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Jason Fox Comes Out

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In retrospect, it really wasn’t a surprise to Jason Fox that he was gay. He just hadn’t realized it before. He’d never liked girls, and just never grew out of it. Now he knew why.

It just took one of his idiot classmates to point it out. He was eating lunch with a group of guys in his Physics II class because they were working on a group project together, and when he hadn’t stared at some girl walking by and joined in the comments about wanting to sleep with her, Kris had elbowed him and asked, “Are you gay or something?”

He’d shrugged it off, saying he hadn’t been paying attention, and Kris, who knew Jason was in his own world sometimes, bought it. But being asked so pointblank made him realize that yes, he probably was gay. Interesting.


Later that day he had a few minutes between class and fencing practice to think. He lay on his bed with his hands tucked behind his head, his glasses next to him so he couldn’t see anything. Had he ever expressed an interest in girls? There was that whole debacle with Eileen Jacobson when he was ten, but had he really liked her, or was it just that he thought he should like her? And they were only ten, did that mean anything at all? High school had been spent dateless, and Jason was fine with that. Girls would have gotten in the way of his projects and work and everything else that was important to him.

He hadn’t thought about guys either, but he hadn’t paid much attention to sex at all, anyway. He jerked off all the time because his body needed the release, and it was kinda fun besides, but he thought himself above the need for girls. He knew that wasn’t weird, some people were late bloomers, but nothing had changed when he got to college. The thought of girls in their underwear in the rooms around him wasn’t a turn on, and neither were the visuals of the girls jogging around campus in their little running shorts and sports bras. Most of the other freshmen guys practically drooled when they ran by.

Did he pay more attention to the guys in their little running shorts and t-shirts? He might. He knew he paid attention to guys in the bathroom brushing their teeth in only their boxers or pajama pants. He had thought he was only comparing their physique to his; like Peter, he never gained any weight and was all skin and bones, and wanted to see if other guys were better built. He thought fencing might help develop a little muscle, so he joined his school’s club. And some of the other new guys were athletes in high school and had extremely well-developed legs…

He wanted to test himself on his friends or something, but the guys in the fencing club and in his D&D group weren’t exactly the greatest-looking guys ever. Majoring in engineering didn’t help, either. Maybe he’d check out the soccer game on Saturday.


Saturday night, after the soccer game and after the weekly D&D game, he called Marcus, hoping his friend would be around. Unfortunately Marcus wanted to focus his talents elsewhere and had gone to a different college, one with trimesters of all things, so he wasn’t going to see him again until Christmas. It hurt. He and Marcus had been inseparable from childhood through high school, to the point of Marcus being salutatorian three hundredths of a point behind Jason’s valedictory average. Eileen had come in third, a full point behind Marcus. They’d all been friends until college, where they’d gone their separate ways. He wasn’t sure he’d see Eileen again, but he talked to Marcus weekly or more, usually through the computer.

Tonight he felt like hearing his friend’s voice, so he called Marcus’s cell. It rang three times before Marcus answered it, sounding out of breath. “Yeah?”

“Marcus? It’s Jason.”

“Oh, hi! Look, this isn’t really a good time.”

“Something wrong?”

“I just. It’s eleven o’clock on a Saturday, and I sort of have a date over.”

Oh. “Oh.”

“Can I call you back tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Alright, talk to you then, let me know how your project went.”

“I will. Night.”


Jason hung up his phone, thoroughly dejected. Marcus blew him off. Not only that, he blew him off for a girl. Jason stared at the wall, then slid off his bed and went to his computer.

Playing computer games by himself was possibly the dorkiest way to spend Saturday night, but he just got dumped by his best friend, was by himself in every sense of the word because his roommate was out at some rush function, and he was in the mood to blow the shit out of bad guys.

Maybe later he’d look for porn.


Jason frowned at the book he had to read for his freshman English class; at least in high school he’d had to read stuff by authors he’d recognized. What was this crap? Thank God he only needed two English classes, and two of all the other disciplines he wanted to avoid. The rest could be spent on physics and math, the subjects he’d excelled in since he was a little kid. He loved them, and they loved him.

He’d never tell anyone, but he’d gotten an erection during his first real math final in high school.

But Marcus was supposed to call him back today, so at least he had something to look forward to. He wasn’t sure if he’d tell Marcus what he’d learned about himself, because he wasn’t even sure. The only guy at his disposal right now was his roommate, who was passed out and reeked of beer. No, thanks.

But hadn’t he always had an obsession with Fox Mulder? Frank B. Parker? Neo? Han Solo? Certainly Anakin, in the new series. He still refused to play Tomb Raider because it starred an incredibly hot girl. Hell, he hadn’t even seen the movies. He hadn’t seen any sci-fi movie starring a hot girl. He only saw Resident Evil because of the monsters. His mind flipped back to Fox Mulder, that dark hair and pointed jaw. Yeah, he was definitely hot.

Jason put his book down and groaned, rubbing his eyes. Not only was he probably gay, he was definitely a geek. Those weren’t necessarily bad things, but how was he supposed to test his theory on guys who couldn’t get girls, let alone guys? He wasn’t making sense.

