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Sixth form
03/09/16
21:03

 

Seokjinnie created chat

Seokjinnie added MinSuga

Seokjinnie added HOEseok

Seokjinnie added NamJoon

 

MinSuga: tf is this

HOEseok: who r u

Seokjinnie: I made a gc bc we're all in sixth form now yay

Seokjinnie: yoongi u know my bf from the year below?

MinSuga: the smartass ?

Seokjinnie: yeah fam

MinSuga: ok but who's this hoeseok cunt ?

HOEseok: woah no need for that

Seokjinnie: dats hoseok our mums are friends

HOEseok: hola amigos

MinSuga: I ain't no one's fuckin amigo

HOEseok: :o :o :o

Seokjinnie: bruv be nice for once lmao

NamJoon: did u really name the chat sixth form

Seokjinnie: tf else was I meant to call it?

MinSuga changed chat name to i want to die

HOEseok: same tbh

Seokjinnie: this chat is a therapy of sorts, we can use it to share the stresses of sixth form :)))))

NamJoon: lmao

NamJoon: it can't be that bad

MinSuga: honey

MinSuga: u got a big storm coming

Seokjinnie: he's right

Seokjinnie: I barely made it through year 12, idk how imma make it through year 13

NamJoon: well isn't that comforting

Seokjinnie: good luck babes ;)))

NamJoon: :* :*

MinSuga: kys

HOEseok: oi lads can I add my buddy ?

Seokjinnie: who ????

HOEseok: his name is Jimin, he's in year 11, we go to dance after school

MinSuga: we are NOT having younger years in this chat I refuse

Seokjinnie: fuck it man add the boy

MinSuga: fuck u jin

 

HOEseok added JiminyCricket

 

JiminyCricket: yooooooo

HOEseok: jimin meet namjoon, yoongi and seokjin

HOEseok: they sixth formers

JiminyCricket: sup

JiminyCricket: why am I here????

HOEseok: bc ur bants

JiminyCricket: fair enough

JiminyCricket: can I add tae???

MinSuga: who tf is tae

JiminyCricket: taehyung kim, he's in year 11 too

MinSuga: taehyung?

MinSuga: wait are we all korean?

MinSuga: wow I love Diversity

HOEseok: yeah I love that dance group too

JiminyCricket: ENJDKEIDKWOWL

MinSuga: actually fuckin die

 

JiminyCricket added TaeTae

 

JiminyCricket: yooooooo

TaeTae: suuuuuuup

MinSuga: die

TaeTae: woah calm down love

MinSuga: this kid

Seokjinnie: lmao taehyung? Ain't u di kid imma be tutoring this year in english?

TaeTae: yeha

TaeTae: judging by ur grammar ur not going to be much help

HOEseok: :o :o

MinSuga: daaaamn boy

Seokjinnie: how dare u

Seokjinnie: respect ur fucking elders

TaeTae: what did u get at GCSE?

Seokjinnie: A* u little shite

TaeTae: fairs

HOEseok: probs put u two together bc u both asian yall know mr davies is racist

MinSuga: tru

NamJoon: lmao that's probs not true

MinSuga: u wanna bet fam ?

MinSuga: in history when we were learnin about the yanks dropping bombs on japan he legit asked me if my fam were affected

MinSuga: me, a fuckin korean

NamJoon: DNWKJSKWKSKWK

JiminyCricket: THATS FUCKING BANTER

MinSuga: ITS LEGIT RACIST U CUNTS

TaeTae: ITS FUNNY THO

Seokjinnie: WHAT DID U SAY

MinSuga: bruh I had to take a step back

MinSuga: then mehmet was like "mate he's from korea not japan"

MinSuga: sir went fuckin red I was still in shock man

MinSuga: if he hadn't been a teacher I would have beat his ass

JiminyCricket: that's so bants man if he does the same to me this year imma call him out in korean

TaeTae: ME TOO BITCH

---------

i want to die
03/09/16
22:16

 

Seokjinnie: lads

TaeTae: yo

JiminyCricket: sup babes xoxo

NamJoon: um

Seokjinnie: can I add my cousin to the chat

Seokjinnie: he's lonely

MinSuga: does he go to our school ?

Seokjinnie: yah

JiminyCricket: how old ?

Seokjinnie: 15

JiminyCricket: ;) ;)

MinSuga: no more kids in the chat pls

JiminyCricket: fuck off u gingernut

JiminyCricket: jin add him

 

Seokjinnie added Jeongguk to the chat

 

Seokjinnie: lads this is my cousin, he's in year 10

JiminyCricket: HOLA BITCH

TaeTae: suuuuuuuup

Jeongguk: um hi

JiminyCricket: he's so cute where'd u find him????

Seokjinnie: in my aunt's womb ?

Jeongguk: ew

Jeongguk: cousin who's in the chat

Seokjinnie: oh right lol

Seokjinnie: so we have me, yoongi, hoseok, namjoon, jimin and taehyung

Jeongguk: we all go to the same school?

JiminyCricket: yaaaaaaah

Jeongguk: cool

Jeongguk: I've never had an older before

Jeongguk: other than jin

MinSuga: tf ? What's an older ?

TaeTae: it's someone in an older year lmaooo

TaeTae: yoongi ur my fave older

MinSuga: I don't understand kids these days

JiminyCricket: namjoon is my fave older

Jeongguk: mines jin

NamJoon: love u jimin

JiminyCricket: :*

Seokjinnie: snakes

HOEseok: am I no ones fave older ?

JiminyCricket: ✔️read 22:21

Chapter Text

i want to die
04/09/16
17:36

 

HOEseok: who's excited for school to start tomorrow lads :D :D

MinSuga: I want to die

JiminyCricket: bitch me too

Seokjinnie: looool at least we only have to do 3 subjects now @ yoongi

MinSuga: true

Jeongguk: 3??? that's unfair

MinSuga: don't think it is

MinSuga: we're doing alevels

Jeongguk: it can't be that hard

MinSuga: ...

MinSuga: someone hold me back

Seokjinnie: lmao kid 3 alevels are way harder than however many GCSEs you're taking

Jeongguk: how so???

MinSuga: they just are

MinSuga: shut up

TaeTae: 10/10 would love to have yoongi's comebacks in an argument

NamJoon: innit lmao

MinSuga: die

Seokjinnie: @ yoongi what subject did you drop this year

MinSuga: maths lol

Seokjinnie: I dropped philosophy

JiminyCricket: yoongi did maths????

JiminyCricket: my boy has brains???

MinSuga: fuck u kid I'm older than u so I'm not ur 'boy'

JiminyCricket: boy

JiminyCricket: babyboy

Seokjinnie: don't indulge him in his kinks u twat

MinSuga: SHU T UP

JiminyCricket: YOONGI HAS A BABYBOY KINK?????

TaeTae: BABY BOY YOONGI

 

TaeTae changed chat name to BABY BOY YOONGI

 

MinYoongi: I HOPE U ALL DIE

HOEseok: calm down babyboy

MinSuga: I'll fuckin fight u tomorrow

HOEseok: cmon then i'll fucking do u

HOEseok: in more ways than one ;)

JiminyCricket: honestly tag urself im hoseok flirting With someone while simultaneously threatening them

TaeTae: me too tbh

NamJoon: that's how I got jin

Seokjinnie: oh fuck off

Seokjinnie: you finally asked me out after about a month of you staring at me from across the library

NamJoon: stfu

NamJoon: but true

TaeTae: me tbh

TaeTae: oi jimin

JiminyCricket: yes my love

TaeTae: did u do the summer homework???

JiminyCricket: excuse me?

JiminyCricket: pardon?

JiminyCricket: excusez-moi?

JiminyCricket: mi scusi?

TaeTae: we had a history project to do and we had to read mice and men

TaeTae: they're both due tomorrow

NamJoon: something tells me he hasn't done it

MinSuga: no shit sherlock

JiminyCricket: FUCK I FORGOT I'VE DONE FUCK ALL FOR BOTH OF THEM

JiminyCricket: SONEONE HELP ME I DONT EVEN HAVE THE ENGLISH BOOK

HOEseok: amazon prime it babes

JiminyCricket: WHAT PART OF HISTORY ARE WE EVEN LEARNING ABOUT

TaeTae: world war 2 u fucking numpty

JiminyCricket: IDEK WHEN THAT STARTED

MinSuga: are u pulling my fuckin leg rn ?

JiminyCricket: WASNT IT LIKE 1935????

Seokjinnie: NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT

MinSuga: IT STARTED IN 1939

MinSuga: HOW ARE YOU THIS STUPID

JiminyCricket: HOW WAS I MEANT TO KNOW

JiminyCricket: I WASNT BORN THEN

NamJoon: JFC JIMIN ITS BASIC KNOWLEDGE

JiminyCricket: FUCK OFF SOME OF US ARENT THAT SMART

NamJoon: sigh

TaeTae: UR SO FUCKED JIMIN LMAO

Jeongguk: even I know when ww2 started

JiminyCricket: SHUT THE FUCK UP

JiminyCricket: TAE PLS HELP ME

TaeTae: no can do fam

JiminyCricket: FUCKING TRAITOR

NamJoon: jimin I think I still have my old project saved from last year

NamJoon: we had to do the same thing

NamJoon: I can email it if u want?

JiminyCricket: NAMJOON

JiminyCricket: MY HERO

JiminyCricket: I LOVE YOU

JiminyCricket: STEP ASIDE JIN

NamJoon: ok

NamJoon: give me ur email

JiminyCricket: um

Seokjinnie: what'd u say? heard u was talkin shit boy

JiminyCricket: soz boo u can keep ur man

Seokjinnie: that's better

NamJoon: jimin

NamJoon: email?

TaeTae: GIVE HIM UR EMAIL JIMIN LOOOL

JiminyCricket: ok listen

JiminyCricket: I made it in year 7 so leave me alone

MinSuga: oh god

TaeTae: LOOOOOL

JiminyCricket: jiminisnice2000@hotmail.co.uk

MinSuga: jimin is nice

MinSuga: are you fuckin kidding me ?

MinSuga: that's not even that embarrassing

MinSuga: it's just sad

JiminyCricket: fuck u bitchboy

Seokjinnie: at least it's not agustdraps@hotmail.co.uk

MinSuga: woah

MinSuga: no need to snake me jin

TaeTae: that's so ugly

HOEseok: I would never

MinSuga: you can all die

JiminyCricket: oi so what happens in mice and men

TaeTae: NO ONE FUCKING TELL HIM

MinSuga: hahahahahhahahqhaq

JiminyCricket: tae why u betraying me boy?

TaeTae: u don't understand jimin

TaeTae: u have to read it

TaeTae: to feel the pain

JiminyCricket: ffs

HOEseok: u can probably find it online tbh

JiminyCricket: that's so long

HOEseok: it's worth it

JiminyCricket: fine

 

--------

BABY BOY YOONGI
04/09/17
20:56

JiminyCricket: this book is so dead

JiminyCricket: I like george tho

JiminyCricket: why does lennie want to tend the rabbits so much ?

TaeTae: MSKAAPOSLSLALLALQLSLSKKA

MinSuga: im having a vietnam flashback

Seokjinnie: no one fucking spoil it

JiminyCricket: have we all read this book?

Jeongguk: I haven't

JiminyCricket: oi jeon read it with me

JiminyCricket: you'll get a head start for year 11

Jeongguk: okey doke

TaeTae: so young

TaeTae: so cute

Jeongguk: I'm a year younger than you

MinSuga: just finish the damn book I want u to get to the end

Jeongguk: why tho

MinSuga: JUST DO IT

--------

BABY BOY YOONGI
04/09/16
23:27

JiminyCricket: ohhhhh shit

JiminyCricket: shits going down

MinSuga: which bit are you at

TaeTae: WHAT PART????

JiminyCricket: lennie just killed chrleh's wife

TaeTae: SNQKSKOQSKJWJWJWJAJJAQJ

Seokjinnie: could u calm tf down I want to sleep

NamJoon: aw babes

HOEseok: jimin hurry up and read

JiminyCricket: calm ur tits princess

TaeTae: jimin's dramatic ass is going to die

HOEseok: lmaoooo

JiminyCricket: wait

JiminyCricket: why does George have a gun????

MinSugaS oh god

TaeTae: HERE WE GO LADS

Seokjinnie: LOOOL

JiminyCricket: WHAT

JiminyCricket: LENNIE JUST WANTED TO TEND THE RABBITS

JiminyCricket: GEORGE HOW COULD U

MinSuga: GEORGE SHOOTS LENNIE CUNT

JiminyCricket: IM IN TEARS

JiminyCricket: LENNIE DIDNT DESERVE THAT

JiminyCricket: HE JUST LIKED SOFT THINGS

JiminyCricket: HE DIDNT MEAN TO HURT ANYONE

TaeTae: LMAO DIDNT SEE THAT COMING DID

JiminyCricket: IM HAVING A FULL ON PROTEST IN ENGLISH TOMORROW

TaeTae: DO IT

MinSuga: I'LL COME AND WATCH

Seokjinnie: SAME BITCH

Chapter Text

BABY BOY YOONGI
05/09/16
07:31

 

HOEseok: wakey wakey

HOEseok: has everyone had their weetabix??? :D

MinSuga: D

MinSuga: I

MinSuga: E

TaeTae: spelling w/ yoongi

NamJoon: I'm tired

MinSuga: I didn't get to sleep till about 4am lmao

Seokjinnie: why do u do that to urself?

MinSuga: insomnia mixed with self hatred

TaeTae: same

HOEseok: I've got my bowl of special k lads

HOEseok: I'm trying to get that bikini body

Seokjinnie: ur body is basically perfect tho?

HOEseok: yeah it's bc of all that special k

TaeTae: I'm having my frosties

MinSuga: do u really need anymore sugar?

TaeTae: I need all the Suga ;D

MinSuga: I'm ignoring u

TaeTae: oi babes don't air me

Seokjinnie: I'm all about that fruit in the morning

NamJoon: so healthy baby

NamJoon: make sure u eat a lot of pineapple babe

Jeongguk: I like pineapple

MinSuga: ur disgusting

Jeongguk: I can't help my fruit preference

TaeTae: he's so innocent wtf

TaeTae: fuck my bus arrives in 10 mins and I can't find my tie

MinSuga: just go without it

TaeTae: it's a bit too soon to ignore uniform rules

MinSuga: I'm legit turning up today wearing a hoodie

NamJoon: it's business dress?

MinSuga: and?

TaeTae: fuck it I'm going without a tie

Seokjinnie: miss saxon is going to kill both of u

MinSuga: and what? that bitch can square up

HOEseok: I'm walking through the school gates

HOEseok: oh god I hate not wearing school uniform

HOEseok: the new year 7s are so cute

MinSuga: I think I'm going to be late ffs

Seokjinnie: do u want me to pick u up?

MinSuga: yes please

Seokjinnie: okey doke

TaeTae: wait can jin die?

TaeTae: I meant drive

Seokjinnie: ...ok same

Seokjinnie: and yes I can drive

TaeTae: what a man

NamJoon: my man

Seokjinnie: mmmmmm dats right

JiminyCricket: OH NY GOD

JiminyCricket: I WOKE UP LATE

JiminyCricket: ITS ALMOST 8 MY BUS COMES AT 8:09

JiminyCricket: IM GOING TO BE LATE ON THE FIRST DAY

Seokjinnie: why is jimin such a mess

TaeTae: honestly idk

JiminyCricket: JIN PICK ME UP PLS

Seokjinnie: idk where u live and I have no satnav

JiminyCricket: GOOGLE MAPS

Seokjinnie: no data boo

JiminyCricket: FUCK IM SO FUCKED

MinSuga: lmaooo

JiminyCricket: MY HAIR IS ALL GREASY I NEED A SHOWER

JiminyCricket: FUCK IT

JiminyCricket: IM GOING TO SCHOOL W GREASY ASS HAIR

JiminyCricket: AND NON-IRONED UNIFORM

JiminyCricket: AND NO BREAKFAST

TaeTae: I'll buy you something at break

JiminyCricket: WHAT A LAD

----------

BABY BOY YOONGI
05/09/16
11:03

 

TaeTae: oi yoongi

TaeTae: I got a fucking detention from miss saxon bc I'm not wearing a tie

MinSuga: it's ok I got detention too for my hoodie

NamJoon: lmao

TaeTae: when's urs?

MinSuga: Wednesday

TaeTae: same lol

TaeTae: will we be together?

MinSuga: probably lol

TaeTae: what banter

JiminyCricket: s/o to tae for buying me hashbrowns from the canteen

Seokjinnie: what a lad

TaeTae: that's ok b

----------

BABY BOY YOONGI
05/09/16
3:29

 

Seokjinnie: well thank fuck that's over

HOEseok: I already hate alevels

NamJoon: same

MinSuga: I've hated it for the last year

MinSuga: it's going to be the death of me

Seokjinnie: its our last year tho

HOEseok: lucky

HOEseok: I'm already considering btec

TaeTae: JIMIN HAS DETENTION ON WEDNESDAY TOO

HOEseok: LMAO WHY

Seokjinnie: LOL

TaeTae: HE ACTUALLY PROTESTED IN ENGLISH

TaeTae: HE MADE A DAMN SIGN SAYING "#JUSTICEFORLENNIE"

TaeTae: AND STOOD ON THE TABLE SHOUTING

TaeTae: MISS NORTON HAD TO GO AND GET THE HEAD OF ENGLISH

TaeTae: HE ENDED UP GETTINF SENT OUT OF THE CLASS

Seokjinnie: I DIDNT THINK HE'D ACTUALLY DO IT

JiminyCricket: I DONT FUCK ABOUT

JiminyCricket: LENNIE DESERVED BETTER

MinSuga: DID U FILM

TaeTae: NO I WOULD HAVE GOT ANOTHER DETENTION

TaeTae: I ALREADY GOT ONE DET TODAY

TaeTae: MY MUMS GOING TO BEAT MY ASS

TaeTae: I DONT NEED TWO AND DOUBLE THE BEATINGS

Seokjinnie: LMAO ME

--------
BABY BOY YOONGI
05/09/16
18:10

 

JiminyCricket: wait a min

Seokjinnie: min, as in, yoongi min 

MinSuga: die

Seokjinnie: :*

JiminyCricket: ok

JiminyCricket: back to what I was sayingg

JiminyCricket: what do yall look like???

Jeongguk: i only know what jin looks like 

MinSuga: I only know what jin and namjoon look like lmao 

HOEseok: wait what do u look like???

MinSuga: well what do U look like ?

HOEseok: lets send selfies lads 

MinSuga: fuck off

HOEseok: just do it cunt 

HOEseok: I'll go first :D

HOEseok: (A/N: ok so idk how to insert pics but if u google 'hoseok snapback' it's legit the first pic lmao)

MinSuga: ...

MinSuga: that's you?

MinSuga: fuck me daddio 

Seokjinnie: YOONgi 

HOEseok: damn son 

TaeTae: (A/N: google 'taehyung mirror selfie' im going for the one of him in that DIY cut up white jumper)

Seokjinnie: ur so cute !

JiminyCricket: 10/10 would fuck 

TaeTae: thanks b 

JiminyCricket: (A/N: lmao this is such a mess, google 'jimin squatting selfie' it's the one of him in all black w/ a white face mask bc mmm daddy)

TaeTae: ur so daddy 

JiminyCricket: i kno 

MinSuga: cute

Seokjinnie: i definitely seen u round my school

JiminyCricket: thats probs bc we go to the same school munty

Seokjinnie: ...ok

Seokjinnie: (A/N: u don't actually have to google im just showing u what they look like in my head, google 'seokjin pink hoodie' it's the one with light brown hair)

NamJoon: beuatiful 

NamJoon: art

NamJoon: a man of such grace

MinSuga: stfu 

Jeongguk: can I send one?

JiminyCricket: of course bby 

Jeongguk: (A/N: aight google 'jeongguk selfie' and he be wearing a white jumper and he's in a car it's on the first row i think lol)

TaeTae: HE'S SO CUTE

TaeTae: AND HOT 

TaeTae: wait thats wrong ur a baby

Jeongguk: I'm a year younger

JiminyCricket: u two match cute 

TaeTae: TREU 

HOEseok: yoongi ur turn

MinSuga: i don't want to

HOEseok: pls 

MinSuga: hmm

Seokjinnie: cmon yoon it's banter

MinSuga: fine

MinSuga: (A/N: legit just google 'blonde yoongi selfie' and it's the one where he's got that yellow thing hanging from his mouth its really gay)

HOEseok: omg 

HOEseok: aren't u the kid who always dyes his hair???

MinSuga: yah 

HOEseok: bro I've lowkey had a crush on u since year 9 

HOEseok: when  u were suspended for dying ur hair green i pissed myself laughing 

MinSuga: oh yeah good times 

HOEseok: highkey going to wank to that photo later 

MinSuga: and ur telling me this ?

HOEseok: r u ok with that?? my biggest kink is CONSENT

MinSuga: lmao sure wank all u like 

HOEseok: thanks babes

JiminyCricket: thats just weird 

TaeTae: hobi getting some 

Seokjinnie: oi oi 

Seokjinnie: get in there hobi 

JiminyCricket: yoongi looks like a twink

TaeTae: TRUE

HOEseok: INNIT

MinSuga: I KNOW I DO LMAO EMBRACING IT

NamJoon: (A/N: alright last one lmao so for how tragic i am, google 'namjoon beanie' and it's him in a red beanie)

TaeTae: u look like an egg

NamJoon: ??????

TaeTae: a handsome egg ;)

NamJoon: thanks ???

Seokjinnie: um 

Seokjinnie: r u really flirtinh with my man?

TaeTae: it's either ur man or ur cousin

TaeTae: choose one boo 

Seokjinnie: sigh 

Chapter Text

BABY BOY YOONGI
07/09/16
10:24

MinSuga: as if my teacher just set an essay that's due in by the end of today

Seokjinnie: lmaoooooo

JiminyCricket: peak fam

HOEseok: what subject

MinSuga: sociology

Seokjinnie: that's piss easy fam

MinSuga: not when u can't be fuckin arsed

Seokjinnie: lol

HOEseok: why did u even take sociology

HOEseok: sounds dead af

MinSuga: so I can rap about societal issues

TaeTae: woah

MinSuga: down with capitalism

JiminyCricket: calm down Karl Marx

MinSuga: how do u even know that name

JiminyCricket: I'm not just a pretty face boo

MinSuga: I just spelt "research" like "reserach"

MinSuga: how'd I make a real life typo

JiminyCricket: ur life is a typo

--------

BABY BOY YOONGI
07/09/16
13:12

 

TaeTae: what room's detention in tonight???

MinSuga: 325

TaeTae: can't believe we have to stay behind for an hour just bc of a tie

Seokjinnie: that's peak

NamJoon: why didn't u just borrow a tie from lost property?

TaeTae: oh

JiminyCricket: this is why nmajoon is a genius

TaeTae: true

MinSuga: I mean.. it doesn't take a genius to figure that out

TaeTae: stfu yoongi

-------

BABY BOY YOONGI
07/09/16
15:03

JiminyCricket: childish gambino is actually the most attractive man I've ever seen

HOEseok: I think yoongi is the most attractive man I've ever seen ;)

MinSuga: ...

MinSuga: ok

Seokjinnie: is hoseok tryna flirt??

HOEseok: highkey

NamJoon: omg yoongi and hoseok should date

MinSuga: lmao no

HOEseok: yo why

MinSuga: ????

MinSuga: why would u

HOEseok: bc ur funny, hot, nice

HOEseok: I want to get to know u lol

MinSuga: um

HOEseok: let's get coffee sometime

MinSuga: how about no

HOEseok: D:

TaeTae: WHY NOT YOONGI

MinSuga: just don't fancy getting into anything anytime soon

JiminyCricket: why???

MinSuga: just don't

TaeTae: fairs

HOEseok: oh ok lol

HOEseok: have fun in detention

--------

BABY BOY YOONGI
07/09/16
19:56

 

Seokjinnie: hello children

JiminyCricket: calm down jimmy savile

TaeTae: JIMIN

MinSuga: jfc jimin

NamJoon: lmao I laughed

JiminyCricket: at least nam appreciates my humour

Seokjinnie: how was detention?

MinSuga: boring

TaeTae: miss made me write 50 reasons why it's important to wear a tie

TaeTae: and if I didn't complete the task by the end she said I had to come back again tomorrow

NamJoon: did you complete it?

TaeTae: of course I did

TaeTae: I'm the king of bullshit

JiminyCricket: true

MinSuga: I had to make a list of what is and what isn't appropriate to wear to school

MinSuga: which was tame but boring

JiminyCricket: I had to spend the entire hour writing an essay about Lennie's death

Seokjinnie: now that's just torture

JiminyCricket: innit

JiminyCricket: if anyone was wondering, I was sitting next to emma saunders from year 13 and she was wearing a really nice bra

MinSuga: wtf

Seokjinnie: pervert

TaeTae: oi nah link me w her

JiminyCricket: will do tae ;)

JiminyCricket: how am I a pervert??

JiminyCricket: 1. It's not my fault she had a really low cut top

JiminyCricket: and 2. I'm literally gay

TaeTae: lmao tru

Seokjinnie: what colour was it?

Jeongguk: wait ur gay?

JiminyCricket: black

Seokjinnie: classy

JiminyCricket: of course I'm gay was it not obvious

Jeongguk: idk I though u were joking

JiminyCricket: lmao nope I'm as gay as the day is long

TaeTae: does it matter if he's gay or not?

Jeongguk: no!

Jeongguk: I just didn't realise

Jeongguk: is everyone here gay?

Seokjinnie: well I am lol

NamJoon: I'd say I'm pansexual or something idc about gender

JiminyCricket: 100% gay

TaeTae: I'm bi

MinSuga: gay

NamJoon: hoseok is bi I think

JiminyCricket: what about u jeongguk?

Jeongguk: I'm straight

TaeTae: sure u are lmao

Jeongguk: I am

Jeongguk: I like girls

TaeTae: as do I

NamJoon: same

Jeongguk: I ONLY like girls

TaeTae: alright calm ur hetero ass down

Seokjinnie: lmao first time that the straights are the minority

JiminyCricket: isn't it a coincidence that we're ALL homo in some way or another

TaeTae: what a coincidence

JiminyCricket: almost too unlikely to be a coincidence

TaeTae: almost like one of the those gay ass fics on ao3

JiminyCricket: tru lmao

Jeongguk: but I'm straight

TaeTae: sure you are babes

JiminyCricket: we believe u

Chapter Text

BABY BOY YOONGI
09/09/16
15:41

 

TaeTae: congrats lads we've finished the first week of school

JiminyCricket: who fancies getting a nandos to celebrate

MinSuga: I think you'll find I'm vegan

MinSuga: TRIGGERED

JiminyCricket: fuck off are you u vegan

TaeTae: boy how do u suck DICK

TaeTae: DICK wasn't meant to capitalise but I guess I'm just really enthusiastic

JiminyCricket: I saw u eating a whole bacon sandwich at lunch yesterday

JiminyCricket: don't play with me boy

MinSuga: that line did something to me

Seokjinnie: yoongi, a sub

Jeongguk: lets go to subway

JiminyCricket: fuck off it's nandos or nothing

NamJoon: I'm up for a nandos

JiminyCricket: nandos tomorrow lads?

Seokjinnie: sure I'm up for it

NamJoon: same

Jeongguk: yeah

TaeTae: cheeky nandos lads

MinSuga: die

MinSuga: but sure let's go

TaeTae: what about hoseok

JiminyCricket: yeah where is he

Seokjinnie: he hasn't been on since yoongi rejected him lmao

MinSuga: seriously ?

NamJoon: he's embarrassed lmao

NamJoon: you swerved him so hard fam

NamJoon: u were pretty blunt about it as well

MinSuga: ffs

MinSuga: someone get his ass on here

NamJoon: I'm legit walking with him now

NamJoon: hang on

HOEseok: what

HOEseok: joon u fucking snake

MinSuga: aight listen

MinSuga: I'm sorry for rudely rejecting u

MinSuga: for personal reasons I just don't want anything right now

MinSuga: come to nandos with us?

MinSuga: I'll pay for ur chicken

TaeTae: woah that's an offer I wouldn't refuse

JiminyCricket: same

HOEseok: u won me over with the talk of a free nandos

MinSuga: ;)

Seokjinnie: right so am I picking us all up or?

TaeTae: there's 7 of us?

TaeTae: how big is ur car?

Seokjinnie: it's a 5 seater

Seokjinnie: but yoongi is small he can sit on someone's lap

MinSuga: that's mildly degrading

Seokjinnie: and either jeongguk or jimin can as well

JiminyCricket: why me?

Seokjinnie: ur small

JiminyCricket: only in height

Seokjinnie: true it'll probs be jeongguk then

Jeongguk: ok

TaeTae: he can sit on my lap

Seokjinnie: nice

TaeTae: ;)

MinSuga: have we still not changed the gc name ?

Seokjinnie: u have the power to change it

Seokjinnie: but I guess u want it there baby

MinSuga: STOP

MinSuga: I am NOT a baby

JiminyCricket: boy u look like a tiny baby boy who calls older men daddy and has them buy u expensive things

MinSuga: stfu

TaeTae: it's true

HOEseok: agreed

NamJoon: u did call me daddy when u got drunk that one time

MinSuga: NAMJOON

JiminyCricket: KNEW IT

MinSuga: I don't have a daddy kink

MinSuga: probably lmao

TaeTae: that's code for 'fuck my ass daddy'

MinSuga: I would love a sugar daddy actually

Seokjinnie: hoseok's family are rich ;)

HOEseok: JIN

MinSuga: hoseok is younger than me

TaeTae: and?

MinSuga: I don't call guys younger than me daddy

MinSuga: I call them sir ;)

JiminyCricket: YOONGI

TaeTae: OM G

HOEseok: I NEED TO COOL DOWN

Seokjinnie: IM LAUGHINJ

MinSuga: lmaooooo

-----------

BABY BOY YOONGI
09/09/16
19:37

 

JiminyCricket: ok no one ask why

JiminyCricket: but can disinfectant go up ur asshole???

Seokjinnie: what

MinSuga: oh ffs

NamJoon: probably

TaeTae: have u cut ur asshole again???

MinSuga: tf does he mean again ?

HOEseok: I know u said not to ask

HOEseok: but I've just got to know

HOEseok: why?

JiminyCricket: this is not the time

TaeTae: I'm pretty curious too

MinSuga: I don't think I want to know

Jeongguk: I do

Seokjinnie: I know I do lmao

JiminyCricket: ok listen

JiminyCricket: I'm with a guy

JiminyCricket: and we both forgot lube

JiminyCricket: and the only thing he has is savlon disinfectant spray

MinSuga: what the fuck

JiminyCricket: it's pretty slippery I think it might work

TaeTae: well at least if it rips it won't get infected lmao

Jeongguk: rips?

Seokjinnie: as in rips ur asshole

Seokjinnie: that can happen with a dick up it

Jeongguk: oh

MinSuga: been there

TaeTae: WHAT

JiminyCricket: yoongi is fuckkn wild

NamJoon: ur a child why are u having sex

JiminyCricket: I'm 16 it's legal u twat

MinSuga: lmao this is england babes

MinSuga: there's people pregnant at 14 looool

Seokjinnie: true

TaeTae: we're goinf to see jimin on the next episode of jeremy kyle

TaeTae: "my boyfriend fucked my arse with disinfectant and now I'm pregnant"

Seokjinnie: TRUE

JiminyCricket: HONESTLY SAME

HOEseok: ur ass is going to hurt tomorrow

JiminyCricket: ummmm

JiminyCricket: what makes u think I'm bottoming?

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: ur not a bottom?

JiminyCricket: not really

JiminyCricket: I can bottom if it's necessary but I prefer topping

NamJoon: wait really

HOEseok: but boy u've got that bat bat ting

MinSuga: what ?

JiminyCricket: just bc my batty is bigger than namjoon's IQ doesn't mean I open it up for every tom dick and harry I see fam

Seokjinnie: an iconic quote

TaeTae: my new twitter bio

JiminyCricket: I know I'm small but I'm not a bottom

TaeTae: ok what's everyone's preference then lads???

TaeTae: im a switch

HOEseok: I'm a top lmao

Seokjinnie: I'm a switch but with a preference for topping tbh

NamJoon: switch

MinSuga: bottom holaaaaa

JiminyCricket: top

JiminyCricket: I'll bottom on the rare occasion

Jeongguk: I've never done anything

MinSuga: good ur 15

Seokjinnie: u keep it that way till ur 16 aight?

Jeongguk: ok jin

JiminyCricket: well time for me to go lads

TaeTae: let us know how it goes

JiminyCricket: will do

MinSuga: they're going to end up at A&E

HOEseok: that'll be banter

---------

BABY BOY YOONGI
09/09/16
22:41

 

JiminyCricket: ok so

JiminyCricket: the results are in

JiminyCricket: and it turns out

JiminyCricket: disinfectant is a satisfactory lube

MinSuga: no fuckin way

Seokjinnie: I don't know what to think anymore

TaeTae: we should go into business

TaeTae: making disinfectant lube

TaeTae: for the clean gays

JiminyCricket: key tip

JiminyCricket: don't go too fast bc this is unknown territory

JiminyCricket: don't try to eat his ass either

JiminyCricket: disinfectant doesn't taste great

NamJoon: jfc

MinSuga: I actually hate u

TaeTae: jimin is an innovator

MinSuga: he's a fuckin idiot

JiminyCricket: I'm a GENIUS

JiminyCricket: oh shit wait

JiminyCricket: I'm looking at the disinfectant bottle

JiminyCricket: and there's a caution

MinSuga: is there anything saying 'do not spray up asshole'

JiminyCricket: "if accidentally swallowed seek medical help"

JiminyCricket: um

JiminyCricket: who's going to drive me to hospital then???

TaeTae: BOY HOW DID U SWALLOW IT???

JiminyCricket: DID U NOT HERE ME SAY I ATE OUT HIS ASS????

MinSuga: HOW ARE U GOING TO EXPLAIN THAT ONE TO THE DOCTOR LMAO

Seokjinnie: JIMIN UR A FUCKING MESS

JiminyCricket: I KNOW I AM THATS NOT NEWS TO ME

NamJoon: JUST DRINK A LOT OF WATER

NamJoon: DID U INGEST MUCH?

JiminyCricket: IDK I DIDNT FUCKING TAKE A MEASUREMENT

JiminyCricket: LIKE OK JOHN IM GOING TO USE 350ML OF DISINFECTANT AS LUBE DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A SATISFACTORY AMOUNT

Seokjinnie: WAS HIS NAME JOHN?

JiminyCricket: NO U PLONKER

JiminyCricket: BUT IM NOT A SNAKE IM NOT REVEALING WHO I FUCKED WITH SAVLON

MinSuga: THIS IS A FUCKING MESS

HOEseok: I HATE THIS GC SO MUCH OMG

JiminyCricket: so we still going to nandos tomorrow lads?

Chapter Text

BABY BOY YOONGI
15/09/16
10:58

 

JiminyCricket: wait

JiminyCricket: I was just listening to wale

JiminyCricket: and apparently

JiminyCricket: his name isn't pronounced like 'whale'

NamJoon: did..

NamJoon: did u not know?

TaeTae: HAVE U BEEN PRONOUNCING IT WHALE?

MinSuga: WHALE

JiminyCricket: HOW WAS I MEANT TO KNOW????

JiminyCricket: I THOUGHT IT RHYMED WITH SALE

 

TaeTae changed chat name to 'WHALE THE RAPPER'

 

MinSuga: OH MY GOD I HATE U

JiminyCricket: I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE HIS NAME

TaeTae: IS THIS HOW WHITES FEEL WHEN THEY MEET JEONGGUK????

Jeongguk: MY NAME ISNT THAT HARD TO PRONOUNCE

HOEseok: BOY I GET CALLED "HOESOCK" ALL THE TIME LMAO

Seokjinnie: I ONCE GOT CALLED SOCK-A-JIN ???????

Jeongguk: I GET CALL GEEE-ON-GOOK ALL THE TIME

TaeTae: LMAOOOOO

MinSuga: people don't even think my name's real

MinSuga: apparently it's too cute

NamJoon: tbh it's really cute

HOEseok: matches ur face

JiminyCricket: can't relate

JiminyCricket: my name is easy to pronounce

----------

WHALE THE RAPPER
15/09/16
16:07

 

MinSuga: oi

MinSuga: jeongguk

MinSuga: who were ur friends today ?

Seokjinnie: MY BOY HAS FRIENDS ???????

JiminyCricket: pics or it didn't happen

Jeongguk: what ??

MinSuga: one was tall, blonde, pretty built considering he had a baby face lmao

MinSuga: other was tall as well but shorter than blondie

MinSuga: tan, black hair, A LOT of ear piercings

MinSuga: like how does he get away with that many miss saxon would never let me

TaeTae: innit I legit wore one pair of piercings and she threatened to rip them out of my ears if she ever saw them again

NamJoon: what a bitch

JiminyCricket: innit

MinSuga: ok back to what I was saying

MinSuga: jeongguk?

Jeongguk: oh

Jeongguk: that was just David and Lucas

Seokjinnie: boy u got friends I don't know about ?

Seokjinnie: cute

HOEseok: can't relate lmaoo

Jeongguk: lol yeah

MinSuga: nah

MinSuga: the thing is

MinSuga: most friends don't have u pinned to a fucking wall while rummaging through ur bag

JiminyCricket: lol rummaging

JiminyCricket: that's a good word

Seokjinnie: wait,,,

Seokjinnie: they were doing what??

MinSuga: care to explain jeongguk

Jeongguk: it was just a joke

MinSuga: boy u looked like u were on the verge of tears

MinSuga: don't treat me like an idiot

JiminyCricket: wait u being serious??

JiminyCricket: who tf are they

Seokjinnie: wait jeongguk are u getting bullied?

Jeongguk: sigh

Jeongguk: it doesn't happen often

Jeongguk: they were just messing about

MinSuga: bullshit

Seokjinnie: wait yoongi why didn't u help him?

MinSuga: they were legit double my size I couldn't take them alone

MinSuga: so I thought let's fuck them up together

TaeTae: ARE WE TALKING ABOUT DAVID JONES AND LUCAS HUSSEIN ???,,

Jeongguk: yeah

TaeTae: THEYRE IN MY YEAR THEYRE FUCKIN HUGE MATE

Seokjinnie: I don't give a shit I'm fucking fight them

Seokjinnie: jimin u and me we're the strongest

MinSuga: as if I'm sitting out on this fight lmaooo

MinSuga: don't make me giggle

MinSuga: I'm ready to beat ass

Jeongguk: pls don't

MinSuga: nah we fucking them up they don't touch our jeongguk

HOEseok: count me in as well

HOEseok: I'm ready to beat a kid

MinSuga: tomorrow at break then lads?

TaeTae: why wait? ;)

TaeTae: I know where they hang out after school

TaeTae: they're always down the rec

MinSuga: lads

MinSuga: let's go

Seokjinnie: I'm fucking there

HOEseok: who's coming

JiminyCricket: me

TaeTae: me, although I probs won't fight lmao

TaeTae: I'd get my arse handed to me

Seokjinnie: I'm on my way

MinSuga: same everyone meet by the oak tree

TaeTae: they're normally in the woods

TaeTae: probs smoking weed

HOEseok: HERE WE

HOEseok: HERE WE

HOEseok: HERE WE FUCKIN GO

Jeongguk: you don't have to do this lads

MinSuga: too late I'm almost at the tree

MinSuga: I see jimin

Seokjinnie: let's get ready to rumble

JiminyCricket: u sound like ant and dec

HOEseok: am almost at the rec

TaeTae: wagwan lads

TaeTae: I see u

Seokjinnie: I'll be like 5 mins lmao

NamJoon: don't get too hurt babes

HOEseok: nam why aren't u coming???

NamJoon: my two hours of extra maths classes laughed at u

TaeTae: fairs

Jeongguk: pls don't get hurt

Seokjinnie: idc if I lose a limb

Seokjinnie: no one touches my cousin

JiminyCricket: hurry up jin

JiminyCricket: I'm ready to FIGHT

Seokjinnie: ok ok calm down

Seokjinnie: I'm basically here

Seokjinnie: I see the tree

MinSuga: here we go lads

Jeongguk: be careful

TaeTae: I'll film it bro

NamJoon: good luck

---------

WHALE THE RAPPER
15/09/16
17:43

 

NamJoon: u guys ok?

NamJoon: u haven't said anything yet

Jeongguk: I haven't heard anything either

NamJoon: well

NamJoon: they're dead

NamJoon: looks like it's just u and me guk

Jeongguk: why aren't they answering

NamJoon: idk

NamJoon: have u tried calling them?

Jeongguk: I've tried calling jin about 5 times now

NamJoon: hmmmm

Jeongguk: I hope they're ok

Jeongguk: I didn't want anything to happen

Jeongguk: I could have dealt with it

NamJoon: listen guk it'll be fine

NamJoon: u shouldn't have to deal with it

NamJoon: believe me if yoongi was there then ur bullies didn't get out unscathed

NamJoon: he may be small and skinny

NamJoon: but boy can he pack a punch when he needs to

Jeongguk: how do you know lol

NamJoon: one time when he, Jin and I were out some guy called me and Jin faggots bc we were holding hands

NamJoon: and yoongi went straight up to this guy, really fucking calmly, and walloped him right in the face

Jeongguk: omg lol

NamJoon: it was amazing

TaeTae: GUYS

TaeTae: I JUST GOT HOME

TaeTae: ALL OUR PHONES RAN OUT OF CHARGE

NamJoon: WHAT HAPPENED???

TaeTae: IT HAS BEEN AN EVENTFUL FEW HOURS LMAOO

NamJoon: TELL US WHAT HAPPENED CUNTY

TaeTae: OK BUCKLE URSELVES IN BC THIS IS GOING TO BE A WILD RIDE

TaeTae: SO

TaeTae: WE WALKED OVER TO THEM AND YOONGI WAS LIKE

TaeTae: OI FUCKERS WHAT HAVE U BEEN DOING TO OUR JEONGGUK

TaeTae: AND THEY WERE LIKE WHATS IT TO U CUNT

TaeTae: AND BASICALLY THEY WERE SHOUTING SHIT FOR ABOUT 10 MINS

TaeTae: AND THEN LUCAS WENT AND SAID "CAN U BELIEVE JEONGGUK IS SUCH A PUSSY BITCH THAT HE NEEDED THE FAG PATROL TO HELP HIM"

TaeTae: AND YOONGI FUCKING LUNGED AT HIM

TaeTae: SO YOONGIS ON TOP OF LUCAS

TaeTae: AND DAVID GRABS YOONGI

TaeTae: SO JIMIN GOES FOR DAVID WHILE SEOKJIN GOES FOR LUCAS

TaeTae: HOSEOK GETS YOONGI OUT OF THE FUCKING HEADLOCK DAVID HAD HIM IN

TaeTae: BUT YOONGIS STRAIGHT BACK INTO THE FIGHT HES TURNED BACK ROUND AND PUNCHED DAVID IN THE FACE

TaeTae: BUT WHAT WE DIDNT REALISE

TaeTae: IS THAT WHILE WE HAD BEEN YELLING THEY TEXTED THEIR FRIENDS

TaeTae: SO OUT OF NO WHERE 4 MORE GUYS TURN UP

TaeTae: AND WE'RE LIKE WELL FUCK ME

TaeTae: BUT LUCKILY TWO OF THEM RECOGNISED ME AND JIMIN AND THEY LIKE US

TaeTae: SO THEY WERE LIKE OI NAH TAE AND JIMIN ARE BANTS

TaeTae: BUT THE OTHER TWO WENT FOR YOONGI AND SEOKJIN

TaeTae: AND HOSEOK TRIED TO HELP YOONGI

TaeTae: AND JIMIN IS STILL FIGHTING LUCAS

TaeTae: AND THERES A WHOLE COMMOTION

TaeTae: AND BC OF ALL THE NOISE PPL CAME OVER TO WATCH

TaeTae: MOST WERE PPL FROM SCHOOL

TaeTae: AND EVERYONE WAS CHANTING FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

TaeTae: AND YOONGI HAD MANAGED TO PIN DAVID DOWN AND WAS PUNCHING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM BOY MADE HIM BLEED

TaeTae: AND AFTER LIKE 5 MORE MINUTES OF FIGHTING WE HEARD POLICE SIRENS

TaeTae: AND SOMEONE SHOUTED "ITS THE FUCKING BILL EVERYONE SCATTER"

TaeTae: BOY I TOOK OFF RUNNING

TaeTae: I COULDNT RISK BEING ARRESTED

TaeTae: JIMIN HOSEOK AND I ARE RUNNJNG AND THE POLICE ARE ON OUR ARSES

TaeTae: SO JIMIN SPLITS TO SPLIT THE POLICE UP

TaeTae: AND WE'RE STILL RUNNJBG AND EVENTUALLY WE HAD TO FUCKING JUMP OVER A PERSON'S FENCE TO HIDE

TaeTae: LIKE WE LITERALLY HID IN THE SHRUBS OF SOME RANDOM PERSONS GARDEN

TaeTae: WE WERE THERE FOR A GOOD 15 MINS

TaeTae: AFTER WE KNEW EVERYTHIBG WAS CLEAR WE WERE CALLING JIMIN YOONGI AND JIN

TaeTae: NO ONE WAS ANSWERING

TaeTae: HOSEOKS PHONE WAS DEAD AND WE WERE LIKE SHIT

TaeTae: EVENTUALLY JIMIN PICKED UP AND WAS LIKE "OI WHERE ARE U I WAS HIDING OUT IN THE BOAT SHED BY THE CANAL"

TaeTae: THEN JIN TEXTED ME LIKE IM AT THE CHURCHYARD HAVE THE POLICE LEFT

TaeTae: SO WE WENT TO MEET UP WITH EVERYONE

TaeTae: AND BOY THEY LOOKED LIKE SHIT

TaeTae: WE WENT BACK TO THE REC TO SEE IF WE COULD FIND YOONGI

TaeTae: WE DIDNT

TaeTae: BUT THERE WERE STILL SOME OF THE PEOPLE WHO HAD BEEN WATCHIBG THE FIGHT THERE

TaeTae: SO I WENT UP TO THEM LIKE YO DID U SEE WHERE THE BLONDE ASIAN BOY WENT

TaeTae: AND APPARENTLY THE POLICE GOT HIM, DAVID AND ONE OF THE OTHER GUYS

TaeTae: WE WERE LIKE SHIT

TaeTae: THEN MY PHONE DIED AND I WAS LIKE WELL WE MIGHT AS WELL GO HOME

TaeTae: AND NOW WE'RE ALL BACK AT MINE

TaeTae: HOBI IS PATCHING UP THEIR WOUNDS

TaeTae: END OF STORY

NamJoon: SO YOONGI IS IN PRISON????

TaeTae: I DONT FUCKING KNKW

NamJoon: OH MY GOD

Jeongguk: I never wanted this to happen im so sorry

TaeTae: WHY ARE U SORRY

TaeTae: THIS WAS SO BANTER

TaeTae: MOST EVENTFUL AFTERNOON OF MY LIFE

Jeongguk: but people got hurt?

TaeTae: PEOPLE GET HURT ALL THE TIME

TaeTae: BUT TODAY PEOPLE GOT HURT FOR A GOOD REASON

Jeongguk: a good reason?

TaeTae: YEAH

TaeTae: YOU U DUMBASS

Jeongguk: but yoongi was arrested

NamJoon: lmao kid it's not the first time

Jeongguk: what????

TaeTae: LMAO WHAT

NamJoon: they'll just let him off with a warning they always do

TaeTae: TODAY WAS SO FUNNY

Jeongguk: will yoongi be ok?

NamJoon: yeah he always is lol

----------

WHALE THE RAPPER
15/09/16
21:34

 

Seokjinnie: they shouldn't be bothering u again jeongguk lmao

Jeongguk: thanks jin

HOEseok: has anyone heard from yoongi yet?

TaeTae: nope

NamJoon: nada

JiminyCricket: no

Seokjinnie: boy seriously got arrested again loooool

TaeTae: what did he get arrested for last time?

Seokjinnie: once for shoplifting and once for vandalism lmao

JiminyCricket: he doesn't seem like the kind of person to do that shit lol

Seokjinnie: he went through a rough patch

Seokjinnie: he'll tell u one day

Seokjinnie: I might go round his to see if he's there

NamJoon: do it

---------

WHALE THE RAPPER
15/09/16
23:08

 

MinSuga: aight lads

MinSuga: I just got home

TaeTae: YOONGI

Jeongguk: I'm so sorry yoongi

Seokjinnie: boy what happened????

JiminyCricket: how was it inside?

MinSuga: first of all, Jeongguk don't apologise i don't regret a thing

MinSuga: ok so after whoever yelled scatter

MinSuga: I was like oh fuck

MinSuga: so I got off the blonde cunt and ran

MinSuga: but I wasn't fast enough apparently bc someone grabbed my arm and I was pinned to the floor

MinSuga: and of course, as luck would have it, it was an officer who's arrested me before

MinSuga: and he was like "well yoongi haven't seen u in a while"

MinSuga: and I was like "sup phil how's the wife"

MinSuga: so I was shoved in the back of a police car with the blonde one and some other guy and we were taken to the station

MinSuga: we were thrown in a waiting cell each and all I could hear was blondie shouting

MinSuga: "fuck u fag now I'm in prison bc of u"

MinSuga: and I was like "settle down ur in a waiting cell not Guantanamo bay"

MinSuga: then after a while they came to question us about why we were fighting

MinSuga: so I said, boy was bullying my younger friend and I wasn't having it

MinSuga: simple as that

MinSuga: then they searched us

MinSuga: and the gods were looking down on me today

MinSuga: bc after they searched me, they searched blondie and he had weed on him

MinSuga: BOY HAD DRUGS

MinSuga: so they took him off for something hopefully to put his ass in prison

MinSuga: I was led back to the waiting cell until they said someone was here to collect me

MinSuga: and in the waiting room was il mio padre

MinSuga: I was like hmmm I think I'd rather stay in prison lmao

MinSuga: but I went home and the car ride was dead silent it was so awkward

MinSuga: I could legit feel my dad's anger

MinSuga: and then we got home and he went off on one about how I said I wouldn't get arrested after the last time

MinSuga: and my mum was pissed as well

MinSuga: then I got my ass beat but are we really surprised about that looool

MinSuga: tbh I'm surprised my dad wasn't waiting for me at the police station belt in hand loool

MinSuga: but it was all worth it lmao

Jeongguk: I'm really sorry

MinSuga: kid I stg

MinSuga: I chose to do this it wasn't ur fault lmao

Seokjinnie: that's so fucking funny

NamJoon: another arrest added to ur record

NamJoon: ur a real case yoongi

MinSuga: I'm great what u saying

JiminyCricket: I aspire to be yoongi

TaeTae: me too tbh

MinSuga: ;)

MinSuga: alright I'm going to bed I'm tired lmao

MinSuga: today was bare hectic

Seokjinnie: innit

Seokjinnie: remember to put disinfectant on ur wounds

Seokjinnie: I'm sure jimin has some

JiminyCricket: kys jin

Chapter Text

WHALE THE RAPPER
22/09/16
12:31

 

JiminyCricket: I just made a new snapchat lads who wants to add me

NamJoon: don't we see enough of ur face round school?

JiminyCricket: woah joon

TaeTae: don't start beef fam

Seokjinnie: what's ur snap?

JiminyCricket: jiminiepark

TaeTae: mine's taestea

NamJoon: kimnamjoon

TaeTae: wow how creative

Seokjinnie: jinminjin is mine

Jeongguk: jeongook

TaeTae: hobi?

TaeTae: yoongi?

HOEseok: hobisock

MinSuga: tf makes u think I'm giving u my sc

TaeTae: gotta get those streaks fam

JiminyCricket: true bruh

MinSuga: fine

MinSuga: agustdxx

TaeTae: why does it sound like an emo tumblr user

MinSuga: die

TaeTae: I've added everyone lads

TaeTae: don't lose our streaks or I'll hang myself:)

NamJoon: wow streaks are important

JiminyCricket: more important than life

TaeTae: legit

TaeTae: idc if I fail my GCSEs but if I lose my streaks I'll kms

Seokjinnie: me tbh

---------

WHALE THE RAPPER
22/09/16
19:13

 

Seokjinnie: this poem is so dead

TaeTae: why are you reading poetry

Seokjinnie: English homework

JiminyCricket: I thought it was bc u were GAY

Seokjinnie: that as well

Seokjinnie: lmao I'm readinf sparksnotes for the poem

Seokjinnie: "it's an extremely religious poem"

Seokjinnie: and then there's me thinking it's about sexual deviance lmaoooo

MinSuga: how do u even confuse the two ?

Seokjinnie: I read the words 'overthrow me and bend' and 'break, blow, burn' and my mind was like oi oi sounds like a good night

HOEseok: that really says something about ur sex life

NamJoon: ;)

MinSuga: that's disgusting

Seokjinnie: lmao stfu yoongi I know what ur into

MinSuga: let's not open that can of worms looool

JiminyCricket: ok let's be honest lads

JiminyCricket: who here would fuck a priest????

HOEseok: all priests I've ever known are old wtf no

Seokjinnie: how much
am I getting paid?

MinSuga: fuck yeah

NamJoon: three types of people

TaeTae: I'm a young boy so I think I fit a catholic priest's ideal type

NamJoon: oh ffs tae

HOEseok: so yoongi

HOEseok: you're into priests huh?

MinSuga: mmmmm daddy

MinSuga: I used to be religious

MinSuga: so now that I'm not the idea of sinning that much is such a turn on

JiminyCricket: fucking hell

TaeTae: yoongi is wild

HOEseok: why does yoongi do this to me

Seokjinnie: Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

Seokjinnie: that's the last line of the poem

Seokjinnie: it sounds so sexual in my head

JiminyCricket: I see where ur coming from

MinSuga: mmm ravish me daddy

JiminyCricket: I always get confused between ravish and radish

JiminyCricket: which one's a vegetable?

NamJoon: fuck sake jimin

Seokjinnie: I just sighed so loudly

TaeTae: LMAO I LAUGHED

Seokjinnie: fun fact

Seokjinnie: ravish used to mean rape back in the day

MinSuga: oh

MinSuga: don't ravish me daddy

MinSuga: consensual ravishing is appreciated

TaeTae: consensual rape?

TaeTae: little bit contradictory

NamJoon: that's an actual kink

JiminyCricket: wait wtf really??

MinSuga: don't kinkshame me lads :(((

Seokjinnie: yoongi ffs

MinSuga: ;)

----------

WHALE THE RAPPER
22/09/16
20:45

 

JiminyCricket: oi lads

JiminyCricket: my parents are going away next weekend

JiminyCricket: so I was going to have a small get together

JiminyCricket: with alcohol

JiminyCricket: yall in?

HOEseok: fuck yeah

Seokjinnie: of course

NamJoon: where are u getting alcohol from?

NamJoon: ur too young to buy it

JiminyCricket: I know people

NamJoon: fair enough

NamJoon: I'm in

TaeTae: fuck yeah let's get smashed fam

Jeongguk: I'm in

Seokjinnie: u ain't touching alcohol

Jeongguk: what

Jeongguk: that's not fair

Seokjinnie: ur too young

TaeTae: cmon jin I smoked my first zoot at 15

Seokjinnie: yeah and look how fucked up u are

TaeTae: that's besides the point

TaeTae: can he have like one beer?

Seokjinnie: fine

Seokjinnie: one only

Jeongguk: yay thank you

MinSuga: yeah I'm fuckin in bruv

Seokjinnie: u sure yoongi?

MinSuga: yeah I'm sure

Seokjinnie: don't overdo it pls

MinSuga: ffs jin I won't

TaeTae: I'm going to need my stomach PUMPED by the end of the night lmaoooo

JiminyCricket: bitch me too

Chapter Text

WHALE THE RAPPER
29/09/16
16:34

 

JiminyCricket: lads

JiminyCricket: can I eat tuna that's been sitting out for five hours?

NamJoon: I wouldn't advise it

MinSuga: why'd u leave it out ?

JiminyCricket: I wanted a nap

Seokjinnie: so u just left ur tuna sitting there????

JiminyCricket: yeah

MinSuga: well

MinSuga: Idek what to say

Seokjinnie: if u throw up I'm not cleaning it up

JiminyCricket: imma make sure I throw up on u

Seokjinnie: u fucking dare

Seokjinnie: I'll cut u bitch

TaeTae: I'm so gassed for tonight

HOEseok: innit lads

NamJoon: how many ppl are actually coming tonight?

JiminyCricket: idk

JiminyCricket: a few

HOEseok: that's code for the entire for school

JiminyCricket: nah

JiminyCricket: ain't no year 7s coming near my house

MinSuga: someone invite all the year 7s

JiminyCricket: fucking try it bitchboy

Seokjinnie: what time should we be there??

JiminyCricket: 7 ish???

HOEseok: who's doing lifts?

MinSuga: jin is literally the only person who can drive

Seokjinnie: I'll do lifts there

Seokjinnie: but fuck off am I doing lifts back

Seokjinnie: I want to get fucked up

HOEseok: well how tf are we getting home then?

JiminyCricket: just stay at mine fam

TaeTae: his house is massive bruv we'll all fit

MinSuga: aight I'm up for that

Jeongguk: lucas and david aren't coming are they?

JiminyCricket: as if they would

JiminyCricket: we'll fight them again if they turn up

Seokjinnie: who's bringing the drink?

JiminyCricket: my friend

JiminyCricket: that's all u need to know

MinSuga: seems pretty dodgy

Seokjinnie: innit

TaeTae: I don't give a fuck if it's being illegally imported from mexico

TaeTae: as long as it can get me fucking HAMMERED

HOEseok: I'm slightly worried by the fact that ur 16 lmaooo

TaeTae: underage drinking ftw

---------

WHALE THE RAPPER
29/09/16
18:48

 

MinSuga: jin

MinSuga: where tf are u ?

MinSuga: I've been standing outside for a good 5 mins

TaeTae: why would u stand outside

MinSuga: bc I went for a fag fuck u

TaeTae: fairs

TaeTae: I'm already at jimins lads

TaeTae: who's had their pre drinks

Jeongguk: jin said he'll be like two minutes

Jeongguk: what's pre drinks?

TaeTae: where u drink a bit before the actual drinking starts

TaeTae: it's like stretching before exercise

TaeTae: gotta prepare ur liver

Jeongguk: ohh

Jeongguk: was I meant to have pre drinks?

HOEseok: u had ur apple juice that's all the pre drinks u need

TaeTae: shit I want some apple juice

MinSuga: jin my arse is freezing

HOEseok: I can warm it for u ;)

JiminyCricket: ppl are already here hurry tf up

MinSuga: jin finally pulled up

MinSuga: why does jeongguk get the front seat

Jeongguk: bc I'm his cousin bitchboy

HOEseok: yoongi can u stop trying to fight guk while jin is driving pls

---------

WHALE THE RAPPER
29/09/16
19:08

 

NamJoon: damn jimin there's a lot more ppl here than 'a few'

JiminyCricket: lmaooo innit

TaeTae: someone invited people from st.mary's down the road

MinSuga: we have rival schools on our territory

HOEseok: lmao at least six fights are going to break out

JiminyCricket: better not wreck my gaff

MinSuga: ok so where's the alcohol

---------

WHALE THE RAPPER
29/09/16
21:32

 

Jeongguk: jin?

Jeongguk: where are u?

TaeTae: guyuk what r u diing

Jeongguk: why is jimin on a table?

Jeongguk: people are throwing money at him

Jeongguk: is he pretending to be a stripper?

Seokjinnie: jeonfuuk

Jeongguk: some guy is pinning tae to a wall

Jeongguk: I think he's hurting him

Jeongguk: wait

Jeongguk: they're kissing

JiminyCricket: boy joun me

NamJoon: u ok guk?

Jeongguk: yeah I'm just confused

Jeongguk: wtf is jimin doing

NamJoon: hold on let me see

NamJoon: that's called a slut drop guk

Jeongguk: oh

HOEseok: BREAK IT DOWN BITCH LET ME SEE U BACK IT UP

NamJoon: hoseok's seen jimin then

HOEseok: I heard he was slut dropping and I had to see that arse in action

Jeongguk: where's jin?

NamJoon: in the garden

NamJoon: he's trying to down enough alcohol to kill himself

HOEseok: WEEEEE

HOEseok: LIKE TO DRINK WITH JINNIE BC JINNIE IS OUR MATE

HOEseok: WHEN WE DRINK WITH JINNIE HE GETS IT DOWN IN 8

HOEseok: 7

HOEseok: 6

HOEseok: 5

JiminyCricket: 4

NamJoon: ur not even with jin

JiminyCricket: duck u

JiminyCricket: jeon u want ankther bear

JiminyCricket: bear?

JiminyCricket: beer?

JiminyCricket: how donu spell tht

NamJoon: beer

JiminyCricket: das is the oke

JiminyCricket: jeon??????

Jeongguk: yes please

NamJoon: guk is that really a good idea

JiminyCricket: stfu egg man

NamJoon: ffs jin will kill u

NamJoon: when he's sober

------------

WHALE THE RAPPER
29/09/16
22:56

 

Seokjinnie: JUMIN U GVE GUK MKEE DRUNK

Seokjinnie: NAM TULD ME

Seokjinnie: WHEEE R U

Seokjinnie: WHERE OS GUK

JiminyCricket: dinf me

HOEseok: whwee is everyonr

NamJoon: am I the only one who's not completely fucked?

