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Cheerful atmosphere filled the community room of their military base, with glasses filled with beer making their umpteenth rounds, clanking together accompanied by joyful wish-sayings on this late Friday night, as well as the loud drunken singing of his comrades, and Chuuya left out a hearty laugh when he saw one of his room-mates getting showered with cold alcohol after a particular bad impression of a popular Enka singer.

Politely declining the offer to chime in with the group of people he usually shared a dorm room with, he leaned himself back in his chair, one leg casually drawn up, so his knee could rest against the table plate, his half emptied glass of beer clutched between both of his hands. Still being new in the Military, he had held back with his drinking; especially since he knew how little he could handle (even if he would deny that fact in front of his very eager room-mates, as well as Dazai-Sensei, who may or may not had teached him a bad lesson already by teasing him into playing games with him involving bottles of sake, only to have him end up on both his knees in their futon for extended periods of time, but falling asleep in the middle of it like a dead fish and getting mocked endlessly the next morning.)

"Chuuya-kun, you have to drink!", one of his comrades flung an arm around his shoulders, his face already bright red and a grin stretching from one ear to another, "Otherwise you'll never become a man!"

"Drinking alone doesn't make you a man, dumb ass!", another one chimed in, his tongue already heavy from drunkenness and body dangerously swaying back and forth, yet still able to giggle happily. "It's when you get to play in the valley's and hills, you become one!"

The two of them broke out in rough laughter, slapping their thighs in congratulation towards the apparently super hilarious joke to which Chuuya could only raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"Valleys and hill- ?"

"He means a woman!", one cried out.

"A woman!!"

Two beer glasses crashed together, their contents soon flushed down thirsty throats and Chuuya rolled with his eyes, a wry grin forced onto his lips.

"Well, I hope you both can become men quickly then.", he answered, having a hard time hiding the fact that he had, first of all, no interest delving into these kinds of fields and was on another hand, already miles ahead of them, if he were to stretch these requirements a little bit towards his hidden affairs with the teacher he loved and shared a bed with.

"If all, Chuuya-kun will be the first to become a real man, I mean, look at his face."

As if to underline the statement, his comrade, who still clung a bit too close on him, let his hand fly up, squishing his cheeks together with it.

"Stop it, goddammit!!"

Chuuya finally broke away, but not without ramming his elbow sharply into the ribs of his friend in the move, enough to have the other cry out with pain, slumping together holding his sides. Looking down on him, he let out a dismissive snort, before they all burst into laughter again.

Their playful bickering was just about to continue, when a tall shadow made itself known behind them, having crept up silently and unbeknownst like a cat on hunt in the night, only a polite clearing of it's throat drawing attention to it.
The three boys looked up and froze immediately as soon as they realized just who stood in their midst.


Immediately, Chuuya changed his posture into sitting up straight, while the other two retreated a step behind, also taking up position (as well as their clouded state of mind let them).

The reason they held a banquet like this tonight was not only to celebrate the end of the week, but also to welcome a Military commander as a guest into their ranks - a foreign man, having travelled from far far West, a country said to always be frozen over and filled with snow high like mountains, paired with stories about people coming back from their graves after death to hunt for the living, and meeting those cold piercing eyes, that, although pretending to hold some sort of gentleness and care, gave out merely something to be called lifeless at best, Chuuya felt eager to believe those tales.

"I am sorry to disturb your little banter, but would you mind sparing me a second in my office, Nakahara-kun?"

Chuuya blinked for a moment, until the words finally reached his brain to make a connection and he jumped onto his feet (maybe a little bit too fast, seeing how his brain became empty and a tad too light for a second), accompanied by a quick bow.

"Of course!"


Compared to the lively and cheerful atmosphere they had left behind, the silence lingering around them almost felt overwhelming, when Chuuya carefully stepped into the middle of the office room on their upper floor, uneasiness making it's way down his back, like a pair of icy hands caressing his spine and he had trouble keeping a straight face while positioning himself, his arms folded tightly behind his back, hands nervously grabbing his elbows, yet his chest stretched high in respect.

