"...Amen," Athelstan trailed off as he finished the prayer. He felt the looming present before he even saw him among the shadows. But there was no fear only that of peace so he turned with a slight smile at the other. The boatmaker. His end.
The gleam of murderous intent glowed in the viking's coal smeard eyes, glowed like that of the candles surrouding them. The purpouse was clear yet Athelstan felt no need to fight, there was only acceptence and he was ready to meet his end so to begin his beginning.
With the present of his God, whom covered him in warmth and safety, the re-newed Christain turned back to his makeshift cross. "Lord, recive my soul," armed stretched out and head lifted towards the heavens. Athelstan closed his eyes for the final time.
They would meet again, he assured himself, not in their afterlives but as long as Ragnar Lothbrok lived Athelstan would watch him and guide him in the likes of angels.
It does not matter where I go, what matters to me is where you're going.
A roar of wrath broke the silence and an axe swong swiftly and quickly through the air. It all ended and turned eternally black at the sound of a body hitting the ground with a thud.
The final grains of dirt fell upon the grave, covering the once vessel of a beloved while the rain cried from above. A shovel plummet into the ground before the man slumped down beside it with a stick in hand, eyes wet with tears to come and chest heavy with unsolvable sorrow.
The christian grave was almost finished, made by supportive and loving hands of a pagan. A heathen in the eyes of the christain faith. Only it's grave mark was momentary absent but the cross was moments away from being made.
But unknown to the grief stricken pagan, a foreign yet known God looked on with approval at the empathetic act of another's religion and wishes.
Such an action was to be rewarded.
As the pagan's lips parted with purpose to speak to the kindred spirit who no longer could hear his words, the heavily being reached out, setting the words on course to be carried to the intended's ears.
"I never knew what a martyr was,"
Eyes open as if waking from heavy sleep. White. At first he flinched harsly and threw up his hands in an attempt to protect his eyes from such overwhelming brightness... yet no pain came. Slowly they dropped and he took in the sight before him.
There was nothing but endless heavenly light, it shone brightly and surrounded him, engulfed him completely. It should leave the observer blind yet he was only left with a feeling of utter bliss.
"I still don't."
In the distance he heard muffled sounds but they were nothing to the deafening present of the God before him. This was not heaven, he was somewhere else.. In between.. waiting. How such knowledge was bestowed upon him, he did not know. Yet he did not despair at his current placement for he was not alone, his lord, his God was embracing him at this very moment with his grace.
Nothing more could he wish or desire.
Then shadows move over him, above him, leaving trails of coldness where it touches him. The cold is shocking and biting compared to the warm and peaceful caress from his savior. It should leave him shivering but instead it was welcoming and filled him with comfort as from an old friend. He lifted his head high and watched them move through his lord's being. Angling their shapes to gracefully fly passed and around him, to circle him like prey. Their sleek and shiney black feathers contrasting starkly against the whiteness and the beady eyes were wise and knowing.
Laughter spilles out of him and it clang joyfully through the air while his eyes grew misty with tears. Beloved gods, one time or another he could feel in his soul that he've abandoned both yet they seem to have never abandoned him in return.
"You're a brave man Athelstan..."
The muffled sounds in the background broke through and formed words but only one registered.. Athelstan.
His soul is as an empty chamber being filled, bringing him back to who he was... is. It all flooding in like a broken dam, reminding him. Athelstan. His chosen name. He blinked rapidly as if to clear any fog from his sight and in the process lets his tears roll freely down his smiling cheeks.
His lord shines brighter and the ravens caws and beat their wings faster as he fully understand the deep root of his happiness, devotion and love for the gods that surround him. The familiar sounds return to a muffled state and his mind drifted away from it's purpose and towards the Gods.
The blissfulness and loving light shined upon him are the peaceful days of him praying and working to paint words of God into beautiful images. The sharp coldness of the ravens' wings are the comfort of home in the Northlands, where winter is harsh but the crisp air fills his lungs with new refreshing life and the comfort of being pulled back inside by rough and gentle hands which are toasty warm from the heat of the fire.
Clasping togther his hand as to pray Athelstan was unable to keep himself from gazing in awe "My lord," was the breathless words that exhaled from his lips, the very first sound made from him of what felt like years "Odin," Two Gods whom he loved deeply and which he struggled to choice between now stood before him in their godlike glory.
One he choice to no longer acknowledge for that of his later God before meeting his final end.
"I- I'm unworthy of your present," he confessed with guilt and flicked his eyes away in shame but wherever he looked, the black birds were there and were not interested in being ignored. A big raven finally flew at his face causing him to move away in shock before looking up with wide eyes in surprise. It circled above him, his eyes followed as it flew and it's calming movment was as a balm for his guilt. The ever present light of God remain upon him and graced him still with heavinly bliss.
He was forgiven, and eternal peace was within his grasp.
Eyelids dropping, he slowly fell into an adrift. Any questions upon his mind for the Gods fell silent, for time was nothing in this place...
"Aah Athelstan, I hope you can hear me Athelstan..."
Those sounds again. Coming through the mist of his mind, scratching to get in and be heard even among powerful beings. These were not the words of his Gods..
"And I'm not just talking to myself."
There was a tug, something inside was feeling a pull. An emotional pull for something he did not know or understand yet yearned to follow. Athelstan's eyes flutter open, the Gods were still around him but he could now hear the noises more closely and clearly. Hear the words being spoken.
"What?.... Do you think I went too far with Floki?"
There was an echo of a bitter chuckle that followed, filling his ears and making Athelstan's chest tighten in discomfort at hearing such a tone.
"Can you actually believe, that he thought I would let him lead without my having an agenda?"
Athelstan started glancing around himself in hope of finding the location or direction that this voice was coming from. This voice with such bitterness. But he saw only light and the dark birds within the big vast of emty space that went on endlessly with no end in sight, at least none his mortal eyes could see or even imagen.
"If I was him, I would worry less about the Gods and more about the.. fury of a patient man. And as well you know, I can be very patient."
There was a sharp throb in Athelstan's tempel and he lifted up a palm to soothe the discomfort only for it to diminish but the voice now groaned and coughed with it's own pain. Athelstan's eyebrows knitted together in confusion and questions formed in his mind.
Who's voice was this? Why did it fill him with such longing, ache and devotion? Such love and need to follow. Why did it feel as if he knew this voice? Someone or something that was immensely important to him. Yet he could not place it? And that in itself felt like a betrayal of trust for forgetting in the first place!
Emotions were rallying inside and he knew not which to feel. The Gods could not hold him, for he was drifting away from them now nor could they soothe his turmoil to reaching whatever was calling him.
Athelstan was slowly floating downwards until his feet meet with the ground. He had not notice before that he'd been extended up into the middle of the air until his soles stood firmly upon something solid once again.
"I wish you were here,"
Body turned cold and Athelstan could hear his own heart beating loudly in his ears, so loud that it felt as if he'd lose his hearing. This voice, he knew this voice. Eyes grew wide and his breath stutter as he spoke the name of his beloved friend "Ragnar," feet started moving, the pull making him walk forward to- what he did not know but he needed to go there.
"Paris is everything you told me it would be.... And I'm bound and determined to conquer it."
Ragnar grew silent after that but the pull inside Athelstan was ever present in both heart and soul, and it encouraged him to keep on walking and to never stop. Luckily he never grew tired or hungry, his feet did not become sore or blistered and time did not effect him for he did not feel it moving.
The Gods thought did not shine nor fly around him as strongly and they weren't as close either but instead behind him a few steps away. Following and watching Athelstan at a distance. He could still feel the warmth of God's holiness and Odin's welcoming cold at his back. Yet he was determined to carry on towards Ragnar and held faith that they would not abandon him for the Gods should know of his devotion to the pagan and that of the bond between them.
While his lord's light remains behind him, it started to dimm before him and the path grew darker for ever step he took.
The ravens flew passed him and into the darkness and soon Athelstan started feeling the breeze against his cheeks, the air around him foggy while it rained and the ground soft with grass. It was night and he realized he was in a forest he have never seen or could not recall visiting.
The pull was stronger than ever before and Athelstan could see a figure on it's hands and knees, groaning and crawling in the distance. It's head turned towards him when he walked through the mist and drizzle. It was Ragnar, who looked sickly and pale with harsh shivers running through the man's body and sweat coating his face.
And Athelstan's cross hung around his neck, swinging with each movement the viking took.
Joy inside Athelstan grew larger and a gentle smile spread across his face at the sight of his friend. When Athelstan came close he offered out a hand for the norseman to take and Ragnar with a smile of his own reached out to take the offered hand. They did not speak for it was not needed, they'll be together once again, side by side.
But before their hands could ever touch Athelstan felt the suddenly present of the Gods appearing behind him, causing both of their actions to come to a halt.
They both watched as Ragnar's lifted hand started dripping blood and a pool of the same red substance appeared underneath the viking, causing Ragnar to then snatched his hand back in shock before curling in on himself upon the ground while shaking and shivering.
Athelstan then felt himself starting to mindlessly walk backwards although he did not wish to move away yet his feet moved against his will. He was being taken back by the Gods. He could do nothing but helplessly be pulled back through the mist and into the light while Ragnar watched him go with a look of anguish and a shaky whisper that called out to him.
"Don't abandon me."
In a blink of an eye, Athelstan no longer stood in the living world with Ragnar but instead was back in the vast empty space, only he could feel something was very diffrent this time around. Something in the very air which he knew must be coming from the celestial beings. For what else could be causing it? It was tense with purpose and Athelstan could almost hear the crackling of power around him, it made him instinctively move into a fighting position like Ragnar drilled into him.
Thought his stand didn't last long once he turned to glance around him and eyes landed on a shape a few steps away. Body slacked in shock and he was left speechless. The figure had an uncanny resemblance to Jesus Christ himself, God's son who died for all their sins. Only his face was obscured by the bright light of God that showered down from up above, bathing his son in his grace.
Nothing could have made him tear his gaze away from God's son, he barely even registered the flock of black birds flashing by but what they left in their wake did managed to break the spell and get Athelstan's attention away from Christ. A man, an old looking man with a long white/grey braided beard that reminded Athelstan of the Norsemen. Dressed in dark clothing and a wide-brimmed hat, the man held a tall cane and upon the shoulders were two big ravens that cawed from their seats. And he wore an eyepatch- No, this was not a man but a god.
It was Odin!
Athelstan's eyes flicker between them in wonder and slight disbelief. Previously he had merely felt Odin's present like that of his lord but now faced with the All-father he knew not what to say or do, the same went about God's son. Was this the Odin whom Ragnar had told him the viking had often seen? For the description was very similar to what he've been told by his friend.
Before he could even regain his ability to speak both took a step forward, their steps causing a sharp spike of power in the air and suddenly it grew unbearably bright and the cawing from the ravens turned deafening.
It was unbearable!
Hand flew up and Athelstan griped at his chest in agony as he suddenly felt his heart beating, only it drummed beneath his ribcase without mercy. The intense pain brought him down to his knees and forced him to bend over and making his face almost touched the ground, had he not caught himself with the opposite hand. Although it prove pointless when next it felt as if his head was being crack open forcing him to use the hand holding him up to palm at the newest source of pain.
"Please the pain- Agh!"
Amidst the whitness, red broke through and filled his vision and Athelstan could feel it dripping off him. A puddle had been forming around him in similiar fashion to what he witness happen to Ragnar. He didn't know when it had started but it looked as if a whole person had been drained for the purpous of painting him and the ground in blood. It spread out infront of him and it felt as if he was sinking into it, either that or the blood was rising. He struggled to gain balance and stand up, for his body was like a rock thrown into the ocean, bound to sink.
Finally he slumped to his side, he didn't have the strenght nor the power to stand. The pain was still pulsing through him unmercifully. Warm liquid sloshed around him as Athelstan lifted his head up in hope to see, to understand why he was in such pain and bading in blood but the world around him was a blur of bright white and dark red. Barely making out the two figures a few feet away and the shadows of ravens above were mere black smears without true forms.
There was deep chanting and heavy drums growing in the distance while a cane repeatedly hit the ground, metal clanging from each 'thub' upon the ground. And amist it there was choirs of hymns with voices as light and high as angels' singing.
Then the liquid around Athelstan started to drain away and lessen in amounth, drawing him to look upon the blood which to his shock was moving back to him. He watched as trails of red on his arm retreated from whens it came, leaving no trace of the blood ever begin there. It was as if his body was calling it to itself until there was nothing remaining, no stain nor drops left behind.
And along it the spliting pain upon Athelstan's scalp disappeared just like the blood but in exchange his heart picked up and began beating harsher than previously. Felt as if it was trying to tear itself through bone and flesh, and from beneath breast.
Now it was Athelstan's turn to curl in on himself as Ragnar had done.
The last thing the former-monk did was cry out in agony as his eyes and ears pulsed with pain from the overpowering Gods that never seem to end.
Snapping awake with a loud and desperate gasp for air, hand flying to clung at his chest as Athelstan wrestled to take a breath.
Feeling like he've been drowning and only now broken through the surface. The air filled his lungs until it felt as if they would burst before deflating out of him, every breath was painful yet he quickly gulped for more.
Oh god everything hurt!
Ears were ringing painfully and sight was smeared and dotted, making his stomach turn and feel ill. Nothing was as it should be! Athelstan realized in hysteria before managing to pull himself up into a sitting position and lean over to the side to vomit but nothing came. Stomach cramped excruciatingly, it never been in such a state of emptyness in his whole life.
Feeling like it would cave in on itself.
Shaking and shivering violently, fingers dug into the grass and earth until his knuckles turned white while he dry heaved with tears rolling down his face. Body aching with each twist and the air felt chilly and moist around him.
There was no bliss or welcoming cold from any gods, Athelstan noted in despair before letting out an alarmed sob once the heaving let up and his eyes started to clear and the ringing stopped. Other than his own sharp breathing which turned into mist, he could hear a forest waking up and the sound of water near by. Forcing back the next sob that threaten to spill out of him, Athelstan blinked a few times before taking in the area around him.
The air was thick with fog making it hard to see but it wasn't long until he took it all in with disbelief. It was early in the morning, the sun barely present except for white luminous streams of light that shined through branches, and rain drizzled down. Athelstan could hear and see animals waking up and moving about for food and other life rulling chores. The lake nearby unmoving and gentle, only the drops causing sounds and ripples in it's mirror like reflecion.
