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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Teach is the increasingly dissatisfied co-owner of Blackbeard Antiques with his best friend Izzy. He loves the fine things they sell, but is sick of a life surrounded by obnoxious rich people. Then one day he encounters a pretty posh boy (well middle aged man) he can actually stomach and who might just change everything…

    Stede Bonnet has channelled his mid-life crisis into becoming an unconventional Saville Row tailor, making beautiful bespoke suits at Bonnet & Friends with a merry crew of misfits. The trouble is they don't have any paying clients and the business is on the brink of failure before it's even really begun. Then one day a gravelly voice calls out of the blue with a business opportunity that might help the struggling tailor find his feet personally and professionally…

    A modern AU set in England that no one asked for, but popped unbidden into my head out of nowhere anyway! Relatively long form, mostly fluff with some angst and a bit of smut down the line.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,471
    Chapters:
    3/28
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    159
  2. Tags
    Summary

    “Put. It. Down.” Soft, deadly, Edward gave a final warning, watching Izzy’s face. “I won't shoot you unless you make me.”

     

    Izzy laughed, hollow and humorless. “Right, because you caaaaaare about me, do you,” he half-sang, sneering. “Because I’m your friend,” his mouth twisted on the word, “is that it, Edward?” He inhaled, and let it out in a shaky sigh, the frantic energy dissipated. “No, Ed. We’re not friends. We never were.” He looked sad, Edward thought, and his gut twinged and his eyes widened as Izzy wrapped his free arm around Stede again and brought the blade away from his throat, holding it high.

     

    Izzy's hand began a slow, deliberate arch, and he stared into Edward’s eyes as he brought the knife down toward Stede’s heart.

     

    “Don’t-“ Stede cried.

     

    Edward fired.

     

     

    When Edward shoots Izzy to protect Stede, the entire reunited crew must figure out how to move forward. (**COMPLETE** releasing a new chapter every day; opt-in explicit scenes included in TFMD: The Expansion)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,830
    Chapters:
    7/19
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    64
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    883
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Captain Anne Bonny and her crew stumble upon a group of abandoned men, and she delivers them to her tuākana Ed.
    (Post-season 1 story)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,204
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    75
  4. Tags
    Summary

    In Somewhere Beyond the Sea, modern-day archaeologist Stede Bonnet and salvage diver Ed Teach hunted for the wrecks of their ancestors' ships, and the final resting place of a mysterious secret cache of silver.

    Here Be Monsters travels back to 1718, and follows the original Ed and Stede as they chase down that silver.

    ~

    In 1718, Ed sat all night on the dock, but Stede never showed. And then to add insult to injury, he went and died. Drowning his rage in rum and violence, Ed finds himself pursued by monsters, ghosts, and the British Navy.

    On board Ed's own ship, Jim Jiminez is waiting for their chance to make him pay for the things he's done.

    A chance meeting with an old rival at Ocracoke Island shifts the trajectory of both of their lives, and sends them all hurtling back toward past hurts. Now they'll have to work together to come through the other side of the storm, and to build a new future from the wreckage of all they have been.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,044
    Chapters:
    4/10
    Comments:
    107
    Kudos:
    90
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    1342
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy Hands is used to getting assaulted. Usually, he can get himself free with just a few bruises. He knows no one cares and it's his problem and no one is going to help him get out of bad situations. In the past this was true. Blackbeard had just laughed at him and walked away.

    Now, things are different. Ed, Stede and the crew care quite a bit and plan on eviscerating anyone who so much as looks at their First Mate wrong.

    Izzy is confused.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,848
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    210
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    1066
  6. Tags
    Summary

    The crew of the Revenge are only together for less than a year but it is decades of choices that lead them to that ship. The lead them all, including Blackbeard and his crew, to Stede Fucking Bonnet.

    Israel Hands has lived a long life.

    He is used to pain.

    He is used to disappointment.

    He always knew he would die one day, he just didn’t realize this was how it would go.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    138,213
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    265
    Kudos:
    232
    Bookmarks:
    55
    Hits:
    4758
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Stede is a divorced, gay, divorce lawyer. He is dreading his upcoming class reunion since the Badmintons (because of fucking course) are running bets on him arriving alone and pathetic to the celebration dinner.
    Enter Ed Teach, long-time columnist for Hornygold, a gay lifestyle and entertainment magazine with some very interesting centerfold pictures. Ed is tasked to woo new sponsors for the magazine with an article about relationships.