He was about to pick up his book again, to maybe take his mind off of everything, but then his phone rang. Trying not to get his hopes up, he answered it. “Hello?”

“Hey, man. What’s up?” Marcus!

“Not much. Trying to get through my English homework.”

“Sucks. At least we were able to skip all the boring stuff we know in everything else. Just can’t skip out on English or history.”

“Yeah, unfortunately. But yeah, thank God we were able to get out of all the intro physics classes and stuff. I’m only six credits shy of being a sophomore here.”

“Yeah, I’m about the same. But I like some of the other stuff, like religious studies, and sociology.”

“I’m liking my psych class. I was able to test out of the intro for that, too, thanks to the AP exam, so I’m into the neuroscience stuff. It’s fascinating.”

“So did you call for any particular reason? You sounded kind of upset on the phone.”

Then why did you blow me off? “No, I just wanted to talk.” He hated lying to Marcus. It wasn’t really a lie, he had wanted to talk, but it was important.

“Okay. I felt bad about everything, but Jamie-”

“You don’t have to finish that sentence. I understand.”


“It’s okay. I did want to tell you about the project, though.”

“Oh, yeah, how’d it go?”

“Well, I had to work with this one guy, Kevin, and he wouldn’t know a convex lens from a concave lens…”

For the rest of the conversation, they joked, and chatted about their school work, and Marcus updated him on family stuff, and Jason told Marcus that Peter and Denise were thinking about homes, and that Paige was still trying to find a job in the fashion industry. Marcus suggested she could be a costume person for sci-fi movies, and Jason promised to spread the word.

Eventually they hung up, Jason needing to get back to his homework, and Marcus had some sort of meeting to go to. Jason felt better, but he was still lonely. He missed his friend.


Two weeks after he realized he was probably gay, Jason’s friend Theo kissed him. Theo was in his D&D group, playing a mage. Theo was the sort of guy who seemed to forget a bit that he was just playing a character and wasn’t actually a mage, but that was okay. He was shy, and a little short, and had short strawberry blonde hair, faint freckles, and a really nice smile.

While Jason cleaned up used cups and snack bags and miscellaneous bits from the game, Theo had stayed to help, fidgeting nervously when he wasn’t throwing things away. “Jason?”

“Yeah.” Jason was trying to clean cola out of the carpet. Why Bill couldn’t have been drinking Sprite, he didn’t know.

“You’re a really great Dungeon Master.”

“Thanks. I’ve had a lot of practice.” With Marcus, and that one time he made Paige play, and a couple of guys in high school who eventually left the game when they realized getting drunk on Friday nights was more fun than role-playing.

“You’re fair, which is great.” He’d realized over time that while Marcus might put up with his sadistic shit, other people wouldn’t. “And outside of the group, you’re pretty cool, too.” Clearly everyone had a different concept of cool; Jason still wore Star Wars underpants, just boxers, not briefs.

“Thanks.” Jason looked up from where he was kneeling when he realized Theo was practically hovering over him. He stood so that he didn’t feel so small. Theo looked up at him, eyes wide with something Jason couldn’t read. Jason continued to watch as Theo leaned forwards, but then he closed his eyes reflexively when Theo pressed his lips to his.


Jason had never done this before, didn’t know what to do, didn’t know where to put his hands or what to do with his mouth, so he just stood there like a moron while Theo moved his lips. Theo pulled back after a few seconds, and looked up at him, eyes wide with fear this time. “Sorry, I didn’t mean, I thought. I.”

“Quiet.” Jason steeled himself, fists clenched, and leaned to kiss Theo back. He could do this, kissing wasn’t that difficult, right? It got better when Theo pulled himself closer, one hand fisted in Jason’s t-shirt. The kiss got harder, and Jason felt his hands loosen.

He was just getting comfortable when Theo pressed his tongue against his lower lip, apparently seeking entry. Jason pulled back, a little freaked out. Theo opened his eyes; Jason hadn’t noticed how pretty they were before, a pale blue like the sky with a very thin layer of cirrus clouds.

It was Jason’s turn to apologize. “Sorry. I’ve just. Never done this before.”

Theo frowned a little. “We were just kissing. Or did you mean…” Jason nodded, and he could feel himself blush. Theo’s eyes widened yet again. “Oh. I didn’t know, you seem like the kind of guy who…”

“Who what?” Now Jason was suspicious.

“Who knew what he wanted and then took it. And I thought. I mean…” Theo backed away, almost tripping over a chair. “I should go.”

Jason stepped and reached out with one hand, wrapping it around Theo’s wrist. “Don’t go. This is all just new to me. I didn’t even realize I was gay until a couple of weeks ago.”

“Really? I thought. Well. Never mind.”

“You think too much.” Jason smiled shyly at Theo, and Theo smiled back.

