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a body wishes to be held & held

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There’s a knock on the door. Harry’s right on time, and Louis swallows, despite his throat being dry.

He wipes his hands off on his joggers before opening the door. He can already feel heat prickling under his skin, nerves twitching with anticipation.

“Heeey,” Harry says as he comes into view. “May I?” He nods towards the inside of the flat.

Right. He has to actually come in to for this to happen. Of course. Louis nods and steps aside, eyes trailing Harry as he walks in. He feels like his tongue is stuck in his throat. Harry doesn’t seem nervous at least, just a bit hesitant, with his hands pushed inside the pockets of his skinnies.

He bends down to take off his boots and the way his back curves and arse looks makes Louis salivate.

“I didn’t know if you needed me to bring you anything for like, sustenance, but I can pop down at Tesco’s if you want? Shoulda pro'ly asked before I got here but I didn't want to be late.”

“I’m. No, I’m good. I’ve got a standing order set up with a delivery service. They’ll be dropping off food outside the door about... every six hours.” Harry’s nodding along to what Louis is saying, but it doesn’t look like he’s paying too much attention as he straightens out the shoes collected by the door. Louis continues, “I asked them to double the order this go around , so we’re set.”

Louis’ not sure what he’s done to deserve this, he thinks, as he watches Harry take off his jacket. Or well, he knows, but it doesn't seem like enough. He doesn’t mean to sniff, but he can’t help it, drawing a sharp breath as Harry bunches his shirt up around his elbows.

Louis breath catches, but he must let out a desperate whine, because Harry's eyes are sharp on him.

“How are you?” Harry asks, catching his lower lip between his teeth. His hesitation is bleeding through, his smell growing slightly tart as he shifts his weight where he stands. He must be feeling the want rolling off of Louis in waves; his desire overwhelming. If Harry turned his back to Louis and bent over right this moment Louis would want nothing more than to bury himself inside of him, taste him, consume him until Harry’s all that he can feel and their scents intermingle. Louis' mind is already going dizzy with it, and his rut hasn’t even kicked in fully yet.

They haven’t even touched.

Harry seems to shiver where he stands, the corners of his mouth twitching. Louis is probably coming on too strong, and Harry must be able to scent it. This is exactly what he didn’t want to happen.

“I-- uhm. You don’t have to, you know. It’s not--” he swallows again. Christ, he can already feel his pulse thrumming in his veins. “--It’s not too late for you to leave, you know? You don’t have to do this.”

“Do you not want me to?” Harry frowns, a line appearing between his brows. He brings one of his arms across his chest, as if trying to shield himself. Shoulders hunched, he shrinks a little, and it tugs at Louis’ heart so intensely and all he wants is to wrap Harry in his arms and mark him. Let him know that he’s wanted and safe and desired and perfect.

Instead Louis settles for saying, “I don’t want you to feel obligated. I think,” he pauses, collecting himself with a deep breath. No longer worried about being creepy. “I think you can tell how much I want you here. ‘S pretty obvious.”

Harry seems to fight a smile and wrinkles his nose as his head ducks down. “I know what I signed up for, Louis. I just want to help.”

“Okay,” Louis says as a long, reedy exhale whooshes out of him.

Harry’s still got his arm crossed over his chest, and Louis reaches out to move it, not wanting to see him cower like that in his presence. Harry’s skin is electric when Louis smooths his fingers across it, the fine hairs on his arm standing up in the wake of Louis’ touch.




“I want to return the favour,” Harry said after a beat of silence.

Louis blinked, uncomprehending at first. “What’chu mean?” He took another bite of his panini, trying hard not to let any pesto fall out and smear across his face.

“When it’s time for your rut. Unless you already have other plans, I just thought. Fair’s fair.” Harry's brow was furrowed more than usual. His thumb pushing at the side of his mouth. The tendons in his neck seemed tense, as if he were fighting back nerves.

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think having someone around to feed me sandwiches and hand me water bottles will be much help. Especially not an O. That’d be-- much worse, I think.”

“No, I mean. I can help you through it... I wouldn’t expect you to... control yourself, or whatever. I want to help the way you’d need me to. Unless you’ve got other plans, like I said. I don’t want to presume that you’d even want me for that.”

Harry's throat clicked as he swallowed. His jaw tensed, and he pushed the crisps on his plate around. He must’ve been practicing this speech for while, from the way everything sounded rehearsed. And yet, Harry was nervous enough that he hadn’t even touched his lunch. Which seemed to imply he didn’t really know what he was getting himself into.

Louis tried to tamp down on his galloping heart, the flood of images of what spending his rut with Harry might be like overwhelming him. He didn’t want Harry to feel obligated. It was a lot to ask of someone, for them to spend a rut with you.

He grabbed onto Harry’s hand, stilling it, and asked, “Are you-- are you sure?”

“I've done it before.” There was a hint of bravado in his voice, and Louis wanted to snarl. It was unwarranted, of course. He had no reason to be jealous. Harry wasn’t his. And he was only offering because Louis had been there for Harry’s heat.

Which really wasn’t a fair exchange, since they never even touched, being separated by that godforsaken wall. But this would be-- This would be Harry offering himself up to Louis when his inhibitions were lowered. His nostrils flared at the thought, and he had to shake himself out of it.

“S not quite a fair exchange it's... Not the equivalent. I can't ask you to.”

“You're not asking, though,” Harry persisted. He squeezed Louis’ fingers, and he was so warm and secure and how could Louis say no, really? How could he turn down the man he’d been fantasizing about ever since he first laid eyes on him?