He could hear the door closing behind him, shutting out even the last remaining sounds resonating from their main floor downstairs, followed, strangely enough, by the sound of keys turning in the lock, but he didn't dare mentioning it, instead remained silent, awaiting what the foreign commander had to tell him, apparently urgent enough to disregard and withdraw him from the merry get-together of tonight.
Maybe it really had been better, that he had been reluctant to drink too much.

So occupied by his thoughts he hadn't noticed himself drifting into, a sudden breath of air against his neck made his heart miss a beat in surprise, as well as raising up the little hairs of his sensitive skin and he would have lashed out with a heavy blow behind, would it not have been for his last remaining senses not clouded by alcohol. Instead he dug his fingers more firmly into his arms, taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart beat, his lips pressed together tightly - half from embarrassment and half to give the impression of a somewhat neutral expression on his face.

Dammit, he hadn't heard the other walking up to him at all and silently cursed himself for having gotten distracted in front of a higher rank.

"I have heard from you from your... Ex-Commander.", the lips were still close and although not directly touching his skin, he could feel them moving, tickling him uncomfortably where he felt most sensitive. "He had praised you a lot for your dedication and good work."

Pride rose up inside of Chuuya's chest, but he held his earnest mimic.

"Thank you very much, Sir."

He assumed the words were meant to be as praise, and yet he increasingly became more uncomfortable having the taller man linger behind him, not being able to predict his movements and a mouth so boldly invading his personal space - dangerously, as if sharp white teeth were pointed directly onto him, ready to dig themselves into his flesh and taking a bite, ripping his soul straight from his body along with it.

(Never again would he listen to the horror stories of his friend, the voice of reason inside his head scolded him.)

"You know, I have a feeling in my gut, that you could make it very far inside the ranks, if you would strive for it...", the soft voice drew him away again from his scary thoughts.

Chuuya was just about to comment, when he felt a hand creeping up from behind, resting itself on top of his stomach, fingers caressing the fabric of his coat as if to grasp what lied hidden beneath it, then trailing up towards his chest, coming to rest right where his heart heavily drummed against his ribcage.

Confusion welled up more and more inside of him and Chuuya held his breath for a moment, also in an attempt to calm himself down, not too eager to falter in front of the other like a shy little girl, especially after receiving praise for being a good soldier.

"Th-thank you again, Sir."

The hand didn't vanish, kept lying on top of him like a new attachment to his body, motionlessly, again reminding him of a corpse having come back to life.

"The only question is... are you really willing to pull through and fight for the right thing...or do you allow yourself to get held back? Possibly by... being deceived by something dark and unjust?"

Chuuya blinked.
"W-what do you mean, Sir?"

A short chuckle left the other's throat.

"Nothing. I am only making sure, you are not hiding anything, like playing into the hands of a traitor or... having an affair with another man..."

Chuuya's eyes widened in shock, his whole body tensing up and he knew he had given himself away, the long pale fingers of the other tightening their grip onto his chest, easily feeling how his heart beat heavily against it, how he shivered underneath them and his muscles worked hard to not blatantly jump away to hide himself away from the situation.

The pressure felt too much in this very moment and Chuuya couldn't help giving in, his shoulders drawn up stiffly, while his head sunk down, cheeks hot from embarrassment.

"I- i am...", he tried, but never found the words to continue.

A few moments went by, when all of a sudden a light hearted chuckle rung into his ear.

"Oh, I am only teasing you. Although you should make sure to hide your little marks a bit better, even if you think they have healed."

"Oh, I am only teasing you. Although you should make sure to hide your little marks a bit better, even if you think they have healed."

A cold finger pressed against the spot on his neck Chuuya knew all too well what he was referring to, before the other man withdrew away from him. Taking at least two steps back, Chuuya's hand flew up to cover the mark, that he was sure had healed no less than two days ago, his cheeks and nose colored a rosy shade of red, not daring to look the other into his eyes.

"That's all, you are dismissed for now."


Chuuya sighed heavily, while throwing his head back into his neck, grimacing pained towards the ceiling, when he ended his story, slumping behind on his arms, away from their dinner table, another whiny sound escaping his throat.

"He was a bit creepy, but I guess in the end he only wanted to give me good advice. It's sooo embarrassing though..."

