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  1. Tags
    Summary

    My name is Niall James Horan. Or at least it was. Chances are, if you’re reading this, I’m not alive anymore, so there’s no point pretending. If I am still alive and your name isn’t Niall James Horan, and you’ve stumbled across this somehow, turn back now. I’m serious. Put this down and walk away. You’ll be much happier. Just erase it from your mind, forget about it. Everything will be so much better that way.

    Or the one where Niall's diary keeps all of his deepest, darkest, most well-guarded secrets.

    Massive trigger warnings for eating disorders, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, borderline personality disorder, and mental illness. PLEASE DO NOT READ if this may be triggering in any way.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,831
    Chapters:
    22/?
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    3003
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Louis Tomlinson loved many things. However there was one thing that Louis Tomlinson didn’t love but rather, he hated with a burning passion. And that thing was a boy by the name of Niall Horan-Tomlinson.

    Or the one where Louis Tomlinson had the perfect life until his family finds out that his father had had an affair, which resulted in a bastard child by the name of Niall. Louis thought his family would be able to move past this unpleasant surprise. But when Niall's mother dies and the boy is forced to come live with the Tomlinson's, Louis' life as he knew it is threatened and he must learn to love the boy who nearly ruined his family before it's too late.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,542
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    134
    Kudos:
    230
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    6827
  3. Tags
    Summary

    He loved the emptiness that filled him. He loved curling up at night and just relishing in the hollow emptiness inside of him. Because he knew what this emptiness was. He knew exactly what it came from. It came from him not eating. And Niall loved that.

    Or the one where Niall has an eating disorder and is addicted to being empty inside.

    Massive trigger warnings for eating disorders. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE ANY POSSIBILITY OF BEING TRIGGERED!!!!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,180
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    2937
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Harry adored him. Harry was so good to him and Harry loved him so much. And Niall wanted that to be enough. He wanted it to be enough so goddamn fucking badly. But it wasn’t. It just wasn’t.

    Or the one where Niall loves Harry, but his Depression is insurmountable.

    Trigger warnings for mental illness and suicide. Please do not read if you have any chance whatsoever of being triggered by this.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    677
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    1517
  5. Tags
    Summary

    The thing is, Harry's unhappy.

    Massive trigger warnings for mental illness and suicide. Please do not read if you have any chance whatsoever of being triggered by this.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,006
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    45
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    2209
  6. Tags
    Summary

    And Harry felt like he was falling apart at the seams. He was trying so hard to keep Niall from splintering into a million tiny pieces, that he himself was beginning to crack. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t eat. All he could think about was Niall and how much he needed him to be okay, how much he needed for him to come back.

    Or the one where Niall is breaking and Harry is trying his best to save him.

    PLEASE NOTE: This is a rewrite/alternative version of my work, An Ocean Of Stars

    Massive trigger warnings for eating disorders, depression, suicide, and mental illness. PLEASE DO NOT READ if this may be triggering in any way.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,151
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    51
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    2146
  7. Tags
    Summary

    “I didn’t mean to—“ Louis began but Niall cut him off in scornful disbelief.

    “You didn’t mean to throw a water bottle at my face?” He made to raise his eyebrows, but that wound up stretching the cut open further and he hissed as the stinging sensation intensified.

     

    Or the one where Louis accidentally hurts Niall and thinks it's hilarious and Niall is angry at him (but not really).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,507
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    54
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1930
  8. Tags
    Summary

    “Sometimes…sometimes I don’t feel like I’m human anymore. Sometimes I lose control of my body. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person staring back. Because I’m not a person. I’m a monster."

    Or the one where Harry finds Niall when he's dissociating.

    Trigger warnings for self harm, borderline personality disorder, dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, blood, and probably some other things that I can't think of at the moment. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS MIGHT IN ANY WAY HARM YOU!!!!!!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,385
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    41
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1690
  9. Tags
    Summary

    I need the pain it brings, so bitter and yet so sweet, so reviving and yet so demolishing, so refreshing and yet so cliché.

    Massive trigger warnings. Please please please do not read if you have any possibility of being triggered.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    902
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1812
  10. Tags
    Summary

    It’s not that he can’t eat. It's just that...

     

    Or the one where Harry explains his eating disorder.

    Trigger Warnings

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,109
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    71
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    3875
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Niall couldn’t believe how stupid he was. He just assumed that the safest place to hide was in plain sight. That if he acted like he had nothing to hide, people would actually believe him. But no. He was wrong. Dead fucking wrong.

    Or the one where Liam finds out one of Niall's biggest secrets.

    Trigger warnings. Please please please do not read if you have any possibility of being triggered.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,094
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    62
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    2851
  12. Tags
    Summary

    They asked me if I felt safe. I said yes. I knew no one would hurt me. I wasn’t scared or anything. I just wanted to die. That’s why I was there, after all. But I didn’t feel like they would hurt me. I didn’t care about anything at that point. I just wanted to sleep.

