jessica smiled in response and Mike managed a weak smile. “Now I guess Harvey already told you that what you did was not a clever thing to do, right?” Mike nodded, his eyes big as he turned to Harvey who looked down at both of them - still tense but his hands weren’t balled up to fists anymore. “Okay. Do you still have your paci around somewhere in the firm?” Mike shook his head no. “Good. So you will not do it again and you will under no circumstances suck your thumb because you want your paci at the firm. Are we understood?” Jessica raised one of her index fingers warningly. Mike nodded again, this time more forcefully than before with big eyes. “Then I say this is resolved.” She said cheerfully, now giving into the urge to touch Mike on his upper arm and squeeze it a little bit, before getting up from her crouched position to look Harvey in the eyes. “Make sure that never happens again. Otherwise I’m afraid Louis is right.” She said stern but not unfriendly. “Yes, Jessica.” Harvey said behind gritted teeth. This had turned out better than he had expected. Still Harvey would have been happier if this conversation never had taken place in the first place. He figured he should get Mike out of Louis office as fast as possible. The partner surely didn’t like how this had turned out.
Mike relaxed a little. He hadn’t intended to re-do his mistake anyway. He probably got off easy. It could have been much worse. He was jolted out of his thoughts when he heard Harvey’s voice. “Come on, Mikey. We’re going” Harvey hoped that Louis wouldn’t realize the nickname and the overall soft voice he used. He knew it was risky to address Mike by this special nickname but he could sense that Mike needed the reassurance. After all Mike had responded very well to Jessica talking to his little side. As soon as they were out of the office Mike started bubbling. “I’m sorry Harvey. I just had to be open to him. He already knew” “I know. It’s alright. Don’t worry about it” Harvey had his hand on Mike’s lower back. There was no point in scolding Mike for being unprofessional in such a situation, at least not now. “How did Jessica know what was happening anyway?” Mike wondered out loud. “I bet Donna told her.” Harvey explained. “I thought she was nice” Mike said, sounding like a little kid talking about a stranger he had just met. Harvey didn’t respond. “He probably knows you’re my daddy now” Mike whispered. “Then so be it” Harvey had a hard time not taking Mike’s hand but this would only make things worse. “Come, let’s see if Donna has some candy for you and tell her thank you for getting Jessica.”
They didn’t notice that Louis was watching them from his office. He would need to keep an eye on these two. Louis didn’t turn away from the sight of them even when he noticed that Jessica had left his office and was standing next to him. “Why did you overrule me and why were you so nice to Mike? Did you know that he behaves like this?” Louis questioned, thinking about how intimate Jessica had seemed with Mike. “Louis I don’t need to justify my actions to you. But so you know sometimes carrots get you where you want to be way faster than the use of sticks.” Louis huffed at that. “I expect you to let this go. If I find out that Mike is getting bullied by someone because of this I know who I will have to turn to” Jessica threatened before going to her office.