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Didn't See That Coming

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The Avengers were a group of talented, enhanced people, and gods. Their leader Steve Rogers, the two spies Natasha Romanov and Clint Barton, the assassin James Barnes, their consultant and engineer Tony Stark, their doctor and rage monster Bruce Banner, their air support Same Wilson, and their two gods Thor and Loki Odinson. They fought the evil that threatened Midgard but when they weren’t fighting to protect the world they were at home either being normal people or causing some form of mayhem that annoyed their fellow avengers.

Today was one of those days that was filled with mayhem not caused by the super villain of the week. Clint was hiding in the vents as Natasha was on a murder path for his latest prank which she had been the target of. Loki was sitting in the living room meditating with Bruce Banner while Bucky was throwing his knives at the nearby target he’d set up, Steve was in the kitchen baking, and Thor was sampling everything he made.

“Where is he?” She growled as she entered the room where the others were gathered.

“Where is who?” Loki asked with a sigh because he could hardly meditate with all the noise.

“Clint, that asshole set up one of his pranks in my room.”

“He’s probably in the vents again.” Bucky said as he threw another knife perfectly hitting his target.

“Natasha I know his pranks are a bit much sometimes but can you please not try to kill him?” Steve asked taking his latest batch of muffins out of the oven and their scent caught Thor’s attention as his eyes locked onto the baked goods.

“Nonsense, the Lady Natasha is entitled to her vengeance.” Thor said reaching for the still hot muffins but clearly not worrying about burning himself. He did grow up alongside the god of fire so it made sense.

“You know what would make you feel better? Beating someone up, I volunteer Loki.” Bucky said earning a cold look from the god.

“Oh really? Are you certain this is a fight you wish for little metal man?”

Bucky grinned showing he wouldn’t mind a fight.

“I say we have a competition!” Clint cheered dropping from a nearby vent and barely dodging the widow bite.

“Hold still asshole.” She snarled chasing the ever tricky archer.

“What kind of competition?” Loki asked curious.

“Well we’re all ridiculously good at most of the shit we do together but we each have our own talents in a fight. I say we have a competition seeing as we have no villains or missions today. We’ll each try to fight using the methods of the other teammates. The one who can succeed with the most fighting styles of their teammates wins the pot!” Clint said grinning and the only reason he didn’t get punched in the face was because Natasha was interested in the wager.

“Pot?” Bruce asked.

“Yeah we’ll all bet.” Clint grinned even more clearly eager to try.

“You do realize I use magic and Thor’s hammer can only be wielded by one who is worthy correct?” Loki asked in a tone that said he was hesitant but interested.

“I know but it’s worth a shot. I mean we’ll look like idiots trying to use magic but hey maybe one of us will get lucky and be able to pick up Thor’s hammer.”

“It is not luck which allows me to wield my hammer friend Clint but this competition interests me.”

“It would give us good practice to fight outside our comfort zone. So it would be using strength, widow bites, daggers, bow, guns, magic, the falcon gear, and Thor’s hammer?”

“And the iron man suit. Tony’s joining in; he just doesn’t know it yet.”

“He’s been spending most of his time in the workshop; it would be good for him to get out for a while. JARVIS can you tell Tony to join us in the gym with the iron man suit?”

“Of course Captain Rogers.” The AI replied.

They headed to the gym with their gear ready to try Clint’s suggestion. They laid the gear out on the nearby table and waited for Tony who arrived a few minutes after them. Hearing the idea Tony smiled.

“Sure why not, sounds like fun. You know my suit doesn’t fit anyone else but me right?”

“I can use my magic to fix that.” Loki offered.

“Alright then. Who’s going first?” Tony asked as he exited the suit and left it by the table of weapons.

“My idea I get to go first!” Clint said excitedly as he tried to pick up Thor’s hammer and failed.

Next he picked up Bucky’s knives.

“Alright bring it on bitches.”

Tony had small robot targets for practice when they wanted to train. Clint did alright with the knives but he wasn’t use to them like he was the bow so he ended up being knocked over being up close and personal. The widow bites were much the same as Clint tried to jump on one of the bots to shock it with the bites and failed as he was flung off.

“Want to try your hand at magic now?” Loki asked as he laughed at the archer who was rubbing his lower back.

“Yeah no thanks, I’m not going to look stupid just for you asshole.”

Next was using just strength but he wasn’t use to just fighting with his fists and failed in managing to overcome the bots. The falcon gear he ended up crashing fairly quickly and the iron man suit he ended up blasting into the ceiling and JARVIS had to take command to bring him down safely. Guns he could use nearly as well as his bow which was to be expected of the Shield agent.

