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  1. Tags
    Summary

    After a disastrous interview, crime novelist Israel Hands abruptly retired, leaving his popular Detective Leyendecker series one book short of finished. For the last 10 years, he's been content to work as an editor at Edward Teach's small press. But now Ed's working on a merger with Stede Bonnet's press, and Izzy's expected to work with their star author: romance novelist L. Steele.

    L. Steele turns out to be Lucius Spriggs, twenty years younger than Izzy and flirts like its breathing. Worst of all, Lucius recognizes Izzy as Israel Hands.

    Avoiding Lucius's questions about the unfinished series or Izzy himself is not going to be all that simple...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,055
    Chapters:
    3/6
    Comments:
    88
    Kudos:
    125
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    586
  2. Tags
    Summary

    The result of their monthly visits to Jim's Nana was a generous stock of fruit, more than enough to share even if Stede hadn’t been inclined towards good manners. That was natural for the Gentleman Pirate, yes? So it was nothing at all to offer Izzy the last of his orange, wrapped in an embroidered silk handkerchief to keep his fingers clean.

    The inconsequential nature of the gesture made it all the more shocking when Izzy flinched, staring at the orange as if Stede had just offered him salvation, not a bit of fruit.

    ***

    Written for the High Seas event! Each chapter will include one of the prompts. Updated daily until the event is over.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,750
    Chapters:
    4/7
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    56
    Kudos:
    315
    Bookmarks:
    52
    Hits:
    2149
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Almost a year after Mary & Doug’s wedding, it’s Ed & Stede’s turn to get hitched! With Izzy as Ed’s best man and Lucius as Stede’s, plus an old friend-slash-ex showing up to crash the party, what could possibly go wrong?

    Sequel to the Blackbonnet fake dating au "Perfect Pretenders". This time with Spriggyhands!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,130
    Chapters:
    1/9
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    42
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    176
  4. Tags
    Summary

    “…Why’re you still here?” Lucius stills, a small furrow forming in-between his brows. He’s still holding onto Izzy’s injured wrist—the skin chaffed skin is hot beneath his fingers, and smells sweetly of the chamomile salve that’s resting on the nightstand just a few inches away—but he’s no longer massaging Izzy’s skin, and Izzy finds he misses the sensation.

    “What do you mean?” He asks. He wishes that Izzy were looking at him, but understands that, even in this headspace, it’s easier for him to talk about topics that have the potential to be… incredibly emotionally taxing… if he doesn’t have to make and maintain eye contact. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

    “Bullshit.” Izzy snorts, “You got what you wanted. You don’t have to stick around to…” Izzy turns his head—just a little—to look at where Lucius is holding onto his hand. “What the fuck are you doing, anyway?”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,460
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    107
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    469
  5. Tags
    Summary

    When Izzy got his captain back, he truly thought things would go back to normal. Instead, he found himself obeying orders to take on more and more violent crew members. The men that the Kraken’s reputation had drawn to their crew were men who fought for the enjoyment of the kill, not as a means to fame and fortune.

    And now, Izzy was in a hell of his own making.

    These new men were nearly unmanageable. Their need for violence unquenchable. Now, Izzy was forced to protect his captain, and the four idiots who were possibly still in Edward's corner, from both the Kraken and his deadly crew. All while attempting to ignore the sudden case of FEELINGS that he seemed to be developing most unexpectedly.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,798
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    298
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy deals with the aftermath of Stede leaving, and comes to terms with the fact that Ed was never his to begin with.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,443
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    124
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Edward, Stede thinks, examining the man laying on the bed. He looks for all the world like a fearsome outlaw, which makes the failed robbery all the more confusing to Stede, but there’s a vulnerability in his sleeping face that tugs on his heartstrings. Stede’s always been a bit of a sucker for a stray. He attributes it to being a bit of a stray himself.

    Edward looks tired. Really tired, more than just the wound would justify.

    Perhaps he can get some rest here. Perhaps Stede can help with that, at least.

     

    In which notorious outlaw Edward Teach and his band of miscreants are taken in by kindly ranch owner Stede Bonnet and his misfit crew of semi-reformed criminals.

    AKA the cowboy au no one asked for but I desperately want. Yeehaw.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    113,504
    Chapters:
    8/9
    Comments:
    224
    Kudos:
    321
    Bookmarks:
    76
    Hits:
    4864
  8. Tags
    Summary

    He shouldn’t be surprised that Ed picks up playing the harpsichord so quickly. The man is a fucking genius, after all. The infamous Blackbeard has never lost a fight and - impossibly - seems to know fucking everything.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,203
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    149
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy Hands is a hit man. A lone wolf after the disappearance of his partner a year ago. Taking job after job to survive despite not even knowing if any of it matters anymore.

    One night, a thief crosses paths with him on a mission. Purely a coincidence right?

    Right?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,959
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    55
    Kudos:
    73
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1012
  10. Tags
    Summary

    ‘Look,’ Ed points. ‘It’s you.’