“My rut’s in a week.” Louis said, and Harry ducked his head, hair falling over his forehead. As if he’d known all along. As if he’d planned to ask now, before Louis made other provisions.

All Harry said though was, “Yeah, okay.” His cheeks were flushed, but Louis knew better than to inquire. He didn’t think he could handle it if Harry confessed to wanting this for more than just to even the score.




This wasn’t supposed to happen, was the thing.

Louis wasn’t supposed to have a chance with Harry.

Harry was off-limits, he was one of the few unbonded Os at the office and had refused advances from everyone, Bs and As alike. He still remained friends with all of them, but nothing came of it. Even Russell, who’d managed to squirm his way into every new hire’s pants within months, had his slick lines and moves kindly rebuffed. Far more kindly than Louis thought was deserved, to be frank.

It made people talk. Rumours had it that Harry just wasn’t interested in dating, or that he was only interested in Os, which could be possible. No one was bold enough (or rude enough) to ask him about it.

Louis had watched all of this from a distance. He wasn’t one to make a move immediately, although Harry’s bright eyes and wide smile and bursts of cackles pulled at his insides from the first moment he saw him. But he wanted to bide his time. And the more time passed, and the more obvious it became that Harry wasn’t interested in anyone from the office, the more Louis kept his distance.

He knew that he couldn’t handle just being friends with Harry. Louis knew that if they started talking he’d want to have lunch with him and go on coffee runs and chat during smoke breaks and that eventually he’d cave and ask Harry out. And then he’d have to face Harry’s wrinkled nose as he turned him down gently. And he didn’t want that.

So instead, Louis stuck to nodding ‘hello’ when Harry passed him by in the corridors. He lent Harry his lighter, once, when they were on a smoke break. It seemed like Harry was going to start a conversation and Louis excused himself before he could, not even attempting to get his lighter back. That’s how cornered he felt in Harry’s presence. As if he would jump out of his skin; and and press his hands against the side of Harry’s face, bringing Harry’s mouth to his. His thumbs itched to run along the seam of Harry's mouth, and Louis longed for nothing more than to scent Harry without reproach.

What happened was this: Harry and Louis gotten to the office at the same time, which in and of itself was unusual. Louis had a tendency to get in slightly late--not that anyone seemed to mind as he always got his work done on time, but still--and usually he’d spot Harry getting a coffee from the machine when Louis rushed in. If they made eye contact Harry would usually quirk a smile his way and ‘tsk’ softly, his eyes sparkling with mischief. As if he were the one getting away with something as he mouthed at the lip of his mug.

But not this morning. This morning they ran into each other waiting for the lift. Louis was tempted to tease Harry about being late for once, but that felt like a risky endeavour that would lead to more talking and then lead to flirting. So he stayed mum. Harry didn’t seem to be bothered, not paying attention to him.

Louis wrinkled his nose at the smell as the doors to the lift slid shut. The smell was...not overwhelming, but it was getting there. It made him want to lick his lips and taste the air, his nostrils flaring. When he glanced at Harry he noticed his eyes were slipped shut, the back of his head resting against the wall.

“Should you be at work?” He asked without thinking. Clearly, Harry was in the early stages of heat. Which meant he wasn't on suppressants. Which most people who wanted to remain unbonded were on. The gears in Louis' head started to grind slowly, but he wanted to deal with the situation at hand.

Harry’s eyes snapped open and he frowned, mouth dropping open. “I-- I thought I was fine. Not due for another few days. Must be early.”

If Harry’s face weren’t already flush, Louis would guess it would’ve gotten there as he spoke, his voice wavering with embarrassment. It wasn’t awkward, Louis told himself. It wasn’t. He wasn’t going to let Harry feel bad about miscalculating his cycle.

“Happens to the best of us,” Louis said, keeping his tone soft. “I think you’ve only got a few hours to go, mate. At the most.”

“Fuck.” Harry brought his hand to his face. He let out a small pained noise from the back of his throat, and it hit Louis right in the chest. He dropped his hands, balling them into fists and bit his lower lip. Harry continued, “I think I’ve got less than that, honestly.”

From the way Harry was trembling slightly he was probably right. It looked like it was taking him tremendous amounts of energy just to stay upright, the way his teeth dug into his lips suggested he was holding himself back.

“Okay. Um.” Louis brought his hand to his face so he could cover his mouth, subtly. He needed to breathe to think, but he also needed his judgment not to be clouded.

The lift came to a stop startling them both, and when the doors opened Louis gestured for Harry to come out, not wanting to touch him without explicit consent.

“Okay,” Louis said. “We’ve just got to. Put in a notice for heat leave. And you can go home.”

Harry shook his head, eyes narrowed as he wrapped his arms around himself. “It’s too far, I don’t think I can do it.”

“Okay.” Louis had to think. Clearly Harry was too far gone to handle this on his own. “There’s a heat centre not too far from here. I can take you there.”

Harry nodded, knuckles going white as he squeezed his biceps tighter. He was wound tight like a bow, and it was practically hurting Louis to look at him.

“Okay, we should just go now, we can just. Call when we’re there because I think-- I really think we have to get going.”

Harry nodded again, his lips fully rolled into his mouth at this point, the line between his eyebrows deep.

Louis didn’t want to get stuck in the lift with Harry’s scent being as overwhelming as it was, so he started for the stairs. They didn’t have too far of a walk, and the brisk wind was helping diffuse Harry’s scent. Louis noticed a few people they passed by sniffing the air as they passed them by, but he bared his teeth and they kept walking by.

When they got to the centre Harry was burning up, heat radiating off of him in waves. Louis’ jaw was hurting from how hard he was gritting his teeth, trying to remain in control.

