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dear guk,

meet me at our place tonight?? i wanna see you~ it’s been awhile, too long. please? agh, people have been noticing that i’ve been happier lately. mom’s convinced that i’m dating someone, and i can’t tell her that she’s right, it’s driving me nuts. i wish i could properly introduce you to her. she’d love you, really. but anyways, come meet me tonight!! 9pm?? i won't be able to get your response before i leave since i don't come by this fountain again.  really, i don't know if you’ll even get this. i guess i’ll just take a chance, huh?



dear tae,

i’ll be there. wouldn’t miss it for the world, babe! your mom sounds so sweet though. you’re lucky to have her.



dear guk,

i had fun. we should do that more often. i hate having to tiptoe around like this. but it’s okay, i understand, dont worry. this is better than not being with you at all. i think you're really great, you know that? and even though we haven’t been together for a long time, i still think we can do this. we can make it work. us. together.



dear tae,

i’m sorry it has to be this way, but it’s the best solution i could think of. isn’t sneaking around and leaving notes a little mysterious, though? haha, it is for me, anyways. you’re the first guy i’ve ever been with and it just feels so right. you’re so special to me already. of course we can make this work. our whole situation is only temporary, too. once we get out of here, when i move out, we don’t have to worry. we can be who we are somewhere else.



dear guk,

ah, really, you think this is mysterious? we’re leaving notes tucked under a pipe in a school water fountain, lol. i guess it’d be an interesting getting-together story to tell. you’re so cute. but, hey, it’s friday. you can come over to my house, if you want to. i know you really don’t want anybody to know, but my mom already knows that i’m dating somebody and she promised to not tell a soul. don’t be mad, but she’s my mom, she had to know. we can be free at my house.



dear tae,

i don’t know. i’m not mad at you telling her as long as she stays quiet, but i’m still not very comfortable with /this/ around other people yet. please try to understand? it’s still all new to me. i’m not ready to go there, i’m sorry. we can meet at our place, though? i do want to see you.




dear guk,

yeah, that’s fine, our place works. i don’t want to rush you into anything, i know how hard coming out can be. but trust me, once everyone knows, it’ll be so much easier. imagine being able to talk in the halls? ugh, i hate the hierarchy in this school. it’s not fair. but anyways, i understand that i don’t mean much to you yet. it’s understandable that you want to keep us a secret.



dear tae,

i know, and i wish i could change it. i’d change the world if it meant i could be with you. and i will, eventually, i promise. because you’re it for me, tae, nobody else. just you. and i’ll make you believe me tonight, really. you’re like the stars that complete my solar system, yeah?



dear guk,

that was horrible and i hate you.

(not really. i'm excited to see you, even if it’s in secret. <3)



dear tae,

last night was the most fun i’ve ever had in my life, oh my god. i had to sneak back into the house through the window because my dad locked the door. i can’t believe we did that, i still laugh when i think about it. i’m so tired today but it was all worth it. we should do it again? tonight?



dear guk,

sounds great haha. i had a great time too. see, i told you i can be fun! of course i’ll be there tonight. i don’t need sleep when i’m around you. like, even if i’m just thinking about you, it makes me happy. <3.



dear guk,

i wish i could text you to see why you’re not here today. i’m worried. did something happen when you went home last night?? i miss you, even if we don’t actually interact at school. i just like seeing your handsome face. come back!!



dear guk,

you’re back today! i see that you took my other note, why didn’t you write a response? is everything okay?




dear guk,

what happened to your face? why aren’t you writing back? please stop ignoring my notes, i’m really concerned. is somebody hurting you? did somebody find out about us? talk to me, please.



dear tae,

come to our place after school.



dear guk,

you left really quickly last night. are you sure you’re okay? i hate your dad. i love you, you know, and i hate seeing you hurt like this. come to my house if he ever pulls anything like that again. we’ll accept you, okay?



dear tae,

thank you, really. you do so much for me, i don’t understand why you put up with all of this. it’s so complicated, why even bother anymore? i’m sure you’d be happier without me.



dear guk,

hmm, well, it’s a shame you don’t get to decide how i feel. i don’t mind helping you, not in the slightest. you’re a part of me now, got it? so don’t say things like that!



dear guk,

who is she? everyone says you’re dating her. i’m trying not to believe them, but it’s hard when you two look good together. as much as i don’t want to play the jealous boyfriend role, i can’t help but worry.



dear tae,

she doesn’t mean anything to me, really. somehow, people have been talking about me being gay. i’m just using her. trust me, she doesn’t mean anything. you’re my only one, okay?



