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You Have 487 New Messages (Or, In Which Sherlock Holmes Starts a Grouptext)

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1 June 2017

Group message: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson, Molly Hooper, Mycroft Holmes

SH: Where is my skull

GL: Inside your head, hopefully?

JW: He's talking about the one keeps on the mantel

JW: Did this really require a group text?

MoH: Ooh, I love grouptexts!

MH: Please remove me from this thread.

MrsH: Who is texting me?  Who are all of you?

SH: Where is my skull

MrsH: Sherlock?  Is that you?

JW: Sherlock, why would anybody take your skull?

JW: Mrs. Hudson, it's a group text

JW: Don't worry about it, I'll come down and add everyone to your address book

SH: One day ago my skull was in its normal location.  Now it is gone.  You have all been to 221B in the previous 24 hours.  Conclusion: one of you has it.

MoH: It's not me.  I try to stay away from body parts when not at work.  Ha ha

MH: Please remove me from this thread.

GL: Why d'you think one of us has taken it?  

JW: Because he's mad

MrsH: I'll come help you look for it if you'd like

MrsH: I'm good at that.  Last week I found a pair of your pants under the sofa, remember?

SH: That was not necessary to share with the entire group, Mrs. Hudson.

GL: I disagree, mate

GL: Find anything else at Baker Street recently Mrs. H?

SH: Do not answer him.

JW: You've no one to blame but yourself, Sherlock

MrsH: I'm not their housekeeper!

MoH: Why were you pants under the sofa?

MoH: Nevermind, I'd actually rather not know

MH: Please remove me from this thread.

SH has changed name of grouptext to   Where Is My Skull

2 June 2017

SH: I am serious about one you needing to return my skull.

GL: I'm serious about finding out why you were taking your pants off in the living room

JW: Rosie was helping me fold laundry and she stashed a few bits and pieces around

SH: "Helping" is a generous word.

SH: My sock index will likely never recover.

MoH: Your WHAT?

JW: Oh my god don't get him started

JW: His drawers are the work of someone with moderate to severe OCD

JW: And yet I'm not sure he's ever cleaned a dish in his life

SH: That's rich coming from someone who didn't notice I was using the toilet brush to grow mould cultures for almost a year.

MrsH: And it's not like the two of you even OWN a hoover

MrsH: They've been borrowing mine for ten years!

MH: Please remove me from this thread.

SH: We are getting off topic.  The topic of this conversation is MY SKULL.

GL: What would any of us do with your skull?  Normal people don't have any use for skulls

GL: Unless someone's performing Hamlet?

MrsH: I'm coming upstairs now, I'm sure we'll find it in no time

MrsH: Do you want any tea?

MrsH: Just this once

SH: Yes, thank you.

JW: Me as well, if the kettle's on, ta

SH: Update for all interested parties - skull found in Rosie's toy chest.

GL: Lovely.  Really nailing that whole 'raising a normal kid' thing, well done both of you

JW: Thanks Greg, appreciate it