They encountered a hiccough when the hostess insisted that they needed to check in together. Apparently, it was against policy to leave Os on their own when they were as far gone as Harry was. Harry’s teeth started chattering as the hostess explained, and it wasn’t helping their case.

Harry blinked in confusion, asked, “Louis?” And really, that was all it took for Louis to cave. He’d worked so hard to keep his distance from Harry the whole time they worked together, only to be put in this position now. Locked in with Harry during his heat. He would laugh at the irony if he weren’t so frustrated.

Louis ended up shilling for a suite specifically designed for unbonded partners. One that had separate bedrooms and a living room for couples who wanted to wait until marriage to consummate, but still wanted to be around each other during heats and ruts.

Louis had always thought it was an odd thing to do, but he was grateful as soon as they were let in. The bedrooms each had locks and separate air vents so the scent wouldn’t travel from one to the other. Harry didn’t waste any time stumbling into one the bedrooms, leaving a trail of clothes on the way.

Harry would need something to help him through his heat, so Louis asked, “What do you want?”

Harry only grunted in response, and Louis wasn’t sure if Harry just hadn’t heard the question or not processed it properly, but he wasn’t keen on getting closer. He opted to just step out of the suite and pick a selection of toys from the heat aides vending machine. His arms were full by the time he got back to the suite, and made sure to hold his breath before knocking on Harry’s door and shouldering it open.

“I’m keeping my eyes closed,” Louis said, keeping them scrunched shut. He had no idea how far gone Harry was at this point, but judging from the overwhelming scent he wouldn’t be surprised if Harry were already naked and grinding against his sheets. He didn’t want to invade Harry’s privacy more than necessary.

The problem was, without his eyesight there wasn’t much indication of where he should go to drop off his bounty. Louis asked, “Can you like, direct me somewhere? Unless you want me to just drop these on the floor?”

There was a rustling sound and Louis could only assume it was Harry getting to his feet. Louis felt dizzy just standing there with his eyes closed. He couldn’t hear Harry walking towards him, but he could feel him. Harry’s warmth was radiating towards him, he was practically vibrating with it, his hands growing sweaty as they held on to the toys.

Louis almost dropped them when he felt Harry’s skin brushing against his, taking the toys from his arms.

“Thank you,” Harry muttered, voice cracking. Louis just nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

Harry was standing so close that Louis felt himself enveloped in his scent, he wanted to drown in it. He could hear Harry smacking his lips before he spoke again, “Are you sure you. You don’t want to stay?”

Louis bit down on air, shaking his head to the best of his ability. It was the heat talking. Harry didn’t actually want this. They’d only exchanged about a handful sentences the entire time they’d known each other, and half of those happened while Harry was heat struck. It was the heat talking, Louis repeated to himself again.

Louis backed out of the room, and pulled the door shut behind himself. He gripped the door frame hard enough that his knuckles ached. He could do this. He could stay in control. “I’ll call the office and let them know we’re both on leave for the rest of the week. I’ll get you some food for later. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

He waited for Harry to acknowledge him, but nothing came. He felt bad, rejecting Harry in the middle of his heat but it was for the best. Harry would realize that once he got out of his haze. Louis pleaded, “Can you at least lock the door, Harry?”

He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the lock click shut. Right. His own face was sweating and his underarms were damp from the stress. He could do this. He could spend Harry’s heat with him and help him out without falling apart. He had to.

Not knowing what Harry would want to eat, Louis ended up ordering the entirety of the room service menu. He’d just keep whatever Harry didn’t want for himself. He paced the suite as he waited for the food to be delivered and he searched for a mini bar in vain.

Of course this was a dry facility. Of course. It made sense, really. Any guests would already have severely lowered inhibitions, you wouldn’t want them to get plastered on top of that. It was a recipe for disaster.

And really, Louis shouldn’t be drinking. It was for the best. But Christ if he didn’t want to down a small bottle of vodka to numb his senses.

Somehow, Louis survived without it. The food arrived and he laid it all out on the coffee table in the living room, hoping that it would still be warm by the time Harry was ready to eat. He didn’t want to disturb him or disorient him by knocking on his door, so Louis waited faithfully. He hoped that Harry would come outside when he started feeling hungry.

The scent isolation was good. The sound isolation, however, was nonexistent. Louis could hear Harry’s cries from outside the room and it was making him ache, every part of him screaming that he should be helping him. His prick hard and heavy in his trousers.

Louis ended up locking himself away in his own bedroom, which unfortunately shared a wall with Harry’s. An absolutely paper thin wall, and it had to be intentional. No doubt so that partners could still speak to one another as they took care of themselves. So they could explain everything they’d want to do to each other and how much they loved each other. It must’ve been meant for reassurance, and support. For Louis though, it was torture.

He buried his head in his pillow and wanked himself dry, only pausing when he heard Harry leave his room. He had no idea how much time had passed and his own stomach growled. He laid on the bed listening intently, startled by a knock on his door.

Harry spoke, “You can come out and eat with me...There’s too much for just me.”

Harry sounded fine, albeit tired which. Okay. Louis took a moment to collect himself (by screaming into his pillow). “Gimme a sec,” he shouted and waited until he could hear Harry shuffling away before getting up.

He pulled his trousers back up from where they were pooled around his thighs. His chest still felt clammy and sweaty, his shirt definitely ruined. He’d have to check whether the centre could drop off a change of clothes for the both of them. Or if they had pyjamas to lend and had a laundering service. Christ, what an embarrassment.

He rolled himself out of bed and joined Harry at the table where the food was laid out. Harry was wrapped up in a dressing gown, his hair damp. He must’ve showered.

