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Jason Fox Comes Out

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Jason spent the weeks between New Year’s and the return to school thinking about what had happened with Marcus, and how he felt about Theo. He was quite certain that even though Marcus was his best friend and he had mostly enjoyed making out with him, he wanted Theo. He was fairly positive he wanted everything about him. He was sweet and hot and kind and patient. Jason spoke to Theo every few days, no more because of Theo’s suspicious father, and just hearing his voice made him feel better. About everything.

Except knowing he had to tell Theo about Marcus.


When he got back to campus, he lifted his phone as if it weighed a thousand pounds, dreading making the call. But that was stupid; he dreaded confessing to Theo, not seeing Theo in general. With renewed vigor, he found Theo’s number and hit ‘send.’ It was about to go to voicemail, and then Theo picked up, out of breath. “Jason! Hey!”

“What are you doing?”

“I just got back, I’m just unpacking everything.” Jason heard the sounds of clothes being put on hangers. Theo was meticulous about certain things.

“You want food?” It was a long train ride back to school and Jason was starving.

“Sure. Come over and I’ll get pizza.”

“You don’t want to go out or to the diner or something?”

“I’d rather stay in, if that’s okay.”

Jason tried to determine if there was any implication Theo was making with those words. He decided yes. “I’ll be right over.”


Jason hung up, then dumped his clothes into his dresser. His clothing tastes had matured a little, but t-shirts were still the best bet for him. He walked over to Theo’s dorm as quickly as possible without looking like he was trying to hurry. The closer he got he realized just how much he missed Theo and wanted to touch him.

Theo must have felt the same way, because Jason had barely touched the door to knock on it before he was yanked inside by a hand gripping his shirt. In two minutes he and Theo were stripped and lying on Theo’s bed, Theo on top of Jason.

Apparently Theo’s roommate wasn’t back yet.

Jason pulled back from Theo and pushed at him, and when Theo finally took the hint, Jason smiled up at him. “It’s good to see you, too.”

“Sorry. Couldn’t wait. Seeing you on your computer just wasn’t enough.”

“At least you got to see.” Jason really didn’t want to whine. But he couldn’t help it.

“I’ll try to get a new webcam for when I’m home. Just for you.” Theo smiled at him, and Jason reached his hand around the back of Theo’s head to pull him down again. He absently noticed Theo needed a haircut, but then Theo’s hair didn’t matter at all because he was devouring him. It felt great. Better than Jason remembered, better than what he fantasized about when he was in the shower. He hadn’t realized how much he missed this, the touching and feeling and kissing, until he had it again. Groin to groin, chest to chest, tongue to tongue…

Coming wasn’t so much a climax as it was an end-all; it took Jason a long time to recover, Theo heavy and wonderful on top of him as he also caught his breath.

Theo slid to the side to rub his hand over Jason’s scrawny chest, and while Jason didn’t quite get it, he appreciated the effort. If he thought it’d be worthwhile and not suicidal, he might hit the gym, give Theo something to run his fingers over. For the moment, though, Jason was quite content with just Theo’s hand on him and his warm body next to him.

A knock at the door scared him until he realized it must be the pizza guy. Theo jumped up and pulled on pants and a shirt, stepped outside the door, and got rid of the guy by giving him a twenty and telling him to keep the change. Jason grabbed a cloth from Theo’s closet and cleaned himself up, then tossed it to Theo. “I irrationally thought for a moment that it was your roommate.”

Theo looked up from washing himself, clearly amused. “He wouldn’t knock. Last time I checked, he has a key.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “I know. I’m apparently stupid right after I have sex with my boyfriend. Who knew?” Jason buttoned his jeans and opened the pizza box to serve them.

“It’s cute.”

“I’m not cute.”

“You can be.” Theo sat on his bed and Jason sat next to him, and Jason wondered how he could ever want something different than this. Right this second he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to live without this. Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it makes it stupid. Returning makes the heart grow fonder, or at least that was Jason’s new theory.

