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Ninja Assassin 2: Adrien's Misadventure

Chapter Text

A new day meant a new start. At least that was how optimists saw it. Victus though, was still stewing in his loss of “the girl”.

Over one tiny bug.

The extranet hadn't been very helpful. Asking EDI was the last chance he had at understanding everything that had happened the night before.


[Yes, Primarch. I've taken the liberty of already downloading the pertinent data to the Normandy. I will link it to you now.]

“Thank you, EDI.”

]--- ...“Arachnophobia is a specific phobia, the fear of spiders and other arachnids such as scorpions.
The reactions of “arachnophobics” are often irrational. It is one of the most common specific phobias. It may be an exaggerated form of an instinctive response that helped early humans to survive...” ---[

Huh. Spiders could be poisonous and a lot of humans feared them. Got it.

Well that made much more sense than all the weird stuff the extranet had said. Of course it didn't help that he didn't know how to phrase what he was looking for. 'Terrified human female' hadn't yielded anything but bad horror vids. 'Screaming human female' had yielded another group of bad vids, but of a different sort.

Victus rose from his cot and donned his clothes. It was time to commence his scheme to woo the commander. Though scheme did make it sound darker than it was. Perhaps plan was better? Victus cleared his throat even though he wasn't speaking aloud. Time to commence his plan to woo the commander. Yes, that sounded much better.


Chapter Text

The first stop Victus made was the flower shop. According to the extranet, human females loved flowers.

“How can I help you, Sir?” The woman behind the counter asked kindly.

He waved his guards off when they were about to correct the way the older human addressed him.

“I am looking for something to give to a woman I am interested in dating.”

Number 4: NEVER say mating, especially to humans. Dating is safe. Dating is your friend. USE IT.

“Oh how sweet, dear! We do have some flowers native of Palaven,” the elderly woman stated.

Number 6: Human women look at how you treat your mother. When in doubt or a tight spot, USE IT.

“A bouquet of those would be perfect for my mother, Miss. I will also be needing an arrangement for a human.”

The woman startled before she smiled. “What a nice young man you are! Sending flowers to your mother. My boys haven't done that in ages.” The woman continued to rattle on while Victus silently celebrate the small victory.

After giving the shopkeeper his mother's apartment address, he collected his bouquet of human flowers and paid the somewhat expensive fresh flower fee.

“You boys have a nice day now.”

“And you as well, Miss.” Victus bowed as the woman's cheeks blushed pink.


Next on the list....chocolate.

Number 3: Chicks dig chocolate. USE IT!

The Chocolate Shoppe catered to all species even though chocolate was only native to Earth.

“Welcome, what can I get you?”

“I am looking for something for a human female that I am interested in ma-- dating.” If the lady wearing the odd hat behind the counter noticed his slip-up, she was kind enough not to say anything.

“Of course. We've got white chocolate, milk chocolate, and dark chocolate.”

Wasn't chocolate just chocolate? The extranet didn't say anything about this!

Sensing his rising panic, the female spoke. “Milk chocolate is the best way to go.”

He nodded his head when she pointed to the case holding chocolates. So. Many. Chocolates.

Once again taking pity on him, “How about you choose the size of the box and I will fill it?”

Thank you, chocolate lady! “That sounds perfect.”

This wooing a human thing was more difficult than he thought. No wonder so many human men panicked. It was stressful and all he's done is get flowers and candy.

“Here you go, Sir.”

He paid and gave his thanks, thankful to be moving on.

The last thing on his list was just silly stuff he'd seen her eyeing the last time they'd been on the Citadel. Plus, a thing or two of his own.

Now it was time to return to the ship and put the second part of the plan into motion.

Chapter Text

With EDI's help, Victus placed the vased daisy and goldenrod flower bouquet on Shepard's desk in her quarters. Once done, he admired the beautiful colors before leaving to place the chocolates on her fully repaired terminal.

The basket of goodies he placed in his quarters until later.

Two hours later Victus was enjoying his lunch, and feeling quite proud of himself, when he heard a horrible noise.

Aaachoo! Achoo! Aaaaaachoo!

The commander came stumbling around the corner as she grasped the rail, her face buried in her free arm. The horrible sound was coming from her with each body spasm.

“Commander?” He asked confused and worried.