TaeTae: bicyah biy

NamJoon: you guys need to learn ur limits

TaeTae: i gpt a man betewn ny thigh

TaeTae: oh shyt

TaeTae: itd jimin

TaeTae: whst up

TaeTae: what u diing dpwn thrre

NamJoon: oh ffs

NamJoon: jimin stop sucking tae's dick

JiminyCricket: am nit evwn

HOEseok: I foynd yopngi

---------

WHALE THE RAPPER
29/09/16
23:51

 

NamJoon: hoseok where are u

NamJoon: are you with yoongi

NamJoon: has anyone seen guk?

NamJoon: guys where are you

JiminyCricket: taes fkon sleep

NamJoon: jimin where are u

JiminyCricket: upsrairs I tgink

NamJoon: are u with tAe?

JiminyCricket: yah

NamJoon: ok good

NamJoon: I'm with jin

NamJoon: he's passed tf out

JiminyCricket: same

NamJoon: where's guk, yoongi and hoseok?

JiminyCricket: tf wood I knoe?

NamJoon: it's ur house

JiminyCricket: av not got cctv

NamJoon: ffs

Chapter Text

WHALE THE RAPPER
30/09/16
01:34

 

MinSuga: hesok hassa nice divk

HOEseok: thNx

MinSuga: whyt r u doinh

MinSuga: get bsck imside me

HOEseok: oh yehh

HOEseok: I fprgot what wsa happebing lol

---------

WHALE THE RAPPER
30/09/16
05:52

 

Jeongguk: jin

Jeongguk: help me

Jeongguk: idk where I am

Jeongguk: my head hurts

Jeongguk: everything hurts

Jeongguk: my leg really hurts

Jeongguk: I dont think I can move it

Jeongguk: please wake up

Jeongguk: my phone is about to die

Jeongguk: I don't remember what happened

----------

WHALE THE RAPPER
30/09/16
11:23

 

NamJoon: guys wtf

NamJoon: guk are you there?

TaeTae: stop fucking texting my head is pounding

NamJoon: where's guk?

TaeTae: idk

NamJoon: ffs have u seen his messages?

TaeTae: what messages

TaeTae: OMG WHERES JEON

TaeTae: IS HE OK

NamJoon: well idk do I

TaeTae: I'LL WAKE UP JIMIN

NamJoon: I'm waking jin up but he's not cooperating

NamJoon: where tf are yoongi and hoseok?

TaeTae: I don't remember I was completely bladdered

JiminyCricket: I'm awake

JiminyCricket: I've thrown up at least twice

JiminyCricket: u were right about that tuna

NamJoon: I don't think it's the tuna that did it mate

JiminyCricket: my head is killing

JiminyCricket: I need some paracetamol

NamJoon: you get that

NamJoon: I'll put the kettle on

Seokjinnie: JEONGGUK WHERE ARE YOU

TaeTae: well jin's awake

Seokjinnie: WE WERE MEANT TO LOOK AFTER HIM

Seokjinnie: WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON TO SEE HIM

NamJoon: probably jimin

JiminyCricket: fucking snake me why don't you

Seokjinnie: JIMIN WHERE DID U SEE HIM

JiminyCricket: ok listen

JiminyCricket: it's a bit of a blur

JiminyCricket: I remember giving him another beer

JiminyCricket: and then someone started playing we no speak americano and i was like LETS GET LIT

JiminyCricket: then I remember Jeongguk saying something like "u don't speak Italian jimin"

JiminyCricket: and I was like "buongiorno BITCH"

Seokjinnie: TELL ME SOMETHING RELEVANT JIMIN

JiminyCricket: aight calm down I'm thinking

TaeTae: I remember seeing him while I was making out with some girl from st marys

TaeTae: he was heading for the garden

JiminyCricket: last time I remember seeing him I had given him at least six shots lmao

Seokjinnie: YOU DID WHAT?

HOEseok: IS GUK OK????

Seokjinnie: I DONT KNOW

Seokjinnie: HAVE U SEEN HIM?

HOEseok: NO

HOEseok: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM

HOEseok: HANG ON LET ME OPEN A CURTAIN

HOEseok: WHY AM I NAKED???

JiminyCricket: WHAT??????

TaeTae: LMAO MIGHT WANT TO CHECK UR TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

HOEseok: WAIT WTF

HOEseok: DID YOONGI AND I FUCK????

HOEseok: WHERES YOONGI?

Seokjinnie: FFS NO OFFENCE WE CAN ADDRESS THAT AFTER WE'VE FOUND GUK

HOEseok: HAVE U TRIED CALLING HIM????

Seokjinnie: OF COURSE BUT NOTHINGS GOING THROUGH

NamJoon: well he did say his phone was dying

Seokjinnie: OH MY GOD WHATS IF HES DEAD

NamJoon: alright listen

NamJoon: calm down

NamJoon: first of all we need to check the house, that'll be easiet

NamJoon: jimin and tae search upstairs

NamJoon: Jin and I will search down here

NamJoon: hoseok put some clothes on

NamJoon: then search wherever you are

NamJoon: ok?

TaeTae: what a plan

JiminyCricket: this is why we need joon

----------

WHALE THE RAPPER
30/09/16
12:03

 

MinSuga: can anybody tell me why I just found jeongguk in an alley with his foot facing the wrong way?

Seokjinnie: WHAT

Seokjinnie: WHICH ALLEY

MinSuga: the one off Oakley lane

Seokjinnie: HOW DID HE END UP THERE

MinSuga: idk

MinSuga: I've called an ambulance btw

HOEseok: what happened to his ankle?

NamJoon: is he conscious?

MinSuga: yeah fam

MinSuga: he's whining about his ankle lmao

HOEseok: is it broken?

TaeTae: tell him to stop being a pussy looool

MinSuga: I did

MinSuga: he said fuck u

NamJoon: jin's on his way

TaeTae: lmao wtf happened last night

MinSuga: I don't remember

NamJoon: u should probs check ur messages from last night then

MinSuga: hmm it seems as tho I've forgotten how to read

HOEseok: yoongi did we fuck

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: no

HOEseok: well according to the messages I was inside u

MinSuga: that could mean anything

TaeTae: u also mentioned his dick

MinSuga: u got me there

MinSuga: well my arse isn't loose so?

JiminyCricket: ur mouth?

MinSuga: shit maybe

MinSuga: oh well

MinSuga: jin's here

NamJoon: how's guk?

MinSuga: still being a lil bitch

TaeTae: what's new

MinSuga: ambulance is here

JiminyCricket: who tf pissed in the sink?

NamJoon: can't say that was me

TaeTae: probably someone from last night

JiminyCricket: ffs I'm going to have to clean this up before my parents get home

NamJoon: what time do they get back?

JiminyCricket: like 9 tonight???

HOEseok: at least u have time

TaeTae: wait where did yoongi go after he didn't fuck hoseok????

HOEseok: idk fam I don't even remember fucking him

HOEseok: I was so far gone

MinSuga: idek tbh

MinSuga: I woke up next to a naked hoseok and I was like oops gotta blast

HOEseok: that's rude

MinSuga: soz boo

MinSuga: I went to the little cafe to sober up

MinSuga: oh yeah the ambulance left btw

NamJoon: how's guk?

MinSuga: looked in pain tbh

MinSuga: he and jin have gone to the hospital

HOEseok: Jin will probs tell us what happened later lol

----------

WHALE THE RAPPER
30/09/16
16:11

 

Seokjinnie: yo

Seokjinnie: so guk's ankle is broken

Seokjinnie: and he has concussion

Seokjinnie: and he needed stitches

Seokjinnie: and he lowkey had hypothermia

NamJoon: damn wtf was he up to

Seokjinnie: no clue

Seokjinnie: the doctor said that they think after however much he had to drink he must have wandered off, tripped and hit his head

HOEseok: how long was he out there for?

Seokjinnie: no clue

Seokjinnie: his mum is pissed lmao

Seokjinnie: hold on his phone just turned on again

JiminyCricket: boy doesn't know how to handle his drink

NamJoon: to be fair

NamJoon: he's 15 and never had alcohol before lmao

Jeongguk: hi

Jeongguk: I can only remember bits of what happened

Jeongguk: I remember jimin trying to make out with me

Seokjinnie: u fkin what mate

JiminyCricket: dont recall

TaeTae: HA jimin's going to get merked fam

Jeongguk: then I remember stumbling into tae and he was with some girl

Jeongguk: and said I was welcome to join

Seokjinnie: excuse me

TaeTae: bruh

JiminyCricket: looks like I'm not the only one getting shanked by jin

Jeongguk: and I remember feeling dizzy and everything was blurry so I think I went outside to get some fresh air

Jeongguk: and then all I remember was waking up in an alley at night in pain with my phone on 8%

TaeTae: wow ur first drinking experience was wild

MinSuga: how do u manage to break a fuckin ankle tho

Jeongguk: did u not hear me say I can't remember

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: I'm about to break ur other ankle kid

Jeongguk: my mum is pissed tho

Jeongguk: not just at me

Jeongguk: but at jin and jimin too

JiminyCricket: tf did I do?

Seokjinnie: other than overwhelm him with alcohol?

JiminyCricket: I was just showing him a good time

HOEseok: but do u regret it guk?

Jeongguk: no

Jeongguk: it was the most eventful night of my life

Jeongguk: such banter

JiminyCricket: that's my boy

Jeongguk: :)

----------

WHALE THE RAPPER
30/09/16
20:32

JiminyCricket: OMG

JiminyCricket: I FELL ASLEEP

JiminyCricket: I HAVENT CLEANED UP SHIT

JiminyCricket: THERES SHOES HANGING FROM THE TREE

JiminyCricket: THE CURTAINS IN THE DINING ROOM ARE TORN

JiminyCricket: THERES STILL PISS IN THE SINK

JiminyCricket: WHO FLOODED THE DOWNSTAIRS TOILET

JiminyCricket: IM SO FUCKED

MinSuga: why do I feel absolutely no sympathy

HOEseok: can't ur sister help u?

JiminyCricket: SHE GOT HOME LIKE 10 MINUTES AGO AFTER BEING OUT ALL WEEKEND

JiminyCricket: I ASKED HER FOR HELP CLEARING UP

NamJoon: what did she say?

JiminyCricket: OMG

JiminyCricket: SHE SAID

JiminyCricket: "BOY MIGHT WANT TO START LAYERING UP UR UNDERWEAR BC UR ASS IS GONNA GET BEAT"

TaeTae: she ain't wrong

JiminyCricket: NAH FUCK U I'M DRAGGING U DOWN WITH ME TAE

TaeTae: WTF WHY

JiminyCricket: BC WE A TEAM

JiminyCricket: THEIR CAR IS PULLING UP THEYRE EARLY

NamJoon: rip jimin

HOEseok: do we all still get our ass beat?

TaeTae: of course we do

TaeTae: my parents ain't white enough to not beat my ass

MinSuga: same

MinSuga: "beat my ass" is so american

MinSuga: what's a british version ?

TaeTae: idk

NamJoon: to give a good hiding

TaeTae: that's not as catchy

MinSuga: my parents gave me a jolly good hiding yesterday

NamJoon: same tbh

HOEseok: we haven't heard from jimin in a good 10 mins

TaeTae: THE FUCKIBG SNAKE TOLD HIS PARENTS THAT I HELPED WRECK HIS HOUSE

TaeTae: HIS MUM JUST CALLED MY MUM

HOEseok: WHAT A CUNT

MinSuga: LMAOOOOO

Jeongguk: I'm staying in overnight btw

HOEseok: at the hospital?

Jeongguk: yeah

Jeongguk: for observation

NamJoon: how you feeling now guk?

Jeongguk: ankle still hurts

Jeongguk: and I still feel a bit dizzy

Jeongguk: but it's all good

Jeongguk: nurse is hot

NamJoon: oi oi

MinSuga: what does she look like?

Jeongguk: um

Jeongguk: they're tall

Jeongguk: they have short brown hair

Jeongguk: nice brown eyes

Jeongguk: tan skin

MinSuga: niceeeee

NamJoon: they?

Jeongguk: um yeah

Jeongguk: I'm tired night lol

NamJoon: night guks

Chapter Text

guk's protection squad
10/10/16
08:04

 

JiminyCricket: another monday

JiminyCricket: another wish for death

MinSuga: I see ur emo phase is still going strong

JiminyCricket: fuck u I haven't been emo since year 9

Seokjinnie: ok yoongi but do u remember ur emo phase

MinSuga: we don't talk about that

HOEseok: man had an emo phase?

Seokjinnie: yeah fam

Seokjinnie: u shoulda seen him in eyeliner

TaeTae: u should see me in eyeliner

TaeTae: I look HOT

JiminyCricket: tru

Jeongguk: can somebody help carry my food tech stuff pls

MinSuga: do it urself u lazy cunt

Jeongguk: I'm on crutches bellend

JiminyCricket: jeon starting to get some confidence

MinSuga: boy should respect his elders

TaeTae: calm down grandad

TaeTae: ur barely 3 years older than him

MinSuga: a whole three years older

Seokjinnie: yoongi I'm older than u and u don't respect me???

MinSuga: ur literally like four months older than me

Seokjinnie: a whole 4 months older

MinSuga: fuck off jin

Seokjinnie: bitch if we were in korea I'd be ur hyung

MinSuga: yeah but we're in england so ur not lmaoooooo

MinSuga: try again daddio

JiminyCricket: daddy kink yoongi is back

HOEseok: hurry up and get to school fuckers I'm all alone

MinSuga: ur fault for turning up half an hour early

TaeTae: lmao why do u do that

HOEseok: to get away from my dad

MinSuga: ....

JiminyCricket: shit got deep real fast

Seokjinnie: are we meant to address that or??

TaeTae: good friends probably would

TaeTae: but

TaeTae: we're all arseholes so

MinSuga: true

HOEseok: thanks lads xoxo

JiminyCricket: that's ok boo

--------

guk's protection squad
10/10/16
12:39

 

TaeTae: oi

TaeTae: we've found yoongi's class

TaeTae: heyyyyy boy

JiminyCricket: he hasn't noticed us yet

JiminyCricket: YOONGI

JiminyCricket: LOOK AT US

TaeTae: WE'RE OUTSIDE THE DOOR

TaeTae: LOOK AT US

JiminyCricket: OI

TaeTae: YOONGI U FATASS

JiminyCricket: BABYBOY

JiminyCricket: NOTICE US

TaeTae: UR ROOTS ARE SHOWING CUNT

JiminyCricket: WHOS THE GUY NEXT TO U BBY

TaeTae: OMG YOONGI JUST NOTICE US

Seokjinnie: could you both stfu

Seokjinnie: I'm in the library and ur making my phone buzz like a fucking bee

TaeTae: HA

TaeTae: what a NERD

NamJoon: shouldn't you two be in lesson?

JiminyCricket: we're bunking

TaeTae: neither of us revised for the maths test

Seokjinnie: well fair enough lmao

HOEseok: I'm in history

HOEseok: it's so dead

NamJoon: ur going to get in so much shit for bunking lol

JiminyCricket: fuck it

JiminyCricket: we don't conform

MinSuga: shut up

MinSuga: im trying to concentrate and all I can hear is u two laughing outside the class

TaeTae: we're not even that loud

MinSuga: u literally shouted "YOONGI U DUMB FUCK"

MinSuga: the whole class heard

HOEseok: lmao peak

MinSuga: JIMIN STOP SHOUTING MY NAME

MinSuga: TAE STOP SINGING

JiminyCricket: tae has a great voice don't be rude

MinSuga: YOURE SINGING THAT HUMP ME FUCK ME SONG

Seokjinnie: LMAOOOO

TaeTae: HUMP ME

TaeTae: FUCK ME

TaeTae: DADDY BETTER MAKE ME CHOKE

MinSuga: STOP EVERYONE CAN HEAR U

HOEseok: DKAOOSKWJSLLQOAO

MinSuga: SIR WENT OUT THERE TO YELL AT THEM

MinSuga: THEY DEADASS LEGGED IT

MinSuga: SIR IS GOING OFF ON ONE DOWN THE HALL

MinSuga: "I SAW YOU TAEHYUNG KIM I'LL FIND YOU AT LUNCH"

Seokjinnie: LMAO HE CAUGHT TAE????

HOEseok: WHY WOULD U SING CUPCAKKE?

TaeTae: WHY WAS I THE ONLY ONE TO BE SEEN

JiminyCricket: PEAK FAM

TaeTae: MY ARSE IS HIDING AT LUNCH

HOEseok: come hide in the sixth form common room

HOEseok: he won't look for u there

MinSuga: nah let his arse get caught

MinSuga: sir is all pissy with me now

JiminyCricket: suck his dick

NamJoon: sucking dick is not the answer to everything jimin

JiminyCricket: doesn't hurt to try

MinSuga: as if I'm sucking sir's wrinkly ass dick

TaeTae: beggars can't be choosers

MinSuga: when it comes to dick I ain't no beggar

JiminyCricket: man's acting like he got a fucking menu

MinSuga: I got secrets fam

MinSuga: u don't know what I get up to

Seokjinnie: no but I do

MinSuga: shit I forgot jin was in the chat

TaeTae: is yoongi a secret prostitute?

TaeTae: bc if so how much for a night ;)

MinSuga: fuck u I'm not a whore lmao

Seokjinnie: u might as well have been

 

MinSuga left the chat

 

JiminyCricket: yo what happened

TaeTae: banter went wrong

HOEseok: @ jin what happened

Seokjinnie: i may have pushed it a bit too far

JiminyCricket: no shit

TaeTae: why did that offend him so much

Seokjinnie: don't worry I'll talk to him

-----------

guk's protection squad
10/10/16
16:56

 

Seokjinnie added MinSuga

 

MinSuga: aight lads

MinSuga: I'm back

JiminyCricket: u gon tell us why u left????

MinSuga: nah

TaeTae: bruh

HOEseok: tell us man

MinSuga: jin pissed me off

MinSuga: simple as that

Jeongguk: how tho?

MinSuga: bc he did

Seokjinnie: cmon lads let's drop it

JiminyCricket: you're acting bare dodgy today

HOEseok: innit

TaeTae: I really want american food

MinSuga: what ?

TaeTae: like burgers and pizza and stuff

Jeongguk: pizza?

JiminyCricket: uM

Seokjinnie: that is not correct

MinSuga: last time I checked pizza was italian but ok

NamJoon: pizza é italiana

NamJoon: vaffanculo

TaeTae: boy I don't speak Spanish

MinSuga: SPANISH

Seokjinnie: boy ur lucky u don't know my friend's nonna

Seokjinnie: she woulda been on ur arse in seconds

Seokjinnie: eyyyyy ohhhh pizzaaa is nota merican

TaeTae: jin that's just offensive

Seokjinnie: almost as offensive as saying pizza is american

TaeTae: well it's pretty americanised now

NamJoon: it's originally from Naples

TaeTae: thought that was part of stationary but ok

NamJoon: what?

MinSuga: stationary?

TaeTae: you use naples to keep things together and stick things on walls

NamJoon: do u...

NamJoon: do u mean staples?

TaeTae: that's the one

MinSuga: I can't

MinSuga: I can't handle this anymore

MinSuga: I'm so done

JiminyCricket: BOY GOT NAPLES AND STAPLES MIXED UP HOW DO U EVEN

TaeTae: THEY HAVE MOST OF THE SAME LETTERS FUCK U JIMIN

JiminyCricket: BOY U LEGIT TAKE GEOGRAPHY

JiminyCricket: UR FAMILY WENT TO ITALY ON HOLIDAY LAST YEAR

JiminyCricket: HOW

TaeTae: FUCK OFF OK I FORGOT

Seokjinnie: KILL URSELF TAE

TaeTae: IVE TRIED IT DIDNT WORK

Seokjinnie: wait what

HOEseok: can't tell if ur joking lmaooo

TaeTae: ;)

HOEseok: are we just slowly revealing our secrets???

NamJoon: it's called building plot

Jeongguk: I fancy pizza now

HOEseok: pizza night round mine this Friday lads?

Seokjinnie: fuck yeah

JiminyCricket: let's order a cheeky dominoes

JiminyCricket: not sponsored

TaeTae: that'll be pengting bruv

NamJoon: did sir find u at lunch tae?

TaeTae: nope :)

TaeTae: I'm in the safe zone for now lads

Seokjinnie: where did u hide

TaeTae: toilets

MinSuga: wow

MinSuga: genius

JiminyCricket: I just took a colossal shit

JiminyCricket: my asshole is so loose

JiminyCricket: is this how yoongi feels

MinSuga: yes

TaeTae: ur acting as if he's the only one who's bottomed lmao

NamJoon: innit

JiminyCricket: ok then is this how u all feel after taking it up the arse?

NamJoon: yes

TaeTae: joon who bottoms u or Jin?

NamJoon: me

Seokjinnie: joon most of the time

MinSuga: that's surprising tbh

Seokjinnie: ummm why

MinSuga: u both give top vibes

TaeTae: true

NamJoon: I'm versatile

TaeTae: fair enough

JiminyCricket: no but seriously

JiminyCricket: I think I shat out a fucking kidney jfc

TaeTae: pics or it didn't happen

MinSuga: do not send fuckin pics

JiminyCricket: I'll sc u tae

TaeTae: ok b

NamJoon: ur fucking disgusting

Chapter Text

guk's protection squad
14/10/16
11:43

 

JiminyCricket: OI WHOS GOT SCISSORS

NamJoon: why

Seokjinnie: I don't trust u with them

JiminyCricket: NO SERIOUSLY I NEED SCISSORS RN ITS AN EMERGENCY

TaeTae: HES NOT LYING WE NEED SCISSORS

MinSuga: why is it always u two

TaeTae: BC GOD HATES US

MinSuga: sigh I have scissors

TaeTae: CAN U BRING THEM TO THE PE CHANGING ROOMS

MinSuga: why

JiminyCricket: MY ARSE IS STUCK

Seokjinnie: what

TaeTae: HIS ARSE IS LEGIT STUCK IN A PAIR OF TROUSERS

TaeTae: WE NEED TO CUT HIM OUT OF THEM

HOEseok: are you fucking with us rn?

JiminyCricket: NO PLS IM PANICKING

JiminyCricket: IM LOSING CIRCULATION

JiminyCricket: IM GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE IT AMPUTATED

Seokjinnie: don't think u can have ur ass amputated

MinSuga: ffs I'm on my way

TaeTae: HURRY

HOEseok: how did u even

JiminyCricket: I'LL TELL U LATER

JiminyCricket: YOONGI PLS

MinSuga: I'm walking up the steps calm ur tits

Seokjinnie: yoongi take pics

JiminyCricket: U FUCKING DARE

MinSuga: HIS ARSE IS LITERALLY STUCK WHAT THE FUCK

HOEseok: WHY IS IT ALWAYS JIMIN

JiminyCricket: BC MY LIFE IS REALLY TRAGIC

-----------

guk's protection squad
14/10/16
15:12

 

HOEseok: ok so are we going to find out what happened with jimin's arse or?

Seokjinnie: yeah wtf happened

JiminyCricket: ok

JiminyCricket: so,,,

JiminyCricket: my asshole of a pe teacher proper tried to mug me off

HOEseok: what happened?

JiminyCricket: aight

JiminyCricket: so we know how I legit never bring my pe kit to school

NamJoon: no I didn't know that

JiminyCricket: well u do now

JiminyCricket: basically he had enough

JiminyCricket: and was like "jimin wear the spare kit from lost property"

JiminyCricket: and I'm like as if I'm touching that manky uniform

JiminyCricket: and he's like "u either put it on or go to isolation"

JiminyCricket: so I shimmy my arse into these tracksuit bottoms

JiminyCricket: but they're literally two sizes too small I'm surprised I got them on

JiminyCricket: after we played a cheeky game of football

JiminyCricket: I realised I couldn't get them off like legit they wouldn't budge

JiminyCricket: so tae's pulling while I'm pushing but nothing was happening

TaeTae: I was lowkey pissing myself laughing

JiminyCricket: I waddled up to sir like man these aren't coming off

JiminyCricket: and he turned round and said "well that's what u get when u don't bring ur kit" and walked off

JiminyCricket: like full on left the changing rooms while my arse is bulging out of these year 7 trackies

JiminyCricket: I could legit feel it cutting into my hips I thought I was going to die

JiminyCricket: so the only course of action was to cut myself out

JiminyCricket: but we had no scissors and I'm like fucking help me and ppl were laughing and snapchatting it

TaeTae: it's on at least 8 people's stories

JiminyCricket: and that's when we texted u lot

HOEseok: that was wild

NamJoon: im surprised u didn't act up more with the teacher

JiminyCricket: bitch I'll get my revenge

TaeTae: I'm walking home from school and some guys are shouting at me

TaeTae: they're either talking about the wind or asking me to suck their dick

JiminyCricket: suck my dick

TaeTae: I'm on my my way

----------

Jeongguk created chat with JiminyCricket

20:12

 

Jeongguk: hi

JiminyCricket: wagwan blud

Jeongguk: can I ask a favour?

JiminyCricket: yahhh

JiminyCricket: what du want???

Jeongguk: can I come round this weekend?

Jeongguk: I need ur help

JiminyCricket: yo what's wrong?

Jeongguk: idk I'm just confused

Jeongguk: u could help

Jeongguk: idk man

Jeongguk: just very confused

JiminyCricket: yeah come round man

JiminyCricket: anytime on Saturday

Jeongguk: thanks

Chapter Text

guk's protection squad
16/10/16
10:34

 

HOEseok: lads I'm still in church

HOEseok: someone text

MinSuga: u go to church?

HOEseok: have to

HOEseok: parents are Catholic

MinSuga: that's tragic

TaeTae: peak

Seokjinnie: what church do u go to?

HOEseok: st james

MinSuga: no way

MinSuga: I used to go there

MinSuga: my mum still does

MinSuga: want me to come meet u?

HOEseok: please

MinSuga: we can make out and piss off the homophobic priest

HOEseok: lmao no thanks I don't want to get beaten the fuck out of by my dad

MinSuga: deep fam

MinSuga: I'm still coming tho

MinSuga: we can go get pizza after

HOEseok: fuck yeah

MinSuga: when does the service end?

HOEseok: 11 ish

MinSuga: aight

TaeTae: u two are bare linking

Seokjinnie: I hope so lmaooo

------------

guk's protection squad
16/10/16
11:03

 

MinSuga: aight hobi im here

HOEseok: okey doke

HOEseok: give me a sec

MinSuga: lmao I think ppl recognise me

MinSuga: someone legit just went "it's the min boy"

TaeTae: boy ur famous

MinSuga: only bc I'm gay lmaooo

HOEseok: wait does the whole church know ur gay

MinSuga: a few do

HOEseok: bro my parents are really homophobic

MinSuga: it's ok they probs won't know

Seokjinnie: does the priest know?

MinSuga: lmao yeah

MinSuga: I used to confess so much to him ;) ;)

HOEseok: aight I'm coming out

MinSuga: OH MY GOD IS THAT UR DAD

HOEseok: yeah???

MinSuga: lads hoseok's dad is bare wedged

Seokjinnie: innit lol

MinSuga: I'm not fighting him anytime soon

HOEseok: yoongi the priest is coming out

HOEseok: fuck he's seen u

MinSuga: good

HOEseok: yoongi stop fucking winking at me

TaeTae: yoongi is so wild

Seokjinnie: well he did say he'd fuck a priest

HOEseok: YOONGI DONT COME OVER HERE

TaeTae: beef beef beef beef

Seokjinnie: why do I feel like yoongi's trying to stir shit

TaeTae: yoongi is the biggest shit stirrer

TaeTae: other than jimin

Seokjinnie: where is jimin today?

TaeTae: probably sleeping

TaeTae: he was with someone last night

Seokjinnie: lmao what a lad

HOEseok: OH MY GOD I HATE YOONGI

Seokjinnie: WHAT DID HE DO

HOEseok: HE WALKED OVER TO ME AND IM LEGIT STANDINF NEXT TO THE PRIEST

HOEseok: AND PPL ARE LIKE "GREAT SERVICE FATHER" "HAVE A GOOD AFTERNOON FATHER"

HOEseok: AND THEN YOONGI GOES "YEAH HAVE A GOOD AFTERNOON DADDY"

HOEseok: THE PRIEST WENT RED

HOEseok: AND WAS LIKE "ITS FATHER YOONGI"

HOEseok: "WE HAVENT SEEN U HERE IN A WHILE"

HOEseok: AND YOONGI WAS LIKE "BEEN BUSY" AND DECIDED TO LIGHT A CIGARETTE

HOEseok: THE PRIEST WAS LIKE "SMOKING IS NOT ALLOWED YOONGI"

HOEseok: AND YOONGI WAS LIKE "WHAT? IS THAT A SIN TOO? MAYBE U SHOULD PUNISH ME THEN"

HOEseok: AND HE WINKED AT HIM

HOEseok: I HAD TO DRAG US AWAY JESUS CHRIST

Seokjinnie: YOONGI FFS STOP OFFENDING PRIESTS

MinSuga: NOT UNTIL THEY STOP OFFENDING ME

TaeTae: U CANT CALL A PRIEST DADDY

MinSuga: SAYS WHO????

HOEseok: ffs Yoongi when I go back next week he's going to be on my arse

MinSuga: oh well looool

HOEseok: >:(

MinSuga: I'm sorrrrrry hobi

MinSuga: I can make it up to u ;)

HOEseok: ;)

TaeTae: they're going to fuck in the Pizza Hut toilets

Seokjinnie: remember to wash ur hands babes

----------

JiminyCricket started chat with Jeongguk

15:56

JiminyCricket: u know u didn't have to rush off this morning

JiminyCricket: we could have talked about it

Jeongguk: I don't want to talk about it

Jeongguk: I just want to be normal

Jeongguk: I didn't want this

JiminyCricket: dude, liking guys isn't a bad thing

Jeongguk: but I've always liked girls

JiminyCricket: maybe u just have a preference for girls then

Jeongguk: but why do I suddenly like a guy now???

JiminyCricket: who?

Jeongguk: it doesn't matter

Jeongguk: the fact is, I made out with you and liked it

JiminyCricket: now u gotta ask would u go further with a guy?

JiminyCricket: not just sex but dating and all that shit

Jeongguk: idk

Jeongguk: I haven't thought about it

Jeongguk: it sounds nice I guess

JiminyCricket: well, don't label urself yet

JiminyCricket: give urself sometime

JiminyCricket: experiment a bit

JiminyCricket: although I won't go further than making out with u atm

JiminyCricket: when u reach 16 give me a call boo ;)

Jeongguk: lol ok

Jeongguk: thanks a lot jimin

JiminyCricket: that's ok jeon :))

Chapter Text

guk's protection squad
20/10/16
13:28

 

Seokjinnie: lol guess who accidentally came out in English

JiminyCricket: how did u even

Seokjinnie: well

Seokjinnie: in the poem we're reading

Seokjinnie: it was going on about how men and women are half a world and when they meet they become whole blah blah blah

TaeTae: sounds gay

JiminyCricket: tru

Seokjinnie: so miss turned round and said "when u meet the right girl you'll become whole"

Seokjinnie: and my dumbass went "um but I'm gay"

Seokjinnie: and everyone went silent and stared at me

TaeTae: idk whether to laugh or not

JiminyCricket: that's pretty funny

MinSuga: lmaooo peak fam

NamJoon: should have mentioned me babes

Seokjinnie: luckily no one in my English is homophobic

Jeongguk: can't relate

Jeongguk: there's this guy in mine who constantly calls people faggots

Jeongguk: but I thought he was talking about the food

MinSuga: dumbass

JiminyCricket: loooooooool

JiminyCricket: speaking of fags

JiminyCricket: I really need one rn

MinSuga: are we talking about gay people or cigarettes ??

JiminyCricket: cigarettes

MinSuga: me too tbh

NamJoon: same here

Seokjinnie: wait jimin,, u smoke ?

JiminyCricket: not often but yeah

Seokjinnie: ohhhh

MinSuga: I can pop to tesco and get a pack

MinSuga: yall want to meet behind the pe shed?

Seokjinnie: wtf

Seokjinnie: no ones done that since the 70s

MinSuga: yeah well I'm traditional

NamJoon: lmao u can't be traditional with a dick up ur arse

MinSuga: fuck u do u want a fag or not?

NamJoon: yah I do

MinSuga: well then meet me round the back of the shed

MinSuga: I'll be like 10 mins

MinSuga: does anyone want anything while I'm at Tesco?

TaeTae: get me a meal deal u absolute lad

JiminyCricket: vodka fam

MinSuga: we're not having a bloody piss up behind the pe shed

JiminyCricket: not even a cheeky sambuca??

MinSuga: no fuck off

Jeongguk: can I have some jelly babies please?

TaeTae: babies for a baby

Jeongguk: am not a baby

MinSuga: tae what meal deal u want?

TaeTae: surprise me boo

TaeTae: get me a lucozade tho they're PENG

MinSuga: aight

Seokjinnie: can u stop off at greggs?

Seokjinnie: I fancy a sausage roll

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: fine

JiminyCricket: if ur going to greggs get me a panini

JiminyCricket: anything with cheese fam

MinSuga: you're starting to take the piss now lads

MinSuga: after I get jimin's panini I ain't getting anything else

TaeTae: wait can't u even get me a pecan pie?

MinSuga: fuck off no

HOEseok: wait yoon can u get me a coke?

MinSuga: of course hobi

TaeTae: :O

JiminyCricket: woah

Seokjinnie: hmmm

TaeTae: so like,,, is hobo sucking ur dick or???? cause u were pretty quick to say yes

JiminyCricket: man is whipped for hoseok

MinSuga: am not

HOEseok: also can u get me a pasty?

MinSuga: sure

HOEseok: :D

JiminyCricket: omg yall really did fuck at pizza hut

MinSuga: we didn't fuck u bellend

MinSuga: we just shared a pizza and talked it was fun

Seokjinnie: so u went on a date?

HOEseok: lmao kind of I guess

MinSuga: ffs whatever I'll be back at school in a minute

Seokjinnie: on my way to the shed

Jeongguk: can I come?

MinSuga: how else u going to get ur fuckin jelly babies?

Jeongguk: idk

TaeTae: jeon u don't have to ask to hang out with us lmapooo

Jeongguk: sorry

TaeTae: baby is so cute

MinSuga: aight I see joon

MinSuga: where's the rest of u slags?

JiminyCricket: coming boo

HOEseok: Yoongi has a great ass from this angle

TaeTae: true

NamJoon: yoongi has lowkey always had a great arse

Seokjinnie: u talking about other men's arses babes?

Seokjinnie: but it's true I would deffo eat yoongi's ass

MinSuga: thanks lads

MinSuga: but my arse ain't on the menu

HOEseok: we'll see

HOEseok: ;)

--------

guk's protection squad
20/10/16
19:12

 

TaeTae: ok so

TaeTae: I'm watching porn

MinSuga: it's 7pm?

TaeTae: did I fucking stutter?

Seokjinnie: do u have a certain time u can watch porn or something?

NamJoon: he can only watch porn after the watershed

JiminyCricket: imagine only wanking after watershed lmaooo

TaeTae: ok back to me

TaeTae: basically

TaeTae: I just watched a guy take a whole 12 inches

TaeTae: and I couldn't get off bc man I was too scared

TaeTae: imagine taking 12 inches fam

TaeTae: ur arse would be ruined

JiminyCricket: I woulda shat myself

Seokjinnie: probably literally too that shit would fuck up ur insides

MinSuga: I never back down from a challenge

TaeTae: yoongi is wild

 

JiminyCricket changed chat name to yoongi is wild™

 

Seokjinnie: yoongi ur legit tiny 12 inches would impale u

MinSuga: just the way I like it

TaeTae: yoongi have u ever considered a career in porn?

MinSuga: if I fail my alevels then fuckin sign me up

MinSuga: my arse is prepped and ready

JiminyCricket: yoongi lowkey turns me on

HOEseok: step aside boo

JiminyCricket: oi nah you've taken long enough

JiminyCricket: give me a chance

HOEseok: nah fam

HOEseok: that ass is mine

MinSuga: calm down lads

MinSuga: I have two holes

HOEseok: SHIT

JiminyCricket: IM UP FOR THAT

Seokjinnie: FFS YOONGI

TaeTae: I WANT PIECE OF THE ACTION

JiminyCricket: DO U SEE A THIRD HOLE FAM

MinSuga: gangbang round mine tomorrow night lads

MinSuga: my arse-open 24hrs

MinSuga: except for jeongguk

MinSuga: I don't fuck underage straights

JiminyCricket: loooooool

Jeongguk: haha ok

Chapter Text

yoongi is wild™
22/10/16
13:21

 

MinSuga: thank fuck it's half term

MinSuga: now I can sleep

Seokjinnie: same tbh

HOEseok: a sleepy prince

MinSuga: fuck off im not a prince

HOEseok: was I talking about you??

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: well why weren't u talking about me ?

Seokjinnie: bc ur not a prince ur more of a stable boy

MinSuga: u fkin what mate

MinSuga: am no stable boy u pauper

Seokjinnie: woah how dare u disrespect the king like that

TaeTae: king? U were a prince a second ago

Seokjinnie: yeah well I got promoted

HOEseok: can u get promoted to king??

Seokjinnie: I don't fucking know

Seokjinnie: ur the one who does history u should know

HOEseok: bitch u do food tech so u should be able to cook

HOEseok: but look what happened

JiminyCricket: oh shit

MinSuga: u better start running

Seokjinnie: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

JiminyCricket: DID U REALLY BRING BACK THAT OLD ASS MEME

TaeTae: IM PISSJNG MYSELF

HOEseok: ANDKEJWNKEKWKODJ

TaeTae: PERFECT USE THO

TaeTae: LETS GJVE JIN CREDIT FOR THE MEME

Seokjinnie: well at least I'm appreciated for my memes

Seokjinnie: even if I'm not appreciated for my cooking

HOEseok: I'm sorry boo

HOEseok: u the next gordon ramsey

TaeTae: u fucking donkey

MinSuga: I hate this gc

MinSuga: but back to hobi not calling me a prince

HOEseok: u said u weren't a prince

MinSuga: yes but ur meant to disagree with me

HOEseok: sorry baby

MinSuga: am not a baby

HOEseok: yes u are

MinSuga: that's better

JiminyCricket: I hope you both die

Seokjinnie: that was gayer than me and joon

TaeTae: wtf I've had legit had a dick up my arse and a dick in my mouth at the same time and still I'm less gay than u

MinSuga: die

HOEseok: we should play a game called "who's more wild"

HOEseok: contestants being yoongi and tae

Seokjinnie: id say jimin is a candidate too

TaeTae: yoongi is all talk

TaeTae: he says he'd fuck a priest but would he really

Seokjinnie: yes

NamJoon: yes

JiminyCricket: yes

Jeongguk: yes

HOEseok: yes

MinSuga: yes

TaeTae: prove it

MinSuga: find me a good looking priest and I will

TaeTae: fine I will

----------

yoongi is wild™
22/10/16
19:45

 

HOEseok: yo I been invited to Caitlin's Halloween party on Saturday

HOEseok: I'm allowed to bring one friend

HOEseok: so I'm bringing six lmaooo

JiminyCricket: what a laaaaaad

Seokjinnie: hahahaha u fucking crazy if u think jeongguk is going to another party with u lot

Jeongguk: oi nah jin don't be peak

MinSuga: omg he's speaking like jimin now

NamJoon: lmao how much time u been spending with each other?

JiminyCricket: none of ur business egghead

Seokjinnie: jeongguk isn't going soz not soz

Jeongguk: pls jin

Jeongguk: I don't want to be the only one who doesn't get to go

TaeTae: cmon jin we won't let him get fucked up

Seokjinnie: I don't trust u

Seokjinnie: last time u tried to get him involved in a threesome

TaeTae: ok listen

TaeTae: not my fault

JiminyCricket: we won't get fucked up this time

Seokjinnie: nah u will

Seokjinnie: he's not going

JiminyCricket: well I tried sorry jeon

Jeongguk: jin please

NamJoon: how about guk stays with me?

NamJoon: I don't get fucked up like the rest of u

TaeTae: yeah!! joon is RESPONSIBLE

Jeongguk: I'll stay with namjoon the entire night

Jeongguk: and I won't drink at all

NamJoon: I'll take care of him jinnie

Seokjinnie: sigh fine

Seokjinnie: but ur going to have to convince ur mum first jeon lmaooo

Jeongguk: thank you Jin!!

Jeongguk: thank you namjoon

TaeTae: look at him using joon's full name lmaoooo that's so gay

NamJoon: lmao innit

NamJoon: u don't have to use my full name gukks

JiminyCricket: u might as well be calling him sir namjoon kim the 3rd

Jeongguk: lol ok

Jeongguk: thanks nammie

TaeTae: awww

JiminyCricket: jeon finally settling into the group lmao

MinSuga: do we have to dress up for the party ?

HOEseok: of course

MinSuga: I'm not going

TaeTae: u have to go

JiminyCricket: u can't suck dick at home alone

MinSuga: shit true

MinSuga: but I hate dressing up

HOEseok: let's do a joint dress up

MinSuga: fuck off are we doing that

TaeTae: jimin less do it

JiminyCricket: fuck yeah

TaeTae: can we go as mario and luigi

JiminyCricket: YES MATE

TaeTae: ur mario cause ur short

JiminyCricket: ur luigi bc ur irrelevant

TaeTae: true

HOEseok: idk what I'm going as yet

HOEseok: yoon lets go costume shopping tomorrow

MinSuga: ????

MinSuga: did u not hear me say I'm not going ?

HOEseok: yeah and I ignored it

HOEseok: I'll be round urs at 2

MinSuga: fine

JiminyCricket: WHIPPED

MinSuga: ;)

JiminyCricket: wait not like that

Seokjinnie: I'm going as something slutty and no one can stop me

NamJoon: I wasn't going to

NamJoon: I'll probs be boring and go as a vampire or something

TaeTae: what about jeon???

Jeongguk: idk

Jeongguk: idek where to get costumes from

NamJoon: I can take u down westfield on monday if u want

Jeongguk: just us?

NamJoon: jin u coming?

Seokjinnie: can't I've got a uni open day

NamJoon: aight

NamJoon: so yeah guk just us lol

Jeongguk: ok :)

---------

yoongi is wild™
22/10/16
23:56

 

TaeTae: ok lads

TaeTae: was it just me

TaeTae: or did anyone else want to lowkey fuck kovu from lion king 2 ???

 

MinSuga has left the chat

Seokjinnie has left the chat

NamJoon has left the chat

Jeongguk has left the chat

HOEseok has left the chat

 

JiminyCricket: I can't believe I'm friends with a fucking furry

Chapter Text

yoongi is wild™
29/10/16
12:32

 

TaeTae: lads

TaeTae: what's everyone going as tonight?

Seokjinnie: a mummy

JiminyCricket: boring

Seokjinnie: a slutty mummy

JiminyCricket: that's better

NamJoon: I'm traditional and going as a vampire

Jeongguk: a proper decked out zombie

TaeTae: what makes it decked??

Jeongguk: going to be full on blood and contacts

Jeongguk: u won't be able to recognise me

Seokjinnie: where'd u get that fancy shit???

Jeongguk: nammie got it for me

NamJoon: just helping out my boy

TaeTae: well jimin and I already said wee'ree going as mario and luigi

JiminyCricket: issa me

JiminyCricket: mario

HOEseok: I'm going as a sexy policeman ;) ;)

Seokjinnie: yoongi is going to be living

MinSuga: skwkskoqiswiis

TaeTae: what are u going as @ yoongi??

MinSuga: a cat

JiminyCreative: oh wow how creative

MinSuga: stfu jimin

MinSuga: apparently I look like a cat so it makes sense

Seokjinnie: it's true

NamJoon: u do look like a kitten

HOEseok: mmmmm kitten

MinSuga: ;)

JiminyCricket: how are u two not dating yet??

MinSuga: lmao idk

Seokjinnie: joon u coming round mine to get ready??

NamJoon: okey doke

TaeTae: jimn already here w me

TaeTae: we're a better couple

Seokjinnie: stfu u ain't even dating

JiminyCricket: or are we? ;) ;)

-----------

yoongi is wild™
29/10/16
19:21

 

JiminyCricket: WHAT THE FUCK

JiminyCricket: HAVE U SEEN YOONGI YET

Seokjinnie: no???

HOEseok: bitch I ain't even dressed yet

NamJoon: the party started 20 minutes ago?

HOEseok: and??

TaeTae: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

TaeTae: YOONGI OUT HERE WILDIN

JiminyCricket: HE'S DRESSED AS A KITTEN

JiminyCricket: BUT A KITTEN WITH FISH NET STOCKINGS AND A FUCKING LEASH????

TaeTae: SINCE WHEN DID CATS HAVE LEASHES???

HOEseok: ARE U FUCKING WITH ME RN

NamJoon: JIN JUST SLAMMED THE ACCELERATOR

NamJoon: WE ON OUR WAY BITCHES

MinSuga: IT WAS MEANT TO BE A SURPRISE U SKANKS

TaeTae: BOY WHAT THE FUCK

JiminyCricket: IM SO TURNED ON RN

HOEseok: IM ON MY WAY

HOEseok: BOY BETTER HAVE HIS ARSE PREPPED AND READY

TaeTae: HOW U EVEN GETTJNG HERE

HOEseok: RUNNING

MinSuga: I'm so glad I have this effect on people

TaeTae: yoongi looks so fucking good

NamJoon: WE'RE HERE WHERE ARE YALL

TaeTae: KITCHEN

JiminyCricket: you ain't ready

NamJoon: HOLY FUCK YOONGI HAS A LITERAL LEASH AND COLLAR

Seokjinnie: FUCK

TaeTae: LADS THAT BIG GUY DRESSED AS A WOLF IS EYEING YOONGI

JiminyCricket: HES GON FUCK HIM

Seokjinnie: SHIT HES EVEN WEARIBG A TAIL

TaeTae: WE SOUND LIKE SUCH FURRIES

 

JiminyCricket changed chat name to FUCK MY FURRY ARSE

 

Seokjinnie: I AINT NO FURRY I JUST THIBJ YOONGI IS HOT

NamJoon: YO THE WOLF GUY IS MAKING HIS WAY OVER

TaeTae: LMAO HOBI GOING TO BE LIVID

JiminyCricket: YOONGI GETTING IT

HOEseok: IM HERE

TaeTae: WE'RE IN THE KITCHEN HOBI

JiminyCricket: I SEE HOBI

NamJoon: YO WOLFMAN GOT HIS HANDS ON YOONGIS WAIST

Seokjinnie: DAMN YOONGI HOLD UR HORSES

NamJoon: OH SHIT HOBI HOW U DOING

HOEseok: IMMA BEAT HIS ASS

TaeTae: YOONGIS OR WOLFMANS???

HOEseok: BOTH

NamJoon: OH SHIT HOBI APPROACHING

Seokjinnie: HE PUT HIS ARM STRAIGHT OVER YOONGIS SHOULDER

TaeTae: WOLFMAN LOOKS SO OFFENDED THERES GOING TO BE A BRAWL

NamJoon: HOBI STOP SMIRKING THAT MAN IS TWICE THE SIZE OF U

JiminyCricket: HE BACKED OFF????

TaeTae: I THOUGHT HE WAS STRAIGHT UP GONA FIGHT HOBI

MinSuga: ffs I was about to get some dick

TaeTae: BOY

MinSuga: hobi looks good in uniform

JiminyCricket: TRU

HOEseok: u flirting with other guys?

HOEseok: bad kitten

MinSuga: sorry sir

JiminyCricket: U TWO FUCKIBG WILD

TaeTae: WHEN YALL GON DATE

MinSuga: lmaooooo banter

HOEseok: yo where's jeon???

Seokjinnie: he said he was walking

Seokjinnie: idk why man

NamJoon: he'll be here soon

Jeongguk: I wanted to keep my costume a surprise

TaeTae: CUTE

JiminyCricket: so precious

Seokjinnie: it better not be for the same reason as yoongi

----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
29/10/16
21:48

 

NamJoon: guk where tf are u

Jeongguk: I'm here u just haven't seen me yet

NamJoon: ffs I said I'd look after u

Seokjinnie: jwon u betrr get ur skinby arsw ovwr here

Jeongguk: lmao u drunk fam?

Seokjinnie: I aibt ur fsm

Seokjinnie: u bwtter npt be drubking

Jeongguk: too late boo

NamJoon: ffs guk

TaeTae: jeon fycking wiild

NamJoon: guk I'm coming to find u ffs

MinSuga: nsmhoon cpme find mw

NamJoon: speak english

MinSuga: fuvk u emglish not mu firdt languagw

NamJoon: yes it is

NamJoon: u were born in fucking kent

MinSuga: sgut up

Jeongguk: good luck finding me ;)

-----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
29/10/16
23:38

 

TaeTae: YO U SEE THST GUUY

JiminyCricket: YESH HE LEGGWD IT BWFORE I COYLD BEST HIS ASS

MinSuga: WGAT HAPPENSD

HOEseok: YOO

TaeTae: SPME GUY KISSFD JOON

Seokjinnie: U WGAT MSTE

NamJoon: I didn't reciprocate

NamJoon: I pushed him away and he ran

JiminyCricket: I CHASED HIM BYT HE WAS TOO DAST

JiminyCricket: HE RSN OUT THW DRONT DOOR

NamJoon: I was just trying to find guk and then all of a sudden this guy pushed me against a wall and kissed me

NamJoon: he was definitely drunk

Seokjinnie: IMNA FIGHT

HOEseok: WGAT HE LOOK LIKW

NamJoon: shorter than me, dark hair I think ?? Idk he had a lot of make on

NamJoon: I didn't recognise him

NamJoon: I promise I didn't initiate it

Seokjinnie: ITD OK I TRYST U

MinSuga: BIY U SOUMD WAY TOO SOBERR

NamJoon: I am

NamJoon: fuck this I'm gettinf smashed

Chapter Text

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
30/10/16
11:52

 

Seokjinnie: yo where tf are u lads

TaeTae: I'm on a bed

TaeTae: idk whose bed

MinSuga: u naked ?

TaeTae: no

TaeTae: that's a good sign

JiminyCricket: I'm in a fucking bathtub ???????

JiminyCricket: there's someone passed out on the toilet

MinSuga: did we all pass out ?

Seokjinnie: looks like it

NamJoon: it's ok most people did

TaeTae: last night was LIT

HOEseok: my costume is ripped :((

MinSuga: oops

Seokjinnie: wait where's jeon???

NamJoon: idk I never found him last night

HOEseok: do we know who kissed joon?

NamJoon: no

Seokjinnie: they better be ready to catch these hands

MinSuga: it was probably just an impulsive drunk kiss

Seokjinnie: why u defending them boy???

MinSuga: I'm not

MinSuga: I'm just saying it probably wasn't an attempt to steal ya man

TaeTae: still bare out of order

JiminyCricket: tru

HOEseok: but if u didn't recognise them how u going to fight??

Seokjinnie: idk but I will

TaeTae: what were they dressed as?

NamJoon: idk man it was dark

NamJoon: zombie I think????

JiminyCricket: wasn't jeon dressed as a zombie?

TaeTae: OH MY GOD

MinSuga: stfu it was a halloween party literally half the people were dressed as zombies

NamJoon: hmm

Seokjinnie: first of all, jeon wouldn't go for my bf

Seokjinnie: second of all, jeon is straight

TaeTae: ok boo whatever u say

Jeongguk: yeah lads I'm straight tf

JiminyCricket: BOY

MinSuga: WHERE WERE U

Seokjinnie: JEONGGUK JEON I SWEAR TO GOD

Seokjinnie: UR ARSE AINT EVEN READY

Jeongguk: WHAT I DO?????

Seokjinnie: U WERE MEANT TO STAY WITH JOON AND U WERENT ALLOWED TO DRINK

Jeongguk: LMAO OOPS

Seokjinnie: DONT OOPS ME

Seokjinnie: AS SOON AS I CAN STAND WITHOUT WANTING TO THROW UP IMMA FIND U

Jeongguk: I already went home boo

Seokjinnie: ur acting as if I don't know where u live

HOEseok: when did u leave jeon?

Jeongguk: last night

Jeongguk: I didn't fancy passing out on the floor so I left

TaeTae: fairs

HOEseok: yo jeon did u see who kissed joon??

Jeongguk: no???

Jeongguk: someone kissed joon???

TaeTae: yeah we saw

NamJoon: it was just a drunk kid

Seokjinnie: I still ain't happy

-----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
30/10/16
17:16

 

Seokjinnie: @ yoongi

Seokjinnie: have u finished ur personal statement yet?

MinSuga: lmao no

TaeTae: tf is that???

HOEseok: how do u not know??

NamJoon: when do they start teaching u about applying to uni lmao

MinSuga: a personal statement is like a small essay about urself that u send to unis ur applying for

MinSuga: and it's about why u should be accepted onto their course

JiminyCricket: sounds boring

MinSuga: it is

TaeTae: what are u applying for??

MinSuga: music and business management

JiminyCricket: damn

TaeTae: what about jin???

Seokjinnie: nursing

JiminyCricket: what uni do U want to go to??

MinSuga: southampton

Seokjinnie: birmingham

TaeTae: aren't they both proper good unis?

Seokjinnie: yeah they're pretty good

JiminyCricket: good luck getting them grades then lmaooo

MinSuga: I need AAB with a B in music and a grade 8 in an instrument lmao

HOEseok: peak fam

TaeTae: do u have a grade 8?

MinSuga: grade 8 in piano lmao

JiminyCricket: dammmn

Seokjinnie: I need BBB lmaooo

MinSuga: lucky I want BBB

MinSuga: personal statements are such bullshit tho

MinSuga: u have to big urself up so much I hate it

MinSuga: boy I don't even like looking in the mirror how u think I'm going to sit here and write an actual essay about how great I am

TaeTae: that's so sad lmao

MinSuga: I can't exactly write "well I'm a borderline alcoholic and used to use sex as a form of escapism"

JiminyCricket: yo what

TaeTae: bruh what

Seokjinnie: yoongi

MinSuga: lmao jk lads

HOEseok: I'm so confused

MinSuga: one day I'll tell u boo

Jeongguk: JIN UR AN ARSEHOLE

TaeTae: boy suddenly got a mouth

JiminyCricket: damn u really swearing at ur cousin like that?

Jeongguk: he fucking told my mum about me drinking last night

Seokjinnie: lmaooo that's what u get bitchboy

Jeongguk: she's gon beat my ass

Seokjinnie: don't come crying to me

TaeTae: boy u knew exactly what was gon happen

JiminyCricket: u brought this on urself

Seokjinnie: wish I was there to witness

MinSuga: same

TaeTae: same

JiminyCricket: same

Jeongguk: I hate all of u

------------

HOEseok started chat with NamJoon

22:04

 

HOEseok: I've had it

HOEseok: I've had enough joon

NamJoon: what

HOEseok: I can't do this anymore

HOEseok: I've tried to live like this

HOEseok: but I can't

NamJoon: yo hobi what's wrong

NamJoon: what's happened

HOEseok: it's just so hard joon

NamJoon: is it ur dad again?

HOEseok: woah ok no need to get too deep

HOEseok: I'm talking about how hard it is to live without yoongi's arse

NamJoon: ffs hobi there's me thinking it's something serious

HOEseok: this IS serious joon

NamJoon: yoongi's arse is not serious

HOEseok: HOW DARE U

HOEseok: IVE HAD ENOUGH JOON

HOEseok: IM DOING IT

HOEseok: IM ASKING HIM OUT TOMORROW

HOEseok: AT SCHOOL

NamJoon: ARE U BEING SERIOUS????

HOEseok: FUCK YEAH

NamJoon: FINALLY LMAO

Chapter Text

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
31/10/16
8:32

 

HOEseok: happy halloween lads

JiminyCricket: happy halloween

TaeTae: suck my spooky dick

Seokjinnie: why can't u say something normal for once

TaeTae: :(

JiminyCricket: who's going trick or treating tonight???

NamJoon: you're 16?

JiminyCricket: ur point???

TaeTae: bruh I'm going

Jeongguk: can I come?

TaeTae: fuck yeah boo

MinSuga: some of us are busy with homework

Jeongguk: can't relate I'm in year 10

 

HOEseok removed MinSuga

 

TaeTae: why'd you remove him

JiminyCricket: is there trouble in paradise

HOEseok: stfu

HOEseok: listen

HOEseok: I'm asking yoongi out today

HOEseok: does anyone know where he'll be at lunch???

TaeTae: OH MY GOD IS IT FINALLY HAPPENING????

JiminyCricket: FUCKENING KNEW IT

Seokjinnie: OH MY GOD

Seokjinnie: HE HANGS OUT IN THE SIXTH FORM COMMON ROOM MOST OF THE TIME

Seokjinnie: DO U NOT SEE HIM??

HOEseok: I NORMALLY STAY UPSTAIRS W THE YEAR 12S STFU

HOEseok: IM ASKING HIM OUT AT LUNCH LADS

Seokjinnie: OH MY GOD I'LL BE THERE TO WATCH

JiminyCricket: SO WILL I

NamJoon: younger years aren't allowed in the sixth form block

TaeTae: YOU HAVE WINDOWS DONT YOU????

NamJoon: TRUE

Seokjinnie: ADD YOONGI BACK HES TEXTING ME

HOEseok: LMAO ME TOO

HOEseok: HE JUST CALLED ME A DIRTY ASS SNAKE

 

HOEseok added MinSuga

 

Seokjinnie: welcome back boy

JiminyCricket: how was vacay???

MinSuga: fuck u both

MinSuga: I don't trust u snakes

TaeTae: why?? all we were doing was bitching about u behind ur back

MinSuga: thanks

HOEseok: oi nah don't start beef

MinSuga: u started it when u removed me

HOEseok: my finger slipped

MinSuga: ?????

MinSuga: snakes

-----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
31/10/16
13:21

 

JiminyCricket removed MinSuga

 

JiminyCricket: oi we're outside the window someone open it

JiminyCricket: we want to hear what's happening

Seokjinnie: oh my god you're actually there

TaeTae: yeah now open the window boo

JiminyCricket: hobi u ready for this shit

HOEseok: man was born ready

-

The common room was fairly crowded, as per usual. People were huddled in different corners of the room, shouting over one another in an attempt to have a coherent conversation.

Yoongi was sat on a black leather sofa that had been carelessly placed between two big ass windows. He spent every lunch there, with his earphones in, waiting for Jin to arrive. But on this particular afternoon Jin had avoided Yoongi and made his way to one of the windows behind the sofa, careful not to be seen, he didn't want to make it obvious that they were all watching him.

Jin laughed when he saw Jimin, Tae and Jeongguk standing behind the glass, waving him over. He opened the window like they had requested and told them to shut the fuck up because they were loud motherfuckers and this was meant to be a surprise.

Soon Joon also arrived and walked over to them with a panini in one hand and a cup of tea in the other, "sup lads."

"What the fuck, where did you get tea from?"

"The sixth form canteen bro, they sell all kinds of shit."

"That's just discrimination, first we have to stand behind a window to watch our best friends be gay, and now we get no tea."

"Boo fucking hoo."

Joon continued to delicately sip his tea with his pinky finger jutted out while Tae and Jimin whined about not being allowed any. Eventually Jimin tried reaching his arms through the window to grab the cuppa but Joon was fast and scooted just out of Jimin's reach, "fine, fuck your tea, I hope you choke on your panini cunt."

"Where the fuck is Hoseok? My arse is freezing out here."

"Shut the fuck up Tae, that's what your dumbass gets for not wearing a coat."

Finally, after what seemed like a century or so Hoseok arrived in the common room. His eyes fell on the black sofa where Yoongi was sat still looking down at his phone. Then, he looked beyond the sofa at his five friends who were giving him thumbs up gestures.

Luckily for Hoseok, he was popular. Everyone knew who he was and everyone liked him, and although this was the year 13 area, he knew he could get away with making an absolute arse of himself. So, that's what he did.

He walked to the middle of the room, took a deep breath, and yelled,

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP"

Everyone shutted the fuck up.

"I have something to say."

Everyone in the room was staring at Hoseok, including Yoongi who had apparently heard him over his loud ass music.

Hoseok turned towards Yoongi, "listen up Yoon, I like you, like I really fucking like you and I want to hold your hand, and kiss your cheek and suck your dick and all that relationship type shit because you have a nice arse but an even nicer personality and shit man you're so great, so do you fancy going to nandos this saturday? Just us two, I'll pay."

Everyone was deadass silent.

"Did you really just announce you want to suck his dick?" Jimin broke out laughing from outside, which resulted in everyone staring at him and Jin slamming the window shut.

A muffled "oi open the window you fucking pikey" could be heard along with a constant knocking on the glass.

Slowly everyone shifted their gaze from the window to Yoongi, who was still staring at Hoseok from his spot on the sofa, "are you fucking with me?"

"I legit just said offered you a nandos and a blowjob do I sound like I'm fucking with you?"

Yoongi narrowed his eyes a little because hmmm nandos and a blowie sounded fun but what's if all this was a joke and everyone was going to laugh at him, Yoongi didn't want to get played again.

But Yoongi trusted Hoseok.

"Lads we have registration in about 2 minutes so if you'd like to hurry the fuck up" some random ass guy probably called Jack said from the other side of the room.

Yoongi smirked, "can I get the double peri peri chicken wrap with extra sauce?"

"You can get whatever you want babes."

"Then fuck yeah let's go on a date"

Everyone in the room just breathed out a "fucking finally" and a guy shouted "oi someone owes me a fiver."

Hoseok and Yoongi hadn't exactly been the best at hiding their feelings towards each other over the last few weeks.