"This is..." he croaked with realization and looked around himself, moving and twisting to look at every angle of the familiar plain that he was sitting in the middle of. The open area so close to the forest but most of all side to side with the lake that lead to sea. The ground still bore the marks left of the camp that had been there, of the norsemen that had arrived here and set up camp.
This was Wessex.
"Is this real, am I real?" he question out loud with a hoarse voice while letting go of the ground and bending forward awkwardly in the apearance of pray. "Am I alive?" Athelstan grabbed at his own face with shaky and dirty hands, leaving smears of earth wherever he touched as he felt the familiar structure and skin before running fingers through his beard and going up to the hair on his head. Still shaved on the lower part while the rest hung freely...
His eyes widen as he comprehended what that meant. It was exactly as it had been before he died... before he been murdered. Yes, murdered! Having been killed by the boatmaker Floki and sent to the next life- yet he was here! Feeling every bit alive again!
"Am I reborned?!... Or had it all been a dream?" he gasped, his throat seizing painfully with each breath. Athelstan determinedly shook his head in rejection at such though, he recall everything even the sound of the axe being swong through the air and then continuing on into the afterlife.. except it had not been Heaven.. or even Hell for that matter but he had been with God.
"No, I died, I meet the Lord himself and- Odin!.. and Jesus Christ," he lowered his tone and whispered to himself in amazement while his fingers remain tangled in his now messy hair. His breathing balancing out to a calmer pace and the tears drying on his cheeks "I meet them, they..," It was all so fuzzy and snaps of images but nothing whole that he could play out in his mind. "Why don't I remember? I can only recall their present-"
A big rain drop landed on his naked back causing him to flinch at the coldness and shiver, it sucessfully distracting him as he now felt the chill in the air and how unclothed he was. Tearing his gaze away from the ruins left by the vikings, Athelstan shakily attempted to stand on unblanced and weak limbs, having to catch himself each time he tilted or stumbled in his trys.
Not a stitch of fabric covered him which left him feeling vulnerable and unprotected as he stood in the middle of the open area. Feeling lost and unsure of his purpose yet clear that he needed coverage and food as well as water in this current moment. Hopefully he would stumble upon a farm, house or a kind soul that could provide otherwise he might have to walk all the way to King Ecbert's completely bare.
Athelstan shakily stumbled to the water edge and landed harshly on his knees. There he could see the reflection of himself, the former monk still appeared the same as before his death. What Athelstan had felt out with his scared hands had been correct for he still had a beard and half a shaved head. The only thing diffrent now was that he was dirty as was his hands. He quickly washed himself clean before cupping water to drink, it was cristal clear and cleansed his thirst after a few hands full. As refreshing as it was though, it brough the cold closer and he got onto his feet and started walking while hugging himself to keep warm.
Except he only managed to take a few steps before getting spooked as something fell down from a tree a distance away, too fast and sudden for him to make it out but he imagen it to be a broken branch or a fallen nest or even an animal. After a short pause of nothing else happening Athelstan continued on his journey up the familiar trail that he knew lead in the right direction of the kingdom but curiousity made him stop beside the tree.
Blinking a couple of times Athelstan could not believe what he was seeing but when that did not change what was lying before him, he then proceeded to rub a palm over his eyes as if to clear dirt but meet with the same sight.
Not one of Saxon making but one made with the material and style of the norsemen. Unsettling laughter spilled out of him as he picked it up for further inspection, wondering if he really hasn't gone mad, for it wasn't just a simple viking boot that had been left behind. It was his boot. Part of a pair he often wore, that he was sure of, it was evident by the repeated sign of mending on the inner corner which had begun to tear, thanks to Torstein and himself.
They had been profoundly drunk, stumbling around in the night while trying to get home and walked right into the fence that kept the pigs in and proceeded to fall inside the pit. They had cursed and grumbled as they got covered in mud and pig shit before seeing one another and burst out laughing at the other's apearance. Which was how Ragnar had found them, drunk himself and giggling at the sigh before helping the monk out while Torstein had to fend for himself. But what Athelstan hadn't noticed until the day after, once he sobered up was his boot had caught on likely a nail and gotten torn.
Last he seen it, it had been in his room by the bed, in Kattegat. Not in Wessex but in the North yet here it was!
Before even being able to comprehend how it gotten here the leafs above shook and out of it came the missing boot which landed on his head. "Ow," he grumbled in suprise and rubbed at the stricken head then moved so he was no longer underneat the clear target area for falling footwear. "Perfect now my feet are at least covered," he dryly told himself, snatching the other pair off the ground before carefully peering up into the tree. Wishing to see whoever it was up there throwing shoes and then proceed in questioning why excaly they were doing it and how in God's name did they get Athelstan's belongings.
"Who-" but he stopped quickly as he recalled in mortification that he was utterly naked, in every aspect of the word.
Which could explain the other person's action, believing a lone crazy man crying, talking and laughing to himself while walking naked out in the forest, they might not want him near them out of fear.
So using the boots to cover his more obcene parts, he tried again "I beg your pardon, I didn't mean to frighten anyone nor intend to harm if you believe that to be my intensions. I'm merely uhm..," he struggled for a moment to come up with an explanation to his current position. Saying one has been resurrected by Gods, most defiently wouldn't be a convincing story for a most likely weary person so he gave a sheepish smile and a uncertain chuckle "To be frank I don't have a resonable-" then a thick brown vest with short sleeves fell down.
Which was also his...
Things weren't adding up and a new possability for the almost magic appearence of his clothes that should be in Kattegat came to mind "Di- did you remove my clothes from me.. as I layed out there unaware?!" Athelstan stutter out in outrageousness and stomped back under the tree to peer up in anger only to get his face covered with another piece of clothing. Frustration bubbled up inside him and he ripped it off, shortly seeing that it was his grey sweater with a hood before glaring up towards the leafs.
Eyes widen in suprise as he finally saw who it was or to be more precis who they were and it brough a small but wondrous smile to Athelstan's lips and any negative emotions left him.
It was as if from stories and legends themsleves, peculiar and unimaginable miracles that happened. The pack of ravens that filled the tree caw'd at him from above while tilting their heads down to look at him with black eyes and fluttering their wings and skipping along the branches. He could see that in some of their beeks and claws they clung to items of clothing, his clothes. There was a pair of trousers, one of his favorite belts that was made out of brown leather and decorated with big round coppor plates, and a dark tunic with blue, white and red threads sewed in that Ragnar had handed down to him.
"Did Odin send you?" Athelstan questioned with an awe filled tone while looking at them with reverence, they cawed in responce and he decided to take that for a 'Yes'. Soon they started moving around the arms of the tree, rearranging themselves before dropping down the last clothes. Only this time around, they seemed to be at least aiming for his arms instead of his head.
Relieved he started pulling them on while praising and thanking both the ravens and Odin for this generous gift. It wasn't long until he felt the warmth build up as layers were put on, the chill and moist air was nothing againt the thick Viking clothes meant for rougher weather. The heat also helped sooth the aches that he experiansed and he felt stronger than before.
When he sat upon the ground with boots in hand, Athelstan could not help but say off minded "The cloke must have been too difficult to carry compaired to the rest," He blamed the influence that Torstein and Ragnar had on him for saying such things. The answer thought made him laugh and from the sounds of the croaking above he was not alone in finding it amusing, for upon his head and left shoulder they dropped two heavy woolen socks.
"Much gratitude," he said sincerely after pulling on the socks and securing his boots.
Once finished Athelstan stood and looked up at them once again with what felt like thousands of questions on his mind. They may appear as mere birds but with what they've shown already, they must be able to somehow answer those questions, he was sure of it and he would curse himself if he did not try to at least get some explanations.
"Can you tell me why I'm here?" he begins gently, watching as they caw at each other and share eye contact among themslves before flapping their wings "What's my purpose in Wessex?" when the first few flew out of the tree Athelstan quickly stressed out "Why am I reborned?" hurrying backwards as all of them scatter into the air and up into the sky, he called out to them "I need answers for I do not understand!"
Ready to call out once again, Athelstan's words fadded when he took in their black moving bodies that circled among the clouds. Squinting and lifting a palm to shield his eyes from any distracting light. Swearing that one of the ravens, seemingly the one leading them away was much bigger in size for a normal raven. But before he knew it, in an blink of an eye they had fadded and disappeared among the mist, could neither be seen nor heard.
Scanning the empty glade that was his resurrection place Athelstan sighed, he was still no closer to knowing why he was alive once again. But there was nothing here so he started moving along the trail towards the Kingdom of Wessex.
It hadn't been long until he came to a realiztion that the season around him was not the same as when he had died. For Athelstan remember the coldness in the air was just starting to fade ever so slightly back in Kattegat, with the promises of growth and new life in the air. The lands awakaning at the arravial of Spring and soon feild would be plowed.. But the air now was growing warmer as the day emurged and the color of the leaves were losing their green, meaning it must be the end of summer in Wessex and most likely Kattegat.
Which meant that months had past... Maybe even years.
Letting out an airy laugh, putting aside the worry of how long time had passed, Athelstan played with the thought of Ragnar being in Paris and reeving havoc instead. Exploring the land for it's knowledge and secrets. He could only hope and silently pray that if Ragnar was in fact there, then the city had meet it's match in the norse King.
The rain remain falling but luckily it never turned heavy along the journey and the hood gave Athelstan's head extra shelter but it was eerily quiet except for the sounds of nature and gentle rain. For as of yet he still had not come across anyone else and he could not lie that he craved to see another human being, although he was still within the forest and from what he could make out of the sun's position it was still relativly early.
But in his mind seeing and communicating- oh and to touch another person! That would concrete that he was in fact alive and not a wandering spirit that knew not it was dead. Because walking in solitary gave Athelstan much time to think, a little too much maybe.
With thoughts such as; had he really been brough back to life? If so, shouldn't he be back in Kattegat where he died and where most likley his body was..?
When Jesus had passed, God's son had then awoken where they burried his remians, it says so in the bible Athelstan argued with himself. But he was here, in England and it was hard to imagen that Ragnar shipped his dead body all across the sea to put him to rest here. Or was it beause his friend most likley burned his body? Even if Athelstan expressed himself a christian maybe the viking still could not let his old traditions go and burned the re-newed christain's remians. If so Athelstan wouldn't be mad if that had been the case.
Maybe his ashes was carried here later on by the ocean and then drifted ashore, Athelstan pondered while stepping over a small dead tree that had fallen upon the trail. But again should he not had woken up at the monastery then? It had much more Christain value and been his first real home before Ragnar and his family.
A deep sigh exhailed from him and Athelstan paused to watch the tree gently sway in the wind.
Once again he felt like that scared and lost monk, who've been stolen away from everything he known and dropped among pagans.
Desperately in need of guidence.
Then like the serpent in the garden of eden, slithering with bad intent, thoughts of doubt grew. Had he been left here alive? Athelstan considered the possiblity. Could he simply not have been conscious along the journey, for that would explain his deep rooting hunger for substance... But that did not explain how he been kept asleep and the images of the gods and- Could that been from mushrooms similar in Uppsala? And the ravens and clothes were merely an elaborate trick. Once he've seen a man make a raven jump around as if dancing for a piece of food.
"My mind is blurred and I do not know what is real.. God, Odin please!" he hissed, fists clenching tightly and he turned his eyes towards the heaven with a pleading expression "I need to know, did I die and rise again?"
But no matter how long he stood there no answer came. The trees still swayed and the rain remain falling and soon the mist fadded completely as the day arrived. Dejected he kept moving forward.
After a few steps Athelstan could feel droplets of rain trail down his face, they were oddly warm compaired to the chill in the air, but soon drops turned into streams and dripped down his chin in a heavy flow. Which was peculiar, he though looking up towards the sky. The rain pouring down from the greyish clouds were merely light brizzle and not heavy rain, and he still had his hood up so it should stop most of it anyway.
Quickly drops ran into his eye, causing discomfort and blurriness, and for a second made the world.. red?
"What?" Athelstan muttered perplexed and rubbed away the wetness with a fist, clearing his sight once again but his breath stopped short when he saw the blood that now smeared the hand. It was stark against his pale skin. Dread engulfed him and he lifted shaky hands to touch at the wetness on his face, when he drew them back they were painted in ruby.
There was so much that it ran down his wrists and stained the sleeves dark!
Touching up along his face, Athelstan tried to calm himself as he looked for the wound. It must merley be a scratch that had gone by unnoticed. He've been told numerious times that head wounds bleed more than they should when compaired to the wound inflicted. Even witnessed it upon others.
The calming and reassuring explanation shattered into pieces as his fingers search came to a stop at the right top of his temple, for they did not meet with a simple scratch but an opening. Terror rose as the fingers felt the wide cracked open skull which gushed blood. Like he'd been struck by an axe.
As his breath became frantic and his chest became tight, some of the liquid slipped into the corner of his mouth and the taste of copper laid upon his tounge. Stomach turning with nausea at it's almost obscene flavor.
Within seconds Athelstan had himself backed up against a tree in fear and panic, scrabbling to somehow stop the bleeding with his bare hands. But he could feel it wasn't working as his clothes became soaked, his skin sticky and warm with the thick fluid which made the skin crawl in appall, for being stained with blood in battle was one thing but this!
"Oh my lord-" he mumbled frantically, barely noticing what he was saying as diffrent prayers flew from his lips. Some for the christ God, others for Odin and some were so tangled together that it could be for both. Anything that came to mind so he would not perish spilled forth by his voice while he slipped to the ground with his back against the bark.
It seem to never stop! Hands grew slippery with blood and hair hung heavy at his face. There was so much gore upon him that every piece of him felt covered, nothing was left unmarked!
Then in a blink of an eye it was all gone, as if it never been there.
Athelstan's prays came to a sharp halt as he took in the clean apperance with disbelief, he could once again feel himself dry and unstained as before with the exception of the drizzle. Slowly his hands came to stop shaking and gently but hestitently he maped out the now unmarked skull with wide eyes.
"I-it's gone.. But?" he softly panted confused, not understanding what had happen. It had been real, he had felt the thick warm blood against his skin and his fingertips had dipped down in the wound on his head!
