1 - 20 of 585 Works in Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair

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    Language:
    English
    Words:
    97
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    1/1
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    2
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  2. Tags
    Summary

    Six months. 

    Six months on the day, and Dean couldn't do it anymore.

    He hadn't told anyone. Not even Sam.

    Dean wished it didn't have to be this way, wished he didn't have to do this.

    He wished this would be enough. His family surrounding him, peaceful and happy. He wished they were enough.

    Forgive me.

    With a last deep breath, Dean straightened, blinked the tears from his eyes.

    And went. 

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,604
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    45
    Kudos:
    91
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    1325
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Nearly a year after Cas' death, Dean finds himself, of all places, at an AA meeting.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    69,802
    Chapters:
    9/10
    Comments:
    64
    Kudos:
    154
    Bookmarks:
    50
    Hits:
    2523
  4. Tags
    Summary

    After Cas dies, Dean feels lost

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,421
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    99
  5. Tags
    Summary

    The thing is, he knows. He’s known.

     

    Or: If someone tells you they love you and you don’t say it back, how much worse can a little sleeping with them possibly make things, really?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,463
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    95
    Kudos:
    453
    Bookmarks:
    123
    Hits:
    4581
  6. Tags
    Summary

    The Yellow-Eyed Demon has vanished into the ether, along with the one weapon that could kill it for good. Dean miraculously recovers from the car crash that should have left him in a coma - or worse - and no one has heard from Cas in weeks. Reeling from the death of their father, Dean is caught between watching Sam develop his psychic powers and telling him terrible truth about them.

    When Cas reappears in their lives again, he comes with even stranger revelations no one can make heads or tails of. Between the mounting demonic omens and downright bizarre cases they find themselves on, Dean has the sinking feeling that things are going to get much, much worse.

    Series
    Language:
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    Words:
    114,724
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    721
    Kudos:
    715
    Bookmarks:
    105
    Hits:
    14155
  7. Tags
    Summary

    After Cas comes back, Dean has a hard time facing him. Facing everything.

    His subconscious faces it for him. Cas helps, kind of.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,187
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    248
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Cas is back.

    After defeating Chuck and fixing the world, Jack brought him and the other angels back, good as new, wings and all. It’s the first time in years that he’s had his batteries at full power. And he’s still getting used to being a fully-powered angel.

    There’s a lot he’s getting used to.

    Like being Dean’s.

    (Kisses are shared and lightbulbs are broken as Cas struggles to adjust to having his full grace back and Dean touching him so much. He doesn’t mind.)

    Language:
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    Words:
    1,319
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    169
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    849
  9. Tags
    Summary

    He allowed himself a moment to bask in the warmth thinking of Cas's brilliant blue eyes brought him.

    And then all the steam was gone with the wind and the words and the way anger twisted in his chest.

    Now there was nothing left but a wistful, beating heart.

    Pounding.

    The guilt weighed heavy.

    The longing pulled deep in his chest.

    And with snowflakes falling from the dark sky above, the cold threatened to overtake Dean.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,135
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    107
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Dean wondered whether he'll get bored with heaven eventually. The endless cycle of family cookouts and roadhouse game nights is easy happiness he was more than willing to settle for. And it isn't that Heaven is perfect or even that good, but there's peace and after all the apocalypses prevented, Dean is just tired.
    But then the real Jack returns and Dean's hard-earned peace is swept away by the chaos of a new war against the false god. Midst the fighting across all planes of existence, from Heaven to Hell, all Winchesters need to learn hard lessons about the family they want, and the family they need.
    All the while Dean desperately tries to get his truth out, because the words stuck in him are choking and he is pretty sure the silence is killing him all over again.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    66,394
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    54
    Bookmarks:
    42
    Hits:
    2164
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Cas was taken by the Empty one week ago. This is a study in Dean's attempts to move on after the fact.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,358
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Kudos:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    84
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Dean rolls over, stretching a hand over to the other side of the bed.
    Cold.
    He heads down the hallway and into the kitchen, expecting Cas to be sitting there with coffee, smiling at him in that soft way.
    But it’s empty.
    He checks the war room. Observatory. Even doubles back to the room Cas used to call his. Garage. He calls six times before he bangs open the door to Sam’s room.
    “Cas is gone,” Dean says bluntly.
    Sam lowers his gun once he sees it’s Dean, rubbing at his eyes. “Okay, but...” He blinks. “Isn’t that kind of what he does?”
    “He hasn’t answered any of my calls,” Dean growls. “And this time, it’s—” he cuts off, wishing he could snatch the words back.
    Sam tilts his head.
    “It’s... what, Dean?”
    Dean is silent, looking down at the floor.
    “Oh.”
    Dean swallows.

