Working for Ms. Luthor was amazing. It was amazing to watch her as she sat at her desk, doing paper work, answering business calls and winning arguments against old, white and sexist businessmen. It was amazing to witness how she steered L-Corp in a different direction, making the company a force for good. It was amazing to see how the Luthor name slowly lost its notorious undertones in the wake of all the good Lena was doing for the city. And it was really fun, too, to pass the time wondering what she'd wear the next day (a dress? a blouse and a pencil skirt? pants?! she looked insanely good in pants) or how she'd style her hair (down? in a bun to show off her killer jawline? bald? please don't go bald, Ms. Luthor).
Everything about the job was truly amazing. The best job in the world.
It was no secret that L-Corp's Couch loved its job.
Loved, though. Past tense.
Now everything was different. Everything was ruined.
Because Lena met a girl. A reporter that worked for CatCo magazine. Kara Danvers.
Lena Luthor met Kara Danvers and fell in love with Kara Danvers. All in the span of a couple of months.
What the fuck.
The couch hated it. It hated their relationship. It hated Kara Danvers so, so much.
(Not because she was an alien and a Super, though. Never because of that. The couch didn't share Lex Luthor's beliefs and it still mourns the deaths of those hundreds of couches that worked at buildings where Lex planted bombs in hopes of killing Superman. RIP).
It hated Kara Danvers because she was inconsiderate and cruel and rude and-
It hated her for three main reasons.
Reason number one:
Kara Danvers would bring food to Lena's office.
In the beginning, the Couch thought it was sweet, you know? Sometimes Lena would go an entire day without eating so it made it happy to see someone do something about it. Ms. Luthor's face would completely light up as soon as she'd lay eyes on the blonde and her grin would only grow when Kara'd announce she'd brought food. It was cute. It really was. But oh, did it suck.
It started with donuts.
Ms. Luthor and fucking Kara Danvers sat on the Couch (which was nice. Couch did love some ass) but then they ate, and talked, and ate while talking and suddenly the Couch was covered in nasty donut crumbs and saliva.
But it was fine. Because the Couch was chill. It was cool. It knew it'd be cleaned the next morning by the janitor. It was okay.
But the next day Kara brought Lena a bowl of soup. Scalding hot soup. Soup hot enough to burn a human's mouth. When Ms. Luthor winced at the burn on her tongue, Kara Danvers remembered she was supposed to act human around the CEO. So she proceeded to open her mouth and fan at it with her hand, some of the liquid dripping from her mouth onto her lap. Onto her lap and onto the Couch. The Couch.
Lena giggled at Kara Danvers' antics.
The Couch cried.
It cried inwardly because it didn't have tear ducts and couldn't cry outwardly. But bitch, it cried really hard because, as everyone knows, couches have sensitive leather and that soup was hot. The Couch had never experienced pain this intense in its life. And while it agonized, not being able to do anything, not being able to find any type of relief, Kara Danvers simply smiled. Smiled and stared at Ms. Luthor. Smiled as the Couch passed out from the pain.
Kara Danvers is a puppy, they said. Supergirl is kind, they said. But the Couch knew better. Kara Danvers was an asshole.
But anyway, after the soup, came some wine, ketchup, corn, more donut crumbs, a potsticker, water, an entire burger (its lettuce slipped in between the Couch's cushions. It's still there, by the way. The fucking lettuce is still in between the cushions. It's been weeks), pasta sauce, chicken wings, mustard, sushi and lastly, expensive scotch.
The scotch wasn't Kara, though.
Well, it was.
Reason number two:
The Couch hated that the dumbass reporter had stolen its boss' heart.
It hated that she could so easily break it if she wanted to.
It hated that she did break it.
The Couch just really hated Kara Danvers because she undoubtedly broke Lena Luthor’s heart and wasn’t here to fix it.
Ms. Luthor came into her office late one night, wearing casual clothes (that's when Couch knew something was wrong, she never wore clothes like that to work). She sat with a scotch bottle in her hand and drank and drank and drank until it was nearly empty. Some of the bottle's content fell on the cushions and she hurriedly, drunkenly tried to clean it before it stained the leather.