They decided on a point system to decide the winner. One point was a complete failure of whatever task they tried. Five points was success and three was for neither a failure nor success. Clint got twenty three points. Sam failed with daggers widow bites, bow, magic, iron man suit, and the hammer. He was good with his own gear and guns while could manage with strength but it wasn’t a success. Clint was giving him a hard time for his score of nineteen.

Next up was Natasha. Her failures were the iron man suit, magic, bow and Thor’s hammer. She succeeded with strength, daggers, guns while she managed with the falcon gear. Her score was twenty seven and had Sam sticking his tongue out at Clint.

Steve decided to go next and of course like the others failed with the iron man suit and magic. He managed to slightly move the hammer which had Clint making a joke of course Captain America could slightly move the hammer. He succeeded with guns and strength but he failed with the bow and falcon gear but managed with the daggers and widow bites. His score was twenty three.

Bucky decided to go next failing with magic, Clint’s bow, the hammer, and the iron man suit. He managed with the falcon gear and he succeeded with daggers, strength, widow bites, and guns which no surprise there and got a score of twenty seven. He and Natasha were tied so far and Clint was totally betting that the two were be in the lead with the tie.

Next Thor tried and of course lifted his hammer no problem. He couldn’t figure out the iron man suit at all, and he failed with the widow bites, falcon gear, guns, and bow. He excelled with strength and partly managed with magic and daggers. Loki had seemed impressed with the little he could do with magic and it was enough not to count as a failure. He received a score of twenty one points which had Clint cheering because he beat a god. Thor looked like someone just kicked his puppy and Loki swore to avenge him not because he actually wanted to but it stopped Thor’s killer puppy eyes of doom.

Loki did better than his brother as he succeeded with magic, daggers, guns, widow bites, and strength. He failed with Thor’s hammer but he managed with the falcon gear, bow, and was able to get off the ground with the iron man armor without ended up slammed into the ceiling. His score was the highest at thirty five.

Bruce wasn’t joining in so that left Tony. Clint laughed as Tony headed to the table with the gear.

“Anyone want to take bets that Stark gets the lowest score out of everyone? He’s only going to be able to use the iron man suit.”

Natasha smirked.

“I’ll take that bet.”

“Sorry Stark but I’m with them. I mean without the suit you’re just a civilian.” Sam agreed.

“I don’t want to make it sound like we’re all against you on this but…” Steve was rubbing his neck uneasy.

Tony had frozen in place on his way to the table.

“Would any of you bet I can do more than pilot the iron man armor?” He asked his voice steady but there was a hint of something within it.

“I would wager you can do more than use the armor.” Loki said sounding interested in the additional wager.

“I don’t know you well enough so just for the hell of it yeah. Kick everyone’s ass Tony.” Bucky said grinning because he was fine betting on the underdog.

“I fear I am with most of the others my friend. Perhaps with practice you can be more on the level of the rest of us.” Thor said trying to reassure his friend.

Tony moved the rest of the way to the table and instead of grabbing anything he sat down next to the hammer.

“What do you think Mjolnir? It’s been a few days since I’ve trained but I’m thinking training level chaos. What do you think?”

To everyone’s surprise Mjolnir began to spark.

“Well you heard him J, bring in what we need while I get ready.”

Several people’s jaws dropped at the sight of Tony’s muscle when he removed his shirt to reveal the sleeveless shirt underneath that hugged his well-toned upper half. He strapped the guns to him and placed the daggers within his belt as well as put on the widow bits with experienced ease. Whatever chaos level training was it involved a lot more bots than what were there for the rest of them.

“Ready when you are Sir.” JARVIS told him as he picked up the bow.

“Get it started then J you know I’m a very busy man.” Tony said with a smirk as one of the bots flew at him and the others began moving wildly each ready to strike or distract Tony.

He back flipped over the bot drawing an arrow so fast it was a shock he managed to hit the bot as he notched the arrow and fired as he landed behind the bot and within seconds drew a dagger and slammed it into the next bot that came at him. His moves were as graceful as a dancer and his body moved in a way none of them had ever expected of the genius. When he gave up on the bow three arrows later he was even careful as he discarded the bow. When he drew the guns he fired hitting each target without wasting a bullet. When he used the widow bites it was matched with a move exactly like Widow’s as he climbed the bot skillfully and pressed the bites into the bot’s neck before flipping off the useless bot and slammed his fists into a nearby bot making it crash before he drew another dagger to finish the bot off. While the swarm of bots moved he carefully avoided them as he danced and flipped his way back to the table landed gracefully on it as he put on the falcon pack before he picked up Thor’s hammer with ease and took to the air and struck several bots. When he threw the hammer to hit a bot it left him open as he hung in the air but when the bots came at him he was surrounded by a protective red shield that was clearly magic as he called Mjolnir back and finished off the remaining bots with thunder he called before he landed again.

