Deepdarkwaters

Alice by Dali



Recent works

Recent series

  1. Summary

    Harry Hart should not be allowed within fifty feet of tiny runty puppies because he loses all reason. When he finds an abandoned teacup schnauzer searching for food in the bins, he immediately decides he’s going to be its mother and brings it home to love forever. Obviously he doesn’t stop to consider the fact that he’s out of the country more often than not so all the actual looking after is going to fall on Merlin, who has a deep disdain for people who make their dogs wear clothes and thinks anything smaller than a wolfhound is basically a pointless rodent.

    Meanwhile, Eggsy is floundering on probation after grassing up Dean and his thugs in return for escaping jail time for his part in all their previous criminal activity. Life is looking pretty bleak, no money and no prospects - until he meets a ridiculous eccentric couple and their amazing little dog, and is hired as its nanny.

    Contains deeply inappropriate use of the phrases "good boy", "bad boy", and "where’s your squeaky balls?"

    Words:
    32,269
    Works:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    87
  2. Summary

    Merlin loves to watch. Harry loves a challenge. Eggsy loves everything.

    A series of linked one shots. Heed the tags!

    Words:
    58,369
    Works:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    162
  3. Words:
    18,736
    Works:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    4
  4. Summary

    Harry survived V-Day - because of course he did - but not all the Kingsman agents were so lucky. With the world still going to shit and the worst staff shortage since the organisation began, Merlin calls a group of retired agents back to their posts to help out while he trains the new recruits.

    Harry/Eggsy's story: snowball fights, banter, innuendo, handsome old men, lady scientists, secrets in walking sticks, Harry’s appalling crush, thumbnails of bigger pictures, a pastede on plot crammed in around all the flirting which is really just an excuse for me to write a silly sword fight, and an old bet from 1986 that’s still not been decided.

    Roxy/Merlin's story: exhaustion, beautiful villains, inappropriate comments, drawing Eggsy a vagina map because not even a potential mass murderer deserves that sort of lousy service, booby traps straight out of Indiana Jones, things it's probably quite unprofessional to do while wearing glasses, bombs so ridiculous they should have ACME written on the side, Gawain's interrupted night with a gorgeous French redhead, an urgent deathbed promise, and a warning that somebody's spine is going to be ripped from his body if he ever calls her 'good girl' again.

    Words:
    66,996
    Works:
    5
    Bookmarks:
    163

Recent bookmarks

  1. Rec 22

    Tags
    Summary

    By day six it was sort of ‘we don’t care if you can hear’ and by day ten it was ‘we wouldn’t mind if you watched’ and now they’re three weeks in and things have all got a bit weird.

     

    Please note that whilst this fic uses the premise of being in quarantine, there is no mention of specific contagions… they could be quarantined for anything. Aliens, if you like. And everyone is fine, it’s just a precaution (*cough cough plot device*).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,362
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    110
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    955

    23 Jul 2020

  2. Rec 20

    Tags
    Summary

    Harry is jealous of Eggsy's honeypots, which doesn’t seem out of the ordinary unless you know the specific type of honeypot Eggsy’s been chosen for lately.

    And far be it from Eggsy to deny Harry anything he wants… even when what he wants is to be denied what he wants.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,994
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    118
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1388

    29 Apr 2020

  3. Public Bookmark 19

    Tags
    Summary

    (idiom) Wizarding slang referring to a witch who is romantically interested in other witches. Derived from the all-women's team, the Holyhead Harpies.

    Ex: She plays for the Harpies.

    (Or: in which Ginny and Angelina find out they're playing for the same team!)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,830
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    69
    Bookmarks:
    19
    Hits:
    1599

    17 Mar 2019

    Bookmarker's Notes

    To read

  4. Rec 56

    Tags
    Summary

    Harry doesn't notice a new kink blossoming until it's thoroughly taken hold. Eggsy's got it all under control.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,908
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    289
    Bookmarks:
    56
    Hits:
    3024

    14 Mar 2019

  5. Rec 33

    Tags
    Summary

    “What the fuck have you come as?”
    It’s not exactly the reunion either of them are expecting but to be fair to him, Eggsy hasn’t seen Harry for almost three months and he has to say something to interrupt the natural response that would be bursting into tears of relief otherwise. That ain’t sexy, is it, and first and foremost as they stand regarding each other across the tarmac he’d like Harry to remember what he’s coming home to.
    Eggsy's learned a lot of things from Harry Hart - how to rock a linen suit not included - and his first night home is a great opportunity to show them off.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,198
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    196
    Bookmarks:
    33
    Hits:
    2307

    06 Mar 2019