“Feeling better?” Louis asked and Harry nodded as he loaded up his plate. It had a large stack of pancakes and a slice of steak, and he picked at the basket of fries that was brought up.

“Still a bit hazy, but that’s a given. Should have about an hour before it gets bad again.”

Louis nodded, his mouth too dry to speak. He didn’t need the visual but there it was, in his head. It didn’t help that he was the one who picked out the toys for Harry to use, so his imagination brought forward crystal clear images of Harry impaling himself on a knotted dildo, skin flushed and face contorted. It was bad enough that Louis could hear him, watching Harry now, glowing with how relaxed and pliant he was was doing a real trick on Louis.

Still. He was an adult, and he could respect boundaries. They chit-chatted as they ate, Louis’ rule about not becoming friends with Harry clearly out the window now. If it wasn’t bad enough that Louis was endlessly enamored with Harry before they ever had a proper conversation, he was particularly screwed now. Harry had the best sense of humour even while in a heat haze and he could keep up with Louis’ barbs and give back just as bad.

And when Louis let his guard down Harry’s dressing gown would slip, revealing a slice of his chest and his collarbone. As Harry’s hair dried he pushed it behind his ears, and Louis couldn’t help but zero in on the crook of Harry’s neck and the exquisite skin there that he wanted to bury his face in. That he wanted to drag his teeth across and lave with his tongue until Harry was crying out for more.

Louis was, simply put, screwed.

It’s how the rest of Harry’s heat went. They’d lock themselves in their respective bedrooms when another wave hit, each time Louis lost more and more self control, no longer trying to avoid listening in on Harry but rather treasuring each octave he could hear. He stopped trying to hold himself back, wanking loudly.

By the last wave it seemed Harry had caught on that Louis was listening in on purpose, and he spoke up. “What are you doing?” He asked, voice high and reedy, and Louis’ heart shot to his throat, hand stilling against his cock.

Was Harry speaking to him? Did he figure out that Louis was listening in and taking pleasure from Harry’s moans and guttural grunts?

Louis swallowed thickly, trying to remain still. And yet, Harry spoke again, asking, “Louis?”

Fuck. He was talking to him. “Yeah?” Louis tried to steady his voice, but he wasn’t certain he was doing a good job of it.

“Are you wanking?”

Louis gaze dropped to his groin, his cock still hard as ever in his fist. He could lie. He could say no. But that would be breaking the trust that Harry and him and build together. The trust that Louis was breaking right now while wanking to the thought of Harry fucking himself. Fuck.

“Yeah,” Louis said it with an exhale, leaning his head against the joint wall between the rooms. He thought he could hear Harry’s breath hitch, but he must’ve imagined that. “I can leave. I think you’re lucid enough to handle the rest of your heat on your own.”

“I-- no.” Harry sounded offended. “Are you...are you thinking of me?”

What the fuck kind of question was that? Louis would laugh if his breath wasn’t stuck in his lungs, making him feel like he was about to explode from the shame of taking advantage of Harry’s heat like this.

“Fuck, Harry. Yes. Yes, of course,” Louis sounded defeated, he knew.

“What exactly? What are you thinking about?” Harry asked and...what? He didn’t sound disgusted or offended. His voice was strained but Louis could detect a note of curiousity.

“You okay, Harry?”

“Yeah, I just.” Harry paused, and Louis could imagine him swallowing as he gathered himself. “Just keep thinking about you being on the other side of this wall. Wondering how you’re holding up.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m not worried, just…” Harry trailed off and there’s a thunk against the wall. Louis could only assume it was Harry’s forehead, pressed against it. “I just. Please. Tell me what you’re thinking?”

Louis closed his eyes, nostrils flaring. He knew it wasn't possible but he almost feels like he could smell Harry despite the scent isolation, despite them being in separate rooms. His cock pulsed in his hand at the desperation in Harry’s voice.

“I’m thinking about the toys. About them filling you up. But it’s not enough is it? Not doing as good of a job as I could.”

“No, it’s not,” Harry’s voice was low and raw and it went straight to Louis’ gut.

“What are you doing right now?”

“I had it inside earlier… But I just can’t stop thinking about you. You smell so good. Your mouth…”

“What about it?”

“Wanna feel your mouth on me.” Harry made a strained sound and if Louis could see him right now he knew he’d come immediately. He wasn't even pumping his fist, just holding on steadily at the base of his cock trying not to knot prematurely. Harry continued, “Wanna feel your tongue inside me.”

“Fuck. Yeah, I want that. Want to taste you.”

“You do?” Harry asked, voice high.

“Yeah, wanna-- wanna suck on your tongue and taste your spit. Bite down on that lip of yours. You’re always teasing, biting down on it. Wanna leave it red and swollen. Want you to know I did that.”

Christ, Louis could practically feel Harry’s lips under his as he spoke. He braced himself against the wall, biting down on his bicep until it hurt.

“What else?”

“Your cock. Want to taste your come. Want to know how wet you get. Wanna taste your slick.”

Louis was pretty sure he could hear Harry’s breath hitch at that, a high pitched whine coming through clearly. Louis pressed his face against the wall, trying to get as close as he possibly could. “How do you feel, babe?”

“Not...enough. Keep going, Lou, please.”

Okay. If this is what Harry needed to get him off, Louis could do that. He took a deep breath through his mouth, trying to collect himself. All he had to do was put words to all the thoughts he had over the past couple of days.

“You want to hear what I’d do, if I was with you right now?” He asked, just to make sure.

“Yes, yes, please,” Harry’s response came quickly.

