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  1. Public Bookmark 2

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    Summary

    Navigating relationships is hard at the best of times, but when one's education has been limited to defusing bombs and learning the safe dosages of poisons, it's even more difficult.

     

    Or

     

    How the Hargreeves siblings really learnt what it meant to be truly fucked by the world.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,484
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    954

    29 Aug 2019

  2. Public Bookmark 17

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    Summary

    Klaus has a bad day, and Diego and Ben comfort him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,165
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    157
    Bookmarks:
    17

    15 May 2019

  3. This has been deleted, sorry!

    15 May 2019

    Bookmarker's Tags:
  4. Public Bookmark 60

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    Summary

    5 times Diego picks Klaus up, & one time Klaus did.

    Years and years, but Diego seems to always be taking Klaus home.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,951
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    36
    Kudos:
    383
    Bookmarks:
    60
    Hits:
    4453

    13 May 2019

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    In October of 1989, Sir Reginald Hargreeves adopts six extraordinary children.

    One of Germany’s thousands of Juvenile Group Homes for Boys gets Klaus.

    ***

    In which Klaus is one of the 43 children born with extraordinary abilities, but not one of the ones Hargreeves adopted.

     

    Translation into Russian here!
    Fanart here and here!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    50,758
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    681
    Kudos:
    1786
    Bookmarks:
    371
    Hits:
    21600

    13 May 2019

  6. Public Bookmark 93

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    Summary

    After just barely escaping the apocalypse, the last thing you wanted was for your family to start looking at you like you’re missing a head or a limb. So, of course, the first thing Klaus started to do was pat himself down to make sure all of him made it out of that shit show.

    Two arms, check.
    Two legs, check.
    He cupped his crotch and sighed in relief, check.

    It was then that Klaus looked down and realized he couldn’t actually see his feet, he was eye to eye with what looked like his engorged stomach.

    “Don’t --” Five tried to stop him, but was cut off when Klaus started freaking out.

    “What the fuck? What the actual fuck!” Klaus shrieked, "Oh my god, it's a parasite! It’s a time traveling tapeworm! Get it out, get it out, get it out!”

    “You look like you swallowed a planet,” Ben observed intellectually.

    “Oh no. No, no, no. You so do not get to use Doctor Who quotes against me, buddy!” Klaus squawked, backing away from one brother and ending up bumping into another, Diego’s hand reaching out to steady him before Klaus toppled over again.

    Allison was the first one to finally say the actual words, “He looks...pregnant.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,427
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    120
    Kudos:
    494
    Bookmarks:
    93
    Hits:
    8554

    13 May 2019

    Bookmarker's Tags:
  7. Public Bookmark 77

    Tags
    Summary

    In a town that isn't quite small, but isn't a sprawling metropolis either, stands a flower shop owned by a quiet boxer. And damn, does he have a problem with sunflowers.

    OR

    In a town that is a lot smaller than what he is used to, a young man figures out how to paint the rain. And all he really wants is a cigarette.

    OR

    In a town that is way too small, a young boy finds himself with two fathers. And dammit, he misses his girlfriend.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    66,202
    Chapters:
    30/30
    Comments:
    83
    Kudos:
    303
    Bookmarks:
    77
    Hits:
    2646

    13 May 2019

  8. Public Bookmark 65

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    Summary

    “So, why do you want me to tie you up?” He asks, far too casually.

    Klaus coughs, throat working against him when he swallows too quickly. “Jesus, warn a guy.”

    “Like you warned me when you came waltzing in here with that off the bat?” Diego returns with, not feeling the least bit sorry. “Answer the question, Klaus.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,666
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    85
    Kudos:
    388
    Bookmarks:
    65
    Hits:
    3651

    12 May 2019

  9. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Diego is an amazing police officer, but his coworkers know almost nothing else about him. As each of them stumbles on his relationship with Klaus, they're just relieved Diego has someone looking out for him at home. And with how much happier Klaus makes Diego, none of them think to question the exact nature of their relationship.

    Or: five times Diego's coworkers think he's dating Klaus.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,704
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    82
    Kudos:
    1713
    Bookmarks:
    371
    Hits:
    11706

    12 May 2019

  10. Public Bookmark 40

    Tags
    Summary

    “Klaus, look at me.” He said, a gentle order. Klaus did so, his eyes seemed to be unfocused and glassy so Diego made sure he was really paying attention before asking the question again
    “What did David settle as?” He asked. Klaus sighed dreamily and stroked along Diego’s face
    “He was a snake. A Black Mamba. David settled as a Black Mamba the night you left me.” He said softly.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,173
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    38
    Kudos:
    217
    Bookmarks:
    40
    Hits:
    2518

    12 May 2019

    Bookmarker's Tags:
  11. Public Bookmark 89

    Tags
    Summary

    “So,” Diego inhales shakily, taking another look at Klaus again. He’s still in that frozen position, still glaring daggers at exactly the same boring spot of dashboard that he was when Diego left him there. “What you’re saying is until Friday, I have to act like I own this kid? Like he’s my fucking slave?”