"Was this my sign? My answer," Athelstan called out, standing shakily up with the help of the tree next to him while looking up towards the sky. "I asked if I've died and then risen. Is this your answer..?" pausing as he thought over the gory vision he'd experience.
Then coming to a conclusion which made his throat dry and turned his stomach. "W.. Was that my death? I got struck down on the head.. and- and now I live.. because if so I- I thank you for such a gift," Athelstan lowered his head before shaking it and confessing "But find that I myself am unworthy.. Why me? Why above others whom are more moral, righteous and honorable than me. Why shall I live once again..?"
Silence was his answer and the world around him remian unchanged by his further pressing questions. It seems the Gods had for now, answered enough to their liking.
If you enjoy my story and have the energy please leave a comment and kudos so I know to carry on ;D
If you find that the story lacks certain tags be free to tell me~
Chapter 2: Tragedies
Warning: Check the tags if you have not, in case of anything that might unsettle you.
And if you don't already know, this is unbeta'd and English isn't my native language.
Heads up: Tags will most likely be cleaned up and changed as the story goes along so make sure to check before reading. I don't want anyone to have an unfortunate surprise.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Once Athelstan emerged from the forest and upon open fields did it hit him while passing a farm in the distance, he knew not what he would say upon his arrival at King Ecbert's domain.
It wouldn't be wise to tell of his resurrection even if he wanted to, for it would with certainty have sever consequenses, that he could count upon. Many would believe him to have lost mind, to be a sinner spewing lies onto their ears and who was he to tell them diffrently? It was not as if Athelstan could convince them of him being worthy of such a gift when he himself did not think he was. Nor did he have any proof of either death or revival. He surely be hammered back onto the cross once again as a liar by the people, something he was in no rush to be placed.
In addition it wasn't just the Christian god and his son Jesus who had a hand in his rebirth but also Odin. A god from paganism which the Christian people condemed as heathen and of false faith.
No, not even King Ecbert would believe such a tale, he may consider them two friends with a few similar interests but a king could only be pushed so far before even he cannot call off the people. After all Athelstan had a hard time believing and he was the one who risen from death's clutches.
He needed to come up with something else. Something that was more believable and that the clever Ecbert would believe, Athelstan though begrudgingly. He did not wish to lie to the king whom been so merciful when others hadn't but there was not much else the former monk could do. But what would explain him being here? With no companions to speak of nor boat to bring him here...
After a short length of walking and badly thought up excuses that wouldn't even fool a child, Athelstan came to a stop with an enlightened expression as he recall their previous visit and it's reason.
"The settlement," he utter before a relieved smile grew at the implication. Yes, Ragnar's settlement, it was a perfect reason for him being there. "I was sent to look over its progress," Athelstan explained out loud to himself, so to see how it sounded. After all Ecbert knew of Ragnar's investment of it and would not deem it strange if someone was sent for assessment. In addition Ecbert had tried in the past to persuade Athelstan to remain and do exactly that, watch over the settlement.
"But why, he'll ask. Did Ragnar not come along at least for a visit?" he said, walking once again while imagening the questions he would face. "He didn't because.. uhm becasue.. Ragnar was needed back at his own kingdom and could not be parted.. But my companions, why are they not with me..."
Sighing loudly Athelstan rubbed at his forehead in frustration. What would their reason for not coming along for rest, drink and food? It would undoubtedly be viewed as suspicious, either that or that the Norsemen were now feeling untrustworthy of the Saxons.
This would take some time to construct and the lone traveler hoped by the time he arrived, there would be a plausible story without any loss threats which could unravel the whole tale.
The only warning Athelstan recived before an arrow came flying at his feet and missed just by a centimeter, halting his movement and sending his defences flaring. He had barely any time to react before soldiers were upon him and with no weapon at his side Athelstan could only show his hands in hope they would not attack.
"W-Wait, I'm with the Northmen, under King Ragnar's-"he rushed out, switching to his former home language which by the men's expressions, surprised them but didn't falter their raised weapons. If anything it caused the commander to cut Athelstan off mid sentence to let out harsher and now angrier shouts.
"Where's your comrades?!"
Shocked at their aggressiveness and barking orders with the clear undertone of bodily harm, Athelstan felt the hair on his arm rise in alarming unease.
Something wasn't right here.
"On their way upon the sea. I am alone, I swear by-."
"Why would they travel all this way only to leave? Believe us to be stupid heathen?!"
"I was assigned by my King. King Ragnar, to look upon the settlement and to speak with King Ecbert on his behalf," he stressed out his friend's name in hope they would disband and put down their swords. But his words didn't show promise as they drew closer and it was becoming quite clear that these men were not on his side. "Please, my name is Athelstan. Bring me to your King and he'll set aside any misunderstanding and know of my honesty. I am unarmed, you can check for yourself but know I come in peace."
The commander narrowed his eyes at him before giving a sharp signal at one of the men "Find his weapons," and watched closely as Athelstan got harshly tugged on and thoroughly searched. "Why should we bring you to our king when we can kill you, then deliver the body?"
Trying to uphold face as he was mistreated, Athelstan did his best to answer and argue for his case "I have confidence that the King won't be happy with my death.. and you'll have to carry me when I easily could have walked," abruptly he was shoved causing him to stagger a few steps while the soldier shook his head.
Silence fell upon them and the men waited for further orders as the leader pause while eyeing the foreigner. Seemingly pondering what to do next and Athelstan was starting to contemplate if he should make a run for it because his chances weren't looking good. Yet running could easily mean an arrow in the back.
Finally after sharing a few glances with his men, the leader broke the silence "You say your name was Athelstan?"
"Doesn't sound Northern,"
Swallowing Athelstan responded "That's because it's not," choosing not to elaborate further, already knowing what people thought of those that abandoned home and country for another. He've felt its punishment before so it would be in his interest to not share too much.
When he didn't speak further the man cleared his throat, bringing the attention to his men before standing tall "We'll bring you to our King.. But be assured, if you do anything not to our liking, I'll happily end you myself."
Athelstan was grabbed by the elbow and dragged along by one of the soliders as they started walking forward.
Further along the path, he could see a man pointing at Athelstan while speaking to another on a horse and soon the man rode off. It eased some of his worries because the rider must be the messenger and Ecbert would know of his arrival.
Now all he could hope was that they would welcome him with open arms. They didn't part in bad terms but neither in joyful celebration.
Ecbert sighed inwardly at the interruption as he just taken a seat upon his throne and already he was called upon. "My assumption is you're not here to tell me supper is already upon the table?" he joked dryly.
Unfortunately his comment only rewarded him with a confused and uncertain expression from the kneeling guard. Sighing out loud this time, he glance away towards his bishop Edmund who only shook his head at the simpleton of a man.
"Well, out with it," Ecbert finally demanded tiredly and rubbed his eyes, willing that they would grow more awake and alert. "Time is not something I have nor can spend generously upon waiting for you to speak."
Glancing hesitently to the bishop who gave an encouraging nod, the guard told of the news that had just arrived "It has come to our attension that few of your men has found and captured a lone Norseman wandring the land," those words were enough to take the King's attention and make him look up with slight interest.
"A surviving settler?"
"Uh, no I do not believe so my King. He claims to have just recently arrived."
"Claims?" repeated Ecbert with a raised brow and leaned forward "He speaks our language?"
"I- I'm unsure, I was not included with such knowledge. I only know that he wishes to speak to you."
"Did this pagan give a name?"
"They informed that he called himself Athelstan."
Edmund made an unsettling noise and displeasure lured upon his face at the news.
Gripping the wood beneath his hands, Ecbert move to the edge of his seat with a spark of hope but also a levelheadedness. It may only be someone who claims to be Athelstan but if it was their loved monk then what's his purpose here. Could it be time? Was Ecbert already to meet with Ragnar in battle?
"You're sure they said Athelstan?"
"Absolutely, your majesty."
"And he was alone, no others accompanying him? No ships sighted?"
"No, I was told he was alone and no ships had been reported being seen. At least I've not been informed of such."
Finding this particular because if it really was Athelstan then how could they have missed the boat and why did he come alone. Where was Ragnar?
Ecbert stood from his throne and walked along it in thought. Could they already know about the settlement? The King quickly reason that they could not, for none was left alive. Impossible. Yet it was best to be sure, the monk could simply be a distraction while the northmen roamed with ill intent.
"I want my men to thoroughly search the area, I also want an immediate report from near by posts. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, your majesty," the guard got off his knees.
"Before you take your leave," Ecbert said, standing behind his throne and leaning against it with the help of his hands. "Were you informed of when they would be arriving with the Norseman?"
"Uh.. a few hours maybe less. They're moving on foot."
"Send horses. I want them here as soon as possible," he ordered before giving a dismissal wave towards the guard.
"As you wish, your majesty."
Once the guard had his leave, Ecbert could feel a thrill grow inside that made a smile tug at his lips from the thought that Athelstan had returned. Even if there still remain a cautious feeling. It was a happy occasion if it truly was the man.
Ecbert patted the wood ideally beneath his hand while the mind roamed with the possibilities of Athelstan's return. Because this time, it was different, they had something of his that would persuade the man to remain here with them. Permanently.
"Where's Judith?" he asked his advisor suddenly, who still looked disgruntled but snapped out of it, befuddled by the topic of the question.
"Yes, the princess, my daughter-in-law. The mother of my grandsons, where is she?"
"Uhm, I would imagine with your said grandsons my King. But I must say abou-"
"Have her send for me- No," he started before quickly dismissing his own trail of thoughts while giving no mind to the bishop's. Giving a last but firm pat on the throne, Ecbert moved around it while speaking mostly to himself "At such news I'll visit my grandsons and deliver the news myself."
"Your majesty-" the advisor tried again just as the King reached the doors to leave.
"I would have word immediately once they've been sighted and not a moment later. Is that understood?"
"Yes but what of your duties of the day?"
"I'll return to them shortly, first I must speak to my son's wife."
Judith laughed lightly behind a palm as her oldest son let out a sharp squeal like noise in an attempt to scare them, surprising both her and the nursery maidens in the room.
"He has a strong voice, your royal highness," praised the maiden who rocked the princess's newest child, Alfred, whom was fighting sleep.
Humming in agreement, Judith attempted to return her focus on the embroidery in her lap but they were nothing compared to the lively Aethelred. Who sat on a blanket on the floor while ideally playing with his toys and managing every so often to create noise. Something that delighted him beyond belief.
Finally she gave in and watched with adoring eyes and a happy smile.
After the previous night, her heavy burdens has lightened and a calmness washed over her. Judith had ensured her and Alfred's safety and in addition their place in the household, not even her husband would be able to cast her out. The price had been worth the reward she'd gained. Although the price was nothing she wished to look too closely at nor thinking about.
The moment of peace broke when the door was opened and revealed the king himself. The servants hurried to greet him but was quickly assured it was not needed and that they should return to their tasks.
"I'm here to see how fares my grandsons," Ecbert explained with a wide smile and walked over to Aethelred and gave a gentle pat on the prince's head before going over to the maid who held Alfred. "I'm sure they're doing good."
"They are, your majesty," assured Judith confidently as her father-in-law lifted Alfred into his arms. She watched him with a small glint of confusion for they'd already discussed the boys this morning and it's barley been long enough for their condition to change. There must be more to his reason for visiting.
"Good good, that warms an old man's heart," he said walking over and sitting down next to her while still holding the now sleeping child. "But I'm also here to see how my daughter-in-law is fairing. Also good I hope?" he looking at her for a split moment before turning to look at Alfred with a look she could not fully interpret. Ecbert seemed happy- no jovial and she felt he was withholding something.
Clearing her throat she answered "I am," while doing her best not to express any awkward tension between them after what happen just yesterday as he moved to sit so near.
Ecbert gently stroke the prince's cheek while taking in the small face in a manner as if looking for something.
"I received some promising news."
A part of her hoped it had something to do with Aethelwulf and- God forgive her but hopped he'd meet his end in Mercia. That way she would never have to worry about what could occur if king Ecbert died and his son took the throne, what he would do to her. But she knew such thoughts were unrealistic for the king would not appear so happy, he would be showing signs of grieving if his son had died.
Still she tried to not act too hopeful and give away her dark and sinful thoughts but instead give an air of curiosity instead "W-what kind of news?"
"A norseman has appeard on my land, wishing to speak with me,"
Judith looked up unable to contain herself, her hope shine through only now it had nothing to do with her husband and his well being. If the norsemen have returned then that could mean the monk was by their side. They may have parted with him leaving her but Judith still longed for him to return.
She could feel her heartbeat spike up in excitement and anxiety "One of King Ragnar's?" she question, setting aside her work to give him her full attention.
"Yes but he appears to be alone and with no sight of either Ragnar nor his men, not even ships have been reported," Ecbert explained and handed Alfred over to her. He could see her hope diminishing, so after their exchange he leaned in closer with a playful smile "He claims to be a man by the name of Athelstan."
"Athelstan," she gasped with awe before a rejoiced smile graced her own lips and she hugged her son closer without disturbing his slumber.
"Yet I warn you not to be quick in your celebration," he warned her, halting her joy for but a moment. "It's not been confirmed that it's our Athelstan or someone simply using his name. Nor if he's truly alone. We'll only know once they arrive with the man, and my men returning from the search."
"But if it is- If it's Athelstan?"
"Then we'll welcome him with open arms," Ecbert ensured and laid a palm against Alfred's wrapped body "And of course introduce him to the unintentional gift he left behind."
"You think he'll-"
"He'll be a fool not to fall in love with such precious life."
Judith gave a shaky and tearful laugh before nodding in agreement.
"But I ask of you to be cautious. With the settlement gone, Ragnar'll not be in our favor and so in turn neither will Athelstan. There might be war between our people and had it not been for an important factor, I'm afraid our beloved friend would not side with us."
"No man such as Athelstan would leave a son fatherless. Not even thoughts of Ragnar would tear him away for I could not see him act so cruel."
"Yes, althought we should not scurry the information of Alfred at the first sight of our young monk. No, we must first see why he's here and where the rest of them are," Ecbert warned. Wanting this to remain within his control, at least as much as it would allow thanks to the uncertainty of the situation. "Or to be more exact where Ragnar is. He's far too clever and dangerous to let loose without supervision."
Judith could only nod. Ragnar Lothbrok was an astonishing individual and had proven to be as intelligent as the King before her. The pagan was not to be undermined in any sense.
