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THE MIRACULOUS PIZZA HOG

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   In the daytime, I'm Gazlene. Just a normal girl with semi normal life. But theres something about me no one knows because I have a secret

  ******

  It was a normal day at Hi Skool. Gaz was sitting in her class, bored out of her mind. The teacher droned on and on about some war Gaz couldn't care less about. She wished the teacher would just shut up.

    A crash echoed outside the door. The once chattering class silenced and turned to look. The door blasted off its hinges with a rubber squeak. A woman entered. She was in a catsuit resembling a skeleton. She carried a giant bazooka over her shoulder. From her face, Gaz could immediately tell it was Tenna, an annoying woman who often ran through her neighborhood to visit some apartment building, even though her face was cover in rather cool black shades.

          "I am the Spookinator." She squeaked a toy skeleton along with this announcement. "And this is Mr Spooky. We are here looking for the Halloweenie Trinkets. We promise not to maim you tiny gerbals too badly if you hand them over really nicely. Now any questions? Oaths of undying loyalty?"

         Gaz raised her hand.

         "I need to use the restroom."           The Spookinator contemplated this request for a bit. She squeaked the toy as if asking its opinion.

            "Mr. Spooky says that you can go but I personally think your full bladder can be solved if you'd just get out more."

              The Spookinator gestured Gaz out the room with a dorky face. What a bad move.

              "Now could you little monkeys please hand over those magic pieces of jewelry? I'll make your incineration extra crispy."

          Gaz ran to the girls' bathroom as fast as she could. She hid in the closest stall and opened her bookbag. A hella fat pig floated out.

           "Oh hey there girly. Say could you lend ole Bloaty 20 bucks. I gotta a get.."

             "Shut up and put my snout on already."

     The pig spirit stared got a minute.

            "OKAEE!"  The pig spirit disappeared into her skull necklace.

      Gaz felt her body lift and felt the changes in her clothes. Her purple dress disappeared and was replaced by a pink jumpsuit. Fluffy ears appeared in her hair and a mask with a pink snout covered half her face.

         Her transformation into pizza hog was complete. She struck her finishing pose.

          She tore out of the bathroom with piggeh speed. She found the Spookinator holding up the junior class. It was her annoying brother's class.

          "Stop right there you whiner."

            The Spookinator squeaker her toy. "Oh, its one of the Halloweenies! Now, just hand me your necklace and..."

             The Spookinator was cut off by Gaz's hooves of fury. Gaz's piggeh powers gave her all of the intimidating martial arts of a real pig. The Spookinator, however, recovered and managed to catch Gaz in a midair porkchop. She threw Gaz into a wall. She laid dazed for a bit.

            "It looks like my love piglet needs some moosy assistance." Moose boy hopped down from the moosy heavens of the gym ceiling.

        "About time you showed up." Pizza hog peeled herself off of the wall. Unfortunately, the Spookinator took their momentary distraction to aim her bazooka at them

        Moose boy charged at Pizza hog . He managed to knock them both out of the way of a flaming rubber duck. It did left a rather spooky hole in the gym wall.

            "We need to grab that stupid toy from her. It's what spookified her."

           "Right, the mighty MOOSE BOY will defeat the human. MOOSE ANTLERS!"

             With his cry, Moose boy's antlers grew exponentally. He proceeded to charge the huma-er The Spookinator.

             The Spookinator saw the move coming and simply stepsided the attack. But while The Spookinator stood distracted by Moose boy's flop, Pizza hog was able to swipe the toy. She tore the toy to pieces releasing a moaning ghost

  "Whiner" she commented. She threw up her hooves in the air and a magic wave of pork set everything to its normal state.

               Tenna was no longer the Spookinator. Her normal clothes reappeared on her and fixed her toy with the magic pork wave's touch. She clutched Mr Spooky promising the toy never to put him in the middle of her and Devi's arguments.

          Since everything was fixed, her necklace naturally decided It was time to change back. Her necklace beeped insistently warning her of her limited time. She had get somewhere before her powers failed.

           She tried to run off but Moose boy grabbed her arm. She glared questioningly at her partner.

           "The might ZI- Moose boy wishes to know the identity of his love pig."

            Pizza Hog yanked her hoof back. "You'll know my identity when pigs fly." She said jokingly with a wink. She proceeded to run to the nearest closet.

             Moose boy stood there thinking of ways to genetically engineer pigs to have wings when his trinket, a tiara , beeped at him. Not wanting his identity to be discovered by human filth, he ran off too.

          *****************

       "I made a winged pig, my love piglet."

        "I DIDNT MEAN IT LITERALLY YOU NIMROD!

