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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    CROWLEY: I try not to make a habit of gratitude, but I must give our appreciation to everyone out there who’s been listening and subscribing to The Ineffable Plan.
    AZIRAPHALE: Ooh, yes, we’ve become quite popular, haven’t we?
    CROWLEY: Yeah, just hit number eight on the advice charts … No advertising at all.
    AZIRAPHALE: Mm. How … miraculous.
    CROWLEY: … Aziraphale. You did not.

     

    ***

    Crowley and Aziraphale are very possibly the people least qualified, on the entire planet, to start up an advice podcast.

    But what else is there to do when the world isn’t ending anytime soon, you’re technically on indefinite sabbatical from your lifelong careers, and you need a plausible excuse to spend more time with your best friend who you’re definitely not, absolutely not, maybe just a little, actually maybe overwhelmingly in love with?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,541
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    550
    Kudos:
    3887
    Bookmarks:
    1269
    Hits:
    21690

    17 Sep 2019

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Five times they kissed over four thousand years, and one time they actually meant it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,184
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    793
    Kudos:
    2774
    Bookmarks:
    586
    Hits:
    16196

    07 Sep 2019

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Crowley arrives injured at Aziraphale's door. He takes care of him, reads him an awful lot of Mary Oliver, and knits elaborate metaphors for his insecurities (literally).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,126
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    253
    Kudos:
    3407
    Bookmarks:
    1097
    Hits:
    27704

    29 Aug 2019

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    He hadn’t expected a sudden lapful of angel.

    “Very sorry about this,” Aziraphale said, and kissed him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,400
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    9
    Comments:
    699
    Kudos:
    10171
    Bookmarks:
    2924
    Hits:
    71040

    26 Aug 2019

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Darling,” Aziraphale answered. “I’m here.” His hand stroked through Crowley’s hair, teasing out the snarls of red that tangled around his fingers, matted with sweat and knotted where Crowley had thrashed his head against the pillows. “Can you turn over for me, love?”

    Weakly, Crowley’s eyes flickered down, and he saw the angel blushing, as if now, suddenly, of all things, he had succumbed to reticence. He was sat back on his knees, and the soft accordion folds of him were dewy with sweat and moonlight.

    His heart constricting somewhere in his useless chest, Crowley turned over, and spread his legs.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,996
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    267
    Kudos:
    1835
    Bookmarks:
    430
    Hits:
    19185

    24 Aug 2019

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    Aziraphale saw him sometimes in all-staff meetings, sitting toward the front but off to the side, lounging against a wall. Even then, he’d had style—wings tipped in gold and face painted with gold flakes in the pattern of the first constellation he designed. He was amazing, and eye-catching, and it was no exaggeration to say that he did not know Aziraphale even existed.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,043
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    312
    Kudos:
    6651
    Bookmarks:
    1497
    Hits:
    33494

    15 Aug 2019

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    God considers Crowley's unyielding pining for Aziraphale, his acts during the End of the World, and his very genuine desire to protect Aziraphale, worth rewarding. She can't make him an Angel again, but She can nudge Aziraphale in the right direction.

    If nothing else, She'd really just like Crowley to stop using Her prayer inbox for endless soliloquies about Aziraphale.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,040
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    644
    Kudos:
    3458
    Bookmarks:
    931
    Hits:
    21750

    06 Aug 2019

  8. Public Bookmark *

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    A half-step is all it takes to get Aziraphale close enough to murmur into Crowley’s ear, “Put the light out when you go to bed, and I’ll come to you.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,373
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    203
    Kudos:
    2903
    Bookmarks:
    744
    Hits:
    22338

    05 Aug 2019

  9. Public Bookmark 39

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    Summary

    Rose decides to keep the Dalek instead of Adam. The Doctor is not amused.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,910
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    257
    Bookmarks:
    39
    Hits:
    1117

    29 Jul 2019

  10. Public Bookmark 33

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    The question is, why not organic cattle ranching?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,725
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    134
    Bookmarks:
    33
    Hits:
    1208

    28 Jul 2019

  11. Public Bookmark *

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    (Or, how the Doctor and the Master finally stopped courting and got married, to the relief of most of the known galaxy and the confusion of the humans in attendance.)

    Some would have said that it was a little elaborate and over-the-top, even for Time Lords. But the Master would have responded that the two of them had never been like anyone else, and even if (traditionally speaking) a small continent or a minor threatening would have been quite enough for Society, the Master was just that kind of thoughtful, devoted suitor who went above and beyond.