    There’s a cat Izzy hadn’t noticed before, smaller than the rest, a tiny clump of jet black fur with wide blue eyes. It walks with a pronounced limp — at the end of one of its front legs is a stump where the paw should be.


    Or, Izzy gets a kitten, and things start to go wrong.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,753
    Chapters:
    3/5
    Comments:
    290
    Kudos:
    890
    Bookmarks:
    93
    Hits:
    6264
  11. Tags
    Summary

    "Jack's dead. English cannonball." Ed regarded Izzy over his glass, the unspoken meaning of his words settling around them like the smoke from Ed's pipe. 

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,749
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    41
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    200
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Things have been shit for Izzy ever since Stede Bonnet came back. However, ever since an unexpected visitor appears on the ship, things may not be so terrible after all. Of course, though, Izzy doesn't know how to handle his growing feelings for the stranger.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,669
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    28
  13. Tags
    Summary

    reposting my series as a chaptered work!

    Izzy comes around to the idea that there's more to life than fire and death. The domestification of Izzy hands, starring Frenchie.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    33,189
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    119
    Kudos:
    174
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    2225
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Before becoming a pirate, Izzy was just a boy forced into the King's Navy by his parents, trying to deal with being smaller than everyone else...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,298
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    235
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Everyone is back together on the Revenge, and things are fine. Until Lucius helps patch up Izzy after he gets hurt on a raid, and then can't stop thinking about him without his shirt on. It is quite annoying. And inconvenient. The last thing Lucius needs is a crush on the angry, asshole first mate Israel Hands.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,733
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    58
    Kudos:
    253
    Bookmarks:
    41
    Hits:
    2671
  16. Tags
    Summary

    After the crew reunites, Frenchie decides its his personal mission to help Izzy realize that not everyone hates him. At least, he doesn't hate him.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,182
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    101
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1148
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Way more plot than expected. Was meant to be porn without plot. Izzy and (female) reader. Could be set before or after season 1.

    I just wanted poor Izzy to get some non Blackbeard or Lucious action for a change

    Written for a dear friend who would run to sea to be with Izzy

    Please leave comments, tell me what you liked, or didn't.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,891
    Chapters:
    5/10
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    461
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Frenchie is New In Town. He's got some new friends and housemates, a rockin' roommate, and a great view of the sea. All he needs now is a steady job.
    He ends up with a lot more than he bargained for when he goes for an interview and picks up a selkie's coat on accident.

    He knows how to avoid witches--he doesn't, actually, Buttons is right there--but he never thought magic seal people would be a problem.

    *Updates on Fridays usually*

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,629
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    239
    Kudos:
    252
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    2507
  19. Tags
    Summary

    WIP-Spanish Jackie/Israel Hands


    "You told me Blackbeard shacked up with that talking tit Bonnet." She said in precursor.

    "I never said he was fuckin' shacking up you fuckin'--" He trailed off when noticing her expression- deadpan and patient. Fuck you, he thought.

    "Right." She went on, "Listen, he's playing house with that dipstick. You told me you resigned, yeah?" She only waited long enough for him to remember before chugging the fuck along, "You don't have to go back there, Hands. Do it, fuckin' resign. Fuck that gruesome son of a bitch. Y'all are both possessive ass weirdos and it sounds to me like this is the perfect opportunity for you to invest a little more time and thought into your own fuckin' life and your own fuckin' future. That dickhead's gonna be fine, Iz."

    There was a silence. Nevermind how much he loathed the subject, Izzy was considering all of this. He rubbed his face, trying to shake off the webs of irrational anger that were raveling him up. He wasn't pissed at Jackie. Not really. He knew who he was pissed at and the woman must have read it on his face like tarot cards.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    134,939
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    76
    Kudos:
    125
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    1665
  20. Tags
    Summary

    “Easy there, captain.” Roach abandons the half-placed bandages in favor of retrieving a cup of water from the bedside table. Sliding a hand behind Stede’s back to prop him up just far enough to prevent choking, he helps him to take a few small sips, “You can have more in a bit. Drink too much at once and you’re liable to upchuck all over your expensive linens.”

    “T-Thank you, Roach.” His voice is scarce above a whisper, and even sustaining that seems to be causing him immense pain. “What… What happened to me? I feel like death.” Roach lowers him back down onto the bed to continue fussing with his bandages.

    “There was a storm.” He says, matter-of-fact. “You took a nasty blow to the head and fell overboard.” He casts a sidelong glance in Izzy’s direction. Now that Stede is awake, Izzy seems determined to look anywhere and everywhere else—“Izzy saved you.”

    Silence. Then, “Iggy saved me.” He repeats, like the idea is so ludicrous he doesn’t even need to make it a question. “You’re joking.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,476
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    181
    Kudos:
    773
    Bookmarks:
    115
    Hits:
    10586

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