          ******************

        "Well it looks like the Spookinator couldn't get the Halloweenie Trinkets but make no mistake. Soon, Pizza Hog and Moose Boy will be as good as fried."

         The shady little figure, surronded by small ghosts in a dark room, returned the defeated spirit to his collection.

          *******************

           *****************

      Gaz laid on her bed at home munching on some pizza. Bloaty floated near her face trying to swipe the slice from her hand.

      It was a bleak rainy day. There were no spookified people to fight. Dib wasn't bothering her. It was abnormally peaceful.

      It was the perfect time for an origin story. Munching on her slice, she stared out the rain streaked window and began her stereotypical flashback.

           ***************

          It was her 13th birthday. Doctor Membrane had taken Gaz and Dib on a family trip to her favorite place on earth, Bloaty's Pizza.

They were sitting in a booth with a pizza full of burnt, half melted candles between them. Before she could eat her birthday pizza, Doctor Membrane was making her open presents.

          Her father's present was a state of the art motherboard. While her dad probably gave it to her to promote science in the family, she ended up using it to improve her game slave.

          "Now, your brother has something for you." Doctor Membrane nudged Dib.

          Dib paniked. He had forgotten to get a gift for Gaz. Last time he did that...He still had bruises.

          He had been busy tracking a mysterious necklace that was supposed to grant superpowers however he couldn't unlock the trinket's spooky powers.

          He touched the necklace in his pocket. It was a pig skull pendant. Just Gaz's style. Perfect.

    Dib presented the gift to Gaz when a beeper sounded.

    "Oh Thats the lab. I have to get back to work. I'm sorry, Gazlene." With that living sentiment, Doctor Membrane ran out of the pizza joint.

      Dib took Doctor Membrane's leave to abscond to the game room. If Gaz didn't like her present, the least he could do was hide.

       Gaz was actually impressed. Dib had picked a decent present for her and left her with a whole pizza to herself. This birthday might just be her favorite.

        " Hey, kid, toss me a slice of that. "

          "AAAAHHKKK WHO ARE YOU?"

           A pig spirit floated by her face. It was small and really fat. It soared effortlessly through the air to snatch a slice of pizza way bigger than the pig.

            "I'm Bloaty. I'm here to teach you the magic of sharing." It sang at Gaz. Bloaty munched away at the pizza. Quickly the slice disappeared.

           Gaz cringed.  "Sharing? Ew.  What is this? Some  low budget poorly written kid's show bull?"

           The pig spirit suddenly grew serious. "Listen kid. I'll make a you a superhero if you give me pizza."              "Oh ok then" Gaz grabbed herself a slice of pizza and munched along with the pig.

           Thus, the Pizza Hog was born.

            **********************

            Zim was lounging around his lab. He too couldn't find the energy to do anything on this rainy day.

              It was the perfect time to daydream about his love piglet. Her shockingly irken violet hair. Her Earth Brown eyes. Her intense love of pizza.

               Zim sighed. Who could this Pizza Hog be?

              He remembered the events that lead to his first meeting with his love piglet.

           Oh, look. It's flashback time. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

            **********************

           It all started when Zim found out his mission was all a lie. Zim was hacking into his tallest's main computer systems when he came across a file with his name. Curious, he downloaded the file to his computer.

           His screen filled with his picture after a brief period. Defective. Exiled. Doomed to Space. All written across his face.

            He has found his Tallests hate meme folder. For weeks after, Zim couldn't bring himself to do anything. How could he since he didn't have a purpose anymore? Technically he never did.

                Dib broke into his house now and then, but he soon quit his vendetta against Zim. Zim couldn't bring himself to create complex schemes to conquer this planet. Since Dib realized Zim wasn't dangerous anymore, Dib needed to move on and find his new purpose. Zim couldn't blame him.

                 Dib wasn't the only one affected by Zim's melancholy. Gir sat crying on the floor near the couch. You see, in his new state of purposelessness, Zim took over the couch. Gir was unable to watch his beloved Monkey show in the sweet comfort of his couch.

                 Gir had to do something. He turned crimson. He must find something to make his master happy again. He promised himself to march out the front door and not return until he found his master's purpose.

              Then, Gir turned back to his cyan color and skipped out the front door screaming.

        *********************

       "Master!! MASTER LOOK WHAT I FOUND!" Gir screamed running in the house while frantically waving a magazine.