Letting out another mewl he glanced back towards Dazai, but flinched together seeing the other's pale face, eyes tinged fully black and torn wide open with an undefinable expression, one hand clenched tightly around his bowl of rice, the other still holding onto the two chopsticks, now snapped in half.

"E-eh?! Sensei?!"

Chapter Text

Sitting outside on his bench, the songs of birds eagerly chirping in these last remaining summer days brought a calm to his heart, wind flowing softly through his hair as he turned around another page of the book he had immersed himself in - a story about a couple meeting and falling in love, but for some unfortunate circumstances forced apart - and it somehow reminded him of himself, of his thoughts drifting back to the one time he had met with his little soldier a bit more often than he had imagined them to be and the ache in the deepest end of his heart made him draw out a sigh.

He heard the door next to him opening, his old neighbor and also good friend stepping out, a grunt leaving his mouth as he stretched himself, from the age worked down bones cracking, and Dazai shuffled to the side, a routine they had developed from meeting like this nearly everyday since he had moved to this place.

With a huff, the old man let himself fall onto the sturdy wood, his rough hands immediately fumbling for a cigarette from the depths of his coat.
For a moment they sat in silence, only listening to the soft rustling of the leaves paired with faint distant chatter from the harbour nearby.

Just when his mind attempted to wander back to the melancholy of is lost love, that never had a chance to blossom, the man next to him cleared his throat.

"I know it is normally none of my business what you do, Sensei, but I cannot help to be curious...", he spoke up before taking another long whiff of nicotine.

Dazai turned his glance towards him, a weak smile around his lips.
"I believe it is alright, what is on your heart?"

Crossing his arms, the old man shuffled into a more comfortable position, his back rested against the hard wall behind him, when he nodded slightly to himself, rubbing his beard.

"A few days after I introduced you to the soldier lad, I noticed him leaving your door early in the morning..."

The already dim smile on his lips fell down even more, replaced by a feeling of worry starting to form in his stomach. He would not apologize, as the matters within his house and the form of his night life were no business other than for himself and the party involved, but he still felt reluctant to endanger the bond they had formed over the last couple of months.

"He did indeed spend the night here, that is correct."

"I see."

Another break of silence lingered between them, Dazai's fingers clutched around his book a bit too tightly, until his neighbor puffed his last breath of toxic fumes and flicked the remainders of his cigarette onto the path in front of them.

"Was it lit?"

The unsuspected question made Dazai raise his head in surprise, his confused stare met with a warm smile, a feeling of instant relief flowing throughout his heart, for his friend would not judge him nor forbid of anymore of his affairs.
Lidding his eyes halfway, a tenderly loving smile grew on his own lips, an edge of dreaminess peeking through his voice.

"It was smashing lit."

Chapter Text

A soft hum escaped his lips when a single warm ray of the first morning sunlight gently brushed his face, his eyes twitching unwillingly while his mind slowly drifted back from his dreams into reality. Thick, cozy blankets wrapped around his body, as well as two lean arms, that casually slung around his stomach, moving with every deep breath he took and providing the necessary warmth on still chilly days of early Spring time. Yawning softly Chuuya snuggled deeper against his pillow, not yet ready to fully wake up.

He knew these arms too well, had interacted with them a thousand of times, had fought with them, had flipped them off his body and tended to them when bloody fights had died down, leaving them alone in what he always thought of as a state of nearly ironic affectionate and tender togetherness, wounded and grateful for being able to rely on each other in times of need.

Closing his eyes again, he took a deep breath before he rolled around to look into the familiar sleeping face, so peaceful, in a way it seemed almost unnatural to him, framed by tousled locks and a soft red crept onto his cheeks, because how dared he to look this cute?!

Never would he have thought, he could say those words - especially out loud and to the other's face -, too innocent and childish had they been when they first met and too soon separated again when they had shown first signs of forming a somewhat confidant friendship, the wall of miscommunication and emotional closed-off-ness - especially from Dazai's side - later too high, too strong to tear down.

They had hated each other and sometimes he had wondered if it was more due to the fact of them both knowing, what they could have been, if not being disturbed from outside forces and the bitterness that came with it, tainting their hearts, shackling them with a constant hurt, the only way to feel any relief to be lashing out against one another.