Okay. He could do this. If this is what Harry needed to get him through, Louis could do this. His arm was close to giving out from how hard he was pushing against the wall. He pulled it back, and shook it out. He sat on the floor, back against the wall, trying to get comfortable.

What would he do if he had Harry here with him, at his disposal?

He licked his lips, thumb circling the head of his cock where precome was beading.

“I’d get you on the bed, on your belly. I’d have you hold the headboard.” He could see it in his mind's eye, the way Harry’s back would arch, muscles tensing as Louis would breathe over his skin. “I’d kiss your shoulders and your back, leave a trail along your spine until I got to your arse. Bet you’ve got dimples there, don’t you?”

Harry made a strangled sound from the other room, and Louis squeezed himself tighter, taking a long pull to ease the pressure in his cock. His knot was already starting to form.

He continued, “I’d use my fingers to spread your cheeks apart. Want to see how wet you get. I’d press my thumb against your hole. Not pushing it in, just enough so your slick would drip out. I’d suck it dry after that. Got to taste it. Bet it tastes so sweet.”


“Have you tasted yourself, Harry? Can you tell me what you taste like?”

“I can-- I can check.”

Louis bit so hard on the inside of his cheek he could taste blood. He could see it clear as day; Harry reaching behind himself and rubbing a finger around his hole, getting it wet. And then bringing it up to his mouth. Those lips sucking at it hungrily until his cheeks hollowed out.

“What’s it like, babe?” Louis asked, trying to remain in control.

“Tastes… Like honey I think. A bit spicy but sweet.”

Louis groans. Of course Harry would taste like spicy honey, of course. Just like him. The sweetest, kindest person who could still deliver biting jokes, with mischief in his eyes. Fuck. He almost regretted asking, knowing he’d never get to taste it on his own.

“Sounds like I’d want to bury my face in there. Lap it all up. Make you just as wet with spit as you’d be with slick.”

“Y--Yeah?” Louis could actually hear the way Harry’s breath was catching.

“You can touch yourself, you know? Pretend it’s me.”

“I’ve got--I’ve got two fingers inside.”

“Good. I’d definitely start with two. You’re greedy, aren’t you? Can’t wait to be filled up?”


“Yeah, that’s what I thought. But you’ve got to wait, haven’t you? Gotta get my fill first. I’m not done tasting you, so keep still for me, yeah?”

“How-- How long?”

If Harry wasn’t in heat, Louis would be tempted to keep him hanging for as long as possible. Bring him to the brink and back; press the pads of his fingers against his prostate until he writhed helplessly, legs kicking about. He’d pump Harry’s cock in time with the press of his fingers before pulling them out.

He had to squeeze down on his knot just thinking about it. He was wet enough the the precome was sliding down his shaft, easing the glide as he pumped his cock.

Focus. He had to focus.

His throat clicked as he swallowed. “Not too long for now. Know you need it.”

“Yeah-- Yeah, I do. Lou--please.”

“I’d keep pumping my fingers and suck your cock.” Harry gasped loudly, as if startled. It warmed Louis down to the tips of his toes. If he weren’t careful he’d come in the next five minutes. He needed to get Harry there first.

“I’d make sure you’re open enough before pushing in, just the head of my cock at first. Testing the waters.”

“Can I-- Can I use the dildo?”

“Yeah,” Louis breathed out. Closing his eyes, he could imagine Harry scrambling towards the bed and grabbing the dildo--the crooked one with a simulated knot. “Tell me, how does it feel?”

“Feels--” Harry starts and paused with a gasp. “Full.”

“Are you rocking back on it?”

Harry’s response is muffled, but it sounded like he was agreeing. Louis wanted to hear him though, needed to hear him. “Harry, speak up please.”

“Yeah-- yeah I’m. It’s hitting me just...right,” Harry finished with a sigh, the thunk of his head hitting the wall again echoing into Louis’ room.

“Good boy,” just rolled off of Louis tongue, and from the whine Harry gave in response, it was probably welcome. Louis continued to jerk himself harder as he imagined Harry rocking back and forth on the dildo rhythmically.

“Feels good, you feel so good,” Harry said, and oh.

“Yeah? Love having me in you? Grinding up against your spot, filling you up?”

“Yeah-- Love it.”

“You feel so great, babe. So hot and tight. Just for me, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, just you. Just for you, Lou.”

“Bet your nipples are all stiff and sensitive. Bet you smell so fucking good. Can you come for me, Harry?”

“I--” Harry started and he pounded his palm against the wall. “Want you to come, first.”

“Oh, babe,” Louis breathed out. His breath grew ragged as he kept pumping his cock. The slick sound of flesh against flesh filling the air. Louis could swear he could feel Harry’s breath against his neck. Could practically feel him enveloping him. “Harry you’re so-- Fuck,” he cried out as his shot his load over his fist. His legs were trembling and his knot felt swollen at the base of his cock with nothing to lock into.

“Lou?” Harry sounded disoriented, and Louis wished he could kiss his eyelids and calm him down. Speaking would have to do.

“Babe, I’m here. You’re so good for me. Bet you want to come yeah? Want to let loose properly?”

“Yeah-- I--” Harry interrupted himself and Louis could only assume he was working himself over.

“Keep going, babe. Wanna fill you up so good. So good you can’t move for a week.”

“Louis-- Fuck.” Harry cried out and it sounded like he collapsed against the wall, going silent.

“You okay?” Louis asked, heart rabbiting in his throat. He could hear Harry stirring on the other side of the wall.

“More than, yeah,” Harry’s voice was breathy and sluggish. Louis could picture the way Harry’s limbs must be loose and relaxed, his load probably coating the wall and his belly.