“I get that a lot.” They watched each other for another few seconds, and Jason realized he was still holding Theo’s skinny wrist. And that he was rubbing his thumb over it. He abruptly pulled away, blushing again. He just… his mind was swirling, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He’d never felt this way before, there was a rush, and some heat, and butterflies or something even cooler than butterflies in his stomach.

It wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

Theo spoke again, maybe sensing that Jason wasn’t going to either bolt or hit him. “We should finish cleaning up, and then I should go.”

“Yeah.” Maybe Jason shouldn’t have been so glad that Theo offered to leave, but he was really quite overwhelmed at the moment and needed time to think. As they finished straightening up the lounge near Jason’s room, where the weekly game was held, Theo talked about a lot of nothing, his favorite movie, his pick for the Oscars thus far, a friend from high school who wanted to be a model, his grandmother’s cat. Jason would have told him to shut up, but he was still distracted, and he actually didn’t mind listening to Theo babble. It certainly saved him from having to say anything.

Once they were done, Jason surveyed the room for lost Cheetos and pretzels. Finding none, he turned and smacked into Theo, whom he hadn’t realized was behind him. Theo apologized again, but then he tentatively asked, “So, you want to get together? Maybe Friday night, or Saturday before the game?”

Jason’s heart stopped. Seriously. For two seconds. “Like a date?”

“Maybe?” Those blue eyes were wide again.

“…Yeah. Okay.” Did Jason just agree to go on a date? With a guy?


“I can call you.” Don’t make the force rely on your acceleration, you fool!

“What about I see what’s going on, then get back to you in class on Tuesday?”

“We have a class together?”

“Physics II. I sit in the back.”

Huh. “Right. I guess I’ll see you then.”

Theo smiled and nodded, once, then pressed his lips to Jason’s so fast he barely felt it before Theo practically ran from the room.

Jason just stood and stared at the door, wondering when his life had become so complicated. He returned to his room and flipped through the new issue of National Geographic, too distracted to actually read it, and certainly too distracted to play computer games.

What would Marcus say?


That Friday, Jason met Theo at one of the coffee bars on campus. Sort of as a joke, he wore his t-shirt with the molecular formula for caffeine on it. Where the hell would he buy clothes if it wasn’t for

Apparently where Theo would buy his; the shorter boy wore a t-shirt that said, “Roses are red/violets are blue/all my base/are belong to you,” with the HTML code in place of the colors. Jason had seen the shirt before, and it always made him smile. This time it made him blush a little, too.

Theo sat down with him and returned the smile. He plunked onto the table his coffee and the hot chocolate Jason had ordered. Jason refused to drink coffee after he’d seen the way it turned his father and brother into zombies, but he was still fine with hot chocolate and the occasional soda. “It’s a good thing I got on line when I did, and you were able to snag a table, otherwise we’d be sitting on the floor.”

Jason glanced around and saw that Theo was right. It was post-dinner time on Friday, and tons of people were getting their caffeine rush before they ‘pre-gamed’ with alcohol for later. Jason didn’t really understand the term, but he understood that it meant his roommate was a drunken moron by ten o’clock every Friday and Saturday night. Thursdays, too, lately.

Jason took a sip of his hot chocolate. “I might not exactly care about luxury, but the tables certainly are nicer.” And they were, bistro tables with glass tops, and they stayed nice because the shop closed at eleven and locked everything up, so drunken fools wouldn’t trash everything. Jason drank beer every once in a while, but he hoped he’d never drink enough of anything to vandalize things.

“So, how was your week?”

Honestly? “Kind of long.” Theo blushed. “Some girl made a mess in chem lab, I thought the professor was going to rip his hair out. My group got an A on our second physics project, thank God. I’ve had perfect scores in science since I was little, and I didn’t want that to be destroyed because I had to work with people. Our fencing captain pulled a muscle in his leg on a lunge, so things have been pretty easy there. He was threatening us with footwork, but now we’ve just worked on point control.”

“Have you fenced before?” Theo looked at him curiously over the rim of his mug.

“Nope. I mean, messing around with my friend Marcus, but nothing serious. It’s way cooler here, being taught. And getting to play with real swords.”

“What weapon are you doing?”

“We had to learn foil first, but I wanted to try sabre. But I may not have the right build, so I can always try epee.”


“You do any sports?”

“I played soccer when I was younger, but I haven’t really done anything since then.”

Something internal pinched Jason, and he suddenly wanted to see if Theo had a soccer player’s legs. He pushed the thought away. “You have any siblings?”

“A little brother, Jake. He’s a pain in the ass.”

“How much younger is he?”

“Six years.”

Jason grinned. “I’m six years younger than my brother, Peter. I’m sure he thinks I’m a pain in the ass, too.”


“No, I made sure of it.” Theo chuckled. “I have a sister, too, she’s 22. She hates me, but I’m cool with that.”

“It’s okay for your siblings to like you, you know.” Theo smirked, hands clasping his mug.

“I like to keep them on their toes. I was such a little bastard when I was younger. Model rockets, dart guns, an iguana that Paige was terrified of…” Jason trailed off, reliving some good memories.