“Whatever. I think I’m good if the only people who think I’m cute are my sister and my boyfriend.”

“How is Paige?”

“She went back to the city the day after New Year’s. I only talked to her once since.” He’d had a little nervous breakdown about the Marcus thing, and he needed to talk to her. Telling Paige he was gay had been the best decision he’d ever made; she’d proven to be quite the ally. She’d told him to stop being such a damn pansy. She reminded him he knew what he wanted, and that he knew he had to confess. And she called him a nerd six or seven times. It was all surprisingly helpful.

“And Peter and Denise?”

“I don’t know. Haven’t seen them since Christmas. They had some post-engagement vacation thing planned. I’m sure they’re fine, they’ve been together for ages. Denise became family long before Peter proposed.”

“That’s sweet, that they were high school sweet hearts, and now they’re getting married.” Theo chewed thoughtfully.

“I suppose, but most high school romances end in divorce. At least they don’t have a kid or anything.”

“They lucked out. Or they’ve been chaste.”

“Peter? I doubt it. The two of them used to make out all the time. It was disgusting. I got to some good blackmail material, though…”

“You really were a terror when you were younger, weren’t you?”

“I was the worst. I was far meaner to Paige. Throwing my iguana at her, leaving my garbage in her room, I had blackmail of her and her friend Nicole breaking curfew and stuff…”

“But you’re cool with her now, right?”

“Yeah. She’s cool with me. Surprisingly so. She seems to think it’s neat I have a boyfriend.” Jason shrugged and reached for more pizza.

“Nice. You have someone to talk to about liking boys.”

“She sort of said the same thing.” There was a pause in the conversation, and Jason diverted the topics to things that were less focused on him. He wanted to enjoy this meal with Theo because in all likelihood it might be his last. With that thought, his appetite was gone, but Theo didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy talking about some project he and a friend from home were working on.

Figuring that Theo had given him a great segue, almost like he planned it, Jason leaned closer to Theo and turned his head to kiss him. Before they could get too wrapped up in it, Jason pulled back. Theo looked at him, wide-eyed. “What was that for?”

“I have to tell you something.”

Theo swallowed, and his eyes got bigger. And sadder. Clearly he had gotten better at reading body language, unless Jason was broadcasting his own fear and shame and uncertainty. Either was possible.

“It’s not a good something, is it.”

“Not. Particularly.” Jason fought the urge to do something sappy and maudlin like take Theo’s hand in both of his. “You remember my friend Marcus?” Theo gave him a wounded-looking nod. “Over break, he. He came on to me.”

“And?” Theo’s voice was shaky.

“And… at first I told him no. But then he said he loved me.” The tears welling in Theo’s eyes were not helping. “And he asked to see if there was any chemistry between us. And I got caught up in the moment, because I missed you and I needed to be touched, and I said we could kiss. And it got kind of out of hand.” Theo wiped at his eyes. “Marcus got really into it. In all honesty, I was into it, too. But then Marcus sat in my lap and rubbed against me and he came.” Jason couldn’t look Theo in the eye anymore, it was too difficult, so he looked down at his own hands. “But that’s it. I pushed him away, and we had a really awful, awkward few minutes, and then we just sort of swept it under the rug.”

“Was.” Theo swallowed. “Was his hypothesis sound?”


“Was there chemistry between you?”

“No. Yes. There was. I… I liked it. But the whole thing made me realize how much I like you, and how much I missed you.”

“Not too much, apparently.” Theo didn’t bother to wipe his tears away anymore. “How could you? I know we didn’t say anything about being exclusive, but I didn’t think we had to! I know he’s your best friend, but still! Since when is he gay?”

“He’s bi. It took him realizing he had a thing for me to realize he liked guys.”

“Like it took Kris asking you if you were gay for you to realize it.”

“Not really. I hadn’t liked anyone. Hadn’t loved anyone. Hadn’t ever felt the way I do around you.”

“Can’t be that great if you jump right into Marcus’s arms.”