    Or the one where Niall reflects on what it means to be safe.

    This may be triggering. I am by no means vivid, but if there is any possibility that you could be harmed or triggered in any way, shape, or form please do not read this.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    966
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    33
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    1046
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Harry would not stop talking about how much he wished he could have the amount of willpower Niall had and how he wished he could be like Niall. And Niall just…

    Niall couldn’t fucking take it anymore. “It’s not a matter of willpower,” he’d groaned, head in his hands, face screwed up. Harry had scoffed then, not believing him. “It’s not about willpower,” Niall’d repeated more forcefully.

    “Well if it’s not about willpower, then what is it about?”

     

    Or the one where Niall tells Harry his deepest, darkest, best kept secret.

    Triggers for eating disorders. Please, please, please don't read if you have any chance of being triggered

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,952
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    51
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    3377
  14. Tags
    Summary

    "Did you see her cuts? They were all really shallow. I bet they didn’t even bleed.” His face was filled with a strange vindictive malice that was incredibly out of place not only in the somber atmosphere filling the makeshift room but also on the normally happy and compassionate Niall that everyone knew and loved.

    Liam gasped slightly. “Niall!” he exclaimed, scandalized at the callousness of his best friend. “Why would you say that?”

    “It’s true,” he insisted, voice hard and gaze fixed challengingly on Liam, his normally soft baby blue eyes turned to cold and relentless steel.

    “But even if the cuts are shallow, she’s still cutting herself. She’s hurting herself on purpose. That’s really serious, and really scary.”

    “Not if the fucking cuts don’t bleed it isn’t,” Niall sneered.

     

    Or the one where the boys encounter a fan who engages in self harm, and Niall's response is catastrophic.

     

    PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A REPOST! IT IS NOT PLAGIARIZED! It is exactly the same as my original story Life on the Borderline EXCEPT that there are no accents/phonetics in this version. This is for the people who complained about my use of dialects/accents in the original.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,117
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    53
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    2100
  15. Tags
    Summary

    And Harry felt like he was falling apart at the seams. He was trying so hard to keep Niall from splintering into a million tiny pieces, that he himself was beginning to crack. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t eat. All he could think about was Niall and how much he needed him to come back.
    Harry was afraid of going to sleep each night because he didn’t know what the next day would bring. He lay awake every night, sick to his stomach, terrified of what he was going to find in the morning. Because mornings were bad. Mornings were the unknown. Harry didn’t know what state he was going to find Niall in, or if he’d even find Niall alive anymore.

    Or the one where Harry is trying desperately to hold Niall together

    Massive trigger warnings for eating disorders, depression, and mental illness. PLEASE DO NOT READ if this may be triggering in any way.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,266
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    61
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    2292
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Everything hurt so incredibly, so terribly badly.

    Or the one where Niall is drowning in loneliness.

    PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE ANY POSSIBILITY OF BEING TRIGGERED!!!!!!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!!!!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    655
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    3886
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Why couldn’t they understand? He needed it. Couldn’t they see that? He needed to be in control.

    Or the one where Niall has an eating disorder.

    Massive trigger warnings for eating disorders. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE ANY POSSIBILITY OF BEING TRIGGERED!!!!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,768
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    113
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    4738
  18. Tags
    Summary

    The walls were closing in. I swear to god the walls were going to crush me between them. And I could not breathe because all of the air was being sucked out of the room as the walls squeezed closer and closer together.

    Or the one where the boys get trapped in a lift and Niall's Claustrophobia leads to a violent panic attack.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,191
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    70
    Kudos:
    284
    Bookmarks:
    35
    Hits:
    8811
  19. Tags
    Summary

    "Did yeh see her cuts? Dey were all really shallow. Oi bet dey didn’t even bleed.” His face was filled with a strange vindictive malice that was incredibly out of place not only in the somber atmosphere filling the makeshift room, but also on the normally happy and compassionate Niall that everyone knew and loved.
    Liam gasped slightly. “Niall!” he exclaimed, scandalized at the callousness of his best friend. “Why would you say that?”
    “It’s true,” he insisted, voice hard and gaze fixed challengingly on Liam, his normally soft baby blue eyes turned to cold and relentless steal.
    “But even if the cuts are shallow, she’s still cutting herself. She’s hurting herself on purpose. That’s really serious, and really scary.”
    “Not if de fuckin’ cuts don’t bleed it in’t,” Niall sneered.

     

    Or the one where the boys encounter a fan who engages in self harm, and Niall's response is catastrophic.

    ORIGINAL VERSION (with accents and phonetics)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,357
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    102
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    3272
  20. Tags
    Summary

    The thing is, Niall’s unhappy.

    Massive trigger warnings for mental illness and suicide. Please do not read if you have any chance whatsoever of being triggered by this.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,042
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    42
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    1953

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