“I was a pretty calm little kid, in my own world most of the time. Kinda freaked my parents out, that I was so anti-social, but I got better in high school when I made some friends.” Theo stared into his mug, his hands looking like they held it tighter.

“Until high school I really only had one friend, Marcus. There was this girl, too, she was okay when she wasn’t being weird, and I met some other people, but Marcus has always been there for me.”

“It’s cool you found someone like that.” Theo sounded so… lonely. Some irrational part of Jason- maybe the part that pinched him a few moments ago- wanted to hug him.

Jason grasped for something to say. “So, where are you from?”

“Some unrecognizable town that fits into anywhere. It’s not even worth mentioning.”

“Yeah, I know what that’s like.” Jason’s town wasn’t easy to find on a map, either.

They stayed at the coffee bar for about forty-five minutes, filling each other in on their lives, or lack thereof. Jason was thinking about how he had to pee when Theo asked, “I have Iron Mysticus VI, you want to come over and play?”

Jason grinned. “Absolutely.”


Theo wasn’t as good a player as Jason was, but after a while Jason was very aware of the fact that coming over to play the game wasn’t actually about coming over to play the game at all. When Jason had used the bathroom down the hall, Theo had apparently put on some sort of cologne. There was a bottle of rum underneath Theo’s desk, and Jason couldn’t tell if it was open or not. They had to sit close to each other to use the keyboard, and Jason had never been so aware of someone else’s body heat in his entire life. Their elbows bumped once in a while, and Jason always felt a little spark, nothing at all like static electricity. He should know, he had a lot of experience with that.

For all that Jason found himself focused on Theo, he was still surprised when Theo pulled his hand away from the keyboard and tugged until Jason looked at him. Those blue eyes were curious. “You’ve really never kissed anyone before?”

Jason had to give Theo points for being direct. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve never… noticed anyone that way. And no one’s ever noticed me.”


“Really. I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t realize I was gay until a few weeks ago.”

“But no girls?”

“No. I was still giving myself cootie shots up until last year.”

Theo smiled at that, and Jason smiled back. Maybe Theo didn’t know he was being serious. Jason took a sip of the soda Theo had offered him a little while ago, then asked, “What about you?”

“I was with someone over the summer, but he went to school across the country so we ended it. We didn’t have much anyway, I think it was just more of a convenience thing.”

Jason didn’t like the sound of Theo’s voice. “He didn’t use you, did he?” Jason didn’t have the best understanding of interpersonal relationships, but he didn’t want Theo to have been used.

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about him.”

Jason had a feeling the game was over for the night, too. “What do you want to talk about?”

“What if I don’t want to talk?” Theo had the most expressive eyes, but Jason kind of wanted them to express something other than fear or worry.

“You can try to teach me to kiss again?” That was better, that heated, hungry look in Theo’s eyes. Jason would have wanted to get back to kissing even if Theo still looked worried. Kissing had felt really weird, but it had been kind of fun.

Rather than answer, Theo leaned forward, one hand wrapping around Jason’s pathetic upper arm. He kissed Jason tentatively, clearly not sure if he was welcome. But this time Jason was ready, and he kissed back. He didn’t seem to be particularly good at it, but that was okay. Theo didn’t seem to mind.

In fact, when Jason put on hand on Theo’s leg for balance, Theo moaned. That was such a good sound. So why was Theo pulling back?

“Jason, tongue.”


Theo kissed him again, this time open-mouth, and Jason got the idea. He pushed his tongue past Theo’s lips and Theo took it from him, sucking and stroking it with his own. Holy God, that felt good. Jason pulled back a bit to breathe, and Theo took the opportunity to switch roles. It felt so odd to have someone else’s tongue in his mouth, but Jason had a feeling that before too long it would be something he’d crave. Because Theo was a good kisser. Not that Jason had anyone to compare him to, Theo could be a terrible kisser and Jason wouldn’t know, but he wanted more of Theo. More of his tongue and more of the hand squeezing his arm and the one rubbing his knee.

Theo moved closer and tilted his head to kiss along Jason’s jaw. And then, oh God, his throat. Theo sucked and bit right above his carotid artery, and Jason was never, ever going to be able to watch a vampire movie again without thinking about this. Theo stayed there for a minute, and Jason had a few seconds to think about the fact that Theo had probably just given him a hickey, and then Theo moved away from his throat and back along his jaw. Jason tugged as best he could on the short hair on the back of Theo’s head to bring him to a better position for Jason to stick his tongue in Theo’s mouth again.

Jason heard himself moan and would have been embarrassed except it made Theo suck on his tongue harder. Jason had no idea how long they went back and forth, taking turns sucking and biting and kissing, but he eventually realized he was incredibly turned on. And that freaked him out.

He pulled back from Theo and pried himself from Theo’s grip. Theo’s eyes were once more set to ‘worried.’ “What’s wrong?”

“Absolutely nothing. It’s just.” Jason glanced down at his crotch, and even though he was wearing jeans it was pretty obvious he had a hard-on.

