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The Epic Limerick from Heck: pilot part 2

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The Epic Limerick from Heck: pilot part 2

The Epic Limerick from Heck: pilot part 2


by Melanie Mitchell

Disclaimer: Paul Haggis wrote it, I just limericized it.


Nantukos, the muse, how I hate her!
She's quite an annoying persuader.
I once had some fun,
rhymed the pilot, part one,
Now the second half's done, twelve years later.



The Superman Song set the mood;
That Clark's one quite remarkable dude.
But Ben's just as odd,
they're two peas in a pod,
'cept his Fortress has no Solitude.

Bob's journal helped Ben reminisce,
Ray found him, and stopped to insist:
"Got no family? Let's go
home to chez Vecchio.
You'll find out just what you have missed."

It's chaos and noise 'round the table,
Just try to relax, if you're able.
All the insults and flirting,
are quite disconcerting;
I'm not sure this clan is quite stable.

No time for polenta! Must fly!
They've got a new lead on their guy.
Drake once had a wife,
and he threatened her life,
she might want to see her ex fry.

Ben tried a persuasive technique,
making Ray lose his cool (so to speak).
"Don't put that in your mouth!
Oh, wait -- this is Due South.
You'll do weird stuff like that every week."

She gave them ex-hubby's address,
but it turns out, 'twas under duress.
A trap! Detonation,
then defenestration.
Now Ben must let Ray convalesce.

Gerard's back! And boy, is he pissed.
He gave Fraser a "Cease and Desist."
Next: a high-speed montage
racing through the garage.
Drake shot by Gerard! (Nice plot twist.)

Drake's death won't stop Ben's cogitation.
The Indian gave information:
"At night, it's an ocean
of death in slow motion
for our way of life. Devastation."

Gerard said, "The dam's got a glitch.
We knew, but we sure wouldn't snitch.
Now listen here, sonny,
your Dad took the money."
"You killed him, you son of a bitch!"

"Bob's only got his reputation,"
said Gerard. "Tell? It's his ruination."
Ben stood there, in shock,
twenty ticks on the clock;
Villain saved by a son's hesitation.

At the cabin, Ben stoked up the fire,
Bob's keepsakes would serve to inspire.
Caribou on the desk
makes a warning grotesque--
so much for their short-lived cease-fire.

Ray's arrival was quite the surprise,
though traveling hurt wasn't wise.
He had solved the case, too,
now he just wants the loo,
and to drop off some "legal" supplies.

While feeding the team in the shed,
Ben noticed the first signs of dread.
He hid 'neath the jeep
while Dief handled the creep.
It's time to go. Hitch up the sled!

At the cabin it's more like a war,
a dozen machine guns or more.
A trap that was made
from an antique grenade
let Ray crawl out Fraser's back door.

Those huskies can move pretty quick,
but escaping took every trick.
All but two bad guys done,
Fraser led away one
while Ray got his man with a stick.

The last gunman's fast on the ice,
but Fraser's got Daddy's advice.
"Lead him up to the rim,
but don't follow him in!"
The bad guy was dead in a trice.

Oh, wait! Gerard has to be near.
But Ben won't show one trace of fear.
The Indian took aim,
shot Gerard like some game.
"My mistake, I thought he was a deer."

Ray said, "We took out seven guys!
Just one more, and you're naturalized."
"Let's get Dief to the vet,
leave Gerard cold and wet,
The sled's small, so we prioritize."

"You know, Ben, it's really not fair.
There's resentment. I'm sure you're aware
you're not wanted up here.
You should just disappear.
But Chicago still wants you; go there."

There's a consulate door to defend.
And here's Ray, to consult with his friend.
Then a scruffy young fellow
walked up, and said, "Hello.
Here's the hundred he leant me." The End.


 


End The Epic Limerick from Heck: pilot part 2 by Melanie Mitchell

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