bitchassidiot



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    “Mn,” says Lan Zhan out of the blue one night. He has been playing guqin on the other side of the room without speaking for two hours, and Wei Wuxian has been noodling with some new ideas for talismans for nearly as long--one of those easy, quiet evenings of companionable silence, until Lan Zhan has thrown this enormous tantrum out of nowhere.

     

    ---

    (A companion fic to "A Civil Combpaign". Read that one first.)

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    11 Jan 2020

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    “And,” said one of the pompous ministers, “there’s the matter of a marriage to consider as well!” 

    Jin Ling, who at the beginning of that sentence had expected to slam into the very last wall of his patience and lose his temper entirely, paused. “A what?”

    Thing was… it wasn’t such a bad idea.

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    11 Jan 2020

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    “Just think of it as a birthday present, from me to you,” Namjoon says, opening the door for Seokjin. It allows for Seokjin to finally get a proper look at Namjoon’s face, which is all smiles. Maybe a little sad, or maybe Seokjin’s just reading into it too much. “It’ll be fun. Once a year, I’ll be there for you. However you want me.” He whispers the last part, bringing his face closer to Seokjin’s so that their foreheads almost bump, and the closeness is so discombobulating that Seokjin doesn’t even think about worrying if someone recognizes them. 

     

    Seokjin swallows. “A birthday gift, huh?”

     

    Namjoon nods, slowly. “If you want.”

     

    Or: the Five Times Namjoon is Seokjin's Boyfriend and the One Time it Lasts for More Than a Day

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    01 Jan 2020

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    Kim Seokjin's To-Do List
    1. Buy enough bananas for the catering order this weekend
    2. Teach Jimin to stop slut dropping every time he greets customers
    2. Ask Jimin to teach you how to slut drop so well, because hot damn
    3. Remind Jungkook who really is the coolest person he knows (it's definitely not Kim Namjoon though he wasn't lying about his thighs they do look amazing)
    4. Help Vante Investigations solve the missing persons' case so Taehyung and Hoseok will finally stop loitering at the store.

    Seokjin's job is to run his cupcake shop, not solve crimes, but when it's discovered that the strongest link between all the victims of the missing persons case is that they were all customers at his shop, he's dragged into the mystery.
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    109,550
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    12/12
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    05 Dec 2019

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    It’s not that Jimin has issues with Seokjin, specifically. At least, not more or less than the average department head.

    “Oh, you totally hate his guts,” Taehyung replies breezily. “Like, scientifically speaking.”

    It’s just. Complicated. That’s all.

    (Or, considerably less complicated: maybe Seokjin is just particularly easy to dislike.)

     
    In which Seokjin is terribly chaotic, Jimin might be just a bit petty, and everyone else is just struggling to survive another workweek in this capitalist hellscape.

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    17 Nov 2019