“Oh.” Theo looked confused. “I can help you with that. And then maybe you could help me?” Jason looked at Theo’s groin, then quickly looked away. Theo looked to be even more aroused than he was.

“I. I think it’s too fast.” Theo nodded at him, slowly. “This’ll sound stupid, but-”

“No, it doesn’t sound stupid. It’s a big step. I’m good stopping now.”

“Are you sure?” Theo was flushed and his hair needed to be brushed. Jason got the feeling he looked even worse (better?). “I don’t want to-”

“It’s okay. My roommate will be back soon anyway. He always calls his girlfriend around this time every night. He’s so whipped and doesn’t even realize it. It’s obvious she’s keeping him on a short leash so he doesn’t go out and meet someone else. Doesn’t stop him from going out after they talk, though.”

Jason stood, and willed his erection to go away. Bikini babes, his mom’s tofu stew, tampons, his dad’s golf outfit… Okay. He felt he could walk back to his dorm without embarrassing himself. “I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

“Yeah. I hope you have a good plan set out.”

“Would I ever not?”

“No.” Theo stood, too. He stuck his hand out, and Jason shook it, confused. Until Theo yanked him off-balance and into him, to kiss him one more time.

Jason pulled back when he needed to breathe. “Jesus.”

“See you tomorrow.” That little smirk… If Jason weren’t already overwhelmed, he’d fancy the idea of kissing it off Theo’s face. Instead, he just opened the door and waved.

He walked quickly back to his room, relieved when he found it to be empty. He threw himself onto his bed and shoved his hand down his pants, needing to touch himself. A few hard strokes, a few twists, thumb over the head and… Fuck. He hadn’t come that hard in a while. He wondered how different it would be to have Theo touching him, Theo getting him off. He rolled over and pulled his pillow to his face to groan into it.

His life had gotten deliciously complicated. He couldn’t wait to see Theo again, but he was just so confused.


It was another week before Jason and Theo got to spend time together alone. They had decided to be partners for the next physics project, and they were camped out in Jason’s room, skimming text books and journals for ideas. They were lying next to each other on the floor, the room too small to allow much of any other arrangement.

Not that Jason minded in the least.

Seeing Theo in class, and even sitting next to him, wasn’t enough. Theo made him feel good, and useful, and desirable. Before he met Theo being desirable hadn’t even been on his list, but now that he felt that way… He wriggled a little closer to Theo, just wanting to feel his warmth. Theo wriggled into him, too.

“So, we can do something with nuclear physics, or…”

“Let’s do that. Marcus and I had this awesome project once but it got destroyed…” Jason told Theo about Camp Bohrmore and the project contest where he accidentally sabotaged his own project.

“That’s… impressive. And you and Marcus never built it again?”

“No, we got busy with other projects and stuff, video games, things like that.”

“You and Marcus are really close?”

“Yeah.” Obviously. “He’s my best friend.”

“And you’ve never thought about him, like, you know…” Theo waved his hand.

“No.” Not until the last few weeks, where his emotions were already in an upheaval and thinking about Marcus helped a little. Until it sorta freaked him out. “He’s not gay.”

“Neither were you until a month ago.”

“Point.” Marcus wasn’t gay, right? He’d had a few dates in high school, and he didn’t have a problem checking out girls. He’d always been willing to be friends with them, at least more than Jason. “Can we not talk about Marcus?”

“Sure.” Theo looked back into the book he was flipping through, and Jason went back to his journal.

After a few minutes, Jason stretched and rolled onto his back, tired of reading. At one point in his life he thought he’d never get tired of texts and reading, hell, he’d read Paige’s and Peter’s books for fun, but he was eighteen and in college and it was Friday night and he wanted to take a break. He rubbed his hand over his stomach, realizing that he was hungry again. “You want pizza?”

“I don’t have any money.”

“I’ll pay for it.”

“Are you sure?” Jason turned to Theo, who was now on his side, watching him.

“Yeah, I have plenty of cash. Started my own Internet company last year when I was done applying to schools. Wanted to see if I could do it, and see if I could make a profit.”

“Did you?”

“My parents didn’t buy anything here. I did.” Jason watched Theo’s eyes roam around the room, from the new computer to the large TV to the new video games systems hooked up to it.


“It’s a hobby. And it pays for tons of pizza.” And not the gross kind his mom always tried to pass off as pizza, and no mushrooms or anything else gross like Peter always wanted. “I’ll call Dominic’s.”

Forty minutes later they had an idea for their project and plenty of pizza, and Jason offered Theo a beer after taking one for himself. Theo looked at the label and asked, “Where’d you get beer?”

“My brother Peter. He’s so glad I’m taking an interest in something he likes that he offered to buy me all the beer I wanted until I’m twenty-one and can buy it myself.” It was the good kind, too, not the swill he’d seen other freshmen drink. What had Peter called it? Pisswater beer.

“He seems cool. For a brother, I mean.”

“He’s nice enough. I dunno what I would have done without him around growing up. I mean, I’d be stuck with Paige all by myself.”


