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Heaven

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Heaven. It’s an idea Dex has considered too much. Life is ruled by rigid boundaries, never giving him freedom to move. He knows that the laws of heaven mean that no matter how much he tries he won’t ever make it.

But this, this is heaven. Heaven is the music seeping through the walls as Lardo shines with glee over another beer pong win. Heaven is the look on Bitty’s face when people compliment his pies, and heaven is watching him light up whenever he smiles. Heaven is the air being pushed out of him when Holster flings himself at Dex after he scores a hatty.

Heaven is the way in which Lardo announces that they officially have enough fine money to get a new dryer. Heaven is Chowder announcing that Cait has agreed to a second date, and heaven is the way everybody’s faces split apart with joy. Heaven is Ransom announcing that they have watched Drag Race 47 times in the past 4 weeks, and the way Holster booms with laughter at this fact. Heaven is curling up next to Nursey while watching a shitty movie at 3am and being able to laugh his ass off at how bad it is.

Heaven is Shitty and Jack cheering them on at a game, seeing Bitty throw himself into Jack’s arms when it’s over and the effortless way the team fits together. Heaven is Tango falling over himself to see Alexei Mashkov on Skype and the way in which Ransom gapes at Tater before finally exclaiming that “I love you, bro,” and Tater guffawing before saying that he thinks Ransom is cool. Heaven is watching Ransom scream into Holster’s shoulder with joy once they hang up.

Heaven is the feeling of getting back a paper with a high mark, it’s the Frog Study Dates in the library where nobody does any work. It’s helping Bitty with a pie and the excitement from the rest of the team when it’s done.

Heaven is the feeling that rushes through Dex when he realises that the fighting has turned to friendly chirping, it’s the hands held in open view on roadies. Heaven is not being afraid of the world anymore.

Heaven is how Dex feels when the cashier at Annie’s first calls him sir, it’s the crinkle in Nursey’s eye when Dex shows up to Team Breakfast in one of his hoodies. Heaven is the flannel Dex gets in the mail from his mom that he left at home and she ‘thought he might want’.

Heaven is the phone calls he gets every Saturday on the dot from his sister, and the fact that she always passes the phone to his father when they’ve finished talking. Heaven is the fact that they both tell him ‘I love you,’ before they hang up the phone.

Heaven is the coffee dates and the brunch dates and the cinema dates and all the dates in between. Heaven is every kiss and every wink and every time they make eye contact.

Heaven is the nights when the team sit out on the roof and watch the LAX bros embarass themselves on the front lawn. Heaven is every time his friends come to his rescue because of a Chad who isn’t doing himself any favours. It’s the laughter that pours from his lips almost freely now, and it’s the realisation that he is able to not wear binders and still be Will. Heaven is meeting Nursey’s moms, and them smiling at him in such a way that he is instantly at home.

Heaven is Dex realising that he is finally, finally happy.