"Yet regarding Athelstan, with your help, I'm confident that we can truly convince Athelstan to remain with us."
"What exactly sire, do you expect me to be able to achieve?" question Judith with hesitant, not understanding the faith which he suddenly had of her.
He ordered for the servants to leave, making it only them and the children to remain. Tension rose and she grew unsettled by the maidens absent.
"When all else has failed in the past," she added, confessing her futile actions last time Athelstan had been with them and the lack of success it had brought her.
Shifting so to face her more fully and with a gentle but firm tone, Ecbert carefully choose the words of which he would present her roll "I would not be oppose if you wished to be more by Athelstan's side. If anything," he placed a hand on her knee, caressing it lovingly while leaning close "I would encourage it."
The meaning was quite clear.
Judith felt embarrassment color her cheeks and she glanced towards the door. Fearing who would hear their unrighteous conversation. Ecbert wanted her to allow Athelstan to join her bedside, to be and lay with him once more as they've done in the past. Only this time with the king's own blessing.
She felt a momentary glimpse of happiness at the thoughts of Athelstan being by her side but it didn't discourage the feeling of appearing as a common whore. Was she to sleep with all men in this household then? Her husband Aethelwulf, King Ecbert and now Athelstan.
"But.. what of our arrangement. Is it..?"
"Still intact, only-" Ecbert assured removing the hand upon her leg and instead stroke her hair "My bedside will be empty once more but my protection of both you and Alfred will remain."
"But what of the penance?"
"That'll be to assist in keeping Athelstan with us, as he should be and that in itself will be the 'reward', for both of us I would imagine."
"And my husband?"
"Leave my son to me and you focus on my grandchildren. And our dear monk's.. comforts."
The weather had cleared up and the rain had quickly become a distant memory as the townsfolk roamed the market, watching the arrival of Athelstan and the guards.
He could feel their curious and distrustful eyes upon him the deeper they rode and he willed that he would be able to keep up appearance. Especially when Ecbert arrived. Deception was not a thing he wished to play on the king but the situation left Athelstan's hands tied and without much choice.
Climbing off the horse, one of the guards nearby was quick to draw his sword and step in close. The meaning clear, Athelstan made no attempt to resist as he was tugged harshly inside and lead to the throne room.
He tried his best to remain calm and to slow the beating of the heart which drummed loudly in his ear. After all, he've gone through much worse things than this. Ecbert was.. a friend, not a death sentence. If out of all the things Athelstan been through this should be an easy task. Yet his record of lying and keeping a facade has never been good, time and time again he've been exposed in one way or another. Leaving all fears and insecurities for the world to see and pick at.
The only time he'd been able to lie successfully in another's face had been Judith. Which had not been a victory for anyone involved, especially in the end. What had occurred between them had never been love, not on his part and he was sure that in reality neither had it been hers. Instead lust and the taste of the forbidden had grown between them. But Judith had not viewed it that way thought when she'd beg for him to remain in Wessex even with her husband among them again.
Judith, he thought in realization and felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. That he would have to face her so soon after having rejected and left her.. Even if it's been an unknowable amount of time, for Athestan it hadn't been so long since they last parted. Judith must definitely dislikes him now. And on top of it, Athelstan would also have to face her husband and he could only hope that what had occured between Judith and himself had stayed that way, between only them.
The echoing of their footsteps against the stone floor pulled him from his thoughts, he found that they were close to the throne room. Eyes swept along the way and he noted that all remained the same. The halls, the furniture, the decor. Everything, and it grew hope that time had not past beyond years but merely months.
The doors swung open revealing the familiar throne room and Athelstan was hurried inside roughly. It took only seconds before he was shoved onto his knees before the Anglo-Saxon king but in turn Ecbert was quick to wave away the guards with an angry order.
"Step aside you fools!"
Athelstan was pulled up onto his feet again by the king before a hand was placed upon the younger man's chest while Ecbert informed the guards "This is an honored guest, he shall not be so mistreated. Do I make myself clear?.. Good, now return to your posts."
Once they were finally left alone, except for the bishop standing silently by the throne, Ecbert turned fully to the man that had left him longing for his return and company. Hand moving up onto the other's shoulder, the king took in Athelstan's appearance greedily, most of all his open face that was draped by unbound hair.
Once again the former monk was within his grasp and Ecbert was bound for it to remain as such.
Feeling the man's eyes moving upon him so thoroughly, Athelstan broke the spell by greeting the other "King Ecbert," and older man's eyes flicked up to meet his.
The king had not changed at all, meaning the years turned now confidently into months.
"Athelstan, my soul rejoice at the sight of you," Ecbert said with a wide smile and moved the other hand onto Athelstan's free shoulder. Holding him in place as if an embrace. Knowing the questions upon the other's tongue about the rough treatment, Ecbert easily lied "I hope you can excuse my men, they're-" pausing but a moment before finding the right words "New recruits and do not know yet fully of Ragnar's and my agreements nor who to trust."
"Of course, no harm was done as you can see," assured Athelstan but he was unable to keep a trouble free expression. It still left him unsure and not fully convinced but he did not question further, nor did he get to.
"Good, I'm relieved. Now I must meet with Ragnar, where have they set up camp-"
"Actually.. neither King Ragnar nor anyone else has accompanied me to Wessex."
There was a pause and Ecbert's hands fell away with a baffled expression "I'm afraid I do not fully understand. Then why and where are they?" Confusion colored the tone but the suspiciousness was hidden away masterfully.
"To Paris. With the promise of a raid never before seen."
"Paris?" the king repeated with a awed grin lifting at the corners of his mouth. Amazement filled him at the brave and daring attempt. "Well make it known that King Ragnar Lothbrok is anything short of a remarkable and extraordinary man," he chucked and clapped in appreciation as if the very man stood before him.
"He is," agreed Athelstan strongly.
"Yet.. You are not by his side?"
Fighting to keep his composter and tell the lie entwined tale, Athelstan glanced to the man of God whom had moved to stand now by the stairs, the bishop watching with narrowed eyes.
"No, I was left ashore before they moved for Paris," he swallowed, feeling how his throat had gone dry. Turning back to the king Athelstan struggled to find the right words and continue "I-it was decided that I was to look over the settlement and it's progress.. Like you yourself had suggested once."
Ecbert's eyes widen, heart began beating faster than previously from both joy and dispiritedness by these turn of events. This was the moment where he overcame Ragnar and obtained Athelstan but it was tainted by the fact that the reason the man was even here now laid in ruins.. A once clever made scheme resulting in the chance of losing Athelstan again.
Pulling himself together, Ecbert clapped the other's shoulder "Then it's a most joyous occasion and I'm glad that you've returned, for I knew in my heart," reeling him closer "That you were meant to be here."
Ecbert moved, giving a short nod to Edmund before leading Athelstan towards the study where Judith was most definitely awaiting eagerly with Alfred hidden away with a servant.
"So no one is with you, none at all? I at least would assume Ragnar'd leave you with some sort of protection, a guard. "
"No, everyone was needed for the raid," Athelstan said. Then added in hopes that the king would not notice the lack of weapons on his person, or just assume they've been taken away "And I'm trained for battle by Ragnar himself so I'm able to protect myself if needs be."
"Ah yes," remembered Ecbert, recalling the way the former monk had come to be in his possession from the beginning. He had been one of those that helped the plundering of Wessex. "My apologies, I must confess that I forget the knowledge you've obtained from the norsemen are not merely about their culture."
"There's no need sire."
"No, no. I know you're not been a simple monk for many years yet I seem to sell you short," Ecbert pressed on, tightening his hold on the other's shoulder before realizing something was amiss "And for that I apologies..." trailing off as he studied the other.
"I take no ill from it I can assure you."
"... Athelstan, where are your belongings?" he asked abruptly, feeling how tense the body beneath his hand grew at the mention.
"I.. I'm embarrassed to say," Athelstan lied while rummaging for a believable explanation.
"Come now, are we not friends?"
"Then know, you can tell me anything without judgement, as God is my witness."
Pausing as Ecbert looked back at him with sincerity "I forgot it onboard the ship," Athelstan explained appearing sheepish at the mistake while hoping the other would believe him "I only realized my mistake when it was too late."
"Ah. Well no worries, I'll make sure clothes are provided for you, along with other necessities that might be needed."
"I can't thank you enough," spoke the former monk. Guilt rose inside and Athelstan wondered how long he would be able to carry on the charade.
"No need to thank me, I'm happy to help."
Stepping into the study, Athelstan saw a fine dressed woman turn around to meet them and his eyes widen when he saw the familiar face.
"You remember Judith," the king chuckled into his ear but for a moment the powerful man's present was significant compared to the princess.
She was still as beautiful. The feelings that do grown distant, now came back as vibrant. Yet this time Athelstan would not give in, not for himself but for her. His previous actions towards her had been heartless and their intimacy could not be repeated even if she so would desire it.
However Athelstan could not lie to himself, it felt good to see her again even if the unpleasant knot returned to the pit of his stomach.
So a breathless "Yes," was the response before he came back to himself. Clearing his throat, he gave her a polite smile "It's a pleasure to meet with you again."
With only Athelstan, King Ecbert and herself in the room, Judith felt no need to hide her true emotions. Eyes lit up with happiness while a smile graced her lips and she took a few steps closer.
"As with you. It's a great surprise to see you among us once again," she replied bright eyed but with an undertone of nervousness. Walking closer still while hands twisted together so to stop herself from doing something impulsive.
Like grab him, to feel him be sturdy and real beneath her fingers. Judith could feel herself be at awe from just the sight of him, it made her feel almost foolish for acting so lovesick, especially after their last parting.
"For I confess that I imagen that it would be quite a while before you visited again," she told while glancing towards Ecbert with a questioning look.
Noting the look sent his way, Ecbert easily answered for the man "Ah yes, Athelstan has come to look over the settlement and is to remain here for the distant future to do so."
At the mention of the settlement she was unable to suppress her quiet gasp and look of alarm at the realization, one Athelstan easily noticed. But at the stern and disapproving expression from the King caused her to quickly stomached those feelings.
"He has come completely alone," he carried on with a sharp smile that their friend could not see "So I'm afraid we won't be blessed with the present of Ragnar."
"How unfortunate," Judith commented politely, her hands anxiously tugging at the sleeves.
"Very so," agreed Ecbert before stepping up beside the other two "But I must say Athelstan, it surprises me that you've left Ragnar's side to come here. For I remember instinctively that you said all your future lies with Ragnar."
At the mention Athelstan awkwardly sent a side glance to Judith before locking eyes with the King "It still remain as such, for the settlement is tied to Ragnar and I'm here upon his wishes," it was said confidently and in some way rang true.
"Then I'm afraid I'm going to be the bearer of bad news."
"...It tears at me to say this but," pausing to take in a heavy breath and place his hands upon Athelstan's shoulder which to the surprise of the former monk felt heavy suddenly "...The settlement was destroyed and left in ruins. Ragnar's people were slaughtered and no one was left alive-"
"What?" Athelstan choked in horror and took a step back in disbelief, breaking the hold from the other "That cannot be- Oh god," his stand became unsteady at the realization and he swayed dangerously.
Exhaustion, hunger and along with the additional shock finally pushed his body's limits but gentle hands guided him to a seat, while in the background Athelstan could vaguely make out Ecbert's voice.
"I know it comes as a shock, I was also shocked, beyond mind and angered by this."
Swallowing as a bad taste entered his mouth, Athelstan tried to get ahold of himself before saying "You said they- you assured us that they would be protected," It came out more accusing than he would have liked but he wasn't able to suppress it.
"I know, that's why I blame myself and why I didn't wish to tell you right away. By God! I am ashamed.. because it was some of my own noblemen who lead the wicked deed to completion," Ecbert ignored the look Judith sent him as his son's name was blantly missing from the list of guilty "Not under my orders! I assure you but against them, I demanded they provide the proper protection and they..."
"Killed them all," Athelstan finished moments later, feeling devastated as he realised that Ragnar- oh dear Gods, Ragnar. That the man's dream for his people and their future, laid now awaste. After everything to make it possible only for it to end.
The lives lost, now included the very people they died for.
"Yes but I made sure, such a heinous act would not be tolerated in my kingdom. I made sure they were justly punished and they do not speak for us, for me.. I can only hope Ragnar will forgive me for failing him so," Ecbert cupped the other's wet cheek and lifted until their eyes meet, the king's own eyes wet with unshed tears. "For failing you Athelstan, I can only beg-"
Both Athelstan and Judith then jumped in surprise as the king fell to his knees and pressed his face into the former monk's lap whilst spilling words begging for forgiveness.
"Beg that you'll forgive an old man's faulty choice of trust, which was placed in the utmost wrong type of characters-"
His actions threw both of them for a loop before they hurried to get him back up while Athelstan tried assuring "You are not to blame for their actions, you may be their king but they are their own men at heart and will do as they believe is right."
A part of him had to believe what he was saying, otherwise Athelstan knew he wouldn't be able to look the older man in the eyes.
"Regardless of any say, blame is not upon you, those that were chosen to protect are.. Please it pains me to see you take such misplaced blame."
When Ecbert's head finally lifted, Judith added as they slowly but surely got him back onto his feet "You mustn't blame yourself sire, what Athelstan says is true."
"I am unworthy blessed with such forgiving compassionate and merciful friends such as thee," Ecbert announced while placing his hands on each of their shoulders. "But even if I wish it, I am not guiltless.. But rest assured that I'll try and seek redemption for what has occurred."
Not knowing what to say Athelstan nodded while ignoring the heavy weight the man's hand caused. He didn't like what emotions lurked underneath it.
"But you must be tired from your long and hard journey," Ecbert said, changing the subject while releasing them in favor of walking to his desk "And while I do not wish to leave while things are as they are, I must return to my Kingly duties which require my attention."
"Good, good," a pause grew and it's heavy layer remain persistent over the room until he locked eyes with his former mistress "Judith'll see to that the servant get you a fitting room, I find that I need a moment to collect myself."
"We understand sire," she said accepting the responsibility before giving Athelstan a weak smile while leading him out.
At the sound of the door closing and with his back to it, Ecbert calmly wiped the tears away while wearing a calculating expression.