“It wasn’t until I was fifteen that I finally accepted she was fully human. Peter helped me torment her. Except when he teamed up with her.”

“What I missed by being the oldest of two.”

“And not having a sister.” Jason watched Theo take a sip of his beer, some part of him wanting to watch Theo chug it, watch him swallow, watch his throat work… Jason shook his head. It was like finally acknowledging his hormones opened a floodgate to have them rage out of control all the freaking time.


“Nothing.” Jason focused on eating pizza. And not checking out Theo. They were a couple, he supposed, but he didn’t feel up to going where he knew Theo wanted to take their relationship. Not yet.

While eating, Jason popped a Robot Chicken dvd into the player, and they watched that. The campus didn’t have anything but basic cable, so dvds and movies were pretty much what Jason watched. His missed Tech TV so much…

He wasn’t focused on the TV enough to not notice when Theo moved to sit right next to him, thigh to thigh. Theo seemed to be done eating, and he held his mostly-empty beer bottle in his hands. “Your roommate going to be back any time soon?”

“It’s after ten on a Friday, and if he’s gone by then he’s usually gone until at least one.”

“So if we maybe wanted to fool around, we wouldn’t be interrupted?”

Jason grinned slowly. “Pretty sure. You saying you want to fool around?”

“If you want…”

Jason reached a hand around Theo’s chin, and pulled him towards him as he leaned in. It hadn’t been too long ago that Jason thought kissing was disgusting, but he couldn’t remember why he was so adverse to it. It was fun. It was hot. It made Jason hard. He didn’t know if it was just Theo, or if anyone could make him this crazy.

Theo tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth, and Jason wished that Theo’s hair was longer so he could get a good grip in it. As it was, he had to settle for almost petting him, rather than pulling him. The way the short hairs felt against his fingers when he brushed them backwards felt really nice, though…

Theo was smaller than Jason, though not by much, and he was much more confident, and before too long Jason found himself flat on his back on the floor, Theo on top of him. It felt like Theo’s tongue was everywhere, in his mouth, on his jaw, helping his teeth worry another mark on Jason’s throat… Thankfully no one had seemed to notice the one from last week, though he had tried to hide it with turtlenecks and hoodies.

Theo seemed to come to a decision to just explore Jason with his mouth, so Jason decided to do the same with his hands. He pushed up the back of Theo’s t-shirt, very excited at the feeling of warm skin and sparse hairs. Theo didn’t really have much muscle to speak of, but Jason didn’t care about muscle because he had skin. He trailed his fingers up Theo’s spine, and Theo shivered. He also pulled away.

And took off his shirt.

He didn’t make a show of it, it wasn’t a strip tease, it was just a boy taking off his shirt so he could be seen and felt. And feel Jason did, running a hand up Theo’s pale stomach and chest. Theo pressed Jason’s hand against him, and he could feel Theo’s heartbeat. Why that was arousing, he didn’t know.

Theo sat back, on Jason’s groin, and tugged experimentally at the bottom of Jason’s shirt. Jason got the hint and leaned up enough to allow Theo to pull the shirt off. Theo leaned down again, kissing Jason again, and they were skin-to-skin. Chest to chest. Jason almost wanted to ask Theo to stop kissing him just so he could explore with his fingers and mouth, but he figured that would be rude.

Instead, he just listened to what his body wanted, stroking his hands over Theo’s back and sides, his mouth returning Theo’s fierce kisses. And then Theo started to rock his hips.

The slide of skin-to-skin was about three billion times better than the press of skin-to-skin; Theo’s torso was pure hot sensation as he rubbed against Jason. But he could also feel Theo’s erection rubbing against him, rubbing against his, and he freaked out all over again. He pulled his head away and wriggled until Theo got the hint and sat up.

He was definitely looking at him in disappointment. Jason hated himself. He was just too inexperienced. “I’m sorry, but…”

“It’s too soon.”

“Yeah. I know that’s really lame, but I’m just having a tough time here.”

“Is it me?”

“Lord, no. If I were running on pure animal instincts we’d both be sitting here in soggy shorts. But I just can’t stop thinking about safe sex and abstinence and being gay and everything else.” Jason sat up carefully, not wanting to dislodge Theo from his lap. “Believe me, it isn’t you. It’s completely me.”

“Okay.” But Theo still looked worried, not that that was anything new.

Looking Theo levelly in the eye, Jason asked, “How can I prove that to you?”

Theo thought for a second, then said, “Mark me.”

“Like with a brand?”

“Better not. I just mean…” Theo touched the yellow remains of the bruise on Jason’s neck.

Oh. He could totally do that.

He kissed Theo on the mouth one more time, took off his glasses, then leaned down to worry a mark into Theo’s skin right above his collar bone. He felt Theo’s legs wrap around him, and Theo played with his hair with one hand and had the other wrapped around Jason’s back. Jason wasn’t really sure of the best way to do this, so he settled on trying to break the skin but not really breaking it, and sucking. He must have been doing something right because Theo kept moaning.