“Get yourself wrapped up in a blanket, yeah? You need to rest up.”

“Feels good here,” Harry slurred.

“Won’t feel good in the morning, babe.” Louis winced that the term came out, but Harry didn’t seem to notice or mind.

“Okay. Can you-- can you keep talking? Just want to hear your voice.”

“Yeah, ‘f course.” Louis would have to get himself comfortable on the floor, but he didn’t mind. He got up and grabbed the comforter and pillows off the bed, and tried to make himself a nest by the wall.

He could barely process what had just happened, and the only way to keep himself distracted was to ramble about everything and anything. The thread count in the sheets. The way the room service burgers were overcooked. Which people at the office had hair transplants, and which ones were cheating on their mates. His tongue kept running, and he was certain Harry was fast asleep by now, but at least it kept Louis occupied.

Besides, Harry had asked him to keep talking.

He couldn’t recall when he fell asleep, but he woke up with a start. His place on the floor reminding him that the previous day wasn’t an illusion. His joints felt stiff and his hip hurt from the way it’d been pressed against the hardwood floor.

It was still worth every ache and bruise.

There was a knock at his door, and fuck. That’s probably what woke him up. “Yeah?”

“Can I come in?” Harry asked and Louis glanced down at himself, burritoed in his blankets.

“I’m not quite presentable.”

“Oh.” Harry sounded disappointed. Unless Louis was imagining it, which was entirely possible. “I’m-- I’m good I think. We’re in the clear.”

Louis swallowed thickly. “You think?”

Harry’s voice was muffled when he answered, “No, I’m sure, sorry. If we check out within the hour we don’t have to pay for another night.” Louis could swear he could hear Harry smiling. “Or well, you won’t have to pay.”

“Right.” Louis got up, bunching all his blankets and pillows and tossing them onto the bed. “Just need a quick rinse, I think. Should be good in thirty?”

“Okay,” Harry responded. There was a pause long enough that Louis thought Harry had left before he spoke again, an almost inaudible, “Thank you,” slipping through the cracks of the door.

It warmed Louis far more than it should’ve.

Louis showered quickly, visuals from last night still flashing in his mind. He could easily wank again in the shower, but he wanted to take his time replaying what happened. It would have to wait until he got home. Even without being able to see Harry, it was the hottest thing Louis had ever experienced.

Harry was sat on the sofa when Louis came out, and he shot up to his feet. He stuck his hands into his trousers, ducking his head.

If Harry wasn’t going to bring it up, neither was Louis.

“I’m sorry if you wasted your leave on me,” Harry said before they went their separate ways.

“No, I-- I don’t need it. It’s fine. I’m just happy I could help.” Louis rubbed the back of his neck, fingernails blunt against his skin. He wanted so badly to pull Harry close and claim him. But he knew that what happened was an exception. It was circumstantial. At least he’d have something to think about during his next rut.

“Will you-- Will you let me know how much I owe you for the room and, uh. The… things.”

Louis frowned before realization hit. The toys, right. “Don’t worry about it, mate.” He smiled broadly. “S’the least I could do.”

“Right.” Harry frowned, face going somber. It seemed like he would walk away without saying goodbye, but instead he approached Louis with his arms spread wide, inviting a hug.

Louis sank into it without thinking. Harry smelled so bloody good, and he was so warm. He was broad enough that Louis could burrow into his embrace, and he had not idea how long they stood outside the centre just hugging each other.

He didn’t care.

“Thank you,” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear, and it sent a shiver down his spine.




And now, today, Harry’s standing in Louis’ kitchen. Waiting for Louis to make a move.

“Where do you want me?” He asks, as if it’s the most natural question in the world.

Where doesn’t Louis want him is probably a better question. Louis blinks lazily, rubbing his chin with his hand.

Harry chuckles, probably at Louis’ confusion, and shakes his head. “I shouldn’t be asking that, should I? You’re probably all”--Harry waves his hand about-- “and here I am asking you to make decisions. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Louis manages to respond. He’s busy trying not to stare too intently at Harry’s throat. It’s so bare and pale. He wants to latch on and suck until Harry’s skin is covered in bruises in the shape of Louis’ mouth.

Harry comes closer, and he must’ve said something because he tips his head down towards Louis. “You like my neck?”

Louis swallows and nods, eagerly. “Yeah.”

Harry’s mouth quirks upward in a bashful smile, and Christ. How does he manage to be so fucking irresistible and gentle all at once? He bares his teeth and wrinkles his nose, hands finding themselves around Louis’ jaw. Louis’ eyes flutter closed.

“I bet you want to taste it, don’t you?” Harry asks, and when Louis’ eyes meet his again they’re filled with mischief.

“I do, yeah.”

Harry nods, and tilts his head to the side. His hair is brushing the side of his neck, and Louis can practically see Harry’s pulse under his skin.

Louis wants to ask for permission, but then he sees Harry’s tongue flicker out of his mouth and he just-- leans in. Harry’s fingers press against Louis’ scalp as Louis approaches Harry’s neck hungrily.

He wants to be gentle, and reverent. In awe of the absolutely addictive scent Harry’s giving off, he presses his nose behind Harry’s ear and opens his mouth. He wants to be slow, but one taste of Harry’s skin leaves Louis high. He latches on, sucking at Harry’s skin hungrily. Harry trembles against him, fingers tightening in his hair.

Harry whimpers when Louis yanks his head to the side, exposing more of his neck. “Lou…”

Louis pulls away witch a slick smack. Harry’s skin shiny with his spit. He presses his thumb across the marks he’s left behind. “Taste so good, Harry.”

“Yeah? Just like you thought?”