“It’s not my fault! He just dumped all of this in my lap and he didn’t stop when I pushed him away!”

“You shouldn’t have been there at all! You said he asked, you could have said no!”

“That’s what Paige said.”

“So what was Paige’s advice in all of this?”

“To pay the price for cheating on you and tell you.”

“Well, she was right. I can’t believe this. I. I… I was always afraid this would happen, that you’d find someone better than me. I knew you would.” Theo burst into fresh tears. Jason tried to embrace him, to comfort him, but Theo pushed him away and stood. “No! Stay away.”

“But it didn’t mean anything! Just the one time was enough to realize how he means nothing to me compared to what you mean! Kissing you is like coming home, like nothing else matters, and even if it did I wouldn’t care anyway. Kissing Marcus was nice, and different, but he has nothing on you.” Jason stood, and fought back his own tears. This was going about as well as he thought it would.

“You said you liked it. If he’s nothing like me then why did you do it long enough for him to come?!”

“I didn’t mean to! It was an accident!”

“Just… Get out.”

Jason’s heart stopped, and for the first time it wasn’t because Theo said or did something amazing. “What?”

“I don’t want to see you anymore! You just… If you knew anything about me, you’d know that… That. Just go away.”

“But. I can’t leave you like this. I-”

“Just leave! I need to think.”

“I never meant to hurt you. The entire last two weeks all I thought about was how much this would hurt you. But I knew it would be better to be honest than to have some lie like this between us.”

“You should have thought of that before you got together with Marcus.”

Jason grabbed his shirt and headed to the door, but not before saying, “Paige said that, too.” Hand on the knob, he turned to look at Theo one more time. “I’m sorry. And if you ever forgive me, it’ll never happen again.”

“We’ll see.”

Jason opened the door, went through it, and shut it. He leaned back against it, and he heard Theo throw something. He wiped at his eyes and tried not to think about how much he hurt. For some reason he ached.

Mind was definitely stronger than matter.


For days Jason didn’t see or talk to Theo. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was avoiding Theo, or if Theo was avoiding him, or if it was just the way their schedules worked out. He also didn’t eat much, and he didn’t socialize with anyone. He didn’t even want to play games. He pretty much just wanted to lie in his bed and think.

It pretty much all sucked. And it hurt.

He’d never felt this way before. He’d been in physical pain, and he’d experienced a few emotionally damaging circumstances over the years, but never like this. He could only assume that it was ten thousand times worse for Theo because he was the one who was cheated on. It was times like this he wished he’d have gotten time travel right with the whole Eileen thing, but he’d failed then and was paying for it now. To be able to go back and prevent Marcus from ever coming on to him…

He hadn’t even bothered to call Paige. Why tell her she was right? She hadn’t called either, or emailed, so maybe she’d forgotten about the whole thing. He was fine with that. Paige was never one to give up the chance to say ‘I told you so.’

It was Friday before Theo stopped by his room. Jason was lying on his bed facing the wall, listening to a Simpsons rerun on the TV behind him, when he heard the quiet knocks. He forced himself to get up and open the door. Theo didn’t look good; he looked tired and thin. Jason didn’t care, because so long as Theo was at his room it meant things had to be sort of okay between them. Right?

“Hey, Theo. Come in.”

“You sure?”


Theo looked like he was about to smile, then changed his mind. Theo entered, and they both stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. Jason felt he should start. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Theo didn’t say anything for a while, but Jason didn’t have anything else to say to prompt him. Thankfully Theo spoke again eventually. “You like me better? Than Marcus?”

“Absolutely. After everything, all I could think about was that he wasn’t you. No where even close. He doesn’t make me feel the way you do.” Jason raised one corner of his mouth and scrunched his eyebrows together, at a loss for how to express himself adequately.

“And you tried to stop him.”

“…Not until I realized he was trying to come. Before that I was so caught up in it I wasn’t thinking.” Jason’s heart hurt a little bit more.