-

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
31/10/16
13:42

 

JiminyCricket: you fuckers I wanted to know what happened

TaeTae: it's ok I was pressing my ear against the window

TaeTae: I heard something about a peri peri chicken

JiminyCricket: I'm hungry now

Seokjinnie: YOONGI SAID YES

JiminyCricket: THANK FUCK

TaeTae: WOULDA BEEN AWKWARD IF HE HAD SAID NO

 

HOEseok added MinSuga

 

HOEseok: GUESS WHOS LINKING LADS

MinSuga: wtf when was I removed

MinSuga: DID TAE, JIMIN AND JEON REALLY STAND OUTSIDE THE WINDOW TO WATCH U ASK ME OUT

TaeTae: YES AND THEN SOMEONE RUDELY SHUT IT ON US

Seokjinnie: THATS WHAT U GET

MinSuga: HOBI ACTUALLY ANNOUNCED HE WANTED TO SUCK MY DICK

MinSuga: TO THE ENTIRE YEAR 13

Seokjinnie: OK I WASNT EXPECTING THAT I AINT GOING TO LIE

NamJoon: HOBI NEVER TOLD US WHAT HE WAS GOING TO SAY

MinSuga: FFS HOBI

HOEseok: WHO GIVES A SHIT WE STILL LINKING

MinSuga: LMAO U COULDA ASKED ME LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

HOEseok: WHERES THE FUN IN THAT

Seokjinnie: ok but seriously we're late for registration we need to go

----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
31/10/16
20:12

 

TaeTae: why are ppl so mean to teenagers on halloween night :((

MinSuga: they probably think you're going to mug them

JiminyCricket: we would never

JiminyCricket: all I wanted was a Milky Way

JiminyCricket: then all of a sudden this woman was threatening to call the police

Seokjinnie: to be fair

Seokjinnie: a lot of teenagers are arseholes on halloween night

MinSuga: true

NamJoon: a guy in my year decided to light fireworks and point them towards people's houses

TaeTae: wtf why

MinSuga: that's fucked up

NamJoon: he thought it was funny

NamJoon: apparently one almost hit this little kid and the kid's dad went ballistic

MinSuga: I mean wouldnt you ?

NamJoon: true

NamJoon: the police were in our assembly the next day

NamJoon: the guy got expelled

HOEseok: oh shit yeah I remember that

HOEseok: he was doing it down my road

HOEseok: the kid's dad was bare hench and chased him lmao

JiminyCricket: sounded like banter until the kid almost got hit

Seokjinnie: I can see why people hate teenagers on Halloween now lmao

TaeTae: yeah but have I got fireworks on me?

TaeTae: im legit dressed as luigi what harm can I do

JiminyCricket: we should have brought ur little bro and sis

TaeTae: shit yeah

MinSuga: u have siblings ?

TaeTae: yeah

TaeTae: my sis is like 12 and my bro is like 8

Seokjinnie: banter

JiminyCricket: I look like a 12 yo so I should still be getting sweets

MinSuga: u don't look 12 ur just the height of a 12 year old

Seokjinnie: yeah u look like a hardass tbh

JiminyCricket: whaaaaaaaa ???????

HOEseok: true I probs wouldn't cross u in the street

JiminyCricket: wtf I'm cute as shit

TaeTae: nah I'm the cute one

NamJoon: that's true

Seokjinnie: tae is adorable

JiminyCricket: fuckin rude

JiminyCricket: imma light a firework and aim it at ur house

Seokjinnie: try it bitchboy

Chapter Text

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
05/11/16
11:34

 

JiminyCricket: today's the day lads

TaeTae: the long awaited yoonseok date

MinSuga: yoonseok ?

TaeTae: yoongi + hoseok

MinSuga: yes I worked out what it meant

MinSuga: why are u using it ?

TaeTae: bc im young and hip unlike u

MinSuga: im offended

MinSuga: blocked

MinSuga: reported

NamJoon: what time is the date then boys

HOEseok: 2pm

MinSuga: cant wait for my nandos

Seokjinnie: remember to use protection

MinSuga: lmao as if we're going to do anything that requires protection

HOEseok: but we will be doing something?? ;)

MinSuga: depends how you behave bbyboy

TaeTae: :O

JiminyCricket: oh how the tables have tabled

HOEseok: thats cute

---------

yoonseok spy squad
05/11/16
12:54

 

JiminyCricket created chat

JiminyCricket added TaeTae

iminyCricket added Seokjinnie

JiminyCricket added NamJoon

JiminyCricket added Jeongguk

 

JiminyCricket: right lads

Seokjinnie: what is this

NamJoon: i already hate this idea

JiminyCricket: stfu and listen

JiminyCricket: has everyone seen that tweet of the girl who wears a disguise to make sure her friend's date goes well???

TaeTae: YEAH

Seokjinnie: no??

Jeongguk: i don't even have twitter

NamJoon: yes and no we're not doing it

JiminyCricket: LISTEN

JiminyCricket: tae and i still have our moustaches from the mario and luigi costumes

JiminyCricket: wear those with some sunglasses and a hoodie

JiminyCricket: and boom, a disguise

TaeTae: OH MY GOD YES

Seokjinnie: you're not being serious

JiminyCricket: lets go to nandos

JiminyCricket: and just make sure everything is going well

NamJoon: what the fuck man

TaeTae: LETS DO IT

Seokjinnie: but why???

JiminyCricket: bc it's banter

NamJoon: do u two not have anything better to do?

JiminyCricket: ...

TaeTae: ...

JiminyCricket: no

NamJoon: fair enough

TaeTae: what time should we get there?

JiminyCricket: well they're arriving at 2 so we should get there at like 1:45 or smth ????

TaeTae: okey doke c u there

----------

yoonseok spy squad
05/11/16
13:58

 

TaeTae: target has been spotted

TaeTae: yoonseok are entering the building

Seokjinnie: oh my god

Seokjinnie: you actually went

JiminyCricket: of course

JiminyCricket: I did also really fancy a nandos

NamJoon: well fair enough then

TaeTae: HOBI PULLED OUT THE DAMN SEAT FOR HIM

NamJoon: what a gentleman

Seokjinnie: sorry all I read was "hobi pulled out" and I was like damn they doing that already

JiminyCricket: a bit of nandos exhibitionism

TaeTae: piri piri sauce as lube

NamJoon: what the fuck

Seokjinnie: not that much worse than disinfectant

JiminyCricket: ALRIGHT LISTEN

JiminyCricket: THAT WAS ONE TIME

NamJoon: yeah but u still did it

Seokjinnie: at least if u ate arse with piri piri sauce there would be a bit of spice

TaeTae: what sauce would you go for

TaeTae: I'd probably have the medium sauce

TaeTae: don't want that arse to be too spicy

JiminyCricket: extra hot boo

JiminyCricket: go big or go home

NamJoon: nah u see that would probs burn their arsehole

NamJoon: I'd probs go for lemon and herb

TaeTae: boy what are u?

JiminyCricket: only whites™ go for lemon and herb

Seokjinnie: that's a lie my brother has lemon and herb all the time

TaeTae: what a fake

Jeongguk: I'd go for medium as well

Seokjinnie: boy since when were you eating arse???

Jeongguk: well I might one day

NamJoon: do girls like their arse eaten?

Seokjinnie: idk someone ask

JiminyCricket: hang on I'll text my sis

Seokjinnie: JIMIN U CANT ASK UR SIS

JiminyCricket: WHY NOT SHES A GIRL

NamJoon: SHES UR SISTER

JiminyCricket: ARE YALL NOT CLOSE W UR SIBLINGS

Seokjinnie: NOT CLOSE ENOUGH FOR THAT

JiminyCricket: fine I won't ask her

TaeTae: it's ok I asked my cousin

NamJoon: what the fuck is wrong with you two

JiminyCricket: honestly even we don't know

TaeTae: oi oi it looks like hobi has ordered the meals

TaeTae: they're talking

TaeTae: and laughing

TaeTae: all is well

JiminyCricket: what sauce would yoongi use as lube?

Seokjinnie: probs extra hot bc he has no fear

TaeTae: nah I still don't believe he's that wild

NamJoon: why do u doubt him

Seokjinnie: have u found a priest yet?

TaeTae: no

TaeTae: and if he's with hobi now I can't set him up

TaeTae: I don't condone cheating

Seokjinnie: well at least u have some morals

JiminyCricket: yo

JiminyCricket: wait

JiminyCricket: Yoongi is looking over here

JiminyCricket: don't act suspicious

Seokjinnie: if u two are actually wearing sunglasses and moustaches then ur fucked

TaeTae: jimin don't bait us out fam

JiminyCricket: my chicken ain't even turned up yet

TaeTae: SHIT HE'S ALERTING HOBI

TaeTae: THEY KNOW ITS US

Seokjinnie: HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY KNOW ITS YOU

JiminyCricket: IDK

TaeTae: WE CANT LEAVE WE ALREADY ORDERED OUR FOOD

JiminyCricket: YOONGIS GETTING UP

NamJoon: RUN U FOOLS

Seokjinnie: YOONGI IS GON BEAT U

NamJoon: FORGET THE CHICKEN

Seokjinnie: YOONGI WILL FUCK U

Seokjinnie: AND NOT IN A FUN WAY

TaeTae: WE RAN

TaeTae: WE HAULED ARSE

JiminyCricket: YOONGI AN INTIMIDATING MOTHERFUCKER

Seokjinnie: WHY DO U THINK I DONT FUCK WITH HIM????

TaeTae: I WAS REALLY EXCITED FOR MY CHICKEN

JiminyCricket: WAIT

JiminyCricket: WE DIDNT PAY

NamJoon: YOU STOLE FROM NANDOS????

TaeTae: WE DIDNT MEAN TO

Seokjinnie: NO MORE CHICKEN FOR U BABYSON

JiminyCricket: IM SO SAD

NamJoon: THATS WHAT UR SCHEMING ARSE GETS

----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
05/11/16
16:17

 

MinSuga: yknow u two ain't discreet

JiminyCricket: we know

JiminyCricket: we just wanted a nandos

TaeTae: we sowwy :(((

Seokjinnie: how did u know it was them???

MinSuga: well

MinSuga: considering tae was literally wearing his football jumper

MinSuga: that says "taehyung" on the back

MinSuga: it wasn't hard to guess

Seokjinnie: TAE WHAT THE FUCK

TaeTae: OH SHIT YEAH

JiminyCricket: I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE

NamJoon: HOW ARE U THIS STUPID

TaeTae: BOY I FORGOT IT HAD MY NAME ON OK

MinSuga: why were you even there ?

JiminyCricket: we just wanted to make sure everything was ok

MinSuga: well thanks for the concern I gCuess

MinSuga: btw we paid for ur nandos

MinSuga: so they wouldn't call the police

TaeTae: ur such lads

JiminyCricket: thanks boo

Seokjinnie: so how was the date

MinSuga: the dinner was great

MinSuga: but the DATE hasn't finished yet

NamJoon: where you going now?

MinSuga: well

MinSuga: we're going to see a film in about 10 mins

MinSuga: then going to a firework display tonight bc bonfire night and all

JiminyCricket: oh shit yeah

JiminyCricket: happy bonfire night everyone

TaeTae: RIP Guy Fawkes

Seokjinnie: gone but never forgotten

NamJoon: what's everyone doing for bonfire night?

Seokjinnie: jeonggik and I are going to the family firework display

Seokjinnie: do you want to come??

NamJoon: sure I'm not doing anything

TaeTae: jimin and I are having our own display round his

TaeTae: probably drunk

Seokjinnie: ffs be careful pls

Jeongguk: can I meet u two after the family thing

JiminyCricket: sure boy

Seokjinnie: I stg if u get drunk

Jeongguk: I won't

Jeongguk: it's too much hassle

MinSuga: smart boy

TaeTae: go back to hobi

Seokjinnie: do u want a lift to jimins???

Jeongguk: nah it's ok

Jeongguk: I'll walk

Seokjinnie: ok

NamJoon: wait how are u getting drunk?

JiminyCricket: alcohol??

JiminyCricket: how tf are you the smartest here

NamJoon: i MEANT

NamJoon: how are you getting drunk, don't you have parents?

JiminyCricket: they're away this weekend

Seokjinnie: ur parents are always away

JiminyCricket: rich ppl don't stay in one place for long

MinSuga: can't relate

------------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
05/11/16
22:36

 

JiminyCricket: hsppy binfue nihhy

Seokjinnie: oh ffs

Seokjinnie: I don't trust jeon in ur care

Jeongguk: I'm fine jin

NamJoon: trust the kids lmao

Seokjinnie: I'm trying

TaeTae: yeag cnom jin tryst us

Seokjinnie: I'll trust u when u can spell the word

TaeTae: trsust

TaeTae: trist

TaeTae: truusy

TaeTae: sgut up ecerytging is bkurry

Seokjinnie: you kids need to learn your limits

NamJoon: lmao you can't talk

MinSuga: yeah jin u get fucked off ur head every time we go out

Seokjinnie: stfu I'm 18 I'm allowed

NamJoon: anyway

NamJoon: how was the date?

MinSuga: it was great

HOEseok: amazing

HOEseok: we're at yoongis now

Seokjinnie: oi oi

MinSuga: stfu

HOEseok: nah not like that

HOEseok: we're just on the sofa watching reruns of friends

MinSuga: we're so domesticated

HOEseok: such goals

TaeTae: ur sp gay

JiminyCricket: tae shvk ny dicj

Seokjinnie: idek what that says

NamJoon: how was the display?

MinSuga: it was good

HOEseok: we kissed

Seokjinnie: YEAH BOY

HOEseok: WE KISSED UNDER THE FIREWORKS

NamJoon: aw that's so homo

MinSuga: stfu

HOEseok: LMAO INNIT

Seokjinnie: it's ok joon and I did the same thing

MinSuga: btw

MinSuga: hobi is a very good kisser

HOEseok: thanks I try my best

TaeTae: jeon issa gpod kisder too

JiminyCricket: truu

Seokjinnie: what?

NamJoon: did he say jeon?

MinSuga: who's kissing jeon?

Seokjinnie: did tae kiss jeon?

HOEseok: WAIT WHAT

HOEseok: TAE KISSED JEON???

HOEseok: AND JIMIN KISSED JEON???

 

Jeongguk left the chat

 

TaeTae: oh

Seokjinnie: what happened???

JiminyCricket: jwon just syormed out

TaeTae: i difnt mean to updeg him

JiminyCricket: oh fyck

Chapter Text

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
12/11/16
16:08

 

NamJoon: has anyone heard from jeon?

TaeTae: nope

JiminyCricket: I saw him at school yesterday

JiminyCricket: I tried calling him but he ignored me

Seokjinnie: I've been round my aunts at least 3 times this week and each time he's been out

Seokjinnie: he never used to go out

TaeTae: I really didn't mean to out him

MinSuga: thing is

MinSuga: we're all gay/bi/pan so why would it matter

MinSuga: we wouldn't judge

JiminyCricket: it's not us I don't think

JiminyCricket: it's him he can't come to terms with it

Seokjinnie: how do you know?

JiminyCricket: he's been talking to me about it

Seokjinnie: and you didn't tell me?

JiminyCricket: it wasn't my place to

HOEseok: it took me 2 years to come to terms with it tbh

HOEseok: it's not easy for everyone

NamJoon: I'm worried about him

NamJoon: yknow we've gotten pretty close over the last few months

NamJoon: I feel protective over him

MinSuga: I think we all do

JiminyCricket: I probably shouldn't tell you but considering the situation I will

JiminyCricket: he likes a guy

JiminyCricket: idk who

JiminyCricket: but apparently it was sudden and his young mind thinks it's love

JiminyCricket: and the fact it's suddenly a guy is probably making it worse

Seokjinnie: why didn't he say anything?

TaeTae: he was probably confused

Seokjinnie: according to my aunt he's been staying out late over the last few days

Seokjinnie: he missed school on Monday

TaeTae: I know I pissed him off but I didn't think it would be this bad jfc

JiminyCricket: it's been a week man and he hasn't said a word to any of us

Seokjinnie: yknow he hasn't been having the easiest time at home either

Seokjinnie: my aunt and uncle keep fighting and it's real bad

Seokjinnie: I think it's really effecting him

MinSuga: also, he still gets picked on at school

MinSuga: I know it's not as bad as it was but I know it's still happening

MinSuga: but I can't hit every person that says something to him

MinSuga: I was hoping what happened with blondie and that other guy would give him some confidence to stand up for himself

Seokjinnie: bro he's been really down for the last year or so

Seokjinnie: my aunt took him to the doctors in June and they wanted to give him counselling

Seokjinnie: he refused it tho

NamJoon: dude I'm really worried about him

TaeTae: I've tried texting but I didn't get a response

JiminyCricket: same

MinSuga: same

NamJoon: me too

Seokjinnie: ffs jeon idek where he'd go

NamJoon: have you asked his friends?

Seokjinnie: I've asked you lot haven't I?

NamJoon: I mean his friends outside of us

Seokjinnie: I don't think he has any honestly

TaeTae: wait really

JiminyCricket: wtf

Seokjinnie: he used to but he said they found him annoying and clingy so they left him

JiminyCricket: is that why he's so reluctant to get involved with us?

Seokjinnie: shit it might be actually

TaeTae: man that's fucked up

NamJoon: he always asked if he could hang out with us

NamJoon: as if we wouldn't want him

MinSuga: man this kid is probably so lonely

NamJoon: he was always so happy when we hung out

Seokjinnie: he was probably happy someone finally wanted his company

JiminyCricket: that's actually so sad

MinSuga: honestly I think we're going to have to just wait till he comes to one of us

Seokjinnie: that could be ages

MinSuga: I know but give him time he's been going through some shit

----------

Jeongguk started chat with NamJoon

20:12

 

Jeongguk: can you meet me?

Jeongguk: I think I need to talk to someone

NamJoon: where have you been guk

NamJoon: yeah just tell me where and I'll be there

Jeongguk: the rec

Jeongguk: at the oak tree

NamJoon: ok I'll be there as soon as I can

Jeongguk: don't tell the others

NamJoon: ok I won't

Jeongguk: thank you

---------

Jeongguk started chat with NamJoon

22:13

 

Jeongguk: I'm sorry

Jeongguk: I didn't mean to

Jeongguk: it was impulsive

Jeongguk: nammie I'm sorry

Jeongguk: please don't tell jin

Jeongguk: he'll hate me

Jeongguk: please don't hate me

Jeongguk: I'm really sorry

Jeongguk: please still be my friend

Jeongguk: I'm sorry

Chapter Text

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
13/11/16
13:43

 

Seokjinnie: jeongguk didn't go home last night

MinSuga: what?

TaeTae: you joking?

Seokjinnie: no

Seokjinnie: his mum just called asking if we've seen him

Seokjinnie: she's worried sick man

JiminyCricket: we need to find him

Seokjinnie: they've called the police

Seokjinnie: not much they can do really

HOEseok: when's the last time someone saw him

Seokjinnie: apparently yesterday at roughly 10am

Seokjinnie: his bro saw him leaving the house

TaeTae: fuck man where do you think he is

Seokjinnie: idk but I'm scared

MinSuga: we should look for him

MinSuga: better us finding him than a policeman

Seokjinnie: good point

TaeTae: jimin and I can look round our side of town

Seokjinnie: ok yoongi and I will drive round the school area

HOEseok: once I get out of church I'll start looking round my ends

Seokjinnie: man I'm worried

MinSuga: it'll be ok

NamJoon: he texted me

Seokjinnie: what

Seokjinnie: when

Seokjinnie: what did he say

TaeTae: yo when

MinSuga: what did he say ?

NamJoon: it was last night

NamJoon: he asked me to meet him

Seokjinnie: wtf

Seokjinnie: why didn't you tell me

NamJoon: he didn't want me to

MinSuga: did you meet with him ?

NamJoon: yes

NamJoon: we talked

NamJoon: at first it was about shit like schoolwork

NamJoon: but then he started going on about being confused

NamJoon: and he was saying shit like "I just want to it to stop" "everything suddenly got really hard" "I want it to be easy"

NamJoon: I was just trying to comfort him

NamJoon: so I put my arm round him yknow to hug him or something

NamJoon: but instead he kissed me

Seokjinnie: he did what

TaeTae: oh shit

NamJoon: I pushed him away

NamJoon: man I got so angry idek why

NamJoon: I yelled at him I didn't mean to but spur of the moment and whatnot

MinSuga: what did you say to him ?

NamJoon: I was just like "what the fuck are you doing" "don't fucking touch me"

NamJoon: and I decided to walk off

NamJoon: I shouldn't have and I'm sorry but I was angry and irrational

NamJoon: and now look what happened

Seokjinnie: you should have told me

NamJoon: I'm really sorry I know I should have

MinSuga: it's not joon's fault

MinSuga: ok yes maybe he should have told at least jin but he was only trying to do what jeon wanted

MinSuga: your anger wasn't irrational you couldn't have expected him to do that

JiminyCricket: does that mean the guy jeon likes is joon?

TaeTae: oh fuck

NamJoon: I shouldn't have walked off I'm sorry jin

Seokjinnie: it's not your fault

Seokjinnie: but now we have to find him

Seokjinnie: where did you meet him?

NamJoon: the oak tree at the rec

NamJoon: he texted me at about just gone 8

NamJoon: I got there at about half 8

NamJoon: and I think I fucked off at about 10

Seokjinnie: ok I'll pick up yoongi and nam

Seokjinnie: we'll look around town

NamJoon: I really am sorry jin

Seokjinnie: I know

Seokjinnie: I don't blame you

Seokjinnie: now lets just find him

----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
13/11/16
18:09

 

TaeTae: any news?

Seokjinnie: no

NamJoon: not that I know of

JiminyCricket: we didn't see him

MinSuga: anyone heard from him?

HOEseok: nope

JiminyCricket: no

TaeTae: no

Seokjinnie: police said they've looked and have put out a message to the surrounding areas but so far nothing's come back

MinSuga: ffs

Seokjinnie: man he never does shit like this

Seokjinnie: I didn't even know he was hurting that bad

Seokjinnie: he's always been shy I just assumed he was quiet bc of that

HOEseok: I guess it shows u never really know what's happening with someone

Seokjinnie: we should have been there for him

NamJoon: I shouldn't have pushed him away like that

Seokjinnie: I'm his cousin I'm meant to look after him

MinSuga: it's no ones fault

MinSuga: we just need to make sure we're there for him when we find him

Seokjinnie: do you all want to come round mine?

Seokjinnie: yoongi and joon are already here

Seokjinnie: I think I need ppl atm

HOEseok: yeah I'll be round soon

TaeTae: yeah jimin and I'll be round soon

Seokjinnie: thanks lads

Seokjinnie: communal support is greatly appreciated

Seokjinnie: it'll probs make my aunt feel better as well

Seokjinnie: seeing jeonggik have friends

Seokjinnie: she's been here for the last hour

Seokjinnie: she's so worried

HOEseok: I'll be like 20 mins

TaeTae: we'll be as quick as we can but the buses are shite

Seokjinnie: lol ok

Seokjinnie: thanks lads

------------

Jeongguk started chat with JiminyCricket

21:46

 

Jeongguk: why didd U hace to do thst

Jeongguk: theu werent meanr to no

JiminyCricket: jeongguk where are you

JiminyCricket: are you drunk

Jeongguk: u arsdhole

Jeongguk: it waa goimg sp well

JiminyCricket: jeongguk tell me where you are

JiminyCricket: jeongguk tell me

JiminyCricket: jeon please

JiminyCricket: I'm with the guys we want to come and get you

Jeongguk: no

JiminyCricket: where are you?

Jeongguk: I donnt knoe

Jeongguk: I ruinedf it jinin

JiminyCricket: What do you mean?

Jeongguk: I trieds to kiss him

Jeongguk: he pushef me awayy

Jeongguk: he hatesd ne

Jeongguk: jin will hatse mw

JiminyCricket: Jin won't hate you

Jeongguk: he will

Jeongguk: everyonw will

Jeongguk: everuone does eventually

Jeongguk: no one stayse

Jeongguk: whyw does no pne stay

JiminyCricket: Jeongguk calm down

Jeongguk: im sp alpne

Jeongguk: I dont wantr to bw alome anymorw

JiminyCricket: You're not alone anymore, you have us

Jeongguk: youll lweave ome day

JiminyCricket: where did you get alcohol from?

Jeongguk: idk spme ghy

JiminyCricket: who was he?

Jeongguk: idk

JiminyCricket: describe where you are

Jeongguk: hmm

Jeongguk: theresa road

Jeongguk: cars

Jeongguk: Im standjng nxxt to s train track

JiminyCricket: Why are you at the train track?

Jeongguk: im waitinhfor the traim

JiminyCricket: Why? Where are you going?

JiminyCricket: jeon

JiminyCricket: why are you at the train track?

Jeongguk: evwrytging is prwttier at nihht

JiminyCricket: what?

Jeongguk: uts so prettu out herr

Jeongguk: peoplw r prettier in tge dark

Jeongguk: wgy does everypne want to die at nighth

JiminyCricket: What?

JiminyCricket: jeon where are you?

Jeongguk: mobody wants to see death in the ligght

JiminyCricket: what are you going on about?

Jeongguk: Deatg is prettiwr at nighht

JiminyCricket: Death isn't pretty

Jeongguk: Sadnwss is pretttier at night too

Jeongguk: U shoudd see sqdness ar night by tge train tracks

Jeongguk: its sp temptinh

JiminyCricket: we're coming to find you

Jeongguk: pkease dont

Jeongguk: let me enhoy tgis for a frw more minutes

JiminyCricket: we're coming to find you

Jeongguk: tje trains cominh

Jeongguk: I nwed to go

Jeongguk: I dpnt want to miss ut

JiminyCricket: jeon

JiminyCricket: are you there?

JiminyCricket: jeon answer me

JiminyCricket: don't go near the tracks

JiminyCricket: jeon please

JiminyCricket: ffs this isn't funny

JiminyCricket: jeon answer

JiminyCricket: jeon please answer

JiminyCricket: Jeongguk please answer me

JiminyCricket: Jin and Namjoon don't hate you they love you

JiminyCricket: we all love you

JiminyCricket: we're here to help you

JiminyCricket: Jeongguk answer me

JiminyCricket: please

Chapter Text

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
14/11/16
13:22

 

TaeTae: yo jin how's jeon doing?

Seokjinnie: he's ok

Seokjinnie: he was dehydrated ironically

Seokjinnie: water wise at least

Seokjinnie: but there was a fuck load of alcohol in his system

Seokjinnie: also hypothermia and shit

Seokjinnie: boy was wearing a tshirt ??? in this November weather

HOEseok: where did you find him?

NamJoon: by the tracks near old man crowley's woods

MinSuga: wtf why was he over there ?

NamJoon: idk but he wasn't hurt

NamJoon: physically at least

NamJoon: but he was unconscious and smelt of booze

Seokjinnie: there was fucking glass everywhere

Seokjinnie: wtf was he doing

MinSuga: who knows

MinSuga: we need to talk to him

Seokjinnie: doctors said he'll be discharged later

MinSuga: get his arse on here when he gets home

Seokjinnie: will do

HOEseok: what was he going on about last night though?

HOEseok: about death being pretty and shit

HOEseok: he sounded like some 13y/o emo tumblr blogger

Seokjinnie: idk tbh

NamJoon: maybe it was just the alcohol

TaeTae: we all know damn well what he was going on about

JiminyCricket: I've gotten texts like that before and what came after wasn't pretty

TaeTae: jimin

JiminyCricket: that's all I'm saying about it

MinSuga: we don't know anything yet

TaeTae: yes we do

TaeTae: we all know why he was at the train tracks

TaeTae: he went to fucking kill himself

NamJoon: tae

JiminyCricket: tae cmon calm down

Seokjinnie: tae fucking dont

MinSuga: wtf tae

TaeTae: no stop beating around the bush

TaeTae: he didn't exactly go to look at trains

TaeTae: trains aren't that pretty

-----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
14/11/16
17:39

 

Seokjinnie added Jeongguk to the chat

 

JiminyCricket: ur arse better start talking

HOEseok: what happened to the gentle approach?

JiminyCricket: shit yeah

JiminyCricket: hi jeon how are you?

Jeongguk: lol

TaeTae: ok seriously tho

TaeTae: wtf happened?

Jeongguk: I'm sorry

Jeongguk: shit has been hard recently

MinSuga: what's happened?

MinSuga: you can tell us anything

HOEseok: we're here for you

Jeongguk: shits been rough with my parents

Jeongguk: and idk I just been feeling really shitty for the last few months

Jeongguk: and part of me been feeling that it wouldn't matter if I was gone

Jeongguk: like I have no friends so they wouldn't care and my parents are too busy hating each other lmao

Jeongguk: if people wanted me around they'd stay,, but so far people have just left

Jeongguk: but I became a part of this gc and we became friends

Jeongguk: I still thought you didn't want me around

Jeongguk: but it got better for a while

Jeongguk: but then I started having these feelings and I didn't understand them and I was so confused

Jeongguk: I still am confused tbh

Jeongguk: I started to like nammie, I thought it was just friendship but I'd see u and jin kiss and hold hands and do boyfriend shit nd I was jealous

Jeongguk: I got a bit drunk on Halloween and I kissed him at the party

Jeongguk: I'm sorry that was me and I'm really sorry but it was impulsive

Jeongguk: I just wanted to know if I actually wanted that

Jeongguk: turns out I did lol

Jeongguk: but when nammie pushed me away the other night I thought I had ruined everything

Jeongguk: not just with him but all of you, I thought you'd all hate me

Jeongguk: so I just drank it away and I don't remember much else

JiminyCricket: we would never hate you

Seokjinnie: you kissed my boyfriend, I'm not saying that was an ok thing to do, but I wouldn't hate you for it

NamJoon: you didn't ruin anything with any of us

NamJoon: I shouldn't have pushed you away

NamJoon: I was just confused, I'm sure u know we do irrational things when we're confused

Jeongguk: lol yeah

Jeongguk: I'm really sorry though

NamJoon: it's ok guk

NamJoon: nothing's changed between us

Seokjinnie: us too

JiminyCricket: you need to talk to us if shit is happening

Jeongguk: I will

Jeongguk: I'm sorry

MinSuga: id like to ask something

Jeongguk: ok

MinSuga: who did you get the alcohol from?

Jeongguk: just some guy hanging outside the morrisons petrol station

MinSuga: name?

Jeongguk: didn't get one

MinSuga: what did he look like?

Jeongguk: idk some tall white guy with dark hair, grey hoodie, adidas tracksuit bottoms lmaoo

MinSuga: ok

JiminyCricket: does it matter?

MinSuga: yes

Seokjinnie: yes it does

Jeongguk: why?

MinSuga: it just does

TaeTae: but why?

MinSuga: bc if it's the guy I'm thinking of I'm going to kill him

JiminyCricket: how could it possibly be the same guy lmao??

MinSuga: lol I know people

Seokjinnie: if it is im going to kill him too

NamJoon: who?

MinSuga: I knew a guy who basically looked for fucked up teens to fuck

MinSuga: he hung round petrol stations at night bc that's where depressed teenagers go lmao

JiminyCricket: and you know this because???

MinSuga: ;) ;)

-----------

TaeTae started chat with Jeongguk

20:42

 

TaeTae: yo

TaeTae: I just want to say

TaeTae: please talk to me if u ever feel like that again

TaeTae: I understand how you feel and I'm here to help

Jeongguk: how could you understand?

TaeTae: lmao I wasn't always as happy and care free as I am now

TaeTae: we all have shit to deal with

Jeongguk: what's your shit?

TaeTae: it's not important

Jeongguk: tell me

Jeongguk: please

Jeongguk: I mean unless u don't want to I don't want to force you

TaeTae: nah it's cool

TaeTae: basically

TaeTae: I have like really bad bipolar

TaeTae: I'm on meds and everything lol

TaeTae: and sometimes I get into really dark places

TaeTae: and after my parents got divorced last year and my dad moved back to Korea to help w my grandparents it got real bad

TaeTae: I was really close w my dad and all

TaeTae: and one day I just fell apart??? Idk I drank a fuck load of whatever alcohol was in the cupboard and apparently after that I downed a bunch of my pills

TaeTae: apparently I started texting jimin after and he ran to mine

TaeTae: I don't remember much I was smashed but I remember it being messy

Jeongguk: shit

Jeongguk: but you seem so happy

TaeTae: I'm a brilliant actor lmao

TaeTae: actually it's not all acting

TaeTae: I get sad sometimes

TaeTae: maybe it's the bipolar maybe it's just bc I'm human

TaeTae: but I get on w it bc we have to lmao that's the only way u can survive in this world bruh

TaeTae: pretty neurotypical to say

TaeTae: but it's true

Jeongguk: I'm sorry

TaeTae: for what?

Jeongguk: idk just doing what I did and scaring you all

TaeTae: it's ok lmao

TaeTae: I felt like an arsehole after I did it as well

TaeTae: I just felt like my problems were minuscule

Jeongguk: I'm really sorry again

TaeTae: don't be

TaeTae: I know what that shits like

TaeTae: im here for you

Jeongguk: thank you tae

TaeTae: that's alright guk

Chapter Text

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
17/11/16
07:32

 

JiminyCricket: I don't want to go to school today

TaeTae: bunk?

JiminyCricket: fuck yeah let's do it

NamJoon: mate u can't bunk

TaeTae: yeah we can

Seokjinnie: school will call home u idiots

TaeTae: not if u send an email

MinSuga: not if ur MUM sends an email

JiminyCricket: do u...

JiminyCricket: think it's hard to hack an email???

NamJoon: u can hack?

JiminyCricket: yeah??

Seokjinnie: that's genuinely surprising

JiminyCricket: why???

MinSuga: u don't look like a hacker

JiminyCricket: well little things aren't hard

JiminyCricket: I'm still learning

MinSuga: who taught u

JiminyCricket: my aunt

JiminyCricket: she's like a genius and a beast at computers

MinSuga: wow

TaeTae: so are we bunking??

JiminyCricket: yeah man

TaeTae: ok I'll walk to urs

JiminyCricket: aight my parents will go to work soon

Jeongguk: can I bunk with u one day??

TaeTae: fuck yeah

JiminyCricket: why not today???

Seokjinnie: bc I'm already on my way to pick him up

Seokjinnie: u two are bad influences I regret introducing jeon to u

Jeongguk: I'm happy u did lol

TaeTae: so am I

JiminyCricket: yeah jeon is bants

Jeongguk: thank u lol

HOEseok: mate I hate living near the school

HOEseok: I can see all the chavs

Seokjinnie: ur a chav

HOEseok: fuck u am not

NamJoon: u own a full body adidas tracksuit

HOEseok: THATS JUST FOR DANCE

TaeTae: boy u dance???

TaeTae: how did I not know

HOEseok: well I never mentioned it to u before lmao

JiminyCricket: I dance too

HOEseok: we know u twat

HOEseok: meet me after school???

HOEseok: we need to practice

JiminyCricket: ok boo

Jeongguk: I want to learn how to dance

Jeongguk: I used to dance a bit when I was little

HOEseok: come with us !!

Jeongguk: really?

JiminyCricket: yeah it'll be banter

Jeongguk: ok lmao

-----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
17/11/16
17:14

 

MinSuga: I

MinSuga: hate

MinSuga: driving

Seokjinnie: why?

TaeTae: you can drive???

MinSuga: I'm still learning

MinSuga: because I'm absolutely shite

Jeongguk: don't most ppl learn when they're 17???

MinSuga: and?

Jeongguk: ur 18

MinSuga: I was "unfit to drive" last year

Seokjinnie: ok but why do u hate driving

MinSuga: alright so

MinSuga: im just cruising down the road

TaeTae: cruisin down the street in my 6-4

JiminyCricket: jockin the freaks

Jeongguk: clockin the dough

TaeTae: boy

MinSuga: if you'd like to stop with the eazy e so we can get back to me

MinSuga: as I was saying

MinSuga: so I'm cruising

MinSuga: and then we get to some speed bumps but I forgot to slow down

NamJoon: how do u forget

Seokjinnie: legit the whole point in them is to make u slow down

MinSuga: idk tbh I was legit thinking about how some people abandon their pets and that's just wrong

JiminyCricket: true

TaeTae: I could never abandon my dog

Jeongguk: it's so sad why do ppl do that

Seokjinnie: cats are better than dogs soz not soz

MinSuga: true

JiminyCricket: lmao nah dogs ftw

TaeTae: my dog actually loves me cats just want food

Seokjinnie: my cat sleeps on the end of my bed every time I'm ill try again bitchboy

TaeTae: my dog actually shows it's love

Seokjinnie: since when did not showing emotion mean that they have none

NamJoon: if that were the case Yoongi must be dead

MinSuga: fuck u I show emotion

Seokjinnie: only around hoseok

MinSuga: shit true

HOEseok: I love my goldfish

MinSuga: but ok and AGAIN back to me

MinSuga: so I forgot to slow down

MinSuga: and my instructor was like "yoongi you know you can actually slow down"

MinSuga: and I'm like, well you know what they say dave, go big or go home

MinSuga: it's all or nothing with me

Seokjinnie: I don't think the same applies to driving

MinSuga: listen am just tryna kill myself before exams

TaeTae: me too tbh

MinSuga: every time I'm in a car I think about how easy it would be to floor it and drive straight into a wall

JiminyCricket: remind me to never get in a car with u lmaooo

NamJoom: that's probably a sign that you should not be driving

Seokjinnie: bruh

MinSuga: nah it's aight I wouldn't actually do it

MinSuga: well, not with someone else in the car lmaoooo

TaeTae: well that's something then looool

Jeongguk: are hoseok and nammie learning to drive???

HOEseok: I will be in the new year

NamJoon: I started last month

MinSuga: how u finding it??

NamJoon: fine

NamJoon: it's pretty easy

MinSuga: well fuck u

JiminyCricket: I can't wait to drive

TaeTae: same

Jeongguk: same

Jeongguk: my brother can drive but he never gives me lifts

TaeTae: wait how old is ur bro

Jeongguk: 18

MinSuga: is he in year 13??

Jeongguk: no he's goes to the uni down the road

Jeongguk: so he lives at home

MinSuga: I could never go to uni near home

MinSuga: I can't wait to move away

Seokjinnie: same

HOEseok: but you'll be away from me?? :(

MinSuga: u got Skype

HOEseok: it's not the same

MinSuga: southampton is literally an hour away we'll still see each other often

NamJoon: Birmingham is a whole 2 hours away how am I meant to survive

Seokjinnie: we'll make it work

TaeTae: we can get an uber

NamJoon: that would cost bare money

JiminyCricket: not if we split it

JiminyCricket: hang on I'll check how much it would cost

NamJoon: we can't get an uber for 5 ppl

Jeongguk: uber XL

TaeTae: exactly

Seokjinnie: just get the train u stupid fucks

JiminyCricket: uber XL would be like at least £193 lmaooo

NamJoon: ffs the train would be cheaper

TaeTae: yeah let's just get the train

MinSuga: lads we haven't even been accepted yet why u making plans lmaooo

JiminyCricket: we're thinking ahead

TaeTae: nothing wrong with having a plan

NamJoon: lmao true

NamJoon: have u sent off ur applications yet??

MinSuga: yeah did it on sunday

Seokjinnie: did mine last week

Seokjinnie: we just gotta wait now lmao

Jeongguk: how long do u have to wait

Seokjinnie: they can respond anytime between now and may lol

TaeTae: ew that's long

JiminyCricket: innit

Chapter Text

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
22/11/16
12:43

 

JiminyCricket: mr williams gave me a detention the cunt

TaeTae: well that's what u get for offering to suck his dick in exchange for an A

Seokjinnie: you didn't

MinSuga: did u really?

NamJoon: ffs jimin

JiminyCricket: what???? how else am I meant to get grades

NamJoon: study???

MinSuga: u could actually do the work

JiminyCricket: listen

JiminyCricket: god would not have blessed me with these lips if he didn't want me to use them

Seokjinnie: u can still use ur lips

Seokjinnie: just not for grades

JiminyCricket: I was offering him a once in a lifetime experience

MinSuga: ur pretty full of urself

JiminyCricket: I know that I'm good

TaeTae: it's true he is good

Seokjinnie: how would u know?

TaeTae: is it not obvious that we're friends w benefits or???

JiminyCricket: we've literally fucked before

NamJoon: wait really?

HOEseok: I assumed u two were just flirty

TaeTae: nah we practice on each other

TaeTae: that's how we got good

Seokjinnie: jfc

Jeongguk: what's friends w benefits??

Seokjinnie: put ur phone away ur in class

Jeongguk: stfu so are u

TaeTae: friends w benefits is when u fuck but u friends

JiminyCricket: no strings attached

Jeongguk: interesting

MinSuga: but the real question is,,

MinSuga: is he as good as me ?

Seokjinnie: now that is a good question

TaeTae: well how good are you???

MinSuga: bare good

MinSuga: got a good tongue

HOEseok: mmmmmm

HOEseok: boy better be able to put his money where his mouth is

NamJoon: I can see hobi getting turned on

NamJoon: he's going to pop a boner in the middle of English

HOEseok: STFU JOON

MinSuga: ;)

TaeTae: I want to see if Yoongi is as good as he says he is

HOEseok: hands off boo

HOEseok: that mouth is mine

MinSuga: I don't fuck 16 y/os

TaeTae: I'll be 17 one day boo

HOEseok: if we were wolves I woulda fought u by now

TaeTae: fight me den fam

MinSuga: ffs aren't u in class ?

TaeTae: jimin and I are in biology

TaeTae: but sir isn't paying attention

Seokjinnie: I have a free lmaoo

MinSuga: wtf so do I where are u ?

Seokjinnie: library

MinSuga: on my way

NamJoon: I'm in maths and I want to die

Jeongguk: me too

Jeongguk: I'm not in maths

Jeongguk: but I want to die lmao

TaeTae: not sure whether to laugh considering what happened lmaoo

HOEseok: psych is so boring omg

HOEseok: it's all about research methods

Seokjinnie: I woulda killed myself

TaeTae: gtg sir just confiscated jimin's phone and he's about to throw a wobbly

MinSuga: A WOBBLY IM PISSING

Seokjinnie: haven't heard that in a while lmaoo

-----------

FUCK MY FURRY ARSE
22/11/16
16:08

 

TaeTae: do u know what we should do

Seokjinnie: what

HOEseok: what??

MinSuga: I don't want to know

NamJoon: I don't like it already

TaeTae: we should take a gc trip to Butlins or some shit

JiminyCricket: WE SHOULD

JiminyCricket: THAT'LL BE LIT

MinSuga: why would we do that

NamJoon: ?????

TaeTae: bc it'll be banter

HOEseok: I do love a bit of Bognor Regis

Jeongguk: oi nah we should definitely go to Skegness

MinSuga: why go butlins when u can go havens

JiminyCricket: fuck off

JiminyCricket: am not staying in a caravan like a fucking pikey

TaeTae: don't dis the pikey lifestyle ya cunt

Seokjinnie: not everyone lives in a house with 3 floors u materialistic cunt

JiminyCricket: if I had to stay in a caravan I'd call childline

NamJoon: there's no fucking law against staying in a caravan

JiminyCricket: it's called child abuse

Jeongguk: ur such a cunt jimin

TaeTae: lmao big words from a little man

Jeongguk: fuck u I'm taller than jimin and yoongi

MinSuga: fuck off ok I can't help being short

JiminyCricket: jeon isn't just lil in height tho

JiminyCricket: ur whole soul is little

JiminyCricket: u just scream tiny

Jeongguk: I'm 15 u fuck that's why

Seokjinnie: never heard u swear so much

Seokjinnie: I'm going to show auntie yeona

Jeongguk: jin don't

Jeongguk: das peak

MinSuga: ffs he's really sounding like jimin

JiminyCricket: boy sounds like an Intellectual

Seokjinnie: he sounds like skepta

JiminyCricket: exactly

JiminyCricket: skepta, an intellectual

TaeTae: skepta is lit what u saying

MinSuga: skepta is pretty banging jin don't be harsh

NamJoon: agreed

HOEseok: I'm surprised jin even knows who skepta is

Seokjinnie: joon showed me

MinSuga: lmao of course

Seokjinnie: wtf u mean of course??

Seokjinnie: I can be Hip

Seokjinnie: I can be down with the kidz

TaeTae: u sound like a nonce

JiminyCricket: watch out kids it's jimmy saville

Seokjinnie: fuck u

MinSuga: u literally put a z on the end of kids I hate u

MinSuga: and yall call me a fucking grandad I hate u all

 

JiminyCricket changed the chat name to molest me jimmy

 

NamJoon: oh for fuck sake jimin

JiminyCricket: loooooool

TaeTae: I hope daddy saville touches me first

MinSuga: this chat is so fucking wrong

Seokjinnie: ur both going to hell

JiminyCricket: we know

TaeTae: we don't care

Seokjinnie: evidently lmaooo

-----------

molest me jimmy
22/11/16
23:11

 

TaeTae: 11:11 lads make a wish

MinSuga: I want you

MinSuga: I want you to stretch me out with your long ass fingers

MinSuga: I want to be on my hands and knees while you fuck me from behind hobi

MinSuga: you'd fuck me so well

MinSuga: call me a good boy hobi

MinSuga: want to be a good boy for you

MinSuga: just for you

MinSuga: I'm your good boy

MinSuga: I want you to make me a good boy

MinSuga: punish me when I'm not

MinSuga: want you to make me scream your name

MinSuga: want you to cum on my face

MinSuga: make me your slut

HOEseok: um babe

MinSuga: yes daddy

HOEseok: babe look at the chat name

MinSuga: ...

MinSuga: OH MY GOD

MinSuga: FUCKING FORGET U EVER SAW THAT

JiminyCricket: WERE U SEXTING

TaeTae: WHAT THE FUCK YOONGI

Seokjinnie: HOW DID U DO THAT

 

MinSuga has left the chat

 

TaeTae: ADD HIM BACK HE AINT GETTING OUT OF THIS THAT EASILY

NamJoon: HOSEOK WHAT THE FUCK

HOEseok: I CAN EXPLAIN

 

Seokjinnie added MinSuga to the chat

 

JiminyCricket: DUDE

TaeTae: BRO

MinSuga: LEAVE ME ALONE

MinSuga: I DIDNT REALISE

NamJoon: HOW DID U NOT REALISE????

MinSuga: I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF TEXTING HOBI

JiminyCricket: SEXTING*

MinSuga: AND TAE'S STUPID NOTIF CAME UP AND I DIDNT REALISE I CLICKED ON IT

MinSuga: FUCK OFF JIMIN

TaeTae: OH MY GOD

Seokjinnie: THIS IS WHY SEXTING IS NEVER GOOD

NamJoon: HOW DO U NOT REALISE????

MinSuga: SHUT UP I WAS IN THE ZONE

JiminyCricket: WAIT

JiminyCricket: WERE U WANKING WHILE TYPING THAT???

MinSuga: SHUT UP

TaeTae: OMG YOU WERE

HOEseok: hope u didn't cum baby boy

HOEseok: because I didn't give u permission

TaeTae: HOSEOK

NamJoon: JESUS CHRIST

MinSuga: SHUT THE FUCK UP HOBI

TaeTae: DONT U MEAN DADDY????

MinSuga: FUCK OFF OK

MinSuga: YOURE ALL INTO SOME WEIRD SHIT AS WELL

MinSuga: DONT ACT SO INNOCENT

JiminyCricket: I HAVENT REVEALED WHAT IM INTO IN THE GC THO

MinSuga: I DIDNT MEAN TO

MinSuga: FFS

MinSuga: WHY DIDNT U STOP ME @ HOBI

HOEseok: I WAS LAUGHING TOO MUCH

MinSuga: FUCK U WE'RE BREAKING UP

JiminyCricket: HOBI SNAKED U

NamJoon: I FEEL VIOLATED

JiminyCricket: MAN IT SET MY VOYEURISM OFF LMAO

MinSuga: DIE

HOEseok: WHAT THE FUCK JIMIN

TaeTae: HAVE U TWO FUCKED YET??

MinSuga: LMAO NO

HOEseok: NO

JiminyCricket: TRAGIC

Seokjinnie: HAVE FUN HOSEOK LOOKS LIKE U IN FOR A WILD TIME

MinSuga: FUCK OFF JIN

HOEseok: LMAOOOO

Jeongguk: I'm so confused

HOEseok: LOOOOOL

JiminyCricket: POOR JEON

TaeTae: I CAN TEACH U ;)

Seokjinnie: FUCK OFF TAE

Seokjinnie: STAY CONFUSED JEON

JiminyCricket: ok but can we talk about how Yoongi described hoseok's fingers as "long ass" while sexting

JiminyCricket: like that's so unsexy

TaeTae: omg hobi fuck me with ur long ass dick

HOEseok: stfu

MinSuga: shut up I've never sexted before

JiminyCricket: WHAT

JiminyCricket: HOW HAVE U NEVER

TaeTae: so u fucked every man on the southern coast but never sexted???

MinSuga: stfu

MinSuga: normally i don't have to pretend

MinSuga: I just get the real deal

MinSuga: ;) ;)

TaeTae: looks like hobi needs to step up

HOEseok: nah Yoongi's the one waiting

HOEseok: which is fine by me

HOEseok: I'm ready whenever he's ready

MinSuga: I just don't want to rush into things yknow

MinSuga: I've done that before and it's shite

JiminyCricket: fair enough

TaeTae: ok but

TaeTae: u really calling him daddy?

MinSuga: STFU

Seokjinnie: what happened to "I don't call younger guys daddy"

MinSuga: noah fence but have u seen hoseok

MinSuga: he's a whole daddy

Jeongguk: true

TaeTae: JEON

JiminyCricket: JEONGGUK

Seokjinnie: JEONGGUK JEON TAKE THAT BACK

HOEseok: well at least he knows lmaooo

MinSuga: JEON GOT A DADDY KINK ?

TaeTae: DIDNT SEE THAT COMING

JiminyCricket: MAN DISCOVERED HES HOMO A WHOLE MONTH AGO AND NOW HE CALLING MEN DADDY

Jeongguk: ;) ;)

Chapter Text

molest me jimmy
28/11/16
10:34

 

TaeTae: jimin

TaeTae: jiminy

TaeTae: rosie and jimin

TaeTae: jimin u cunt answer me

JiminyCricket: wtf im in physics fuck off

TaeTae: I'm in chemistry how tragic

NamJoon: I thought u two had the same classes

TaeTae: they switched some of our classes bc we pissed about so much together

JiminyCricket: I think we made a supply teacher have a mental breakdown lmaooo

NamJoon: ffs

MinSuga: jimin and tae been making teachers quit since 2000

HOEseok: ew the fact they were born in 2000 tho

Seokjinnie: that's so ugly

JiminyCricket: stfu we can't all be 90s kids

MinSuga: jeon was born in 2001 that's even worse

Jeongguk: go suck ur mum

TaeTae: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

JiminyCricket: LMAOOOO

Seokjinnie: I hate how much of an influence u are on him

JiminyCricket: ok but tae what did u want

TaeTae: I wanted to know if you've revised for mocks

TaeTae: bc I've done fuck all

JiminyCricket: lol as if I've revised

Seokjinnie: when are gcse mocks??

TaeTae: they starts on the 9th December

NamJoon: u two are fucked

JiminyCricket: they're only mocks who gives a shit

MinSuga: true lmao

NamJoon: I wish I could have that attitude but my parents would kill me

HOEseok: lmao tragic

JiminyCricket: that's what u get for being smart and doing well

NamJoon: lol I know

NamJoon: curse my intelligence

TaeTae: mocks are piss easy so I'm not revising lmao

JiminyCricket: same

HOEseok: loool good luck then

----------

molest me jimmy
28/11/16
17:53

 

TaeTae: LADS

TaeTae: LADS

TaeTae: THE DOCTOR WHO MUSEUM IS CLOSING DOWN

Seokjinnie: the what???

NamJoon: there's a museum dedicated to doctor who?

HOEseok: I didn't even know there was a doctor who museum

MinSuga: THE FUCKING DOCTOR WHO MUSEUM IS CLOSING DOWN ?

MinSuga: WHAT THE FUCK

MinSuga: I HAVENT BEEN YET

TaeTae: NEITHER HAVE I

TaeTae: WE NEED TO GO

MinSuga: IM NOT HAVING THIS

MinSuga: IVE BEEN WAITING YEARS TO GO

TaeTae: BRING A PACKED LUNCH BC WE'RE GOINF RIGHT NOW

MinSuga: I'LL BE ROUND IN 20 MINS

MinSuga: WE'RE GOING AND THATS FINAL

NamJoon: wait

NamJoon: yoongi's a doctor who nerd?

MinSuga: IM NOT A NERD AM JUST A BIG FAN

Seokjinnie: stfu yoongi u legit have a sonic screwdriver

Seokjinnie: I don't even know what that is

Seokjinnie: but u started buzzing it in my face and I hit u

TaeTae: BITCH ME TOO

HOEseok: my boyfriend is a nerd omg how did I not know

MinSuga: WHAT SCREWDRIVER DO YOU HAVe?

TaeTae: I HAVE 11'S

MinSuga: I HAVE 10'S OMG

Seokjinnie: tf why are there numbers

NamJoon: have u never watched doctor who?

Seokjinnie: no???

MinSuga: GET OUT

MinSuga: DOCTOR WHO IS THE SHIT

HOEseok: I mean, it's ok

TaeTae: NO ITS AMAZING FUCK OFF

MinSuga: TAKE THAT BACK OR WE'RE BREAKING UP

MinSuga: IM BUYING U A FEZ AND A BOWTIE

MinSuga: FUCK U

Seokjinnie: a fez???

Seokjinnie: a bow tie???

TaeTae: YOONGI DID U EVER WATCH TORCHWOOD????

MinSuga: FUCK OFF OF COURSE I DID

MinSuga: I MISS IANTO SO MUCH

TaeTae: I CRIED WHEN OWEN AND TOSH DIED

MinSuga: SHIT ME TOO THEY DIDNT DESERVE IT

TaeTae: TORCHWOOD WAS SO BISEXUAL JFC

MinSuga: LITERALLY

MinSuga: EVERYONE WAS FUCKING EVERYONE

HOEseok: sounds like my kind of show

MinSuga: TAE DO U BELIEVE CAPTAIN JACK IS TRULY THE FACE OF BOE?

TaeTae: YES BUT HOW DID HIS HEAD GET THAT BIG AND WHERE DID HIS BODY GO????

MinSuga: THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING

Seokjinnie: I'm so lost

Seokjinnie: who's missing a body???

NamJoon: jfc you two are such nerds

HOEseok: watching Yoongi get nerdy is so endearing

HOEseok: tbh I was not expecting it

Seokjinnie: I've been his friend for the last 6 years and I never knew

MinSuga: IM REALLY LOWKEY ABOUT MY LOVE FOR DOCTOR WHO

JiminyCricket: DID SOMEONE SAY DOCTOR WHO

TaeTae: JIMIN

MinSuga: DOCTOR WHO IS SO GOOD OMG

Seokjinnie: omg jimin's a nerd too

JiminyCricket: FUCK OFF JIN DOCTOR WHO IS THE BEST SHOW ON BRITISH TV

JiminyCricket: FAX ONLY

TaeTae: JIN PLS DRIVE US TO THE DOCTOR WHO MUSEUM

TaeTae: PLEASE

JiminyCricket: JIN PLEASE I'LL SUCK UR DICK

NamJoon: why is that literally ur answer to everything?

JiminyCricket: JIN PLEASE

MinSuga: JIN PLEASE I BEG U

MinSuga: IVE BEEN WAITING YEARS

Seokjinnie: where is it???

TaeTae: CARDIFF

Seokjinnie: LMAO bye

TaeTae: JIN PLEASE

MinSuga: CARDIFF IS WHERE TORCHWOOD'S MAIN BASE IS AS WELL

JiminyCricket: AND THE RIFT

HOEseok: I have no idea what any of that means

Seokjinnie: neither do I but I'm not going to Cardiff

TaeTae: JIN

TaeTae: PLEASE

MinSuga: FUCK IT LETS GET AN UBER

TaeTae: LMAO HOW MUCH MONEY U GOT

JiminyCricket: ITS OK LADS IM LOADED LETS GO

MinSuga: DOCTOR WHO IS WORTH IT

Chapter Text

molest me jimmy
01/12/16
07:46

 

JiminyCricket: oi oi lads

JiminyCricket: it's december

JiminyCricket: who's opened their advent calendar???

TaeTae: me bitch

MinSuga: im not six mate

HOEseok: i opened mine

HOEseok: wait

HOEseok: u don't have an advent calendar yoon??

MinSuga: no

HOEseok: :O

TaeTae: how unchristian of u

MinSuga: im not christian

JiminyCricket: honestly yoongi you're an abomination

Jeongguk: true

MinSuga: fuck u jeon

NamJoon: even I have an advent calendar

Seokjinnie: wtf yoongi u don't have an advent calendar???

Jeongguk: u should be ashamed

TaeTae: true

HOEseok: I cannot believe I'm dating someone who doesn't have an advent calendar

MinSuga: fuckin hell whys everyone getting so menstrual about it

JiminyCricket: bc it's christmas u fucking scrooge

MinSuga: bah humbug cunt

 

TaeTae changed chat name to humbug cunts xo

 

HOEseok: I'm popping to tesco rn

HOEseok: just to buy u one

MinSuga: thanks boo

HOEseok: :*

JiminyCricket: oi nah while ur there pick me up an irn bru

MinSuga: ????

HOEseok: are u scottish or something???

JiminyCricket: no im a fuckin korean now get me a damn irn bru

MinSuga: only the scots drink that shit

HOEseok: next thing u know you'll be ginger and playing bagpipes

JiminyCricket: fuck off would I ever be ginger

JiminyCricket: that's almost as bad as being french

TaeTae: thas a lil offensive

MinSuga: it's true tho

MinSuga: fuck the french

HOEseok: hon hon hon

HOEseok: oui oui

HOEseok: baguette

NamJoon: how did u take french for gcse lmao

HOEseok: I got a D

MinSuga: well we can see why

HOEseok: babes that's just mean

MinSuga: I'll make it up to u ;)

HOEseok: ;)

JiminyCricket: honestly die

----------

humbug cunts xo
01/12/16
14:24

 

Seokjinnie: YOONGI JUST CALLED MR KAHN DADDY

NamJoon: ffs is he jimin or smth??

JiminyCricket: STFU

JiminyCricket: WHY DID HE EVEN

Seokjinnie: RIGHT SO

Seokjinnie: WE'RE IN SOCIO

Seokjinnie: AND SIR WAS EXPLAINING THIS THEORY

Seokjinnie: AND HE WAS LIKE "THE THEORY IS OFTEN CALLED BOTTOM UP"

Seokjinnie: AND YOONGI GOES "OH BOTTOM UP? YES DADDY"

Seokjinnie: THE CLASS WAS DEAD SILENT

Seokjinnie: EVERYONE HEARD

Seokjinnie: THEN MEHMET JUST GOES "DAMN YOONGI THE TYPE OF GUY TO TURN A MAN"

JiminyCricket: MEHMET OMG

NamJoon: LMAO ME

TaeTae: YOONGI

JiminyCricket: OMH SKAKSKAK

MinSuga: OI NAH U SNAKE

MinSuga: U WERENT MEANT TO TELL

HOEseok: ME TOO MEHMET

MinSuga: FUC K OFF

JiminyCricket: DNKAIDISJDNISJA

TaeTae: SIR JUST TOOK JIMINS PHONE

NamJoon: FFS

HOEseok: HOW DOES HE CONSTANTLY GET CAUGHT

TaeTae: JIMIN CALLED HIM A CUNT

TaeTae: SIR SENT JIMIN OUT OF THE CLASS OMG

Seokjinnie: LMAOOOO HE GOT SENT OUT??!??

NamJoon: Can't relate

TaeTae: FUCK OFF NAMJOON

TaeTae: HE ABOUT TO GO OFF ON ONE

Seokjinnie: what lesson yall in I want to come watch

TaeTae: fuckin maths mate

TaeTae: HES FULL ON SCREAMING AT HIM THE CLASS IS SHOOK

MinSuga: why does this kid always cause trouble

HOEseok: bc he's rich and thinks he can get away with everything

MinSuga: woah too true

TaeTae: damn hoseok

NamJoon: sounds about right tho

Seokjinnie: IM HERE

Seokjinnie: HE GOT JIMIN PINNED AGAINST AGAINST A WALL??!

Seokjinnie: IS SIR EVEN ALLOWED TO DO THAT????

TaeTae: MATE HE PINNED MICHAEL UP AGAINST THE WALL BY HIS TIE LAST WEEK I DONT THINK HE CARES

NamJoon: I'm in my maths class and I can fucking hear him shouting

TaeTae: SNKWODOSOSIWOOSKW

Seokjinnie: WHY IS JIMIN SMIRKING THIS ISNT A DAMN GAME

Seokjinnie: SIR LOOKS LIKE HE ABOUT TO START SWINGING

TaeTae: LMAOOOOO KNOCK HIM OUT SIR

Seokjinnie: "I HAVE NEVER IN MY 25 YEARS OF TEACHING MET SUCH AN INSOLENT BRAT"

HOEseok: he's obvs never met yoongi

MinSuga: oi

MinSuga: true tho

MinSuga: what teacher is it?

Seokjinnie: MR CALVIN

MinSuga: ah I had him in year 10

MinSuga: he got me suspended when punched a guy in the face lmao

MinSuga: he hates me so much

Seokjinnie: HE AINT JIMINS BIGGEST FAN EITHER

TaeTae: BRUH HES SO PISSED

TaeTae: HES STILL GOT JIMINS PHONE

Seokjinnie: JIMIN SEES ME

NamJoon: has he left jimin alone?