Louis grunts at that because, Christ. Harry has no idea does he? “Better, so, so much better than I thought. All of you. You’re so.” He breathes out as he stops speaking, eyebrows drawing together as he studies Harry’s face.

His pupils are wide and his face is flushed. And from the way his fingers are intermittently tugging at Louis’ hair, it seems he’s as affected as Louis is. It seems that he wants this as much as Louis does. It’s like a punch in the chest, and Louis smiles broadly.

“I’m so?” Harry exhales shakily. His hands drop around the back of Louis’ neck, pulling him closer. He tugs at Louis’ shirt, as if he wants Louis to take it off.

Louis can certainly do that.

He pulls Harry’s arms away before tugging at the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head in one swoop.

He doesn’t waste time starting to unbutton Harry’s shirt when he’s done.

Louis licks his lips, trying to figure out where to look, every inch of Harry demanding his immediate attention.

“Exquisite,” Louis says, and Harry’s exhale is forceful. Louis is done unbuttoning his shirt and Harry shrugs it off, pulling at Louis’ wrists.

Harry crowds him closer and leans down to kiss Louis. Somehow, Louis didn’t expect it.

His fingers skate across Harry’s hot skin as he melts into their kiss. Harry’s taking charge, his front teeth, biting into Louis’ lower lip. Louis feels like he’s being consumed, and he has no intention to stop it.

There’s a loud smack when they pull apart, and the corners of Harry’s mouth are wet with spit. “I’ll take care of you, okay?” Harry asks more than says and yes. Louis wants nothing more than for Harry to take care of him.


“C’mere,” Harry says, and Louis comes easily.

Harry holds his hand as he backs away. He asks, “Where’s your bedroom?”

Louis points at the door, and Harry nods. He keeps backing in that direction, still facing Louis and smiling wickedly. Louis takes the opportunity to drink in the rest of Harry’s chest and arms. His nipples are puffy and proud, and the way Harry’s hips sway as he walks is mesmerizing.

Harry manages to direct them to the bedroom. He starts undoing his skinnies as he nods at Louis to do the same. Which for Louis just means pulling off his joggers and letting them drop to the floor. His cock slaps against his belly and he grabs it, watching intently as Harry wriggles his way out of his jeans.

Harry finally kicks them off the bed, shuffling back and he starts, “Do you remember… during my heat--”

“I remember everything,” Louis interrupts, his voice rougher than intended. Harry’s smile broadens until his dimples pop out.

“You said you wanted to taste me.”

Louis’ breath stops in his throat, a reaction that pleases Harry from the way his head drops. He pushes himself farther back on the bed and spreads his legs.

Louis can see the slick coating the insides of his thighs from here. Fuck.

“Yeah,” Louis says, mostly because his mouth is open and it feels undignified to gape openly. But yeah.

Being inside the enclosed space, Louis feels like he’s swimming in Harry. His scent is everywhere, sinking into each of Louis’ pores and he never wants it to go away. He hopes his bed smells like Harry for months to come.

Louis blinks down at Harry sprawled out in front of him, and crawls onto the bed. “Told you I wanted you on your belly, didn’t I?” He asks, and he doesn’t intend it to sound so firm, but Harry whimpers softly. He blinks as he nods eagerly, turning around onto his front.

Louis strokes the back of Harry’s thighs, each hair rough against the palm of his hands. He never wants the feeling to stop. He pulls Harry’s cheeks apart tenderly, and as promised, he presses one of his thumbs against Harry’s twitching hole.

Not hard enough to push in, just…gentle circle Harry’s rim as the slick dribbles out. He pulls away, quickly sucking his thumb in his mouth.

Harry turns his head to watch him, and his mouth is open as he exhales sharply.

“Told you I remember everything,” Louis says with a smile. He’d love to tease Harry some more, but he needs to taste him again.

Holding Harry open, he presses his mouth against Harry’s hole, tongue lapping at him eagerly. He tastes amazing. And just the way Harry’d described. There’s a hint of spice, but mostly it’s sweet. Sweet like a spring breeze, washing over overheated skin. He sucks at Harry’s rim as Harry squirms.

Louis’ cock aches, each lick and suck of Harry’s hole making it throb. Normally he’d want to relieve it immediately. That’s what he’d been like every other rut. But this time...with Harry? The way Harry responds to each of his touches is like fuel to the fire that rages inside of him. He wants more; more shivers, more moans, more trembles. More everything. It’s as if Harry’s pleasure feeds right into his own satisfaction.

Catching his breath, Louis pulls away, and finally presses a finger inside of Harry.

He whines, seemingly displeased, “You said two fingers at once.” He can't be pouting over this, can he?

“Baby, you’re not ready for two, yet.” Louis thrusts his finger inside and it’s so tight. So incredibly tight, and slick. If he didn’t know better he’d think Harry’d never had anything in him, but he knows, from Harry’s heat alone, that that isn’t true.

Harry seems displeased, pushing against Louis’ finger as he works him open until Louis adds a second one. At that point he relaxes into it, twitching only when Louis hits his prostate head on.

“That’s it, babe,” Louis mutters and it feels so natural to call Harry that. He presses a row of kisses along the back of Harry’s arse as he keeps fingering him. It feels so bloody good. He can’t wait to push his aching cock inside, and having Harry molded to him.

Harry seems so hungry for it already, whimpering needily and in Louis’ rut haze, he just wants to hear more. “You think you’re ready for my cock?” Louis asks, breathing hotly over Harry’s hole.

“Yes, please,” Harry says, so politely. “Can we?” He asks as he twists his way around. “Can we do it like this? Face to face?”

