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  1. Tags
    Summary

    It’s her second year at Canaan University, and Gideon is finally coming into her own. She has a full athletic scholarship, best friends Pal and Cam, and a found family with the Pents and Terrible Teens. She shares a locker room with her hot teammate Corona, who even knows her name.

    Gideon is happy.

    And then she meets her new roommate, Harrowhark Nonagesimus, who is the absolute worst. (The feeling is decidedly mutual.)

    It certainly doesn’t seem so to either at first, but this is going to turn out to be a good thing for both of them.

    Eventually.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,086
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    389
  2. Tags
    Summary

    On the eve of the myriad year of our Lord—the ten thousandth year of the King Undying, Great Resurrector and Necrolord Prime—Judith Deuteros is at an intolerable Third House party.

    In which Coronabeth flirts, Judith pines, and neither remembers how to turn the other down. Pre-canon.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,572
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    13
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    61
  3. Tags
    Summary

    everyone is alive. everyone is on twitter. that's it, that's the plot.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,451
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    64
    Kudos:
    140
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1172
  4. Tags
    Summary

    The Third House twins throw a birthday party and none of these people know how to act.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,012
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Kudos:
    19
    Hits:
    248
  5. Tags
    Summary

    “There’s an absolutely filthy sphere—and it’s covered in monkeys, and the monkeys all have dirt for brains and loathe each other. It gets worse, but that’s the poisonous seed of it.”

    Detective Harrowhark Nonagesimus wakes up after the bender to end all benders to a killer hangover, a chorus of voices in her head offering advice of dubious quality, and the realization that she can't remember her own name, face, or even the self-evident fact that she's the sepulchral shadowcop of the apocalypse.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,311
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    32
    Kudos:
    22
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    439
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Abigail and Magnus let Harrowhark Nonagesimus Goes To The Ball play out. The baby lyctor performs theorems in the River to interesting results. Hijinks ensue, some because of Harrowhark's imagination, some because of the Fifth House's machinations, and some because people stay true to themselves.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,389
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    97
  7. Tags
    Summary

    It is Gideon's holy birthday, and she and Harrow know exactly how they want to celebrate.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,481
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    59
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    568
  8. Tags
    Summary

    The TLT Holiday Gift Exchange!

    "Is Ianthe a succubus that old enemies Gideon and Harrow accidentally summoned, or is she just herself? (Is there a difference?) Who can get into whose bodies (in every sense)? Will harrow and Gideon realize they’ve fallen for each other, or is it just a night of hot, complicated, NSA sex that they’ll never ever speak of again?

    The one thing I do know—Ianthe needs to be terrible."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,588
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    120
  9. Tags
    Summary

    “That’s what she said.”

    Harrow lost her last shred of patience at the exact same time Gideon directed a shit eating grin right in her face, and the resultant strangled scream gave the impression that something extremely small was suddenly being killed extremely painfully. However, as such sounds were heard almost daily from the Ninth rooms, no one bothered to go and check let alone bat an eyelid, and the permanently furious necromancer was left with endless unanswered questions, rapidly depleting sanity, and a cavalier who seemed even more committed than usual to pissing her off.

    Now laughing aloud, Gideon finally waltzed over to the door, followed by a burning ball of rage currently manifesting as Harrowhark Nonagesimus.

    “It’s just secret santa, oh darkest of dames. You’re gonna love it.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,316
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    36
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    224
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Gideon Nav and Harrowhark Nonagesimus have hated each other since they were young children. Much to their disappointment, they've ended up at the same college. Even worse, they are in the same major and are in the same group for a project worth 60% of their grade. Will they be able to put their hatred aside for the sake of their grades? Or will something even more unexpected happen when they are forced to work together?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,379
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    209
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Gideon and her Cohort companions run into trouble when they attempt to invade Arrakis, just as House Atreides assumes control of the desert planet.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,734
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    68
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Half a decade has passed since the wholly ignored Myriadic Year of the Necrolord Prime, the Kindly Prince of Death, and the long civil war of the Empire of the Nine Houses has ended. Peace has come with an iron fist to each of the Houses, and Harrowhark née Nonagesimus has been summoned to the First to formalize the end of the conflict with marriage to Gideon Prima, the first and only daughter of God.

    CW: I intend for this fic to have a generally happy ending, but the night will be extremely bleak before the dawn. I will add tags as they become necessary, but dubcon-at-best will happen between Gideon and Harrowhark, and an explicitly romantic relationship exists between Camilla Hect, Palamedes Sextus, and Dulcinaea Septimus. The brand of slavery that Gideon experiences throughout her childhood is inflicted upon many characters, and forced lyctorization is a significant aspect of the piece.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,331
    Chapters:
    18/?
    Comments:
    203
    Kudos:
    133
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    3121
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Arise, Gideon the Second - sword of our House.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,079
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    19
    Hits:
    86
  14. Tags
    Summary

    It is a truth universally acknowledged, Magnus used to joke, that a single person in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a spouse. What Magnus didn't seem to know, was what to do if that person was an absolute bag of dicks.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    76,686
    Chapters:
    10/12
    Comments:
    202
    Kudos:
    209
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    4733
  15. Tags
    Summary

    She leant forward slightly. In a mag, it’d have flashed her tits, but once again Booty Camp Babes II betrayed me because Cohort uniforms did not have cleavage. Which just goes to show that the universe is a frigid bitch about on par with Harrow’s weirdo corpse bride. // Gideon is informed of her incipient promotion.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,717
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    26
    Hits:
    103
  16. Tags
    Summary

    "I was starting to think that Booty Camp Babes II might not have been the most accurate guide to Cohort basic training." // What if Gideon joined the Cohort?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,441
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    170
  17. Tags
    Summary

    After a failed assassination attempt on the princesses of the Third House, Judith Deuteros and Marta Dyas are assigned as bodyguards to the twins.

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Or, canon divergent event happening before Gt9, where Ianthe is triggerring as always, Babs needs to shut the fuck up, Jod bless Marta the only one who stays professional, and Judith-Coronabeth are stuck in a slow burn.

    Or, Bodyguard Au

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,182
    Chapters:
    1/10
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    116
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Fandom wank breaks out in the #canaan-house discord chat.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    90
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Gideon Nav, werewolf and hottie, is kidnapped by the Blood of Eden vampire coven. Turns out they want a favor. Too bad the smell of her blood makes them all sick.

    Well, not all of them.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,314
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    42
    Kudos:
    216
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    2153
  20. Tags
    Summary

    When Gideon is too busy fighting with Harrow to help her team write their senior play, Palamedes decides there's no better time to help Gideon and Harrow resolve their conflict.

    AKA: Gideon and Harrow star in a musical that is basically the plot of Gideon the Ninth. That means two enemies having to pretend to fall in love over and over again. Featuring the best friend group, eventual softness, and a lot of fast food.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,154
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    69
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    556

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