Seokjinnie: yah

Seokjinnie: oi tae it's me

Seokjinnie: get my phone for me thnx queen xoxo

TaeTae: fuck off am I getting ur phone

TaeTae: sir will shank me

Seokjinnie: wtf tae just grab it on the way out

TaeTae: fuck off man

Seokjinnie: bruh if u don't get it now I won't get it back till the end of the week don't be a cunt fam

TaeTae: ffs fine but if I get caught I'll fuck u up fam

Seokjinnie: ;)

NamJoon: it's literally Thursday can't u wait a day

Seokjinnie: nah man what if he sees my nudes

HOEseok: how would he

Seokjinnie: they go through ur phone boo

MinSuga: wait what

HOEseok: shit

NamJoon: they're not allowed

Seokjinnie: and?? Ur not allowed to smoke weed but u still do

NamJoon: shit true

TaeTae: ok I'll try to get it back ffs

Seokjinnie: thanks boo

Seokjinnie: jin's getting lairy about me using his phone gtg lads

TaeTae: bye jimin

TaeTae: love u

MinSuga: if they go through ur phone then I now know why miss couldn't look me in the eye when she gave mine back to me

Seokjinnie: probably saw ur texts to hoseok

MinSuga: FUCK U JIN

MinSuga: but true

------

humbug cunts xo
01/12/16
21:01

 

NamJoon: lads

NamJoon: do u ever think about how there are more toes than humans

JiminyCricket: what the fuck

TaeTae: yes I do actually

MinSuga: ffs joon

TaeTae: man smoking that good kush

NamJoon: am not

NamJoon: I just looked down at my feet

NamJoon: and had this epiphany

MinSuga: it's not that much of a revelation

TaeTae: sometimes I think about how

TaeTae: it's not death that kills us

TaeTae: it's life

HOEseok: holy fuck

Jeongguk: omg

Seokjinnie: jfc

MinSuga: stfu omg

NamJoon: tae and I need to get high together

TaeTae: we really should

MinSuga: I don't think we could take the amount of philosophical ramblings

HOEseok: boy count me in as well

Seokjinnie: hoseoks the typa guy to own weed socks

JiminyCricket: I actually do own weed socks

MinSuga: ffs

JiminyCricket: and a vape

Seokjinnie: of course u do

NamJoon: vaping is for pussies

NamJoon: u should join me one night

NamJoon: I'll get u lit man

JiminyCricket: les do it

MinSuga: oi I want a part of the action

Seokjinnie: same

Jeongguk: me too

Seokjinnie: LMAOOOO

MinSuga: boy u think jins goin to allow that

TaeTae: pretty sure ur momma don't even let u out the house anymore

Jeongguk: fuck u

Jeongguk: I hate being the youngest

JiminyCricket: lmao oh well

Jeongguk: I just want to do shit w u

HOEseok: when u get to 16 babyboy

Jeongguk: :((

MinSuga: uh

MinSuga: excuse me

MinSuga: baby boy?

HOEseok: aw ur always be my real babyboy

MinSuga: I better fuckin be

JiminyCricket: the duality of yoongi is amazing

JiminyCricket: one moment u beating the shit outta every guy u see the next ur on ur knees being called baby boy

MinSuga: just bc I don't take shit doesn't mean I don't like to be looked after sometimes

HOEseok: and I'm always here to do it boo

MinSuga: mmmm thank u daddy

HOEseok: that's ok baby

Seokjinnie: ya accidentally call ur man daddy once in the chat and now u got no shame

MinSuga: lmaoo I'm sure if joonie was up for it you'd do the same

NamJoon: we could easily out do u in a sex thingy

HOEseok: is that a fucking challenge

Seokjinnie: yeah come at us fam

MinSuga: you've legit seen mine and hoseok's sexts what u gon do??? send us ur nudes???

Seokjinnie: well maybe we will

NamJoon: got some pretty ones of us in a bath

HOEseok: that's fucking tame

MinSuga: send me some of joon tied to the bed while jin fucks him dry

HOEseok: jesus fuck yoongi

MinSuga: go big or go home

Seokjinnie: fucking fine

Seokjinnie: joon get round here

NamJoon: ain't nothing dry entering my arse

NamJoon: I want it wetter than yoongi's sister

MinSuga: NAMJOON WHAT THE FUCK

MinSuga: I HAVENT EVEN GOT A SISTER BUT IM OFFENDED

HOEseok: FUCKIN HELL NAM

NamJoon: DONT PLAY WID ME BITCH

NamJoon: YOU TWO AINT EVEN FUCKED YET

NamJoon: IM GETTINF DICK EVERY WEEK

NamJoon: YALL THINK UR FREAKIER THAN US

MinSuga: THAS IT HOSEK GET UR DICK ROUND MY HOUSE NOW

MinSuga: AND FORGET THE LUBE

MinSuga: BC I AINT NO PUSSY I CAN TAKE IT DRY

NamJoon: LMAO WELL RIP UR ARSE

NamJoon: DONT COME CRYIN TO ME WHEN U CANT SIT DOWN

MinSuga: I'LL TAKE EIGHT DRY DICKS AT A TIME AND U WONT SEE ME SHED A TEAR

NamJoon: UR ALL TALK

NamJoon: TRYNA ACT A BIG MAN

NamJoon: CALLING UR BF DADDY IN THE CHAT WHEN U AINT EVEN FUCKED HIM

MinSuga: FIGHT ME EGGHEAD

JiminyCricket: Attachment: 1 Video file

Seokjinnie: JIMIN

Seokjinnie: WHAT THE FUCK

NamJoon: OH MY GOD

MinSuga: WHY WOULD U SEND THAT

JiminyCricket: BC I KNEW IT WOULD SHUT U UP

HOEseok: WHY WOULD U SEND A VIDEO OF U FUCKING TAE

MinSuga: I NEVER WANTED TO SEE UR DICK ENTER HIS ARSE

Seokjinnie: JESUS CHRIST JIMIN

JiminyCricket: U WERE GOING ON ABOUT WHOS FREAKIER

JiminyCricket: WELL GUESS WHAT

JiminyCricket: UR BOTH ALL TALK

JiminyCricket: AINT NEITHER OF U GOT THE BALLS TO ACTUALLY SEND SHIT TO THE GC

MinSuga: FUCK JIMIN I HATE U

Seokjinnie: IM SO

HOEseok: WAIT UR UNDERAGE THIS IS ILLEGAL

JiminyCricket: JUST DONT TELL ANYBODY ITS OK BOO

NamJoon: OK JIMIN AND TAE WIN

NamJoon: U RIGHT I HAVENT GOT THE BALLS TO DO IT

JiminyCricket: EXACTLY

MinSuga: NAH I AINT BACKING DOWN

MinSuga: TAE STILL DOUBTS HOW WILD I AM

MinSuga: JUST U WAIT

MinSuga: U WONT KNOW WHEN ITS COMING

Seokjinnie: I HATE THIS DAMN CHAT

TaeTae: my arse looks so good omg

TaeTae: 10/10 would fuck myself

HOEseok: OMG

Chapter Text

humbug cunts xo
10/12/16
15:21

 

Jeongguk: why has this chat been so dead recently

JiminyCricket: mocks

NamJoon: mocks

TaeTae: mocks

MinSuga: mocks

Seokjinnie: mocks

HOEseok: mocks

Jeongguk: oh

Jeongguk: i don't have mocks lmao

Jeongguk: peak on u

JiminyCricket: I shoulda revised

JiminyCricket: I walked into my physics mock thinking it was chemistry

NamJoon: how do u even

Seokjinnie: we only have 3 exams and yet I think imma fail them all

MinSuga: I'm so glad I dropped maths

MinSuga: like fuck off am I doing a three hour exam

NamJoon: thanks for reminding me

MinSuga: that's ok boo

JiminyCricket: we should get fucked up after to celebrate

Seokjinnie: no

NamJoon: no

MinSuga: fuck off are we

MinSuga: haven't we learnt alcohol causes a lot of problems ?

TaeTae: that ain't gon stop me

JiminyCricket: lmao same bitch

NamJoon: u kids should probs slow down

NamJoon: ur 16 and on the verge of alcoholism

JiminyCricket: isn't everyone in england???

MinSuga: true

HOEseok: true

TaeTae: true

NamJoon: sigh

NamJoon: u two are going to be hell at uni

NamJoon: I can feel it

JiminyCricket: it gon be LIT

MinSuga: I can't wait for uni lmao

TaeTae: has u been accepted yet???

MinSuga: no

Seokjinnie: no

JiminyCricket: peak

MinSuga: helpful

----------

HOEseok started chat with NamJoon

16:35

 

HOEseok: JOON HELP

HOEseok: IDK WHAT TO DO

NamJoon: ur dad?

HOEseok: omg why'd u always do that

NamJoom: bc I'm concerned

NamJoon: next time start ur texts with the actual problem at hand

HOEseok: ok ok but

HOEseok: back to the real problem

HOEseok: idk what to get yoongi for Christmas

HOEseok: like ???

HOEseok: idk

NamJoon: lmao I have the same problem with jin

NamJoon: idk what to get

NamJoon: should we go down to westfield this weekend?

NamJoon: we might find something there

HOEseok: and if we don't????

HOEseok: what then???

NamJoon: amazon prime it

HOEseok: oi oi now that's a shout

HOEseok: ur full of ideas joon

NamJoon: thank u

HOEseok: I'd be lost without u

NamJoon: you'd be expelled without me

HOEseok: shit true

HOEseok: it's great ur mum's a lawyer bc that could come in handy

NamJoon: I know

NamJoon: especially with you, jimin, yoongi and tae

HOEseok: yeah boo

HOEseok: mama kim been keeping us outta prison since 1967

NamJoon: how do u know my mum's birth year?

HOEseok: we're korean we always know each other's birth year ffs

NamJoon: shit true

-----------

JiminyCricket started chat with TaeTae

19:02

 

JiminyCricket: tae it's happening again

TaeTae: anxiety attack?

JiminyCricket: yeah

TaeTae: what happened this time?

JiminyCricket: I fell asleep when I got home from school

JiminyCricket: and I woke up laying flat on my back

TaeTae: is that what set it off??

JiminyCricket: yeah

JiminyCricket: tae I can't breathe

JiminyCricket: my chest feels like it's collapsing

TaeTae: do u want me to come round?

JiminyCricket: please

JiminyCricket: u know where the spare key is hidden

TaeTae: yeah

TaeTae: I'll be as quick as I can

JiminyCricket: thanks

TaeTae: have u always known laying on ur back sets off an attack?

JiminyCricket: yes

JiminyCricket: that's why I avoid it

TaeTae: ok

TaeTae: how's the apnea?

JiminyCricket: it's been better

JiminyCricket: I've managed to get 6 hours of consecutive sleep for the last 3 days

TaeTae: good im proud

JiminyCricket: but I guess today just wasn't a good day lmao

TaeTae: it's ok bruh not every day is a good one

JiminyCricket: true

TaeTae: have u told ur counsellor about the laying on ur back thing?

JiminyCricket: yeah she said it could be a result of the "trauma"

TaeTae: it was literally a trauma

JiminyCricket: it wasn't that bad

JiminyCricket: it was only a minor cock up

TaeTae: dude u stopped breathing

TaeTae: ur not meant to just stop breathing after an operation

JiminyCricket: yeah but I was still conscious???

JiminyCricket: it's not like I died

JiminyCricket: how can u stop breathing while conscious I hate me

TaeTae: idk but it happened

TaeTae: and it obviously wasn't a "minor cock up" otherwise u wouldn't still be effected by it

JiminyCricket: true

JiminyCricket: ffs why do I have to have fucking sleep apnea like wtf is that about

TaeTae: at least u don't have night terrors anymore

JiminyCricket: true

JiminyCricket: fuck man they were bad

TaeTae: yeah I know I remember

TaeTae: ok I'm on the bus

TaeTae: I'll be like 10 minutes

TaeTae: you ok?

JiminyCricket: yeah

JiminyCricket: my chest is so heavy

TaeTae: is it cold in ur room?

TaeTae: u know it needs to be cold in ur room to calm u down

JiminyCricket: yeah yeah

TaeTae: what about noise?? Silence will just increase ur anxiety

JiminyCricket: I'm listening to music

TaeTae: is ur door closed properly?

JiminyCricket: yeah

JiminyCricket: all the other things that set it off are fine

TaeTae: good good

TaeTae: is it dark in ur room?

JiminyCricket: no

TaeTae: good

TaeTae: do u need a drink?

JiminyCricket: yes but I can't leave the room

TaeTae: I know

TaeTae: I'll get u some water once I'm there

TaeTae: ur mum won't mind me helping myself lmao

JiminyCricket: lol nah she's cool w you

TaeTae: I'm like her second son

JiminyCricket: bitch true

JiminyCricket: ffs I can feel my heart beating

JiminyCricket: it hurts

JiminyCricket: it feels like it's going to explode

TaeTae: just keep singing along to music and stay propped up

TaeTae: remember to breathe deeply

TaeTae: I know it's shitty advice but do it

JiminyCricket: I am

TaeTae: ok I'm getting off the bus

TaeTae: I'll be at urs in like 2 mins

JiminyCricket: ok

JiminyCricket: thank u tae

TaeTae: that's ok jimin

JiminyCricket: btw u haven't told anyone about this right?

TaeTae: wtf no why would I?

JiminyCricket: idk just making sure

TaeTae: personally,, I don't see why you're so secretive about it

TaeTae: u can't help having ptsd + anxiety after an operation fucked up

TaeTae: and u can't help that u have a counsellor to help u through it

JiminyCricket: ptsd is shit u get from a war or smth

JiminyCricket: saying u got ptsd from a cocked up operation sounds stupid

TaeTae: ppl get ptsd from all sorts of traumas not just war u dumbass

TaeTae: ok sure ur ptsd isn't as major as a veteran's or some shit but it still effects u

TaeTae: I mean u had night terrors for a year

TaeTae: u have anxiety that's legit triggered by laying on ur back or holding ur breath or some normal shit like that

TaeTae: and u have sleep apnea,, like u legit stop breathing in the middle of the night

TaeTae: it's serious shit

JiminyCricket: well it still sounds stupid

JiminyCricket: plus I'm meant to be the carefree arsehole w no problems

JiminyCricket: I can't ruin the illusion lmao

TaeTae: ur allowed problems u twat

JiminyCricket: yeah well I don't want anyone knowing

JiminyCricket: can't ruin the facade lol

Chapter Text

humbug cunts xo
18/12/16
12:34

 

JiminyCricket: JIN

JiminyCricket: JIN ARE U ABLE TO GET TO MINE

JiminyCricket: LIKE ASAP

Seokjinnie: wait why

Seokjinnie: what's happened

NamJoon: it better be fucking good

NamJoon: I was about to get fucked

MinSuga: peak

JiminyCricket: OK LISTEN

JiminyCricket: JEON WAS CURIOUS ABOUT SEX

JiminyCricket: AND I SAID I WASNT GON DO ANYTHING WITH HIM BC HES UNDERAGE

Seokjinnie: I don't like this

NamJoon: oh god

MinSuga: I'm already laughing

JiminyCricket: BUT JEON WAS LIKE U DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING W ME

JiminyCricket: JUST SHOW ME WHAT I CAN DO BY MYSELF

JiminyCricket: SO I WAS LIKE LOL OK

JiminyCricket: SO TAE AND I SHOWED HIM HOW TO FUCK HIMSELF

MinSuga: hold on a second

MinSuga: u showed him how to fuck himself

MinSuga: u actually Showed him how to anally fuck himself

Seokjinnie: I fucking hate you jimin

JiminyCricket: NO U DONT UNDERSTAND

JiminyCricket: SO WE SHOWED HIM WITH FINGERS FIRST

JiminyCricket: AND HE WAS INTO IT AND WAS LIKE "I WANT MORE"

Seokjinnie: I really don't want to hear about my little cousin wanting it up the arse

MinSuga: I do lmao carry on jimin

JiminyCricket: SO WE WANTED TO START OUT SMALL

NamJoon: wise decision

Seokjinnie: please don't damage my cousin's anus

MinSuga: that was the weirdest sentence of this entire gc

JiminyCricket: BUT YOU SEE

JiminyCricket: THE SMALLEST THING I HAD WAS STILL TOO BIG

JiminyCricket: SO TAE SUGGESTED WE USE A ROLL ON DEODORANT STICK

JiminyCricket: BC THEYRE SMALL AND THE SAME SHAPE AS A PLUG

MinSuga: u didn't

NamJoon: no fucking way

Seokjinnie: tell me you didn't shove a deodorant stick up my cousin's arse

MinSuga: I lied,, that's the weirdest sentence of this entire gc

Seokjinnie: stfu yoongi

JiminyCricket: WHAT ELSE WERE WE MEANT TO USE

JiminyCricket: BUT THE THING IS

JiminyCricket: JEON PUSHED IT TOO FAR IN

JiminyCricket: AND NOW WE CANT FIND IT

Seokjinnie: I'm sorry what

MinSuga: u can't find it

MinSuga: as in

MinSuga: u can't find it inside his arse

JiminyCricket: YES I CANT FIND IT

JiminyCricket: HIS ARSE JUST SWALLOWED IT UP

Seokjinnie: ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE IS A DEODORANT STICK LOST IN MY COUSIN'S ARSE

NamJoon: OH MY GOD

MinSuga: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

Seokjinnie: JIMIN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MADE U PUT A DEODORANT STICK IN MY COUSIN'S ARSE

JiminyCricket: STFU I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE DO WITH WHAT WE HAD

JiminyCricket: IT WAS TAES IDEA

MinSuga: WHERE IS TAE NOW

JiminyCricket: TRYING TO CALM JEON DOWN

Seokjinnie: ALL OF U ARE FUCKINH IDIOTS

Seokjinnie: I CANT DO MUCH TO HELP CAN I

Seokjinnie: IM NOT GONNA GO DIGGING AROUND IN MY COUSINS ARSE

JiminyCricket: JIN WE NEED HELP

MinSuga: IM LAUGHING SO FUCKING MUCH

Seokjinnie: FUCK OFF YOONGI

Seokjinnie: MATE THATS JUST TOO WEIRD I CANT DO IT

JiminyCricket: WELL SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET IT OUT

Seokjinnie: OH FFS JIMIN

NamJoon: ffs I'll do it

NamJoon: jeon and I are close and not relatives so it's not that weird

MinSuga: EMPHASIS ON THE THAT

Seokjinnie: FFS WE'RE ON OUR WAY

MinSuga: SOMEONE BETTER LIVE TWEET THIS BITCH

JiminyCricket: ITS ALRIGHT BOO I'LL KEEP U UPDATED

JiminyCricket: IM LIKE A LIVE FEED

Seokjinnie: WHATS HAPPENING ATM

JiminyCricket: JEON IS ON HIS KNEES W HIS HEAD IN THE PILLOW CRYING HIS DAMN EYES OUT

JiminyCricket: HIS ARSE IS ON DISPLAY FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE

JiminyCricket: lowkey wanna spank it

JiminyCricket: BUT BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING

JiminyCricket: TAE IS KINDA INSPECTING HIS ARSE

MinSuga: TELL JEON NOT TO CLENCH

MinSuga: THAT'LL SHOVE THE THING FURTHER UP THERE

MinSuga: TELL HIM TO RELAX AND SPREAD HIS ARSE AS WIDE AS POSSIBLE

JiminyCricket: DAMN YOONGI HOW'D YOU KNOW SO MUCH

MinSuga: TO CUT A REAL LONG STORY SHORT I PUT A WHOLE BAG OF JELLY BEANS UP MY ASS

JiminyCricket: WHAT THE FUCK YOONGI

NamJoon: YALL ARE TOO WILD

HOEseok: I just got back from church and this is the shit I see

MinSuga: HOBI THERES A DEODORANT STICK UP JEONS ARSE

HOEseok: so I read

HOEseok: I know what I'm getting yoon for Christmas ;)

MinSuga: HELL FUCKING NAH

MinSuga: NOTHING GOES NEAR MY ARSE BUT DICK

NamJoon: what about fingers?

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: THAT TOO

----------

humbug cunts xo
18/12/16
13:07

 

JiminyCricket: jin and joon just got here

JiminyCricket: joon has baby wipes

JiminyCricket: we're saved

MinSuga: what's happening now ?

JiminyCricket: jeon is still on the bed

JiminyCricket: "I don't get paid enough for this shit"- jin 2k16

HOEseok: what the fuck is wrong with u all tho

HOEseok: first disinfectant now deodorant

HOEseok: why can't yall be normal

JiminyCricket: jin is waiting outside the bedroom bc he don't wanna see his lil cousin's arse

Seokjinnie: fuck off jimin

JiminyCricket: joon is here

JiminyCricket: "tae u hold his arse cheeks apart I'm going in"

MinSuga: that is some weird shit

Seokjinnie: to be fair I wouldn't trust tae or jimin digging in my arse

Seokjinnie: i'd rather joon

MinSuga: fair point

MinSuga: I think we'd all rather joon in our arse

JiminyCricket: fucking rude

JiminyCricket: I'll have u know many fine young men have wanted me in their arse

Seokjinnie: could u go back to making sure my cousin isn't anally damaged

JiminyCricket: lmao ok

JiminyCricket: jeon is hugging my old teddy

JiminyCricket: aw he's so cute

MinSuga: he has a deodorant stick up his arse

JiminyCricket: and?

HOEseok: I hate all of u

JiminyCricket: JOON HAS LOCATED THE DEODORANT

JiminyCricket: he can't get it out

HOEseok: what if jeon has to go to hospital?

MinSuga: I'll be there filming it

HOEseok: why does jeon always end up in hospital

Seokjinnie: bc he does stupid shit like this

MinSuga: true

MinSuga: tbh out of all of us I didn't think it would be jeon to have deodorant stuck up his arse

HOEseok: I woulda said jimin or tae

MinSuga: same tbh

Seokjinnie: ngl lads I wouldn't have thought any of us would

MinSuga: cmon jin we're all stupid enough

Seokjinnie: speak for urself

HOEseok: jeon is going to be put off anal sex for life

MinSuga: nah he'll get back into it

MinSuga: lord knows I did

HOEseok: thank the lord

MinSuga: ;)

JiminyCricket: ITS OUT

JiminyCricket: he just threw up over my bed ffs

JiminyCricket: jin is pissed at me and tae

JiminyCricket: oh shit

MinSuga: I mean I would be too tbh

NamJoon: same

JiminyCricket: HE DEADASS WHOOPING TAE IM RUNNING

MinSuga: why are u runnin

MinSuga: WHY ARE U RUNNIN

HOEseok: let's hope those lil legs are fast bc once daddy jin goes off no one is safe

JiminyCricket: I RAN OUT MY HOUSE

JiminyCricket: YALL SOMEONE SAVE ME

MinSuga: NAH U ON UR OWN U DUMB FUCK

JiminyCricket: FUCK U YOONGI

---------

humbug cunts
18/12/16
17:43

 

TaeTae: if anyone was wondering

TaeTae: jin is deadly with a belt

Seokjinnie: u fucking deserved it

TaeTae: I didn't deserve shit

Seokjinnie: oh really

Seokjinnie: do I need to come back round there and show u exactly why u deserved it?

TaeTae: no sir

Seokjinnie: that's fuckin right

MinSuga: why did that lowkey turn me on

JiminyCricket: me too

HOEseok: me 3

Seokjinnie: jimin u better hope I don't catch ur arse at school cuz u gonna catch these hands

JiminyCricket: lmao ur cousin gets a deodorant stuck up his arse and I'm the one who gets a beating???

TaeTae: YOURE the one who gets a beating?????????

TaeTae: last time I checked u ran off like a lil bitch

JiminyCricket: stfu I wasn't gon stand there and take it when I did nothing wrong

JiminyCricket: it was ur idea so it was ur fault

Jeongguk: I mean technically it was my fault

MinSuga: oi oi

MinSuga: look who it is

MinSuga: how was ur first anal experience

Jeongguk: fuck off

MinSuga: no need for that

MinSuga: I was genuinely asking u lil shit

Jeongguk: it hurt

HOEseok: at least a dick can't get lost inside ur arse

Jeongguk: it ripped on the way out lmaoo jimin got blood on his bed

JiminyCricket: blood and vomit

JiminyCricket: thanks jeon xoxo

MinSuga: damn sounds like a good night

TaeTae: oh wow look it's fake yoongi pretending to be wild again

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: do u want to fucking go lil boy

TaeTae: u calling me a lil boy??

TaeTae: I'm a whole 5'11

TaeTae: ur legit 5'7

MinSuga: IM 5'8 FUCK U BIG EARS

TaeTae: WHO U CALLING BIG EARS

TaeTae: YA HAMSTER LOOKING FUCK

MinSuga: I DONT LOOK LIKE A HAMSTER FUCK U

Seokjinnie: I stg both of u stfu bc I know where u live and I'm not afraid to beat ass

MinSuga: come on then daddio

HOEseok: bruh

NamJoon: don't call my boyfriend daddy

NamJoon: that's my job

MinSuga: yoooo what

Seokjinnie: stfu joon ur so vanilla

Seokjinnie: I tied u up once and u cried

NamJoon: it hurt my wrists :(

TaeTae: honestly me tho

Chapter Text

humbug cunts xo
22/12/16
20:32

 

TaeTae: this guy keeps touching my arse help me please

MinSuga: tf

Seokjinnie: what?

JiminyCricket: WHO??!!!?!!

TaeTae: I'm on the tube and this guy has his hand cupping my arse

TaeTae: he keeps squeezing my arse help me please

MinSuga: get off at the next station and then get the next train

Seokjinnie: yeah do that

JiminyCricket: I'LL FIGHT HIM

JiminyCricket: WHAT HE LOOK LIKE

TaeTae: he's older and taller and bigger

TaeTae: ok we're stopping at the next station

MinSuga: what station ?

TaeTae: Oxford Circus

Seokjinnie: what line you on?

TaeTae: Victoria line

Seokjinnie: ok

Seokjinnie: we can report it

Seokjinnie: and at least we know where u are

TaeTae: HE GOT OFF WITH ME

TaeTae: HES STANDING BEHIND ME

TaeTae: WE'RE ON THE PLATFORM

TaeTae: BRUH

TaeTae: HELP

MinSuga: wtf

MinSuga: are you alone??

TaeTae: there's like one or two other people

JiminyCricket: what platform u going to??

TaeTae: kings cross bruh

Seokjinnie: why would u go into London alone fam

TaeTae: I wasn't alone

TaeTae: I went to meet my friend

TaeTae: but we have to get different trains home

Seokjinnie: ok just try keep ur distance

TaeTae: aight

MinSuga: how tf do U have signal on the underground???

TaeTae: it connects to wifi when we're near platforms

MinSuga: fairs

Seokjinnie: is he still near u???

TaeTae: yeah

TaeTae: i think he's trying to be discreet

TaeTae: train is coming

TaeTae: imma lose service while I'm on it

JiminyCricket: text us when u have wifi

JiminyCricket: keep us updated

TaeTae: will do

Seokjinnie: ffs I wish I could go down there and pick him up

Seokjinnie: but kings cross ain't exactly a hop skip and jump away

JiminyCricket: I wish I was w him

JiminyCricket: I'd smash the guy's teeth in

MinSuga: I'd help

MinSuga: fucking hate when people decide to touch ppl up on the tube

MinSuga: happened to me when I was like sixteen

JiminyCricket: same when I was like 14

Seokjinnie: some girl slapped my arse once in town and I didn't know who tf she was

JiminyCricket: wtf why do ppl do that

MinSuga: I'm just used to sexual harassment lmao

Seokjinnie: hmm I know

JiminyCricket: what???

Seokjinnie: ffs don't worry

JiminyCricket: yall are hiding smth

MinSuga: aren't we all

Seokjinnie: well I'm not

MinSuga: lmao true

MinSuga: Jin has such a good life

Seokjinnie: lmao innit

Seokjinnie: nothing goes wrong for me

JiminyCricket: you say that now but you'll probs be dead within the next few chapters

JiminyCricket: months*

JiminyCricket: lmao autocorrect

TaeTae: bruh we're at the next station

TaeTae: and there was like 1 other person in this car and now they've gotten off

TaeTae: it's just me and him

TaeTae: help me

MinSuga: what station?

TaeTae: Warren Street

Seokjinnie: it's ok you've got like one more stop till you're at kings cross

Seokjinnie: just hold on

TaeTae: I'm trying but he's really scary

TaeTae: man I'm going to be stuck in an empty tube car with him and no signal

TaeTae: imma die

TaeTae: trains going again

TaeTae: bye

MinSuga: this shit is intense

Seokjinnie: why tf does he keep calling them cars

JiminyCricket: apparently that's what they're called

MinSuga: tf I always thought they were called carriages

Seokjinnie: I thought they were called carts lmao

MinSuga: who calls them cars ?

JiminyCricket: nerds do

Seokjinnie: true

MinSuga: where's joon this evening???

Seokjinnie: extra maths

MinSuga: tf??

MinSuga: but we have no school

Seokjinnie: yeah but u know his parents

MinSuga: true

JiminyCricket: yo I don't

JiminyCricket: what's with joon's parents??

Seokjinnie: they're bare strict especially when it comes to school

MinSuga: imagine the stereotypical Asian parent and then times it by 10 bc that's joon's parents lmaoo

Seokjinnie: ain't even an exaggeration tho

JiminyCricket: lmaooo can't relate

JiminyCricket: my parents were just like "pass ur exams and don't get arrested pls"

Seokjinnie: loooool

MinSuga: my parents just said "do ur best and we'll be proud"

Seokjinnie: joon can't relate

Seokjinnie: where's hoseok??

MinSuga: his dad took his phone

Seokjinnie: wtf why

MinSuga: idk man

MinSuga: I went round there yesterday

MinSuga: and his dad said he's not allowed out

Seokjinnie: tf is with his dad???

MinSuga: I don't really know tbh

MinSuga: I just know shit ain't great

JiminyCricket: man it's worst than that

JiminyCricket: like idk much

JiminyCricket: but once after dance practice I found him crying and he just broke down saying shit about his dad

MinSuga: what he say ?

JiminyCricket: apparently his dad kicked him out

MinSuga: wtf when was this ?

JiminyCricket: it was like last year

JiminyCricket: way before you came along

Seokjinnie: well shit man

MinSuga: looks like both joon and seok have shitty parents lmao

Seokjinnie: true lmaooo

JiminyCricket: yo where's tae at??

JiminyCricket: surely the train has gotten to kings cross

Seokjinnie: idk man

Seokjinnie: try calling

MinSuga: ngl I forgot

Seokjinnie: me too

MinSuga: we're such good friends

Seokjinnie: lmao innit

JiminyCricket: don't think he has signal

Seokjinnie: give him a minute

MinSuga: yeah he'll be at kings soon

JiminyCricket: lmao ok

JiminyCricket: am just worried

Seokjinnie: he'll be ok

MinSuga: we hope lmao

Seokjinnie: ffs yoongi that's not helping

TaeTae: I'm crying

TaeTae: he fucking touched me

TaeTae: I'm shaking

JiminyCricket: what the fuck did he do?

Seokjinnie: oh shit

TaeTae: when the train started again

TaeTae: he put his hand on my thigh

TaeTae: and I was like "please don't"

TaeTae: and he started stroking my thigh

TaeTae: and started saying shit like "ooh playing hard to get"

TaeTae: and he moved his hand up

TaeTae: and I pushed his hand off but he grabbed my wrist and got really close to my face

TaeTae: and I was fucking shaking

TaeTae: and he was like "such a nice arse, wonder how tight it is"

TaeTae: and I was like "let go of me"

TaeTae: and he squeezed my wrist bare tight and it really hurt I think it's bruised

TaeTae: and then we got to the next station and someone got on so he let go

TaeTae: but he kept his hand on my knee and I just froze

TaeTae: I had to sit with his hand on my leg until we got to kings

TaeTae: I'm shaking

JiminyCricket: yo it's ok he's gone now

JiminyCricket: where are you know?

TaeTae: at kings overground station waiting for the train home

JiminyCricket: ok stay in a public area

JiminyCricket: I'll be at the train station when u get here

JiminyCrickey: do u want to call me while u wait for the train?

TaeTae: yes please

JiminyCricket: ok I'm calling

Seokjinnie: shit I didn't think he'd actually touch tae

MinSuga: I feel real shitty now

Seokjinnie: same

MinSuga: I've never seen jimin so serious

Seokjinnie: innit tf

MinSuga: he knows how to handle tae the best out of us tho to be fair

MinSuga: we should leave it to him

Seokjinnie: true

Seokjinnie: honestly friendship goals

MinSuga: fucking true

MinSuga: I miss hobi

Seokjinnie: I miss joon

MinSuga: do u think his dad will fuck me up if I go round there ?

Seokjinnie: probably

MinSuga: man has a tree next to his window

MinSuga: imma pull some ninja shit and sneak in

Seokjinnie: lmao tf this ain't some American teen film starring two middle class white kids who sneak into each other's rooms at night

Seokjinnie: this is suburban London motherfucker

Seokjinnie: you'll get mugged 3 times before u get to his house lmaoo

MinSuga: not like I ain't been mugged before

Seokjinnie: ffs yoongi

MinSuga: ;)

Seokjinnie: imma text joon

Seokjinnie: bye bitch

------------

Seokjinnie started chat with NamJoon

21:07

 

Seokjinnie: babe

Seokjinnie: u done?

Seokjinnie: ur class finished 7 mins ago don't air me babes :((

Seokjinnie: this is so rude

Seokjinnie: BABES

Seokjinnie: babes we are BREAKING up

Seokjinnie: I'm jk

Seokjinnie: ily

NamJoon: soz class ran over

Seokjinnie: BABES

NamJoon: hello

NamJoon: how's everything

Seokjinnie: great

Seokjinnie: tae got molested on the tube

NamJoon: tf

Seokjinnie: check the gc

NamJoon: ffs who touched him

NamJoon: I'll kill whoever it was

Seokjinnie: I think jimin will beat u to it lmao

NamJoon: lol

NamJoon: I'll check with him tomorrow

NamJoon: make sure he's ok

Seokjinnie: same

Seokjinnie: come round mine?

NamJoon: babe its late

Seokjinnie: no school tomorrow tho

NamJoon: true

Seokjinnie: also

Seokjinnie: my parents aren't home ;)

NamJoon: I'm on my way

Seokjinnie: good boy

-----------

JiminyCricket started chat with TaeTae

21:28

 

JiminyCricket: u on the train?

TaeTae: yeah yeah

JiminyCricket: has it left yet?

TaeTae: just did

JiminyCricket: ok

JiminyCricket: how u feeling?

TaeTae: shakey

TaeTae: tired

JiminyCricket: you can stay at mine tonight if u want

TaeTae: please

JiminyCricket: I'll meet u at the station

TaeTae: thank u jimin

JiminyCricket: that's ok

TaeTae: I love you

JiminyCricket: I love you too

Chapter Text

humbug cunts xo
25/12/16
09:35

 

JiminyCricket: MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKERS

TaeTae: MERRY CHRISTMAS GAYS

HOEseok: MERRY CHRISTMAS CHILDREN

MinSuga: shut the fuck up

MinSuga: except u seokie

MinSuga: Merry Christmas daddy

HOEseok: Merry Christmas baby

Seokjinnie: it's not even 10am and ur already being gay

TaeTae: it's time to drink

NamJoon: it's half 9 in the morning

TaeTae: and?

JiminyCricket: it's Christmas joon

JiminyCricket: everyone starts drinking in the morning on Christmas

Seokjinnie: true

MinSuga: true

HOEseok: true

TaeTae: true

Jeongguk: wtf I'm not allowed??

Seokjinnie: ur 15 that's why

Jeongguk: :((

Seokjinnie: jeon mum asked what time are we supposed to meet at grandmas???

Jeongguk: 1pm I think

Seokjinnie: aight thanks

TaeTae: oi oi mother brought the Buck's Fizz out

JiminyCricket: we have champagne

TaeTae: alright calm down we can't all be rich

HOEseok: we're opening presents

HOEseok: I can't wait to see what you all got for me

JiminyCricket: SAME

JiminyCricket: YALL BETTER GOT ME GOOD SHIT

MinSuga: bitch u the rich one

MinSuga: I'm expecting fucking gucci

JiminyCricket: well prepared to be disappointed boo

HOEseok: wtf is the point in having a rich friend if they don't buy u expensive shit

NamJoon: hobi ur rich too

HOEseok: stfu I'm not rich

HOEseok: my fam are just well off

NamJoon: same lmao

MinSuga: well lucky fucking u

HOEseok: ok stfu I'm opening my present from tae

TaeTae: oi oi

HOEseok: tae did u really get me condoms

TaeTae: ;) ;)

HOEseok: oh fuck u tae

HOEseok: he bought size small

JiminyCricket: LMAO

Seokjinnie: wow he knew ur size

HOEseok: fuck u jin

TaeTae: I tried to find extra small but had no luck

HOEseok: honestly kill urself

MinSuga: not to be THAT person

MinSuga: but I can promise you hobi's dick is anything but small

MinSuga: ;) ;) ;)

Seokjinnie: ffs its Christmas

Seokjinnie: Jesus' birthday

Seokjinnie: and we're talking about hoseok's dick

HOEseok: i have to go to church in like 2 hours ffs

JiminyCricket: wtf why

HOEseok: it's Christmas

HOEseok: my parents are religious

JiminyCricket: oh shit yeah lmao

HOEseok: ok now for jimin's present

NamJoon: yo wait

NamJoon: how about we open these together?

MinSuga: what ?

TaeTae: how???

NamJoon: we all open each other's presents, like hobi just opened tae's so all of us should open tae's and then we'll carry on

Seokjinnie: aight I'm up for that

MinSuga: lmao ok

JiminyCricket: I'll get my pressies

Jeongguk: I have tae's on me rn

NamJoon: everyone open tae's

TaeTae: well I ain't got one to open

Seokjinnie: lmaoo tae got me a fucking wok

Seokjinnie: like what????

JiminyCricket: wok do u mean

Seokjinnie: die

TaeTae: u like to cook don't u???

Seokjinnie: fucking true

Seokjinnie: thanks mate

NamJoon: I got a framed photo of me and Jin

Seokjinnie: wait really??

MinSuga: that's actually really sweet

TaeTae: yeah well I just like u two together

NamJoon: thank you I really love this

TaeTae: that's aight man

JiminyCricket: man got me lube

Seokjinnie: I'm not surprised

JiminyCricket: oh shit it's bubblegum flavour

JiminyCricket: that's my fave flavour

JiminyCricket: thanks boo

TaeTae: that's not all u got

JiminyCricket: oh shit

JiminyCricket: tf is this one of those American coupon booklet things???

Seokjinnie: tf??

NamJoon: what like a free hug??

JiminyCricket: "coupon for a free blowjob"

JiminyCricket: "coupon for a night filled with up to 5 kinks of ur choice"

Seokjinnie: oh ffs

NamJoon: u two are nasty

MinSuga: tae got me a fucking maids dress

MinSuga: what the fuck tae

TaeTae: use it wisely ;)

HOEseok: oh we will

MinSuga: wait

MinSuga: what

Seokjinnie: I hate all of u already

Jeongguk: omg tae

Jeongguk: did u really get me lessons with ur singing coach??

Seokjinnie: hold up

Seokjinnie: tae has a singing coach??

TaeTae: he's a family friend

TaeTae: did me a favour

TaeTae: jeon said he wanted to sing properly

TaeTae: well here u go

Jeongguk: thank you

Jeongguk: like really thank you I'm so happy

NamJoon: aw maybe one day u can sing for us

Seokjinnie: jeon actually has a real good voice

JiminyCricket: so does tae

JiminyCricket: they should do a duet lmao

TaeTae: I'm up for that

Jeongguk: maybe lol

Jeongguk: but thank u

TaeTae: that's ok

Seokjinnie: ok jimin's presents now

TaeTae: nah u got to leave the best till last

MinSuga: the rest of us are lowkey offended

Seokjinnie: ok fine jeon's next

Jeongguk: I'm sorry I can't really get u great things

Jeongguk: I don't have a job so I don't really have money lol

MinSuga: yoooooo

MinSuga: jeon since when could u draw ???

Jeongguk: idk I've always liked drawing

Jeongguk: I'm not great but yknow

MinSuga: jeon drew me and him together that's so cute

MinSuga: man I love it

Jeongguk: really??

MinSuga: yeah thanks lil bro

HOEseok: shit jeon ur acc lit at drawing

HOEseok: I got a drawing of me and yoon

MinSuga: shit I wanna see

HOEseok: I'll show u later

HOEseok: thanks man

Seokjinnie: I got the same thing but me and joon

Seokjinnie: jeon this musta taken ages it's so good

Seokjinnie: thank you

Jeongguk: that's ok

Jeongguk: you're good together

JiminyCricket: JEON GOT ME NEW DEODORANT IM LAUGHING

Jeongguk: to replace the other one

Seokjinnie: oh ffs

MinSuga: just when the gc got serious for a second

TaeTae: jeon drew me something too

TaeTae: bruh I'm tearing up

Seokjinnie: what is it???

TaeTae: I cannae say

TaeTae: but thank you so much

NamJoon: damn I'm tearing up too

NamJoon: jeon made me a book type thing

NamJoon: filled with pictures and drawings and all kinds of memos of me and Jin

NamJoon: I'm legit sobbing

Seokjinnie: jeon out here making grown men cry

Jeongguk: it's the affect I have on people

NamJoon: thank you guks

MinSuga: ok onto jin's before everyone starts bawling lmao

Seokjinnie: I got everyone soap bc I didn't realise we were being sentimental ffs

JiminyCricket: u legit got me a bar of soap

TaeTae: mine's a dove bar of soap

MinSuga: lmaooo thanks jin

Seokjinnie: idk how to buy presents so I legit get everyone a bar of soap

Jeongguk: he's not kidding

JiminyCricket: thas a good idea man

JiminyCricket: imma start doing that

TaeTae: it better be an expensive bar of soap don't go cheaping on me

NamJoon: awwwwww

NamJoon: my soap is in the shape of a heart

MinSuga: can yall stop being gay for one second

Seokjinnie: yoongi ur literally the most gay here

MinSuga: shit true

MinSuga: but u didn't see me get my bf a heart shaped soap

HOEseok: speaking of

HOEseok: let's open yoons :D :D

Seokjinnie: yoongi got me a fucking friendship bracelet I'm crying

Seokjinnie: ur never sentimental

MinSuga: yeah well I felt like it

TaeTae: yoongi got me bath bombs

TaeTae: wow these are so

TaeTae: lush

TaeTae: ;) ;) ;)

MinSuga: ffs I hate u

JiminyCricket: I love a man with a pun

Jeongguk: why did u get me a dummy?

MinSuga: bc ur a baby

Jeongguk: fuck u

Seokjinnie: he drew u a picture and u got him a dummy

MinSuga: well tf else was I meant to get him

Seokjinnie: legit anything else

JiminyCricket: urmmmm????????

JiminyCricket: yoongi

JiminyCricket: did u really get me tub stilts?????

JiminyCricket: ur a whole centimetre taller u cunt

MinSuga: die

JiminyCricket: kill urself

NamJoon: yoongi legit got me a fedora

NamJoon: tf

MinSuga: idk man I think I was high

HOEseok: yoon got me a fucking bright ass orange tracksuit

HOEseok: and it says sope on the back in korean that's so gay

HOEseok: it looks like some adidas shit crossed with an american jail uniform

MinSuga: the best part is

MinSuga: I have a matching one

HOEseok: shut the actual front door

HOEseok: we're wearing these on the next non-uniform day fuck it

Seokjinnie: that's so gay

TaeTae: why does it say sope????

HOEseok: yoon calls me hope and his nickname is suga

TaeTae: that's gay

JiminyCricket: I guess u could say jin and yoongi got their boyfriends some form of soap

JiminyCricket: sope

JiminyCricket: idk how to spell it but u get the joke

TaeTae: three puns in one day

Seokjinnie: ffs when are u two gonna die

TaeTae: fucking soon hopefully

MinSuga: I legit hate u both

HOEseok: open my shit

JiminyCricket: U GOT ME A FUCKING STOOL?????

HOEseok: to go with ur stilts

JiminyCricket: honestly fuck this gc

TaeTae: man got me a bible???

Jeongguk: same????

HOEseok: yeah bc u fucking need it

Seokjinnie: u got me socks

HOEseok: yeah bc ur SOCK-jin

Seokjinnie: die

NamJoon: bruh thanks for the dungarees

TaeTae: wtf are u a minion or smth???

JiminyCricket: who wears dungarees lmao

NamJoon: I acc like them

TaeTae: of course u do

MinSuga: HOBI

MinSuga: U GOT ME A COLLAR ???

Seokjinnie: ok wtf is wrong with u both

JiminyCricket: that sounds like my kinda present

TaeTae: mmmmm send pic bby

Jeongguk: why would he get u a collar?

NamJoon: dw guks

MinSuga: I OPENED IT IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS

MinSuga: THEY WERE LIKE "BUT WE DONT HAVE A DOG???"

HOEseok: it's not a dog collar

HOEseok: kitten

MinSuga: I HATE U SO MUCH

MinSuga: but thank u

HOEseok: that's ok kitten

Seokjinnie: seriously guys

Seokjinnie: can the gc be child friendly for 5 mins

Jeongguk: I'm still confused

JiminyCricket: I'll show u later

Seokjinnie: u will NOT

TaeTae: JIMINS PRESENT

JiminyCricket: have fun lads

Jeongguk: yo what

Jeongguk: you got me dance gear??

Jeongguk: jfc jimin these are really good trainers

JiminyCricket: yeah well if u gon dance with us u need the proper shit innit

Jeongguk: thank u so much

TaeTae: MAN GOT ME A GUCCI WALLET?????

TaeTae: BRUH

JiminyCricket: I'm a good sugar daddy

TaeTae: THE FUCKING BEST

TaeTae: THANK YOU

HOEseok: yo u got me lessons with ur dance trainer

HOEseok: thank you

HOEseok: jfc jimin this is too much

TaeTae: don't u already have a dance coach???

HOEseok: my dad kinda stopped me from seeing him like 3 weeks ago lmao

TaeTae: wtf

MinSuga: u got me time in a recording studio

MinSuga: a fucking studio

JiminyCricket: I know u can produce and rap like hell so I thought why not man

MinSuga: thank you omg I'm crying

Seokjinnie: not as much as I am

TaeTae: what he get u???

NamJoon: he got us a joint present

NamJoon: dinner for two at the shard

MinSuga: THE FUCKING SHARD????

HOEseok: jfc jimin

Jeongguk: how tf did u afford all this

JiminyCricket: not to be blunt but im rich

Seokjinnie: shit true

TaeTae: thank fuck for the rich friend

MinSuga: can we talk about how tae gave jimin lube and a blowjob and jimin got him gucci

JiminyCricket: I'm literally his sugar daddy

MinSuga: wanna be mine too ?

HOEseok: cough cough

MinSuga: I mean

MinSuga: I already got a daddy lmao

Seokjinnie: not to keep count or anything but that is legit like the 100th time you've called hoseok daddy in this chat

MinSuga: don't get bitter just bc ur boyfriend won't call u it

Seokjinnie: I don't wanna be called it thank u very much

NamJoon: are u sure daddy?

MinSuga: JOON

HOEseok: ONG

HOEseok: DIDNT SEE THAT COMIBG

TaeTae: JJDLRO

Seokjinnie: JOON WHAT THE FUCK

NamJoon: idek anymore

NamJoon: yoongi and tae have rubbed off on me

HOEseok: I gotta go get ready for church

HOEseok: bye lads

Seokjinnie: bye man

TaeTae: lmao have fun

JiminyCricket: I'm gon get drunk

TaeTae: me too

MinSuga: same

Seokjinnie: me too

NamJoon: ffs

Chapter Text

humbug cunts xo
31/12/16
10:27

 

JiminyCricket: happy new year's eve lads

JiminyCricket: party tonight @ mine

NamJoon: bit late notice

JiminyCricket: my parents legit only just told me that they're going out

Jeongguk: ur sister going to be there?

JiminyCricket: stay away from my sister

Jeongguk: ;)

MinSuga: where's this confidence suddenly come from lmao

Seokjinnie: having deodorant stuck up ur arse really changes u

Jeongguk: no offence or anything but honestly I hope u die

Seokjinnie: that is no way to talk to ur cousin :O

HOEseok: :O :O

JiminyCricket: ok but back to me

JiminyCricket: who's coming???

MinSuga: who've you invited ?

JiminyCricket: I just told ppl to spread the word lmao

JiminCrickety: so idk who's turning up

JiminyCricket: my house is gon be wrecked w a capital R

NamJoon: umm

NamJoon: how did u spell wrecked right

NamJoon: but still say capital R

JiminyCricket: who tf knows anymore

TaeTae: I'm coming !!

MinSuga: of course tae is

MinSuga: I'm up for it

HOEseok: if yoonie is going so am I lmao

Seokjinnie: yeah I'll come

Seokjinnie: I was just gonna stay home anyway lmao

NamJoon: I'm not busy lmao I'll be there

NamJoon: what time??

JiminyCricket: 7pm till whenever everyone leaves lmao

Jeongguk: I'm coming

MinSuga: u sure Jin is gonna allow that lmaooo

Seokjinnie: jeon is a big boy

Seokjinnie: he can take care of himself

Jeongguk: wtf u sure about tht

JiminyCricket: fucknyeah

TaeTae: does that mean jeon can smoke a big fat zoot w us???

Seokjinnie: no

Seokjinnie: if I see any drugs near him I'll fuck u

TaeTae: don't u mean fuck u up???

Seokjinnie: I said what I said

NamJoon: well in that case

NamJoon: jeon I got bare weed

TaeTae: someone better bring some tho I ain't fucking about

TaeTae: i wanna get so high I forget 2016 ever happened tbh

JiminyCricket: me too lmaooo

----------

humbug cunts xo
31/12/16
19:13

 

TaeTae: u guys on ur way???

MinSuga: yeah fam

MinSuga: we're just collecting hobi and then we'll be there

TaeTae: aight

HOEseok: how many ppl are there???

JiminyCricket: a fuck load

TaeTae: I don't know half the people here

JiminyCricket: I'm pretty sure there's ppl from the college down the road here

HOEseok: ew I don't want to be around chavs

NamJoon: ur literally dating a chav

MinSuga: I ain't no chav

MinSuga: fuck u

NamJoon: u literally wear adidas and used to hang out in the park drinking

MinSuga: fuck u I was 14

Jeongguk: omg no one gives a fuck

HOEseok: true

TaeTae: legit lmao

TaeTae: bruh we bringing out the vodka gummy bears

NamJoon: save some I actually love those

HOEseok: same they're so peng

Jeongguk: I want some

JiminyCricket: it's aight jeon I got u

Jeongguk: thanks man

----------

humbug cunts xo
31/12/16
22:09

 

Seokjinnie: lads

Seokjinnie: is everyone ready to kiss someone at midnight??

HOEseok: yoongi threw up about 10 mins ago I ain't kissing him

Seokjinnie: what happened to through sickness and through health????

HOEseok: we ain't married fam??

NamJoon: neither are jin and I but yall act like we are

HOEseok: stfu

HOEseok: yoongi's passed out on my lap atm

HOEseok: if he wakes up before midnight I'll make out w him

NamJoon: how did he already pass out lmao we've been here for like 3 hours

HOEseok: well u know how someone was doing body shots off of jimin

HOEseok: that was yoongi

HOEseok: and then after he got challenged by mehmet to a drink off

HOEseok: yoongi drank him under the table loool

Seokjinnie: good old yoongi lmao

NamJoon: I've had like one cider and some gummy bears

Seokjinnie: I've had 2 beers

HOEseok: does anyone know where jimin, tae and jeon are??

Seokjinnie: I last saw tae jumping off the balcony

HOEseok: wait wtf

Seokjinnie: it's ok he had like 10 guys at the bottom ready to catch him

HOEseok: that sounds like the life

NamJoon: he's got a way with men

NamJoon: jimin was making out with a guy last time I saw him

Seokjinnie: was it jeon?

NamJoon: it was a black guy bro

Seokjinnie: ah

Seokjinnie: that's not jeon lmao

MinSuga: laas am npt even drwnk

HOEseok: yoongi's awake

MinSuga: hiswok wherr ate u

Seokjinnie: honestly I can't understand a word he's saying

NamJoon: we shouldn't let him drink

MinSuga: ducj u

MinSuga: hpseook whwre r u

HOEseok: yoongi I'm literally behind u

HOEseok: ur head is on my lap

NamJoon: he is FUCKED

MinSuga: oh ueah

MinSuga: hpni I libe u

Seokjinnie: ffs where are u two

HOEseok: living room

Seokjinnie: which one??

HOEseok: the one without a tv

Seokjinnie: aight we're coming to you

-----------

humbug cunts xo
31/12/16
23:48

 

JiminyCricket: yooo

JiminyCricket: ny arse id fyckwd

Seokjinnie: where tf are u

JiminyCricket: am mot ecen sure

JiminyCricket: is rhis ny hpuse??,,

TaeTae: jumni we nred to kias @ misnifht

NamJoon: they're literally not speaking English

HOEseok: bruh it's almost midnight get someone to kiss

Seokjinnie: where is jeon?

TaeTae: he w spmegirl

Seokjinnie: he's with a girl???

HOEseok: I hope it's jimin's sister

MinSuga: boho i wmnt kiss u

Seokjinnie: did he just call u boho??

NamJoon: that's a cute nickname

HOEseok: don't fucking called me boho u sock

Seokjinnie: calm down boho

TaeTae: us tgis the real life

TaeTae: is ghis jusy famtasy

TaeTae: csught in a kandslidw no esvape feon rwality

Seokjinnie: tf

TaeTae: u soid boho

TaeTae: n i tgought bphwmian rhapsopy

NamJoon: u need to lay off the vodka

TaeTae: i niss dreddue mercry

MinSuga: me2

Seokjinnie: stfu it's almost midnight find someone to kiss

TaeTae: jumin g3t ur divk over hwre

JiminyCricket: am pn ny wqy

HOEseok: I got yoongi

Seokjinnie: here we go lads

HOEseok: countdown time

Seokjinnie: 10

Seokjinnie: 9

Seokjinnie: 8

JiminyCricket: waoy my dixk not oyt

Seokjinnie: 7

Seokjinnie: 6

Seokjinnie: 5

Seokjinnie: 4

TaeTae: brian ny qween

Seokjinnie: 3

Seokjinnie: 2

Seokjinnie: 1

Chapter Text

humbug cunts xo
01/01/17
00:02

 

Seokjinnie: happy new year lads

HOEseok: happy new year lmaoo

HOEseok: yoongi is dragging me somewhere

NamJoon: be safe

Seokjinnie: ffs where's jeon

NamJoon: idk

NamJoon: jin meet me in jimin's guest room

Seokjinnie: aight ;)

HOEseok: ew

----------

humbug cunts xo
01/01/17
10:36

 

TaeTae: jin just yelled at me

TaeTae: and my head is pounding

Seokjinnie: you were fucking spooning me

TaeTae: and?

Seokjinnie: I'm naked

Seokjinnie: and spooning my own boyfriend

Seokjinnie: who is also naked

JiminyCricket: ey u two fucked??

Seokjinnie: of course

Seokjinnie: in your guest room

Seokjinnie: so have fun cleaning that up

JiminyCricket: cunts

TaeTae: honestly what happened last night

TaeTae: I got so fucked

NamJoon: u always get fucked

TaeTae: true

Seokjinnie: u threw urself off the balcony btw

TaeTae: wait what

TaeTae: but I'm ok????

Seokjinnie: yeah a bunch of guys caught u

Seokjinnie: then u tried to suck one of their dicks but jimin pulled u away

TaeTae: aw damn

TaeTae: why u gotta do that jimin :((

JiminyCricket: I get possessive when I'm drunk soz

Seokjinnie: where's jeon???

TaeTae: I know he was with a girl

TaeTae: thas it

Seokjinnie: ffs

NamJoon: lmao he's probs passed out in a room somewhere we'll find him

JiminyCricket: where's hoseok???

JiminyCricket: and yoongi???

TaeTae: bet u dey fucking

Seokjinnie: lmao nah yoongi was more fucked than u two

NamJoon: hobi wouldn't fuck him while he's drunk lmao

JiminyCricket: mans got morals

TaeTae: I just threw up lol

JiminyCricket: u had better done it in the toilet

JiminyCricket: otherwise imma fight u

TaeTae: yeah man it's all good

TaeTae: btw there's 3 people passed out in the garden and idk who they are

Seokjinnie: how do the neighbours not get pissed at u during these parties lmao

JiminyCricket: the couple next door are always away lmao

JiminyCricket: and their kids were here last night so

NamJoon: banter

Jeongguk: stfu

TaeTae: eyyyy it's jeon

JiminyCricket: u fucked someone??

Seokjinnie: where tf are u

Jeongguk: my head is killing

Jeongguk: yall making my phone buzz louder than tae's vibrator

TaeTae: woah woah calm down bitchboy

Jeongguk: idk what happpemed

Jeongguk: I think I made out with someone

Jeongguk: and then I woke up in jimin's parents bed

Seokjinnie: are u wearing clothes??

Jeongguk: yes

Seokjinnie: well that's good then

JiminyCricket: my boy got no dick

Jeongguk: I don't want any dick

Jeongguk: yet

Seokjinnie: ffs

NamJoon: I want to know where hobi and yoongi went

TaeTae: I'd look but I can't feel my legs

JiminyCricket: there's fucking blood on my tangerines

JiminyCricket: wtf happened

Seokjinnie: don't know soz

NamJoon: I know ppl were using them as tennis balls

NamJoon: but idk about the blood

JiminyCricket: I'm not holding any more parties

JiminyCricket: shit keeps getting broken

NamJoon: u say that now but we all know ur ass is gonna have another party next week

JiminyCricket: shit true

HOEseok: yoongi is still passed out

Seokjinnie: where are u

HOEseok: jimin's shed I think

HOEseok: we're on the floor

JiminyCricket: classy

HOEseok: stfu we didn't fuck

JiminyCricket: you sure?

HOEseok: I was practically sober

HOEseok: so yes I'm sure

TaeTae: can't relate

TaeTae: idek what sober is

JiminyCricket: same

Jeongguk: same

Seokjinnie: stfu jeon you've been to like 3 parties

Jeongguk: fuck u jin

JiminyCricket: noah fence but when the fuck are u leaving my house

JiminyCricket: I need to clean up

Seokjinnie: arsehole

-----------

humbug cunts xo
01/01/17
15:06

 

JiminyCricket: wait an uno fucking secondo

TaeTae: que?

Seokjinnie: that's portuguese tae

TaeTae: what was jimin speaking??

JiminyCricket: italian u stupid fuck

TaeTae: bitch fuck u im multilingual

Seokjinnie: u can say 2 words in portuguese tae calm down

TaeTae: actually I can say 3 fuck u

HOEseok: lads we're literally all bilingual

Seokjinnie: literally all of us

JiminyCricket: oh shit yeah

JiminyCricket: I forgot

NamJoon: how do u forget

JiminyCricket: lmao idk

JiminyCricket: but back to what I was saying

JiminyCricket: none of us got a present from joon

JiminyCricket: tf is that about

NamJoon: my presence is a present

TaeTae: calm down kanye

TaeTae: but he right where's our present

NamJoon: I only got jin and hobi a present

NamJoon: I didn't have much money and not all of us have parents who give us money

NamJoon: and I'm not allowed a job so

NamJoon: jin being my bf and hobi being my best friend of like 10 years

JiminyCricket: fair enough

TaeTae: man that's aight

MinSuga: my fucking head kills

Seokjinnie: well look who's awake

MinSuga: I've thrown up twice already

HOEseok: so hot

MinSuga: stfu

MinSuga: fancy picking me up a sausage roll from greggs ?

HOEseok: what's it worth???

MinSuga: my love

Seokjinnie: not worth it

MinSuga: fuck u of course it's worth it

HOEseok: sigh

HOEseok: is there anything else u want??

MinSuga: an orange fanta and a gingerbread man pls

HOEseok: ok

HOEseok: only bc I like u

MinSuga: :) :)

Seokjinnie: gay

Chapter Text

humbug cunts xo
09/01/17
07:49

 

TaeTae: first day of school lads !!!

HOEseok: we get our mock results today !!!

MinSuga: I hope I die !!!

JiminyCricket: so do I !!!

TaeTae: I legit didn't revise for anything so

JiminyCricket: same

MinSuga: it must be great being year 11 and only having GCSEs

Seokjinnie: innit man

Jeongguk: do u know what's even better

Jeongguk: being year 10 and legit having nothing to worry about

HOEseok: stfu up man

MinSuga: I miss year 10

Seokjinnie: same

Seokjinnie: omg yoongi

Seokjinnie: we have 6 months of school left EVER !!

MinSuga: lmao thank fuck I'm out bitch

----------

humbug cunts xo
09/01/17
15:21

JiminyCricket: so how did everyone do lads??

Seokjinnie: I got Bs in everything

MinSuga: I got an A and two Ds

JiminyCricket: dammmn boy got an A

TaeTae: I failed everything

TaeTae: I legit got a U in almost all subjects

Seokjinnie: how tf did u do that badly

TaeTae: well turning up 40 minutes late to my maths exam probs didn't help

MinSuga: ffs lads

JiminyCricket: I didn't do THAT badly

JiminyCricket: I got Cs and Ds

TaeTae: I'm so proud of u boo

JiminyCricket: thnx bby

HOEseok: I got CCDD

Seokjinnie: I mean it coulda been worse

HOEseok: true

HOEseok: I didn't revise overly hard so I'm not too vexed tbh

MinSuga: my parents ain't gonna be happy about the Ds lmao

HOEseok: neither's my dad but it's only mocks

Seokjinnie: I got the grades I need so that's banter lmao

MinSuga: lucky u

NamJoon: my parents are going to kill me

TaeTae: oooooh shit

MinSuga: what did u get??

NamJoon: A, B, D, D

JiminyCricket: wtf that's good???

TaeTae: my mamma would be so happy if I came wid those grades

MinSuga: bruh its only mocks and u did quite well

Seokjinnie: what was the A in??

