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I Want It All

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“I’m home.”

The apartment Kaoru shares with his unit leader is dark, heavy curtains pulled shut on all the windows. It’s no surprise to Kaoru; he’s used to coming home to a quiet apartment. The fact that Rei kept up the whole ‘vampire’ thing, even when they’re alone together, is a little strange, but Kaoru finds he doesn’t mind it all that much.

Kaoru pulls the curtains open in the kitchen, letting light flood the small area. He opens the fridge, grabbing a sports drink. It’s pretty warm outside today, and it’s only on days that reach the 30 and above degree mark he regrets letting himself get drafted into a unit that wears so much black. From the direction of Rei’s bedroom, he hears the coffin Rei insisted on dragging up to their 5th floor apartment creak open, and Kaoru leans against the counter. Rei trudges into the kitchen and Kaoru smiles at him. “Hey, Sakuma-san. You sleep alright?”

Rei yawns, stretching. “Well enough,” Rei says, eyeing the drink in Kaoru’s hand. “Did everything go okay?”

Kaoru catches Rei’s stare and goes for the fridge, grabbing another sports drink and placing it into Rei’s hands. “Yeah, it was fine.”

Rei opens the drink, and Kaoru finds himself staring at Rei’s throat as he swallows the liquid. Rei looks at him after he’s drank, raising an eyebrow and Kaoru is almost embarrassed to have been caught staring. It’s not weird though, right? They’re roommates, it’s probably fine.

“Thank you for the drink, Kaoru-kun. You’re so kind to this old man I could kiss you~”

“Uh...no problem?”

With that, Rei heads back to his room, leaving a confused Kaoru in his wake.

----

The energy after they’ve finished a live is just as exhilarating as it’s always been, and Kaoru can’t get the grin off of his face when they make it backstage. Kaoru glances back at Rei, and he looks way more energetic than usual. Rei can’t help but smile back at the grin Kaoru gives him, ever full of sunshine. This really is what we were meant to do, he thinks, and follows Kaoru all the way back to their dressing room.

Kaoru’s rambling on about the show, but Rei isn’t paying very much attention, his mind still on the absolute beauty of his partner, of Kaoru, wearing a grin like he hasn’t ever seen before. That’s pretty gay, Rei’s mind supplies. Rei’s never doubted that, he supposes.

“Sakuma-san? What’d you think?”

Rei realizes that Kaoru is addressing him directly, and seems to be waiting on some form of response from him. “I’m sorry, Kaoru-kun, I was lost in thought, as old men like me do. What were you wanting?”

Kaoru laughs, and the way it reverberates off of the walls of their small dressing room stays in Rei’s mind. “It’s okay, Sakuma-san. But you should really stop calling yourself old, you know.”

Rei watches as Kaoru starts to strip his costume off. He’s never been particularly shy about it, but Rei suddenly feels shy looking at him. Probably has something to do with the pretty gay thoughts roaming around his mind. “You’re a good boy for continuing to take care of an old man like me, Kaoru-kun.”

Kaoru hesitates, and Rei doesn’t miss the way he swallows before he speaks again. How strange. The hesitation on Kaoru’s face is gone in a flash, and Kaoru returns to the cheerful look he had moments ago. “Ah, so you don’t just keep me around for my good looks, then.”

Rei could almost swear, watching Kaoru, the way he leans in a little when he says it, the tone to his voice that Kaoru is almost...flirting with him? You’re a man, his brain supplies him, in a voice that suspiciously sounds like Kaoru. He’s definitely not flirting.

“Your pretty singing voice helps~” Rei says back, and Kaoru laughs it off, a seemingly normal response. Right. Not flirting. Rei goes back to not staring at Kaoru undressing 6 feet away from him.

---

They’ve been busy, the more their popularity rises, and between all the interviews and radio shows and lives it seems like they haven’t had any time to rest. So on a rare day that both of them have off, Kaoru suggests they watch a movie together.

Kaoru pops the dvd in and returns to the couch next to Rei, who is huddled under a blanket. Kaoru glances over at him. “I can turn up the heater if you need me to?”

Rei shakes his head. “I’m always cold,” Rei says. “Poor circulation.”

The look on his face says that he’s just told the funniest joke in the world, and back when they were in high school, Kaoru probably would have rolled his eyes, but something about it makes him laugh uncontrollably. Maybe it’s the stress built up from how busy they’ve been, or Kaoru slowly coming to the realization, upon living with his best friend for several months now, that he’s not quite as straight as he originally thought, but once Kaoru starts laughing he can’t stop, until he clutching at his sides.