    “Oh,” Sam says again.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
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    Collections:
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    Comments:
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    Kudos:
    212
    Bookmarks:
    25
    Hits:
    1244
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Cas is back from the Empty. He's happy, for once, living in the bunker without the threat of imminent disaster. He's finally accepting himself as a gay man. He has his son and his two closest friends with him, and he won't ask for more.

    Oh, and he's TikTok famous, thanks to Jack.

    [on indefinite hiatus]

    Language:
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    Words:
    34,661
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    154
    Kudos:
    340
    Bookmarks:
    57
    Hits:
    5692
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Dean watches High School Musical: The Musical: The Series with Jack and it prompts him to go to therapy. Dean learns how to let go, and it ends up bringing him exactly what he needs.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,577
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    36
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    338
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Dean touches Cas a lot more than usual once Jack pulls him from the Empty. Cas isn't sure if it’s a sign that Dean returns his feelings or if he does it simply to confirm that his best friend is back by his side.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    222
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Dean wasn't able to divulge much to Sam, or Jack. At all. Isn't sure what has him in the dark, in the Impala, driving to Sioux Falls either. Somethin' in the back of his mind is telling him that he needs to talk to somebody, but of course the somebody that was Bobby isn't. Not anymore. He could go, still; to the guy's resting place, but knows he won't.

    That isn't even it. It's that he can't.

    Still doesn't think he's gotten over that loss, just like...others. And he probably won't, because some things just...stick.

    But he recalls being told who makes a mean plate of chowder and would be happy to talk. And ... another one of the things that sticks - he knows he's got to see Claire and be the one to tell her what happened. Whether or not she'll care and how much.

    Dean has to do that. And maybe, hell. Maybe he can talk. Everything's different, right? Maybe he can explain about ...Cas. That he was good. Or at least, he tried. He wasn't a monster, not - not the way Dean was, is, he knows.

    (Dean talks to Jody, Donna, and most importantly, Claire and finds out not just about how she really feels but that, surprisingly, he deserves a chance to be happy too.

    But can he? Really and truly?)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,390
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    894
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Dean/Cas, post-15x18. Castiel isn't expecting his time in the Empty to be pleasant. He's expecting regrets, and he has quite a few to choose from. What he isn't expecting is a close-up view of the many ways and times that Dean has had to mourn him—and the realization that leaving Dean has hurt him deeply, and that it's far, far too late to make a different choice.

     

    “You've cut the heart out of him,” it says, its mouth too close, its hold too bruising, its teeth too sharp, “and you don't even realize it, do you? You think you've been noble, don't you. You think you saved him? But there are all sorts of ways to kill someone, little Seraph. You should know that by now.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,101
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    148
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    745
  18. Tags
    Summary

    “Cas,” Dean breathed out, the word quiet as if speaking any louder would scare him off. “You— You came.”
    There was a moment of silence, during which Dean still resolutely kept his eyes closed, before Castiel spoke. His words were stilted, but clear, and they landed on Dean with the same amount of weight that his gaze always had.
    “Well. You did call.”

    In which Dean dies, but only so he can talk some sense into Castiel.
    Series
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    English
    Words:
    4,818
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    52
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    422
  19. Tags
    Summary

    It’s nice not to feel sometimes. Maybe that’s why Cas doesn’t delve too deeply into figuring out what this absence of feeling must mean, because he secretly desires that cold, distant nothing feeling. The more likely reason is that Cas already knows what’s wrong with him. He’s not looking it in the face, not acknowledging the truth of it that sits heavily on his shoulders, pinning him to the earth with its undeniable presence.

    See, Jack brokered a deal wherein Cas gave the Empty his grace in exchange for a life back on earth and Cas was wiped clean of every angelic notion to the very dregs. And in its place, there is nothing.

    Cas is graceless. Cas is soulless.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    56,845
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Comments:
    186
    Kudos:
    415
    Bookmarks:
    108
    Hits:
    7067
  20. Tags
    Summary

    The Empty is the one with the power now, and it has control over two of God's favourite toys. He had so much fun playing with them for all those decades... Maybe it's time for someone else to have a go. And what would be a sweeter revenge on two people whose bond is known for breaking all known rules of the universe?

    Putting them in situations where they hate each other, over and over and over again.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,197
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    66

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