         "Giir,....Can't yo- sea ayem eatin'"Zim spluttered over half of his third packet of SPACE FUN DIP©

            SPACE FUN DIP: A DELICIOUS SOPORIC TREAT FOR ANY SMEETLINGS

              SPACE FUN DIP IS A PRODUCT OF THE SPACE BRAND COMPANY. TO ORDER SPACE FUN DIP AND OTHER SPACE BRAND PRODUCTS, SCREAM YOUR SELECTION OUT OF YOUR SHIP. OUR DRONES HAVE ALREADY TRACKED YOUR LOCATION. SPACE FUN DIP IS NOT MEANT FOR SMEETS AND OTHER ORGANIC ORGANISMS. SPACE FUN DIP MAY CAUSE DYSENTERY. ORDER NOW!

           Gir shoved the magazine in Zim's distant face. It was an add looking for America's ( Was Zim in America? He wasn't sure. The dysentery was setting in.) Next Top Model.

            "IMMA MAKE  YOU CUTE MASTER!!!!" Gir screeched. Maybe, it was the soporic powder in effect but Zim let himself be dressed up and dragged toto the audition.

              *********************

                        "OHMAGOD ITS ZIM"

             A crowd of fans mobbed the irken as he walked down the sidewalk. He was on his way home from a photo shoot across town and he really didn't want to deal with this right now.

             Apparently dawning human clothing makes one a favorable love pig. Gir had dressed Zim With surprisingly sharp style and Zim managed to secure a job. Now his face was on every surface in Britian (Argentina? Brazil? Seriously where the heck was he?) and everyone seemed to malfunction over him.

            Sure it wasn't invading but somehow modeling human garments gave him something of a purpose in life. Plus, these weird doughy figures showed up in his house demanding him to do this. He couldn't stop. He feared for his Squeedlyspooch if he did.

              Zim managed to break from the wild fans and make a break for his base. He made it to his door when an energetic red head with a present blocked his way.

                "Hey ZIM! Congrats on getting a modeling contract!" Keef practically shouted in Zim's face.

                 "Err- yes It was quite a feat but nothing Zim couldn't handle!"

                 " I was thinking of throwing a party to celebrate but When  went in your house a lil doughy figure told me some not nice words and made me leave. Who was that guy? Could you let me in? It's been hot all day. "

                 "Err-That would be my father" Zim said. "And ITLOOKSLIKEICANTHAVEAPARTYSORRYBYYYE" Zim slammed the door in Keef's face.   " N-no party?! But everyone should have a party! I never even got to give him his present..." A little ghost else into Keef's present.

                  "DEAD RAVER!" A voice screamed in Keef's mind. "LET ME CUT TO THE CHASE. GET ME THESE HALLOWEENIES  AND YOU CAN PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR."

               Keef thought long and hard. "OKEE DOKIE LOKI!!!"

             Time to get spooky.

           **********************

         Zim found Grave Raver at his next photo shoot. He was modeling some sort of human aquatic skin suit. He was in such a garment when the Keef exploded the studio walls.

          Keef was no longer the aggressively  annoying human smeetling Zim loathed . He now spewed foam and danced like rabid monkey. Following him was a legion of balloons and an applifiers screaming human music. Whenever he danced, foam splashed across the room and turned the photo shoot crew into dancing zombies.

          Well not the whole crew. There was the photographer. (Who was he? John Vakyloe? Joby Vale? Jokabie Vanish?) Though he looked ready to die, he just wiped off the foam and went about disassembling his equipment.

            Naturally, Zim ran to hide behind him. While he was indeed a trained irken invader and could kill easily, he was too scared to do anything. Plus, he left is buzz kill doom ray at his base. What was he to do?

             The strange man took one glance at Zim. "Better brace yourself for some Moosey Business, kid"

               "Who are-" Zim was cut off when the man slapped a mini device onto Zim's forehead. It expanded to fit around his head and formed a sort of tiara. Zim felt the urge to strike a pose.

                All of a sudden, light enveloped Zim. A fur lined jumpsuit replaced his aquatic shorts. He could feel great moose antlers grace his head. To top it off, a brown mask gave Zim a moosey snout.

          Thus, he became Moose Boy.

         "Where did Zim go?" Dead Raver asked frantically searching. "He was just here." "Aww, not happy to see me?" Zim's insides skipped a beat when the figure dropped from the shadows. He stood useless as the glorious Pizza Hog tore apart the present Grave Raver held, releasing a ghost into the air. That's when Zim knew he was screwed.

*****************

Zim's daydreaming was cut short because Gir let another monkey into the labs. ***************

It was yet another boring day at school. Gaz had been having those a lot recently. The only difference was that she had friends in this class. And a certain irken was there too.

                  Her friends were busy talking while she oogled said irken.

                  One of her friends, Pepito, gazed longingly at the back of Gaz's head while she gazed longingly at the back of Zim's head.