Louis drops his chin to his chest, his chest aching with how perfect Harry is for him.

Harry’s thighs are quivering from how he’s spreading them open, the wetness smeared all around his crack. Louis crawls up the bed, and spreads Harry’s legs with his own thighs. Harry goes slack on the bed, his eyes hooded as he watches Louis press into his hole. His jaw is slack with awe, and the breath punches out of him when Louis is in all the way.

Harry covers his face with his arms as Louis starts to work his way in and out, snapping his hips. “Hey,” Louis reprimands. “None of that. Want to see you, please. I need it.” And he does, god does he.

Harry pulls his arms away from his face and he stares up at Louis intently. He tightens his legs behind Louis’ back. “Harder, Lou.”

Louis can certainly follow that command, and he pushes in harder. He stills for longer while he’s all the way inside. He’s found the perfect angle to rub against Harry’s spot as he grinds into him. Harry’s breath is hitching, and his cock is an angry red as it leaks against his belly.

Louis decides to help Harry along, wrapping his hand around Harry’s cock. Harry yelps in surprise. He bucks in a way that seems to say he’s unsure whether he wants to get closer or move away.

“Too much?” Louis asks and Harry squints his eyes shut.

“Yeah, but don’t stop it’s so-- so much in a good way.” He interrupts himself with a gasp and his back arches as he comes under Louis’ touch.

“Fuck,” Louis exclaims, pumping harder and faster into Harry, feeling his knot ready to pop. He didn't expect Harry to be so easy for it, and it's spurring him on even more. The tip of his cock is snug against Harry’s rim as he goes pliant under Louis. “That’s it, babe,” Louis comments as he continues to stroke Harry through it.

Harry’s face is contorted as he whimpers. He keeps digging his heels into the small of Louis’ back.

Louis tears his eyes away from the spot where he’s pushing into Harry and locks eyes with him. They’re so clear and present, and Louis gasps as he feels his knot slipping into Harry’s body. Harry’s eyes roll back into his head and he lets out a long moan. Louis breathes harshly against the crook of Harry’s neck. His scent the only thing keeping him grounded to the moment as he comes, cock locked deep into Harry.

They stay like that, tangled up in each other. Louis enjoys being able to press his ear against Harry’s chest. Hearing the way his heart beats, just for him. One of his hands finds its way to Harry’s mouth, and Harry sucks on it gently. “Your fingers are the perfect suck me size,” Harry mutters and Louis laughs.

It breaks the haze around them for a split second, and Louis presses a row of easy kisses along Harry’s collarbone. His throat is completely marked up, and the sight makes Louis’ cock twitch.

Harry must feel it, as he gasps and grins wickedly.

“You’re absolutely too much, aren’t you?” Harry asks and shakes his head playfully.

Louis can’t remember a single rut that has been this satisfying, and they’re barely half a day in. His cheeks start to hurt at the thought that he can only have Harry this once.

“This was...a huge mistake.” Louis shakes his head, a wet laugh stuck in his throat. He notices Harry going stiff and fuck. He didn’t even think about how Harry might process that. “No, I don’t--” Louis runs his hands alongside Harry’s arms, trying to get him to relax again. “I mean. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do without you now, I think you ruined me.”

He feels a bit like he’s cracking his chest open and allowing Harry to look at his heart beat but it’s worth it. He can’t let Harry think that Louis regrets this. If he has to expose just how vulnerable he feels around Harry, then so be it.

“I don’t think you have to.”

Louis frowns, not quite processing what Harry’s saying. “What?”

“Go without me? You don’t have to.”

Louis’ breath is punched out of him, and still. He must be imagining things. He must be so rut drunk that he’s imagining Harry asking him out… or propositioning him or whatever else this is. Hell, he might be so rut drunk that Harry being here at all is an illusion.

“Harry you can’t be serious, you must be--”

“Cock struck? You can’t blame my heat because you’re the one who’s a hormonal delight right now.”

“Yeah,” Louis agrees easily. It’s true. Louis is the one who was just considering the possibility that this was all an illusion. He’s still not quite certain whether it is or not.

“I’m real,” Harry says with a pout, and okay that was unexpected. He dips his head up, catching Louis’ mouth in a kiss. There’s no intent behind it, other than just saying ‘hello, I like the way you taste’ and Louis never wants it to stop.

“I’m very real and very serious,” Harry adds when they’ve pulled apart. He frowns. “If anything I might be taking advantage of you right now.”

Louis gasps out a laugh, burrowing his head against the crook of Harry’s neck. Inhaling deeply, Louis keeps laughing. “You’re not taking advantage of me. At all. You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted you.”

“Why didn’t you do anything?” Harry frowns in response.

“Thought you were uninterested, babe,” Louis says with a quirk of his mouth. He thumbs along Harry’s jawline. “You turned everyone down. Figured you were on suppressants and weren’t looking right now.”

Harry huffed and shook his head. “I turned everyone down because I knew who I wanted.” He tugs at Louis’ shoulders, fingernails digging into Louis’ flesh. It’s the kind of pain Louis could get used to.

“You knew?”

“I was only interested in you, Louis,” Harry clarifies and Louis can’t even process anything. Harry, amazing, exquisite, striking man that lies under Louis know. That Louis is locked into for another half hour. This man that Louis has been regretfully pining away for for months, has wanted him all along.

He starts to laugh, it billows out of his throat like a brook. “I’m an absolute knobhead, aren’t I?” Louis asks and Harry nods, laughing in return. Louis presses another kiss to Harry's mouth, happiness bubbling inside of his throat. “Well. To be clear, I only ever wanted you too, Harry.”