He returned to the table after picking up the discarded bow and placed all the equipment back on the table and patted Mjolnir who sparked happily at the attention.

“Thanks Mjolnir, you’re pretty awesome.”

When he turned back to the others each was staring wide eyed with their jaws practically on the ground.

“You all know already I can use the iron man suit so I’m not even going to show that skill off. Plus I’m out of targets.”

“H-how?” Natasha asked finding her voice but still in shock.

“How did I use all the weapons I’ve either made or worked on personally? I’m glad you asked Nat. I don’t make anything I can’t use and I make only the best. In order to do that I have to use it to see how it will work when we fight so I can test their durability and effectiveness. As for my strength I made my suits myself, it builds muscle. As for how I move I train regularly because if my suit fails me I’m a liability to you all in the field and I won’t be responsible for someone else dying. As for the magic again I don’t work on anything that isn’t the best and I don’t make anything I can’t use. In order to make the best I have to understand it and to understand it means to train with it. I made Loki’s new staff and to do so I had to understand magic which I asked him to teach me but due to the large amount of focus and meditation it requires he refused to teach me but left me books on how to begin the basics. So I’m self-taught just enough to make a staff that can properly channel magic as well as withstand being used by a powerful god. As for Mjolnir after Thor explained how he’s basically sentient or semi sentient I asked if when he wasn’t using Mjolnir to smash face if he could leave him with me in the workshop. I was curious about how Mjolnir was made and wanted to run some tests. So Mjolnir has spent a lot of time with me and seen me working ridiculously long hours to keep all of you stocked with the best gear to ensure you all don’t end up dead. I work every day to keep you all safe and I train constantly to ensure I am never a liability to any of you.”

He got up moving away from the table and the suit moved with JARVIS in control to follow him.

“Oh and in case you all forgot I was a rich kid of someone fairly famous with a lot of enemies so I was kidnapped a shit ton. It was either learn to save myself or die and my first iron man suit was made in a cave with scraps. Without the armor I’m a genius who learned several fighting styles to be able to protect myself.”

He left them all standing there gasping. Bucky shifted uncomfortably making Steve look at him.

“Sorry Stevie…I need a cold shower after that.”

Several people saw his shifting was to try and cover up the fact apparently that display had aroused him.

“Really Buck?”

Bucky glared at him.

“You don’t see a man like that be a totally badass and not want to fuck his brains out.”

“Don’t do that, I love his brain.” Loki said and it was likely only his magic that hid how turned on he was as well.

“Holy shit Tony’s more awesome than all of us!” Clint said jumping to his feet and gathering up his bow like he had to protect it. He was the archer of the team but apparently worst came to worst Tony could be their archer.

They all seemed to realize around the same time that Tony could take any of their spots on the team.

“Brother…how likely is it someone can be self-taught magic?” Thor asked looking at Loki.

“It’s…near impossible to be self-taught most magic…” Loki said with a frown seeing how much he’d misjudged the mortal.

Tony won their competition yet he didn’t brag about it or ask for the winnings from the betting pot. When Clint mentioned it later Tony was in the middle of working on a project and waved him away telling them to use the winnings for a celebration feast or something. Clint had stood there staring at the genius who was so focused on his project which was an upgrade for Bucky’s arm that he didn’t even notice the archer standing there for nearly an hour.

When he comes out of his workshop again Tony noticed the avengers are all gathered.

“Friend Tony.” Thor greets him looking happy to see him.

“Hey Tony, look man I’m sorry for what I said. I judged you without knowing.” Clint said looking uncertain with his apology which made sense because the archer never apologized.

“Clint it doesn’t matter. You’re not the first to do it and you won’t be the last.”

“Still it isn’t right man. So I’m sorry.”

Tony just shrugged as he went to make himself a cup of coffee. Bucky and Loki were at his side in an instant and wasn’t that just weird.

“Can I help you?”

Loki smirked and Bucky was trying to look confident.

“You could doll. Love the way you handle a gun.”

“What the foolish mortal is trying to say is we wish to take you out on what you Midgardians call a date.”

Tony looked at them as though to see if they were serious.

“Um…ok? What brought this on anyways?”

“Besides you being a total badass?” Bucky asked looking quite aroused just by the sight of the genius.

“Well besides that.”

“You’re a genius.” Loki answered.

“And insanely hot.” Bucky added.

Tony shrugged.

“Alright sounds good to me. Thor I’m totally deflowering your brother later.” And with that he turned to go back to work and to decide where he was taking two insanely hot men out for a date later.