“Well, at least you’re honest.” Theo didn’t look as if that was a particularly good thing. “You don’t feel anything for him.”

“No. He’s a friend, my best friend, and anything I feel is just related to that. I don’t like him sexually, and I don’t love him.” Jason couldn’t stop a small part of his brain from wondering if everything he just said was one hundred percent true. He hated himself.

“And… you didn’t come?”

Jason frowned. “I didn’t make that clear? After he came I pushed him away and he finally got up. That would have been way too far for what the experiment was supposed to find out.”

“I thought… I thought I said that if one person comes the other should come.” Theo looked at him earnestly, and Jason wasn’t sure what response he wanted. Should Jason have just given in? He had certainly remembered the lesson Theo gave him the second time they were alone together, but he hadn’t wanted to take the situation with Marcus that far.

“But if I came, it would be having sex with him, instead of him using me. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to do that. I would never want to hurt you like that, it’s too far. It was too far anyway, but it’s less permanent or something this way.” Jason really didn’t know what he was talking about. “It wasn’t really mutual, and he owes me.”

Apparently that was close to what Theo wanted because he lit up like Jason had stuck halogen lamps up his nose. “That’s good. It’s definitely important to me that you didn’t want to go there with him.”

Theo glanced to Jason’s bed. “Can we sit?”

Jason led them over, and they sat a few feet away from each other. How even that little distance hurt, Jason didn’t know. Theo spoke again. “The last five days have been hard. I’ve spent most of it thinking about you, and me, and us, and where other people fit into that. And I can’t say I like worrying. I also can’t say the last few days have been remotely fun. It’s hurt, Jason. I know you didn’t mean it, and it just happened, but… when you told me everything, I felt like you just plunged your hand into my chest and ripped out all my vital organs. And.” Theo was starting to tear up again. “I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to call this whole thing off and just move on, because I figured if anyone should know how insecure I am, it’d be you. It’s one thing if you were really interested in Marcus and wanted to leave me, but you don’t even really like him that way.” Theo dug a knuckle into one eye, and Jason wanted to tell him to do the same thing to him but with an ice pick. “All of this hurt. But not as much as the thought of breaking up with you. I like you too much.”

Jason hoped his rapidly-beating heart wasn’t visible outside of his chest. “So, this means…”

“I need to get back together with you.”

“You need to?”

“I just can’t handle this. The ache and the need and the want and the hole left in my side knowing that I might not see you again. Winter break was only bearable because I knew I’d be seeing you soon.”

“I’m so sorry.” And he was.

“I know.”

Jason took a deep breath, nervous about where things may be going for them. “No, I mean for never telling you I felt the same way, that I was missing something when you weren’t there.”

“Yeah?” Theo gave him a watery smile.

“Yeah. I missed you so much. That’s the only reason I even let Marcus do what he did for so long. I was… I dunno, starved for your touch or something equally gross.”

“It’s not gross. It’s what relationships feel like.”


“Yeah. I think it’s what love is supposed to be like.”


“Yes. From what I understand it can be almost unbearable.”


“Yeah.” Theo looked away, and Jason hoped to God that he wasn’t going to say he loved him. He just wasn’t ready for that, not after the weird emotional place he’d been all week. Theo looked back at him, his watery blue eyes much more hopeful than they’d been recently. “So. We’re going to put this behind us? And use it as an example of ways to avoid hurting each other?”

“If you still want me, I’ll do whatever it takes to make this all up to you. I’ve hurt so much, knowing how much I hurt you.” Jason tried to look at Theo in a way that would convey how serious he was.



“Yes. And to help make it up to me, you can engage in some make-up frottage with me. And then maybe we can move on from there to help aid in the making up and moving past this situation.”

“You sound so formal. It’s oddly attractive.”

“How about this then: help me come.” Theo had that hungry, horny look in his eyes that Jason hadn’t seen in almost a week. It was beautiful. And it made Jason horny, too.

“I’m quite certain I can help with that. I like to think I’ve gotten better over the last few months.”