NamJoon: maths

TaeTae: bruhhhh how u do that

JiminyCricket: innit I'll be lucky to get a C in maths at this rate

NamJoon: I'm good at maths lmao

NamJoon: but not good enough apparently

NamJoon: my parents want me to get an A*

TaeTae: yooo wtf

NamJoon: I didn't even want to take maths at alevel

NamJoon: but my dad screamed at me for about 2 hours when I said I didn't want to

NamJoon: and then threatened to come down the school if I didn't take it

JiminyCricket: yo ur parents don't fuck around

NamJoon: I got one C at GCSE in geography and my mum didn't speak to me for the rest of the day

MinSuga: wtf I knew ur parents were strict about education but that's brutal

HOEseok: can't u explain to them that it's only mocks???

NamJoon: no they won't listen to that

NamJoon: a grade still means something to them lol

NamJoon: I'm legit on the verge of a panic attack I don't want to face them

MinSuga: start with the Ds and then tell them about the A and B

MinSuga: bad news first yknow

HOEseok: yeah do that

NamJoon: I'm walking down my road now

NamJoon: my dad's home???

NamJoon: wtf he's never home this early

NamJoon: I'm fucked

TaeTae: good luck man

JiminyCricket: yeah good luck

MinSuga: it'll be fine joon

Seokjinnie: call me to pick u up if it gets too much

NamJoon: will do

-----------

humbug cunts xo
09/01/17
18:11

 

NamJoon: so I'm back

TaeTae: bruh it's been like 3 hours

NamJoon: yeah?

NamJoon: u think my parents were going to go easy?

Seokjinnie: how did it go?

NamJoon: well

NamJoon: I panicked

NamJoon: and lied

Seokjinnie: oh god

JiminyCricket: that doesn't sound good

MinSuga: what did u say ?

NamJoon: I told them I got 2 Cs instead of Ds

NamJoon: but

NamJoon: my dad had called the school before I got home

NamJoon: so they knew my actual grades

TaeTae: oh shit

JiminyCricket: boooooy

HOEseok: fuck man

NamJoon: so first I got screamed at for lying lmao

MinSuga: bruuuuh they called ahead ?

NamJoon: I told u they don't fuck around

JiminyCricket: I think you'll find I said that

Seokjinnie: ffs not helping jimin

JiminyCricket: sorry

NamJoon: then they started screaming at me about my grades

NamJoon: "how are you going to get into Cambridge or Oxford with Ds huh?"

NamJoon: "doctors don't get Ds in chemistry and biology"

TaeTae: omg are they those sort of parents??

TaeTae: the ones who want u to become a doctor???

NamJoon: yeah lmao

NamJoon: so basically the screaming lasted for about 2 hours

NamJoon: and then they decided that I have to attend more classes after school and on the weekend

NamJoon: and I'm not allowed to spend as much time with you all

NamJoon: and no more parties

NamJoon: basically it's just study study study

MinSuga: wtf that's not fair

Seokjinnie: ffs more extra classes??

TaeTae: ur parents are fucking scary man

JiminyCricket: my parents just sighed when I told them my grades

TaeTad: I ain't told them mine yet loool

MinSuga: my parents weren't that happy but they didn't react like joon's

NamJoon: oh yeah hang on

 

NamJoon changed the name of chat to maths study group

 

JiminyCricket: wtf

NamJoon: so if my parents see it over my shoulder they won't yell at me and take my phone away

TaeTae: that's so smart

Seokjinnie: ur bare sneaky

NamJoon: when u grow up with strict parents u learn to be sneaky

HOEseok: shit true

Chapter Text

maths study group
13/01/17
13:46

 

JiminyCricket: OI

JiminyCricket: SOMEONE TAKE ME TO HOSPITAL

Seokjinnie: WHY

MinSuga: what have u done

JiminyCricket: I BROKE MY WRIST

Seokjinnie: WHAT??????,,,?

NamJoon: how?

MinSuga: ur an idiot

TaeTae: shut up u bellend it's not even broken

JiminyCricket: TAE IT HURTS

Seokjinnie: WHAT HAPPENED???

TaeTae: jimin thought it would be a good idea to try and jump over a table

JiminyCricket: I TRIED TO JUMP A TABLE

JiminyCricket: I LANDED ON MY ARM

MinSuga: ur actually the biggest idiot I know

Seokjinnie: why would u even???

JiminyCricket: IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA

TaeTae: LOOK HOW THAT WORKED OUT FOR YA LMAOOO

JiminyCricket: FUCK OFF TAE

JiminyCricket: PLS JIN DRIVE ME TO A&E

Seokjinnie: ffs is it really that bad??

TaeTae: lmao no

JiminyCricket: YES I CANT MOVE IT

Seokjinnie: fine give me a minute

Seokjinnie: where are you ?

TaeTae: history block

Seokjinnie: oky doke

JiminyCricket: HURRY PLS

----------

maths study group
13/01/17
16:19

 

Seokjinnie: well I'm finally home

MinSuga: so did he break his wrist ?

Seokjinnie: it's only a fracture

JiminyCricket: only?????

JiminyCricket: my wrist bone has a crack in it

JiminyCricket: there's an actual crack in my bone

NamJoon: calm down fam I've had so many fractures

TaeTae: I literally broke my leg last year

TaeTae: stop being such a pussy

JiminyCricket: stfu dumbo

MinSuga: dumbo ?

JiminyCricket: yeah

JiminyCricket: bc of his big ass ears

Seokjinnie: ah shit that makes sense

MinSuga: lmao dumbo

TaeTae: fuck off man I don't even have big ears

MinSuga: mate sometimes when u turn ur head I think I'm gonna get slapped in the face by ur lobes

TaeTae: SHUT UP

TaeTae: THEYRE NOT EVEN BIG

TaeTae: U WANNA KNOW WHATS BIG?

HOEseok: my dick?

TaeTae: JIMINS ARSE

HOEseok: FUCKING TRUE

TaeTae: LIKE BOY WTF

JiminyCricket: ummm yeah

JiminyCricket: I have a big arse b

JiminyCricket: ur point?

MinSuga: how do u even get it that big ?

JiminyCricket: all natural talent boo

JiminyCricket: I'm what the intellectuals call, thicc

TaeTae: mate ur thick in more ways that one

JiminyCricket: fuck off

JiminyCricket: ngl tho

JiminyCricket: sometimes I can't tell when my back ends and my batty starts

MinSuga: can't relate

JiminyCricket: that's bc u don't have back fat

TaeTae: or an arse

MinSuga: ok but at least my non-existent arse doesn't open for every man I see

TaeTae: ummmmm

TaeTae: are u slut shaming me???

MinSuga: maybe

Seokjinnie: oh yoongi u can't slut shame anyone

MinSuga: fuck off at least I've had variety

MinSuga: you've had the same dick for the last year or so

Seokjinnie: u acting like that's a bad thing???

JiminyCricket: leave jin's conservative arse alone

Seokjinnie: I ain't conservative

Seokjinnie: fuck the tories

MinSuga: down with capitalism

JiminyCricket: down with the bloody big head

TaeTae: omg jimin no one gives a fuck about alice in wonderland

JiminyCricket: ALICE IN WONDERLAND IS THE SINGLE GREATEST STORY OF OUR TIME

MinSuga: it was published in 1865 tho

JiminyCricket: I SAID WHAT I SAID

NamJoon: alice in wonderland isn't that great tbh

JiminyCricket: ....

JiminyCricket: whAT THE FUCK IS UP KYLE

JiminyCricket: NO WHAT DID U SAY WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

JiminyCricket: STEP THE FUCK UP KYLE

MinSuga: don't bring back dead vines

JiminyCricket: DONT INSULT MY MAIN BITCH ALICE THEN

Seokjinnie: I fucking hate u all

HOEseok: we hate u too boo xo

MinSuga: hoseok

MinSuga: hobi

MinSuga: hobo

MinSuga: seokie

MinSuga: seokseok

MinSuga: seok

MinSuga: daddy

HOEseok: did u need something?

MinSuga: yes

MinSuga: attention

HOEseok: aw baby

MinSuga: come round pls

MinSuga: I miss u

HOEseok: I'm on my way pet

MinSuga: :)

TaeTae: do u two just forget ur in the gc or????

JiminyCricket: yeah that was fucking disgusting

JiminyCricket: but tbh I'm legit yoongi being needy

MinSuga: stfu sometimes I need love too

Seokjinnie: lmao can't always be a hard arse can u?

MinSuga: no

MinSuga: I want seokie

HOEseok: I'm on my way baby

HOEseok: do u want to call me while I walk??

MinSuga: yes please

HOEseok: ok

TaeTae: wtf

NamJoon: I've never seen yoongi that soft before

JiminyCricket: innit wtf

TaeTae: the duality of man

JiminyCricket: fucking legit

JiminyCricket: when's someone going to be that soft with me tho

Seokjinnie: probs when ur in an actual relationship instead of fucking random ppl

JiminyCricket: they're not random omg

JiminyCricket: it's just called casual fucking with ppl u kinda know

TaeTae: but I'll always be ur fave

JiminyCricket: of course bby

TaeTae: thanks b

----------

maths study group
13/01/17
19:58

 

Jeongguk: lads

Jeongguk: I got something to say

JiminyCricket: fire away bbyboy

Seokjinnie: what's up

MinSuga: serious or nah ?

Jeongguk: I mean I guess it's serious but it's not bad

NamJoon: go ahead guks

TaeTae: yooo

Jeongguk: I think I know my sexuality

TaeTae: yoooooo

Seokjinnie: that's good shit jeon

NamJoon: u sure?

NamJoon: u don't have to label urself if u don't want

Jeongguk: yeah I know but it's comforting having a label

HOEseok: so what are u?

Jeongguk: I think I'm pansexual

Jeongguk: I did my research and I think that's what I suit most

NamJoon: eyyy me too

NamJoon: twins

JiminyCricket: twinks*

Jeongguk: although I kinda feel like I relate to demisexual too

Jeongguk: but I'd say I'm pan

Jeongguk: at least I think

MinSuga: that's aight jeon if u decide that u want to change the label u give yourself then go ahead

MinSuga: man I thought I was bi for so long but I'm just gay lmao

Seokjinnie: I though I was asexual lmaooo

Seokjinnie: turns out I just needed me the right man

NamJoon: ;)

TaeTae: ew lmao

Jeongguk: yeah so that's all I wanted to say

NamJoon: proud of u guks

Seokjinnie: yeah thanks for telling us

JiminyCricket: bare proud

TaeTae: innit

Chapter Text

maths study group
20/01/17
15:06

 

JiminyCricket: yall

JiminyCricket: hows yall up for ANOTHER party????

Seokjinnie: don't u ever get tired out??

MinYoongi: as long as there's alcohol

NamJoon: I'm not allowed but I'll be there in spirit

JiminyCricket: oh shit yeah sorry joon

JiminyCricket: I forgot u can't go to parties no more

TaeTae: it's aight we won't go if joon can't go

NamJoon: nah man go

NamJoon: have fun

HOEseok: wait when is it???

JiminyCricket: next week

JiminyCricket: it's for samantha kane's 18th

MinSuga: how did u get invited to a year 13's party ?

NamJoon: yeah wtf you're year 11

JiminyCricket: I know ppl

JiminyCricket: also I fucked her brother

MinSuga: I mean that doesn't tell me why she invited u but ok

JiminyCricket: I don't fuckin know

JiminyCricket: go ask her

MinSuga: as if I'm talking to samantha kane

TaeTae: why wouldn't u

MinSuga: she's popular

JiminyCricket: awwwww are u too scared to talk to the populars

HOEseok: u admitted to wanting ur dick sucked by me in front of them but u can't say hi???

MinSuga: u bring out the wild side in me seokie

HOEseok: :D :D

TaeTae: stop being gay

Seokjinnie: I'm not going if joon isn't

JiminyCricket: bruh u gotta

TaeTae: who's going to do lifts without jin tho

Seokjinnie: fuck u tae I am more than my car

NamJoon: jin u can go if u want I won't miss much

NamJoon: just tell me about it after lmao

Seokjinnie: idk man

JiminyCricket: PLEASE JIN

JiminyCricket: PLEASE I LOVE U

JiminyCricket: WHATS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN THO

Seokjinnie: knowing how fucked up we get one of us will probs die lmaoo

MinSuga: don't be dramatic jinnie boy

MinSuga: come with us it'll be bants

Seokjinnie: sigh

Seokjinnie: fine

JiminyCricket: YAYAYAY

JiminyCricket: can we still get a lift tho

Seokjinnie: fuck u jimjn

Seokjinnie: but yes I'll do lifts

TaeTae: what a lad

JiminyCricket: innit

JiminyCricket: jin is such a g

Jeongguk: I don't fancy going tbh

JiminyCricket: wha !!!

JiminyCricket: but u gotta

Jeongguk: I just don't fancy another party

Seokjinnie: u sure jeon?

Seokjinnie: I'll pick u up first so ur in the front seat and not squished between the door and jimin's fat arse

JiminyCricket: don't talk shit about my fat arse

Jeongguk: nah it's aight

MinSuga: u can pick me up first then

MinSuga: I don't want to be squished

Seokjinnie: lmao fair enough

HOEseok: so ur leaving me to get squished yoon??? :o

MinSuga: sorry b

MinSuga: every man for himself

HOEseok: we are bREAKING UP

MinSuga: :''(

Seokjinnie: ok fine I'll pick yoongi up first

MinSuga: yes jin

MinSuga: u my day 1

Seokjinnie: idk what that means but thanks

-----------

maths study group
20/01/17
17:42

 

Seokjinnie: LADS

Seokjinnie: I GOT ACCEPTED

Seokjinnie: INTO UNI

Seokjinnie: I JUST GOT THE EMAIL

JiminyCricket: BRUH

JiminyCricket: NO WAY

NamJoon: CONGRATULATIONS BBY

MinSuga: CONGRATS JIN

Seokjinnie: IM SO HAPPY ONG

Seokjinnie: IM GOING TO UNI LADS

Seokjinnie: IM GOING TO MY DREAM UNI

TaeTae: CONGRATS JIN

Seokjinnie: THANKS TAE

NamJoon: SO PROUD OF U

MinSuga: MY BOY GONNA BE A NURSE

Seokjinnie: FUCK YEAH IMMA BE A NURSE

HOEseok: OMG JINS GONNA BE A NURSE

Seokjinnie: IMMA BE A NURSE

JiminyCricket: THIS IS THE MOST EXCITED ANYONES BEEN OVER BEING A NURSE

TaeTae: JINS GONNA BE A NURSE

Jeongguk: OMG JIN WELL DONE

TaeTae: WE'RE SO HAPPY FOR U JIN

Seokjinnie: IM LEGIT SHAKING IM SO HAPPY

NamJoon: so like when do u get that nurse uniform

MinSuga: EW FUCK OFF JOON

HOEseok: WHY U GOTTA MAKE IT DIRTY

JiminyCricket: IM SURPRSIED JOON MADE IT DIRTY TBH

HOEseok: HONESTLY YALL DONT BE FOOLED

HOEseok: JOON IS LOWKEY REALLY PERVERTED

Seokjinnie: FUCKING TRUE

MinSuga: yeah I know jin tells me everything

NamJoon: wait,, everything?

MinSuga: everything

NamJoon: bruh

JiminyCricket: peakting fam

TaeTae: can't believe jin baits joon out to yoongi

MinSuga: it's aight I'm sure hobi will bait me out to joon

NamJoon: banter

HOEseok: of course it's the way this shit works

TaeTae: CONGRATS AGAIN TO JIN THO

JiminyCricket: YEAH WELL DONE JIN

Seokjinnie: THANKS LADS

NamJoon: how bout I come round and we celebrate

Seokjinnie: yes

Seokjinnie: do it

Seokjinnie: my parents are out

HOEseok: yall nasty

NamJoon: can I remind u that u said u wanted to suck yoongi's dick in front of the whole sixth form

HOEseok: no ragrets

TaeTae: hoseok wild man

------------

MinSuga started chat with HOEseok

18:02

 

MinSuga: so

MinSuga: did you fancy coming to mine tonight?

MinSuga: my parents won't be home

HOEseok: yeah man

HOEseok: I got some sick new horror films we can watch

HOEseok: like man they look bare scary

MinSuga: ok first of all

MinSuga: u couldn't even watch coraline without screaming every 5 mins so what makes u think ur pussy ass can handle anything scary

HOEseok: SHUT THE FUCK UP

HOEseok: THE BITCH HAD BUTTONS FOR EYES

HOEseok: I DONT FUCK WID THAT SHIT

MinSuga: ok back to what I was saying

MinSuga: and second of all

MinSuga: I was hoping we could do something else

HOEseok: boggle?

MinSuga: what

MinSuga: why the fuck would I be talking about boggle

HOEseok: idk it's a fun game

HOEseok: very underrated

MinSuga: omg

MinSuga: ffs hobi

MinSuga: I want u to come round and fuck my ass

MinSuga: u dense motherfucker

HOEseok: oh

HOEseok: oooooh

HOEseok: yall that makes sense

HOEseok: YES I WANNA FUCK U

MinSuga: fucking hell

MinSuga: I was hoping we could start this out by sexting or some shit

MinSuga: but u started talking about boggle

HOEseok: boggle can be sexy

MinSuga: no it can't

MinSuga: just come round here ffs

HOEseok: okey doke artichoke

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: I changed my mind we ain't fucking now

HOEseok: bruh

HOEseok: why u being mean

MinSuga: who tf says artichoke

HOEseok: me u little shit

HOEseok: now do u want my dick or not???

MinSuga: fuck u

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: but yes I want it

HOEseok: and where do u want it babyboy?

MinSuga: oh so now u decide to be sexy

HOEseok: u wanna get into the mood or not?

MinSuga: ffs

HOEseok: answer the question

HOEseok: don't make me repeat myself

HOEseok: I won't be happy

MinSuga: fuck sake hobi

MinSuga: ur turning me on

HOEseok: such a dirty mouth

HOEseok: looks like I'm going to have to find a good use for it

MinSuga: please do

HOEseok: are you going to be a good boy and answer my question then?

MinSuga: yes sir

HOEseok: go on then

MinSuga: I want your dick in my arse

MinSuga: and my mouth

MinSuga: sir

HOEseok: good boy

HOEseok: but before I give u what u want

HOEseok: I think daddy should punish u for being so rude to me before

HOEseok: don't u think baby?

MinSuga: yes sir

MinSuga: I'm sorry

HOEseok: just make sure ur ready for me babyboy

MinSuga: ffs remember when I said I wanted our first time to be special

HOEseok: lmao innit

HOEseok: it can still be special but kinky as well yknow

MinSuga: true

HOEseok: now stfu

HOEseok: I'm tryna stay in a dominant headspace

MinSuga: lmao aight sir

Chapter Text

maths study group
21/01/17
11:36

 

HOEseok: Good Morning :D :D

NamJoon: um morning??

JiminyCricket: morning babies

HOEseok: such a beautiful day :D

TaeTae: not really

TaeTae: it's raining again

HOEseok: so beautiful :D :D

Seokjinnie: tf

NamJoon: ur acting weird hobi

Jeongguk: morning

TaeTae: wwait what's with hobi??

JiminyCricket: why u sending so many happy faces

HOEseok: no reason :D :D

Jeongguk: hobi u do seem a bit suspicious

HOEseok: do I??? :D

JiminyCricket: yeah u fuckin do

HOEseok: I just woke up feeling Revived :D :D

HOEseok: :D :D

JiminyCricket: revived???

TaeTae: am so confused rn

NamJoon: omg

NamJoon: hobi have u had sex?

TaeTae: tf

HOEseok: :D :D

JiminyCricket: U FUCKED SOMEONE???

TaeTae: WHO????

TaeTae: WHO HE FUCK

Seokjinnie: are u two actual idiots or???

TaeTae: whaaaa

Seokjinnie: did u forget he has a boyfriend???

TaeTae: oh shit yeah

JiminyCricket: YOONGI AND HOBI FUCKED?????

MinSuga: of course we fucked u absolute bellend

MinSuga: who else would hobi have fucked ?

TaeTae: shit u right

JiminyCricket: HOW WAS IT

JiminyCricket: TELL US EVERYTHING

HOEseok: I feel ALIVE

HOEseok: I thought I was good in bed

HOEseok: but yoongi is summin else

JiminyCricket: really???

TaeTae: do tell

MinSuga: stfu I ain't that good

HOEseok: I ain't shitting u

HOEseok: his arse can make u see stars

HOEseok: and for someone who can't dance for shit

HOEseok: he got some flexible hip movements

TaeTae: no fucking way

TaeTae: did yoongi top???

HOEseok: HAHAHAHAHHAAHHA

MinSuga: LMAOOOO

Seokjinnie: AS IF YOONGI TOPS

Seokjinnie: FUCKIN HELL TAE U DO CRACK ME UP

HOEseok: WHAT A JOKER

TaeTae: well I'll take that as a no

MinSuga: only way I top is if I'm riding someone

HOEseok: which ya did last night ;)

Seokjinnie: really??

Seokjinnie: that's surprising tho

MinSuga: what ?

Seokjinnie: that u rode him on ur first time

Seokjinnie: I know u prefer missionary for ur first time with someone

MinSuga: lmao I rode him the 3rd time

JiminyCricket: waaait

JiminyCricket: how many times did u fuck???

HOEseok: 5

TaeTae: bruh

TaeTae: bruuuuh

TaeTae: I get tired after 2

MinSuga: we took breaks inbetween fucking ffs

MinSuga: I ain't no machine

JiminyCricket: still impressive tho

TaeTae: did u remember to piss???

MinSuga: what ?

TaeTae: I read that after sex u should always take a piss

Seokjinnie: that's just for vaginal sex tae

TaeTae: wait what

TaeTae: I mean that makes sense actually

Seokjinnie: so how wild did u get

MinSuga: not that wild tbh

MinSuga: but I'm pretty sure I have hobi's handprint permanently marked on my arse

MinSuga: man knows how to hit

TaeTae: daaaamn

JiminyCricket: I wanna see

HOEseok: tf jimin???

JiminyCricket: I'm a sadist ok??

HOEseok: fairs

HOEseok: I am too lmao

MinSuga: yeah I fucking know

MinSuga: I canny walk properly

MinSuga: my arse is LOOSE

TaeTae: damn hoseok sounds like a good time

TaeTae: I might have to borrow him

MinSuga: lmao I don't think so honey

Jeongguk: wait

Jeongguk: what do u mean hoseok's handprint?

Jeongguk: he hit u?

NamJoon: oh god

MinSuga: I hate children

HOEseok: it's ok jeon

HOEseok: I didn't hit him like that

HOEseok: I spanked him

MinSuga: a lot

Jeongguk: wtf why?

Jeongguk: ur not his mamma

HOEseok: nope

HOEseok: I'm his

MinSuga: don't fucking say it

HOEseok: daddy

MinSuga: right we're breaking up

MinSuga: bye

Seokjinnie: can u actually stop w the daddy jokes omg

JiminyCricket: innit we don't wanna hear bout it

Jeongguk: I still don't understand

JiminyCricket: come round mine and I'll show u boo

Seokjinnie: no u fucking won't

TaeTae: why does Jin always pop up just to cockblock

Jeongguk: I don't understand yall

JiminyCricket: u will one day

Seokjinnie: I fucking hate u

TaeTae: so yoongi

TaeTae: do u think the maid costume I gave u will come in handy???

MinSuga: fuck off

HOEseok: it will

TaeTae: ;)

TaeTae: I love how yoongi tries to act all big man but deep down he likes to call men daddy while riding a dick

MinSuga: just bc I sub in bed don't mean I can't knock the shit outta u

TaeTae: come on then fam

MinSuga: oi what man

MinSuga: u wanna fuckin go ?

TaeTae: yeah bruv

JiminyCricket: can u both stfu???

TaeTae: piss off u four eyed prick

JiminyCricket: TAE

MinSuga: yooo jimin wears glasses ?

HOEseok: tf???

HOEseok: how did we not know??

Seokjinnie: wtf I didn't know u wear glasses

JiminyCricket: yall weren't meant to know thts why

JiminyCricket: glasses go against my hardass yet chill persona

JiminyCricket: can't believe tae baited me out

TaeTae: soz b

TaeTae: I was in the mood to fight

JiminyCricket: oh u wanna fight

JiminyCricket: come round mine rn

JiminyCricket: I'll smash ur fuckin teeth in m8

TaeTae: aight then I'm on my way

MinSuga: film it

MinSuga: we can send it to you've been framed

HOEseok: yeah boy

HOEseok: I want tht dollar

MinSuga: 250 quid here we come

TaeTae: stfu

TaeTae: go back to fuckjng

MinSuga: gladly

MinSuga: u up for it hobi ?

HOEseok: of course bby

Seokjinnie: disgusting

Jeongguk: I still don't understand wtf is going on

Chapter Text

maths study group
27/01/17
12:34

 

TaeTae: guess who got a det

MinSuga: I'm guessing u

TaeTae: yeah

TaeTae: all bc I drew a graph in pen

HOEseok: lmaooo

Seokjinnie: who gave u a det???

TaeTae: miss connors

TaeTae: she's such a pikey I hope she kills herself

JiminyCricket: ummm

JiminyCricket: u drew ur graph in pen and when she gave u a pencil u legit went

JiminyCricket: "oh honey no I don't take pencils from broke bitches"

MinSuga: why are u such a cunt

TaeTae: she's the cunt

Seokjinnie: nah tae ur a cunt

TaeTae: peak ting

JiminyCricket: I just keep thinking about how hobi went to church after fucking yoongi for 2 days straight

HOEseok: why u thinking about me fucking tho

JiminyCricket: what do u think I wank to??

MinSuga: mate ur fucking nasty

HOEseok: ngl

HOEseok: I was just thinking about how fun it would be to fuck yoongi in the church

MinSuga: I'm up for that

TaeTae: u two are burning in hell

MinSuga: we know

MinSuga: we don't care

JiminyCricket: omg

JiminyCricket: god had front row seats to u fucking

MinSuga: god don't watch that shit

TaeTae: tf I would

HOEseok: yeah but ur a dirty voyeur

TaeTae: don't kinkshame me boo

MinSuga: I'll kinkshame all I like when I'm ur kink

NamJoon: guess who has to go to 3 hours of after school classes

JiminyCricket: that's so peak

TaeTae: u should skip and come to the party with us

NamJoon: do U want me to get my arse beat?

TaeTae: yes actually that'd be funny

Seokjinnie: ffs imma beat ur ass in a min tae

TaeTae: go on then

TaeTae: aye fuckin dare u

Seokjinnie: lmaooo keep chatting like a big man bruv

Seokjinnie: u won't be laughing in a minute

TaeTae: what u gonna do man

TaeTae: ya don't even know where I am ya cunt

Seokjinnie: ur sitting on the bench by the maths building

TaeTae: wait

TaeTae: how'd u know

Seokjinnie: look behind u

TaeTae: NAH FUCK OFF

TaeTae: WHY ARE U RUNNING AT ME FAM

HOEseok: FUCKING RUN TAE

Jeongguk: LMAO RUN FO YO LIFE

Jeongguk: MANZ GONNA BEAT U

JiminyCricket: YO WHOS SEEING THIS

NamJoon: I CAN SEE IT FROM THE LIBRARY WINDOW

Jeongguk: EVERYONE IN HISTORY IS LIKE "WHYS THE SIXTH FORMER CHASING THE KID"

Jeongguk: WE'RE ALL WATCHING

JiminyCricket: "STOP RUNNING U LITTLE FUCK"

JiminyCricket: "U CHAT A LOTTA SHIT FOR A KID WHO LEGGED IT"

JiminyCricket: "FUCK U JIN GO SUCK JOON'S DICK"

NamJoon: DO THEY EVEN REALISE THEYRE IN SCHOOL STILL????

MinSuga: BRUH WHERE DO I FIND THIS I WANNA FILM IT

NamJoon: THEYRE LIKE PASSED THE MATHS BLOCK IN THE CAR PARK

MinSuga: AIGHT IM ON MY WAY

JiminyCricket: IT AIGHT IM FILMING

JiminyCricket: ITS GOING ON FACEBOOK LATER

NamJoon: YO JIN IS CATCHING UP

MinSuga: TELL HIM TO WAIT I AINT THERE

Jeongguk: FUCK LOOK MR NARDELLI'S HERE

JiminyCricket: FUCK THIS IM OUT

JiminyCricket: I AINT GETTING CAUGHT BY HIM

NamJoon: JIN FUCKING RUN

Jeongguk: JIN PUSHED TAE AND RAN

JiminyCricket: WHAT A FUCKING SNAKE

JiminyCricket: HE LEFT HIS MAN TO GET CAUGHT BY THE HEAD???

MinSuga: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF BRUH

Seokjinnie: YOOO SIR ALMOST CAUGHT ME

NamJoon: YOU LEFT TAE TO GET CAUGHT

Seokjinnie: FUCK HIM MAN

Seokjinnie: HE SHOULDNTA CHAT SHIT

NamJoon: SIR IS LEGIT DRAGGING TAE AWAY BY HIS COLLAR

NamJoon: WHY ARE OUR TEACHERS SO VIOLENT MAN

JiminyCricket: BC THEY ASSHOLES

Seokjinnie: TRUE

-----------

maths study group
27/01/17
15:07

 

TaeTae: no offence jin but ur such a snake

TaeTae: I have isolation on Monday for fighting

Seokjinnie: did u snake me out tho??

TaeTae: no I ain't no snake

Seokjinnie: safe

TaeTae: bruh he gonna send a letter home to mia mama

TaeTae: my arse is TOAST

JiminyCricket: oh well she won't get the letter today so just enjoy tonight

MinSuga: innit u might as well bc u ain't gonna go to another party in a while

TaeTae: ffs

JiminyCricket: Jin u still doing lifts??

Seokjinnie: yeah fam

JiminyCricket: safe g

MinSuga: mate after the week I've had I need to get absolutely smashed tonight

JiminyCricket: innit

JiminyCricket: imma get absolutely trollied mate

HOEseok: apparently I have some kind of family outing tomorrow so I can't get too drunk

MinSuga: more for me

Seokjinnie: yoongi don't u think u should calm down a bit

MinSuga: nah

MinSuga: I know what I'm doing Jin keep ur tits calm

Seokjinnie: my tits are the calmest of calm

JiminyCricket: what time yo picking us up my g???

Seokjinnie: well what time does it start??

JiminyCricket: like 8ish

Seokjinnie: I'll get yoongi at about half 7

Seokjinnie: so any time after that

JiminyCricket: sick one mate

TaeTae: I'm going round jimin's to get ready so pick me up from there

Seokjinnie: aight man

JiminyCricket: pre drinks for the win

TaeTae: lit

-----------

maths study group
27/01/17
19:41

 

MinSuga: jin can u hurry tf up

MinSuga: I'm waiting by the tree again

JiminyCricket: why do u always wait outside like a mong

MinSuga: bc I just do

MinSuga: I like this tree

TaeTae: ur so fucking special wtf

MinSuga: thanks b

NamJoon: have fun tonight lads

HOEseok: it's a shame u can't come joon

JiminyCricket: innit

JiminyCricket: who's gonnna be the sensible one

NamJoon: none of u are sensible ur all twats

TaeTae: rude but true

MinSuga: I can see jin

MinSuga: he drives like an old woman

NamJoon: leave my man alone

JiminyCricket: ffs I want a bf

JiminyCricket: tae let's just date

TaeTae: ok boo

HOEseok: stfu u two would be terrible boyfriends

TaeTae: tf u mean

TaeTae: we're great friends

HOEseok: good friends don't equal good boyfriends u knob

NamJoon: true

MinSuga: aight hobi we're on our way to get you now

MinSuga: we'll be like 5 mins

HOEseok: ok boo

----------

maths study group
27/01/17
20:13

 

JiminyCricket: yo where tf are u

JiminyCricket: we're like 10 minutes late

NamJoon: when have you ever cared about punctuality?

JiminyCricket: when it means I might be left with the poundland vodka

TaeTae: vodka is vodka

TaeTae: it don't matter where it's from it'll get u fucked

JiminyCricket: sorry tae but some of us are used to the finer things in life

NamJoon: ur such a classist cunt

JiminyCricket: I don't even care

HOEseok: I've tried calling yoongi but he's not picking up???

JiminyCricket: wait you've not been picked up yet??

HOEseok: no

JiminyCricket: but yoongi was picked up like 20 mins ago???

HOEseok: yeah I know

HOEseok: I'll try again

NamJoon: I'll try Jin

JiminyCricket: man maybe it's traffic

TaeTae: my dad texted me saying there was a crash down town and it's blocked up the roads so yeah it's probs traffic

HOEseok: fair enough

NamJoon: jin's not answering either

HOEseok: why aren't they answering tho???

NamJoon: man I'm starting to get a bad feeling

JiminyCricket: don't get urself worked up man

JiminyCricket: u know signal is shitty round town

TaeTae: fucking true I can never call anyone when I'm down town bc it's so shite

NamJoon: that's true

HOEseok: fair enough man lmao

-----------

maths study group
27/01/17
20:45

 

HOEseok: it's been an hour and they haven't called

HOEseok: I still haven't been picked up

TaeTae: I haven't heard anything

NamJoon: I'm starting to feel a bit sick

JiminyCricket: just stay calm

JiminyCricket: fearing the worst isn't going to help

NamJoon: but just what if yknow

TaeTae: it's fine

TaeTae: it's jin and yoongi they never get into trouble

HOEseok: it's like you've never met yoongi lmaooo

TaeTae: shit true

TaeTae: ok I meant trouble he can't get out of

JiminyCricket: that's true lmao

HOEseok: lmao innit good old yoongi

NamJoon: I know I shouldn't worry but the panic is building in my chest fam

NamJoon: I can't breathe properly

JiminyCricket: joon just calm down

JiminyCricket: I always fear the worst when my dad's home late but it's usually just bc traffic or smth stupid

HOEseok: true

NamJoon: fair enough

----------

maths study group
27/01/17
21:18

 

Jeongguk: jin and yoongi were in a car accident

TaeTae: what

JiminyCricket: oh shit

NamJoon: tell me you're joking

NamJoon: seriously tell me that's a joke bc that's not funny

Jeongguk: I'm not joking

Jeongguk: we just got a call from my aunt

Jeongguk: the police had to go to her house

Jeongguk: we're on our to A&E now

HOEseok: no no please jeon tell me ur joking

Jeongguk: I swear to you I'm not I would never do that to you

NamJoon: what fucking hospital I'm coming

Jeongguk: they're being airlifted to st.georges

TaeTae: oh fuck

JiminyCricket: airlifted?

Jeongguk: yeah it was a serious crash apparently

NamJoon: I can't breathe

NamJoon: I knew it

NamJoon: I knew it was them

JiminyCricket: what happened tho?

JiminyCricket: jin is literally the safest driver I know

Jeongguk: from what I've been told I know they were hit by a drunk driver who was going like 50 in a 30 zone

Jeongguk: and they had to be cut out the car bc it was so damaged

HOEseok: I'm shaking someone pick me up I have no way of getting there

TaeTae: I'm asking my dad to take me and jimin we can pick you up

NamJoon: me too

NamJoon: please

TaeTae: aight

JiminyCricket: joon I'm so sorry I didn't know it was them

NamJoon: it's fine

NamJoon: I'm just so

NamJoon: idek

NamJoon: I can't breathe

NamJoon: I feel numb

NamJoon: what if they die

TaeTae: bro don't

HOEseok: I can't stop shaking

HOEseok: please hurry

TaeTae: we're on our way now

HOEseok: thank you

Chapter Text

maths study group
28/01/17
05:47

 

HOEseok: how are they?

HOEseok: I'm sorry I had to leave but my dad yknow

NamJoon: it's ok the staff made jimin and tae go home not long after

NamJoon: yoongi woke up finally

HOEseok: shit when

HOEseok: I should've been there

NamJoon: it's ok we told him you were here the whole time until your dad came and literally dragged you away

HOEseok: how is he?

NamJoon: broken arm, spinal fracture, a few broken ribs and a collapsed lung

NamJoon: but apart from that he's fine lol

NamJoon: they said the head injury won't have any lasting effects but he will probably be a bit disoriented for a little while

NamJoon: they had to use a tube to get ride of the air in his chest and mate I've never seen him in that much pain

HOEseok: they did it while he was conscious?

NamJoon: unfortunately

NamJoon: he's asleep now

NamJoon: doctors said they're probably going to move him to a ward soon

HOEseok: I'll be there soon

HOEseok: hows Jin?

NamJoon: he hasn't woken up yet

NamJoon: they said it's his head

NamJoon: there's a bleed in the brain

NamJoon: right where he fractured his skull

NamJoon: and he has a lot of internal bleeding

NamJoon: and yknow that massive cut on his thigh?

NamJoon: it severed an artery so he's lost a fuck load of blood

NamJoon: along with the dislocated shoulder and broken leg lol

NamJoon: hobi they don't know if he's going to wake up

NamJoon: they're scheduling emergency surgery

NamJoon: but they said his injuries are severe

NamJoon: hobi it's actually life threatening

NamJoon: he could die

HOEseok: he won't

HOEseok: jin is a strong motherfucker

HOEseok: as if he's going to let an asshole drunk driver take him down

NamJoon: but even if he doesn't die

NamJoon: what about long term effects?

NamJoon: my parents are doctors, they made me study shit like this, I know what bleeds in the brain can lead to

HOEseok: yes but you also know that people can recover from this shit and walk away like it never happened

HOEseok: and IF it does have long term effects then we'll all be there to help him AND you

HOEseok: I'm walking to the hospital btw

NamJoon: hobi that's like a 2 hour walk and it's 5am go to sleep

HOEseok: I can't

HOEseok: 1. My boyfriend just woke up when I thought he had died

HOEseok: 2. one of my best friends is laying in hospital w life threatening injuries

HOEseok: and 3. said friend is the boyfriend of my best friend who currently needs all the comfort he can get

HOEseok: so I'll be there in like 2 hours lol

NamJoon: thank you hobi

-----------

maths study group
28/01/17
08:02

 

TaeTae: are you still at the hospital?

NamJoon: yeah

NamJoon: hobi got here like 20 minutes ago

TaeTae: fuck man

TaeTae: how are they?

HOEseok: yoongi's been moved to a ward

HOEseok: he's asleep

HOEseok: I'm with his family now

TaeTae: how long is he going to be in for?

HOEseok: they're not sure yet but they said at least a week

JiminyCricket: hows Jin?

NamJoon: they've scheduled his surgery for 9am

JiminyCricket: fuck

TaeTae: it was such a dickhead thing for hobi's dad to come down to the hospital tho

JiminyCricket: innit

HOEseok: I hate him

HOEseok: I wanted to stay but he would have dragged me out by my hair if I refused

NamJoon: he's an arsehole

TaeTae: was everything alright when you got home?

HOEseok: he told me to stop crying like a little bitch

HOEseok: I told him to go fuck himself

HOEseok: so don't be surprised that I have a black eye when u see me lol

TaeTae: what the fuck man

JiminyCricket: yoongi is gonna kill him

TaeTae: wait hows jeon?

NamJoon: he's been quiet this whole time

NamJoon: he fell asleep on me like an hour ago so I left him in the waiting room

NamJoon: his parents are with him

TaeTae: this is so fucked man

JiminyCricket: we'll be down at about half 8

NamJoon: they said the surgery will be long and risky

NamJoon: they're basically saying prepare for the worst

NamJoon: the worst being jin dies

TaeTae: he's not going to die

TaeTae: he's gonna beat ur ass for even thinking that

NamJoon: good

NamJoon: I hope he does

NamJoon: bc at least he'll be alive and well in order to do that

JiminyCricket: he'll be fine

JiminyCricket: honestly joon I promise you he'll be fine

NamJoon: you also promised it wasn't them in the crash but look what happened jimin

HOEseok: joon that's not fair

TaeTae: jimin didn't know it would be them he was just trying to keep you calm

NamJoon: come to fucking think of it

NamJoon: jimin's the one who convinced jin to go

NamJoon: and convinced jin to give lifts

NamJoon: if u had just let jin stay home like he said he wouldn't be here and neither would yoongi

TaeTae: you seriously can't be blaming jimin for something some asshole drunk driver did

HOEseok: jimin had no idea that that guy would crash into them

HOEseok: I know ur upset joon but u can't blame jimin

NamJoon: fuck off honestly

NamJoon: I'm going to find that driver

NamJoon: I know he's here

NamJoon: I'm going to fucking kill him

TaeTae: joon didn't u hear last night?

NamJoon: what?

TaeTae: the guy died

TaeTae: not only him but his girlfriend who was in the car died as well

TaeTae: I overheard the doctors telling their families

TaeTae: it wasn't just jin and yoongi remember

NamJoon: I'm glad the drunk guy is dead

HOEseok: bro

NamJoon: nah

NamJoon: if you're stupid enough to drive while drunk u deserve to die

NamJoon: if Jin ends up dead bc of that cunt

NamJoon: I'll fucking revive him and kill him again

TaeTae: bruh instead of being pissed at the dead guy

TaeTae: how bout u focus on looking after jin

TaeTae: bc guess what

TaeTae: what he did is done now and instead of thinking about what a shitty thing it was we should just move on and help our friends

TaeTae: no fucking point in pondering over the past

TaeTae: fucking grow up

HOEseok: tae cmon now

TaeTae: nah

TaeTae: the guy is DEAD

TaeTae: what is being pissed gonna do?

TaeTae: jin is alive

TaeTae: so fucking get ur act together and see to ur boyfriend

TaeTae: and don't fucking blame jimin for the actions of that guy

TaeTae: this could have happened to anyone at anytime

TaeTae: jimin is not to blame and if ya carry on chatting shit Jin won't be the only one dying today

TaeTae: aight?

NamJoon: ok

NamJoon: I'm sorry jimin

NamJoon: I'm just so angry and I feel so helpless

NamJoon: I just want him to wake up

NamJoon: I'm really sorry

JiminyCricket: nah I get that ur angry but I feel guilty enough as it is

JiminyCricket: pls don't blame me for this

NamJoon: I don't really

NamJoon: I just needed someone to blame and u were the first person I could think of

NamJoon: I'm really sorry

JiminyCricket: nah I get u

JiminyCricket: it's ok

JiminyCricket: we're on our way now

NamJoon: ok

NamJoon: meet me in resus

TaeTae: we will

-----------

maths study group
28/01/17
09:14

 

MinSuga: hobi

MinSuga: where are you?

MinSuga: my parents said u were here

TaeTae: YOONGI

HOEseok: I just came to see jin I'm coming back now

MinSuga: where's Jin?

MinSuga: what happened?

HOEseok: u were in a crash

MinSuga: yes hobi I know I was in a fucking crash

MinSuga: I'm talking about jin

JiminyCricket: even after almost dying ur still an arsehole

MinSuga: stfu jimin

HOEseok: jin is really banged up yoon

NamJoon: they're not sure he's going to make it

MinSuga: what

MinSuga: fuck off he can't die

MinSuga: he's jin he can't just die

MinSuga: what the fuck is wrong

JiminyCricket: let joon explain bc he knows all that fancy medical shit

NamJoon: he has a really bad head injury

NamJoon: fractured skull, bleed in the brain and all that

NamJoon: and he's lost a lot of blood and is continuing to lose blood

NamJoon: internal and external bleeding

NamJoon: the surgery could be hours long

MinSuga: holy fuck how tf did this happen ?

TaeTae: drunk driver

TaeTae: he died in the crash

MinSuga: oh my fuck

MinSuga: hobi pls hurry

MinSuga: I don't want my family to see me cry

HOEseok: I'm on my way yoon

MinSuga: joon are u ok?

NamJoon: no

NamJoon: but I think jeon is even worse

NamJoon: he's just not speaking

NamJoon: he hasn't let go of my hand since he woke up

TaeTae: I'm tryna comfort him but he's zoned out

JiminyCricket: yoongi do u want a drink or anything I can get u shit from the cafe

MinSuga: just a water please

NamJoon: how are you feeling?

MinSuga: in pain

MinSuga: the nurse said they're going to give me more morphine

MinSuga: but yeah everything hurts

MinSuga: I'm alive tho

NamJoon: thank god

MinSuga: hoseoks here

JiminyCricket: does anyone else want a drink?

JiminyCricket: I'm buying

TaeTae: a coffee please

NamJoon: yeah same

NamJoon: get some water for jeongguk

MinSuga: why the fuck does my boyfriend have a black eye

MinSuga: he won't tell me

TaeTae: man I don't think it's our place to say

MinSuga: if u don't tell me I'm going to shove this oxygen tank up ur arse

TaeTae: you'd think a car crash woulda made u nicer

NamJoon: hobi's dad made him leave last night while u were unconscious

NamJoon: and hobi didn't go easily

HOEseok: joon u snake

MinSuga: what the fuck

MinSuga: I'll kill him I swear to god

MinSuga: fucking touch my boyfriend like that

TaeTae: u might wanna let urself heal before u murder anyone

JiminyCricket: true

-----------

maths study group
28/01/17
15:13

 

NamJoon: jin just came out of surgery

NamJoon: he's in recovery

TaeTae: how did it go?

JiminyCricket: shit is he ok?

NamJoon: they said they've put him into a medically induced coma

TaeTae: wtf why would they?

JiminyCricket: what's tht

NamJoon: it basically lets the brain relax and not use unnecessary energy

NamJoon: it'll help the swelling go down and hopefully help everything heal

NamJoon: the doctors said he's lucky to be alive

NamJoon: but we're still going to have to wait till he wakes up to see if he's ok

NamJoon: they said the worst case scenario is brain damage

JiminyCricket: holy fuck

HOEseok: what else could happen?

NamJoon: amnesia is a big worry apparently

NamJoon: my dad told me he could have short term or long term amnesia bc of the impact to the brain

NamJoon: he could wake up not even knowing who he is

NamJoon: but the main thing is he's going to wake up

NamJoon: they said they're going to wait a while till they think his body has healed enough before they wake him

NamJoon: till then he's being kept in intensive care

TaeTae: at least he's alive

JiminyCricket: thank god he's alive

MinSuga: joon why don't u come and join us in my ward

MinSuga: the nurses are allowing u past visiting times bc of the trauma of the event

HOEseok: well that and bc u cried ur damn eyes out when she said we had to leave

MinSuga: shut up

NamJoon: yeah I'm on my way

NamJoon: is guk with you?

HOEseok: no he's with his family

NamJoon: I'm going to see him first

HOEseok: okey doke

-----------

maths study group
28/01/17
15:42

 

TaeTae: joon get here now

TaeTae: hobi's dad is here

NamJoon: oh shit

TaeTae: yoongi is about to fight and I don't think his dad has got a problem knocking an injured kid out

NamJoon: yeah I'm on my way

NamJoon: what's happening

TaeTae: he legit just got here

TaeTae: he wants hobi home now

NamJoon: ok keep him calm

NamJoon: don't let yoongi do anything stupid

NamJoon: yall don't know mr jung like I do

-

Tae watched as Mr Jung glared at his son. He'd never met Hoseok's dad before, and honestly he was quite glad he hadn't. The man was tall, taller than the five of the them currently in the room. He had tan skin that stretched over prominent muscles, and the black hair that covered his scalp and chin was starting to grey. It was funny how much Hoseok looked like him, just smaller, younger and with brown hair instead of black. But, the man did not possess Hoseok's natural warmth and charisma, instead he let off a cold, domineering vibe, one you wouldn't want to fuck with.

Hoseok had let go of Yoongi's hand, causing Yoongi to let out a small whine until he saw Mr Jung, suddenly Yoongi's warm smile had dissipated to the hard look he usually wore, but with a little more rage this time.

"Hoseok, I want you home now." Mr Jung's voice was low, lower than Tae, Namjoon and Yoongi's voices. It was like thunder and Tae almost flinched at the sheer pitch alone. Tae saw Hoseok visibly gulp but he kept a straight face as he answered.

"I'm afraid I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?"

"My friends were hurt, I can't leave them now."

Tae saw Yoongi silently scoff at the mention of 'friends' and he really hoped Yoongi wouldn't try to be a hardass now. Yoongi was the best fighter out of the five and at the moment he could barely move. So they'd be real fucked if Mr Jung attempted anything.

Mr Jung's eyes flickered to Yoongi, taking in his battered appearance, a small smirk appearing on his face.

"A terrible shame, but your friend is fine," Mr Jung looked back to Hoseok and took a step towards him. Hoseok instantly moved in front of Yoongi, "now get your arse home, before I fucking drag it there."

"No."

"No?"

"No, sir."

Mr Jung's anger was visible on his face. Tae wasn't sure how resistant Hoseok was at home but it looked like Mr Jung wasn't used to this kind of defiance.

"If you don't get your arse in my car right now then I'll put you in a bed right next to your friend, do you understand me, boy?"

Hoseok flinched and his gaze fell to the floor. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing was said. His chest rapidly moved up and down as he breathed, and he clenched his eyes shut.

All of a sudden the door to the room burst open and Namjoon walked in a little out of breath, "Mr Jung, sir, hello."

Mr Jung smiled, it seemed to be a genuine smile, similar to Hoseok's, but still lacking the natural warmth.

"Namjoon, ah how are you?"

"Very well, sir, and yourself?"

"I've been better, I'm just trying to get my son to stop being so disobedient."

Mr Jung glared back at Hoseok. Everyone else in the room had no idea what the fuck was going on. Since when was Namjoon such good friends with Hoseok's dad?

"Hoseok was extremely worried about his friends, they were in such a serious crash, one just came out of lifesaving surgery," Namjoon began, he could feel the confused glares he was getting, he could especially feel the pissed off look Yoongi was giving him, "Hoseok came because he was worried but also because I asked him to come down, I needed the support of my best friend, please understand sir."

Mr Jung considered what Namjoon had said. He looked the boy up and down, and then turned back to look at Hoseok, who was still standing by Yoongi's bed. As he did he caught sight of Yoongi's pissed off glare.

"Wipe that look off your face, boy, before I come over there and do it for you."

"You don't scare me." Yoongi retaliated. Hoseok looked to Yoongi with wide eyes while Namjoon mouthed something similar to "shut the fuck up" from behind Mr Jung.

"The only reason you're not feeling the back of my hand is because you've been in an accident, you better learn to behave if you want to see my son again," Mr Jung threatened through gritted teeth, he was clenching and unclenching his fists by his sides, "now Hoseok, get home."

Namjoon nodded to Hoseok, and with a sign Hoseok slowly walked out the door, followed by an extremely fucked off Mr Jung. Once the door was closed Yoongi turned to Namjoon.

"What the fuck was that? What? You and that cunt are friends? You're friends with your best friend's abusive dad? What the fuck?"

"You think I'm friends with that cunt? No, I just know how to not piss him off, he likes me and for some reason he's easier on Hobi if I get involved, I just saved Hobi from getting his ass kicked, unlike you who tried to fucking piss him off further."

Yoongi was fuming, breathing heavily through his nose, slightly resembling a cute but angry bull. He sat there stubbornly staring at Namjoon, until of course he got out of breath and had to ask Jimin to increase his oxygen supply.

"I'm tired, please, leave me alone, I just want to sleep."

Namjoon sighed, he walked over to Yoongi and kissed the top of his head, "Hobi will be fine, ok? Trust me."

Yoongi still looked somewhat pissed off, but he pouted and nodded. Then, without warning, he threw his arms round Namjoon's neck and pulled him into a hug.

It was surprising to say the least. Yoongi, the guy who refrained from showing any emotion other than anger and apathy, was voluntarily hugging someone. Not only that, he was silently sobbing into Joon's shoulder.

Joon really didn't know what to do, he hugged back, and stroked the boy's hair. He never really noticed how small Yoongi was. He acted so tough that it almost made him look physically bigger, like his personality was someone sort of perception filter. But right now, Yoongi was a vulnerable 18 year old boy, crying into one of his best friend's shoulder.

Joon looked over to Tae and Jimin and signalled with his head for them to leave. They nodded and quietly left the room, leaving Joon to comfort Yoongi.

-

maths study group
28/01/17
17:19

 

MinSuga: if u tell anyone I cried I'll fuck u up I stg

JiminyCricket: we won't

JiminyCricket: we promise

TaeTae: you ok?

MinSuga: yeah

MinSuga: just overwhelmed

MinSuga: I almost died

MinSuga: my best friend almost died

MinSuga: my boyfriend's dad just threatened me and might beat the shit out of him

MinSuga: Idk what's going on atm

NamJoon: it's alright yoon

NamJoon: ur allowed to cry yknow

MinSuga: oi nah I don't cry

TaeTae: but u do tho lmao

MinSuga: stfu

MinSuga: fuck I need to sleep

TaeTae: same

NamJoon: it's been a long day lads

NamJoon: we should just sleep

NamJoon: I'm home now

NamJoon: I'm going to sleep

NamJoon: night

MinSuga: night night

TaeTae: night lads

Chapter Text

02/02/17

MinSuga started chat with HOEseok

13:45

 

MinSuga: hey

MinSuga: u there?

MinSuga: I haven't heard from u in a while

MinSuga: it's ok I know it's not ur fault

MinSuga: just text me when u can ok?

--------

HOEseok started chat with MinSuga

16:12

 

HOEseok: I'm so sorry

HOEseok: it's been a nightmare with my dad

HOEseok: I'm going to come and see u as soon as I can

MinSuga: it's fine hobi

MinSuga: are you ok ?

HOEseok: I'm fine

HOEseok: wbu

HOEseok: how u feeling?

MinSuga: still a bit of pain

MinSuga: but it's better

MinSuga: they still haven't woken jin up

HOEseok: they will soon Im sure

MinSuga: I keep feeling like he won't wake up

MinSuga: he's my best friend hobi I don't wanna lose him

HOEseok: you won't I promise

HOEseok: he's through the worst of it

HOEseok: once he's healed enough the doctors will wake him up

MinSuga: I hope he's ok

HOEseok: he is I promise

HOEseok: have u heard from the others?

MinSuga: the gc has been dead

MinSuga: understandably tbh

MinSuga: joon's been here everyday just to be w jin

MinSuga: so's jeon but he's still not talking

MinSuga: they've visited me while they've been here

MinSuga: jimins been in everyday too

MinSuga: tae came in once but hasn't been in since

MinSuga: jimin says he's been feeling ill

HOEseok: lmao bet u it's just a cold and he's being dramatic

MinSuga: lmao probably

HOEseok: have the doctors said anything bout you coming home??

MinSuga: they said they're going to keep me in till the end of the week and then see how I am

MinSuga: but apparently even once I leave I won't be able to leave my bed lmao

HOEseok: well at least I can get to you more easily

HOEseok: it's a bloody nightmare with the hospital being 2 hours away

MinSuga: I was about to say u should ask jin for a lift

HOEseok: lmao I don't think he'll be doing lifts for a while

MinSuga: I'm really worried hobi

HOEseok: I know bby

HOEseok: do u want me to try and come down?

MinSuga: not if it'll get u in trouble

HOEseok: ur worth it babe

MinSuga: I don't want u coming down here if it means ur dad will hurt u

HOEseok: he doesn't usually hurt me like that

HOEseok: it was only bc I really pissed him off

MinSuga: doesn't make it ok

HOEseok: I know

MinSuga: does he know about us ?

HOEseok: I'm still alive so no lmao

MinSuga: good

MinSuga: he doesn't like me does he ?

HOEseok: no

HOEseok: to be fair you've mouthed off to him however many times

MinSuga: when have I ever

HOEseok: you legit called him a fat wanker

MinSuga: he is a fat wanker

HOEseok: he's literally not fat

MinSuga: but he is a wanker

HOEseok: this is true

MinSuga: the nurse is here to do my blood pressure

MinSuga: talk to u later ?

HOEseok: of course

HOEseok: ily

MinSuga: ily2

----------

HOEseok started chat with NamJoon

16:39

 

HOEseok: how's Jin?

NamJoon: stable

NamJoon: still asleep

HOEseok: at least he's healing

NamJoon: yeah

NamJoon: my mum's checked over him for me and said she thinks he'll be fine

NamJoon: but she's not promising anything

NamJoon: bc head injuries can be unpredictable

HOEseok: I'm sure he'll be fine

HOEseok: how's jeon?

NamJoon: scarily silent

NamJoon: he's quiet anyway but he hasn't spoken since the crash

NamJoon: not even to his parents

NamJoon: he just sits next to me holding my hand

NamJoon: I'm worried about him

NamJoon: his parents said they want to make him see a psychiatrist but they don't know if it'll help

HOEseok: he'll probs start talking again once he sees jin's fine

HOEseok: they're real close

NamJoon: yeah

HOEseok: how's jimin and tae?

NamJoon: jimin's been round a lot

NamJoon: jin's parents basically love him lmao he's been making them laugh a bit

NamJoon: he visits yoongi a lot to make sure he's ok

NamJoon: he tries to get jeon to talk but it hasn't worked

NamJoon: tae came round once after the crash

NamJoon: but he's been real distant since then I haven't heard from him

HOEseok: yoongi said he doesn't feel well

NamJoon: he was weirdly quiet when I last saw him

NamJoon: I think he's just worried yknow

HOEseok: probably

HOEseok: I can't wait till everything's back to normal

NamJoon: same

NamJoon: I just want jin to wake up

HOEseok: he will soon

HOEseok: I promise

----------

TaeTae started chat with JiminyCricket

20:21

 

TaeTae: jimin

TaeTae: please come round

TaeTae: I'm just so

TaeTae: idk how to explain it

TaeTae: I feel like I'm going to do something stupid

TaeTae: I don't want jin to die

TaeTae: I think the crash started a depressive episode

TaeTae: I haven't had one in so long

TaeTae: jimin pls come round

TaeTae: I don't feel safe by myself

TaeTae: I haven't left my room since Tuesday

TaeTae: jimin please

JiminyCricket: shit I'm so sorry

JiminyCricket: I left my phone in my room

JiminyCricket: I'm coming

JiminyCricket: just keep texting ok

JiminyCricket: have u taken ur meds?

TaeTae: no

JiminyCricket: ffs Tae

JiminyCricket: I'm on my way

TaeTae: I just can't stop thinking about the crash and jin and yoongi

JiminyCricket: it's ok tae

JiminyCricket: jin and yoongi are ok

JiminyCricket: you're going to be ok

JiminyCricket: we all are

------------

MinSuga started chat with HOEseok

22:57

 

MinSuga: I just woke up from a nap

MinSuga: and checked my emails

MinSuga: and I got an email from the uni I applied to

MinSuga: I got accepted

HOEseok: REALLY

HOEseok: IM SO PROUD OF U

MinSuga: thank you

MinSuga: I would put it on the gc

MinSuga: but I think everyone's a little shook up atm

MinSuga: but I want to share the news

HOEseok: I'm so proud of u yoongi ur going to uni

HOEseok: my man is so smart

MinSuga: thanks lol

MinSuga: I feel like I shouldn't be happy atm bc of jin

HOEseok: no

HOEseok: u should be happy

HOEseok: u work so hard u deserve to be happy about this despite what's happened

MinSuga: thank you hobi

MinSuga: I love you

HOEseok: I love you too

Chapter Text

maths study group
05/02/17
10:24

 

MinSuga: lads

MinSuga: someone come up the hospital

MinSuga: I'm bored

JiminyCricket: I would but like

JiminyCricket: I can't be bothered

MinSuga: wow

MinSuga: I almost DIED

MinSuga: and u can't be bothered to see me

JiminyCricket: soz boo

HOEseok: I'll be coming down there soon

TaeTae: yeah me too

JiminyCricket: u sure Tae?

TaeTae: yeah yeah I feel somewhat better

MinSuga: don't come down if u got the flu or some shit

MinSuga: I don't want that

TaeTae: nah man I ain't got the flu

MinSuga: whatssa wrong then?

TaeTae: just not feeling good

HOEseok: ur head hurt?

HOEseok: ya feel sick?

HOEseok: tell dr.jung

TaeTae: just an episode aight?

HOEseok: of what?

HOEseok: how I met ur mother?

HOEseok: Hell's Kitchen?

MinSuga: omg stfu hobi

JiminyCricket: WHERES THE LAMB SAUCE

TaeTae: no hobi an episode of my bipolar

HOEseok: oh

HOEseok: that's less entertaining

MinSuga: I didn't know u had bipolar

TaeTae: I don't broadcast it boo

TaeTae: the whole crash really sent me into one yknow

MinSuga: that's fair enough

MinSuga: u aight?

TaeTae: better

TaeTae: I'm coming along today

TaeTae: I wanna see u

MinSuga: banging

JiminyCricket: i was jk before I'm coming down

MinSuga: thanks u cunt

JiminyCricket: but to see jin not u

MinSuga: I hate u

JiminyCricket: love u xoxoxoxo

----------

maths study group
05/02/17
12:28

 

NamJoon: fuck I overslept

TaeTae: no one gives a FUCK

NamJoon: ...

TaeTae: ok I'm sorry please carry on

NamJoon: well

NamJoon: I overslept

NamJoon: that's all I had to say

MinSuga: oi joon when u get here come to my room

MinSuga: bring cookies

NamJoon: with what money?

MinSuga: jimin give him some money

JiminyCricket: yoongi im sitting right next to u

JiminyCricket: and no fuck off

NamJoon: lmao I'll find some money

TaeTae: get us some greggs or simmons cookies

TaeTae: don't be cheap

NamJoon: again,,

NamJoon: with what money?

TaeTae: stfu joon we all know u got bare p

NamJoon: sign

NamJoon: fine

NamJoon: I'll be there in like an hour

HOEseok: bring weed we can get lit

NamJoon: it's a hospital hobi

HOEseok: say it's for Yoongi's pain

MinSuga: ah

MinSuga: using me to smuggle drugs

MinSuga: such a great boyfriend

HOEseok: babes u know it

TaeTae: nah but honestly that's a shout

TaeTae: bring summin

TaeTae: let's get lit

NamJoon: ok again

NamJoon: it's a hospital

NamJoon: not a fucking rave

TaeTae: why u being peak man

NamJoon: stfu

NamJoon: does anyone know how jin is?