Before Victus could stand to assist Shepard, Doctor Chakwas jogged out of the medbay and stuck Shepard in the neck with a needle, injecting her with some kind of medication.

But the noise didn't stop. In fact, the commander only seemed to weaken with each one that left her mouth.

“Commander, what happened? You haven't been near flowers again have you? You know what they do to you.”

Flowers? Uh-oh.

Shepard mumbled something Victus couldn't understand, but the doctor seemed to.

“Yes I know they're pretty, Commander, but you're allergic to their pollen. Daisies are the worst and you know that...”

The muffled conversation continued as the doctor escorted Shepard inside the medbay, the doors swishing closed behind them.

[I apologize, Primarch. It was not noted in her files.]

“Are they still up there?”

[Yes, they will need to be removed before I can decontaminate the room.]

Victus sighed, disappointment making his shoulders sag. “I'll do it.” He trashed the remnants of his meal before entering the elevator and touching the pad to the commanders floor. “Where can I put them where they won't effect the commander?”

[The incinerator.]

A walk of shame from the top of the ship to the bottom. It seemed fitting.

Two hours later Victus found himself standing at his terminal in the war room going over reports. It was boring and he often found himself drifting off into his thoughts.

It was so easy to get lost in fantasies. How would Shepard's muscular thighs feel around his waist? Her fingers clutching his shoulders? Her soft lips on his neck?

The sound of the door swishing open made him shift closer to the terminal to hide his emerging erection.

Elcor scenting. Phaeston maintenance. Turnackal Ball...


Victus watched with hidden glee as Shepard, now seeming to be feeling much better, untied the bow and tossed it over her shoulder. She removed the lid with the same rushed excitement before taking a chocolate out and popping it into her mouth. She moaned in a way that made Victus' plates tingle in arousal.

Suddenly she stopped. Then she was spitting the chocolate out in her hand as her other hand fingered through it.

Humans played with their food too much in his opinion.

“No. Nonononono.” She dropped the chocolate on the floor and began wiping off her tongue frantically.


“EDI? Get Docta Thakwas! Nuths!”

What? What in the spirits was happening? Was this some sort of human cultural thing?

[Doctor Chakwas is on her way.]

“Thoud've thanned them. Dammunt!”

Victus didn't know what to do. What could he do besides watch in confusion?

Another human came down from their station and scanned the box. “Nut allergy, Commander?”

“Uh-huh,” her lips had enlarged somewhat.

The human took out two other pieces from the box and tossed them in the trash. “Did you swallow the other one?”


The male then pulled a wet wipe out of a pack that he pulled from his pocket and began to wipe Shepard's hands. “For me it's strawberries. You'd think with all the medical advances and illness that have been cured, that allergies would be among them.” The man finished and tossed the wipe into a nearby trash receptacle. “I have an EpiPen on me for emergencies. Are you having trouble breathing?”



“Nuh-uh,” she replied.

Victus watched everything with a feeling of defeat. Allergic to flowers, allergic to nuts. This was a disaster. The gift basket in his quarters, the one he'd planned to give to her this evening, was going into the incinerator. He didn't want to be the reason she had another allergic reaction. She was probably dextro sensitive anyway.

Doctor Chakwas came in and took the commander to the medbay for another treatment while Victus stewed in his third defeat in twenty-four hours.

Chapter Text

“I thust don't underthand.”

[Perhaps I could shed some light, Commander.] EDI's tone apologetic. [I was helping the Primarch in his attempts to win your favor.] A small pause. [There were no allergies noted in your files.]

“Athathination by nuths happens mowe ofthen than you'd think.” Her tongue tingling as the swelling begins to reduce.

[I see. I apologize for the discomfort my actions have caused.]

“Commander, the Primarch has been trying to get your attention since the moment he stepped foot on this ship.”

“He hath?” So close to talking normal. She wasn't leaving the medbay until she could speak with proper dictation.

Doctor Chakwas chuckled softly. Not unlike the way a mother would when speaking with her daughter. “Yes.”

“Huh,” she replied.

It was news to her. At least until she thought back to the conversations they'd had several times. And the one before 'The Incident'. He'd been working up to hitting on her, not looking for a better understanding on how she ran her ship. “Well thith ith embawathing.”

Doctor Chakwas' shoulders shook in silent laughter.