    “Essentially,” Eudora replies. “Yeah.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,396
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    207
    Kudos:
    501
    Bookmarks:
    89
    Hits:
    6506

    12 May 2019

    Bookmarker's Tags:
  12. Public Bookmark 56

    Tags
    Summary

    “Ben is crying again.”

    “Yeah well. Dad says it's just growing pains.”
    --
    Klaus decides to help his brother out.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,748
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    901
    Bookmarks:
    56
    Hits:
    10528

    30 Apr 2019

  13. Public Bookmark 62

    Tags
    Summary

    There should probably be a limit on just how dysfunctional a family can be.

    That limit was not, it seemed, tentacle sex with ones sort of dead brother. Ben is more okay with that then he probably should be.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,587
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    721
    Bookmarks:
    62
    Hits:
    9458

    30 Apr 2019

  14. Public Bookmark *

    Words:
    26,551
    Works:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    580

    30 Apr 2019

  15. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    The first realization that something was possibly very wrong came when Lestrade woke up to members of MI6 efficiently searching the house.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,471
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    133
    Kudos:
    1678
    Bookmarks:
    110
    Hits:
    24286

    30 Apr 2019

  16. Public Bookmark 34

    Tags
    Summary

    The worst thing about being dead was just how quickly you forget what it's like to be alive.

    Ben had been dead for a long time.

    Or

    How an accidental compliment led to the Even Number Boys getting the happiness they deserve.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,272
    Chapters:
    5/11
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    219
    Bookmarks:
    34
    Hits:
    2550

    29 Apr 2019

    Bookmarker's Tags:
  17. Public Bookmark 21

    Tags
    Summary

    Even the smallest of changes can have a huge impact. Like a woman deciding to drive herself to the airport instead of taking a cab, leading to her untimely demise and changing the lives of twenty-four children forever. Or a dog wandering into the same park as a dying drug addict, which eventually leads to stopping an apocalypse.

    Because sometimes it’s the little things that make the biggest difference.
    --
    Or, an AU in which the Hargreeves find out what happened to the other 36 children who share their birthday, and even meet a few of them.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,828
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    124
    Bookmarks:
    21

    29 Apr 2019

    Bookmarker's Tags:
  18. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “You guys seem really chill about all this,” observed Ben. “By this point most people are running around screaming.”

    “Occupational hazard,” said Klaus.

    “I’ve lost a lot of blood,” said Diego. “I’m just accepting everything at face value right now.”

     

    Allison is the best damn realtor in the business, and she is going to sell the Hargreeves Mansion if it kills her. Never mind that it’s packed to the rafters with the ghastly relics of grisly murders, or that there’s a vampire in the basement who looks like a 13-year-old, or that the medium she hired to exorcise its inhabitants keeps flirting with some of them, i.e. the one with the knives and the one with the tentacles. Or that if they all spend enough time together, they just might cause the apocalypse.

    NotSiblings!AU that is basically The Umbrella Academy as American Horror Story: Murder House, though you need not have seen any AHS to read this.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,956
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    260
    Kudos:
    858
    Bookmarks:
    171
    Hits:
    6911

    28 Apr 2019

    Bookmarker's Tags:
  19. Public Bookmark 67

    Tags
    Summary

    For any creative writer out there that's having trouble managing their smut:
    Here's a lesson provided for the general welfare of the explicit fanfic community.

    Fucking: do it right.

    This is a comprehensive step by step guide to writing smut that includes M/M, F/M, and brief F/F, all written in 2nd person

    Excerpt:

    1) start with a kiss
    a) rough, lusty, passionate, impulsive, (leads to fucking -preferably rough)
    b) loving, slow, sensual, (leads to love making) extra points if you add cuddles
    . . .
    7) slowly mark a trail of kisses, kitten licks, and teeth grazes down
    a) spread kisses, licks down/across their abdomen and down to their navel
    b) lightly teeth/nip their hip bones lightly and leave a trail of kisses and love bites further
    c) if there’s any other erogenous areas (sensitive spots) hit that shit up
    . . .
    20) gather them close
    a) exchange pleasantries, god knows how long you've known each other
    b) snuggle up and fall asleep in each other's arms, wake up and repeat process
    c) be a douche and treat them like it was a quick fuck, even if you know it's so much more

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    983
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    224
    Bookmarks:
    67
    Hits:
    8124

    28 Apr 2019

  20. Public Bookmark 13

    Tags
    Summary

    It’s just---it’s been a fucking minute since he got his dick sucked okay, give him a minute, a fucking a grace period, it feels so fucking good. There’s something disproportionately innocent in the inexperience, and it adds to the adventure a veneer of absolute obscenity. Klaus cups Diego’s chin very gently in one hand, and yanks Diego’s hair with the other. He eases Diego down on him, inch by inch, until he’s hitting the back of his sputtering throat and even that feels good. Diego, being the persistent fuck that he is, pushes right back down, a furrow in his brow painting a picture of discouragement, like how dare he fail to deep throat on his very first excursion into dick sucking, golly gosh what a fucking loser.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,363
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    272
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    3530

    12 Apr 2019

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