“Oh, you have. I can’t wait until we move on. It’s going to be so good…” Theo’s eyelids slipped lower, and for some reason Jason’s body had conditioned itself to move into Theo to kiss him whenever he saw that. Of course, the second their lips connected it was obvious why he was programmed to respond to that sultry look. It was hot, and so was Theo, and he felt so good and right.

Jason pulled back to respond to what Theo said. “I’m looking forward to lessons and practice.” Theo kissed him again and moaned, and Jason thought about how he almost lost this, the way Theo tasted and felt and sounded and everything else, and he mentally kicked himself in the groin for nearly losing this. Theo was so perfect, or as close to perfect as Jason felt was necessary, or maybe even possible, and now that they were together again he felt whole. He felt complete. That painful, empty place was filled again.

He sighed into Theo’s mouth and tugged at the bottom of Theo’s shirt. Theo took it off, and Jason returned the favor. Oddly, rather than strip down with fervor, they both seemed to feel the need to just touch, explore, reconnect. Jason didn’t complain; he wanted to relearn Theo’s body after the scare the same way Theo wanted to relearn his.

They stripped each other slowly, and carefully, Theo’s hands hot on Jason’s skin. Jason groaned as Theo sucked on his neck, nibbled a bruise, tugged his head in the right direction to get a better angle. Theo pulled off with a lick. “You’re mine, right?’ Jason was quite sure Theo was supposed to be much more demanding and confident when he said things like that. He just replied with an affirmative-sounding groan as Theo moved lower and worried a bruise right over his collar bone.

Somehow they got their shoes off, and their pants off, and their boxers, so they were free to touch and roam and rub all the skin they wanted. Theo settled on top of Jason, and he wanted this to never end, the touching and connecting and feeling. Unfortunately, Jason didn’t last long enough to really do much more than grab Theo’s ass and shudder up into him. It was… it was the first time Jason had come in what felt like forever, and it was with Theo, and they were both happy and together and it meant so much more than everything had since the first time he came in his pants, on Halloween.

Theo lasted a bit longer, biting marks along the other half of Jason’s collar bone, until he came as well with a whimper, and Jason was somehow relieved. It was as if both of them climaxing sealed the deal of them making up. He sort of understood now why this “make up sex” thing was so important, so coveted. Why else would it feel so wonderful to have a pool of cum between them and be out of breath and Theo’s weight on him in a weird distribution? They were better now. They were together.

Jason’s world was once again whole.

“Jason.” Jason liked the way Theo’s voice vibrated against his chest.


“Where’s your roommate?”

“With friends.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know. He’s probably going out tonight, but he may come back before then.”

“What should we do?”

“I’m not up for a threesome; we should just let him go out.”

“Not funny. I don’t want him walking in here with my bare ass being the first thing he sees.”

“But I like your butt.”

“I do, too, but I doubt your roommate will.” Theo pulled himself away from Jason, and Jason assumed it was reluctantly because his groan wasn’t a happy groan. “I’m going to put on clothes, and you should probably do the same.”

“Can’t. Need to see you naked.”

“And I need to make sure your roommate doesn’t kill you or spread rumors or something.”

“I should be the one worrying about that.”

“Well…?” Theo’s eyes were full of worry, and Jason realized how much he’d miss those eyes if they never looked at him again.

“Another minute.” Jason reached out and pulled Theo down by the arm. Theo settled against him, and Jason didn’t want to let him go. They lay there for at least five minutes before Theo got up again. Jason let him go this time, knowing that Theo was right. The last thing they needed right now was Rush Boy catching them. Part of Jason wondered if he should just tell his roommate he was gay, but he really assumed it would only make things worse between them, and he didn’t want that.

Theo found a cloth in Jason’s closet and used Rush Boy’s water pitcher to clean himself up. Jason watched, still too lethargic at the moment to move. He was quite content to just let Theo take care of himself, cloth moving over his skin, Theo making sure to catch every crevice and… Jason wasn’t sure how it was possible to get so hard so quickly without passing out. Physics was great, but maybe he should have spent more time on human biology, particularly the circulatory system and sexual function.