If you enjoy my story and have the energy please leave a comment and kudos so I know to carry on ;D
If you find that the story lacks certain tags be free to tell me~
Chapter 3: And blessings
Warning: Tags will most likely be cleaned up and changed as the story goes along so make sure to check before reading. I don't want anyone to have an unfortunate surprise.
And if you don't already know, this is unbeta'd and English isn't my native language.
Sorry if it feels messy, I tried to get the writing in a good flowing manner.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
It had only been a few days but Athelstan had remain soley in his room, praying for answers.
Food was provided regularly, although barely eaten cause of the constant nausea he experienced. It was as if the smells and tastes of food was too much for his senses. Too obscene to handle even as his stomach cramped for substance.
Neither Ecbert nor Juidth requested him to join them, nor did they disturb him. He was thankful for that piece of solitude as he dealt with the mess that had became his emotions.
Mostly despair and guilt filled him and the start of loneliness. The last for the Gods, for the sensation that he experianced in death when they been around him, it was so bluntly diffrent once he felt it. It was almost like a punishment to be apart from them now after having felt them so intensely.
He also started missing Ragnar's company, yet it filled him with shame when he though of the man. Because this was partly his fault.. Had he not been so blinded by the prospect of two worlds living in harmony as Ragnar and he had, then maybe this would not have happen.
The seeds planted for a better future for Ragnar's people and the next generation had been unplucked and discarded.. destroyed.
It weighted heavy upon him and tears trickled down his face as Athelstan stood over a bowl of water, cheeks already marked by old tears that've become itchy with time. If he hadn't already been, he would have though he looked dead as his reflection peered back at him from the water surface.
But it was not only guilt and shame that strained his body but also his body itself. Aches spread through his limbs as the day saw it's end, down to the bone, muscles becoming stiff as if gone through hard labor. That and his chest was continuously sore and felt bruised, right over his heart like he've received a heavy blow from underneath skin and bone.
Cupping the liquid, he splashed his face and washed away the evidence but the puffy and redness of his eyes remain persistent. Trying to collect himself, he dried himself before braiding his lose hair.
It was time to leave this room and show his appreciation to King Ecbert for the hospitality.
Glancing over to the bed, he took in the clothes left for him with a sinking feeling. His old monk robe, it had been laid out without question, and that had hit him hard. He really was to remain here in Wessex and likley not see Ragnar for years.
Maybe this was the Gods way of correcting what they've viewed as the wrong path, that being Athelstan's decision to return to Kattegat. It would corroborate why he woke up here instead of where he died. Their way of saying that Ecbert had been right, that his heart belongs here in England, in a Christian country.
Although his heart disagreed.
A warm drop of water rolled down the side of his face and tickled his neck before he rubbed it off but then dropped the robe in surprise as he saw the blood smear on his hand.
"Wh-" he numbly rubbed the blood between his fingers, feeling it texture and how it stained the skin.
The sudden hollow echo of knuckles rapping on the door pulled him away. It was followed with Ecbert's voice calling out "Athelstan, may I join you?"
In his half dressed state, Athelstan looked back to his hand and found the blood nowhere in sight. Confused he moved and turned the clean palm over in searched.
"Athelstan.. Are you awake?"
Dropping his hand he called out "Yes, forgive me, I'll be but a moment," before picking up his robe and putting it on. But found that somehow the robe felt wrong, it dragged against his skin in a unpleasant manner. As a renewed Christian it should give him comfort, Athelstan reflected with annoyance.
Hopefully with time it would becomes less displeasing.
Opening the door and unveiling the king, Ecbert was quick to take in the robes and give a approving smile. It pleased him to see Athelstan embracing the christian attire once more. He had them sent to the man after having heard back from his scouts that there was no Norsemen roaming either his land or open water. It was as he said to Judith 'Athelstan has truly come alone.'
"I hope I'm not bothering you in such grieving times?"
"No, not at all. I was on my way out-"
"Then may I spare you a moment?"
"Of course," Athelstan stepped aside to let the King in, who took note of the scarcely eaten food with a frown. "Is the food not to your liking?"
"It is but having been upon the sea has effected my hunger but I'm sure it'll pass soon," he lied which was becoming easier with each day passing.
"Ah, I confess it's been quite a while since I was upon the open seas."
Athelstan nodded, trying to focus on the other as he spoke but his mind drifted back to the vision of blood and pondered its meaning.
They reminded him of the visions he saw after having been crucified, how he would bleed from healed wounds only for the blood to disappear second later. They were eerily similar.
"And I know the news about the settlement must have devastated you," Ecbert said, bring the other back with his words "But I'm not solely a bearer of bad news, I carry also a good one," he stepped towards the doorway and called out "Judith, bring Alfred."
"Alfred?" he asked confused, not recalling the name anywhere or to anyone. His eyes widen in suprise as Judith stepped inside with a child in her arms. "You had another child?"
"Yes, a son," she said coming closer to show him and then hand over, forcing Athelstan to quickly balance the boy into his arms. "Your son."
Athelstan froze while the other two awaited for further reaction. Body still with shock and mind going numb, he looked up to her with wide eyes. The silent question was answered with a nod before he gazed upon the child.
Feeling the weight in his arms, Athelstan shakily lifted a hand to touch the soft face and Alfred in turned looked back while yawning quietly. Unexplainable joy suddenly overtook his shock and numbness as tears formed.
He had a son, a child of his very own!
"My son," he gasped in wonderment before looking up, Judith had equally shiny eyes and Ecbert a soft smile. "How-" the smile quickly disapeard as he realized what this meant, a sinking feeling grew in the pit of Athelstan's stomach.
The sinful crime that've been commited coming to light in the form of a son.
"The affair, yes," Ecbert confirmed while Judith seemingly shrunk in on herself. "But rest assure, no punishment shall be dealt. I do not seek to condemn you or anyone else for what has occurred, we all have sins even the most righteous is not without stain."
"But it was immoral, wrong, I laid with your son's wife-" he shifted the grip on the child, feeling cautious and unconvinced of the quick forgiven nature, missing how Judith snapped up and looked stricken by his words.
"How you can let me stay here after I've done something so insulting. How can there not be a punishment?" Athelstan question in disbelief. The king may view them as friends but this was frown upon by the church, court and people- Aethelwulf, who must without question know.
"Now how could I when it's God's will that made sure this child was conceived."
"..God's?" that had not been what he expected to hear.
"Yes, you're a man of God Athelstan," he said passionately while moving in close, skillfully lying once again in the same manner that he done to his son and the people. "I nor anyone else can convict and chastise Judith for desiring a man of your stature, which gave life to your son. It's surely an act of our Lord," he placed a hand on Alfred's head gently "He desired that these acts were fulfilled."
Looking back with wide eyes, Athelstan was lost for words and shocked at the reason behind the forgiveness- Actually it appeared now more as a blessing from the king. Not how he expected this to go if it ever came to ligtht.
"But your son, her husband, Aethelwulf, he cannot-"
"Don't worry," Ecbert assured, leaning in close with intense eyes "I'll protect you.. All of you," the last part he added once locking eyes with Judith.
Compared to when Ragnar has said such familiar words and now, Ecbert didn't sound as reliable. Not after the settlement which he had promised similar protection.
"My son'll not go against my will. Or that of God's."
God's will? Athelstan thought doubtful looking down at the boy. It sounded too much like an excuse for their actions and a far fetched way to let them escape without retribution.
A renewed Christian he may been before death but at the time of his son's conception he had struggled between his faith and the pagan one. He haven't been a man of God for many years nor would he ever be, at least not in such a manner. After his resurrection, especially after that, he could never ignore the pagan Gods ever again.
Was this Ecbert's way of easing the way and freeing Alfred of his parents ill advised actions?
Athelstan didn't voice any of these thoughts, not when it presented a way for Judith and his son to not be punished, instead he nodded and expressed his gratitude "I cannot express how thankful I am for your mercy."
"Don't thank me, that praise goes to our Lord. But you'll be happy to know that I made sure he had a christening."
"How am I be able to repay-
"There's no need I'm just happy you're all safe and sound. And of course for you to meet your son, it's an occasion to celebrate! Now come, join us for some food and drink," Ecbert said with a big smile and lead them out "I'm sure Judith is brimming with things to tell you about Alfred."
Judith swallowed heavily and followed them, her eyes locked on the man she loved while her heart was heavy and filled with uncertainty.
The sky was dark and sun had long since gone down, only candles and tourches were illuminating the way for them through the halls. Their light chuckles filled the silence as well as their chatter.
Judith giggled as he helped her stand tall once again after having taken a misstep "I think I tasted too much of the wine," she confessed good humored.
Ecbert had left them only moments ago with a tired groan and stretch before departing to his own chambers, leaving with a sly look in his eyes which only she had catched.
"I think we all did," Athelstan laughed althought not as drunk and affected as the other. Too many nights drinking oneself into a stupor with Torstein and Ragnar would do that to you, made him handle his drink a lot more efficiently.
If his younger monk like-self saw him now, oh the horrified expression he would receive!
"What's so funny?" she asked with a smile as he started snickering to himself. They were close to her bedchamber now and she felt excited but also nervous.
"Nothing," he dismissed, trying to suppress his laughter before looking at her which brough forth a smile "I was just imagining how my former self would be outraged by my behavior."
"..And that makes you laugh?" Judith asked quietly, as she imagine what her younger self would think of her now. Properly disgusted and ashamed what she've become, think of her as a harlot and other unsavory things..
"Yes, I'm very diffrent from who I once were. Like to think I've changed for the better."
"I don't think I would like very much what my young self would see and say about myself now.."
Their conversation turned sobering.
"It wouldn't be a pleasant conversation on my behalf," she said with weak smile.
"Nor would mine."
Feeling baffled, she looked at him "Then why find it amusing?"
Contemplating his answer and how to explain it to her so she would understand, Athelstan thought for a long moment before saying "I was someone else back then, I was.. blind to the world outside the one I knew. Sheltered by the monastery, only seeing what was shown to me, even on my journeys with my fellow monks to other places. So what did I know of pain, suffering, joy and love outside faith?"
Judith falter at his words as they came to stand before her room.
"My opinion back then doesn't speak as high of value now, it would be filled with what I've been feed and taught to believe. My thoughts were others' view of things, not made by my own experiences for I barely had any which wasn't related to God."
"So you wouldn't change it if you could? Go back to who you were?"
"No, I've found that I'm far happier as I am now even if it's been a hardship along the way with tears and pain. Even as I struggle with myself, I have a lot of things I never dared to dream of. Friends, family and now including a son," he gave her a warm smile.
She noticed immediately the absencent mention of 'lover'. Or was she family now?
"My past self knows nothing of what I've gone through, and have been forced to do and willingly done. Have yours?"
"No," she said with realization. Her past hadn't gone through what she had, so what right did the young Judith have to question or insult her choices to feel alive and survive.
"So what value do their thoughts of us have?
"Nothing," she answered with a stronger smile and opened the door, wide enough for him to follow but he hestitated before taking a step back.
"I think it's time I bid you good night-"
"Do you wish to see him?" Judith quickly asked, not wanting him to leave her just yet. Additionally, Ecbert expected her to fulfill her duties in keeping Athelstan comfortable in Wessex.
All through the dinner and 'celebration', Athelstan had barely managed to look away from Alfred. Too mesmerised by his existence and every sound and move he made to even concentrate on conversations. He had been reminded to eat his food and drink repeatedly from both Ecbert and Judith.
Which made her offer very tempting and soon enough he felt her hand slip into his before gently being lead inside without any resistant. Even if he knew he should go back to his own sleeping quarters and lessen the risk of them being alone together, he grew quickly weak at the mention of Alfred.
This must be what Ragnar felt with his children. Such unexplainable love and adoration for someone he barely knew.
The boys were sleeping soundly in their beds, having been brought here by the nursery maidens once the hour had grown late. Beside their beds laid one of the maids sleeping on the ground.
Her present was assuring and lessen the tension in Athelstan's shoulders and caused him to drop his guard significantly while Judith faltered at the sight of her, having for a second forgotten the servant's present and the obstacle she now have become.
Letting go of the other, Athelstan knelt beside the crib and peered down at the resting face, drinking in every detail he could make out from the light of the fireplace.
"He's beautiful," he whispered, fingers itching to lift him up as Judith took a seat on her bed close to them.
"He is," she smiled and daringly reached out to place a hand on his shoulder which he chose to take as a friendly gesture.
"I've never imagen myself being so blessed," his voice filled with astonishment and tenderness while touching the boy's cheek gently "To have a child of my very own."
"I- it never crossed my mind.. It's not something that's expected of you when you're a monk."
"But you're no longer a monk," she pointed out.
That was true yet Athelstan had barley played with the thought of either children or a wife as a free man. He came to a sudden realization. When he thought of the future all his mind and heart, regardless what the Gods and Ecbert thought, could picture was to follow and be beside Ragnar, wherever that would take him. Even in death he imagen walking beside the man in spirit.
There was only Ragnar in his future, at least that had once been the case, now he wasn't so sure.
"Seems some old habits remain persistent even if they are of no value."
"Not anymore, you have a son now."
"And I have you to thank for that," he turned to look at her with a smile.
"I didn't do it alone," her fingers grazed the skin by his collar, the touch was pleasant but made him tense and the smile fadded.
Turning back to Alfred just as her hand was seconds from caressing his cheek but now stopped and hovered after his action before dropping away.
"What happen after I left?" he finally asked quitely, so far no one had woken up. "Did you know you were..?"
"No but if I had, would you have stayed with me if I told you?"
"I... I don't know. I would like to imagen I would but-"
"But?" Judith moved to kneel beside him with a hardly disguised look of hurt.
"I don't know what I would have done.. Our situation isn't ideal and what we did was-"
"Wrong, immoral," she whispered sharply, picking up the same words he used with Ecbert.
"Yes-" he watch her experssion become stricken "In their eyes it was and they have the power to do us harm. What I think do not hold the angry mob or your husband away."
The expression faded but not her feeling of hurt, she wasn't liking these answers even if they were true.
"I would fear what they would have done to you, both of you," Athelstan touched her shoulder gently and she hesitated before leaning into it. "Maybe I would have taken you with me," he joked, trying to lighten the mood but it fell flat in the quite room "But that would only have caused problems for the alignment. Which wouldn't leave me with many options. What would you have wanted me to do? Had I known."
