dont0mind0me



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    “Ugh!” David shouts, trying to figure out how to explain how utterly maddening this man was. “Yes, he was polite, I guess, but the way he said it was like—" he lets out a noise of frustration “—you know that fucking emoji of the moon?”

    “The one with that condescending smile that looks like it probably just did a really bad fart and is proud of it?”

    “Yes!” David points so forcefully at Stevie that he almost falls off the couch. “He may have said polite words but his expression was pure stinky-fart-moon-face!”

    Stevie makes a noise of disgust. “I hate that fucking emoji.”


    David meets Patrick Brewer, a glassblower, at the Elmington Craft Fair and loves his work, but wishes it didn’t come attached to someone so condescending. Not that it matters, because apparently Patrick has no interest in becoming part of the Rose Apothecary brand. It wouldn’t be nearly so annoying if Patrick’s best friend wasn’t about to be David’s newest vendor.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    66,893
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    689
    Kudos:
    738
    Bookmarks:
    249
    Hits:
    15064

    23 Jan 2022

  2. Public Bookmark 78

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    The Great Canadian Baking Show comes to Schitt's Creek, hosted by David and Alexis Rose. Patrick, still fresh from leaving his old life behind, enters the contest and gets more than he bargained for.

    Will Patrick get used to baking in front of people? In front of cameras? Who will go out? Who will be crowned the ultimate Star Baker?

    Rated E for later chapters.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    60,044
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    97
    Kudos:
    295
    Bookmarks:
    78
    Hits:
    5293

    08 Jan 2022

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    About a year into co-owning Rose Apothecary, Patrick's pressured to go home for Halloween to attend the big town festival (Hallmark vibesssss) and his cousin's bachelor party. But he's not out yet and he tells David he wishes he had a boyfriend to take home to make the process easier. David offers to play the role he's yearned for since he met Patrick. But the thing is, neither of them really have to pretend.

    This story follows the guys on their weekend in Patrick's hometown. Staying with the Brewers, carving pumpkins, meeting more Brewers, wearing costumes, and THERE IS ONLY ONE BED *gasp*.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,086
    Chapters:
    21/21
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    266
    Kudos:
    587
    Bookmarks:
    175
    Hits:
    7886

    06 Jan 2022

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    David escapes to the Schitt family cabin for the weekend to spend his birthday popping a pill and crying himself to sleep after a Sandra and Julia marathon. He expects wine, crying, and getting mad at his family for inevitably forgetting his birthday. What he doesn't expect is meeting a disarmingly charming man camping up the road. Maybe it won't be such a bad birthday after all. There is some canon dialogue and some canon adjacent'ish things.

    This fic is complete and is rated E for Eventual Explicit Exploits in later chapters. I hope you enjoyed that alliteration as much as I did. I'll be posting a chapter a day until it's done.

    This fic was inspired by a photo of Noah Reid released a week or two ago from a film set. .

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    48,926
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Comments:
    657
    Kudos:
    783
    Bookmarks:
    219
    Hits:
    15728

    06 Jan 2022

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    David needs to escape the stress of NYC and can't stomach another Rose family Christmas party, so he books an AirBNB for two weeks in Schitt's Creek. The town his family visited when he was a kid. The one true family vacation they'd had. He plans to spend two weeks drinking wine and soaking in a jacuzzi tub, but the cute guy renting the AirBNB derailed his relaxing plans.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    50,055
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    219
    Kudos:
    621
    Bookmarks:
    193
    Hits:
    7677

    06 Jan 2022

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