When he was satisfied with that one, he started to move to the other side of Theo’s throat, but Theo breathed out, “Higher.” Jason stayed on the same side and pressed his lips to a higher spot, one that Theo wouldn’t be able to hide. He used the hand holding his glasses to gently pull Theo’s head in the right direction, his other hand wrapping around Theo’s thigh to help keep them both balanced.

Jason could feel Theo breathing, could feel him shudder, could feel his hand tightening in his hair. And then, abruptly, Theo was climbing out of his arms to stand. “What’s wrong?”

Theo’s face was red, and Jason couldn’t tell if it was because he was flushed or blushing. “I almost came. And it wouldn’t be fair if I did and you didn’t.”

Wow. “I wouldn’t mind.” It was actually something he wouldn’t mind seeing, if he was honest with himself.

“But I would. But.” Theo looked at the floor. “I should get going. Before we do something you don’t want to do.”

Jason found himself nodding, and Theo looked relieved. Jason asked, “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“But we aren’t having a game meeting. ‘Cause it’s Halloween.”

“Yeah, but I’m running that haunted house for the little kids coming to campus. I can’t believe the school gave me funding and that no one wanted to help. You could stop by…”

Theo grinned. “Sure. I’d love to.” One more kiss and Theo left, slowly.

Jason lay down on his bed again, hand once more in his pants. He went more slowly this time, thinking about what it felt like to feel Theo’s skin, have Theo rub against him, have Theo moan into his ear. His orgasm rolled through him as he ejaculated onto his stomach, and he sighed happily once he got his breath back.

He knew it wouldn’t be long before he gave in to what his body was telling him to do.


As he and Theo walked back to his room after the haunted house, Jason decided the evening was a success. He’d loved Halloween forever, maybe even more than Christmas, and he used to go crazy each year with gags and costumes and scaring people. But he’d matured as he grew older, and things were much more tasteful now.

The house he did for school was scary enough to scare little kids, but not enough to make them cry. Except for the really little ones. Even some of the college students leading the kids around looked frightened at certain things.

He was fairly certain it wasn’t because he and Theo were making out behind a false wall between groups of kids; no one caught them.

The house had ghosts and skeletons and blood and zombies and bats and just about everything to make it perfect. It just didn’t have Paige’s recorded screams from when he scared her; Paige had destroyed the tape last year when she realized he still used it. The look of pure rage on her face had been amusing enough to take the sting away.

“So you used to do that every year at your house?” Theo looked at him in what may have been adoration. Or possibly detestation.

“Yep. Varying degrees of success, of course, like the one year I punctured the water heater, but it was all pretty fun. Some years I’d charge people to come see it, too, if I thought it was particularly good. I was really excited when I found out I could do something similar here.” He grinned, reveling at being in charge of something so fun and personal. He was even a little buzzed, he had to admit.

“It was fun helping.”

“Yeah, thanks for that, it would have been tough to have everything running by myself. A couple of guys were supposed to help out, but I guess something came up.” Or maybe they just didn’t want to associate with him. Whatever. Right now Jason didn’t care about anything other than the fact that he and Theo were at his room, Theo almost pressing into his side.

They spilled into Jason’s room once he finally got the door open, and Jason thanked whatever deity was watching out for him that his roommate wasn’t around, especially when Theo grabbed his ass. Jason tensed at the touch, but the second Theo removed his hand he wanted it back.

Jason turned and pulled Theo to him, sitting on his bed as they kissed. Jason was feeling a bit more adventurous than normal, probably because he was excited about the haunted house, so he took his glasses off so he could rub his face against Theo’s. Much better. Theo tugged the hair on the back of his head and pulled him back, biting along Jason’s jaw and into the sensitive spot at the corner.

Jason pulled at the back of Theo’s sweater, and Theo took it off, then the undershirt he had on. Though he wasn’t in focus, Jason could see Theo’s bare chest in front of him, ribs visible in the shadows from the ceiling lamp. Jason leaned back up but Theo met him halfway, pushing forwards until Jason was on his back with Theo straddling him.

Jason pulled away and chuckled. “Hang on.” Theo stood up, and Jason wriggled until Theo gave him space. Jason sat and took off his own shirt, then lay fully back on the bed after kicking off his sneakers. “Okay.”

Theo kicked off his own shoes, and while the word ‘pounced’ might not be what Jason was looking for, Theo definitely almost jumped on him. He attacked Jason’s mouth and Jason raked the nails of one hand up his back. There was just so much heat between them, and even though all of this was so new to Jason, he didn’t think he’d be able to live without it. Without Theo’s tongue or hands or groans.

Without Theo’s hips slowly rocking down into his…

Jason groaned into Theo’s mouth, and slid his hands down his back until he could slowly cup Theo’s ass through his jeans. He might not have the upper-body physique of a soccer player, but he still had a nice ass…

Why had he not noticed he was gay before? He could have been having hot make-out sessions like this for years. Then again, he hadn’t known Theo before, just Marcus. Marcus… No. Focus on Theo, boy currently thrusting against you, Jason.