"Stayed with me."
"Even if that was impossible?
"I didn't say it was rasional but King Ecbert do favors you, maybe he could-
"Tell his son to let his wife have a secret lover?" he suggested with a unconvinced tone.
"Maybe," she replied. The man was willing to make his son's wife into his own personal mistress.
"It wouldn't have worked and I- I couldn't-"
"Because my future lied with Ragnar," he finally spilled honestly and with a pained expression.
"Even with your son?" she wanted to add 'and me' but already knew the answer to that. Athelstan had already picked the viking over her in the past.
It was sinking in more and more how high the pagan was held in comparison to others in the former monk's life.
"The only way I could have been part of his life, at least with what I knew back then, would have been to take him from you. I could never do such a thing," he slowly moved them to sit on the bed while she nodded. "Not against you."
"But he would have been safer with you," Judith reasoned, thinking back to the pain and fear she've gone through after the birth.
Swallowing, his thoughts flashed back to his death and said absently "I wouldn't be so sure."
"What do you mean?"
Shaking his head "Nothing, it dosen't matter.. I must ask, does- does Aethelwulf know about Alfred being mine?"
"Yes," Judith turned from him, her fingers fidgeting with locks of hair "I was pregnant and my husband had been away on battle so it was nothing I could've hidden. I was forced to tell them the father or my punishment would have been fulfilled completely."
"Punishment? I thought Ecbert put a stop to any punishments."
"He did but only after they did this," she moved her hair which hide the mutilated ear stump and watched his eyes widened in horror "And after I told them the name of the father."
Hand moved and hovered over the gruesome wound, afraid to touch in fear that it would inflict pain, Athelstan felt bill rose in the back of his throat and guilt overtook him.
His fingers instead graced the area underneath her missing ear "I-I'm truly sorry," he could barley form the words "I-I should have been the one condemned- If I ever know what they would do, I would never have left you. Never."
Letting go of her hair, Judith covered his hand and pressed it into her cheek with a wet smile "You would, wouldn't you," she said with joy. He would have saved her if he knew, and that lighten her heart.
"I would have taken your place in a heart beat-"
Judith lips pressed against his, cutting off his apologies and mind efficiently. Her arms wrapped themselves around his neck and soon the kiss deepend, and for a moment he was lost in the feeling of her just like in the past.
But their embrace was cut short as one of the children woke up crying , waking both his brother and the maid. Forcing them to break apart and let Athelstan realize the mistake he was making.
"I should leave," he rose and hurried to the door.
Following in his footsteps was Judith who tried to come up with anything to make him stay but with the children crying and the present of the conscious maid, she couldn't think.
"I'll happily see Alfred anytime that's acceptable to you. Good night, princess."
Next Athelstan swiftly disappeared behind the closing door, leaving her with slumped shoulders and a disappointed sigh.
".. Good night."
"With the settlement gone and along it, your original assignment, I thought it would be best to give you a new purpose or in this case an old one," Ecbert lead him inside.
The familiar scrolls, pages, shelves and the desk, along with writing and painting tools. All was exactly as Athelstan had left it. He took it all in, this had not been the place he'd expect to find himself after leaving for Kattegat. Yet here he was.
"I don't want you to feel ideal until Ragnar sends for you. When are you scheduled to return?"
"I do not know an exact time, it depended on things back home and if there's need or time for me to return," he lied, having prepared for that exact question and to give a vage enough answer.
"I see," the king swallowed bitterly around Athelstan's use of 'home' to decribe the Northlands but reminded himself that there was still time to change that. "Now what do you say, is it appealing enough to take up where you left off?"
For some reason it felt choking, as if dust was collecting in his throat and stopping air from getting through. He couldn't understand why he was feeling this way, everything inside this room, including his robes, had giving him peace once but now left a bad taste in his mouth.
"I would appreciate the distraction and sense of duty," Athelstan said finally, not knowing what else to say.
"Good," the king watched the other walk up to the unfinished images that still remain out "And with my son swiftly returning from Merica, hopefully with promising news, I would imagen you wishing to spend more time down here. In both studies."
Athelstan looked down at the mention of Aethelwulf but quickly looked up when Ecbert came close.
"Do not worry, no harm shall come but I do advice you remain out of sight until further once he's here."
"Now I'll let you get accustomed once more, should we expect you at dinner?"
"Hopefully, if I've not been consumed by these scripts," Athelstan jokes with a failing smile which the king did not notice.
"I'll send a servant to fetch you in such a case."
Ecbert left with Athelstan nodding at him, only to meet Judith half way through the corridor.
"I was told Athelstan was with you down here," she explained at his questioning expression. "I wish to speak with him."
"Ah. Well don't let this old man stand in your wake," he grinned, stepping aside for her. But with Aethelwulf fresh in his mind, he quickly blocked her by stepping back.
"Actually, there was one thing I needed to discuss with you. Regarding my son's part in the settlement."
She had been waiting for this subject to be broached as soon as Ecbert had deliberetly not told Athelstan of Aethelwulf action in the slaughter. His volume was low enough that their guest wouldn't overhear so she had to come closer.
"It's not to be spoken of, do I make myself clear? It'll only bring Athelstan and us unnecessary pain."
"I'll not have them at each other's throats!" he declared with a firm and higher tone, then glanced behind him to see if it was heard. He added once turning back to her "You wouldn't want them to harm each other?"
"No," shaking her head but didn't appear fully convinced of lying to Athelstan. Especially not about this, it was clear that Ragnar's dream had been full heartedly shared by the former-monk.
A devious thought struck and Ecbert quickly but gently grabbed her shoulders while wearing a disappointed expression "He shouldn't have broke my will or word but-" brows wrinkled together while eyes sharped onto her "Your action humiliated him, I made sure neither you nor your son was punished severely. But my son didn't recive his justice and with the settlement here. He was angry and.. it does not excuse but you must understand his state of mind. Our actions have unforeseeable consequences."
Judith mouth parted and eyes widen. It hadn't even crossed her mind, that it could have been her infidelity that pushed him to such anger and the reason for him to do such a thing.
All those people..
"Now do you see, we cannot let this come to light. Mh?"
"Y-yes," eyes grew wet but she didn't let the tears fall as he let her go. "I understand."
"Now go see our guest, I'm sure he'll be happy for your company," he touched her cheek with a encouraging smile before heading towards the stairs.
Gathering herself together, she wiped her eyes dry and exhaled a shaky breath as he disappeared from sight. She did her best of not thinking about the list of consequences that was growing because of her actions.
Lifting her head taller and continuing onto her path, Judith stopped silently in the doorway and watched her lover- or was it still lover? She didn't know anymore, she needed answers and that's why she was here.
She hadn't been left alone with him for two days since their kiss, it almost felt as if he was doing it on purpose. Making sure they never were alone or would hurry off before it could just be them two.
In the dime light of the clouded sun coming through the small windows, Athelstan unrolled a scroll and with unseeing eyes looked at the words that didn't register.
Once more Athelstan would wear the title of 'Guardian', to preserve the roman history for all eternity. Ecbert hadn't said so but it was the Gods will for Athelstan to be here so it must mean for this purpose and for eternity..
Turning around in suprised Athelstan dropped the scroll and took in the royal standing by the door. Swallowing, Athelstan gave her a polite smile "I apologize, I didn't hear you come in."
She walked deeper into the room, taking in the state of it before pausing at one of Athelstan's work "It's beautiful."
".. Thank you," he cautiously came closer, wondering if what she was here for was what he suspected. If he was lucky it was about their son. "Although it's not finished as you can see, needs to be painted with the fitting colors."
Glancing at him as he came to stand beside her, Judith asked curiously "Do you know which?"
"Not exactly, it's been a long time since I looked at this piece, can't recall what I planned for it."
"Maybe the color of the sun would be fitting for the area behind his head, would make it appear holy."
"I agree," he smiled which she mirrored before Judith turned to face him fully.
"We can't," Athelstan protested, backing away when she reached out for him, intentions very clear.
"We can. The King gives his blessing, you don't need to worry about punishments," she assured honestly, grasping the sleeve of his robe.
"What are you talking about?" Athelstan drew back further in bafflement. "Why would he do such a thing? Against his very own son."
"God. King Ecbert believes our son is God's doing and in so the force which pulled us to one another. He won't stop us if we wish to be together."
"Even so, I can't."
Rejected once more Judith asked upset "Am I no longer desirable to you, I bare your child and you-
"No, that's not-" Athelstan grabbed her hand, touching her for the first time since she arrived "You're as beautiful as the day I meet you, maybe even more so now."
"Becasue it's already done so much harm, most of all to you," guilt colored Athelstan's expression "And it's my fault, I should never have pushed, I shouldn't have let it happen from the start."
".. You regret it," her hand withdrew instantly.
"Not everything, only the pain it caused you."
"Then why won't you touch me. Don't you love me?
Willing himself to be strong and say the words that needed to be said even if they hurt her "Not enough. Not like you deserve nor how you wish to be loved."
Rearing back as if slapped Judith asked vexed "What do you know of how I want to be loved?"
"You want to be loved unconditionally, at least that's how you should be loved."
"What if I don't care?"
".. I still won't be with you," Athelstan answered, holding himself to the promise he made himself. "I'll only extend my hand in friendship and shared parenthood but that's where it ends. I'm sorry."
Tears now filled up Judith's eyes as she couldn't believe what she was hearing. He didn't love her enough nor did he wish to be with her even if no harm would come to them.
"Was it even real or was I just someone willing you could lay with?!.. Did you even love me before?" she questioned angrily before drifting to a sad tone.
His silent was deafaning as Athelstan though back to the lust and taste of the forbidden that had sparked between them but no deep love.
The sadness faded and was overtaken by anger and the feeling of betrayal as her former lover remain quiet. "You used me," Judith hissed before slapping him as hard as she could muster, causing him to stumble in surprise before sharply leaving with a few tears escaping down her face.
Judith was sick and tired of being used by others.
Athelstan remained against the shelf, making no attempts to pull himself up as he sat in the shame he deserved but knew that it had been the right choice. For everyone.
If you enjoy my story and have the energy please leave a comment and kudos so I know to carry on ;D
If you find that the story lacks certain tags be free to tell me~
Chapter 4: The son
Warning: Tags will most likely be cleaned up and changed as the story goes along so make sure to check before reading. I don't want anyone to have an unfortunate surprise.
And if you don't already know, this is unbeta'd and English isn't my native language.
Sorry for the horribly long wait, life was busy and a lot of problems rose up writing this but I hope it came out good~
"A toast to my son."
Ecbert lifted his chalice and looked towards his only child "I give thanks to God for your success and safe return."
"Thank you, father," Aethelwulf replied before taking a sip in suit with the King, only Judith was slower to take hers as she cautiously observed them both quietly.
An underline of uncertainty was in the air and every second Judith wondered if the King would broach the topic of Athelstan's present.
"I confess to you that Queen Kwenthrith tried to use her female wilds upon me but-" the prince informed, glancing to his father who's paused before continuing to eat-"with God's help I manages to resist the Devil's snares."
"I always knew she try to win you over that way," Ecbert confessed in turn before chewing as he contemplates the Queen with a shake of his head, "It's in her nature... It's what she does."
He then pointed to his son and said with confident and praise for all to hear, "But I also knew, that you would be able to resist her for your morals and faith are such as even I look up to."
Aethelwulf put his hands together and gave a nod, taking in the recognition with concealed joy.
Turning to his dauther-in-law, who's eyes were now on the food, Ecbert carried on while motioning at her with a meaingful expression, "I'm sure your wife, is also happy to hear that you avoided temptation."
Husband and wife locked eyes across the table, he inquisitive while she struggled to find the correct words as she was put on the spot.
"Ah.. Of course," she answered dutiful before stating more honestly while keeping eye contact with her spouse. "But-.. I'm not so much of a hypocrite as to say so."
"No longer be afraid of that, however painful it was for me. Whatever happen between you and Athelstan-" Aethelwulf paused to swallow as the words grew heavy to speak-"was God's work. It was for a higher purposes and although I can't even guess at that purposes, I'm prepared to bow before God's will."
Both were suprised by this turn of leaf, Judith taking the words with caution even as they were said with sincerity, and Ecbert seeing the opportunity to force his son to take to the words and promise he just unintentionally made to them.
"I praise your attitude my son if only we were all so humble and so righteous."
Aethelwulf rubbed at his forehead, feeling the tiredness of both journey and of the words from his father, words which struck an unpleasant core if tried to used to describe the King.
A heavy question lodged upon his mind and the doubt which spread because of it. Was Aethelwulf just a pawn in his father's pursuit in claiming England? Had he been sent to Merica in hopes of the prince meeting his demise at the hands of the Queen, and in so starting a war between the two Kingdoms? The one needed to take claim of Merica.
It was an outrageous question to even ask but he felt compelled to know the answer to it, to either be assured or let it be confirmed of the true and ugly nature of his roll.
Aethelwulf's lips parted but he didn't get a chance to speak for the King carried on without faltering.
"For it pleases me greatly my son. For you see God has seen to it as to bless us by having Athelstan returned to us."
Hands gripped the wooden arms of the chair tightly before forcing himself to say with a facade of intrigue, "The Northmen have returned to our land?" Willing himself to focus on the important aspect of the information.
"No, they've merely left Athelstan here in passing as they ride towards greater challenges. To Paris."
"Paris?" Letting loose a disbelieving scoff of laughter, "They aim to conquer the great city?"
"Quite a feat I know."
"A foolish attempt, no one has ever succeeded in overtaking such a secure city." The Prince didn't bother asking if they should assist the French, for that was not their battle to partake in and even so it was much more guarded than their own Kingdom so they shouldn't be needed for aid.
"Yet I find myself believing if anyone would do such a impossible thing it would be Ragnar," Ecbert reflect with a air of respect and ideal for the Heathen.
"... He is a force to be reckoned with," admitted Aethelwulf, then finally daring to voice what was truly on his mind. "And what about Athelstan, mh? Why not amidst them in such an attempt. I thought if any he would be by the Viking's side, unless he's here on their behalf.. Or could it be possible he's return for his home country?"
The King took his time, chewing and sipping his drink much to his son's annoyance, "He's here to oversee the settlement but as you know, it no longer exists."
Aethelwulf grew silent and wore an unreadable expression while his hands knitted together.