How they had actually managed to lie here, next to each other, no trace of fights, no yelling nor stomping, only chirping birds as an accompanying background music underlining long sought peacefulness, was still beyond Chuuya's grasp.

He must have spaced out for a moment and startled, when a playfully teasing smile stole onto Dazai's still resting face, making his heart miss a beat for a second.

„How long are you planning on staring at me?", the chirping tone of voice almost made him want to punch Dazai back to sleep, but chocolate brown eyes fluttered open, still slightly clouded from sleep, yet gently seeking his glance held him back.

Chuuya immediately looked away, clicking his tongue in displeasure.

„I wasn’t staring at you.", he tried to dismiss the accusation, despite knowing better, and despite not sounding convincing at all.

The soft chuckle Dazai's told him, the other knew as well. (Of course, he did.)

„Chuuya is such a liar… and a very bad one at that."

Yes, again.

Chuuya took a deep breath.

Did he really want to continue like this, finally lying together with the man he had loved for so long now, years of longing for another, of secret wishes and hidden glances behind closed doors, having a chance to be cast aside and building a new foundation between them, maybe one of real love - even if he knew their lifestyles would throw even harder challenges at them.

Long flaming locks fell loosely into his face when he leaned closer towards Dazai, tickling the other's nose - and making it twitch so cutely he wished to throw him out of the window, and himself afterwards for thinking such nonesense- and Chuuya hesitantely, carefully, slid his hand on top of Dazai's, linking their fingers together.

His own voice felt small and unsure, when he spoke again, but deep in his heart he felt the need to finally take a step forward.

„I… I lied."

Dazai snorted.
„I know, you cannot keep any sec-"

„No, listen to me.“, Chuuya cut him off, then took a deep breath, „I said I hated your guts and everything about you and that I dread of going on a mission with you ever again…"

His heart beat painfully nervous against his chest, feeling like it would burst out of his ribcage any second to run away from the situation, leaving him alone with whatever he tried to start here, while he gave his best not to have his voice crack embarrassingly.

A few moments passed until Dazai softly pressed his hand, tightening the hold of their entwined fingers and giving him the necessary push to continue his little speech.

"...but the truth is, I want to protect you. I want to be the one who fights for you, the one you can rely on."

Oh god, had he really said these embarrassing words just now?
Feeling his face burning hot, all he wanted to do was to bury it into the other's shoulder, if only so he didn't need to see that annoying cheeky grin anymore, Dazai sported right now.

„Oh, is Chuuya finally confessing his love to me?"

„I am not!"


Chuuya averted his glance.
Was it really so bad saying these words now?
He had wanted to say them for so long, had wanted to stay true to his feelings, live them however he wanted, heck, had even possibly humiliated himself in front of the other with the nonesense he had spouted just now, so why was he still playing this stupid game?!

His glance returned back onto Dazai, who had patiently kept watching him, not saying a word like all the previous times he had used to make him feel ashamed and a face filled with so much tenderness it gently stripped Chuuya down from all the shackles he had burdened himself with, rid him of all the fears and pretense he had felt the need to keep up, only to not get hurt.

For the first time in his life, the smile on his face felt honest.

„Dazai, I love you"

Chapter Text

Resting his head on the knuckles of his fingers clad in matte black leather gloves, Chuuya casually spun a pair of ice-cubes around in his drink, the chattering voices of a busy restaurant nothing but a muffled background noise in his ears, closed off by a wooden sliding door ornamented with graceful sceneries of old folklore tales - majestically rising cranes, golden dragons and sundry other animals from stories he did never had taken any interest in studying.

A soft relaxing melody, playing from speakers tastefully hidden into the walls paired with the steady yet light dribble flowing from a decorative fountain placed behind them, never failed to provide some sort of calm to his usually from hard work strained senses whenever he came here, with the restaurant praising itself to cater to whatever needs their higher class guests would seek, be it undisturbed ingestion in high-grade meals and the finest of beverages served by beautiful waitresses or a massive banquet accentuated by skillful theatre performances.