    And besides, the Master would tell these would-be detractors, the Doctor certainly wasn’t telling him to stop.

    Now with Chinese translation here!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,571
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    173
    Kudos:
    1885
    Bookmarks:
    523
    Hits:
    18735

    25 Jul 2019

  12. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    TV-Series-Specific; a take on what could have happened back at Crowley's flat, after the End of the World failed to end the world.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,415
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    197
    Kudos:
    2287
    Bookmarks:
    422
    Hits:
    17996

    15 Jul 2019

  13. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Adam gave Aziraphale a body back. Like everything else Adam fixed, there are a few extra features that aren't covered in the standard issue angelic user manual. Luckily, Crowley has some practical experience with temptation.

     

    The Bentley is parked outside on the wet pavement, collecting a dewy shine in the foggy drizzle. It’s been there for approximately eighteen minutes, just long enough for its driver to make himself comfortable in Aziraphale’s back office.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,122
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    91
    Kudos:
    1701
    Bookmarks:
    228
    Hits:
    10456

    08 Jul 2019

  14. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “I’m not kind, I’m terribly wicked.” Crowley’s face is suddenly very close. Aziraphale gulps a little, wondering when exactly the demon slithered so near.

    “I’ve never seen you be terribly wicked,” Aziraphale breathes. “Prove it.”

    Inspired by the wall scene in Ep 2, because there is no way Aziraphale, after 6000 years of "fraternizing," didn't know exactly the reaction he was going to get from Crowley by calling him nice. Come join me on this wild ride featuring angst, three centuries worth of porn with feelings, and finally a ridiculously sappy post-apocalypse ending!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,061
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    125
    Kudos:
    1681
    Bookmarks:
    272
    Hits:
    10407

    07 Jul 2019

  15. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “Not objecting, just a point of uh, theological interest: is this a temptation? I mean are you tempting me here, or is it…uhm?”

    Aziraphale opened his mouth as if to protest, closed it again, and finally offered: “Well actually now that you mention it I suppose it is. I mean I am, yes. But temptation seems such a loaded word, doesn’t it? I just thought, in for a penny in for a pound – if they’re even watching they already know we’ve been consorting together, so we might as well make the most of it. Consort to our hearts’ content, so to speak.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,589
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    130
    Kudos:
    2202
    Bookmarks:
    340
    Hits:
    11677

    06 Jul 2019

  16. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Basically what it says on the tin.

    1. Holy Water
    2. Exorcised
    3. Thrown
    4. Stabbed
    5. Demon Hunter
    +1. Betrayed

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,448
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    527
    Kudos:
    6280
    Bookmarks:
    1303
    Hits:
    56885

    04 Jul 2019

  17. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Crowley could never have envisioned a miracle quite like making an angel smile.

    And when that angel is Aziraphale, well, he'll do whatever he can to experience that miracle again, and again, and again.

     

    (Crowley spends the twentieth century bringing books to Aziraphale in an effort to make his angel smile a little more)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,438
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    227
    Kudos:
    1927
    Bookmarks:
    302

    02 Jul 2019

  18. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “How many people don’t believe I exist?” Crowley asks in the doorway.
    “I’m sure no – ” Aziraphale begins, only to be cut off by Gabriel and a reluctant Newton.
    “Everyone.”

    No one wants to say it, but the residents of Dorm A, floor 3, are collectively convinced Aziraphale Fell’s boyfriend does not exist. This is their story.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,554
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    248
    Kudos:
    5794
    Bookmarks:
    988
    Hits:
    26757

    01 Jul 2019

  19. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    "Crowley, this is a disaster. This is everything I ever wanted. We’re in love. And there’s a picnic. And we don’t seem to be able to get…amorous without causing earthquakes.”

    Aziraphale attempts subterfuge. Crowley sees right through him.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,014
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    346
    Kudos:
    4789
    Bookmarks:
    1280
    Hits:
    45552

    28 Jun 2019

  20. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    After thousands of years of never quite finding the right moment to mention that he's desperately in love with Aziraphale, Crowley is handed the opportunity by a bit of tasteful, vintage erotica in a cabin by the sea. The result is nothing less than spectacular

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,563
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    1108
    Bookmarks:
    203
    Hits:
    10172

    27 Jun 2019

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