1 - 20 of 25 Works by philthestone in Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)

Pages Navigation

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    Oh, brother. She is going to kill Jake when she gets her hands on him.

    Presuming, of course, says a very unfortunate voice in her head that sounds eerily like Captain Holt, that he hasn’t suffered fatal asphyxiation first.

    Amy loves Captain Holt, she really truly does, he is her mentor and hero and on better days somewhat of a father figure, but that is categorically not helping anything right now.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,903
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    489
    Bookmarks:
    60
    Hits:
    4670
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Jake’s pretty sure that that movie doesn’t actually exist, but the concept of it is kind of terrifying, because what if he is Random Wrong Fiance No. 23? Except instead of Matthew McConaughey ruining things, the ceiling falls in, or Amy gets abducted by aliens. Or worst, Charles gets abducted by aliens. Or even worst, Gina’s baby gets abducted by aliens.

    That would definitely be the worst of all, Jake thinks, because Gina would never let any of them forget that her progeny was probably the youngest person ever to do space travel.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,925
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    184
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    1802
  3. Tags
    Summary

    “I’m just saying,” says Gina, camped on Amy’s couch and painting her nails for the tenth time that week. “Jimmy-boy doesn’t know who he’s up against. Your nerd-smarts, my dazzling good looks, Rosa’s crowbar collection, and also my not-nerd smarts? Dumb-dumb won’t know what hits him.”

    Amy copes, and waits, and holds the hands of her friends.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,754
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    275
    Bookmarks:
    60
    Hits:
    2970
  4. Tags
    Summary

    This,” says Dad dramatically, splaying his hands in front of him and deepening his voice so that it sounds super goofy. “This is the story of how mommy shot me in the leg.”

    “AWESOME!” yells Maya, bouncing in her pillow fort seat.

    What?” gasps Benji, looking stricken. “Did you die?”

    “I – what, no – Benji, I’m sitting right here –”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,533
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    614
    Bookmarks:
    125
    Hits:
    5366
  5. Tags
    Summary

    It's six months into the zombie apocalypse and he's maybe lowkey making out with Amy Santiago in the Hudson river at two am in the morning.

    That's normal, right?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,048
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    236
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    2432
  6. Tags
    Summary

    “Hey,” says Jake, wiggling his toes. “Race you to the bodega for a tub of bubblegum ice cream.”

    “I glide,” says Gina, into his t-shirt. “I don’t race.”

    “Tooshie,” says Jake. (This time, his voice is knitting itself back together.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,686
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    417
    Bookmarks:
    62
    Hits:
    3580
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Erskine tilts his head.

    “Why do you want to fight?”

    Jake could say a million things.

    “I’m Jewish.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,847
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    120
    Kudos:
    665
    Bookmarks:
    227
    Hits:
    12194
  8. Tags
    Summary

    "You are aware," Gina tells Amy one fine spring evening, cozied up against her shoulder almost uncomfortably close in the bustle of Shaw's, "that you're dating an actual Disney Princess, right?"

    OR, why Jake's life is woefully not quite action-movie worthy and it's all Jimmy Figgis's fault.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,530
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    440
    Bookmarks:
    64
    Hits:
    5979
  9. Tags
    Summary

    The first time Jake howls Doug Judy's name into the air with fury, it is totally and completely justified.

    “It’s like that nursery rhyme or whatever,” says Gina, lounging in her chair and blowing on the sparkly coat of polish she’s just applied to her pinky. “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t arrest Doug Judy again!”

    “Not helping, Gina,” says Jake in a muffled voice, all the abject desolation of the universe focusing itself on building the image of Jake's face smushed uncomfortably against his desk with no intention of being lifted in the near future.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,065
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    224
    Bookmarks:
    44
    Hits:
    4189
  10. Tags
    Summary

    “You’ve gotta be a certain age to fall in love?”

    In his periphery, Raymond can see the widening of Jake’s brown eyes, big and sincere to a degree almost comical. His voice is genuinely surprised – as if Amy would be knowledgeable in matters of the heart where he would not. Interesting, considering that Raymond has noticed Jake spends most of his time actually in Amy’s presence telling her all about how much more worldly wise than her he is.

    (Outside of Amy’s presence is another matter entirely; Raymond wonders if perhaps Amy could actually become the president of the world solely from the whole-hearted belief Jake has in her abilities.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,244
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    230
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    2300
  11. Tags
    Summary

    "We should meet at the school next time, Detective Holt," Amy tells him, tapping her pencil against the table; it has pink and yellow designs on it, patterned with something that looks like a cartoon sponge.

    "Yeah!" agrees Jake. "Charles can give us those muffins that are for the afterschool kids!"

    "Ugh, no," says Gina. "Charles Boyle is an atrocity unto this Earth."

