You and me are like drugs and candy
And I don't wanna give it up
- Drugs and Candy by All Time Low
Barry knew that he really shouldn't when he shut off his communicators. It was just him and Lenoard Snart. His supposedly enemy was not moving, just smirking at him and it unnerved Barry to no end. He took the hood of his Flash suit off and ran his hand through his hair.
“I didn't think I would see you tonight,” he finally said with a huff.
His insides were in knots whenever he saw Len.
Every single inch of his skin burned where the other touched him.
He knew that this was bad for him, he knew that this was bound to hurt him someday but for the moment, he didn't care. Because Len looked so beautiful leaning casually against the wall. Barry gave him a once over and noticed the black skinny jeans he loved so much. The black boots and leather jacket fit Len perfectly and he couldn't wait to rip them off his body.
“Took you long enough, kid,” Len said, still smirking.
“I was wondering if you wouldn't show up today.”
“I always do, don't I?” Barry mumbled.
He didn't really know what they were doing. Was this foreplay? Banter? Flirting? It didn't feel like flirting. Whenever he looked at Len, he felt hot all over and impossibly sad at the same time. Like his subconscious already knew that this wouldn't end well. He knew he should run as fast as he could from Len. Hide, if possible. Try to get him out of his head. But whenever he closed his eyes, there he was again. Like a nightmare, haunting Barry. Just so, so attractive.
“Yeah, you do,” Len mumbled and pushed himself off the wall. He slowly made his way over to where Barry stood in the completely empty warehouse. Barry tried very hard to keep from vibrating with anticipation. He knew what was coming, he knew that Len would -
Len stopped in front of him, just looking at him and Barry was confused. Normally, he would be pressed against a wall right now, trying to breathe while kissing Captain Cold. As if his enemies mouth was his lifeline. The only thing to make him stay afloat.
Len slowly raised his hand and brushed a strand of hair out of Barry's face.
“Thank you for always coming,” he whispered and kissed Barry softly. They had never shared a kiss like this before. They had never had anything remotely tender between them. It was always quick movements and wild expressions, but never this.
Barry's mouth felt dry and he didn't know what to say.
“Are you going somewhere?” he asked finally because that would be one of the very few explanations as to why Len acted so weirdly.
“Are you sick? I bet Caitlin could help you, if you just...”
“I'm not sick, Barry.”
He looked at Len with his big, innocent eyes, searching his face for an answer.
Len just shrugged and took a step back.
Silence stretched out between them and Barry didn't dare to move. Somehow, this felt like good bye. Was Len ending their little... fling, or whatever he called it? Barry didn't think that he could bear something like that. Len was his drug. He couldn't get him out of his head, no matter what he did, no matter what he tried to do. He was always there. Barry had tried ice-skating. All it took for him was feel the cold surrounding him and he was thinking of Len's body moving so perfectly against his. He went to shopping malls and stopped in front of the shop windows that sold the exact kind of skinny jeans Len wore. He went for coffee with Iris and everyone suddenly looked like Len, to the point that Iris left after telling him off for not listening to her.
Barry knew that Len was his one weakness. He knew that this was more to him than just a fling and that Len was able to crush him. To break his heart. To leave him hanging, absolutely destroyed. But Barry had decided that it was a risk worth taking.
It had first started when the two of them had worked together to bring a meta-human in. What happened was that Barry had been almost killed in the process and Len had saved him. Had taken him to his flat and had waited until Barry's healing kicked in. Had made him breakfast. Coffee. The first time they had kissed, they had kissed against the kitchen counter. Desperate and hanging on for dear life. Barry would always remember how Len's shirt had felt underneath his hands and how the other man's lips had moved against his for the very first time.
“I can't let you go,” Barry blurted suddenly.
Len's eyes widened.
“I told you, I'm not going anywhere.”
“Why do I have a feeling that you are going to end this? Us?”
Len shook his head and sighed.
Len started to look a little bit annoyed.
“Will you just let me talk?”
“I don't want to give this up. I don't want to give you up. Please don't do this.”
Len looked at him silently.
“I am not good for you.”
“I am a grown up man, Leonard. I can decide for myself who is and isn't good for me.”
In all honesty, Barry knew this. He didn't know where the fight inside him was coming from. He just knew that he needed Len in his life. Even if it was just a fling to the other man. Even if there were problems they never talked about. Problems concerning the Flash and Captain Cold. They hadn't told anyone because how could they? Joe would freak out. Iris would be incredibly disappointed and Barry had a feeling that Oliver would 'accidentally' hit him with an arrow but the longer he looked at the other man, the stronger his feelings for him became.
“You're a kid. And you are way to good for this world. And you cannot be happy with the situation we are currently in.”
“Is there someone else? Is that it? Do you need out of this situation for another person?”
Len shook his head sadly.
“Noone else, Barry. Just you.”
“If there is just me. Then let's go to your place.”
“We can't do that. Listen, don't make this so difficult for me, will you? I am trying to do the right thing here.”
“I want you to do the wrong thing,” Barry said hastily and took a step forward in Len's direction.
“Barry...” Len sounded pained as he squeezed his eyes shut.
“Tell me. Tell me the real reason why you decided to leave me. Tell me.”
“I love you.”
Something in Barry broke. Or all of it broke. Barry broke. He didn't know. All he did know was that Len looked straight at him. Had looked straight at him while saying the three words that Barry was absolutely certain he would never hear. And now he had. From Captain Cold.
“Do I really have to repeat it?”
Barry considered Len, took in his features, the earnestness in his eyes and the slight tremble of his lips.
“If you love me,” Barry started, “come over here and kiss me.”
“Leonard. Get your ass over here and kiss me.”
A few seconds ticked by. Barry didn't know how many. Len probably did. He always knew. Suddenly, he started to move into Barry's direction. He cupped Barry's face with both of his hands and leaned in, before Barry whispered:
“Show you what?”
“That you love me.”
Barry saw Len's eyes searching his, before he leaned in all the way and softly pressed his lips to Barry's. The kiss was even more sweet and tender than the last one and Barry's hands started to shake. He buried them in Len's leather jacket, gripping it tightly, not wanting to let Len go.
When they parted, Barry felt slightly lightheaded.
“I love you, too.”
He just blurted it out. He didn't care about anything anymore. It was him and Len. Alone in this world. And Barry would never be ready to give this up.