“I honestly can’t think of anything you could be sorry about— Oh yes! You forgot your promised dinner date with me. I got a call about your death penalty on our anniversary!”
Shiiiiiiiittttttake mushrooms. No wonder he didn’t come to visit sooner.
“Just to be clear, you’re mad about the dinner date and not the death penalty, right?”
“Fuck you, asshole!”
Featuring prison Keith, sexy angry Lance, prison breaks, Pidge our god and saviour, mental cosmic meltdown Keith, and a cabin hanging down from a stalactite. And a summary too long it got edited.
Also there’s a velociraptor somewhere.
go ahead, click away.
Bookmarked by notadora
09 Jan 2020
“Do you want a baby?”
Keith chokes on his alien coffee. Struggled to breathe for a few more minutes then looks at Lance who was growing more and more anxious with his reaction. “A baby?”
“Like baby-baby? As in cleaning poop, changing diapers- baby? As in spoon feeding-baby, baby?”
“Yes, Keith. That kind of baby. Also I was thinking something more of bundle of happiness, kind. The I’m cradling the world in my arms- thing. You’re good at that, right- cradling?”
“Yeah, cradling you. Not some totally reliant fragile creature!”
“Crea- Keith, you used to be a baby at some point! …Right?”
“Yes, Lance, we have both seen baby Galras, proving once and for all that we do not come out of an alien membrane as a fully-grown teenager.”
“You’re not sending a picture of my bleeding dick—“
“Shut the fuck up. You’re not sending a picture of my dick to Shiro.”
Keith’s dark eyes looked up at him innocently. Thumb hovering over the send button.
“Keith,” Lance said warningly. “Don’t do it.”
He tapped send.
Dick Count: 21
“They’re giving out little square papers, Lance. Mine’s pink. I have to write down my short term, long term goals.”
“You’re hiding in the bathroom.” He said once more, for good measure.
“Yup, foot up the stall and all that.”
He had to ask. “What did you write?”
There was a rustling sound on his ear. “Short term: go home soonish. Long term: transfer to another country during team buildings.”
- Part 2 of Locked Out Of Your Bathroom Door
Keith wasn’t in the mood to play good boyfriend. “Explain.”
“See, I was innocently soaking in the bath, like so,” he ran water in his hands to punctuate his words, “then, out of the blue, this itsy-bitsy spider went out the water spout.”
Keith groaned, banging his head on the door. All the pent up energy releasing as a big face palm to himself. Turns out Lance wasn’t just incapable of killing a spider, he would go to fucking lengths to avoid it.
“Well, no. It didn’t come out the water spout, it came in through the space beneath the door and stayed somewhere over there and so I’m stuck. I figured it wouldn’t be able to get to me in the water. And It wasn’t itsi-bitsy at all. It was huge,” Lance raised a fist, “this huge.”
Keith raised a fist too. “And I’m also ‘this huge’-ly annoyed with you right now. And it’s one wrong word away to meeting your face.”
“You woke me up for a spider call.”
“Keith, I’m pruning.”
- Part 1 of Locked Out Of Your Bathroom Door