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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Enthusiasts of genuine tragedy and celebrity intrique, gird your mental loins for an authentic tale of unbelievable hardship and epic catastrophe!

    This wholly true and accurate account details the extraordinary lives of Lup and Taako, a darling but unfortunate pair of conjoined twins who brave extreme circumstances of calamity and adversity, such as the bizarre and bloody night of their birth and subsequent orphaning; their early years on a chicken farm; shocking encounters with depraved gentlemen; life in the circus; the terrible fates of their dearest friends; and concluding with the siblings' rise to interplanar fame!

    The first few chapters are taken verbatim from the album that inspired this fanfiction, with details changed to fit. Listen to it here: https://evelynevelyn.bandcamp.com/

    I struggled a lot while writing this on how I would write Lup's gender. I wanted to respect her identity while also having it make sense in the context of this story. After a lot of thinking I decided to use the term "boys" on occasion to describe the twins until the second chapter, when they are no longer infants. Please let me know if this isn't handled well. I tried my best to be respectful but I know I make mistakes!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,344
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    217
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Kravitz is a private investigator hired to look into the case of multiple necromancers who seem to be receiving help from one defined source. That source happens to lead him to Professor Taako, the head of the transmutation department at the most renowned wizarding school in the country.

    Coincidentally, the professor is seeking a lab assistant for some highly classified work.

    On the night of the full moon, the experiment begins.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    129,828
    Chapters:
    29/30
    Comments:
    486
    Kudos:
    780
    Bookmarks:
    126
    Hits:
    9065
  3. Tags
    Summary

    How do you pinpoint the exact moment that things went wrong? How do you know the point where things could have changed?

    For Magnus Burnsides, life changed forever with a travelling show and a beautiful Elf, and a bad case of Arsenic poisoning. But it actually started much, much earlier, with bad decisions in a darkened room. With a desperate choice. With a necessary betrayal. With a Hunger that could never be sated. Magnus just didn't know that at the time.

    [NGL, there's lots of whump in the early chapters, but there IS a happy ending]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,025
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    669
  4. Tags
    Summary

    In another universe, Lucretia doesn't separate Taako and Magnus.

    This is a look at that universe.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    488
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    44
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Kravitz looks like a god with his head buried between Taako's thighs, and, well, that's the problem, isn't it?

    Taako could worship the man on top of him, could find a million and one reasons to never leave this spot, warm and safe, encapsulated and held there by his strong arms. Taako trusts him, implicitly, and that is terrifying.

     

    ~~~~~

    idk what au this is yall this is mostly just feelings and taako and krav working out taako Having An Emotion(tm).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,427
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    9
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    112
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Lup has a habit of disappearing, Taako is used to dealing with this. But what happens when it's not just Lup's free natured spirit and actually the real deal? And what happens when she comes back, affectively disturbing Taako's rebuilt life.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,811
    Chapters:
    18/?
    Comments:
    48
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    1191
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Angus is home for summer break, and he decides to talk to his dads about his new friend M who is far more comfortable with themself than Angus is with himself.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,610
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    39
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    494
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Lup never really expected ‘oops surprise children’ to be a problem for HER, but life and undeath are funny that way.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    69,547
    Chapters:
    18/28
    Comments:
    133
    Kudos:
    81
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1463
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Based loosely on the Luume'irma headcanon from interstellarvagabond on tumblr.

    Lup and Taako get their decennial “visitor” just before the fateful trip on the Starblaster. Taako holes up in his room, meditating away the discomfort while Lup discovers a partner for the week. Unforeseen consequences arise. Bonds are created. An eighth bird rises.

    Eighth Bird AU. Depictions of blood in the first chapter as well as implied sexual content (though nothing detailed). A later chapter will have slightly more graphic violence.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    56,652
    Chapters:
    22/22
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    139
    Kudos:
    155
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1748
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Releasing the relics out into the world had done something worse than leveling towns or starting wars. They had destroyed his sisters happiness and Taako wouldn't stand for that. He leaves without any warning, leaving only a short note to explain his absence.

    "Back soon"
    --Taako

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,417
    Chapters:
    18/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    95
    Kudos:
    326
    Bookmarks:
    43
    Hits:
    3186
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Taako keeps backpedalling, trees looming in his peripheries. “There aren’t many things that can hurt you, Taako Taaco. Indeed, you seemed almost unkillable - for what do you hold dear? I thought nothing. You put up quite the emotionless front.”

    Swipe. Dodge. “Not a front, my man, I don’t give a shit about shit.”

    “Then why don’t you attack?” A smile curls across their face, and their head cocks calmly, curiously. “You could win if you struck now. You know his weaknesses in a way that few others do.”

    Taako can’t even stomach the thought. The indifference in Kravitz’s eyes tears at him, like he’s not attacking Taako, like the shared gold on their fingers means nothing, but Taako tamps down the sharp hurt that wells in him. It’ll be fine. “It’d be a waste to deprive the world of such a hot bod,” he snaps, and tears a wall of stone up from the ground.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,425
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    298
    Bookmarks:
    51
  12. Tags
    Summary

    A Taakitz-centric spin on Beauty and the Beast. Lup is captured in a Necromantic trap by a bestial, undead spirit only known as Kravitz. Taako swaps places with his sister, and is caught in a trap much more complicated than he could have ever imagined. Can charm and wit save him from a monster possessed by the souls of the damned?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    50,684
    Chapters:
    10/13
    Comments:
    238
    Kudos:
    499
    Bookmarks:
    80
    Hits:
    4749
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Taako runs out of spell slots. Kravitz steps in.

    A prompt on tumblr that just kept going.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,390
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    69
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    249
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Yeah that fight on the statesman at the start of infinity war? Never happened. Instead Loki used the space stone and got the fuck out of there once they saw Thanos. Loki teleported the Revengers from the MCU into... THE ADVENTURE ZONE

    This is a complete crack fic. I'm just having some fun fam. Expect crack fic level writing.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,874
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    33
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    202
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Angus has a new family.

    They do their best.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,440
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    49
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    209
  16. Tags
    Summary

    What if Lup had taken Angus her son with her when she went to Wave Echo Cave? What if trying to get off the ship with Baby Angus had woken Taako up and he'd gone with her? What if she didn't die at Wave Echo Cave and so travelled with Taako until Glamour Springs? What if she was a Lich when Taako began to work for the Bureau of Balance?

    Mostly snippets from the years between Lucretia feeding the info to Fisher until Tres Horny Boys join the BoB, but once they get started Lup is gonna wreak havoc and Lucretia is going to wish she'd never started this whole mess. Because Lup isn't going to wait around unlike Barry.

    Should be biweekly update.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,285
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    33
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    179
  17. Tags
    Summary

    A chance meeting between two heroes, and the unlikely spark when their swords clash.

    [T for Taako Swearing]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,799
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    19
    Hits:
    100
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Magnus gets up early to train with the Bear of Power. Taako gets up early because.... And Lucretia is very interested to find out. Everybody gets an eyeful, and they definitely appreciate it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,006
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    22
    Hits:
    105
  19. Tags
    Summary

    The crew of the Starblaster has six more years to recover the light, now that they know its position. It's a task easier said than done, considering the difficulties of being 12, attending Hogwarts, and dealing with a monster within the castle itself.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,683
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    85
    Kudos:
    114
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    931
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Taako has a lot of issues, and so does Magnus for that matter. Maybe they'll deal with some of those issues together and learn and grow. Maybe they'll fall in love. But right now they just don't know how to handle anything. Also, sometimes when they get too close there's that dang static again. Shouldn't that be gone now?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,951
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    20
    Hits:
    193

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