13 January 2018
JW: All right
JW: Which of you gave my daughter the toy that plays the song from that movie
JW: I know it was one of you and I intend to find out who it was and then kill them
GL: Wasn’t me
GL: And by the way
GL: This text would count as premeditation if you ever happened to kill one of us
GL: I’d generally advise that you not send texts about crimes you’re planning
GL: Especially to an officer of the law
GL: Also don’t kill anyone I suppose
GL has changed Sherlock Holmes Is Pants At Charades to Just A Normal Grouptext and Not A Place Where People Talk About Murdering Other People At All, Ever
MrsH: You know I never get her any of those electric ones
MrsH: The best toys are the simplest!
MrsH: Also I’m terrible at keeping batteries around for those things
MoH: Which one?
MoH: That cute little bear that sings??
MoH: I didn’t buy it but it’s adorable!
JW: It’s not adorable
JW: It’s out to get me
JW: I tried to take it away and she cried for an hour
JW: I’ve been hearing it in my DREAMS
SH: John’s gone a bit mad if you haven’t noticed.
JW: Yes well not all of us can retreat to our mind palaces when the little demon starts its song for the tenth bloody time in an hour
SH: I didn’t buy it, as you know, but I wish I had.
SH: It would have made a fascinating experiment.
SH: How long until the average father of a toddler cracks following receipt of an obnoxious and loud Christmas present?
GL: You’re sure it was one of us?
JW: You’re the only ones who brought her presents
JW: Besides Harry, who gave her clothes that are about four sizes too large, and Mike Stamford, who sent a book about bees that has found its way into Sherlock’s room
SH: It’s a very educational book.
SH: And written at a very high level despite being for children.
JW: Anyway I know it was one of you that brought this thing into my home
JW: Confess and perhaps we can still be friends
JW: After a period of groveling
JW: It’s playing again right now
JW: You’re better off coming clean, whoever you are
JW: I’ve spent a lot of time around crime scenes
JW: I’d be good at hiding your body and the Met’s star consulting detective would never turn me in because without me he’d have to start making his own tea
SH: He has a point.
GL: Yeah, again, threats aren’t something we want to get in writing
GL: No need to remind all the government agencies listening in how easy it would be for Sherlock to cover up a crime if he were ever so inclined
GL: Speaking of government agencies listening in…
GL: You know who’s been pretty quiet today?
GL: No denials at all?
JW: Did you give Rosie the abomination
JW: Answer me Mycroft
JW: Answer me or I’ll tell your mum that Wicked wasn’t actually sold out through the summer
MH: No need to resort to childish threats, John.
MH: The bear may have been included amongst the presents sent to Rosamund from my office.
MH: I can’t be certain.
MH: It was very expensive, you realize.
JW: You know what else would be expensive
JW: Having to remove its head from your rectum
MH: Forgive me my generosity.
MH: If you’d like, I can arrange to have it destroyed.
MH: Unless that will upset Rosamund.
JW: Of course it will bloody upset Rosamund! She’s obsessed with it! You’ve ruined my life, Mycroft Holmes, and you WILL pay for it!!!
MH: Such dramatics.
MH: You’ve been spending too much time with my brother.
SH: I’ve got an idea.
SH: I’ll run it through the wash.
SH: I can claim it’s an accident, which will be believable since I don’t know how to use the washing machine.
GL: You don’t know how to use the washing machine?!
GL: You toff
JW: Oh god please do it
JW: Do it now
JW: I can’t take another moment of it
MH: I’m glad you two have found a way to solve this insuperable dilemma.
MH: Congratulations on your victory over a child of two and a half.
MH: You’ve truly earned your international reputation.