JiminyCricket: we went to see him

JiminyCricket: his parents were speaking to the doctors

JiminyCricket: I overheard that so far he's healed quite well

NamJoon: thank god

NamJoon: I can't wait to see him

MinSuga: oi what about me ?

NamJoon: I'll stop in to see jin first

NamJoon: then I'll be up to u

MinSuga: safeting

---------

maths study group
05/02/17
15:19

 

Jeongguk: LADS

Jeongguk: THEYRE WAKING JIN UP

Jeongguk: MY PARENTS JUST CAME TO GET ME FROM THE CANTEEN

Jeongguk: THEY SAID THEYRE WAKING JIN UP

JiminyCricket: YO WHAT

JiminyCricket: JEON IVE MISSED U

NamJoon: THEYRE FUCKING WHAT THO

MinSuga: ARE U SURE

TaeTae: JEON ARE U AT THE HOSPITAL

Jeongguk: YES DICKHEAD

Jeongguk: GET DOWN TO ICU NOW

TaeTae: BOY HASNT SPOKEN IN LIKE A WEEK AND FIRST THING HE SAYS TO ME IS DICKHEAD

Jeongguk: STFU AND GET DOWN HERE

HOEseok: JOON IS RUNNING

HOEseok: WE ALL ARE

HOEseok: EXCEPT YOON

MinSuga: I CANT MOVE

MinSuga: FUCKING LIVE TWEET THIS BITCH

Jeongguk: THEYRE DOING IT HURRY UP

MinSuga: BOYS TOOK OFF LIKE LIGHTNING MCQUEEN

TaeTae: KACHOW BITCH

HOEseok: JIMIN TRIPPED OVER THIS OLD MAN'S DRIP

TaeTae: MAN BE TRIPPIN

NamJoon: JIMIN GET THE FUCK UP

HOEseok: JOON IS YELLING AT US

MinSuga: YALL ARE SO TRAGIC WHAT THE FUCK

Jeongguk: BRUH HE WAKING

Jeongguk: THE DOCTORS BRINGINF HIM BACK

MinSuga: DOES HE HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE

Jeongguk: HE BARELY OPENED HIS EYES FAM GIVE HIM A SEC

MinSuga: TELL HIM TO GET A FUCKING MOVE ON

Jeongguk: NAMS JUST BUSTED IN TF

-

"Jin, oh my god, I'm so happy you're awake, I was so worried"

Joon looked to be on the verge of tears as he ran to clutch Jin's hand. Jin's mother and father stood on the other side of the bed staring at the two. All the boys, minus Yoongi because man is still injured, stood at the door, really out of breath because it was a fucking trek and a half.

Jin looked down at the boy who was sitting by his bed, then he let his gaze wander to his friends at the door.

He looked confused.

"Um, who are you?"

Joon froze. The doctors had warned him. His parents had warned him. He knew the risks of a severe head injury. But he didn't want to consider it a possibility.

Amnesia.

Sometimes it only last a few days, sometimes it was more long term, like that film with Channing Tatum and whatshername, fuck I can't remember the name. Joon had watched it last year with Jin. Ironically. Does that count as real life foreshadow?

Joon gripped Jin's hand a little tighter, he stared at Jin's confused face as he felt the tears fall down face, making no move to wipe them away.

"I'm your boyfriend."

Jin white guy blinked at Joon. Then looked back at his parents, "I'm gay?"

"Hella gay" Jimin whispered, Tae elbowed him in the stomach in response. Jimin looked like he was about to fight but then remembered where he was.

Joon felt like his whole world had stopped. The boy he loved and had spent almost 2 years of his life with couldn't remember him.

"Do you really not know who I am?"

Jin looked into Joon's eyes, watching the tears fall down his face and smiled, "nah I know who you are, I'm just fucking with you."

Silence.

"Oh my god, you're such a cunt."

"Jimin, shut up Mr and Mrs Kim are here."

"Oh shit, sorry sir, sorry ma'am."

Jin was sat there laughing at Joon's frozen face and at the slight domestic Tae and Jimin were having at the door. That was until his mum smacked him round the back of the head because seriously that was a shitty thing to do, but it's kind of funny.

"That wasn't funny, you ass-" Joon glanced up to Mrs Kim who looked at him like she was ready to beat someone, probably her son but he's like proper banged up at the moment so she'd probably settle for her son's boyfriend, "you idiot."

"Come on Joon, it was a joke."

"It wasn't a funny one."

Jin carried on laughing as he pulled his boyfriend in for a kiss, "I love you, you soppy fucker."

"Seokjin!" His mum scolded.

Jin apologised and then proceeded to kiss Joon like he wasn't in a room with his parents and friends. Mr Kim chuckled a little, "maybe we should go and get a drink."

Jin's parents left the room. He watched as the door closed behind them and then went fucking in. His hands were in Joon's hair and then on the back of his neck, pulling him even closer than before.

"Jin calm the fuck down."

Jimin rolled his eyes at the middle finger he received.

"Maybe we should go and see Yoongi."

"Yeah let's fucking go this is too gay."

Hoseok, Jimin and Tae left the room, but Jeongguk refused to move. Despite the fact his cousin may fuck his boyfriend on the hospital bed.

"I love you, Joon."

"I love you, you utter dickhead"

-

maths study group
05/02/17
15:49

 

MinSuga: lads what the fuck is going on

MinSuga: is jin ok ?

MinSuga: is he awake ?

MinSuga: can someone answer before I come down there and fuck u all up

TaeTae: lmao what u gonna do bitchboy u can barely walk

MinSuga: fuck u ya big eared cunt

MinSuga: how's jin ?

JiminyCricket: I'm afraid it's not good

JiminyCricket: he woke up

JiminyCricket: he said he couldn't remember who joon was

MinSuga: oh my fuck

MinSuga: can he remember any of us ?

MinSuga: what did the doctor say ?

MinSuga: how's joon taking it ?

HOEseok: jimin shut the fuck up

JiminyCricket: was I lying tho???

HOEseok: well no u weren't

MinSuga: what the fuck is going on

HOEseok: jin did wake up and say he couldn't remember joon

HOEseok: but that's bc he was playing a joke

HOEseok: he's literally fine

HOEseok: joon and him are probably fucking rn

MinSuga: jimin u fucking asshole

MinSuga: I was about to cry

MinSuga: imma fight u when u get back here

JiminyCricket: good luck reaching me u fucking cripple

HOEseok: woah woah

MinSuga: that's just out of order fam

TaeTae: he ain't even crippled he's just recovering from almost dying lmao tf

MinSuga: can yall hurry up and get back here I'm bored

MinSuga: canny believe jeon spoke

HOEseok: told ya he'd start speaking once jin woke up

JiminyCricket: technically

JiminyCricket: he spoke before jin woke up

HOEseok: honestly jimin die in a fucking car crash

JiminyCricket: lmao that's jin's job

MinSuga: wow jimin ur being really offensive today

JiminyCricket: looool soz boo

JiminyCricket: I'm tryna end up on a problematic tumblr page

HOEseok: boo u ain't famous

TaeTae: jimin just tackled hobi shouting "more famous than you'll ever be ye bowl hair cut looking towel"

MinSuga: man called my man a towel ?

TaeTae: ya

TaeTae: they're gonna be kicked out

MinSuga: tell them to fucking stop

MinSuga: and hurry up bc im bored

Jeongguk: jin said hi yoongi

MinSuga: say hi back for me b

Jeongguk: will do

MinSuga: Tae I'm being serious I will use my saline drip tube to give u a fucking enema if u do not hurry tf up

TaeTae: why u gotta be so vivid

TaeTae: aight we're coming

---------

maths study group
05/02/17
19:58

 

Seokjinnie: aight lads

Seokjinnie: mother dearest brought me a phone charger

Seokjinnie: so here I am

MinSuga: JIN

MinSuga: ONG IVE MISSED U

Seokjinnie: YOONGI

Seokjinnie: FUCK MAN HOW ARE U

Seokjinnie: WERE U HURT MUCH

MinSuga: IM A BIT BANGED UP

MinSuga: BUT ALIVE

MinSuga: MAN I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU

Seokjinnie: MATE IM SO SORRY

Seokjinnie: I DIDNT MEAN TO CRASH

MinSuga: BRUV IT WERENT UR FAULT

MinSuga: IT WAS THE KNOBHEAD DRIVING DRUNK

Seokjinnie: IM STILL SORRY

MinSuga: DONT BE

MinSuga: I LOVE U YA BIG NUMPTY

Seokjinnie: I LOVE U TOO

JiminyCricket: whaddup cunts

Seokjinnie: JIMIN

TaeTae: JIN

Seokjinnie: TAE

HOEseok: JIN

Seokjinnie: HOBI

JiminyCricket: DONKEY

MinSuga: really

MinSuga: a fucking shrek reference

JiminyCricket: a classic meme

Seokjinnie: I LOVE U GUYS

TaeTae: mate we were so worried

TaeTae: I heard there was a crash but I had no idea it was u

Seokjinnie: I'm so sorry for worrying u guys

Seokjinnie: I'm so happy to be awake

HOEseok: we're so happy u woke up

Seokjinnie: fuck I almost died

MinSuga: same bitch u ain't special

Seokjinnie: stfu yoobi

JiminyCricket: who the fuck is yoobi

MinSuga: me bitch

TaeTae: has anyone ever told u look like beyonce

JiminyCricket: nah they usually tell me I look like shalissa

TaeTae: who tf is that

JiminyCricket: me n word

MinSuga: n word

JiminyCricket: well I can't actually say it

JiminyCricket: I ain't black

Seokjinnie: this chat is such a mess why did I wake up

Jeongguk: I'm glad you did

Seokjinnie: aw thanks jeon

JiminyCricket: jeon was worried sick man

TaeTae: man didn't talk for over a week

TaeTae: didn't leave ur side for most of that time

Seokjinnie: really?

Jeongguk: yeah lol

Seokjinnie: I love u jeon

Jeongguk: I love u too

Seokjinnie: right ngl lads

Seokjinnie: I'm tired

JiminyCricket: bitch u fucking slept for a week and u say ya arse tired tf

Seokjinnie: I'm still healing boo

TaeTae: lmqooo let the man sleep jimin

Seokjinnie: yeah fuck u

JiminyCricket: fucking rude

Seokjinnie: idc

Seokjinnie: night lads

Seokjinnie: see u tomorrow

Chapter Text

maths study group
08/02/17
08:13

 

NamJoon: so im being forced to go back to school

TaeTae: peakting

JiminyCricket: we're still off bc of ""trauma""

NamJoon: are u using ur friends car accident to get out of school

TaeTae: well

TaeTae: when u put it like tht it sounds like a cunt thing to do

Seokjinnie: thats bc it is a cunt thing to do lmaooo

JiminyCricket: yeah but it means i can come down and entertain u

Seokjinnie: true

Seokjinnie: omg please do

Seokjinnie: this ward is so boring

NamJoon: why are u awake bby

Seokjinnie: the nurse had to do a blood test

JiminyCricket: fuck that i would have rather died in the accident

NamJoon: wtf jimin

TaeTae: JIMIN

JiminyCricket: what?? its true

MinSuga: hold on a fucking second

TaeTae: yoongi is such an eloquent fairy

MinSuga: first of all

MinSuga: call me a fairy again and i'll rupture ur fucking anus

JiminyCricket: lmao with what bitch

JiminyCricket: cause if u talking about ur dick then

JiminyCricket: honey u got a big storm coming

MinSuga: ...

MinSuga: whats that suppose to mean ?

JiminyCricket: im sayin u got a small dick

TaeTae: oohhhhh shit

MinSuga: boy u don't know my dick

JiminyCricket: but i know u

MinSuga: thats like saying cause u know me u know my uncle

MinSuga: which u dont so tf u saying kid

JiminyCricket: ur physical size, both height and body mass, is quite small

JiminyCricket: and statistically ur from a region that have smaller penis sizes

JiminyCricket: also ur attempt at making urself seem bigger than u actually are through violence and apathy is a subconscious way of compensating for something u lack and within men it is usually bc they're emotionally inept or bc of small dicks

JiminyCricket: so with all those factors accumulated it is plausible that you have a small dick

Seokjinne: oh damn

MinSuga: wow no need to go that deep jimin

NamJoon: did jimin just sound smart?

JiminyCricket: just bc i swear a lot, use a lotta slang and drink myself almost to death every weekend does not mean i am not intelligent thank u very much

Seokjinnie: jimin whipped out those facts did u see that shit

Seokjinnie: im so impressed

TaeTae: ok but yoongi

TaeTae: do u have a small dick

JiminyCricket: who do u think has the smallest dick in the chat

TaeTae: yoongi

MinSuga: jeon

NamJoon: yoongi

JiminyCricket: yoongi

Seokjinnie: yoongi

MinSuga: jin u fuckibg snake

Seokjinnie: soz man jimin convinced me

JiminyCricket: ok who has the biggest dick

NamJoon: jin or hobi

Seokjinnie: hobi

TaeTae: joon

JiminyCricket: joon

MinSuga: jin

Jeongguk: joon

JiminyCricket: where tf did jeon come from lmao

Jeongguk: korea

JiminyCricket: alright no need to be a smartass

TaeTae: jeon only thinks joon's dick is the biggest bc he wants to sit on it

Jeongguk: TAE

Seokjinnie: WTF TAE

NamJoon: DO U HAVE NO FILTER

Jeongguk: I DONT WANT TO SIT ON JOON'S DICK

Jeongguk: OR ANYONE'S DICK

JiminyCricket: thats a damn lie and u know it

Jeongguk: I DONT WANT DICK

Jeongguk: YET

TaeTae: exactly but u still want dick some day

Jeongguk: i hate u

MinSuga: ok but i was actually saying something before jimin tried to get all freud up in my arse about my dick

JiminyCricket: oh shit yeah lmao

MinSuga: ok what i wanted to ask was

MinSuga: have u actually been skipping school bc of our accident

JiminyCricket: fuck yeah

TaeTae: at first it was bc we were worried and it fucked me up

TaeTae: but now jins awake it's like eh

MinSuga: wow

Jeongguk: i haven't gone back yet either

MinSuga: yeah but jins ur cousin thas understandable

TaeTae: lmao well we get to see u now so would u rather us get an education or come and see u

MinSuga: good point

MinSuga: what time u coming down ?

JiminyCricket: about 11ish

MinSuga: okey doke

MinSuga: imma see if i can come and see jin

MinSuga: why are we in different wards anyway thats just rude

Seokjinnie: innit

Seokjinnie: what i wanna know is how u got ur own room but im here w a bunch of 60 y/os

Seokjinnie: the room smells like soap and death

TaeTae: don't be mean to brian

MinSuga: who tf is brian

TaeTae: the guy in the bed next to jin

TaeTae: i made friends w him

NamJoon: how do u make friends with literally everyone?

TaeTae: im just a nice person

MinSuga: ur a wanker

TaeTae: but a nice wanker :D

JiminyCricket: tru tho

MinSuga: i hate u all

MinSuga: im going back to sleep

MinSuga: don't wake me up

---------

maths study group
08/02/17
13:45

 

MinSuga: this hospital is so fucking boring

Seokjinnie: innit

HOEseok: I'll be up there after school

NamJoon: I thought tae and jimin were up there?

MinSuga: they went to tesco about 5 mins ago

TaeTae: stop complaining we're getting u a meal deal

TaeTae: what do u want

HOEseok: lads what does everyone get in their meal deal???

JiminyCricket: oh well that is a tricky one

Seokjinnie: BLT, quavers and a red bull

Seokjinnie: don't even fuck wid me

HOEseok: how do u know tht straight away??

Seokjinnie: I don't fuck around when it comes to a meal deal

Jeongguk: chicken ceaser wrap, naked smoothie and a fruit pot

JiminyCricket: damn the naked smoothie tho

Jeongguk: gotta drive up that value

Seokjinnie: boy is smart

MinSuga: tuna+cucumber, lightly salted crisps and a lucozade

TaeTae: I don't fuck with tuna

TaeTae: give me that ploughmans tho

NamJoon: are we really discussing sandwiches?

JiminyCricket: fuck off joon

TaeTae: joon's the type of person to go to tesco and pay full price instead of getting a meal deal

MinSuga: joon's the type of person that goes to nando's and gets his chicken plain

JiminyCricket: joon's the type of person to put the milk in first

HOEseok: joon's the type of person to play his music out loud at the back of the bus

NamJoon: that's literally something jimin would do

JiminyCricket: I don't get the bus I'm not POOR

TaeTae: u get the bus all the time

JiminyCricket: stfu tae

MinSuga: do u know what's an abomination ?

JiminyCricket: ur face

Jeongguk: ur mum

MinSuga: ok no and fuck u

MinSuga: do u remember the second conjuring film ?

NamJoon: yeah

JiminyCricket: that was fucking terrifying

TaeTae: legit my arse was quivering

MinSuga: no

MinSuga: it was an abomination

MinSuga: I lived in enfield til I was 11

MinSuga: so I know the poltergeist story

MinSuga: and then AMERICA comes along and made it all hollywood

MinSuga: what u think there was actually a nun ?

MinSuga: fucking Americans

MinSuga: my brother and I were so pissed

HOEseok: I ain't even seen this shit

TaeTae: idek where Enfield is

JiminyCricket: one of the nurses is really hot

JiminyCricket: I wonder if he's into younger guys

NamJoon: I'm sure he really wants to get arrested

JiminyCricket: oi nah im over the age of consent so it's ok

HOEseok: do u ever wonder what our positions would be if we were wolves??

Seokjinnie: tf do u mean????

NamJoon: as in wolf hierarchy?

HOEseok: yeah

HOEseok: I was reading a fic the other day and it was one of those alpha ones

HOEseok: so now I'm like

HOEseok: what would we be

Jeongguk: a fic???

JiminyCricket: what kinda fic tho

HOEseok: yuuri on ice

TaeTae: oh banter

JiminyCricket: I feel like joon would be an alpha but I also see jin as an alpha and they fucking so it's like???

MinSuga: can two alphas not fuck??

TaeTae: I'm pretty sure they can tbh

Seokjinnie: I'm an alpha don't even lie

JiminyCricket: but joon is so alpha as well

NamJoon: am I?

NamJoon: thanks lads

Seokjinnie: fuck it we're both alphas

Seokjinnie: I'm just more alpha

NamJoon: I'm aight with that

HOEseok: what about me???

TaeTae: hobis an alpha too

JiminyCricket: fucking true

TaeTae: jeon, jimin and I are probs betas

JiminyCricket: why can't I be an alpha

HOEseok: we have too many alphas

MinSuga: u can never have enough alphas

HOEseok: not to be weird but the alpha thing is kinda hot

TaeTae: ur such a furry

HOEseok: am not a furry

HOEseok: I just wanna fuck an omega that's not a furry thing

MinSuga: fuck of

TaeTae: well I was gonna say Yoongi is an omega

MinSuga: of course u fucking were

MinSuga: i am NOT an omega

MinSuga: I'm a beta

HOEseok: hmm

HOEseok: omega

JiminyCricket: fish fingers contain omega 3

NamJoon: what

Seokjinnie: where did that come from

MinSuga: oi someone bring me some fish fingers

JiminyCricket: u ain't exactly got an oven in ur ward to cook them in

MinSuga: go to maccies then

Jeongguk: mcdonalds fish fingers are peng

TaeTae: jimin is google mapping the nearest mcdonalds

MinSuga: safe

TaeTae: fuck off its 2 miles away

HOEseok: wtf this is london there's a maccers on every corner

MinSuga: well u better start walking then

TaeTae: ur such a cunt yoongi

MinSuga: I know

MinSuga: now get me some fish fingers cunts

TaeTae: ffs fine

--------

MinSuga started chat with HOEseok

14:39

 

MinSuga: so have u ever wondered what it's like to fuck on a hospital bed ?

HOEseok: why would I???

MinSuga: bc I'm in a hospital bed

MinSuga: and I am in the mood to get FUCKED

HOEseok: I'm not fucking someone who's still recovering from a car crash

MinSuga: I'm practically healed

HOEseok: u find the walk from ur bed to the toilet tiring

MinSuga: well ive always been unfit

HOEseok: ur unbelievable

MinSuga: please

HOEseok: no

MinSuga: but whyyyyyy

HOEseok: would u fuck me if I had just been in a crash???

MinSuga: well

MinSuga: depends how badly u were hurt

MinSuga: I ain't gonna fuck ur dead corpse or nothing

MinSuga: but like a broken arm and that ain't bad

HOEseok: I cant with u sometimes

MinSuga: I want u to fuck me jerry

MinSuga: fUCK ME

HOEseok: I'm literally not going to do that

MinSuga: I'll do that omega thing

HOEseok: hmm

HOEseok: keep talking

MinSuga: I'll share my fish fingers with u

HOEseok: ok now ur talking

HOEseok: I'll be round after school

MinSuga: solid

-----------

MinSuga started chat with JiminyCricket

14:47

 

MinSuga: oi

JiminyCricket: what

MinSuga: get me condoms

JiminyCricket: tf

JiminyCricket: why

MinSuga: do I need to fucking spell it out for you

JiminyCricket: oh my god

JiminyCricket: ur in hospital u sick bastard

MinSuga: and u fucked someone with disinfectant

MinSuga: u can't judge

JiminyCricket: THAT WAS ONE TIME

JiminyCricket: ffs fine I'll get u some

JiminyCricket: wait did u want lube or

MinSuga: oh shit yeah I forgot that

JiminyCricket: jfc how has ur arse not prolapsed

MinSuga: who tf knows man

MinSuga: just hurry tf up

JiminyCricket: fuck alright calm down

Chapter Text

maths study group
10/02/17
12:34

 

MinSuga: guess who's coming home today lads

JiminyCricket: j cole

MinSuga: what ?

Seokjinnie: ????

NamJoon: I don't get it

TaeTae: IM COMING HOME

TaeTae: COMING HOME

TaeTae: TELL THE WORLD IM COMING HOME

TaeTae: LET THE RAIN WASH AWAY

NamJoon: omg shut up

MinSuga: ffs

MinSuga: u two honestly have the shittest humour

JiminyCricket: we literally don't

TaeTae: this chat would be dead without us

Seokjinnie: u two are such idiots

TaeTae: die

Seokjinnie: I almost did

JiminyCricket: wish u had

MinSuga: jimin wtf

HOEseok: cmon jimin that's too far

JiminyCricket: yall he didn't actually die so it's ok to laugh about it

Seokjinnie: I don't think that's how it works lmao

JiminyCricket: nah it does

JiminyCricket: at least for me

HOEseok: yoongi are u actually coming home today??

MinSuga: yeah bby

MinSuga: I still can't go back to school tho

MinSuga: the doctor said I should take another week off for healing

TaeTae: lucky

TaeTae: I got my arse beat when my parents found out I still wasn't going lmaoo

JiminyCricket: can't relate my parents haven't found out yet

HOEseok: that's bc they're always away

JiminyCricket: shit no need to hit home like dat hobi

MinSuga: are ur parents ever home ?

JiminyCricket: I mean sometimes yeah lmao

JiminyCricket: but they got places in America and Korea and France and that

JiminyCricket: and my mum does a lotta business out there so they travel a lot lmao

Seokjinnie: if ur parents are so rich how comes u go to a shitty comprehensive and not some fancy private school???

JiminyCricket: for two reasons

JiminyCricket: 1, I went to a private primary school and almost got expelled twice for shitty behaviour

JiminyCricket: and 2, my mumma was like he needs to socialise wid ""normal"" ppl

JiminyCricket: so they sent me to a shitty comprehensive lmaooo

MinSuga: how do u almost get expelled from primary school ur like five ?

JiminyCricket: I set the fire alarm off and that automatically brought da fire ppl to the school and the school got fined lololol

MinSuga: ffs

Seokjinnie: so you've been a little shit from the beginning

JiminyCricket: pretty much

JiminyCricket: but my parents are never home enough to care so lmaooo

HOEseok: this got oddly sad somehow

TaeTae: I just tooka really big shit in the school toilets and I think I blocked it

JiminyCricket: tell me u fuckin didn't

TaeTae: bruh the smell ain't too good either

JiminyCricket: oh my days fam

JiminyCricket: thas nasty

HOEseok: u two are grim mate

MinSuga: seriously I was just trying to tell u all I'm leaving hospital today and now we're talking about tae's shit

TaeTae: hold on I'll send a picture

MinSuga: DONT

Seokjinnie: FUCKJ OFF

MinSuga: DONT U FUCKING DARE

NamJoon: WE DONT WANT TO SEE

MinSuga: IF U SEND A PIC I'LL BREAK UR FUCKIN LEG I SWEAR

Seokjinnie: DO NOT FUCKING SEND A PIC OF UR NASTY SHIT

MinSuga: TAE THE SNAPCHAT U JUST SENT ME BETTER BE UR FACE

Jeongguk: it's ok I opened it and it's just of jimin

HOEseok: I fucking hate this gc why is it a thing

TaeTae: blame jin

Seokjinnie: nah this gc was meant to be for sixth formers

Seokjinnie: hobi added u two cunts

HOEseok: don't blame me I just wanted to add jimin

JiminyCricket: well ur arse shoulda thought about what tht shit would do

MinSuga: I wish I died in the crash

TaeTae: me too my g

NamJoon: u weren't in the crash twat

TaeTae: I was there in spirit

JiminyCricket: speaking of spirits

JiminyCricket: I gotta litre bottle of vodka hiding in my sock drawer I hope my parents don't find it

Seokjinnie: why do u

Jeongguk: how would ur parents find it when they're never home tho

JiminyCricket: it's for revision

NamJoon: "revision"

HOEseok: why would u need that for revision

MinSuga: jimin me too tbh

MinSuga: I got a bottle of bacardi hidden under me socks in my room

Seokjinnie: u two are unbelievable

JiminyCricket: lmaoo yoon les have a piss up when u get home from the hospital

MinSuga: fuck yeah man come down my ends any time u want

JiminyCricket: safe g

NamJoon: sometimes I legit have no idea what ur saying

TaeTae: do u want me to translate

TaeTae: I'm fluent in road speak

HOEseok: lmao tae stop acting like a hard nut u ain't road

JiminyCricket: he's more road than u fam

TaeTae: yeah bruv why u chatting

HOEseok: how's he more road than me???

JiminyCricket: u legit come from the posh ends

TaeTae: innit

TaeTae: manz comes from westwood estate

MinSuga: tf since when did tae live in westwood ?

TaeTae: since always bc I'm poor

NamJoon: what's Westwood?

MinSuga: how do u not know what westwood is fam ?

Seokjinnie: cmon joon even I know

HOEseok: westwood estate is the council estate up the road a bit

HOEseok: renowned for drug dealers and muggings

TaeTae: where all the roadmen come from bruv

MinSuga: most of the roadmen

JiminyCricket: tae and I know bare ppl round there

Seokjinnie: how's jimin accepted in that community tho?? he's rich??

JiminyCricket: bc I'm safe fam

TaeTae: also bc he invites them to his parities

MinSuga: thas fucking risky

MinSuga: probs try to steal ur shit

JiminyCricket: nah man I truss them

Seokjinnie: ngl I always thought yoongi's estate was worse than westwood

TaeTae: where does yoongi live then

MinSuga: kingsman estate

JiminyCricket: no fuckin way

TaeTae: Westwood and kingsman got bare beef man

NamJoon: I knew kingsman was shitty

MinSuga: someone legit got stabbed outside my flat last month lmaoo

TaeTae: that explains why ur so good at fighting lmao

TaeTae: ur a kingsman lad

MinSuga: yepp

MinSuga: was raised on the streets innit

MinSuga: but I'm not really involved w the gang side of shit

MinSuga: I just stay on good terms w them bc I don't wanna get merked

TaeTae: thas fair

TaeTae: I don't get involved wid the gangs either

TaeTae: my cousin's in the gang tho so I'm safe

MinSuga: I canny be fucked for turf wars man

TaeTae: innit

NamJoon: this is a whole new world for me

Seokjinnie: lmaoo I mean I'm not from "the endz" but I know about the gangs

Seokjinnie: mostly bc yoongi tho

JiminyCricket: lmaoo how do we have joon and hobi who come from posh middle class families

JiminyCricket: and then tae and yoongi who were legit raised in the most crime heavy estates in the area

JiminyCricket: thas some oxymoronic shit

Seokjinnie: damn jimin that's a big word

JiminyCricket: I'm smart ok?

NamJoon: sure u are

JiminyCricket: shut up downton abbey

NamJoon: did u just insult me with a tv show?

JiminyCricket: better watch yo back joon I know ppl

NamJoon: lmao ok kid

----------

maths study group
10/02/17
16:21

 

MinSuga: I just got home lads

Seokjinnie: luck y

HOEseok: I'm coming round rn

HOEseok: idc if ur tired

HOEseok: I'm coming to see u

MinSuga: I wanna see u tho

JiminyCricket: what about the rest of us???

JiminyCricket: we wanna see u too

MinSuga: come round lads

MinSuga: let's get lit

Seokjinnie: that's unfair

Seokjinnie: I'm still stuck in hospital

TaeTae: tragic

NamJoon: I'll come up and see u Jin give me a secondo

Seokjinnie: it's been a second

Seokjinnie: where u at

TaeTae: oh so ur one of those cunts

Jeongguk: I'm coming to see u now jin

Seokjinnie: yaaaaay

JiminyCricket: sounds sarcastic but ok

TaeTae: that sounds bare sarcastic tbh

Seokjinnie: nothing sarcastic bout wanting to see ur cousin

Jeongguk: yah

MinSuga: fuck I've missed my bed

MinSuga: I love my room

HOEseok: on my way !!

Seokjinnie: I'm pretty sure the nurse is flirting w me

Seokjinnie: idk how to tell her I'm gay

JiminyCricket: fuck joon in front of her

JiminyCricket: she'll probs get the message

TaeTae: not a bad idea

MinSuga: literally the worst idea

Jeongguk: pls don't fuck joon while I'm there

NamJoon: why u cockblocking me gukk?

TaeTae: cause he wants that dick

Jeongguk: TAE

Seokjinnie: will tae ever stop

JiminyCricket: probably not

TaeTae: never

NamJoon: but back to the nurse who's flirting w u

NamJoon: who is she?

JiminyCricket: who dis bitch

NamJoon: jimin we don't call women bitches

NamJoon: not on my watch

TaeTae: namjoon the feminist

NamJoon: proud femisnst

MinSuga: feminist who can't spell feminist tho

NamJoon: stfu I got fat thumbs

NamJoon: I find it hard to hit the right letters

JiminyCricket: I know how dat feels

JiminyCricket: my thumbs are fatter than my arse

Jeongguk: fatter than ur mum

TaeTae: daaaaaamn jeon

MinSuga: I didn't see jeon coming out w a ur mum joke

JiminyCricket: alright jeon u wanna go???

Jeongguk: cmon then

JiminyCricket: I got tae on my side boy I'll fight

TaeTae: nuh uh

TaeTae: I'm on jeons side this time

JiminyCricket: tf

JiminyCricket: u snake

TaeTae: hiss hiss bitch

TaeTae: fight me

JiminyCricket: do you bite thy thumb at me sir?

TaeTae: I do bite my thumb at you sir

JiminyCricket: maybe thou shouldst face me in a dual

TaeTae: thou shall feel the wrath of my mighty sword

MinSuga: wait what

JiminyCricket: alack

JiminyCricket: tis the village whore

JiminyCricket: suck thy dick

MinSuga: are you talking about me ?

TaeTae: I challenge thee for the whore's hand

TaeTae: he willst bring forth many babes

HOEseok: thou art trying to take my beloved

HOEseok: thy rage is greater than a bellowing tempest

HOEseok: pick up your sword you treacherous knave I shall not dual with an unarmed villain such as yourself

TaeTae: does thou want to fight

HOEseok: a fight suggests you stand a chance of succeeding me

TaeTae: do not abuse me unkind peasant

Seokjinnie: what the fucketh are you talking about????

MinSuga: I don't want to listen to this shakespeare shit

TaeTae: can u tell we're doing romeo and juliet in english atm

Seokjinnie: no shit

JiminyCricket: where'd hoseok learn all that fancy Shakespearean shite

HOEseok: I legit take alevel English

JiminyCricket: oh shit yeah

MinSuga: well I got home from the hospital and then got called a whore a Shakespearean chav

MinSuga: so looks like that's enough for today

MinSuga: I'm going to sleep

HOEseok: wait I'm on my way tho

MinSuga: wake me up when u get here

HOEseok: ok bby

MinSuga: night night lads

Chapter Text

maths study group
16/02/17
16:21

 

JiminyCricket: go like my insta slags

MinSuga: couldn't u ask us nicely ?

JiminyCricket: please go like my insta

JiminyCricket: u slaaaaaaag

Seokjinnie: u calling me a slag???

Seokjinnie: bc u damn right I'm a slag

MinSuga: you've had the same dick for the last 2 years

Seokjinnie: ain't nobody say I couldn't be a loyal slag

TaeTae: liked

TaeTae: commented

TaeTae: tweeted about

TaeTae: shared on facebook

JiminyCricket: yes tae

JiminyCricket: gas me up lads

MinSuga: I'd rather just gas u

JiminyCricket: calm down hitler

Seokjinnie: oh ffs jimin

NamJoon: I'm not even shocked anymore

JiminyCricket: im ur fave problematic

MinSuga: ur not my fave anything

JiminyCricket: harsh bruv

TaeTae: sigh

TaeTae: mans wants some DICK

TaeTae: why does autocorrect always capitalise DICK

Seokjinnie: don't act like u don't know

TaeTae: ????

TaeTae: I literally do not know

Seokjinnie: u know

TaeTae: imma need a clue jin ngl

Seokjinnie: ;)

TaeTae: aight im phoning a friend

TaeTae: can anybody tell me what jin means??

MinSuga: idk

MinSuga: just smile and wave

Jeongguk: was that a madagascar reference?

JiminyCricket: of course the kid pops up when u mention madagascar

Jeongguk: fight me fatass

JiminyCricket: oh is that how it is??

Jeongguk: yeah

JiminyCricket: ain't got no time for a wasteman like u

TaeTae: am still on the line looking for an answer

TaeTae: joon ur dating him

TaeTae: what did jin mean???

NamJoon: he meant thajsjsops

NamJoon: haksopxmskakabbb

NamJoon: sjjwjwjoo

TaeTae: what

JiminyCricket: man had a stoke

Jeongguk: FAST

Jeongguk: F = Face

Jeongguk: A = Arms

Jeongguk: S= speech

Jeongguk: T= Time

Jeongguk: in the event of a stroke call 999 as soon as possible

TaeTae: jeon wtf are u doing

Jeongguk: recalling the steps in case of a stroke

JiminyCricket: why tf do u remember them???

Jeongguk: I won the first aid award 4 years in a row

TaeTae: that is so sad

TaeTae: joon can u answer pls

Seokjinnie: joon cannot come to the phone right now, please leave a message after the beep

JiminyCricket: oh my days

JiminyCricket: jin killed joon

TaeTae: oh no

NamJoon: he didn't kill me

NamJoon: he did tackle me tho

NamJoon: and now has a hand round my dick so

NamJoon: soz tae lmao

TaeTae: ur texting???? With a hand??? Round ur dick???

TaeTae: thas nasty

NamJoon: u have literally sent photos of ur dick on the gc

TaeTae: that's called art

NamJoon: not quite

JiminyCricket: how'd jin tackle u from a hospital bed tf

NamJoon: he's in a wheelchair

JiminyCricket: so he ran u over

JiminyCricket: wow you'd think after that crash he would've learnt how to drive safely

NamJoon: jin said stop being a cunt jimin

JiminyCricket: never

MinSuga: ffs joon's getting dick ?

MinSuga: I want dick :((

TaeTae: me too :((

JiminyCricket: man I just want a cute guy to fuck

JiminyCricket: I love me a subby boy

Jeongguk: well I'll just get on my knees then

Seokjinnie: JEONGGUK I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL TELL UR MOTHER

Jeongguk: go on then

Jeongguk: I'll just tell her bout the time u and joon fucked in my parents bedroom and that's how the headboard broke

Seokjinnie: ...

Seokjinnie: ur evil

HOEseok: u fucked so hard u broke the headboard???

Seokjinnie: listen

Seokjinnie: it was cracked anyway

Jeongguk: AND u blamed it on me

NamJoon: well it was better than us getting caught lmao

Jeongguk: maybe for u

Jeongguk: but not for my arse

TaeTae: that's so peak lmaooo

MinSuga: HOBI

MinSuga: HOBI

MinSuga: HOBI

HOEseok: yes?

MinSuga: come round pls

HOEseok: cba

MinSuga: pardon ?

HOEseok: I'm tired mate

MinSuga: I haven't seen u in days tho

HOEseok: oh well

HOEseok: one more won't hurt

MinSuga: oh

MinSuga: well ok then.

TaeTae: ohhhh

TaeTae: he full-stopped

JiminyCricket: good god he full stopped

Jeongguk: trouble in paradise lmao

HOEseok: loool there's no trouble I'm just tired

TaeTae: lmaooo good luck boy

Seokjinnie: oh god

HOEseok: what???

NamJoon: bruh

Jeongguk: good luck my g

-----------

Seokjinnie started chat with MinSuga

16:47

 

Seokjinnie: so u pissed at him??

MinSuga: who ?

Seokjinnie: cmon yoon u know who

MinSuga: I have no IDEA what ur talking about :)

Seokjinnie: yoongi

MinSuga: am not pissed

MinSuga: if he doesn't want to come round and see me while I'm cooped up in my room then that's his choice

Seokjinnie: yknow he prob wants to come see u but he's just tired

Seokjinnie: he's probs got a lot of hw or smth

MinSuga: nope

MinSuga: homework was sunday's excuse

Seokjinnie: oh

Seokjinnie: it could be dance practice

MinSuga: no no dance practice was monday's excuse

Seokjinnie: well it could be his dad

MinSuga: said that on tuesday AND wednesday

MinSuga: and now his excuse is just "cba"

Seokjinnie: mate he's tired

Seokjinnie: he'll probs come to see u tomorrow

MinSuga: hmmm

-----------

NamJoon started chat with HOEseok

17:09

 

NamJoon: u do realise yoongi is pissed w u

HOEseok: wait why???

NamJoon: u legit told him u couldn't be bothered to see him

HOEseok: why does he care???

NamJoon: bc he's ur bf

HOEseok: well maybe he should just fucking leave me alone

NamJoon: yo what's wrong?

NamJoon: has something happened?

HOEseok: no

HOEseok: honestly just leave me alone

NamJoon: hobi what's happened?

HOEseok: nothing just fuck off

NamJoon: hobi I'm here for u

NamJoon: if it's shit to do w ur dad just tell me

HOEseok: it's nothing to do w my dad

HOEseok: it's none of your business

HOEseok: leave me alone ffs

Chapter Text

maths study group
17/02/17
12:31

 

Seokjinnie: if anyone was wondering

Seokjinnie: I'm home now

TaeTae: ya what

NamJoon: wait what?

NamJoon: u didn't tell me

MinSuga: nor me u prune

JiminyCricket: I read that as prawn and now I'm craving calamari

TaeTae: calamari is peng

Seokjinnie: they told me this moring I could probs come home today

JiminyCricket: wow

NamJoon: thank god ur home

MinSuga: when u going back to school

Seokjinnie: probs next week idk

JiminyCricket: yoongi are u at school???

MinSuga: no I cba to come back on a friday

MinSuga: so I'll start on Monday

TaeTae: canny believe u two missed like 3 weeks of school

JiminyCricket: yeah lmao u got alevels in june

MinSuga: shit yeah lmao

Seokjinnie: kill me

TaeTae: yo did u all see snow's new filters???

Seokjinnie: tf is snow???

MinSuga: isn't that a type of weather ?

JiminyCricket: I choked on my monster

TaeTae: MONSTER ENEGERG DRINK

TaeTae: RELEASE THE BEAST

MinSuga: mans misspelled orange juice

MinSuga: wait

NamJoon: orange juice?

JiminyCricket: u Tripping??

TaeTae: aw man we should get high tonight

TaeTae: wanna get bare frassed

MinSuga: autocorrect

JiminyCorrect: ur telling me..

JiminyCricket: that ya phone autocorrected energy..

JiminyCricket: to orange juice

MinSuga: yah

JiminyCricket: sounds fake but ok

TaeTae: I need a shit

Seokjinnie: wow

Seokjinnie: the sophistication of this chat is unbelievable

JiminyCricket: ur mum

NamJoon: my phone autocorrects jeon to kevin

JiminyCricket: thas not his name

Jeongguk: THATS NOT MY NAME

Jeongguk: THEY CALL ME BELL

Jeongguk: THEY CALL ME STACEY

Jeongguk: THEY CALL ME HER

Jeongguk: THEY CALL ME JANE

Jeongguk: THATS NOT MY NAME

Jeongguk: THATS NOT MY NAME

MinSuga: alright we get it

MinSuga: stfu

Jeongguk: die

Jeongguk: so have yoongi and hobi made up yet?

MinSuga: what ever do you mean? :)

JiminyCricket: ooooo he still pissed

TaeTae: fuck dat bitch

HOEseok: pardon?

TaeTae: nada

JiminyCricket: hose ok and jeon need to stop creeping man

JiminyCricket: like we see u lurking in da shadows

Jeongguk: can hobi just hurry up and suck yoongis dick so u can make up pls

HOEseok: shut up Kevin

Jeongguk: dat not me

JiminyCricket: act like a wasteman?

TaeTae: dat not me

Seokjinnie: is that a reference to smth?

TaeTae: skepta init

NamJoon: cmon jin u should know that

Seokjinnie: sorry I'm just not road enough

TaeTae: fuckin true

-----------

Seokjinnie started chat with MinSuga

13:28

 

Seokjinnie: u still pissed at him???

MinSuga: yes

MinSuga: if he don't come see me by the end of today

MinSuga: or explain himself soon

MinSuga: imma be REAL pissed

Seokjinnie: he must have his reasons u know

MinSuga: yeah well he can fucking tell me what they are then

MinSuga: look

MinSuga: I'm understanding

MinSuga: I get that shits going on w his dad, and that he's busy w school and dance

MinSuga: but he's been ignoring my texts and hasn't been coming to see me

MinSuga: but before Sunday he was here almost everyday and we were texting all the time

MinSuga: all I wanna know is what's happened

Seokjinnie: fairs

Seokjinnie: try to be gentle

Seokjinnie: cause if it is smth bad

Seokjinnie: last thing he's gonna want is u going off on one

MinSuga: I'll be as gentle as I can

Seokjinnie: ffs

-----------

maths study group
17/02/17
17:32

 

JiminyCricket: lads

JiminyCricket: we should go to reading

Seokjinnie: as in the place?

MinSuga: fuck off are we going to reading

TaeTae: imagine how fucked we'd get at reading

Seokjinnie: are we talking about reading the place bc I'm consfused

JiminyCricket: reading festival u dickhead

NamJoon: seriously Jin

NamJoon: u must have heard of reading festival

Seokjinnie: is that the one where everyone gets off their tits on drugs???

TaeTae: yes

JiminyCricket: Yes

MinSuga: yes

NamJoon: yes

Seokjinnie: sounds like a right laugh

JiminyCricket: my cousin went and he spent the whole 3 days snorting ket

JiminyCricket: he said he woke up in a pile of vomit wearing someone else's trousers and had a tattoo on his arse saying "pussy lover"

Seokjinnie: I ain't doing ket and I ain't getting a tattoo

JiminyCricket: u don't have to do that shit

JiminyCricket: but there will be a lot of drinking involved

TaeTae: last year there was apparently a threesome going on in the middle of the pit of the main stage

Seokjinnie: that can't be true

MinSuga: lmao it's reading it probably is true

JiminyCricket: lets go lads

MinSuga: I'm up for it

TaeTae: same

NamJoon: same

Jeongguk: les do it

Seokjinnie: as if ur going lmaooo

Jeongguk: that's so unfair

Jeongguk: I'll almost be 16

Seokjinnie: and ur arse can stay at home w me

Seokjinnie: bc we're not going

Jeongguk: don't be peak jin

Seokjinnie: I'm being peak

Jeongguk: fuck sake

HOEseok: yeah lads I'm up for it

MinSuga: oh suddenly I don't wanna go :)

TaeTae: woooooow

JiminyCricket: king of being petty

HOEseok: fine then don't go

MinSuga: is that really ur fucking answer

MinSuga: why are you acting like such a cunt ?

MinSuga: what happened ?

HOEseok: nothing fucking happened

MinSuga: well u were all dandy when I saw u on Saturday

MinSuga: but since then you've been a prick

MinSuga: just tell me mate

MinSuga: I'll understand

MinSuga: I just wanna know

HOEseok: why can't I just be in a bad fucking mood w/o being interrogated

MinSuga: you've been in a "bad mood" for almost a week now

HOEseok: sorry didn't realise there was a fucking time limit on bad moods

MinSuga: u know what

MinSuga: text when you've finished being a cunt

 

MinSuga left the chat

 

HOEseok: fuck sake

HOEseok: I didn't even do anything fucking wrong

NamJoon: seok u do seem a little out of character

JiminyCricket: yeah man

JiminyCricket: tbh u are acting like a prick

HOEseok: forgot I had to be all sunshine and rainbows for u fuckers

Seokjinnie: that's not what they mean

Seokjinnie: we're just saying u seem unnaturally pissed off

Seokjinnie: something must have happened

HOEseok: well nothing happened

HOEseok: and even if something did

HOEseok: it's none of ur business

 

HOEseok left the chat

 

TaeTae: well he's got his knickers in a twist hasn't he

JiminyCricket: he's acting like an arse

TaeTae: innit tf

Seokjinnie: I wonder what's happened

NamJoon: tbh we should probs just leave him be

NamJoon: he'll calm down soon

JiminyCricket: he better

JiminyCricket: bc I don't wanna see my babies break up

TaeTae: they're older than u jimin

JiminyCricket: my

JiminyCricket: fucking

JiminyCricket: babies

Seokjinnie: lmao they won't break up

NamJoon: yeah they're head over heels for each other

NamJoon: hobi will realise he's being an arsehole soon and apologise

NamJoon: then he'll probs tell yooongi what's wrong

NamJoon: and then they'll fuck or smth

TaeTae: one can only hope

JiminyCricket: damn the make up sex is gonna be

JiminyCricket: banging

Seokjinnie: ffs

TaeTae: worst joke you've ever made

JiminyCricket: fuck off that was a cracker lads

NamJoon: I hate this chat

Chapter Text

maths study group
19/02/17
16:34

 

TaeTae: yo

TaeTae: yo

TaeTae: yo

TaeTae: someone answer

TaeTae: fuck sake

 

TaeTae added HOEseok to the chat

 

TaeTae added MinSuga to the chat

 

MinSuga: why

TaeTae: stfu idc if u two are having a domestic

TaeTae: I'm lonely

TaeTae: and these clowns aren't answering

MinSuga: tragic

JiminyCricket: was literally just tryna have a nap

TaeTae: well wake ur arse up

TaeTae: bc I'm bored as shit

Seokjinnie: we don't care

TaeTae: ya can pretend to care tho

NamJoon: I was trying to study

Seokjinnie: so hard working bby

NamJoon: thanks boo

JiminyCricket: ok before I throw up

Seokjinnie: fuck u jimin

NamJoon: he's just jealous he's not actually in a relationship

JiminyCricket: ummm

JiminyCricket: I just checked my watch and I can tell u I'm not jealous

MinSuga: why

MinSuga: why did u check ur watch

NamJoon: I really worry for jinin

JiminyCricket: think u should be more worried bout ur spelling mate

NamJoon: die jimin

MinSuga: ffs don't say that

MinSuga: he'll make a jin joke

JiminyCricket: actually I was gonna make a yoongi joke bc u almost died too lmao

JiminyCricket: gotta mix it up a bit

HOEseok: oi

HOEseok: don't say shit bout that

TaeTae: aw

MinSuga: thought u were being pissy

HOEseok: I am

HOEseok: but am not gonna stand by and have jokes made about u almost dying

HOEseok: just cause I'm pissy doesn't mean I don't love u

Seokjinnie: omg

TaeTae: awwwww

HOEseok: ok I'm going back to being pissy now

MinSuga: hobi cmon

MinSuga: I'm tired of this

MinSuga: I haven't seen u in like a week

MinSuga: I miss u :((

HOEseok: I'm sorry

HOEseok: shits happened

HOEseok: I don't wanna go in to it

MinSuga: sigh

MinSuga: ok

JiminyCricket: not to be a cunt but I got weed who wants to come round

TaeTae: u had me at cunt

Seokjinnie: would love to

Seokjinnie: but am still a little bit fucked up mate

NamJoon: parents won't let me out

Jeongguk: I mean I would

Jeongguk: but I don't think jin will let me

Seokjinnie: U BETTER KEEP UR ARSE INSIDE

JiminyCricket: yall are being peak

MinSuga: tbh would

MinSuga: but tired

MinSuga: and tryna catch up on school work

JiminyCricket: well guess it's just me and tae

TaeTae: it's ok man

TaeTae: it'll still be banging

JiminyCricket: it always is w us

TaeTae: fuckin true

----------

maths study group
19/02/17
20:21

 

HOEseok: ok so update lads

HOEseok: I may have run away

Seokjinnie: WHAT

NamJoon: wtf what do u mean u ran away?

HOEseok: well I guess not ran away

HOEseok: but I just walked out

HOEseok: my dad was just yelling at me and I wasn't in the mood

HOEseok: so guess who needs a place to stay lmao

TaeTae: LMAO U RAN AWAY THATS SUCH BANTER

JiminyCricket: come round mine bruh

JiminyCricket: u can sleep here

JiminyCricket: plus u can get high w us

HOEseok: lmao aight

TaeTae: yes bruv

TaeTae: am so gassed

MinSuga: u ok hobi?

HOEseok: yeah

NamJoon: fuck I wanna get high

TaeTae: too bad u gotta STUDY

Seokjinnie: tae so do u

Seokjinnie: ur gcses are in may

TaeTae: shit no need ta remind me

JiminyCricket: bruh we got gcses in the bag

Seokjinnie: u haven't tho

Seokjinnie: u failed mocks

TaeTae: calm down jin we'll be a-ok

Seokjinnie: lmao whatever u say

JiminyCricket: omg

JiminyCricket: that rhymes

JiminyCricket: quick yoongi rap it

MinSuga: how u expecting me to rap over text

JiminyCricket: idk be creative u mug

MinSuga: fuck off im tryna study

JiminyCricket: such keenos

NamJoon: don't even care

JiminyCricket: did u cry in year 7 when u first got called a keeno??

NamJoon: no

HOEseok: I remember getting called butters in year 8 and I legit spent the whole day tryna tell myself that I'm not butters

TaeTae: that's so sad

MinSuga: words hurt

JiminyCricket: utterlybutterly

HOEseok: TRIGGERED

TaeTae: hobi when u getting here

TaeTae: I wanna blaze

HOEseok: mans gotta get an uber

HOEseok: gimme like 10 minutes

TaeTae: aight

-----------

maths study group
19/02/17
21:24

 

JiminyCricket: wasssssssup

Seokjinnie: aight

JiminyCricket: mans is bare wavey

NamJoon: I honestly can't understand what that means

MinSuga: translation is "I am very high"

HOEseok: off me fckin tits mate

Seokjinnie: u don't have tits hoseok

HOEseok: one can dream

TaeTae: I wanna express m feelings in spanish

TaeTae: but I just don't know enough spanish

JiminyCricket: he keeps saying shit like

JiminyCricket: soy fucked up

JiminyCricket: quiero dick

TaeTae: díck

MinSuga: man u two are frassed af

Seokjinnie: wish I was too tbh

NamJoon: same

HOEseok: HELP

JiminyCricket: HOBI FORGQT HOW TO USE HIS TONGUE

HOEseok: MY TONGUE WONT WORK

MinSuga: he better fuckin remember

HOEseok: IT KEEPS GETTINF IN THE WAY

TaeTae: HES TRYNA TAKE A DRAG FROM THE JOINT BUT KEEPS BURNINF HIS TONGUE

Seokjinnie: HOW DO U FORGET HOW TO USE UR TONGUE???

NamJoon: the same way u forgot how to walk when u first got boxed out ur head

HOEseok: PLS SOMEONE HELP ME

HOEseok: MY TNOGUE

JiminyCricket: mans is tripppin

HOEseok: my tongues D:

Jeongguk: wow u have multiple tongues?

HOEseok: doesn't everybody???

TaeTae: hoseok I have one tongue

JiminyCricket: one tongue

JiminyCricket: one ton

JiminyCricket: wonton

JiminyCricket: les order Chinese

Seokjinnie: how'd u get wanton from one tongue

NamJoon: true talent

TaeTae: one tongue

TaeTae: one pun

TaeTae: one punch

TaeTae: les watch anime

Jeongguk: I wanna watch w u :(

JiminyCricket: come round ma g

Seokjinnie: no

JiminyCricket: wow jin I thought u were a chillard

NamJoon: wtf is a chillard

JiminyCricket: jus a chill person

Seokjinnie: why am I offended about my chillard title being revoked

TaeTae: tis a sad day when a man is no longer chillard worthy

JiminyCricket: wHHY WE GOINF SO FUCKIN FAST BRO

TaeTae: jimin ur standing still

Seokjinnie: I want whatever ur smoking

Jeongguk: same

Seokjinnie: nooo

Jeongguk: yees

NamJoon: not yet gguks lmao

NamJoon: when u get older

Jeongguk: :(

Jeongguk: hate being the youngest

TaeTae: jin drive us to mcdonalds

Seokjinnie: umm

Seokjinnie: last time I checked I was still in recovery u fuckin idiot

TaeTae: :((

JiminyCricket: it's ok tae

JiminyCricket: I know where my dad's keys are

NamJoon: JIMIN NO

JiminyCricket: JIMIN YES

MinSuga: we ain't coming to ur funerals when u crash boo

JiminyCricket: good I don't want poor people mourning me

MinSuga: fuckin ouch

JiminyCricket: GET REKT

------------

HOEseok started chat with MinSuga

21:56

 

HOEseok: I miss you

HOEseok: I love you

HOEseok: I'm sorry

HOEseok: I was an arse

HOEseok: I did a bad thing yoongi

HOEseok: am so sorry

MinSuga: hobi I love you too

MinSuga: wtf happened

HOEseok: I'll explain when I don't feel like the world is spinning

HOEseok: I love you

MinSuga: I love you too

MinSuga: when can I see you ?

HOEseok: tomorrow

HOEseok: I'd come round tonight but I'm wearing the wrong legs

MinSuga: tf

MinSuga: wtf did u smoke

HOEseok: da good kush

MinSuga: lmao aight

-----------

maths study group
19/02/17
22:31

 

JiminyCricket: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME HOBI'S ALLERGIC TO NUTS

Jeongguk: I'm not going to make the obvious joke

Seokjinnie: hoseok's allergic to nuts???

NamJoon: WHAT HAPPENED?

JiminyCricket: WE WERE JUST FUCKING AROUND

JiminyCricket: AND THEN WE DARED HOBI TO EAT AS MANY BROWNIES AS HE COULD IN A MINUTE

JiminyCricket: SO HE STUFFED LIKE 5 IN HIS MOUTH

JiminyCricket: BUT THEY HAD NUTS IN

JiminyCricket: AND NOW HIS FACE IS SWELLING UP AND HES CHOKING WHAT DO WE DO

MinSuga: WHAT THE FUCK IS HOBI OK???

JiminyCricket: DEFINE OK

JiminyCricket: I MEAN HES NOT DEAD LMAO

Seokjinnie: TAE STOP SNAPCHATTING PICS OF HOBI DYING AND CALL A DAMN AMBULANCE

JiminyCricket: CAN SOMEONE DRIVE US TO A&E

NamJoon: WITH WHAT CAR

TaeTae: it's ok lads jimin is calling an ambulance

MinSuga: wait

MinSuga: u gonna tell them ur high

MinSuga: bc u could get done for possession charges

JiminyCricket: OH FUCK HE RIGHT

JiminyCricket: I DONT WANNA GO TO PRISON

MinSuga: bruh just hide the shit and then if they figure it out lie to them

MinSuga: it's easy

MinSuga: I've done it loads of times

JiminyCricket: YOONGI PLS COME ROUND I DONT WANNA GO TO PRISON

MinSuga: ffs fine I'm on my way

Jeongguk: SERIOUSLY TAE STOP SNAPCHATTING US HOBIS DEATH

NamJoon: BRUH HOBI LOOKS FUCKED OUT HIS MIND LMAOOO

Seokjinnie: WHYS ONLY HALF HIS FACE SWELLING

TaeTae: Omg I'm so happy we get to go in an ambulance

TaeTae: im gonna take selfies

NamJoon: have u no shame

TaeTae: absolutely none ;)

MinSuga: I'm getting my dad to drive me lmao I cba to walk

Seokjinnie: lazy

JiminyCricket: ambulance is on its way lads

JiminyCricket: damn I've never sobered up this quickly before

NamJoon: adrenaline tends to do that to u

TaeTae: I hope the paramedic is hot

NamJoon: I hope hobi doesn't die

TaeTae: it'll be worth it if I get a shag w a hot paramedic tho

Seokjinnie: ur actually despicable

TaeTae: I don't even care

JiminyCricket: update on hobi

JiminyCricket: he's wheezing

Seokjinnie: THATS NOT A GOOD SIGN JIMIN

JiminyCricket: well tf do u want me to do

JiminyCricket: am no doctor

Jeongguk: got me thinking about doctor who

JiminyCricket: fuck I love that show

TaeTae: fuckin same

Seokjinnie: ARE U FUCKIN SERIOUS

TaeTae: what

Seokjinnie: HOBI?????

TaeTae: oh shit yeah lmao oops

NamJoon: right we're never leaving them in charge of anything

JiminyCricket: rude we are v responsible

TaeTae: hobi's laying on the sofa lmao he's fine

JiminyCricket: we'll just make him sleep it off

Seokjinnie: U CANT SLEEP OFF ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK

TaeTae: well u never know until u try

MinSuga: ok I'm here

MinSuga: jimin let me in

JiminyCricket: aight

Seokjinnie: is the ambulance there yet??

TaeTae: nah

MinSuga: man hobi looks fucked

Seokjinnie: that's probs bc he's smoked a copious amount of drugs and is currently going into shock

TaeTae: it could be that

TaeTae: or maybe he's just clapped

Seokjinnie: YOONGI WHY ARE U SNAPCHATTING US VIDEOS OF HOBI

Seokjinnie: UR HIS BOYFRIEND UR MEANT TO CARE

MinSuga: banter

TaeTae: ambulance is here lol

NamJoon: ffs finally

TaeTae: just peeped the paramedics and they're not peng :(

Seokjinnie: tragic

MinSuga: taes taking selfies behind their backs ffs

NamJoon: I literally hate u all

Seokjinnie: what's happening??

JiminyCricket: ok so they've taken hobi to a&e

JiminyCricket: yoongi went w him

JiminyCricket: we're just gonna carry on getting baked

NamJoon: the concern u have for ur friend is shocking

JiminyCricket: thank u

Jeongguk: why do we keep ending up in hospital?

Seokjinnie: bc we're all fucking idiots

TaeTae: I didn't even get my a&e selfie

Seokjinnie: ffs tae

TaeTae: :((

Chapter Text

20/02/17

+447731027974 started chat with HOEseok

18:44

 

+447731027974: hi hoseok

+447731027974: it's macy from that party the other week

+447731027974: you gave me your number before you left

+447731027974: idk if you remember

+447731027974: you were really drunk lol

+447731027974: I wanted to talk to you at school but were with those year 13 boys

+447731027974: I didn't want to disturb you lol

+447731027974: I've just been wondering how you've been

+447731027974: I had a really great night that night

+447731027974: you're a better kisser than I thought you'd be lol

+447731027974: do you want to get coffee sometime?

+447731027974: I know we never talked much before that night but I'd like to get to know you now

+447731027974: especially after what we did lol

+447731027974: just let know ok? :)x

 

Block +447731027974?

Yes[x] No[ ]

 

+447731027974 has been blocked

Chapter Text

21/02/17

HOEseok started chat with MinSuga

21:36

 

HOEseok: ok so

HOEseok: I need to come clean

HOEseok: because I really fucked up

MinSuga: ok

MinSuga: I'm listening

HOEseok: ok so

HOEseok: that saturday I last saw you

HOEseok: I went to a party in the evening

HOEseok: I didn't really wanna go but it was for this guy's 18th so I was like 'I'll go for a little bit'

HOEseok: I didn't want to drink

HOEseok: but people were pressuring me so I just had 1

HOEseok: but 1 turned into like 6

HOEseok: and soon I was smashed

HOEseok: and then this girl started flirting with me and I was so out of it that I let her

HOEseok: and one thing lead to another

MinSuga: wait

MinSuga: so u got with her ?

HOEseok: we made out a little

HOEseok: I'm so sorry

MinSuga: is that all you did ?

HOEseok: yes

HOEseok: I pushed her away once I realised what I was doing

MinSuga: ok

HOEseok: ok??

MinSuga: well

MinSuga: I can't say I'm not a bit mad

MinSuga: but you said you were drunk

MinSuga: and honestly I can't judge you for doing shit when ur drunk

MinSuga: I've done stupid shit bc of alcohol in the past

HOEseok: like???