                   "Mi Amigo, I need help. Gaz is so cute but I think she has it bad for that model kid. What do I do, Squee?" Said Squee was busy violently writing in a journal.

                        "Todd?! TODD!!!" Squee looked up. Miss Bitters glared down at him. She snatched the journal off of his desk and began scanning the contents. "Todd, you know there's no writing about feelings in my class. Feelings are useless in the cold unforgiving world. Let this be a lesson for you." The class snickered at his discomfort.

                         The bell luckily chose this moment to ring. Miss Bitters threw the journal back on his desk. "Class I want a fifty page paper on the worthlessness of human life in the grand scape of the universe due tomorrow." The class pretended not to hear her as they all ran to the lunchroom.

           Pepito, Squee, and Gaz joined Dib at a table in the lunchroom. Pepito sighed. Today was mysterious can meat day, the least inedible food at skool. Pepito even set a few kids on fire while waiting in light yet he couldn't seem to find peace.

           While Gaz was busy complaining to her brother about his weird hobbies, Pepito turned to his best friend. "I seriously don't know what to do about Gaz. What do you think?".

            Squee stayed silent. Pepito was curious. He hadn't heard a word out of him all day. In fact, Squee seemed even furious- as furious as the hot could look.

                 "Are you ok?" Dib asked. It was a really off day for Squee if Dib was noticing. Usually, Dib plotted ways to ruin some kid's life or hunt some some supernatural thing instead of socializing.

                  Squee shrank at the attention until he couldn't take it. He darted for the door and ran until he reached a stairwell he could hide under. He didn't know why having Miss Bitters judge his journal so harshly was so upsetting. It was her rule to completely crush the will of her students. So, why did he feel so mad?

        *****************************

        The small dark figure stepped forward from his collection of ghosts once again.

          "Ah, an author in distress." The figure cupped a ghost in his hand and released it into the bright sunny day. "Go. Write this kid a new story."

        ****************************

          "Hello Haunt-thur. I have a deal for you. I'll let you write revenge in your story  in exchange for the Halloweenies," said some mysterious voice in Squee's head.

            "But I don't have a story that needs revenge written in it. Besides my journal is in my locker."

               The voice huffed. "That's not what I meant. I wanna-"

               "And what are Halloweenies?"The voice sighed. This was going to take a while.

               *********************

           Pizza Hog and Moose Boy arrived at the scene of the Spooky to find Squee talking to himself.

             "Squ-Todd what the heck?" Pizza Hog said.

               " Some creepy guy named Mr. Eff is trying to get me to commit horrid acts of violence. The usual." Todd replied causally like he always dealt with this type of thing.

                 "Where's the Spooky, hooyman?"  Moose Boy asked practically screeching.

                   "Huh? A ghost flew into my pencil if that's what you mean." He pulled out the offending pencil. Moose Boy snatched the utensil up and snapped it releasing the ghost.

                 "Hey Tod-OHMYGOSH!!!"The three turned. Dib stood gaping at the group.

                " YOU JUST RELEASED A GHOST AND PIZZA HOG IS HERE OMG I LOVE YOU AND YOUR WORK!."

                  "And I love you too random citzen."  Gaz managed to grit out. His brother had been a fanboy of her superhero work since she started. Boy did she wish she could get away with roasting Dib though y would likelyIt would probably put her identity in danger.

           "Anyway, I've got some information you might find useful." Dib pulled out his laptop. He pushed a few buttons and a decrepit house filled the screen. "All these ghosts that have been haunting people can be traced in origin to the haunted house in our neighborhood."

           "That's my creepy neighbor's house." Squee cut in. "Here I'll walk is there."

            The dynamic duo turned to follow Squee when Pizza Hog felt a hand on her shoulder. Dib seemed about to burst from excitement.

             "Oh let me come with you. I developed a suit if armor that allows me to-"

     "Nope" Pizza Hog threw Moose Boy over her shoulder and ran to keep up with the lead Squee gained.

      Just because Gaz couldn't properly roast her brother at the moment didn't mean that she was going to out up with his reckless streak.

  **********************

        The house was on the far side of the neighborhood. The trio made a long creepy arkward trek across the neighborhood in costume. Mindless fans threw themselves at the heroes wanting pictures and autographs. Others stared motionlessly at them from their increasingly decrepit lawns.

        Squee dropped the two off at the doorstep promising to call the emergency services should he find their corpses. Then Squee ran home screaming. It was for the best anyway. He was a whiner when it came to his neighbor.

        Moose Boy took this opportunity to just down the door to the haunted house- if it could be called a house. The place looked more like a worn shack. The door landed with a dull thud onto a dirt floor.