Theo obviously caught sight of Jason’s predicament when he tossed the cloth at him. “Hurry up.”

“I’d ask you to do it for me, but then I’ll owe you one. Unless you want to clean up again.”

Theo smiled softly as he stepped against the bed. “How about you repay me at a later date?”

“Want me to fill out an I.O.U.?”

“Afterwards. For right now…” Theo applied himself to giving Jason a hand job, cleaning the smears of semen from his body before working on his shaft. Theo’s fingers just… they knew what they were doing, and it was just too much for Jason to handle. He wiggled his hand over to play with his own balls and Theo squeezed and twisted and Jason pushed up into Theo’s hand and came again. Theo wiped up the mess quickly, Jason’s skin still sizzling, and the cloth felt so good on him.

Jason lay there for another minute, then got up to get dressed before Rush Boy ventured through before going out again. They settled into playing video games, and for the first time Jason hoped his roommate would come back, so that he and Theo could move on again.


About forty-five minutes into their game, Rush Boy stumbled through the door. He raised a hand in greeting to Jason, then changed his shirt and put on cologne. He stumbled back out again, and the door barely had time to shut before Theo turned to Jason and asked, “Do you want to finish this game, or do you want me to blow you?”

If Jason had been asked that question even five months ago, he would have had to seriously consider the answer. But now, he was older and wiser and more mature. And horny as all hell. He tossed his controller to the floor and stood, swallowing his nerves. “Where do you want me?”

Theo stood, sexy little smile on his face. “Have I mentioned how happy it makes me that you’re so eager and compliant?”

“No. But I’m sure it helps that I haven’t freaked out on you since those first few times.”

“You’ve definitely given yourself over to bodily pleasure.”

“That sounds like rejected line from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

“Don’t temp me into bursting into Make You a Man.”

Well, as far as show tunes went, that one was pretty harmless, right? No. “So, what do I do?” Jason couldn’t describe Theo’s expression, his pale eyes darkening, his grin… sultry? Was that right? All of the blood rushing out of his brain wasn’t helping Jason’s vocabulary.

“Take off your shirt. I’ll do the rest.” Theo’s voice was lower than normal; he was clearly trying to get Jason to simply die before they got much further along in this. Jason pulled off his t-shirt, and watched Theo’s eyes dip. “I gave you some nasty bruises.”

Jason looked down, and could see dark marks on his chest from where Theo had claimed him before. He shrugged. “I deserved them.”

Theo groaned and cupped his own groin. “You’re going to kill me.”

“I was just thinking the same about you.”

“Match made in heaven.”

“Or something like it.” Jason didn’t believe in heaven; he’d stopped going to church when he was thirteen. But he still wasn’t willing to confuse sex and God or the afterlife, though in the past Theo had made him shout and grunt and groan blasphemy multiple times. Was it still blasphemy during sex? He had research to do, apparently.

Thankfully Theo kept him from thinking too much harder; his tongue in Jason’s mouth pretty much ensured Jason wasn’t going to think too much about anything but his own body. And what Theo was doing to it. Fingers trailed down his chest, pinching nipples and tickling under his ribs. It was a good thing they had sort of taken the edge off before, or Jason wouldn’t have been able to last much longer.

He certainly wouldn’t have been able to hold back when Theo plunged his hand into Jason’s pants, his hand cooler than his erection and so, so welcome. Theo still hadn’t stopped kissing him, and he showed focus that Jason couldn’t imagine right now when he somehow undid Jason’s fly without moving his hand. Jason was glad that he hadn’t put his underwear back on earlier, because it made it that much easier for Theo to touch him, to pull him out, slide his thumb through the pre- leaking from him. Jason couldn’t quell the shiver that went through him, not that he really thought he wanted to.

