1 - 20 of 79 Works in Warning: Israel Hands
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“Honestly?” Izzy finally rasped. He watched Ed, waiting for confirmation that he understood he was about to be quite candid. “My plan for the day was t’ talk some fuckin’ sense into ya,” he said in a resigned exhale.
He waited for Edward to groan, roll his eyes, complain loudly and just be generally obstinate. But he didn’t; he smiled. It wasn’t a bitter sarcastic smirk either but a grin that seemed genuinely warm, if perhaps slightly bemused.
Izzy felt himself jerk back in surprise as he scanned Ed’s body language up and down. “The fuck are ya lookin’ at me like that for?” He snapped.
“I think I finally get you, Iz. It’s fuckin’ nuts.”
Izzy shook his head, eyes widening in disbelief as he felt a traitorous flush warm his cheeks. “No. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talkin’ about!” He turned and stomped away to lean on the dining table.
Or: What if Ed realized the pain he was experiencing in ep10 was of a kind with what Izzy had felt about him for so long? What if he spoke the unspoken? What if Izzy never threatened "Edward" and he never became The Kraken? What if the crew of the Revenge helped a pair of idiots out of their toxic patterns and they found happiness? And then Stede arrived
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An Author You Can't Refuse-SMAU by WearerOfFineThings
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
18 Aug 2022
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After an unlikely meeting, world famous horror author Ed Teach helps struggling bookstore owner Stede Bonnet keep his business from running aground. The pair navigate the highs and lows of running a business as well as their growing feelings for each other.
Originally posted on Twitter @SamsonSCD -
Ship's Kitten? Ship's Dog? by AFuckingLunatic (fruitbat5150)
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
16 Aug 2022
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Roach wants a cat onboard to get rid of all the vermin in his kitchen. Ivan points out that if there's going to be a cat aboard, it would only be fair for Fang to have a dog.
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The closet was the one thing about the cabin he didn’t have the heart to change.
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In which Stede finds himself writing letters he will never send, and Blackbeard finds himself in a closet.
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You Gonna Kiss Me About It? by AguScribbles for Hallianna
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
13 Aug 2022
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It's been several weeks now on board of the Revenge. Stede grew to be a competent co-captain alongside his love, Ed. Everything is perfect.
If only Izzy could finally accept him as his captain, too. Stede seems to have tried all possible ways to get to him. But one.It's been several dreaded weeks on board of the fucking Revenge and Izzy hated every second of it. If only Ed would give him just a fraction of the attention he showers Stede with. He has tried all possible ways to humiliate Stede in front of Blackbeard and make his boss hate the guy as much as he did. All ways but one.
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Ed gives Stede some advice about how to handle Izzy--it works a little too well.
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He'll only ever be Israel Hands.
But Isreal Hands isn’t weak anymore.
Israel Hands isn’t unloved anymore.
Izzy is worthy of love, especially from the men he worships the most.
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“That’s what I’m trying to say, you absolutely repugnant little man,” he snaps. “No one wants to see you leave!”
Izzy raises his eyebrows and scoffs. Pull the other one, you twat.-
In which Ed and Stede figure out how to be happy, and that means sorting shit out with Izzy. Through the power of kinky sex as therapy, obviously.
This is heading for a steddyhands happily ever after, but it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Series
- Part 3 of we should just kiss like real people do
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“Our First Mate is under the weather.” Stede helpfully fills in for him. “Sugar?”
“No, thank you. I’m, have I been kidnapped?”
“What? No! No of course not! Nothing of the sort!”
“May I leave?”
“Well-“
Or-
Izzy Hands takes a sword to the right side in a raid and, as science tells us, needs medical attention. The doctor they definitely don’t kidnap from a port in Trinidad is definitely not falling for Izzy, Izzy is definitely not wishing everyone would leave him alone, and Lucius is probably having the time of his life.
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Young Edward Teach and his best mate Israel Hands return from war and find themselves at odds with their former employer, the British Navy. Everything changes when Captain Benjamin Hornigold offers them a place on his crew aboard The Ranger; one of the most heavily armed pirate vessels. The two hesitantly oblige, and the rest is (quite literally, at times) history.
This prequel theorizes the origins of our beloved characters through a tale of betrayal, heartbreak, love, loss, and loyalty. -
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“Ed! This is a child!” Stede pointed at the snarling rags encoiled in Ed’s arms.
“S’not a child.”
“A human child! We can’t just—”Ed kidnaps a kid. Hijinks and unraveling of parental trauma ensues.
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Almost a year after Mary & Doug’s wedding, it’s Ed & Stede’s turn to get hitched! With Izzy as Ed’s best man and Lucius as Stede’s, plus an old friend-slash-ex showing up to crash the party, what could possibly go wrong?
Sequel to the Blackbonnet fake dating au "Perfect Pretenders". This time with Spriggyhands!
Series
- Part 2 of Perfect Pretenders 'Verse
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Stede checks Roach out from a Library that loans out criminals for sex then proceeds to make him do everything, but have sex. Izzy is a dogearing book ruiner who ruins things. Roach is just happy to be off the shelf.
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Another Round by sweatervest
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV), Our Flag Means Death (TV)
27 Jul 2022
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“I wish I had someone to talk to who understood any of this,” Guillermo complains, slouching into a chair. “Working for a—I don’t know, legend? Myth? Who follows his next whim without any real plan and ignores most of my advice! Which is very good, by the way, and focused on him not dying for real. And then the ingratitude on top of that or not seeing everything I do… ugh.” Guillermo covers his face with his hands. “I mean, who could understand.”
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Guillermo makes a wish in front of the Djinn. Izzy Hands visits 2022 Staten Island.
Series
- Part 2 of Guillermo's Brew & Bitch
- Part 2 of Our Flag Means Shadows
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A throwaway comment about Izzy never laughing descends into a threeway tickle fight in which there are no losers. Stede discovers that he may enjoy being tickled as much as his partners do, and is 'encouraged' to talk it through.
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This takes place during OFMD Season 2, Ed and Stede more or less made up when Ed's old captain, Benjamin Hornigold, visits the ship.
He recalls an 'amusing' prank they played on Israel hands. This is part 1.
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Captain Blackbeard is as mean an alpha as the seven seas has ever seen. It is on theme that his ruts are a force to be reckoned with, that's why nobody has been allowed near him during such a time when his instincts are high and his inhibitions are low-- at that point, you'd stand better chances fighting a pack of wolves butt naked, really.
Who better to face such a challenge than the determined and brave Gentleman Pyrate?
Turns out nobody seen Edward rutting for good reason, but its not because he's dangerous. 'Pathetic' is perhaps a better word for it.
Series
- Part 1 of Seasonal Temperment
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Ed Teach is middle-aged when he finally gets a new start. Unfortunately, pieces of his old life aren't quite done with him yet. And maybe he's not done with them, either.
A modern AU about rocking, partying, and choices.
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Izzy is just trying to make it to morning without a hangover while the rest of the crew party at Spanish Jackie’z. Calico Jack decides to mess with him, and Izzy ends up pulled into something he never expected.
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Stede has hurt his back, and (un)fortunately for him, Izzy is the one who finds him. Izzy, who has worked on pirate ships for long enough to have picked up on how to help with aches and pains, helps his second captain out.
Series
- Part 1 of Stede Bonnet whump because I love him