        No ghosts. No shady figures. The single room was sparsely furnished but no furniture hid spooky ghosts. Then, Moose Boy found the stairs. He tripped on a broken model of a weird figure. His loss of balance lead to an unexpected trip down winding stairs nestled in the corner. Gaz followed the sound of Moose Boy's cries of pain into the bowels of the house.

         Finally, they reached a dimly lit room. Glowing lights flickered wildly throughout the room. It took a minute for Gaz to adjust to the lighting.

         The light sources were ghosts. They swirled around the room in a frenzy. Out of the mess, a lanky odd shaped figure approached the heroes.

        The figure was an odd man wearing an ink black jumpsuit with four matching tentacles for sleeves. Each was wrapped loosely around a cartoonish machetes. His face was smeared with blue facepaint to go with his wacky hair. Hyperactive almost all-seeing eyes were trained on the heroes.

           It was Squee's neighbor. Gaz could tell. He seemed homicidal enough to match Squee's description.

             "Oh, you finally made it. I knew tipping off that big headed kid would work. Let's see how you fair against Squidd Nny. " Squee's neighbor drawled.

            A tentacle swung at Pizza Hog. She managed to avoid the machete but tripped over the tentacle. A hollow thud made Gaz turn.

        The machete had struck the wall where it was now stuck. The tentacle struggled to gain a grip on it to pull it out. Gaz felt like cheering. They were off to a good start.

        But a shriek made Gaz stopped.

       "Don't move it or I'll decapitate the Moosy Kid." Indeed, Moose Boy was wrapped up in a tentacle. A machete pressed against Moose Boy's green neck. The sight sent Gaz into a fit of pure wraith. If anyone was going to murder her weird partner,it was HER!

       Gaz smelt pork. She looked down. Porky magic swirled around her changing outfit and lifting her upward. Squidd Nny and Moose Boy watched in awe.

        Her suit was changed into a long purple tunic. Metal plating extended to cover her arms and legs. She struck a pose with her arm stuck up in the air.

         A bright light sword buzzed to life in her left hand. She repeated the pose with her other hand. A light shield spiraled into existence in her hand.

          She felt strong and powerful.           "You've found your inner pork butt child." She heard Bloaty whisper in her mind. It only served to anger her more.

          She charged towards the aquatic Nny. She found that she was going faster than her porky speed ever could. She chopped off his tentacle holding Moose Boy and chopped the rest into calamari in seconds. But all Nny did in turn was laugh hysterically. It served only to make Pizza Hog slice faster.

          "MOOSE ANTLERS!" Moose Boy suddenly cried. He charged Squidd Nny knocking him to the floor. The Spooky inhabiting Nny scrambled out and flew deeper into the room. Nny didn't move afterward but Gaz could still hear that same hysterical laughter.

           "DID YOU REALLY THINK IT WOULD BE THAT EASY!!!!????" A SHRILL CRINGEWORTHY VOICE FILLED THE ROOM making Gaz and Moose Boy cringe. An insistent beeping added to the noise.

       "FOOLS, SOON, YOU TWO WILL BE OUT OF POWER AND DEFENSELESS."

Like the voice said, both Moose Boy's tiara and Gaz's necklace were flashing indicating that they were about to revert back to civilian form.

        Gaz charged through the dark room. Her light sword shone the whole room but no one else was there. No matter where she looked there was no source for the voice. She hacked at the wall in frustrationThey ran out of time. She changed back into her purple dress. She could tell Moose Boy changed back by the distinct smell of Canada.

          It was only when she changed back did she catch movement in the corner of her eye.

         "Oh, so that's what you Halloweenies look like." 

          Gaz spun around. A little evil looking Pillsbury doughboy looked up at her smugly.

           "Now to take your Halloweenies." the little doughboy seemed to forget his height-the thing barely reached Gaz's knees- as it hopelessly waved its hands in an attempt to grab her necklace.

           "Dude, you're short and made of styrofoam. I could rip you apart with my bare hands."

           "Wait NOO-" The thing gasped as Gaz dug her nails into the styrofoam. She pulled its head off easily and chucked it across the room. Just out of spit, she might have stomped on the body, too. Just as a precaution.

           She turned to leave when she was shocked to find Zim there. Did that mean...

         "GAZ!? YOU'RE MY LOVE PIG?"

          "You're Moose Boy? Why am I not surprised?" Gaz scoffed outwardly but inwardly, she was freaking out.

          "Let's go get the meats, my piglet. "

           "Why not?" Gaz grabbed Zims hand and ran out of the house to the meat store.

                END