Theo pulled away and smirked at Jason, that sexy smirk that made him pulse again. Jason couldn’t help but groan again when Theo dropped to his knees. He looked up at Jason, then focused forwards, on Jason’s erection. He leaned into him, and slowly, slowly licked over Jason’s slit.

It was like… Like… Like Jason’s brain had a scratch in it or something and couldn’t run properly. Theo used his hand at the base and licked around the head of Jason’s cock and Jason tried not to thrust but he couldn’t help it. “Sorry.”

Theo pulled off from where he was currently sucking lightly, and turned those pale blue eyes up to him. “Don’t apologize for stuff like that.” And then he looked down again, and took Jason deeper in to his mouth, his warm, wet mouth, and Jason shivered again, heat pooling in his groin. Theo worked on him another few seconds, or maybe it was hours, Jason couldn’t really tell, he was just so focused on how everything felt and what his dick looked like as Theo worked it, and trying not to come, but then Theo pulled off. He pulled one of Jason’s hands, both of which had been clenched against his side, and put it on his hair. “Hold.”

“You sure?”

“It feels good. Trust me.”

And then all of a sudden it was good that Theo’s hair was a little long, because it meant that Jason had a bit to grab and his hand didn’t just slide over Theo’s head. Theo sucked him in hard and Jason tightened his hand in Theo’s hair as he thrust into Theo’s mouth. The heat that pooled in his groin suddenly spread everywhere as he came, his cry hoarse and his hands clenched tight again even as his knees started to give out.

Jason collapsed to the floor, careful not to trap Theo underneath him. He looked at his boyfriend, grateful he could still use that title, and smiled a bit at the way Theo wiped drops of cum from the side of his mouth with the back of his hand. Theo smiled back. “Good?”

“What do you think?” Before Theo could even think that Jason was trying to be nice for bad head, he launched himself at him and kissed him. Not that he’d never ever tasted his own semen before, but it sure tasted different in Theo’s mouth… “It was good. Great. Whatever word you think fits best.”

Theo kissed him back before he said, “I’m going to go with mind-blowing and phenomenal, if that’s okay.” Jason grinned; he always did when Theo showed pride and confidence in himself.

“Fine with me.” Jason sat there, sure he had a goofy grin on his face, and just as sure that he didn’t care. After a few more moments, he stretched and pulled his jeans back up. “So… what do I do?”

“Well… I know making things a bit simpler for your first time giving will help a lot, so let me…” Theo sat back and pulled his visibly-damp pants down, and Jason had to marvel at how very obviously aroused he was. He wondered if Theo got his clothing dry-cleaned, and if that would do anything for cum stains. “The biggest rule with this is No Teeth. If you remember that, then it will be okay.”

Jason crawled over to Theo, who was lying on the floor on his back, propped up on his elbows. Jason pushed up Theo’s shirt so he could see more skin, and ran his fingers down the trail of red hair from Theo’s navel to his groin. Theo’s muscles twitched, and Jason once more thought about how he should really learn more about anatomy. Then again, he knew quite a bit about his next focus, such as the fact that Theo, while circumcised, had enough of his frenulum left to be really sensitive right under the head of his dick.

Tentatively, Jason wrapped his hand around Theo and pumped slowly. He watched as pre- welled and dripped, then moved to lick it off. It was salty, but that was okay because it was Theo. Not really sure where to go from here, Jason licked around the head, then pressed up into the underside. That earned him a soft moan from Theo, so he did it again, harder, and Theo moaned louder.

Encouraged, Jason wrapped his lips around the head and sucked lightly. Theo whimpered and thrust a little, not enough to dislodge Jason. Unsatisfied with the way Theo’s cock felt in his hand, Jason moved so he could lick up and down Theo’s shaft, lubricating it for his hand. Theo was sweaty and the skin wasn’t really like anything Jason had tasted before, but nothing in the world mattered right now other than getting Theo off.