"But he's not without purpose, he's return to his former duties that'd I assigned him when he first came into our possession."
"... And when will they inevitably come for him?" Taking slight enjoyment at the twist to his father's expression at the mention, that so clearly states and shows where Athelstan's truest loyalty and want laid. And it wasn't with his father.
"It cannot be pin pointed to an exact time and day, it was never decided since his task was one of long time commitment to the people Ragnar left in our care... It could be months, years even."
"Then we must always be aware," Aethelwulf reasoned with caution, the pagans would never forgive the events that had occurred. Be it with or without the knowledge of King Ecbert's part in it. "Is Athelstan aware of his son?"
Giving his wife a glance but it was the King who answered in her stead, "Yes, he's been informed and introduced."
"I take it he's overjoyed?" Eyes never leaving Judith, who looked back at him unfaltering.
"As I believe any man would that understands such a blessed gift that is children."
"Especially a son." Aethelwulf then raised his drink towards her in a act of celebration, even if it wasn't full heartedly, "Congratulations."
Judith gave a slight nod in thanks, asking slowly "Your claims of before, do they still stand after news of his arrival?" While eyeing him carefully. She needed to know, for her children.
And also the small betraying part of her that still worried for the man who used her.
"I still stand by what I said, it has not changed."
"If only others could stand to have such control and forgiveness, the world surely would be a better place," King Ecbert praised once more for all to hear, openly pleased by his son's words. "We look to your image as pristine example."
Wandering the halls with thoughts filled with newes from Merica. Ecbert was relieved to know it's been sorted but now he needed to find another way to try and claim the land with proper cause. No claim would have been as secure and fitting than a murdered son and heir, even if it pains him to use Aethelwulf in such way.
Still it was for a greater purpose.
But no news caught him by surprise than news of this 'son' of Ragnar that the Mad Queen had given birth to. If it was a ploy, he wouldn't be all surprised, wouldn't put it past her... Yet if it was a legitimate child, well again she wasn't loyal to no man and slept with whoever she fancied. It wouldn't be far fetched for the Viking King himself to also have enjoyed her pleasuring company.
Either the case, it could be useful especially if it was a true son of Ragnar. Getting hold of the boy would be in his favor, a card to triumphantly be used in dire situations that called for it.
Catching sight of a moving figure from the corner of his eye, the King stopped and glanced to the window. Stepping closer to see outside to the garden, he stopped short as he saw the younger man that he couldn't help but want near.
Athelstan's robs contrasted strongly around the environment and made him easy to spot among the dying greenery. The former monk filled him with an almost obsessive sort of nature that Ecbert didn't fully know how to understand or interpret. Yet he knew he desired for the man to remain by his side forever.
Gazing around he found that Athelstan walked alone, recalling of telling the man to keep hidden until he said otherwise, seems those words has been discarded to the wind.
Minutes later Ecbert walked into the garden, eyes set on the area which he had last seen his guest. He found Athelstan standing still and intensely staring in the direction of the wall, looking at something the King couldn't make out until he got closer.
A few birds were jumping along and sitting ontop of the wall, cawing and making a light nuisance of themselves. Their feathery coats were pitch black and stood out as much as the monk did.
With slight suspicion Ecbert eyed the creatures before clearing his throat, announcing his present and causing the other to jump and turn around before relaxing visibly at the sight of him. Which he couldn't help but be pleased by.
"I do believe I told you it would be wiser to remain out of sight?"
"It wasn't on purpose," Athelstan lied in a sheepish manner, shifting on the spot. "My mind wandered and so in turn did I. Found myself here, I think a part of me knew I needed some air."
"Working below can be quite suffocating, I cannot fault you for needing a moment of fresh air."
The King motioned for the man to follow him as he headed back inside, wishing to keep Athelstan's attention for a while longer. And he could use the younger man's counsel regarding the Northmen.
"I've spoken with my son and he assured me he won't do you any harm, but between the two of us I would still ask of you not to seek out his company and stay clear if possible, for everyone involved. A man's reputation isn't a pleasant sight to see bruised."
That Aethelwulf wouldn't seek redemption and justice for what he've done was.. unbelievable. Athelstan gave a nod in understanding. "I'll be out of sight if needed sire."
"Good," Ecbert took pause by the stairs, halting their movement in which Athelstan would deem a secluded and private spot. "Now there's something I need to ask you, for if anyone knows Ragnar the most I would think it be you."
"Ragnar is quite complex, I cannot say with full confidence that I know him more than others."
"Yet he trust you, and any can see you share a bond."
A knot twisted in his stomach and a feeling of light longing came over him, Ragnar's presence was missed in these times of confusion and doubts. Yet for unknown reasons, a cautiousness overcame him and in turn a feeling of guilt, for the King've done him nothing but been a generous host.
Athelstan gave a small nod, "Yes, I see him as a close friend." Family even, but he's throat tighten around those words and did not let them be heard.
"When Ragnar appears on my shores once more.. Will he be able to forgive for what has happened to his settlement?"
Lowering his eyes, Athelstan curled his hands together, "For once I cannot speak for him nor what he's actions would be." But he could imagine how furious, betrayed and saddened the man would be by the news.
"Then what of a son?"
Eyes snapped up and with a confused expression, Athelstan repeated, ".. A son?"
"It appears Kwenthrith has birth Ragnar a son," Ecbert told, taking in the other's surprise. "You knew nothing of this?"
Leaning in close, the King asked with clear interested "Then could her claim be false?"
"Not necessarily," Athelstan answered honestly, heart beating faster, "Ragnar has had children with more than one woman, it's not disbelieving if it is to be true." The former monk could feel himself jumping between curiosity, speculation and small glimmer of hope.
Ragnar always had such deep love for his children and Athelstan felt happy for him. If true these news would please him, and likely cause problems back home with his wife... Yet a small part of Athelstan hoped it was true, to have a piece of the Viking near, even in the form of a child would be a blessing.
For the reality was that Athelstan had left the studies knowingly. It hit him fully that there was nothing left of the man that once been his captive turned closes of friend. Only memories.
In the dust covered room, filled with ancient scrolls of Roman scripts, he had suddenly felt how bare his wrist was. The arm ring that he thrown away in an act of being reborn as a Christian, now more than ever he felt its harsh absent.
No more was there a ring that grew warm from the heat of his skin nor chilly from the cold air. No more was it tying him to Ragnar in a pact of loyalty, even if that loyalty remain inside him, nothing left of Ragnar did.
Not the settlement and not the precious arm ring, it was as if no trace was left for Athelstan to see of the Viking. Of the life and home he made in Kattegat. And knowing he may never see the man again, it had made the heart heavier.
Had Athelstan not been given a son to balm his loneliness, then he would have wondered if this was not a punishment by the Gods. For wanting to never leave Ragnar's side.
It had hit him all at once, causing him to leave the room which had started to feel like a tomb and out into the garden, where he had been in a state of numbness before hearing the sounds of ravens nearby.
Wondered what their present had for significance and what they represented to his troubled thoughts.
"Then it could truly be his son," the older man mused, breaking the other's thoughts before chuckling with a smile, "Seems these are the times we are to be blessed with sons."
The image of Alfred appeared on Athelstan's mind and so did a small smile, in time maybe his son would make him bear it. Then as if knowing his thoughts, Ecbert spoke again.
"Alfred is truly a blessing above others, he'll be a magnificent king."
Athelstan blinked, "A king?"
"With the guidences from myself and you, as well as skilled schoolers. Wessex will be under fine ruling."
"B-but Alfred's not a true descendant of either you nor Aethelwulf, he has no claim to the throne as heir," he protested, trying to wrap his head around the absurd announcement.
"He's a gift from God, for what other purpose but to be king?" Ecbert reasoned back, hovering his hand out to the other. "You cannot ask me to deny such a boy not to rule my Kingdom."
Once more God was the reason, the excuse.
As if Athelstan had no control of his own actions! He knew what he done wrong and the outcome of it, there had been no God on his mind when he given into lust. Only been thoughts of promising pleasure and of another warm body against his, as willing as himself.
This was just another lie, another ploy of deception which to hide the truth. Lying was becoming a daily practice for him but he knew this lie, could not be revealed nor argued against. It would only harm Alfred and Judith further but it was showing signs of consequences.
A king, his son? Athelstan has seen what power has done to those around him, it couldn't end well, not for Alfred.
"He's not the first born son," he pressed on, hoping the King would see reason, "Aethelred has that title, and his father has much closer right to the throne than both children."
"Above any Aethelwulf is a man faithful to God, he'll understand my reason as will the people. And the boy got royal blood, maybe not from my family but from Judith's. You shouldn't worry."
Ecbert paused for a moment as he saw the troubled expression on the other.
"Claim me foolish but I believed you would be overjoyed and glad of such news. Alfred'll never find himself lacking in life. I cannot think of any higher position..."
"I've barely had time to fully grasped how I have a son and now he's to be the future king?"
"It's too much, I apologize. I'm being overzealous. I can see that but I've decided that I want it to be Alfred," Ecbert grasped the younger man's shoulder. "There can be no other worthy candidate."
But the expression remain unfavored so he tries another approach.
"Now I know as the child's father you wish to decided for his future.. But you must see the opportunity I'm giving him, the chance to be something more than the stained reputation he'll bear from being.."
"A bastard?" Athelstan continued, shame filling him for tainting a innocent child with his own mistakes.
"Yes," Ecbert nodded, making a show of swallowing as if the description was sobering before giving a sympathetic look to who he thought as a friend. "And do you not wish him a chance at a better life?"
"I do," Athelstan answered in a quiet tone. Knowing he had nothing to give or properly provide for the life he've made.
"Then trust me, trust me with your son and I shall lift him to glory and comfort. To a good life."
The former monk was at a crossroad. He did trust the King but the ruins of the settlement made Athelstan pause, and the prospect of making the child first in line to the throne left him feeling dread. He wondered if Judith knew of this yet, and where her view on the matter fell.
Ecbert nodded again while his hand drop away, giving off the impression that he was taking the man's silence as a yes.
"As much as your company is pleasant I think it's high time I return to my duties," Ecbert gave him a pointed look, "As should you."
"Yes sire," watching as the King descend up the stairs.
"All will be good, you'll see," Ecbert assured him with an encouraging smile before disappearing from view.
Once more his life has been turned on it's axel, Athelstan thought humorless. It seem to be a common theme ever since the Northmen first stepped onto the shore of Lindisfarne.
It was only when he moved for the path to the studies that he remember forgetting to ask for the name of Ragnar's possible son. Athelstan then stopped sharply, brows knitted together.
Never asked why a son of Ragnar had to do with forgiveness or getting in Ragnar's favor..
Dangerous thoughts unfolded traitorously.
Footsteps echoed against the walls and soon a figure came into sight and broke him from his thoughts as he came face to face with none other than Prince Aethelwulf.
They stared down one another before an almost comedic realization appeared on the royal's face, Athelstan quickly averted his eyes to the ground but made no move to leave. Even if King Ecbert's words echoed in his head, he found himself rooted to the spot.
Ready to accept whatever action the Prince deemed right. Better him than Judith and their son.
It didn't take long before Athelstan was slammed into the wall, being held there by fists gripping the front of the robs roughly. Aethelwulf panting heavily, as if he've run miles, into the other's face as his expression was twisted into fury.
Mockery of how he slaughtered the settlement was hot on the tip of Aethelwulf's tongue but he strained to keep it within himself. His father had told him that Athelstan didn't know of his involvement and how it was to remain as such. The King would not tolerate any acts of self indulgence from him when delicate things were being moved into place.
But staring at the man who dare lay with his wife was testing his control and promise.
"You can hit me if that's what you deem as just, I won't fight it," Athelstan said, sincerity colored the words and his eyes looked back at the Prince with acceptance. Like offering oneself as cattle to a butcher.
Fist tighten and Aethelwulf leaned in closer with a sneer, "What I want is that you never had been shown mercy and removed from that cross that was your justly punishment! Even if it's a condemned and frown upon practice."
Their eyes never broke away from one another, in the distant the sound of the wind whispering could be heard and the flapping of wings. Both waiting for the pain to be inflicted but seemingly never arriving as they stood still as stone.
Finally Athelstan's body slumped against the wall as hands unclenched, letting him go as Aethelwulf removing himself from the other. The Prince couldn't linger around the other for too long, he knew this as he got hold of himself. For the pain and humiliation still burned hot inside him, fueled his anger and made him lose himself to wrath.
Eyes boring into the man which had his father favor and the affection of his wife one last time, Aethelwulf turned and left without saying a word. His sharp and hard steps against the stone floor echoed long after he gone.
Athelstan took a deep breath while shaking hands took hold of the wall behind him for support.
The fear which had been absent just seconds ago had now finally made their appearance known and they rode the waves through his body. The wish for death was no longer present in him as it had been when he first gotten slain by the boatmaker, Athelstan realized. There was a strong will inside him to live and it now made sure he knew of it.
Gathering himself together, Athelstan pushed himself upright and returned to the path that lead to the lower levels.
Storming in, Aethelwulf dropped down to his knees before the statue of Christ and into pray. The holy men removed themselves from sight after he'd order for solitude upon entrance.
The wrath still bubbles strongly underneath the skin, it made his fists shake because of it and makes it difficult to close them in an act of prayer. The need to hit, destroy, maim and to express his fury and feelings of injustice was overwhelming.
It was blinding him, he knew but it was also fueled by the sadness from the actions of his wife. He promised to remain faithful to Judith in the name of their Lord yet she did not deem him the same respect and loyalty in return.
Aethelwulf tried to understand the will of God, the actions of the holy power and his ways yet in this it was proven difficult. That short moment of acceptance and act of forgiveness the Prince had managed to create was now hanging by a thin thread.
Was the appearance of Athelstan the very test of God? To test the sincerity of Aethelwulf's attempt to understand and forgive. If so it felt as if he was failing, how he wished to hurt the man.
The sacred bond between a man and his wife was held to no regard!
Aethelwulf's hands broke apart and grabbed at the altar infront of him before pressing his forehead against it painfully as tears grew and anguish choked him from within.
He mustn't fail, he would prove his word even if it tore him from the inside. For God, he would prove himself by overcoming this test.