    Ed runs into Stede and hijinks ensue. There will be a happy ending, of course ;)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,423
    Chapters:
    29/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    66
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1060
  8. Tags
    Summary

    “Ed! This is a child!” Stede pointed at the snarling rags encoiled in Ed’s arms.

    “S’not a child.”

    “A
    human child! We can’t just—”

    Ed kidnaps a kid. Hijinks and unraveling of parental trauma ensues.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,467
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    20
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    380
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Edward and Stede are separated. Ed is reclaiming his title as Blackbeard on the high seas while Stede is trying desperately to catch The Revenge to make things right. Jim and Frenchie make several attempts to escape, Oluwande and Black Pete reminisce about their lost loved ones, and Izzy is Izzy. When a raid against Calico Jack's ship introduces a new player to the game, Edward must make a choice: will he continue the facade as the brutal and merciless Blackbeard or will he open his heart again in new ways?

    © 2022 Josephine Lauricella

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    98,367
    Chapters:
    40/?
    Comments:
    285
    Kudos:
    279
    Bookmarks:
    88
    Hits:
    7646
  10. Tags
    Summary

    There is nothing Izzy wouldn't do for his captain. Even if it means debasing himself and submitting to torture in Ed's place.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36,994
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    370
    Kudos:
    414
    Bookmarks:
    82
    Hits:
    8296
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “Our First Mate is under the weather.” Stede helpfully fills in for him. “Sugar?”

    “No, thank you. I’m, have I been kidnapped?”

    “What? No! No of course not! Nothing of the sort!”

    “May I leave?”

    “Well-“

    Or-

    Izzy Hands takes a sword to the right side in a raid and, as science tells us, needs medical attention. The doctor they definitely don’t kidnap from a port in Trinidad is definitely not falling for Izzy, Izzy is definitely not wishing everyone would leave him alone, and Lucius is probably having the time of his life.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    53,603
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    214
    Kudos:
    346
    Bookmarks:
    66
    Hits:
    5331
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy has a hard time redirecting himself after his plans change suddenly.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,003
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    115
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    560
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Hypothetical Season 2, as required under Muppet Law. Starts where Season 1 ends. There will be mmmmnnnnnsix chapters? it depends on how the final edit shakes out and how much story AO3 can take in one hunk.

    Tags/characters may expand with more chapter posting, I'm kind of heavily medicated right now.

    Content notes: all the swearing, criminal assault, mugging (the crime kind not the face kind), death, fake death, grave desecration, Catholicism (half-assed), mention of flogging, mention of sex work, mention of cannibalism, suicidal ideation, murderous ideation, ableist language, attempted murder, bad gun safety, bad edged weapon safety, canon acts of violence recalled, arson, canon maiming, animal deaths but they're a fish and a storytime rabbit. Hit me up if you feel other tags should be here.

    I was going to do footnotes but they're TERRIFYING and I lose this computer in 20 minutes, so you get in-text bracketed notes instead unless someone volunteers.

    Song links to come.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,067
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    13
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    118
  14. Tags
    Summary

    One afternoon at port, on a slightly beat-up ship christened the Royal James, tucked away in Chatham Bay at the end of winter, Stede Bonnet gets a letter.

    Izzy swallows his pride and asks for help. Stede finds his way back to the Revenge. Ed finally gets to let go.

     
    Updates Wednesdays and Saturdays. (on a brief hiatus - will return August 13)
    General tags up front; specific tags and content warnings added per chapter.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,538
    Chapters:
    4/15
    Comments:
    49
    Kudos:
    208
    Bookmarks:
    46
    Hits:
    2174
  15. Tags
    Summary

    “Marriage, John! How’s a bloke propose marriage?” he whispered intently into his ear.

    “Are we talkin’ about Stede?”

    “Yeah, man! Help me out here!”

    “Why me? Certainly you’ve been ‘round as much as I have, more even!”

    “Sure, but, Stede’s different, man, you know that!” Ed risked a glance over his shoulder to see if Stede was listening in. He remained fixated on his conversation with Fang, fortunately. “I can’t just…ask him!”

    “I think I take your meaning, Cap’n,” Feeney took a sip of his mead with an impish gleam in his eyes. “You want the askin’ t’ be special.”

    “Exactly!” He relented, “So can you help me out?”

    “Hmm, maybe,” the big man looked thoughtful. “Back when I worked in me mother’s shop, I’d overhear the ladies chatterin’ all the time. So I know what they liked their men folk t’ do. Not sure if that will help you with Stede, though.”