And, you see, it was one thing to drop food on the Couch and make it dirty and smelly but it was an entirely different thing to make its boss cry on it.
Make Ms. Luthor gasp and mutter brokenly about how she should've known a Luthor isn’t worth loving. About how, obviously, she doesn’t deserve someone like Kara. How Supergirl would never settle for a Luthor, settle for Lena.
And the Couch was angry.
So angry that Kara Danvers would dare do this to Ms. Luthor.
How she’d dared coming into her life, make Lena fall for her and lie to her and lead her on.
Because the Couch saw everything, alright. It saw the lingering looks, the shy smiles, the blushing cheeks, the hesitant touches, the flirting, the hugging, the cuddling. It saw it all. And it never fucking looked one-sided. But if it wasn’t one-sided, why would Lena be drunk and crying with a broken heart?
Kara Danvers was very lucky that Couch had no arms because if it did, it’d punch her so hard. For the donut crumbs and the soup and the lettuce and for having such a pretty smile but mainly, it'd punch her for breaking Ms. Luthor’s heart.
But yeah, it had no arms so it settled for crying along with Lena because after working for her for so long, one kind of becomes a sensitive extra bitch like her.
They both cried until they fell asleep.
Reason number three:
The Couch hated Kara Danvers’ absolute lack of respect.
It was sleeping. Sleeping!
It had been a very long night. Crying with Lena and whatnot. The Couch also had a bit of a hangover. Most likely because of the scotch that fell on its cushions hours earlier. It had always been a bit of a lightweight, to be honest.
But anyway, it had been peacefully sleeping before being rudely awaken by the Girl of Steel (ugh, hate her).
The Couch genuinely thought it’d never see that woman again. Or at least not in a very long time. So imagine its surprise when not only it’s her that wakes Couch up but... like this.
It opened its eyes and the first thing it saw was an ass.
But not an ass as Couch was used to seeing. You know... a clothed ass.
No, it was a bare ass. Well, not completely bare. There were white panties covering her most private par-
Scratch that. The panties were gone now.
A bare ass.
On its leather.
The Couch woke up and the first thing it saw was Kara Danvers’ vagina in its face, Supergirl’s skirt bunched up at her waist and Ms. Luthor on her knees on the floor, carelessly throwing Kara's underwear behind her and quickly burying her hand in the apex of the blonde’s thighs.
The Couch screamed in horror.
It was barely 7 in the morning. Why wasn’t Ms. Luthor hungover and bent over the toilet vomiting? When did her and Kara even make up? Why the hell were they fucking on the Couch? Just, what the fuck?
Ms. Luthor was moving the Couch back and forth with the force of her thrusts, making Kara moan loudly and grab at the edge of the cushions, making the Couch scream even harder because fucking Kara Danvers had super strength and it hurt. Fortunately, after a while, the reporter moved her hands to Lena’s hair and stopped clenching the Couch's leather.
It let out a relieved sigh and averted its eyes to the side, finally giving its throat a break from screaming. In its attempt to ignore the activity happening on it, the Couch found Lena’s clothes from last night lying on the floor. Wait, were those really Lena’s clothes? They were the same color but they looked broken. Almost as if someone had ripped them apart?
The Couch’s eyes involuntarily moved back to Kara Danvers’ ass when it felt something wet hitting its sensitive leather.
“You’re so wet, Kara,” Ms. Luthor moaned, "You're dripping."
“Yeah? I promise I taste good, too.” Kara breathed out.
The Couch screamed again, seeing its boss place Kara’s legs on her shoulders and lower her mouth to the girl’s center. Couch shut its eyes and began crying. They really should give couches some tear ducts, though.
L-Corp’s couch really, really, really hated Kara Danvers.
But it loved its job.
And it loved its boss.
And it loved ass.
So it opened its eyes and enjoyed the show.