dear guk,

i’m sorry i left early last night. every time we kissed, i couldn’t get her out of my head. it’s not fair to you, i know, but i’m pretty insecure. i feel bad now. forgive me? <3




dear guk,

i take it back. i saw you with her. there was nobody else around, and you were all over her. how can you tell me that was just a show? there was nobody! the halls were empty! if you don’t like me anymore, you could have just broken up with me. seriously, fuck you.



dear tae,

why can’t you believe that she’s worthless to me? i was with her then because she felt like i wasn’t committed to the relationship. which is right, of course, because you’re the only one i care about. but i need her to believe me, okay? people can’t know that we’re dating. they can’t.



dear guk,

are you that embarrassed by me? is being gay that horrible to you? if i’m such a burden then just dump me already. i don’t want to but if she’s what you want, don’t let me hold you back.

you know that you’ve never said ‘i love you’ to me, right? never. not even while we were in person.



dear tae,

i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry, honestly. this stuff is hard for me. you know what my dad’s like, and i’m just scared terrified nervous. if this became public, i don’t know what he’d do. as for her, i’ll shut things down if you want me to. i don’t like her, not at all. not romantically, not even as a person. it’s you, tae, only you. i’m sorry.



dear guk,

break things off with her and meet me tonight, then? we can talk.



dear tae,

done. i’ll see you soon, baby. i love you. can’t wait.



dear guk,

thanks for coming last night. i forgot to ask, though, how was that math test?? we studied so hard for it, i’ll be writing a strongly worded letter if you got anything less than a B >:0



dear tae,

i got an A, actually! it’s all thanks to you. thanks, by the way. for everything. seriously. all i can repay you with is kisses and lots of snacks. tonight, maybe?



dear guk,

wow, how could i ever turn down such an offer?? haha, yeah, see you tonight <3



dear guk,

someone found out, i’m so sorry. i don’t know how, i’ve been so, so careful. but it’s all over the school and i’m so scared. but maybe this isn’t such a bad thing?? i mean, it’s almost been a year. a stupid love that started from hiding notes under a water fountain. crazy, isn’t it? seriously though, why don’t we just come out? i love you, and we can deal with this together!



dear guk,

hey, what happened at lunch?? your whole table was sneering at me. didn’t you tell them that we were together? i’m confused. can we meet tonight? talk this over?



dear guk,

what was your friend talking about? i never started a rumour, and i never told anyone about us. can you clear things up with them? they’re being so mean to me! i don’t know why, either. answer me, please?



dear guk,

you told them that i made it all up? that i was obsessed with you? are you kidding me? why would you do that? everyone’s laughing at me and calling me horrible things, i can’t take this. i know you don’t want to come out but this is a whole new low. i don’t know how people found out but i honestly didn’t do it. can we try to fix this?



dear jeongguk,

are you going to keep reading these and not leaving a response? are you going to let them push me around and make me feel like shit? i hate you, jeongguk, but i hate myself more. i hate myself for believing you, every time you told me that i was special, every time you told me that i was everything to you. i’m nothing to you but a toy. i can see that now.



jeongguk,

i’m moving. people are becoming too much. they followed me home and broke my arm. i had to go to the hospital. the pain wasn’t the worst part, though. it was seeing you, at the back. watching. you caused this, jeongguk. you can live with that now. i hope you had fun tearing me apart. i hope you have fun with her. i hope you live a long, happy life and have kids and get married. i hope that every time you feel something about a male, you remember that you’re lying to yourself. bye, guk.




tae,

i love you.






kim taehyung i need you i love you i love you i love you i never got to say it but i love you so much i love you please come back to me i love you iloveyouilove    ou      ilo          e you i lo      v          e










dear tae,

it’s been 35 years since i graduated from this school, 34 since you moved away. i’ve missed you every single day. i came back here for a reunion and i found myself by this fountain. it’s still here, can you believe that? the handle’s kinda broken and it’s rusty.

i still have every one of your notes. i read them sometimes. i regret everything that happened. i wish i could tell you why i had to do what i did. how my dad was treating me. but i guess it’s too late now, since people say that you’re dead.

it’s unclear how. some people say suicide, others say cancer, or a tragic car accident. i don’t know what to believe.

i’m married to a man now. we adopted a daughter. i’m happy. but there isn’t a day that passes where i don’t think of you. of what i did. i have nightmares about it still, of your face when they started to hit you. i didn’t mean for it to go that far. i was just going to wait until it all blew over, then we could keep sending notes and meeting in secret. i was too young, and our love was too innocent. i should have done more for you. i’m sorry.

all i can hope is that you found happiness before you went.

i still love you. and i miss you. and you’re still the stars in my galaxy. and this is still our water fountain.