    Ed was already at the edge of his seat, eager for any morsel of information on how to do this right. “Tell me,” he begged.

    Or, Ed is desperately ready to ask Stede for his hand in matelotage, but he wants everything to be perfect.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    59,726
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Comments:
    172
    Kudos:
    180
    Bookmarks:
    33
    Hits:
    3991
  16. Tags
    Summary

    "You mean to say," says Izzy, slowly, "You fucking hunted us down on a dinghy in the middle of nowhere just so you could ask me to be your First Mate? Why?"

    "Well, Sam tried, so I thought I'd toss my hat in the ring."

    "Wh--there is no fucking ring, you cunt" says Izzy, incensed, "I have a Captain, Edward's been my Captain for so goddamn long and you know that--"

    Word around town is, Blackbeard's First Mate is up for grabs. This is news to Blackbeard, and also his First Mate. Ed reacts as well as one can expect (read: badly), no one makes good decisions, and Stede tries to piece together the labyrinth that is the relationship between Edward Teach and Israel Hands.

    Meanwhile, Izzy finds the push he needs to get moving.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    44,484
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    504
    Kudos:
    1048
    Bookmarks:
    202
    Hits:
    11154
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Prequel to Silenced,
    Stede has a plan, it gets interrupted while he and Izzy are shopping.

    --
    Izzy blinks in confusion. “You want to go shopping. With me? Without Edward?”

    “Yes exactly!” Bonnet chirps, flashing that painfully bright smile at him.

    He knows that Bonnet has been making an effort to tolerate him lately, for Edward’s sake. They’ve even spent time, just the two of them. They have done the ship's logs or inventories together as two of the three people on board who could read and write. Izzy has been helping Bonnet get better at sword play, as Edward is more interested in flirting than teaching him, and someone has to keep the Captains alive so that they can waste the crew’s time with said flirting. But this is different. He can think of no practical reason Bonnet would request his company here.

    “Why?” he asks after a long moment trying to figure it out.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,154
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    106
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    642
  18. Tags
    Summary

    kinkmeme prompt: Izzy, truth serum:
    Izzy dosed with truth serum or equivalent and forced to talk about his feelings. Talk it through as a crew. He is angry and hates it. Feelings can be of whatever verity filler likes, and any ships. or friendships, rivalry, whatever are welcome.
    -

    Izzy bristles. (I feel like I’ve been fucking stabbed, you idiot!) “Feel bad,” Izzy frowns, his tongue seeming to betray him.

    Roach rolls his eyes. “No shit genius. Bad how? I need to identify what poison they used."

    (Fuck off, I’m fine.) “Everyone’s fussing over me, pretending to care. I don’t like it.” Izzy tries to sit up as the words leave his lips, confused and alarmed.

    ...

    Roach nods, as if that confirmed some theory. “Truth serum.”

    (Well Fuck.) “Well Fuck.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,968
    Chapters:
    2/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    298
    Bookmarks:
    39
    Hits:
    1794
  19. Tags
    Summary

    When Stede Bonnet was carefully carved out of bits of the finest enchanted Brazilian cherry wood, he allowed Geppetto to put on a show with him, dress him up and parade him about a bit, dangling from bits of string and lace, tottering about the world in a perverse imitation of a real boy. And when that stupid fucking cricket that lived in the walls of his Barbados estate whispered to him and told him to behave, to smile through his pathetic (pathetic) puppet life, what did Stede Bonnet do? Why, he took a hammer and smashed the fuck out of that cricket. Cricket annihilated. Bonnet out.

    The story hasn’t ended though. It’s time for him to be swallowed by that great sea-beast, only to be spit out into a new life with the only person who can break the spell. The first problem now is that the only one who can allow him to feel a real human heartbeat thudding in his no-longer wooden chest is more likely to stop that beating forever. The second problem is that for the first time in his life, he knows exactly what he is.

    Or: Stede must defeat the Kraken. Ed must destroy the puppet. Only they can save each other. Only the one can make the other human again.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,558
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    41
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    526
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Stede was dead, Izzy had told him with such joy in voice, it took everything in him to not crumble in front of his first mate. Those words still haunted him, especially when night fell and he found himself alone with his thoughts. Ed finds out that Stede 'died' but was not told the details of his death and falls into a deep depression, so when Stede returns to The Revenge very much alive, he demands answers. Stede will do anything to earn Ed's love again, but also has his own questions that he wants answered.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,668
    Chapters:
    4/5
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    677

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