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  1. Public Bookmark 69

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    Eddie had thought for a while now that he and Buck were slowly moving towards a future together. A future where they weren’t just partners at work, but in all areas of their lives.

    Buck dying had almost shattered that future but Eddie brought it back, brought him back with his own two hands and silent prayers as he got Buck’s heart beating again.

    Buck came to his house when he needed to escape from Maddie and her parade of well meaning babysitters. It was Eddie’s couch that he fell asleep on, finally feeling safe enough to rest. It was Eddie he began to open up to about his death.

    And it was Eddie’s heart that Buck unknowingly broke in a graveyard when he started talking about how a woman he barely knew saw him.

    OR

    To protect his heart, Eddie pulls away from Buck when he starts dating Natalia. When he decides to move to B-shift, Buck finally confronts him and certain feelings finally come to light.

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    18 Mar 2024

  2. Public Bookmark 78

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    But as it turns out, he doesn’t need an opener. He walks up the stairs to the loft, and finds himself facing the backs of four office chairs. Over by the kitchen counter, Ravi gives a signal, and all four chairs turn around in impressive sync.

    Eddie sits in the second one from the left, grinning wide. In the other three chairs, Chimney, Hen, and Bobby are barely containing their glee.

    “Saw you on TV last night,” Eddie says, still grinning. “Something you want to tell us?”

     

    OR: buck auditions for the voice. it goes about the way you'd expect.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,623
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    1/1
    Comments:
    36
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    569
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    78
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    17 Mar 2024

    Bookmarker's Notes

    that song

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Buck probably thinks Eddie’s freezing up because he’s remembering the time before Buck, except he isn’t, because he can’t. Buck came along and redefined what it means to touch, to be touched.

    And Eddie doesn’t know to explain that. He doesn’t know how to split the whole thing into parts.

    How to say: I want you more than I have ever wanted anything. I want you close, and here, and always.

    I don’t know how to let you take what I want you to have.

    in which eddie can almost, almost let himself have everything with buck. it takes one google invite, one therapist, and a never-ending series of stops and starts to figure out why the almosts keep happening.

    (a coda to tell me about despair.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,712
    Chapters:
    1/1
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    205
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    1,475
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    216
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    17 Mar 2024

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    eddie's not entirely sure he believes in getting help, at least not for himself. there's only so much healing to be had for a body torn apart by bullets, for a mind that's only half there, for a man who's been leaving pieces of himself behind all his life with nothing to take their place.

    except, as it turns out, falling apart happens in increments, and healing does, too: it happens when you gnaw a hole in your lip trying to keep quiet only to have the words escape; when you realize that the ghost you've been seeing out of the corner of your eye is yourself; when your best friend smiles, and you allow it to take your breath away.

    it happens through the smallest of things: bird feeders, and cacti, and pasta shapes.

    meanwhile, the world goes on.

    (or: the entity often affectionately referred to as the unrepression fic.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    148,982
    Chapters:
    5/5
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    17 Mar 2024

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Uh, Chim,” he says, “why would we be kissing each other in the first place?”

    “Oh, no reason,” Chimney shrugs. “That’s why I figured you’d be on board. Just don’t kiss each other for a week, which you already do. Easy money.”

    spoiler: it's not easy money.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,997
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    1/1
    Comments:
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    Kudos:
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    17 Mar 2024