Bonnie wills herself to try and get at least an ounce of sleep again tonight. Fruitlessly, she closes her eyes and forces herself to think of a black abyss; vast and neverending. Sleepless hours prevail in which the black abyss seamlessly evaporates and her intricate feelings envelope her once more. She eventually surrenders.
She arises, and paces over to the mirror, the same mirror in which, every day she has peered into and whispered to herself that everything will be okay. The same mirror in which she gazes into, hoping for a solution, something that will end the overbearing yearning she feels inside of her.
She traces slender black strokes across her eyes and embellishes her lips with a velvet rose before slipping on her clothes and making her way into the night air. Eventually, she finds herself outside the familiar, looming house, in which ten years previous, a woman planted a seed inside her soul that has perpetually bloomed in colours of scarlet and mauve.
Bonnie enters unannounced and finds herself swathed in darkness. Her heart quivers, as it so often does, when she is met with the incandescent light straining through the glass that leads to Annalise’s office. She finally forces herself to come face to face with the doors that continue to fill her body, simultaneously with dread and longing. She knocks and timidly enters the office to find Annalise at her desk perusing case files. This was a sight with which she was well acquainted, however, every time she finds herself entering the woman’s presence it is as though she is experiencing it for the first time. Annalise’s overcast eyes look up at her and send convulsions through her body; the same way they did on their first encounter. Each time Bonnie saw her, Annalise happened to her all over again.
“I thought maybe we should talk,” Bonnie manages to stammer after futilely attempting to quell her lingering anxiety. Annalise stares at the papers in front of her for what felt like a lifetime before her gaze meets Bonnie’s.
“You want a drink?” Annalise says as she leans down and produces a bottle of vodka and two glasses from her desk drawer.
“No Annalise, I-”
“What is there to talk about Bonnie? You made your feelings towards me perfectly clear.” She pours two glasses of vodka, takes a mouthful and sets the glass down. She looks at Bonnie, who is still standing in the same place as when she entered the room. “Sit down Bonnie.” She moves one of the glasses forward, watching the other woman. Bonnie eventually acquiesces and takes a seat in front of Annalise.
“I know what I do to people Bonnie. I ruin them. I devour them. Look at what I’ve done to you. What I did to you the other night. All the time I’ve been telling myself that I do these things to help you all but that’s not true. Sam was right. Everything I do, I do it for myself-”
“No Bonnie. Listen to me.” She lifts the glass of vodka and downs it. “Everything that’s went wrong in all of our lives- You, me, Wes- everyone. That’s all on me.”
Bonnie looks at the other woman, her vision becoming blurred as her eyes become scorched with tears.
“What I said the other night Annalise-”
“You had every right Bonnie. I told you, I ruin people.” She looks at Bonnie before filling her glass and taking another mouthful. “I would never intentionally hurt you, Bonnie. You know that, right?”
Bonnie, in one mouthful, finally drinks the contents of her glass. “Annalise- what I said the other night- I didn’t mean it. You saved me and I know you’ll deny it but you did.” Her cheeks became tainted with tears that she had been coercing herself to withhold. She uses her hands to wipe them away, but like a deteriorating dam attempting to withstand a flood- her attempts are in vain.
“I should go,” she stutters as she rises from her chair and attempts to make her way towards the doors of the office. Annalise rouses and advances towards the woman. Annalise touches Bonnie’s arm just as she places her hand on the door handle. Bonnie’s hand suddenly drops as she turns to meet the protruding eyes which she knows will eternally possess her. Annalise’s hand caresses her face in the same way that her very existence caresses her soul. Annalise regards Bonnie’s lips for a few seconds before connecting them with her own. Bonnie’s body quails and the seed inside her blossoms into an anthology of camellias and moonflowers.