    "He's nice," says Rosa, with absolutely no inflection in her voice whatsoever, glaring at Raymond as though daring him to disagree. "I like him."

    "He eats goat cheese," says Gina. "What kind of highschooler eats goat cheese."

    "Can we go back to looking at Amy's binder things now?" asks Jake. He takes an obnoxious slurp of his milkshake.

    "It's not a binder thing," says Amy, scandalized. "It's extensive research. Detective Holt, please explain how important this research is for our case."

    Raymond stares at the lot of them and wonders if it would be prudent to inform them that Jake's insistence that they use the word case to describe their abysmal schooling situation is inaccurate use of NYPD vernacular.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,125
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    179
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    2118
  12. Tags
    Summary

    "Can you do that? Do they teach you that stuff?” Jake had leaned forward, steamed-milk mustache and all. “Santiago, can you do a somersault entrance?”

    “I’m co-working a prostitution ring,” Amy had said, snorting. “Relax.”

    Relax,” Jake said, swiveling back to face his computer. “Definitely not one of Santiago’s sex tapes.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,351
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    298
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    5358
  13. Tags
    Summary

    A month later, they’ll be at a stakeout: eleven pm with the bag of sour gummies being passed between them like clockwork when Jake says, “So I told Sophia I loved her,” into the coldish car air.

    Amy swallows and feels the sugar granules coating the gummie in her hand dig against her skin. “Oh,” she says.

    “And then she dumped me,” he adds, muttered against the fogged up car window, and Amy wonders what different is supposed to mean when they still tell each other everything and a half.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,086
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    208
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    2562
  14. Tags
    Summary

    It's the hottest day in July and Amy is eight months and three days pregnant when Jake introduces Captain Holt to X-Men.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,044
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    48
    Kudos:
    482
    Bookmarks:
    126
    Hits:
    8464
  15. Tags
    Summary

    She wonders why a small part of her was almost expecting something typical, like aftershave or Old Spice; anything other than the fruit and the coffee and the hint of sugary breakfast cereal she can taste on his lips.

    It's unexpected, but so incredibly familiar and comforting, and absurdly, Amy almost wants to cry.

    (She blames that on the too-bright "1:05 a.m." on her phone screen, though, and goes back to kissing Jake.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,323
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    247
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    4286
  16. Tags
    Summary

    His eyes linger for a moment too long, the kind you can’t just brush off as “oops, spaced out there, sorry Santiago” – can’t brush it off or ignore it the way he’s been brushing off all the other slip-ups he’s had in the past half-hour, staring at her hair and getting distracted by her fingers picking at the couch and wondering if the coffee filters in the microwave are going to explode.

    Amy says, “Jake?” in a hesitant voice, and Jake thinks, play it cool, Peralta.

    “Ikindareallywannakissyourinow,” he blurts.

    Nailed it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,671
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    257
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    5172
  17. Tags
    Summary

    She says, “romantic-stylze”, with a z, and he knows.

    (And this time, there’s actually someone being left behind waiting, but it’s maybe a little less awful than it was before.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,351
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    165
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    3252
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Gina tells him to be honest about it all, but Jake’s pretty sure that even Gina wouldn’t have suggested dropping a truth bomb like that and then disappearing for the next five months undercover.

    Actually, who knows, maybe she would. Jake can hear her voice in his head clearly, saying, “No, girl, you have got to make a statement. Corner her in the pouring rain! Declare your undying love right before you die. It’s an everything-proof stratagem, kiddo.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,001
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    175
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    2537
  19. Tags
    Summary

    "You're a terrible partner," she tells him, voice firm and lips pinched, one night four weeks in on a stakeout in his candy wrapper-filled car. "I know," he says, grinning at the windshield.

    It's not true, not at all, but Amy decides that his acknowledgement of it has to mean something, at least.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,823
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    152
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    1518
  20. Tags
    Summary

    “There’s gotta be a rule somewhere that says you can’t have two best men,” says Terry, looking between Gina and Charles with a pained expression.

    “Three best men,” Jake corrects, tapping his temple wisely.

    “Two,” snaps Rosa. “I already helped you pick out the stupid ring. Nothing else.”

    Jake and Amy get married. It’s a team effort.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,106
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    554
    Bookmarks:
    120
    Hits:
    8575

Filters

Filter results:
Submit

Include

?
Include Ratings
Include Warnings
Include Categories
Include Fandoms
Include Characters
Include Relationships
Include Additional Tags

Exclude

?
Exclude Ratings
Exclude Warnings
Exclude Categories
Exclude Fandoms
Exclude Characters
Exclude Relationships
Exclude Additional Tags

More Options

Crossovers
Completion Status
Word Count
Date Updated
Submit

Pages Navigation