It hurt so much, but I couldn't protest. I knew he'd hit me again if I asked him to stop. I could feel my bone shatter when the metal belt buckle hit my arm. I could hear Chastity sobbing in the other room. Ma was yelling at Pa and she held me close to her. The thing was, I couldn't feel anything. The pain in my arm started to feel numb, it still hurt, but faintly.
I laid in bed, looking out the window and watching the raindrops hit and slide down the window. I was thinking about how I was treated my entire life. I was thinking about how my teachers treated me. I thought about how my Pa talked to me and how he acted towards me. After a while I somehow convinced myself that he didn't love me. That he thought I was a disappointment, a mistake and a disgrace. "He hates you, you're useless. He tries to help you, tries to make you lovable and tolerable, and you only push him away. You defy him." Said the voice in my head. It chanted those words over and over again until my eyes fell on the rope Uncle Micah gave me. I had an idea. It was a scary idea. But at the time I didn't see another solution. I believed that it would make my Pa happy if I was gone.... I slowly stood up from my bed, ignoring the slight pain in my arm. I grabbed a chair nearby and got closer to the rope. I tried to make the least amount of sound I possibly could, carefully cutting some of the rope and tying it somewhere in the ceiling. I grabbed the chair and stood on it, trembling as I reached over my head with my bad arm--my good arm. I hesitantly put my head through the hole, then I rethought if I really wanted to do this. I went over the reasons why I should die and why I should keep living. I figured that if I kept living, I'd get hurt more and people would treat me even more like trash. I took one last deep breath, closed my eyes, and let the chair fall from beneath me.