Theo pulled back from kissing and started to get up. Jason grabbed his arm. “Don’t stop.”

He couldn’t see Theo’s eyes, but he could hear the relief in his voice. “I won’t, if you’re sure it’s what you want. Lemme just…” Theo shifted his weight and wiggled one knee in between Jason’s thighs. That meant that Jason could… could… pump his hips up into Theo, against his thigh, they could both rub… A lifetime of physics and Jason would never have figured that out, equal and opposite reactions or not.

They kissed for a while longer, but as Theo moved his hips faster he stopped paying attention to his mouth. It gave Jason the chance to focus more on his own dick, which was sliding through the pre-cum he was leaking into his boxers, and it didn’t matter because it felt wonderful. Theo dropped his head into the crook of Jason’s neck and let go, grinding against Jason and grunting.

Theo stilled and his hips bucked and he held his breath, until he exhaled heavily against Jason’s neck and went limp. Jason held Theo tighter and moved faster against him, until he just hit things exactly right…

He slammed his eyes shut and curled into Theo as he came, and squeezed him tighter. When he was finally done coming he collapsed back onto his bed and tried to catch his breath. When he was nearing equilibrium, he managed to pant out, “Oh my God.”

Theo squeezed him and chuckled. “You okay there?”

“Gimme a minute for my brain to come back.”

“It’s good, isn’t it?”

“If that was only ‘good,’ I’m not going to survive ‘great,’ let alone everyone’s description of ‘mindblowing.’”

“That was your first time with someone else, wasn’t it?”

Jason felt himself blush, now that he had blood to do it with. “Yeah.”

“Was it good?” If he could see Theo’s eyes, he bet he’d see worry in them.

“Absolutely. More than good. Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes, you did. You’ve given me such a chance to explore myself, and I owe you for that.”

Theo drew away. “You sound like you’re breaking up with me.”

Jason was horrified. “Absolutely not!” He shifted until they were both on their sides and could look at each other. “Theo, I’m not breaking up with you. I couldn’t.” He could see that Theo smiled. “So this means we’re together?”

“I think so. I mean, unless you don’t want to be.”

Jason leaned in and kissed his insecure… boyfriend. “I want to be. But I’m not yet ready for rainbow flags and t-shirts with gay jokes on them. So can we maybe keep us a secret?”

“Yeah. Sucks we won’t be able to act the way we want at the game meetings.”

“Yeah, but we can always fool around afterwards. Can you handle that, knowing that while I’m leading you guys around I’m thinking about kissing you? About maybe touching you?”

Theo moaned, just a little, and if Jason weren’t afraid of his roommate walking in on them, he’d suggest they fool around some more. But his roommate wasn’t exactly the most open-minded guy, and he didn’t want Theo getting hurt. It was still early enough he might come in. Jason kissed Theo again before he explained, “We should think of cleaning up soon. Rush Boy will be back at some point.”

Theo sighed. “Yeah…” Obviously reluctant, Theo pulled himself away from Jason, and Jason immediately missed the warmth. He stood on wobbly legs, and Jason reached for his glasses so he could look at the guy who took away the first part of his virginity. He smiled at him, glad it was with someone he cared about.

Theo tugged at the fly of his jeans. “Um. You wouldn’t happen to have a towel or anything, right?”

Jason got up and winced at the drying mess in his own pants. “Just a sec.” He found an extra wash cloth in his closet and dumped water from his roommate’s pitcher onto it. “Good?”

“Better than walking home like this.” Theo took the wet cloth and stared at it, blushing.

“I’ll turn around.”

“Me, too.” Theo may have been the aggressive one at first, but he was still awfully shy. It was nice.

“Okay.” Jason turned around and Theo held out the towel. “You want me to just throw this in your dirty laundry?”

“I’ll do it.” Jason took the corner of the cloth and walked over to his closet, burying it under his clothes.

Theo looked at him shyly again. “I had a good time tonight. With the haunted house, and coming back here…”

“The coming was definitely nice…” Theo blushed, and it made Jason’s face warm, too. “I’ll see you tomorrow? Dinner?”

“Sure.” Theo smiled, and as Jason walked over to kiss him goodnight the smile morphed into something more predatory. Jason swallowed as Theo came to him, one hand wrapping around Jason’s head as Theo kissed him. Theo pulled back after a minute, and just said, “Tomorrow.”

Jason nodded, and Theo left. Jason immediately went to the closet to retrieve the washcloth. No sense in dirtying two of them. As he pulled it out, he was struck by the overwhelming urge to sniff it. It smelled like… semen. Honestly not the greatest scent, but Jason had a feeling it was going to mean a lot more to him the more time he spent alone with Theo. He wiped himself off, then changed into pajama pants.

It felt nice seeing Theo and not having to masturbate afterwards.

He turned off the ceiling light and curled up on his bed, his head where Theo’s had been. He’d never felt like this before, quite so needy, quite so uncertain, quite so… human. He’d thought himself above all of this need and want and sexual confusion.

He snorted to himself. Why did he ever want to deny himself this?