MinSuga: it's kinda bad

MinSuga: I don't want you to look at me differently once u know

HOEseok: I won't I promise

HOEseok: you can trust me

MinSuga: ok

MinSuga: well

MinSuga: basically

MinSuga: when I was about sixteen I had this boyfriend who was a bit older than me

MinSuga: and to cut a real long story short he used me bc I was a young virgin with a nice arse lol

MinSuga: he cheated on me and I caught him so we broke up

MinSuga: it really fucked me up bc I thought he loved me and shit

MinSuga: looking back on it now I know it wasn't love but I was naive lol

MinSuga: but I felt so shit and I just wanted the shit feelings to go away

MinSuga: so I thought lol why not drink myself into a coma

MinSuga: but I was underage so I couldn't buy anything

MinSuga: but then I met this older guy at a petrol station one night and he offered to buy me alcohol

HOEseok: wait

HOEseok: at a petrol station??

HOEseok: didn't a guy buy jeon alcohol at a petrol station after he kissed joon???

MinSuga: yes we'll get to that

MinSuga: anyway

MinSuga: he bought me shit every night for about a week

MinSuga: and then one night when I was on the borderline of blackout drunk he offered to take me to his

MinSuga: and I was an idiot at sixteen so I went

MinSuga: again to cut a long story short he fucked me

MinSuga: it was consensual so it was ok

HOEseok: you were almost comatose drunk how can you count that as consensual??

MinSuga: well I did at the time

MinSuga: stop interrupting me

HOEseok: sorry

HOEseok: carry on

MinSuga: after that he invited me round his house practically every night

MinSuga: he would get me drunk and then we'd fuck

MinSuga: it was simple

MinSuga: until he asked me to be his boyfriend

MinSuga: that's when he started getting possessive and controlling

MinSuga: he told me I wasn't allowed to see my friends anymore

MinSuga: he made me distance myself from jin and my parents

MinSuga: if I didn't do as he said he would yell at me and call me shit

HOEseok: what did he call you??

MinSuga: worthless

MinSuga: whore

MinSuga: slut

MinSuga: piece of shit that belonged to him

MinSuga: that kind of shit

MinSuga: so one day I tried to leave his house

MinSuga: I tried to break up with him

MinSuga: and that's the first time he hit me

MinSuga: after that if I didn't do what he said he'd hit me or kick me

MinSuga: I learnt to just stay quiet and drink away whatever feelings I had lmao

MinSuga: the only reason it stopped was bc of jin

HOEseok: what do u mean??

MinSuga: basically I came into school one day smelling of alcohol and covered in bruises

MinSuga: and jin got involved saying he was gonna call the police

MinSuga: I begged him not to

MinSuga: so instead he followed me back to the guy's house and kicked the shit out of him and warned him to stay away from me otherwise he'd call the police

MinSuga: that was the first time I'd seen jin hit someone lol

MinSuga: it seemed to work tho

MinSuga: I haven't seen him since

MinSuga: but I stay away from that petrol station now

MinSuga: and jin doesn't let me go many places alone anymore lmao

HOEseok: how have I never heard of this before??

MinSuga: because jin promised not to say anything and I sure as hell wasnt going to tell anyone about it

HOEseok: fair enough I guess

MinSuga: but yeah lol there's all my secrets

MinSuga: idk if you've noticed but that's the reason jin is so concerned with how much I drink

MinSuga: and that's the reason I didn't want to get with you at first

MinSuga: and that's the reason I can't judge u for ur drunk actions

HOEseok: shit yoongi

HOEseok: I'm so sorry that happened to you

HOEseok: and I'm even more sorry about what I did

MinSuga: it's ok

MinSuga: I forgive you

MinSuga: just please

MinSuga: never again

HOEseok: no never

HOEseok: I'm with you and I never want to jeopardise our relationship

HOEseok: I'm so sorry

MinSuga: it's ok

MinSuga: what I wanna know is why didn't you talk to me for like a week after ?

HOEseok: I guess it was guilt??

HOEseok: I felt so guilty about it

HOEseok: I didn't know how to face you

HOEseok: I didn't want to potentially break us up

MinSuga: just tell me if something's happened

MinSuga: I'll always try to be understanding

HOEseok: I'm sorry

MinSuga: it's ok lol you don't have to keep apologising

HOEseok: I love you

MinSuga: I love you too

HOEseok: can I ask something about the guy???

MinSuga: ask whatever you want

HOEseok: what was his name??

MinSuga: kyle

HOEseok: do you think it was kyle that sold jeon alcohol??

MinSuga: yes

MinSuga: and I wanted to go find him just so I could fucking kill him

MinSuga: but jin convinced me not to

HOEseok: if he ever goes after one of us again I'll help you kill him

MinSuga: ah what a good couple

HOEseok: we're just the best

MinSuga: I never want him getting his hands on jeon

MinSuga: or any of the kids

HOEseok: they're like 2 years younger than you lmao

MinSuga: I said what I said

MinSuga: but seriously

MinSuga: imagine if he had fucked up jeon like he did with me

MinSuga: jeon is way more vulnerable than me

MinSuga: I would have legit killed him I wouldn't even care

MinSuga: like it didn't stop once he was gone

MinSuga: I wasn't myself for months after that

MinSuga: I was so scared he'd turn up again

MinSuga: even now I get worried I'll bump into him

HOEseok: you're never going to see him again I promise

HOEseok: I'll protect you I promise

MinSuga: thank you hobi

MinSuga: it's weird

MinSuga: I've never needed protecting before

MinSuga: in fact the idea of someone protecting me used to make me feel weak

MinSuga: but it doesn't with you

MinSuga: you make me feel safe

MinSuga: oh god that sounded gay

HOEseok: honey ur literally gay

MinSuga: shit u right

MinSuga: love u bare

HOEseok: love u too bro

MinSuga: I'm so tired

HOEseok: get some sleep yoon

MinSuga: yeah I probs should

MinSuga: night hobi

HOEseok: goodnight bby

Chapter Text

maths study group
27/02/17
11:23

 

JiminyCricket: why tf is the chat still called maths study group???

NamJoon: bc my parents still hate me?

HOEseok: u wanna talk about parents hating u bro

NamJoon: soz I forgot other people couldn't have parental problems x

TaeTae: look at that passive aggressive 'x'

NamJoon: passive aggressive is my middle name

MinSuga: oi

MinSuga: ur all in class

MinSuga: pay attention

JiminyCricket: since when did u give a shit about class lmaoo

MinSuga: since my exams are in a few months and I just missed three weeks of school

TaeTae: the man makes a fair point

JiminyCricket: this is true

Seokjinnie: I've missed so much work omg

MinSuga: init

MinSuga: can't believe imma fail my alevels :((

JiminyCricket: u can always be a stripper

TaeTae: that's my backup plan

MinSuga: I wish I could say I haven't considered it

NamJoon: if I fail my exams this year I'm literally going to get deported

MinSuga: me fuckin too mate

TaeTae: peakting

JiminyCricket: yall get deported for exam results???

MinSuga: lmao fuck yeah

MinSuga: I legit know five people who got sent back to their home countries by their parents after gcses

NamJoon: at least 3 people in my year were shipped off as well lmao

JiminyCricket: harsh fam

---------

maths study group
27/02/17
13:52

 

MinSuga: I want a tattoo

JiminyCricket: fucking same

HOEseok: if u get a tattoo I will actually cry

JiminyCricket: stfu you melt

MinSuga: I'm eighteen so why tf not

TaeTae: what do u want???

MinSuga: fuck knows

MinSuga: something to do w music maybe

JiminyCricket: gay

MinSuga: stfu jimin

MinSuga: should I just get a random fuckin shape or smth

TaeTae: DO IT

MinSuga: fuck it

MinSuga: there's a walk in place up the road

MinSuga: I'm going after school

JiminyCricket: get some random chinese symbol that's meant to say strength

JiminyCricket: but probably says pussy

TaeTae: get a feather

TaeTae: or a dream catcher

MinSuga: do I look like a white girl to u?

JiminyCricket: no offence but why tf do people get tattoos in languages they can't speak

JiminyCricket: or at least even read

MinSuga: idk man

JiminyCricket: I gotta be able to read my tattoo

JiminyCricket: but thas just me

HOEseok: I like old movies

Seokjinnie: like the godfather

NamJoon: 3

TaeTae: it's not considered the best one

JiminyCricket: but that's just me

HOEseok: what an absolute banger of a tune

HOEseok: ok but seriously yoongi

HOEseok: are u getting a tattoo

HOEseok: bc if u do I will fuck u

MinSuga: well if I wasn't getting one before I'm definitely getting one now

HOEseok: ;)

Seokjinnie: is this really a good idea??

MinSuga: of course it isnt a good idea

MinSuga: that's what makes it great

JiminyCricket: we all know the best ideas are the ones that appear to be the worst

NamJoon: this is literally a permanent tattoo on ur fucking body tho

MinSuga: exactly

MinSuga: it's MY body

MinSuga: so who gives a shit

MinSuga: the only person this can harm is me

NamJoon: fair enough

Seokjinnie: sigh

Seokjinnie: fine

HOEseok: I'm coming with u after school

JiminyCricket: wait are u going to the place that does piercings as well??

MinSuga: yeah

JiminyCricket: sick one

JiminyCricket: tae and I have been wanting to get more piercings for a while

JiminyCricket: we might as well come with u

TaeTae: are we finally getting this shit done

Jeongguk: can I come?

JiminyCricket: yeah hoe

TaeTae: u getting something??

Jeongguk: maybe

TaeTae: FUCK JEON IS GONNA LOOK HOT

Seokjinnie: oh ffs

----------

maths study group
27/02/17
14:59

 

JiminyCricket: oooooh hobi who's the girl ur talking to

TaeTae: is that ur girlfriend ;) ;)

MinSuga: what girl ?

JiminyCricket: idk but she's pretty

NamJoon: that's macy grasso

NamJoon: she's in my year

NamJoon: she's italian

JiminyCricket: ehhhhh ohhhh

JiminyCricket: my nama issa macy

Seokjinnie: that's probably offensive

MinSuga: can hobi hurry tf up pls I wanna get to the tattoo place

JiminyCricket: is someone jealous???

MinSuga: no ?

MinSuga: I just wanna get my tattoo

TaeTae: thas fair enough bc I wanna hurry up as well

HOEseok: can yall stop spamming my phone

JiminyCricket: who was the girl bro

HOEseok: my psychology partner

JiminyCricket: oh

JiminyCricket: that's not interesting

MinSuga: hobi no offence but get over here before I rip ur dick off

HOEseok: wow

JiminyCricket: kinky

----------

maths study group
27/02/17
17:37

 

MinSuga: guess who got a tattoo lads

JiminyCricket: we know it was u

TaeTae: we were literally there with u

JiminyCricket: and you announced it this morning

MinSuga: fuckin die

TaeTae: wish I would

Seokjinnie: what did u end up getting???

MinSuga: ok so the guy did this really impromptu sketch of a tiny abstract piano and it was amazing

MinSuga: so I got that on the inside of my forearm just under my elbow

Seokjinnie: send pics

MinSuga: it's covered in clingfilm atm

MinSuga: I'll show u tomorrow

Seokjinnie: okey dokey

TaeTae: jeon got his ears pieced

Seokjinnie: what

JiminyCricket: tae u fucking mong

JiminyCricket: u weren't meant to tell jin

Jeongguk: ffs tae

Seokjinnie: did u really jeon

Jeongguk: yeah

Jeongguk: I really like them

Jeongguk: hold on I'll send u a snapchat of them

Seokjinnie: huh

Seokjinnie: they look quite good tbh

Jeongguk: thank u :D

NamJoon: what did jimin and tae get?

TaeTae: well I got a helix piercing

JiminyCricket: and I got my nose pierced

NamJoon: nice

Seokjinnie: what about hobi??

HOEseok: fuck off was I getting anything done

HOEseok: am not letting some random ass person stick a fucking needle through me

HOEseok: I don't fuck wid it

Seokjinnie: it's not that bad

HOEseok: I

HOEseok: don't

HOEseok: fuck

HOEseok: wid

HOEseok: it

JiminyCricket: he fucking screamed at the sight of the tattoo gun

NamJoon: ur such a pussy hobi

HOEseok: u know what joon actually fuck off

NamJoon: love u too x

----------

Unblock +447731027974?

Yes[x] No[ ]

 

HOEseok started chat with +447731027974

19:43

 

HOEseok: hi

HOEseok: I'm sorry I've been ignoring you

HOEseok: but I have a boyfriend

HOEseok: what we did that night was a mistake I'm sorry

HOEseok: you can't come up to me during school like that

HOEseok: I don't want him finding out

+447731027974: you have a boyfriend?

HOEseok: yeah

HOEseok: it's yoongi min from the year above

+447731027974: the small asian boy?

HOEseok: yeah that's him

+447731027974: I got told he was a loner

HOEseok: he kinda used to be

HOEseok: but not anymore

HOEseok: anyway

HOEseok: please leave me alone I don't want him finding out

+447731027974: you're just gonna keep this a secret from him?

HOEseok: I've already told him we made out and that it was a mistake

+447731027974: but you didn't tell him we had sex?

HOEseok: no

HOEseok: I couldn't do it

+447731027974: wtf hoseok

+447731027974: you can't just keep this from him

+447731027974: you cheated on him with me

+447731027974: omg you fucking cheated on your bf with me

+447731027974: if I had known you were with someone I would never have gone for you

HOEseok: if I hadn't been that drunk I would have stopped you

+447731027974: being drunk isn't an excuse

HOEseok: I know but it's all I have rn

HOEseok: please just don't tell him

+447731027974: fine

+447731027974: but if he were to find out and ask me about it then I won't lie to him

HOEseok: ok

HOEseok: but he won't find out

+447731027974: ok

+447731027974: I'll leave you alone from now on

HOEseok: thank you

 

Block +447731027974?

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+447731027974 has been blocked

Chapter Text

maths study group
03/03/17
08:21

 

TaeTae: I was just standing there

TaeTae: and I just started thinking about how

TaeTae: if we're reborn after death

TaeTae: and we have no memory of our past life

TaeTae: and we completely forget about everyone that meant something to us

TaeTae: then maybe that's why

TaeTae: we suddenly get sad when we're alone

TaeTae: because we know we're missing something in our lives but we have no idea what

TaeTae: and we'll never know bc we can't remember our past life

TaeTae: how's everyone else's morning been??

JiminyCricket: I had half a croissant and a wank

MinSuga: I don't even know what to say anymore

Seokjinnie: it's 8am and you two are already being utter dickheads

TaeTae: I was just tryna tell u bout my early morning thoughts

JiminyCricket: no one gives a FUCK

Jeongguk: I do tae

HOEseok: awwww

TaeTae: jeongikkk is my real ride or die

MinSuga: jeongikkk

JiminyCricket: jeongi(kkk)

JiminyCricket: tae u racist

TaeTae: am not even u mong

JiminyCricket: also fuck u bruh

JiminyCricket: I thought I was ur ride or die

TaeTae: things change bitch

JiminyCricket: wow

JiminyCricket: that hurts tae

HOEseok: is it just me who reads 'wow' in owen wilson's voice??

Seokjinnie: as in,

Seokjinnie: the guy from cars

Seokjinnie: and marley in me

HOEseok: yes

JiminyCricket: oh no

JiminyCricket: that's how I'm gonna read it from now on

JiminyCricket: wow

TaeTae: kachow

MinSuga: why tf am I dating you omg

HOEseok: bc u love me

MinSuga: shit true

JiminyCricket: how tf am I rich and still getting the bus ffs

TaeTae: how tf am I poor and still AFFORDING the bus ffs

NamJoon: jimin and tae are literally yin and yang

TaeTae: u saying that bc we're asian???

TaeTae: so racist !!!

NamJoon: bitch I'm Asian too tf

MinSuga: fuck I hate school

Seokjinnie: we've only got a few months left

MinSuga: thank fuck

MinSuga: not gonna last much longer lads

MinSuga: am no lying

Jeongguk: I wish I had a few months left

Jeongguk: but I got a few years

JiminyCricket: peaktings

----------

maths study group
03/03/17
16:33

 

MinSuga: I've said it before

MinSuga: and I'll say it again

MinSuga: I fuckin hate driving

JiminyCricket: what did u do

MinSuga: I kept fucking up

MinSuga: and I was getting bare pissy with myself

MinSuga: and my instructor was "more speed yoongi"

MinSuga: and I was like believe me dave u don't want me to go any faster bc I will crash this fuckin car

Seokjinnie: triggered

JiminyCricket: I'm never getting in a fucking car w/ you

NamJoon: lmao it ain't hard bro

NamJoon: I have my test next week

MinSuga: no offence joon but fuck off

MinSuga: am in no mood

HOEseok: can I get u in the mood??

TaeTae: wink wink

JiminyCricket: nudge nudge

MinSuga: shut up ya silly cunts x

Jeongguk: so

Jeongguk: when is someone gonna show me how to suck dick?

Seokjinnie: YOU ARE 15

Jeongguk: and?

Jeongguk: loads of ppl fuck at 15

NamJoon: that's bc they think they're ready

NamJoon: whether or not they are is another thing

Jeongguk: well I think I'm ready

NamJoon: gguk there's a good chance ur not

JiminyCricket: sorry jeon but ur underage

JiminyCricket: even I draw the line at underage kids lmaoo

Seokjinnie: I think most people do jimin

JiminyCricket: bbc presenters didn't seem to get the memo

TaeTae: nor did catholic priests

NamJoon: oh my god u two are arseholes

TaeTae: we know lmao

Jeongguk: ffs but I'm curious

Seokjinnie: it's normal to be curious at ur age

Seokjinnie: but actually doing shit is another thing

Seokjinnie: just wait till you're at least 16

Seokjinnie: ok?

Jeongguk: ffs ok

JiminyCricket: omg

JiminyCricket: do u know what can fuck off?

TaeTae: ur mum

JiminyCricket: no but fuck you??

NamJoon: if it's not ur mum then what is it looool

JiminyCricket: random fucking anxiety attacks

JiminyCricket: like boy im just laying here tryna type out a tweet

JiminyCricket: then all of a sudden me brain is like FUCK FUCK FUCK

JiminyCricket: and I'm like yo what's wrong

JiminyCricket: and my brain's like I DONT KNOW BUT SOMETHING AINT RIGHT

JiminyCricket: then the rest of my body is like FUCK HE RIGHT EVERYONE WAKE UP AND PANIC

JiminyCricket: and that's how I end up rocking back and forth tryna calm myself down

Seokjinnie: how did we not know about this???

MinSuga: since when did u have anxiety ?

NamJoon: are you ok?

JiminyCricket: I've had it for a little while now

JiminyCricket: I had a cocked up operation when I was like 14???

JiminyCricket: and like ?? it gave me really bad trauma anxiety shit idk lol

JiminyCricket: I didn't wanna tell you lads

HOEseok: why not???

Seokjinnie: why??

NamJoon: we wouldn't have judged or something if that's what U were worried about lol

JiminyCricket: looool nah it's just I'm the happy arsehole who has no problems

MinSuga: everyone has problems u utter dickhead

JiminyCricket: oi fuck u

TaeTae: did u want me to come round my love??

JiminyCricket: no it's ok honey bun

JiminyCricket: have calmed me self down

JiminyCricket: I am a big™ boy

Jeongguk: not if ur height is anything to go by

JiminyCricket: RIGHT THATS IT

JiminyCricket: YOU AND ME RIGJT NOW

JiminyCricket: SQUARE GO LIKE

Jeongguk: u ain't gonna do shit to me

JiminyCricket: right listen here u little wank

JiminyCricket: am no going to take this slander anymore

JiminyCricket: just bc I am a few inches smaller than u fuckjng jolly green giants

JiminyCricket: does NOT mean I am small in general

Jeongguk: (งಠ_ಠ)ง

TaeTae: lmao u legit smaller than yoongi my g

JiminyCricket: WHOS SIDE ARE U ON TAE

Jeongguk: too many snakes

MinSuga: fuck outta here u calling me small bruv ?

TaeTae: yeah what u gonna do bout it

MinSuga: fuck u up bare init

TaeTae: go on then big man

TaeTae: come down my ends fam u gon get merked

HOEseok: calm down stormzy

JiminyCricket: uR GETTIN WAY TOO BIG FOR UR BOOTS

TaeTae: UR NEVER TOO BIG FOR THE BOOT

MinSuga: shut the fuck up with the lyrics thing u constantly do

MinSuga: we know how the song goes

JiminyCricket: mans is jealous cause stormzy is a better rapper than him

MinSuga: peeeak

Seokjinnie: imagine

Seokjinnie: stormzy vs yoongi in a fight

JiminyCricket: BOY WOULD DIE

TaeTae: FUCK

MinSuga: fuck off he's literally like 7ft

MinSuga: he could knock me out in one punch

JiminyCricket: fuck I'd suck his dick just to see that happen

MinSuga: fuck u too I guess

HOEseok: I'm hungry as shit

MinSuga: for this DICK

HOEseok: yall u should come round mine I'll order some dominos

HOEseok: oh

JiminyCricket: ffs yoongi

MinSuga: I just assumed that's what you meant

HOEseok: I mean

HOEseok: I guess we can fuck??

HOEseok: but like I really want pizza

MinSuga: honestly pizza sounds great

MinSuga: we can fuck after it's cool

HOEseok: aight

HOEseok: who wants to come round??

Seokjinnie: no coming round to watch yous fuck

JiminyCricket: I will

HOEseok: I meant for pizza u pervs

TaeTae: fuck I do fancy some pizza ngl

JiminyCricket: pizza sounds banging right bout now

HOEseok: @jeongguk u coming round

Jeongguk: yeah

Seokjinnie: I'm up for it too

Seokjinnie: but I can't do lifts

Seokjinnie: my car is more fucked than yoongi after a bad night

MinSuga: is today insult yoongi day or ?

TaeTae: that's everyday bro

JiminyCricket: lmao yeah it's everyday bro

MinSuga: ffs I hate you all so much

Seokjinnie: u don't even tho

NamJoon: ok but how are we getting to hobis

JiminyCricket: uber

MinSuga: some of us are poor jimin

JiminyCricket: I said uber not a fucking private jet jfc

MinSuga: fuckin kill yourself x

JiminyCricket: die x

NamJoon: focus cunts

JiminyCricket: I'll ask mr uber if he'll pick us all up lol it's on my card anyway

TaeTae: get urself a man who pays for ur uber

MinSuga: ur standards are shockingly low

TaeTae: well u know what they say

Seokjinnie: what's that??

TaeTae: dick is dick ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

MinSuga: ffs

Chapter Text

eNGLAND IS MY CITY
17/08/17
08:13

 

JiminyCricket: happy alevel results day lmaoo

JiminyCricket: u cunts ready to fail??

NamJoon: thanks for the vote of confidence

JiminyCricket: mate it's not like yours even matter

JiminyCricket: you do AS

NamJoon: sixth form could still kick me out lol

TaeTae: they won't tho bc ur like their star pupil

JiminyCricket: yeah lmao you'll be fine babe

Seokjinnie: ¿babe? :)

JiminyCricket: you'll be fine homie*

Seokjinnie: that's better :)

MinSuga: ngl lads I'm absolutely shittin myself

Seokjinnie: same

MinSuga: I just wanna get into uni

TaeTae: you will bro

TaeTae: ur smart init

HOEseok: I believe in u baby

MinSuga: thanks seokie

HOEseok: at least u haven't fucked up ur exams as much as jimin and tae have

JiminyCricket: oi nah fuck u

JiminyCricket: I did bare good

MinSuga: u arrived twenty mins late to ur english exam

JiminyCricket: ??????

JiminyCricket: that left me an hour and 40 mins

JiminyCricket: yall acting like I can't bust out a stella essay in that amount of time

TaeTae: I actually revised so I don't appreciate this kind of slander thanks xx

Seokjinnie: well good luck to u next week bro

HOEseok: what time are u lot getting to school??

MinSuga: 9am

MinSuga: I want this over and done with as soon as possible

Seokjinnie: fuck me too

NamJoon: my man jin is going to drive me there

JiminyCricket: don't crash xox

Seokjinnie: it's seriously been 6 months since the crash and u still gonna make jokes bout it??

JiminyCricket: bitch it's been almost a whole 2 years since tae's dad left but I still make jokes??

TaeTae: don't trigger me u fucking arsehole

NamJoon: ur actually such a dick jimin

JiminyCricket: do I care tho

TaeTae: why u gotta bring up my dad :((

JiminyCricket: bc who else is gonna take the piss outta ur hardships

TaeTae: fuck tru

Seokjinnie: I don't understand ur friendship

Seokjinnie: but I love it all the same

JiminyCricket: thanks babes

---------

eNGLAND IS MY CITY
17/08/17
09:19

 

JiminyCricket: YO

JiminyCricket: WHAT DID U GET

JiminyCricket: HAVE U OPENED UR RESULTS YET????

TaeTae: OMG IM ACCTUALLY NERVOUS NOW

TaeTae: WHAT IF THEY DONT GET INTO UNI

Jeongguk: 'actually' only has one C u dumb fuck

TaeTae: ACCTUALLY DIE IN A HOLE

TaeTae: ENGLISH ISNT MY FIRST LANGUAGE FUCKK OFF

JiminyCricket: WHY ARENT THEY ANDWERING

TaeTae: MAYBE THEYRE CELEBRATING??????,,?

JiminyCricket: OR CRYING????

TaeTae: SHIT I HOPE THEY DID WELL

JiminyCricket: IDEC ABOUT JOONS AND HOBIS RESULTS

JiminyCricket: I CARE ABOUT MY BOYS JIN AND YOONGI

JiminyCricket: WHAT IF THEY DIDNT GET INTO UNI

TaeTae: IDK MAN

TaeTae: IM PRAYING THAT THEY DID

JiminyCricket: SAME

MinSuga: can u two stop fucking spamming omg

JiminyCricket: BOY

JiminyCricket: WHAT DID U GET

TaeTae: HOW DID YOU DO THo???

MinSuga: I got CCD

MinSuga: I failed

MinSuga: I didn't get into uni

TaeTae: oh shit

TaeTae: bro I'm sorry

JiminyCricket: omg dude are u ok??

TaeTae: I'm sure you can go through clearing or smth

TaeTae: you can still find a uni

TaeTae: even if it isn't ur first choice

JiminyCricket: yeah u can do that

JiminyCricket: but bro I'm sorry

MinSuga: IM JOKING

MinSuga: I GOT AAB

MinSuga: I GOT INTO MY FIRST CHOICE

MinSuga: IM GOING TO UNI BITCHES

JiminyCricket: YOU FUCKER

JiminyCricket: I GOT SO SAD FOR YOU

TaeTae: OMG CONFRATS

JiminyCricket: OH YEAH

JiminyCricket: CONGRATS THO

Seokjinnie: I GOT ABB

Seokjinnie: I GOT INTO BIRMINGHAM

Seokjinnie: IM GOING TO BE A NURSE

JiminyCricket: ONG UR GOING TO BE A NURSE

Seokjinnie: A NURSE !!!

TaeTae: HOLY SHIT CONGRATS JIN

TaeTae: YOURE GOING TO BE A NURSE

NamJoon: MY MAN IS GOING TO BE A NURSE

Seokjinnie: A NURSE

Seokjinnie: IM SO HAPPY

JiminyCricket: IM GAPPS FOR U

JiminyCricket: CONGRATS

TaeTae: JOON WHAT DID U GET THO

NamJoon: I GOT AAAC

NamJoon: the C was in physics so idc bc I hate physics

NamJoon: BUT ORHER THAN THAT IM SO HAPPY

JiminyCricket: DAMN BOY YOU SMART

TaeTae: FUCKIN CANT RELATE

TaeTae: CONGRATS THO JOON

JiminyCricket: TEAH BRO CONGRATS

NamJoon: THANK U THANK U

JiminyCricket: OK SO LASTLY

JiminyCricket: HOSEOK???

JiminyCricket: WHERE IS HE???

TaeTae: YEAH WHAT DID HOBI GET

HOEseok: I GOT BBCD

HOEseok: IM A LIL UPSET ABOUT THE D

HOEseok: BUT OH WELL

HOEseok: IM DROPPING THAT SUBJECT NEXT YEAR ANYWAY

TaeTae: DAMN LOOK AT ALL MY MEN BEING SMART AND SHIT

JiminyCricket: CONGRATS OMG

JiminyCricket: IM SO GAPPY FOR YOU

MinSuga: I ALMSOT CRIED IM AO HAPPY

HOEseok: I CANT BELIEVW HOW CLEVER MY BABY IS

MinSuga: SHUT UP

HOEseok: NAYBE WE SHOULD GO HOME TO CELEBRATE ;) ;)

HOEseok: U PICKING UP WHAT IM PUTTING DOWN??

MinSuga: YES

MinSuga: BYE FUCKERS

MinSuga: IMMA GO GET MY ARSE POUNDED

JiminyCricket: THATS MY BOY

Seokjinnie: @ joon

Seokjinnie: maybe we should ""celebrate"" too

NamJoon: yeah ok let me just call my mum

JiminyCricket: that's not what u wanna hear before fucking

TaeTae: "hey mum is it ok if I go round jin's and get my arse eaten?"

NamJoon: I meant to tell her about my results u cunts

TaeTae: sure u did

JiminyCricket: mans gotta get permission from his mum to suck dick

TaeTae: literally me

JiminyCricket: literally jeon

Jeongguk: oi don't chat shit

JiminyCricket: oh so here he is

Jeongguk: piss off u fuckin dwarf

Jeongguk: congratulations jin yoongi joon hobi

Jeongguk: I'm going back to sleep

Seokjinnie: wow

Seokjinnie: thank u

JiminyCricket: actually

JiminyCricket: that's a good point

JiminyCricket: I'm going back to sleep as well

JiminyCricket: goodnight

TaeTae: it's almost 10am

JiminyCricket: I said

JiminyCricket: goodnight :)

Chapter Text

eNGLAND IS MY CITY
24/08/17
08:46

 

NamJoon: so are u two scared bout results day or???

JiminyCricket: nah I ain't no pussy

JiminyCricket: u ain't gonna see a single tear from me

MinSuga: fast forward an hour and we see jimin having his third mental breakdown while he gets deported back to korea

JiminyCricket: shit yoongi u didn't have to go that deep

TaeTae: I like rice

MinSuga: what ?

TaeTae: I just thought I'd let you know

JiminyCricket: its official lads the author has completely run out of content

TaeTae: oh I'm sorry I just thought I'd tell u about my love for rice

TaeTae: no need to be a fucking arsEhole JIMIN

HOEseok: I like rice too

MinSuga: wow if this chat gets any deader we'll have to call it 'jimin's grandad'

TaeTae: OH MYBGOD YOONHI

JiminyCricket: YOU FUCKJNG ARSEHOLE WHAT THE FUCK

JiminyCricket: I HATE U SO MUCH LMAOO

NamJoon: FUCKING HELL YOONGI

MinSuga: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

JiminyCricket: UR A CUNT WHY ARE WE FRIWNDS

MinSuga: bc we have the same dark sense of humour

JiminyCricket: SHIT MAN U RIGHT

JiminyCricket: ngl ima have to applaud u on that joke

JiminyCricket: normally it's me who makes jokes like that

MinSuga: yeah well you've been rubbing off on me

JiminyCricket: rubbing off on u in more ways than one

JiminyCricket: eyyyyyy

HOEseok: :)

MinSuga: stfu am no cheater

MinSuga: I don't fuck w ppl who cheat

JiminyCricket: shit me too

TaeTae: jimin are u on ur way???

JiminyCricket: yeah boo

JiminyCricket: I'm legit like a minute away from school

NamJoon: are u nervous tae?

TaeTae: lil bit

NamJoon: good luck dude

TaeTae: thanks bro

JiminyCricket: aight tae I'm here

JiminyCricket: where u at

TaeTae: I'm in the main hall

JiminyCricket: ok am on my way

JiminyCricket: ahhh shit bruh I'm nervous now

MinSuga: I'm sure you'll be fine tbh

MinSuga: ur lowkey smart when u don't act like a complete twat

JiminyCricket: thas the nicest thing u ever said to me omg

MinSuga: stfu

---------

eNGLAND IS MY CITY
24/08/17
09:23

 

Seokjinnie: so what did dumb and dumber get in their gcses??

Jeongguk: that's peak jin

MinSuga: fuck knows

MinSuga: they haven't said anything yet

Seokjinnie: oh

NamJoon: good morning babe <3

Seokjinnie: good morning again xx

Jeongguk: again?

Jeongguk: he only said it once?

Seokjinnie: we text each other good morning on private chat every day when we wake up lmao

Jeongguk: aww

HOEseok: do u ever think about what good boyfriends jin and joon are

MinSuga: yes

MinSuga: like they're literally goals

MinSuga: I canny imagine them without each other

NamJoon: me too

JiminyCricket: so yall ready to hear my results??

TaeTae: mine too

MinSuga: I guess

Seokjinnie: yes I wanna hear how badly you've done

JiminyCricket: peak jin

NamJoon: tell us

JiminyCricket: aight

JiminyCricket: I got

JiminyCricket: 2 A*s 2 As 5 Bs and 1 D

HOEseok: did u say 1D

TaeTae: I already made that joke

MinSuga: how tf did u do so well

JiminyCricket: luck

Jeongguk: did u fuck the examiner or?

Seokjinnie: ffs jeon

JiminyCricket: don't be so fuckin rude

MinSuga: I'm genuinely shocked

Seokjinnie: me too

Seokjinnie: one may even say I am

Seokjinnie: shook

MinSuga: omg no

MinSuga: please never use that word again

Seokjinnie: yoongi is SHOOK

MinSuga: omg

MinSuga: stop

MinSuga: why do u try to be cool

MinSuga: we all know ur literally an old woman

Seokjinnie: shooketh

 

MinSuga left the chat

 

JiminyCricket added MinSuga to the chat

 

JiminyCricket: stop being a cunt to daddy jin

MinSuga: ffs jimin don't call jin daddy

Seokjinnie: yeah pls don't

Seokjinnie: I don't need a boner in the middle of breakfast w my mum

MinSuga: oh ffs jin

NamJoon: jin u literally hate being called daddy don't play bitch

Seokjinnie: stfu namjoon

Seokjinnie: anyway

Seokjinnie: congratulations jimin we're very proud of you

NamJoon: yeah congrats mate

MinSuga: congratulations

HOEseok: congrats

Jeongguk: congrats bro

JiminyCricket: thanks lads

NamJoon: what about tae?

TaeTae: I got 3 As 4Bs 2Cs and a U in history lmaoo

TaeTae: let's just forget that last one

MinSuga: lmao

NamJoon: lol congrats tho

NamJoon: u both did well

Seokjinnie: wow tae congrats

HOEseok: that's better than ur mocks lmao

Jeongguk: congrats my g

TaeTae: thanks lads

TaeTae: we're going for a nandos to celebrate

HOEseok: standard

JiminyCricket: do yall wanna come or nah

MinSuga: nope I'm sleeping

HOEseok: and I'm sleeping w him

JiminyCricket: gay

Jeongguk: I'll come

TaeTae: aight meet us there at like 11 bro

Jeongguk: okay

JiminyCricket: jin? joon?

Seokjinnie: nah we're spending the day together just watching films and shit

MinSuga: are u seriously netflix and chilling?

NamJoon: lowkey

MinSuga: ffs

---------

eNGLAND IS MY CITY
24/08/17
13:45

 

Seokjinnie: u know when ur showing someone a video and u catch them not watching in the screen's reflection :) :) :)

JiminyCricket: I get u

JiminyCricket: pisses me off tbh

HOEseok: init like boy just watch the fucking video

Seokjinnie: interesting :) :) :)

NamJoon: I looked away for tWO SECONDS JIN

Seokjinnie: TWO SECONDS TOO LONG BITCH

NamJoon: I WAS CHECKING A TEXT

Seokjinnie: IT COULD HAVE WAITED

NamJoon: LITERALLY 2 SECONDS

Seokjinnie: YOU SAY TWO SECONDS BUT I HEAR TOO LONG

NamJoon: AIGHT IM SORRY

NamJoon: NOW CAN YOU PLEASE UNLOCK THE BACKDOOR ITS FUCKING RAINING OUT HERE

JiminyCricket: DID U LOCK UR MAN OUTSIDE IN THE RAIN

JiminyCricket: JIN UR PETTY

Seokjinnie: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

NamJoon: JIN PLS IM GOINF TO CATCH ANOTHER COLD

Seokjinnie: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

NamJoon: JIN PLS

JiminyCricket: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

NamJoon: FUCK OFF JIMIN

 

TaeTae renamed the chat ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

NamJoon: WHAT THE FUCK TAE WHOSE SIDE ARE U ON

JiminyCricket: He's on my side BITCH

MinSuga: soz to change the subject

MinSuga: but who tf took that pic of me cuddling a pillow in my sleep

TaeTae: shit how u see tht

MinSuga: so it was u ?

TaeTae: nah I never said that

MinSuga: so who tf was it ?

TaeTae: I ain't gon say

TaeTae: u ain't gonn hear it from me

TaeTae: keep walking buddy

MinSuga: do u want ur parents to find out about that U in history ?

TaeTae: shit

TaeTae: it was jimin

JiminyCricket: TAE WHY U GOTTA THROW ME UNDER THE BUS LIKE THAT

JiminyCricket: YOU WAS MY BABY

JiminyCricket: MY FUCKIN CINNAMON APPLE

TaeTae: mans was gonna snake me to my parents

TaeTae: I couldn't be having that

JiminyCricket: fuck u tae

JiminyCricket: u can have ur fucking friendship bracelet back

MinSuga: well thanks jimin

MinSuga: somehow the photo got sent to a bunch of ppl

MinSuga: one being someone from my estate

MinSuga: and now my street cred is ruined

JiminyCricket: the fact u take dick up the arse didn't ruin ur street cred first??

MinSuga: no ?

MinSuga: my estate don't fuck w homophobia

JiminyCricket: safeting

MinSuga: I hate u jimin

JiminyCricket: as if u do lmao

NamJoon: lmao u cuddle pillows in ur sleep??

MinSuga: yes

MinSuga: I'm a cuddly person

MinSuga: and sometimes I get lonely

TaeTae: shit me too

HOEseok: aw baby

MinSuga: stfu I'm not a baby

JiminyCricket: ur the size of one tho

MinSuga: IM TALLER THAN U TF

JiminyCricket: BITCH HOW U KNOW IM TALKING BOUT HEIGHT THO

MinSuga: WHAT ELSE WOULD U BE TALKING ABOUT

JiminyCricket: FUCK OFF

MinSuga: ????

MinSuga: IT WAS A SIMPLE QUESTION

MinSuga: JUST BC UR DUMB ASS DONT HAVE AN ANSWER

JiminyCricket: MY DUMB ASS??

JiminyCricket: BITCH DID U SEE THOSE TWO A*S???

JiminyCricket: THEY DIDNT EARN THEMSELVES

MinSuga: BITCH I GOT 5 A*S IN MY GCSES TF

JiminyCricket: FUCK OFF

Seokjinnie: why does no one in this chat know how to fucking chill out

JiminyCricket: SAYS YOU

JiminyCricket: UR LITERALLY THE MOST OVERDRAMATIC PERSON HERE

Seokjinnie: HOW U GONNA CALL ME OVERDRAMATIC WHEN U EXIST

Seokjinnie: U LITERALLY STAGED A PROTEST BC LENNIE DIED IN MICE AND MEN

JiminyCricket: MY MAN LENNIE DIDNT DESERVE TO DIE

JiminyCricket: YOU LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS

Jeongguk: why are u all so fuckin extra omg stfu

Jeongguk: my ass is tryna get some extra sleep

Jeongguk: but yall making my phone buzz buzz buzz like a fuckin bee

MinSuga: how much time have u been spending w jimin and tae ur literally texting like them now tf

JiminyCricket: there's a mute button for a reason dickhead

Jeongguk: fuck off

MinSuga: next thing u know he's gonna be sucking dick for grades

Jeongguk: been there

Jeongguk: done that

Jeongguk: got the A* to prove it

MinSuga: I seriously can't tell if ur joking

Seokjinnie: he better be fucking joking

JiminyCricket: omg jeon is turning into me

JiminyCricket: I'm so proud

Seokjinnie: is it too late to ask auntie yeona to have an abortion

Jeongguk: thas peak jin

Seokjinnie: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

NamJoon: ok but jin

NamJoon: pls come and open the door

NamJoon: jin pls

NamJoon: I'm cold and sad

JiminyCricket: sounds like yoongi

MinSuga: fuck u??

JiminyCricket: yes please ;p

MinSuga: ew no I don't want an std

JiminyCricket: that's fuckin rude

JiminyCricket: I'll have u know I'm as clean as a whistle

NamJoon: a whistle that's fucked every man in london?

JiminyCricket: joon wtf

JiminyCricket: I hope ur arse gets a cold now

HOEseok: steady on jimin

JiminyCricket: nAH THeyre slut shaking me

MinSuga: am not

MinSuga: idc how many ppl u fuck lmao

MinSuga: but u do probs have a std

JiminyCricket: have no std u piece of shit

TaeTae: chlamydia would be such a nice name if it wasn't a sexual disease lmao

JiminyCricket: shit true

MinSuga: name ya kid chlamydia I dare u

TaeTae: ur mum's called chlamydia

MinSuga: my mum's called sharon tf

HOEseok: no she fuckin isn't

HOEseok: she's called hyunjoo

JiminyCricket: dirty liar

JiminyCricket: hobi punish him for lying

HOEseok: >:)

MinSuga: hobi no

HOEseok: hobi yes

HOEseok: I'll be round in like an hour

HOEseok: be ready baby

MinSuga: holy shit

MinSuga: pray for me lads

TaeTae: #PrayForYoongi

MinSuga: thanks tae xo

Chapter Text

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
01/09/17
00:06

 

JiminyCricket: HAPPY BRITHDAY JEOMGGUK

JiminyCricket: YOURE FINALLY 16

JiminyCricket: UR BIG

TaeTae: YEAH HAPS BDAG MY G

Jeongguk: THANK U V MUCH

Jeongguk: IM FINALLY LEGAL

Jeongguk: WHO WANTS TO FUCK

JiminyCricket: ME

TaeTae: ME

Seokjinnie: put ur dick anywhere near my cousin and I'll fuckin chop it off and feed it to you xx

TaeTae: daamn jin no need for tht

JiminyCricket: how u gon do that from all the way in birmingham

MinSuga: probably the same way you fingered a bird despite being a whole homosexual

NamJoon: I don't see how the two situations relate

JiminyCricket: YOONGI DONT EXPOSE ME

Seokjinnie: JIMINS DONE SHIT WITH WOMEN ????

JiminyCricket: listen

JiminyCricket: it was a one time thing

JiminyCricket: I was drunk

MinSuga: being drunk isn't an excuse ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

JiminyCricket: fuck off yoongi

MinSuga: ;*

TaeTae: if u think about it

TaeTae: jimin should be straight

TaeTae: bc jimin rhymes with women

TaeTae: omg it does as well

TaeTae: im a genuios

MinSuga: how much have u smoked

TaeTae: ain't even high

JiminyCricket: he's lying we smoked bare weed

Seokjinnie: sigh

Seokjinnie: I'm not surprised

NamJoon : so how are you spendin your 16th birthday guk?

Jeongguk: I'm going out w some friends

JiminyCricket: I don't remember agreeing to this

TaeTae: shit where we going

Jeongguk: other friends

MinSuga: ur going out w friends??

MinSuga: that aren't us??

Jeongguk: yeah I met them a lil while ago at that musical theatre summer school thing I did

NamJoon: I'm so proud of u for making friends gguks

Seokjinnie: holy shit

Seokjinnie: u made friends???

Seokjinnie: who even are you??

Jeongguk: GEMMA

Jeongguk: YA SILLY CUNT

JiminyCricket: NAHHHHHH

JiminyCricket: I LOVE GEMMA COLLINS SM FUCK OFF

TaeTae: GEMMA YA SILLY CUNT IM PISSING MYSELF

MinSuga: am I late to the party or

MinSuga: bc I just don't understand

JiminyCricket: HAVE U NOT BEEN WATVHING BIG BROTHER

TaeTae: ITS FUCKIN ICONIC YOONGI

MinSuga: do I look like I watch that shite

JiminyCricket: BUT HOW CAN U MISS THE GEMMA COLLINS MEMES

JiminyCricket: HOW HAVE U NOT SEEN THIS SHIT YOONGI

MinSuga: I been busy

TaeTae: IM FUCKIN DYING

TaeTae: I LOVE THIS COUNTRY AND ITS STUPID FUCKIN HUMOUR

Seokjinnie: can yall settle tf down

TaeTae: ngl lads im off me fuckin tits rn

NamJoon: what tf is wrong with you

TaeTae: nah fuck off joon u smoke too

JiminyCricket: literally everyone does weed

Seokjinnie: I don't ???

Jeongguk: neither do I

JiminyCricket: obviously you two don't

JiminyCricket: jeon's too young and jin's a fucking tory

Seokjinnie: am not a tory u take that back

TaeTae: dirty tory wanker

TaeTae: bet u voted for brexit as well

Seokjinnie: nah my arse wasn't old enough to vote

JiminyCricket: right

JiminyCricket: am no gonna lie lads

JiminyCricket: when I first heard of brexit

JiminyCricket: I thought it was a breakfast biscuit

Seokjinnie: how tf

MinSuga: oh fuck me jimin

JiminyCricket: they sound similar don't fuckin judge me

MinSuga: dumb cunt

Jeongguk: I'm bare tired

Jeongguk: I'll see you cunts tomorrow

MinSuga: fuckin hell he really sounds like jimin

JiminyCricket: I'm a social media influencer xoxo

MinSuga: die

--------

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
01/09/17
11:37

 

NamJoon: I never said it last night so

NamJoon: happy birthday gguks

Jeongguk: thanks bro

Seokjinnie: happy bday

MinSuga: happy birthday

Jeongguk: thanks bro

HOEseok: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HOEseok: HAPPY BIRtHSAY TO U

HOEseok: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JEONGGUK

HOEseok: HAPPY BKRTHDAY TO YOU

Seokjinnie: why are you always so extra

JiminyCricket: these are legit justbtexts but ur so fuckin loud I can hear u through them

HOEseok: can I not wish jeon a happy birthday without being bullied

Jeongguk: thank you hobi ily

HOEseok: ily2 jeon

MinSuga: omg I can't believe ur cheating on me :((

HOEseok: babe

HOEseok: I love you the most

MinSuga: yay

Jeongguk: can we go out later lads

JiminyCricket: YEAH

JiminyCricket: WE CAN GIVE U UR PRESENTS

MinSuga: sure jeon where do u wanna go

Jeongguk: idm

Jeongguk: just for dinner or smth

Seokjinnie: u can all come round mine if u want???

Seokjinnie: my parents are out

Seokjinnie: we can order pizza or smth and watch horror films

Jeongguk: yeah :D

HOEseok: yeah I'm up for that

MinSuga: same

TaeTae: I'll be there bro

TaeTae: anything for my little jeongguk

Jeongguk: stfu

TaeTae: rude

MinSuga: wait who's doing lifts

NamJoon: well

NamJoon: as someone who recently got a CAR

NamJoon: I can do lifts

Seokjinnie: I'll pick up yoongi, jeon and hobi

JiminyCricket: racist

Seokjinnie: how tf

Seokjinnie: soz I can't fit ur fatass in my car

JiminyCricket: THATS RUDE

JiminyCricket: HOW DARE U

NamJoon: mate he's got a point

NamJoon: we've fit 7 of us in his car before and it's cramped as shit

NamJoon: might as well use my car now

JiminyCricket: I'm #Offended

Seokjinnie: oops

----------

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
01/09/17
17:49

 

MinSuga: no offence jin but hurry tf up

MinSuga: it's raining

JiminyCricket: this is england wtf did u expect

MinSuga: fuck off

TaeTae: why do u even wait outside tho

MinSuga: bc it's easier waiting outside by the this tree than waiting inside my flat

MinSuga: it's legit like a 5 minute trek from my flat to here

MinSuga: it's a big estate

TaeTae: shit same

TaeTae: what's bigger westwood or kingsman??

MinSuga: kingsman I think

Seokjinnie: I'm on my way stop complaining

MinSuga: are you texting and driving ?

MinSuga: do u seriously want to have another crash ?

Seokjinnie: stfu I'm fine

JiminyCricket: famous last words

TaeTae: we've just been picked up

MinSuga: omg jin hurry

HOEseok: we're on our way baby

MinSuga: tf u mean we

MinSuga: jin picked u up first ?

MinSuga: but I'm always picked up first

MinSuga: that's fucking cold jin

Jeongguk: he picked me up too

MinSuga: RUDE

JiminyCricket: peak

MinSuga: ok he's here

MinSuga: jeon get out of the front seat

MinSuga: jeon unlock this door and get out the front seat

MinSuga: this is where I sit

Jeongguk: it's my bittfay

Jeongguk: fuck off bitchboy

JiminyCricket: bittfay

Jeongguk: stfu jimin

MinSuga: i don't give a shit

MinSuga: the front seat is my seat

Jeongguk: get in the back cunt

MinSuga: I'm older where's the respect

Jeongguk: stfu this ain't korea

MinSuga: RUDE !!!

HOEseok: get in the back w me yoongi ;)

HOEseok: im sure we can piss them off

MinSuga: sigh

MinSuga: fine

Seokjinnie: if you fuck in my car you're cleaning it up

----------

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
01/09/17
22:31

 

MinSuga: jimin where'd u go

JiminyCricket: for a piss???

JiminyCricket: why u stalking me man

MinSuga: stfu

MinSuga: hurry back we're about to start the next film

Seokjinnie: hold up

Seokjinnie: jimin while ur upstairs try finding tae and jeon

Seokjinnie: idk where they are

JiminyCricket: aight let me look

NamJoon: they might be asleep

NamJoon: jeon looked tired lmao

JiminyCricket: why have u got such a big fucking house jin

Seokjinnie: it's not that big

Seokjinnie: it just has 3 floors that's all

MinSuga: jimin, literally the richest person in the chat and the owner of the biggest house in town, just complained about the size of ur house

Seokjinnie: innit wtf I legit get lost in jimins house

JiminyCricket: stfu

JiminyCricket: wait I think I found them

MinSuga: tell them to hurry up I wanna watch the next film

NamJoon: it's fucking twilight yoongi

MinSuga: go fuck urself the twilight series is art™

Seokjinnie: kristen stewart can't act for shit

MinSuga: I think her four teen choice awards say otherwise

JiminyCricket: OH MY GOD

JiminyCricket: HOLY SHIT

JiminyCricket: FUCK

JiminyCricket: WAIT

 

JiminyCricket removed Seokjinnie

 

JiminyCricket: GUESS WHO I JUST WALKED IN ON FUCKING

HOEseok: NO FUCKING WAY

MinSuga: FUCK OFF WERE THEY

TaeTae: WE WERENT EVEN FUCKING JIMIN

JiminyCricket: UMMMMM

TaeTae: IT WAS A HANDJOB????

JiminyCricket: CLOSE ENOUGG

MinSuga: WHY WERE U FUCKING WHEN WE'RE TRYNA WATCH TWILIGHT

TaeTae: ITS JEON'S BDAY PRESENT

NamJoon: YOU COULDNT HAVE GOTTEN HIM AN AMAZON GIFT CARD LIKE THE REST OF US???

TaeTae: I WANTED IT TO BE SPECIAL

NamJoon: um yeah jin speaking

NamJoon: did you really remove me from the chat jimin

JiminyCricket: I DIDNT WANT U TO FIND OUT

NamJoon: I'm in the same fucking house as you all

JiminyCricket: FUCK OFF JIN

NamJoon: twat

NamJoon: now add me back

 

JiminyCricket added Seokjinnie to the chat

 

Seokjinnie: thank u

Seokjinnie: oh yeah and tae

Seokjinnie: u got 5 seconds to fucking run

TaeTae: SHIT GOTTA BLAST

MinSuga: wait what about twilight

Chapter Text

TaeTae started chat with Jeongguk

09/09/17
11:23

 

TaeTae: hellooooooo

Jeongguk: hi tae

TaeTae: soooooo

TaeTae: I was wonderinggggg

TaeTae: whatvyou're up to todayyy

TaeTae: I made a spelling mistake FUCK

Jeongguk: lol

Jeongguk: I'm not doing anything

Jeongguk: just an average Saturday

TaeTae: do u wanna go see that new IT film with me???

Jeongguk: sure who's going?

TaeTae: me??

Jeongguk: wait just us two?

TaeTae: yeah

TaeTae: just us

Jeongguk: like a date?

TaeTae: if you want

TaeTae: or just as friends

Jeongguk: tae be decisive ffs

Jeongguk: are you asking me out or nah?

TaeTae: yes I am

TaeTae: I am asking you out

TaeTae: I've liked you for a while

Jeongguk: omg

Jeongguk: yeah I wanna go out with you

TaeTae: omg really !!!??

TaeTae: IM SO HAPPY

Jeongguk: stfu lol

TaeTae: meet me at the cinema at 4pm babe

Jeongguk: ok

Jeongguk: babe

---------

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
09/09/17
16:13

 

JiminyCricket: oi

JiminyCricket: I'm bored

JiminyCricket: someone talk to me

MinSuga: fuckin die

JiminyCricket: someone BESIDES YOONGI

MinSuga: that's fuckin rude how dare you

JiminyCricket: you're the one who told me to die

MinSuga: I said it out of love

JiminyCricket: oh well that's ok then

MinSuga: :D

NamJoon: go see tae if ur bored

JiminyCricket: I was gonna

JiminyCricket: but he said he's out all day ffs

MinSuga: peak

JiminyCricket: init

NamJoon: well I'm busy

NamJoon: I'm about to go out with jin

JiminyCricket: ohhhh where u going

NamJoon: cinema

NamJoon: to see IT

MinSuga: jin hates clowns ?

NamJoon: yeah but I wanna see IT

MinSuga: wow he must really love you

Seokjinnie: I do

NamJoon: love you too babes x

JiminyCricket: eyyyy jin

JiminyCricket: can I come to the cinema with you or nah???

Seokjinnie: nah??

Seokjinnie: why would we let you come with us??

JiminyCricket: bc I'm your friend you fuck

Seokjinnie: oh well

JiminyCricket: fuck you

JiminyCricket: what about u yoongi??

MinSuga: what u mean ?

JiminyCricket: what are you doing today dumbass

MinSuga: first of all, rude

MinSuga: I'm on my way to hoseoks now

MinSuga: we're going to hang out

NamJoon: "hang out"

MinSuga: ;) ;)

JiminyCricket: well this is fucking tragic

JiminyCricket: I have no one to hang with

NamJoon: what about jeon?

JiminyCricket: he's not answering

MinSuga: oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

JiminyCricket: yall really gonna leave me to hang out with ur mans??

MinSuga: yes

NamJoon: yepp

NamJoon: bye bro

MinSuga: lol yeah gotta go

MinSuga: am at hoseoks now

JiminyCricket: SNAKES

JiminyCricket: FUCKING SNAKES

MinSuga: hiss hiss bitch

---------

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
09/09/17
19:57

 

MinSuga: help

MinSuga: please help I'm panicking

Seokjinnie: yoongi what's happened

JiminyCricket: you ok??

NamJoon: what's happened?

MinSuga: hoseok's dad walked in on us

JiminyCricket: oh shit

Seokjinnie: what do you mean walked in on you??

MinSuga: what do you fucking think I mean

JiminyCricket: why were you fucking if hoseoks dad was home

MinSuga: we weren't

MinSuga: he was out

MinSuga: we didn't hear him come home

MinSuga: we were just making out

MinSuga: and then the door opened and hoseok's dad just stared at us

NamJoon: oh shit

JiminyCricket: oh no

NamJoon: fuck

NamJoon: what happened after that?

MinSuga: he just started yelling and he came at us

MinSuga: he grabbed hosoek and was screaming at him and shit

MinSuga: and I didn't know what to do so I tried to get him to let go

NamJoon: fuck yoongi you didn't get involved did you

NamJoon: you should never get involved

JiminyCricket: did he hurt you

Seokjinnie: then what??

MinSuga: he kind of just threw hoseok to the floor idek it happened so fast

MinSuga: he was suddenly on top of me

MinSuga: like pinning me to the bed

MinSuga: I was so scared I didn't know what he was going to do

MinSuga: I don't know why but I thought he was going to you know

Seokjinnie: he's an arsehole but I don't think he'd do that yoongi

JiminyCricket: what the fuck

MinSuga: I know it was stupid to think but he had me pinned to the bed and I couldn't get him off

MinSuga: last time that happened I was with kyle

Seokjinnie: no it's understandable that u thought that

NamJoon: yeah that makes sense

MinSuga: he didn't obviously

MinSuga: he just started yelling at me

MinSuga: even tho I was scared I just told him to go fuck himself

MinSuga: and then he punched me

MinSuga: and then hoseok tried to get him off me but he hit hosrok

MinSuga: and it was proper hard like it knocked hoseok to the floor

MinSuga: and he just started shouting things at us

MinSuga: I can't even remember what he said

MinSuga: I know he called us faggots but are we surprised

MinSuga: hpseok was crying I couldn't get to him bc his dad

MinSuga: then his dad grabbed my hair and dragged me out the room and down the stairs

MinSuga: and now I'm outside his house and it's raining and I'm shaking

MinSuga: my nose is bleeding and my head hurts

MinSuga: I can still hear shouting from outside the door

MinSuga: it sounds like he's smashing plates and shit

MinSuga: I can't get in there to helpbuoseok help me

NamJoon: I'm on my way

Seokjinnie: me too holy shit

JiminyCricket: I can't fucking drive shit

MinSuga: please help

MinSuga: joon please get hoseok out of there

NamJoon: I can try

MinSuga: I can't breathe

NamJoon: jin's driving so he can't text but he said do that humming thing you do to calm down and take deep breaths

NamJoon: we're like 5 mins away

MinSuga: ok

MinSuga: thanks

---------

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
09/09/17
22:14

 

TaeTae: holy shit what happened

JiminyCricket: and WHERE have you been??

TaeTae: out

JiminyCricket: out??

JiminyCricket: OUT??,

TaeTae: shhh I'll tell u later

TaeTae: wtf happened w hobi and yoongi

JiminyCricket: hoseok's dad walked in on them making out

TaeTae: so I read

TaeTae: are they ok now??

JiminyCricket: I have no idea

JiminyCricket: no one has been answering my texts

TaeTae: oh shit

Seokjinnie: I'm with yoongi now

TaeTae: is he ok??

Seokjinnie: he's a bit shook up

Seokjinnie: physically he's fine

Seokjinnie: like his face is a lil bruised bc he got punched but that's it

Seokjinnie: he's mainly just worried

Seokjinnie: hoseok hasn't been answering his phone

NamJoon: I tried going round there

NamJoon: but hobi's mum answered and said it would be best if I went home

NamJoon: I didn't get a chance to speak to hobi or his dad

TaeTae: holy shit

TaeTae: fuck

TaeTae: what do we do??

TaeTae: how do we help hoseok??

Seokjinnie: I honestly don't know

JiminyCricket: joon??

NamJoon: I'm sorry I don't know

NamJoon: we might just have to wait till school on Monday ngl

TaeTae: can yoongi wait that long??

Seokjinnie: he said no

JiminyCricket: fuck idk how we can help

 

HOEseok left the chat

 

TaeTae: yo what

JiminyCricket: why did he leave??

TaeTae: fuck

Seokjinnie: wtf idk why he left

NamJoon: it might have been his dad

NamJoon: sometimes he takes hobi's phone

JiminyCricket: fuck fuck fuck

TaeTae: this doesn't look good

JiminyCricket: is yoongi ok

Seokjinnie: no

JiminyCricket: shit

NamJoon: I'm sorry lads idk what to do

NamJoon: we're gonna just have to wait till we see him at school on monday

TaeTae: fuck I hope everything's ok

Seokjinnie: so do I

Chapter Text

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
11/09/17
15:03

 

MinSuga: so did you all see that ?

NamJoon: yes

Seokjinnie: I can't believe he full on blanked you

MinSuga: did you see the bruises ?

NamJoon: I asked him about them

NamJoon: he said he walked into a wall

MinSuga: bullshit

NamJoon: I know it's bullshit

NamJoon: that's legit what I said

NamJoon: he told me to stop asking

Seokjinnie: we all know how he got them tho

MinSuga: no shit I saw first hand

JiminyCricket: I'm guessing we're talking about hoseok

MinSuga: who else would we be talking about fuckin dumbo

JiminyCricket: im not dumbo

JiminyCricket: that's tae

TaeTae: tf

TaeTae: why am I dumbo

JiminyCricket: the ears

MinSuga: can we just focus on the problem at hand please

JiminyCricket: shit soz

JiminyCricket: what happened w you and hoseok??

MinSuga: I went up to him as he was coming out of school to see if he was aight and shit

MinSuga: and he didn't even say hi or yes or no or smth

MinSuga: he just walked away

NamJoon: I can talk to him for you

MinSuga: please do

MinSuga: we can't break up

MinSuga: I love him

JiminyCricket: stop being such a melt

JiminyCricket: he's not gonna break up with you

JiminyCricket: he loves you mate

JiminyCricket: he ain't let his dad get in the way of u yet

JiminyCricket: he's not gonna let it happen yet

MinSuga: thanks jimin

NamJoon: you just called ur grieving friend a melt

JiminyCricket: tf you mean grieving??

JiminyCricket: hobi ain't dead

TaeTae: his dad ain't killed him yet

Seokjinnie: fuck sake tae

TaeTae: sorry I make inappropriate jokes when I'm nervous

TaeTae: sorry yoongi

MinSuga: it's ok tae I understand lol

MinSuga: I just want him to talk to me

NamJoon: maybe try calling him later

NamJoon: or texting

NamJoon: he has his phone back now

MinSuga: yeah ok I'll give it a bit of time

-----------

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
11/09/17
17:10

 

MinSuga: well he's not replying

MinSuga: he's read them

MinSuga: but no replies

JiminyCricket: shit

NamJoon: ffs

MinSuga: did you speak to him ?

