For a homework assignment at NEWT level, Hermione has to describe her family tree and her ethnic background as precisely as possible.
‘No, wait, which boy’s name starts with Lil–?’ ‘Lilibert,’ said Petunia. Lily rolled her eyes.
‘She Transfigured Seamus' testicles into a pair of tweezers!’ Through a series of unfortunate events and unwise decisions, Harry Potter ends up going to the Yule Ball with Daphne Greengrass. Perhaps things won't turn out so bad after all: when you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up, right? …Right?
A derivative version of “Butterbeer, Bollocks and a Ball” which firmly sets the text within the Harry Potter canon universe.