As the season progressed so did time, days felt like weeks and weeks felt like days. Slow yet fast as Athelstan grew more accustomed to life within the walls, his new life that he was coming to accept. For he could do nothing else.
Yet the visions of blood remain, appearing at what felt random and only he could see and feel them. Athelstan prayed to the Gods within his chamber, asking if the visions of blood were good or bad omens.
"I feel a constant struggle to understand.. But maybe you expect me to show a little faith?" a humorless laugh spilled from his lips as his shoulders sank. "I feel lost and I know I ask too much when I should be sated with what I'm given, this gift of resurrection, if only it wasn't so confusing."
Athelstan sank his forehead against the wooden frame of his bed while his knees started to feel the cold seeped through his clothes from the stone floor. Contemplating giving it a rest for the day.
It was quite funny, in a dark sort of manner, that he found himself no longer struggling with faith and Gods but instead what tore at him was much worse. What plans had the Gods laid out for him and what was his purpose, feeling lost and unsure if each step was on the correct path.
When Athelstan had struggled between religions, he at least knew where he belonged in life, by Ragnar's side. It had felt right, regardless whom he worshiped.
Sighing he got up as no reply came as expect. Only hoping that answers would come with time.
Groaning, Athelstan stretched his body, slowly the aches had started improving as did the bruise like pain on his breast. The taste of food became better too but not by much yet it was an improvment.
Touched the plate of food left for him then and begrudgingly swallowed a few pieces as he thought back to the weeks that been.
Fortunately he had barely seen Aethelwulf in those following days after. They both making sure to cross each other's paths as little as possible. Which had led to no more violent incidents as the first one.
Except when time had come for Mass which Athelstan had decided to partake in for the first time since his arrival, the Prince had sought out his presence.
After all Athelstan could now, without guilt from his own conscience, partake in such events.
Walking among the crowd that filled the hall, Aethelwulf had noticed the former monk's presence and without hesitation left the King's side, who took no notice of his son leaving.
Appearing charming to the people around them but voice laced with suspicion, Aethelwulf had leaned close and question his reason for being there and if he suddenly served God now.
Which Athelstan could not fault him for, his actions of the past spoke loudly.
Athelstan answered truthfully that he did but of course chose to not add the pagan Gods to that confession. But then the Prince pointed out the lack of cross with suspicion. Specifically the one the King had given him personally.
Having grabbed his chest in surprise and with a realization that the ravens hadn't given him the cross among his belonings. Athetsan with knitted brows had mumbled to himself that he recall having it, lying to cover up it's absent.
Luckily King Ecbert had seemily noticed their quiet conversation and hurried over, and in so heard the topic. Athelstan was saved by the man assuring to get him a new one.
Athelstan abscent mindely touched the wooden cross that now hung around his neck at the memory. Having wanted this time a less extravagant one and more one that was similiar to his first, Athelstan missed the feeling that it given him.
It had taken some convincing but he had gotten his way in the end after explaining why. The King had appeared more happy and pleased at that reason.
When the wooden object had been placed in hand Ecbert had looked at him with some sort of expectation and glee before leaving which had left Athelstan hesitant.
Hand dropped away and Athelstan looked to the sole window in the room, the fog had long since faded along with the morning as the sun rose higher up in the sky.
Today would be a good day to enjoy the small glimpse of warmth that still remains outside before the cold inevitably would take over completely. If he was lucky, some time of it might be spent with Alfred in his company.
Touching the windowsill, Athelstan thanked whoever made it possible for him to still see the boy. To grant him this humble gift of simply seeing him. To Judith for being selflessly merciful.
After days of leaving Judith alone, and so in turn Alfred as well. A small price to pay but one that must be endured. He had then finally gathered enough courage and visited her.
Knowing that she could turn him away, something he couldn't blame the Princess for and could understand if she did. Athelstan had waited for the rejection... Yet she hadn't been so cruel.
"I wouldn't deny my son's right to see his father, regardless what I feel about him."
They hadn't spoken further, and she coldly indifferent to him and his present. And so died his apologies, for he had seen that she wouldn't find comfort in them nor wish to hear them. If anything, she must be sick of it. Instead he had simply enjoyed every moment with his only child, who remain to be beyond captivating.
Smiling to himself, Athelstan thought of the boy. Feeling joy rise up along with fear and uncertainty which came with parenthood. Yet for now he focused on the happiness.
Laughing quietly, he wished it was possible for Ragnar to meet Alfred. That the once scared monk in his possession with vows of chastity had created a son! The Northman would surely not believe it.
Athelstan drew back and glanced about the room in restlessness, it was quite empty, so different and stripped bare compared to the the house in Kattegat that he had claimed as his own. That one had been filled with personal belongings and nicknacks collected through the years while here was only- Actually there was nothing within this room that truly belonged to him.
Something that he would need to aim to change so life would grow more fonder here.
Unavoidably the thought of the little house lead him to think back to what had played out within it. To Floki.
Wondering if the boatmaker has been punished or if he still wandered free.. That is if they knew who killed him, might not even matter, the days leading up to it Athelstan hadn't been looked upon fondly by the people.
And Ragnar would lose another friend among a crowd of friends that was thinning out.
But it was for Helga which Athelstan hoped that there hadn't been a punishment. After all he hadn't fought to live, even offered himself without fear. If Floki was to be punished then Helga and their daughter will surely suffer in turn.
Worry bubbled up as another outcome came to mind.
They might not even know he had died. His body so easily could have been whisked away and dumped into the deepest depths of the lake or left within the forest to be feasted upon by animals until nothing was left, or buried in secret by the man that claimed the title of being his murderer.
Leaving everyone to believe he simply left Kattegat of his own will. Relations wasn't good and Athelstan had found his faith once more, reasons as such was reasonable for him to leave. To disappear in the death of night with no one to stop him. Not even Ragnar himself.
Rubbing a hand over his face, Athelstan begged internally with his whole soul that it had not played out that way. To Ragnar believing that he left him, abandoned him in such a way. Not so long after the Pagan had clinged to him with an edge of desperation and declaration of love and assurance of protection.
Please let fate not be so cruel.
Letting the hand dropped away, Athelstan's eyes froze and the troubled thoughts were pushed aside as he took in the sight. Quickly closing his eyes tightly before re-opening them, Athelstan took slow steps towards it after finding the scene unchanged.
In the corner of the room stood the wooden chest filled with robs and other pieces of clothing. It's design simple with no decorating carvings, made for the sole purpose of being filled, not to be pleasing to the eye. Ordinary and innocent, if had not been for the blood seeping out from the corner and in so creating a small puddle on the stone floor.
Crouching down, Athelstan hesitantly dipped the tips of his fingers into the dark blood. The burning heat surprised him, causing him to snap them back in pain and without thinking sticking them into his mouth in hopes to soothe away the burning sensation.
The taste of blood coated his tongue before rolling to the back of his throat.
Wide eyed they were removed quickly while he fell back, clean hand catching the fall at the last second before he could end up on his back.
Whatever was inside had recently died or was in the progress of dying. But what or why he didn't know. Either that or the Gods were reaching out to him, maybe to answer his question.
With shaking but ready hands, he shuffled closer and lifted the top carefully. Body tense and ready for anything that may jump out at him with ill intent. Looking in, Athelstan found nothing except the intended items, and no injured animal or glimpse of the blood. Yet the blood outside was still present.
Confused but determined, he started pulling out the clothes and pilling them beside him with the idea that he would find the answer deeper within. Halting he dropped a item carelessly to the floor as he blinked in astonishment after reaching the last layer.
The northern clothes gifted from the ravens was folded neatly in the wooden box. Cleaned and still intact, not at all thrown away by the King's servants as Athelstan first believed. Having found them missing after adoring the robs for the first time, he thought that had been their fate.
Astonishment was replaced by a warmth unfolding inside as he gazed over the pieces from Kattegat and the life he had there now evidenced by their very existence.
All of it was there, even the thick socks and boots. Athelstan traced the mended stitching on the boot with a smile.
But not the cross or arm ring, not that he'd expect them, yet a part was disappointed by the lack of arm ring. Still that was on him for throwing away and on no one else.
The smile grew brighter when he catches sight of the blue sleeve peeking out from underneath the pair of pants. Touching the decorated threads of blue, white and red sewed onto the cloth with a wishful expression he then pulled the tunic free and lifted it up before him.
Sounds of dripping grabbed Athelstan's attention, causing him to glance down only to see the tunic now soaked through and dripping with fresh blood. Painting it to a black appearance and staining his hands bright red.
As horror struck him, the sound of distant drumming started to be heard. A pagan like tone and it vibrated until he could almost feel it within and around himself. Each beat following along with the drops of blood.
But then in recurring fashion as the previous visions, just as fast as it appears, he blinked and it was unstained once more. Including his palms which showed no signs of ever being tainted. Yet it continued to drip at the lower hem even if it showed no sign of being soaked.
And the drumming continued and grew louder while blood persisted to paint the floor which then lead him to notice the puddle had grown and blood splatter and smears was now on the ground in a mocking trail to the door.
Beckoning him to follow it and see where it would lead him.
Unable to do anything else Athelstan dropped Ragnar's tunic back into the chest before walking along the trail to the door.
The halls were strangely empty and when anyone finally appeared, he was barely spared a glance before they hurried along. Nor did they seem to notice the red smeared path before them but it was becoming clear only he could see and touch it.
Which was more clear as the blood was very fresh and still wet yet didn't stain the soles of the people passing him, no trail following them after stepping into the gory tracks.
Soon Athelstan found himself walking in a light haze as the music pulsed in his ears and before he knew it, he was standing in front of the unguarded entrance of the throne room. It was eerily silent apart from the drumming.
Athelstan hesitated before cracking open one of the doors and slipping inside, the room was empty and shown no signs of being different from the usual. Apart from the trail of blood that is, which lead him to one of the stone walls that had a long beautiful decorative drapery hanging on it all the way to the ground.
The trail ended there, confused he glanced behind him and saw a twin drapery on the opposite wall. They even had the same imagery, skillfully sewn patterns of different colors but nothing that explained why he was lead to it.
Touching the thick wool, Athelstan examined it closely before flinching in surprise as the sound of drumming abruptly ended. The lack of sound now painfully obvious and making him unreasonably anxious as he turned around which was when he noticed the blood was all gone.
Perplexed Athelstan ran a hand through his untied hair, frustration bubbling up inside as he remain confused and lost, "I don't understand what you wanted to show me, there is nothing here that tells me anything. At times it feels as if I'm being mocked or-" The sound of water floshing at his feet made him turn and look down, a puddle of blood was now beneath his feet.
Following it's short path showed it coming from underneath the hem of the drapery. Growing more accustomed to the strange events, he could only assuming they wanted him to do the same thing as the chest so Athelstan lifted the drapery off the ground. Only to lift it even further when he did not see the wall but a small hollowed out part of the stone wall.
As he reached in and touched the cold in curved stone wall, he contemplated its purpose and why the Gods had lead him here. It was perfect for someone to stand upright in comfort without too much pain. A secret compartment, to hide, maybe for secret guards... Or for spying.
Not knowing what else to do and what it could mean, he had no other choice if he wanted answeres but to step into it. A leap of fate one might say. Letting the drapery fall into place behind him and casting everything into darkness with the still present blood splashing as he shuffled.
Slowly his eyes grew accustomed to the dark and he could make out the patterns of the bricks in front of him.
The sound of doors slamming open causes Athelstan to jump, heart flying up to his throat as he heard the familiar loud footsteps of guards filling the room before coming to halt. Then quiet conversations grew but none which he could interpret nor hear who said them. Once more the doors open and people quickly filling the hall could be heard but no one spoke a word until later footsteps echoed through the hall loudly.
Quiet murmurs of 'Sire' and 'Highness' came in its wake.
This was indescribably bad, Athelstan pressed himself to the wall trying to take as little room as possible and be as far away from the makeshift curtain while his heart began beating faster. If found this act would surely be looked upon as spying and in so treason against the King and the Kingdom of Wessex.
"We have some unexpected and urgent news from Merica," Athelstan heard the King informed the crowd with a sobering tone. Aethelwulf's voice continuing next without pause.
"We've heard that several leading Merican nobles, refusing to pay homage to us. Have risen in revolt against Queen Kwenthrith.. and overthrown her." Immediately people started speaking to each other causing the Prince's voice to grow louder. "As far as we know she and her son Magnus has been imprison in a tower somewhere. Meanwhile these rebel nobles has set themselves up as a ruling council."
Worry grow at the mention of Ragnar's possible son being in danger. Even if Athelstan didn't know Magnus or if it was truly his friend's child. There was still a chance, and life panning out as it was for Athelstan made he want to see the boy alive. To maybe meet him one day.
"This flagrant abuse of our last treaty with Merica cannot and will not be tolerated," Ecbert strongly stated. "I've already sent word to King Aelle, our ally, summoning him here. It may be, that this time we'll have to use force to overcome Mercia."
"But not before we've made a last attempt to rescue the Queen and her son," Aethelwulf quickly added and in so unknowingly calmed the hidden guest.
"You'll have to find the tower first," a man voiced and many mumbled in agreement. Which the King remaining unruffled replied "My lord, we have already dispatched scouts, we await their report."
"In the meantime-"Aethelwulf told while moving as the sound of his voice and steps grow closer-"we charge you all to give warning, summon your men and supporters to arms-"
"But if Prince they may not be needed, it would be a great and unnecessary expense to keep good men ideal and in arms?" question one of the men and in turn interrupting.
These crowd of men were surely nobles guessed Athelstan.
Aethelwulf could be heard chuckling lightly before responding "Well whatever the expense my lord, it's surely better to be ready to seize the moment when it arrives rather to see it wasted and gone."
Without faltering there was a mocking laugh but not from the same Noble as previously "Heh you're a King's son. What do you know of the burden of expense?"
Once more there were murmurs among the crowd but King Ecbert spoken through it loud enough for it to end swiftly.
"My lords, you talk as if it were a expensive luxury to keep a standing army. But I warn you it's rather a necessity for Ragnar Lothbrok or others like him could return to these shores at any moment. I beg you seize your quarrels."
The nerve racking shaking that was going through him in fear of being found quickly eased into surprise and Athelstan's eyes widen at the clear telling statement. That King Ragnar Lothbrok no longer was to be viewed as an ally that was to be trusted.
"We are talking about the destiny of Wessex."