Rei stares at him like he’s grown another head, and then possibly also another head on that head. “S-Sorry, Sakuma-san,” Kaoru chokes out, once his laughter dies down. “I don’t know why that was so funny.”

Rei’s expression is unreadable, but he breaks into a smile. “You’re a good boy, laughing at all my jokes. I’m very lucky.”

Rei’s smile reminds Kaoru why his merchandise is always so hard to find (not that he’d been looking, he was just curious), and his heart skips a beat. Okay so that’s at least the gayest thought he’s had...well, in the last few hours. His thoughts tend to turn to Rei a lot these days.

Kaoru has a hard time focusing on the rest of the movie.

----

It’s a Bad Day.

Nothing has gone right for Rei, from the photoshoot earlier being rescheduled due to a sudden weather change, an argument with their manager over something small, and Rei not being able to sleep because of the lady who moved in next door owning a very vocal dog. He’d snapped at Kaoru earlier, and because he’s bad at dealing with things, he retreated to his coffin to sulk alone.

It’s a couple of hours later when he hears Kaoru knock on the coffin lid. “Hey, Sakuma-san? You in there?”

Rei considers ignoring him, but knows he’s going to have to face it and apologize eventually, and he opens the lid, sitting up.

“Hey, so you are alive. I brought you something.”

Kaoru hands him a bag, and inside is Rei’s favorite donuts from his favorite shop. Rei can feel his eyes welling up with tears, because really, what has he done to deserve someone so perfect, and he wipes them away with the sleeve of his sweater.

“Oh,” is all Kaoru says before he’s climbing into Rei’s coffin with him. It’s kind of a mess of trying to figure out limbs at first but eventually they get situated comfortably next to each other. “I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

Rei shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Kaoru-kun. I didn’t mean to yell at--”

Kaoru cuts him off with a wave of his hand. “Stress sucks. You’ve seen me stress cry way to much to apologize for that.”

Rei opens the box of donuts, offering one to Kaoru. Kaoru takes it, and they sit in silence for a moment, both quietly eating donuts in Rei’s coffin. It could be worse, Rei thinks.

“Do you want to cuddle?”

Rei whips his head over to look at Kaoru. “I’m sorry?”

Kaoru backtracks faster than he’s ever seen. “That was weird, I’m sorry, it just seemed like maybe you could use something to help you out? It’s suuu~per weird that I’m suggesting it, I know, so I probably should have just not--”

“Yes,” Rei cuts off Kaoru’s frantic rambling.

“Oh. Okay. Uh. Cool.” Now Kaoru is the one who looks like he’s gonna pull his hair out from stress, and Rei sets the box of donuts down outside of the coffin and tugs Kaoru down to lay with him.

Kaoru finds it easier than he thought to snuggle up with Rei, and maybe it’s just the quiet comfort they’ve found in each other as of late, but it doesn’t take long for both of them to fall asleep.

---

Secrets, as it turns out, are hard to keep from someone you spend 90% of your time with, Kaoru finds out.

After their cuddling session, Kaoru has been distancing himself from Rei, too afraid that his weird suggestion might get read as something more (even though it is something more). It hasn’t gone unnoticed, as Rei wonders if Kaoru is only distancing himself because of something Rei has done.

“Kaoru-kun,” Rei says one night after Kaoru makes them dinner, because he can escape to his room as he’s been prone to do lately. “Is everything alright?”

Kaoru pales immediately. Has Rei caught on to the fact that Kaoru is completely and totally in love with him, and this is some sort of intervention of ‘No, Kaoru, you cannot date your partner, you should give up on love forever and die lonely’.

It’s probably too over dramatic, but Kaoru has lived on that most of his life. “Everything’s fine, Sakuma-san,” Kaoru says, putting on a smile he hopes looks at least somewhat genuine.

“Good,” Rei says slowly, even if the look on his face says he doesn’t believe him. “I...have something to ask of you.”

“Sure, anything.”

“I’d like to sleep in your room tonight.”

Kaoru drops his chopsticks on the floor, fumbling around for them as he tries to process what Rei has just said to him. Sleep? Room? With him? Sleep with him? Oh god.

“I thought the last cuddling session was good for both of us,” Rei continues, talking as if he’s done analytical research on the effects of cuddling. “What do you think?”