Several hours later, lisp free, Shepard left the medbay on a mission. According to EDI, Victus was in his quarters going over a report. Though the tone of voice in which EDI reported it to Shepard made the commander think that the turian was laying in bed, pouting.

And according to EDI, the last gift he'd intended to give her was still sitting on the floor near his cot. While Shepard's curiosity kept trying to pull her towards his space to see what the gift was, her objective kept her on task.

“EDI, give me thirty minutes then tell the Primarch I wish to speak with him.”

[Of course, Commander.]

Time to make the man sweat a little.

Wait. Did turians even sweat? Shaking her head from the distracting thoughts, she exited the elevator and made a straight dash to her closet. She had time for a quick shower.

A hasty scrub down later, Shepard exited the bathroom wearing a lacy underwear set. After using her towel to soak up a few droplets of water from the rest of her body, she tossed her towel in the hamper and slipped into the short black robe.

Once her appearance was to her liking, she poured herself a glass of wine and sat down on her bed up against her fluffy pillows with datapads surrounding her. When Victus arrived, it would be to the picture of Shepard working.

[Commander, the Primarch has just exited his cabin. He plans to take the gift basket to the incinerator. Shall I override his elevator floor request?]

“Yes. Bring him up here.”

[Logging you out, Commander. And good luck.]

A few minutes later, Shepard watched in quiet humor as the Primarch entered her cabin unaware. His shoulders stooped and his head was bowed in defeat. It wasn't until he reached the foot of her bed that he looked up confused at his surroundings.

“Adrien,” she said evenly, pausing only to sip on her wine. “Is there something I can do for you?” Shepard asked keeping her tone light.

His eyes widened as they scanned her bare legs. “I...uh...”

“Is that for me?”

Victus handed over the basket, his mandibles fluttering as his eyes continued to take in so much skin.

“You didn't have to get me anything!” She chirped happily as she opened the colorful foil wrapping. It was difficult for her to contain her laughter when he still didn't look up from her legs.

“Oh my gosh, toe socks?! With Blasto! These are so cute,” she cooed. She quickly tried them on and wiggled her toes in the air giving Victus a teasing peek at the black of her panties.

Ripping open the wrapping more she found other adorable things. A beanie varren that had Urz's coloring, a flameless vanilla candle, some bright green nail polish... Come to think of it, these were all little things she'd wanted but didn't buy herself. She always felt guilty buying something for herself when a weapon could be upgraded.

The bottom of the basket though had to be the best part. Incendiary and explosive rounds for her favorite weapon.

Placing everything back into the basket, then setting it aside she finally looked back up to a mostly recovered turian. “I have to say I wasn't expecting any of this.”

Adrien cleared his throat to speak but nothing came out when he opened his mouth. The man had some serious will power. His eyes hadn't left her face for at least thirty seconds.

Shepard shoved all the datapads off the bed letting them clatter to the floor. Adrien didn't move as she kneeled on the bed in front of him. His eyes however, were fixed on her hands as they untied the knot holding her robe closed.

“You didn't have to go out of your way to woo me, Primarch. A direct approach would have been just fine.” His mandibles fluttered briefly as a small strip of skin showed in the parting robe. “Though, I do appreciate the effort. Legion also went through a similar experience with the flowers.”

Adrien's eyes shot up to hers, a dangerous glare that made her skin prickle. “Legion tried to woo you?”

“Yes,” she smiled at his small growl. “Though his was more to understand organics. And he didn't give me incendiary rounds.” Shepard sighed as she grazed her finger over the swell of her breast. “His heated vibration function was spectacular though.”

Chapter Text

Victus blinked several times as he tried to understand how that worked. “You and Legion?”

“Mmhmm. He needed data, I needed stress relief.”

Victus stood frozen when Shepard pulled her robe open completely, giving him a view of her very unconcealing undergarments.

“You're looking tense, Adrien. Rough day?”

He was on her in an instant. He wanted to go slow, to savor every second of it but his body screamed with need.

Hands were everywhere. His ripping open her bra at the front, his tongue immediately assaulting his prize. Shepard's complaint of a ruined undergarment dying on her lips as soon as his tongue slid over her heated skin. Then his hands were pulling down her panties, her scent heavy in the air.

Adrien's back hit the mattress, his bare ass hitting cold sheets. Then she was sinking down on him, her warmth making him moan as her cool, silk robe rested on his thighs.