NamJoon: I tried but he didn't want to

NamJoon: I'll call him or smth

NamJoon: he'll come around

MinSuga: I really don't want this to be the end

MinSuga: he's the only boyfriend I've had that hasn't treated me like shit

JiminyCricket: he's not gonna end it

JiminyCricket: listen

JiminyCricket: if my dad was a prick like hoseoks and had just found out about my almost year long relationship with a guy and then proceeded to beat the shit out of me for it

JiminyCricket: I'd be pretty shaken up tbh and probs wouldn't want to talk to anyone for a few days

JiminyCricket: like this is probs really hard for him

JiminyCricket: he's already said about how hard it was to come to terms with his sexuality bc of his parents and religion and shit

JiminyCricket: to have your dad actually beat the shit out of you for it is gonna be really hard to take

JiminyCricket: he probs feels like bare shit

JiminyCricket: u gotta give him time yoongi

MinSuga: I know

MinSuga: shit jimin you talk a lot of sense

JiminyCricket: innit lol

MinSuga: it's just shit got so much better with him and I feel so happy now

MinSuga: I don't wanna go down hill again

MinSuga: and I leave for uni in 2 weeks

JiminyCricket: shit yeah I forgot about u moving to uni

JiminyCricket: when does jin move to uni

MinSuga: this Sunday

JiminyCricket: fuck yall growing up

JiminyCricket: we gonna have to get this shit sorted quick then

---------

NamJoon started chat with HOEseok

18:06

 

NamJoon: oi

NamJoon: you need to talk to yoongi

NamJoon: he's really worried

NamJoon: and feels like shit about what happened

HOEseok: I'm the one who was beaten the shit out of

HOEseok: and he feels like shit??

NamJoon: why are you punishing him for your dad's intolerance?

HOEseok: it's not that

HOEseok: I don't even know

HOEseok: I just can't see him at the moment

NamJoon: hobi he leaves for uni on the 23rd

NamJoon: you have just under two weeks

NamJoon: I get ur in a shit place rn

NamJoon: but you're gonna be in an even shittier one if you lose yoongi

NamJoon: you know how happy you've been with him

HOEseok: I know

HOEseok: but I'm just feeling so shit and tired yet my head is fucking everywhere

NamJoon: talk to him

HOEseok: I can't

HOEseok: just tell him im sorry and I can't talk to him right now

NamJoon: you're not making sense

NamJoon: why can't you just send him a text

HOEseok: just tell him to fucking leave me alone

HOEseok: and can you leave me alone as well

NamJoon: fine

----------

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
11/09/17
18:36

 

NamJoon: Attachment: 1 image

NamJoon: here's our conversation

NamJoon: I tried talking to him

JiminyCricket: you screenshotted mans convo??

JiminyCricket: snake

NamJoon: stfu

MinSuga: so I'm just meant to leave him alone ?

MinSuga: he doesn't want to speak to me

MinSuga: what ? so are we over ?

NamJoon: I don't know I'm sorry

MinSuga: ok

JiminyCricket: you ok yoongi?

MinSuga: yeah I'm fine

NamJoon: I'm really sorry

NamJoon: just give him time yknow

MinSuga: it's fine

MinSuga: if he doesn't want me then I guess that's it lol

Seokjinnie: do you want me to come round??

Seokjinnie: I'll make soup and we can cuddle

MinSuga: it's ok

MinSuga: id rather be alone sorry

Seokjinnie: just call me if you need me ok?

MinSuga: ok

Chapter Text

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
15/09/11
12:32

 

JiminyCricket: this school is gonna be the fucking death of me

TaeTae: shit same

JiminyCricket: tae I miss u :((

JiminyCricket we haven't seen each other in bare time

TaeTae: init why did we decide to take different alevels :(

JiminyCricket: :((

JiminyCricket: what u doing after school???

JiminyCricket: maybe we can get a maccies and smoke a bitta weed

TaeTae: shit nah I can't

TaeTae: am busy

JiminyCricket: u been busy almsot every night this week tf

TaeTae: am sorry bruh

TaeTae: what bout tomorrow??

TaeTae: am free them

JiminyCricket: aight :D

Seokjinnie: I'm packing up shit for uni

Seokjinnie: I'm so excited

JiminyCricket: when do u move in again??

Seokjinnie: sunday

JiminyCricket: daaaamn

JiminyCricket: thas soon

TaeTae: I hope u have a fun time my g

Seokjinnie: thanks bb

NamJoon: I'm in a free trying to complete this maths hw and I wanna die

Seokjinnie: peak

Seokjinnie: must be shit still being in school

NamJoon: it is

Jeongguk: I hate this school

JiminyCricket: whaddup u lil emo

JiminyCricket: u wanna hang tonight??

Seokjinnie: there better be no fuckin weed

JiminyCricket: nahhh we can go maccies and totally not get fucked afterwards

Jeongguk: I can't

Jeongguk: I'm busy

JiminyCricket: tf u mean busy

Jeongguk: my mum said no :/

JiminyCricket: oh ffs I hate having younger friends

Seokjinnie: how do u think I feel

TaeTae: ok but has anyone heard from yoongi recently

JiminyCricket: shit no

JiminyCricket: last I heard from him was Monday

Seokjinnie: I've texted him but he's barely replied

Seokjinnie: and when he does it's just one word answers

NamJoon: hobi's been almost back to normal

NamJoon: he doesn't talk about yoongi or his dad

NamJoon: he just makes jokes and then gets on w his work

JiminyCricket: how can he just ignore everything that happened

TaeTae: they're so good for each other wtf is wrong with them

Seokjinnie: idk but they better fucking hurry up and make up

Seokjinnie: I leave in 2 days

Seokjinnie: I wanna leave knowing everything's ok

NamJoon: I'm going to try and talk to hobi again tonight

NamJoon: he's coming round mine

TaeTae: wow his dad is letting him out the house??

NamJoon: his dad trusts me remember

TaeTae: shit yeah

JiminyCricket: I'm guessing mr jung doesn't know u take it up the arse

NamJoon: well obviously not

Seokjinnie: jimins got a lovely way with words

NamJoon: hasn't he just

--------

TaeTae started chat with jeongguk

13:43

 

TaeTae: I think we gotta tell jimin soon

TaeTae: I know it's only been a week

TaeTae: but I hate lying to him

Jeongguk: I know

Jeongguk: we can tell him if u want

TaeTae: u sure??

TaeTae: I really don't wanna pressure u

TaeTae: like this is ur first boyfriend I don't want u to tell ppl too quickly if ur not comfortable

Jeongguk: it's ok it's only jimin

Jeongguk: tell him tomorrow

Jeongguk: do u think he'll be angry we kept it from him

TaeTae: he might be a lil hurt that I didn't tell him

TaeTae: but once we explain why he'll probs understand

Jeongguk: ok

Jeongguk: I'm still smiling over the fact u called urself my boyfriend

Jeongguk: I have a boyfriend

Jeongguk: it's so weird

TaeTae: good weird??

Jeongguk: very very good weird

Jeongguk: I like it a lot

Jeongguk: like when u hold my hand and put ur arm round me

Jeongguk: I feel good

TaeTae: omg wtf ur so cute

Jeongguk: I was lowkey worried you'd want to have sex or smth right away

Jeongguk: bc u and jimin seem to talk about sex a lot

TaeTae: nahhhh

TaeTae: i know ur not ready yet

TaeTae: am no gonna force u

TaeTae: I ain't a rapist

TaeTae: when ur ready that's when we'll do shit

Jeongguk: how does it work?

TaeTae: what??

Jeongguk: like

Jeongguk: how do we start?

Jeongguk: and where is everything going?

TaeTae: baby do u not know how gay sex works???

Jeongguk: of course I know how it works u twat

Jeongguk: but with us specifically

Jeongguk: who's going where?

Jeongguk: and what are we gonna do?

Jeongguk: bc u seem to be into some freaky shit

TaeTae: looooooool

TaeTae: well we ain't starting with no freaky shit

TaeTae: and in terms of who goes where

TaeTae: I'm a switch

TaeTae: so whatever ur comfortable doing

TaeTae: I'm up for

Jeongguk: so you'd let me put my thing in u

TaeTae: did u really just call ur dick a thing

Jeongguk: stfu I'm nervous

TaeTae: aw ur so cute

TaeTae: yes I'd let you

Jeongguk: cool

TaeTae: but not until ur ready

Jeongguk: thank you

TaeTae: that's ok baby

----------

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
15/09/17
22:03

 

MinSuga: hwllo

MinSuga: my nams is yopngie min

JiminyCricket: uh oh

JiminyCricket: mans is drunk again

TaeTae: damn I wanna be drunk too

MinSuga: not drynk

JiminyCricket: u are tho

MinSuga: i niSs hobi

JiminyCricket: me too buddy

Seokjinnie: yoongi why are you drunk?

MinSuga: bc why noTT

Seokjinnie: ffs yoongi

Seokjinnie: you were doing so well

Seokjinnie: remember what happened last time u used alcohol to escape

MinSuga: wwho caresd

Seokjinnie: I care u fucking idiot

MinSuga: mot my prioblem

Seokjinnie: ffs where are you?

MinSuga: not twllibg

Seokjinnie: yoongi min if you don't tell me where u are I stg

MinSuga: wgat u ginna do

JiminyCricket: he's down thames avenue

JiminyCricket: just outside of town

JiminyCricket: it's like 5 minutes from the morrisons petrol station

NamJoon: how do u know?

JiminyCricket: snapchat location init

Seokjinnie: yoongi I know where you are and you need to leave

MinSuga: no

Seokjinnie: go to the petrol station I'll pick you up

MinSuga: am inna houseB

Seokjinnie: are you with Kyle?

MinSuga: yah

Seokjinnie: fuck

NamJoon: oh shit

NamJoon: yoongi you have to leave

JiminyCricket: wait who's kyle

NamJoon: yoongi's ex who was hella fuckin abusive and used to get yoongi drunk to take advantage of him

JiminyCricket: oh fuck

TaeTae: well this took a turn

JiminyCricket: what do we do???

Seokjinnie: joon

Seokjinnie: is hobi still round ur house

NamJoon: he left literally 5 mins ago

NamJoon: he's walking home

Seokjinnie: ok so I'll pass him on the way to collect you

Seokjinnie: I'm getting you both

TaeTae: wait why do u need both

Seokjinnie: bc Kyle is probably the biggest arsehole I know

Seokjinnie: and he's strong and violent and got an obsession with yoongi

TaeTae: ah

TaeTae: makes sense

Seokjinnie: I'm on my way

----------

NamJoon started chat with HOEseok

22:15

 

NamJoon: yo

NamJoon: yoongi's in trouble

NamJoon: jin is coming to collect me

NamJoon: he's picking you up too

HOEseok: what??

HOEseok: joon I can't see yoongi right now

NamJoon: he's almost black out drunk and he's with kyle

HOEseok: wait what

HOEseok: why tf is he with Kyle

NamJoon: probably bc he's been so fucking depressed without you

NamJoon: and probably bc last time his boyfriend left him

NamJoon: alcohol and kyle took that pain away

NamJoon: you fucking idiot

HOEseok: but Kyle is going to hurt him

NamJoon: no shit

NamJoon: do you still love yoongi

HOEseok: yes

NamJoon: well then fucking help him

NamJoon: kyle is a fucking psychopath with an obsession with yoongi

NamJoon: he's probs still pissed at yoongi for leaving him

NamJoon: and yoongi is completely drunk

NamJoon: so what do you think kyle is gonnna do to him

HOEseok: holy shit

HOEseok: ok I'm coming

HOEseok: I promised yoongi I wouldn't let Kyle hurt him

HOEseok: I stg if he's done anything to him I'll kill him

NamJoon: good

NamJoon: bc so will I

Chapter Text

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
16/09/17
11:34

 

JiminyCricket: so is anyone gonna explain wtf happened last night or

TaeTae: yoongi done fucked up

Jeongguk: ngl I was sleeping through most of THT shit

JiminyCricket: ur such a baby

TaeTae: my baby

JiminyCricket: what

TaeTae: what

Jeongguk: who who what what where

Seokjinnie: yoongi's asleep in my bed

JiminyCricket: i cant believe ur cheating on joon like tht

Seokjinnie: stfu joon is here as well

TaeTae: so what happened??

Seokjinnie: well

Seokjinnie: after I picked up hobi and joon

Seokjinnie: we went to kyle's house

Seokjinnie: joon and hobi knocked on his door and I hid behind a wall because Kyle would definitely recognise me

Seokjinnie: so kyle answered

Seokjinnie: and was like "what do you want?"

Seokjinnie: at which point I stepped out

Seokjinnie: he tried to slam the door in our faces but hobi was having NONE of it

Seokjinnie: and Kyle was all like "he's back with me yeah? Don't fuckin come round here"

Seokjinnie: to which hobi said "nah he's my boyfriend"

Seokjinnie: Kyle laughed and made some race joke about small dicks and yoongi deserving better

Seokjinnie: so I said "you think beating him and fucking him till he's unconscious is better?"

Seokjinnie: and kyle just went "it's what he deserves"

Seokjinnie: and ngl my fuckin arse thought of that kim kardashian meme

JiminyCricket: JIN

TaeTae: FUCK SAKE

Seokjinnie: FUCK OFF ALRIGHT

Seokjinnie: let me tell the story

Seokjinnie: so while I'm thinking of kim k

Seokjinnie: hobi is like "I stg if you've fuckin touched him I'll kill you"

Seokjinnie: and Kyle gets all up in his face like "fuckin go on then bruv"

Seokjinnie: and then hobi fuckin pINS HIM AGAINST THE WALL

Seokjinnie: I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT

JiminyCricket: MANS WERENT PLAYIN

TaeTae: INIT FUCK

Seokjinnie: SO HOBI GOT KYLE PINNED AGAINST THE WALL

Seokjinnie: I WALKED INTO THE HOUSE TO FIND YOONGI

Seokjinnie: NAMJOON STAYS W HOBI BC EVEN THO HES SHITE AT FIGHTING HE LOOKS HARD

Seokjinnie: so I looked round the bottom floor of the house and yoongi wasn't there

Seokjinnie: and I was thinking oh fuck he's gonna be in Kyle's bedroom which means they fucked

Seokjinnie: so I go upstairs

Seokjinnie: first thing I see? smashed glass everywhere

Seokjinnie: like glass from a beer bottle

JiminyCricket: ohh shit

TaeTae: I don't like where this is going

JiminyCricket: yoongi gonna be dead

Seokjinnie: I walked into the bedroom and there's yoongi unconscious on the bed

Seokjinnie: his trousers were undone and shit but they were still on

Seokjinnie: his head was bleeding

Seokjinnie: he had a bunch of new hickies on his neck and he had obviously been crying

Seokjinnie: so I literally picked him up fucking bridal style and carried him down

Seokjinnie: and as I came down I think hobi got distracted or smth and kyle flipped them

Seokjinnie: and Kyle whipped out a fUCKIN PEN KNIFE

Seokjinnie: HE HELD IT AGAINST HOBIS THROAT AND WAS LIKE "I'LL FUCKIN KILL U"

Seokjinnie: AND IM LIKE OH SHIT SO I PUT YOONGI DOWN LIKE NEXT TO THE WALL

Seokjinnie: AND GOT READY TO FIGHT

Seokjinnie: AND HOBIS TRYNA PUSH KYLE OFF

Seokjinnie: EVENTUALLY KYLE LIFTED THE KNIFE AWAY FROM HOBIS NECK SO I TOOK THAT CHANCE TO FUCKIN TACKLE HIM TO THE FLOOR

Seokjinnie: HE DROPPED HIS KNIFE AND HOBI PICKS IT UP AND STARTS THREATENING KYLE AGAIN

Seokjinnie: AND KYLE STILL UNDERNEATH ME

Seokjinnie: AND JOONS GOT YOONGI

Seokjinnie: so I get off of HIM but hobi keeps the knife POISED

Seokjinnie: and then basically hobi and Kyle have a staring match and try to look intimidating and I'm like aight les go

Seokjinnie: thas it

JiminyCricket: that anticlimactic ending tho

Seokjinnie: fuck u jimin

TaeTae: but is yoongi ok??

Seokjinnie: yes

Seokjinnie: he woke up in the car

Seokjinnie: hobi was holding him and yoongi cried when he saw him and then I had to pull over to let him throw up

JiminyCricket: did hobi hold back yoongi's hair like a good bf

TaeTae: yoongi has short hair u melt

JiminyCricket: aight well i'll remember that next time u want me to hold ur fuckin hair back while ur throwing up ur fuckin lungs

TaeTae: I ASKED U TO FUCKIN HOLD BACK THE HAIR OF MY WIG I WAS WEARING FOR A FANCY DRESS PARTY JIMIN DONT MAKE IT DEEP

JiminyCricket: fuckin noted tae

JiminyCricket: ur on my fuckin list

JiminyCricket: speaking of my fuckin list

JiminyCricket: u wanna come round baby?? ;)

TaeTae: I canny

JiminyCricket: :((

JiminyCricket: u said u would

TaeTae: I can come round but canny fuck

JiminyCricket: so no head?

JiminyCricket: -smashes phone-

JiminyCricket: -jumps on skateboard-

Seokjinnie: u two are such fucking mongs

JiminyCricket: at least we're not ugly like u

Seokjinnie: ....

Seokjinnie: ion know who tf u talking to

Seokjinnie: bitch shoulda gone to fuckin specsavers or smth

Seokjinnie: fuckin potato lookin motherfucker

Seokjinnie: at least I can get my arse in my jeans

JiminyCricket: oh so u wanna play that game bitch aight fine

JiminyCricket: least I ain't almost 19 fuckin years old with a fuckin bowl cut on my damn head fuck

Seokjinnie: bitch u ain't got a bowl cut cause ur head too fuckin big

JiminyCricket: that don't even make sense tf

JiminyCricket: least my boyfriend don't have the lips of a fuckin fish

Seokjinnie: at least he got lips tho

Seokjinnie: and at least I got a boyfriend

Seokjinnie: all ur arse has is chlamydia

JiminyCricket: ur mum has chlamydia

MinSuga: fuck sake jimin

MinSuga: u couldnta thought of smth better

JiminyCricket: speaking of chlamydia, hi yoongi

MinSuga: oh fuck you jimin

TaeTae: so are u ok or???

MinSuga: yeah I’m aight why u askin

JiminyCricket: so u just gonna pretend ur drunkass didnt go back to Kyle last night

MinSuga: oh yeah shit lmao

MinSuga: yeah man I’m fine

TaeTae: u got a weird way of dealing w shit fam

MinSuga: hasn’t killed me yet tho

TaeTae: have u talked to hoseok

MinSuga: yeah he just left acc

TaeTae: so have yall made up

MinSuga: fuck knows man

Jeongguk: just suck his dick ffs man

Jeongguk: u two making up is taking bare time

MinSuga: go back to sucking ya mum’s tit

Jeongguk: go back to sucking kyle’s dick

JiminyCricket: woooooooooooooah

MinSuga: fuck man that was harsh

Jeongguk: lovevu b

MinSuga: hmm ok

————-

NamJoon started chat with HOEseok

13:12

 

NamJoon: thank you for helping

HOEseok: that’s ok

HOEseok: I couldn’t let him be hurt

NamJoon: can you two please make up

NamJoon: I know it’s hard but he needs you and you need him

NamJoon: don’t fuck it up

HOEseok: I’m going to talk to him

HOEseok: idk when yet

HOEseok: but I got a problem

NamJoon: What’s that??

HOEseok: I’m lowkey pissed about him going to kyle

HOEseok: bc like we’re still together and shit

NamJoon: you can’t be serious

HOEseok: I know he wasn’t thinking straight and I’m being unreasonable but I’m just pissed off about it??

NamJoon: listen I know technically he went to cheat but u gotta understand the situation

HOEseok: but there’s like an even bigger problem

HOEseok: basically

HOEseok: please don’t tell anyone but

HOEseok: I got drunk and slept with a girl in February while yoongi was recovering from the crash

NamJoon: what

NamJoon: are you joking

NamJoon: what the fuck

NamJoon: how could you do that

NamJoon: he almost fucking died and you went and slept with someone else

HOEseok: I was really drunk I hadn’t meant to honestly

HOEseok: it was an accident

HOEseok: I felt so guilty

NamJoon: does yoongi know?

HOEseok: I told him we just made out

HOEseok: I didn’t want to lose him

NamJoon: holy fuck

NamJoon: hoseok

NamJoon: how did you fuck up that bad?

HOEseok: I have no idea

HOEseok: and now I feel pissed about him going to kyle

HOEseok: but I have no right to be pissed

HOEseok: and I feel so guilty

NamJoon: you did a fucked up thing but maybe you just talk about it to him

NamJoon: like seriously honesty is just the best thing you can do

HOEseok: I don’t wanna tell him

NamJoon: I know but you have to

NamJoon: cause if he finds out another way ur fucked

HOEseok: I know

HOEseok: I’ll try

Chapter Text

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
17/09/17
08:46

 

Seokjinnie: I go to uni today lads

JiminyCricket: who goes to uni on a fkin Sunday

TaeTae: innit tis gods day

HOEseok: dont fuckin remind me I got church soon

Seokjinnie: idc bout god

Seokjinnie: am a whole atheist

TaeTae: wow rude

NamJoon: so proud of u baby

Seokjinnie: thanks babes

MinSuga: stop being gay

JiminyCricket: said a whole yoongi

MinSuga: square up jimin

HOEseok: how u feeling yoon

MinSuga: better

HOEseok: good

TaeTae: so yall made up now??

HOEseok: almost

TaeTae: good shit

JiminyCricket: so when are u off to birmingham jin??

Seokjinnie: in about an hour I think

TaeTae: good luck bro

MinSuga: gonna miss you buddy

Seokjinnie: gonna miss u too

TaeTae: link me with some peng uni students

Seokjinnie: now what makes u think I’m gonna do that

TaeTae: I’ll stop fucking ur cousin if u do

Seokjinnie: what

MinSuga: wait what

JiminyCricket: stop playing fam

TaeTae: surprise

Seokjinnie: @jeongguk

Seokjinnie: wake yo arse up

Seokjinnie: this better be a joke

Jeongguk: u interrupted me while I was eating my fkin bacon buttie

Jeongguk: what do u want

Seokjinnie: u fuckin tae???

Jeongguk: oh

TaeTae: u said to tell them

Jeongguk: I didnt mean word it like that u fuckin nonce

MinSuga: WAIT

MinSuga: YALL TELLING THE TRUTH

NamJoon: HOLY SHIT

HOEseok: U TWO FUCKING???

Seokjinnie: THIS BETTER BE A FUCKING JOKE INSWEAR TO JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF

TaeTae: thought u were an atheist

Seokjinnie: TAE

Seokjinnie: DONT FUCKIN PLAY

Jeongguk: we haven’t fucked

Jeongguk: yet

Jeongguk: we’re dating

HOEseok: NO FUCKIN WAY

MinSuga: YALL OWE ME 10 QUID

HOEseok: WE DIDNT FUCKIN SHAKE ON IT

MinSuga: A BET IS A BET

TaeTae: YALL WERE BETTING??

MinSuga: MANS GOTTA MAKE P

Seokjinnie: so you’re dating??

Seokjinnie: you two are actually dating

Seokjinnie: as in romantic dating

Seokjinnie: ur not gonna fuck my cousin over are you??

TaeTae: no wtf why would I

Seokjinnie: bc ur a cunt who can’t commit

MinSuga: no thas jimin

Jeongguk: where is jimin

JiminyCricket: right here

JiminyCricket: so how long yall been dating??

TaeTae: almost 2 weeks I think

JiminyCricket: and u didn’t tell me??

TaeTae: I know I’m sorry

JiminyCricket: we tell each other everything??

JiminyCricket: legit everything

TaeTae: I know but jeon asked me not to

Jeongguk: yeah it was me bro

Jeongguk: I just didn’t want anyone to know at first bc it’s my first bf and shit

Jeongguk: I’m sorry

JiminyCricket: I mean I get you

JiminyCricket: but yknow it’s me

JiminyCricket: I wouldnta told anyone or smth

Jeongguk: I know I’m sorry

TaeTae: we’re sorry

JiminyCricket: it’s aight

JiminyCricket: so who fuckin who??

TaeTae: we ain’t fucked yet

Seokjinnie: good

Jeongguk: we taking it slow

JiminyCricket: jeon im warning u

JiminyCricket: his blowjobs will make u have an asthma attack

Jeongguk: can’t wait

TaeTae: ;)

Seokjinnie: I regret being in a chat with you

Jeongguk: rude

Jeongguk: Imma Miss u jin

Seokjinnie: gonna miss u too kid

JiminyCricket: I still can’t believe jeon is getting a good dicking

NamJoon: how to ruin a moment

Jeongguk: haven’t been dicked down

Jeongguk: yet ;)

TaeTae: idek what that means

TaeTae: but I want it

Seokjinnie: I feel that ngl

Seokjinnie: aight I need to go

Seokjinnie: gotta pack some more shit

JiminyCricket: text us when you get there babes

MinSuga: yeah good luck my g

HOEseok: safe journey

JiminyCricket: don’t crash x

Seokjinnie: it’s been 7 fucking months

JiminyCricket: :) x

————

HOEseok started chat with MinSuga

10:32

 

HOEseok: hey

HOEseok: how are u feeling babe

MinSuga: good

MinSuga: I’m really sorry again

MinSuga: I shouldn’t have gone to kyles

HOEseok: babe it’s ok

HOEseok: I understand why you did

HOEseok: we do stupid things when we’re drunk

MinSuga: that isn’t an excuse

MinSuga: I went to cheat and I’m really sorry about it

HOEseok: it’s fine honestly

HOEseok: I love you

MinSuga: I love you too

HOEseok: how about you come round today??

MinSuga: but your dad ?

HOEseok: away for a business thing

HOEseok: he and my mum left this morning

MinSuga: aight

MinSuga: u got condoms yeah ?

HOEseok: lmao so u automatically think we gonna fuck??

MinSuga: well

MinSuga: yeah

MinSuga: thas what couples do

HOEseok: lmaooo

HOEseok: ok baby boy

HOEseok: whatever you want

MinSuga: :)

—————

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
17/09/17
15:46

 

Seokjinnie: aight so my parents just left

Seokjinnie: shit that was emotional

NamJoon: aw baby

Seokjinnie: stfu

JiminyCricket: so whas yo room like??

Seokjinnie: pretty big actually

Seokjinnie: bigger than the one from home

Seokjinnie: and I got an ensuite

Seokjinnie: my arse wasnt sharing with no dirty bitches

TaeTae: don’t blame u tbh

MinSuga: innit fuck that

HOEseok: what are ur flatmates like??

Seokjinnie: only met like 4 so far

Seokjinnie: 3 girls and 1 boy

Seokjinnie: kristen, abigail, nethara, and tom

Seokjinnie: they nice

Seokjinnie: kristen brought cake

Seokjinnie: she my fave

TaeTae: what a woman

Jeongguk: kristen noona

Seokjinnie: dont fuckin call her that ffs

Jeongguk: :((

NamJoon: I miss u babe

Seokjinnie: Miss u too <3

JiminyCricket: get a fuckin room jfc

TaeTae: ey u two gonna fuck in jin’s uni room

Seokjinnie: NO

Seokjinnie: walls are bare thin

Seokjinnie: they gonna hear every fuckin squeak dis bed makes

Seokjinnie: naahhhhhhh fam

JiminyCricket: fairs

JiminyCricket: plus fuckin in a uni room is Dirty™

TaeTae: stfu u fucked in the woods near old man crowleys

JiminyCricket: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Seokjinnie: ffs jimin

Jeongguk: yknow pikeys shit in those woods

MinSuga: jimin ur fuckin dirty

JiminyCricket: says yoongi “i’ll fuck anyone, anywhere” min

MinSuga: ey

MinSuga: I’m yoongi “arse only opens for hobi” min actually

JiminyCricket: u really gonna say that 2 days after tryna get fucked by ur ex??

JiminyCricket: lmao ok then

Seokjinnie: jimin ffs

MinSuga: damn jimin thas fuckin cold

JiminyCricket: but true innit

MinSuga: I am a Changed man

JiminyCricket: sure u are fam

MinSuga: fuck u jimin

JiminyCricket: actually fuckin me was tae’s job but SOMEONE went and got a boyfriend

JiminyCricket: AND DIDNT TELL ME

TaeTae: JSJSJSJS

TaeTae: SHIT IM SORRY OK

JiminyCricket: tis ok my g

Seokjinnie: I gtg

Seokjinnie: am gonna socialise w the flatmates

NamJoon: have fun babe

MinSuga: bye bro

Jeongguk: byee

JiminyCricket: don’t get aids

Chapter Text

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
19/09/17
13:48

 

JiminyCricket: wagwan pussies

JiminyCricket: who wants to come round mine tonight and play fifa

JiminyCricket: my parents aren’t home

HOEseok: ur parents are never home

JiminyCricket: shit u right

MinSuga: do they not love u jimin

JiminyCricket: I mean shit probably not

JiminyCricket: u know we ain’t had a family meal in about 2 years lmao

NamJoon: ah so that explains why ur such a trashmouth

JiminyCricket: tf

JiminyCricket: u saying just cause I ain’t had a roast dinner with my fam in bare time it means I talk shit??

NamJoon: well

NamJoon: basically yeah lol

NamJoon: ur neglected at home so u crave attention hence why ur such a loud mouth

MinSuga: joon has cracked the case

TaeTae: solved the puzzle that is jimin park

HOEseok: lmao welcome to the ‘parents don’t care about them’ club arsehole

JiminyCricket: aight damn yall didn’t have to go so deep

JiminyCricket: joon the next fuckin freud or summin fuck

JiminyCricket: ok but who wants to play fifa later??

MinSuga: who tf even plays fifa anymore

JiminyCricket: ur mum

Jeongguk: tae and I can come round later

TaeTae: yeah bro

JiminyCricket: nope

JiminyCricket: yall just gonna be sucking each other off and shit

Jeongguk: we’re just not tho

TaeTae: we won’t even hold hands

Jeongguk: I never agreed to that

JiminyCricket: yoongi???

JiminyCricket: hobi??

MinSuga: nah its date night

MinSuga: tryna make the most of it before I leave for uni

TaeTae: oh shit yeah you leave on saturday

MinSuga: yeah fam

JiminyCricket: fuckin rude man

JiminyCricket: u gotta spend time with us too

MinSuga: we’ll go nandos tomorrow after you lot finish school aight ?

JiminyCricket: aight man

Jeongguk: love nandos me

TaeTae: innit

HOEseok: babe what time you coming round mine tonight??

MinSuga: 6ish probs

MinSuga: you got the shit ?

HOEseok: yeah ;)

JiminyCricket: yall need to start being sly

MinSuga: fuck off we didn’t even say what the shit is

JiminyCricket: oh bitch I got an idea

MinSuga: ;)

TaeTae: did my maid outfit ever get used??

MinSuga: ....

MinSuga: maybe

TaeTae: NICE

HOEseok: it was more than nice ;)

MinSuga: stfu

JiminyCricket: yall disgusting

————-

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
19/09/17
19:21

 

JiminyCricket: why tf did I allow tae and jeon round here

JiminyCricket: theyre so gay

NamJoon: and you’re not?

JiminyCricket: nah I’m gay

JiminyCricket: but am no feeding my boyfriend grapes instead of focusing on the fuckin xbox

Seokjinnie: wow that’s really gay

JiminyCricket: ey jin

JiminyCricket: whassup

Seokjinnie: have only just recovered from my hangover

Seokjinnie: freshers is fuckin wild

Seokjinnie: got home at like 7am

Seokjinnie: don’t even fuckin remmeber what we did

NamJoon: glad ur having fun babes

Seokjinnie: <3

HOEseok: gay

Seokjinnie: fuck off

Seokjinnie: go back to fucking yoongi

HOEseok: we already did that

HOEseok: we watching a film now

NamJoon: remember what u gotta do bro

HOEseok: I know

JiminyCricket: do what??

HOEseok: don’t worry

JiminyCricket: is it eat his arse??

NamJoon: wtf no

HOEseok: nah jimin I already done that

JiminyCricket: eyyyy thas my dude

Jeongguk: how’s uni life going jin

Seokjinnie: I just shat out nothing but blood

Seokjinnie: how do u think it’s going

TaeTae: u know it’s a good night when ur arsehole all bloody

JiminyCricket: unless ur drink got spiked

NamJoon: fuck

TaeTae: he’s not wrong

HOEseok: would yall shut the fuck up

HOEseok: hobi and I tryna watch a film

NamJoon: hobi answer ur damn texts

JiminyCricket: damn hobi u watching a film wid urself

JiminyCricket: how u do that

HOEseok: it’s yoongi

HOEseok: hoseok went to the toilet

NamJoon: wait yoongi ur on hobi’s phone?

HOEseok: yeah why

NamJoon: oh fuck

————-

NamJoon started a chat with HOEseok

19:25

 

NamJoon: you gotta tell him

HOEseok: I know I’m waiting for the right time

NamJoon: mate

NamJoon: there isn’t really a right time to tell him you cheated

HOEseok: i know

HOEseok: but I can’t tel him while we’re watching fucking toy story can I

NamJoon: bruh you gotta be honest

HOEseok: I know

HOEseok: I just dont want to lose him

NamJoon: I know

NamJoon: it’s shit but you gotta

 

— — — 7 new messages — — —

 

NamJoon: have you told him yet?

NamJoon: hobi

NamJoon: hobi u dumb fuck

NamJoon: are you telling him rn?

NamJoon: hobi I stg if u haven’t told him

NamJoon: HOBI

NamJoon: HOBI

-

Yoongi stared at the messages on Hoseok and Joon’s chat. He hadn’t meant to look, not really, but Joon kept saying “you have to tell him” and Yoongi got curious. Now he kinda wished he had just left it. So Hoseok had cheated, he actually cheated on Yoongi, and now Yoongi knew.

Yoongi didn’t really know what to think. It didn’t feel real. It may just be a joke, something they’d laugh about in about five minutes after Hoseok told him it was a prank. This wasn’t a very funny joke.

He heard the faint flush of the toilet from down the hall. He was going to have to confront Hoseok, there’s no way he could just pretend this might not be real, he needed to know. But what if that was the end of their relationship? Yoongi couldn’t pretend that being with Hoseok hadn’t made him happier than he’s been in years. Hoseok has made his life so much better.

But Yoongi couldn’t stay with someone who would betray his trust.

Hoseok walked into the room, bopping his head to the song in his head, ‘Bonfire’ by Childish Gambino if you were wondering what song. He stared at the paused TV and Yoongi who was hunched over looking at a phone, which Hoseok soon realised was his.

“Why you on my phone, babe?” Hoseok kinda laughed, he went to take it back but Yoongi snatched it away.

“What’s wrong, Yoon?”

Yoongi was gripping the phone so tightly his hand was shaking. Anger was brewing, like a storm off the coast, it looked far off, but it wasn’t. Irma ain’t got nothing on the shit Yoongi was about to release.

He looked up at Hoseok, his eyes glazed with tears, but he was determined not to cry. This guy he had trusted with all his heart had betrayed him, apparently. He didn’t really want to confront it, but he couldn’t live without knowing.

“Did you cheat on me?”

He sounded surprisingly calm, considering he looked a fucking mess. He had to hear a confession before he lost it.

Hoseok went wide eyed for a split second, before he gulped and shifted his to the floor, “how did you find out?”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

Yoongi felt the anger whip through his body, it was like one of those rollercoasters that went from 0-60mph in 2 seconds. He felt the anger, and the pain, and the hurt reach every part of his body, making him visibly shake.

Within seconds Yoongi went from quietly shaking on the sofa looking like he was about to cry, to standing up, kicking the coffee table in front of him as he did so. The table tipped onto it’s side and laid in between Hobi and Yoongi.

“Yoongi, calm do-“

“Do not fucking tell me to ‘calm down’ you fucking cheater,” Yoongi threw Hobi’s phone at his head, missing by barely an inch. It ended up smashing against the wall behind Hobi’s head, “you fucking arsehole, I trusted you, I fucking trusted you with everything I had, my fucking life, and you fucking cheated on me.”

“Yoongi, please, I was drun-“

“You were fucking drunk? And that’s an excuse?” Yoongi was breathing heavily. Hoseok was scared in all honesty, he had never seen Yoongi so angry. It wasn’t a secret that Yoongi was feisty and was good in a fight, but to see him actually angry, way beyond angry, full on fuming, was scary as fuck.

“When was it?”

Hoseok didn’t answer straight away. If Yoongi was angry now, he was gonna tear the bloody house down when he found out when it happened.

“Hoseok fucking answer me,” At this point Yoongi was talking through gritted teeth and clenching his fists in an attempt to keep himself under control.

“It was, um, February, you know, when I started, um, ignoring you for like a week.”

Yoongi stopped clenching.

He went absolutely silent for a second.

He just stared at Hoseok in disbelief.

But as quickly as he had calmed down, he was angry again, but much worse.

“You mean while I was fucking recovering from almost fucking dying you went out, got drunk and fucked someone?”

“Um, yes?”

That’s when Yoongi pounced. From literally 8ft away Yoongi fucking pounced onto Hoseok. He ended up on top of him, first time for everything I guess.

Now on top of Hoseok, Yoongi just gripped Hoseok’s shirt and shook him, with no real reason why, he just needed to get his anger out. Hoseok went to say something, but before he could Yoongi had his fist raised, landing a solid punch on Hobi’s cheek. Yoongi repeated the punch, landing it nearer to Hobi’s mouth. The punch had split Hoseok’s lip, and a small amount of blood coated Hoseok’s teeth as he tried to talk, but no words could came out, just small sobs.

“I almost fucking died, you absolute cunt, you cunt, you cunt, you fucking cunt, fuck,” He had his hands gripping Hoseok’s shirt again as he shouted, his face was slowly going from angry to hurt. The tears he’d been holding back before were now starting to slide down his face.

“You fucking lied to me, you said you just kissed her, you said, you promised, I trusted you, you fuck, I hate you,” he was rambling at this point. He could barely get his words out, his screams turning into stuttering sobs. He wasn’t even looking at Hoseok’s face anymore, instead at his chest where his hands were, “I t-trusted you, you said you’d never hurt me, you’re just like him, y-you’re just like Kyle, I hate you.”

“I never meant to hurt you Yoongi, I’m so sorry,” Hoseok’s voice was soft but his own tears made his it hoarse. Hoseok tried to take Yoongi’s hands into his own. He just wanted to comfort Yoongi, show him how sorry he was. But, Yoongi shoved his hands away.

They stayed like that for a little bit, with Yoongi sitting on top of Hoseok, his hands loosely gripping Hoseok’s shirt now. He was still angry, and hurt, and in pain, but he had no energy left to show it. He just felt numb. He didn’t want to move. As angry as he was, he couldn’t pretend he’d stopped loving Hoseok within a few minutes. He still loved Hoseok, but he couldn’t stay with him, and it broke him. He was about to lose the man that had made him unbelievably happy.

“Yoon, I am really sorry, it was a mistake, I’ve regretted it everyday since, I only didn’t tell you ‘cause I was scared of losing you.” Hoseok whispered. He began to stroke Yoongi’s thigh, something that he knew comforted him.

Yoongi wanted nothing more than to curl up on Hoseok’s chest and let himself cry while Hobi cuddled him. He wanted to believe Hoseok, he wanted to forgive him. But, that’s how he got hurt before. That’s how people started using him.

He couldn’t do it again.

Without a word Yoongi got off of Hoseok, walking over to get his shoes which were by the door. Hoseok just stared at him. He couldn’t really be leaving, he couldn’t let him leave, he loved Yoongi.

“Yoongi, please, I’m so sor-“

“Hoseok, please don’t, I’m exhausted and I want to go home,” Yoongi finished tying the laces on his black converse. He couldn’t feel a thing, he just felt heaviness, which isn’t even an emotion, but that’s all he could feel. There was a heaviness in his chest and he felt like he knew that this heaviness wouldn’t go away.

The truth is, Hoseok was nothing like Kyle, or the other guy before Kyle. Hoseok was nice, caring, protective but not possessive. He listened when Yoongi had a problem, or needed to rant about something pointless, or wanted to gush over something he was ridiculously passionate about. Hoseok would stroke his hair while he was falling asleep and would kiss his cheek whenever he could. Hoseok would stroke Yoongi’s thigh whenever he needed calming down. Hoseok was so different to the other guys he’d been with. Hoseok didn’t use him for sex. Hoseok actually loved him.

Which is why this was so hard.

“Don’t call me Hoseok, delete my number or something, don’t text me, don’t call me, don’t contact me.”

And with that, Yoongi left the house. Hoseok was left alone again. Alone in a house that he hated. He was trying to work out which was more broken, him or his phone.

-

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
19/09/17
20:07

 

MinYoongi left the chat

 

JiminyCricket: ey wtf

JiminyCricket: where’d he go

TaeTae: someone invite him back ffs

NamJoon: dont

NamJoon: just wait

TaeTae: whaaaa

Jeongguk: where’d yoongi go

Seokjinnie: I’ll text him

JiminyCricket: tell him to stop being a shit

TaeTae: innit lmao

 

HOEseok left the chat

 

JiminyCricket: ohh and now hobi left too??

JiminyCricket: RUDE

TaeTae: bet u they fucking and they left cause of all the notifs lmaoo

Jeongguk: us when we fuck innit

TaeTae: we ain’t even fucked yet bitchboy

Jeongguk: yo when’s that happening

TaeTae: when ur a good boy

Jeongguk: am always a good boy

JiminyCricket: I can literally hear him pouting through the phone screen

NamJoon: lads

NamJoon: shit happened

TaeTae: whas the beef

JiminyCricket: yeah give it to us

JiminyCricket: ain’t no vegans in this chat

NamJoon: hobi and yoongi broke up

JiminyCricket: what

TaeTae: holy fuck why

JiminyCricket: why

Jeongguk: omg what

TaeTae: they can’t break up

TaeTae they’re hobi and yoongi

JiminyCricket: innit

NamJoon: hobi cheated

JiminyCricket: wtf when

TaeTae: what

TaeTae: that just doesn’t sound like hobi

NamJoon: february when yoongi was in recovery from the accident

JiminyCricket: what the fuck

JiminyCricket: what a cunt

TaeTae: fucking hell

Jeongguk: but hobi would never?

NamJoon: he was really drunk but he still did it

JiminyCricket: so like what happens now??

JiminyCricket: do we all stay friends??

NamJoon: I have no idea

NamJoon: we all can obviously

NamJoon: but with Yoongi and hobi idk how shit will work

JiminyCricket: this is so fucked

TaeTae: innit wtf

Chapter Text

+4477391022765 started a chat with HOEseok

02/07/18

16:21

 

+4477391022765: hi

HOEseok: who’s this?

+4477391022765: it’s yoongi

+4477391022765: as in yoongi min

HOEseok: oh

HOEseok: you’ve changed your number

+4477391022765: yeah lol

+4477391022765: dropped my last phone down a well

+4477391022765: don’t ask

HOEseok: lol ok

HOEseok: what’s up??

+4477391022765: I was just wondering how you were

+4477391022765: it’s been like 10 months since we last spoke

HOEseok: I’ve been good

HOEseok: just finished exams and stuff

+4477391022765: how did it go ?

HOEseok: they went well I think

HOEseok: I’ve been revising since about march

HOEseok: so I’m hoping for good results lol

+4477391022765: lol

+4477391022765: are you going to uni ?

HOEseok: I hope so

+4477391022765: what uni?

HOEseok: my first choice is winchester

+4477391022765: oh cool

+4477391022765: that’s actually really close to my uni lol

+4477391022765: what do you want to study?

HOEseok: child psychology

+4477391022765: that sounds cool

HOEseok: yeah I’m excited for it

HOEseok: so how’s uni been??

+4477391022765: it’s been good

+4477391022765: I’ve actually made a few friends here

+4477391022765: when I first moved into my flat I was scared we wouldn’t get along

+4477391022765: but they’re all really nice

HOEseok: I’m glad

HOEseok: have you been home much??

+4477391022765: a few times

+4477391022765: I got back yesterday actually

+4477391022765: it’s the end of first year so

HOEseok: oh cool

HOEseok: maybe I’ll see you around

+4477391022765: that’s why I texted you actually

+4477391022765: I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink some time

+4477391022765: just to catch up and stuff

+4477391022765: I’ve missed you yknow ?

HOEseok: yeah I’d love to

+4477391022765: cool lol

+4477391022765: oh yeah, is that gc still a thing ?

HOEseok: amazingly yes it is

HOEseok: no idea how it’s lasted this long

+4477391022765: can you add me back to it ?

+4477391022765: I left it after we broke up

HOEseok: I know I saw

HOEseok: I left it after you

+4477391022765: oh

HOEseok: but I got added back like a week later

HOEseok: jimin wasn’t going to let me escape that easily lol

+4477391022765: lol true

—————

sheep fuckers anonymous
02/07/18
16:43

 

HOEseok added YoonGi to the chat

 

JiminyCricket: shut the fuck up tae your mum’s a fuckin whore

JiminyCricket: WAIT IS THAT YOONGI

TaeTae: HOLY FUCK YOONGI?????

Jeongguk: WHAS YOONGI DOING HERE !!!!

NamJoon: YOONGI????

YoonGi: whassup lads

YoonGi: I’m back

NamJoon: it’s literally been like a year since u were last in the chat

TaeTae: 10 Months accctually

JiminyCricket: so u just waltz back in here

JiminyCricket: no fuckin warning or nothin

TaeTae: innit we ain’t heard from you in time

YoonGi: tae I literally snapchatted you an hour ago

TaeTae: oh shit yeah lmao

HOEseok: have you been keeping up w everyone then??

YoonGi: yeah

YoonGi: I know all about whas been happening

JiminyCricket: so u know tae and jeon fucked??

YoonGi: they fucked like a month after I left the chat

YoonGi: of course I know

Seokjinnie: why

Seokjinnie: whenever I come back to this chat

Seokjinnie: we talking about my cousin fucking

JiminyCricket: bc ur cousin hot??

TaeTae: ok but does hobi know u dyed ur hair yoongi??

YoonGi: probably not I blocked him on insta lmaooo

HOEseok: u dyed your hair???

YoonGi: yeah

YoonGi: it’s burgundy

YoonGi: and I tried cutting it myself which did NOT work

JiminyCricket: innit it looks like such shit

YoonGi: fuck you ?

HOEseok: send pics

YoonGi: [A/N: we 58 chapters in and I still don’t know how to add pics lmao, but yall know what he looked like w red hair, just imagine danger era]

HOEseok: damn it’s lucky u didn’t take hairdressing at uni

YoonGi: so first u cheat on me and now ur bashing my hair cut ?

YoonGi: the audacity

TaeTae: wow u just gonna throw that out there??

YoonGi: yeah pretty much

YoonGi: basically lads

YoonGi: I had a whole 10 months to think

YoonGi: and I thought about it

YoonGi: what hobi did hurt me

YoonGi: and really angered me lmao

YoonGi: but he not a bad guy

YoonGi: he made a mistake and I forgive him

TaeTae: !!!!!

HOEseok: do you really??

YoonGi: yeah

JiminyCricket: ARE YOONSEOK REUNITED????

TaeTae: YALL FUCKING AGAIN??

YoonGi: we’ll see how shit goes

YoonGi: let’s be friends for now

HOEseok: I’m ok with that

JiminyCricket: fuck sake jason wants to go to the cinema tonight but I just wanna stay in and sleep??

YoonGi: jason ?

YoonGi: idk a jason

HOEseok: he’s jimin’s boyfriend

YoonGi: YOU GOT A BF??? AND DIDNT TELL ME??

JiminyCricket: MANS WAS BUSY

JiminyCricket: if u know what I mean ;)

YoonGi: RUDE

TaeTae: not as rude as you just walking out on us 10 months ago but whatever I guess

JiminyCricket: wow hobi looks like ur dad wasn’t the only one to walk out on you

TaeTae: JIMIN

Jeongguk: JAJSJJSJSJSJSJSJ

HOEseok: WHY U BEING A CUNT

NamJoon: FSGSHUS

NamJoon: FUCK SAKE JIMIN

JiminyCricket: ITS TRUE THO LMAO

YoonGi: wait what

JiminyCricket: hobi’s dad left lmao

YoonGi: wtf when

HOEseok: like 6 months ago

HOEseok: it doesn’t bother me anymore

HOEseok: I’m glad he’s gone innit

YoonGi: fuck dude im sorry about that

HOEseok: nah don’t be idc

HOEseok: my mum happier without him

HOEseok: so am I

HOEseok: oh yeah I also came out to my mum and she’s cool w it

YoonGi: holy fuck ?

YoonGi: so all that time we were sneaking around it was only bc of ur dad ?

HOEseok: pretty much

YoonGi: what a cunt

Jeongguk: I’m glad ur happier now hoseok

JiminyCricket: same b

JiminyCricket: aight lads

JiminyCricket: mans needs to go cause jason is here

YoonGi: I wanna meet him at some point

JiminyCricket: u will at some point innit

Jeongguk: bye jimin

TaeTae: bye bby

JiminyCricket: byes lads

—————

HOEseok started a chat with YoonGi

17:19

 

HOEseok: so you really forgive me?

YoonGi: yes

YoonGi: 10 months is a long time to think

YoonGi: and being away from you with no contact made me realise how much I missed you

YoonGi: and I spoke to my flatmate about it

YoonGi: her name is Laura she’s real nice

YoonGi: and she said that what you did was wrong

YoonGi: and the fact that you lied was wrong

YoonGi: but she said she doesn’t think you’re a bad person from the way I was talking abou you

YoonGi: she said she could tell I still had feelings for you bc I didn’t talk about you negatively

YoonGi: I hate what you did

YoonGi: was a shit thing to do

YoonGi: but you’re good

YoonGi: and you’re good for me

YoonGi: and I don’t wanna completely cut you out of my life

HOEseok: fuck yoon

HOEseok: you’re gonna make me cry

HOEseok: do you think we’d ever be able to get back together??

YoonGi: idk

YoonGi: we’ll have to see

YoonGi: let’s just be friends for now

HOEseok: I’m ok with that

HOEseok: do you wanna come round???

HOEseok: I have films and pizza

YoonGi: fuck you know how to win me over

YoonGi: I’ll be round in about 5 mins

YoonGi: cause ur boy can drive now

HOEseok: holy shit finally

YoonGi: innit only took like 2 years lmao

YoonGi: I’ll see you soon

HOEseok: ok,, see you soon babe

Chapter Text

ITS COMING HOME
11/07/18
18:32

 

JiminyCricket: WHOS READY LADS

JiminyCricket: TONIGHT WE WATCH ENGLAND MAKE HISTORY

TaeTae: ITS COMING HOME LADS

Seokjinnie: what’s if it doesn’t tho

NamJoon: babe,, pls,, dont create discourse in the chat

JiminyCricket: FUCK OFF JIN

TaeTae: HOW DARE YA

JiminyCricket: THATS IT JIN GET OUT MY COUNTRY

Seokjinnie: BRUV YOURE KOREAN

JiminyCricket: NAH FAM MY NAME IS GEORGE NOW IM A WHOLE WHITE MAN

TaeTae: someone deport jin back to korea this england slander will not be tolerated

Seokjinnie: i ain’t even slandering england fam i was just saying

JiminyCricket: absolute blasphemy get in the fuckin bin

Seokjinnie: fuck off

NamJoon: can we not have a group chat civil war please

NamJoon: let’s NOT ruin the day where england beat croatia

HOEseok: noah fence right but if one more person says it’s coming home I will rip off ur balls

JiminyCricket: .....

TaeTae: .....

NamJoon: .....

HOEseok: thank u

YoonGi: lads guess what

YoonGi: it’s

YoonGi: coming

YoonGi: home

HOEseok: FUCK OFF YOONGI

JiminyCricket: ITS COMING HOME

TaeTae: ITS COMING HOME

NamJoon: FOOTBALLS COMING HOME

-

ITS COMING HOME
11/07/18
19:01

 

TaeTae: HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN HERE WE GO

JiminyCricket: HARRY KANE CUM ON MY FACE

NamJoon: fuckin hell jimin steady on

YoonGi: nah if england win the world cup gareth southgate can fully raw me

HOEseok: just had a vietnam flashback

YoonGi: flashback to rawing me or macy grasso hmmmmmm

NamJoon: :o

TaeTae: ......

JiminyCricket: oh damn

Seokjinnie: yoongi leaves for TEN MONTHS and then just comes back in and makes jokes about hoseok cheating on him i stg this man

YoonGi: bitch we still make jokes bout tht time u almost died

Seokjinnie: shit ur not wrong

JiminyCricket: GOOOOAL

NamJoon: ITS COMING HOME

TaeTae: AS IF ENGLAND SCORED WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES

YoonGi: UGH LEGENDS

Seokjinnie: CROATIA WHO ???

YoonGi: if we win the world cup I will fully get it’s coming home tattooed on my arsehole

JiminyCricket: I HOPE WE WIN JUST FOR THT

TaeTae: SHIT ME TOO

NamJoon: bruuuuh we got this look how shit croatia are playing lmaosjsj

JiminyCricket: ey fam dont get cocky

TaeTae: innit the universe gon fuck u up for tht cocky shite

NamJoon: lmaoo Nah we good we gonna win

-

ITS COMING HOME
11/07/18
19:53

 

TaeTae: aight half time lads and we winning

JiminyCricket: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

HOEseok: don’t do it

JiminyCricket: it’s coming home

HOEseok: fuck sake

HOEseok: that’s it I’m going back to korea

HOEseok: jimin’s been dragged into english football culture

HOEseok: he’s no longer a Korean (TM)

JiminyCricket: BITCH FUCK YA CULTURE

YoonGi: BiTCH WYM

HOEseok: WE BOTH KOREAN FAM

HOEseok: WE GOT THE SAME CULTURE

JiminyCricket: korean? soz I only know england

NamJoon: tf are you on fam

JiminyCricket: bitch u know exactly what am on cause ur dumbass sold it to me

Seokjinnie: damn joon u really selling drugs to minors??? thas fucked up

NamJoon: .......tis was just a weed tho

JiminyCricket: just a weed???

JiminyCricket: so u not gonna mention the ket u encouraged me to buy

NamJoon: JIMIN SHYT THE FJCK UP

Seokjinnie: what stupid cunt sells a kid w adhd ket ffs

TaeTae: ya mans

YoonGi: JOON YOU DUMB FUCK

NamJoon: listen,,,, I wanted mONEY

HOEseok: you srs joon??? you coulda given that shit to me :(((

TaeTae: lmaoo aight hobi we all know ur too fuckin poor to buy shit

JiminyCricket: yeah don’t act like we didn’t see u snorting paracetamol yesterday

YoonGi: you really tryna get high off that shit bruv tf

HOEseok: some of us are poor yoongi

YoonGi: are u really tryna say tht shit to me,,,,

YoonGi: ,,,,me,,

YoonGi: legit the poorest person in the chat

HOEseok: u got a student loan don’t u???

YoonGi: I hate u

-

ITS COMING HOME
11/07/18
20:16

 

JiminyCricket: fuckin hell the croatians are being a bit rough today

YoonGi: oooh get me a croatian man

Seokjinnie: can you go one fuckin second without making a comment about how you like dick

TaeTae: all yall wanna talk about is dick

TaeTae: white dick black dick asian dick alien dick

TaeTae: you know what i wanna talk about?

TaeTae: food

TaeTae: when are we gonna fuckin eat

Seokjinnie: im not drunk enough for this shit

NamJoon: do a shot every time jimin says it’s coming home

Seokjinnie: i don’t want to DIE of alcohol poisoning????

JiminyCricket: ITS COMING HOME

TaeTae: ITS COMING HOME

HOEseok: fuck sake you’ve set them off again

NamJoon: i aint do shit blame harry kane

JiminyCricket: do NOT blame my white king

YoonGi: ngl lads hope england win before love island starts

Seokjinnie: you and your dumb fuckin love island honestly get a life mate

YoonGi: woah man like take it easy bro

JiminyCricket: damn we really gonna win this match lmaoo bye croatia

NamJoon: obviously we gonna win lmaohsj

TaeTae: imagine,, we lose

JiminyCricket: lmaoo imagine

JiminyCricket: would be shambles thank fuck we gonna win hahaha :)

Jeongguk: I stopped watching when korea got out

TaeTae: fake fan

Jeongguk: ,,,,,,,,,

Jeongguk: ok

NamJoon: I support both countries so I have more chance of winning

TaeTae: ugh his mind

JiminyCricket: we love a man with a brain

YoonGi: FUCK

TaeTae: NO FUCK OFF

JiminyCricket: I WAS TOO BUSY TYPING DID CROATIA JUST SCORE

NamJoon: CROATIA JUST SCORED FUCK OFF

JiminyCricket: WHAT THE FUCK PICKFORD YOU WERE MEANT TO FUCKING SAVE IT

TaeTae: FUCK WANK BOLLOCKS CUNT

HOEseok: LMAO GUESS ITS NOT COMING HOME

TaeTae: NAH FUCK OFF HOSEOK ITS 1-1 WE GOT TIME

JiminyCricket: I GOT FAITH

JiminyCricket: MY MAN LINGARD WILL SCORE US A GOAL I BET MY WHOLE BANK ACCOUNT ON IT

YoonGi: I’ll take that bet a bitch is poor

TaeTae: iss aight lads remember tht shit with columbia

TaeTae: we won’t tht we can win this

TaeTae: a believe in us

-

ITS COMING HOME
11/07/18
21:20

 

TaeTae: bruv this extra time is killing me

YoonGi: this match is more stressful than my uni exams

JiminyCricket: innit lmaoo im on edge my entire asshole is clenched

NamJoon: iss aight lads we gonna win remember

TaeTae: namjoon if you jinx this oNE MORE TIME

NamJoon: i-it’s coming home

JiminyCricket: it fucjin better or I will blame it on u

NamJoon: iss ok lads

NamJoon: have faith

Jeongguk: are england winning or nah

TaeTae: does this convo sound like they winnin bitch

TaeTae: i stg my man dumb as fuck

Jeongguk: that’s it

Jeongguk: no dick for you this summer

TaeTae: what no baby i didnt mean it

Jeongguk: >:(

HOEseok: if we just get to penalties we’ll be fine lads

Seokjinnie: yeah we should be good

JiminyCricket: NO

JiminyCricket: NO

YoonGi: FUCK OFF

JiminyCricket: NO

TaeTae: HOW DID THEY SCORE

JiminyCricket: CROATIA SCORED

JiminyCricket: THE DIRTY FUCKIN CROATIANS

YoonGi: LADS ITS NOT COMING HOME

HOEseok: LMAKSJSJ THATS WHAT UR OVERCONFIDENT ASS GETS

HOEseok: GOING AROUND BANGING ON ABOUT HOW ITS COMING HOME

HOEseok: BUT I GUESS ITS NOT LMAO

YoonGi: FUCK OFF HOSEOK

Jeongguk: HAHSHSHSHSH

Jeongguk: THE ONLY THING COMING HOME IS THE ENGLAND TEAM

JiminyCricket: FUCK

JiminyCricket: OFF

TaeTae: RIGHT THATS IT TIME TO TRASH AN IKEA

NamJoon: w-we still have time

JiminyCricket: NAH NAMJOON WHAT DID I SAY

JiminyCricket: WHAT

JiminyCricket: DID

JiminyCricket: I

JiminyCricket: SAY

NamJoon: ......

NamJoon: sowwy

JiminyCricket: IF A SEE U IN DI STREETS U GONNA HAVE TO POST UP

NamJoon: one way trip to barcelona? booked

JiminyCricket: YEAH RUN AWAY BITCH

TaeTae: lads,,, it,,, might not be coming home

YoonGi: don’t talk like tht tae

YoonGi: we,,

YoonGi: we still have time

TaeTae: t-two minutes yoon

JiminyCricket: bye I’m doing a jin and crashing my car

Seokjinnie: it,, has been over a year

Seokjinnie: LET IT GO

JiminyCricket: never babe xx

YoonGi: one minute left lads

YoonGi: can we do it

Seokjinnie: no

 

YoonGi removed Seokjinnie from the chat

 

YoonGi: getting rid of toxic ppl from my life :))

JiminyCricket: JAJSJSJSK

 

NamJoon added Seokjinnie to the chat

 

Seokjinnie: fuck you yoon i hope the next dick u suck stinks of dead fish

YoonGi: you hoping I suck ur man’s dick???

NamJoon: TF DID I DO

NamJoon: TO EARN THIS SLANDER

YoonGi: YOU MADE ENGLAND LOSE

NamJoon: a said a was sowwy

JiminyCricket: it’s all down to this free kick lads

JiminyCricket: can we do it

TaeTae: we about to find out

YoonGi: and the answer is,,,,

TaeTae: .....

JiminyCricket: .....

NamJoon: ......

YoonGi: no,, we can’t do it

TaeTae: well,, that’s it lads

TaeTae: it’s not coming home

HOEseok: the football’s done a madeline mccan,, it’s not coming home

YoonGi: oh for fuck sake hobi

Seokjinnie: so you telling me,, I’ve had that fucking it’s coming home song stuck in my head for 3 weeks just for england to LOSE ???

Seokjinnie: rude

JiminyCricket: so,,, what are we meant to do now

JiminyCricket: this is literally all I had going on in my life

TaeTae: im just,,, heartbroken

YoonGi: me too

NamJoon: same

JiminyCricket: can somebody explain how imma face my cousins in korea after banging on about how it’s coming home for the last month

Seokjinnie: oooh that sounds like a you problem

TaeTae: im gonna go wallow in pity for the next few days

TaeTae: if you need you’ll find me drowning in my tears

Jeongguk: so,,,

Jeongguk: did england win??

JiminyCricket: .....

TaeTae: honestly go die jeon