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Please, tell me what I can do

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“Magnus I am so sorry. For everything you had to go through.” Alec was desperately searching for ideas on how to help Magnus. How to help the man he loves who is sitting in front of him looking like any loud noise could make him break.

“That agony rune...made me relieve memories I’ve spent centuries trying to forget.” said Magnus, his voice heavily coated in grief. Alec could hear the build up of tears behind his words.

He sat down next to Magnus. His movements were tentative and he wanted so bad to reach out and pull the man into his arms, but he didn’t know if the gesture would be welcome.
“Magnus tell me how to fix this.” Alec pleaded his lover. “Just tell me what to do. Please.”

Magnus looked at him slightly shaking his head as if to say there’s nothing you can do. But he looked in the younger man’s eyes and all he could see was honesty. He could see Alec was desperate to help. He just had no idea how he could.

Alec slid off the couch and kneeled in front of Magnus. “Can I-” he gestured towards him “Can I touch you?” he asked hesitantly and Magnus gave a slight nod.

“Please, Magnus.” he said, bringing their foreheads together “Please, tell me what you need.” Alec’s words chocked in his throat as tears threatened to fall. 

The raven haired boy brought each palm on either side of Magnus’ neck and leaned back to look the man in the eye “Do you want me to leave?” he asked, praying to Lilith he hadn’t screwed things up so thoroughly.

Magnus opened his mouth to protest, but Alec continued “Because I understand if you do. I mean I caused you so much suffering I can’t imagine how me being here could offer you any comfort. Unless you need help the place or I c-could make you tea or-” Magnus placed a finger on Alec’s lips to silence the young boy’s rambling.

Magnus looked at the man whose face was now streaked with tears. He was so afraid Magnus wouldn’t want anything to do with him now.

Alec closed his eyes as more tears fell down his long lashes. He let his hands drop to rest on Magnus’ thighs. “Please don’t hate me.” he whispered, his hands shaking against the man’s legs.

“I could never hate you, my dear Alexander.” said Magnus in a raspy voice, his own tears threatening to fall.

Alec opened his eyes to see Magnus and his carefully built walls crumbling as tears started to cascade down his face and his expression morphed into one of utter pain and despair.
Alec moved closer and suddenly Magnus was wrapped in the warmth of his lover’s arms. The feeling of safety finally allowing him to let go and feel the pain. To feel the grief from the resurfaced memories. To feel the hopelessness when Alec didn’t believe him. To feel and let go and after a very long time alone, lean on somebody and let them take some of the burden.

Magnus relaxed into Alec and let his angle take his weight. They stayed like that for a while. After some time Alec’s knees began to hurt, but the boy was prepared to stay like that forever if it meant Magnus would never feel that kind of pain again.

Magnus’ body started to become heavier as he slowly slipped in and out of unconsciousness. Alec slowly stood up and gathered the warlock in his arms and carried him to the bedroom where he gently laid him on the bed. He removed Magnus’ shoes and jacket and then sat down on the bed next to his love.

“Do you need me to help you get undressed?” he asked, but Magnus snapped his fingers lazily and he was left in his boxers. And as brief as that moment of coherency was, Magnus was again falling asleep.

Alec tentatively leaned forward and lightly tapped the man’s cheek. Magnus opened his eyes lethargically.

“Do you-” Alec’s voice was shaking as he spoke “Do you want me to leave?” he asked as a new tear fell. His chin was trembling as he tried to keep rest of the tears at bay, waiting for Magnus’ rejection.

Magnus, for the first time in 24 hours smiled softly through his own tears as he lifted one hand up to Alec’s cheek. “I would very much love it if you stayed, Alexander.” he spoke gently.

Alec sighed in relief and rested his head on Magnus’ chest for a second.

He then stood up and undressed himself down to his boxers. He climbed into bed and pulled Magnus into him. They wrapped their hands around each other and held on tightly, neither ever wanting to let go.

Alec pressed his face into Magnus’ soft hair and whispered “I love you. So much. I could not imagine my life without you. I swear I will do everything in my power to protect you and if the clave has a problem with you after this whole Valentine thing they can go to hell.”

“Alexander-” came Magnus’ short protest

“No. I mean it. I will take you as far away as possible from them if need be. I will never let anything happen to you again.” he said, kissing the warlock’s head.

He pulled back to look Magnus in the eyes to see the man looking at him with fondness. “I almost lost you, Magnus.” Alec’s touch on Magnus’ cheek was so gentle it brought new tears to his eyes.

Alec pushed the hair out of his eyes to reveal shining cat eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “You listen to me, Magnus Bane. I love you. I love you more than anyone else on this planet and your safety will always be my first priority.”

He moved forward and placed a soft kiss on Magnus’ forehead “Aku Cinta Kamu” he whispered softly as Magnus let out a soft sob in surprise.

He raised his head and gently placed his mouth on Alec’s. The kiss was feather-light, but conveyed all the love between the two.
“I love you too, Alexander.” said Magnus, his voice filled with affection.

He snuggled back under Alec’s chin and finally let sleep overtake him. Alec buried his face in Magnus’ black head of hair and breath in his scent. He soon followed Magnus to the world of sleep, knowing the love of his life was safely in his arms.

I am by no means a writer, but I had a lot of feelings left over from the episode and well... here you go.