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How To Lose Your Virginity: Socially Stunted Ranger Edition

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Plan A:

Step 1: Wear his clothing.

Step 2: Wear his clothing while teasing the shit out of him.

Step 3: Give him back-rubs, wearing his clothing, and rubbing yourself all over him.

Step 4: Move the back-rubs to his territory/bedroom.

Step 5: Lock the door to said territory to ensure privacy.

Step 6: Sit on his lap while rubbing his shoulders/neck.

Step 7: Move to straddle his ass while rubbing the tension out of his shoulders so he’s nice and relaxed. Hope he doesn’t fall asleep because of his insomnia.

Step 8: Take his shirt off (if he hasn’t already. If he has, go for his pants)

Step 9: Get the cream the Russians got for his scars, and pay attention to them. Because ow, but he survived. Kiss him silly.

Step 10: Get to the sex.

Step 11: Curse as you remember you forgot the lube. Remember the cream. No, bad idea, cream is absorbed into the skin.

Step 12: Vaseline is an acceptable substitute when desperate.

Step 13: Want to cry as someone knocks on the door.

Step 14: Tell em to fuck off, you’re about to get fucked.

Step 15: Curse when Marshall Pentecost answers.

Step 16: Ask him to KINDLY fuck off. Sir.

Step 17: Realize the mood is gone when Raleigh falls off the bed from laughing. Feels it was a good day anyways, as any day Raleigh is laughing is a good day. Even if he didn’t get laid. Again. Damnit.

Step 18: Try again later, hopefully with better results.

Plan C:

Step 1: Recruit Moira and Mako into keeping everyone otherwise occupied, to ensure the plan is successful.

Step 2: Remember to bring the lube this time.

Step 3: And condoms. Just in case.

Step 4: And to lock the door again.

Step 5: Find sound proof room if possible. Realize there are none that are available. Start debating how, exactly, to sound proof Raleigh’s room.

Step 6: Egg cartons. All over the walls.

Step 7: Realize that is the most unsexy setting ever. Revise plan.

Step 8: Dammit getting sex should NOT be this difficult!

Step 9: Fuck it. We’re getting a hotel room.

Step 10: Shit. Paparazzi.

Step 11: Figure out a Plan E… Or would it be Plan H now?

Plan M:

Step 1-8: Lost during maneuvers.

Step 9: Reviews are in - Sex in the shower is amazingly hot (literally). Hard as hell, pardon the pun, but hot. It sucks when the hot water goes off right before you do though.

Step 10: Sliiiide to the left. To the next showerhead.

Step 11: Realize the water for that shower head comes from the same boiler. Shit. Turn water off and go go go.

Step 12: Finally had sex.

Congratulations, no longer a virgin!