The shaft wet enough for Jason’s hand to slide pleasantly, Jason returned to the more challenging task, actually giving Theo a blow job. Mouth over the head, breathing over it, and Jason could feel Theo shiver. “Jason, please…” Rather than take time to be thrilled that Theo was begging him, Jason took Theo in his mouth again. Down, down, down, past the head and a bit beyond, careful of his teeth but also trying to remember what to do with his tongue.

He felt Theo’s fingers in his hair, felt him pet him and rub over his head, and then his tongue wasn’t as important at keeping his teeth covered as Theo thrust into his mouth. Jason focused on keeping Theo in his mouth as he moved his head and squeezed with his hand. Theo’s hand clamped onto Jason’s head, holding him there, Theo’s fingers tightening in his hair. Now he understood what Theo meant before; it did feel good to have his hair pulled. Theo wasn’t pulling too tightly, he was just guiding him, and Jason took every hint Theo gave him. He screwed up a couple times on the teeth thing, but Theo immediately corrected him.

He tried to listen to Theo’s breathing, tried to pay attention to signs that Theo was going to come, but nothing in his whimpers really prepared him for Theo’s jerking and shuddering when he came, two seconds after he gave part of a warning, the other lost in his moan. Jason desperately tried not to choke, tried not to gag, and after a few seconds of swallowing he realized he was going to be okay. He pulled off, grimacing a bit at the taste but all of a sudden craving more of it, too. Sex really fucked up everything, desires and cravings at the top of the list.

Jason kneeled up and repositioned himself so he could lie down next to Theo, who found his hand and held it. This after part, the lying together and just being was almost better than the sex, at least from what Jason knew. It was better than before, because they didn’t have to move for a while, and things were definitely much better between them, even if they weren’t totally okay. And they had finally moved on with the sex thing, getting closer and closer to the end of that journey, though Jason assumed there was more after that. There would have to be, for everyone to love it so much and not get bored.

He wondered if he and Theo would get that far, far enough to be bored, far enough to explore further and experiment, even far enough to reach that next level, if that was the next level at all. And then Theo squeezed his hand and wiggled closer, sighing happily against him. “So good, Jason.”

“Thanks. No doubt room for improvement.”

“As with anything.”

Jason shifted onto his side so he could see his satiated boyfriend, his pants around his knees, his dick limp and still slick with saliva. Again, he thought about what he did, about how he almost lost of all this, and he felt like such a fool. How could he risk losing this? Losing this huge piece of himself? He should still be wallowing alone in his pity, but Theo decided to forgive him, either because he was afraid of being alone, or maybe he knew just what they’d be giving up if neither of them fought to keep it. He squeezed Theo’s hand, and the words were out before he could stop them. “I think I love you.” Where had that come from? Two hours go he had prayed that Theo wouldn’t say those words to him.

Theo turned wide, scared eyes to him. “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.” Jason wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Do you mean it?”

“I… Yeah.” Maybe. He really didn't know what he was doing.

“And not because of the sex?”

Maybe. “I don’t know.”

“Honesty again.” Theo’s eyes narrowed a little, back to normal range. “I don’t know if I love you. I might. But… I’m not ready to say it yet.”

“That’s okay.” It sort of hurt; Jason knew that this was a really big point in their relationship, and that if it didn’t go well things were going to get uncomfortable. “I just… like we were saying before, we need each other. I don’t want to be apart again.” And he didn’t. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to survive, not after he had had such a wonderful experience tonight.

“Okay. I can see that. But…” Theo’s eyes were worried again. “I think I need to think about it. With all of this, and then what we just did… It was great, and I don’t want to confuse post-orgasmic euphoria with anything else.”

“Stop talking.” Jason leaned to kiss Theo, and Theo met him halfway. Jason tried to tell himself that the kiss was sweet and magical, but it was really just bitter from the remains of cum and the surprising lack of some sort of energy he for some reason expected to be there. But none of that mattered, because they were together and could work at what needed improving. They had plenty of time to do anything.

Love could wait. And so could sex.

Jason pressed closer to Theo, seeking the warmth, and more, that he offered. He sighed contentedly, and tried not to fall asleep.