Shepard hadn't even bothered to undress him. His shirt was half open and abandoned while his pants had been yanked down to his spurs. Not that he was complaining. In fact he was encouraging her to ride him harder as he thrust his hips up while his hands anchored her down onto him.

A hitch in her breath when he thrust a certain way had him repeating the movement. It wasn't long before she was grinding down on him as her nails dug into his shoulders. Adrien moaned as his fantasy became reality. The tightening of her inner muscles had him surging closer and closer to the release he was trying to delay.

Growling, he flipped them easily. Shepard whined at the loss of friction as he changed positions. Victus hummed teasingly as he kept her from taking charge again.. Grabbing her ankles he spread her wide as he began thrusting again.

“Yes, right there,” she muttered breathlessly. “Don't stop.”

Adrien slowed down the pace, but only slightly. He leaned forward, her legs on his shoulders, as his now free hands roamed her sweat glistened body. The once again tightening of her walls told him she was close and he desperately needed her to orgasm. He moved his a hand between them to stimulate the area the educational vid showed him. It took a few seconds to find the nerve bundle, but the intensity of her gasps and moans helped steer him in the correct path.

“Yes!” She whimpered when she gripped his wrist to hold his hand in place as she moved her hips with his thrusts. Then her walls, tight and near overwhelming a mere second before, spasmed wildly as her body arched off the bed.

The sight of the always calm Spectre so uncontrolled was his undoing. He thrust erratically into her as he growled, his subvocals calling and chirping in pleasure as his orgasm crested over him.

It was her movement that startled him out of a dream-like state.

“Muscle cramp,” she whispered.

Victus froze in fear, his heart once again beating wildly though for an entirely different reason. “Shepard, I didn't use a condom. I didn't pull out!” He began to panic while his mind filled with images of horrible scenarios.

“Relax, Victus. I may be allergic to flowers and nuts, but I'm not allergic to dextro based anything.”

Was she laughing at him? He'd be a little more irritated if it wasn't for her shedding the remnants of her clothing.

Letting the teasing go, Victus grabbed a datapad that was under Shepard's back and accidentally activated it. He halted in mid-toss when he realized the datapad was empty. Leaning down to the floor he activated another, then another. Empty, empty, empty.

What? He'd been so sure he pressed the button for the cargo bay too but he'd ended up here on Shepard's floor at the foot of Shepard's bed. Shepard that had been working, or so he thought.

“You planned this?”

She smiled lazily, still basking in the glow of her pleasure. “Sure did.” Patting the empty space next to her, “Are you coming to bed?”

She was good, he'd give her that. Kind of hard to question a naked woman that invited you to stay the night. Tomorrow, he'd ask tomorrow.

Her fingers caressed his now bared plates.

Next week was good too.




A loud, terrified scream jerked him from his slumber.

Cool air hit his plates as the sheet was dragged upwards over his head, confusing him further as he tried to escape the prison to see what was going on.

A shot rang out.


The only thing Adrien could hear was the labored breaths coming from Shepard. Or at least he thought it was Shepard above his head on the space behind the head of the bed.

Finally freeing himself from the sheet of hell, Adrien was met with the blue glow coming from the fish tank. And the silhouette of a geth.

“Lights, twenty percent.” The light came on gradually.

The scene before him was enough to give him pause. On the foot of the bed, a burned eight-legged bug lay. A bug that was nearly the size of his hand.

“What the spirits is that?”

“Tarantula. Theraphosidae family. More specifically, Chilean Rose or Grammastola rosea. Large spider.”

What?! “That was a spider? I thought spiders were small.”

“Not all species of arachnids are small, Victus-Primarch.”

Adrien shuddered as he looked over the large, dead, clump of what was left of the spider. No wonder humans were so scared of the things. He is feeling a little scared of them right at this moment.

“Shepard-Commander. What do you want done with the sheet?”

“Burn it!” She replied roughly.

“Understood.” Legion gathered the bottom sheet, the dead spider still inside, and turned to leave the room.

“Wait!” Adrien called, his hand reaching out as if to halt Legion. “What if there are more? Are you coming back?”

Legion's head plates whirred to life as he processed the questions, only pausing briefly. “Yes.”

“Thank the spirits,” Adrien sighed. No way did he want to get bit by one of this things!