After giving the ice cubes another stir, he quickly chugged nearly half of the alcohol in his glass down his throat, then finally turning his glance to his unusually quiet guest sitting right beside him, the other's slender hands tightly clutched around the otherwise untouched cup of strong liqueur Chuuya had ordered for him a good half an hour ago.

They hadn't had exchanged one word since their arrival - or, to be precise, the other had said nothing since he had appeared without any sort of warning out of nowhere right behind him in the middle of a fight during his last mission, nearly startling him so much he would have buried his fist deeply into the pretty face, giving him a not all that adorable broken nose, but thankfully he had been able to stop himself in the last second, redirecting the force of his punch into the nearest wall and entombing the rest of the enemy group's henchmen beneath it's crumbling stones.

Chuuya let his glance wander across the other's face.
He was certainly no Dazai, well-versed in drawing out the tiniest of secrets from people simply by looking at them, but even he could see that something was definitely not right - apart from smudged stains and ripped fabric on normally so neat clothing and pale skin spotting abrasions and small bruises, his guest's long lashes were deeply lowered over usually enthusiastic glowing eyes of an intriguing ruby color, now closed of by a dull glimmer full of sadness, slender shoulders sunken down and his back hunched down, as if he wanted to curl himself up, trying to shield his aching soul from the rest of the world.

Another few seemingly endless dragging minutes passed by and Chuuya decided he no longer had the patience to prolong their silent gathering any more, questions and worry nagging his brain far too much to find answers to the other's obvious distress, his voice strict yet sensitive as he spoke - a tone he always reverted to, when wanting to comfort his underlings after a fight.

"Kiyomitsu...what is wrong?"

He noticed how the other bit down on his lip, nervously chewing on the tender flesh, together with a suspicious watery twinkle flashing up in his eyes and Chuuya swiftly took another large sip from his glass, preparing himself for a conversation he obviously needed a bit more fine-tuned emotional skills with - a thing he wouldn't really call one of his strong points.

Kiyomitsu sighed, then forced a weak smile on his face, still only staring into his glass.

"It is nothing much. I only felt like giving you a brief visit."

The words had barely left the other's mouth, when Chuuya let out a harsh, exaggerated huff through his nose, his jaw working hard when he ground his teeth together, not having all too much patience for such games, especially when he was worried about a person he called one of his close friends.

"I think we both know that this isn't the main reason you suddenly showed up...", he fixated Kiyomitsu with his glance, searching for possible hints giving him a clue about what had happened. "Did you have to flee from a fight?"

Seeing how the other flinched together proved him more than enough answer and Chuuya had to hold himself back from unabashedly asking, if the other thought he was an idiot. As if it hadn't been clear from Kiyomitsu's physical state, but maybe that just showed how wrapped up in his own feelings he must have been, not thinking about such a simple thing by himself.

Clearing his throat, Chuuya raised his voice again, this time more gentle than before.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

He could see Kiyomitsu visibly debating with himself, his fingers nervously fidgeting with the glass still in his hands, until he took a heavy breath, apparently having come to the conclusion that if he wanted company, he would have to play with more open cards at least.

"You know, I think I told you once that we live together with our Master in the Citadel and sometimes... new Swords arrive.", he took a small break and Chuuya gave a sympathetic nod, remembering when Kiyomitsu first explained to him where he came from and what he was.

As unbelievable as he had thought it sounded, somehow in the bottom of his heart he had instantly accepted the whole story as the truth, believing him that such a thing as another world or dimension or whatever it was where the other had popped up from in front of him the first time they had accidently met, somehow existed.

Looking absent-mindedly into the distance, Kiyomitsu restlessly combed with his fingers through his long black hair, still feeling a bit reluctant to talk about what was lingering on his heart to make it so heavy.

"Well, the new Sword that arrived this morning...his name is Mikazuki... he is really strong and very rare to find. Master must have been immensely happy, now that he is staying with us, but...", he stopped himself again, hesitated and although Chuuya knew there had been more he had wanted to say, the other quickly skipped forward in his story, not intending to disclose what he originally had wanted to tell.

"We both were dispatched together later on this evening, to go on a mission together. I don't know what went wrong, but somehow the enemy nearly overwhelmed us. I tried my best to back him up, but they cut me off and in the end he had to rescue me and even ended up being injured. It's just thanks to his strength that we could make it out and I... I just... completely failed him...", Kiyomitsu's voice cracked and he bit down hard on his lip, visibly holding back tears that started to well up.