Kaoru can feel a blush rising to his cheeks but he fights it down. “Sure. Sounds good. Sounds...good.”

When they both settle down for the night, Kaoru remembers why this was a mistake.

Even trying to push away his feelings, distancing himself from Rei as much as possible, has only culminated in Kaoru’s thoughts being even more about Rei, meaning now about 99% of his time is devoted to thoughts of Rei.

Rei scoots in closer, and having Rei right next to him like this, feeling his warmth and smelling the shampoo in his hair only triples thoughts about Rei.

“Thank you, Kaoru-kun,” Rei says, muffled a little from just how damn close Rei is.

This isn’t going to work. Something has to be done.

“I’m in love with you.”

Shit. That isn’t what he meant by something at all.

Rei pulls back, looking at Kaoru with quite possibly the most shocked look he’s ever seen.

“I’m sorry,” Kaoru immediately blurts out, scrambling to get away from Rei. “I know it’s weird, and we’re professionals, and just forget I ever said--”

“Kaoru-kun.”

“I mean I can move out for awhile, it’s no problem, we should probably live in separate apartments any--”

“Kaoru-kun. Be quiet.” Rei says, and Kaoru’s mouth snaps shut. Rei grabs onto his arm, not letting him move away.

“Sakuma-san, I said I was sorry, so please just--”

“Kaoru-kun,” Rei interrupts, and there’s a hint of a chuckle in his voice. Is...he laughing at Kaoru? Oh. This is even worse than Kaoru expected.

“We’re both idiots,” Rei says, and he leans forward, pressing his lips against Kaoru’s.

Kaoru is frozen for a good few seconds, even though it feels like eternity has passed when he finally realizes yes! Rei is kissing you, this is what you’ve dreamed about!!

He presses into the kiss, moving his lips against Rei’s. They stay like that for a few good, long moments before they pull away from each other.

Rei’s hand comes up to cup Kaoru’s face, a tender touch. “Kaoru-kun...is that why you were avoiding me?”

Kaoru’s face erupts in a blush, and he’s so cute Rei wants to kiss him again. In time.

“I thought...you would think I was messing with you.”

Rei chuckles, rubbing his thumb over Kaoru’s cheek, tracing the blush. He’s so glad he can do this now, and hopefully forever. “You do talk about girls a lot. I thought you were straight.”

Kaoru pouts. “You’re the only guy I’ve ever been attracted to, how was I supposed to know I wasn’t straight?”

Rei laughs at that, and Kaoru is so enamored with Rei’s laugh he almost forgets he wanted to kiss him again. Almost.

Kaoru leans forward, pressing their lips together again and allowing his hand to find Rei’s, squeezing it gently as they kiss. Kaoru loses track of the time in Rei’s mouth, their lips finding each other over and over again as they lay together. Rei is grateful that Kaoru is a good kisser, not too sloppy but not boring, their hands wandering over each other as they explore each other for the first time.

They’re both panting this time when their lips leave each other, and Kaoru’s expression when they pull back, flushed and kiss-swollen lips parted, make Rei want to keep Kaoru right there next to him for the rest of eternity.

Kaoru pouts suddenly, and Rei can’t resist leaning forward to peck Kaoru’s lips once, twice, before Kaoru squirms away. Rei blinks in confusion.

“I told you my feelings, Sakuma-san.”

Rei’s look of confusion melts into a gentle smile, and it’s Kaoru this time that can’t resist kissing him. Rei is glad that Kaoru likes kissing so much, because Rei also loves kissing and he hopes they get a lot of time to do so in the future. Forever, possibly.

“Kaoru-kun, you’re too cute.”

Kaoru pouts again, and Rei pecks his cheek this time. “I love you too, Kaoru-kun.”

The grin that breaks out on Kaoru’s face upon hearing those words is the most precious thing Rei has ever seen. He files it away in his memory to tell Kaoru that as much as possible if that’s the look he receives in return.

Kaoru tugs Rei over until Rei is nearly laying on top of him. “Can we go back to kissing now? Sakuma-san is a really good kisser.”

Rei kisses Kaoru again, chuckling against his lips. “Kaoru-kun is also good at kissing. How will we ever stop?”

It takes a full minute for Kaoru to reply, too lost in moving his lips against Rei’s, running his hands down Rei’s back and settling on resting on Rei’s lower back.

“We’ll just have to kiss forever then, I guess,” Kaoru says, and presses their lips together again.