Calmly having listened to the story, one of Chuuya's finely swung eyebrows twitched unwillingly and he quickly averted his eyes to avoid direct confrontation possibly seeing the other cry.

"I see. Well, I can understand your frustration." Indeed, he knew how frightening it was, to feel cornered and absolutely overwhelmed, to stand on a thin thread, unsure wether or not he or his underlings would make it out alive, to be left feeling completely overwhelmed some nights, where he just locked himself up in his room to bawl his heart out, all the stress and blood rush crashing down, torturing him with a numbing drumming in his ears and the knowledge that this could have been the very last day he would have seen, being confronted with all the regrets he would have if he had drawn his last breath, all the things he should have done better.

Carefully extending his arm close to Kiyomitsu, he gave the other a sympathetic pat on the back, rubbing it gently to help calming him down.

"No, you don't understand.", Kiyomitsu flinched away, violently shaking his head, before rashly lifting his own glass to his lips, washing down his grief along with the strong burning taste of hard liqueur. "It's all my fault. I should have been more careful, I should not have let him do all the work and get him hurt. I completely failed him, my Master, the Citadel, everyone. On top of that, look at me!", with a long excessive wave of his arm he pointed up and down his beaten body, "How can anyone love me like that? I look like complete trash. Master must hate me by now...! I cannot return there anymore..."

The last words died down in his throat, when big drops of tears finally started falling from his eyes, rolling down his from distress flushed cheeks and Kiyomitsu turned slightly to the side, quickly wiping them away with the back of his hand, trying to get a grip of himself again.

Stunned by the sudden outburst of emotion, Chuuya just sat there speechless, not once having seen Kiyomitsu in such a distraught state during their admittedly few but still rather amicable intimate meet-ups before and heat rose up in his stomach, a flame of burning anger over how anyone could give such a harsh treatment to someone who always gave their hardest in a fight.

"If he abandones you because of that, he is no good anyway...", he retorted dismissively, blowing off air through his nose again and clicking his tongue in disagreement, but Kiyomitsu only sunk down deeper into his seat, his body small and forlorn.

"I just don't know what to do anymore..."

Chuuya kept quiet for a moment, giving the other a moment to catch himself again and also to regain his own composure, still feeling annoyance vibrating through every cell of his body.

Thinking about it, he had honestly no clue, where Kiyomitsu's self-conciousness and fears of being such an unlovable person stemmed from - judging from the few talks they had shared by now, he gave off the charm of charismatic and reliable person, seemingly working hard to make sure he and his comrades were safe. Surely traits his Sword friends and his so called Master must see in him as well and Chuuya had a hard time believing they would really chase him off for merely needing help in a fight. (Wasn't a sort of team work required on paired missions anyway?)

Of course he knew from the Mafia, that failure itself was a risky business, not always tolerated and one could soon meet his own end when proving not useful enough, but Kiyomitsu's situation seemed way too far off from the underground life Chuuya himself led, to believe this would be the case for him as well.

Taking another sip, he swallowed down the last remnants of alcohol that had remained in his glass, before carelessly shoving it away across the table, fully turning his body around to face the other.

"I don't know your real situation, but if he truly doesn't want you anymore..."

Without so much of a warning he reached out both of his hands to gently cup Kiyomitsu's face between his gloved fingers, a determined glance glistening in his blue orbs. He wouldn't wait for a response, cut off any question that had wanted to form in the other's mind by slowly leaning in, tenderly placing his lips against Kiyomitsu's, feeling their softness against his own and he fluttered his eyes shut to fully immerse into the sweet light-heading feeling of becoming close with each other, carefully catching the other's mouth with his, placing small pecks around it, still reluctant to dive any deeper, not exactly sure if it was the right thing to do, when he noticed Kiyomitsu slightly leaning in as well, hesitantly returning the kiss and Chuuya felt warm hands shyly searching for his own, entwining their fingers and pressing them lightly in affirmation.

Pulling back to catch his breath, he looked deeply into Kiyomitsu's eyes.

"... then I will make you mine."